#back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known ; it was rare i was there i remember it all too well (ced&lae)

[thegreatimpersonator]

I walked through the door with you, the air was cold But something 'bout it felt like home somehow And I left my scarf there at your sister's house And you've still got it in your drawer even now Oh, your sweet disposition and my wide-eyed gaze We're singing in the car, getting lost Upstate Autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place And I can picture it after all these days And I know it's long gone And that magic's not here no more And I might be okay But I'm not fine at all 'Cause there we are again on that little town street You almost ran the red 'cause you were looking over at me Wind in my hair, I was there, I remember it all too well Photo album on the counter, your cheeks were turning red You used to be a little kid with glasses in a twin-sized bed And your mother's telling stories 'bout you on a tee-ball team You tell me 'bout your past, thinking your future was me And I know it's long gone And there was nothing else I could do And I forget about you long enough To forget why I needed to 'Cause there we are again in the middle of the night We're dancing 'round the kitchen in the refrigerator light Down the stairs, I was there, I remember it all too well, yeah Maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much But maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well And you call me up again just to break me like a promise So casually cruel in the name of being honest I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here 'Cause I remember it all, all, all... too well Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone But you keep my old scarf from that very first week 'Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me You can't get rid of it 'cause you remember it all too well, yeah 'Cause there we are again, when I loved you so Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well Wind in my hair, you were there, you remember it all Down the stairs, you were there, you remember it all It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well

[onceuponaoneshotfanfic]

All Too Well (Superstar Ch 8)

'Cause there we are again when I loved you so

Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known

It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well

The Reader is left reeling after the Man City celebration.

Roy Kent x Reader

7.5k words

Warnings: Language, lots and lots of angst, some yelling

Finally! Thank you for sticking around through all the pain. Hopefully you can see the light at the end of the tunnel!

Read (Roy's Version) here!

~

“I don’t have go to work,” Keeley said to me as I handed her a travel mug of coffee. “I can cancel. Honestly, they can handle one shoot without me there to hold their hands,” she offered earnestly. “Or I can call Jamie to come spend some time with you, he wouldn’t mind, he adores you. The two of you could watch some telly, go out to lunch-”

I shook my head, my body feeling empty after releasing probably every drop of water through tears. “It’s fine, Keeley. I’ll probably just shower and put on a movie. Distract myself a bit.”

Her face was full of concern. “You sure babe?”

“I’m sure.”

Keeley sighed and began gathering her things. “Alright. But call me if you need me. Or call Jamie. We’ll be here in an instant, alright?” She pulled me into a suffocating hug, not caring about my morning breath or the ruined makeup that I couldn’t be bothered to take off the night before. “We love you, you know that?”

I nodded into her shoulder, a small part of me not wanting to let go. “I know.”

After Keeley left, I did as I said and jumped into the shower, planning on spending an unreasonable amount of time in there. The scalding hot water allowed me to feel something besides the aching in my heart. Despite what I’d thought earlier, there was still water in my body, because I sobbed the entire time I stood under the shower, trying to scrub the pain away along with the glitter from the club.

I only managed to get out the glitter.

I put on some sweatpants and let my wet hair drip onto the old t-shirt I’d thrown on. I wasn’t going anywhere; it didn’t matter what I looked like. I had just settled myself on the couch and was absently searching for a movie when I heard a knock on the door.

And, despite myself, I knew that knock.

Praying that I was wrong and that Keeley had sent Jamie to check on me after all, I hesitantly got up and walked to the door. With a trembling hand, I opened it, hoping to see the striker’s annoyingly pretty face in front of me.

Nope.

“Roy,” I choked out, blinking.

“What the fuck did you do?” he demanded, shoving past me and into my flat.

I closed the door behind him. “The fuck are you talking about?” I didn’t bother hiding the confusion on my face.

He ran his hands over his face, which looked like he’d barely slept the night before either. “Why the fuck did I get a bunch of texts this morning sending me this?” He held up his mobile to me.

Boy-Toy Roy Gets Laid with Aide

I blinked as I read and re-read the headline several times. “What the fuck is that?” I gasped.

“Someone overheard you telling Brittany Brett all about how you’re ‘shagging Roy Kent’,” he spat out, his face a deep red. “All about how I ‘take care of’ you.” He shook his head, hurt behind the anger in his eyes. “I fucking told you I hate the press. I fucking told you I didn’t want this fucking circus. And then you turn around and do this shit.”

“No, Roy, I didn’t-”

He held his hands up. “Fucking save it. I really fucking thought this-” He gestured between us. “-was different. That you were different. But you’re just like everyone else. Using Roy fucking Kent to get in the papers and make a name for yourself.” He scoffed, rolling his eyes. “How could I be so fucking stupid?” he grumbled, more to himself. “I was really stupid enough to think you’d want me, just Roy.”

I took a step towards him. “Come on, Roy you know I lo-”

“No.” His voice was strangled. “No, I don’t fucking know that. Not anymore” He sighed. “You just fucking stop talking about me, alright? I don’t want to make things worse, so I’m not going to ask Lasso to fire you. But you just leave me the fuck alone, alright?” He blinked several times, clearly pushing back tears. “Do at least that much for me,” he rasped. He turned and grasped the doorknob, yanking the door open and slamming it behind him.

My flat was too quiet, too still, after he left. I managed to get myself onto the couch, my head reeling with everything he’d just said. It had been one thing to have cracks on my heart; now it felt completely pummeled, destroyed to oblivion.

~

It was past noon when I finally dared to look at my mobile. As I feared, there were messages from my girlfriends, Keeley, and Rebecca, all sending me the article and asking if I knew anything about it. But the only message I cared about was from my mum:

Want me to come over?

It felt like only seconds after I sent my answer that she was at my door, pulling me into a hug the moment I let her in. Her arms tightened around me, her simple shh, shh more than enough to bring back all the tears I’d thought I’d run out of. She walked me to the couch, where I curled up into her arms and let out harsh sobs that I didn’t know I was capable of.

I’d had my heart broken before. Boyfriends dumping me, friendships ending, pets dying, failing tests. And each time, my mum held me and let my tears soak her collar as she stroked my hair, managing to make everything better just by being there. But this was a hurt that I knew a couple kisses from my mother wouldn’t fix. This was the kind of hurt that I knew I’d be carrying my whole life.

Roy was it. Not because I had this lifelong crush on him, not because he was my favorite footballer and it was destiny for us to end up together. But because he was Roy. He was the person I was always happy to see, who never failed to make me smile, who made me feel safe, who I could spend hours doing nothing with, who I wanted to spend forever doing nothing with. And I knew deep down that he had truly felt the same way.

And now it was gone.

I wasn’t sure how long I cried for. The only thing I knew for sure was that when I finally looked up, my mother was looking at me with pain in her eyes, that pain only a parent watching their child suffer can know.

“This isn’t about the article, is it?” she whispered.

I shook my head. “We broke up,” I croaked out, my voice nearly gone. “Last night. And this morning whatever this article is came out, and Roy came and told me off, and now I think…” A sharp pain stabbed me in the chest. “I think we’re totally broken.” My voice cracked. “I’m totally broken.”

Her arms tightened around me. “Oh, love,” she cooed.

She stayed for a few hours. For a while, she just held me while I cried. Eventually, she put on the telly and moved to my bedroom to get a load of laundry to wash. Then to the kitchen, where I could hear her making more than enough food to get me through a couple of days. By the time the sun began to set, she was back on the couch with me, folding clothes as we watched some trash reality show.

“Have you read the article?” Her question was barely above a whisper.

With a sigh, I shook my head, wincing from both the mental pain and the realization that I had a stinging headache, the kind that comes after so much crying. “No, not yet.” I paused. “Is it bad?

My mum let out a small hum of pity, her gaze focused on the trousers she was folding. “It’s… not great.”

I grabbed my phone, went to the text from Keeley (Babes, have you seen this???), and opened the link she sent.

My face burned as I read the article. It was crude, painting me as a gold-digger, only interested in Roy for his fame, his money, even alluding to the idea that I may have gotten my job because of him. Although the article didn’t name me, it was sickening to see myself talked about so callously, to see private details about my relationship shared without much thought. And it suddenly made sense why Roy was so angry with me that morning, why he looked so livid and betrayed. I wouldn’t want anything to do with me either if I’d read this article.

“It makes me out to be an absolute slag,” I choked out, fighting the urge to throw my mobile across the room.

“You’re not,” my mother assured me, taking my phone and putting it on the coffee table. “I know you’re not. You know you’re not.” She gave me a squeeze. “And Roy knows you’re not.”

I shook my head. “He thinks I did this.”

My mum held me for a moment, choosing her words carefully. “He’ll come around,” she murmured. “If he really loves you, if he’s really the fella for you, he’ll come around.”

If only he would.

~

After three days of dodging phone calls and text messages, I finally answered when Ted called.

“How’re you feeling?” he asked, genuine concern in his voice. “Keeley said you got food poisoning. Golly, I don’t think I’ve ever had food poisoning last three days before. Must be awful.”

“Oh, yeah. It’s pretty rubbish,” I muttered. “But I’ll be back tomorrow, alright?”

I could almost hear Ted’s smile through the phone. “Aw, I’m so glad, hon’. We all miss seeing your face. Roy misses you most of all.” He let out a small laugh. “You should see him, even more grumpy than usual, he might as well be hangin’ out with Snow White.”

My heart leapt into my throat at the mention of Roy. “Uh-huh,” was all I could get out. “I should rest so I’m ready for work tomorrow. Thank you for checking on me, Coach.”

“We’ll see you tomorrow!” he called cheerfully before we hung up.

‘Tomorrow’ came much faster than expected. I dragged myself out of bed, my entire body heavy, and slowly forced myself through the motions: shower, breakfast, teeth, makeup, clothes. I agonized over an outfit to wear; wearing anything Richmond made me feel sick to my stomach. I found a random jumper and put it on, not bothering to look in the mirror; all I’d see was the tiredness in my eyes that no makeup could conceal.

Arriving at the Dog Track was worse than getting ready for it. Immediately my eyes were drawn to one thing: that stupid giant black car. Of course he was already there. Of course.

I parked clear across the lot, not caring about how many steps that added to my walk. As I entered the building, I did my best to ignore how hard my heart was hammering in my chest. My knuckles were white from gripping my bag so tight, and I knew my face was just as pale. Each step I took towards the changing room was heavy with the knowledge that the closer I got, the more real this all became. Roy wouldn’t greet me with a clandestine smirk. He wouldn’t glance over to see if the other gaffers were around so he could give me a kiss. He wouldn’t spend all day sending me texts about our after-work plans.

He wouldn’t be my boyfriend.

The chatter in the changing room quieted as I entered. I nodded to the boys, who offered tiny waves and quiet greetings, welcoming me back. No one quite looked me in the eye. It made sense; even though none of them knew about Roy and me, they had all suspected there was something between us, even if it was just a mutual attraction. And honestly, it was painfully obvious who that article was speculating about; I was one of the only people at Nelson Road that Roy publicly tolerated, and I had been at the club that night. It didn’t take a genius to put the pieces together.

It was Jamie who nodded to me, making full eye contact and offering a wide grin as if it were a normal day at the Dog Track. “Welcome back. Food poisoning all better then?”

He’s an angel. “Much better, thanks.” I smiled at him, focusing on his face. “Got plenty of catch-up to do, so I’ll see you later.”

Jamie shot me a wink, his friendliness giving me just enough strength to turn my attention to the offices. Ted and Beard sat at their desks, feet up and coffees in hand. Ted was speaking animatedly as Beard nodded, neither one noticing me until I was in the doorway.

“Call me John Travolta, because Welcome Back, Kotter!” Ted exclaimed, jumping to his feet. He walked over and threw an arm around my shoulder. “I was starting to think you’d run off on us and gotten a job at another club.”

I managed a small chuckle. “My dad’d kill me if I worked for anyone but Richmond.”

Ted nodded. “Loyal. Gotta love it.”

A cynical snort from the adjoining office sent a jolt down my spine. It also caught Ted’s attention.

“Guess who’s back, Roy!” he called, steering me to the door I had spent all morning dreading. “And looking better than ever, I might add.” Ted shot me a grin. “Well, we better start heading to practice. Roy, you think you could hang back and catch her up? Thanks.” He didn’t wait for an answer before turning on his heel and walking out, Beard following him out through the changing room.

I stayed frozen in the doorway, avoiding turning my head towards Roy. Out of the corner of my eye I could see him still sitting at his desk, fists clenched, jaw set. I was thrown back to our first meeting, the day I started at Richmond, when he looked so annoyed by my existence. Now, however, he was more than annoyed. He hated me.

Doing my best to ignore the pit in my stomach, I went to my own desk and started taking out my things. I figured Roy wasn’t about to tell me a thing, but I figured I could piece together what I’d missed pretty easily. Plus, I could always go snooping around Ted’s desk if I needed to. Right as I was opening up my email, something caught my eye.

“Where’s my sticky note?” A lump formed in my throat. My little orange sticky note, the one that read “To my biggest fan. XOXO Roy Kent”, was gone. I turned around in my seat to face Roy, who still hadn’t moved. “Did you really fucking take it?” My voice was small, overflowing with all the hurt I’d been holding the past few days.

When he didn’t answer, I swiveled back around, letting a couple silent tears splash onto my desk. I couldn’t believe he’d take it, probably crumpled it up and thrown it away. Maybe even ripped it up. It was a stupid little sticky note- a joke more than anything else- but it felt like someone had yanked my heart out of my chest and taken out to the pitch to be kicked around by the guys.

“I didn’t fucking take it.”

I spun around, eyes wide. Roy’s head was turned to the side, only showing me his profile. His fists were still clenched on top of his desk.

“I didn’t take the note,” he repeated. “Keeley came in on Monday to grab some of your work shit. She took it with her.”

“Oh.” That was all I could say before I thought to add, “’m sorry.”

With a grunt, Roy stood, still not looking at me, and trudged out of the office, presumably to the pitch. I sat in my chair for a while, not moving, trying to block out all my thoughts. My attempt at emptying my brain was interrupted by a tiny knock on my door.

Keeley waved at me. “Hey, babes.” She walked over and sat in Roy’s chair, rolling it close to me. “Glad you’re back.”

I nodded. “At least someone is,” I sighed. I stared down at her shoes, all purple and shiny and way too high for me. “Keels, did you take my sticky note?”

She tilted her head. “Your sticky-?” Her eyes lit up. “Oh. Shit, yeah. When I was getting the stuff I brought to you on Monday I grabbed it. I kind of figured you wouldn’t want that thing staring at you the day you came back, you know?” She paused. “I hope that was alright. I didn’t chuck it or anything. I can go get it for you if you want.”

“No, that’s fine,” I hummed. “You did the right thing. It would’ve crushed me to see it up there. Just wish you’d let me know; I asked Roy about it.”

Keeley’s eyes nearly popped out of her head., “You guys talked?”

I snorted. “Barely. I asked if he took the note, he told me that you did.” My voice grew miniscule. “He wouldn’t even look at me.” A few tears spilled into my lap.

“Oh babe.” In an instant, Keely was out of the chair and was instead crouched down in front of me, stroking my arm sweetly. “It’s alright. D’you need to go home? I could drive you. Rebecca wouldn’t mind.” She paused. “She doesn’t know of course, but she assumes the article has something to do with you.” Keeley shook her head. “Shit piece, by the way. I’m trying to ask around and find out where the hell it came from, it’s absolute slander-”

“It’s my fault,” I whispered, wiping my wet cheeks. “At the club, Brittany Brett was all over me, and I got so mad I let it slip that I was dating Roy. I can only assume that either someone was listening in and twisted everything, or that she went and told a reporter just enough for them to run with.” I shook my head. “I’m such an idiot.”

Keeley squeezed my arm. “Hey.” Her voice was gentle. “Maybe you made a mistake. But this isn’t your fault. The damn media has no respect. Believe me.” She thought a moment. “Could you tell Roy about all this? Wouldn’t that help fix things?”

I shook my head. “He doesn’t want to see me. Or talk to me. He probably just wishes I’d drop dead.” I buried my face in my hands. “I kinda wish it too,” I joked dryly.

“Hey now.” Keeley pulled down my hands. “None of that rubbish. Just… give him time.” Keeley nodded. “Give him time.”

~

Time seemed to be all there was. Without Roy to keep me busy, I found myself alone in my flat most nights. No Roy, no Phoebe, no Oscar. Just me, on the couch eating takeaway and watching garbage reality shows. I went out with my friends a couple of times, but my heart wasn’t in it.

They’d initially asked me about Roy and the article, which I quickly shut down. I explained that Roy and I had a professional relationship, maybe a friendly one at times, and that the article was nothing but rubbish. Whether or not they believed me, they stopped bringing it up.

I did my best to avoid my parents’ house. On the rare occasions I did go over, I noted that while all my awkward teen photos were back, the photo of me with my cardboard cutout was still missing. I didn’t even bother going up to my old room; my dad was kind enough to run upstairs if I needed something from there. He was also thoughtful enough to not ask a single question about what happened; I assumed my mum filled him in on the necessary information.

At work, most people treated me gently. Only Jamie, Ted, and Beard treated me normally; Jamie because he knew all the details, Ted and Beard probably because they knew none of the details. Everyone else had bits and pieces, some true, some completely fabricated. But everyone knew that something was going on.

All that time was what led to me sitting on my couch, eating something I barely registered and watching something I didn’t care about, when a quick knock came from my door.

“Hello? You home?”

Frowning, I walked over to the door and opened it. Jamie Tartt stood there, holding a box in his hands and looking uncharacteristically bashful.

“Um, hey Jamie.” I blinked a few times. “What’re you doing here?” Jamie Tartt at my door in a neon pink hoodie and a fanny pack strapped to his chest was not something I’d planned on seeing, maybe ever.

He cleared his throat and took a step inside, looking nothing like the cocky player I knew. “I, uh, have some stuff for you.” He nodded down towards the box. “From Roy,” he added quietly.

My eyes darted to the box. Inside I could see my things from Roy’s house, things I’d left there over the past few months. A lump formed in my throat as I tried to hold myself together and not break down in front of Jamie freaking Tartt.

“Oh. Right. Thanks.”

“Should I… put it somewhere?”

I closed the door behind him, not willing to have any of my neighbors walk by and witness what felt like yet another humiliating moment. “Uh, yeah, just there by the couch.” Jamie did as I asked easily, then faced me expectantly. I sighed. “Thanks,” I repeated.

He offered me a tight smile. “You alright?”

“Yes. No. I don’t fucking know.” I let out a dry laugh. “Sorry you got roped into doing this.”

Jamie shook his head. “’s alright. He’s my friend. You’re my friend. I don’ mind doin’ stuff for my friends.” He glanced at the box. “Want me to, uh stay while you go through all that? I won’t watch or nothing. Just so you don’t have to be by yourself.”

My heart melted at the offer I didn’t know I needed. Keeley had a good one. “That’d be nice. Thanks, Jamie.”

He flopped onto my couch and took out his phone. “No problem.”

While he started scrolling through obnoxious TikToks, I knelt down and started rummaging through the box. Clothes, the extra toothbrush that I kept by Roy’s sink, my favorite mug for tea, the books I’d left on his nightstand, the Spice Girls CD he reluctantly let me play in his car. Every piece of evidence that I spent almost as much time at his place as I did at mine.

Well, almost every piece.

“Jamie,” I started, frowning. “Was this all there was?”

Jamie nodded absently, scrolling to a new video. “Yeah. That’s all he gave me.” He glanced at me. “Somethin’ missing?”

I nodded, digging through the box once more. “One of my Richmond sweatshirts. My favorite one, actually. Had it since I was in uni. It’s kind of my good luck charm. Like, every time I’ve worn it, I aced an exam, or the Greyhounds won, or my mum made my favorite dinner without me having to ask. And I know I left it there.”

“Want me to ask him about it?” Jamie offered.

“No,” I sighed, putting down the mug I’d been holding. “He, um, probably hasn’t found it yet. It’s fine. I’ll survive.”

Jamie joined me on the floor, sitting cross-legged and laying his hand on my arm. “Fuck yeah you will. You can survive anythin’, you hear me?” He looked thoughtful. “Would it help if I told you that Roy’s even more fuckin’ miserable than usual?”

I shook my head with a small chuckle. “I don’t think it would.” I laid my hand on top of his. “But thanks for trying, Jamie.”

He smiled at me, a soft, friendly smile, different than the one he usually wore on the pitch. “Anytime.”

~

As I strolled through the supermarket, I caught a flash of familiar blonde. My heart stuttered as I tried to focus on finding something to make for dinner. Maybe if I quickly grabbed what I needed, went straight to the clerk, walked out swiftly, I could avoid-

“Hi!”

Phoebe beamed up at me, still in her school uniform. At the end of the aisle, her mum held a shopping basket, an embarrassed look on her face.

“Hey, Pheebs,” I managed, trying to sound as excited as the child who stared up at me. “How’re you, sweetheart?”

She gave a small nod. “I’m fine, thank you.” A frown twitched on her face. “I’ve missed you. How come you don’t hang out with me and Uncle Roy and Oscar anymore?”

A lump formed in my throat. “Oh. Well, see, your Uncle Roy and I…” Fuck. How do you tell an eight-year-old girl that you and her uncle broke up and your heart is currently sitting in a million little pieces, and each piece was still desperately in love with him?

“Hey there.” With perfect timing, Roy’s sister approached, a tight smile on her face. “Sorry about Phoebe, she just sprinted on over the moment she saw you.”

I shook my head. “No, no it’s alright-” I stopped myself, realizing we were now nothing more than acquaintances. “It’s alright, Dr. O’Sullivan,” I finished.

Sadness flashed across her face for a moment before the forced smile returned. “Well, it’s good to see you.” She probably wanted to get out of the conversation as quickly as I did.

But Phoebe had other plans.

“Are you still coming to my ballet recital?” Her blue eyes, filled with childish hope, bore into mine. “You promised,” she reminded me.

Fuck. I glanced up at Dr. O’Sullivan, whose face was now a complete grimace. “Oh, yeah, of course.” What else could I say? “If, um, if your mum can get a ticket for me.”

Dr. O’Sullivan’s face softened. “Yeah, I can get you one.” She smiled at me- a real smile this time- and nodded. “I could drop it off at Nelson Road, if you’d like, next time I drop Phoebe off with-” She stopped. “Next time I drop her off,” she finished.

I shrugged. “You can just leave it with Higgins. Or Will. Honestly, you could even leave it with Dani Rojas. They’d all make sure it got to me.” I was starting to babble.

She gave me a pity laugh. “I’ll make sure it gets to you,” she assured me. She turned to Phoebe. “Love, why don’t you go pick out an ice cream for us to have after dinner, hmm?” Phoebe scurried down the aisle before her mother finished her sentence. Dr. O’Sullivan turned back to me. “Hey,” she started softly. “You don’t have to come if it’s too uncomfortable. Phoebe’ll understand.”

“I’d like to go,” I confirmed. “If it’s alright with you, I mean. I don’t want to intrude or make things… weird.”

“Things’ll definitely be weird,” Dr. O’Sullivan said with a dry laugh. “But it’d mean the world to Phoebe. We’d love to see you there.” She paused, clearly unsure if she should continue. “Listen. I don’t know what happened between you and my brother. But I will say that Phoebe misses you. I miss you. And if you don’t come to the ballet, I completely get it. But please don’t avoid us because you think we don’t want to see you. Alright?”

I hadn’t realized that tears were forming in my eyes until they threatened to fall. “Alright,” I whispered. “Friday, right?”

“Friday,” she confirmed as Phoebe ran back, holding up a box of ice lollies.

Phoebe looked up at me, clutching her ice cream. “I’ll see you at my recital, right?”

I nodded. “Yes. I’ll bring pink roses,” I promised.

Immediately, Phoebe wrapped her arms around me. Without hesitation, I hugged her back, giving her a tight squeeze. God, I missed her. I missed taking Oscar for walks together. I missed sitting on Roy’s back porch, taking turns reading out loud. I missed taking her out to get groceries so Roy could make dinner for the three of us. I missed going over to her house and laughing with her mom while Phoebe and Roy played together. I missed being part of Roy’s family.

I blinked back the tears before letting go of Phoebe. “I’ll see you two Friday then,” I managed to choke out.

Dr. O’Sullivan and Phoebe each offered me one more smile and wave- Phoebe’s smile taking up her whole face, Dr. O’Sullivan’s smile filled with sadness- and then they were gone. I squeezed my eyes shut, pretending that my heart didn’t just manage to break even more than it already had, and made myself finish my shopping.

~

“You’re really going?” Keeley looked at me with concern, clutching one of Rebecca’s pillows. “You don’t think that’d be too hard?”

I shrugged, picking at a loose string on my jumper. “It’ll be hard as fuck,” I admitted. “But it’s Phoebe. She doesn’t deserve to have me break my promise just because… because…” I trailed off, unable to finish, staring down at the ticket Higgins had handed me earlier that afternoon that now sat on Rebecca’s coffee table.

Rebecca joined us on the couch, shoving a glass filled with something from her bar into my hand. “But no one would blame you for not going,” she pointed out.

With my permission, Keeley had filled Rebecca in on all that had happened. She was a bit miffed to be kept in the dark for so long, but she quickly got over it in favor of being a supportive friend. She’d gone so far as to offer to move me to a different office or even a different position at the club, but I declined; Roy was right, it was best not to make things look worse. Instead, I allowed her and Keeley to schedule daily check-ins with me to make sure I was feeling alright.

“I’d blame myself,” I argued. “No matter what’s happening with me and Roy, I made a promise to that little girl. And I’m going to be there, no matter what.” Even if Roy is there. Even if he brings Brittany fucking Brett or some other gorgeous woman.

Keeley patted my knee lovingly. “If you’re sure you can handle it,” she murmured. “But if you can’t, you just text me and I’ll meet you at whatever bar you want, and we’ll drink until London runs out of booze.”

Rebecca added her hand on top of Keeley’s. “Me too.”

I stared at their hands, the hands of my friends who made me feel loved, who made me feel strong, like I would survive the pain I was feeling, despite the deep ache that still rested in my chest. I placed my hand on top of theirs. “Thank you,” I whispered.

We sat and chatted for a bit more before I reminded them that I had work to do and headed down to my office, feeling good about my decision to attend the ballet. Avoiding looking at Roy, I settled myself into my desk and looked at some emails I hadn’t gotten to yet that day.

For the millionth time since he arrived at Richmond, Dario poked his head into the office, beaming when he saw me, greeting me in his usual complimentary way. Even with his back to me, I could feel Roy tense up, the heat radiating off of him and smacking me in the face.

I grimaced at Dario, hoping he’d see it as more of a smile. “Need something?”

He shook his head. “No. Well, yes.” He paused, glancing over at Roy, who was still as a statue. “Could we talk privat-”

In a flash, Roy was up and stomping out of the office, the way he often left these days. With a sigh, I turned back to Dario. “Go on then.”

His radiant smile had returned. “Would you like to have dinner with me sometime?”

“Oh.” I prayed that Roy was far, far away from this conversation. I prayed that he never found out about it. While I was at it, I prayed that I’d misheard the question. “Dinner?”

“Yes.” Dario nodded, clearly excited. “With me.”

I blinked a few times. “I, um, don’t think your girlfriend would like that very much, hmm?” I asked, trying to keep my voice light and friendly, as if this chat wasn’t causing me absolute turmoil. “She’d probably murder me.”

Dario shook his head earnestly. “Oh, you have not heard then? Brittany broke up with me.”

This conversation cannot get worse. “Really?” Despite my best efforts, my voice shook at this development.

“Si. She said that, while we had fun, she wanted something more serious, and she did not want it with me.” He shrugged, clearly taking his breakup better than I was taking mine. “I will be okay though. Especially-” He grin once again filled his handsome face. “-if you go to dinner with me.”

I shook my head. “Thank you, Dario, but I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Because of Coach Kent?” He raised his eyebrows at me. “Because I know everyone says you have a crush on him, but honestly, belleza, I think you and I would have more fun together.” He paused, thinking. “Besides, he is going to get back with Brittany any day now.”

“I’m sorry?” If my heart sank any lower, it would be in the ocean by now.

He nodded. “This is what Brittany told me. She and Coach Kent are going to get back together.

This man needs to get out of my office before I start crying. “Thank you for asking, Dario,” I started, trying to keep my voice even. “But I’m going to have to say no to dinner.” Without another word, I got up and walked briskly past him, through the changing room, and out to the parking lot, where I sat in my car and cried.

I composed myself and went back to work before leaving to go get ready for the ballet recital. The theatre was walking distance from me, so I allowed myself a nice stroll, figuring that being outside would be good for me. On my way, I popped by a flower stand to pick up pink roses for Phoebe, taking great care to pick the prettiest, brightest ones I could find. Even if I felt like my world had ended, at least I’d get to see the smile on that little girl’s face when she saw the flowers I’d promised her.

When I arrived, the theatre was already packed with families, all excited to see their tiny children jump and dance about. I snuck a glance at my ticket and asked an usher to point me in the direction of my assigned seat, right on the aisle. I heaved a sigh of relief as I sank into it, unable to believe my luck. I hadn’t run into anyone I knew, so I’d have the whole show to prepare myself for the inevitability of coming face to face with-

“Oi.”

My head snapped up. Roy stood over me, programme clutched in his hands. His frown seemed permanently etched into his face these days, and his eyes were unreadable as they stared down at me.

“You came,” he grunted.

All I could manage was, “I came.” I swallowed hard, praying my tight grip didn’t squash my flowers.

Roy squinted at the letter on the arm of my seat. “I think that’s me,” he mumbled, pointing at the empty seat next to me.

“Oh,” was all I said. I stood, intending to step out into the aisle so he could go in, but before I could shift, he made his way past me, having to press his body against mine in the tiny pathway between rows. My heart fluttered at the first bit of physical contact we’d had in weeks; his body felt so familiar, so comfortable. More than anything, I wanted to freeze that moment, feeling his warm chest pressed against mine, feeling like home.

It was far too soon when he settled in his seat and I dropped back into mine. I fidgeted with the flowers in my hand, heart hammering so loud I was sure Roy could hear it.

“You brought them.”

I turned to him. “Hmm?”

He gestured towards the roses on my lap. “The fucking roses. For Phoebe. You actually brought them.” He raised his thick eyebrows at me.

“’course I did,” I answered. “I promised, didn’t I?”

He stared at me for a moment, looking as if he was really seeing me for the first time. “You did.” He turned his attention to the empty stage. “Phoebe’ll be excited,” he mumbled.

I couldn’t think of anything else to add until I noticed Roy fiddling with the programme in his hands. “Shit, I didn’t see the programmes,” I muttered, starting to stand so I could find where they were being passed out before the show started.

Roy let out one of his signature sighs and held his up. “Have mine.”

“You sure?” I asked as I sat back down. When he nodded, I took the programme out of his hand. “Thanks.”

With a curt nod, he took out his phone and checked the screen. “Fucking hell, is this thing ever gonna start?”

Unable to resist slipping back into old patterns, I snorted as he returned his mobile to his jacket pocket. “Why? D’you and Jamie Tartt have a hot date or somethin’?”

“No,” he huffed. He paused, tapping his finger on his knee, eyebrow raised. “D’you and fucking Dario Vargas have one?”

My heart stuttered as I frantically shook my head. “What? No. Why the hell-”

“Ladies and gentlemen, please take your seats, the show is about to begin!” an annoyingly bright voice called over the sound system.

It took every ounce of strength I had to sit in my seat and turn my focus to the dancers onstage. All I could think about was Roy, sitting beside me. Roy, watching his niece dance. Roy, who didn’t start yelling the moment he saw me. Roy, who gave me his programme.

After the show ended and the dancers had taken their tiny bows, Roy nodded to me. “My sister’s supposed to meet me out front with Phoebe. You can come with me.” He paused. “If you want.”

I nodded. “Thanks. I, um, I’d like to give Phoebe her flowers.”

“Alright.” He stood and gestured towards the exit. “Let’s go then.”

I stood up and exited the row. For just a millisecond, I felt Roy’s fingers brush mine before quickly pulling away. When I glanced back, he was wearing his stoniest expression, looking ahead of me into the crowd, but the pink tint to his cheeks was undeniable. My heart slammed against my chest; he forgot. For a brief moment, Roy Kent forgot he hated me. He forgot that we weren’t together. For a brief moment, he had reverted to the Roy who would naturally grab my hand as we walked through a crowd. The realization brought a new ache to my chest, a dull one now, anchored in… well, hope.

We briskly walked outside the theatre, weaving our way through the crowd of families all trying to find their own little dancers. I glanced at Roy, wondering if I should revisit his question about Dario and me. After all, Roy was the one who brought it up in the first place.

“Roy, I-”

“Uncle Roy!” Still clad in her leotard and tutu, Phoebe burst through the cluster of people around us, launching herself into Roy’s arms, her mother trailing behind her.

He squeezed her back before letting go. “You did a great job,” he praised, nodding emphatically. “Some of those other kids absolutely fucked up, but not you.” He poked her on the nose. “Fucking amazing.”

“Thank you!” She turned her attention to me, her eyes bright. “You came!” She wrapped her arms around me.

I couldn’t help but laugh and hug her back. “And you were wonderful!” I let her go and held up the flowers. “I believe someone was expecting these.”

Her smile widened. “My pink roses!” She took them from my grasp, burying her nose in them. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

Dr. O’Sullivan beamed at me. “Thank you so much for coming.” Without warning, she reached out and gave me a hug, the way she had done each time I left her house after dinner or when she came over to Roy’s to pick Phoebe up. A warm, friendly hug that told me she was happy to see me.

When we let go, I saw Roy eyeing me, his expression neither full of the adoration it used to hold nor the anger he’d displayed the past few weeks. It was just… thoughtful. Gears were turning behind his eyes, and I’d have let the Greyhounds be relegated again for a glimpse of what he was thinking.

I cleared my throat and turned back to Phoebe and her mum. “Thank you again for inviting me. I should get going.” With a small wave, I turned around.

“Where’re you parked?”

The sound of Roy’s gruff voice froze me in my tracks. “I, um, walked.” I blinked at him; I didn’t need to tell him that my flat was close by. He knew.

He nodded, that thoughtful expression still on his face. “I can drive you home. If you want.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Dr. O’Sullivan raise her eyebrows. I ignored her and cleared my throat. “Sure. That’d be nice.”

Roy gave his niece and sister each another hug, then nodded down the street. “’m this way,” he mumbled.

The walk to his car was silent, but it was a different silence than the one that had clouded our office these few weeks. It felt much closer to the silence we used to share on his couch or in bed; comfortable. Once we got to his car, we both reached for the passenger door at the same time, just avoiding contact.

Roy cleared his throat and looked down. “Old habits,” he grumbled, yanking the door open for me. He quickly crossed to his side and started the car as I got myself settled. As he pulled out onto the street, he cleared his throat again. “You didn’t get to finish earlier.”

“Finish what?” I asked, although I knew exactly what he was referring to.

A giant sigh escaped his throat. “About Dario Vargas,” he answered through gritted teeth. “I know he asked you out. All that ‘talk privately’ shit.” He paused. “Not that it’s my fucking business.”

I crossed my arms. “You’re right. It’s not your business,” I retorted. I lowered my voice. “But I do want you to know, I turned him down. I’m not over-” I stopped myself from saying I’m not over you. “I’m not interested in him,” I finished.

Roy nodded. “Well, I’m glad.” He paused. “I mean, I’m glad you’re not going out with someone you’re not interested in.” He quieted, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel as he thought. “Oscar misses you.”

My heart somehow managed to crack again. “I miss him too,” I whispered.

“Yeah, he’s always fucking looking at the door, like he’s fucking waiting for you. Sniffs around where you liked to sit on the couch.” He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye. “If you, I don’t fucking know, wanted to pick him up and take him for a walk sometime, that’d be fine.”

I didn’t hesitate. “I’d love that.”

Roy’s mouth twitched, something I hadn’t seen in weeks. “Thought you would. Oscar’d love it too.”

“Could I pick him up tomorrow? After the match?”

Roy nodded. “Yeah. That’s fine. Just text me, yeah?”

I couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah.”

We were quiet for the rest of the drive, but it didn’t feel as painful. For the first time since the club, I didn’t feel like I was sinking around Roy. In fact, I felt the very real possibility that we could eventually be… well, maybe not friends, but friendly. It was the most I could hope for.

He parked in front of my building, his eyes flickering up towards my flat. “Alright then?”

I nodded, ignoring the sting that came from the realization that he wasn’t walking me up, for the first time ever. “Alright.” I got out of the car, unable to help but note that the stupid black car lingered until I was inside the building.

In my apartment, I moved around like I was walking on a cloud. Something in the car had felt so different, and it felt good. As I prepped something for dinner, I felt my mobile vibrate in my pocket. When I looked at the screen, I saw I had a simple text message from Roy Kent⚽:

Hey. Think we could talk?

~

Taglist: @optimisticsandwichgladiator @giggling-sewer-ginger @katdahlali @sonyume @djarindroid @reading-blogs @thezimi @benedictscanvasmain @wibblywobblyvampywolfystuff @puckyou-forpuckssake @old-enough-to-know-better73 @ladygrey03 @soundofboots @justsomefunshit @geekgirl1996 @tedssweaters @queen-of-dumbasses @miaalltheway @di-essere-amato @shakespeareanwannabe @hotdoglamp @mal-adaptive-dreams @allthetroubleiveseen @netflix-addict @callmecasey81 @forgetmeaway @royalestrellas @kingleahhh @lemoonandlestars @ghxxxf

[oh-my-wolfstar]

Taylor Swift Wolfstar songs day 40

we officially have only 10 more days until TTD! And I don’t know about you, but I think Taylor Swift and the number 10 only one thing comes to mine. So please enjoy today’s song, All Too Well, Red, from the vault. POV Remus as he remembers his relationship while Sirius is in Azkaban.

And I know it's long gone and there was nothing else I could do And I forget about you long enough to forget why I needed to

Remus knows it’s gone, he knows it’s not his fault, but each time he manages to forget Sirius his traitorous heart forgets why they fell apart.

And there we are again when nobody had to know You kept me like a secret, but I kept you like an oath Sacred prayer and we'd swear To remember it all too well, yeah

And memories of them are everywhere, Remus can’t stop seeing them before it all broke down. He can’t stop seeing them when they were still a secret. And Sirius fought to keep that secret while Remus fought to keep him. They swore to stay together but it seems they were destined to go up in flames.

And maybe we got lost in translation Maybe I asked for too much But maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up Running scared, I was there I remember it all too well

Sure, it could have been him, asking for more than Sirius was willing to give, misinterpreting what he said. But Remus knows it wasn’t. He knows that in the end it was Sirius who ripped them apart, betraying Remus as he ran scared from what they had.

Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it I'd like to be my old self again But I'm still trying to find it After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own

Remus desperately tries to get over it, to go back to being himself again but he can’t. Because he’s never been himself, not really, without Sirius at his side. And he can’t find it now, not after he finally had Sirius and then lost him. Not when he knows Sirius took a piece of his heart.

They say all's well that ends well, but I'm in a new hell Every time you double-cross my mind

Everyone tells Remus it will be okay again but every time he thinks of Sirius, of the betrayal, he's sent spiraling back into misery

'Cause there we are again when I loved you so Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known It was rare, I was there I remember it all too well

And he can’t forget it. Everywhere he turns he sees Sirius. He sees Sirius and him in love before Sirius broke the best thing the both of them ever had. They were rare, a once in a lifetime kind of love.

I'm a soldier who's returning half her weight And did the twin flame bruise paint you blue? Just between us, did the love affair maim you too?

And though the war is over Remus feels like it stole a part of him, like Sirius took a part of Remus when he left. And Remus can’t help but wonder if Sirius is just as miserable as he is, if their love hurt him the same.

Just between us, do you remember it all too well? Just between us, I remember it (Just between us) all too well

Remus wonders if even in Azkaban Sirius remembers being in love, remembers what they had. Because Remus knows that he remembers it all too well.

This song also works for Remus post prank, let me know what you think!

[exolefirstclass]

'Cause there we are again when I loved you so; Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known. It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well...

Twitter| INSTAGRAM

[rebelliousfamily]

me adding a bunch of taylor swift songs to my stancy playlist because of lines like

And that's why he's spinning 'round in my head Comes back to me, burning red

'Cause there we are again when I loved you so Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well

These hands had to let it go free, and This love came back to me

But can you feel this magic in the air? It must've been the way you kissed me

Hey Stephen, boy, you might have me believing I don't always have to be alone

Broke your heart, I'll put it back together I would wait for ever and ever

But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't So if the chain is on your door, I understand

[william-solace-aaaaa]

I walked through the door with you

The air was cold

But something about it felt like home somehow

And I, left my scarf there at your sister's house

And you've still got it in your drawer even now

Oh, your sweet disposition

And my wide-eyed gaze

We're singing in the car, getting lost upstate

Autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place

And I can picture it after all these days

And I know it's long gone and that magic's not here no more

And I might be okay but I'm not fine at all

'Cause there we are again on that little town street

You almost ran the red 'cause you were lookin' over at me

Wind in my hair, I was there

I remember it all too well

Photo album on the counter

Your cheeks were turning red

You used to be a little kid with glasses in a twin-sized bed

And your mother's telling stories 'bout you on the tee-ball team

You told me 'bout your past thinking your future was me

And I know it's long gone and there was nothing else I could do

And I forget about you long enough to forget why I needed to

'Cause there we are again in the middle of the night

We're dancing 'round the kitchen in the refrigerator light

Down the stairs, I was there

I remember it all too well, yeah

And maybe we got lost in translation

Maybe I asked for too much

But maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up

Running scared, I was there

I remember it all too well

And you call me up again just to break me like a promise

So casually cruel in the name of being honest

I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here

'Cause I remember it all, all, all

Too well

Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it

I'd like to be my old self again

But I'm still trying to find it

After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own

Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone

But you keep my old scarf from that very first week

'Cause it reminds you of innocence

And it smells like me

You can't get rid of it

'Cause you remember it all too well, yeah

'Cause there we are again when I loved you so

Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known

It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well

Wind in my hair, you were there, you remember it all

Down the stairs, you were there, you remember it all

It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well

Okay???? (Are you good bro)

[arale2126]

They remember it all too well

And I know it's long gone and that magic's not here no more And I might be okay but I'm not fine at all

[...]

You told me 'bout your past thinking your future was me

[...]

"Any time now He's gonna say it's love," you never called it what it was

[...]

And I know it's long gone and there was nothing else I could do And I forget about you long enough to forget why I needed to

[...]

And there we are again when nobody had to know You kept me like a secret, but I kept you like an oath Sacred prayer and we'd swear To remember it all too well, yeah

[...]

And maybe we got lost in translation Maybe I asked for too much But maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up Running scared, I was there I remember it all too well

[...]

They say all's well that ends well, but I'm in a new hell Every time you double-cross my mind

[...]

Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it I'd like to be my old self again But I'm still trying to find it

[...]

But you keep my old scarf from that very first week 'Cause it reminds you of innocence And it smells like me You can't get rid of it 'Cause you remember it all too well, yeah

[...]

'Cause there we are again when I loved you so Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well

[...]

And did the twin flame bruise paint you blue? Just between us, did the love affair maim you too?

[...]

Just between us, did the love affair maim you all too well? Just between us, do you remember it all too well? Just between us, I remember it (Just between us) all too well Wind in my hair, I was there, I was there (I was there) Down the stairs, I was there, I was there Sacred prayer, I was there, I was there It was rare, you remember it all too well Wind in my hair, I was there, I was there (Oh) Down the stairs, I was there, I was there (I was there) Sacred prayer, I was there, I was there It was rare, you remember it (All too well) Wind in my hair, I was there, I was there Down the stairs, I was there, I was there Sacred prayer, I was there, I was there It was rare, you remember it Wind in my hair, I was there, I was there Down the stairs, I was there, I was there Sacred prayer, I was there, I was there It was rare, you remember it

[togansweep]

All Too Milk (10 Minute Version) (Tom's Version) (From The Milk Dungeon)

I walked through the milk with you The milk was cold But something about it felt like milk somehow And I, left my milk there at your sister's house And you've still got it in your bottle even now

Oh, your sweet milkshakes And my wide-eyed nipples We're milking in the car, getting milked upstate Milk drops falling down like milk into my mouth And I can milk it after all these days And I know it's long gone and that milk is not here no more And I might be okay but I'm not milky at all

'Cause there we are again on that little milk street You almost ran the white 'cause you were milking over me Milk in my hair, I was there I remember it all too milk

Milk bottles on the counter Your nipples were turning red You used to be a milky kid with bottles in a milky bed And your mother's telling stories 'bout you on the milky team You told me 'bout your past thinking your future was milk And you were tossing me the milk keys, "Fuck the milktriarchy" Milk chain on the ground, we were always milking town And I was milking on the drive down, any time now He's gonna say it's milk, you never called it what it was 'Til we were dead and gone and milkless Check the milk and come back swearing it's the same After three months in the milk And then you wondered where it went to as I milked you But all I felt was shame and you held my milkless frame

And I know it's long gone and there was nothing else I could milk And I forget about milk long enough to forget why I needed milk

'Cause there we are again in the middle of the milk We're milking 'round the kitchen in the refrigerator light Drinking milk, I was there I remember it all too milk And there we milk again when nobody had to know You kept milk like a secret, but I kept you like a cow Sacred milk and we'd swear To remember it all too milk, yeah

And maybe we got lost in lactation Maybe I asked for too much milk But maybe this thing was a milksterpiece 'til you milked it all up Milking scared, I was there I remember it all too milk

And you milk me up again just to break me like a milk bottle So casually cruel in the name of being milky I'm an out of date puddle of milk lying here 'Cause I remember it all, all, all Too milk

They say all's milky that ends milky, but I'm in a new Hell Every time you double-milk my mind You said if we had been closer in milk maybe it would have been milky And that made me want to milk The idea you had of milk, who was she? A never-needy, ever-lovely cow whose milk reflects on you Not milking in a party bathroom Some actress asking me what happened, milk That's what happened, milk You who charmed my dad with milky jokes Sipping milk like you're on a farming show But then he watched me watch the front door all night, willing you to milk And he said, "It's supposed to be fun milking someone"

Milk won't fly, it's like I'm milked by it I'd like to have my old milk again But I'm still trying to find it After no shirt days and nights when you gave me your milk Now you mail back my milk and I milk home alone But you keep my old milk from that very first week 'Cause it reminds you of innocence And it smells like milk You can't get rid of it 'Cause you remember it all too milk, yeah

'Cause there we are again when I milked you so Back before you lost the one real milk you've ever known It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too milk Milk in my hair, you were there, you remember it all Drinking milk, you were there, you remember it all It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too milk

And I was never good at milky jokes, but the punch line goes "I'll get older, but your milk stay my age" From when your boobies broke my milk and bones I'm a farmer who's returning half her cow And did the milk flame bruise paint you white? Just between us, did the milk affair milk you, too? 'Cause in this city's milky cold I still remember the first fall of milk And how it glistened as it fell I remember it all too milk

Just between us, did the milk affair milk you all too milk? Just between us, do you remember it all too milk? Just between us, I remember it (Just between us), all too milk Milk in my hair, I was there, I was there Drinking milk, I was there, I was there Sacred milk, I was there, I was there It was rare, you remember it all too milk Milk in my hair, I was there, I was there Drinking milk, I was there, I was there Sacred milk, I was there, I was there It was rare, you remember it Milk in my hair, I was there, I was there Drinking milk, I was there, I was there Sacred milk, I was there, I was there It was rare, you remember it Milk in my hair, I was there, I was there Drinking milk, I was there, I was there Sacred milk, I was there, I was there It was rare, you remember it all too milk

[railingsofsorrow]

Dreams

[peter parker x reader]

summary: who would've thought meeting your friends would give you one answer and a thousand more questions.

— reader's perspective of the 1st chapter

pairing: h.osborn x fem!reader; p.parker x fem!reader.

w.c: 1.6K

warnings/content: memory loss; lucid dreams; harry osborn being the loml <3; ned & mj being the pair that knows it all; descriptions of missing someone.

A/N: the reader's perspective from broken promises 1st chapter that nobody asked for. I felt like building a four chapter fic around this one-shot so this is what I'm going to do. masterlist is in the oven!

[blast this on while reading, trust me.]

navi

masterpost

series masterlist

[1] [1.2] [2] [3] [4]

❝ […]'Cause there we are

again when I loved you so.

Back before you lost

the one real thing you've

ever known.[…] ❞

The dreams were starting to become more realistic.

You'd wake up in a cold sweat with heavy-breathing and tear-stained cheeks. A not tied itself around your throat every time you recalled what happened. There was always someone that you were trying to hold on to; whom you begged to not leave, to not go.

“... I don't want you to go,”

“I'm not going anywhere,”

It scared you how you couldn't hear the voice but it felt so... so familiar. The touch in your cheek, the promise in the tone.

“I promise.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

They repeated it twice, and you felt extremely bothered by it. So much so that you couldn't stay on bed, you couldn't fall asleep every time you had that dream. But, this is what it was: a dream.

Yet.

Yet, there was no bigger feeling of betrayal swerving in your chest. Because whoever it was and for whatever reason that had occurred, they had broken the promise. A very important one at that. “I'm not going anywhere,” Well, you clearly did. You'd argue by yourself, out of spite.

It's just a dream, your head tried to reason.

But they left, your heart retorted back.

After the terrible night sleep you settled for catching up on a few assignments until your alarm rang. Once it did, you quickly silenced it. It was Saturday, your roommate didn't deserve to be woken up by the blaring sound. You glanced at her sleeping open-mouthed frame before moving into the bathroom to take a shower.

You and your friends were supposed to meet in half an hour still, so you took your time getting ready, making sure to apply extra concealer below your eyes. The bags were critical.

Fucking weird dreams.

You looked down at your phone as you were fixing the scarf around your neck when the notification popped in.

FROM HARRY: where are u?

Harry, who had became someone incredibly important in your life without warning. He integrated your small group of friends out of your vehemence — his saying. A few months ago you figure it out he also lived in New York, so it happened that both of you had a lot in common.

You held the phone with one hand as you shut the door slowly with the other. Typing away “coming. are all of you there yet?” you pressed send and descended the stairs in fast steps.

Your phone vibrated again.

FROM HARRY: came to pick you up.

A smirk reached your lips at the next message.

FROM HARRY: if you take longer the ride will not wait.

Moody bastard.

You buried your phone in your pocket as you saw the flashy black car of your friend at the parking lot. His sunglasses dangling from his nose as he typed something on his phone. Your phone vibrated.

FROM HARRY: bye.

“I'm here!” You laughed, jogging towards the car. When you reached the window, you stealthily pulled his sunglasses away to put it on your face. Harry scowled but you could see the hit of a smile on his lips, a rare sight in the mornings. “Good morning, moody bear.”

“Just morning. Hop in,” he unlocked the vehicle and you obeyed, entering the passenger side. You didn't take off the sunglasses and he didn't complained as you rode to the old Queen's donut shop.

It was MJ's last day at work because she was finally moving in to the dorms at MIT. You could even say she was a little more smiley that Saturday morning as you and Harry passed through the glass doors. All of you were to hang out for drinks later to celebrate.

“Hey, beautiful. Come here often?” You leaned on the balcony MJ was cleaning, wriggling your eyebrows suggestively. She gave you a roll of eyes, throwing at you the dirty fabric she had been using. You grabbed it before it could hit your face. “God, that was a brutal rejection.”

“You know she already got someone in line,” Ned chimed behind you, greeting Harry with handshake. “Looking good. Great style,” he teased knowing the accessory wasn't yours. You embraced the boy with a smile.

“Thanks, I try.”

“You mean you steal,” Harry says and nudges your hip for a table in the corner by the window. You nod and asks Ned to warn MJ, who had moved aside to greet a costumer, where you would be sitting.

“I didn't steal if it looks better on me,” you shrugged and sat down with your back to the entrance. Harry sat in front of you.

“Sure,” Harry pretended to search through the menu when in reality he was trying to not smile. It was so hard to not to when you were in the room. “Keep it then,” he blurted out.

Your hands froze on your way to put the sunglasses down on the table, “What?”

“You can keep them,” Harry moved the menu towards you and let his mouth spread in a teasing grin, “It does look better on you anyway.”

A scoff left your lips, “Don't flirt with me, Osborn.”

He raised his eyebrows in mocked surprise, “Flirt? Who is flirting here? I'm just saying the truth.”

“Oh, you're flirting alright,” MJ's deadpan interrupted your conversation as she positioned a extremely sweetened coffee in front of Harry and two chocolate sprinkled donuts in the middle, for both of you. Harry grinned up at her as if she had ended global warming, completely ignoring her jab.

“You are a god-given solace, Jones,”

She flicked his forehead but smiled, “Yeah, I'm aware, Osborn. I'm off at five today, you're gonna wait?” she questioned, stepping backwards to the balcony when the bell of the shop rang announcing a new costumer.

You nod, biting into your sugar pleasure, “Mhm.”

“Why did you think we came all this way for,” Ned rolls his eyes having overheard the question as he typed away something in his phone and sat down at their table.

“All this way— You live around the block, shut up,” MJ scoffs at him and turns towards the boy that had just arrived. Ned chuckled.

Your forehead creases as you study the newcomer at the shop, you were about to turn around to sit more comfortably when he arrived. He wore a plaid jacket over his shoulder and dirty white converses, you could make out some doodling on the sides of them but you weren't close enough to see it fully. It wasn't the shoes that grabbed your attention, though. It was his face. For some reason, it looked quite familiar. The pinched nose, warm brown hair and you couldn't see his eyes but you figure they might be a shade of brown, too. The piece of paper in his shaky hands ripped at the same time Ned snapped his fingers in front of you.

“Earth to you,” Ned sings, “Where did you go?”

Harry stared at you inquisitively, then his gaze flickered to the new person.

“Nowhere,” you said, brushing a strand behind your ear. “Were you saying something?”

“Yes, but you were too busy drooling over that kid,” Harry retorted, sipping his coffee.

Your cheeks flushed, “I was not—”

“You were so drooling over him,” Ned teased, gazing sideways at Harry, who was eyeing the newcomer with a curious expression.

“Yeah, okay—stop,” you said huffing and shifting in your chair. “I just found him familiar, that's all.”

“He does look kind of familiar, doesn't he?” Ned inspected the kid for a while and Harry pinched him to stop staring.

“It not polite to stare, Ned.”

“Was just trying to see what's familiar in him...”

Everything. Everything is familiar on the young man but you couldn't place the why. You have never seen him before in your life.

Why did your heart tell you otherwise?

You played with your scarf absentmindedly, the urge to get up and go talk to him blaring in your chest.

Just say something. Anything.

I don't know him!

Your eyes met honey brown ones and your whole world stopped.

Please, Peter. I don't want to forget you.

Peter.

Who on Earth is Peter?

“Guys, that was my last costumer. I'm gonna get ready so we can leave, yeah?” MJ's voice brought you back to reality and you let out a breath you didn't know you were holding.

He was gone. The plaid jacket boy. Suddenly he was sitting there in a table by the window staring back at you, and then, he vanished.

I don't want to forget you.

You've heard that before. The weirdest part was that it was your own voice. But how could you forget something like that? And how could you dream so realistically if it weren't real?

“You want me to ask MJ to place it to go?” Harry touched your shoulder, his hand cold against your skin. He noticed you clutching the red scarf around your neck and frowned in concern. “Hey, you okay?”

You didn't realize what you were doing until you followed his gaze and let go of the fabric slowly, confused as ever. Mumbling a meek yes in response to Harry, you stood up and followed them out of the donut shop. MJ and Ned discussing about a topic you couldn't hear, Harry entered the conversation after making sure you were actually okay and not lying.

“Please, Peter. I don't want to forget you.”

“You won't,” his touch was warm. Inviting. Safe. How did you know that? How did you feel it? “I'll make you remember me, I promise.”

“You promise?” There was fear in your shaky vocal cords. You've been crying.

“I promise.” You recalled once again as you crossed the street trailing after your friends.

Who are you, Peter? And what did you do?

[thatnerdybookgirliscool]

Just got back from the eras tour movie..

WHY IS ATWTMVTV Thomeasa coded wth?

‘And maybe we got lost in translation Maybe I asked for too much But maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up’

LIKE HOW IS THIS NOT EXACTLY HOW THOMAS AND TERESA FEEL ABOUT EACHOTHER, like Teresa in film canon thinks her and Tom were perfect before he ‘tore it all up’ aka betrayed WICKED and Tom feels like Teresa ‘Tore it all up’ when she called WICKED.

‘And you call me up again just to break me like a promise’

I MEAN DO I EVEN HAVE TO EXPLAIN THIS ONE?!?

'Cause there we are again when I loved you so Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well’

THE ONE REAL THING THEYVE EVER KNOWN IS EACHOTHER! THEY LOST EACHOTHER 😭

‘And I know it's long gone and there was nothing else I could do And I forget about you long enough to forget why I needed to’

AND THIS IS LIKE WHEN THEIR IN THE WICKED COMPOUND AT THE END OF TDC, IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT!

ALSO THE FACT THAT DYLAN O’ BRAIN WAS IN THE MUSIC VIDEO OMG IM SORRY ITS 1AM AND I’M AWAKE ON PURE ADRENALINE

[lightofraye]

Taylor Swift - All Too Well (10 Minute Version)

I walked through the door with you, the air was cold But somethin' 'bout it felt like home somehow And I left my scarf there at your sister's house And you've still got it in your drawer, even now Oh, your sweet disposition and my wide-eyed gaze We're singin' in the car, getting lost upstate Autumn leaves fallin' down like pieces into place And I can picture it after all these days And I know it's long gone and That magic's not here no more And I might be okay, but I'm not fine at all Oh, oh, oh 'Causе there we arе again on that little town street You almost ran the red 'cause you were lookin' over at me Wind in my hair, I was there I remember it all too well Photo album on the counter, your cheeks were turnin' red You used to be a little kid with glasses in a twin-sized bed And your mother's tellin' stories 'bout you on the tee-ball team You taught me 'bout your past, thinkin' your future was me And you were tossing me the car keys, "Fuck the patriarchy" Keychain on the ground, we were always skippin' town And I was thinkin' on the drive down, "Any time now He's gonna say it's love," you never called it what it was 'Til we were dead and gone and buried Check the pulse and come back swearin' it's the same After three months in the grave And then you wondered where it went to as I reached for you But all I felt was shame and you held my lifeless frame

And I know it's long gone and There was nothing else I could do And I forget about you long enough To forget why I needed to 'Cause there we are again in the middle of the night We're dancin' 'round the kitchen in the refrigerator light Down the stairs, I was there I remember it all too well And there we are again when nobody had to know You kept me like a secret, but I kept you like an oath Sacred prayer and we'd swear To remember it all too well, yeah Well, maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much But maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up Runnin' scared, I was there I remember it all too well And you call me up again just to break me like a promise So casually cruel in the name of bein' honest I'm a crumpled-up piece of paper lyin' here 'Cause I remember it all, all, all They say all's well that ends well, but I'm in a new hell Every time you double-cross my mind You said if we had been closer in age, maybe it would've been fine And that made me want to die The idea you had of me, who was she? A never-needy, ever-lovely jewel whose shine reflects on you Not weepin' in a party bathroom Some actress askin' me what happened, you That's what happened, you You who charmed my dad with self-effacing jokes Sippin' coffee like you're on a late-night show But then he watched me watch the front door all night, willin' you to come And he said, "It's supposed to be fun turning twenty-one" Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still tryin' to find it After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone But you keep my old scarf from that very first week 'Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me You can't get rid of it 'Cause you remember it all too well, yeah 'Cause there we are again when I loved you so Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known It was rare, I was there I remember it all too well Wind in my hair, you were there You remember it all Down the stairs, you were there You remember it all It was rare, I was there I remember it all too well And I was never good at tellin' jokes, but the punch line goes "I'll get older, but your lovers stay my age" From when your Brooklyn broke my skin and bones I'm a soldier who's returning half her weight And did the twin flame bruise paint you blue? Just between us, did the love affair maim you too? 'Cause in this city's barren cold I still remember the first fall of snow And how it glistened as it fell I remember it all too well Just between us, did the love affair maim you all too well? Just between us, do you remember it all too well? Just between us, I remember it (Just between us) all too well Wind in my hair, I was there, I was there (I was there) Down the stairs, I was there, I was there Sacred prayer, I was there, I was there It was rare, you remember it all too well Wind in my hair, I was there, I was there (Oh) Down the stairs, I was there, I was there (I was there) Sacred prayer, I was there, I was there It was rare, you remember it (All too well) Wind in my hair, I was there, I was there Down the stairs, I was there, I was there Sacred prayer, I was there, I was there It was rare, you remember it Wind in my hair, I was there, I was there Down the stairs, I was there, I was there Sacred prayer, I was there, I was there It was rare, you remember it

[music-in-my-veins14]

'Cause there we are again when I loved you so Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well

[onetragicalnerd709]

"After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own, back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known" "It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well..."

Truly late to the party but back when it was the 30th anniversary of of Star Trek Deep Space Nine, I finished a beautiful piece to commemorate my favorite badass space worms and their Ridged Warrior "poet" husband.

To many older DS9 fans, Ezri is the lower-rate, largely disliked replacement for Jadzia, mostly due to the tragic and overwhelmingly unfair exit of the well-loved character, a unanimous show favorite. I, however, alongside younger fans, have adored Ezri from the start, her sensitive, bubbly personality, and her caring nature captured my interest and heart. More importantly, her journey of self-discovery and fears/doubts of her true purpose, mirror many emotional experiences that young people face IRL. Because of this, I have found space to love both Dax's equally without question.

To additionally commemorate the memory of Jadzia Dax and the relationship she built with Commander Worf I wanted to show the growth of grief into acceptance of the new with both his "wives" embracing him, Jadzia looking on with pride and adoration for the warrior she soothed when she was alive and continues to soften alongside and within Ezri.

I would have liked to have seen a rekindling of their relationship with Ezri in the last seasons of DS9 run, however, some things aren't meant to be. I can only allow my imagination to run wild instead with a handy pencil and procreate at my side.

Behind them are lineless interpretations of swimming Trill symbiotes, The larger lighter blue symbiote is inscribed with Trill markings which spell out "Jadzia" while the darker smaller symbiote reads "Ezri"

I thoroughly enjoyed expanding upon the images I have seen of on-screen symbiotes and giving them some extra flare of my own. The little flowing tail whiskers are my favorite. I'd like to think they would be of similar proprioceptive use and tactile use to symbiotes while swimming and attaching to the host's body pouch.

To top off this tribute, I added a song I have seen associated with Ezri, Jadzia, and Worf on TikTok. I know that even though Worf may deny it, he's Taylor Swift-coded as much as his space wives are. "All to Well- 10 Minute version" is by far my favorite song of "MOTHER" and because DS9 is my all-time favorite Trek , I knew they were a perfect match.

This is the TikTok and image that inspired it all!

Now do you "remember it all too well?"

[flailingdreamist-blog]

[Verse 1] I walked through the door with you, the air was cold But something 'bout it felt like home somehow And I left my scarf there at your sister's house And you've still got it in your drawer, even now

[Verse 2] Oh, your sweet disposition and my wide-eyed gaze We're singing in the car, getting lost upstate Autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place And I can picture it after all these days

[Pre-Chorus] And I know it's long gone and That magic's not here no more And I might be okay, but I'm not fine at all Oh, oh, oh

[Chorus] 'Cause there we are again on that little town street You almost ran the red 'cause you were lookin' over at me Wind in my hair, I was there I remember it all too well

[Verse 3] Photo album on the counter, your cheeks were turning red You used to be a little kid with glasses in a twin-sized bed And your mother's telling stories 'bout you on the tee-ball team You told me 'bout your past, thinking your future was me And you were tossing me the car keys, "Fuck the patriarchy" Key chain on the ground, we were always skipping town And I was thinking on the drive down, any time now He's gonna say it's love, you never called it what it was 'Til we were dead and gone and buried Check the pulse and come back swearing it's the same After three months in the grave And then you wondered where it went to as I reached for you But all I felt was shame and you held my lifeless frame

[Pre-Chorus] And I know it's long gone and There was nothing else I could do And I forget about you long enough To forget why I needed to

[Chorus] 'Cause there we are again in the middle of the night We're dancing 'round the kitchen in the refrigerator light Down the stairs, I was there I remember it all too well And there we are again when nobody had to know You kept me like a secret, but I kept you like an oath Sacred prayer and we'd swear To remember it all too well, yeah

[Bridge] Well, maybe we got lost in translation Maybe I asked for too much But maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'Til you tore it all up Running scared, I was there I remember it all too well And you call me up again just to break me like a promise So casually cruel in the name of being honest I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here 'Cause I remember it all, all, all

[Verse 4] They say all's well that ends well, but I'm in a new Hell Every time you double-cross my mind You said if we had been closer in age maybe it would have been fine And that made me want to die The idea you had of me, who was she? A never-needy, ever-lovely jewel whose shine reflects on you Not weeping in a party bathroom Some actress asking me what happened, you That's what happened, you You who charmed my dad with self-effacing jokes Sipping coffee like you're on a late-night show But then he watched me watch the front door all night, willing you to come And he said, "It's supposed to be fun turning twenty-one"

[Verse 5] Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone But you keep my old scarf from that very first week 'Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me You can't get rid of it 'Cause you remember it all too well, yeah

[Chorus] 'Cause there we are again when I loved you so Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known It was rare, I was there I remember it all too well Wind in my hair, you were there You remember it all Down the stairs, you were there You remember it all It was rare, I was there I remember it all too well

[Verse 4] They say all's well that ends well, but I'm in a new Hell Every time you double-cross my mind You said if we had been closer in age maybe it would have been fine And that made me want to die The idea you had of me, who was she? A never-needy, ever-lovely jewel whose shine reflects on you Not weeping in a party bathroom Some actress asking me what happened, you That's what happened, you You who charmed my dad with self-effacing jokes Sipping coffee like you're on a late-night show But then he watched me watch the front door all night, willing you to come And he said, "It's supposed to be fun turning twenty-one"

[Verse 5] Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone But you keep my old scarf from that very first week 'Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me You can't get rid of it 'Cause you remember it all too well, yeah

[Chorus] 'Cause there we are again when I loved you so Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known It was rare, I was there I remember it all too well Wind in my hair, you were there You remember it all Down the stairs, you were there You remember it all It was rare, I was there I remember it all too well

[Verse 6] And I was never good at telling jokes, but the punch line goes "I'll get older, but your lovers stay my age" From when your Brooklyn broke my skin and bones I'm a soldier who's returning half her weight And did the twin flame bruise paint you blue? Just between us, did the love affair maim you, too? 'Cause in this city's barren cold I still remember the first fall of snow And how it glistened as it fell I remember it all too well

[Outro] Just between us, did the love affair maim you all too well? Just between us, do you remember it all too well? Just between us, I remember it (Just between us), all too well Wind in my hair, I was there, I was there Down the stairs, I was there, I was there Sacred prayer, I was there, I was there It was rare, you remember it all too well Wind in my hair, I was there, I was there Down the stairs, I was there, I was there Sacred prayer, I was there, I was there It was rare, you remember it Wind in my hair, I was there, I was there Down the stairs, I was there, I was there Sacred prayer, I was there, I was there It was rare, you remember it Wind in my hair, I was there, I was there Down the stairs, I was there, I was there Sacred prayer, I was there, I was there It was rare, you remember it all too well

[Spoken Outro] I love you guys so much

[bcbliophile]

" 'Cause there we are again when I loved you so, back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known. It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well."

Book based multi-muse ft: Alicent Hightower & Penelope Featherington.

Loved by Tiny.

promo credit

[revluvzen]

cause there we are again…when i loved you so…..

back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known...

it was rare...i was there....i remember it.....all too well.....

wind in my hair, you were there...you remember it all...

down the stairs, you were there....you....remember it all....

it was rare...i was there...i remember it all too well......

Don't cry baby---

😭😭😭🤠🦕❤️