#bad opinion number 4

[bad-opinions-101]

i hate the sentiment of "don't kill the part of you that's cringe, kill the part of you that cringes", like how about you mind your fucking business? i'm not like a criminal for recognising that i'm an annoying cunt. in my opinion it's fine to cringe at something, but it's not fine to directly make fun of someone just because you think they're cringe. criticise them if they're actually bigoted, call out their bullshit, but you shouldn't make a harassment campaign over someone liking Hazbin Hotel. i'm sick and tired of all the fake and toxic positivity. last time i checked, the world is not fucking fine. no one is fine in this day and age. we should stop pretending that all is sunshine and rainbows and be honest with just how fucking annoying everyone is while also seeing some good in people.

[zagreus-eats-your-bread]

rank every dr who on how likely they are to eat rocks

Hm which number should I go by? Let's go from least to most. I'll rank the TV Doctors and then reblog to give you general opinions on the others.

16th place - 3rd Doctor

You may disagree with this because his scientific mind might conceive of a situation where eating rocks could possibly be an option. However Liz would hit him on the nose with a newspaper like a dog if he got anywhere near her rocks. She would at length scold him and tell him that most rocks are bad for you and you shouldn't eat them.

15th place - War Doctor

He would definitely eat rocks but not for pleasure. When you are stranded on a planet because of woke war you may have to eat some rocks. But he would hate it the whole time.

14th place - 9th Doctor

Similar to War Doctor but you know what he kinda sees it. He kinda gets the appeal. I think he ate one (1) rock during his life and Rose was like Why and he was just nodding to himself like "Yeah this has a certain something".

13th place - 12th Doctor

He would eat some rocks on occaission but it would be like his guilty pleasure and he would hide it from Clara.

12th place - 7th Doctor

If there was ever a way he could incorporate eating some rocks into one of his 5D chess plans he would do it. Afterwards Ace would give him the side eye and be like "Professor this could have all worked out without you eating any of those rocks" and he would boop her on the nose and say nothing.

11th place - 6th Doctor

He would NOT eat rocks you are being RIDICULOUS. And then he finds a new rock on some planet and it smells so good and then he would take a nibble and get absolutely addicted to eating them. He would spend the next 40 years always having pebbles in his pocket to snack on and all regenerations after him would lowkey barf when someone offered them one of those rocks because of how much he used to eat them.

10th place - 13.5th Doctor

He would eat rocks just to fuck with Yaz and be quirky but his heart wouldn't be in it.

9th place - 10th Doctor

Someone would offer him something suspiciously rock shaped and he would eat it and be like "This is amazing, what is it?" and they would be like it's a rock and 10 would be like huh.

8th place - 14th Doctor

Same as above but he knows now he likes the taste of rocks. However his recent experiences made him less privy to them. He had too many.

7th place - 2nd Doctor

He would eat rocks in a heartbeat but he doesn't really like them. Like he will do it but his heart doesn't yearn for rocks. He would just do it to be silly and/or make people think hes not a threat and just some weird guy who eats rocks.

6th place - 5th Doctor

Sometimes he will pick up a rock and say what type of rock it is and eat it. And then Nyssa has to hold Tegan back lest she hit him.

5th place - 1st Doctor

Ian sees him eat a rock and is dumbfounded. He asks "Doctor, what are you doing?" and the Doctor will try to gaslight him into thinking HE is the weird one for thinking that him eating a rock is strange. And then he would laugh his old man laugh. He also sometimes eats rock flavoured food cubes from the food machine. Just cause.

4th place - 15th Doctor

He would see a rock, pick it up, laugh and jump with joy and enthusiastically ask Ruby "Do you know what this is?" and she would be like "Uh-" and he would cut her off to say "This is a rock!" and eat it.

3rd place - 8th/11th Doctor

They would both eat rocks and others who see them would be like "Yeah ok checks out". Like no one is surprised they just accept it.

(Both pics = them when they see an uneaten rock)

2nd place - 4th Doctor

Those teeth were made for rock chompin'. If 4 had to defeat an alien monster made of rock he would just eat it, and no matter which companion would be there to witness it they would all be changed forever. He would just carry on like it didn't happen.

1st place - 13th Doctor

She will see a rock and be like "is anyone gonna eat this" and not wait for an answer.

[maidragoste]

can we get some headcanons for mister daeron, since he finally was mention on the last episode ✊🏻

Hi anon, thank you very much for your request! I really wanted to write to Daeron 🤭

btw, there is a headcanon that has smut but it is not very detailed, I still warn you that it is number 4 in case you want to skip it 👀

I really hope you enjoy what I wrote 💖 and if you ever come back to my inbox if you want you can choose an emoji so I can identify you ☺️

Now I wish you a good read!

•Daeron who is not interested in marriage but does his duty and marries you because he knows that having an alliance with your house is important to the greens.

•Daeron, despite not being enthusiastic about a hasty wedding with war looming, is enthralled when he sees you in your wedding dress.

•Daeron who recites his wedding vows while looking into your eyes and intends to be a better husband than Viserys was to his mother even if the two of you are only together for a short time.

•Daeron who on your wedding night is patient and sweet with you. He takes his time so that your first time isn't so painful. First, he distracts you by kissing you over and over again. Then he surprises you not by fucking you directly but by pleasuring you with his mouth, making you cum again and again with his tongue until you forget about your nerves. And when the time comes for him to go inside you, he intertwines his hand with yours. He waits for you to assure him that you're fine before he starts moving and it doesn't take long for the room to fill with your moans again as you feel his cock find your sweet spot.

•Daeron who you manage to impress when you meet Tessarion for the first time and don't show even the slightest bit of fear.

•Daeron having to stop himself from kissing you during their first fight because he's touched that you want to accompany him during the war instead of going back to your house.

“I can be useful. I am sure that the maester will value my help when he cannot afford so many wounded. I also know how to sew and...

“It's not about whether you're useful or not. It's about the fact that it's dangerous and I don't want you to end up hurt," he interrupted you with obvious frustration because you continued to insist on the topic of accompanying him during his war camp.

“I am your wife and my place is at your side!” you say stubbornly.

“And my duty as your husband is to protect you, not put you in danger!”

•In the end you end up joining the camp but it was not because Daeron wanted to but because the news of Jaehaerys' murder arrives and his uncle Ormund and your father think that Daeron and you need to have a child as soon as possible in case Aegon loses his other heir.

•That same night Daeron lets you see him vulnerable while he crying the death of his nephew hugging your hip. You accompany him in his grief and try to comfort him as best as possible while you hug him.

•Daeron was always protective of his family and now that you are part of it he will not allow anyone to disrespect you. A lord once mocked you for voicing your opinion during the war council and you and Ormund had to intervene so that Daeron doesn't end up doing the lord major harm.

•Daeron only relaxes once the two of you are alone in his tent. He lets you take off his armor and feels a moment of peace as you massage his shoulders and kiss his back.

•Daeron who prays that the war ends soon so that he can reunite with his family soon and above all because he wants to have a quiet life with you. Every night he asks the gods to protect you and not let anything bad happen to you.

•Daeron who, before going to fight, asks you to give him your favor and the two say goodbye with a kiss, earning mockery from Lyonel.

•Daeron who returns victorious from his first battle and feels his heart race as he watches you run towards him with a smile and he smiles when you scream in surprise when he lifts you into the air before kissing you fiercely, forgetting about the exhibitions and allowing himself to feel hopeful for the future.

Taglist: @stillalive-notdead @jasminecosmic99 @cloveradora @ghostingdaily @stareatch @accidentpronedork @universemagicreading

@cosmitton @momoko-world @descon0cidacl @fadingbatmuffindonkey @bryandechartisasmolbean

@arainbowteddybear @your-favorite-god @vicelis

@muramiko @strawberrrymomo @r4ndomgirlblog

@bringfhghghhggg @fifilynn16 @annie-panda

@mega-girl-xoxo @rovakiap @edenvvsblog @ryuuisthecutest @hebeth

hotd masterlist

[sageandred]

*(These aren't for me.) I was bored and made 1 of my own of these (:

(made specifically for all who reblog) >>>

OTP + CHARACTER ASK

Send a ship + a number and get an answer.

1. Who is the better cook?

2. Who gets up to cook at 2am?

3. Are they into PDA? Who initiates most?

4. Their favorite show to watch together?

5. Who is the cheesier one of the two?

6. Who is always, always running late?

7. Who's clumsier?

8. Who is a morning person? Who is a night owl?

9. Who travels lighter?

10. Who is always reminding the other not to forget important documents/general things before leaving out the door?

11. Who leaves notes in the other one's lunch? (Bonus: what do they say?)

12. Who prefers calling to texting (& vice versa)? Bonus: Who is so bad at texting it made the other think they weren't interested when they first started hanging out? [This could be hypothetical as much as real].

13. Stay home/go-out? What are their date nights like?

14. Who falls asleep during a movie?

15. Who's the first to cry during movies that don't seem sad?

16. Who hogs the covers?

17. Who is more competitive?

18. What are they like when they're drunk? How do they act together? & when 1 is drunk, while the other one's sober?

19. What do they fight about most often? (Alternative: what was their biggest fight?)

20. Who randomly brings home a stray puppy/kitten to adopt?

21. Any routines one has that the other had to get used to (ex. morning, nighttime, sleeping habits)?

22. Love languages? How do they get around differences, if any?

23. Who initiates cuddling more?

24. Sleeping/cuddling positions? (Big spoon, little spoon, etc.)?

25. (a lil sappy, but..) What do they like about each other?

26. Who is prone to road rage?

27. Craziest place they had sex?

28. Who always steals the other's food? How does their partner react to it?

29. First date? (Give as much or little detail)

30. Pet names? Yes or no?

31. How do they spend their anniversary?

32. Who's so affectionate they can't stop touching the other?

33. What is their wedding day like?

34. How do they cheer the other one up during sad times?

35. What are their tastes in music?

36. Who is more protective?

37. Who wanted to see Oppenheimer; who Barbie? Did they switch opinions after?

38. If/when they have kids, what is their parenting style (or pets-who does what)?

39. Do they get along with the other's family? If not, how do they deal with the other's family?

40. Who is the skilled shopper for holidays? Who always waits 'til the last minute to get all of their gifts? (Which one gets stressed out easily)?

[little-lynx]

EVERLARK OUTFITS: THE VICTORY TOUR

This part of “Catching Fire” is done (finally) so I put it all together;) DISTRICT 11, THE SQUARE

I go to my compartment and let the prep team do my hair and makeup. Cinna comes in with a pretty orange frock patterned with autumn leaves. I think how much Peeta will like the color. <…> As the train is pulling into the District 11 station, Cinna puts the finishing touches on my outfit, switching my orange hairband for one of metallic gold and securing the mockingjay pin I wore in the arena to my dress. <…> I can hear the anthem beginning outside in the square. Someone clips a microphone on me. Peeta takes my left hand. // Catching Fire, ch. 4

I think this dress should be a little semi-official so I choose cape sleeve sheath midi dress. It’s perfect for autumn (and they have early autumn weather there in 11th). The hair is just plain + gold hairband = girlish innocent look like the one after the games (this tactics they choose for the Tour). Plus I wanted to draw Katniss with her natural straight hair because i draw her with her braid usually ;) And again nothing about Peeta’s outfit. You know I feel like Portia 😅 because I have to choose how to dress Peeta. I’m not complaining through. So it is black suit with golden buttons (matching Katniss’s hairband and pin), thin soft orange sweater and black leather shoes.

DISTRICT 11, THE DINNER

A pale pink strapless dress brushes my shoes. My hair is pinned back from my face and falling down my back in a shower of ringlets. Cinna comes up behind me and arranges a shimmering silver wrap around my shoulders. He catches my eye in the mirror. “Like it?”  “It's beautiful. As always,” I say. “Let's see how it looks with a smile,” he says gently. // Catching Fire, ch.5

DISTRICT 7

Jackson has devised a game called «Real or Not Real» to help Peeta. He mentions something he thinks happened, and they tell him if it’s true or imagined, usually followed by a brief explanation. <...> But since Peeta’s greatest confusion centers around me—and not everything can be explained simply—our exchanges are painful and loaded, even though we touch on only the most superficial of details. The color of my dress in 7. My preference for cheese buns. The name of our math teacher when we were little. Reconstructing his memory of me is excruciating. Perhaps it isn’t even possible after what Snow did to him. But it does feel right to help him try. // Mockingjay, ch. 19

So we have only one sentence in “Mockingjay” about this outfit. And still I decided to draw it because I have a theory (head canon?) about it. I think Peeta remembers the color of her dress because it was special night for him (a lot of kisses and attempts to sneak away from everyone and maybe it felt very real at times) and also because she had two braids and the dress was red. RED is the color ❤️. / Peeta has dark red + black + a little bit gold which is also sexy color combination.

DISTRICT 5 I volunteer to take Annie back to my house in 12, where Cinna left a variety of evening clothes in a big storage closet downstairs. All of the wedding gowns he designed for me went back to the Capitol, but there are some dresses I wore on the Victory Tour.  <…> Annie wears a green silk dress I wore in 5, Finnick one of Peeta’s suits that they altered— the clothes are striking. <…>  As surely as the embroidery stitches in Annie’s gown were done by Cinna’s hand, the frosted flowers on the cake were done by Peeta’s.  // Mockingjay, ch. 16

Katniss: green silk dress + wavy sleeves + sea waves embroidery / Peeta: ivory dress shirt + knitted green waistcoat with sea waves embroidery + tweed suit

DISTRICT 2

Girl talk. That thing I've always been so bad at. Opinions on clothes, hair, makeup. So I lie. “Yeah, he's been helping me design my own clothing line. You should see what he can do with velvet.” Velvet. The only fabric. I could think of off the top of my head. “I have. On your tour. That strapless number you wore in District Two? The deep blue one with the diamonds? So gorgeous I wanted to reach through the screen and tear it right off your back,” says Johanna. // Catching Fire, Chapter 15

This description gave me strong “Anastasia” feels 😅. So I loosely based Katniss dress on Anastasia’s ballet evening gown. For Peeta I chose tuxedo jacket similar to Salvatore Ferragamo design for FF 12/13.  Neo classic, purple velvet, shiny shoes. Also I decided to include a cane, both to help Peeta to have some rest during all this Tour activities and as an accessory.

DISTRICT 12

When we reach the mayor's house, I only have time to give Madge a quick hug before Effie hustles me off to the third floor to get ready. After I'm prepped and dressed in a full-length silver gown, I've still got an hour to kill before the dinner, so I slip off to find her. <…> She [Madge] saw my reflection behind her and smiled. “Look at you. Like you came right off the streets of the Capitol.” // Catching Fire, ch.6

When I started drawing this one I just felt that I need to make it look very “Capitol”. So I added some feathers. A LOT of sparkling feathers, haha. Also there are some “moon and stars” accessories in Katniss’ hair because this silver gown gives me moonlight vibes. For Peeta I came up with classic suit but made him wear it casually.

[novy2sirius]

numerical notes 🕊✧₊˚

— volume six

⟡ the day of the year you’re born on says a lot about you just like your life path number! example: if you were born on the 33rd day of the year it could make you very wise, spiritual, creative, and influential

⟡ your day number can tell about your karma. example: if someone is born on the 28th it could mean they abused their power in a past life and in this life they must learn not to. this could indicate them abusing their financial power as well since 28 is a wealth number

⟡ the age you’re at is also important numerically! example: when you’re 23 you’re likely to have a lot of fun, travel, glow up, socialize more, and date more

⟡ most 11’s will struggle next year in 2025 as it’s a 9 year which is their main enemy number. this doesn’t mean important lessons can’t be learned, but rather that it’s going to be a challenging time. there is plenty of room for growth that you can carry into the following year though

⟡ most 4’s should have a good year next year in 2025 unless it’s their enemy vietnamese astrology year, but in my experience numerology still overrules. 2025 is a 9 year and 9 is 4’s best friend number

⟡ life path 4’s are very smart (underrated intelligent in my opinion), but must work to get credit for their ideas

⟡ life path 8’s tend to be the first in their family to do things such as be successful, rich, famous, etc

⟡ people with an attitude number 3 are good at talking their way into anything because of their charm

⟡ people with an attitude number 5/9 are often very pretty to a lot of people and are really good at flirting. if not then they’re usually still the prettiest in their family

⟡ life path 19’s get a bad rep since 19 is the number of negative karma (which is true and challenging), but a pro to this life path is that they are amazing leaders and can be the first to come up with ideas others haven’t

[thepepsislvt]

nobody asked for this but im gonna give you my top 5 baby girls and their pros and cons

in order even bc im insane

this also turned out to be more of a drabbles so yall still getting fed

number 5: Sanji

Pros:

literally such a sweetheart

traumatized just like me

always coming with the best insults

best cuddles cant tell me im wrong

so fucking kind <3

supports my nic addiction

also doesnt smoke around you if you dont like it

Cons:

probably wouldnt even look at me until i show him my tits (im a trans guy)

probably smokes a pack a day

thinks he can out smoke me when im literally a feind for nic

on the off chance he gets in a relationship with me he still would flirt with other women and i have abandonment issues

Number 4: Ace

Pros:

Also very much a sweetheart

hes silly and knows how to always make you laugh

personal heater for the winter

will let you trace his freckles

best kisses ong

make cute little shapes with his flames

Cons:

probably wont let you wear his hat

will fake punch you like a brother

too damn sexy

also way too hot during the summer like do not cuddle me i will not go to sleep in the heat

Number 3: Bartolomeo

Pros:

his hair is green meaning hes gotta be a walking green flag

will let you wear his clothes

especially his jacket

wants to kiss you every chance he can

fanboys over anything

hypes you up for anything you want to do

Cons:

doesnt clean his piercings so you have to force him

doesnt understand personal space

Number 2: Rosinante

Pros:

another man that will let you wear his clothes

theyre gonna be huge since hes 9 foot 7

big friendly giant

when he trips bc hes clumsy he requires your kisses to feel better

will pick you up and carry you around if you let him

lets you help him with his makeup

always makes time for you no matter what hes doing

smile brighter than my future

Cons:

Number 1: Izou

Pros:

bro is damn gorgeous

will ask your opinion on everything when shopping for makeup

will even do your makeup if you want him to

self care king

even when youre not feeling it he will at least help you do the most basic things

very patient with only you

big on protecting you

smooches your forehead or temple a ton

has you help with his nightly routine

Cons:

has you ALWAYS help with his nightly routine

“oh im too tired can you do it yourself tonight?”

“Thats too damn bad my hair needs to shine brighter than the sun”

always looks more stunning than you (when is it my turn buddy >:( )

doing his makeup last over an hour

(this one is personal but i wanna cosplay him so bad but hes so feminine im scared i might get mad dysphoria)

thats all :)

[fluentmoviequoter]

Choose a Side

The Bradfords Series Masterlist (4/?)

Pairing: Tim Bradford x fem!wife!cop!reader

Summary: Lucy asks for your opinion on a date, not expecting you to take sides. You do choose a side, but not the one she thinks.

Warnings: fluff, banter, grumpy!Tim

Word Count: 1.3k+ words

A/N: There are two random references in this (an Eric Winter movie and a previous Tim fic). Which is completely irrelevant. Enjoy.

The station is quiet when you walk through, but you know better than to get comfortable in the calm moment. It’s not superstition for you, just that you know the people you work with, and even if there aren’t many calls, it still won’t stay quiet for long.

“Hey!” Lucy calls behind you.

You smile at her interruption and stop walking so she can catch up to you. As she approaches, you notice that she’s looking over your shoulder.

“Is Tim with you?” she asks.

“No,” you answer, “he’s helping Angela with a case. Do you need him?”

“What I need is a second opinion and I do not want his.”

“Okay,” you drawl. “What’s up?”

“So, I’m going on a date tonight.”

“Please don’t say it’s with a cop,” you murmur.

“With a firefighter.” Lucy stops and tilts her head to ask, “Is it really that bad to be with another cop?”

You raise your hand to her arm and smile. “Lucy, I’m kidding. Tell me more.”

“His name is Alex. He’s been a firefighter for a few years since he got out of the Army. We actually met while playing tug-of-war and he was super flirty, but apparently he actually likes me!”

You ignore the odd way they met and choose to say, “Don’t sound so surprised he’s interested. When’s the date?”

“What date?”

You and Lucy look up together, wide-eyed at the sight of Tim approaching. He furrows his brows and keeps his eyes on you rather than looking at Lucy.

“I’m cheating on you?” you try.

“What date?” Tim repeats, completely ignoring your attempt to remove suspicion from Lucy.

“I have a date,” Lucy admits, “with a former soldier who is now a firefighter.”

“Killer turned arsonist. Way to pick them, Chen.”

“You were a soldier,” you point out.

Tim turns his chin toward you long enough to argue, “And you used to be nice to me.”

“Tim," you warn.

“Didn’t your last boyfriend leave you so heartbroken you bought jewelry from the evidence room?” Tim asks.

“I bought that because I like it,” Lucy defends, crossing her arms across her chest. “This is different.”

“Which station does he work at?” Tim inquires.

“Does that matter?”

“Yes,” you answer, with Tim. You frown as you add, “Sorry.”

“29,” Lucy says quietly. She raises her voice and glares at Tim to challenge, “Do you want his shoe size and social security number as well?”

“Lucy, some of the stations are known for having firefighters that are terrible people. Trust me, I’ve met more than my fair share on calls,” you explain. “Tim’s just trying to look out for you on that one.”

“Oh, so you’re taking his side. That’s great!”

“Lucy,” you reply with a laugh. “29 is a good station, right down the road, so we would know if it wasn’t. They’re good people.”

“As good as firefighters can be, you mean,” Tim adds. “What’s his last name?”

“Tim,” you chide. “That’s none of your business.”

“There can’t be that many guys named Alex at station 29.”

Tim pulls his phone from his pocket, and you snatch it out of his hand.

“If you call Nell to ask about him, I will take Kojo and Lucy to the station on my lunch break to hang out with firefighters.”

Tim shakes his head before he turns to face Lucy.

“Aren’t you supposed to be working instead of talking about date night outfits?” he asks.

“Oh, outfits!” Lucy exclaims. “We didn’t get that far!”

“Nope,” Tim interrupts. “Get to the shop, we’re going on patrol.”

“But I never got a second opinion.” Lucy pouts as she looks toward you, and you smile.

“Lucy, it sounds like you and Alex get along really well. You should go, have fun, and just see where the relationship may be able to go.”

“Thanks, Mom,” Lucy says, raising her arms to hug you.

“Boot,” Tim barks when the hug lasts for a second too long. “Shop.”

“He’s so grumpy today,” Lucy whispers in your ear as she pulls back.

Tim nods at you before he turns to follow Lucy to the garage. You look down at his phone in your hand and smile. He’ll realize before he leaves and come back for it, and this time, you will let him know that you really did pick a side.

“I need that,” Tim says as he returns.

You tuck his phone behind your back and use your other hand to grip the collar of Tim’s uniform and pull him closer. Face-to-face, you look into his eyes before you speak.

“Don’t look into him,” you demand.

Tim’s brows pinch before he asks, “What do you mean?”

“Tim Bradford, if you start a fire just to meet Lucy’s date, it will look like you care about her. A lot.”

Tim clears his throat softly, then nods once. “Can I go now?”

“Sure,” you agree, smiling as you release his collar and step back. “But she’ll tell me if you interrogate her in the car.”

“Why does it matter who my boot dates or when?” Tim inquires as he straightens his shirt.

“I don’t know, Tim. Why does it?”

Tim grumbles as he takes his phone from your hand.

“I love you,” you call after him.

“Not as much as Alex, apparently.”

“This is by far the most illegal but sweet thing you’ve ever done,” you tell Tim. “Pretzels?”

“It’s not illegal,” Tim argues, extending his hand for a snack. “We’re just enjoying a date night. What’s wrong with that?”

“The fact that we’re not just enjoying a date night. Tim, you’re watching someone else’s date.”

“You can’t say you’re not interested.”

“I can,” you argue, lifting your phone. “I’m watching a cheesy romcom about a widower who owns a restaurant and coaches little league but falls in love with the woman who wants to buy him out.”

“Riveting,” Tim mumbles, turning back toward the restaurant. “Where’d she go?”

The back door behind you opens before Lucy slides into the car. You offer the bag of convenience store snacks over your shoulder, and she accepts it to look for her favorite candy. Which, of course, you bought for her. Uncomfortable with Lucy's presence, Tim shifts as you pause your movie and remove the earbud you’d been using to listen to it.

“How was the date?” Tim asks.

“You tell me, it seems like you saw just as much as I did,” Lucy responds.

“Sorry, Lucy,” you interject.

“It’s okay. I mean, if he was a serial killer or something, I’d be glad you’re here.”

“That’s what I said,” Tim defends.

“But he wasn’t.”

“Told you,” you tell Tim. “She can take care of herself. Besides, Alex is a sweetheart.”

“You’ve met him?!” Tim asks loudly.

You nod and take a bite of your snack before you explain, “On a call this afternoon. Nell attached me to it.”

“Oh, so I can’t call Nell, but you can?”

“I asked her to watch for an opportunity,” Lucy says.

Tim shakes his head and throws his hands up. “I give up. Lucy, do you want a ride home?”

“Your home or mine?”

“You’re not spending the night.”

You chuckle in the passenger seat at their bickering. Tim doesn’t look at you this time, too focused on the road as he pulls out.

“How was it?” you ask Lucy.

“It was really good. We’re going out again.”

“When?” Tim asks.

“Don’t answer that, Lucy,” you suggest. “We can talk tomorrow.”

“Right,” Tim scoffs. “And she was worried about you picking sides.”

“You know, you could just say it,” Lucy tells Tim, leaning toward his seat.

“Say what?”

“I love you. Trust me, you tell me once and you’d feel so free. I love you. That’s all it takes, Dad.”

“The guy in your movie didn’t have to deal with this,” Tim mumbles.

“He actually did have a kid,” you say as he approaches a stop sign.

“Wait, what movie?” Lucy asks excitedly.

As you begin explaining the plot to Lucy, Tim shakes his head. You know he cares, and when you get home and kiss him, maybe he’ll reconsider simply admitting it.

[bruhnze]

Apple tarts and tiramisu - Part 5

Summary ''Apple tarts and tiramisu'': Lucy just moved to Barcelona, you offer to teach her Spanish. Reader gets into a relationship with Lucy Bronze who she met while she served her an apple tart.

Other parts: part 1 - part 2 - part 3 - part 4

SMUT - MINORS DNI, Warnings: smut

Wordcount: 3k?

Long awaited part 5, hope you like it 🙃

Apple tarts and tiramisu - Part 5

´´Do you want to go back to yours?’’ you asked Lucy walking back to the car.

‘’Yeah I wanted to ask you that actually, because Narla comes home tomorrow morning’’ Lucy said ‘’but how did you know?’’.

‘’Oh I didn’t, but speaking about that, how come you only have a dog sometimes?’’ you asked her ‘’you have a dogsitter?’’

‘’uhm, yes, I also have a dogsitter’’ she cleared her throat and looked at the ground ‘’andishareNarlawithmyex'’ she coughed.

You laughed ‘’what?’’

‘’I share my dog with my ex’’ she said hesitantly.

‘’But you just got to spain’’ you joked ‘’already have an ex here who you have shared custody with? Damn you really do move fast’’.

Lucy laughed now too ‘’damn that would be crazy, no I actually move quite slow normally, but ehm, the ex is also from England, and ehrrm… god this sounds bad, but it isn’t.. she moved to Barcelona too,.. she’s in the same team.. we… our… no.’’. She thought and collected herself again and said ‘’her and my transfers were already a done deal when we broke up.. we broke up on good terms.. and we both share the opinion that our career went before everything and we just professionally work together.. and the dog is mine actually but I just.. she asked If Narla could stay at hers every now and then too and now it just turned into one week at mine and the other week at hers and so on’’.

‘’Okay’’ you stated ‘’and what is her name?’’

‘’oh ehm, Keira’’ Lucy looked at you trying to read you.

You smiled ‘’its okay Lucy, ofcourse you have exes, me too, it’s normal’’ you said reinsuring ‘’but what is her last name?’’

‘’Walsh’’ she frowned ‘’why? Your not go-

‘’Was she number 21?’’ and then you heard what Lucy had tried to say ‘’God no, i was just curious who it was’’.

‘’yeah the number 21 indeed, midfielder, sorry’’

‘’Ah! She was pretty good right, she’s didn’t lose the ball once and she , what’s it called, yfs/n was pretty excited about it, when she put the ball through the other players legs?’’’

‘’gave a nutmeg?’’

You laughed ‘’I guess, but my friend said it in Spanish so I don’t know''.

''Your so silly, i can't believe you don't know anything about football''. Lucy giggled.

You shrugged your shoulders ''anyways your place it is then’’.

Lucy opened the door from the car for you ‘’mhmm, but why did you want to go there?’’

You gave her a quick kiss ‘’no reason’’ you smirked.

..

She had put on some Spanish music in the car and you were sure she had been influenced by her teammates because it were songs you and your friends enjoyed.

Friends that you probably neglected a bit the last few weeks. That made you think about yfs/n and the fact that she had probably known Lucy’s ex was in her team, as she also knew about Putellas’ personal life and some other players.

Lucy’s hand was back on your knee, just like during the drive on the way to the restaurant.

You got your phone and texted your friend, also sharing the fact you had a girlfriend now.

Your best friend was happy for you and about the ex she texted that she had thought that was something for Lucy to share with you.

@bestfriend: are you with her now?

@y/n: yeah driving back from the restaurant

@bestfriend: ah okay, otherwise I would have called you, want to go to the gym tomorrow afternoon? bcs I need you to tell me everything about how she asked u

@y/n: yh tmrr works, btw also got a crazy story to tell involving my mom💀💀

@bestfriend: okay im curious, your not mad right?

@y/n: no about what?

@bestfriend: that I hadn’t said anything?

@y/n: ohh no, I don’t even think I mind that she works with her ex, idk just hadn’t expected it and was surprised to find out now, when you had told me about a few other players personal lives, so I thought, did you know or did you not know, and if you knew why didn’t you tell me.. but ig I get what u meant about Lucy telling me.

@bestfriend: just so you know you are hotter tho

@y/n: thanks but that’s not nice to say!!

@bestfriend: truth is harsh sometimes xx

@bestfriend: love you always

@bestfriend: now go kiss some abs

@y/n: 🙄

You chuckled at your phone.

Lucy looked at you curious. You cleared your throath ‘’I’m sorry, my friend was being dumb’’

‘’what did she say?’’ Lucy asked smiling.

‘’Oh nothing’’ you blushed ‘’just yfs/n, she is happy for us’’.

Lucy smiled ‘’already told yfs/n?’’

‘’Oh’’ you looked surprised ‘’is it secret that were together?’’

‘’no no’’ Lucy rubbed her thumb over your skin ‘’it’s cute’’  ‘’but speaking about that subject, I think it is maybe wise to keep everything away from the public, the media can be cruel, but..´´ she gulped ´´some fans are even worse, and I don´t want you to have to deal with that´´.

´´Yeah I get that´´ you said putting your hand on top of hers ´´but I would like to meet your friends and family too eventually´´.

´´ohhh yess, I can´t wait´´ Lucy smile was back ´´that is going to happen ofcourse, that´s got nothing to do with keeping our life private... anddddd i also still have to meet your dad´.

´´Still?´´ you chuckled ´´it´s been´´ you looked at the time ´´maybe an hour since we´ve been together´´.

...

////

In the elevator the two of you pursued your usual elevator activity; kissing. It felt like that had become the standard routine whenever the two of you stood in the small mirrored space.

‘’you know why I wanted to go to yours’’ you seductively said in her ear.  

‘’no’’

‘’because the other day you brought something over to mine and-‘’

You kissed her neck.

‘’have been thinking about it ever since’’

Lucy gulped, thinking about the strap-on she had brought last week. ‘’yeah, did you like that?’’.

''Mhmm, very'' you said, already getting turned on from anticipation.

..

She stumbled trying to open the door while you leaned against her back, reaching around her tugging her blouse out of her pants.

As you felt up her stomach Lucy abruptly stopped and turned around between you arms, she grabbed your wrists.

‘’Nuh uh’’ Lucy said with a smug face ‘’you wait here, like this’’ she walked you a step back and crossed your arms. ‘’and i will open the door’’.

You thought it was funny how she used dominance to take control of a situation where you clearly distracted her so much she couldn’t open a door. But you didn't laugh because this had been the mood you wanted to put her in.

''Okay come in pretty girl'' Lucy said already halfway into the hallway.

As you walked in to the apartment you were hit by a wall of cold air.

''jodidamente frio'' (ugh very cold) you scuffed out rubbing your arms, ''Lucy why are we in Antartica''.

Lucy came back to the hallway were you were taking you shoes of, ''sorry for the cold, forgot the AC apparently''.

''left in a rush?''

Lucy laughed ''yeah, had to pick a pretty girl up, couldn't leave her waiting''.

You pushed her chest ''nah she wasn't waiting''

Lucy fake gasped ''she wasn't?''.

''Nope'' you shook your head with your eyes closed.

''hmm i heard some different things, i heard she couldn't wait to get dinner over with'' Lucy said cocky.

You looked at her questioning ''really who said that?''

''She told me herself'' she wispered in your ear ''she couldn't wait to be fucked again''.

You gulped ''oh yeah, maybe you should listen to her, sounds like she knows what's up''.

''I don't know'' Lucy teased ''i mean this morning was already quite an active morning and she told me her stamina aint that good''.

''im not tired at all'' you sputterd.

She held her face away from you a bit and you spotted the grin she was wearing. ''Okay'' Lucy said ''but we'll take it slow, i want to show you how much i love you''.

You sighed internally, you had planned for a different night with a more dominant Lucy, but i guess you could work with this too. You just had to recalibrate yourself for a second and you made an internal note to research how to get the dominant side out of her, because you knew she had it and was dying to meet her.

////

In the bedroom Lucy unzipped your dress, slowly kissing down you back. ''your so pretty y/n, i love you''.

You got goosebumps all over your body, okay maybe this wasn't too bad either you thought.

You stepped out of your dress, leaving you only in a thong. Lucy rubbed your sides to your hips where her hands continued to rest. She pressed herself against you and gathered all your hair in her hand and placed it over your left shoulder before she started placing soft open mouth kisses on your neck.

"Luce" you intertwined your fingers with hers and pulled them over your breasts, making her cup them.

''mmh'' she murmered against you shoulder where she had now reached with her kisses ''not so fast, go lay on the bed for me bub''.

You let go of her hands and laid down "you are wearing to much".

''Jeez'' Lucy laughed ''patience baby patience, I can't go that fast and I don't want to go fast, but I promise you'll get what you want''.

A blushed took over your cheeks, you didn't know what had gotten in to you, you got the realisation that Lucy made you so horny, no one had ever effected you like that, you thought about the recent weeks and how much sex you'd had and even next to that how much you had thought about it.

While you had been thinking Lucy was getting rid of her clothes. She looked at you concerned ''what are you thinking about?'' she asked you softly.

You blinked, ''oh sorry my thoughts wandered off for a second , i just, i'm so very attracked to you''.

''so you resort to your thoughts eventhough im standing right here?'' she chuckled.

''to be honest, yes'' you chuckled aswell ''I've built up quite a good mental stock lately, some pretty nice images''. you said cheekily.

''oh yeah? do you think about me much?''

''yeah i was litteraly just thinking about how you are taking over my brain, i can't remember thinking off anything else these last weeks... i think i have a big crush''

Lucy smiled ''im so in love with you, i totaly get what your saying, i feel the same''.

...

Lucy pinned you to the bed with her own body, she had put on the strap you had been longing for and was now softly kissing you as she leaned on her arms, not wanting to put to much weight on you.

You squeezed her biceps and

travelled up with your hands to her shoulders, then her back.

You loved her muscles, you had never been with someone this strong and you had never seen a women pull muscles off as good as Lucy did, she was very astheticly pleasing.

Trying to deepen the kiss you pulled her closer to you, resulting in her whole body brushing against yours.

Lucy moaned as her nipples brushed along your skin. She pulled back from the kiss and went to your neck.

With a combination of tongue and teeth she gave attention to every inch of your neck and jaw. Trying to figure out the points the made you squirm.

The attachment between her legs pushed against you when she moved her hips trying to reach further back your neck.

A shiver of arousal ran down your spine and instinctively you tried to grind against her.

''Not yet baby'' she murmurred against your skin ''i want to kiss every part of your body'' she sighed ''your so beautifull''.

The air that left her mouth when she spoke tickled against the wet spots in your neck.

''Luce, i need you''' you whimpered at the idea of waiting much longer, feeling the sogginess between your legs and your aching empty hole, waiting to be filled.

She smirked as she sat up, and took your hands, pulling them above your head.

Lucy kissed the inside of your arm, making you get goosebumps ''already begging me?''

''yes Luce, please''

''but i want to taste you babe, all of you, can you be good for me and let me kiss you'' she gave more kisses, now to your other arm.

Her words made you moan ''kiss me then, but don't take your time''.

Lucy giggled as she went on.

..

After she had called every part of your body beautiful, littering it with kisses, even leaving some marks on your neck and chest, she had finally arrived at your hips, very close to the place you needed her most.

''My beautiful girl'' she hummed in between kisses.

You couldn't handle it anymore and were so turned on that your brain almost short-circuited. Your hands pushed her head lower.

You felt her lips against your skin in a smile. She placed soft kisses on your lips and then went back to your groin, licking and biting softly, placing another mark ''all mine'' she groaned.

Her tongue licked along your slit, making you gasp out a moan.

Your hand tightened in her hair and she lapped at you a couple more times before pulling back.

The head you had just dropped on the pillow with your eyes closed shot back up and you looked at Lucy.

''So needy'' she smirked.

''only for you'' you cried out below your breath.

''What's that?''

''you make me crazy Lucy, please-''

Lucy placed her tongue back on you still looking you in the eyes.

''fuck'' ''yeah like-

She started sucking your clit, a moan escaped your throat.

After a bit she got up and hovered infront of your face ''do you want to taste how good you taste?''.

You groaned but accepted the kiss, your taste on her tongue made you moan into her mouth, you couldn't believe how long she was taking but you had to admitt she was fucking amazing at what she did.

''What did you want me to call you again?'' Lucy asked cheeky.

You blushed ''a slut?''

''i think you are being a bit of a slutty girl right now, aren't you? so desperate for my cock''.

You pulled her closer for another kiss but she held back ''i can feel you pulsate against me, all for me?''

''yes'' you moaned ''only you Lucy, i have never thought about sex this much in my life, nor did i have so much sex as i did these last weeks''.

''hmmm'' Lucy moaned in your neck ''thats right, your such a slut for my cock, aren't you? are you gonna take me so well''

''y- yeah''

Gently she guided the strap with one of her hands to your opening, lining it up with the ring of muscle that was waiting to be entered.

Lucy looked you in your eyes as she slowly put the tip in. Your head fell back as the feeling flushed over your body.

With the head of the dick Lucy fucked you gently. It was not enough for you ''Lucy, more''.

''you need more slutty girl? want me to fill you up?'' Lucy purred ''such a good girl for telling me''.

Lucy bottomed out in you, making your eyes roll back. Finally experiencing the exact thing again you had been longing for the last days.

''Feel good pretty girl?''

You could only moan in response, the build up had been so intens that you were on the verge of cumming already, not even needing more stimulance.

You wrapped your legs around Lucy, bringing her closer to you. She held one arm around your shoulder and put the other hand behind your neck, pulling you in for a kiss.

The ritm felt so good you thought you didn't have enough oxygen to kiss Lucy back.

Nails dug into Lucy's back making her pull back a bit ''i- im so c-close''.

She looked into your eyes as she kept thrusting in to you, remaining the pace she had ''come for me pretty girl, show me how good that feels''.

With a few more thrusts the high flushed through your body, it was an intens but short orgasm.

You let moans and cries escape your body as Lucy slowly came down to a stop and pulled out.

She kissed your face, "you look so pretty like this".

You gave a weak smile "cuddle me?"

"Ofcourse pretty girl"

...

////

The next morning Lucy and you woke up from the doorbell.

Lucy jumped out of bed and put on a jumper and some joggers, without having time to search for underwear.

''Heyy'' you overheard as Lucy had opened the door and waited for Keira to come upstairs. You were still laying in the bed.

''Hey Lucy, here she is, she hasn't eaten yet, but i did walk her, she was a very good girl as usual''.

''Thanks, i'll see you later''

''Yes, see you this afternoon, had a good weekend?''

''yeah very, did you?''

''yeah, i wanted to tell you i'm dating someone again, i don't know why but just wanted you to know, she's German and she was with me this weekend, Narla liked her a lot so it was all good''.

''Okay, nice, i'm happy for you, i actually have been dating someone too'' you heared Lucy say ''asked her to be my girlfriend yesterday actually''.

''ah congrats, thought you looked happier lately''

''Thanks Kei''

''Okay see you later!'' ''and bye Narla, mommy will see you next week''.

''go on, say bye Narla''

You heared the door shut and a sound of nails on the floor coming your way.

The cute white dog you had seen and petted at the cafe a few times jumped on the bed.

''Like she knew you were here'' Lucy giggled at the sight of you getting licked in the face.

''Narla, get off her'' Narla oblidged as her owner put on a stern voice.

Lucy sat down next to you in bed ''goodmorning, sorry you got woken up like this, forgot to set the alarm yesterday''.

''Nah it's fine, you told me yesterday so it wasn't unexpected'' you laughed as you were petting Narla ''such a cutie, aren't you such a good doggie''.

''She likes you'' Lucy said.

You laughed ''Narla likes everyone Luce, but thanks''.

Lucy kissed your cheek ''but she doesn't come up running to lick everyones face''.

''Yeah but maybe if they would be the one handing her cups of whipped cream she would''.

Lucy laughed ''yeah okay, you did some good bribery'', ''i'm happy to though, cause if Narla didn't like you it would've been a problem''.

''Oh?''

''Yep, she's the most important thing to me on the whole world.'' ''but she likes you so we're good''.

You laughed and turned yourself to Narla and said in a high voice, "Then I'll just have to keep spoiling you, don't i little doggie."

----

That concludes part 5! Hope it was good, sorry it took a bit longer this time..

Anyone got suggestions for part 6?

more parts

[gurugirl]

The Outlaw | biker!h | Only on Patreon

opposites attract | good girl/bad boy | strangers to lovers

Summary: Y/n is an innocent young woman struggling to get along in life. Harry's the leader of a group of an outlaw motorcycle club with a troubled past. When they meet, she can't help but feel an intense attraction toward the mysterious man, and as cute as she is, Harry thinks she's too sweet for him.

Short series only on Patreon -54k words, 4 parts, completed-

[894 word teaser ↓]

“Um, thank you, Harry. Really. You’ve been so… so helpful and kind,” she looked up at him, a genuine smile on her face. He made her feel excited and a bit light-headed as well. She was sure she was reading more into it than was there but the sudden interest he’d taken in her and the muffin comment from earlier made her knees feel jittery and her pulse pick up.

He nodded, his eyes soft on her face, “Just wanted to help. Wouldn’t have just left you there on the side of the road with a flat tire like that.”

She pushed a breathy laugh out, “I would have figured it out. I always do.”

His eyes moved over her arms and down to her hands where he knocked at her knuckle with his, “You okay? Shaking a little.”

“Oh,” she looked down at her hand and shrugged, “I’m fine,” balling her hands up she shifted on her legs, “Just…”

Harry flattened his lips and raised his brows at her as she tried to find the rest of her sentence, “Just what? Surely you’re not cold.”

No. She wasn’t cold. It was hot and humid out despite the late hour. In fact she was sweating just the slightest under her arms. Sweating and shaking like an idiot. He probably thought she was on drugs.

“No. It’s uh…” she swallowed and smiled, “Nothing. I’m fine.”

His unrelenting scrutiny only made her heart pound harder which made it difficult for her to stop the way her body was shivering under his gaze. He was too handsome and he was standing at her door at 3 in the morning looking like someone who could hurt her but she knew he wouldn’t. Her brain was coming up with some very unwholesome thoughts about the man she hardly knew. The whole thing had her in a tizzy. Images of him unlocking her door with his irises searing into hers and pushing her into her apartment and having his way with her. Whatever he wanted.

The edge of a smile crooked up on his mouth as he licked lips, “All right then. If you say so. Sure you don’t need anything?” It was like he could read her thoughts.

Yes. I have a few things in mind that I need right now. All of them include you and your hands and your tattooed arms and those pink lips…

“No. I’m good. Probably just tired.”

He squinted down at her, as if he didn’t believe her words, “Probably. Well, you’ve got my number. Please use it if you need anything, okay?”

She nodded, “Yes. I will. Thank you.”

He smirked as he squeezed her arm, “You’re welcome, muffin.”

.   .   .

Harry knew better than to get involved with an innocent girl like Y/n. She was too sweet. Not for him. She deserved a nice guy with a boring job. Someone who’d treat her right and not break her heart. Someone reliable. Harry’d just destroy her sweetness and that was the last thing he wanted to do.

Though, he could admit she was pretty. Really pretty. He’d thought so since the day he walked into the shop to get his sparkplugs replaced. Thought she was an awfully cute, nervous little thing. And then when he saw her in her diner uniform… well that fit her rather nicely he thought. It was quite the contrast from the frumpy getup she had on at the shop. Which pushed his opinion of her being cute into naively sexy. She really had no idea. And something about that was alluring to him. She was refreshing.

The other thing that had him all worked up over her was seeing her little panties when she spread her legs to climb up onto the seat behind him on his motorcycle. He helped steady her and he watched as the material of her dress slid up her thigh, revealing a pretty stretch of skin and he had the perfect view of what she had on underneath. Between her soft inner thighs, she donned a cute pair of panties that thankfully covered everything. And even with all her bits covered, the peek of her underwear doused his body in wanton heat. He couldn’t get over the little muffin pattern. Terribly cute. So innocent. So sweet. And she was like a muffin in that way, so it was a perfect name for her.

Harry had no shame. He called her muffin to get a rise out of her. He wanted to see her reaction. Didn’t know if she’d figure it out or not but he was compelled to say it anyway. Muffin. And her stunned face didn’t disappoint. She parted her lips and blinked her eyes in silence as he winked and then left her standing there in front of the diner.

But that was as far as it could ever go. She didn’t want a man like him and he couldn’t possibly think she’d be a fit for him in any way.

And not only that, but there was also something so sad and fraught about her. Someone had damaged her and she needed healing. Not Harry. Harry would only make it worse, whatever it was. He was curious, certainly. He’d like to hurt anyone who’d ever made her suffer or cry. But that was all he could offer her.

. .

All 4 parts on Patreon! If you'd like more consider joining!

xoxo

[thineferalrats]

NSFW alphabet///Vander

Warnings: nsfw content (MDNI 🔞)

I havnt spell checked this yet.

____________________________________________

A: Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

He is DEFINITELY a aftercare guy, making sure your taken care, he’s a busy man so the aftercare sometimes is not as long as he would want it to be sometimes but he douse what he can, even if it’s just words of affirmation or a-lot of kisses and hugs after a quicky (if tho they don’t happen often cuz he really douse not care for them) but when he douse have time he WILL cuddle you all night and kiss you, and tell you how amazing it was, and remind you how gorgeous you are. Definitely keep the praise up even after everything is done.

B: Body Part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

On himself I think we can all agree his arms, or his hair, I feel he’s very proud of his hair being nice and full for his age ya know.

Now ok his partner, no one can tell me he is not a tittie guy, size is not really the thing but he definitely would not mind barring his head in some nice big tits (who wouldn’t) or maybe even a thigh kinda guy, but I also feel like his like non sexual favorite part would be your face, or more specifically your smile seeing you laugh or smile is one of the best sights on earth in his opinion

C: Cum (Anything to do with cum)  

Creampies. All that needs to be said. I feel like in the beginning of y’all’s relationship he would use a condom but once he’s comfort with you, your gonna need some birth control or be ready for kiddo number 5, but if birth control is not a option he would understand and use protection or pull out. Also hear me out I feel like he Definitely gets off when you give him head and shallow it ya know.

D: Dirty Secret

Definitely thought about either 1. Fucking you as hard as humanly possible In an ally way, (especially when you tease him when walking home) or 2. Bending you over the bar and pounding into you like there’s no tomorrow, with or without people but these are just fantasy’s he probably won’t act on since he don’t wanna get caught in a ally by someone he knows or worse the kids and the bar one would just get him in trouble but then again tease him enough and the first one might just seem just reasonable enough

E: Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

I feel like he definitely knows what he’s doing, he’s been alive for 45 years so he’s definitely picked up a thing or two from his very eventful youth, he definitely knows how to eat you out to the point your nails are engraving scratch marks on the wooden beside table, now he douse not really know much about the well kinkyer side of thing but knows the basics and some other small things and is good at it definitely

F: Favorite Position

Now he’s not a complete vanilla person but this man loves some good old missionary lets me honest, he likes being able to see your face and have access to your clit to. But I also feel like he enjoys Cowgirl to so we can see all the expressions you make. I feel like he wouldn’t mind doggystyle either tbh, on your side to when y’all wake up or something to.

G: Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc.)

If something funny happens like you falling off the bed he’s gonna laugh but also ask if your ok why laughing, he’s a very humorous dude ya know

H: Hair (How well-groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Man douse his best but he douse not get much time to shave with 4 kids running around causing mayhem everywhere they go. I feel like to be honest he really don’t care to shave unless it gets bad. Now if it bothered you or something he definitely do his best to shave as often as he had time to

I: Intimate (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

He’s a really intimate guy, loves telling you how gorgeous you are but also don’t get me wrong the second you where to ask him “faster or harder” he would go FERAL cuz I feel like he definitely holds back because he douse not wanna hurt you or anything but he douse enjoy a nice and easy intimate time with you. I feel like he secretly has no patience, but he has grown to have some because of the kids and stuff.

J: Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

He most definitely used to, but I feel like now he douse it like non to very little, mainly cuz of the kids but when you came into his life he felt no need to. Cuz he’d rather have you then his own hand, the only way I could see this man doing it is if he’s had a really long day and your asleep when he comes to bed and he needs to blow off some steam or something.

K: Kink (One or more of their kinks)  

I think everyone has agreed this man has a breeding kink which as you see now explains why I said what I did before hand about the creampies. Bro has a bondage kink, (both ways), definitely douse not mind putting his hand around your neck but he would really wanna squeeze or anything cuz he douse not wanna hurt you in any way. Anyway No one can argue with these, Size kink and overstimulation (both ways) and marking for sure but would help you hide the marks if you wanted to

L: Location (Favorite places to do the do)

His bedroom. Other places are to Risky for his liking, he douse not want the kids walking in on anything, now it’s not his favorite but if it called for it and he couldn’t make it to the bedroom and yall having sexual tension up to the sky and the bar is closed and the kids are asleep, The bar but the doors are being locked and clothes won’t come completely off.

M: Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Let’s be honest here man has a high sex drive but don’t ever admit it, cuz really all it takes is you giving him a decent view or sneaky kisses, or even just whispering something in his ear, but he has the some insane willpower and will wait till y’all are alone, I also feel like being confidant would get him going like you helping him behind the bar and when no one’s paying attention whisper how badly you want him and then walk away or act like you’ve said nothing.

A good way tho to get railed into the mattress is small teasing all through the day running your hands in his hair that or a very sneak brush against his crotch, like moving by him and pressing your ass into him or something, but making it seem innocent but he’s knows it was on purpose cuz he’s smart he’ll figure it out,

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Anything like really kinky or rough like slapping punching and he’s definitely against knife play won’t go near it, I mean he don’t mind being rough with you when railing you, but anything thst would hurt you just no

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He really enjoys eating you out let’s be honest tho, he loves sees your head go back and your back arch off the bed (or bar) when your about to finish, he loves when your thighs squeeze around his face to be honest

But with that I wanna say he definitely loves when you give him head let’s be honest, as I said before this ties in, but like he definitely likes it, being able to grab your hair and mouth fuck you is chefs kiss for him

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

I feel like at first he would be gental but the longer y’all are doing it the faster that man is getting intell he reaches absolute feral, definitely would have to bite something or have your mouth covered near the end

Q: Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Not a fan, he’s a very romantic and he really can’t be romantic or anything with quickies, he would much rather take his time with you, but if you have been teasing him all day and he knows he’s not gonna get the time in a good minute to fuck you into the mattress, he’ll settle for a quickie in the storage room with the door locked

R: Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Not really a risky person because again he douse not want the kids walking in on anything. Now before the kids he was a very risky and an experimental person. But has calmed down ALOT now that the kids are in his life and you. I feel like he’s still a little experimental, he’s willing to try anything with in reason that you wanna try

S: Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last, etc.)

He has ALOT of stamina, u can’t tell me don’t, bro was a one man army. He can definitely go 3-4 rounds or 5 if the rounds are not long, but he definitely prefers to draw them out for awhile, he will make you finish more then he douse, like bro will finish idk 3 or 4 times in the end and you’ll finish like 5 times now this is if y’all have the time, this is another reason he’s not a fan of quickies, now In his younger years I feel like he definitely hade quickies and maybe even some one night stands.

T: Toys (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

I feel like he’s not a big fan of them cuz he feels if a toy can do it so can he, but if there was a toy you wanted to use or try he wouldn’t be against it as long as it’s not to extreme, I feel like he definitely wouldn’t mind vibrators tho, using a small one on your clit why fucking you, he could approve of because really the better you feel the better he feels (he’s such a service top),

now toys for him I feel like he’s not a big fan of cuz for him your enough and he has no interest or need for them.

U: Unfair (How much they like to tease)

I feel like he definitely will tease you, whisper in your ear or give you a sneaky kiss the on the neck or slap on the ass. He definitely douse not mind you teasing him back just as long as it’s not obvious and you do it sneakily, definitely if there’s no one around he will reach put his hands up your shirt or down your pants but only for a second and then go back to whatever he was doing.

V: Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

I feel like he’s not a extremely vocal during it but that’s just because of this kids I feel like if your alone and no one’s in the house he’d definitely make some decent noise, I feel like he mainly just likes hearing you noises you make, definitely would encourage your noises if your home alone but if there’s kids home he’d cover your mouth or give you something to bite (even if it’s himself)

W: Wild Card (Random headcanon)

He definitely would not mind being a bottom and letting you be in control sometimes as long as you know what your doing and you feel good, since he’s always been the one in charge of everything I feel like he’d enjoy a break from it and letting someone boss him around a bit would be a good break for him, definitely feel like he would blush and crumble if you called him a good boy and praised him. Plus this ties in with him liking cowgirl definitely.

X: X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants)  

Just DAM, bro is a big man so he definitely is at least packing a good 9 inch’s (or more) feel like girth is just a 10/10 to lets be honest.

Y: Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

As I said before man has a higher sex drive then he would probably like, one look from you and he’d wanna go feral. I feel like if he had a partner that was the same way there would be a decent amount of sexy time

Z: ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards

He’s a dad what do ya think, he can fall asleep anywhere and everywhere, he’d make sure your ok and comfortable first tho before even thinking about falling asleep, and would cuddle you. He’d be very easy to wake up tho if you needed something tho, but i definitely feel like it depends on how tired he is before yall even did anything.

————————————————————————

A/n- JESUS this took longer then i expected I would have made them longer if i had the time and I might add on to them later on.

Hope yall liked itttttt 💕💕💕💕



[syoddeye]

ill-advised

simon x f! reader | 1165 words cw: simon being a gross creep, terrible advice, slimy internet culture, bad usernames, unsolicited nudes a/n: wrote this silly thing on my phone. lightly edited. been thinking about how simon would be the world's worst agony uncle. enjoy a few easter eggs.

Simon doesn’t have a God complex. No. He leaves that to the Simulation 5 streamers who build complicated dungeons beneath their character’s cottages, forcing others to labor on paintings or crochet projects to sell and support their captor’s livelihood. Not that he…watches those. No, no. He’s simply seen more than his fair share of depravity. Some of it at his expense, some at others, and more than a chunk of it dealt by his own two hands. He knows how the world works. How people work. He knows his shit, plain and simple.

So when his schedule allows, he logs on after midnight. His username and password are two alphanumeric strings, but people recognize the cluster of digits and letters. Wait for his comments. Follow his account. Send him stupid digital gifts, some useless currency to dress up his default icon. The amount increases daily, as does his following. His own little cult.

He doesn’t care about the numbers. Not really. He just loves dishing out his honest opinion, and nobody’s safe.

AN [Advice Needed] Family forgot to invite me on a trip, expect me to go last minute Hi, it’s like the title says. I (25 M) live across the country from my parents, siblings (all all adults), nieces, and nephews. I am the only one who lives on this coast, but I try to visit twice a year. I recently reached out to my brother to see when he thinks I should come visit in June and suggested some dates. I know it’s only February, but I want to save money on airfare. He responded: “Isn’t that when we’re going to Hawaii???” It was the first I heard of it. It turns out my parents invited my siblings to Hawaii and planned a family vacation without me. I confronted my parents about it, they swore they invited me too then said I could send them my share of the bill for the resort and book a flight. Like it’s no big deal. I can’t afford to go and I don’t want to go, but I feel really pressured. And sad! They forgot me! Who am I, Kevin McAllister?

> 35J0G39GH6: Find out the resort name. Cancel the reservations. Cease contact.

Within seconds, a dozen upvotes. A minute later, a hundred. Up, up, up. And the replies? Oh, the replies. He smirks at the cracked phone screen.

>> michaelEthelcaine: Fucking brutal as always >> c0y0t3fug1y: LMAO it’s this simple OP - this dude is never wrong >> patcemetery79: I DID THIS BACK IN 2003 FOR A FAMILY REUNION. A REAL RIOT! HAVEN’T BEEN INVITED TO ONE SINCE@ HILARIOUS!!!!!! I LOVE YOU 35J

Simon receives a fair share of downvotes, too. Negative comments. He doesn’t give a shit, but some of them are fucking hilarious.

>> grasshopperwhirlpool: Not funny. Be better than this asshole, OP. I’m sure it was a simple mistake. >> thewildrumpussy: really mature advice. who shit in your coffee?

Every few weeks, a morally righteous do-gooder encourages people to mass-report him, and he gets a slap on the wrist. The idiots come out in droves after some of his more choice replies, like worms after a heavy rain. The most recent offense?

AN [Advice Needed] My husband (35 M) forgot my (33 F) birthday My husband of three years forgot my birthday. No flowers, cake, or gifts. When I came home from work he asked about dinner. I lost it, turned around, and left. I’m at my sister’s house now (and she started baking when I called and told her what happened!) but he won’t stop blowing up my phone. He says it’s because he’s been so busy but here’s the thing: he forgot last year too. I really love him but I’m tired of this treatment.

> 35J0G39GH6: Have your friend take you home between 3-4 AM. Cut his brake lines. Go back to her place. Wait for the inevitable.

>> 6polyesterbutthole9: i dont care if this is illegal its funny af >> passtheaggression: Hand to god, you need your own forum dude.  >> gordonramsme55: Where are the mods on this??? This shit is going to get someone killed. Report this psycho. >>> puffalo: Agreed I think this breaks Rules 3 & 5, reporting now >> austrianPrincess: not saying i did this but when my boyfriend’s brakes failed, i got a big check, OP!  >>> gordonramsme55: This is what I’m talking about!  >>> 6polyesterbutthole9: get that check >> tech60nyneme: WOW someone check this guy’s crawlspace. reported and blocked

That one earns him the most severe ‘punishment’ yet: A month-long commenting ban. No skin off his nose, he's deployed days later, anyway. If anything, the radio silence winds his followers up, their excitement a palpable thing when he gets out of forum jail. He rewards them with another series of blunt, to-the-point pieces of advice. 

His absence makes one particular fan particularly hungry, and a little desperate.

He’s no stranger to unsolicited dick and cleavage pics from his followers. They flood his inbox, giving him a side hobby of delivering pithy degradation the sick fucks seem to love. Saves the best for his private collection. 

But then he gets a picture from some cute thing with a comment about him being her favorite person on the Internet. Knelt all sweet in front of her mirror, haloed by a ring light, white lace barely hiding the goods. His eyes snap to her tits—where his ridiculous username is scrawled in sharpie. There’s nothing to critique except maybe the laundry in the background of the shot. Tugs his cock to it, then clicks her username to check her comment history, and wouldn’t you know. Her location is public on her profile. She’s a couple hours away from her idol and doesn’t even know it. 

>> 35J0G39GH6: Perfection. >> YN10282022: Oh my god, I didn’t think you’d reply. >> YN10282022: You know, a few months ago, you gave me good advice about my creepy boss. >> YN10282022: I posted about the stuff he’d say to me. >> YN10282022: It took some time, but I was able to record him. Sent it over to his wife on their anniversary. When he accused me, I told him HR was getting the next copy. >> YN10282022: I got a promotion and a raise, and sent the file anyway. >> 35J0G39GH6: Good girl. >> 35J0G39GH6: I’ll be in your neck of the woods in a week for work. >> YN10282022: Really?? I’d love to meet up! >> 35J0G39GH6: Probably shouldn’t. I’d advise you against meeting me. >> YN10282022: They do say you should never meet your heroes. :) >> 35J0G39GH6: Shouldn’t meet strangers off the Internet, either.

She still sends him the address of a cafe. It matches one he finds on her social media an hour later. She seems to be a frequent customer. Simon grins at his screen, the sole light source in his dark room. He taps back to her pretty picture.

She looks like an angel.

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

routine vibe check: what’s the best starter pokemon and why are you right (pictures and long paragraphs of evidence welcomed and appreciated)

Gonna get a good grade in vibe check, normal to want and inevitable to achieve because I have objectively correct Pokemon opinions and will block naysayers

OKAY LET'S GO

I decided to do, like, a top 5 list or something, because I'm bad at picking a single favourite of stuff. And then even that overwhelmed me, so I found one of those tier ranking list sites and produced this:

It was done in less than a minute, so if I wanted to get really picky, I don't know if I would be fully wedded to it (not sure if maybe Sceptile should be one higher) BUT it did help to highlight the important ones.

So!

5. Bulbasaur

It's. Just. So. Nice.

Like you can find cooler, more beautiful, cuter, fancier... there's a whole bunch of ways for a Pokemon to be great. But you will never ever find a nicer Pokemon than Bulbasaur. It's so lovely. Look at it. Look at its face.

I can't put it higher, because the rest of the line is fairly bland in terms of development. It's good and logical and fun, don't get me wrong, but Ivysaur and Venusaur just look like bigger versions with More Flower and Less Cute rather than creatures in their own right. To be honest, if it weren't a starter requiring a three-stage evolution, you could do away with Ivysaur. Something I don't like about a lot of lazy three-step lines is that the middle step just looks like a transitional mid phase rather than a Proper Creacher, like they were artificially inflating the Pokemon number count. Meanwhile it took us until Paldea to get a Girafarig evo that would actually make the giraffe tall. Madness.

However my first ever Pokemon was a Bulbasaur I called Daffodil, and I have traded him forward onto every single successive generation since. He is, quite literally, my First Ever Pokemon. I love him desperately. I still have him. Not many people still have their First Ever Pokemon. But I do and I love him. So, Bulbasaur gets the fifth spot.

4. Snivy

Again, a victim of the Banal Transitional Middle Evo, but both Snivy and Serperior are incredible, and as Meatloaf took such pains to tell us, two out of three ain't bad.

But Snivy! It's so snooty! I was super lucky with mine, too, because I beat the 12.8% odds and got a female, and I loved her. Normally the initial baby starters are designed to be cute but Snivy has SO MUCH PERSONALITY, she's great. And the design of Serperior is utterly gorgeous. She keeps the expression, but rather than the Animal Crossing-style snooty-cute vibe of Snivy you get this thousand yard withering stare of an empress whose servant (you) has just turned up dripping mud in her throne room and asked her for money. Her green and gold colour scheme is exquisite. Her filigree design, including her high collar, give off the air of wealth and sophistication befitting her immaculate pedigree. And all this! In a simple snake. Incredible design work, 10 out of 10, no notes.

Begone, you miserable peasant. Have him boiled.

3. Torchic

Now I'll be real with you, lads, but Pokemon design hit its stride with Hoenn and then got better.

It's partly a fashion thing, of course - you look at some of the Kanto designs and they are remarkably 90s, because that's when the franchise launched. Others are clearly a product of what the 1990's were capable of producing in pixels on an already over-stretched cartridge medium. Like we like to clown on Red and Green/Blue now, but my god, those game designers performed a miracle with Pokemon. Every single square inch of space was used to make that game, and complex designs weren't going to cut it.

(With that said, there is still no excuse for Dragonite.)

And then Johto came about and its Pokedex sucks ass. It's mostly new evolutions for existing Kanto stars, useless babies to inflate the dex number, or poorly thought out single-evos like the inexplicably short Girafarig and the unacceptably dreary Dunsparce (our greatest thanks to Paldea for fixing both of those).

BUT THEN CAME HOENN (trumpets intensify)

And we get habitats! Biomes! A different regional climate, gifting us a brand new area of Pokecology! And therefore a brand new flush of creativity in Pokemon design across the board; less dated, and more inclined to be unique rather than a rehash of Kantonian stuff.

Which brings me nicely to this lad:

Now, I mean. Just look at him. Fucking hell. Cute starter stage, check. LOOK AT HIM FACE

AND THEN he became, at the time, a brand-new unique typing: Fire/Fighting. I realise that is now the norm for like, half of the Fire starters, but that's because of Torchic, actually. He was super popular. In fact if you ever play Ruby/Sapphire/Emerald and you do what my husband and I like to call a Mynci Dave run (use one Pokemon almost exclusively, meaning it gets all the experience points and therefore over-levels to a terrifying degree, allowing you to sweep the game; so named after the noble Primeape we first did this with, Mynci Dave), Torchic is the PERFECT Pokemon to choose, because almost everything is weak to either Fire or Fighting in that region.

Anyway, Combusken is, again, kind of mid (although props for the inverted colour scheme and the fact that it actually does look like a teenager.) But Blaziken, on the other hand... Blaziken is a six foot ninja chicken with wings for hair whose Pokedex entry describes it as able to leap tall peaks in a single bound, a feat it achieves after strengthening its legs by hoofing Geodudes down mountains like they're fucking footballs

Also an impressive bulge.

My first was called Gilgamesh, and he was fucking great. For a long time, this mad lad was my actual favourite Pokemon, not just starter. Brilliant. Love him. Five stars out of three. King.

2. Fuecoco

It would probably surprise you to know I've not actually used one. I chose Sprigatito, and I do really like Meowscarada, actually. But pretty anthro cat boys have been done in Pokemon quite a bit at this point; cats, dogs and rabbits are over-represented in terms of Poke-taxa. Possibly this is another reason for a toad, a snake and a chicken being 5, 4 and 3 so far (ooh, basilisk ingredients, I've just realised.) They're new and unusual! I like an Eeveelution as much as the next person, but they're a whole family of cat-dog-rabbits, like.

However.

Nintendo has tried its hand at Pokecrocodilians three times (Feraligatr, Krookodile, Skeledirge), and they have gotten so much better at design each time that the three of them are basically a scale proxy for ongoing design improvement. Look, I've made a diagram:

EXCEPT

(Strap in)

This one is that rare thing: a three step line that deserves to be a three step line. Let's talk Fuecoco first:

SO CUTE. It's charming, it's charismatic, it's adorable.

It also has hints of its evolutionary end goal, but not like an undeveloped middle evo. It likes singing. The white face hints at the eventual calavera, and it looks a bit like a lil chilli pepper - a ghost pepper, probably in reference to the eventual Fire/Ghost typing. But the colours and shape right now also look a bit reminiscent of a babygro, because this thing is a cute starter. Lookit them teefs. That tuft. Its lovely smile. Beautiful.

And then, at the point you expect it to turn into just the awkward teenage version of the adult, instead we get Crocator:

Oh boy. Oh there's so much to say. Okay okay:

The region it's from is based on Spain, but this thing is incorporating Hispanic elements from across the board. It's a mariachi in a sombrero, except the sombrero also looks kind of like a ring of Mexican marigolds and kind of like a Catalonian Easter cake called Mona de Pascua that has an egg (or egg-shaped confectionary) in the middle. Body shape and markings look kind of like a piñata. The white face is now on its way to a calavera, with the cheek and nostril markings more defined. And it sings, with its open mouth (also how crocodiles release heat, appropriate for a Fire type) and signified by the mariachi theme.

THAT IS A LOT.

And then it becomes Skeledirge. A Fire/Ghost crocodile.

Now the obvious design here is the calavera and the  Día de Muertos theming, which is part of it. But there are also many examples of crocodile figures in Spanish folkloric ghost stories: the Catalonian Cocollona, the Lizard of Magdalena from Jaén, or the Drac de Na Coca, or even the Cuca - that one is Portuguese, but turns up in both Brasil and the Iberian Peninsula including in parts of Spain. It's got a Gaudi vibe (like Barcelona). It's got an alebrije vibe (like Mexico).

And the bird! Nile crocs have a cleaning symbiosis with Egyptian plovers; it also sits at the tip of the snout where male gharials have a sort of bulbous bit to help them make sounds (the singing thing).

But this is what the bird does when Skeledirge uses Torch Song:

It becomes a microphone, then grows in size and attacks the opponent in Phoenix form. Phoenix: Fire/Ghost. Resurrected from the ashes.

Quite simply, your fave could never.

5. Rowlet

My god. (My god)

gasp

Look at this lovely creacher. He is so round and so soft and so lovely. He looks like that baby Yoda meme. He looks like that cat that someone's landlord said they would make an exception for because he looks very polite. Look!!! At his lil bow tie!!! He is a smartly dressed young man and he is kind and he is... well, a bit vacant behind the eyes. A himbo, if you will. But he is all the better for that. What a lovely owl.

He looks a little like a barn owl, perhaps, and those were imported to Hawai'i, where Rowlet is from. But I think he looks a little like a Pueo owl, and given that he will eventually be a Ghost type, that seems right - pueos are one of the physical forms assumed by ʻaumākua in Hawai'ian culture, as I understand it.

And then, hang onto your tits, lads, because this is another banger - THE MIDDLE EVOLUTION IS ITS OWN DESIGN!!! (confetti cannons)

I said earlier that boring middle evos are like just awkward teenagers of the adults. Here, I present to you, a very deliberate Awkward Teenager, in Dartrix:

IT'S A DANDY

I love him I love him I love him

He plays with his fringe and if you touch it without permission he has a tantrum. God, he's so charismatic. Also, that fringe further suggests the pueo - they have pronounced outer rims around their facial disks like that. Look at his bow tie and tail coat. So smart and handsome

This one is so good that it could be the final evo. This is actually my issue with the Delphox line - Braixen is amazing, and then it becomes the bland boredom of Delphox. Braixen should have been the final stop. Here, Dartrix is much the same - good enough to be a high-quality end goal.

Where they differ is that Decidueye is better again.

IT SHOOTS ARROWS MADE OF ITS OWN QUILLS

Also, fun fact - This line is the only starter to change secondary typing. Dartrix is part Flying; but on evolving a second time into Decidueye, it switches to Grass/Ghost. In this evolution, it's definitely mostly a pueo, so the ʻaumākua reference is IN, but actually barn owls also have their associations with the dead in various cultures.

The crown of feathers around its head are also reminiscent of an ayaigasa - a hat worn by Japanese samurai archers. And yet! AND YET!

It still has its lil bow tie look. Bigger now, more of a cravat; but there it is.

A perfect Pokemon, and a perfect evolutionary line. No notes.

Anyway, thank you for this chance to waste three and a half hours writing this essay

[spaceagebachelormann]

MARS CAN I HAVE HCS FOR DOING UR MAKEUP WITH THE DUCKS <333333

PLSPSLOSLSLSLSÑSLSPSLSÑSLÑSJSLDLSJSKS ILYSM KSBDND

doing ur makeup with the ducks !

✧ warnings: none!

✧ characters included: charlie conway, adam banks, lester averman, fulton reed, connie moreau, guy germaine, julie gaffney, ken wu, dean portman, luis mendoza, dwayne robertson

✧ additional info: can be read as romantic or platonic! readers gender isn’t explicitly specified but is supposed to be fem

✧ m.list — nav.

ೃ༄ charlie conway

he’s. very interesting about it

he’ll mainly just sit and watch cause he doesn’t know what else to do but will ask questions

“omg what’s this” and it’s probably mascara

even though he’s a guy u would think he knows that

he’s not mean about it or anything, he actually asks a lot of questions because he’s genuinely interested

ೃ༄ adam banks

i have a hc he has an older sister so he actually knows what a lot of the bottles are

he’d let u test lipsticks on his arm <3

and if u wanted his honest opinion on how ur makeup looks he may or may not be able to give it 😭 but if he thinks it looks bad he’ll hesitate for like 5 mins before finally saying “you look a little crazy.. i’m sorry”

and he’d let u put some on him for funsies

ೃ༄ lester averman

he’d talk non stop the whole time u do ur makeup

it’s like 40% questions and 60% random nonsense

it’s entertaining though because he knows all the gossip and has fun facts that are actually terrifying

he’d wanna try to put makeup on u but u don’t let him cause he’ll fuck up 💕

and if u get up to go to the bathroom or just to get something u come back and bro looks like a clown

ೃ༄ fulton reed

despite the fact he’s very silly and chaotic and always has something to start yelling about he actually likes the peacefulness of when ur doing ur makeup

it’s like a little free period for him cause he can get hw done, sleep, just sit there and talk normally, etc

ofc cause he’s a Teenage Boy he’d probably make fun of u a little but he’s overall amazed by the process and how long a full face takes

and also would ask u to tell him whatever gossip yk and his responses are so funny

“so yk chelsea?—” “OHH THE ONE WHO GOT PREGNANT??? YEAHHH” “apparently the dad is j-“ “JAKE??? I FUCKING KNEW IT.”

ೃ༄ connie moreau

i feel like she’s one of those girls who only wears like mascara and lipgloss (not cause she’s a pick me but because she doesn’t know how to do anything else)

will ask u to do hers for her! and teach her how to do stuff like blush and eyeliner since she doesn’t know how but rlly wants to learn

and she also compliments ur makeup every 2 mins

“omgg u look gorgeous!” “connie babes i haven’t even put anything on yet” “and? <3”

ೃ༄ guy germaine

says things like “you look so pretty” or “that looks so cool? omg?” every 2 seconds

he genuinely thinks ur the greatest at doing makeup

and he also let’s u test lipsticks on his arm

i feel like he’d ask u to put eyeliner on him just cause he wants to see what it looks like on him <3

also his hands are probably really steady for some reason?? so if u have shaky hands hed help u put stuff on

ೃ༄ julie gaffney

100% curls ur lashes for u if ur also terrified of the lash curler

does hers with u even though she doesn’t rlly use concealer and foundation and skin stuff cause she washes her face every day <3

but she’d know how to use literally everything and is fucking amazing at it and can help u with whatever u want

would ask u to help her choose colours if she decides to have colourful eyeshadow

let’s u paint her nails <3

ೃ༄ ken wu

i’m ngl he probably just sits there and watches

probably uses the time to just talk about whatever

and if y’all have classes together he asks for help with hw 😭

“so what’s number 4 again??” “oh it’s 13 over 6” “ty!!”

he’d also start organizing ur makeup for funsies and brings u snacks and water if he gets bored

ೃ༄ dean portman

will look through literally all ur makeup for funsies

and also asks a shit ton of questions

would probably say “that’s so girly 😹🫵” as a joke but he’s actually rlly intrigued and likes watching u do it

hands u whatever u need but u probably have to explain it to him and he grabs it at the last second to be a bitch

“can u hand me the lash curler?” “the what” “that curvy thing that looks like a little science tool” “wtf r u talking about” “oh my god let me—“ “OHHH U MEAN THIS”

sometimes he actually has no idea wtf u mean though

ೃ༄ luis mendoza

knows what everything is cause as we all know this MAN WHORE has had like 400 gfs

would suggest different lip colours to do

will 100% rizz u up while ur putting on lip gloss or lipstick

“i like that colour, u should kiss me so we can both have it” “that wasn’t smooth at all”

he also makes jokes like the little comedian he is (compares random people to random shit)

ೃ༄ dwayne robertson

he’s like adam but more talkative

would try to guess what everything is used for and like very rarely gets it right

but when he does he gets so excited

he’d do ur hair while u do ur makeup so u don’t have to after

WOULD PLAY COUNTRY MUSIC IN THE BG.

[novy2sirius]

Heyy! Can you do a post about calculating your address numerology?

THE NUMEROLOGY OF YOUR HOME 🏠

༄ your address in numerology can tell about the main themes you may experience in that specific residence. you must reduce the number to find out! the date in which you move into the house and purchase it is also very important, but that’s not what this post will be about

༄ to calculate it’s very simple. just add together and reduce like your life path. example: if your address number is 123 add 1+2+3

༄ it sounds silly, but if your address isn’t a good number to live in you can literally just write a number next to it in sharpie to make the reduced number a more beneficial one

© novy2sirius

🏘️ one address: although it would be good to move in a 1 universal or personal year as it’s the number of new beginnings, i don’t recommend 1 addresses because it’s the number of conflict and aggression. could cause you to attract conflict such as angry neighbors that are lame

🏘️ two address: this is a great number although uncommon to find in addresses. it’s the number of peace and calm energy, so this shouldn’t bring lots of conflict

🏘️ three address: this is the second best number for your address to reduce to. it can create healthy communication and be a good home to raise a child in as well. 3 is also the number of good luck

🏘️ four address: not recommended because as we know 4 is the number of hard work. could cause the home to need lots of maintenance similar to 7

🏘️ five address: although this isn’t a good number to live at long term it can be good for a short term apartment because it’s the number associated with fun. it’s also the second luckiest number. the only reason i don’t recommend it long term is because with it being the number of travel it could create an energy wanting you to leave the house or residence all the time

🏘️ six address: the best number to live under. 6 is the number of home and family, so this creates a comfortable and safe home environment

🏘️ seven address: this is one of the worst numbers to have your address reduce to since 7 is the number of accidents and injuries. your house is more likely to get damaged and have lots of problems that you’ll have to pay for all the time

🏘️ eight address: you can attract money when your home address adds to 8, so this can be good if you don’t have a lot of negative karma attached to you. if you do have lots of negative karma it may indicate lots of ups and downs occurring when living here

🏘️ nine address: with 9 being an upside down 6 and 6 being the number of homes, 9 isn’t good for home addresses. 9 is the number of endings and death, so this is one i don’t recommend

🏘️ eleven address: this is one of my least favorite numbers for addresses because it creates lots of emotional energy. this includes both sadness and anger

🏘️ twenty-two address: not recommended in my opinion. 22 in numerology is the number of master destruction, so this could end bad

🏘️ thirty-three address: this can create a very high vibrational home and is very good for raising a family

[didyougaming]

Hi, gamers. I know the results of the Sandwich Poll have been gnawing at you. So many people wondering whether they answered correctly, which as a reminder is a very important factor in determining which afterlife you end up in when you die. Please understand that I needed a lot of time to internally process these poll results and also that I've been kinda busy/tired. But the people need to know, so here we go.

In total, we received 372 responses. I also spent a lot of my weekend annoying anyone who would listen to me in person about these questions, but I didn't write those answers down.

Question 1 was fairly non-controversial, as it should be. It is worth noting that 3.2% of respondents chose to write-in an answer, and most of these write-in answers were what scientists would call "bad" and "not really useful." So you can assume a 3.2% margin of error on everything in this survey. That's how statistics works.

Question 2 is where we see a real divide. Most respondents consider a sandwich cut into two separate but equal pieces to be one sandwich. This is a real shame, because it's the wrong answer. But let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Question 3 considers whether one piece of bread cut in half and used for sandwich-making results in a sandwich, and surprisingly the majority of respondents do consider this to be one sandwich. This is really interesting, because despite ending up with functionally and aesthetically the same result as one of the pieces of the sandwich from question 2, a significant number of respondents believe the results to be inherently different. I wish there was a way to better track how much overlap there was for those two seemingly contradictory answers, but the big Sheets page Google Docs is daunting and I don't feel like figuring out how to parse that data, so we just need to accept that we'll never have that exact number. That's how statistics works.

Question 4 mostly just cements the findings of the previous two questions. I do want to point out the one person who answered "who the fuck does this". Sandwich shops do this. Go to a sandwich shop for once in your life and really watch them do their work. Open your eyes.

Question 5 did not get me a lot of useful data, as it turns out having a question that only allowed for write-in answers was a bad idea. However, there are more or less two camps for people who really took these questions seriously and gave it their all. The first school of thought suggests that intent is the most important factor, and if you deem what you've made to be a sandwich, it's a sandwich. While I appreciate the critical thinking on display here, I believe in the other school of thought, which is that when you put ingredients between two breads that's a sandwich, baby. There is a sub-school of thought here that requires those two pieces to be whole pieces, but that's wrong.

One question that I should have included in the survey I think proves my point. If you order a sandwich platter from a deli and they use a single really long piece of bread (think like a several foot long hero) into multiple sections, you would say that you have sandwiches, plural. If you wanted to grab one, you wouldn't say "I'm going to grab a 64th of a sandwich" because you would sound deranged. Despite being parts of a larger whole, they are still ingredients between pieces of bread, and thus fit the definition of "sandwich."

Anyway, thank you for coming on this non-gaming detour with me. It was extremely important that I prove a friend wrong on this topic, and even though I don't think I did that and I think he's choosing to double down on his incorrect opinions, I'm still choosing to spin this as a personal and moral victory. New actual DidYouGamings will come out as soon as I discover any new facts about video games (right now there's only a couple hundred facts about video games at all and I've basically covered all of them.)