#batfam headcanons
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glitter-stained · 2 days ago
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Batfam abuse headcanons (ranging from "canon" to "self-explanatory" to "i would love reading a mini of just that" to "wouldn't that be so funny"):
Barbara: shrooms
Dick: meth+ alcohol
Cass: mdma
Steph: heroin
Tim: coke
Jason: benzos + sheila's specific brand of cigarettes
Duke: reverse fear gass + any combination of fear gass and downers he could try while experimenting with fear gass
Damian: nothing, the LOA doesn't have a DARE program
Bruce: his children
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jubileesstuff · 3 days ago
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I'm currently so fucking creative and I have so many ideas. So here is more:
Something I really love is, Soft Damian and Bruce moments. Like really soft Father-Son Moments.
After his first day of school in Gotham, Damian's brain is so done with everything. He just walks to his father, who is sitting in his study, doing some work and walks straight up to him. Before Bruce can say anything, Damian is in his arms. Damian sits in Bruce's lap silently, his face under Bruce's neck. They sit like this for hours. Bruce does his work, Damian just rests.
It's a lazy Sommer day in Gotham. The weather is quite nice for Gotham. Damian sits outside with Titus. He sketches some pictures. He hears some footsteps, from the weight and the tempo. Damian knows it's his father. Bruce sits down on the ground next to Damian. Damian, who is still a little tired from patrol the night before, shifts unconsciously more and more to Bruce. At some point, he leans completely on Bruce's side. Bruce lays an arm around his son, when he notices that Damian has fallen asleep. Titus lays next to them and guards the Father-Son Duo, as they relax under the sun.
During a terrible patrol, where Damian breaks his foot, he is so annoyed at the crutches that he refuses to use them. Damian said that crutches are for the weak. Everybody in the family knows it's just because Damian doesn't know how to use them, and he is too proud to ask for help. This results in Bruce, Dick and his favorite Akhi (Jason) carrying him around. Bruce walks into the dining room, with Damian hanging like a Koala from his back. After Damian's foot is healed again, he denies that this has ever happened. He says this was just mass hallucinations from the family. The photos that Tim took are, according to Damian, fake.
The JLA and the Bats work together against a new villain, who floods their battlefield. Just one little problem: Damian is too small to stand in that water. They take turns carrying him around so, as soon as he can't swim in the water anymore. The last ones that carry him around are Barry and Hal. They are scared for their lives.
Hal: Hey, please Demon Child of Batman, don't kill us
Barry: we just want to help you and keep you alive, so Batman doesn't get angry at us
Damian: *scowls* I will get revenge!
The next one is when Damian starts living with the Batfamily. His English is perfect, he has no accent or whatever, and the family thinks he isn't a native speaker. Or that Talia raised him in League Dialect. When Bruce and Damian go to an interview together, Bruce is kinda concerned about Damian. Damian definitely acts his usual 'I'm superior to you'-way. He looks a little panicked. First, Bruce thinks the interviewer has done something that made Damian panic. The interviewer was Clark Kent. Bruce knows he is Superman (Clark doesn't know that Bruce is Batman). Superman and Clark are both great with kids, he even looks a little concerned about Damian. It's when Clark asks Damian a question that Bruce finally understands what's going on. Damian couldn't understand Clark's thick Midwestern accent. When Bruce starts to translate for him, Damian gets less panicked. Clark proceeds to try to speak without an accent the last remaining questions.
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business-as-usual-bats · 6 days ago
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It's wild kids coming into the DC Comics Fandom, new teens who find themselves for whatever reason obsessed with Tim Drake, are never going to know the very specific experience my friends and I had FOR YEARS preaching to the masses that Tim was gay.
Like taking comic panel after comic panel, pointing at it and saying "LOOK. THE SUBTEXT. It's so obvious dammit! He is not just being portrayed as an ally! He has been queer coded from the beginning it makes too much sense! This isn't like the usual make 'em all gay fandom stuff, I KNOW he's queer canonically in subtext, and eventually it won't be subtext anymore."
And wow would people get upset, particularly outside of Tumblr spaces. And holy shit did people get mad when it was made official saying it "came out of nowhere" even though I and so many had been arguing, pointing to the evidence, screaming at the top of our lungs.
Now people new to the fandom are only ever going to know out and proud, Canon, bisexual Tim Drake. And that's beautiful.
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alykatt729 · 6 days ago
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I’ve had Messy by Lola Young on blast in my ears for an hour.Am I okay?Totally!Does this song remind me of some of the Batfam?Absolutely!
Can I see Cassandra making a dance to the song?Yep.I can see Steph and Tim blasting it as they spar.Jason blasts it in his earpiece as he’s patrolling.Dick blasts it at home.Duke listens to it in his room.Damian only listens to it because he’s heard his siblings sing it.
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As a artist
Ik Damian be crashing tf out
Damian:*muffled screaming from upstairs*
Duke: what the fuck was that..
Steph: oh thats just Damian in his art studio
Duke: isn't art supposed to be relaxing??..
Steph: 🤷🏼‍♀️
Damian: *yelling* I FUCKING HATE COLOR THEORY *window smashes*
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haithhegimp · 11 days ago
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i see a lot of people writing about jason's prior homelessness and poverty affecting the way he adapts to wayne manor, or tim's prior neglect affecting him, and damian's adapting is his whole canon arc, but i never see enough of people writing about dick's struggles with the new way of life.
like i see people writing about him being super energetic as a kid and constantly needing to move, but i mean like-
give me a dick grayson who cant fall asleep for so long after coming to the manor because everything is just so wrong. theres no animal sounds, and he's sleeping on a four poster bed instead of a narrow one with the wall of the wagon at his side, and the room is too big and he cant hear or see anyone else.
give me a dick grayson who's used to getting hand-me-downs from a whole circus full of people. who's used to bright and colourful and nonsensical clothes, but is now given money and told to buy muted things.
give me a dick grayson who's uniform makes him feel like he's choking because he's never worn a tie a day in his life. who constantly has to remind himself that he shouldnt be breaking his slacks in so that they'll be easier to perform in, slacks are supposed to feel stiff like this.
give me a dick grayson whos so used to the animals in the circus that alfred or bruce have to pull him back whenever he sees a rabid dog on the street. who accidentally gets too rough with ace because he's used to tussling with lions.
give me a dick grayson who feels like he's dying when its been months and he's been going to the same places every single day. who cant stand having to live in one place for this long. who never grows out of it and has to take road trips regularly when hes older.
just give me a dick grayson who is from the circus, and it may not show at first glance, but it mattered. it really mattered.
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eggfriedricedwasian · 13 days ago
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Au where Bruce gets Jason and Tim earlier.
Like Bruce just took in Dick and sees how Dick looks so lonely, and all the parenting books he read said children should play with other children.
Then he finds a newly orphaned Jason while on patrol as Batman and brings him in, and Dick and Jason start off rough at first.
Ignoring each other, the mistrust, all that stuff. Alfred said it was normal, so surely it was, right?
No.
They never got along.
That was until the Drakes plane crashed on their way to Morocco and their only child Tim didn't have any family relatives to go to, what was one more child?
Dick and Jason immediately loved little 3 year old Timmy.
Dick was always playing with him, giving him toys and finding things for him to play with.
Jason was always feeding him, finding snacks he could eat and making sure he didn't choke on his food.
They started to bond over taking care of baby Timmy. So Bruce was happy. In fact, he was happier than he'd ever been with 3 little boys to take care of.
A 10 year old, a 7 year old, and a 3 year old.
The Justice League notices it too, and Dinah and Diana just to happen to be the best aunties and somewhat-therapists for the boys to help get over their parents' death.
And the amount of pictures too?
Pictures of them watching a movie, playing with toys, eating and making a mess.
His personal favorite, the one that's on his WE desk, his nightstand, his home office desk, in his wallet;
All three boys curled up on his bed waiting for Bruce to get back from a mission with the JL. Dick is curled around Timmy on the left, Jason on the right, and Timmy in the middle on his back with his arms up and legs spread out looking sound asleep. They were all fast asleep cuddling while waiting for Bruce.
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dibs4ever · 13 days ago
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Barbara coming to meet Dick at a restaurant for lunch. She walks in and goes to the hostess stand where 3 waitresses are talking
Barbara: excuse me I’m here to meet someone
Waitress #1: I’ll be right with you
Waitress #2: He’s so gorgeous-best looking man I have ever seen!!
Waitress #3 : too bad he said table for 2. He told me he’s waiting for the other person to arrive
Waitress #1: Well it could be a sibling or a colleague, perhaps his parent
Waitress #2: you should write your number on his receipt! If you don’t I will
Barbara: Ladies I need to sit….(notices who they are looking at) actually I don’t need your help I see him. Continue.
Barbara marches straight in the females lines of vision to Dick. As soon as he sees her he stands, pulling the chair out for her. He plants a kiss on her lips before pushing her chair back in , then taking his own seat
Dick: I was wondering where you were
Barbara: well I was waiting forever-those waitresses are oogling at you
Dick: I noticed….but ya know she took our drink order 15 minutes ago and still hasn’t brought our waters
Barbara: and here she was saying she wanted to give you her number
Dick: she’ll be lucky to get a tip at this point
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loudtrashcan · 14 days ago
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Bruce Wayne Headcanon time!!! :D
He texts like my dad lol. My father sends texts like emails and has a habit of using ellipses (...). Here are some real examples with names and personal info censored.
Wow...sorry about that...
Next time "accidentily" spill some ice water in his crouch...while he is asleep
This was a reply to my brother sitting next to a rude person on the plane lol.
Congrats [nickname]...!
On my way to airport to fly out of Milan to Munich .
He sent us a full itinerary of his entire travel schedule via email and also printed it to hang on the fridge. Then he will text us every time he's traveling to the next city. And he sends us awkward selfies and picture of his hotel room and food. (He even send us snaps on snapchat lol)
[Friend name],
You are quite welcome!...
And it was great catching up with you....
[Dad]
He added me to a groupchat with me and my friend when he took her to lunch for career advice (my parents adopt all my friends and will hang out with them while I am out of state for college).
[MY NAME]
What are the dates for you school trip to New York?
[His legal name]
Some other favorite texting habits is
Hello [Last name] Offspring
Signing off his text with D
Using bitmoji
Most of his text contain to much personal information so this is all I got. My dad is a pretty serious guy but is the sweetest Dad ever.
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tarta-de-limon · 15 days ago
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I think about Jason listening to Twice too LOL imagine this:
Dick, Jason, Tim, and Damian on a mission that's getting out of hand
Dick: We need to get out of here quick!!
Jason: OK everybody run! I have a car just around the corner!!
All four make it to the car safely.
Jason turns on his car and Fancy by Twice starts blasting through the speakers.
Dick and Tim both at the same time: Is this Twice!?
Jason: You guys know Twice!?
Damian: Who the fuck is Twice and why are they stopping us from driving away!?
I had to draw that
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BUT, BUT, HEAR ME OUT...
Dick and Jason both are super fans of twice
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BUT-HEAR ME OUT, HEAR ME OUT...
Like, this is something I thought about, like, a LONG time ago and I want to share it here.
Dick started listening Twice because he wanted to have something to talk about with Jason. So he learned everything about Twice
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The thing is Jason just likes the music. Like, they're all pretty cute and nice, but he just likes the music.
BUT, HEAR ME OUT, HEAR ME OUT
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He thinks Ji-hyo is kind of like Dick. I DON'T KNOW I THINK THEY HAVE TGE SAME ENERGY
And a little extra because Dick tried to like Jason's heavy metal playlist:
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Momento Mori is MY FAVORITE SONG, so I had to do this.
That's it.
Have a great day
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psychemochanight · 15 days ago
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That lovely fan mini comic made me think-
Headcanon time ✨
Dick definitely doesn't cry often, not even as a child.
However, being a crime-fighting kid has its perks, such as making criminals let their guard down with him, especially being so small.
So, Batman and him definitely take advantage of this. How? Easy: crocodile tears. A few fake tears, nothing difficult for an performer like him.
But one day, it just happens.
Dick is hurt, it definitely doesn't hurt much, much less with his high pain tolerance... In any case, it was more out of surprise that he remained silent, he didn't expect to be hit like that.
Suddenly, he becomes overly aware of his surroundings. It's colder now because he's been sweating, and the cold air becomes more apparent, his clothes are dirty from the fight, it itches. He's tired, it's later than usual, so it actually becomes too obvious to him that he's sleepy. In the morning he got up early because he didn't know he was going to patrol that day, and there were more sudden changes all the time.
It's cold, the warehouse lights keep flickering, there's a lot of noise.
And now he's hurt. He's bleeding, not too much, but he can feel the blood running on his skin.
He is genuinely overstimulated.
And he cries.
Suddenly, everything stops, the fight slows down because no one, literally no one was expecting that.
It's not your usual fake whining that fools everyone, sure, but this is just different.
Dick is crying for real, and he doesn't even think when he shouts "DAD".
And Dick has never called Batman "Dad" before.
Everyone knows they're just screwed, pretty bad.
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aeyden-daniel-dionysus · 18 days ago
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New headcanon:
Bruce knows portuguese, but only European portuguese (Bc Thomas was portuguese if im not mistaken), and that's how he was trained by Dom Manuel here in Brasil. He was bullied relentlessly for it bc brasilians make fun of European Portuguese all the time
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witherby · 21 days ago
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I headcanon that Bruce and Hal when LW was a baby took turns holding them while they slept like you know the baby chest thing they did that together
_📝
YEEEES ADORABLE
SKIN TO SKIN CONTACT TO BUILD A BOND WITH THE BABYYYYYY
I don't think they did it at night for fear of smothering you (a very real and possible consequence for bedsharing with your infants! Don't do this!) but maybe small naps on the couch during the day where they won't roll over were fine, as long as someone else was around to monitor you.
Lots of cuddles for Mouse!!!
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zephyr-ro-emenki · 21 days ago
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Random Batfam Headcanon's #27:
Nobody Owns the Trademark For the name Batman or any of the other Batfam Members.
Wayne Enterprise doesn't own the Trademark for 2 reasons. Firstly, because them owning the Trademark intrinsically ties themselves to Batman, claiming ownership over him, and that's something Bruce can't have as Batman is meant to be a Symbol for Gotham, not a property of WE. Secondly, because WE would have no use for owning the Batman Trademark in any form, so people would question why they bought the Trademark for it, and that would lead on a rabbit hole to who Batman truly is.
The Wayne Family itself doesn't own the Batman Trademark for the exact same reason as WE, it draws too much attention to them as being the actual Batfam.
And a major reason why nobody questions why nobody owns the Batman Trademark? Well, firstly, because they all assume that the Trademark is taken already. But secondly, Batman is a Cryptid that very few people outside of Gotham believe or know exists, and there's still a portion of Gotham after 20 years who don't believe Batman fully exists and isn't just a mass hallucination born from an Errant Scarecrow Attack or further poisoning of the water supply. They think Batman is just something that Parents invented to scare away their kids from committing crimes or forgetting to brush their Teeth. "Don't forget to brush your teeth or Batman is gonna drag you to Arkham Asylum!"
If anyone has ownership in some form of the Batman Name, it's Batburger. And even then they didn't Trademark the actual Batfam Members names, just some Batman themed Terms to use for products and their branding.
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mythronic · 24 days ago
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Wayne Family Personas!!! (PART 2)
Previous Part here!
Damian Wayne:
Adorable and shy animal lover that sticks by his older siblings. If anyone has ever seen Damian Wayne at a gala, it’s often by his siblings’ sides, hiding behind their coattails or beneath their arms. Despite many attempts, no one has succeeded in disallowing Damian to bring animals into galas. Most notably, one time, Damian brought in a huge snake that scared some patrons to death. However, there is an… Outlier. Damian Wayne is reported to be a snarky and sly little brat when teamed up with Cass, Duke, and Tim, usually with the goal of irritating the fuck out of some socialite or Roman Sionis.
Damian is appalled by the personas that Bruce and Dick put on most of the time, and finds great pleasure in threatening people with a cat in his arms as Tim easily picks up from the threat with his sharp tongue.
He also likes to gaslight people that all the cats he brings to the galas are actually one in the same. They're all named 'Alfred' and no one dares to correct him. Cullen: "And... No one asks you where you got all the cats from...?" Damian: "Of course not. My status strikes fear into those below me, they wouldn't dare question me." Cullen: "I see."
Duke Thomas:
Bland, unassuming, middle class boy that doesn't know what to do with himself. Duke goes the 'invisible boy' route and plays the boring normal kid that got adopted by Bruce out of either pity or convenience. Duke is all too happy to use his 'invisible boy' persona to listen into conversations for Tim or ditching galas with Damian, and sometimes, when he's extra bored and either Lex Luthor or Vicki Vale or some idiot businessman or whatnot is at the gala, never let it be said that Duke doesn't know how to cause chaos and freak out rich people at the same time, eat the rich baby~
Duke has most definitely spiked the alcohol. No for real, he mixes alcohol with more alcohol just to laugh when rich people's composures break.
Duke doesn't often stick by Bruce, Dick, or Jason during galas. He prefers the chaos of blackmailing rich people with Tim, Cass, and occasionally Damian.
Izzy: "Wait, wait. What do you mean you managed to expose a rich person for moving and doing drugs??"
Duke: "How was I supposed to know that he avoided drinking more than one drink cause he knew he was a nasty talker??"
Izzy: "And you... Spiked his drink with what??"
Duke: "Nothing! Just vodka, and spirit, and some gin, and.... This isn't looking good for me is it?"
Izzy: "I still love you for it."
Harper Row:
Is she a family friend? Or a personal bodyguard? Harper doesn't often go to Wayne galas, especially since she actually isn't adopted legally by Bruce. But she can't say no when Dick begs for assistance covering for him when the guy is too tired to attend the galas. While gala people try to insult her appearance and obvious Bowery accent, she single handedly shows how much she doesn't give a fuck with a raised brow and laughter. They may try to hate on Harper, but she abuses and takes advantage of her statue as an honorary Wayne, it doesn't go well.
Harper also makes use of this persona of hers to find out who she should hate and who she should at least respect a little bit. She reports this to Dick.
She and Jason 100% gossip on the idiots at the galas, and teases the other Wayne family members and their personas.
Harper: "If I asked nicely, could I get some jewellery from Imens?"
Selina: "Why him?"
Harper: "Called me and Jayce sewer rats, I'd like to sell off his stuff and watch him weep."
Selina: "... Yeah, sure."
Mia Mizoguchi:
Snobby Gotham Academy brat who is too smart for her own good. Mia doesn't often go to galas, because she doesn't want to dabble in all the politics and subtleties of Gotham's high society. But she does occasionally do Tim some favours at galas, acting the cute but completely spoiled child with Damian in order to get information out of people. Mia's persona is that kid who takes pictures in the bathroom and purchases expensive shit to bring to school just to brag, and accuses any one scholarship kid for stealing them when they go missing.
Maps sometimes brings her friends to galas just to promote the persona she has, and learnt a LOT of slang in the span of two hours.
Maps has definitely joined DIck before on his little Instagram model bullshit, probably obsessively going through filters for 30 whole minutes while Dick talks to people.
Duke: "Why are you so committed to this persona?"
Maps: "I thought you of all people would appreciate the art of deception."
Duke: "... Yeah you're right I dig it."
So I'm sure you've noticed a bit (a lot of) mentions of Tim, and that's because I've kind of mentally split the family in terms of the goofy, not so serious personas (Bruce, Dick, Jason, Harper, Damian), and the High Society tea and biscuits (Tim, Cass, Duke, Mia)
Basically, Bruce's team does it for appearances, and Tim's side does it to gather information and to serve a purpose other than appearing 'normal'. He's at the head of this 'operation', which is why I defaulted to mentioning Tim.
Some of you might start stabbing me for not mentioning Steph, but I see her as a more separate persona and figure unaffiliated with Bruce's brood other than being Tim's ex and his go-to date before 'Conner Luthor'
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The first time Duke crashed out wss the first time the batfam ever truly met him
I still stand by the fact that he was heavily code switched when he first joined the fam
But when he crashed out for the first time (which was probably over Bruce parenting him) he cussed them out like he was back in the narrows, yes he did heavily use the n word, yes his accent is heavier than jasons, yes his AAVE comes full swing when he argues, and yes he was spitting such facts and was so unfiltered that this argument could come close to an argument with dick and bruce
Like once someone crosses duke's boiling point there's no going back
He probably would have to hold back from swinging on someone since he grew up in a school w frequent fights and frequently fought
And then for Duke he's not arguing with his dad or siblings he's arguing with some rich ass people who decided to take him in rn
He isn't holding shit back cuz his parents are jokerized and he couldn't give two flying FUCKSZ about anyone else rn
And ik duke's comebacks are sharp and quick cuz having and argument with an incompetent high-school boy has to be a form of psychological training
When Duke argues with them for the first time they watch as "newly adopted, kind, hope if gotham, rise of the sun-" Duke go flying out of his body, and the enter of "no bullshit, quick to clock a hoe ass bitchs shit, fuck yo self and fuck yo knocked kneed mf granny, your not my mf daddy bitch ass nigga,- Duke
And don't get me started on how loud this man will get, especially if he's crying- cuz if you tell him to calm down it's overrrr
This man will make the walls shake w the power he will put in his voice if someone dared to get loud w him- if they go low he goes lower
The moment Damian tried to shit talk him they argued for an hour, Duke prolly gained Damian respect from them tearing eachother apart- like their both kids maybe not close in age but still argue with no remorse cuz there's no respect your elders shit goin on
And you think this man won't act a fool at a gala? Think again
Hell turn this snobby gala into a block party real mf quick
Look down on him and all you'll see is that uppercut he finna give ya
Neway stan bitch ass menace Duke🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
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