#batfam monday

[jakascoo]

Jason: Ow! Damian: What’s wrong? Jason: I have this weird pain right above my eyebrow. Damian: It’s called a stress headache. I got my first one when I was four.

[aloha-obi]

In some AU out there I like to think there’s a Batman that started out as more “Brucie” the playboy bachelor than self made fighting machine. A Bruce Wayne who was actually more accustomed to throwing epic parties than punching bad guys. A Bruce that tried to drown his grief in every pleasure the world has to offer… until he finds his Robin.

Dick Grayson who comes from the same type of tragedy, only he doesn’t have a billion dollars (or a father figure like Alfred) to fall back on.

This little kid who wants to take on the mob personally - is now targeted by kidnappers who want Bruce’s money - and is suffering from a complete lack of self preservation and the innate compulsion to swing from every chandelier in Bruce’s home.

This kid, who some people in Gotham’s high society look upon with a predatory gaze and whisper things like ‘Talon’ and ‘Court of Owls’ and a dozen other things that Bruce isn’t sure about…. But Dick has nothing and no one and Bruce HAS to step up and be there for him.

So Brucie, with his years of marital arts training (because he still loves his fitness and the ability to defend himself) has to quickly become someone who’s able to protect this kid. Everyone in Gotham thinks Bruce has matured and settled down because he’s a father now - and they aren’t Wrong per se but really - when your kid is that much of a daredevil/trouble magnet, a Bat-themed vigilante gets born out of necessity because Robin was going to go fight the darkness with or without Bruce’s help.

Just imagine a ‘Brucie’ who wants to forget his grief through partying more than punching criminals … and then imagine how that partying DILF becomes BATMAN - born from protective love instead of long held grief.

[midnightorchids]

You’re sitting on Jason’s lap, kissing his neck while he’s on the couch in his black Armani suit. He smells like one of his expensive colognes and faintly of the cigarette he decided to smoke after his shower. He looks pretty layed out underneath you. His hair’s slicked back, eyebrows are furrowed and shirt’s half unbuttoned.

He knows he’s running late for another one of Bruce’s galas, but he’s not making any effort to stop you, except for when he lets out a whiney “fuck, don’t leave any marks,” when your teeth graze the sensitive spot on his neck.

His eyes are closed shut, but his hands pull you in closer.

Shit, he really doesn’t want to leave…

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 164

“Dude, of course you’re having rage moments, have you like, ever gone back to the Zone after you got revived? Or at least like, found a familiar to take the edge off all that excess ecto of yours?” 

“... what.” 

“I’ll take that as a no, come on. My Dad can open a portal and we can find you a friend if you’re gonna’ insist on being in the living world!” 

“Wait a fucking minute- what the fuck-”

[brothebro]

Out of context Monday but the context is obvious

[quotidian-oblivion]

Interaction I Had With My Family As The Batfam Pt. 7

Jason: I'm excited to go to school but I am not excited to start the day with Biology

Bruce: What do you do in Biology?

Jason: Cry

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

[cephalog0d]

Messy Draft Monday

Tagged by @outtoshatter for Messy Draft Monday

Back on my Reverse Robins bullshit! For reference, ages here: Dick - 8; Jason - 14; Steph - 17; Duke - 20; Damian (off-screen) - 21

Steph is a menace in every continuity (I love her very much, don't worry, Damian is used to it at this point)

“Damian doesn’t dislike everyone, he’s just…” Duke trailed off, trying to think of the most diplomatic way to explain things. “He has what doctors would call a chronic case of grumpypantsitis,” Steph filled in helpfully. Dick looked up at her, his frown shifting into something less morose and more deeply skeptical. “That’s not a real thing,” he said. “What, are you a doctor?” Steph asked with a grin. “What she means,” Duke interrupted, “is that Damian just tends to be a little more serious and hard to read than some other people,” (unless he was beating someone into the dirt at something, literally or figuratively), “but that’s not the same as not liking people.” “Oh,” Dick said, face scrunching into a thoughtful frown. “How come?” “Not enough hugs growing up,” Steph said sagely. Which was definitely not the real answer, but Duke supposed it wasn’t entirely untrue. “So he needs more hugs?” Dick asked. Duke could feel the impending disaster, like static in the air ahead of a lightning strike, as Steph’s face lit up. “Ste-” “Yes,” she interrupted before he even got one syllable of her name out. “Yes he does.”

(Dick, ten seconds later, because they keep forgetting he's a menace in his own right: "So why don't you hug Damian more?" Steph vaguely panicking, Jason cackling, Duke very sweetly asking "Yes, why don't you?")

[vodrae]

An AU where Cassandra Cain is actually biologically Cassandra Wayne would be so simple, so easy to write...(Tom Hardy's Bane Voice)

"You've always been my only dad in my heart." Signed Cass.

[redrobin-detective]

You ever write something and come look at it later and wonder which one of your many issues caused this?

[megaera-of-pigeon]

Sincerely,

A Tyrblr member

I knew it

[audhd-nightwing]

batfam as new girl quotes

steph: where are you, tim? this place is fancy and i don’t know which fork to kill myself with.

***

dick (16 y/o): i’ll take you through the whole thing. i’ll be like your guide.

jason (13 y/o): like gandalf through middle-earth?

dick: ok, first of all, let’s take the Lord of the Rings references and put them in a deep, dark cave where no one will ever find them.

jason: except smeagol. he lives in a cave.

***

tim: you text me “happy monday.” what am i supposed to do with that?

damian: oh, i don’t know. maybe have a happy monday?

(he’s trying to be nice)

***

jason: would you consider us adorable?

dick: no! we’re adult men.

dick: we’re cute.

***

cass: you always see the worst in people.

damian: yeah, because people are the worst!

***

steph: i mean, bruce, we love you, but…

steph: but you’re not a man of the people.

bruce: of course i’m not a man of the people. i’m above the people.

***

cass: we’re a family. families talk about things.

jason: no, families ignore things until they go away.

***

new parent bruce: dick, do you want to go to sleep?

9 y/o dick: no way.

bruce: if you do, i’ll write you a check for $6,000.

***

duke: what are you doing in here?

tim: eating cookies and avoiding confrontation.

(in the bathroom at a gala)

***

steph: jason, come on, that’s like the president and the vice president not being best friends.

jason: they’re not best friends.

steph: come on. everybody knows they’re best friends.

***

dick: i’m in love!

damian: titus, clear my schedule. i need a word with our brother.

***

steph: duke, those shoes are not brown! they’re green!

duke: you guys are idiots! they’re as brown as money.

cass: what color is kermit the frog?

duke: brown! he’s a brown frog.

tim: duke! you’re color blind, dude.

***

bruce: darn it! has anyone seen my croquet cleats?

***

tim: hey guys, do you think i’m a good person?

steph: you’re a terrible person. it’s hilarious.

***

dick: i’m very quick on my… uh…

jason: did you just forget the word ‘feet’?

dick: feet, yeah.

(he’s been awake for 72 hours without sleep)

***

duke: i can’t believe i didn’t notice this before but damian, you are legitimately crazy.

damian: i think we’re all a little bit crazy, don’t you, thomas?

duke: no, i mean, you’re like aging ballerina, child chess prodigy, professional magician crazy.

damian: it’s my grandfather’s fault.

duke: yeah okay fair enough

***

tim: if i was doing something stupid, you definitely would be involved.

dick: yeah, you’re damn right i would be. and i would probably be there to make it even stupider.

***

bruce: has anyone seen my good pea coat?

***

steph: i brake for birds. i rock a lot of polka dots. i have touched glitter in the last 24 hours!

steph: and that doesn’t mean i’m not smart and tough and strong.

***

jason: are you insane, bruce? we’re not ready.

jason: that’s like taking a musical from rehearsals straight to broadway. you got to workshop it first.

(pushing the theatre kid jason agenda)

***

dick: you realize i say goodnight to you every night and you never say goodnight back?

dick: what is the problem, jason? do you not want me to have a good night?

jason: oh my god you’re so overdramatic

***

tim: please don’t mistake my measured blank tone for calmness, as i am filled with waters of rage.

(he’s at a gala)

***

bruce: damn it! i can’t find my driving moccasins anywhere!

***

duke: what a dumb idea.

duke: do it.

(he is an enabler)

[jakascoo]

Dick: How petty can you get? Jason: I once edited a Wikipedia article to win an argument I was wrong about.

[blughxreader]

Speaking of the A/B/O verse and how sexually charged it is...

How would the batfam deal with their omega sister going into heat?

This is under the assumption that the reader is the only omega in the pack.

I prefer the version of heats/ruts that are non-fatal and last a few days each month (instead of menstruation). (Or a week long heat every three months, whichever.)

Prescriptions are readily available for heats/ruts, so people can go years without having them. I think several members of the Batfam are on medicine to make life simpler.

Like, what if Gotham crime spiked during Batman's rut cycle because he disappeared for a few days each month? Gothamites on twitter would have a field day with this information lol.

@ btmnboobies tweeted: "batman horney leave starts on monday. if u jerk off all day then youll be fapping the same time as him"

@ ticklealphauwu tweeted: "batman is getting plowed time to rob a bank"

So, realistically, omega!reader would be on heat suppressants.

BUT IF, for drama's sake, there was no way to avoid a heat, then I can see two options:

1. They rigorously screen and import the best heat companions, then never repeat one. It's common for long-time heat partners to become attached, so you'll never see the same alpha twice.

Of course you'll get this talk: "tell them anything and they die. I programmed artificial intelligence to listen for key words, so I will know." and the alphas will be monitored for a minimum of five years afterwards.

Each member of the batfam would rather cut off a limb than have a stranger fuck you in their own home, but it's better than you being dead (or ruining your relationship by fucking you themself).

2. Or, Batman would go to the JL.

If a JL member has a darling who happens to be an alpha, then I can see Batman considering setting you two up.

Or he'd ask a favor of Clark or Diana.

Can you fucking imagine him asking for a meeting with Wonder Woman in private and it goes

Batman: Your world has similar genetics and rituals as ours. WW: Yes, in some ways. Batman: And casual partners during times of need are commonplace. WW: Quite... Batman, expression darkening: ... My daughter... WW, finally smiling: Oh, I see. You trust me. Batman, looking physically pained: Yes. Her first heat is at home coming and we are looking for long-term solutions. For the time being, would you mind... *grinds teeth*... assisting? WW: I would be honored. :)

Then Wonder Woman plows you all weekend

Damian would be torn between "hm yes a fine arrangement becoming of my cherished sister" and "NONONO YOU CAN'T GET MARRIED YOU HAVE TO LIVE WITH US FOREVER"

because DUH you'd want to lock her down. A golden opportunity to escape the batfam shows up in all her short skirt and big muscled glory.

Lol it's a silly thought but probably the only way you'd live a semi-normal life. Until WW turns out to be a crazy yandere too? 👀

[veryace-ficrecs]

Tim Joins the BatFam Early Fic Recs

This list will include all ratings and tags, so read at your own discretion! :)

the butler's neighbor by deargalileo - Rated G

it starts with a baseball, thrown onto the wayne's property. it's alfred's job to deal with such happenings, of course. but over tea and galas, it turns into so much more.

after all, why should bruce be the only one allowed to adopt any child that he finds?

the capillaries in my eyes are bursting by Scarlet_Ribbons - Rated T

Bruce grunts, standing up. “Jenkins said the same. What about what you weren’t told?” And without dissembling, Jason says, “I think they fucked that kid up, B.” [Jack and Janet die. As things get weirder and weirder, it feels like Tim might be at the center of the unfolding conspiracy.]

An (almost) Foolproof Lie by HiddenDreamer67 - Rated T

“No, they don’t leave me totally alone.” Tim hurriedly explained. “My neighbor Bruce Wayne looks after me.” Batman stared at him for a long while. “Bruce Wayne.” He parroted slowly. (A young Tim Drake gets kidnapped by Falcone. When Batman rescues him, Tim tells Batman that Bruce Wayne is his temporary guardian. Oddly enough, Batman isn’t fooled by this perfect cover story.)

Anton Syndrome by Anonymous - Rated M

Tim's parents have been away for six months and counting—the longest he's ever been left alone at one time—and it's starting to have some unpleasant side effects. Luckily, he has a solution. OR, the one where Tim attempts prostitution to cure his touch starvation. His plan goes wrong pretty much from step one, but it all works out for the better.

I'll Stand By You by TaraLaurel - Rated T

"I'm not going to ask you why you're out here, kid," Jason nods. "That's your business and you don't know me or Dick to trust us." Not true. Tim trusts Jason Todd and Dick Grayson with his life. Just not with, the other stuff. "But," Jason continues, "if you want to tell me what got you here, or you just want to talk about anything, you can, with me. Dick too. He's an annoying ray of sunshine that won't ever shut up most of the time, but he is actually a good listener. I'd know." OR When Tim's parents find out Tim's secret, they kick him out. Now, on Thanksgiving, Tim is living on the streets and is thankful for the two strangers currently saving him from getting his face pounded into the pavement. Wait...those aren't strangers...

Just a Typical Monday Morning by Writer_loves_tropes - Rated T

There are three things in life that Timothy Drake knows for sure. One, Tim is the greatest retro Guitar Hero player in the world (even if the wonderful people at the Guinness Book of World Records won’t rightfully acknowledge this fact). Two, Tim is allergic to walnuts. He’s convinced his parents that he’s allergic to spinach too because he hates it. He’s pretty sure when his parents find out, they’re going to make him eat spinach casserole for dinner for a whole week as punishment. And the third thing Tim knows for sure? He’s sure that on this typical Monday morning, the entire Gotham High School thinks Timothy Jackson Drake is Robin, Batman’s vigilante sidekick. A random locker check and the real Robin stashing his suit in Tim’s locker is all it took to turn Tim’s typical Monday morning into one of the craziest Mondays of his life.

Brother Wanted by Vamillepudding - Rated G

Well-behaved boy (10) is looking for big brother (11-15). Must meet up with me three times a week, for at least two hours each. Overall duties include helping me with homework, playing videogames with me, and showing me how to play catch. 10$ per hour. Tim, lonely and in desperate need of company, decides that if his parents are not going to give him a sibling, he's going to hire one instead. Luckily, Jason Todd-Wayne shows up in the nick of time.

Holy security breach, Batman! by destiny919 - Rated G

Janet finally shoos him away towards the hors d'oeuvres or drinks table with the tacit understanding that she doesn't want to see him again until the end of the gala. And probably not even then, it wouldn't be the first time the Drakes forgot to take him home with them and Tim had to discreetly call an Uber before the host noticed and made Tim embarrass his parents. For this gala, however, he almost hopes they forget him again, because tonight Tim has a plan. They're at Wayne Manor, and Tim is going to find the Batcave.

wrong number by adelfie - Rated G

There’s a few rings, then the phone picks up. “Wayne Residence.” That’s funny, Tim thinks, Mrs. Mac doesn’t sound like herself. -- On a hot July evening while home alone, eight-year-old Tim gets a fever. He means to ask Mrs. Mac for help — but ends up accidentally calling Alfred Pennyworth. Somehow, even in sickness, he wins all the hearts of the Wayne family in one fell swoop.

assaulting existence with improbability by destiny919 - Rated T

"Where's Batman?" the kid demands. "We need to show him." Jason decides to go with the easy question. "Show him what?" The kid gives him an incredulous look. "Proof you didn't kill Garzonas, what else?"

5 Times Tim Spends the Night at Wayne Manor + 1 Time He Comes Home by motleyfam - Rated T

Tim is good at galas.

No, scratch that—Tim is great at galas. He’s been attending them ever since the age of three, when his parents first stuffed him into his little Gymboree tuxedo and gave him a stern lecture about ‘sitting quietly’ and ‘speaking when spoken to.’ He knows all the rules: what to wear, how to stand, when to smile, what to say, what not to say. He knows how to come across as polite and intelligent and charming, and on absolutely any other day, he would be rocking this.

[butcherlarry]

Weekly Fic Rec 49

This week's fic rec list! I was surprised how much reading I got done, but then I remembered I had Monday off for the holiday :) So enjoy this longer than expected list!

A Sacrifice Love Demands by second_hand_heaven - Superwonderbat, complete. Bruce gets hit with a new fear toxin from Scarecrow. Featuring cuddles with Superman and Wonder Woman to make it better :)

I got better things to do by Amisti - Batman, complete. Batman, Flash, and Green Lantern get captured by a bad guy and thrown in a prison cell. Batman Brucies his way out, much to the shock of Flash and Green Lantern.

Brucie Moments series by That_One_Curly_Haired_Fangirl - Batman, stories are complete, but series is not. Some moments of Batman's Brucie persona showing through.

Flowers From Mr. Wayne by Ktkat9 - Superbat, complete. After an interview gone wrong, Bruce sends Clark some flowers to show his interest :))))))

a sky of honey by TheResurrectionist - Superbat, wip. More of the Superbat omegaverse fic that I always get excited about when it updates :) Featuring, Jason finally figuring out who Superman is, overreacting, and Clark having a Big Sad (but Lex makes it better, surprisingly).

Emergency Contact by Elegitre - Batfam, wip. An update to a fic where Tim joins the Batfam early. Jason has a misunderstanding about his place in the family, but Bruce makes it better.

A place to stay warm by Speechless_since_1998 - Batfam, complete. Barbara is Tim's babysitter. During some cold weather, the heat goes out in the Drake house and Tim is sick. Barbara makes the trek to Wayne manor for help.

how cleanly, how quietly by shipyrds - Batfam, complete. Bruce thinks Tim is lonely and tries to set up some father-son bonding to make it better. Turns out, Bruce is wrong and Tim has a lot of friends.

we shall be free; we shall find peace by mediant - Superbat, wip. I was SCREAMING with this fic's latest update! Clark is captured by the Bats, oh no! What's going to happen next!!!!!!! 👀👀👀

the walks of dreams by januariat - Superbat, complete. A sweet, smutty fic, featuring Adam West Bats and George Reeves Superman 💖💖💖

RIP to the Rumours by BoredomBeckons - Batfam, complete. Instead of dying, Jason retires as Robin and goes to college. No one told this to the rest of the world though.

I found a brother in the trash by Speechless_since_1998 - Batfam, complete. Dick finds a new sibling (Jason) in the trash and brings him home. Jason learns from his older brother, and finds his younger brother (Tim) in the trash and brings him home. Shenanigans ensue.

Flock Building for Dummies by DragonDart - Superbat, wip. A creature AU where Bruce is a harpy and Clark is the vet who takes care of him. Lot's of tasty, tasty world building in this fic too!!

bruce's villain origin story by InkpotSprite - Batfam, complete. Bruce gets turned into a cat, but none of his kids notice. Adorable shenanigans ensue.

Just A Little Bit... by HaleHathNoFury (My_Trex_has_fleas) - Superbat, wip. More of the alien Clark and eldritch Bruce fic! Clark goes off to investigate Cadmus with Lois and Bruce is Worried and Grumpy about it. Featuring my favorite scene with one of Ivy's killer plants >:D

Champagne Problems by SalParadiseLost - Superbat, wip. Himbo omega Brucie Wayne is dating alpha Clark Kent. He also suddenly adopts three children using unconventional means. Shenanigans ensue.

Patchwork Pod by Ktkat9 - Superbat, wip. More of the mer Bruce fic! Bruce is still missing and a new threat arises :((((((

Happy reading!!

[clockwayswrites]

Prompt set 5... I think.

This migraine is going to be the death of me. I've had it since Monday. Really in a 'don't want to exist' mood. So much for writing anything that needs concentration today. So, prompt ficlets it is! Because I really can't spend any more of today trying to sleep it off or I'll lose what sanity I have left.

"Other" Danny Prompts

CLOSED

One per person please. In a REPLY, tell me:

A ship from the list of Danny*: /Jason, /Dick, /Wally, /Duke, &/Constantine, &Alfred, &batfam member(s), &Justice League member(s), &(teen)Titans members(s), &Gotham

A color* of the rainbow: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, violet

An scent/smell

*Colors meanings have changed since last time

** & is gen only, / is ship only, &/ is ship or gen- pick either

Please make sure to read the options before submitting! If it's not on the ship list or one of the 6 colors I'll just pass it over.