#batfamily

[batsandbirdsandothers]

Ghost Jason and Dickiebird - featuring ghost!jason vs. hallucination!jason, the power of chilidogs, and dick confronting the robins about their secret meeting.

Part 4 | Part 5 of Ghost Jason Series

[incorrectbatfam]

Jason: I hate crowded elevators.

Jason: Only one thing is worse: when they stop and you get trapped.

Jason: Actually, there’s one thing even worse than that: getting trapped with Dick.

Jason: Dick has the annoying talent of showing up when I’m at my absolute worst.

[frownyalfred]

Bruce Wayne’s Offensive + Defensive Biting for Beginners: Key Points

Don’t bite until you’re out of options

When you bite someone, make it count

Don’t bite something that’s likely to crack a tooth if you can avoid it

Getting implanted teeth is more expensive and painful than you think (personal experience rip)

The average human bite force is 120–162 pounds per square inch

Maximum bite force depends on surface area, so choose your target wisely (neck, forearm, etc)

Make it clean, make it fast; don’t hang on while biting and risk getting hit

Don’t bite appendages (choking hazard if tied up)

People in Gotham are more accepting of bite attacks than other cities

Do not bite Joker under any circumstances

Immediately start post exposure antibiotics within 24 hours if blood is drawn

Spit out blood to 1) decrease infection risk and 2) to establish psychological dominance

Do not bite me

It will not work

No really

[timmydraker]

Tim who is scarily good at the Hitman games.

Everyone is good with it mostly, excluding Cass who won’t play it, with everyone having completed the first few missions at least during a training exercise made by Jason who was hiding an injury and came up with the idea on the spot.

This is how they find out that not only does Tim already have all the games, he’s finished them all, got all the achievements and has over 2,000+ hours.

Turns out it’s what he plays when he feels his mind is running too rampant and needs reigning in. He knows all the secrets and has a spreadsheet made up of all the ways you can complete a mission per chapter. He has a strategy for each type of assassination from getting someone else to do it, killing everyone, making it look like an accident, ect. He’s even managed to kill every soldier in some chapters without getting caught and somehow managed to save Diana from being shot by 47?

It’s kind of scary watching him seamlessly navigate around any new map that comes out and complete all missions under a self imposed time limit.

(His record is 1 minute and 27 seconds)

Bruce is naturally worried and it isn’t helped when the response to these concerns is, “would you rather I do it in real life?”

Tim can do it in real life, came closest with Captain Boomerang, and he has at least thirty ideas of how to kill everyone in his life subconsciously. He doesn’t want to, nor will he ever act on it, but it’s sort of… fun.

It’s like puzzle solving but with higher stakes and Hitman is a good way to test his theories without actually killing anyone.

If playing Hitman made him test how sneakily he could drug people by putting sugar in peoples drinks at Galas when he was nine, that’s just childish curiosity. Plus, it made him put out a campaign when he was older to prevent drugging because he himself knows how easy it is, so win win.

At least he didn’t shave his head like he thought about, though that was only because a certain acrobat did it and made Tim realise how unstylish it was if it wasn’t natural.

At the end of the day playing Hitman made him a better Robin and helped him sneak around the League of Assassin’s base that was filled with people even 47 would struggle against.

And he won the training exercise.

[spicy-apple-pie]

I want Damian to get a really ugly foster cat. Greasy fur, meows like a smoker, eyes constantly goopy, the works.

Bruce was hesitant to allow him to foster because he knows they'll all end up foster fails and Wayne Manor is already turning into a glorified petting zoo. Damian promises that wouldn't happen. So, it ended in a bet, if Damian can successfully foster this cat, then he'll be allowed to foster more cats.

Bruce figured if Damian adopts this ugly cat, then no cat is safe.

It takes a long time for the cat to even warm up to them. She was left at the shelter in a cardboard box so no one really knows what happened to her. Damian spend almost every second he can generally in the same room as her. He just sits there, sometimes just mediating, but sometimes he has a book or a sketchbook. The cat slowly gets more comfortable around Damian. One day, she's brave enough to rub her head against Damian's hand. And it's like she turns into a whole new cat. She's suddenly the most cuddly snuggly cat on the planet. She purrs really really loud too.

And Bruce starts to think that they're going to need a couple more litter boxes.

Damian names her something really elegant, to make up for her unfortunate exterior. Something like Petunia or Tanya (idk if that's an elegant name, but it's really elegant to me). She gets along really well with Alfred the cat too. They can usually be found together cuddling or playing. She didn't like Titus at all at first, but he's as diligent as his owner, so she came around. Although she always has to be the one to initiate the interaction usually, or she'll hiss and scratch.

Predictably, it ends in a foster fail, and Damian thinks that it's probably a good thing he's not allowed to foster.

He still argues with his father though.

[garpen]

Gotham Twitter AU Pt. 48

<<Part 47<< Master List >>TBC>>

Divorce era for the Wayne Family.

Miss me miss me, bet you wanna kiss me kiss me.

Drop questions for Wayne Family Q&A coming up please and thank you.

Nobody is allowed to be surprised about Duke's things for Gilf's, this is not his first mention of this.

[prlssprfctn]

During one of the missions, Jason gets hit with a new serum; not exactly a truth one, rather the one that doesn't allow a person to control their process of thinking. They just vocalise all their thoughts all together.

"Fuck, I forgot to buy milk... Wait, am I babysitting Laura's kid this Friday or next one? Urgh, Tim was right, I should get myself a Google Calendar, this is getting embarrassing... Fuck, Tim. I need to deal with the intel he sneaked me behind Bruce's back... Fuck, whoops—"

It took some time for Bruce to chase away the rest of the family from the Batcave. Jason insisted that if they are going to stick up and try to make fun of him, he will either open shooting right there or just return home. And he really, really wanted to help his son this time. So he shooed his kids away and promised not to interact with Jason and his vortex of thoughts until he finishes with an antidote.

"Ignore it, old man," Jason sighs, rubbing his face. "Of course, you won't. You only ignore when it is stuff related to me."

Bruce sighs back.

In all truth, all this thing is a little bit of a... delight. He hadn't heard his son speaking so much since he was fifteen, and... well. He misses it. A lot.

From the other side, he is a little bit concerned about the amount of dark thoughts in the back of his head. For example, when they hauled him in the car, he kept reminiscing of vans back in the Crime Alley.

It is either this or casual thoughts about his daily life. Or quotes from somewhere.

He can relate to the chaos in Jason's head for the most of it. It is also not surprising at all that he always complains about headaches — is his head ever rests with this train of intangible thoughts?

"I hate being stuck in the cave. And this stupid memorial is still here," Jason groans. Bruce's eyes automatically dart towards the mentioned memorial, mentally making a note to, perhaps, finally, hide it away somewhere. Or break. "I wish I could kill myself."

Bruce pauses. His fingers freeze above the keyboard, shoulders tensing, and it takes everything not to turn around to face Jason.

"They should invite suicide for these, who keep coming back alive," Jason jokes — because it is a joke, he laughs at it — but Bruce feels his heart stopping for a second, because... because if Jason jokes about it, then it means he tried it before.

"What?"

He knows he promised not to answer to Jason right now. But strangled words escape his mouth before he can realise it.

"Jason—"

He feels his son flinching behind him. Perhaps, he hadn't even realise that he said until now, because for a minute there is nothing but a string of repetitive curses, all over again. And then Jason just pinches his shoulder, voice heavy:

"Work. Dad."

For the next hour, Jason does nothing but feverishly read aloud books around the Batcave, desperately trying to muffle down any personal thoughts.

Bruce finishes working on the antidote when Jason is on the thirty page of Damian's forgotten biological book. The lump in his throat doesn't disappear for the rest of the night, even when Jason storms out of the cave with a rushed gratitude.

No one asks what had happened.

Bruce silently shatters the old memorial the same night.

[qweenofurheart]

wee bit late to dick’s birthday (march 20th) but here u go anyways

(also yes i’m aware he is nowhere close to 30 in canon but the idea of him still doing backflips and gymnastics in combat as a 30 year old man whose knees crack every time he stands is funny to me)

[vodrae]

Jason: B ? Dick jumped off the Wayne Towers roof.

Batman: What of it ?

Jason: He's the only one wihout a cape. And I may or may not have taken his grapple battery.

Batman: IS HE OKAY ?!

Jason: If it wasn't for Clark his last words would've been "I'm a squirell!".

[batsandbirdsandothers]

Ah what are siblings for.

[incorrectbatfam]

Jon: You look so unapproachable.

Damian: And yet here you are.

[finnoky]

Meme redraw with the batboys — They’d be too powerful if they were allowed to be raised together….

[invincibledc]

˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗

𝐋𝐀𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐁𝐀𝐓𝐒˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗

𝐉𝐀𝐂𝐊 𝐐𝐔𝐈𝐍𝐍 (𝐎𝐂) 𝐗 𝐁𝐀𝐓𝐒𝐈𝐒!𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑

⊹ ࣪ ˖͙͘͡★synopsis: a simple discussion with the batfamily ends with memories spurring in your head.

⊹ ࣪ ˖͙͘͡★genre: fluff

⊹ ࣪ ˖͙͘͡★info: this OC is an OC I’m written for my own amusement. He’s the son of Harley Quinn and joker. Full name, Jacklyn Oswald Quinn. I got bored. Reader is the twin sister of Damian, but Damian is the older twin of course. Im only a writer so you can imagine who he looks more like but all I can is he is handsome canonically in my head and anything. Boy’s crazy but handsome.

⊹ ࣪ ˖͙͘͡★ word count: 1,342

“We have to talk about your certain relationship with.. the son of joker.” Bruce says while he faces you. You felt nervous as you had your faces clamped together. But you pulled a poker face, simply nodding.

“What’s your relationship with him.”

“Well, I would say that we’re—”

MEMORY 1.

Jack was balanced precariously in a handstand, his lithe form showcasing a hint of the muscle definition he had been developing. His face, painted with wild colors, radiated mischief and playfulness as he grinned upside down. “So, puddin’, think we could sneak away from your little colony and grab some grub? I’m starving,” he whined dramatically, a playful pout forming on his lips.

You sighed, knowing he was spot on about the hunger gnawing at your own stomach, but the thought of abandoning your duty to patrol Gotham sent a pang of unease through you. The weight of your responsibilities pressed heavy on your shoulders.

“I can’t. I’m on patrol. And shouldn’t you be with your crazed father?” you replied tersely, lowering the binoculars from your eyes to meet his gaze. Jack, ever the bundle of energy, flipped out of his handstand and landed deftly on his feet. He stretched his arms behind his back, feigning innocence.

“Nahhh... My old man’s out cold like a baby. And my ma’s off having a girl’s night with Aunt Ivy. So here I am,” he declared, wrapping his arms around your waist and nuzzling against your neck with surprising tenderness. “Just me and my darling, my cute little bird.”

His words, though playful, carried a warmth that made it hard to resist his charm. In that moment, the chaotic world of Gotham faded slightly, leaving just the two of you in a bubble of mischief and youthful affection.

MEMORY 2.

Out of everything—heroes, villains, and the chaos that comes with them—Jack lay sprawled in your room. His tousled blonde hair framed his face, and his simple blue eyes sparkled with mischief. Clad only in gray sweatpants, he was the picture of relaxed spontaneity. His slightly tanned skin contrasted with your [color] complexion, creating a juxtaposition of warmth and coolness as you both lounged on the bed. You felt a wave of relief wash over you, grateful that you and Damian no longer had to share a room like you did when you were young.

Jack propped himself up on one elbow, revealing that goofy grin you couldn't help but find charming. “I can’t believe my girl—who isn’t mine—is letting me crash here,” he said with a boyish spark in his eyes. Despite the obsession he harbored for you, the night felt blissfully laid-back, a rare moment of peace in a world filled with so much tension.

As you continued to weave your fingers through his messy locks, you remarked, “You know, you could try being your civilized self and meet my family instead of sneaking into my room with a bag of clothes for what seems like a sleepover. And by the way, I’m getting pretty squished here.” You inhaled deeply, your words tumbling out in one breath. Jack feigned annoyance, his pout playful. “Oh, come on, puddin’, that’s boring! Where’s the thrill in sneaking into my future wife’s house to just chill with her?”

Your heart raced at the unexpected title he casually tossed your way. “Jack, what??!!” you stammered, caught off guard by his bold claim.

“What? Did I say something wrong?” He looked genuinely perplexed, scratching his head in a manner that showed his typical carefree nature. You struggled to respond, your shock momentarily robbing you of your voice.

“Eh, whatever,” he shrugged, a grin spreading across his face as he declared, “I’m gonna grab some water.” He hopped off the bed and, as he exited your room, he caught sight of Jason strolling through the hall, engrossed in the pages of a book. Time slowed as Jack froze, and then, thinking quickly, he launched himself over the stair railing, expertly grabbing onto a chandelier for balance. His heart raced as he spun mid-air, landing seamlessly on the couch below with a triumphant flair before dashing to the kitchen like a ninja on a mission.

Jason’s sharp eyes narrowed, instantly suspicious of the antics unfolding in the house. He knew something was amiss.

In the kitchen, Jack filled a glass with water and chugged it rapidly, desperately hoping to evade any unwanted company. But, in a cruel twist of fate, as he drained the last drop, the overhead lights flicked on, illuminating the space. There, framed in the doorway, stood Jason Todd—also known as the second Robin, and now, the formidable Red Hood.

“You!” Jason bellowed, his finger jabbing menacingly at Jack.

“Me!” Jack replied with an impish grin, pointing to himself as his instincts kicked in. Without a moment of hesitation, he bolted past Jason, laughter spilling from his lips like the joy of a child who had just escaped capture.

The chase began, and Jason pursued Jack with an intensity akin to an enraged bear, all the while Jack couldn’t help but cackle in delight. He darted back into your room, where your eyes widened in surprise. Without missing a beat, Jack gathered his belongings in a flurry, leaning down to plant a quick kiss on your cheek, leaving you breathless.

“Don’t wait up!” he shouted cheerfully, diving out the window with the agility of a circus performer. He executed a graceful barrel roll before calling out, “Bye, babe!”

In the wake of his departure, you could only raise a bemused eyebrow. But before you could fully process what had just transpired, Jason leaped after him, both boys sailing out into the night in a chaotic blend of laughter and shouts, leaving you in stunned silence.

MEMORY 3.

“Honestly, why can’t you just be called Batgirl or something straightforward? I mean, it feels a bit off being just another ‘Robin,’ especially when your twin brother is Robin too. What’s the point of that?” the clown boy remarks, tying up some goons who tried to mess with some women

You weren't even with him; you were at home, focused on your homework and not even thinking about patrolling. You kept humming, grateful for him handling your dirty work.

“So what do I get in return for this?” Jack asks, fiddling with his green and purple phone case while the tied-up goons try to protest through clown noses. “How about we hang out on the weekend when everyone’s busy?” you suggest, tapping your pencil against your notebook filled with history notes. Jack’s enthusiasm is heard on the other end of the line.

“That sounds amazing, sugar. Can we grab some batburgers too?” He says, smiling as you reach for your phone. You chuckled. “Absolutely,” you respond confidently. Jack practically bounces with excitement, despite the bemused expressions from the goons. “Awesome!”

You and Jack stay on the phone, and while he serves as your backup during patrols, he’s more than up for the task. You might not want to feel like you’re using him, but he doesn’t mind in the slightest. The dynamic between you two is unconventional, but at least you’ve got each other’s backs.

“We’re nothing but enemies, honestly why wouldn’t we.”

Your brothers gave a clear expression that they weren’t falling for it.

“Okay then tell us why in the world is that goblin out there with a sign saying in quote, ‘let’s go out later’.” Jason says with knitted brows.

“Wait for real?!” You got up quickly to look outside, and there was no one. Turning back to glare at Jason, Jason held a smug grin on his face.

“Gotcha.”

Bruce couldn’t help but chuckle before remaining stoic. “I would like to say as well that you’re grounded for sneaking out.”

“What?! How did you find out.” Pouting, you sat back at the table.

“Damian told me.”

“DAMIAN!?”

Damian drank his tea elegantly despite his messy self. “I can’t have my little sister dating some sociopath.”

“Oh shut up, I’m not buying you anymore cool and smooth paper to draw on.” Damian almost spits his tea out, scrambling to follow you as you walked upstairs.

“Wait! Sister, maybe we can rearrange some things!”

[prlssprfctn]

I need a very specific fic, where Batfam is met by some kind of Goddess of Misery that keeps making others go through *something*, but once she is faced with Jason, she just... shrugs. She can't do more. He has already gone through all of it. His heart is full of pain. There is nothing more for him left for her to offer. The best she could do to is to offer her pity. Jason laughs until there are tears in the corners of his eyes. He wonders if it is ever going to stop.

[danny-with-a-y]

During the peak Fortnight dance era, Damian finishes tying up a random goon but is stuck waiting a minute.

Bored af, he looks the goon dead in the eye and starts flossing flawlessly.

After a moment he stops and leans in close to the now terrified goon.

“No one will ever believe you.”

I think more people need to play around with Damian's speech. Don't get me wrong, I love the antiquated Victorian child style of speech, but also he's a teenager that swears plenty in the comics. We really need more scenes like:

Damian: Father, I regret to inform you that I have been assigned in-school suspension for the next three days.

Bruce: What, why?!

Damian: My classmate Kevin was disparaging a female classmate for turning him down, so I called him 'a rizz-less, basic-ass neckbeard bitch' and said I was going to fuck his mom and give her a son she'd actually love.

Bruce: *is completely speechless*

Damian: That is all I needed to tell you. If you will excuse me, I have homework to complete before dinner and patrol.