#batfamily

[abisalli]

All our times have come, here but now they're gone

[jellllllo-bowl]

idea from this post by mothemotics and replies from wateroflifefrommountains

[violetsyrenart]

The gap.

[spicy-apple-pie]

Damian gets de aged to baby age and Bruce is absolutely delighted.

Like, he’s concerned, because he loves his 10 year old Damian. He would be heartbroken if it was permanent, it would be like Damian died.

But as soon as they confirm that it’s all temporary, he’s relieved, but down plays his excitement. A whole week with his (now literal) baby boy.

One of his biggest regrets in life was not being able to see Damian as a baby. It’s different with his other kids because they had parents and he repeated that he could never replace them. Damian on the other hand, he should’ve been there. He would’ve been, had he’d known. So he really feels like he missed out on that aspect.

When Dick insists that he holds and plays with Damian, he gets all pouty and quiet. Because how ridiculous is it to be jealous over a babies attention. Until he notices Damian keeps looking back at Bruce, as if making sure he’s still there. And he realizes that Damian, even though he’s happily playing with Dick, wants him around. And he’s so proud of himself. He’s getting a good grade in Dad.

It’s all fun and games until it’s time for bedtime and turns out, Damian is a clingy baby. Bruce basically has to sleep with one hand in the crib for Damian to hold for him to even consider sleeping.

[corkinavoid]

DDxDC The More The Merrier

Exactly a year after Talia brought Damian to Bruce, she shows up again. With another child. That looks like a carbon copy of Damian. She introduces him as Danyal, Damian's twin that was in an undercover mission for the last few years.

Bruce's eye twitches, but he deals with it. At least it's not a clone - Damian proved his mother's words to be true, Danyal really is his twin brother. So the Bats are just kind of forced to accept the fact. And the kid.

Danyal is a literal fucking menace. Contrary to Damian, he doesn't stab or bite, but he is absolutely chaotic. And, in addition to that, he has zero self-preservation instincts. None of it. The only two people in the family he has a truce with are Cass and Steph. Cass, because he has yet to take her by surprise, and Steph, because she is his partner in crime. Tim, though, Tim is on the verge of going insane with two little assassin bats running around the manor.

A year later, on the anniversary of Damian and Danyal's arrival, Talia shows up again. With, you guessed it, another kid. This one is a bit older - sixteen or so - and he has an angry glare that can be compared only to Jason's on a warpath. Dante, he calls himself, and the Demon Twins narrow their eyes on him. Bruce knows this look intimately. Sibling rivalry at its finest.

The next year is full of said sibling rivalry, performed by three highly skilled assassins. Dick is constantly worried one day one of them will die, and not because of a Rogue attack. The kids are fucking wild, acting like rabid dogs on steroids. They destroyed a wall once by throwing Dante through it. Alfred gave them a lecture. It didn't help.

The next year, Bruce opens the door to Talia even before she rings the doorbell. He looks at the four-year-old girl that looks like a mirror image of Damian, Danyal and Dante, and asks, tired and defeated:

"How many more?"

Talia only smiles. The girl looks at him with big, innocent puppy eyes that don't fool Bruce anymore.

Tim, who watches the scene through the surveillance cameras in the Batcave, pulls up a file and starts drafting his last will.

[not-another-robin]

Kisses his stupid cowl

[frownyalfred]

enough about Damian being like his father. according to tiktok, Jon’s superpower is taming Damian Wayne and he absolutely 100% inherited that from his father.

[incorrectbatfam]

Bruce: I keep thinking about which horror movies I’d make my kids watch.

Selina: I don’t wanna have kids with you.

Bruce: Why? They’d love it.

Selina: Oh, so you wanna have kids with me?

Bruce: When I die mysteriously at 46, the nights in which we cuddled on the couch watching horror movies will be their favorite memory of me.

Selina: Or they’ll think your ghost still haunts our house.

Bruce: Which is pretty comforting.

[boombaux]

dick picking jason up from a random address like a divorced mother picking her child up from school

[bruciemilf]

AUs where Thomas and Martha come back to life are significantly funnier if you consider the possibility of them adopting Harley and Oliver.

Bruce needs to cuddle Damian like an emotional support cat while all three of his parents argue in the kitchen. Dick would join, but he’s a bit too shell shocked that his dead grandparents are, you know, standing in his kitchen.

“Okay, so wait, he didn’t finish med school?! I specifically requested it!”

“I’m sorry, have you tried wrangling your feral batch of kittens before? The only one who successfully graduated is Harley.”

Oliver throws his hands in the air while Harley preens, “I finished business school!”

Martha sighs, “So did Lex Luthor, my darling.”

“Okay, well, I’m gonna die before I become a billionaire, so there.”

“Hell yeah, that’s my girl.”

“Sadly, she was discredited once her turbulent affair with the clown started…”

Thomas guffaws. Looking at Alfred like he said the most unbelievable shit in the world.

“Harley. Dated a man. OUR Harley?”

“I was equally disappointed.”

“Okay, well, favorite in law, 1 2 3 go,”

They all say Dinah at the same time, much to Bruce’s dismay. He gets it, but Clark is very kind to him. “Papa!”

Thomas shrugs, “I’m a Virgo, not a liar.”

[violent138]

I think the Batfamily can be organized by levels of germaphobia:

Least concerned/worst offenders:

Bruce - established grand tradition of running around in sewers 

Dick - licks evidence off the ground. Will wear the same domino mask for multiple days. 

Tim- enjoys being stabbed in the chest by blades that may or may not be clean. Long career as a skateboarder means his board has been tossed (to the horror of others) onto his bed/their car seats.

Jason - Expiry dates are a myth. Also see penchant for severing heads and then using the same gloves to answer his phone 

Mid-Level Offenders

Stephanie- likes swimming. In Gotham. Also a sewer acolyte.

Babs - Has made out with Canary in the most dubious of make out spots. Will also drink coffee that has been there for an indeterminate amount of time.  

They're Doing Their Best

Damian - Adopter of random animals, however he was raised extremely well and performs wazu five times a day 

Cass- Will eat from dubious food carts, however she does take ridiculously long showers 

Duke- (Has microscopic vision and will get grossed out pretty quick), everything he's done in sewers has been against his will, raised by a mom who was a neat freak.

[vespertilionis]

Bruce: “Has anybody here had any contact with Jason in the last five months?”

Steph, who has been exchanging rants about their favorite shows with him daily and is currenly typing a new one: “…No.”

[nightmare-foundation]

Yknow, i always thought it was genuinely insane how people laugh at the time when Cass threw Dick out a window.

Bc, like, iirc Barbara dumped Dick because she saw Dick being SA'd by Tarantula (non-consensually kissed) and went "he's cheating on me!"

So like. The whole reason Cass threw Dick out a window is bc Barbara dumped him for being SA'd, if I have my timeline correct.

And uh... how the fuck is that funny?? It's actually kinda messed up imo. Granted in-universe you can't really blame Cass bc iirc she didn't have the full picture, but still.

Its just... it's not funny to me and I don't see why people think it's hilarious

[spicy-apple-pie]

so, how we feeling about Talia's explanation? Good? Bad? lmk what you guys think

Prev / Index

Commission Info / Kofi

[gothamite-rambler]

Bruce: You are grounded!

Jason (whole adult): You can't ground me!

Bruce: Grounded!

Jason: But I don't even live here!

Bruce turns Jason around and points to the stairs to his old room.

Bruce: The night, your room. Grounded!

Jason: This some bullshit!

Jason stomps upstairs and heads to his old room. A door slam is heard and then the sounds of random items being tossed around.

Bruce: He'll work it out his system. I'm going to bed.

Dick (looking at Tim confused and then Bruce as the man heads upstairs): Did you just ground a 23 year old?

Tim: And did it work?

Bruce: You forget I'm Batman.

[not-another-robin]

Kisses his big bald head. Leaves