#batfamily headcanons

[gothamite-rambler]

Batman: You took Bane down?

Red Robin (bloody hands): Yeah... Kind of blacked out.

Batman: How?

Harley Quinn standing to the side.

Harley: Bane brought up the kids dead parents he was unaware they died and... you evah seen a raccoon with rabies? Yeah he became that and took him down.

Red Robin: Oh, that's right, that did happen. Robin chuckles nervously.

Batman: What did he say?

Harley shakes her head to end the conversation. Red Robin's left eye twitches.

Batman: Um... You don't have to answer. Good job Robin.

Red Robin (perking up): Thank you, Batman. I'm going to wash my hands.

Red Robin leaves, Harley gives him a supportive smile. When he's gone she walks to over to Bruce.

Harley: How did his mom and dad die? Because boy howdy his reaction was ... Intense and I know your history.

Batman: Long story, but it's a trigger for him. Seriously what did Bane say about his parents?

Harley: A lot of creepy things he'd do to his mother mostly. Like he wouldn't let up.

Batman: So completely deserved? Cool.

[numberonedukethomasapologist]

YALL BETTER EAT DOWN THIS OCTOBER

I BETTER SEE THE MOST HEART SHATTERING WHUMPTOBER FICS

JUICIEST KINKTOBER FICS

COZIEST FLUFFTOBER FICS

THE MOST JAW DROPPING INKTOBER ART

SHII I'LL EVEN TAKE GORETOBER ART

[soulless-bex]

Jason Todd casually mentioning he never had sex because he died at fifteen and had some “realizations” after he came back, leading the rest of the family to think that he thinks that no one would want to sleep with him because he died and feeling terrible about it, but actually he’s just ace.

[yourlocal-edgelord]

My personal headcanon on Al Ghuls goes like this:

Ra's was an Arab man, married a Persian woman so Talia and Damian are Arab-Persians.

I got this idea after seeing the style Talia is drawn in in many comics. Very Persian-coded imo.

Ok now that you’ve said it I cant unsee persian Talia 😭

its is canonical that ra’s is also like 1/2 chinese, but talia is also 1/2 chinese so I think like its a possibility her mom was half persian half chinese but what arabic ethnicity would ra’s be, i think its like half egyptian tho bc apparently he was born in north africa near an egyptian sultanate.

so damian having both persian and egyptian roots would be interesting

[damianwaynerocks]

saw someone say months ago that the best cover story for jason coming back to life in the public eye is to say he was in witness protection. and i agree with that! but id like to add: jason would make a public statement saying that the reason he was in witness protection is “i saw joker kill robin”

[magic-crazy-as-this]

Every once and a while, the Batkids will try and pretend to be Bruce over the radio whilst on patrol.

Tim (as low and gravelly as he can go): "Oracle! Analysis!" Barbara (nonplussed): "Red Robin, I can see which channels are lit up when you speak, I know that's you." Tim: "I AM THE NIIIIIIIGHT...!"

Batman is not pleased. The kids only do this more.

[bats-and-the-birds]

Batman being aggressively secretive towards the Justice League is one of my favorite tropes, but it gets INFINITELY funnier when you take the younger generations of heroes into consideration.

Barry Allen? He doesn't know shit about Batman, still partially convinced he's not human, still a little bit scared to talk to him. But Wally West? That's Nightwing's best friend. He's been around Dick since both of them were kids. He's had sleepovers at the manor since he was thirteen.

I just think it would be hilarious if all of the younger generations 100% know that Batman is Bruce Wayne. They've slept at the manor, some of them have taken various Batkids to school dances, they've been offered Alfred's cooking. And all because they've gotten close to at least one Batkid and said Batkid wore Bruce down until he let them reveal their identity. But all of them manage to keep this information from their mentors. Either purposefully or completely on accident.

Then you end up with a situation where the younger generations grow up and join the League and the older members Very Quickly realize that they seem a lot more comfortable with Batman than they should be.

[oldmannapping]

Crack HC, because is there any other kind?

Bruce realises embarrassingly late that his Batkids can’t swim.

Gotham’s beach water is pure chemicals and sewage, and the city’s public school funding doesn’t exactly prioritise teaching kids to swim. Steph, Duke and Jason had never seen a swimming pool before meeting Bruce.

Tim’s parents meant to sign him up for swim lessons after he fell into their indoor fountain when he was three and nearly drowned - it would have been so embarrassing if it happened when they had guests! - but forgot.

So Bruce is like. Oh no my baby-soldiers must learn to swim.

Damian insists that since the League trained him to withstand waterboarding, he’s fine. Bruce pulls a muscle in his cheek from clenching his jaw so hard.

Dick insists that he can swim and manages one impressive mermaid-style undulation before becoming disoriented and slamming into the wall.

Duke covers himself in floaties and clings to a pool noodle for dear life, eschewing dignity because “this isn’t how I die”.

Conversely, Tim sinks like a stone, curls up on the bottom of the pool, and waits for death.

Cass, with the lowest body fat percentage, also sinks but manages to squeeze into one of the drains. She re-emerges six hours later in an estuary in New Jersey.

Steph refuses to let go of the wall by the deep end, scuttling away like a crab when Bruce tries to poke her into the water with a skimmer net.

Jason scoffs at them all and manages a perfect swan dive before flailing and crashing into Steph, causing both of them to panic and use each other as ladders to get out.

Alfred asks Barbara for the security camera footage and makes everyone watch it twice a year to keep their egos in check.

[lizardpersonyknow]

Tim drake but he has a completely unexplainable beef with one of the lesser Gotham rogues. I'm thinking like kite man or something. Where anyone who sees him fight them feels the need to pull him aside because it sounds like he is deliberately digging in to deeply personal traumas of that villain to hurt them. He regularly makes this rogue cry. He only ever says "they know what they did". Asking the rogue? "I know what I did :(". And yet, the rogue still makes specific effort to trap him.

Years later it comes out that he and this rogue thought it was funny watching the batfam and Gotham's collective concern and confusion. I headcanon that every Gotham rogue has been to at least one summer camp for theatre. The rogue can cry on command. It's literally just a bit.

[violent138]

It would be so funny to have Bruce reckon with his kids' weird forms of schooling. For obvious reasons, a bunch never finished much/are in the process, but he turns to Tim, and goes, "At least you've got your high school--" and Tim gives him a look.

In the midst of babysitting Bruce, concocting a fake uncle, and dealing with vigilantism, and the inability to crawl of out bed after training, Tim hasn't been to school in years.

[gotham-bird]

Clark Kent, intrepid reporter: I’ll go anywhere, interview anyone, do any story! I’ll do anything for the sake of journalism!

Clark’s boss: Go interview the Waynes.

Clark:…. Except that.

Clark’s boss: And why not?

Clark:… they scare me.

The entirety of Gotham City: AND HOW DO YOU THINK WE FEEL?!

[gothamite-rambler]

Scarecrow (British accent): Hey, kid you've been breathing in my fear toxin for a few minutes. I usually relish this, but you're not even screaming or crying. Red Robin (Tim): My dad just died and ... I have accepted that life is meaningless. I have nothing to fear because what's to fear when you give up on life? Scarecrow: Deep depression from the loss of a parent is typical. This sadness will pass with time. Robin: There's no passing... I feel nothing. There's no joy in anything, being happy... the moments with your parents. Batman walks over to Red Robin and puts a mask on his face then turns him away to walk to the car. Batman: You can sit this one out, okay? You're going through a lot and I don't want you to go insane from the toxin. Red Robin: Okay. I'll sit in the car and wait for the seconds to tick... tick ... tick. Red Robin walks away. Scarecrow: Hey, kid I may be clinically insane, but don't give up on life. It'll get easier. Red Robin waves his hand faintly while walking to the car. Scarecrow: You're going to give him the usual antidote, right?

Batman (nodding): Yeah, sorry about that, he's usually... not acting like me on a bad day. Scarecrow: I heard his dad called him before he got killed. Hilarious to me, but I imagine a normal person would be shell shocked after it all settles in. I'm guessing he masks in front of others as a defense mechanism? Batman: Yeah, he masks it well with his friends, but then when he's with me... that happens and I can't handle it. Scarecrow (crossing his arms): He's continuing to fight crime with you which is admirable. Working is better than laying around all day. Grief can hinder progress in life, so you just have to keep moving. Batman: Right... I forget you were a professor of psychology before you went insane. Can I just take you down and arrest you early? Scarecrow: Yeah, sure mate. I saw a young man who is reeling from his father's death and that's satisfying enough for me. Batman glares at the man and punches him unconcious. Batman: You had to make it weird.

[numberonedukethomasapologist]

Yall think the gotham residents ever yell at the bats to stfu when their being to loud at night of do sumn dumb?

*batman and red hood arguing on a roof*

Random gothamite: Shut. The. Hell. Up.- I just got my baby to sleep almost through the night and if she wakes up cuz of yalls hollerin I'm going to cook you.

*signal crashes through a store window fighting croc*

Store owner: What the fuck?!? *grabs broom and starts beating croc in the face till he backs out the window*

Signal: Th-

Owner: ah ah ah- gtfo- or do i have to use the broom on you?

*spoiler and red robin telling the worst puns imaginable while sitting on someone balcony*

Gothamite: *opens window* listen idgaf about you using my balcony as a personal lounge but if I hear one more pun I'm pushing you off..

[strange-birb]

Based on og bost by @thethirdtriplet

Order left to right pic 1 lolz

Damian, cass, dick, duke, Tim, Steph :)

[cardinalcheerio]

Tim: Hey dick?

Dick: yeah?

Tim: Sooo... if someone were to hypothetically steal a sculpture called "The Hand". Would they call the heist, "The Hand Job"?

Dick *grinning and searching sculptures*: be a worse crime not to name it that

[damianwaynerocks]

cold take: jason todd smokes cigarettes

hot take: jason would never smoke cigarettes due to ptsd from dying of smoke inhalation

hotter take: jason forces himself to smoke cigarettes to prove to himself that he isn’t affected by it anymore