#batkids

[incorrectbatfam]

Bruce: I keep thinking about which horror movies I’d make my kids watch.

Selina: I don’t wanna have kids with you.

Bruce: Why? They’d love it.

Selina: Oh, so you wanna have kids with me?

Bruce: When I die mysteriously at 46, the nights in which we cuddled on the couch watching horror movies will be their favorite memory of me.

Selina: Or they’ll think your ghost still haunts our house.

Bruce: Which is pretty comforting.

[frownyalfred]

something I don’t think is explored enough in canon AND fic is how every single Bat, but especially Batman himself, would absolutely give anyone with formal military training heart palpitations if they saw them in action. oh you can fly a plane? you’re used to sophisticated combat? WHERE ARE YOUR VERBAL COMMANDS? how are you preventing friendly fire? what is the chain of command? why are you ignoring air traffic control in downtown airspace—

[vespertilionis]

Bruce: “Has anybody here had any contact with Jason in the last five months?”

Steph, who has been exchanging rants about their favorite shows with him daily and is currenly typing a new one: “…No.”

[gothamite-rambler]

I headcanon some of the batfamily enjoy watching true crime content while being crime fighters. Either to pick apart the crime or just because it's relaxing for them to listen to.

Jason: So you just watch a guy on YouTube talk about disturbing history? Cass: And true crime. Jason: Why? You're a crime fighter. Cass (shrugging): Eh, it's interesting learning about this stuff and I can eat while watching it. Jason: You're one of those people who have to watch a video while eating? Cass (chewing on her burger): Mm-hm. Fry? Jason smiles and takes a fry while watching the video with his sister. Jason: I thought they couldn't find the killer. Cass: DNA testing, baby!

[satanslittlefucker]

Jason: Fuck's wrong with Timberlina over there?

Tim, hunched over the batcomputer, eyes feverish, slightly shaking: Drank two mugs of dark coffee and then a slightly larger jug of light coffee today. Think I'm gonna see God in a bit now.

Dick: ...should i call B?

Damian, setting another cup next to Tim: Not yet, Grayson. I'm curious to see how long before Drake starts seeing the ghosts of my ancestors.

[shyjusticewarrior]

[dragonpyre]

Part 2 of this piece

Commission info / ko-fi

[ghosty-batsy]

POV: Steph just got into an argument with a 10 year old

Stephanie: "Why are you so horrible?!" Damian: "Why did you start stuffing your costume?" Stephanie: "..You little shit-" Tim, Barbara, Dick, Mariam, Jason, Cassandra: *Weezing*

[ao3sbatfamily]

Any cuddle pollen fics w/an angsty twist of the knife?

'how glad am i; to experience forgiveness like this' by KlyssaCarrie

"Jesus, fuck, kid," Jason hisses. Tim gives a pathetic whimper from where he hangs limply on Jason's shoulder, one that twists Jason's heart strings and ties his stomach up in knots because the last time he heard Tim like that he was donning a new, red, helmet, and Tim was still Robin, cowering in the corner of the Titan's Tower -

No. Don't think about that. Get the kid safe.

Jason practically shoves him into the decontamination shower, ridding his skin from the golden dusts spread thinly over everywhere. There's no way that he's going to be completely pollen-free - Jason's not fast enough for that, he wasn't fast enough, he's never fast enough - but that'll at least mitigate the damage. Tim gives another wheeze under the shower - Jason towels him off quick and changes him into the most comfortable clothes he can find because he knows how Tim gets when he's on toxin.

God. Cuddle pollen and fear toxin. Hopefully, they would cancel each other out, and Tim would just spend the night in the Cave shivering through it.

Jason's never been hopeful.

[incorrectbatfam]

Cassandra: Sorry if I’m not your cup of tea. I’m not even my own cup of tea. I’m barely a cup and I don’t like tea. I’m more like a rusty bucket of haunted bog water. Sorry if I’m not your rusty bucket of haunted bog water.

[lynnrawr]

Okay a list of all the batkids I know! Am I missing any??

Dick

Jason

Carrie

Tim

Stephanie

Damien

Duke

Cass

Claire

Mia (Maps)

Cullen

Harper

Barbra

[razzledazzle0]

free

Dick about Jason: Free my brother, he did all of it but I don't care

Jason who just killed like 4 people: Yeah...

[gothamite-rambler]

Robin Jr.: Can you help us? Calendar Man, in his cell, rips a page off his memo pad that was forming into carved art. Calendar Man: No. Robin Jr.: Please. Calendar Man (sighing): I'm not helping you catch some copycat version of me! Batman attempts to talk, but his son holds up his hand to silence him. Robin Jr.: Why not? Calendar Man: Because I'm already pissed he's stealing my schtick. I want nothing to do with him. Robin Jr.: If you help us, we'll give you a calendar subscription. A calendar every month and every year. You get one of your liking or surprises. Batman: I told you that wouldn't work. Calendar Man walks over to the cell bars. Calendar Man: Provide a Sharpie pen and we have a deal. Robin Jr.: You want a specific color? Calendar Man: Can I have green? Robin Jr.: Sure. Calendar Man: I'll help you out then. Batman: What? Robin Jr.: Thank you, Julian. Father, get the order started while I give him the notes. Julian: Aww that's so cute, he called you father. Batman walks off grumbling and annoyed. Batman: Freaking calendar of the month and marker and he folds, this some bullshit.

[haveihitanerve]

Headcanon that Bruce’s kids have all pulled the ‘you're not my father card’ at some point or the other and by the time steph rolled around he didn't even take it seriously

Of course, the first time dick said it, bruce cried himself to sleep. But by the eighteenth time, he was numb to it. “Dickie just eat your peas.” 

The first time jason did it Bruce pulled him aside and said “i know Im not, but that doesn't mean i don't care for you jason.” by the twenty fifth time he just held up the adoption papers

The first time Tim said it Bruce laughed. “Tim, you literally forced me to adopt you. Yes I am your father.” Tim didn't bother to say it from then on, maybe muttering ‘you're not my dad!’ under his breath at the computer, just for bruce to whisper ominously ‘yes i am.’ 

When Steph said it, full of anger and hate and sadness and fear, bruce just followed her and said “you're right. Im not your father. And i will never be your father. But, if you'll let me, id like to be better.” After that any time steph said ‘ur not my father’ bruce would just respond with ‘never will be’

Cass said “your are my father” and left no room for argument

Babs said “ur not my dad or my father or even close to being any of it, but you are my mom.” bruce just had to accept that

When damian said it bruce just stood there for a solid fifteen minutes rebooting. Dick and jason fell out of their chairs laughing. 

Duke specifically went “ur my dad! My dad! Boogie woogie woogie!’ and bruce was just like ‘bet aight.”

[shyjusticewarrior]

Broke: Damian bites people

Woke: Jason bites people

[fanaticalthings]

Bruce Wayne except he texts like an ominous boomer

wdym you can't tell if he's threatening them?

Based on this post by @mysterycitrus :)

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Bonus:

Happy birthday, Tim 🥰