#batkids

[ky-landfill]

[n0tsketchyy]

headcanon that the bat kids have a shared note on their phones called "shit bruce says that's technically not a lie but is INCREDIBLY misleading"

examples include:

bruce, calmly sipping coffee while covered in bandages: "the mission went fine"

bruce, after disappearing for 3 days: "i was busy with work"

bruce, to a socialite asking about his kids: "they're very well-behaved"

bruce, after alfred finds him testing potentially lethal tech on himself: "the chances of catastrophic failure are statistically insignificant"

and the latest addition, from last tuesday:

tim: "did you seriously tell superman you were 'mildly inconvenienced' when you had THREE BROKEN RIBS?"

bruce, not looking up from his computer: "three broken ribs IS a mild inconvenience"

jason, walking past: "to fucking WHO?"

bruce: "language."

jason: "TO WHOM, then, you absolute psychopath?"

———

damian adds his own entry later that night:

"Father told me today that Grayson was 'somewhat enthusiastic' as Robin. This is the same Grayson who did a quadruple somersault off a skyscraper just to catch a hat that was blowing away from a civilian."

dick, reading over his shoulder: "in my defense, it was a really nice hat."

[mqsoreshi]

Post just to remind all of you that Batman's true identity is Bruce Wayne being a good father. Batdad Bruce is his true identity. DC just has alzheimer :v

[iamliquid]

Jason hit by cuddle pollen

Bruce: So, mind explaining how and why you were in the middle of a cuddle pollen drop?

Jason: *Rolled up like a burrito his little legs sticking out of the 2 different blankets around him and his head sticking out on the top, shaking his head which was resting on Bruce's shoulder*

Bruce: *Quietly relishing in the fact Jason choose him first (shockingly) than the rest of his family or friends*

A few minutes later Jason got bored of Bruce and started wandering the manor eventually ending up in Dicks room

Dick: Now, I'm not gonna question how or why. Because I love this. You should cuddle more with me Jaybird!

Jason: *Can't even bother answering Dick knowing even if he did. It wouldn't change anything.*

Alfred: Ah master Dick, Master Jason. I see you're spending time together, do you two need anything?

Dick: I don't think so. But thanks for asking Alfred! Anyways-

And then Dick proceeded to talk about everything and nothing while Jason just fell asleep after a while.

Bonus!

Tim: Do I want to question why you choose me?

Jason: No.

Tim: I.. honestly don't know how to answer. I'm flattered I guess? I mean.. I could sleep to this..

Jason: ...You know you can always come to me if you can't sleep right?

Tim: Thanks.

Jason: Don't mention it. Like actually don't mention it, I can't have people finding out or I gotta start killing again.

[san-fics]

Damian and Dick are choosing a mosquito net, but they disagree on whether it will withstand the attacks of Alfred the cat and Titus the dog.. Dick: They'll tear it! Damian: They won't! Dick: I'm telling you - they'll tear it apart! Saleswoman: What kind of mosquitoes do you have there?!

[justiceiscalling]

random batkids headcanons cause i said so (some are good, some are bad, some are decent. you’ll live, i swear.)

damian wakes up at five in the morning everyday no matter what. he trains. he walks titus, sometimes he goes on runs with them. he showers. and he’s back in time for breakfast.

when duke can’t fall asleep and he’s really bored, he trails a random member of the family that’s patrolling and fucks with the shadows and lights to make them think they’re going crazy

tim zoned out once in class and when he came back to himself he had finished his entire homework, on a freshly learned subject, and not a single answer was wrong. it really inflated his ego.

stephanie was on patrol and was arguing with jason via comms while grappling and then there was a loud ‘BANG’ and she got so scared she fell. turns out the bang was jason falling on top of a trash can

duke, sleep deprived and stupid, was looking for damian once and walked into the barn. he had a four minute conversation with the cow, convinced damian was somewhere in the barn.

one time jason, tim, and damian got stuck in a month long n prank war with eachother and jason dyed batcow green. this lead to the prank war taking a violent turn because damian just started fucking with jason’s weapons and shit and tim was like ‘you either eat or get eaten’ so he started messing with their equipments. safe to say, bruce came back from space pissed off.

in that time when damian couldn’t get the green dye off batcow, dick visits gotham unaware of the prank war and absolutely shitfaced, he walks into the barn and has an hour long conversation with batcow because he thinks it’s beastboy. duke walks in on this and genuinely thinks that he made the same mistake duke had made previously and it leads to a lot of confusion.

duke and damian went ice skating once for publicity, because the tabloids were saying shit about duke not ‘really’ being their brother. damian never told him but it was the most fun he had with any of his siblings in a while

cass has a ballet recital in europe and doesn’t tell the family, not for any particular reason just because she was busy and had forgotten to mention it. EVERY single one of them show up anyway. no one ever says who it was that found out about the recital but cass knows it’s tim.

tim drake hallucinates dead damian more than once. idk if this is canon or not but him hugging damian and then him never being a hallucination again is shit so, he hallucinates dead damian a few times to be like ‘huh, i hope this isn’t like a i-need-to-be-hospitalized thing’ but not enough where he is convinced he’s schizophrenic

on the same page, dick hallucinated dead damian and dead alfred. im half convinced he had dinner with dead-alfred, dead-damian, and dead-jason, at a really low point in his life.

after alfred died, damian learned how to cook. he kind of knew how to before but he hadn't cooked a solo-meal ever, alfred was always there to help. after his death bruce cooked a meal and damian was like 'fuck. i have to learn how to cook now. for the safety of thomas, father, and i'

tim once got so drunk he confessed his feelings for kon to jason. jason teased him for years, using the exact same wording whenever kon was around. (‘i like the suit superboy’ - tim ‘yeah. the suit brings out your eyes. i feel like you—wearing that suit—could make someone forget how to operate so much that they fall face first into a bowl of cereal’ - jason ‘cool.. should that be, like, a goal?’ -kon)

damian has like this weird idea that jason gets around and is so fucking shocked when jason’s kiss count is less that the two hundred he had imagined.

damian does street art. he has a whole persona, he wears a mask, spray-paints, and has about a billion spray-cans. his art is widely known around gotham.

he tells none of his siblings but tim is the first to find out anyway.

damian will use talia’s achievements in any and every argument he possibly can to piss bruce off. ( ‘just because you didn’t finish medical school and mother did does not mean..’ - damian. more than once)

duke and damian are the closest siblings. all the other siblings kind of drift apart, the way siblings do when they move out, but duke and damian both lived in the manor at the same time with each other as (probably) one of their only forms of communication.

duke doesn't hate dick, but he's definitely his least favorite sibling. for a bit, he doesn't even really view him as a sibling, he's just kind of his siblings-sibling, if that makes sense (ex: jasons

stephanie has an embarrassing love for the twilight movies. she has the books too and she loves them, but she’s always been a movie-girl and she knows every line in every one of the movies. she makes all her new friends watch at least one of them.

tim is the same but with the hunger games series, dick with any animated disney movie, duke with harry potter, and damian with the national geographic channel.

jason is a sucker for rom-coms.

cass favors movies where the actors are either bone-chillingly good or are in love with each other in real life, because she HATES that she knows that they’re faking it.

tim is falling behind on slang and damian and duke keep making fun of him for it. tim hates it. he feels prehistoric. like jason. or worse, dick.

for fun and out of curiosity, tim, dick, steph, and duke read fanfictions of themselves out loud. (like that one sturniolo triplets vid from however long ago). stephanie didn’t have any, and since she wasn’t related to any of them she’d be the reader and whenever it talked about how tim was in a relationship she’d say ‘WRONG’ and leave comments about it on the wattpad or ao3 fic

tim goes back to the fics written about him. he just wants to know how the public perceives him.

[pinkpigsfly147]

Nothing will ever break me more than the fact that Tim and Dick were the first to meet each other, before Dick met Bruce, before Tim started fanning over the bats. They met before everything, and that means everything to me.

[frownyalfred]

actually the idea that Dick, the eldest, the only one who ever wore the cowl long term, the only one who raised a Robin on his own, is also the only one who can successfully, perfectly replicate that barked ROBIN! in Bruce's voice? the only one who can pull that exact tone from the depths of his soul, to the point where his voice is identical, so identical that old Robins like Jason are obeying before their minds even realize their bodies are moving? that Dick is the only one, has always been the only one, who can channel Bruce's voice? can channel Batman himself? I am going feral

[anonyunknownonearth]

Tim: Have you ever cheated on a test or exam?

Jason: No? You just study you know?

Stephanie: You know I have

Damian: Tt, of course you have, and it is not hard to understand why Timothy is inquiring.

Tim: *raised eyebrow*

Damian: No, I have not cheated on an exam. Why would I need to?

Tim: I’m just asking, brat

Tim & Damian: *devolve into bickering*

[In the background]

Duke: Y’know I once cheated on an eye test.

Stephanie: Aren’t you like,, a meta? Don’t you have powers?

Duke: Yeah, but this was before I discovered them.

Jason: How do you cheat on an eye sight exam??

Jason:*whispering* Why do you cheat on an eye exam??? Why can’t we just be normal people????

Bruce in the corner originally trying to mind his own business, ends up trying to process what he’s hearing:

[redbatsstuff]

When I read a super good fic summary and I’m like “OMG this is gonna be amazing,” but then I scroll down and see something like batkid/batkid or batkid/Batman and I’m just like NOPE. Instant ick. Why would you do that 😭💀

[batsandbirdbrains]

Another silly little headcanon that came about because I once again have South Park on in the background while I’m working

I want the Batkids to have a TikTok where they just constantly make videos using the obnoxious South Park Canadian voice and say “As you can see this is a sad day for Gotham, and therefore, the World” and it’s a video of them standing in front of Poison Ivy taking over Robinson Park, or Condiment King acting like a menace on top of Bat Burger while they’re just trying to get lunch.

Do they do this as the Waynes or as the Bats? Either works.

If they’re the Waynes, also consider: “And the billionaire is violently hungover and being scolded by his butler, as is tradition,” and it’s one of them standing in front of a very hungover Brucie Wayne while the TV is playing a news broadcast about how Brucie fell in a fountain last night at a party, and Alfred is admonishing him in the background. Or they have a video of Bruce stubbing his toe in the manor and being super dramatic about it and they’ve voiced over with “As you can see this is a sad day for Gotham, and therefore, the World.”

Idk I just want the batbros being goofy and trolling Bruce

[siriusly-dc]

Reasons why I think it’s extra fun if the Batkids are majority alphas in an ABO AU

I think the whole “grow up to protect Bruce” mentality is just so interesting esp when applied to Dick.

Like as in: when I grow up imma be an alpha and protect Bruce so he doesn’t have to do “x” and then all those creeps who come up to him as Brucie I’ll finally be able to sock them in the face

It really pays homage to the hole “pay him back for all he’s done for me” thing the robins tend to have

And allows for a really nice dynamic to play out

It’s really nice when paired with Omega!Jason who perhaps as a kid wanted to be an alpha to specifically protect Bruce and this also allows Bruce to really see a reflection of himself in Jason after he gets revived and means a lot more angst in his behalf

It very much plays out similarly to the dynamic single mothers have with their children especially those who come from traumatic backgrounds. The whole she did so much and sacrificed so much for me even if she made mistakes I loved her, thing.

I very much think that’s the dynamic they have normally and an ABO Au with Omega!Bruce would allow for it to be portrayed very explicitly and easily.

Especially when paired with Bruce’s absolute lack of self preservation self worth and confidence. He sacrifices a lot and would likely inflict a lot of damage on himself in the name of his mission to protect others.

Which leads to a rather haunting respect, a rather similar thing felt my children to parents/mothers in an abusive home or single parent home

…lowkey a thought inspired by A coral room in the first of @frownyalfred’s series icl i love that heat scene w baby Jayson being all serious w Bruce just going 😩🥹 baby

[mqsoreshi]

I have to share this—this actually happened to me with one of my little cousins. Channeling my traumas with fictional characters is my passion. :v

Imagine Bruce being extremely nervous about taking care of baby Damian.

Damian was so small, so fragile, so squishy, and Bruce was this giant man—built like a tank, all muscle, super strong, and ridiculously tall.

The first time he had to give Damian a bottle of formula, everything started off fine. Bruce held Damian the right way, the milk was at a good temperature.

But... just like how adults can drink water non-stop, Bruce wasn't sure if babies did the same. How they managed to eat and breath at the same time? He didn’t know if he was supposed to tilt the bottle away now and then to give Damian a moment to breath.

But when he did try, Damian held resistence and tried to keep the bottle near his mouth. So Bruce just froze there, holding the bottle still until Damian finished it.

And once he did—this tiny baby just took these long, fast breaths like he had completely run out of air.

Bruce. Almost. Cried.

He genuinely thought he almost drowned his baby. 😭

After that, he was terrified every time feeding time came around.

Eventually, he figured out the correct way, but he never told anyone about it. It became one of those “only a parent will understand” moments. Something he kept to himself.

[loomingspector]

There is no fucking way

Robins #2

Jason looks like he's on a boyband cover, with that over the shoulder look

Tim's evil grin, ready to fuck some shit up

Dick's long hair

Steph's eyes being 40% of her mask

Damian's pineapple spiky hair.

What is not to love about this cover OMG

[straywayne]

It's so cute !!!

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