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#batkids podcast
qcomicsy · 1 year
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If the batkids had a podcast
Redhood: I was a pretty easy child-
Nightwing: You were.
Redhood: Straight A's and everything. Like, I would be hanging out with Batman- (laugh) I would be- You know right?
Nightwing: Yeah.
Redhood: Just chilling. No patrol day. And he would be like "what do you want to do?" and I would be like- "Read! :D"
Nightwing *chuckles*: "Homework!"
Redhood: "Homework!". And then- And then I fucking died-
Red Robin: WHEZE.
Redhood: I fucking- Don't be a easy child.
Red Robin (chocking): Don't be a good kid.
Redhood: Don't be a good kid. Start- I don't know– Start throwing shit on fire or something.
Next post
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shyjusticewarrior · 9 months
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DC Comics Incorrect Quotes Pt 53
Dick: The other day, he was here-
Tim: No, fuck you, don't-don't-don't-don't! Don't you dare!
Dick: The other day he was here and on his computer, and he looked up a brick of tea leaves and it was fifteen hundred dollars. For tea leaves!
Tim: Yeah, Dick, do you know why? Cause it was a fucking aged pujara, a thirty three year old tea!
Dick: You're just saying words that mean nothing.
Tim: How do they mean nothing?
Dick: This is what I'm saying. You're tea boujee.
Tim: I'm not tea boujee, I'm not tea boujee!
Dick: You have a fifteen hundred dollar brick of leaves!
Tim: Don't you dare, you have a ten thousand dollar watch, you stupid bitch.
Tim: Fun fact about Dick, he failed his third grade test at telling time. It's true, he never learned. That's why he has a clock out there that has no ticks on it.
Dick: Did I actually fail a test like that?
Tim: Yes you did, third grade.
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greenapplebling · 1 year
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Nude beach
Dick: So how's Brazil?
Donna: Lovely! Everyone is so nice! I've been to clubs, bars, museums, a nude beach-
Dick: Really?? I've never gone to one, how is it?
Donna, shrugging: Well, it's like a beach but with nude people
Dick: I meant the experience, do you have to pay for entrance? Would they give you some form of id?
Donna: No, it was public
Dick: So you don't have to pay?
Donna: No, why do you want to pay for-
Donna:
Donna: Richard, a nude beach isn't an only fans
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bruciemilf · 1 year
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Well I'm a little sad, and I was wondering if you had any fluffy batfam headcanons you hadn't shared yet.
Aw I'm sorry you're sad, babe!! Let me think -
Bruce is a craftsman knitter. He makes sweaters and gloves and too big winter hats for his kids that they always wear when it's cold or when they're sick
The Batkids are so affectionate with Bruce. Bruce usually avoids touch and tactile interaction because he's been told numerous times he's more ice than skin, and his babies deserve more than cold. But they truly don't care and will pout if they can't snuggle the batdad
Bruce texts them " be safe. I love you" and " dress warm. I love you" and " eat something sustainable today. I love you" he feels like he didn't say it enough when they were kids, so now he says it so often that if he doesn't or forgets, they assume something is wrong
But i feel like he says ' I love you' through his actions as well? It honestly depends on what you find more meaningful. For some Families it's strange to proclaim affection verbally, and the batfam falls in both categories really
Bruce buys them snacks when they're on patrol. It's a Thing. Dick is very delighted about it because his dad remembers his burger order after all these years. Tim cries when Bruce does the same for him
I love love love puppy Dick who tackles Bruce in hugs and accidentally injures him!! Bruce never actually minds, but it's so cute to watch his unit of a son get concerned
Damian and Jason are impossibly clingy to Bruce, but when he's cooking, it's a sight. Just Bruce holding that 6'5 man at his hip while Damian tries to see what he's doing.
Bruce brings up his kids every chance he can; Interviews, talk shows, podcasts, discussions, - he's always there bragging about this or that. And they accompany him almost always.
Bruce and Cass have tea time together, plus a bunch of binge watching they don't share with anyone else. I love to think they nuzzle their noses together like bunnies too
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and you're always free to begin again ch5
(masterpost to my fics while ao3 is down) AO3
not currently updating on tumblr, go to ao3, there's a bit more
fic under the cut
previous chapter
From the moment he had come to live at the manor, everyone could see that Damian did everything to perfection. If he did not know something he learned, and he would not drop it until he was the best. There had only ever been one exception.
After his eleventh birthday had passed—a terrible experience for everyone involved, what with everyone trying to celebrate and the birthday boy doing his best to get away and threatening everyone with bodily harm should they continue with their well wishes and congratulatory attempts—he had declared the grand piano in one of the manor rooms was to be fine tuned and readied for use.
Bruce had complied with his demand, probably feeling the same confusion everyone else did, since it did not seem to be in character for Damian to ask for something like that, not that they would deny him a less violent hobby. A teacher had been gotten, and bets placed on how soon the youngest of the brood would have them running away.
To everyone's immense surprise, Damian had taken the classes for two days before declaring himself done after the teacher had left. Left calmly, that is, not chased away. Bruce had asked if he would play for them, but Damian had vehemently refused. Upon teasing from the rest of the batkids about not even him being able to learn how to play an instrument that fast, Damian had furiously declared he wished to learn no more, and did not need to.
Things had settled after that, the family learning that Damian would—if grudgingly—accept birthday celebrations the day before or after his actual birthdate, but preferred to be alone, with some very few exceptions for Alfred, on the day of. They had also come to their nickname deal, everyone stating which nicknames were off-limits, and which ones could be used for teasing, which coupled with Damian's—unexpectedly but welcomely emotional— statement about seeing all of them as siblings and family now, had lowered tensions exponentially.
Things were good now, and the family had never been better.
Tim found himself thinking about all of this as he walked through the hallways towards the kitchen in search of a snack and some black tea with milk (since he had restricted access to coffee now and was only allowed caffeine in the form of tea, most of the time). Today was the brat's birthday, so  everyone in the house had cleared schedules (in case Damian decided he wanted some company or help for once) and nothing to actually do, since, as usual, Damian was nowhere to be found (though Tim was certain Alfred knew his exact location, and Cass probably only didn't know out of respect, not for a lack of ability to track him down in seconds).
After getting his snack and drink, he decided to wander around aimlessly through the manor, seeing if something caught his eye so he might entertain himself.
About half an hour and most of his tea later, he almost dropped his bottle (sue him, carrying his tea in a bottle was easier than a cup) out of sheer surprise.
He was in one of the far wings of the manor, a place that usually only housed visitors (the less wanted kind, the Bruce Wayne Rich Guy socially expected kind) and was therefore pretty much never visited by the family. What he heard made him glad he had both decided to wander around and also not wear his headphones to listen to music or a podcast or evidence.
A few notes of piano, as if someone was just slowly going through the notes in order so as to test the keys, could be heard through a door.
Tim could not believe his ears. In all the years since Damian's short stint with a piano teacher, no one, not even Cass or Alfred or Bruce, had ever heard him play. They had all assumed he had simply not liked it, something that was later further evidenced (or so they had thought) by the youngest brother finding a love for painting with various mediums, something he had put hours of work and effort into (to amazing results, his little brother could draw and paint like nobody's business!).
Which brought him back to his almost dropped bottle of tea. Only years of stalking vigilantes and then being a vigilante himself saved his bottle from perishing (and, admittedly, himself as well, for Damian would surely not like being discovered during his yearly birthday escapade).
As the notes on the piano started sounding more like a specific song and not just warm up notes, Tim decided to take a risk and look at what his brother was doing. He quickly slipped into the neighbouring room and slipped one of the windows of the room Damian was in a smidge open, just enough to be able to see and hear clearly.
Out of years of habit, both pre and post joining the family, he slips his phone out (sadly the only camera he has on hand) and begins filming.
He almost immediately drops his phone.
Not only is Damian actually playing the piano, like, for real, he is also starting to sing.
Tim is glad Alfred made all of them become healthier both in their food and drink intake as well as their sleep schedule years ago, or he might genuinely think he is hallucinating right now.
Luckily, his phone (and precariously perched body) remains undropped, and he can take in the scene while Damian continues playing and singing like his very soul depends on it, like he might just lose anything and everything he has ever cared for if he does not deliver the best and most emotional performance to his audience of an empty room (and Tim, not that he knows it).
Or…
Perhaps he is playing like has already lost everything once.
Feeling a bit guilty at that thought about spying on the kid on the one day a year he asks to not be disturbed completely, he steels himself and keeps on filming, taking the time to also look at the other things that can be found in the room, particularly things close to Damian.
If he knows what is hurting his brother, maybe he can help him.
He notices a small table next to the piano, holding, interestingly enough, a roll of toilet paper[1] , a water bottle, what seems to be a chocolate milkshake with extra whipped cream and sprinkles, as well as what he could only assume to be some type of sheathed twin weapons, though he had never seen any like them before. The pattern and colouring of the weapons seemed similar to Damian's League uniform and the scabbard of his katana, mainly black with golden designs on them.
Tim is jolted out of his musings for the unexpected items on the table by his subconscious informing him that he actually recognizes the song Damian is playing.
The thought of purposefully throwing himself off the side of the manor and hitting the floor just to make sure he is actually awake and not on drugs passes through Tim's mind.
It's a Barbie song.
It's a Barbie song from the only Barbie movie Damian refused to watch that one time, after declaring himself as acknowledging the rest of them as family (and apologizing for his delay on it), that he himself had expressed interest in a Barbie movie marathon (much to Dick and Jason's delight). It had taken them days to make their way through all of them, old and new, with the exception of one movie.
Barbie as the Princess and the Pauper.
Mother of all shits.
Tim feels like he is collecting pieces of a puzzle, what with the piano playing, the song from the missing Barbie movie, the things on the table, he just doesn't know what the hell he is building yet.
Invested now more than he already was at the beginning, he checks himself to make sure he is still properly hidden, not wanting to be seen now that the song is coming to an end.
For a few minutes, there's silence, broken only by Damian's breathing, which seems to be too controlled to mean anything other than a swell of emotions he is just barely keeping a lid on.
Suddenly, the quiet is broken by a breath coming out more forcefully than the rest.
It seems to be the dam breaking, as more of those hard breaths—sobs, his little brother is sobbing— follow, accompanied quickly after by a cascade of tears.
Like a puppet with its strings cut, Damian sags, dropping the carefully straight posture he had been trying so hard to keep, hunching over the now closed piano with his face buried in his hands.
Tim has never wanted to hug his brother so bad. He stays put, though. He knows making himself known now will just wreck things, whatever may be going on. He has to wait, to compile more evidence, to learn what damn puzzle he is even trying to solve.
Almost half an hour passes, Tim barely able to hold on the face of Damian's screams and wails, full of pain Tim knows he hardly ever, if ever, lets anyone see. The younger boy's full body shakes subside, his head rising once again, revealing a blotchy face full of tears and snot.
The purpose of the toilet paper makes itself known as Damian grabs it and promptly cleans his face and blows his nose, afterwards taking a few gulps of the water bottle.
Taking a few more deep breaths to finish calming down, he then grabs the milkshake and drinks it. Once finished, he sets the glass down, wipes his hands on his pants, and grabs the weapons.
Flipping them open reveals the coolest set of butterfly knives[2]  Tim has ever seen. He didn't even know such a weapon existed.
He brings the opened blades up to his forehead and closes his eyes, moving them to his chest after a few seconds before finally closing them and setting them on his lap.
He looks out the windows in front of him, overlooking the manor gardens, and speaks.
“I asked father for a telescope and some glow in the dark stars this year. You can't really see the stars from Gotham, but I will map them all for you regardless and accurately copy them on my ceiling.” He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes again, his grip on the blades tightening. “Wherever you are, I hope  you can see the stars, and the entire universe, Danyal.”
Tim is too busy adding these pieces to his mental puzzle to freak out over this person Damian seems to know.
“Chocolate milkshakes are better than we ever imagined, you would have loved them,” the youngest continued, opening his eyes again. His face seems calmer.
Okay, so, whoever it is, they're dead, got it.
“You would have loved this life as a whole, I think. We have many brothers, and a sister, and a grandfather and, of course, a father. I know you never had much interest in a man you had never met, but maybe you would have liked him too. They are all… so nice,” he says, a small, genuine but somewhat bitter smile making its way into his face.
And wow, Tim didn't think the kid admitted that out loud, usually only with attempts at nice gestures and a whole lot of glaring to accept the love.
“It is nothing like the League here. I am safe here, and I am happy. It took me a while to be able to be, but I was not left alone or punished throughout it. I like it here. I like it here a lot. I believe, I… hope, that would have been the case with you as well.”
Was that a tear in Tim's eye? No, shut up, what are you talking about, it's just a speck of dust, nevermind that Alfred keeps the manor spotless somehow. Focus on the fact it sounds like Damian had a brother before joining the family instead, that's more important.
Damian stands up with the blades in his hands, giving one last look out the windows towards the sky.
“Happy birthday, Dany. I miss you. I wish you the best,” are his last words before turning and leaving the room.
Tim is left reeling.
Quickly stopping the video on his phone (fucking shit, he even forgot he was filming), he makes his way back into the manor.
He starts laying out the facts as he understands now, racking his brain for more things that may fit into this strange puzzle Damian just unknowingly showed him.
So, a list. Tim can make lists.
Damian plays the piano, potentially only the one song, given how short his venture with a teacher was.
Damian has some form of attachment to Barbie as the Princess and the Pauper, potentially something that makes him feel very vulnerable, given his reluctance to watch it with the rest of them.
He had a brother. Before joining the family. Given he was wishing him a happy birthday, it was probably a twin (hecking shit!).
Said twin is dead, and died before Damian left the League (potential reason why he left in the first place???).
Damian used to lose his shit at having anyone call themselves his brother, so, potentially, the loss was recent, at the time of Damian's arrival.
He hates being called Dami, Dick said he has even cried about it. Probably what his brother called him, given his use of Dany just now.
Damian did not like to be celebrated on his birthday, possibly because he could not share the celebrations with the aforementioned and just discovered dead brother
Damian felt happy and safe here and wishes his brother could have been happy and safe too.
The twin used to own the sickest ass blades Tim has ever seen.
Conclusion:
What. The. Fuck.
Damian had a twin brother?! Who was dead?! And he never told anyone?!
Okay. Okay. Tim could be rational. He could think things through. He had a reputation in the family for planning to the point of almost insanity. He was not going to immediately spill the beans on Damian. That would be very rude. He knew that. Of course he knew that.
Okay, he was definitely going to tell Dick, but only because he felt Dick would be able to help!
But for real, they needed to help Damian. This was obviously weighing on him, and Tim could see why. He could not even imagine the pain of losing a brother like that. Dick would.
Collecting his tea bottle and armed with a video of the last however long, he made his way back to the family side of the manor, mind set on finding a way to help his little brother. (And maybe also ask to see those super cool blades, but that was for later). Even if it got him a katana to the face.
(the butterfly blades i mean here, here, and a vid)
i am not updating on tumblr anymore, but the story continues on AO3! find it right here
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cephalog0d · 29 days
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Get to know you game! Answer the questions and tag 9 people you want to know better!
Got tagged by @outtoshatter!
Last song listened to: Uhhhh I think Eine Kleine Nachtmusik because when I'm driving short distances I just put the classical station on in the car. I haven't been listening to music lately, I've been re-listening to my Fox Mulder Is A Maniac podcast.
Currently reading: Descender by Jeff Lemire and Dustin Nguyen (IT'S SO PRETTY), Nettle & Bone by T. Kingfisher for book club, and I'm still technically slogging through The Salvage Crew but might end up DNF'ing because the audio production is so absolutely dogshit that it's actively difficult to listen to. Sucks for the book itself, it's probably fine.
Currently watching: I'm terrible about watching new stuff, so. My current background watch has been Brooklyn 99 and Xena. (I also want to rewatch The Sting for the nine billionth time but they're showing it at the local indie theater soon and I'm taking my friend who hasn't seen it which means I have to resist until then.)
Currently obsessed with: I mean. All the usual things. Screaming about Batkids. Deep sea creatures. Went down a rabbit hole of mimicry in bugs because mimicry is so cool. Eight million writing thoughts that all want to be written at once (mainly but not exclusively Reverse Robins).
No-pressure tags! @dangerousdan-dan @your-dead-european-ancestor @sepia-stained-sunset @roseandgold137 @robbed-ghost @teleportationmagic @bess3714 @dizaryswrites @kayrielwrites
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balkanbitch · 2 years
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I just think that out of all the batkids jason is the most likely to have a podcast reading reddit aita stories.
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stillswearing · 1 year
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A stupid comic book podcast reminded me that Batman's greatest failure is Jason Todd and his greatest success is Dick Grayson. and i love them both so much - the two sides of Bruce, love that destroys and love that builds, always at opposing ends but ultimately sharing the same core. I LOVE THEM BOTH SO MUCH 😭
(Ofc i wanna say I love ALL the batkids. And I do also hold the opinion that Tim Drake is Bruce's true spiritual successor. It's just that personally, I always notice the parallels between Dick and Jason, and I've been obsessed with their relationship with each other and their relationship with Bruce. It's all so beautiful and painful.)
And it's always nice to repeat this: Without the Robins, you really have an incomplete picture of who Batman is.
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Jason A Day: Batman #370
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AU where one of the batkids starts a true crime podcast using an “anonymous insider source” (the batcomputer) 
Jay spots two suspicious guys with crowbars entering an arcade, and finds them trashing the place because the owner hasn’t paid protection money.
He intervenes, fight ensues, etc etc, and then he leaves with the dorkiest possible line: 
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I hope there are signs around Gotham like “Caution: Robins may catch rides on your vehicle.” 
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It’s tough even for a game lad with strong legs, though: 
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He’s too smart of a boy to run in after the goons all alone, though, and resolves to plan out an attack with Bruce once he’s returned.
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Jason Death Foreshadowing Count: 7
So Bruce returns home and Jason attempts to tell him about the information, but keeps being interrupted. 
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Poor Jason, Bullock got the drop on telling Bruce.
I love this issue so much because Jason is so refreshingly a kid. He spends the rest of it pouting about this. 
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Once they reach Dr. Fang’s hideout, they end up in a massive brawl with his goons.
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I just love the art of these two panels, the contrast of the blank white background in the first and the black background in the second. It’s so dynamic and interesting!
Fang tries to bite Jay, but Batman gets him with a batarang to to the tooth and we end our issue! 
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bookgeekgrrl · 1 year
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My media this week (5-11 Feb 2023)
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ˢᵒ ᵗʰᵉ ʰᵃʳˡᵉʸ ᵠᵘᶦⁿⁿ ᵛᵃˡᵉⁿᵗᶦⁿᵉˢ ˢᵖᵉᶜᶦᵃˡ ᶠᵉᵃᵗᵘʳᵉᵈ ᵇʳᵉᵗᵗ ᵍᵒˡᵈˢᵗᵉᶦⁿ ˢʰᶦʳᵗˡᵉˢˢ ʳᵉᵃᵈᶦⁿᵍ ᵇʸʳᵒⁿ'ˢ ˡᵒᵛᵉ ᵖᵒᵉᵐˢ ʷʰᶦˡᵉ ᵖᵒˡᶦˢʰᶦⁿᵍ ʰᶦˢ ᵉᵐᵐʸ ᵃⁿᵈ ᶦ ᶜᵒᵘˡᵈ ⁿᵒᵗ ˢᵗᵒᵖ ˡᵃᵘᵍʰᶦⁿᵍ
📚 STUFF I READ 📚
😊👂‍Murder at the Charity Ball (Miss Underhay Mystery #11) (Helena Dixon, author; Karen Cass, narrator) - another episode in this cotton candy cozy series
🥰Plastered (Zenaidamacrouras1) - 59K, stucky no powers AU; single dad bucky + architect Steve - charming; solid versions of the characters, very enjoyable
😊Half a Soul (Regency Faerie Tales #1) (Olivia Atwater, author; Rafe Beckley, narrator) - quite enjoyed this, liked the neurodivergent rep, very relieved at the lack of 'cure' ending - it did make me want to read/finish the Sorcery & Cecelia series by Patricia C. Wrede
😍Knife Skills (Hark_bananas) - 72K, post-WS recovery fic; reread, forever fave, absolute perfection
💖💖 +180K of shorter fic so shout out to these I really loved 💖💖
save a horse, ride an ex-jock (alligator_writes) - Stranger Things: Steddie, 9.8K - hilarious, almost-crackfic of a meet-cute at a country bar where electric bull riding shenanigans ensue. If you've seen that video, you get it
eat me alive (emryses) - Stranger Things: Steddie, 7.2K - baby's first rimming - eddie gets the full 'steve harrington treatment' - just delightfully filthy and also tender af
Auld Lang Syne (Annakovsky, drunktuesdays) - AEW: OC/Chuck Taylor, 36K - Family Man AU - do I watch wresting? I do not. Did I still get emotional while reading this? I very much did. shoutout to the great writing here!
shipling rivalries (ScarlettSwordMoon) - Batman: , 5.2K - HILARIOUS crackfic where all the batkids debate & present their cases for who Dick should be in a relationship with. Bruce regrets his entire life. Damian gets to say "That’s what Richard deserves: a strong warrior who can care and provide for him. I believe the correct terminology for it is a ‘daddy’."
📺 STUFF I WATCHED 📺
Scooby Doo, Where Are You! - s2, e5-6
Night Court - s1, e1-3
Harley Quinn - "A Very Problematic Valentine's Day Special" [s3, e11]
Hot Ones - Kate Hudson Stays Positive While Eating Spicy Wings
🎧 PODCASTS 🎧
It's Been a Minute - The love and longing of Luther Vandross; Plus Grammy nominee Samara Joy
ICYMI Plus - The Anal Bead Cheating Scandal That Rocked the Online Chess World
The Sporkful - A French Chef And Cincinnati: A Love Story
The Atlas Obscura Podcast - Marchand Dessalines
Shedunnit - A Detective's Farewell
⭐Off Menu - Ep 139: Nadiya Hussain
You Must Remember This - 1983: MTV Aesthetics, Flashdance and Risky Business (Erotic 80s Part 6)
The Atlas Obscura Podcast - The Rainmaker
Strange Customs - Andrew Seidel | The Lines
⭐Vibe Check - Happy Black History Month, Gahdamnit!
ICYMI Plus - How a 9-Year-Old Took Over TikTok
Into It - Rihanna Should Take Notes from These Super Bowl Halftime Shows
The Atlas Obscura Podcast - Creston Dinosaur
Song Exploder - MUNA "What I Want"
Off Menu - Ep 178: Fern Brady
Endless Thread - My Canadian Girlfriend
Ologies with Alie Ward - Scotohylology (DARK MATTER) with Flip Tanedo
The Atlas Obscura Podcast - The San Juan Island Pig War
It's Been a Minute - Hot and kinda bothered by 'Magic Mike'; plus Penn Badgley on bad boys
Our Opinions Are Correct - Encore Episode: Gender Essentialism
Digital Folklore - The Internet is The New Woods (Monsters, Ostension, & Moral Panics)
You're Dead To Me - Valentine’s Special: Georgian Courtship
⭐Hit Parade Plus - A Little Love and Some Tenderness Edition
🎶 MUSIC 🎶
The Essential Luther Vandross
Lizzo
Presenting Bad Bunny
Reggaeton Essentials
Folk Metal Forever
Old-School Reggaeton
Alestorm
CREDITS: Burt Bacharach
MUNA
Pop Tropical Bailable
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ao3feed-brucewayne · 1 year
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Nothing, Bruce
by ketchup_monthly
after bruce and damian get fear gassed at a gala, harvey saves the day and gets them home and safe
aka: i have no clue what im doing anymore
(alternate title: Two-Face, Two-Face, What Did You See?)
Words: 1785, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English
Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types, Batman: The Audio Adventures (Podcast)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Categories: M/M
Characters: Harvey Dent, Bruce Wayne, Damian Wayne, Titus | Damian Wayne's Dog, Alfred the Cat (DCU), Alfred Pennyworth, Jonathan Crane
Relationships: Harvey Dent/Bruce Wayne
Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Scarecrow's Fear Toxin (DCU), Protective Harvey Dent, Protective Bruce Wayne, Bruce Wayne is a Good Parent, Harvey Dent is a Good Parent, AO3 DELETED ALL MY TAGS AGAIN WTF, lets see if i can remember them all, this is much later in the timeline than expected bc damian exists but hey, we gotta work with what we got, various other batkids and rogues mentioned, Harvey loves bruce and their kids, tbh i have no clue if theyre married or just cohabitating and romancing each other, Non-Sexual Intimacy, i wrote part of this at work and then at midnight when i should have been sleeping, but like i was curious!, what does harvey see when hes fear toxined?, in all honesty i have no clue whats going on in harveys head rn, no beta we die like harvey in tdk, this is very loosely based on something in episode 3 of btaa, the characterization is based on other media too, but dude that podcast SCREAMS bruharvey
source https://archiveofourown.org/works/42855813
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qcomicsy · 1 year
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If the batkids had a podcast. Part. ll
Nightwing: When I was a child-
Redhood: Yeah-
Nightwing: I was filled with rage.
Redhood: (fucking crying from laugh)
Nightwing: I was- So fucking mad. I had like– 4'11 of pure anger and visceral violence.
Redhood: So you were like a mini Batman?
Nightwing (chuckling): Don't do this to me
Red Robin: Sorry- Sorry- (chuckling) Continue.
Nightwing: So- I was like- So, so fucking angry. And I told this lady- a nun–
Redhood: A nun.
Nightwing: Of course it was a nun- It's fucking Gotham. I told her how mad I was... And she- She puts her hand on my shoulder, right?
Red Robin: Right.
Nightwing: And she tells me– "Would that make the people who's gone happy?" "Would that bring them back? Would you like to take revenge on who has wronged you? Or save the people from going through the same?"
Red Robin: Damn.
Nightwing: Yeah.
Nightwing: And I just look at her. This mini ball of rage– And I just start fucking bawling–
Redhood (smacks the table): WHEZZE.
Nightwing: I just- (laughs)
Red Robin: That's how Robin was born? (laughs)
Nightwing: That's how Robin was born.
Prev post // Next post
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parkerbombshell · 1 year
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incorrectbatfam · 5 years
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Tim: Stephanie is Conner, and Cassie and I are the same person. Absolutely. Every conversation, Cassie and I are like, "FUCKING IDIOT!" and Steph and Kon are like "it makes sense if you think about it".
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gothambatsnews · 5 years
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Podcast 6: Feeling Good During Fall and Winter
[“Spoiler Alert Podcast” theme song plays. There are two feminine voices in the background. The conversation fades, there are three taps on the mic.] [Stephanie:] “Hello Gotham High School and welcome to Spoiler Alert! I’m your host Stephanie Brown, and today, unfortunately, I won’t be joined by my usual co-host Dick Grayson, he’s actually too busy. Buuuut I am joined by the one and only CASSANDRA CAIN! Say hi, Cass”
[Cassandra:] “Hello, Cass.”
[Stephanie:] “Funny. So as you probably know, there’s a veeeery big game coming and our boys are training a lot these days. Thankfully I’m able to use a few minutes here to present you our podcast, but it’s quite wild for the cheerleaders too, as you may assume.”
[Cassandra:] “They’re going to Central City. Playing against the Cougars, next week. Saturday.”
[Stephanie:] “Right. That means for today, it’s a girls only show. I mean, for the hosts. Anyone can benefit the advice in this one, don’t get me wrong.”
[Cassandra:] “Everyone can feel down and suffer from lack of light and warmth in Fall and Winter. Meaning you are welcome to stay, no matter your identity.”
[Stephanie:] “Exactly. As you can suspect it, today’s topic is about Self Love and how to feel better during these dark times. Even if summer’s over, along with its refreshing watermelons, autumn’s got its own little perks. [Cassandra:] “Like Pumpkin Spice Latte.”
[Stephanie:] “Yep. Looking at you, Jason.”
[Cassandra:] “Sound of the rain? When the leaves go crack under our boots? Boots, actually.”
[Stephanie:] “Mmm.. the leaves yes. Boots shopping?”
[Cassandra:] “Just wearing boots, too. Spending time with friends. In the mall? It’s nice and warm.”
[Stephanie:] “Just staying inside where it’s cozy actually.”
[Cassandra:] “With a nice cup of tea?”
[Stephanie:] “Yes, and cocoa if tea isn’t what you like. There’s plenty of good things in Fall and Winter. Not to mention the snow and the unspeakable joy of throwing snowballs straight into people’s faces. But what to do when you’re feeling low nonetheless? Let’s get down to business an-”
[Cassandra:] [In song.] “... To de-feat the Cou-gars?”
[Stephanie:] [Chuckling] “You had to quote Disney, huh? But no, to get into the heart of the matter!”
[Cassandra:] [Sounds like she’s smiling.] “Today we picked four main things that won’t cost too much. Most of us are students and can be hard to follow advice when it’s too expensive.”
[Stephanie:] “Yeah, not everyone is a Wayne, sadly. But the first point may or may not involve getting some supplies, but usually you can manage without buying anything.”
[Cassandra:] “Yes! Art therapy is very popular. Creating is good for our mood. Grab a pen, some pencils, colors, yarn, whatever you have or want, and do something creative. Paint, draw, doodle, just have fun. It doesn’t have to be nice or good looking, you just have to have fun!”
[Stephanie:] “Actually, pretty sure that cooking can be included in that point. Except if your name is Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, Damian Wayne or Tim Drake, in which case it’s just living dangerously.”
[Cassandra:] “Calling them out, Steph? They’ll get revenge. You and I know that.”
[Stephanie:] “They can bring it on, this is a free podcast! FREEDOM OF SPEECH!”
[Cassandra:] [Really laughing this time] “Heheh. That only protects your speech, not from the boys.”
[Stephanie:] “I’ll face the problem when I get to it.”
[Cassandra:] [Snorts] “But yes, cooking, especially since it’ll be good for you to eat a balanced meal.”
[Stephanie:] “Don’t just throw a snack in the microwave, or cereals in a bowl. Don’t be a Dick! Make something. Start small. Maybe a smoothie or something, if you’re uncomfortable with the stove and oven. But make it yourself. It’s less expensive, usually healthier, and way better in the long run.”
[Cassandra:] “And fulfilling!”
[Stephanie:] “And once you master the basics you can begin to improvise. Add stuff, cook with new ingredients,... Make heart-shaped waffles…” [happy sighs] “I just want to wake up some day to a tray of heart waffles covered in chocolate, maybe a rose next to the plate. Romance tip, get your significant other heart waffles.”
[Cassandra:] [With a very neutral tone] “Someday, maybe, who knows?”
[Stephanie:] “Ah, but I got distracted, my bad, my bad. Where were we….” [Shuffling paper noise] “Ah right, here. Planting something.”
[Cassandra:] “Taking care of a plant is very relaxing. Don’t know why? It helps to have a tiny bit of nature inside. Especially in Gotham. And you can grow herbs to cook. Bonus points.”
[Stephanie:] “Ok I’ll be honest, I’m terrible with plants, BUT I got a workaround.”
[Cassandra:] “You do?”
[Stephanie:] “Fake flowers. Expensive ones though, not the cheap plastic ones. I got a few ones, mostly made out of fabric, and I switch between the different sets to maintain the illusion it’s fresh flowers. If you don’t look too closely, it’s alright.”
[Cassandra:] “So the parsley I got you…?”
[Stephanie:] “The one you named Peanut? Dead, sorry. So so sorry, I didn’t want to tell you!”
[Cassandra:] “Next time I’ll just get you a scarf like everyone else.”
[Stephanie:] “PLEASE NO!!” [Silence] “I mean… I already got 12 scarves thanks to Dick and Tim and Babs and other friends, I don’t even wear a scarf most of the time.”
[Cassandra:] “Fine. Mittens it’ll be then. Which leads us to the next point, go outside. Get fresh air.”
[Stephanie:] “Get ready to go outside, too. Don’t just make two steps outside with dumb sweatpants and a lazy bun, get ready! Always get out of the house like you’d like a potential date to see you for the first time. Not all out, but pretty enough and comfortable. Put on some makeup too. Nothing much, but if you’re feeling low, there’s nothing compared to putting on some lipstick to see it bring the life back to your face.”
[Cassandra:] “I thought that was the blush powder’s job.”
[Stephanie:] “Or the blush powder, yeah. Any of those. Also for our male listeners, never underestimate the power of a good concealer. Don’t be shy and get some. It’ll cover for all your long nights spent studying. Or anything else, really.”
[Cassandra:] “I thought the makeup topic was for another week?”
[Stephanie:] “It’s never too early for concealer, Cass. Just make sure you got the right tone. Erm… Oh, right. If you don’t know what to put as clothes to get out, stick to the basics.”
[Cassandra:] “Black?? But we said..”
[Stephanie:] “No no, I know what we said, get some colors. Sooooooo… WEAR THE RED AND GOLD!!! GO BATS GO!!”
[Cassandra:] “But at this time of the year be prepared to be mistaken with a Gryffindor student.”
[Stephanie:] “What’s wrong with that?”
[Cassandra:] “Some of us prefer the other houses. Not me, obviously, but you maybe. Or the boys. Especially Damian. He really enjoys being sorted in Slytherin.”
[Stephanie:] “Ok I’ll give you that. But you got to admit that at least it’s easy to get decent clothes, you just have to gather your Gotham High School merch- Oh god, wait.”
[Cassandra:] “What?”
[Stephanie:] “We’re talking about Harry Potter and Tim isn’t ev-”
[A phone dings. There’s some noise as Steph fishes for it]
[Stephanie:] "Oh god, it's Tim." [Cassandra:] "What did he say?" [Stephanie:] "'Tell them about my Dumbledore theory.' No, I'm not gonna. Goodbye Timothy."
[Sound of her phone being placed down.] [Cassandra:]"But you know he'll try to-" [A phone dings] "Text me." [Stephanie:] "Don't do what he says!" [Cassandra:] "He's threatening. He'll come here to crash your podcast."
[Stephanie:] “Please no. Tim if you hear us, don’t. Seriously don’t.”
[Cassandra:] “He’s probably already practically here or something, Stephanie.”
[Stephanie:] “Ok let’s finish this before he comes then. The last thing you probably heard it a thousand of times, but just turn off your phone and computer, and take a bit of time to just breathe.”
[Cassandra:] “Meditation. It’s called meditation. It helps lower the heart rate, and to put things in perspective. Makes people happier too.” [Stephanie:] “It doesn’t have to be hours long, just one or two minutes are already enough. We’ll… Talk about it in depth in another podc-
[Sound of a door being slammed open. A scream on Steph’s side] 
[Tim:] "LET ME TELL THEM ABOUT MY THEORY STEPH, COME ON!"
[Cassandra:] “NO! TIM GO!”
[Stephanie:] “And that’s a topic for another tiMELOVEANDSPARKLES!!”
[End of Episode 6]
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If the batkids had a podcast a la My Brother, My Brother And Me it would be called My Brother, My Brother, My Brother, My Brother, My Sister, My Friend Who's Kinda My Dad's Kid But Also Not And Me
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