#batman headcanon

[bats-and-the-birds]

Frantically headcanoning my own timeline of events because the idea of Bruce becoming Batman at like, 18 will not leave me alone.

Because

Bruce is 18, and he doesn't finish high school. He's too occupied with other matters. Because Bruce is 18, and he's made a mask and a suit. A child's idea of justice taken material form, because that's what he is, really. A child.

Bruce is 18, and he trains his body past its limits. He's still slender, though. His body's not fully done growing.

Bruce is 18, and he's investigating murders before the police get there. Jim Gordon - a man he met for the first time in an alleyway, at the scene of another murder, just ten years prior - trusts his judgment more than his own officers.

Bruce is 19, and he goes to the circus. He sees the Flying Graysons fall, and he picks an 11 year old boy up off the circus floor. That's only an eight year difference. Had his parents lived, he might have had a brother that age.

Bruce is 19, and he goes to war with the courts. He's too young, they say, to take care of a child. They're right, but he can't let the circus boy go, because they're the same in every way except the ways that would have kept Gotham from chewing up Dick Grayson and spitting him broken on the other side.

Bruce is 19, and Alfred finds him asleep on the couch, clutching his new ward - hard fought for and barely won - so tight against him that Alfred worries that the young boy may be crushed, but he's asleep too, and Alfred can't bare to wake them. He places a blanket over them instead. They don't look like father and son. They probably never will.

[v00do-d0ll]

I was having sentient Gotham thoughts and I realized I mostly refer to Gotham as 'she' and I know that's not necessarily uncommon ('Gotham's knight and her prince') and that a lot of people use the good ole 'it' but the reason I bring it up is because I also had a realization that I, in my head, refer to Gotham with feminine names that start with G.

Initially it was Gloria but I've moved to jumping between Genesis (Because 'birth' and Gotham gave birth to Batman) and Grace (Because 'Her Grace').

So, that's cool :)

I think that’s really dope, I don’t personally use a name for Gotham. I just call it she or her. But I do really like the names you’ve given her.

Sentient Gotham is like one of my favorite head canons/tropes. It can make everything either a little more fun or that much more depressing. Depending on what you’re reading.

But it’s cool seeing what everyone can do with ‘Sentient Gotham’. Because she can either be really loving towards the batfamily, or she can cause so many problems for them, specifically Bruce.

[idksomethinggay]

Tim: So Duke, you officially been at the manor a year, how are you liking it?

Duke: I’m finally settling in. I’m no longer worried Bruce is going to send me away.

Jason: I get that. I thought I was just some charity case. I was terrified that I would mess up and end up back on the streets. I stole a bunch of expensive looking things and kept them in a go bag. I was prepared.

Damien: I too feared being sent away. My grandfather would have been disappointed. I was prepared to fight to the death to prove my place in the family.

Dick: I was sleeping with a knife in my sock in case he sent me back juvie.

Cass: (signing) I feared disappointing him. I felt like I needed to earn my place here.

Steph: He couldn’t get rid of me if he tried. I am like glitter.

Tim: Same. I think he tried to kick me out like 6 times. I just laughed and walked past him.

Duke: Are we just going to ignore Dick’s knife comment?

[olailamajnoon]

Bruce, who has a problem expressing emotions because he was teased for them in school as the "crazy Wayne kid"

Bruce, who used to clutch Alfred at night and wet himself due to his nightmares.

Bruce, who got flashbacks till his mid-twenties everytime he walked down an alley.

Bruce, who would hug a weeping Dick Grayson and stay with him until the night terrors were over, humming a soft lullaby that Bruce's mother sang for him

Bruce, who hardened his mouth and his life to keep the anger in check after Jason, because he knew if he didn't every criminal would pay.

Bruce, who sees Damian chopping up shrubbery and thinks "I was far worse as a child inside, it's a good thing he's letting it out"

Bruce, who can't walk by a homeless child in the street without calling his special Wayne Foundation liaison (who he keeps on speed dial) and asking her to find "one more spot"

Bruce, who sees Selina petting kittens and robbing the rich and thinks "if I could have had a life with her, that would have been nice"

Bruce, who looks at Cass' x-rays and sees her knit bones and swears to god he will break the bones of whoever's responsible for her upbringing

Bruce, who gives Tim projects that he himself can do faster because he sees attention-starved Tim trying to please him

Bruce, who looks at Clark smiling and thinks of what he can buy for his birthday to make him smile just like that.

Bruce to his parents in their graves after not being able to catch a criminal: I'm sorry. I've failed you. I'll try harder.

People who don't know Bruce: why is that man so unfeeling.

Bad DC writers: idk just that way i guess

[galaxymagitech]

Batfamily Nickname Headcanons

Dick and Jason sometimes went by Dickie and Jay when they were younger. Bruce, Dick, Barbara, and Jason, who were around for this period, will occasionally use those nicknames. The younger Bats will not, because “it just feels weird.”

The first time Damian used Tim’s first name, he called him Timothy. Tim, who was incredibly sleep-deprived and in the middle of a League of Assassins case, thought it was Ra’s and reacted poorly (that is to say, he attempted to slash him across the face with his surprise bo staff knife, but Damian was saved by the fact that he’s over a foot shorter than his grandfather). Damian believed that Tim took offense and returned to calling him Drake. Tim filed the incident as a hallucination in his memories. This misunderstanding took an inordinately long time to clear up.

The nickname “B” was coined by an eight-year-old Dick after he accidentally called Bruce “Batman” following a civilian kidnapping. Thankfully, his words were slurred, so Bruce convinced the police he was saying “bad man” about the kidnappers. To avoid this mistake happening again, Dick started using “B” in situations where he wasn’t paying much attention to his words or was uncertain. As he grew older, he didn’t need the crutch anymore due to his compartmentalization skills, but he kept it as an affectionate nickname.

After Dick got into an argument with Bruce and Jason accidentally interfered in Dick’s work, Dick called Jason something in Tamaranean a couple times which basically equates to our understanding of “little shit”. Jason decided it sounded awesome. A couple months later, Jason asked Dick what it meant. Dick, who felt really bad, didn’t want to hurt Jason’s feelings and told him it meant “little brother”. Jason now calls his little brothers that word when talking to Starfire. She never corrects him, because she figures he has the correct translation and knows what he’s saying—Tim and Damian are indeed little shits.

[thefriendlyneighborhoodqueer]

sometimes i think about how funny it would be if bruce had a slight english accent as a result of alfred being the only adult in his life for most of his formative years. that or he just says british slang instead of english.

this either drives his children insane, or they think it’s the most hilarious thing ever.

__________________________

Bruce: Can you pass the chips?

Dick: Sure, B. *passes over the potato chips*

Bruce: No, the chips.

Dick: ???? … yeah? here?

Bruce: NO! THE CHIPS! *gesturing wildly for the french fries*

Damian: Father, are you having a stroke?

———

Batman: Alright, this mission is very important. It is imperative that everything goes to schedule. (shh-edule)

*red robin and red hood snicker*

Batman: *glare* As I was saying, it all must go to shh-edule…

RR & RH : *uproariously laughter *

Batman: *harsher glare* Is something funny?

RR: Oh nothing, B, don’t worry.

RH: Absolutely nothing wrong, “left-tenant”

RR & RH: *dying of laughter *

———

Bruce: *reaching the end of a long rant about responsibility and making sure you are keeping yourself and others safe* And what do you have to say for yourself??

Duke: … You sound like Alfred…

Bruce: *horrified look over coming him* … what

Cass: *furious nodding*

*Some time later, after B has been fished out of Gotham Harbor, which he jumped into after declaring that he “couldn’t turn into his father”*

Alfred: *reaching the end of a long rant about responsibility and making sure you are keeping yourself and others safe* And what do you have to say for yourself??

Bruce: *white as a sheet* … Sorry Alfie…

*Steph is heard furiously cackling in the background*

_______________________

anyways i just thought this was fun

[violent138]

More than half the League is betting at any time that they know when it's actually Batman under the mask, or someone else. Unfortunately, they were wrong when:

Dick was doing a phenomenal job of playing Bruce (didn't give himself away even once by smiling), because he fell asleep

Batman stubbed his toe against a table and swore like a sailor which led to cash exchanging hands as several people figured it was Jason, but Bruce had recently switched out of Matches Malone to dress up as Bats and hadn't shaken the Mindset yet

Batman's suit sat weirdly empty at the table and Oliver, annoyed, tried to tell Damian that this was too serious a meeting for Bruce to delegate, but it was Batman, hit with a de-ageing spell and too stubborn to sit out

After sustaining pretty serious injuries, Batman was whiteknuckling the table, in an awful mood, and nobody thought anything of it. Barry offered to help Bruce up (if the pain was keeping him trapped, trying not to insult Batman too much), and Jason tightly replied that if he moved the suit was going to tear.

Clark and Bruce had a bet for how long they could replace Bruce with a mannequin without anyone noticing, and because Clark kept looking over at "Bruce" and giggling (pretty par for the course for them), nobody noticed for five hours.

[vodrae]

Villain swaps Bruce and Clark minds.

Bruce: I get the "man of steel" now. *Punches villain*

Clark: Why...Why...WHY ARE YOU SO MUCH IN PAIN ?!

Bruce: What do you mean ? I took a 12 hours break yesterday, I'm as fresh as a newborn.

[strawberrylet]

idea: batman and the robins never acknowledge that there have been different robins. like they all act that there's only been one and that they're the same person basically.

Justice League who's used to teen dick not kid jason: who is this child?

Batman: what do you mean, it's robin.

-

Batman and Tim walking through the watchtower:

Justice League who remembers robin literally dying: ...*side eye*...

-

Flash: batman… who is this?

Batman: robin. you’ve met before. several times.

Flash: no, i met a black haired boy. this is a blonde girl!

Batman: her name is robin

-

Superman: it's time for you to explain. where are you getting all these children?

Batman: i have no idea what you're talking about.

Superman *pointing to damian*: who is this kid?!

Damian: i'm robin. i'm offended you would even ask that? don't you remember *proceeds to recite a story dick told him of his robin days*

[talekinesis]

Damian: *trying to comb his hair, getting increasingly frustrated because it's not laying straight*

Bruce: *gently pulling him closer to take over*

Bruce: Oh, you got my cowlicks. All seven of them.

Damian: I've always had trouble with my hair, and now im finding out that this is your fault >:(

Bruce: Hey if you're gonna blame anyone, it's probably your grandfather

Alfred: Actually, sir, it would be your mother

Bruce: You're kidding

Alfred: There is a reason she was very fond of hats

Damian: This bloodline is cursed.

Headcanon - Frustrating cowlicks run in the Wayne Family. Martha had them but it was less noticeable with her longer hair, but it's very noticeable with Bruce and Damian. Alfred had taught Bruce how to work with them at a young age, and now Bruce teaches Damian how to work with them and how he can style his hair around it (partially why he styles it so spiked and messy)

[the-fyre-flie]

Jason Version

Dick Grayson as Robin, who was taught to slow down his breathing if he was ever scared or trapped to reduce how much oxygen he wastes. It also lowers his heartbeat and makes him harder to detect.

Tiny, terrified Dick who's trapped in a half collapsed room, tears running down his face, but his breathing is like he's asleep, slow and even. The scans the GCDP do fail to locate him, his heat signature not enough to be conclusive, and his heartbeat too slow to even pick up. They move on. Leave him behind.

It takes almost 30 minutes for Bruce to locate him. 30 slow, gruesome minutes. Seconds tick by and all Dick can think about his Bruce's training. Breath in. Hold for as long as comfortable. Breath out. Over and over again until his racing heart is almost still. Until he fools the world that he's dead. Until he fools himself.

When Bruce pulled Dick out, he worried for a moment the boy was actually gone. Only for Dick to perk up, clinging to Bruce's shoulders, his heart rate speeding up, and his breathing becoming sporadic as he finally lets himself panic properly.

[bats-and-the-birds]

Situation where Clark has formed a tentative working relationship with Batman, but somewhere in that time, Batman acquired Robin and, naturally, didn't tell him.

Clark finds out about Robin's existence when a ten year old Dick Grayson in full Robin gear breaks into his apartment at two in the morning and shakes him awake because Batman's missing and Alfred's away and Bruce taught him that, in the case of emergency, Superman was one of the only people he could trust. Bruce just didn't think to tell Clark that he was, by all means, his son's emergency contact.

Clark: -wakes up to a small boy that he's never seen or heard of before in a cape and a mask with lenses that reflect light like a cat's perched on the edge of his bed in a pitch black room-

Dick, calmly: Hey, Batman's -- stop screaming -- Batman's missing. I need help.

[therandomfandomme]

Batman having a recording of a heartbeat softly play in his suit so that Superman thinks he has two hearts to throw him off his scent because he's paranoid, but then one day it breaks and Superman freaks out, because "Batman where did your other heartbeat go?!!?!" and Bruce panics and says: "I split into two," like he's some sort of cryptid and everyone goes ???, luckily he has Robin to introduce them to. It's not until much later when they all reveal their identities that they learn that it's not true and all the bats and birds that are running around were not parts that ripped free from Batman. Though not before the whole family has had a whole lot of fun creating nonsense rumors just to fuck with people.

[idksomethinggay]

Jason (breaking into titians tower to kill Tim): square up

Tim (who holding a mug and the coffee pot): Hold on.

Precedes to chug the whole coffee pot then chucks it at Jason’s head.

The fight that ensures is the most feral, intense fight any of the Titian’s have ever seen.

Jason: You missed an opening there. You could have hit me when my chest was exposed.

Tim: Look at your foot work, I could have knocked you over.

Jason: Nice hit, if you commit more with the follow through then you’ll have more power.

The Titian’s are watching trying to decide if they should step in or sit back and enjoy the show.

Jason (is through to the ground and has Tim’s staff pointed at his neck): I’m impressed. You are pretty good for a replacement.

Tim: Well I have big shoes to fill.

Jason: Breakfast?

Tim: Pancakes?

Jason: Have strawberry syrup?

Then they get up, move to the kitchen like nothing happened and just start making pancakes.

[galaxymagitech]

Every time Tim says he isn’t part of the family—

“Really, I’m just an employee!”

Bruce photocopies Tim’s adoption certificate—

“Only a legal technicality, Damian, don’t worry.”

frames it, and hangs it on the wall of Tim’s room—

“The guest room I normally stay in, you mean.”

which is in the family wing.

“Only for convenience!”

Tim’s walls—

“The guest room’s walls!”

eventually fill up with the results of Tim’s low self-esteem.

So, Bruce begins sticking the frames to the ceiling.

[dreamingaboutsakuratrees]

Listen, not only do I like the Batfam being completely human (except Duke, of course), I think it's such a vital part of their characterization. Each of them rely on their humanity and vulnerability in a different way, but it's still a core part of them.

That being said, I love the idea of Gotham's many curses and magical bullshit changing its inhabitants, and more important, enhancing her protectors.

Not by much, but enough for people to say "they're human... right?" and not being sure of the answer. It works better inside the city, where Lady Gotham herself can ensure her warrior's safety, but it lingers and it stays on them.

The way Bruce can blend a bit too well with the shadows, to the point not even metas can see him if he doesn't want to be seen.

The way Dick's body bends a bit further than should be possible, his muscles stretching and his bones at angles that would cause pain to most.

The way Jason is a bit too quiet for his body mass, how he seems to be able to move without making a sound despite his size.

The way Tim is a bit too quick-witted, a bit too observant, finding his enemies' weaknesses and flaws far too easy for a fast-paced combat.

The way Steph seems to always be on the right place at the right time, as if she were being guided to those in danger. She is always where she is needed.

The way stray animals like Damian a bit too much. They care for him and have his back in a display of intelligence that's not quite natural.

Yet they all still bleed. They feel pain and they cry and they are vulnerable.

Because they're still human.

Right?