#batman headcanon

[bats-and-the-birds]

In situations and headcanons and such where Bruce doesn't tell the justice league his identity, I feel like one of the most often cited reasons is that they'd then immediately connect all of his many waves of increasingly smaller vigilantes back to him.

But I'd like to think it doesn't happen like that.

Like, at some point, Nightwing has been on the team for years, and somehow, no one that didn't already know him as Robin has connected him back to Batman, but of course both Bruce and Dick think they know, because they have to, right?

But then Bruce's identity gets revealed while Dick's off world or something, but he gets filled in, so he assumes that his identity is blown too, right? Of course, once you know Batman is Bruce Wayne, it'd be easy to put together that Dick Grayson is Nightwing.

So then Bruce and Dick have to rush to the watchtower from some sort of Wayne family event one day, but there's no real need to put on their costumes yet, because the league already knows their identities.

Until...

Green Lantern, watching a young man that he's only ever seen through gossip magazines fiddle around in the watchtower: Hey, Bru-Batman, I know we found out your identity and all, but do you really think it's a good idea to bring your children into this? I mean, what if he gets hurt?

Dick, incredulous: You... you do know who I am, right?

GL: It's hard to not know who you are. I saw you on a magazine cover just the other day.

-long pause-

Dick: Bruce, when you used to complain that you work with idiots, I thought you were exaggerating.

-general sounds of outrage from the JL-

[violent138]

I have a HC that in the really early days, when Bruce had no idea what Robin was capable of, if he ever thought things were getting really bad/he had international travels/the whole vigilante thing escaped compartmentalization he'd send Robin to Metropolis under the pretext of the kid "helping out" Clark.

[strawberrylet]

idea: batman and the robins never acknowledge that there have been different robins. like they all act that there's only been one and that they're the same person basically.

Justice League who's used to teen dick not kid jason: who is this child?

Batman: what do you mean, it's robin.

-

Batman and Tim walking through the watchtower:

Justice League who remembers robin literally dying: ...*side eye*...

-

Flash: batman… who is this?

Batman: robin. you’ve met before. several times.

Flash: no, i met a black haired boy. this is a blonde girl!

Batman: her name is robin

-

Superman: it's time for you to explain. where are you getting all these children?

Batman: i have no idea what you're talking about.

Superman *pointing to damian*: who is this kid?!

Damian: i'm robin. i'm offended you would even ask that? don't you remember *proceeds to recite a story dick told him of his robin days*

[vodrae]

Villain swaps Bruce and Clark minds.

Bruce: I get the "man of steel" now. *Punches villain*

Clark: Why...Why...WHY ARE YOU SO MUCH IN PAIN ?!

Bruce: What do you mean ? I took a 12 hours break yesterday, I'm as fresh as a newborn.

[nightwolf14292]

Bruce acts so emo all the time that I just can't help but enjoy the idea(/headcanon, I guess) of him secretly just being an old man dad- Like all of the villains go 'Omg it's Batman we're gonna get beat up' and Commissioner Gordon randomly thinks to himself while working late 'I bet Batman is doing super smart stuff like looking at case files or serving justice rn' but it turns out Bruce is just in the Batcave, very seriously talking to the Bat-Computer about the definition of slang like "Okay 'Puter, define 'Yeet' for me.."

Or he's up at 3AM scrolling through Tim's Tumblr blog looking for ways to connect with his child, but instead becomes mildly concerned when he sees Tim posted a pic five minutes ago of himself at Waffle House (He thought he was in his bedroom-?) with the caption 'Lmao just had a mental breakdown ✌'

Bruce: "So, Damian.. Have you 'rizzed up' any 'level ten gyatts' recently?"

Damian(Also doesn't know slang): "Father wtf"

Of course all of the Bat-Kids know this, and try to subtly introduce him to different memes because he always looks so proud of himself when he properly uses slang, he's like 'Heck yeah my kids are gonna think I'm cool'

[therandomfandomme]

Batman having a recording of a heartbeat softly play in his suit so that Superman thinks he has two hearts to throw him off his scent because he's paranoid, but then one day it breaks and Superman freaks out, because "Batman where did your other heartbeat go?!!?!" and Bruce panics and says: "I split into two," like he's some sort of cryptid and everyone goes ???, luckily he has Robin to introduce them to. It's not until much later when they all reveal their identities that they learn that it's not true and all the bats and birds that are running around were not parts that ripped free from Batman. Though not before the whole family has had a whole lot of fun creating nonsense rumors just to fuck with people.

[rad-batson]

*Bruce and 9yo Dick playing chess*

Dick: Okay, I'm gonna take your pointy, sad-faced guy for my horsey guy.

Bruce: Stop, stop. *pointing to Bishop* What is this piece called?

Dick: I call him Dwight.

[thief-of-eggs]

Headcannon that when Alfred finally caves and allows the Wayne family to get a roomba, the bat brothers just go nuts over it:

Damian names it, and gets disgruntled when people simply refer to it as “the roomba”. Like, no, that is Cerberus? Get it right please

Tim tampers with it on more then one occasion. Hooks up some motion activated speaker/microphone mechanism complete with a voice modulator so that he can speak to whoever it passes. Steph is convinced for a whole WEEK that the roomba is sentient

Jason puts a few knives sticking out from it at some point. The whole family can hear Bruce’s screams when it enters his study.

And Dick just turns the damn thing off every time he sees it. He thinks it’s the worst purchase of all their collective lives

[angelltheninth]

Hi I have a request. I like the idea of big, strong men being totally weak because the 🐱 is so good, so can we please have some writings of Bruce and Clark whining and moaning cuz their s/o is riding them expertly to the point that they can’t even remember their own name if they tried

Bruce was a bit more of a challenge for this one but I always like a challenge.

Pairing: Bruce Wayne, Clark Kent x Fem!Reader

Tags: nsfw, smut, cock riding, edging, overstimulation, whimpering, restrains, orgasm delay

A/N: Subby Clark is easy to write, subby Bruce not so much.

BRUCE

He will only whimper if you make sure he has no other way of taking control over the situation. The man has to be restrained to the bed, handcuffs around his wrists and be edged for hours on end, the tip of his cock so fucking wet with cum you can barely even see it among the white beads if it.

Eventually you will let him come but he needs to beg for it, set his stupid pride aside for once and admit when he's been beaten, when he's at someone else's mercy. Bruce's cock twitches with need whenever you pull out and on that latest one you hear it, a whimper from his lips, a sign that he's admitted defeat and is allowed to come.

CLARK

Will whimper very easily for such a big, tough man. Literally the strongest person on the planet and he can't win against the way you use your pussy on his cock. Might as well be his new Kryptonite at this point because he's on his knees as soon as he knows he can eat you out.

He is a very loud man when it comes to expressing his pleasure, you had to get soundproof walls because of it. He always whimpers when you edge him, even at the mention of the act his cock is already hard and ready to go. Thanks to his stamina he can last for a very long time but his cum shots always end up being a lot to take.

[goodoldfashionedengineer]

I think it is extremely funny how New Jersey, the state Gotham is located in, is the only state where it's illegal to pump your own gas.

Apparently it's "Because of the fire hazards directly associated with dispensing fuel[...]"

Any Gothamite would be shaking their head at this.

They are used to attacks on Gotham by rogues on a daily basis. Just living in that city puts them at risk for dying in a gruesome way. Fear toxin, Joker Gas, getting frozen in ice, you name it.

But they aren't trusted to pump their own gas?

And the poor gas station attendants.

I bet they judge the supervillains based on how they treat service workers.

You stand at the gas station and Red Hood rolls up?

Yeah, they know him. He's nice. Yeah, they know how he opperates, so what? He bitched with Freya about her ex when they'd just broken up. He gave Alex a good tip when he'd mentioned how he had to work on his birthday.

[multifanritz]

the batkids getting kidnapped must be such a hassle for bruce cuz he has to play 20 questions just to figure out which kid it is.

"The short one? So not Dick or Jay. Damian is home right now, so not him. That leaves 4. Black hair? Not Stephanie, okay. Looks bored? Honestly, that doesn't narrow things down at all. A girl? Oh, okay it's Cassandra. Alright, tell her to not take too long, dinner is in 30 minutes."

[violent138]

The fact that you can use Botox for hypertrophic scars and burn wounds is so amusing to me. People would absolutely buy that Bruce Wayne spends insane sums on cosmetic treatments to stay young and good-looking, rather than assuming he needs to get rid of his litany of scars before the Wayne Enterprises corporate retreat.

[innerwomen]

When & What mother figure name they’d call you.

Pairing: Batmom x Dick, Jason, Tim, Damien.

SUMMARY:How long it would take for the batboys to give you a mother figure name (or if they do) and what it would be.

TYPE: Headcanon

WARNINGS: none.

All four of them would only call you mother (or related) only after marriage to Bruce.

Dick Grayson: 1 or 2. He would be the first or second to call you anything besides your name or before when they thought you’d be temporary, ‘Bruce’s gf’. He would definitely go with the most typical one and call you, ‘Mom’.

Jason: last. He doesn’t want to form an attachment with you if your not going to be more than just ‘Bruce’s thing’. Once he does come around he says ‘Ma’ pronounced, “muAh”. In the most country, red neck, accent you can imagine- i don’t know why…

Tim: 1 or 2 I feel he would be slightly indifferent about giving you a name that would establish a close relationship. definitely mother or n/n.

Damien: Not at all. You’re not getting that from him. Talking to Bruce? Full name (including middle if you have one). Dating Bruce? Full name (exclude the middle name). Engaged to Bruce? First name. Married to Bruce? N/n or first name. It’s harder because he has a mother. (They all do but yk, it’s different.) For him mother is the term only for the one who gave you life. Not your father’s wife.

[vodrae]

Damian Wayne : *Watching national geographic. Global warming hurts animals.*

"Mhhh."

*Runs to Tim's room*

"Luthor said you won't find a clean and sustainable power source in your life."

*Slams doors. Leaves.*

Timothy Jackson Drake : "THAT BITCH." *Angry tools noises coming from the garage for 5 minutes* "Take that bald motherfucker !"

Stephanie : "It's been 5 years and I'm still not sure if i'm scared or impressed by you all."

Damian : "Penguins won't fall anymore."

[dceuheadcanons]

Eye colour headcanons for the main four Batboys but specifically in the format of that one meme

Pre Lazarus Pit shenanigans:

Post Lazarus Pit:

(They are in age order, oldest to youngest)

[spectr3inl0ve]

bruce wayne and his controversially young gf but jason jokingly calls bruce 'cradle robber' and unknowingly makes him upset!!! bruce and reader uncomfortably laugh it off while babs scolds jason!! like poor brucie genuinely is enamoured by reader but is filled w sm guilt over the age gap and jason isn't helping :((