#bbt | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

strawwritesfic · 1 year

Text

Rajesh Koothrappali x Female!Reader: Swallow

Summary: There’s a chance you won’t end up with as many cats as Sarah expects after all.

Rating/Tags: T (drinking; drinking in excess; designated driver; texting; meet-cute; bars; set when Raj couldn’t talk to girls; set before Penny and Bernadette getting married to their canonical spouses; Penny & Bernadette; Penny & Bernadette & Raj; reader & original characters; mild language)

Challenge: “160 Collective Drabbles” challenge by BobaPop on Lunaescence Archives.

Tag List: @imaginesfire

Notes: Yeah, I used to watch this show with my parents. I stopped way before them, but I got requests for some of the characters, so...Anyway, please keep in mind any references to Raj being foreign and all were my attempts to reflect the show itself, not actually my own personal views. Same with the dismissive references to nerd culture.

Swallow

“Ready? On the count of three. One…two…three!”

With a chorus of clinking and several shudders, three shot glasses hit the hard tabletop. The sound had barely faded when one of the surrounding girls started giggling. Five stops into this barhopping experience and someone was sure to snap sooner or later. Sure enough, the next words spoken were, “Shut up!”

The giggling stopped.

“Wow, guys,” you said, as you gathered up the empty cups. “Much more of this and I’ll be peeling you all off the floor.”

“Shut up,” Sarah snapped again, which only caused Cassie to break out in another fit of giggles.

You lifted a single eyebrow, and she quieted quickly enough. Then again, that might have had more to do with the death glare that Sarah shoot her. Angry Sarah, silly Cassie…you were starting to get a bad feeling about this entire venture.

“Seriously. I think you’ve had enough. All of you,” you added at Jess’s blank fidgeting right across from you.

The entire adventure was for her benefit, but she looked the least enthusiastic of the bunch. Letting her drink herself into oblivion sounded kind on paper, sure. Forcing her to get up for work the following morning with a raging headache? Not so much. You took her silence for agreement; unfortunately, your attempt to take pity on poor Jess went absolutely nowhere.

Cassie shook her head frantically. “Whaaaaat? You mean we have to go home? But that’s not fair, [Name]! That’s just not fair!”

“Calm down, Cass.” Sarah patted the distraught woman clumsily on the back. “[Name] can’t make us go anywhere.”

“She can’t?”

“I can’t?” you asked.

Sarah downed another shot, then threw you a wide grin that you liked the look of not at all. “Just because you’re the designated driver–”

“Because I have to be.”

“Shut up. You’re the last person to have a breakup before Jess, so it’s your turn. That’s how it works.”

“And when’s it gonna be your turn?”

“When I break up with Dan. Which I won’t. So shut up.”

“This is a load of malarkey," you muttered

“Maybe we should ask Jess,” Cassie suggested, turning to the blonde still staring morosely at the table. “You ready to go home, Jess?”

“I thought Jake was my Dan,” was Jess's mumbled reply.

“Not enough booze!” Cassie cried with barely concealed delight. She reached for another tiny glass. “Sorreeee, [Name].”

“What do you mean, not enough booze? She's practically crying already,” you said, as Jess’s eyes filled with tears. ”

“She has to drink until she forgets Jake or until the bars close,” said Sarah.

“Are you kidding me? You three are already drunk off your asses!”

“Them’s the rules,” Sarah’s smirk swiftly transformed into her typical drunken scowl. “Until you get yourself paired off with some guy, you’re the driver on these things. Consider it an incentive to not wind up the crazy cat lady of the group.”

“I only have one cat,” you pointed out.

“Oh! Oh! Didn’t you say you were thinking about adopting another?” Cassie asked.

You shot her a death glare of your own this time, though its effect was not as great as Sarah’s.

“Oopsie.”

Sarah was too far gone to find any amusement in this revelation. She rolled her eyes and slid her empty cup toward your growing collection. “You don’t want to sit here watching us drink, fine. Why don’t you make yourself useful and go get us another round?”

“Oooor you could work the room,” Cassie said as she handed her glass over to you as well. “There’s loooots of boys here, and I’m sure you could find at least one smart enough to tempt even yoooou, [Name]!”

“Oh, you’re sure are you?” Sarah said.

“I’m sure!”

“Yeah, well you were sure at the last bar, too. And the one before that. And the one before that.”

“So?”

“So your optimism is grating. Shut up.”

“I think you should shut up!”

“I don’t think so. Why don’t you…”

Sarah’s voice faded into the background as you moved away from your friends. By the time you got back, Cassie and Sarah were likely to be at each other’s throats with Jess in tears over it.

Barhopping always sounded a lot more fun when you were the one drinking away a breakup. Maybe Sarah was right. Maybe it was time for you to find someone else. You weren’t still hung up on your ex anymore–far from it, the jackass–but sometimes another cat seemed more appealing then another guy. You had yet to meet anyone that really made you want to work at a relationship. A few dates here and there. Nothing serious.

The bartender didn’t seem all that thrilled at you returning his dirty cups, though you were grateful that he didn’t send you away. The last thing you wanted was to be drawn into a fight that would be completely forgotten in the morning.

Turning on your stool, you made to face the indie band playing at the back of the bar. They weren’t very good, but they beat the tar out of whatever was going down back at your friends’ table. You figured you could give the lot of them twenty more minutes, and then they’d all be so annoyed with each other that they would agree to go home. Until then, crummy music and snatched bits of nearby conversation would have to do for entertainment.

“Come on, Raj. Go out and buy some girl a drink,” a shrill voice punctured the otherwise dull buzzing surrounding the bar.

You glanced in the direction it came from without thinking to see a tiny blonde woman–even tinier than Jess–gesturing at the wide selection before her and her two companions. The nearest to you was another blonde, taller than the other and with an air of practiced charm, who did not speak up until she had finished whatever was in her bottle:

“Yeah, you don’t gotta marry her or whatever. Just practice talking to a few. Otherwise you might as well have stayed back with the guys playing Call of War.”

The man they were speaking to simply looked pained. He clutched a beer so tightly in his hand that you were surprised it hadn’t shattered. Why he was even there, you didn’t know. He didn’t seem to be having a good time, and it was pretty obvious that he wasn’t the designated driver. He wasn’t even dressed to be at a bar–then again, neither were you.

“Come on, Raj,” said the tinier one again. “You can talk to us, can’t you?”

Raj shook his head.

“Not enough booze,” she said in a stage whisper.

The taller of the two women rolled her eyes heavenward, then mussed her hair up with her free hand before making to disappear into the crowd. “I’ve got an audition tomorrow. We wait much longer to do this, and there’ll be no one left here worth meeting. Let’s go.”

“Right. Our racks’ll probably do a better job than a pet scientist anyhow.” The other took a step to follow her friend. She didn’t get very far before she stopped and turned back to Raj. “If you drink enough that you can use that tongue of yours, feel free to join us.”

A nervous nod on his part, then she was off at a trot. The two girls passed by you closely enough that you distinctly heard her mutter:

“As if that’ll ever happen.”

Now it was you, this Raj fellow, and a few other mostly silent patrons at the bar. As bad as the band was, it was still live music, and most people seemed more interested in that than sitting around waiting for someone to buy them a drink. Not that you needed a drink, since you had three stops to make on your way home, and not that Raj needed another one before he finished the one he already had. You sighed and tried to concentrate on the music, though you were pretty sure it was giving you a headache. How much longer until Jess passed out?

A few minutes passed before you looked over at Raj again. He was still there, still looking downcast. Every so often he would sway to the music. You felt for him, poor guy. This didn’t look like his scene at all, and it must have sucked being ditched by his girlfriends like that. Perhaps you were two peas in a pod for the time being.

It might have taken you another five minutes, but finally you worked up the nerve to go over to him. His eyes darted to you and away not once, not twice, but three times as you walked toward him in the semi-darkness. Raj was kind of cute, in a dorky sort of way. Not the kind of guy you normally met at these sorts of venues. Perhaps not the kind of guy who wanted to meet you at these sorts of venues, since he looked outright terrified by the time you stopped in front of him.

“Hi,” you said awkwardly.

He took a gulp of beer.

“I’m [Name].”

Raj smiled. Your heart banged uncomfortably in your chest. Obviously this guy didn’t want to talk to you. Why not bail? But somehow the way the small woman had dismissed him earlier made you want to try harder.

“And you are?” you prompted him.

He opened his mouth.

You leaned forward eagerly to catch whatever came out, and…

He closed it again. Raj closed his mouth and swallowed and smiled and bobbed his head, and then went on to stare past you, as though you were nothing more than yet another license plate on the wall.

You were so disappointed that you couldn’t find it in yourself to move away for nearly thirty more seconds. Well, you thought as you walked off, at least you tried. Maybe now everyone would be ready to leave so that you could escape the site of your most recent embarrassment as quickly as possible. Your first time talking to a guy in months, and it had to turn out like that. Maybe Sarah was right. Maybe you were doomed to be the crazy cat lady.

“Don’t forget we have to pick up our pet scientist before we leave.”

“I won’t, I won’t. Would you quit worrying? He’s not even drunk. He can find his way home just fine. He’s not our child, Bernadette.”

You looked up at the familiar voices. The two women from before stood just a little bit in front of you, looking bored and a bit more pink around the edges.

Before you could stop it, your mouth was saying, “Um. Hey.”

They looked over at you in perfect unison.

“Hi,” said Bernadette hesitantly. “Can we help you?”

Probably not. Almost certainly not. Why you were bothering, you didn’t know, but you took a step closer and nodded your head in the direction of the bar. “About your friend back there.”

The taller one frowned. “Who? Raj? What about him?”

“Does he speak English?”

They stared at you so hard that you wished you had never spoken to either of them. Then they burst into laughter. Having no idea what you had said that was so funny, you could only watch on, bewildered. What? He looked foreign. No big deal. Him not speaking English would explain a lot–and perhaps bolster your. confidence a little.

No such luck. Bernadette recovered first: “Of course Raj can speak English,” she said, as though this were obvious.

“Oh, I just thought–he wouldn’t talk to me...”

“Oh, sweetie,” the larger woman said, leaning forward and patting your shoulder so hard that you nearly toppled over. “He can speak English. He just can’t speak to women.”

“What?”

But they were already moving past you. “Pity he can’t find enough alcohol here to get him to talk. That one was actually cute,” Bernadette said, just before they walked out of earshot.

Cute? You looked back over at the bar. Raj remained there, still intent on swaying to the music.

“Hey, [Name]! You gonna help or what?” Sarah shouted at you.

Startled, you twisted around to see her and Jess struggling to keep Cassie on her feet.

“Move your ass! We gotta get her home before she starts vomiting. It’s your car, remember?”

You remembered. Raj forgotten, you hurried over to take the brunt of Cassie’s weight. What with Jess and Sarah being so inebriated, they could only hinder the group’s slow and unsteady progress toward the door. What followed was another chunk of time dedicated to getting Cassie in the car and buckled in while the other two made jokes at her expense.

You had finally got everyone settled in and were about to open the car door to get inside yourself when you spotted the same trio from before leaving the building. Raj looked more upset than ever, but what did that matter to you? He didn’t speak to girls.

Wait. Speak?

“[Name]!” Sarah shouted after you as you raced away from the car and toward Raj and his two friends.

“H-Hey! Wait up!” you called.

They did, though you suspected this was because you looked like a madwoman, running up with your arms flailing above your head.

“Oh. It’s you,” said Bernadette. “Did you need something, or…”

“Raj!” you said, slightly out of breath after all the physical labor.

The look on his face made it obvious that you knowing his name was not something he’d expected. He didn’t talk this time either, but he didn’t have to.

You dove into your purse, resurfaced with a pen and paper, and quickly scrawled your name and number across the scrap. “Here.”

Looking confused, he took your bit of paper.

“Text me?”

Before you could get a straight answer, you scuttled off. You had to get Cassie home, after all.

Bernadette’s said one last thing in her high voice before your car door shut behind you: “You better text that one, Raj! Before all that beer leaves your system!”

“What was all that about?” Sarah wanted to know.

“I’ll tell you in the morning,” you said as your vehicle left the bar parking lot. “Let’s be quiet for now. Wouldn’t want to wake up Cass and Jess.”

She made a scoffing noise, but did as you directed. The drive home was relatively quiet and uneventful–save, just as you came back from laying Cassie out on her couch, your phone buzzing in the cup holder. You allowed yourself a peek and grinned.

“Rajesh Koothrappali. A pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

278 notes · View notes