#bc i hate seeing a mod i like and have no idea where to get it LMAO

[washoepine]

Hi, I’m here to talk about my ex (again) because I have a lot of thoughts.

I had mentioned before that my ex had cheated on me, was given a second chance with the firm requirement of counseling, and proceeded to try and cheat on me again within a month of saying he’ll do better.

After that he harassed me consistently for a month straight before I had to block him almost everywhere except for his phone since we still had the last bit of the apartment we rented together as the leased wrapped up. That harassment never really stopped. The month following was relatively quiet with him trying to contact me via email, which was largely ignored, a couple of times before he showed up where I live for the third time within a two and a half month period. Sure it’s not a lot, but when your ex had moved 4 hours across state after the first time, it’s pretty terrifying.

Long and tiring story to explain, I was forced into a position where I had to be friends with my ex, who is harassing me, just to get him to leave.

This is where the thoughts portion of things comes in: In my honest opinion, the best thing you can do for anyone you hurt is to genuinely apologize and then step back to let them process everything as you wait for them to reach back out. Because it’s not about what you want. It’s about giving people you care about the time to heal and breathe. The time can vary. For me, it’s going to be a long time before I’m okay and probably even longer before I fully forgive my ex for everything if I ever do fully forgive him.

Instead of him leaving me be he has constantly pushed and pushed and pushed for what he wants and never really thought about if that’s what I want or if I’m even okay with his actions and decisions. Up until this past week, I hadn’t even touched my comic or art in general since mid May due to burnout from the stress I was under due to my ex harassing me.

I had started to calm down this week and get back into working on my projects again, and then he showed up on the discord server I was streaming in while working with friends and chatting. Honestly, having fight or flight mixed with dread kicked in hard as soon as I saw him hop in the call on a server he was never apart of until this evening. Why did he join? Because he saw I was streaming on a public server and wanted to see me draw bc he wasn’t doing anything, and didn’t think about how I felt about it until others said to contact the mods.

I’m glad the mod team is understanding and kind, but I feel awful for inadvertently bringing that into a community where people are trying to work n their comics and talk shop. I hate that I feel like I have to step away from communities that I enjoy being apart of and enjoy talking to people in just because one extremely selfish person wants to harass me and say that’s not what they’re doing.

I’m tired of my ex harassing and stalking me. I’m tired that I can’t actually do much about it either. The amount of stress I go through when even the inkling of the idea of him becoming even more volatile and unstable scares me tremendously. I wish he cared. I wish he actually fucking cared and would leave me alone rather than being my stalker ex.

I’m going to dial back social media and discord use for a bit because I don’t want to be a source of drama and stress for people I have a lot of respect for. I’m still working on Joys and I have hard deadlines set for myself. I’m hoping to get back to update in the next month or two. I’ll see you all around. I’ll still reply to dms.

[dykesynthezoid]

@cookietastic lmaoo I would never!

The original dream was fairly limited but mainly focused on Sam and Tory having to share a hotel room while traveling for work that was somehow fashion focused and also clearly very 70s. And ofc they were work rivals but I think Tory may have technically been in a position below Sam’s; Sam wasn’t necessarily her direct superior but Tory was still in more of an intern/assistant position than Sam was. But it also seemed like Tory expressly took advantage of this to often fuck w Sam deliberately and even sabotage her and make her look crazy. And also there was only one bed

In expanding on the idea I can’t help but imagine they both went to interview at the office at the same time and had some sort of run in that made them instantly hate each other lmao. Assuming it’s a fashion magazine they’re at I could see Sam pursuing a job there because she’s trying to make a career in journalism, while Tory is just looking for something that pays well enough and maybe has some mobility (and also— bc it’s the 70s— she gets to work in an office where it’s considered socially acceptable to wear pants to work. Bc it wasn’t, still, in a lot of places. And I doubt she would be coping with that well)

I could see both of them going for the type of magazine that was like, similar to Cosmo/Glamour, esp considering Cosmo was really revolutionary at the time for talking about things like sex and contraception openly, and Glamour had long had a reputation as being a magazine for working women. So on some level it would both feel more relatable to them and also is more intriguing for Sam who wants to be able to write about cultural issues and current events.

Most of women’s fashion magazines have historically been based out of New York, but there are plenty of lifestyle/media magazines that were/are based in LA, like Variety or The Hollywood Reporter, so it’s not entirely unthinkable for a women’s fashion magazine to be based in LA (I think Glamour originally was, actually), especially if it got its start talking about the fashions and trends in Old Hollywood.

But yeah the early 70s were hugely transformative for both the fashion industry and publishing and also it’s just fun. I think Sam would inevitably do shit like tell Tory to go get her coffee just to be annoying, and Tory would come back and just spit right into the cup while making full eye contact. And then bc Sam is stubborn she would stand there and drink it anyway, still maintaining eye contact, as a power play. And anyone else in the office watching this is just going “Hey what the fuck. What the fuck is going on there”

Meanwhile Sam has been sweating all day bc she’s convinced the zipper on Tory’s zip up jumpsuit has slowly been getting lower and lower and she’s not unconvinced Tory isn’t doing it intentionally just to fuck with her (she isn’t, Sam is just gay and going sort of crazy about it).

They get told last minute that they’re being put on the team going to some fashion event (maybe the first official paris fashion week? Or maybe it’s something local?) Hence them having to share a hotel room. They get free clothes from the company to wear to the more important events, which means Sam ends up needing help getting into a little mod mini dress bc the art directors at work keep telling her she needs to lean into that cutesy girl next door image or whatever. She kind of panics bc she’s not sure she can even sit down in the thing, and Tory is very heavily rolling her eyes at her even though she’s this 👌🏻 close to frothing at the mouth and clawing at the ground after helping Sam get changed

Sam ends up being handed a valium by someone on the way to the event bc she’s panicking, so she’s kind of zonked out of her gourd the whole time, and meanwhile Tory is chainsmoking bc being around so many rich people is making her nervous. It’s true love

[wc-confessions]

i think i've seen someone say it here once before, but i wanted to say louixie's story makes me super uncomfortable. the "white character shunned for not being black by black characters" motif just feels really off-putting. i think the newest amv where crowsong gets picked on/beat up further confirms that.

from what i've seen, crowsong's story more heavily revolves around the fact that crowsong was ostracized for being born albino. i havent rlly followed the story too much but the most i know is that the clan has a rlly strict genetic selection and has a history of exiling even brown, orange, and lighter grey cats, with crowsong only getting caught in the mix bc the clan had never seen an albino cat before

i can see where youre coming from w this bc i felt put off by it at first too but i dont think that was the intention at all nor do i think there was a real motif put behind it. but if anyone else has any thoughts id love to hear them! i just dont know enough abt the story to rlly have any strong opinions on it

-mod ashensky

I actually made a post abt this on my personal blog, and thank goodness I'm a black person because I can talk abt this directly. No Crowsong's family are definitely not supposed to be black people LOL.

Black coding does not mean the character is literally black, you can have a non-human character that isn't black be black coded and vice versa. Crowsong is very clearly from the same "racial" group as the people she's directly related to I have no idea where this is coming from because this takes place within a clan.

You can tell because their fur is straight as hell (joking) but really the closest I can compare to Crowsong's experience isn't racism but colorism and/or that time in history when everyone hated redheads or when europe decided that left handed people have to be "fixed". There's a ton of other forms of discrimination that are more akin to Crowsong's story than racism.

I feel like people get really hung up of skin/fur color but you need to remember that cats don't have a concept of race, Crowsong is directly related to everyone who is bullying her, albinism is a real thing that people can have, black people are still seen black when they have albinism in the real world, colorism exists in every place in the world regardless of race and discrimination against people with albinism also exists, it's called ableism!

So with all that considered Crowsong's story isn't "reverse racism" or whatever, it's a story abt ableism and/or colorism. That's the real thing ya'll should be analyzing/critiquing because one could say that there's some bad tropes in that story still. - Admin Cloudnettle

[wangxianficfinder]

Fic Finder

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1. Not sure if this is ff or itmf, because there is a specific fic I lost, but also just want a general trope. I'm looking for fics where WWX's resentful energy is into/gentle with LWJ, and LWJ welcomes it, like allowed it to touch him, touches back, maybe they use it during sex. It doesn't have to be right away, just him eventually accepting that the resentful energy is an extension of WWX. (Particularly looking for a post 13/16 year fic with this idea and WWX being shocked over how unbothered LWJ is about it, bc he still thinks LWJ hates him. Also something to do with LWJ's scars and the energy making the not hurt? Idk feel free to split this into two asks!)

FOUND? the described story sounds like the anteroom of golden age by everythingispoetry (M, 92k, wangxian, canon divergence, disability, recovery, mental health issues, grief/mourning, hurt/comfort, families of choice, developing relationship) where resentful energy m akes LWJ's scars hurt less, though it's only one event towards the end of a long story which is itself the last of a series!

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2. hello i hope you all are doing great! im looking for a fic where jgy's crimes were exposed in a discussion conference i think. and he was trying to tell jc about the golden core transfer to keep the spotlight off himself but jc already knew and he told the conference himself. im trying to remember the plot but alas. thank you for all you do it's very appreciated ♥️♥️♥️

FOUND! A Narrow Bridge by FrameofMind, Jo Lasalle (Jo_Lasalle) (E, 700k, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, Canon Divergence, Slow Burn, Getting Together, First Time, Pining while fucking, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Angst with a Happy Ending, CQL Verse, almost everybody lives/almost nobody dies, epistolary-ish, canon-ish side pairings, radishes) sounds like it could be narrow bridge. Wei Ying doesn't want to tell JC but Lan Zhan insists and they argue about it. If that sounds familiar? It happens very far into the fic.

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3. A) Hello! Looking for this fic: Just before he dies, Wei Ying sees Lan Zhan being severely injured (really bad wound through the chest). When he resurrects later on, he's certain that Lan Zhan is dead, and he's pissed about it. But Lan Zhan isnt dead, and they find each other. Its a darkish fic with wangxian being quite in love but kind of a murder couple. Lan Xichen is kinda bad here. Meng Yao gets his head chopped off. I cant find it anywhere, it might've been deleted... Help? 😳

B) Looking for this fic: It happens during the Burial Mounds settlement days. Lan Zhan comes to visit. Someone attacks Wei Ying with a spell but Lan Zhan protects him and is hit instead. It starts de-aging him little by little (mentally not physically), taking back a few years at a time. (I think every time he sleeps he loses more years...) Wei Ying takes him back into the settlement as he tries to cure him. Lan Xichen joins them at some point... I can't find it! 😢 @dreammaiden21

3A)

FOUND? you soothe me just to torture me again 🔒 by PrismaticAvocado (M, 4k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Dark WWX, Dark LWJ, Dark LSZ, Dark LXC, Dark LQR, jc is honestly not that much darker than in canon if at all, Murder Husbands, Torture, Homophobia, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, almost everyone is bashed somewhat except for wangxian and a-yuan be warned, JC Bashing, WWX Lives, BAMF WWX)

3B)

FOUND! Rosemary and Thyme by The Silverfish (ZephyrAndTheSilverfish) (T, 45k, wangxian, burial mounds settlement days, memory loss, talismans, hurt/comfort, angst w happy ending, fix-it, recovery, panic attacks, fluff)

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4. Hello, I'm looking for a fic where Lan Wangji raises the Lan disciples to express their emotions healthily. I remember it ends after WWX's resurrection with Lan Wangji crying really hard.

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5. hello dear mods im in need of your help again. im looking for a fic where wwx finds his uncles who are his father's brothers, also apparently he comes from a rich family. he's already married to lwj iirc by this time iirc. i can't recall the plot so idk what tag to search or what compilation it's in 😭😭 thank you very much for all you do

hey im 5 on the latest fic finder. sorry but i don't think that's it im pretty sure it's a finished fic. also wwx meets his paternal grandmother but she has dementia iirc. thanks for the suggestion tho

hey #5 again sorry again but that's still not it. T_T the wei clan isn't a cultivator family but a merchant family so wcz was actually rich before becoming a cultivator iirc. and when wwx's uncles found out what happened to wwx they withdrew their business in lanling. also idk if i remember it right but it seemed part of a series? thank you for your efforts i also liked the fics you suggested anyway so it's still a win

NOT FOUND! 🧡 Stunted, Starving Juvenility by TomatenMark (E, 548k, WangXian, WIP, Fix-it of sorts, Talisman master WWX, Not JFM Friendly, Study Arc, Getting together, Fluff and Angst, Engagement)

NOT FOUND! places under the sky by narie (T, 17k, WangXian, Background Relationships, Canonical Character Death, Family, Found Family, literally but also metaphorically, Funerary Rites, Post-Canon, Family Dynamics, Grief/Mourning)

FOUND! Keep Holding On by abCEE (M, 316k, JC & WWX & JYL, wangxian, canon divergence, role reversal, YLLZ JYL, yunmeng sibling dynamics, good uncle LQR, sunshot campaign, PTSD, established relationship, angst w/ happy ending) wei ying's dad comes from merchants family. He and Lan Zhan and a-yuan visit them. That part was somewhere in the middle of the fic / I don'r remember the specific chapter (i think around 35/36)

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6. Hey there, I'm searching for a wangxian fiction on ao3.... but unfortunately, I don't remember much of it. All that i know is that it is a long fic and that Wei Ying is not hated by the Cultivation world. Wei Ying also gets a title, which is similar to Lan Zhans. It was like the Light Bearer (obviously LZ) and his Light Source (that's the title WY got). Also, they got their happy ending (and I think WYs' relationship to Jiang Cheng was not good at the sunshot campaign :/ ?). Thanks in advance :D

FOUND? I'm Going Out (Gonna Make A Name For Me And You) by cosmicmilktea (T, 16k, wangxian, post-canon, chief cultivator LWJ, Mentor WWX, intersect relations, slow burn, sickness)

FOUND? Light Source by abCEE (M, 31k, wangxian, canon divergence, not Jiang friendly, fall of lotus pier, no golden core transfer, sunshot campaign, established relationship, canon-typical violence, medical inaccuracies, no demonic cultivation, accidental baby acquisition)

FOUND? Light of Stars (and the Destroyer) by Sanguis (T, 22k, WangXian, Legends, Arranged Marriage, Pining for your spouse, Adoption, Canon Divergence, Married Couple)

FOUND? 🧡 the river brought you here by chilianxianzi (Not Rated, 11k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, POV Outsider, Amnesia, Past abuse, Strangulation, Found Family) I think the fic is - The River Brought You Here. (Feng Huo, Beacon)

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7. Hello! I'm hoping you and all your lovely followers can help me, but I think the fic I'm looking for has been deleted.

The title was something like Happiness is peeing your pants, and the author something like wwx_sparkles, but I don't think I'm spelling the author's name correctly. The fic was about Emperor!LWJ and guard!WWX, who drank too much the night before, and needs to borrow the emperor's chamber pot. Sexy times ensue.

If anyone knows the fic or the author, or has a copy, I'd be very grateful! Thanks for all your hard work, this blog is a treasure ♥️

I’ve got bad news for you; w_wxsparkles has left the fandom, deleted their AO3 account, and emptied their Twitter. If you persevere, that story (and you got the title right) is available on the Wayback Machine.

the work number was #28129026. https://archiveofourown.org/works/28129026

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8. Hi! I'm looking for an Ao3 one shot that takes place after wwx's death. It's about how Jiang wanyin and lan wangji need to stay away from each other during conferences. It all started when jiang wanyin made a comment about lan wangji's robes saying he looks like he's mourning his wife. And it set off lan wangji and he seriously aimed to hurt jiang wanyin for that comment. I remember he swung at a pillar and collapsed it. He only stopped because Lan shizui called out to him. TYIA!

FOUND! Better than a Mouthful of Blood by mondengel (T, 1k, gen) and it is locked to archive accounts

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9. I watched wangxian toxic lover FF video in YouTube I want read this ff please can you search the ff story I'm try find this story but never find it's request please can you find

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10. Hi! Thank you for all your help in finding all these good fics! I've found so many excellent stories based on your recs and findings ❤️ If it's not too much trouble, could you please find a fic in which wei ying was faking his orgasms and lan zhan found out bcs he walked in on wei ying? Thank you

NOT FOUND! Wei Wuxian’s Shameless revenge, a Tumblr comic by @pakhnokh, elaborated in The Sweetest Morsel to the Mouth That Ever Was Cooked in Hell by Silvarbelle (E, 14k, wangxian, Mojo’s post)

NOT FOUND! Lie Back and Think of Yunmeng by sophie_448 (E, 8k, WangXian, Arranged Marriage, Observed Consummation, Dubious Consent, Public Sex, Exhibitionism, A/B/O Dynamics, Boypussy, Vaginal Sex, ambiguous historical fantasy setting, referenced Wei Ying/others for ~educational purposes, Faked orgasms, chastity examination)

FOUND! if there ever was a perfect couple this one qualifies by wildwestwind (E, 4k, wangxian, F/M, gender changes, smut, anorgasmia, rope bondage, consensual non-con, gentle dom LWJ, lack of communication, fluff) this is maybe left field since it is a m/f fic but the description reminded me a lot of this one

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11. Do you know the title of a fic where Wei Ying changes into a woman due to a pill he took from a black dog that was frozen in an array. It took him back in time and he decided to help the sunshot compaign from the sideline so no one knew of the demonic cultivator. He runs into lan Zhan who realizes it’s Wei Ying and follows after him. Wei Ying claims ayuan as his son. I’ve read it before but have lost it. Thank you in advance for any help! @minniemickey1987

FOUND? 今非昔比 Jīn fēi xī bǐ by XieJianRou (Not rated, 119k, wangxian, time travel fix-it, fem WWX)

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12. Here am I bothering you guys again, lol. I'm looking for a fic that takes place in a world where people are decided as doms and subs. I think that Lwj was a dom and Wwx a sub. Wwx is having a sub drop at the burial mounds, so Wq sends a letter to Lwj so he can go help get Wwx out of the dropping. Some misunderstanding happens, and it ends with Lwj having a dom drop, but wwx doesn't notice and sends Lwj away, but Wq noticed Lwj was dropping, and when she found out Wwx sent him away, she scolded Wwx and told him to go find Lwj before something bad happened with him.

FOUND? A Gesture of Companionship by Khashana (E, 5k, wangxian, bdsm au, burial mounds settlement days, dub con, spanking, scratching, no lube, inappropriate use of gusu lan ribbon, sex pollen vibes, fuck or severe consequences, going nonverbal, sub drop, top drop, angst w happy ending)

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13. I have completely lost track of a fic, and I hope you guys can find it for me since I have given up. So it was a War prize wangji fic, though I don't remember if it was tagged that or not. It was actually primarily in LXC's pov. Everyone was at a conference in Lanling, and LXC had heard a bunch of horrible rumors about what LWJ was supposedly suffering, but then wangxian came in looking swag af, and LXC kept checking over and staring at LWJ to assuage himself of the worry when LWJ looked fine. Then there was a bit where NMJ got sat at the table with them in a Jin attempt to provoke him or WWX into trouble, and it failed. Then there was a break, and everyone went shopping, and WWX kept going on and on about LWJ and everyone by the end of it realized WWX was a dork and stupid in love with LWJ. I think this was multi chapter? But that's everything I can remember.

Thank again for your help!

Asker from 13 on ff, it is not Love, in fire and blood. Like I said, the fic was entirely from LXC's pov and at no point did it switch to or from that. It also entirely takes place at a banquet. Other scenes I remember is that when LWJ and WWX appeared, LWJ was described to have a long train on his coat, later during the banquet LXC makes note that LWJ is eating some chicken that WWX had put on his plate and that LWJ's cheeks look chubby since he'd last seen him. WWX had also never met NMJ before.

I don't remember if it was a long one shot or a chaptered fic, but if it was chaptered it wasn't very many, like 4 or 5.

NOT FOUND! love, in fire and blood by cicer (E, 360k, wangxian, Bottom LWJ, Arranged Marriage, political scheming, Gratuitous Domesticity, Mutual Pining, EXTREME SLOWBURN, Bottom LWJ) might be "Love, In Fire And Blood" It is a war prize au and when wangxian re-enter society they are both dressed to the nines (LWJ notably not wearing his Lan whites) and there is a focus on Xichen being worried for his brother. But the whole fic is not from Xichen's perspective.

FOUND! Cessation by devinokaze (T, 6k, wangxian, canon divergence, YLLZ WWX, fluff, LXC pov)

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14. Hello fic finder, I don't know if you are still finding fics but i've been trying to find a wangxian fic where wei wuxian was raised by his mother cangse sanren and sends a letter to the cultivation saying she is coming down the mountain. Lan Zhan and Wei Ying meet in a forest and end up adopting Xue yang, Moxuanyu, and A yuan. Meng Yao is cangse sanrens disciple in this fic and wen ruohan isn't causing trouble. Wuxian cross dresses in this fic and its not jiang friendly. Please can you help me

FOUND? Resplendence by FrozenMarVel (E, wangxian, JYL/JZX, JC/LXC, different first meetings, love at first sight, fluff, rogue cultivator WWX, crossdressing, flirting, fix-it of sorts, smut, WIP)

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15. Hi! I wanted to ask about a fic where lwj wakes up one morning and sees wwx sitting on the floor, crying, wearing the same clothes he was wearing the previous night because he found all the letters lwj wrote to him in those 13 years and read them. I read smth like that and forgot the name😭 @angrybagginshieldbakery

FOUND? no better version of me by idrilka (E, 8k, WangXian, Established Relationship, Love Letters, Tender Sex)

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16. Hi, I'm looking for a fic, the only thing I remember was that (due to time travel shenanigans perhaps?) WWX was absent for the investigation and fight of the waterborne abyss and as a consequence LWJ died. I think WWX only found out about it a long time later. Does anyone remember this fic? Thank you! A big thank you also to the mods for putting in the time to manage this blog!

I've read #16! I think it was caused by LXC going back in time, he could only change one thing, and decided that LWJ and WWX shouldn't become close, and so doesn't let WWX and JC come with them to fight the abyss. He then goes back to the future only to learn that LWJ died.

FOUND! Alternative Choices by StarClearWaters (Readoutloud) (T, 20k, wangxian, LXC/WQ, pov LXC, protective LXC, time travel, temporary character death, butterfly effect, mpreg, panic attacks)

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17. Hi! I'm actually looking for 2 fics! A) is LZ goes to burial mounds w/WY the lan elders start arguing through rules on a mountain with LZ eventually WY gets involved. B) is LZ had left the lan for a few years(?) and the elders, LX,&LQ try to get him to come back- the fic focuses on rules and how LZ breaks them, like it mentions him braiding beads into his hair and i also remember that LZ & WY had a wagon full of children! I love all the work you all put in on this blog! LOTS OF LOVE @chubbypotato23

17A)

FOUND? A War of Stone and Silence by kitsunealyc (T, 4k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Burial Mounds, Lans Being Crappy Communicators, Wall of Discipline, Remix)

17B)

FOUND? Unpack your heart by Terri Botta (Isilwath) (T, 22k, wangxian, 1st in series, canon divergenec, romance, everyone lives au, LWJ stays at Burial Mounds, not lan elder friendly) the part they remember starts in chapter 3

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18. hey! im looking for a modern fic where i believe wwx is married to mm and he meets lwj later.. they have an affair of sorts?? cheating was one of the tags i think. it was around 15-25k, angsty but a happy ending.. thats all i got lol. Thank you for your help!!!

FOUND? We Take Our Vows Seriously by JJSIN2020 (E, 30k, WangXian, Modern AU, LWJ is Married, WWX is not, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, emotional comfort not in your spouse, Eventual Smut, Lime spritzers, that's the drink, too bad if you don't like them)

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19. Fic finder request, please! 🙂 A modern au where WWX had created a security pc program and was pretty rich. He lives with the wens and is friends with NMJ and NHS and gets spooked early into his relationship with LWJ and runs away to hide in a hotel room. No one can find him until NHS bribes a restaurant worker and then convinces WWX to go back.

FOUND! Come Around and Stay by trippednfell (M, 160k, wangxian, modern, slow burn, kid fic, found family, it gets worse before it gets better, PTSD, blood and injury, dissociation, trauma, angst w happy ending, musicals, alternating pov, JC & WWX reconciliation, hurt/comfort, panic attacks) the scene described is in chapter 10

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20. Hi! I’m looking for a fic where Wei Wuxian travels back in time to the Cloud Recesses and immediately tried to kill himself by jumping into the river in the Cloud Recesses. He survives and then there is a scene where he uses some sort of empathy to show Lan Wangji and Nie Huaisang what happened to him that lead to home being there. I would appreciate help finding it, though I understand if you are too busy

FOUND? Without end by barisan (M, 70k, wangxian, major character death, time travel, suicide attempt, hurt/comfort, depressed WWX, protective LWJ, good uncle LQR, bad parents JFM & YZY, not YZY & JFM & Jiang friendly, implied/referenced child abuse & self harm, BAMF WWX, WIP)

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[steve0discusses]

S5 Ep 43: Don’t Worry About Ryou, I’m Sure He’s Fine.

I was missing pants with reasonable waist lines where I could sit down and eat at the same time, and I as like “wow, I do not even have time to write the Yugioh blog but I really want to write the Yugioh blog to remember a time when pants were normal.”

And so here we are.

When I was reminded that, in fact, no one’s wearing pants in the flashbacks anyway. But it’s fine, I guess.

Last we left off Seto and Aknadin were having a heart to heart where Aknadin was trying to pull a Darth Vadar and Seto was not having it.

It’s like if Luke Skywalker was already an imperial officer the entire time. It’s like Darth chopped off Lukes hand and Luke’s like. “Damn it, Dad! I’m on the Dark Side already. I work for Palpatine. He’s right there. We both say Hi to Palpatine as we walk into work every single damn day of our lives.”

(read more under the cut)

And then Seto just kinda stewed in denial for a bit about every Dad substitute he has ever had.

Like I would say Roland is the closest thing Seto has to a functional Father, and even I, a true Roland stan, would admit that Roland would ABSOLUTELY end the world (though, he would do it wholly unintentionally.)

I had honestly forgotten that Hassad was a character now, and the idea that Seto, who generally doesn’t want his family grievances aired out in public, also has to have the peanut gallery from this random Egyptian god-like character is very funny to me. Like getting unsolicited life advice from the robotic Discord mod.

Anyway, was anyone thinking about Ryou? because I sure wasn’t prepared!

He’s still there!

He’s still there just passed out on the steppies! The steppies that are from like 5000 years ago and covered in spiders. Seto just casually walking over him and not even bothering to like...move his body.

Maybe give him like a pillow or something? Drape your massive coat over his coat? try to wake him up a little bit? No?

We’re just going to leave Ryou like this?

Can’t imagine why Ryou would want to kill his entire class and the entire world considering how freakin nice everyone is to Ryou’s near-corpse right now.

And speaking of near-corpses

It was at this point, where most people would be like freaking out, even just a little bit, that the golden disembodied eyeball started glowing in Seto’s pocket.

Just youknow, the golden disembodied eyeball of Seto’s previous co-worker/Dad stand-in/Guy that Tried to Kill Him and Mokuba and Steal His Company. Yes, that thing is still in his coat pocket, and it’s been I want to say like 6 or 7 episodes of this gross thing rolling around next to his wifejet keys, his loose change, and a couple gum wrappers.

Like Seto is just so over it at this point. I feel like S1 Seto would be mad freaking out right now, screaming for Mokuba and getting on his little helicopter to blow up this tomb by dropping a satellite from space on it.

But this Seto is like “That’s a lot of bodies. Anyway, lets go fall into a vision from this cryptic eyeball from hell.”

And it was weird!

We get to see Aknadin’s explanation for why he’s feeling cray, and it’s because he’s jealous of his brother.

Don’t ask me what Seto from the future was thinking when he saw a flashback contained within a vision of the distant past. Seto again, is just kind of over it, and will take anything that this world throws at him.

After hearing this explanation, Shimon was like “This is why we hate wizards.”

Seto was feeling conflicted, because he received a lot of one-on-one tutoring from Aknadin about how to properly do sales taxes, and once had a sword fight with him, which I guess is Dad stuff, if it’s 5000 BC.

But yousee, none of this matters because Aknadin knows the secret password to get Seto to do anything you want, and for once, the password is not “Pegasus.” It’s the other password.

Shout out to the story boarder for mirroring both Seto in the present and the past with this same clenched fist position. Just to REALLY hammer in how much Seto both thinks that past!Seto is an idiot, but is also exactly that idiot at the same time.

Which is when Kissara wakes up and is like “brah knock it off I’m trying to sleep.”

Back at the palace, Kissara decides to book it towards her True Love She Just Met, and Bakura kind of watches this go down and is like “Nice.” And by Bakura, I mean Tristan.

Because Tristan is still, in fact, possessed, and no one else has noticed, much like how I didn’t notice he was possessed for like 3 entire episodes.

So they decide to take a break from trying to find Yami’s name to instead get Barbossa to stop crying and give him a snack. This entire time they were also equally famished, but as we’ve noticed with Ryou, getting very hungry is just Shadow World things.

TEA. We JUST went over how the entire city of graverobbers got turned into a haunted tea set can you NOT???

Pharaoh is RIGHT THERE, don’t eat his family!

So in a weird animated sequence, the gang flies across Egypt on the back of Barbossa, who as I mentioned before, has a face that goes into a bucket we will call “Reasons why American children in the 00′s hid their anime interests from their friends.”

But it’s OK, because he’s canonically dead! 🎊🥂🎉

I would add him to the death count, but 1. He sucks and 2. He never actually existed in the first place, Yami apparently just shoved him into the past as a cheat so his friends could get a ride.

Which was super necessary, this kids are completely unable to travel if Kaiba isn’t there to drive them.

Tristan has been so many weird ass men in this show.

Is this payback for that time Tristan refused to let Bakura take over Mokuba’s body in S1? Maybe. But also it was just really convenient because Tristan is such a mix of weird characteristics from obsessing over literal melons, obsessing over janitor stuff, and being horny af, that him being possessed is just camouflage.

Bakura remembers how Yugi ran to Yami’s side at their last confrontation, and how after one pep talk, Yami was able to completely recover from being indirectly hit in the balls when Aknadin threw a sword at the nads of Slither the Sky dragon. Bakura was like “yes. This is what I will do as well. This is the power I need. The power of friendship from the one who knows me better than anyone else!”

Bakura then realized who was right outside that tomb, whom he went out of his way to lure right there at it’s entrance. The soul he needed this entire time that was always there, but he just never really appreciated.

And then he let Ryou bleed out on the steppies.

That’s right he let his own Ryou passed out on the sharpest most brutal steppies known to man, in order to steal away SETO KAIBA, the least supportive friend in the Yugioh Universe, in order to save Bakura’s soul.

Seto Kaiba. Was used to save. Bakura’s. Soul.

Bakura gave Seto Kaiba a haunted eyeball, so that way Seto would come to this tomb, and then Bakura could use him as an extra life mushroom.

Seto Kaiba, who doesn’t even know what continent he is on.

YOU LANDED IN EGYPT FIVE MINUTES AGO.

Y’all my long Covid is a lot, and flu season has been absolutely killing me this year becuase flu with long covid is just...well it’s a bad time. But when Seto Kaiba landed in Egypt, looked up at Cairo, and in the dialogue of the show was like “this place sure looks familiar” I was like...his brain.

He was just at the museum. He was just talking to Ishizu. he’s in the valley of the kings! There’s just no saving Seto Kaiba, his poor borked brain.

And I get it, he once had a hallucination about past Egypt, in particular...

BUT YOU IN EGYPT, KAIBA.

Which is fine because he will not be using said brain.

RIP Seto Kaiba, it was nice knowing you.

We’ll wait until I see the explanation for whatever the hell just happened next episode before I add him to the deathcount. But welcome back, Bakura.

Back to play another round of cards. Bless this show and their obsession with card games that refuse to end.

I’m glad it got back to cards eventually, but they took me on a little ride this episode, I really don’t know where it’s going anymore, and that’s not just my brain fog talking. Seto is possessed, the other Seto is...Bakura...Bakura is also Tristan, and the puzzle necklace is not actually on Yami currently. Like it wasn’t really covered here, but Yami might be able to die now? Maybe?

Anyway, a lot to unpack, but a good time overall. This show is freakin bonkers man, I forget when I’m updating regularly, but then I step away for a little while and it’s like “yes. This is why I’m recapping this goldmine. It is a miracle that this show exists because of how weird it is, but I’m here for it.”

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono

[csvent-2]

BOY do I have a story for you. Okay. Lets talk Nyudoodles, Howltars and Liowlets. Going straight to the point (ASK ME QUESTIONS FOR CLARIFICATION BC I CANT WORD THINGS CORRECTLY) 1. I was immediately banned/blacklisted from Nyudoodles bc I apparently was “block evading” according to one of the mods WITHOUT any evidence other than my account not having enough ocs or art (I already explained to them why I didn’t have many mind you tho I understand wanting to be safe as I have BEEN stalked before esp irl.) number 2. Blocked from Liowlets bc apparently I “made artists uncomfortable” and tht there was a “beware public post” about me. I’m like.. HUH?! Am I that known? Btch I’m in no way shape or form known or a popular artist 💀 where is this coming from? I asked the mod if it’s bc of ‘that’ mod that blacklisted me from Nyudoodles they said they have NO idea who that is and etc etc yada yada (I won’t say their name for now(the mod from Nyudoodles, they’re also in Howltars, but unless you want me to say the nams. They’re popular as an artist has cute designs.) 3. Banned from Howltars. One day I go on discord and then see that I’ve been banned?? It says bc I “impersonated” you guessed WHO that mod. It’s always been that one mod from Nyudoodles. I asked the owner Nyudex what happened. They began to show me sc of.. apparently the “public post” ab me WITHOUT revealing the name. And it looks like it’s from Amino or something? (Probably the same mod as they’ve always had a problem with me.) Next an instagram account of someone impersonating the mod AND screenshots of the mod from Liowlets and the chat we had. Now.. I was banned from Howltars bc of “impersonation, harassment?? And apparently block evading.” I’m now here realizing I am not the problem, since reading that the Nyudoodles staff go at each others throats, get jealous over others designs, ripoff designs and are toxic in general PLUS I’ve read somewhere that a guest artist/used to be mod(s) have mentioned their experiences with the staff overall and they were stressed and etc. (will not mention them incase ya’ll try to come after them smh for “outing” you out.”) This has been my experience with these 3 overall. I wouldn’t be surprised of how many people either hate, dislike or come after them as there’s been a LOT of people blacklisted for no reason at all other than coincidences, wording, bidding lower, edited comments on bids, people who are busy and can’t reply yet etc etc. if there’s any questions bc you wanna clarify lmk. I didn’t share all the details. But fr I would advise staying away from them. They treated me like I’m not a person. I even shared why it’s unfair they did what they did esp since there’s 0 evidence of anything other than wording. Which shows and means nothing. Oh also. That mod that one mod (and possibly their friends) is STILL trying to search for something, anything to link me as the person from their blacklist, but they’re like “yoUrE obSeSsed wiTh tHem” according to what Nyudex said to me. I’m like.. again HUH?! Btch I barely know your mod friend! We’ve never interacted or talked, plss they won’t even talk to me to clear things up lmfao. I asked if it’s possible to talk but nop. Gurly wants to keep living in delulu land. In no way, shape or form am I obsessed with them but I can see how you’re projecting on me bc you want to find some type of evidence that I’m the person from your blacklist. Oh and if they read this broo. You are projecting and I figured it out, clear as day. You’re projecting your literal fear and possibly guilt and don’t wanna accept that YOURE the problem and that you’re wrong. You keep coming after me, keeping an eye on me AND try to sneak friends in servers that I’m in to keep an eye on me. Or they’re sneaking for you. Smh. Telling others to grow up when you’re not acting grown sis.

🌸

[fadedflora]

incoherent sims rant

i always find myself getting burned out anytime i start a new save bc i either didn't move fast enough or moved too fast and i have no idea how to find a healthy balance.

i also hate playing directionless gameplay, so i look to challenges to give me an idea of what to do, but then i get bored of challenges because i either accomplish the goals too quickly and am left with nothing for my sim to do for the rest of their generation OR i take forever to accomplish the goals, so by the time they start having children i'm nowhere near done with their goals and i feel overwhelmed because i'm trying to focus on raising their children but also accomplishing their goals at the same time

i also, despite owning majority of the packs, have never fully played with/experienced ANY of the packs. so anytime i think about starting a new gameplay, i think about trying to play through one of the packs, but then i want to focus on more than one at a time so i get overwhelmed again and the cycle keeps repeating

i wish it was easier to enjoy this game without having to look to challenges or my own creativity to find interest in it. i know every sims player goes through times where the last thing they wanna do is play this game, but i think a lot of us also go through this, where we WANT to play the game, but no matter how we approach it, we find ourselves bored before we get that far

i think it all just comes back to how lackluster the sims 4 (specifically) is. half of the packs (especially expansions) could have easily been made into one big pack including content from all of them, rather than multiple different $40 packs that feel unfinished and are often times bugged beyond belief

no one should have to wait months after a packs release for the bugs to be patched so they can consider purchasing (as i did with wedding stories and am still doing with for rent). no one should have to spend the equivalent of a single game's cost on an expansion pack that really doesn't expand upon the game all that much

and i think where the problem is glaringly obvious is when you look at the base game. obviously i know the game is going to be more fun and have more things to do with pack content. but even basic things like shower woohoo, the playmat for infants, bathroom stalls, are all locked behind packs.

when growing together first came out, i didn't consider buying it because i figured we'd at least have enough infant content in the base game to make it worthwhile. but i found myself purchasing growing together IMMEDIATELY after updating my game for infants because without it, infants are just a more annoying version of the base game babies. they are ONLY fun and interesting if you have this pack

and yes, i know we have gotten a LOT more stuff in the base game in the 10 years the sims 4 has been around. i've been playing the sims 4 since it released. i've seen how the base game has grown and changed. i watched how we went from the saddest excuse for "range" with the skintones to the skintone update. i was there when we didn't have POOLS or TODDLERS. i've seen them finally start to add more ethnic and diverse hairs and outfits. but is it enough?

i'm not a game developer, i'm not a cc or mod creator, i have no idea how much effort, time, or resources it takes to make content for this game. and yet, month after month, cc and mod creators manage to do more than ea and the sims team have done for the sims 4 since it released. month after month we see these creators come out with new and unique content for this game, mod creators working as hard as they can to get any broken mods updated as soon as possible. yet the sims team and ea themselves will let bugs, some even game breaking, go on for months or even years without so much as the slightest acknowledgement.

i don't really have a goal in all of this. i don't have a solution and i know i'm preaching to the choir. i know thousands of players have complained about every single thing i've mentioned in this post and nothing has changed and nothing will change. i just felt the need to get it off my chest.

i hope, somehow, before the sims team and ea move passed the sims 4 onto the sims 5 and/or other projects, that we get more for this game and that none of it is locked behind a $40 (or less) paywall. the base game has come a LONG way in these last 10 years. but it can still use a whole lot more

[sol-consort]

Man FUCK that bitch ass fucking assassin motherfucker I hope he rots. Sorry he pissed me off to no end.

Also yeah FemShep’s VA is considered the better VA of the Shepards which makes sense MaleShep is voiced by Mark Meer who hadn’t done much voice work before, his biggest role being Cyric in Baldur’s Gate II, and FemShep was voiced by Jennifer Hale who had been at it for almost 20 years at the time. It wasn’t just Jennifer Hale either, Anderson being Keith David and Joker being Seth Green who had both been doing it over 20 years. I liked MaleShep’s voice though and never had a problem with it because it’s very main heroy and recognizable like I’d instantly know that it was Shepard if I heard it.

I knew that the series wouldn’t be exactly up with the times because it was 2007-2012 but Jesus I had no idea that FemShep gets harassed so much.

I didn’t get a reconcile scene on the Citadel since I didn’t romance anyone in ME1 I went into the series with Tali on my mind as my definitive romance.

I don’t think Thane praying for you instead himself is unique to his romance? Or at least I remember something similar happening maybe it was his son.

You can’t hit on EDI as MaleShep I’m pretty sure don’t remember that being an option however you can still hit on Joker as MaleShep I remember seeing that option and going “why would I say that?” Also I’m surprised you never mentioned the Joker segment of Mass Effect 2 where you sneak around the ship as Joker that section surprised the shit out of me.

Oh yeah a fun little fact, remember the show Once Upon a Time I’ve mentioned a couple times when talking about fairy tales? The actor who plays Kaiden was in that show and played the show’s version of Jiminy Cricket from Pinocchio. I don’t remember what happened to Cricket in the show though. He may have just stopped being relevant so they never brought him up again since the show just fucking loved doing that.

Is the hot assassin guy supposed to be unlikeable? I liked him so far, like ngl, plus he's pretty cool. Evil living weapons of destructions, my beloveds.

And yeah, i really like femshep, but it is pretty cool of them to give maleshep VA a chance for such a big character. Sure, it could've been better, but he probably did the best he could with the skills he had at the time, and it did appeal to some people!

And man I'm just lucky I actually enjoy these things ingames, like I am down to being a whore and flirting with everyone so it doesn't bother me when the npcs forcefully flirt with you bc you picked a woman. What bothers me is that the fact it's only bc you picked a woman, and just because I wanted it doesn't mean other people do and it might make them very uncomfortable. There are several mods to remove the sexual harassments femshep gets, I wish there was one to remove it for EDI tho.

We should all have a choice, is what I'm saying. It feels like femshep was made to appeal to straight guys who might play her as an outsider observer. Same with some lesbian characters, too, ngl- not all of them, but the game has its moments where it makes me realise oh this was put here for a straight dude to gawk at. Meanwhile, maleshep feels the proper self insert badass at times. Really hate that.

That's why I like picking NB options whenever they're present, you're free from expectations and the devs aren't sure what to make of you so they don't try to appeal to a certian demographic and just write your character as a character.

You did Tali romance? Hell yeah she is an amazing character and her relationship with Shepard feels phenomenal. Like a scientist princess and her knight in shining armour, amazing. Plus she is all adorable when she talks about engines and how we get to help her so many times.

Apparently her and Garrus end up together if you don't romance her, but I haven't seen it yet. She always felt close to Shepard, especially in the second game where she is the first friendly face you see.

I haven't met her yet in ME3, still doing side errands. I am very very broke and everything is very very expensive and I miss sugar daddy illusive man pls take me back, the alliance became more stingy than I remember or inflation is hitting hard.

Fuck I hat like 999999 something credits in the first game, why couldn't it tranfer over??

And Thane!! My heart! He even prays for you when he's not romanced??? That's it, he is legit the most precious character and no one else comapres. I would die for Thane, I would kill everyone on the Normady for Thane.

But I know Thane would forgive me If I picked Grunt over him bc my son which just makes Thane the most amazing man ever, DRELL ARE SUPERIOR I TELL YOU.

Also so far Drell worship Hanar (kinda) and Hanar worship protheons (kinda) and Javik likes humans(he is all current protheon population)

So by association! Drell and Humans are conncted, and no, I will not give up my tank of copium. Go buy your own. Idk what overdosing is, I have insomnia I forgot.

And aww we can't hit on EDI :( i would've treated her better than Joker.

Yeah I had the same reaction to the flirting with Joker line but just went for it because what's the worst that can happen? He says no and we laught it off.

Imagine if the worst was him retiring from being your pilot and you get soma rando driving the Normady around who now runs at half the speed and takes twice as much gas plus occasionally breaks down and you have to pay 100k credits for repairs.

Oh also then there is this one thing I am sure is exclusive to femshep.

You can sleep with Javik. The protheon. Yes.

But it's not a full romance :"(

He has four eyes I wonder if he has four-

I heard about once upon a time, the show. But never watched it.

I did however watch a random person talk about it in a video essay because I prefer that over watching shows.

This one.

It was fun, I'm not big on fairytales but I enjoyed hearing about it.

The Joker sneak section in ME2 didn't resonate with me much for some reason. It was nice but I didn't feel the pressure at all and with EDI constantly talking it got annoying and I just wanted it to be over.

His jokes were nice but the moment of trusting EDI didn't hit the same way it should've. It didn't feel endearing or earnest.

The sudden flip in their relationship afterwards was too jarring.

I prefer ME3 EDI and Joker dynamic over ME2. However I hate how EDI is becoming a "born sexy yesterday" character by the game when her core as a character is so profound and genuine. She wants to know her purpose, what it means to be alive and all the other characters mention about her is her body which is bleh.

Even some of her dialogues with Joker is just overplayed sex jokes. It's all of her amazing writing vanishes the moment it's not just her and Shepard in a conversation.

Kaidan's voice actor is great! He even stood out to me in the first game. You notice how much more convicnising and immersive his delivery was over the other characters, almost outshined ME1 femshep even.

It's like the dialogue and the way he delievers it fit perfectly. If I just read it, then I get a completely different impression.

The game doesn't have bad voice actors it just has very bad delivery from some characters. It's when someone keeps a constant tone and doesn't portray any emotions or adds any personalisation into the dialogue. It feels tone deaf a lot when what the character is speaking about is something intimiate, yet it sounds the same as asking about the weather.

Still, it is nostalgic in a way, this was extremely common in older games.

[noro-noro-noro]

dreamed again

first bit was like I was playing w a stranger on a modded Minecraft server. no idea how any of it worked but there were weird caches that had skeleton eggs (?) like not skeleton spawn eggs but red eggs that had cursed purple skeletons in there on them. the person I was with also had several buttons labelled "oh fuck" in the overworld that wluld teleport you back to base. they were very blunt & businesslike. to the point. idk why I was there but I think I was like forced to live in there or whatever so that was also the world. most of the time I was inside trying to tend creatures.

actually this came before - I was bringing home a bag of small crabs & horseshoe crabs & also giant triops & other made up dream crustaceans. & an alien-like sea urchin made f 6 or 8 jointed segments that would extend its segments through anything slowly but surely to gain more nutrients. I got a HUGE tank and put it in my mom's living room & tried to amke them.comfy - I wasn't planning on keeping wild animals, but I needed to have them, so they light as well be in a better environment than a bucket of water. there were also several mid size dead and decaying animals I threw in for them to eat.there was also several isopods . one in particular was like a rubber duck one exceot with a white body instead and he was super interested and active. my sister wasn't scared of him

eventually the first tank was too full of water(we had no lids) and I realized the creatures might jump out so I asked my sister to help me drain water & she broke the whole thing. I tried to save everything but some of the tiny fish died while I was gettjng two new tanks setup. I threw them in for the crustaceans to eat, and eventually the second tank was devoured and eaten through by the special sea urchin that ate glass. and this happened BEFORE the Minecraft dream bc it then shifted into me taking care of mieceaft fish in our base.

scene shift & that person became wrio genshin. his story quest was now released....! and it was about helping those two researchers that hate each other but everyone thinks they're in a relationship bc they disappear to the infirmary at the same time all the time. this was a 3rd person dream where I was basically just watching the traveller as she assisted wriothy with helping the researchers as thry bickered the whole time. there was a scene where she went too far out of her way for them and got hurt and wrio came to visit her as soon as possible in the infirmiary and like grabbed her chin and leaned over very closely tp have the conversation. it seemed like she was about to be kissed & was like um !!!? 😳😳😳😳 and then the researchers peeked in and immediately started gossippibg like "and everybody says WE are in a relationship even though we hate each other and these people are RIGHT THERE doing this kind of stuff with the duke ‼️" & wrio kinda smilled & sighed & walked away to reprimand them like"do you really think spreading rumors about the Duke of the fortress of meropide, your employer, is a good idea?" & they eere like "no your grace sorry your grace see you later" & scurried off, & thr story quest ended with a cgg of rhe traveller doing that anime girl thing where thry look off to the side beet red and touch their lips where they were almost kissed, & wrio in the bg. I was like wow.they really went shippy with this one this never happens. even with ayaka and Xiao.

hm after that I had a dream I was with my sister at ?a beach resort or smth. there was a GIANT wall of makeup products including a bunch of really weird colors of eyeliner. I tested out a bright silver from a silver/orange/gold palette & actually genuinely really liked it,so I wanted to buy it without the rest of the pallette. apparently the owner of the brand was in the same town, so I told my sister I'd be back and walked over. the makeup store was also part hair salon - a girl was getting her hair died to have like a dark blue tint with kther rgb streaks in it & each streak that overlapped had like a sparkle illuminating that part, but the sparkle was dyed in..anywsy the whole place was run by a large and very friendly trans lady. I asked her directly aboit the eyeshadow I saw and also asked for a haircut since my split ends were acting up.in the dream I was also on my period & the lady said sympathetically "oh if you're on your perjod your splot ends get worse but we ca fix that!" & I was like okay.... and sat on the hairsresser chair, which was more of like a lounge chair than a normal one.

I don't remember if she actually did anything about the hair bc a lot of people I knew suddenly came inside. kt wasnow dark and raining outside. one of my studio classmates revealed that she'd lived in this shop before bc the owner kindly let her use the room upstairs for free after her landlord screwed her over. also the assistant from work showed up but younger? and I forgot her name and said it was ALMOND. so embarrassing. anyway I was just sitting in the chair for a while and texting y sister updates. when I asked again about the silver eyeliner, she revealed that they were leftovers shipped in from somewhere else & arrived here unlabeled, but she'd try to find the one I wanted for me.

eventually I went to walk home but the weather was so bad.... I was treated to another 3rdperson scene of lumine genshin impact waking up in a cozy bed in a strange room with leafy branches putsife the window and a warm sun shining through. wrio's Castle...? (even though he's only I charge of the underwater giant prison) then I woke up . I need to wash my hair but kts getting stixky again and I don't want to.

[nukenai]

the things that hurt are surprising sometimes

stuff like the mods in book of boba fett being regarded by so many people are stupid characters when i really related to them

stuff like “if you had robot parts, in real life capitalism would ruin it forever because blah blah”

stuff like “your own personal wishes for your body bc of a complex psychological condition are offensive to real life people with completely different conditions”

the general idea that if a part of your body is not made of flesh that you have less humanity.

stuff like “you have to accept all your problems as part of you and your identity, and being negative against them goes against being body positive, which offends other people for some reason”

i just. i’m sorry, i’m not positive about my body! i hate it and it feels wrong and i want to fix it. I wish i could delete my disabilities and i don’t like them and wish i did not have them. I wish i didn’t have chronic fatigue or a spinal deformity or a fucked up hip from said spinal deformity. I wish I didn’t get headaches if i don’t wear my glasses for 10 minutes. I wish I didn’t feel trapped in a body I am utterly repulsed by in every way! it’d be nice if some therapist could help me learn “actually your body is beautiful and you should love yourself the way you are”, but... I kind of don’t want to! i don’t want to be in pain and disgusting and repulsed by myself all the time. I don’t think any amount of someone else telling me my body is good because it’s mine can help.

90% of the time i’m ok and can deal with it if i just don’t look at myself for very long but this has been a week of nightmares for me. i cope with it through my fanfics and through some music. but then i go online and see discussions of how my personal psychological condition, and the treatment for it I wish i could get, is somehow degrading to other people who have a completely different fucking problem than me.

and i don’t know if this has a name! i’ve tried researching a ton. “body integrity identity disorder”... no, I don’t want to just remove my limbs because I feel like they shouldn’t be there. They’re just THE WRONG ONES and I DO NOT LIKE THEM. Really it’s my whole body but it’s like, I’d settle for limbs, you know?? I’m fine with settling I’ve done it all my life.

And it has nothing to do with anyone else! I think if someone thinks their body is beautiful no matter what it is looks like, and their illnesses and conditions are part of themselves, that’s admirable and great for them. This is not about them because it’s about ME and how I cannot get there. Like, how could I talk to a therapist about this? The treatment for it is defeating the negative thoughts. To come to accept myself, maybe not be positive but to just be like “eh, this is alright”. Which is where I’m at a lot of the time, but it doesn’t make the problem go away. And I also don’t feel like any actual mental health professional would believe my problem is real. When I can’t even find any explanation of it or another person who feels like this on the whole internet? When I’ve tried researching for years and have only found recognized conditions vaguely in the same general idea as how I’m feeling?

To me it feels like the treatment for this would be someone showing me a red piece of paper, and telling me it’s blue until I believe it’s blue. Even if I’m saying “fine, I guess it’s blue, and I can live with that”. but it’s just NOT BLUE and I DON’T BELIEVE THAT and the only way it can actually be blue is if you paint it! Sure maybe it’ll be red underneath still. Maybe parts of the blue paint will chip off and you can see a tiny bit of red. But you’d still go “oh, that’s blue”, and actually mean it.

and I see things like “it’s the abled people who want different limbs/enhancements bc they don’t actually life with the issues” or whatever. But am I really in that category if I feel agonized suffering every day?? if I sometimes even see my own hands and want to throw up bc I find them so awful, if i wear long sleeves in 90 degree weather bc I just can’t look at parts of my body. If today, well, I guess I’m avoiding mirrors, and if I wear leggings under this skirt I can pretend. because there’s no real fix for me.

I’d just like a name for what’s wrong with me so maybe I could feel like I’m not the only person on the planet who’s ever felt like this.

but then again. someone could so easily look at me and point and say “you’re able-bodied and have no health problems” because I look skinny and wear clothes too big for me a lot of the time and stand weird so I only look crooked because I’m standing weird. But other people don’t get to decide whether my problems are valid based on whether or not they can see them. do you have any idea how many times people have actually told me to my face “but you’re not disabled” and I get to ruin their performative little day. it has happened MORE THAN FUCKING ONCE.

tl;dr i’ve been having a really bad body dysphoria spiral for a straight week and it feels like everything i see is making it worse. which is a great thing, because i possess a problem that literally cannot be fixed in any feasible way.

[rexobibang]

Hey there! I'm someone who is still debating on whether or not I'll join the ObiRex big bang, I most certainly would love to. But, there is only one thing that's holding me back from it. Please don't take this as hate, or anything like that. More so as a suggestion, or for you guys to re-elaborate or rethink on this of sorts?

I read your rules and information, and I'm taking issues with this section to be more precisely:

"For writers, your fanwork must focus on the relationship of Captain Rex and Obi-Wan Kenobi, whether it is romantic, platonic, or queer-platonic. They are allowed to be in relationships with other people, but the focus of the story must be on their relationship. So, if a writer wanted to write a CodyWan fic but focus on Rex and Obi-Wan’s time on Kadavo, that would be acceptable. Threesomes are also acceptable."

While it is clear that the focus must be on ObiRex interaction, I don't think it would be a good idea to give room to any other ship. I feel like, it diminishes the purpose of a ship focused event like this, especially for such an unpopular/small one like this one! I get that the intent of this is probably to try attract more people to your event, but I fear that by doing this, the Obirex event will lose its purpose and meaning. If you wish to do this then, wouldn't it be better to just run a multishipping one? What's really stopping people from just making it about every other ship, that conflicts with Obirex?

And before you try to use the Platonic interactions argument. I'm sure that fan workers can do their thing, without having to rely on an entirely different ship. If they can't do that for Obirex, then what's the point of them joining an event like this?

As massively popular as Codywan (this could also be said about any other popular ship involving Rex, I'm merely harboring on it bc you guys put it in the post) is, not everyone is into it, and most likely would like to do their things without its interference.

In the end of the day, I just want to have some form of reassurement that the Obirex event, won't become a Codywan/Rexwalker/Obikin/Codex/Rexsoka/insert here any other ship event.

Hello, Anony!

I will fully admit that this is my first time running a bang so I am learning where the lines are and where to draw there. I appreciate your thoughtful ask and all the points you raised. Let me see if I can clarify where I was coming from with that phrasing, and perhaps you can assist me in possibly better phrasing.

I strongly want this to be a Rex and Obi event in whatever permutation you prefer your men. I would prefer the fanwork to center on them romantically but I am not going to limit people and tell them they can't write something that celebrates Obi-Wan and Rex being total chaos demons together in a platonic manner while everyone else grabs the figurative oh shit bar nearest them.

(As for this being a gimme to attract more people, not so much? I'd be perfectly all right with this being a small event and everyone who signs up doing so because they love the ship and because we realize that we're not alone out there in the giant ship sea and we'd like to try our hand at art or fic or podfic or who knows what wonderful things might be created through this event.)

The reason I called the platonic relationship out like that (and continue to try to angle this to allow relationship introspective works) is because I help mod the CodyWan Big Bang, and we had a fic in our first year (by the amazing @dharmaavocado ) that was a RexObi, CodyQuin fic that had a wonderful exploration of Obi-Wan's relationship with Cody. Dharma handled the balance of characterization and relationships gracefully and I still think it's a fantastic character study for Cody and Obi-Wan while also being one of my favorite RexObi fics of theirs. (I'm biased. I begged for that fic.)

In the same vein, I don't want to limit someone from doing something similar. Rex or Obi could be in different relationships with other people, but the focus should always be on Rex and Obi-Wan, and their relationship. Rex dating Tarkin? Uh, okay. How's Obi and Rex doing with that? How's it impacting the story? Is Obi there for Rex? Is Rex there for Obi? Do they go for drinks? What's the tale there? How are the boys doing?

I also want to allow for explorations of Rex or Obi-Wan being pictured as asexual or demisexual, or any color under the flag (or any other ND flag). Sometimes those colors don't always mesh with a traditional romantic relationship. Sometimes they allow for verbal comfort, sometimes physical comfort (hugs, hair ruffles, so called "innocent" contact) is the limit. I want that to be allowed. I've seen too many limits placed in fandom spaces lately to want to place them here.

If you noticed me repeating limit over and over--yeah. That's the key. I don't want to limit people from their creation. Fandom should be fun. Fandom should never be a burden. Fandom should be where you go to explore and try things out and meet people and discover things about yourself and other people and make friends that last for the next 20 years of your life (I curse everyone to make that friend, they are the most wonderful that can happen to you).

But as for reassurance... In short -- if the primary focus of the story isn't about Rex and Obi and their relationship in some way, this isn't the bang for whoever wants to sign up. If it gets to rough draft/artist match up and people's stories aren't primarily RexObi focused? Well. That's rules violation. If the story can't be gently redirected or the issue resolved, the writer will be asked to leave the event, and artists will be reassigned.

I really hope that helps. If it doesn't, or you know how I can better clean up that area, please let me know. I really would like to make this a wonderful event for RexObi and everyone involved.

[boxthebottomlessrp]

Welcome to the bottomless box!

The RP blog with no end.

What is this channel?

The bottomless box is an rp blog ran by me (@therealzed01) because I have near infinite OC's and I'd love for others to interact with them! I mainly own OC's for regular rp's, but I also own some from:

Pressure (Roblox)

Splatoon (I have a lot from this one actually)

TADC

Murder Drones

DISCLAIMER: Most of these are from AU's where some stuff works a little different, not everything will be lore accurate.

How to use this blog?

You can ask questions/interact with my OC's, both in and out of character, by using the ask button. I'll then blog a response as said character. You can also just dive in without specifying a character and see the results! I'll show which character youre talking to either by adding -[character name] after the message, or saying which color is who beforehand.

- "If I speak in charater, I'll speak like this. Sometimes if I multiple characters they will be seperated by using different colors."

- *Actions are described with asteriks*

- (Mod AKA me will speak like this, hiiiii! ^_^)

How do I get to know your characters?

I will post a lot of them here with the tag "#BottomlessboxunboxedOC" (It's long I know but it needs to be original). It will contain a design, a short description, and some other facts about them! If you want to know more about them you can always ask them your questions! :3

Rules:

NO NSFW RP'S PLEASSEEEE. Mildly suggestive is okay but keep in mind that the majority of my OC's have a canon partner or are minors.

Stay respectful to both me and my characters, if you don't like us just DNI.

No racism, homophobia, sexism and any other hateful/negative topics allowed.

If your OC's originate from a different RP, please don't make any interactions canon to your written lore without asking me first. I don't want to be a part of something without knowing.

I'll only rp in English bc I suck at every other language and my native language just lowkeu sucks (I'm Dutch if youre curious btw)

Have fun!

Inspiration:

The bottomless box is mainly an original idea I had (if im copying someone on accident, I'm sorry!) but @asksearchlights and @ask-eyefestation inspired me to start an RP blog because their interactions looked like a ton of fun.

Alr that's it byeeeeee! :)

(Edit count: 1) (I'll probably edit this a lot as I go thats why I added this lmao)

[volfoss]

like... to get an idea of what all id need to do. for anyone curious ig and also to just... totally beat the allegations of yucky little beast:

survey the damage... bc shes obviously in VERY bad shape. so id need to see if i could even get her eyes out or if id maybe. need to dremel into them to get them free so i could start on faceup removal

get the eyes out. this is very scary bc of the hot glue and also the mysterious gray substance. if it IS apoxie sculpt like i think it is then good god. thats going to be the worst 7 bucks ive ever spent or smth

clean the head. im really hoping that its dirt and not.. the alternative on the forehead and other parts of the face. if it IS some mold or fungus, ive got pony experience here (as in. i have dealt with that a few times on MLP) so I'm not... too worried? My guess is its surface level grime that should go away w the faceup being removed.

attempt to remove the faceup. the paint rly looks like it goes ALL the way around her head (poor thang) so ill probably test with acetone at the back of her head. for whatever reason i feel very much like her head has to be fragile so id rather test the more strong/easy to use chemical in a lesser seen spot. i really do not want to be scrubbing with rubbing alcohol for 5 years. bc the faceup looks like at LEAST a few layers of paint with a bad sealant so (as someone whos removed two full body resin paint jobs) i know acetone would be quickest (but alcohol is safest. but we will see)

assess the damage AGAIN. i predict that she is severely yellowed (due to the cracks on the cheek) but the question of if it is either just. in those spots where the faceup cracked or if its all over is really unsure. i mainly want to get her to try retrobrighting (which ive done on older MLP with great success and it seems to be something that works for this kind of vinyl as well) on her and just. fix up a doll that is beyond repair for most people lol. from what ive experienced with resin, i think the yellowing could either be all over (and the head was painted to try and hide this. although this clearly did not go well lol, altho i think its a sealant issue and not a paint issue, as it kind of looks like when ive fucked up with MSC (a common sealant for bjds)) or it could be just... shes been in sunlight and where the paint cracked got unevenly yellowed (i experienced this most recently with my big blue boy, where all the blue paint kind of. protected his resin and the non covered parts got more yellow). so its kind of a toss up. or a mysterious third thing you never know.

once shes all clean (which i assume will take a while due to well... how bad of shape that she is in), ill probably sit with it for a few days and then get milliput and sculpt a new nose. this will not be fun for me i think because I just... am not a sculpting fan (funny thing when this project WILL have a lot of sculpting) and much prefer sanding. I'm not too mad about the chin being sanded down (as the original had an INSANELY pointed chin which I really didn't like. I hate sanding vinyl so this works for me) or the eyes being opened (other than.. having to figure out the size on my own and pray for the best). Most of the mods are not... bad to me and are partially why I'm drawn to miss yucky bc like... the diseases but also the fact that the mods do mostly make the head cuter for me

Redo the faceup. I would love to keep the elements of the original with the big eyelashes as I find them cute, but the BIGGEST order of business is eyebrows good god. I'll have to paint over the mod that I did but I'm not super worried about it (maybe falsely I've never painted a vinyl head in full bc I have exactly one vinyl doll) and then hope i can get the head right on the first try. depending on how bad the yellowing is (and if im able to retrobright her to a lighter skin tone, as the body i have is pretty light (altho it doesnt match any skins from this company so. its a whole thing its ok)) i might just paint the whole head (or even come up with a story or reason why its mismatched. I have a lot of heads and bodies like that so I don't mind fully lol). It's just kind of a scary tossup on how bad of shape everything is.

Done <3 i really dont think itll be TOO bad but i also like... think i wont know fully until i get my hands on her if i do. She would be pretty tiny too (as in 45 cm or so, or for the americans, 1.5 ft) but I do love that scale of doll so. it could work.

[chmydarling]

FULL NAME. louis james easton

NICKNAME. lou, louie, nabi (u kno who u are!!)

ALIASES.‏ world's biggest dumbass (alleged)

HEIGHT.‎‏‏‎ 5'8" (a hill i am willin to die on. turn on ur location canon, i just wanna talk)‎‏‏‎

AGE. 18 (psst the b-day i decided on for him is super soon and is july 30th folks- national frenship day :')!!)

ZODIAC. leo

SPOKEN LANGUAGES. ya boi is p fluent in both french and spanish. he also knows a lil bit of latin thanks to his private school upbringing (and absolutely detests it bc to him, it is unbelievably complicated and he cannot grasp it for the life of him). ALSO, a special sum1 may or may not be teaching him some korean... &lt;3

𝐏𝐇𝐘𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐋 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐒

BODY TYPE. although he's naturally built pretty slim, he has some trouble eating healthily and/or enough, bc he ends up getting distracted by something or someone else. like, he can't get this one song out of his head, so he has to go work on it etc. most of the time, he keeps himself running on caffeine and candy

VOICE. it upsets me greatly that his singing voice had hella potential, had it been encouraged and nurtured (seriously, go listen to his lovely and incredibly talented va sing). aLSO, as one yt commenter helpfully pointed out during the scene where he's telling tenn to move, when he raises his voice, he's got a lil bass in it, which is something that u don't hear from him too often

DOMINANT HAND. i'm super duper tempted to hc that he's ambidextrous (esp as ambidextrous individuals have apparently been found to possess high levels of creativity). and yes, he would show off about this all the time

POSTURE. god awful. he was and is forever getting stick from his fam bc he will sit in the most absurd and inconvenient places n positions. tho he will often sit up straight if he's seated at like a table on impulse, bc his father made a point of correcting and scolding him for it every time he slouched (p.s. he hates that) ‎

SCARS. he's got one on his tummy ‎from having his appendix removed when he was younger‏‏

MOST NOTABLE FEATURES. ‏‏‎ ‏‏f R E C K L E S <3 a super beautiful n contagious laugh andd.. bIG ASS HANDS THAT I WILL NEVER STOP TALKING AND THINKING ABOUT

𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐃𝐇𝐎𝐎𝐃

PLACE OF BIRTH. idk why but i feel like he's a cali boy somehow

HOMETOWN. westlake village, ca maybe? (it even sounds money af sksksks)

SIBLINGS. only child

PARENTS. james easton, a very successful and self-made businessman, not so much as a parent (in lou's opinion) and elizabeth/lib easton, who once dreamed of becoming a famous actress. before she stopped

𝐀𝐃𝐔𝐋𝐓 𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄

OCCUPATION. ‏‏‎ i can see him working as a waiter and/or barista and maybe going on to be a stagehand and play at weddings and such. though, he does have dreams of making it big as a musician and/or singer

CURRENT RESIDENCE. in a mod au, i can absolutely see him moving to a big city like ny or something

CLOSE FRIENDS. vi, marlon ‎

‎FINANCIAL STATUS. incredibly irresponsible pftt. he is always broke bc his eye is forever getting caught by the latest tech and obscure ass items ‏‏‎

DRIVER'S LICENSE. in a modern au, he is honestly spongebob at boating school lmao. he has failed his test more times than he can count. instructors quake when they learn they have to teach him sdjfhsdjfh

CRIMINAL RECORD. squeaky clean (he's a good noodle). tho, i can absolutely see him getting in trouble w the law for pulling some of those super elaborate pranks, like putting laundry detergent in a fountain or something sksksks

VICES. ya boi has a taste for the finer things, so i can totally see him indulging in fancy ass expensive champagnes and wines (red wine is his fav)

𝐒𝐄𝐗 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄

SEXUAL ORIENTATION. pan

PREFERRED EMOTIONAL ROLE. ‎‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎‏‎‏‏‎he really wants to be a source of support, love and encouragement for his partner (and he is, regularly). but he also really likes and needs to feel supported and loved, too (though, often, he has no idea how to go about this)

TURN OFFS. greed, cruelty, lack of empathy

TURN ON'S. ‎bravery, confidence, passion in their interests

LOVE LANGUAGE. ‎a lil bit of all of them tbh, giving n receiving! (depending on his partner's preferences and comfort). he loves cheering on and supporting his partner and wants to do things for them and get them lil sentimental n big flashy gifts. he adores quality time and is all about physical touch. he's just basically a big walkin ball of love honestly ‏‏‎

RELATIONSHIP TENDENCIES. ‏‏‎ ‏‏i think he's quite prone to seeking validation and reassurance (he's genuinely that one meme that's like, me on our wedding day: r u still into me bless im)‎

‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎

𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐄𝐎𝐔𝐒

CHARACTER'S THEME TUNE. i hear him in a lot of motown love songs and many of stevie wonder's hits. like, anything romantic or soulful, upbeat n funky- that be him

HOBBIES TO PASS THE TIME. playing piano (learning and playing any instrument he can get his hands on honestly!), singing, baseball, gaming, movie marathons

LEFT OR RIGHT BRAINED. ‎‏‏‎ ‎right-brained, for sure ‏

SELF-CONFIDENCE LEVEL. undeservedly low and wavering. like, outwardly, he's this social butterfly, life-of-the-party type. but, he is v much insecure and not at all content w himself (largely due to his father's constant battering of his self-esteem over the years *blows a raspberry at louis' dad*)

tagging: all of you beautiful ppl <3

[studyblrorwhatever]

feeling insane and academic and i have things to say.

- robots (and aliens) are so often used in fiction to represent marginalized groups, namely autistic and nonbinary people. they represent people as inhuman because that's how they see them; they view gender as so intrinsic to the human experience that to make a nonbinary character they can't possibly be human even though like... all nonbinaries are human. and i love the game don't starve so deeply but they do this, their one robot character and their one nonbinary character are... the same character. aaaagh like it's not bad to be like yeah this robot doesn't identify with gender the problematic thing is that it's a pattern across so much media!! and autistic representation is so BAD the only good one is abed nadir. media just looooves dehumanizing marginalized groups :-\\

- something something sexy female robots something something male gaze. is the fictional sexy robot girl a feminizing of the robotic or an objectifying of the feminine? men desire a female form that they can control. reading the souls of the cyberfolk by thomas foster and that shit is so good like he says the most interesting stuff i am going crazy. like bro they really do represent women as inanimate, men hate women being real people and having opinions and personalities.

- i'm writing an essay on how fallout 4 depicts robots and i have so much to say but i can't cover everything but ugh i'm so interested in the robotic feminine and the male gaze i wanna write about it now ;;;;

- i wrote this in my brainstorming doc bc i had to get my thoughts out but i can't use it in my essay: Curie’s sex appeal is problematic… Curie’s sex appeal is tied to her status as robot. Men like the idea of femininity they can control. Fallout 4 fans on Reddit complain the body she’s placed in isn’t pretty enough. They don’t like her short hair so they make and use mods to make it longer, to control her femininity and fit it to their ideas of attractiveness. Another way her sex appeal is disturbing to me is that she is almost child-like, having just gained her new human body and all the feelings that come with it— it’s almost like puberty. She only just gained the capability of romantic/sexual attraction, so reciprocating it feels like taking advantage.

- i also think about this one episode in the show silicon valley where there was this ai who had this creepy ass creator who was weird with her and she didn't know it was weird and then she realized and freaked out and was like help me. gross incel men do want women that are kept in the dark and made just for them.

- and i think about the movie ex machina and how every robot he made was a woman who fit the same model of attractiveness, they differed slightly in things like race but body type was always basically the same. and ava's weapon was her sexuality, that was all she had. the only way for her to escape was through seduction. there's really no reason why ai should be assigned gender or given a body at all. but if the ai were in the body of an old man, or a little black cube, would caleb have helped them escape? the idea of an innocent naive hot woman who is easily controlled is so alluring to men. until they realize that's not what it is at all

anyway it's 3am and i have a final exam tomorrow but my brain is like buzzbuzzbuzz so uhhhh i will try my best at sleep

[faeryclown]

The Moon | In her light, what was once far away and difficult to grasp becomes sharp and clear.