#bc that’s not something a white person needs to know | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

scarrletmoon · 4 months

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the reason why white liberals are often more frustrating than white conservatives when it comes to race is that the first group finds ways to convince themselves that once they know not to say slurs, their work is done

trying to explain, for example, the racism behind writing a nonwhite character as dirty and in need of white guidance, is like talking to a brick wall. sometimes POC can be messy! sometimes they have white friends who help them! you’re hurting my feelings by assuming ill intent!

i suppose when you live in a world that allows you the luxury of individuality and the privilege of never thinking about your own race, none of this makes sense to you. but if someone points out that something you did is racist, and you throw a tantrum about it or wring your hands and insist that you didn’t mean it that way — i’m so sorry, but you’re being a coward. you’re putting your own feelings ahead of someone else’s, because you’ve been taught that discomfort is worse than the actual harm you’ve caused

yeah, you didn’t mean to step on my foot. but you still did it, and it’s VERY weird if you demand i apologize for bringing up that it hurt

you’re a grown ass adult with access to the internet and countless books on this topic. the solution to that discomfort is not to bury your head in the sand and run to your white friends for comfort. the solution is to arm yourself with knowledge and unlearn everything you’ve been taught about how racism actually works

there is no quick fix. there is no youtube video you can watch that will make sure you’re never racist again. there is no class you can take or fee you can pay that will grant you Racism Immunity. sorry. you’re going to have to put the hard work in

“but what if someone says something is racist and it’s not actually!” you know, if you actually did the work and gained the knowledge, you’d know what to do in that situation

you have absolutely no idea how loud the cosmic background radiation of racism has to get before we start calling it out. if you can be angry and frustrated about trying to explain the same shit over and over again, why can’t we?

#scarrlet rambles #this is about fandom but it’s also not #like how many times do i have to explain basic shapes to adults before they get it #something about whiteness grants a false idea of innocence doesn’t it #like it’s okay if you’re 40 years old and don’t know what a stereotype looks like #bc that’s not something a white person needs to know #that’s a problem the silly little brown people are making up to make you feel bad and gain power over you #idk man. i’m tired

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opens-up-4-nobody · 9 months

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#man ive never seen an eating disorder kill someone else besides a parent infecting a child but my nana is really trying #shes like 1000% orthotexic. will not eat anything not filled with vegetables or fat. and my grandpa is 87yo with a heart condition currentl #in the hospital for covid bc thry went to Christmas church and dont believe in being vaccinated and my dad is so frustrated #bc he knows his mom is not gonna give his dad hearty foods. he needs to eat like protein shakes and meat and ice cream. anything thats not #her cooking which sucks on top of being extremely healthy. except its not healthy bc they dont eat a balanced diet #so its my nanas eating disorder killing her husband and shes so fucking frustrating. im like 99% sure she has obsessive compulsive #personally disorder bc she fits to a T and has zero insight. she may have full on 0cd bc talking to my dad he has more obvious 0cd #compulsions than i do. he used to say phrases before going to bed and would take 2 steps across the floor to prevent bad things from #happening. so like im pretty sure my nana is where i get my perfectionism and 0cd. god. i wish i could express how fucked up she is #like my dad said at least he had a stable home to grow up in but like she has zero sympathy for other people. cannot look past herself. wil #not wear a mask bc she doesnt care enough abt other ppl. my dad was like: u would not have survived in that house. which is fair bc i am #barely keeping it together coming from a stable home with two sympathetic parents who i know love me #and like its sad that they're suffering the effects of buying into the fox news bullshit and its killing them #but also. genuinely. i think theyre not very good ppl. theyre the type of people who think they're better bc they're religious. white. and #thin. and theyre not better thsn anyone. their grandchildren cant stand them. well cant stand her at least. papa is just quite so its hard #to say what hes thinking. apparently he was confused last night and saying something about eating dinner on the golf course. which sounds #nicer thsn being in the hospital lol. ugh. he seems not long for this world tbh. may he pass peacefully to b with his 1st wife who died of #brain cancer at age like 20 or something. so it goes. bleh. how many funerals are intended for me in the next 5 years? hopefully none but #that seems improbable with the unspoken drain circling that seems to b going on in this family. old age and like almost 10 years of cancer #defying the stats but for how much longer?#i dunno. its just so weird to watch these things happen and not talk about it directly to the other ppl who see it #i worry that ill come off as too callose or inappropriate bc i have that tendency when something bad is happening but thats everyone else #excuse? idk i just feel like its better to talk abt things #unrelated #ed mention #i tell u this so i can say these things to someone and also bc if i were u. i would like to hear the drama #bc im nosey and i assume other r too ;-]

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cuteniaarts · 6 months

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Behold, my latest and most enamouring new obsession:

Malina, Lady of the Chief of the Northern Water Tribe. As if Red Lotus child OCs weren’t niche enough

#my art #artists on tumblr #the legend of korra #lok malina #still feel like that’s too vague of a tag but I can’t come up with anything better for now #and yeah. she has completely stolen by heart and I don’t know how to feel about that #don’t think I ever was this attracted to my own art before #to be fair the design isn’t mine. it’s very heavily based on something nina drew back in 2021 #because I did not have the energy or creativity to come up with my own thing #but the art is all mine and I genuinely adore it. super proud of myself which is a rare occurrence #anyways. kat and I spent three days digging this niche lower and lower and now have a he #*hell of a lot of lore about this basically nonexistent character #for lore about a lady from the North Pole a lot of it is rather hot… to the point my cheeks are burning non stop #I would say I’d let her do anything she wants to me but in my very specific aroace-adjacent case it’s more like #I’d let her tell me to do anything she wants to her #if that makes any sense and I have not completely lost my goddamn mind yet #okay. enough yapping. back to the art itself #lazy background because I suck at those and am not currently attempting to learn them. I’ll probably do that over the summer #about time anyway. my characters have been placed against an off-white background for far. far too long #this is the first piece in just over a year that isn’t tagged with sotrl. which is kinda weird tbh #I’ve been drawing my OCs almost exclusively for nearly 5 years so it is genuinely surprise I’m branching out #*surprising #less branching out and more diving from one hole into another but y’know #anyway. in my personal and very correct opinion she turned out absolutely gorgeous #her servants are way too lucky and unalaq is way too much of an idiot. no offence to vaatu but he could never beat out this #and I also have Kat’s personal and very correct opinion to back up my own. two against the void. once again we’re winning #I wanna draw her a lot more bc she has completely possessed my brain. I just wish character interactions were easier to draw 😭#I’ll figure it out. just need to fight my visualisation issues for a proper idea. brb #okay I’m almost at the tag limit so. in summary:#she 🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵

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bylertruther · 1 year

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i don't like season three when viewing it as a continuation of seasons one and two, but i do very much like season three when viewing it as the prequel to seasons four and five... hmmmmm.

#rewatching it bc i wanted to make another foreshadowing compilation post for myself regarding what will's actions will #likely be in season five re: vecna and lmao. so many things are just... it's like. it makes me laugh how In Your Face it is now #that we know all that we know. so many direct parallels both with dialogue and actions. mike/will/lucas/el foreshadowing their s4 roles.#the flaying of the holloways and the creels. the dormancy / activation shit. the building shit. the natural progression of their arcs.#the different ways that their characters approach problem solving and how we see tht reinforced by s4. it's so fascinating #genuinely i think idk it was just such a big culture shock i guess u could say from 1 and 2 that it was hard to digest on its own for me #but now that 4 is in the same vein it's like Oh. Okay. Yeah no. I get it now. That's cool. I'm forever bitter but I get it and respect it.#3 4 and 5 are a package deal considering they also said 4 was like part 1 of 5.#it also makes sense bc the point of 3 was that everyone was changing and building themselves in a new way and that #includes vecna so. just so fascinating how they link everything and how their vision is so consistent with certain plots and characters #like. the lucas max mike n will + el involvement is right there. the idea that they have to kill vecna and not just his puppets is right #there. that 2nd point starts in season two but three is where it really turns into an ''the end justifies the means'' situation #(especially for will which i think is something a lot of people overlook but—)#s3 is painful when considering their personal character arcs but fucking delicious when considering the overarching supernatural vecna plot #bc thts also when he starts his ''there is no stopping this'' shtick and actually enters the story #and he's fucking slimy lol. which i Love #anyway. omg first i defended mike in the rain fight and now i'm saying i kind of like season three who the FUCK am i!!!!!#crazy what feeling the need to defend a white boy's honor will do to you 😳

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risingsunresistance · 1 year

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content creators i am Begging you to stop putting the cool part of your designs on the BACK of the shirt. when did we start making this the most popular option. stop. i want to be able to wear a jacket.

#tommy's business bay merch looks awesome but seeing it on the back actually makes me really mad #i havent worn my AE shirt at all bc i just. i cant wear anything else with it. why bother. it's so much work #im a person with very specific sensory needs!! if i decide i need sleeves then i'd rather be wearing something fun #suddenly i am wearing a plain white t-shirt with my jacket... i kinda hate it i wish i could take it back :/#im just not even gonna bother buying it i know i'll hate it #also screw you if you're someone with really long hair. you never get to wear anything ever i guess #chat

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deadrlngers · 2 years

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❝It was believed that the marriage between lady Arianne Aspasia of House Vance of Wayfarer's Rest and Colton of House Celtigar was one of love. A claim that held only a partial truth: the affection lord Colton felt for his dear wife was undeniable, while the rumors surronding lady Arianne spoke of a deep closeness she only ever shared with her childhood friend, princess Rhaenyra Targaryen. Though, the union gave life to two twins: Visenyra Cornelia Celtigar and Maegar Lucretio Celtigar. At their birth, the siblings were graciously gifted with two dragon eggs of princess Rhaenyra’s she-dragon Syrax, a most precious gift from the woman they would grow to consider almost as a second mother. The favoritism and even the curious naming of the Celtigar twins, undeniably reminiscent of House Targaryen offspring, kept the realm whispering about the true nature of lady Arianne and princess Rhaenyra relation.❞

#hello no thoughts i'm posting the hotd ocs on main #the day i will make gifs too it's the day you all will know i'm too far gone to be saved #anyways jfdnfk i don't even know how to tag this #*ocstuff #mine #hotd #oc: arianne #oc: colton #oc: visenyra #oc: maegar #ok now's the part where i go insane with facts. mh ari and rhae love each other end of the take have a nice day everyone #something something 'if i can't dream of our family i'll make yours mine and you'll make mine yours'#rhae giving the not-targ kids of the woman she absolutely doesn't love at all mh-mh like: (twirling hair) they would look cute with our-I #MEAN YOURS. YOURS KIDS. nfsdkjfn also ari is a dragonrider bc i decided she claims a..uh unclaimed dragon bc shes sexy and cool #she has a lil personal name for him (which i still need to fully decide on) but for everyone her dragon goes by full title. the lord of the #skies...ari is such a lil show off ksdjfkf. also house celtigar has valyrian blood going on too. i chose it exactly bc i wanted the twins to #have the white hair fashion <33 as it stands rn with my Lore everyone here dies after the dance beside maegar (FOR NOW) so f. vhanya has a #very on brand toxic relationship with u know who if u saw me post at least once about this show sdjfk and mmmh dare i say ari chose each #name for her kids with rhae...colton standing there like uhh i'm the father u know? SHUT UP wifey is naming the kids with her girlfriend #also lil fun fact before i shut up forever: when i made ari i just went yea VANCE surely there's NO house vance in here (later discoveries #pointed out i'm a clown but luckly i exactly needed a forgettable house of no-ones for her. vance who?) anyways it's all cool bc incredibly?#one branch of house vance supports the blacks during the dance and idk the coincidences of life huh

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featureenvyproductions · 4 months

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"Why does everything need to be Gay now it's so shallow to make men attracted to each other when they could be Pure Platonic Friends -"

oops sorry I can't hear you over the sound of me Doing What I Want Forever because I have been watching movies, TV, and animation since the 80s and have watched enough shallow heterosexual romances that would have been stronger as mlm-wlw solidarity friendships to fill the space between stars in a galaxy

#also 1) friends can fuck each other so you're not safe especially since gay guys do this a lot #2) why can't there be a cast with MANY mlm characters where some are strictly friends and some are partners #(bc this is a real thing that happens in the real world shocker I know but sometimes friend groups have several mlm folks)#3) as an aromantic vaguely ace spec person I get the need for good platonic relationships #but uh queer people reading mlm romance into something (often based on their own experiences or representation needs)#that creators refuse to delve into #or god forbid writing it into their own work #IS NOT THE BIGGEST PROBLEM HERE #i can't believe it's the year of our lord 2024 and i am still seeing this thinly veiled homophobic take everywhere #2006 called and it wants its 'I don't wish evil on gays but i dont condone their gay stuff' attitude back #Also when I think about all the shows and movies that came from source material with wlw or mlm characters who were all but TOTALLY erased #Or I think about media about queer historical figures who were utterly straightwashed or had their queerness demonized #or reduced to a footnote or Non Controversial background noise #My rage about this increases like 10000 fold #Anyway TLDR ultimately I fall under the mlm umbrella and that's part of the reason I write the shit I do and I'm not the only one #And I write cheeky posts about it but I actually am genuinely disturbed sometimes at this sentiment #Because no one says it outright but there's this massive undercurrent of an assumption that we don't exist #And we don't create #And we don't create things FOR OURSELVES not even bc precisely because of all the times we were told #'Well that's not really marketable so if you want to see it maybe you should create it yourself'#I feel like I'm talking to a wall here DOES NO ONE ELSE GET ANGRY ABOUT THIS #LIKE HOMOPHOBIA ISN'T OVER YET #ESPECIALLY NOT FOR MLM PEOPLE WHO AREN'T CIS AND WHITE #Like stop calling sex and/or romance shallow when it's gay and SUSPICIOUSLY 0 OTHER TIMES oh my fucking god

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telltaleanatomicalheart · 6 months

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since i started star wars at like 14, i didn’t really get the full political implications or just the innate tragedy of it. it’s not supposed to be a happy story but there’s supposed to be hope. i always thought anakin wasn’t to blame going to the dark like maybe if he had a different master or wasn’t groomed by palpatine but in reality he was a grown ass man with full jedi training that chose to get married (“in secret” bc i swear everyone knew they was fuckin, they just didn’t want to banish him bc they saw him as the chosen one) and chose to kill younglings and massacre an entire people and kill another jedi and turn to the dark side. even if he had really strong emotions and felt things on an insanely intense level bc of midichlorians or whatever he still had full fledged jedi training to be able to control that and yeah the jedi temple was so corrupt in the way they were just cops with telekinetic abilities and fake buddhists but like HES GROWN. no matter what he experienced it was his choice. he was weak and he chose the dark side. so he is not babygirl. he’s hot. but he’s not baby girl. it was over even before he force choked padme cause he killed them kids he said no more jedi too bad so sad.

i never understood padme’s death tho it was kind of a plot hole to me just she just lost the will to live and just died after giving birth like what????even if she is force sensitive (ALLEGEDLY) that’s still crazy. i think it was soley for the anakin-vader plot so that he wouldn’t think of his actions or to maybe (idk if this was on purpose) justify his actions bc he had nothing left.

also sorry if u haven’t watched star wars yet…i recommend release order and clone wars and rebels animated series. forget about the mandalorian and the “ahsoka” show it literally doesn’t matter.

#ik there’s gonna be a new jedi order and theryre coming out with a new trilogy but sw is turning into marvel in the way u need to watch #all their stupid ass series to watch a bitchass movie or one show. if u content can’t stand alone it fucking sucks #also i hate when ppl quote yoda just bc he’s old doesn’t mean he’s not stupid #also i think the jedi values kinda ‘dehumanized’ jedis like leaving their families no attachments like what are y’all fighting for ur just #glorified cops. i think especially when u see the poverty in corusant which is supposed to be the planet for the AMAZING republic..some #peopl have never seen the sky…do something bout that. QUICKLY #i do think that disney star wars beyond liek the animated series is terrible. like they don’t know how to write. they just bring back old #problems and it’s the same tropes and maybe even the same characters #also rosario dawson allegedly attacked a queer person in public but the case was only dropped bc it was the pandemic and the person didn’t #have monies. like that doesn’t mean she’s innocent. sick sick people work for disney. sick sick people.#i hate the mandalorian so much. jon favero and dave filoni will pay.#imma pretend like some stuff just doesn’t exist. fun djarin who?? the mandalorian liek jango fett? oh sabine wren like in the animated show!#i rant abt sw bc i love it sm but i hate it. it was also created by a white american man so like…and more white american men make it worse..

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heyitslapis · 10 months

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I don't have time for people who don't have time for me

#yes yes i know adult life leaves little room for spending time with people who you care about & even if we have time we're burnt out #but my whole adult life has been white-knuckled clinging to relationships or people that barely if ever send that energy back #as soon as theyre onto the next person that will entertain them. as soon as theyve found something to fill the time that i usually take up #as soon as theyve gotten all they wanted from me emotionally. as soon as its inconvient to see me. almost as soon as theyre bored #then suddenly its me waiting for a text. waiting for a day to hang out. hearing over and over again that yet another thing is more importan #than me. and i get it. life happens. schools important. work is important. rest is important. but at the point im at in my life #im looking for people who actually make an effort not just give months and months of excuses as to why they suddenly cant hang out #im a pushover. im easy-going. im a very understanding person. i get it bc theres also very few days per week that im free to socialize #but i cant keep letting myself act subservient to everyone else in my life. i always put my friends & potential friends so high on pedestal #i treat them & their time as precious. now i refuse to let someone do anything but the same for me. my time/energy/love is just as precious #i dont deserve only a text when you need something from me or just to act as a treat to tide me over until the next transgression #and i certainly am NOT going to be the person that you can stand-up and then expect to still answer your text. not anymore.#in prioritizing my mental health lately ive realized that this pattern HAS TO STOP. i cant allow myself to continue the same harmful cycles #i deserve better. i need better. i WANT BETTER #emma vents #vent tag #healing tag

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pronouncingitwang · 1 year

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#truly no faster way to make me so so ill than the seol and the seolite diaspora DE tag on ao3. not in a bad way not in a good way either #also last week i hung out w a friend i hadn't seen in a while and we joked about diaspora lit bingo a lot #but yeah idk. the way my sister is reconnecting w her asianness through like. kdramas/cdramas and kpop etc #the way i only have about 4 chinese language songs liked on spotify and they're like #one from the CRA soundtrack two bc i looked up an artist whose photos were on tumblr and who i found hot #and one from my white roommate who's learning mandarin #and i wonder if my parents are like. so bummed that we ignored them and made fun of their shows and music and accents as elementary schoole #and now they see her doing this and me. idk. claiming POCness via something i never engaged with in a way i find satisfactory #or idk. the whole immigrant parents being your passports to your language/culture and once they die it's game over #ESP bc you only ever took enough chinese classes to graduate hs or college no more #and kim kitsuragi is suchhhhhhh an interesting look at that bc like. he is an orphan and he does have zero cultural or language ties to seo #like. he would absolutely dannyamericanbornchinese himself if he could #and i want him to reconnect like i imagine him reconnecting w being asian and it causes feelings of comfort and such in me #but like. he shouldn't have to obviously and #one of the notes of a fic in that tag is from a biracial person who says #I flip between wish fulfillment and scrutinizing the degree Kim 'needs' to reclaim his heritage #and like yeah. yeah. that thing #and idk i don't think there's a distinct chinese-american culture the way that chinese-american cuisine is like. A Thing you know #maybe i'd feel better if there was that #and if there was just one other seolite person in disco elysium but i think kim's racial isolation is purposeful #what is there for me but to idk. reread the joy luck club and have another crisis about it #personal

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ladysophiebeckett · 11 months

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now that it's the next day and im less annoyed, two things i thought was interesting in the mexican adaptation--

when the gaslighting arc starts, lety's like 'yeah we should go back to omar's place' and fernando, instead of being excited about it, he's scared bc she had told him various times she didn't want to bc of 'guilt'. so he's in the bathroom pacing, worried bc 'this isn't like her'. which i thought was funny.

when they go to the event and she tells him she needs to leave bc someone came to get her, he assumes its her dad and he immediately is like 'i'll talk to him' and she says 'no , it's tomas' and he grabs her hands and she pulls back and says 'ppl can see' and he says 'i dont care'. she insists she's leaving and he can't make her stay bc they're not at work. but he doesn't care and drags her away.

that is as 'dark' as the scene gets. bc the next scene its back to light hearted comedy where he's flirting with her again. they really don't want to go there with him (making him crazy), which is disappointing.

#im gonna rant here tho bc GOD the purity pr train in this insane and i never noticed it at 16 #i forgot about the psychic that wanders mexico city and hunts lety down to let her know there's a letter she needs to read #but not before saying that 'her love was pure and good' and that shes not a bad person #meanwhile fernando is buying her a single white rose bc it reminds him of her purity and innocence (im so sick to my stomach rn)#and then he tells her that when he gives it to her (if a man said to me i would never see him again)#and then when lety reads the letter she's asks the st judas figure (that the psychic gave her)#what she should do and why this happened to her and then her rose dies in like 5 seconds since he gave it to her magically #they really do frame it so the affair portion is his fault and only his fault by having the narrative insist that her love is not 'tainted'#like yes a lot of things are fernando's fault--the embargo caused by him and omar poor decisions and the making up a new company #to save his company was his idea but lety said yes at various times #when she could have said no #that's kind of the point--both taking responsibility later for their actions #they also dont want her to be 'bad' by having her talk to the st judas figure--like---Okay. (kill me)#anyway i need this version to go to jail or something

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giantkillerjack · 2 years

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Friendly reminder to white people that while it is okay to not like Mindy Kaling's Velma show, you need to be mindful of the language you use or share when describing the woman of color that made it.

#velma #mindy kaling #original #i saw a post jokingly referring to her as an ugly-ass bitch in a meme and idk if that person is white but if they are they need to watch it #i mean i don't care for using that language to describe people even jokingly but i know for sure that if you are white and you don't like #something a woman of color did then i better not hear you saying she is ugly #bc then it sounds like you were just waiting for your chance to call her ugly #beauty standards and racism are SUPER CLOSELY LINKED so hush #i didn't try to explain this to the person who posted that bc idk if they are white and i sure as hell don't wanna #barge into some person of color's day in order to make them prove themselves as non-white. that is an even worse look.#so i thought I'd just say here that you can say all the ways she did a bad job if you want (i haven't seen the show) but #if you are white then we need to be conscious of this shit. please.#i am white so if you are a poc and i have said something off base here i genuinely want to know. tho it isn't your job so no presh

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the-greendalehumanbeings · 1 year

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my unpopular hunger games opinion is that even though i headcanon, katniss as a woc, collins probably didn’t when writing her. there is no need to give her any props or praise her for writing poc. as far as i’m aware suzanne collins has never complained that the movie white-washed her character or corrected the assumptions which says enough about what she thinks. if people want to complain they should complain how a character who is described with racially ambigous features is always seen as white bc white is the default.

#tbh this is why i kinda disagree the movies whitewashed her #anytime a white author writes a protagonist with olive skin #they are definitely picturing a white person #it comes from the fact that white people largely see the white as the default #even though i know poc can have olive skin #not that we cant picture them as poc but there is no need to #not that we cant imagine them as poc but there is no need to give props to the author for something they probably didnt think much about #idk im tired of seeing authors praised for diversity bc they did the bare minimum #we dont need to praise them too much #ill be happy to change my opinion if i see proof of suzanne talking about the movies whitewashing her characters but all i could find is her #saying she didnt necessarily write katniss as bi-racial #although i do agree as much as the movies are meh it would really have been great seing katniss portrayed by a woc

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tangerinesour · 2 years

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that flashback was probably 26th october 1994, wasn’t it.

#000 ( ☿ ) ─── ( ooc ).#west ham beat chelsea for the league cup…#one-nil.#which actually supports my hc of tange being born in 84 (bc that kid def looks to be 8-10 if i had to guess idk i don't know big kid ages)#which was just a year i picked bc atj is in his 30s but i wanted him to be older than me #and having him born in the big brother year makes sense to me personally since #1. book!tange is big into lit and 2. something something under the thumb of the white death who has eyes everywhere something something.#001 ( ☿ ) ─── ( hc ).#<- i need to put it somewhere that i can find it again.

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mrfoox · 2 years

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God im... Probably too nice but it's fine

#miranda talking shit #I wanted to talk about a thing but...noticed quickly that they were not in a good mood/mindset so ofc i didnt even bring it up #I mean the talk was good anyway. I think he... Needed that. We talked about feelings and how to handle them #And at one point he stopped and turned to me and went 'that thing you said about getting another perspective on it... Thats smart. Thats #A very good idea. Im going to try that' not like im good at dealing with emotions. But i try to and that's a thing i know have helped me at #Times. Discussed our goals/dreams and well... I cant agree with his or understand it at all but as long as he thinks thats what he wants #Then im not going to argue. Love how he always drone on about he doesn't care about anyone or what anyone thinks but still wants to hear #What i think. I told him that was funny to me. Bc imo one doesnt ask about something one doesn't care about or have any interest in...#He's been a lot more... Curious about what i think about things and its fun. Personally im just fairly weak in my opinions. Not many things #I think are worth fighting over or arguing over tbh. So im used to just listening and nodding. But that may annoy the shit out of him lmao #That might be why he asks me about my opinion bc im so quiet and passive . But yeah very interesting to discuss #Mainly bc i havent heard anyone have that kind of opinion and goal of their own so it was fun?#But yeah ngl i love hearing people say im wise or smart. Bc i obviously dont hear that often. So when i do im like ah ... Thank you 😭#Its bc im not book smart but i guess im emotionally smarter or whatever. In general i just enjoy making people think about other perspectiv #Bc i always do that and enjoy it. Think many are unintentionally stuck in their own way of seeing things and everything become so black and #White. To me the world isnt . I wish it was but no everything is gray with many shades lol #Also me doing and example: 'i dont think everything is your fault oliver. I think its my own'#Oliver serious: yeah well i dont think its your fault either Miranda.' i almost cried like... He didn't have to say that i was obviously #Doing an example and joking ? But he still ... Said that and im like...thabk you for reassuring me...#And he really went 'i fought hard to be the one that came by here today. It was going to be another guy which me and magnus hate. So i #Fought hard to be able to come here instead' and im like 🥺... Thank you... I wasnt there to fight but thank you for doing that...#I mean im guessing he also enjoys our conversations so i dont think it was a selfless thing but it made me happy :')#If i could have any say I'd basically only have magnus and oliver come by me but i know thats not how it works but it made me happy that he #Went out of his way to get it changed. I need to thank him again next time... At least he seemed to be a little lighter leaving than when #He came. So i hope our discussion was a bit helpful at least. Something had happened and i asked him if he wanted to talk about it #And he said no first and then 'maybe. We'll see' which to me is major bc uh.... He usually dont ever talk about anything happening actively #To me. Usually he comes and shares it 6 month later or something. So... Trust increase? I hope im rubbing off on him in healthier mental #Ways. Considering he's gone from saying nothing about himself to trauma dumping ... I guess something has changed. God i just #Want to pick his brain about everything for real. He has such diffrent values and priorities than im used to and anyone i know have. I love #Hearing all about it. Ive told him before but if we didn't meet through this... Unusual way. We'd never would have naturally. And if we did

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lilgynt · 2 years

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i really got to get better at saying no and just not doing things i don’t want to do. like i know abuse sexual and non literally beat that out of me but i am sick of my nos never being taken seriously and i never push beyond the initial no bc that IS me trying my best i just got to get into my cunt era

#personal #like everytime someone in my life ignores me saying no or pushing me past what i’m comfortable it sucks!#and it happens a lot bc i have trouble saying no!#and it’s such BULLSHIT.#like my friends and family know i struggle with it so what’s the next logical move? use that to get what they want #and i get it’s not like. malicious on purpose most the time #but god i wish i could just get enough courage to say no and then be listened to!#i want to say fuck off and not have people laugh bc i’m so easy going #i just genuinely want to start being mean to people and just be left alone for five fucking seconds #i want my nos to matter just for ONCE.#i want to say no. and be listened to #i want to say no and that be it not my no to be soemthing to argue #especially with my mom she says i’m being difficult and half the time it’s just shit that is a plain yes or no #black and white no if what’s or butts but no is the wrong answer and it’ll always be and i know no one cares when i say it #and i’m working myself into something that this doesn’t need to be #i also have to take responsibility and work on getting better at this #i’m just annoyed no one respects that or me until i bring out the big guns

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