#bc the ones i liked the best i'm doing individual posts for

[miyeosin]

CHO MIYEON for CITYBREEZE [ 23SS ] + out pocket zip-up, logo crop t-shirt, cargo mini skirt

[kindnessoverperfection]

I think part of the reason why I struggle to feel close with anyone is like. I really only know how to get my social need filled through judgement and approval and rank-climbing.

It's part of why I keep wanting to involve myself in Greek Life, despite knowing how toxic it is. I'd have people around me always, constant social events, and the expectations would be clear and harsh always. So I'd have clear and easy ways to get supply. If someone's "love" is conditional, then I know when I'm doing the right things, I know when they're approving of me, I know when we're "connecting". I crave it.

But the system's close friends? They'll approve of us no matter what. So like. What then? How do I feel that connection? If I don't have to earn their care, what direction am I supposed to go in? What do I do, what do I talk about, how do I act?

[elytrafemme]

okay i will actually stop the public breakdown sort of now because it's kind of embarrassing but i do need to point out that my girlfriend sent me a video which i do not find funny and like i'm already splitting right now and i really do not need this energy in my life where are the funny men like what are we doing here

[hoshigray]

hii love ur works 🫶🏽

can I req brat reader giving toji the WORST attitude? 💗.

*sinister laugh* Why, yes, you can, noonie! When I saw this, the first scenario that came to mind was the reader being another assassin who likes to get on Toji's nerves. So, imma stick with that!! Had to take an all-nighter to finish this up, hehe~ (no fr tho, it's 8:35 in the morning here) Thank you for loving my stuff, and enjoy~~

A/n: posting this bc I'm staling on my Geto fic since my brain has so much it wants to add...sigh. In the meantime, while I'm working on this, I figured I could drop this as an apology for pulling the fic back (~_~;) My apologies, and I hope y'all like this one! Also tysm for 1.7k followers!! Y'all are too kind and sweet, happy to be writing for you~☆ Cw: hard dom! Toji x bratty fem! reader - you and Toji are assassins on a mission together - explicit content; minors DNI - implied age gap (the reader is at least in their 20s; Toji in his mid-30s or approaching 40s, up to you) - fingering (f! receiving) - cunnilingus - sexual acts in a public place - degradation (brat, crybaby, slut, whore) - Daddy kink - reader talking smack, but Toji teaches you a lesson - tiny praise - pussydrunk! Toji - pet names (baby, doll, princess) - ends with penetration, but mostly Toji eating you out - unprotected sex (PSA: wrap it up, or get the fuck up) - overstimulation - clitoral play (pinching, pushing, and sucking) - mentions of blood. Wc: 1.8k

You recently joined the hitmen field not too long ago. Still young and new to the workforce, it wasn't the first place you figured to enter for some quick cash. But with your astute skills and abilities, no other occupation best suited you. Besides, it wasn't long before people looked past your recent addition and saw what you were made of. Not only were you good at your job, but you were climbing the ranks, swifting past your inferior subordinates.

It's nothing new, though. You were always good at what you do, better than others at what you do. Doing everything perfectly and effortlessly, that was your style. And everybody knew that.

Everybody but a particular individual. A specific man who always overshadowed you. An older man who snatched your attention the first moment he looked your way, the scar on his lip rooted up with the twinge of his lips.

"Rookies lookin' real cute these days, huh, doll?" were his first words to you. And from that day on, you did what you could to get close to him. Even if that meant irritating him.

From taking his missions to acting as a complete thorn in his side, you do whatever it takes to get Toji's attention. Especially his silent pissed off expressions, which are your favorite to see. And don't let your handler tell you that you two would be on a mission together because the teasing would be endless for the poor, experienced hitman.

Just like today, when you two are deployed to kill an old geezer and his goons for a massive sum of money, Toji goes to one side of the old warehouse to thin out the number of bodyguards and heads straight to the target's den, leaving you to the rest. But imagine his surprise when he sees the old man already dead on the chair at his desk, a stiletto pierced right through his neck, evident of his demise as a stream of crimson staining his yellow dress shirt.

And Toji notices a note left on the weapon, the familiar handwriting in pink with a kiss mark already tells him who wrote it. "Gotta be quicker than that, Grandpa ~" is what he reads in your charming voice, and it vexes him knowing you beat him to the punch.

He sees you leaning on a pallet rack when he returns to the warehouse, and you smile when you turn to him. "Well, that was fast," you play coy, stretching when standing straight up. "Took care of those punks like five minutes ago, figured I'd wait on you."

"I got your note." He wastes no time. He's so hot when he does that.

"Oh? Did ya like it~?" Your hand swiftly grabs something that came dangerously close to your temple — your stiletto. It was thrown with the knowledge that you would catch it. So serious, huh.

"Ya know, for someone callin' me a 'grandpa,' you sure act like a damn kid leavin' y'r toys everywhere."

You chuckle at his complaint. "Awww, did I hurt your big boy feelings with my little words?" You see his green eyes watch your every move as you walk up close to him. "Sorry~, not my fault you were too slow to get the final kill."

Toji raises a brow. "How'd ya get to him before me?"

You shrug with a cheeky grin. "Assassins don't tell their secrets, especially when your old head couldn't get it."

It's his turn to chortle. "Oh yeah? Ya think y'r too fast for me?"

"I wouldn't say that, just that you're too slow for me," your hands go up defensively when he takes a step forward, and you try hard to not get turned on by his well-built physique displayed by the shirt that does a terrible job hiding his features. "As a matter of fact, I bet you're slow at other things."

He takes another step forward, and before you register his next move, he already has you pinned to the pallet rack you once leaned against. His smirk grows broader while your eyes widen at the sudden shifting. "Was that too slow fr' you, princess?"

No, absolutely not. That's what you would want to say to him, his tall figure engulfing you under his presence. But you didn't want to let off that easily, your hand finding the crotch of his pants. When verdant eyes shut to the feeling of your fingers brushing against his bulge, you take the chance to say more. "Oh, that was totally too slow for me, geezer. Such a shame; I thought you'd be a lot more fun. But guess I'll have to go on to the next person who could do a better job."

"Mmm, don't start somethin' y'r not ready for, brat." His gruff voice dials to a whisper, your ears replaying the tone, making the throbbing sensation between your legs prosper. You can feel his erection, even with his pants blocking the view. "Good luck findin' someone who'd shut that pretty mouth of y'rs better than I do."

You giggle after grabbing onto his erect cock, forcing the older man to hiss and his face coming down to your level. You whisper to his ear. "And what makes you think a dumb, old, brute-for-brains like you could satisfy me? I fail to see what you're capable of, grandpa." Those were the words you chose to entice the man under your spell.

But what you really failed to see was the predicament you've gotten yourself in.

Lying on a pallet with your back, your pretty bottoms and panties now discarded to the dirty floor, you scream out to the empty warehouse. Tears and drool escape from your face, and the quiver in your legs is evidence of your body going through the absolute most right now. "Haaahh! Ahhhh!! T-Tojiii, Toji, please!! I'm—Hoooohh!!" You grab tufts of raven hair that are stationed between your legs.

The older man holds your legs up with one hand, the other nestled between your slick-coated folds as his middle and forefinger push in and out of your cunt. His tongue licks furiously on your clitoris, your cries evident of the abuse on your tender bud and vulva.

Toji removes the wet muscle and moves his fingers go an instantaneous pace, the tips of his digits scraping your walls resulting in more tears falling off your face without fail. He snickers, "Look at you; all that screamin' and hollerin' like a damn whore have you forgetting simple rules." His thumb finds your clit, pushing down on it every time his fingers are propelled inside. "What did I tell you to call me, brat?"

The unforgiving rhythm of his hand on your bare vulva has you seeing stars and choking on your spit. "I-I'm sorry, Daddy!! I didn't mean to make you mad at me!"

"You sure 'bout that?" His condescending tone matched the devilish twinge of his scarred lips. The digits doing a 'come hither' motion that has your body jerking nowhere, your legs still restrained by his firm arm pushing them to your stomach. "My 'big boy feelings' were crushed with y'r little comments, so here I am gettin' the payback I need. Was acting all high and mighty until I got my mouth on ya."

"But I said—Mmmph!! I'm sorry!" You wail out, your face hot with embarrassment and excitement. "And I already came—Oh fuck...C-Came three times!!"

"You called me names four times, so I expect you to cum one more time, you fuckin' crybaby." He replies coldly, your tears and pleas on deaf ears. "Heh, if I knew havin' my fingers in you like this would have you behavin', I woulda done it earlier. Grippin' on my 'em like a damn slut."

His fingers go faster with no smooth transition as his mouth returns to your soft button, your screams erupting from the back of your exhausted throat. Even with your voice filling the scene, you can only listen to the raunchy noises of the commotion between your thighs. It's enough for you to wish your ears burn at such lewd sounds, and your head pounding worsens the state of your already mushy brain. This is what you wanted all this time — to have the man you've been infatuated with give you the attention to so dearly strived and poked for. However, the intensity of it all was nowhere near what you had expected.

"Nnnmm!! Daddyyy," the title slurred from your mouth feels hot to the tongue, but it's the only way to address him before your punishment intensifies. You peer down to see his black hair come up, fierce emerald eyes taking in your expressions. "It's coming, gonna cum again!!"

"Yeah? Wanna come on my fingers again?" He chortles when you rapidly nod at him, pathetically desperate for your release. "Fine, cum on Daddy's fingers like the slut you are." He moves his hands to the back of your thighs and has his tongue slowly glide up your soapy chasm, tasting your wetness until he reaches your clitoris and attacks the bud more. Circling around and sucking on your precious nub prompts your orgasm to climb up, and it hits you hard when his teeth and tongue grind on your clit.

With final moans of pleasure, you experience your finish with the harsh treatment of Toji's mouth, hands purchasing his hair for faux stability. Your legs tremble with curled toes, and your body jolts with the shocks. And Toji doesn't stop until he licks the slit clean of your essence, slurping up your sensitive folds until his thirst has quenched. All you can do is submit and let him have his way with you, sucking up your fluids from your cunt to the mess of your inner thighs.

"Mmmm, fucking Christ, Y/n," you hear his mumbled curse below. "Taste so fuckin' good, baby..."

Your body soon calms down from the climax, trying to steady your breathing with even breaths. And Toji finally finishes drinking your wetness, drawing his head up to reveal his lips wet with your come, licking it and his fingers. "Bet that wasn't slow fr' ya, huh."

You meekly nod your head. "And I bet nobody's gonna make you shut you up like that, huh?" You nod again.

The smirk on his face scares you, especially when he straightens up to show his erect dick still hard and ready to be free from the tented pants. And when his cock springs out, your sweaty body runs cold immediately.

"Good," he says while bringing you close to him, arranging his cock to your wet entrance. "But we ain't done here." Complaints and pleas aren't able to enter the air because you just watch the tip of his cock bully through the lips of your chasm and enter inside you with ease. He gradually pushes his entire length into you, getting full with every inch as his girth intrudes between your tight, smooth walls.

"Keep up wit' me, baby," his eyes hone in on you, gauging your reactions before he starts moving his hips relentlessly. "because I'm about to show you what I'm really capable of."

[islandoforder]

Hi just properly scrolled through your blog for the first time and wanted to ask a question:

Re: Riz should be class president post from over a week ago - why should it be Riz over Kristen now that the class president position has stakes? Is it because of Kristen’s inconsistent access to her spells in case she needed to defend herself? I’d love to hear more about your thought process regarding this - assuming your opinion hasn’t changed since making that post.

My thoughts personally are that character-wise, it makes more sense to me for Riz to be the one strategizing as the campaign manager, because he’s the one actually finding a lot of the traps the Rat Grinders have put out for them.

Whereas Kristen makes more sense to me as a candidate purely because of her charisma and good radar for social bs - her weakness, of course, being that she’s a bit of a wild card in her choices regarding the campaign. But at the same time, she’s been able to get away with wearing a soggy salsa hat in front of the entire student body and still maintain some chance for the candidacy.

Obviously, I’m ignoring the more mechanical aspects of this comparison. If that’s what you were referring to in your original post idk then. I’m still wrapping my head around how Riz rolls so well now, level 10 dnd shit is way over my head.

Sorry if this was long, I just wanted to express my thoughts as well as hear yours! Idk how far away we are from getting back to the campaign to class president, who knows what happens after they get back from fallinel!

hi! sorry this is such a late reply, i've been away and i wanted to watch the new ep before i started posting about anything d20 in case of unintentional spoilers haha

so i think part of it is that, imho, brennan intended the class president arc to be riz's:

kipperlily is a rogue, v type a, and a narrative foil to riz, and this would have directly pitted them against one another

riz needed extra credit things for his college app, like being involved in student govt/being student president

there's also something about kipperlily being fundamentally riz but richer

kristen's arc was clearly always going to be about cassandra, trying to regain her favour, or increase her popularity, or resurrect her

nara is the kristen foil this season (once again, kristen but richer)

everyone has like an individual arc this season except for riz, bc his was supposed to be student president

beyond all of this, i don't actually think kristen is able to take the student president stuff too seriously - every time she tries, she ends up doing a bit instead, at the steel workers union, at the middle school, even at the party. i actually think if riz was the candidate, he would manage himself, in the same way that fabian wanted to be the party house and arranges that himself, and adaine needed a job and worked on and got that herself. so like i agree that he's the best campaign manager, but that doesn't preclude him from being the best candidate as well??

also, frankly, a lot of the good social graces kristen has had this year are from riz putting in the hard work - him joining all the clubs and making those connections, him taking stress to give her more popularity, his own popularity, etc.

like i'm enjoying the silliness of kristen's campaign, but i'm kind of with sklonda on this - riz would be a better candidate, and it is to some degree a shame that he's putting this much effort into running a campaign for someone else. if they legit need the student body president bc they'll become proxy headmaster, then i think a more serious campaign with riz at the helm and finally having his time in the spotlight is not a bad idea!!

[loudmound]

hi. welcome to my mary shepherd-sunderland post.

what will follow is who i think she is as a character, what she means to the narrative of sh2, and why people should think and talk about her more bcs me and the 4 other mary fans are dying out here.

DISCLAIMER BEFORE WE BEGIN: a lot of this post will be enmeshed with interpretation and headcanon that draws from me analyzing the text of sh2. this is My Post about mary. stormy mary post. please understand this.

the foundation of mary's character is an exceptionally strong one, and for someone like me, i enjoy making inferences about her person before the illness, during the illness, and near the end. the personality she has in sh2 is flexible enough to allow what i imagine her to have been like in my mind's eye.

i do not want this post to be read as the Definitive Canonical Interpretation of mary. i am just doing my best to inform my analysis of mary with the text as well as building from that set foundation given to us as the audience.

with that out of the way, please enjoy.

PART ONE: MARY AS A CONCEPT

what exists of mary is filtered through the lens of memory before the cumulative letter in the respective endings we receive it. throughout sh2, her status and state of being is re-contextualized as her husband moves closer and closer to the truth of the matter. she is an individual wrapped in idealistic fantasy that is slowly and surely stripped away the longer the game goes along, and the more we actualize her as the person she once was.

this element of conceptualization and fantasy is a through-line in sh2's narrative. mary is everywhere james looks in his version of the town. she's in the rot and rust on the walls, she's in the monsters he fights and runs from, she's in the places he goes, her face and voice is maria's, and she even has some of her memories and personality traits. it is truly understated how much mary just... IS in sh2, in spite of her not being physically present.

there's also this dichotomy i've been thinking about in the inability for mary and james to exist outside of one another, thematically speaking. for fundamentally being two different people, they are inextricably tied to one another in a really unfortunate and tragic way. james grafts himself to mary's memory before her sickness and slowly begins to resent the woman she's become out of anything but her own volition, and mary grafts herself to james because... she has to.

she's sick, she's dying, she's largely bedridden and in constant pain. she cannot rely on herself anymore; she has to rely on the people around her to take care of her, and when she inevitably goes home to live out whatever time she has left... it's james she has to rely on. and while i think james finds immense comfort and pleasure in living in the past they had while refuting the present, mary is thoroughly imbedded in the present and resents the past by means of something that she can no longer have. neither of them can, but i've always interpreted mary to be a very pragmatic and proactive individual.

she discusses in her letter how pathetic and ugly she feels, how she waits in her cocoon of pain and loneliness that's been grafted onto her unwillingly while she waits for james to visit her, and it's clear to me that she is the kind of individual that puts so much emphasis on being a useful and beautiful woman. that is what gives her worth as a human being within the society in which she lives (late 80s usa in my opinion). canonically, she is a housewife, and while that certainly coheres, i'm of the belief that she was a woman who worked outside the home as well, but also someone who did not do enough unpacking to really get away from gendered roles expected of her.

i really do believe that she feels she failed james spectacularly as a partner, but also as a wife; therein, as a person in his life. both of them dealt with their own baggage regarding gendered expectations, but mary in particular's is incredibly potent and crushing if you actualize her as someone who, in turn, wanted to be the perfect wife to james. kind, patient, nurturing, submissive, etc.

of course, as we all know, the perfect wife/woman/whatever you want it to be, is an unattainable concept, because how can anybody human like mary exist within such ridiculous, reductive parameters?

PART TWO: MARY AS A PERSON

so, in that case, who was mary, then? who was she, if not this idealized vision of a wife long lost?

as i've alluded to before, i envision her as a very pragmatic and proactive person; in the video tape of her, she seems very playful and outgoing, but also contemplative, appreciative, and straightforward. i've always seen her as a very different person from james in regards to how she navigates through life.

she's comparatively much more outward and readily emotional, but seems to retain a level of quiet interiority that meshes very well with james' very inward attitude. a very typical "bubbly wife and stoic husband" sort of situation on the surface, but i've always thought that mary greatly appreciated having james as an emotional anchor of sorts; somebody who can soothe the more keyed-up aspects of her personality, given how quiet and easygoing he is.

given how she mentions how angry she was all the time at the advent of learning of her incumbent death, i view her as somebody who really does not like being out of control of her own life. she has an idea of how she wants things to be and she wants them done the way she has already since chosen. (do not interrupt her routines. she will get very irritated.) she's very particular, and i think she's had to learn how not to just take the reigns from somebody else if she perceives them to be going about something "incorrectly" because this particular flaw has led to some arguments/falling-outs with loved ones in the past.

in that particular vein, holy fuck is this woman a fixer. she needs to fix everything she possibly can. the sink's busted? don't worry, she's had a lifetime of fixing shitty plumbing in her childhood home because nobody else bothered. need a couple more bucks for gas? don't worry, she always keeps a few extra dollars on her because she knows what it's like to be a few short and not have anyone else to turn to that you can trust.

you've been deeply traumatized and scarred by your adverse childhood experiences and it's left you with maladaptive and dysfunctional coping mechanisms? don't worry, she'll be there for you, in sickness and in health.

to me, mary's the kind of person that likes seeing the fruits of her labor, too. she takes great pride in being as self-sufficient at she has been, and does very much enjoy sharing that with others as much as she can. genuinely, i think she's very giving and compassionate, but jesus, when it came to james when he was struggling (before she got sick), it certainly got a bit dire. using your wife for free emotional labor is one thing, but when that wife welcomes it for a while because she has a pervasive desire to fix everything, including you? yeah.

also, of course, mary felt a pertinent obligation to doing such, being The Wife and all, but she's also a human person and got exhausted dealing with the amount of baggage her husband had, and their relationship got pretty rocky because of james' unwillingness to seek professional help (stemming from trauma with the laughable us-healthcare system) and mary's unwillingness to recant over and over again what she has in her toolbox.

which is where silent hill comes in. a belated honeymoon of sorts, mary and james take a trip to take their mind off the doom-inspiring monotony that is domestic life, and it's great!

until it isn't.

PART THREE: TERMINAL ILLNESS

so, the nature of mary's illness has never been clearly stated canonically, but we know that it gave her a persistent cough, rendered her bedbound, made her hair fall out, and made lumps grow all over her skin. i'm of the belief that she had hansen's disease, but cancer is also incredibly plausible too.

hansen's disease is one of those things that can lie dormant for years, and it can sometimes take a decade for symptoms to surface, so i don't think it was really a matter of mary catching anything from silent hill, per se. (i do think toluca lake has just the most godawful brain-eating bacteria in it but that's aside the point.) it's definitely a curable disease, but perhaps the strain mary had was a particularly severe variant. point being, however, is that this thing ruined her inside and out.

in the beginning stages, (year 1 or so) i do think she was pretty touchy, emotionally speaking. she tries to keep up appearances as much as she can and is able to, but it's clear that something has shifted for the worst. she's much more somber in the moments of quiet. her contemplative nature turns to brooding. she smiles, still, but her smiles are undoubtedly laced with a wry, bitter sadness.

she's now toiling with thoughts of dying as a way out, too. it'd be easier if they'd just kill me, she laments at one point. simultaneously at the crux of wanting freedom from one's pain in death but terrified of said death as being eternal, too.

it's something you can't ever undo.

now... i'd say a pretty controversial aspect of mary's character during this period of time is whether or not she was abusive towards james during her illness. cases have been made, it's a fairly ambiguous situation as presented in-game, but i think mary's anger that she expressed was quiet, overall. she tried to keep it quiet, at least, and when she did lash out, it was almost always in part due to her newfound level of self-loathing. when she's yelling at james in that hallway, she's yelling at herself more than she is at him.

she's no longer a person, to herself and to others around her that treat her like a dying animal than the woman that she is; the woman that she used to be. i'd be livid if i were her, too!

she also mentions in her letter that she "struck out at everyone she loved most." i have very strong reason to believe that she loved laura, and that unfortunately, she too was caught in the crossfire of mary's mood swings/outbursts. i also think that the guilt mary expresses when we're listening to the hallway conversation is genuine; i don't think her outburst and subsequent apology was a manipulation tactic to make james feel bad.

i think she's genuinely suffering. she doesn't know what to do with these compounding negative feelings. she has nowhere to put them. james comes in at a bad time and becomes the target. after the damage has been done, she realizes this and crumbles immediately. she's hurt james. she needs to do damage control however she can.

of course, none of this is to say that women can't ever be abusive/abusers and we can have conversations about the nuances of that all day, but... it's disquieting to me to see a consistent reading of a terminally ill female character's torment and anger be read as "abusive" to further exonerate the male character's deed of murdering her. like, i think we should consider that for a bit. i think we can hold that mary's behavior was not the best, but james' wasn't, either.

mary waited for him, but he never comes. he stays away, festering in his own grief, mourning her before she's even passed. i see james' aversion to seeing her in large part as a trauma response due to past abuse while growing up; when she shouts at him like that, it drags all of those ugly feelings and memories up.

it's a relationship i see as something that was mutually declining. it was something that was left to die. much like mary was, in a lot of ways.

mary was terrified that james hated her. that she disgusted him with her appearance, that he pitied her for being ill and effectively useless to him. that was something plaintively out of her control, being in the hospital. james could've ripped the bandage off and braved seeing her. he could've talked to her. he could've rekindled what was deteriorating. but he didn't.

again, mary's proactive nature of yearning for james, wanting to see him, wanting to talk to him and talk about them and what to do when the time comes. she wants to figure this out as best she can.

but james doesn't, and he still never comes.

mary poured everything left in her that she could muster in that letter. she profusely apologized for everything, for things that weren't even her fault to begin with. she told james that she loved him in that letter, because she couldn't say it to him to his face any longer. she didn't know if she would have any time left to do such.

but she does. and however long later, he kills her.

mary isn't a perfect victim, nobody that's a victim in sh2 is supposed to be. but she is still an individual that deserves compassion nonetheless, and i think the game does its due diligence in getting that across.

PART FOUR: MARIA

i think have to at least touch upon maria a bit if you're writing a post about mary. i think that's just the way it is.

maria, as we know, is a manifestation created by silent hill as a means to confront/interrogate/"punish" james by emulating mary but with very... choice character design changes.

she's clad in leopard print and a cropped red blouse. she's a dancer at heaven's night. she has bleach blonde hair with the roots peeking in. her face is all done up. she still extroverted, but far more provocative and alluring. she's a fantasy; something unattainable.

but she could be yours in whatever way you want her to be!

maria is utterly fascinating as an interrogation of james' character, but also as a reflection of mary, too. in born from a wish, she expresses her fear of pain and death, of being alone in town with no one else around, while also toiling with suicidal ideation. (sound familiar?) she seeks out companionship in whatever form it takes, and jumps on it when she does find it in ernest.

how much of mary is maria has always been up for debate and forever will be, but i think a lot of mary lives within her. the obvious, being the memories that she has of laura and the video tape left in the lakeview hotel, her hot and cold behavior with james, but also in the existential misery she feels in born from a wish. that desire to die to escape the pain of feeling alone, but also wanting to be with somebody else more than anything, and how death would undoubtedly take that away.

i also think her dyed hair isn't even hers; mary had that haircut and dye job when she first met james at that house party all those years ago.

i think maria's standing as a sentient individual is true, but in the sense that she is the combination of both mary and james' baggage made sentient. she never truly existed for herself, as her own person. she'll always have a little bit of someone else in her, someone she doesn't even really know, and that's... utterly tragic.

i think she realized this too when she points that gun to her head. but she chose james anyways out of that same desire for companionship. maybe she could be his new mary. maybe she could be better than mary. it's truly all so fuck.

PART FIVE: CONCLUSION

mary is the reason why sh2 happens for james. full stop. you cannot have sh2 without mary. there is a foundation laid for you to examine and explore. she is as infinitely fascinating as james is, if not more so. join me.

this post is sprawling and probably a bit confused at times because i wrote it on a whim, but i HOPE that i was able to get across the larger ideas of why i love mary as a character and who she could've been before her illness and death. i didn't touch upon everything i possibly could (mary and laura's relationship deserves its own post, i think), but this post is already long enough. i'll edit it in the future, undoubtedly.

thank you so much for reading all the way. listen to her final letter and cry with me.

[theghostbunnie]

Guys do you remember when I made a whole post about how David's care for the camp over the seasons went from being about the legacy to attachment to the actual campers themselves instead do you remember that guys

⚠️Spoilers for new episode ahead ⚠️

All of the campers are assholes in varying ways they ALL rag oh each other I've been saying this for forever but they all still have a baseline of being friends and this is showcased well in the butterfinger effect by Max specifically he refers to all of them as his friends. Yes not all of the campers are BEST friends, obviously, some of them even having a distinct annoyance with each other (Max and Ered specifically) but they all still have a FONDNESS for each other regardless

Neil and Nikki have been bullied before, as brought up in the episode the flower scouts are introduced and the one Jeremy is introduced. They have a history of not only being outcasts and not included (like 90% of the campers there) but being OUTRIGHT DISLIKED. This is why in foreign exchange campers they both have a PANIC over the thought Max is replacing them bc he's most likely their very first friend!!!

I don't believe Max has been bullied before as he just distances himself from people. He creates walls. He's experienced loneliness more. (To protect himself bc he "finally had something to lose" in the camp corp episode he calls them temporary to their faces and Neil blinks away a tear. He obviously was emotionally attached to them but didn't want to admit it or get emotional and instead denied it so it would hurt less for himself not caring in the moment if it hurt them)

and that is really reiterated this whole episode. While Nikki and Neil are the ones panicking way more over being hated in the first half (Max even telling them at one point they shouldn't care) Max is the one upset more in the SECOND half at the thought of not seeing them again.

The "I'm not sad I'm livid" IS SO MAX SO MANY PPL MISCHARACTERIZE HIM AS A CRYBABYYY NOOOO HE'S PISSSEDDD, HIS FIRST RESPONSE TO THINGS HE CAN'T EMOTIONALLY HANDLE WELL IS TO BE MADDDD OR RUDE OR IN DENIAL okay sorry back on track

This episode and the camp corp episode really really reiterate it is not camp campbell itself that makes the place great. It's the people. The people are the heart of it. Things got better when they brought themselves together. To help David with the bonfire because Max cared about David's emotional wellbeing not hitting the ground floor. To help raise money to save the camp from shutting down. To give up spending the rest of the summer doing their individual hobbies they got SCAMMED OUT OF and instead spend time WITH EACH OTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Neil saying goodbye to David and basically saying for a science camp that basically didn't have any fucking science it sure was great.

Gwen saying THANKS FOR NOTHING CAMP CAMPBELL 🖕 and then immediately after saying "and thank you for everything, David"

CAMP CAMPBELL ISN'T ABOUT THE CAMP IT'S ABOUT THE PEOPLE IN IT

Why else would Max still be okay if the place physically burnt down? BC He'd be HAPPY TO DO IT WITH HIS FRIENDS. HE LOVES MAKING PLANS AND AND SCHEMES AND CAUSING CHAOS, WHAT HE LOVED FROM THE VERY FIRST SEASON NEVER CHANGED. HE JUST FIGURED OUT HOW TO LET HIMSELF BE OPEN TO CARING ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE NOT NATURE OR A HOBBY.

He's mad he finally let himself care, that he let that wall down in the camp corp episode, that he grew attached to Nikki and Neil and even admitted it to them later and now it was all being "taken away from him." For a moment he thinks it would've been better to have never known happiness and friendship at all then to have known it and lost it. """You'll maybe be happy again at some point, kid ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯""" that's what he thinks he's being told and of course he's mad as hell over it until David and him have a heart to heart.

Max didn't want to leave, Max learned to love being at camp, BECAUSE OF THE FRIENDS THERE!

[sentientsky]

Crowley + Attachment Style

I was talking to @actual-changeling the other day about attachment styles, and they confirmed my idea that Crowley is, contrary to popular belief, not someone with an anxious attachment style. Rather, like Aziraphale, he exhibits signs of a fearful-avoidant/disorganized attachment style (just in a slightly different and less obvious way). I’ve had this draft kicking around since September (??? October?? time is an illusion), so enjoy my silly (not-so-little) ramblings. TW // discussion of child abuse (not explicit) Okay, I've seen a couple of discussions surrounding this (cue me doing a frantic, sleep-deprived Tumblr Literature Review approx. five minutes ago), so this is just me tossing two pennies into a fountain, shrugging, and walking away. I totally see how Crowley could be interpreted as having an anxious attachment style. At the same time, as someone with a fearful-avoidant/disorganized attachment style (thanks, dad! <3), I believe there's space to explore that as a possibility.

My credentials, you ask?? Decades of trauma and an intimate knowledge of what it's like to have a disorganized attachment style (I'm WORKING ON IT, okay?? lol). Also a fuckton of research. All sources will be linked because I am a professional (&lt;- LYING). Okay, so let's do a quick crash course on attachment theory as a concept itself, and then shift into manifestations of disorganized attachment style (I'm going to call it "DAS" for short bc I'm tired). I'm doing this as a formality, because let's be honest. Would you be in this fandom without having had experienced at least some measure of childhood trauma? What is Attachment Theory? (source) "Attachment theory, in developmental psychology, [is] the theory that humans are born with a need to form a close emotional bond with a caregiver and that such a bond will develop during the first six months of a child’s life if the caregiver is appropriately responsive." There are a variety of attachment styles, each of which differently predicts how an individual will react in interpersonal situations according to how they were raised. While there are, obviously, further nuances to this, a core group of four feature most prominently:

Let's go deeper. What does it mean to have a DAS? In short, a DAS (also known as "fearful-avoidant attachment style") often comes about as a result of childhood abuse. The child relies upon the caregiver to ensure their (the child's) survival. However, when the parent is abusive (physically, emotionally, verbally, etc.), this obviously poses a threat to the wellbeing of the child. So they develop this deep-rooted sense of distrust and fear. It helps me to think of it as a flame: you want to be warmed by the heat of the fire, but if you get too close, you'll get burnt. Consequently, you're trapped in this wavering "too close", "too far" situation. One of the best explanations I've read with regards to DAS is from this source:

Separation and abandonment (though most likely to produce an organized form of attachment, such as anxious or avoidant) can lead to the establishment of a DAS:

(source) After experiencing abuse and abandonment in Heaven, and again as a Fallen angel, Crowley has, like Aziraphale, been exposed to conditions that would create this particular attachment style (for a further explanation of Aziraphale's DAS, see this post). However, as I mentioned in the above linked post,

In contrast, Crowley has a more nuanced, consequentialist view of morality. Having Fallen, having intimately known the depths of what both Heaven and Hell are capable of (e.g., his time in Hell post-1827), he isn't living with this unpredictable "parent"--he solidly understands that the existing system is fundamentally wrong.

At times, he does experience what appears to be ambivalence (or, more likely, a sense of deep-rooted loss and abandonment):

However, the Final Fifteen emphasizes that this lingering mindset is overridden by the acknowledgment of an innately harmful structure:

Having established this, what does Crowley's DAS look like + how does it differ from Aziraphale's? Well, in my research, I would posit "compulsive caregiving" plays a role. Compulsive Caregiving What is "compulsive caregiving"? It's a form of DAS that emerges as a result of specific developmental conditions. Having their needs (or QUESTIONS) ignored or else punished by a caregiver, a child may learn to "never ask for anything", and instead care for others, often sacrificing their own wellbeing/needs for the sake of the other party (see further explanations below).

(Sources: 1, 2, 3, 4)

Here, we can see how Crowley might fall into the category of "compulsive care-giving". Both he and Azi try to protect each other to a severe degree, but Crowley's compulsivity might be a bit more apparent in this regard. He's learned not to ask for the things he wants (avoidant manifestation), but he also feels a desperate need to prove himself and protect Aziraphale through compulsive caregiving (anxious manifestation). It's only with his back pressed against the figurative wall in the Final Fifteen (or on the brink of Armageddon in season 1) that he is able to say it plainly. The Push-And-Pull of DAS As has been discussed so many times previously, this idea of ambivalence also features prominently in the relationship between Crowley and Aziraphale themselves. There's a constant push-and-pull in their dynamic, as evidenced below: Aziraphale refers to him as a friend, he compliments him, exists in close quarters with him, etc...

But he also pushes Crowley away and consistently reiterates the categorical black-and-white thinking of Heaven/Hell.

[Disclaimer: I acknowledge that this wavering attitude, while infuriating and unfair to Crowley, is also largely as a result of religious trauma; Aziraphale needs some serious therapy. As we see exhibited throughout the Final Fifteen, Aziraphale still believes that Heaven is, fundamentally, good (or at least holds the capacity to become good). This doesn't negate the fact that he loves Crowley, but it does impact the way he views the two of them and their relationship, causing a significant strain and eventual break in their bond].

So we have the root, we have the manifestations within the other party, but how does this DAS figure within Crowley's character itself? Manifestations of DAS in Adulthood

Speaking from personal experience, DAS can manifest in adult life in several ways. In the present day, I tend to (But not always! I'm getting better, lol) attach myself to people who are touch-and-go; who variously show me affection and disinterest (*cough cough* my ex-bsf). Often, when I felt like the other person was pulling away/withdrawing, I would also pull away. Because my caregivers flipped between rage and calm, venom-spitting hatred and comforting affection very, very quickly and very, very easily, I had to constantly be on edge, anticipating my next move and ready to go into resolution/fawning mode ("compulsive caretaking") at the drop of a hat. And that notion of push-and-pull, "never really knowing where you stand" is what I grew up thinking of as love. This pulling away in the face of perceived rejection can also point to issues with self-esteem...

SIDEBAR: CROWLEY AND SELF-ESTEEM The way Crowley is written with regards to his trauma responses is so interesting and also so real to me. We have this entity who has spent the better part of six thousand years (likely more, because we don't have a definitive timeline for the Fall) believing he is so thoroughly and utterly unwanted as to be pushed to the underbelly of the Universe, hidden away amongst sulphur and agony and absence.

Speaking as someone with ah...childhood...uh. issues (sure, let's call it that. why not?), after being told that you are disgusting, horrible, unworthy, etc. so many times, you begin to believe it. And because, as children, we're forced to rely on primary caregivers, often the only way to maintain that connection lies in the internalization of that unworthiness, to the point where it's difficult to separate you from these ideas of worthlessness. And because you've experienced it so consistently throughout your life, you also come to anticipate rejection; you look for it everywhere, feeling as though it's right around the corner. Therefore, to kind of pre-emptively avoid emotional harm (or because you feel unworthy of asking for more or for reassurance), you cauterize the figurative wound and pull away. We'll come back to this idea in a couple moments! Returning to the main point, let's look at these markers of a DAS more broadly:

(source)

Let's go through each of these, step-by-step. Again, remember, not all of these symptoms have to be present all of the time. These are the ones I see most prominently in Crowley (of course, please, please, please feel free to correct me or build on this! i'm in NO way an expert).

"You find it difficult to open up to others" + "You tend to keep conversations on the surface level because it's uncomfortable to be vulnerable"

"You have a negative self-view of both yourself and others" (mostly himself, in this case!)

"You often dissociate from your emotions" + "You withdraw when you feel vulnerable or emotional" For this one, I'm just going to invite you to read Alex's post here. They phrase it better than I ever could, lol.

SIDEBAR #2: Withdrawal + Good Omens Lockdown @yowlthinks also made an excellent point regarding something i said here. In the Good Omens Lockdown audio clip, we notice Crowley pushing the boundary line, forthrightly offering to come over to the bookshop and stay for a while at the height of the pandemic (see below):

When Aziraphale outright rejects him, Crowley recoils and quickly says goodbye, intending to set his alarm for July. Here, we see the way in which disorganized attachment operates as a fusion of both anxious and avoidant behaviours; despite wanting to be close, he pulls back immediately and (presumably) resolves not to discuss the fact that he lost his flat and is now sleeping in his Bentley. (As my former philosophy professors have tried to impress upon me so many times,) It's important we consider alternative explanations. It could be possible that this is just him respecting Aziraphale's boundaries and returning to practices that seek to remedy the whole "you go too fast for me" issue. However, this kind of behaviour occurs time and time again, establishing a pattern that goes beyond simply protecting Azi's boundaries, and may index a desire to keep himself safe through emotional avoidance. "You have a hard time self-soothing your emotions" [insert lightning scene here]. He's trying, you guys. He's trying so hard, but it's difficult (and i'd genuinely like to get a scene in s3 where he's allowed to be well and truly angry. no, i'm totally not projecting, why do you ask? what are u, a cop???)! It seems that he turns to repression in the absence of actual emotional processing or soothing (until it comes out all at once, in the case of the lightning). This makes sense, as well, considering there have been very few instances in which he's been truly comforted or soothed by others. Not having comfort modelled to him, combined with his pre-existing low self-esteem helps to illuminate why he turns to repression opposed to taking time to care for himself, etc. Broader Implications + S3 Speculation Alright, we're almost done, I promise! So we've established (or at the very least, put forth an argument for) disorganized attachment in Anthony Janthony Crowley. What does this mean in the context of where we left things off at the end of S2? From my perspective, it means that what happened was completely in-character for both of them. Aziraphale's DAS manifests in more of the traditional, hot-and-cold fearful-avoidance. For Crowley, his caretaking compulsivity finally snapped in the Final Fifteen; Heaven is one place he cannot follow, and exhausted, he walks away (only to stand out on the street, further pointing to the anxious/avoidant duality). I would argue that there was no trick, nothing in the coffee, no coded messages, etc. Rather, like humans, they are both shaped by their trauma and responded in accordance with this. (@actual-changeling has some excellent metas where they further expand on the idea that there was no trick involved in the final fifteen: x. this meta too!: x. massive credit to them, as always hehe)

What about in S3? Speaking from personal experience (because the surrounding literature wasn't super helpful haha), a disorganized attachment style must be unlearned, with a few key factors at play: Since DAS is grounded in formative experiences of volatility, the survival of the individual has to be decoupled from the preservation of connection (with family members, partners, friends, etc.); more specifically, your worth and ability to persist is not dependent on maintaining connection with another. This is incredibly difficult to unlearn when you've experienced it for a couple decades, let alone so many thousands of years. t h e r a p y (pls neil, i need an episode where it’s just Crowley going to see a psychiatrist and he breaks down crying and it’s like “oh yeah. that was really fucked up what happened to me”. again. totally not projecting! <- as always, don’t actually send stuff like this to Neil). Okay, finally. We're at the end. I apologize for the sheer length of this analysis. I had to cut it off here, because the original was going to be wayyyyy longer with more discussion/analysis/etc. However. I am TIRED. So here you go! ✨TaH DaH! ✨ (please don't yell at me ajsdlasjkd. i love azi and crowley both so much and this is just my own interpretation/opinion as someone with a disorganized attachment style lol)

[not-a-perfect-metaphor]

Hi, I've been a fan of J2 for some time now but I've never come across the tin hat fandom (do I call it correctly?) before (i always adored their interactions but never actually considered that they could have an actual romantic relationship that's not just in my mind haha) and I'm intrigued now. Could you please point me in the direction of some masterposts about them? Would love to read more about it! & also about their wives and kids bc I don't quite understand how it would be possible for them to maintain a beard-marriage for so long and also to have kids (??)

Sorry if this was really messy but it's 1am and English is my 2nd language so I'm not exactly capable of forming grammatically correct sentences🙈

Hi, there! 😊❤️

And welcome!

You’re about to start a wild ride into the heart of this decade point five romance between Jared and Jensen that will absolutely have you supergluing your tinhat onto your head just like the rest of us (as is always the case when anyone decides to really delve deeply enough into what’s been going on between the Js ever since their paths merged so many years ago).

A great starting place is going to be Speak the Truth, the site I’ve linked above, which pretty extensively covers 2005-2013, although there’s a lot of reading involved in that, so for some more condensed summaries, I’ll include links to a few of my past posts outlining a lot of my own observations on key elements of the Js’ relationship.

But first, I’ve also added timelines for a couple of additional years (2016 and 2017) on my page:

I’ll be adding 2018 fairly soon, and 2019-2023 (plus 2014 and 2015, very important years) will all be here as well as soon as I can finish them.

Here’s a post where I go over quite a bit of my own tinhat journey:

And here’s another summary-type post with some good examples to look into:

I could probably turn this post into a nightmare of far too many links lol, so I’ll cut myself off here, but I’m so glad that you reached out, and I’m ALWAYS happy to chat (in excruciating detail 😜) about anything you may wonder about or want to clarify or have questions about…anything at all.

So message me whenever you like, or send asks, either way.

And I wish you all the best, my friend!

———

Edit: here’s one last link focusing more heavily on the kids/parenting stuff!

[birdmitosis]

Keep seeing your analysis-ish posts in the tags and man. I wish I could make coherent posts about this game like that but whenever I try it just comes out like this

misery

also I see you are a voices enjoyer so I am obligated to ask what you think about voice of the contrarian bc he is my fav (he just like me fr we are best friends we are going to go get waffles together)

Aaahhhh, ironically my brain has been MUSH and so I didn't respond to this right away, but it's been giving me fuzzy feelings for days ;-; It is so kind of you to say... My analysis stuff is mostly me rambling and trying to sort out my own thoughts, LOL, so I'm glad it's at all coherent! I constantly feel like I'm in a state of

over this game, at least, so I get it. As for Voice of the Contrarian, I absolutely adore that voice! He's not my top fave but he's easily in my Top 3. I love him so much in The Stranger chapter and especially if you get her first and get any variation of the "Strange Beginnings" endings; I love his development and the quietly positive relationship he develops with Voice of the Hero, with the Stranger, and even in some ways with the Narrator. I love the way he tries to defend the Long Quiet in the "A new and unending dawn, and everyone hates you" endings! I love him in The Razor and The Moment of Clarity paths, I adore him in The Fury chapter... The only chapter he even mildly annoys me in is The Wild, and I think that's just because my first experience with that was the one with Opportunist and Paranoid and there was something so... emotional in that experience, and Contrarian really doesn't want to let you just sit with that emotion. That's not really a bad thing, though, not inherently, and it also says a lot about his character at that point in the game! (Honestly, my one quibble with the game is that since he says in the "Strange Beginnings" version of the endings that he's been at the cabin since you left him there, I honestly wish it became impossible to get any route he appears in if you get the Stranger first. That might be annoying and even a little unfair; I'm sure that in practice I wouldn't like being entirely locked out of The Razor and The Moment of Clarity if I went with The Stranger for my first vessel. But it'd make that part make a bit more sense, right? Then again, if you say to Hero "I thought you died whenever I looked in the mirror," he says:

"I don't think that's wrong, but I'm not sure it's right either. ... There's still a piece of me nestled close to where it all began. I can take you there... I can take you to her heart." Which I... think might imply that while the voices are all broken-off shards of you, they're also in pieces across each chapter you do? Which has some fascinating implications and does make Contrarian's thing work better. He is also still "where it all began," where Hero takes you.) ANYWAY that was some rambling about non-Contrarian things, or at least not strictly Contrarian things. Suffice to say that I really, really love that character; I think that in a situation where the other voices are learning to be individual people especially he could be really supportive and helpful there, because he has possibly the biggest personal arc of any character in the entire game. And I love that for him. (I also ship him hard with Voice of the Hero, and have a bunch of other more minor ships with him, including Contrarian/Hero/Narrator a little? SO YEAH THAT TOO.)

[front-facing-pokemon]

Type null is my best fucking friend. Its a sweet little angel puppy baby sweet thing the size of a horse and i love it so much. Sniffles. I want to feed it tasty treat from the palm of my hand

i've been seeing this sentiment from a lot of folks. honestly i can see it now, after everyone's talked about it like this—it really is just a weird fucked up dog thing that loves to eat floppy disks. and honestly, aren't we all?

take some more asks now i cast curse of asks

???

that's two asks excited for dhelmise now..! not a pokémon i imagined a lot of people would enjoy but holy shit have i been proven wrong so many times by now

y. yeah. you're kinda right. i should probably be a little more positive about pokémon. i always end up looking back on my commentary when pokémon get posted and being like "wtf was i so negative for" and i think it's because i queue these guys up so early in the morning. literally it's one of the first things i do during the day and i guess that lends itself to me being generally pissy and not wanting to do anything. bc i just woke up syndrome. i hope that's it and that i'm not just a generally negative individual

Babies:

now. i have to let you guys know that before you see this next ask, it is perhaps one of the most unfortunate things that anyone has ever said in my ask box. ok? like genuinely i'm giving you a disclaimer here. it is gross and if you believe it will change how you feel about pyukumuku. that's a genuine disclaimer and warning. i wish i could put this under a second cut, but here

this really sucks. the concept of this sucks. i have to HOPE that this is not true and that this isn't what tpc was going for or whoever designed this. lemme just google this real quick to see if it's EVEN true

okay now that i've done a bit of reading, i have to provide a solid HUH??? their intestines are CONNECTED to the anus how the mother fuck do you expect me to believe they're BLASTING their intestines out of their ass. for what purpose??? why would they do that?? i can see on wikipedia that they breathe through their anus, and fine, whatever, but it doesn't say anything about them just casting intestine beam on the nearest predator. i'm going to choose to believe that this is just a rumor about pyukumuku and leave it at that

[unorcadox]

UNORCADOX

howdy, i'm mabel! it's the 3 year anniversary of unorcadox today, so i've prepared a decent bit of surprises. (and yes that means i started this blog in 2020, which is terrifying to think about.) i'll go into those new things under the cut, but first... check out the carrd linked in the header text of this post :3c

sooo soo so so so where on earth do i begin. uhh honestly let me just break down the new stuff first since i can talk about that more easily.

THE NEW LOOK! ok so like truth be told, i've been a faceless blog on purpose up until now. it wasn't until this summer where i actually liked how i looked or had any solid sense of my own aesthetic or what i wanted to look like. it also made it easier to protect against dysphoria and transphobes in the same breath, as no one could ever comment on any aspect of my appearance, or even the mere suggestion i even had one to begin with! but that all changes now, i'm going to actually have a presence on this blog, as it is MY blog and tbh i'm tired of being so faceless on here. that's why i've been doing more asks and non-edit posts recently, and those will increase in frequency. check out the carrd for more info, my sona's ref, and art credits for assets on here <3

mondays -> MUSIC MONDAYS! so it might come as a shock i'm actually a musician in addition to making stuff on here! i've promoted my music a couple of times by now, but nothing all that substantial. sooo, considering that, i'm going to be replacing monday oc posts with a music post! just a link to a song on my bandcamp and a little description about it. i don't really care if these perform particularly well, but i want to give people a chance to actually hear it without having to deep dive through my entire internet history to get it. i also will be releasing more soon-- whether via compilations of older work or new stuff altogether :3

MORE IN THE FUTURE! i have a couple other ideas up my sleeve, we'll see how they pan out but i wanna keep trying new possibilities on here. i think at this point i've proven my consistency, and it's about time i let myself have a little fun and explore my options. these will be announced individually but probably added here over time as this is the new pinned post lol.

----- ----- -----

ok so anyways, i do wanna have the mandatory sappy segment because of course i do. i want to say a couple of things but i'll split them into bullet points again bc yeah i do that.

this year has been really good for me and the blog, in most ways it's been the straight up best year of my life uncontested. not everything has gone perfectly, i had other plans that fell through, but hey that's just how life goes huh. at one point, i was easily projected to hit 20k by the end of the year, and now i'll be happy if i hit 17k lol. tumblr has not been that kind to my blog's growth this year and it's making me consider other options in the future, but everything's so scary rn i don't wanna commit to anything.

as for the blog itself, i've kinda been in a weird spot with it for a while. i've been scraping by on here intermittently for the entire year on and off, and i might have some ways to help keep me on top of the ball during the next year, but i also do wonder how long i can really keep doing this, and how long people will still like weirdcore and my work in particular. i've been considering branching out in terms of my presentation, or format, or style, but i feel incredibly weird about doing so.

in my personal life, this is the year i finally started transitioning and seeking treatment for my most pressing issues. i've finally started dating the love of my life, my best friend of 10 years, and despite some interpersonal turmoil all around me, i think i'm finally finding safe ground and knowing what i wanna do next. i don't really talk about it on here because i'm very private about it, but i've been kinda slowly becoming like a Real Adult Person this year. i didn't really have much of a chance to prior and i still am struggling a lot, but hey i know what i want now!

it's really silly to say but this blog still means a lot to me! it's seen me through the craziest times in my entire life, it's brought me so much perspective and knowledge and opportunities i wouldn't've had otherwise. i wake up every day and go on here and never stop feeling starstruck that people chose to follow me. i know tumblr success means nothing but to me it's the only community i've ever actually belonged to, so thank you all.

ok so like i really just don't have much else to say anymore, so i think i'll end it there! thank you all again, i can't wait for year 4 as it's going to definitely be a crazy one lol. let's hope it's a good one too!

[astroninaaa]

hi thanks for your explainer posts on the legal stuff, they're super interesting! i'm currently studying for the exam you have to take to get into US law schools (since theyre graduate programs here unlike in most places where law is an undergraduate degree) so its really interesting to learn a bit about how the law functions differently in other places!

one thing i'm curious about -- when i first saw the info about cellbit being able to get the twitter info for these accounts, i assumed that he wasn't actually going to go through with suing ALL of them, and it would be more likely that most of them would simply get some sort of cease-and-desist letter instead, with maybe just a couple having full legal processes to use them as examples. However, I saw people on twitter saying that the process is actually a lot more simple than i had assumed and also takes place mostly online, so suing all of them would actually be more realistic than it sounds. do you know anything about that? how likely do you think it is that he actually sues all of these people (and also the other batches of accounts that probably just aren't public yet that hes also gonna go after later lol)

hi anon!!! good luck on your exam, i really really hope you get in!!!! law is So Cool.

yes it is a LOT more simple than that. he wouldn’t need to sue them individually, and in brazil nowadays we do a LOT if not almost all of court/lawsuit work through the internet. mediation meetings are done through zoom. oral sustentation as well. it’s preeeetty chill

if he wants to, i’m absolutely sure he can sue all of them at once pretty easily. it depends on what his strategy is tho. i think sending cease-and-desist letters could also be a good call and probably way easier than suing hundreds of people, because even tho it’s simpler than it sounds, it’s still fucking hard /lh

even tho the crimes committed are basically the same, the degree of fucked up shit said throughout the many accounts and tweets varies quite a bit, so even tho he could sue everyone in the same lawsuit, it would still be 😭😭😭 a MESS and the judge might think the situations are too different bc of that varying degree and ask him to do different lawsuits anyway. so, like, how worth it would it be?

i don’t know how likely it is for him to sue everyone because that depends on him and his lawyer and what they think will work best, but i think he did the most important bit already — which was getting twitter to delete all the tweets, which they already have (they actually turned in to court with all the proof that they deleted everything like, this week, iirc). if he wants to sue everyone, he can, but i think he also can just sue the worst ones and that’d be wayyy easier. there’s also the whole discussion on whether or not he can sue the foreigners. so while he technically could sue everyone, can he sue the non-brazilians? the judge still has to decide that

so yes like technically he can and if he really wants to drive home the point of “you’re not free of consequences for what you say on the internet” he def should, but i think it depends on his strategy here.

[nnnyxie]

SLIDES IN AND PROCEEDS TO KNOCK DOWN A SMALL SIDE TABLE AND A VASE HAAAAAAYYYYYYY BESTIIIEEEEEE !!! ヘ⁠(⁠￣⁠ω⁠￣⁠ヘ⁠) I come bearing my anticipated requests!!; if it be in your best interest, I would LOVE to see what concoction you bubble up in that cauldron of fascination we call a brain. It goes unsaid! — I love your writing. 🌷

(Insert New Yorker accent) Y'see, CJ.. i've had a hankering for some Peepaw Turtles (& Mama April if you can imagine it). (swirls cup in hand, sloshing the contents inside like some sophisticated taboo drink, some mystery liquid, but it's literally just cranberry juice)

I'm diggin' for the typical Found Family trope, all that jazz. Feel me? Platonic, of course! Who d'ya think I am? — Envision with me, CJ! (that one Buzz and Woody meme, you know the one)

Headcanons for 🥁🥁 :: A child reader! Adopted into the loving encompassing warmth that is the arms of the Hamato Clan? Each of them aged up as appropriate barely functioning adults, ✨thriving✨ in the happy ending that is Post-Kraang New York, everyone doing their own thing and most importantly they've got each other. THEN, oh, but THEN—

A kid comes along. That kid, cast-aside with nobody and nothing to their name (because apparently after a whole 🍑 war, we can't have EVERYTHING THAT'S NICE /lh /but also srs), timid and beaten by the world but still loves somethin' fierce with a heart of gold, is found one day by the respective member of the Clan! All of whom, individually, agree to take them in and watch them flourish from under their wing. At least until they can fly on their own. But even then, they'll still always be there for them. They never thought they'd have a kid Leo with the exception of Casey, and Don's Shelldon ofc I have respect on my main bot's name, but that's just life isn't it? It's full of surprises.

Whaddya say? You up to the plate? (affectionately and very gently slugs your chin, like a dad or smth PFT 😂💕)

𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙢𝙪𝙘𝙝 𝙪𝙥 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙚 !!

𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙞𝙨 𝙨𝙪𝙘𝙝 𝙖 𝙘𝙪𝙩𝙚 𝙧𝙚𝙦𝙪𝙚𝙨𝙩 ! 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧 𝙞𝙨 𝙖𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙙 10?? 𝙞𝙩 𝙞𝙨𝙣’𝙩 𝙤𝙪𝙩𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝

𝙑𝙀𝙍𝙔 𝙈𝙐𝘾𝙃 𝙋𝙇𝘼𝙏𝙊𝙉𝙄𝘾 (@ 𝙪 𝙬𝙚𝙞𝙧𝙙𝙤𝙨 𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚)

- idk if you have siblings but,, yk how they’ll playfully fight and say “mom/dad found you in the dumpster”?? well that was ACTUALLY the case for you. you were literally found in (near) a dumpster.

- i think april was the one to find you ofc !! she saw you were badly bruised and injured but still held out a fight against her bc you didn’t know her.

- eventually she gets you to calm down and leads you back to the lair. on your walk back she lets everyone know the situation

- when you walk into the lair with april, their hearts immediately drop bc,,, why is there a little kid out in the city alone???

- the first thing they do is take you to med bay to tend to your injuries. it hurts the turtles and april to see a little kid so injured.

- while they’re patching you up, april asks you what was going on and why you were alone. you explained to her that your parents were lost during the war and you had stayed at a foster home before running away bc your foster mom was a pos :(

- this made them feel very conflicted bc on one hand, you need to go back but on the other, you shouldn’t go back.

- they made sure you were asleep before bringing this topic up.

“we can’t just let them go back there… you heard what the kid said!” april exclaimed, her voice was cracking at the thought of what that woman did to you. “i know… i know. but what can we do? there’s obviously gonna be some sort of search or something.” donnie sighed into his hands. “what if we just like… kept them but legally.” leo suggested with a curious look. mikey tilted his head, “do you mean adopt them?” “ahah! that’s what it’s called!” leo snapped his fingers. raph told them they should discuss this in further detail before jumping straight to that.

- so after a very long discussion on what to do, they decide that adoption would be a good choice, but only if you wanted them to.

- when you woke up from your nap, they sat you down and spoke to you about it. you were extremely wary of them, being in the system was difficult and unsafe sometimes.

- you decided to say ‘f it all, if they kill me then at least i’ll go out with a full stomach’

- april is quick to start the process. she knew that she could adopt you. she has a stable income, a two bedroom place, and plenty of time to raise you well.

- once the forms and orders are properly processed, you’re officially released into her care.

- it’s the first time you’ve felt,,, safe since the loss of your parents at 6 yrs old.

- they protect you with their life, train you to defend yourself, and help you with your schoolwork (donnie mainly)

- they see how much potential you have and teach you the hamato clan’s ways.

- they see your burning passion for justice even though you’re so young.

- never would they have thought that a kid (besides casey) would effect them this much.

- they didn’t even expect to be raising a kid, especially all together. it was never in their itinerary. but that doesn’t mean they love you any less.

- you’re their world now and they need to protect you until you’re strong enough to take off on your own. they hoped it’d be long before that could happen.

- also when casey jr sees you he’s just like ‘ayo?! my older sib is a whole child now???’

- then upon hearing this, the clan now knew that no matter what were to have happened, they would’ve taken you in anyways.

𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙨𝙤 𝙨𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙬𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 <3

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

I don't know if you've read or watched Ouran High School Host Club, but the Leech twins ask makes me think of the Hitachiin twins. We learn Tamaki and Haruhi can tell the differences between them bc they actually like KNOW the twins well and pay attention to them. The same probably goes for the Leech twins! Someone who spends a lot of time with them like Azul and players can tell them apart but people who don't like Grim and Adeuce wouldn't be able to tell the difference. I hope that made sense!

[Referencing this post and this post!]

Oh, I think I know what you're talking about! I've only seen the anime, so I believe that's episodes 5 (Haruhi and the twins) and 20 (Tamaki and the twins). Now that you've mentioned it, I do see parallels between the relationship of the Leeches/Hitachiins and Azul/Tamaki. Their personalities aren't really that similar to one another, but it's interesting how it was both Azul and Tamaki who started their own "thing" (ie the business/the host club) that ended up bringing them and the twins together. In Azul's case, the Leeches first approached him because they found him interesting, but in Tamaki's case, he was the one to approach the Hitachiins and extend the offer to join his newly formed club. It reflects different levels of outgoingness in Azul and Tamaki's natures, as well as different motives behind their actions. The same also applies to the twins themselves; Jade and Floyd approached Azul because they wanted to be amused, and the Hitachiins agreed to join Tamaki's host club because he bested them at their own game (which was a hit to their pride; they had to keep the promise). Previously, all the Hitachiins had was their other twin. They are notably pictured alone and holding hands with one another, being untrustful and unkind to outsiders, using isolating terms like "us" and "them", and making intentional moves to keep others out of their lives (with their "Guess Which Twin is Which" game). We see much more subtle, open-to-interpretation implications of "only having the other brother" with Jade and Floyd, who have noted that they "chose" each other, but don't always relish in basking in solely their twin's company. It's clear that Jade and Floyd are the two who are more independent of one another, whereas the Hitachiins kind of come as a package.

If you think about it, while Azul's business ventures are what first attracted the twins to him, his initial attitude was more like the Hitachiins than like Tamaki's. Azul was the one shutting others out by acting in revenge, and he was the one who was distrustful of the people around him... yet it was only through the twins reaching out to him (albeit for selfish personal reasons) that allowed Azul to become as successful as he is, and that allowed him to grow from that crybaby octopus he once was. I'm delusional so/j I like to think that it's the little details like this that make Azul, Jade, and Floyd's relationship with one another that much more complex.

I think it's quite salient to note that Tamaki couldn't tell which twin was which right away. He screwed his guesses up many times before finally being able to tell which was Hikaru and which was Kaoru. It's only through observing others and continued exposure that he can really get a grasp on them as individuals, and I'd wager that the same goes for the characters in Twisted Wonderland. For example, Riddle always used to get Jade and Floyd mixed up. It is said that Jade gave him a hint to remember which twin was "Jade" (Jade's black hair stripe forms a "J"-like curve). However, I think it would make sense if a lot of this learning of discrimination comes from Riddle's own continued experiences with the twins. Jade is a classmate in his homeroom, while Floyd ambushes Riddle in random places (like the library) to bother him. Constantly being in their presence no doubt also played a part in helping Riddle distinguish between the two. This would also explain why Azul, who has known them since middle school, as well as other second years (whom the twins likely share classes with) and even third years (who have seen them around school) can tell them apart, whereas a lot of the fresh-faced characters like the first years and Grim cannot, especially when they first encounter Jade and Floyd.

[jewishconvertthings]

Do you have any advice on how to cope with antisemitism online? I’m really overwhelmed by the sheer amount of it, it’s just so much worse than I ever imagined. I also feel weird talking to jews by birth about it bc they had to deal with this for their whole lives while I’m first experiencing it as an adult. Still, it’s got to the point where it’s really affecting my mental health

Hi anon,

I'm going strongly encourage you to do a few things:

Take a step back. No one benefits from you stressing yourself out to the point of it affecting your mental health in a significant way. Find someone you trust to keep you up-to-date on anything that actually has a bearing on your immediate safety, and otherwise block it out. Set a specific amount of time within which you are going to avoid looking up news or reading articles or posts about antisemitism. This isn't even my suggestion: I learned this from a rebbetzin who had her husband keep her informed of any immediate safety issues but otherwise intentionally stepped back from secular news and social media entirely for a full year during 2020. She said it was one of the best choices she made, because she was stronger and ready to deal with it when she started tuning in again. You don't necessarily need to take it to that extreme, but taking a step back can really help.

Take comfort in your immediate community, and be intentional about seeking out the company and companionship of other Jews. We have so much strength together, and it helps get you out of your own head. It also really helps to remind yourself of all the people, communities, traditions and culture that you love and are why you're here. Be intentional in finding joy in the Jewish life you are building.

Take solace in the fact that Am Yisrael Chai: the People Israel Live. The Jewish people has survived persecution and unrelenting horrors since practically the beginning, and we're still here. You are part of or joining something eternal and indomitable - a people that many have tried to break or destroy in a multitude of ways, and it has never worked. Never. The persecution is unlikely to end, and yet we will outlast them. We always do.

Think about the best possible outcome: that we will receive peace and justice speedily and in our days, and you will be there to share the simcha. Now consider the worst possible outcome: our persecution will increase to the point where we have to flee for our lives, and many of us don't make it; perhaps you survive alone, or perhaps you don't. Now consider the most likely outcome: things continue much the way they have, with fluctuations that come from the ebb and flow of politics. You stick with our people in our joy and sorrow, in terror and in peace. We survive and our Judaism is passed l'dor v'dor. Now. Even in that worst case scenario, history says that some of us will still make it. Judaism and the Jewish people will continue and rebuild. Your name is forever tied to ours, your fate a collective one that is greater than your individual life or mine. And that is something that will survive.

Remember that you don't have to personally end antisemitism. I know that sounds obvious? But part of the overwhelm that comes from the burden of oppression is feeling like you are individually responsible for solving it. You are not. In the words of Rabbi Tarfon, "Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.”

Anon, I hope this helps. You are not alone. B'ezrat Hashem you find some comfort here and with your community, and may we all merit to see the day when the hard work of generations comes to fruition in peace and justice.