#because I am OBSESSED and it doesn't seem to be fading

[all-purpose-dish-soap]

I don't think you understand

The mer price fic is absolute perfection.

Like I'm talking a literal masterpiece

This fic will stay engraved in my brain forever. You're an absolutely amazing writer. Thank you ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

anon, THANK you. i am actually thrilled to see other people enjoying mer Price and remora reader as much as i do. please please please let me brain dump more about Price taking remora reader back to his home reef to meet the rest of shark mer 141:

SOAP is enamored instantly because you're so fucking grabbable.

within moments of seeing you peek out from behind Price's tail, he darts around and snatches you up with greedy hands. you're so small!! so tiny and cute when you squirm. and you make noises. 

he handles you like a toy until Price barks at him to cut it out. he does (and Price makes him promise not to be so rough with you; you're fragile, he claims) but Soap is incorrigible.

he follows you for days afterward. just obsessed. he loves chasing your silver tail as you dart around the reef, trying to hide from him. when he catches up to you, you have little choice but to give in and let him manhandle you. he certainly toes the line of whatever Price meant when he said no rough play, you little shit, i mean it.

he pushes the limits of your docile nature. when you do eventually reach the end of your patience and dart out of his hands just to get a break from his grabby claws, guess what? you've triggered his prey drive and he gives chase. he catches you, of course, and then before he can stop himself, he bites you.

your squeal brings Price out into the open instantly and Soap gets an earful again. he grins at you the whole time as you hide over Price's shoulder.

after that, Soap gets a little craftier about it. he eases up just enough to figure out exactly how playful (rough) he can be before you can't take any more. he learns how to stop just shy of making you shriek again. Price is aware, but he's a little too indulgent to stop it. he's happy to let Soap have his fun as long as he doesn't break you. you just have to suck it up. that indulgent nature is how you ended up with Price in the first place, after all.

goes without saying, but Soap is the first one to use you as a sex toy.

GHOST seems to take zero interest in you at first. you're not the sharpest urchin in the tide pool, are you? you can't be if you're here willingly. he figures you won't stick around long, and if you do, you won't stay intact.

you attempt to take up grooming his skin and tail and teeth as you do with the others. he moves away from you without a word, lashing his scarred tail to re-settle himself several feet away.

if you follow and try to groom him again, you earn a deep growl.

you dart off the moment he voices that rumbling displeasure. he notes your skittishness around him and uses it to make you leave him alone.

you, however, have a job to do. you won't be scared off that easily.

after he chases you off that way a few times, you begin to find him and simply sit near him. mirroring him. no big deal. instead of grooming him, you use the time to groom yourself. can't keep everyone else clean if you're grimy, after all.

he notices you and growls to warn you off again. you pretend not to hear.

he flicks his tail in irritation, considers cuffing you over the head to teach you a lesson, but you're too far away to reach without kicking his whole big self up into the water to move several feet. so he elects instead to turn over and ignore you. you keep this up for several days. you sit a little closer every time.

one day, you finish cleaning your own tail fin and casually begin to clean his. he growls. you pause. when he stops and does nothing further, you resume your work. he growls again, and you continue grooming him as if you don't hear him. he keeps growling, but once you begin to run your claws over a stubborn patch of skin to dislodge some stuck grit that's been bothering him, his growling fades into grumbling. and then silence. he lets you keep at it. victory.

this becomes a habit. you seek him out (never the other way around) and typically find him lazing on the floor of some cave or sunning in the reef's shallows. you set to work grooming him thoroughly. all business. he grumbles and growls occasionally when you move his arm or tug your fingers through his hair, but he never stops you.

one day, Soap comes looking for you and finds you in the middle of this little cleaning ritual. Soap nudges you away, insisting you instead let him chase you around the reef. but the moment your hands leave Ghost's rough skin and he hears you protest, he opens his eyes and snaps his teeth at Soap.

Soap pulls back (and so do you) until Ghost grasps your lil wrist and drags you back down wordlessly to where you were sitting and cleaning his shoulder.

Soap smirks at him. Ghost glares back.

"you got something to say, then say it."

"here i thought you were toleratin' it for her sake. seems i misjudged the situation."

"there is no situation."

"whatever you say."

Soap leaves with a flick of his tail. you're so pleased that, when you're finished grooming Ghost, you burrow yourself between his arms as he lays on his side. you nuzzle into his neck and bunt your head up against him, practically purring now that you know you've apparently won him over.

he grabs you, pretending to be disgruntled, but then instead of releasing you he crushes you against his chest again and settles in for a nap. no, you don't get to leave.

GAZ wonders what exactly is going on inside your head. it doesn't escape his notice that your """instincts""" seem to have you by the throat in this situation. but he suspects you're leaning a bit more into that whole brainless servant thing than you're letting on.

he's perfectly happy to let you groom him, flatter him, fetch him whatever baubles or snacks he'd like at the moment; he's perfectly polite to you, too. really likes it when you butter him up. tell him he's got the sharpest teeth and the strongest muscles and the fastest tail in the reef and he'll listen to you for hours, preening in the sunlight as you clean the grime off his fins.

plus, he praises you too, and you love that. that's why it takes you so long to notice he's watching you much more closely than anyone else is.

see, you've already disarmed Price. Soap sees you as a toy more than a fellow mer. Ghost cares more about finding the best places to lurk around than understanding the little mer that shares their reef now. it's fascinating--how you've successfully passed yourself off as a silly, stupid little fish. the more he watches you, analyzes you, the more he wonders what exactly you're getting out of this.

when you groom him each day, he asks you questions. casual ones. are you enjoying the reef? what games do you like to play? how fast can you swim? how many other mer have you met? are you eating enough? what's your favorite food?

it's enough to make you wary, but then, he seems harmless. you're honest with him. it pays off, because when you tell him how much you like the taste of those little brown seabirds that dip into the reef from time to time, you're shocked the next day to find one of those very seabirds sitting dead--neck cleanly snapped--just for you in the shallow alcove next to where Price sleeps (and you by extension).

you find Gaz that instant and insist it's too kind a gift; you can't accept it. what you can't tell him is that it's not a good idea for you to eat in front of them. you eat scraps, and you eat them where of them can see. that's the deal--obviously you do what you do for these four sharks in exchange for protection and ostensibly for food, but you need to avoid looking like you're taking more than your fair share. and to sharks, a species that is notoriously food-aggressive, your fair share must be vanishingly small.

he just smiles at you--so disarmingly that you flounder for a moment. somehow he convinces you to keep the kill.

he begins to turn up--looking amused but not surprised--when you steal scraps of food after the group has had its fill of a fresh kill. it makes you nervous for him to see you with food in hand (much less to watch you eat) but he scoffs at the idea of holding it against you. 

at some point, he begins to bring you fresh meat himself. this is-- it's unacceptable. you're supposed to be the one working while he rests. he's not allowed to give you that kind of comfort. if you're not earning your keep, after all, you don't have a place here. you push his gifts away, busying yourself with some other task. he insists. you decline.

"you're refusing me?" he asks, feigning surprise. "i thought that went against your instincts."

you fluster, ruffling up in what he assumes is a pout. he's trapped you in a catch-22. ultimately, you have to accept the stupid meat-gift because it's what he wants. you find this makes you more irritable than it should. he smirks at you, which serves to irritate you more.

he pulls you into his lap as you eat. and he thinks it's so cute the way you scowl the whole time.

from then on, whenever you act a little too stupid for his liking, he pries and pokes and prods until he draws out that other, haughtier side of you. he has a knack for frustrating you. he loves to sass you, and when you finally drop the act and sass him back, he falls a little bit more in love with you every time.

...

more mer au / masterlist tag

[pavosnoctua]

Please please please! Can I ask for yan!Neuvillette with dragoness!darling?? 🥺🥺

I like yandere!xYandere! Darling (I don't know why? I loved your Diluc x delusional reader)

Hello! Thank you for the wait!

Thank you!

cw: obsessive behaviors, possessive behaviors, general yandere warnings, abuse of power, afab reader, dub-con, fade to black, mentions of breeding, slight ooc, stockholm syndrome(?). the writer does not condone these actions, minors dni, mdni, yandere content, slight dead dove. if i am missing a tag, let me know!

Neuvilette is a...kind lover. In the sense he doesn't keep his darling trapped away in a luxurious home, and he allows you to go out and about, so long as you have some security detail with you. You are, after all, his lover and he wants to take the utmost care so you don't get hurt or get lost. You're just like him, in a sense, so of course he wants to keep you safe.

You tell yourself this every time - it's for your own good, for your own safety as you are like him. A dragon, a dragonness really, in human form but your eyes give you away and this makes you a target of nefarious people. Fontaine is full of crime, after all. Neuvilette is unafraid of using his status against you, spies everywhere. You can't escape unless you leave Fontaine, and you can't leave Fontaine because the world outside of the gilded cage of your home is dangerous and terrifying.

At least, that's what he told you. Look at how Fontaine is. Do you believe Sumeru, Natlan, or Mondstadt would be any better? You have me.

A dragon species is a rare species, hardly ever born - the details of it are lost to you and nobody explains it to you and Neuvilette seems to want to keep you from it. So, all you can do is rely on him.

He kisses you, softly, kindly, bringing you something he knows you'd love - his fingers running over your hips. He is a perfect lover, tender with you as he leads to your marital bed. Something happened in court today, something that set off his protective instincts.

Hunger is in his blue eyes as he kisses your lips until they're puffy from being licked and bit. Wet kisses press along your neck, hands rubbing at your thighs as he leaves red marks everywhere.

"You'll make a good mother," he groans as he grinds himself against you. If there's one thing that puts you both apart from the humans, it's how reproduction works. There's two penises and you're not sure you can take both or even just one, with how big he seems. "Gonna - make sure you never leave. I'll keep you and our child safe."

All you can do is lift your lips to help him remove your skirt - made up of highest and best quality.

"My beautiful mate." he groans as he pushes one dick inside of you, and you cry out. Neuvilette presses desperate kisses against your lips. "It's okay, my beloved." Your cunt clenches around him. "You were made for this."

You nod, weakly.

You are, you tell yourself. Neuvilette is a wonderful lover, he leaves you wanting for nothing. You are free to wandering Fontaine's streets so long as there is someone with you. You, one of the few rare dragons left in this world, just need the extra detail. And Neuvilette is making sure you're safe, you're happy, and the two of you are perfect mates. And the best you can do to repay this kindness is give him what he wants.

[httpsghostie]

Hi!!! I'm obsessed with your writing, especially all the Ghost stuff. YUM!! I was wondering if you'd be able to write an angsty and emotional blurb with DBF Ghost...Maybe they get into a fight or something

Favorite Regret

pt 1 / pt 2 / pt 3

took me a while to get to this but hope you enjoy it <3

any similarities with sleep token is a mere coincidence I am not responsible for this

Summary: Simon doesn't know how to handle love, so he pushes you away.

Word Count: 1k

Warnings: dbf!Simon 'Ghost' Riley x f!reader, angst/hurt, alcohol abuse, age gap (reader's in 20s and simon in his late 30s) // masterlist

Your story with Simon began a few months back when he returned from his duty and desperately – more like unconsciously, needed affection.

It happened, you were there, emotionally available for you dad’s best friend, it was wrong, he knew it, but Christ you were too good to be true.

Always there for him, dropping off work and studies only to take care of a fever he’d have, pampering him with lots of kisses, making him a warm cup of tea. He was never a physical touch kinda guy, but with you, the way you felt lying peacefully on his chest, he couldn’t help it, he became clingy, almost annoyingly clingy.

And he filled you with empty promises, painting a future for the two of you. He held you in his arms, he let you invade his personal space – which he then called our personal space. You were in fields of elation, but every color seemed to fade as he shut the doors to his heart again.

It’s almost like he determined you were no longer useful, you had given everything to him, you trusted him wholeheartedly, just for him to take it all from you and throw it in the bin.

You hated him, the image of the one you loved and cared for turning black and white as the entirety of your relationship turned meaningless. It’s like he gave you a whole beautiful horizon that stretched ahead in front of you, and then made it disappear from your view, leaving you standing at the edge of uncertainty.

He took what he wanted from you and left.

“You’re not getting it, this is never going to work, your dad doesn’t even know about us, he’ll kill me if he finds out. God, what have I done?” He had his back turned to you as he sat on the edge of the messy bed from your previous actions. You covered your bare chest with the blanket, your face getting red and hot.

“No, you don’t get it, Simon. I’m a fucking adult, and you are a childish, self centered idiot, can’t you see it? You just cared for me when you needed someone to be by your side, and now that you don’t need me anymore, you’re gonna throw what we had away because what? You said so?” You screamed back at him, eyes filled with hot tears that dared to roll down your cheeks.

“Call me what you want, I don’t care. This was a mistake.”

“A mistake? Is that what you’re gonna call me?” Your voice was shaky, and you tried your best to keep your cool. You dressed yourself quickly, still expecting an answer from him, but he just sat there, watching all the events unfold. “What is wrong with you?”

“You don’t wanna be with me, I can’t even stand myself, you deserve someone better.”

“Someone better?” You stood in front of him in denial, crossing your arms, but he never looked at you. “Did I just hear you right?” 

“I’ve made myself clear, kid. You should go.” He finally got up, and your eyes accompanied his emerging size. But he still never looked at you, he just walked up to the front door to his apartment and opened it. You slammed it closed, pointing a finger to his face.

“You listen to me-”

“No, you listen to me.” He grabbed the sides of your arms, holding you firmly. His teary eyes staring down into your soul. “Do you think this isn’t hard for me, either? You don’t understand, we can’t be together, I can’t disappoint your father like that, I can’t be with you. I should’ve never texted you in the first place.”

And the way he spoke made you inhale a familiar smell escaping from his lips. Whiskey.

“Simon, are you drunk?” You cried. 

“Go.” He finally let go of your arms, leaving your skin almost bruised.

You brushed your arms and headed to his kitchen, trying to find the bottle that was shoved in the trash can. You picked the empty whiskey bottle, noticing a discarded pack of cigarettes — empty, too, and smashed.

"You drank half a bottle?" You raised the object to your head, he looked down, rubbing his eyes. "Unbelievable."

"You're still young, you have a prosperous future ahead of you and I won't be the one to hold you back." He said quietly, fighting back the tears and the agonizing pain in his chest.

"God, you talk like you have a terminal disease." You scolded, leaving the bottle on the kitchen aisle and grabbing your stuff from the couch. "Maybe you do, Simon, maybe your terminal disease is not being able to accept love. Maybe your terminal disease is you becoming the one who you swore you'd never become."

It came out strained, and you didn't realize you were comparing him to his father until his hand gripped your wrist tightly. He looked deep into your eyes, and you could see how pissed he was.

"I'm not him. Get out." You pulled away and he opened the door one more time. 

You didn't comply, your eyes desperately tried to find the loving Simon you knew, the one who held you close in the night, the one who couldn't stand your cheesy movies but still watched them with you. But he wasn't there, the version you saw in front of you had killed the previous one. The Simon you knew was dead.

"Simon, I didn't-"

"Get out." 

Now he screamed, almost spitting out, his hot tears flooding his eyes and rolling down his red cheeks. 

He stood outside the apartment watching you clumsily press the buttons on the elevator, giving him one last glance before finally walking away.

A mistake. That's how he said it. This relationship was a mistake, and you were his favorite regret.

taglist: @butterbunana @snoisisabitch @nuhteyam @iamabsolutelynothere @blissful--moon @jellyluvr @khomugi @xaintxun @kichimiz @frog-spot @sasukeswife3 @aly0be

[poetry-protest-pornography]

Okay, let's talk about Ming, and how some people are talking about him like he's an irredeemable monster. (It's okay that you don't know anyone who was emotionally neglected and you have a decent relationship with your parents, but it's not okay to pretend your experience is universal and everyone else is garbage)

I know some of you remember my loud defense of Ray from Only Friends, and here I am again, to fight for the loveability of the character who doesn't know what to do with all their big feelings.

Ming's family, from what we see, is not a warm, loving place for him to learn emotional intelligence.

May is pretty great, but there is only so much an older sibling can do when your parents are physically or emotionally unavailable.

Ming's mom had only been seen trying to control Ming's life, marry him off to a woman, and insisting he is incapable of being on his own. Not exactly mom of the year.

Ming is clearly incredibly lonely, and so, so sad.

He likes Tong, but mostly after his sister and Tong are already involved -- because it's safe to transfer feelings you don't understand to someone that those feelings cannot go anywhere with. When he starts to feel too much for Tong, he leaves the country, because he can't process those feelings, and he doesn't want to hurt his sister with his crush on her boyfriend.

He comes home, and he sees Joe first. His likeness to Tong is obviously what pulls Ming in, but it is very quickly apparent that Ming is genuinely interested in Joe, but he has no fucking Idea what to do with that interest.

And when Joe clearly likes him back? It gets worse. He lashes out and then feels bad, but mostly doesn't apologize, he just moves on, because apologies require reflection on what you've done wrong, and Ming doesn't know how to do that! We see him struggle with it multiple times!

He does not know how to deal with being wanted. With the expectation of care that comes with that. Because, ironically, Tong and May are the best example of a relationship he has to look at, and he had to tell Tong to go take care of May when she was sick.

His crush on Tong remains so deeply a part of his identity, even as it obviously fades, and it clouds everything because Tong uses Ming's affection for him against him! And Ming doesn't see that! He doesn't see Tong's flaws until after Joe's accident, and even then, I don't know that he acknowledges Tong's actions as cruelty and manipulation, or if he ignores that all under his own guilt and grief over losing Joe.

And this brings us back to Ming and Joe.

Ming didn't have a crush on Joe. He sort of accidentally fell into a situationship, but then became intensely possessive and obsessed with Joe. We see him be so unbelievably soft with Joe, in moments where he's allowing himself to be, to stumble through having feelings and carrying for other people. But there is so much holding on tight that Ming can't seem to turn off.

He holds on to Joe --both of them!-- so tightly. He sees threats to his claim on Joe everywhere, and he can't confront that idea, so he doubles down on being possessive, and he looks cuckoo-bananas.

But it really just reads to me like he doesn't know what to do with feelings! I know people --especially ND people, who needed a little extra help to learn how to person -- who had emotionally neglectful parents and didn't understand healthy attachment until years of therapy and some determined friends got involved.

I don't have the greatest track record for "healthy attachment", and lean towards codependent in a lot of my relationships.

Some of the people I love the most are "hold on tight even when it's not good, because if I let go you'll leave" people.

They are absolutely deserving of someone who loves them. They deserve a happy ending and middle, too. They deserve the chance to learn and grow and become better versions of themselves.

(and they deserve people to love and cheer for them even when they're being assholes and throwing tantrums and hurting people because they are still learning how not to do that)

AND THIS DOESN'T EVEN TOUCH ON HOW JOE ALSO MISSED A LOT OF EMOTIONAL LESSONS, BUT IT MADE HIM UNHINGED IN A TOTALLY DIFFERENT WAY THAN MING!

Idek if this is coherent, or everything that I wanted to say, but here it is, my treatise on why Ming is my baby, actually, and why I will defend him until he is either better or actively worse.

ETA: what Ming has done is obviously not okay, reasons are not excuses, but I do think he deserves a chance to learn. and to tell Joe he loves him.

[feathered-serpents]

I'm disappointed in myself that it took this long to realize but I am obsessed with Inkpot Gods as an Ineffable Husbands song. Literally, every word is fitting but the first two verses. My god

They are pretty interchangeable but I see their point of view as

Verse 1 - Aziraphale

And when the rain came down I made a vow out to the dark Please let her live just one more day 'Cause she is so much more than all her scars And if she doesn't have the will But it seems the whole world does I'll stay because I will be the man my father never was

Verse 2 - Crowley

To those gods I will speak bluntly We've an accord If you ever touch or harm him Please rest assured That you might not fear a man But to a woman by the end you'll kneel and plead 'Cause I'm more than what my mum told me to be

And lastly, I just need you to know that this song ends on a fade out of the words "If I don't make it back from where I've gone just know I've loved you all along"

[vultures-and-scavengers]

start.

curly, if any man needed a hobby, it's you.

he's not sulking: the commander of the inquisition doesn't pout.

but he has hobbies! he does! he spars every morning with his officers (wait, that counts, right? he enjoys it), he reads (books on tactics, but it's just lucky he finds the reading he does for his job interesting.), and he... he...

cullen has hobbies, he swears. he just can't... name one.

five minutes later, cullen thinks of one. chess! he likes chess. it's unfortunate annette-- lady trevelyan, he reminds himself-- likes to take dorian with her so much, and leliana is busy, so he can't play as much as he likes.

and sure, ann-- lady trevelyan-- has been in skyhold the past few weeks, and so has dorian, and he still hasn't played recently, but they just got back from adamant.

really, cullen doesn't have leisure time. if he had time, he's sure he'd know some way to fill it. cullen stares at the paperwork on his desk, pondering, telling himself an idea will come to him, any day now.

alright, he's got nothing.

he broods over that enough that he startles when lady trevelyan sweeps into his office, a small stack of papers in her hands. she looks unbothered, moving with a practiced grace as her skirts flow around her. she tilts her head slightly, asking if everything is alright.

oh, sure, he's fine, cullen's just contemplating the monotony of his existence. it's what everyone loves to do. he intends to tell her he's fine, really, but what he says instead is, "am i boring?"

right. he's going to resign and go live alone in the woods, now.

she doesn't react at first, her eyes unblinkingly focused on him, and then her lips purse. "what brought this on?"

that's not a no, he observes.

"ah," she answers for herself while he flails for an answer that doesn't make it look like he's obsessing over something varric said a week ago. he doesn't need to tell her that. she figures it out for herself. "is this about varric's comment?"

he chose the three most perceptive women in thedas to work with. cullen would appreciate it more if they turned that perception on him less. he nods, though.

"i think," she says, and while she always picks her words with deliberation, she seems even more cautious than normal, "that you have been put in positions where you had little time or opportunity to develop hobbies, but it does not follow that you must then be boring."

well, he can't ask her how to find a hobby he likes, so he tries a slightly different tactic. "well, what do you like to do?"

she opens her mouth, closes it, and cullen is rewarded with the rarest of visions: a flummoxed lady trevelyan.

"oh," he says. and then he laughs, because what else is there? it's a tired, disbelieving sort of laugh, because here they are, inquisitor and commander, and they can't think of a single leisure activity between them.

what a pair they make.

she flushes, but she only pushes her shoulders back and stands a little straighter in a defensive sort of defiance. "well, what did you do before joining the templars?"

at first cullen thinks to remind her he was raised on a farm, and that the work started before dawn and lasted until dusk. but he dusts off an old memory and furrows his brow, wondering why he'd let it grow so faded. his uncle had been the town carpenter, and on days cullen had been able to slip away, he'd spent hours in his uncle's workshop.

"woodcarving," he finally answers. it's a start. she escapes the conversation before he can ask what she had once enjoyed, but that's fine. he's learned by now that she's allergic to being known, but if he opens a door and gives her space, eventually she'll walk through it.

blackwall is easily convinced to part with spare bits of wood, and because cullen is still ferelden, he attempts to carve a mabari first. its terrible, but its a start.

he tries to carve a bird next. birds are much simpler. his raven hops closer, sitting on his shoulder as he sits back, summoning childhood memories to guide his hands. its much better. he locates paint, and paints it black, with a splotch of white on its chest, and he sets it next to his raven's perch.

it makes his raven seem pleased, and his raven can't tell him he's terrible at painting. its an ideal location.

as he carves a second bird one evening, lady trevelyan appears, a steaming mug of cocoa in her hands, and thick furs wrapped around her shoulders. he reminds her its summer and receives a haughty glare in response.

but he spins his chair around and she settles herself onto the couch shoved against the wall behind his desk, and slowly, shyly, lady trevelyan tells him she's fascinated by herbalism, by the histories behind how different plants are used and how the uses have changed over time.

he asks if shes tried growing her own, but she shakes her head, and tells him in a voice she can't quite erase the wistfulness from that its not lady-like.

he swallows his first instinct, which he still thinks is a quite reasonable one, to tell her to hang the nobility and what they think. but lady trevelyan has bound herself to their rules in order to play their game, and she is only more visible now. he's had (and lost) that argument.

"and?" he finally asks.

lady trevelyan-- no, annette-- looks over at him, and she has no answer. her confused expression fades, replaced by blank neutrality, but she sips at her cocoa. the silence that follows is more contemplative than tense, and when she speaks, its only to ask if he'd be willing to share more about how he learned woodcarving.

cullen lets her change the subject, the door opened. he tells her of his uncle, of the woodshop nestled up on the hill behind the baker's store, and of learning how to use his uncle's tools. later he'll savor the memory of wrapping his hands around hers, showing lady trevelyan-- annette-- how to hold the whittling knife so she won't hurt herself, her side pressed to his as she listens to him talk.

and three weeks later, a rather terribly painted mourning dove carving sits in a planter with an over-watered and drooping embrium.

its a start.

[themoonweaversden]

Messeges that were found so far: STOD EHT TCENNOC (spoilers)

This is just to collect all the codes that you can type in in thisisnotawebsitedotcom.com and their effects only (please click images for better quality)

I am so sorry if the transcripts in these are't the best, it's A LOT and my mind doesn't understand what's writing anymore

Masterpost with all messeges / codes

Transcript:

"LESSER KNOWN AMERICAN CULTS

Have you ever heard of Orchard Lake, Kansas? Chances are you haven’t. It was erased from every map, book, and historical record, and the US Government’s official position on it is “stop calling us or we’ll send a drone to your house.” (I learned this the hard way.) But if you drive to the exact latitude and longitude of [REDACTED] you’ll see bullet casings, faded billboards, and bow ties strewn across the desert sands.

That’s because Orchard Lake had another name before it was wiped off the record: BillVille.

CHAPTER 3: BillVille The First Cult In History That Was Right

[image]

FIG A: A tumbillweed

As a historian of esoteric religions, I thought I’d discovered the strangest sects America had yet to offer (see “Chapter 3: Kevin’s Gate”) but that all changed when I found the following items tucked away in an old trunk in an estate sale on the outskirts of Bootstrap, Missouri."

Transcript:

"LESSER KNOWN AMERICAN CULTS

"3/24/1957

Mother, I have the most wonderful news! Remember when you said I should stop being “such a follower” and finally think for myself? Well—turns out you were right! I’ve decided to stop following Elvis’ tour bus from state to state and instead I’ve made the exciting life decision to sell all my possessions to buy a one-way ticket to [REDACTED] and marry 138 of my new best friends! We’ve discovered the eternal secrets of the Universe, and golly it feels keen! For the first time in my life, I am happy!

Remember reality is an illusion, the Universe is a hologram, buy gold, and bye forever!

Your daughter, Shelter Martha Jones Starshine Cipherwife

P.S. You’ve just gotta check out this neato pamphlet!"

FIG B: Letter and pamphlet advertising “Ciphertology.” Was found along with pins, buttons, ephemera. Smells like formaldehyde."

Transcript:

"LESSER KNOWN AMERICAN CULTS

After reading this pamphlet, I became obsessed. Who were the Ciphertologists?

It seems in 1952 a failed travelling snake oil salesman “Silas Birchtree” was hiding from creditors when he choked on a coin he was flipping and died. Then, remarkably, the next day, he was seen alive. His posture, his smile, the pallor of his skin had all changed. It was as if another man entirely was wearing Silas like a suit. Whatever caused this transformation, the new Silas hit Orchard Lake, Kansas like a comet.

[TRANSCRIPT, FIRST AUDIO RECORDING FOUND OF SILAS BIRCHTREE GIVING A SPEECH IN THE TOWN SQUARE OF ORCHARD LAKE, KANSAS]

“Say, folks, gather round, thank you ma’am, spit out that gum, junior. My names Silas Birchtree, and I was just passing through when I noticed a very pressing problem: This town only has three wells! Well, well, well, that won’t hold water! (townsfolk laugh) But seriously plasma bags, if you’re dim enough to laugh at that tripe then you’re going to love what I’m about to shove down your throats: The secrets of the universe! I may look like an meat automoton but I was recently granted otherworldly insight into the nature of reality by an all-seeing eye named Bill Cipher. You have primal needs for chaos that are being repressed! Destroying is a form of creating! Assert your will in defiance of entropy! Punch through the throats of your oppressors and baptize yourself in their blood! Doesn’t that sound swell? Yes I said swell, and that rhymes with L, and that stands for “Let me Marry All Your Wives!”

-Silas Birchtree, 1952

It didn’t seem to matter what Silas said, folks were mesmerized by his rambling stream of consciousness diatribes. It wasn’t long before he became local news."

Treanscript:

"THE ORCHARD LAKE CORNHUSK "A suitable distraction from your toils." June 18, 1952 | 5 CENTS

CULT COMES TO TOWN Fans of Cults Pleased, Cult Skeptics Skeptical

Two things are on the rise this week in Orchard Lake! The sweet, sweet corn-bread cooling in Mrs. Butternubbins windowsill, and the terrifying cult that threatens to tear our town asunder. And asunder is one of the worst things you can be torn! Springing forth seemingly overnight, these bow-tie wearing brainwashees call themselves the Ciphertologists, and they answer to one man, the charismatic and extremely jaundiced Silas BirchTree. Town sentiment is divided as to whether this new religion can be trusted, but all agree this seems to be the most significant event in our town since a bat fell in the deep fryer at the waffle house. We spoke to townsfolk to gauge the local sentiment.

...WHAT THE PEOPLE SAY...

Darla Laudanum, Housewife: "Well, I don’t see what the big fuss is! Everyone’s entitled to their opinions, and Silas is no different. Why, I remember when everyone was worried that “Hula Hoops” were going to turn our children into Communists. But we only had to report 3 children!"

Gus Gunderson, Painter: "I ‘spose he’s got a funny way of talkin’, shore ‘nuff, but he promised me I’d live forever on my own moon, which beats my current job at the paint store. He also said he’d teach me to explode people with my mind. My mother ‘n law had better watch out!"

Madeline Dixon, Teenager: "He’s fine, I guess. It’s not like I replaced the picture of James Dean in my locket with him or anything. What? No you can’t look inside the locket, this is a personal locket!"

Emmaline Butternubbins, Spoilsport: "I’m telling you! He’s a human corpse puppeteered by a space triangle and he’s come to build an unholy astral pyramid from mortal realm beyond mortal understanding! Gather up your swords and arrows, let us slay the beast in mans form before he slays us!"

Can You "Dig It?" Hey Daddio! Are you hoppin mad about the piles of youth that are buckling your Chevy’s pad to the winner? Dig this jive! A keen new shovel that all the hep cats are using to flip those big Ricks right out of the sock hop! Man, you know what it is called!

“HIPPADDY RENZADDY’S SUPER-KEENHOOT SCOOP!”

It’s me, “Hip Daddy” Renzaddy! 50 years ago my great grandpappy Renzaddy toppled a pile of stones to death to avenge his death! The eternal war on man’s sin rages on!

5 CENTS OFF!

Teen Accused of "Rocking Around the Clock," Faces Trial ... (PG 3) Joseph McCarthy Arrests Suspicious Pez Dispenser (PG 5)"

Trascript:

"PAGE 2 THE ORCHARD LAKE CORNHUSK, JUNE 18, 1952 INTERVIEW WITH A PROPHET

Our lead reporter Welton Danforth sat down with the enigmatic leader to gain some insight into his holy mission. When they sat down to speak, the controversial religious leader was staring at his hands laughing as he wiggled his fingers.

Silas: Fingers! Wow, there’s just so many of these things! How do you keep track? Hey could someone get me a swig of formaldehyde?

Welton: Good evening. I have never seen a man open his eyes as wide as yours before. What exactly is going on with your face?

Silas: My face is normal! Next question!

Welton: (laughing) Well there’s that charm I’ve heard so much about. Move over, Johnny Carson! Tell me, how do you respond to accusations that the Ciphertologists are a cult?

Silas: Yes!

Welton: So you don’t deny it?

Silas: Look slick, everyone believes in something they can’t prove. Football players believe in “points.” Cops believe in “laws.” Priests believe in “sin.” But show me a law, a point, a sin. You can’t, they’re just ideas. So if you’re going to follow something invisible, why not follow the invisible Triangle that will give you your own planet and crush your enemies into a small screaming cube.

Welton: You’re awfully quick with a turn of phrase, but many others with silver tongues have claimed to be the messiah. What makes you any different?

Silas: Fair point! You know, you’re very perceptive. Has your wife told you that lately?

Welton: (pause) No. No… Janet has not. We are… going through a rough patch.

Silas: Must be hard. All those long nights on the couch, wondering what went wrong.

Welton: Yes… but, how did you know all that?

Silas: I know lots of things, Jack! And I know that when you die at 72 from a goose crashing into your head on a roller coaster, your last thought is gonna be that you wasted your life interviewing hick farmers instead of becoming that great novelist you always dreamed of being! That unfinished novel in your desk drawer…

Welton: …The Reporter Who Went To Mars?

Silas: It could be the greatest book of all time. But you’ll need someone to help you reach your full potential. I think I know a guy! By the way, I’ll need 1,000 dollars immediately.

Welton: Can I give you my watch as a down payment?

Silas: Fine, but only because I like you. Anyway, where were we? Oh right! I was interviewing you. Tell me, how long have you been a Ciphertologist?

Welton: Well, I suppose as of 5 seconds ago, but it already feels like much longer, Mr. Birchtree.

Silas: Please, call me “My Lord And Master.”

Welton: Yes, My Lord and Master. Do you have anything else to add before you go?

Silas: Only this, and I mean it sincerely: HAHAHA-HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA (cont’d)"

Transcript:

"LESSER KNOWN AMERICAN CULTS

[2 images]

Within a month, The Ciphertologists had taken City Hall, renamed Orchard Lake "BillVille" and began stockpiling weapons, human teeth, and multi-colored ball-pit balls from burger restaurants. Townsfolk began shaving their heads and inhaling helium to match the pitch of their leader's shrill charismatic voice, and would participate in "Dream-Ins" inviting Silas's muse "Bill Cipher" to "possess" of up to 30 of them at once, at which point they would often laugh in unison for hours. Construction began of the "Very Normal Giant Metal Portal" in the desert. Travel was banned coming in and out, even for medical emergencies since, as Silas explained, "pain is hilarious!" They began to expand, knocking on doors to spread "The Bad News."

[image]

FIG C: It was pretty easy to spot a Ciphertologist. Can you see what makes them stand out? That's right - their enthusiastic smiles!

[image]

FIG D: The "Golden Bastard" apple, grown only by Ciphertologists, reportedly "screamed" when you ate it."

Transcript: (this one is really weird to trascribe, so sorry if it's difficult to understand)

"THERE’S ONE “EYE” IN TEAM! Can you find it?

In Ciphertology, we encourage you to express your individuality, just like Silas does! That means strict conformity to his exact wardrobe, or else being sent to “The Hole.” You won’t like the hole!

KEEP AN EYE OPEN!

SHAVE A SPOT FOR BILL TO ENTER!

POSTURE

TUCK YOUR SHIRT IN! Order is a Trojan horse for chaos!

GREASE YOUR SHOES! Are you done? ADD MORE GREASE! And MORE!

(Image of two people in matching outfits doing Ciphertologist poses)

Pocket full of yummy glass!

Not pictured - The hot brand we will sear into your flesh. Which part of your body will we brand? It’s weirder than you think!

Did you know?: Therapy is a scam to keep you from the truth. Lean into your natural born mental illness to unlock your true potential!

GO DOOR TO DOOR! SPREAD THE JOY LIKE A DISEASE!

Follow this script to convert the non-billievers!

Hi! Do you have one minute to talk about the triangle who lives in your brain and has seen you naked? . YES → GOOD! The old gods are dead, and BILL ATE THEM! Dig it? . NO → Stare at them until they start crying.

Are you ready to accept him into your mind? . YES → (Continue script) . NO → Eat one of your own fingers in front of them. Don’t break eye contact.

Raise your arms and shriek a perfect E note in the 8th octave at 5,243 Hz. Their skull will shatter. Like a wine glass!

Great! Your new name is: ________________(SEE GUIDE TO CHOOSING CIPHERTOLOGY NAME PG 6) What size robe are you? __________________SEE YOU AT THE WAFFLE HOUSE! (Do Cipher Handshake, devour pamphlet, crawl away upside down)

WEIRDMEGEDDON IS COMING. WEIRDMEGEDDON IS COMING. WEIRDMEGEDDON IS COMING.

CIPHERTOLIGIST'S GUIDE TO DELIGHTSOMENESS, 1952"

Transcript:

"LESSER KNOWN AMERICAN CULTS

[image]

ABOVE: The Ciphertology “Brain Seismograph” or “BS” Meter had dials for “gullibility,” “financial liquidity,” “celebrity influence,” “herbs,” and “spices.”

The cult surged in popularity and influence. Silas’s motto “embrace today as if your town is going to be hit by a tornado in exactly 3 & a half years!” was infectious, and he immediately ended all crime by declaring that “everything is legal now!”

[image]

Soon the only unconverted local was unmarried town nag Emmaline Butternubbins. She was convinced there was something “not right” about the mysterious megalomaniacal cult leader. Her protests escalated to her distributing these home-made warning pamphlets to very annoyed children.

[image]

“Most people rejected Emmaline’s message. They hated her because she told the truth” —Emmaline, to her cat Bonbon."

Transcript:

"LESSER KNOWN AMERICAN CULTS

Conflict became inevitable. When Silas hijacked a local TV station to read an “erotic tale of two trapezoids,” Elk Glen filed a complaint with the FCC. Cipherologists retaliated by pouring 600 gallons of bubble solution in their drinking water. Soon the law became involved.

“Blrbl bll Tbllbl Ciphertobblblblblb” - Hurk Durnsley, Oak Glen City Council

The Cipherologists were ordered to return City Hall, dismantle the “Portal” they were building out of scrap metal and car parts, or face the full force of the Kansas State Troopers. The standoff lasted 13 days, with Silas and his die hard followers holed up in a waffle house chanting “TEETH” over and over again for reasons unknown. Silas was becoming increasingly agitated and erratic, blocking all radio and TV signals into town and ordering his followers to hurry construction of his mysterious metallic project. His body was also looking increasingly pale and desiccated, which he ascribed to his “fantastic diet” of eating nothing but “solid chunks of chlorine and ants.”

BILLVILLE DAILY NEWS June Billeteeth, Billtee-Fifty-Bill PORTAL NEARLY COMPLETE EVERYONE THRILLED, EVEN THE GOVERNMENT! (DO NOT TURN ON YOUR TELEVISION)"

Transcript:

"Finally Emmaline Butternubbins, enraged that no one liked her pamphlets, hurled a torch into the CipherTologists HQ, igniting the helium tanks, blasting out the windows and destroying Silas’s machine. Troopers opened fire as Silas’s followers held hands and began singing “WE’LL MEET AGAIN” in defiance. Silas, riddled with bullet holes, grabbed a megaphone, leapt atop the inferno, grinning wildly as he was engulfed in flame.

“YOU CAN’T KILL A MAN WHO’S ALREADY DEAD! IF YOU TAKE ME DOWN, I’LL BE BACK, MORE POWERFUL AND MORE ANNOYING THAN YOU CAN POSSIBLY IMAGINE! REMMEBER- REALITY-”

At this point, Silas Birch Tree’s head fell off, flies swarmed from his mouth and he collapsed into a grey husk. A coroner declared Silas BirchTree dead for a second time. Black helicopters evacuated the site and the city was erased from all official records. Mrs Butternubbins was awarded the Medal of Honor, which she used as an ashtray.

On the Lighter Side “QUIRKY NEWS!” CULT DISBANDED, 9 DEAD Slow news day? Well we gotta fill these pages somehow! In an oddball story that’s definitely out there a remote Orchard Lake’s homespun cult committed a laundry list of heinous crimes. Trashed walls, buildings, and tank-wielding federal agents stormed the “Cipherologists” headquarters. The panic escalated as the “Cipherologists” leader offered everyone a bag of candy and destroyed the stockade on a rented lemon- but just gave everyone you love from the ability to express their emotions. We are out of terrible diarrhea. It is unclear if this was his intention or not. We are out of things to say in this piece, no one really cares what happens in Kansas."

Transcript:

"ONLY KNOWN PHOTO OF SILAS'S BODY, 1952"

Transcript: "LESSER KNOWN AMERICAN CULTS

Although BillVille has faded into urban legend, hidden remnants remain for those who know where to look. It is even said that there are straggling members out there, still holding out hope for Silas’s return.

(RIGHT: IRONIC T-SHIRT SOLD ONLINE)

In cults, this is a common phenomenon. Human beings are so hungry for a confident voice to guide them in an uncertain world, that they’ll follow anyone, even a madman, wherever he goes. Usually off a cliff.

But there was something different about Silas Birchtree. The more I research, the more of his predictions I’ve seen coming true. Recently I was going through old records when I found Silas’s final words, tucked away in a lost letter he wrote before the standoff, a message unseen until now.

His message was:

“At least this will make a fun chapter of your book, Donna!”

My name is Donna Rutherford. Yesterday, I was a Lutheran. As of today, I am a Ciphertologist.

[CODE]"

Code decoded: "YOUCANTKILLANIDEA"

[frikatilhi]

sorry to be the bringer of angst/negativity(?) in this here askbox, dont answer if u dont feel like it, but i just wanna let out some strange sadness i feel lately

but am i the only pessimist bojere bitch here? like the reason i ship them hard is because i think what they portray is so beautiful and cute? And that irl them are most likely aight friends at best and a lot of stuff are just exaggerated for the publicity? like i can believe maybe jere really is into the friendship at best but that's abt it?

idk, i've just been disillusioned by a lotta friendship/rpf that are milked to high heaven, only to end up being "for the shippers" and that they dont like each other at all?

all i ask is copium/pep talk that will make me believe somehow that the deep friendship they portray in public/socials mirror what they actually have.

soz for being cringe

:((

Oh no, anon, I understand! This kind of thinking can easily make you feel like you're all alone, because we are supposed to stay positive and firmly in delulu land and ignore the stuff that doesn't fit the narrative.

This got long so snip snip

But for what it's worth, leaving all the shipping stuff aside, I do happen to believe the friendship is very real and just as deep as they portray. If anything, I think Bojan seems to be downplaying it instead of hyping it, keeping it more private instead of posturing on social media. When they talk about each other, they seem very genuine.

I could have bought the argument about exaggarating it for publicity during ESC, I mean, the contestants and especially JO were all out there making friends and creating content and buzz about it, feeding off each other's popularity. I remember thinking that myself - oh, that's cute, what a nice bromance, but I am SO over that kind of narrative, straight friends being huggy for clicks, I want the real thing, I want the happy ending, not settling or falling for anyone's media strategy any more. And it kinda worked, didn't it? 7 points from the Finnish public!

Looking back, a lot of the cute insta stories were staged and purposefully filmed so I can see what you mean. (Also looking back, there are also many moments that were NOT like that, my favourites being the dinner date and everything that happened after the final.)

But then, Tavastia 1.0 happened, and that's when it all shifted for me. You mean Bojan dropped everything and flew to Finland, just to see Jere, just to hang out without an actual agenda (yes, he dropped in on the gig but that wasn't the purpose of the visit)?? And they went to karaoke and watched Twilight and Bojan hung out with Jere's friends when he had a gig out of town?? And it was a month after they had seen each other that they decided to actually keep that promise to visit each other and not let their friendship drop and their connection fade? You mean that actually happened??

And after that we've learned that they talk to each other regularly (like, once a week?) and share values and likes and love together. Bojan has been more quiet about it, sure, but (and now we enter into speculation land) he did seem to be a bit spooked about all the attention, I mean, who wouldn't freak out a little when people start obsessing over your new friendship and following your every move and social media click and write stories about you?

And Nordic Tour was... did you see that? Everything that happened (that we saw)? If it was only for publicity (publicity for what?? At this point, why do they still need it?) it was way too much and most of it totally unnecessary. Those were two people who genuinely enjoy each other's company.

Yes, they live far apart and rarely have time to see each other, but that doesn't mean their connection isn't real and deep and important.

[the-way-astray]

Things we know about Gethen:

His name is Gethen (Everblaze)

His middle and last names are Inar and Ondsinn (Unlocked)

The Council seem to know his full name, but nothing else about him, somehow (Unlocked)

He has reason to join the Neverseen and hate the Council (multiple books)

He seems to have it out for Oralie in particular (Lodestar)

He's an incredibly talented Washer (Flashback confirmed, but implied in Keeper)

He's an incredibly talented Telepath in general and seems to know telepathy tricks that few people are able to breach or get past or have even heard of (Neverseen)

He's blonde, with blue eyes, and is described as handsome (Keeper), and now has a crooked nose that's likely permanent (Everblaze, Neverseen) and a scar from a dog bite that's likely fading (Keeper, Neverseen)

He might have killed Cyrah on Fintan's orders (Nightfall)

He was the spearhead of Fintan's Lumenaria "vision" plan to release Vespera (Lodestar)

The last two points imply that Fintan trusted him, but when Fintan is locked up, Gethen says that things are going smoothly with the Neverseen now that Fintan's "not here to mess everything up" (not a real quote, a paraphrase) (Flashback)

He's always incredibly suave and laid back (multiple books) and has only canonically shown frustration once (Neverseen)

Alden couldn't find him at all when he put his picture through the registry (Exile), but he has a limited access file in the registry with his full name (Unlocked)

He hired Ruy to the Neverseen (Neverseen)

He's incredibly patient (Lodestar)

He probed Tam's memories and was able to learn a lot, but wasn't talented enough to get to the memories Tam wrapped in shadows (Legacy)

He spearheaded Sophie's attack after Alvar's trial (Flashback)

He's either incredibly desperate to search Wylie's memories or is willing to follow the orders of someone who told him to do that (Flashback)

He's constantly trying to lure Sophie into his mind (Neverseen, Lodestar)

He was one of Sophie's kidnappers and tried to wash her memories and couldn't (Keeper)

He looked worried when Ruy's injury happened, though that could be because he's the one that hired Ruy (Legacy)

He killed Mr. Forkle pt. 1 while trying to kill Oralie (Lodestar)

He seems to have an obsession with the sword from the Lumenaria dungeon (Lodestar, Flashback)

He tried to grab Sophie from San Diego (Keeper)

Vespera seems to trust him (letting him lead the Everglen plan, him getting captured on Everest was to break her out, etc.) (Lodestar, Flashback)

He doesn't seem to care about inter-Neverseen dynamics, like Fintan and Ruy hating each other, or Vespera and Gisela's rocky alliance (multiple books)

He didn't think Wylie's kidnapping was a good idea (Lodestar)

Sophie wonders sometimes if he's the villain they should be focusing on (Unlocked)

Sophie wonders if he's waiting for Vespera and Lady Gisela to take each other out and leave him the new leader of the Neverseen (Unlocked)

So, we know nothing about his backstory or why he joined the Neverseen, how he's so talented in general or where he picked up those tricks, or who his family is. So far, he's pretty un-fleshed out. I am hoping Shannon finally gives us a little more something during Unraveled.

[karasbroken]

This is the second lakah sniff in I Shrink Therefore I Am. It's definitely different from the first sniff! John inhales right after he sees Aeryn being hurt by the restraint cuffs she's wearing. He instinctively draws his pistol, then puts it away and uses the lakah to clear his head.

In order we see: the instant of Talyn-John's death; when still-possessed Talyn-John tries to kill her after the Harvey neural clone is removed by Ancient Jack; when she returns to Moya with heat delirium; when Aeryn is about to shoot the Harvey-possessed Talyn-John; Aeryn after she knows Talyn John survived the activation of the first wormhole weapon, but is going to soon die; John's nightmare about her being killed at their wedding; and two moments I can't identify, partly because John's face is fading into view. I thought the first one was from The Hidden Memory because it looked like Aeryn was wearing the commando uniform but I couldn't find a match. The last image looks like season 3 from her eyebrows and misery, but I can't place it. Can anyone else identify the last two?

All of these Aeryn memories seem to be moments of her pain, several of which he couldn't have directly experienced but I think we can understand these as his imagining of these events. It's more confirmation that Moya-John received access to Talyn-John's memories, though.

Which makes an interesting question: how does he experience these memories from Talyn-John? Are they psychologically distant, similar to the experience of seeing a home movie that you are in but don't remember making? Is it resonant but still maintaining separation, like remembering a vivid dream? Or does Moya-John feel the details and emotions of these memories as if he experienced it, but just didn't retain every detail?

From other parts of the show, like needing to relearn wormhole knowledge, and feeling like he "missed that dance", combined with how emotional he seems to be when he has these flashes, I think it's closer to the middle way, memory he can only vaguely and inaccurately consciously recall, but when he does remember something the memory is exceedingly visceral and affects his emotions deeply.

I think John doesn't't feel like he has actually been reborn. He doesn't remember exactly what it feels like to die, or to be the object of Aeryn's glorious, unreserved passion. But he gets these glimpses, fragments more emotion than memory. And I suspect one reason he turns to the lakah is because he felt an instinctual and growing wrongness as Talyn-John's memories became a part of him. His obsession with Aeryn didn't stem from receiving Talyn-John's memories. But those memories help push him towards madness because he knows what should be in a way he couldn't when he only had one man's love and longing for her, not two.

[mika-no-sekai-blog]

Mirror, Mirror

Word count: 3700+

Warnings: dark, unhappy ending, mentions of blood, wound, masturbation, depression (?), maybe bit of obsession - I can't think of anything else, so let me know if there is something

This was on my mind for quite some time and I was debating with myself if I should write it or let it go, but why not to write it. I admit, it's little bit too dark even for me and I really hate to torture my sweetheart Azriel, but maybe there is somebody who will like it. Hopefully next time I will get some nice, sweet idea instead, because he really doesn't deserve this

All started just by an accident. Azriel was passing a small mirror in his room when he noticed something bright out of the corner of his eye that definitely didn't belong there. He returned few steps back to look in the mirror properly this time, just to find out it wasn't some kind of a random illusion. It was really there.

He was looking into a delicately furnished bright bedroom that was nothing like his dark one. As he looked around he noticed somebody small curled up in a ball, resting on the bed. He carefully touched mirror's surface with tips of his fingers. He didn't know what exactly he expected, maybe he merely hoped for some kind of a portal to another world, but he was disappointed to find out it's just a normal, ordinary mirror.

The person moved, slowly sitting up on the bed and stretching out arms above her head. She stood up and sleepily walked to the mirror. Her beauty stoke him straight to the heart, making him forget how to breathe. She stepped to the mirror and Azriel backed further to his dark room afraid she would catch him stalking on her and freak out. But she didn't seem to see anything except of her own reflection.

He leaned back to the mirror admiring her beautiful features. But in the moment he raised his hand to touch her, caress her, the scene disappeared and instead he was staring at his own reflection. Disappointed he shut his mouth which he had to open at some point. All excitement suddenly faded away, leaving him with painfully throbbing heart. Who was she? Where was she? He wanted to know more about her, but no matter how long he gazed into the mirror, the vision wouldn't return. After few minutes he gave up and left.

Since that day every time he was passing by mirror, hope raised in his chest and he had to check it out. He became so obsessed, that everybody had noticed his strange behaviour and Cassian wouldn't stop making jokes about his 'sudden narcissism', but Shadowsinger didn't care. The beautiful girl occupied his mind 24 hours a day even though he tried to stop thinking about her. After few days he was really frustrated.

"Why did you show me that girl if you planned to never let me see her again?" Azriel punched the frame of mirror in his room so hard that it almost broke. "How am I suppose to find her now? I have no idea who she is or where she lives. I want to see her again. I have to."

Shadowsinger abruptly turned around and ran fingers through his silky dark hair, closing his eyes to calm down. He felt so silly behaving like this because of some stranger he saw only for a minute or two. Decided to put the mirror away, he turned back to it. His mouth fell open and eyes widened as soon as he spotted that bright room again.

Surprised he took the mirror to his scarred hands and sat down on the edge of the bed. Quickly he looked around that bedroom, but the girl was nowhere to be seen. He sighed in disappointment, but he decided to seize the opportunity and take better look around.

The bedroom was furnished with light coloured wood furniture with touch of white. There was a massive bookcase full of books, next to it stood beige armchair with fluffy white pillow. Sheets on the bed were also in beige and white colours.

Opposite the mirror on the left side of the bed there was a big window and curtains were open. But the sight it offered was totally unfamiliar to him. He had never seen such high and tasteless grey buildings and neon billboards. His brows furrowed in even bigger frustration. This definitely wasn't world he lived in. His hope went out like a burnt candle.

Azriel jumped up and the mirror almost fell out of his hands when the girl appeared in front of it. He didn't hear her to come, but when he thought about it he didn't hear any noises now nor before.  

The girl sat down in front of the mirror and spreading some cosmetics around she started putting makeup on. He watched her with interest, examining her features closely. Her face seemed to be even more beautiful than he remembered.

“Who are you?” Azriel whispered to himself, with pain in his deep voice. “Where are you? How to get to you?” He gritted his teeth. For moment he considered to put the mirror down because what's the point of watching such beauty when he couldn't get close to her and make her his. But he couldn't take eyes off of her. This had to be some sort of spell.

He kept watching her, jumping from one mirror surface to another. He wasn't sure how it worked, but he felt so peaceful and relaxed while watching her prepare meals, go for a walk, read and paint that he didn't want to stop.

She had to be an artist just like Rhys' mate. Feyre was one of the best artists he knew, but this girl.. Her paintings were so realistic, so lively as if they were about to start breathing and moving around at any moment. He had never seen such kind of art. It was mesmerizing.

Azriel completely lost track of time and before he knew, he spent entire day watching her in the mirror. She stood up, putting paint brushes aside and he followed her as she moved to the bathroom. She began preparing the bath and while water was running, she washed off makeup and started to undress. Blushing Azriel put the mirror down. But even though the heat was consuming his cheeks he couldn't stop peeking at it. He bit down on his lower lip so hard he drew blood. Closing eyes he sighed deeply and picked up the mirror once again.

The girl was already in bathtub so far away from the mirror that he couldn't see more than her head and shoulders. However they disappeared, too, as the mirror in her bathroom fogged up. His shoulders slumped as he released the breath he didn't know he was holding.

'What a pity,' he thought ashamed. Shadowsinger forced himself to put the mirror away, placing it downwards on the nightstand and stretched on the bed. He felt excited and tired at the same time. His thoughts were still swirling around the girl until his pants began to feel too tight. He tried to resist his needs, but it only got worse. Reluctantly Azriel reached down, squeezing and fisting his cock until he found release. However it wasn't enough and he had to repeat it several times to feel completely satisfied. And only then he was able to finally fall asleep, dreaming about her.

A week passed while Azriel stayed shut in his room, holding the mirror and watching the girl day and night. He became obsessed with her. More he watched her, more he needed. He longed to touch her, to speak with her. He wanted to bring her to Velaris, show her his world while spoiling her and loving her. If she asked him to fall to his knees to the dirt and worship her, he would gladly do so. His heart ached so much, he choked, unable to breath without her properly.

A knock sounded on the doors. Azriel's shadows twisting around his arm whispered to his ear that it's Cassian. Again. He and Rhysand were trying to find to him. Cassian stopped at his door several times a day, but when no answer came from inside he eventually left. Rhys' claws were rubbing against his mental shields, at first just asking, but now demanding to let him in. Azriel didn't want to talk with them nor see them.

This time Cassian was more persistent and knocked again. Azriel ignored him, watching as the girl sat down to her lunch. Meal she prepared looked so delicious that he wanted to devour it all.

“What are you doing here?” Cassian was standing in open door, leaning against the frame with arms crossed on his chest. He looked irritated and worried at the same time. “Disappearing like this without a single world. Can you imagine how worried we all are. We were looking for you everywhere. Can you explain why you didn't answer me before? Or why you ignore Rhysand?”

“I have something important to do,” Azriel snarled back at him. “Get out, Cassian.”

“And can you tell me what is so important that you sit closed in your room and ignore our every attempt to contact you?”

“That doesn't concern you. It's my private thing. I have right to have some privacy and life out of the family. And now leave me alone.”

“Hey, bro,” Cassian sighed and tried to be nicer. “Have you even seen yourself? You look horrible. What's wrong? Something happened? Is it some girl? C'mon, talk to me.”

“There's nothing to talk about. Just leave me alone.”

Cassian gritted his teeth, his fingers curled into fists. “As you wish. You know where to find us when you decide to get out of here,” he muttered, visibly pissed off and left slamming the door behind.

Azriel exhaled, putting the mirror aside he leaned against the headboard and closed his eyes. He felt like a stranger in his own body. What's wrong with him? Why he couldn't stop thinking about the girl? Why he couldn't stop watching her? Nothing made sense to him.

That evening standing in bathroom Azriel was brushing his teeth while watching the girl getting ready for bed in the mirror above the sink. Suddenly girl raised her hands up in defense, her face a picture of dread. She backed into the corner closer to the mirror. A man with knife in hand came into view. Azriel instantly stopped everything he was doing, his nails dug into the mirror's frame.

“No,” he hissed through clenched teeth. He was immediately consumed by fury. If he could he would fly in there and kill that man right there on the spot without mercy. But he couldn't and that enraged him even more. A lump formed in his throat as the man got closer to the girl and stabbed her to her abdomen.

“No!” he bellowed, but that was the only thing he could do. The girl fell down to the floor with her back leaning against the mirror. Azriel pressed both of the hands to the mirror, desperately wanting to catch her, to get her to safety. “Please, let me in. Don't make me watch her die before my eyes. Please.. please..” he pleaded with the mirror, pushing against its cold surface.

Surprisingly the mirror gave in and Azriel's fingers dipped into something similar to cold thick liquid. So thick he had to push with all his strength to get through it. Finally his fingers touched still warm soft flesh. He gritted his teeth and pushed even more against the resistance of mirror until his arms were wrapped around girl's waist. Getting her to his side was even harder. His legs were slipping on the smooth stones of the floor, so he pressed one of them against the sink and continued pulling. Slowly, very slowly her body began to emerge from the mirror's surface. She groaned and hissed in pain.

“I'm so sorry. Just hold on a little longer,” he growled through gritted teeth. Finally her entire body got to his side and both of them collapsed to the floor. Azriel groaned in pain when she fell onto him. Without wasting more time he swiftly laid her down to check her.

The girl was unconscious and the blood rushed from her wound already creating a small pool beneath her, but she still breathed.  Azriel took two towels, pressing one to the bleeding wound and using the other one to secure it in place. Carefully he quickly lifted her up in his arms and rushing to the closest balcony he flew out. As soon as he got out of the wards around the House of Wind he winnowed straight to Madja's house.

Petite female jumped up when he so suddenly appeared in the middle of her living room, but when she saw the girl in his arms with blood soaking through towels, she immediately guided him to small medical room attached to her house. Azriel laid girl down on the bed.

“She is human and already lost too much of blood,” he said breathlessly still recovering from fight with the mirror and the fall.

Madja just nodded, hands full of bandages and tinctures as she returned to the bed. She put it all down on small table next to the bed and pulled girl's shirt up. Azriel watched as she cleaned the wound and stitched girl up without asking where he found her or what happened. When she was done she poured some medicine to the glass and made the girl to drink it.

“She should be fine for now, although the wound will take some time to heal. I will give you a tea to relieve the pain and medicaments for blood supplemental and..  anti-inflammatory. She needs to take it four times a day. Because of the massive blood loss, she will feel dizzy and cold. Make sure she is warm and drinks enough,” she instructed him while she was preparing vials with medicine and pack with tea to which she attached all necessary instructions.

It took entire week until the girl woke up and became able to sit up for a while. During the whole time Azriel had never left her side. Every time she shivered with cold even though the House heated Azriel's room so much it was almost unbearable, he scooped her into a tight hug wrapping his wings around them, hoping his bodyheat would warm her up. Thankfully it really worked.

There in the dim light getting through the membrane of his wing, he told her about himself, his family, the city and this world, even about the mirror and watching her. She couldn't respond with more than a light press of her fingers to his arm, but he knew she was listening to him.

Meanwhile his shadows were lurking around, afraid to touch her with their cold fingers, bringing in whatever they needed. They also made sure there was always hot tea on the nightstand.

Azriel let his brother in and told him what happened. At first Rhysand was really angry and gave him a long speech, but together with Cassian and Feyre they made sure to stop by several times a day to check on them.

Soon enough healthy colour returned to girl's face and she became strong enough to leave bed. Every day Azriel took her on a short walk around the House. And as she grew stronger, he began to take her down to the city showing her around. She was all smiley and cheerful, looking around in amaze and Azriel loved to watch it. He loved her so much there weren't enough sufficient words to describe the depth of his feelings. Seeing her good mood he felt like smiling, too, and often he really did. He didn't mind even her touch. He craved it and sought for it.

Despite his fear that she would mind touch of his scarred hands, the girl always leaned into it, seeking him just as much as he did. She would hold his hand, fingers entangled together, lightly tugging on it when she spotted something new or interesting. He offered her to move to own room, but to his delight she decided to stay in his, snuggling to his side every night. They grew together and lived as any couple in love would, because they were the couple deeply in love.

Azriel tried to learn something about her, but no matter how many times she tried, no voice came out. Even Madja couldn't find out the cause and fix it. The girl tried to write her answers, but every time she picked up the pen, she froze on the spot, blankly gazing on the sheet of paper in front of her, unable to write a single letter down. It was too frustrating for both of them, so they stopped trying it and rather enjoyed each other.

Despite this she still could paint and she did. Her paintings were just as beautifully surreal and so alive like before and even better. They were full of light and colours, sometimes capturing scenes she saw in the city.

However most of her pictures captured Azriel in different moments. Looking at them he felt like he was looking in the mirror. Very strange mirror. He recognized himself, but at the same time it was hard to believe it's him. Azriel on the pictures looked so handsome, happy, relaxed and attractive, everything the real Azriel had never associated with his person. It was hard to look at those paintings, but even harder was to not to look. This is what she sees when she looks at you, his shadows whispered and hearing those words his heart even more swelled up with love.

Everything seemed to be like a perfect dream. Azriel was happy, too happy. It was too good to be real. For some reason he expected something to happen. And it really did.

Two weeks after she got well, she began to change. At first it was hard to notice it. She would stop for a moment, her gaze grew distant and smile disappeared. But as soon as he asked what's wrong, she returned to her usual self and shaking head she smiled.

Another week later he found her looking longingly in the mirror. It seemed she was in some kind of trance, her hand reaching up and slowly moving to its surface. Feeling a sudden anxiety Azriel ran to her and tugging her to tight embrace he turned her back to the mirror. It took few seconds until she recovered. She seemed to be disoriented, having no idea what she was doing. Since then Azriel watched her more closely. He was afraid that she would return to her world, if she touched the mirror. Just in case, he put all mirrors in his room away and asked even House to do the same with the rest.

But everything got just worse. Day after day she was becoming sadder, her healthy colour was fading away before Azriel's eyes. Eventually she lost her appetite and turned into a ghost, too weak to stand up from bed. Nobody knew what was wrong with her. Madja gave her some medication, but it didn't work at all. Azriel stayed with her day and night, pressing her to his body and telling her stories. He felt so helpless. He wanted to scream to the world and beg Mother and all gods whose names were forgotten to help them, to save her.

Once in the middle of the night Azriel sat on the bed with sleeping girl curled on his chest. Lately she mostly just slept. His fingers were shaking as he lightly caressed her along the spine, his nose pressed to the crook of her neck. Inhaling her fading sweet scent he silently cried. She was so weak. His head already knew what his heart refused to admit. These were last moments they had.

A silent knock sounded on the doors and Rhysand peeked inside. His brows furrowed when he saw them. “May I?” Azriel just nodded, his eyes still closed as another tears ran down his cheeks. Rhysand came to the bed, sat down on its edge and squeezed his brother's shoulder.

“I met with Helion.. I'm sorry.. He can't do anything for her,” Rhysand said in grave voice. Azriel just nodded. He already knew it. “Helion also shares my opinion. I'm really sorry for what I'm about to say.. it isn't easy, you know.. but we both agreed that she most likely needs to return.. back to her world..”

Azriel shook his head and more tears fell from his eyes. “I was thinking about it too.. and came to the same conclusion.. but I just can't..” he sobbed, his voice failing him. “I can't let her go.. I can't live without her.. I don't want to..”

“I know,” Rhysand squeezed his shoulder. “Nobody wants her to go.. but it's for her own good..” Azriel didn't answer, instead he held the girl tighter. Rhysand watched him for a while, trying to soothe his pain.

The dawn was coming. Girl's breath became shallow. It were her last moments. The both of them knew it.

“Do you want me to do it?” Rhysand asked gently. Azriel just silently nodded. A tall mirror appeared right next to the bed. Holding the girl Azriel stood up in front of it. He looked at her face for the last time. He kissed her with all his love, bidding his last goodbye to her.

“Please, let her return back,” he sobbed, voice full of raw pain. “Let her get well.. Let her live...”

Mirror's surface rippled in answer. Azriel took girl's hand and pressed it to the mirror. She melted away like a morning mist and Azriel remained standing there empty-handed. Scream full of pain broke through his pursed lips and he fell to his knees. Rhysand was immediately there, enclasping Azriel's shaking shoulders. With his free hand he stroked his back.

Meanwhile the girl on the other side sat up. She was pale, but instantly she felt much better and stronger. She looked around in confusion, recognizing her old bedroom. She was back in her world.

Quickly she turned to the mirror behind her and her nails dug into its frame. Instead of her reflection she could see a broken man with wings kneeling on the floor. Azriel was looking back at her, tears rolling down his cheeks while Rhysand next to him was trying to calm him down. She shook her head and tears wet her cheeks. That was the last time she could see him. The mirror rippled and all she could see after that was her own reflection.

“Goodbye, my angel,” she whispered feeling his taste mixed with salty tears on her lips and crying she curled into a ball on the floor.

[italianpersonwithashippersheart]

DFF - Character Reveals and Why Some Work and Some Don't

I have been thinking about Phee and Tan and why the Tan reveal was so amazing while the Phee character reveal post episode 9 destroyed the character for a big chunk of the audience.

It all started with a post from @mikuni14 here is the link with a couple of additions and back and forths, from me, op and @leconcombrerit and the comments in the notes by @kerrikins which I just say today and accidently helped me figure out why I don't like post episode 9 Phee.

Set Up to The Reveal

I think most of us can agree that Tan and Phee have been suspicious since episode 1. The key to the later reveals was for Phee to appear the one in charage as highlighten in this excellent post episode 9 post from @lurkingshan

So for 8 weeks of real world time, everyone who watched live spend that time with this image of Phee: A loyal, smart, leader oriented teen that made a mistake in anger and betrayal and is now trying to make up for it. Someone who is charge and on top of this revenge plan. Someone who is willing to get their hands dirty.

While Tan came across as someone who wants answears, who likes to get high with these people but is only for real close to Phee, and fades into the background unleass you are specifically analyzing his character.

Speaking from me only, even while I was obsessing over Mio's microexpression I was skeptical over the Tan is the brother reveal, I was coinvinced that I wasn't going to suspend my disbelief over Mio's age and that it didn't make any sense because Phee looked to be so much more in charge.

Writers don't know what the audience is going to like about the character before the reveal happens. And with every character you ran the risk of that reveal destroying the audience's attachment by changing the wrong things.

The Reveals in Ep 9

While DFF had other reveals, specifically with Phee, all those revealed only served to strengthen the audience initial perception of Phee.

Then came episode 9. And while the Tan is New reveal blew everyone including me out of the water over how good it was, seriously Mio was amazing in this role and the writing for him was insanly good, Phee's episode 9 reveals didn't work as much.

Why?

It's simple because Tan was very much non entity pre-reveal. If you weren't obssessing over everything like myself you barely payed attention to him.

There was no character for the reveal to assinate, Tan never came across as someone who was especially close to any of the others except for Phee, at the most he Fluke and Top were his weed buddies and that is the extent of the friendships you saw between Tan and the group.

The reveal strengthents the character, they make it better, they make you go back and appriciate everything you didn't notice. All the little moments of barely concealed disdain.

While with Phee it's the opposite. Phee was a strong character already, and everything that we saw seem to reinforced that.

But episode 9 changed that. Episode 9 destroyed all of it, and while it worked fine at the time, the cracks started to appear as soon as episode 10 rolled around.

Because everything we learn from episode 9 destroyes everything we know about Phee as a character.

Loyal = He flipped on the boys as soon as they were nice to him and Tan [Read: OUR FRIENDS NEED HELP - I haven't forgotten, OUR FRIENDS I wanted to kill him]. Falls in love with Jin in three scenes (and yeah I know that it might have been weeks of real world time, BUT FOR US it was 3 scenes, in 3 scenes he was over Non and totally lovey dovey with Jin.), Enables New's revenge and pretends to be on his side still all the while not doing anything to help or not even wanting to do anything that doesn't help his guilt anymore.

Smart = Are we really supposed to believe that Phee had no idea that New had the intention of seeing the boys die? Am I really supposed to believe that the son of a cop, saw New totally loose everything, ask to die, profess revenge [the flashback scene I'll Make Them Pay in episode 12] and then heard "This won't killed them" in that tone and not made 2 + 2??? Are we for real right now??????

Leader Oriented = Not in charge of their mission, taking New's lead

Teen who made a mistake and said something in anger = This one is still valid, but it lessened by knowing he never actually confronted that what happened to Non was predatory and a little more complicated then actual cheating. Or the fact that he dismissed Non's call or explanations. The fact that he seemingly gets over Non and totally falls for Jin within a week of meeting him fits with stupid teen boy, but really doesn't help.

In charged and on top of this revenge plan = Again, not in charge of the plan seemingly just going along for the ride.

Someone who is willing to get their hands dirty = He has ethics about muder completely OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE!! It is valid to not want to kill people but I'm sorry where the fuck were this boy ethics before? An incompelte lists of things Phee did that he was somehow totally fine with despite his so called "ethics":

Sleeps with Jin under false pretenses

Lied to his father and implicated himself in a crime just to help Non.

Ok with drugging people with a dangerous experimental drugs that causes fear and paranoia after New's reassurance that it tots won't kill them trust me bro.

Sleeping with Jin while he was definately 100% under the influence of New's drugs (the fail blow job in episode one) [We know they were still influenced because if the hand groping Tee was an hallucination then all the characters were still drugged]

Enabled New's revenge quest for three years whithout ever trying to get New to go back to his family (we didn't see it or have it mention so it didn't happen within the text)

Totally ok with sending Top with New post Uncle Dang getting his head chopped off while under the impression that New is responsible for said head chopping

Under the impression that New caused Por getting impaled but still not saying anything (we know that he could have said something because that is what he does later)

Learns that Jin filmed Non and posted the video and reacts with: So we were both hurting him and is fine with it in 5 minutes.

Apparently never fucking interrogated or contronted what happened to Non with Keng, never calls it grooming or abuse. Never recognizes that there were deeper motivations. In three years he manged to do 0 internal searching on it. Despite the fact that Por (who is a dick and the same age as the other boys and Phee) managed to come that conclusion right away.

There's probably more. His ethics come out of nowhere and feel like he is betraying New and being a dysloyal dick, because this character doesn't and has never come across as someone who gives a shit about ethics.

Like ok none of those things are muder fair enough, but a story needs to set up a character internal conflict over murder on a revenge quest a little better then a simple "This won't kill them right?"

Phee post episode 9 character falls apart because it is simply not the same character we thought we were getting for the previous 8 episodes. If you are not a PheeJin shipper there is not much post episode 9 to like about Phee. In the most charitable of read he comes across as bellyflopping follower who couldn't make a decision about what he wanted for 3 years.

I think somewhere along the lines something from the original idea got lost in the writing. To the writers who know this character inside and out and created him, Phee probably comes across as someone who struggled for years and was very conflicted and tourtured, unfortunatly the structure the chose for the plot doesn't have much time to show that to us.

Character reveals should always feel like they make sense, you should be able to go back and fit what you previously knew about the character with the new reveal. The reveal should feel like something that re-orients the puzzle, or helps you to put something in a different prospective. Not something that totally breaks everything that came before.

Reveals that are meant to make you feel like everything you knew about that character was a lie are much trickier to writer and balance, and crucially YOU MUST TREAT THEM LIKE THEY DO.

I never got the sense that the show wanted me to see Phee's betrayal and flipping on New as a bad thing, as something that goes against what the audience believed the character to be.

It just comes across that he is going from sympathic villain to tourtured anti-hero. At least that is what it feels like the writer wanted to show with that. Not that I see Tan or Post episode 9 Phee as sympathic villains. It feels like the writers saw them like that.

[greeen-bean]

Tuesday

"Nothing will ever love me like that. Doesn't matter. Jowan exists. There's something good in the world. There's a point to being alive."

"I laugh. It's kind of funny. We look like we're a couple, or something."

"[Coming out as trans] actually brought in a whole new load of listeners, ones that looked up to me specifically. Which was cool. Suddenly we weren't just a teenage boy band playing fun upbeat tunes. Suddenly we were something a little bit more important than that."

"He's always been a bit separate from Rowan and me. [...] It's always sorta been Rowan and Jimmy, plus Lister. We still love him of course. But that's just the way it is."

"All seems to be forgiven, but when Lister skips away to his own chair, I watch Rowan's smile fade away until nothing."

"I've never seen you so angry, my girl. You're not a naturally angry person. It was a bit of a shock for everyone."

"We're worried it might be too important."

"Don't worry. I know that. I'm fully aware I'm average. God, I'm so so aware I'm average. But I'm not going to think about any of that right now. I don't need to. This week isn't about my life. I don't have to think about it at all. This week is about the Ark."

"I like to imagine. I like to hope. I like to feel happy."

"There's a big window on one side of the bathroom. Big enough to climb out, probably. We're on the ground floor. We could just climb out and run. Get up and go."

"Older interviewers, like Dave, are always obsessed with how many adjectives they can put before our names."

"It's impossible to be unhappy knowing that Jimmy and Rowan are in love with each other."

" I think the truth is that everyone in the entire world is confused and nobody understands much of anything at all."

" Being a male fan of obscure old bands is, for some reason, more acceptable than being a female fan of a twenty first century boy band."

"'They make me feel like' That something good exists. That the world shouldn't just disintegrate, right now. That there's something worth me sticking around for. 'Wouldn't you otherwise?' I tried to think of another pair of people that make me believe in love but nothing comes to mind. I think about my parents snapping at each other. A school friend dumped after she finally had sex with her boyfriend. A couple sitting inside at a restaurant table. 'Probably not' I say"

"An old woman is sitting next to me. 'Whatever it is,' she says 'it's all God's plan, and He knows what He's doing.' 'Sorry,' I say smiling. 'Did I look sad?' 'You look like it's the end of the world my love'"

"Everyone just wants to be friends with Lister Bird."

"Rowan and bliss were a perfect couple at the beginning."

"I almost want to laugh. As if this guy knows anything about having fans like ours."

"You Ark clones think you're the fucking kings of the world, don't you? [...] Sometime soon something's going to knock you down from your pedestal"

"Sometimes I wish I was a normal teenager. I could go to a party and maybe kiss a boy and work out all that stuff like normal people do."

"But we're God's Jimmy. What's better than that?"

" You simply don't seem to care about your achievements or want to celebrate them. You don't value that part of yourself. You just...care about this boy band.' [...] 'Dad, why would I want to Celebrate myself when i'm so extremely average?'"

"'Because it's your life.' [...] 'I just want to go to a concert,' I say 'And then I'll feel better.' 'Were you not feeling better before my girl?' I don't think i've ever felt anything except The Ark."

"'I hate myself.' 'Why would you do that?' 'Whoever I am...it's bad.' 'Why would you say that?'"

"'I can't do it by myself.' 'You're going to have to one day, Jim-Bob, I'm eighty-four years old. We all have to do this by ourselves eventually.' 'I can't. When you're gone...I don't want to be here any more.'"

[technovillain]

Obsessed with your alt Gisu design, you have so much talent! 💙💙💙💙 I was wondering how you came up with each of the interns alt designs. Also hope you make a comic using that Alt design for Gisu one day!

tysm!!!! i'm glad u like them ehehehe ^_^ i can give u some design notes. it will be a long post sooooo I will put it under the cut. always love an excuse to ramble abt design choices.

Gisu: I do like her dinosaur shirt swag, but i feel like her layering doesn't have a lot of clarity in terms of like. what is going on with the shirts (vest?) and since the dino thing is never relevant to her character, I decided to lean into the electrokinesis theme with the lightning bolt jumper & under-cape pattern. Which is just a headcanon but I always forget it is!! I just like the idea of her being into electrokinesis bc it would make a lot of sense for someone who is paired up with Otto. Changed her bag to be a strap for her board so she doesn't have to carry it around all the time. Asymmetrical bun for some of that PN1 asymmetry flavor. Mismatched shoes bc she seems like the type to think that's cool (also maybe bc i do this and i'm projecting) Missing toof from skating incident + torn jeans. Electrokinesis scars on her hands, bc I like to think that psi-powers can leave physical damage if not used properly.

Morris: tried to balance out his proportions a little bit because sometime i feel like his head is so big you can't even see his body in screencaps. tried to make his head less round and his eyes too, I kind of like the thing that PN1 did where the heads sort of just fade into necks with less of a cutoff so I did that too. Nasty teenager moustache just felt right + some freckles. I changed his nose scar to face the other way bc I thought it was supposed to be nostrils at first. No notes on his levball-lawnchair wheelchair bc it is everything to me.

Lizzie: wanted to up the 80s goth influence on her. Imagine her hair as the super-teased puffy fried Siouxsie hair of the 80s goths. Nerfed her amount of patterns just for the sake of there is no way I am ever going to draw all of her details ever bc I don't have that kind of patience. again the graphic liner to lean into the 80s goth style. Also took away her chin/neck priveleges bc I did that to norma first and wanted them to still look similar. denim vest for more 80s influence.

Adam: (his is the only one i haven't stuck to drawing like this yet bc i like his canon round head) but I made him more square in general bc I feel like he's the most grounded and straight-edged intern. gave him more pattern on his dress (tunic?) and hat bc everybody has more pattern than him. the linked lapel pins and hat dangles are meant to evoke his use of the yo-yo weapon. Unified his color palette more with more green and purple. Strings tied around his fingers, again for more yo-yo imagery but also bc he seems like a workaholic who would be overscheduled and have a lot to remember.

Norma: this girl knits!!! she was the first character i tried to "PN1-ify" and she just felt like she needed a big old backpack. for her overprepared freshman who thinks she knows everything energy. also symbolizes her putting a ton of weight and expectations on her shoulders when she really doesn't have to (which is kind of a core tenet of the little bit of canon personality she has) orange glasses bc my tinted glasses addiction is quite evident. the yellow pompom on her hat matches Lizzie's, giving them a sibling connection, also saying that she knitted her sister's hat :]

Sam: the first thing that I thought when I first saw Sam's canon design was that she looked straight out of 2013 with her ugg boots and that particular shirt pattern, which maybe isn't exclusive to the early 2010s but once i thought that it was burnt into my mind. So I tried to make her look more 80s with the short skirt and buckled boots and off the shoulder sweater. the too-long sleeves give her kitty energy (and i put cat hair on them). Gave her whale earrings bc she seems to really like whales in canon. gave her a cleft palate scar because i drew her with that once, plus I kind of see it when she makes the :3 face. revoked her neck priveleges altogether because if compton and dogen don't have them why should she!!!

[karma-simp]

I hate assassination classroom so I've been redesigning it

(That's my Ao3 which has all of my Karma x reader fics). Also TW! I have photos of my drawings in here and my phone quality is soooooo bad.

Don't get me wrong, I've been obsessing over assassination classroom since September 2020 (4 years). But like... the writing is so bad! Like Yusei Matsui, you had some very good ideas and concepts, but you were so bad at communicating them. It has taken over 3 years of analysis to understand even basic ideas

Like your main character, Shiota Nagisa is kinda badly written. His talent isn't bloodlust, it's deception. He appears weak and fragile but is actually a violent killer. He's observant but unnoticeable, so he fades into the background. His character arc is supposed to be finding himself, his way, and his self confidence.

Oh and there are so many 'jokes' made that aren't funny or things that are overlooked like I don't think there is a single good parent in that show except Karasuma. I mean Miss Bitch kissing the students isn't okay, the feminising Nagisa jokes aren't funny and honestly, I don't even like Korosensei anymore. Also Terasaka told Nagisa to kill himself and we never came back to it (or the actual suicide itself).

I mean sure, Korosensei does a lot for those kids, but he just comes off as more of a 'fun' teacher that plays games in class and is always there to talk to but he just seems unprofessional. I mean he's a goddamn mass murderer for god's sake. His backstory took ages for me to understand. Like wah wah, he has to die, cool story bro. I get a backstory every anime (or episode if your demon slayer) so I have no sympathy. But I guess I am a 'greater good' lover so whatever.

Also don't even think to bring up Karma. I mean my username is Karmas-wife, so I am not just his defender, I'm his lawyer. The civil war arc is so out of character for him and so is him teasing Nagisa about being girly after finding about his mum. Sure he might seem like an asshole, but that's the mask, that's what he wants you to think. But he's kind and protective, he's not egotistical. He defends his classmates and friends time and time again. I want to see so much more of him. His anger, fighting prowess, leadership, vulnerability and healing.

Also, the deuteragonist should be Sugino, not Karma. Sugino is Nagisa's best friend, he's literally attached to Nagisa's side, and if I were to ask Nagisa who his best friend was, he would say Sugino. I kinda don't like him because he wouldn't like Karma but I understand that's a bias.

So all of this has made me want need to rewrite assassination classroom. I mean there's a whole lot of angst in the themes that just doesn't translate. Honestly, the show probably would be more memorable and of better quality if it was 3 seasons.

So here are some of my redesigns of characters

Protagonist: Shiota Nagisa

He starts off seemingly timid, quite and oblivious. To try and make up for his insecurity of being useless, Nagisa takes notes of Korosenei's weaknesses, attempts that work, strengths of his classmates and possible future attempts (in a bigger book). He's surprisingly calm under pressure, like when executing assassination attempts. Scarily so. This initially doesn't seem very scary until it combines with his hidden bloodlust. He enjoys the dominance that killing someone provides. Little bit by bit, the little moments of scariness begin to bleed through. Until Kayano shows Nagisa how to conceal himself better, making himself scarier. He wishes for the confidence that Sugino has. Used to be friends with Karma, but now Nagisa really only asks Karma for help because he's kind afraid of Karma. He originally thinks he should be an assassin because it's 'the only thing he's good at' until he starts teaching. The he realises he likes helping people grow more. Also, his talent is deception/ disguising himself, not bloodlust.

Deuteragonist/ Best Friend: Tomohito Sugino

The common sense/ brain cell holder (the only normal person in 3-E). Dad friend who feels very concerned for Nagisa and (rightfully) weary of Karma. Doesn't really see a lot that goes on but is very honest and down to earth (good contrast for airheaded Nagisa). Although he isn't very muscly, he is strong and courageous, like a classic hero. Can be quite simple. Has a crush on Kazaki, likes basketball/ sports and the ten million yen bounty.

Main love interest/ main girl: Kaede Kayano Akari Yukimura

After losing her sister, she infiltrates the E-Calss under a fake name. She eggerates her love of pudding and pretends to be a bubbly airhead. She befriends Nagisa to hide herself then helps him find himself to do this. Later, she reveals herself and after her unsuccessful assassination attempt, she reintroduces herself. The classmates get to know the real her: more mature, determined, fierce, serious but still social and more aware of people than they though. She gains a crush on Nagisa for his steadiness and his emotional intelligence (and kissing ability).

Classmate/ Ex-Friend: Karma Akabane

Used to be friends with Nagisa but got weary of his dark side. An aggressive/ intimidating fighter with a bad reputation of getting into fights (with people that deserved it) like his fight (with a bully) that put him in the E-Class. Doesn't often interact with his classmates as he scares them. He doesn't see any reason to care about grades, them, or himself). Has issues with authority (after betrayal from teacher and being abandoned by parents). Learns to care and put effort into things after being adopted cared for by Karasuma. This makes him go from a bossy shadow to a decisive leader and gives him awareness of others.

Secondary Love interest: Rio Nakamura

Popular jokester who knows (and tells) all the gossip. Similar to Miss Bitch: confident, snarky, headstrong and attention-seeking. Likes Nagisa because he doesn't stand up to her so is 'easy to control.' She loses interest when he does eventually stand up to her. Smarter than she lets on and doesn't want to tell the class to keep her popularity. When she shows how smart she actually is, she loses friends and forces them to come back.

Classmate /Class Clown: Maehara Hiroto

Childish class clown that lives off the words 'no homo' and laughs at fart jokes. Isogai's best friend. He always has a girlfriend and in the very short time in between them he's super depressed because he's scared of being alone. Laughs to hide the pain. Charismatic, attractive and surprisingly loyal. Notices the little things. Romantic and funny so the girls are all over him but he's just a teeny bit afraid of commitment.

Classmate: Manami Okuda

Chemistry girly. Likes easy observations, formulae, and studies of things/ chemicals/ matter. Words/ people are too complicated and she's very unaware of double/ hidden meanings of things due to being very solitary. After being taken advantage of by friends, she gives up on trying. Then she meets Kayano and Kanzaki who work around it. Then Karma and Korosensei teach her how to understand people and why it's important, making her better at communication. Very blunt and straightforward. Horrible liar/ actress.

Classmate/ Bully: Ryoma Terasaka

Bully that uses his strength as power over others/ gets others to do his dirty work. After it doesn't work and he drops to the E-Class, then is put down by his friends for it and sees the effect on Nagisa and the class, he grows up and starts to take responsibility for his actions. Then, he starts listening to others and following their lead. The class might joke about him being a dumbass (which he is) but he does a lot of growing and learns to genuinely care for others, rather than hurt them. Also has common sense but no other smarts.

So there's part 1 of redesigns. Thank you for reading.

[munchmemes]

olivia rodrigo lyrics, hidden vinyl tracks edition updated & added 'so american' 24.03.2024

❛ if i told you how much i think about them, you'd think i was in love. ❜ ❛ i'm so obsessed with your ex. i know they've been asleep on my side of your bed and i can feel it. ❜ ❛ i remember every detail you would ever tell me so be careful, baby. ❜ ❛ [you/they]'ve got those lips, [you/they]'ve got those hips, the life of every fucking party. ❜ ❛ i know you love me and i know it's crazy but every time you call my name, i think you mistake me for [them]. ❜ ❛ are they friends with your friends? are they good in bed? do you think about them? no? i'm fine, it doesn't matter. ❜ ❛ perfect, easy, so good to me. so, why's there a pit in my gut in the shape of you? ❜ ❛ i barely sleep when you sleep next to me. ❜ ❛ i say that i'm fine, i tell you all the time i've never felt so happy and sure. ❜ ❛ once you let the thought in, then it's already done. ❜ ❛ i lay in [your/their] arms and pretend that it's love. ❜ ❛ i'm not half as decent as you. ❜ ❛ i'd rather be tied to someone, even if they're wrong. ❜ ❛ i make excuses but my friends know the truth is i'm not as alright as i claim. ❜ ❛ i say that i'm fine, i tell them all the time as they watch all the life fade away. ❜ ❛ i pretend that it's love 'cause what if i never find anything better? ❜ ❛ we'll stay together 'cause how could i ever trade something that's good for what's right? ❜ ❛ i hadn't felt this hopeful since the day that you left and it felt nice. ❜ ❛ i was half myself without you and now i feel so complete. ❜ ❛ i can't even remember what made me lose all my sleep. ❜ ❛ i cried a million rivers for you but that's over now. ❜ ❛ now, you're just a stranger i know everything about. ❜ ❛ how did that happen? i can't imagine ever doing all that stuff for just one guy. like [you/they]'re just some guy. ❜ ❛ i hope you're happy, babe, you know i really do. ❜ ❛ god knows i am the [girl] i am because of you. ❜ ❛ you are the best thing that i'll ever keep so far out of my life. ❜ ❛ there's nothing left for me to know. ❜ ❛ i had to say, you had to go. ❜ ❛ i screamed, i cried, i did the whole thing and i love you mad but it doesn't matter anymore. ❜ ❛ if i'm not enough for you, you're not enough for me. ❜ ❛ i fought a million battles but you can't get to me now. ❜ ❛ you say i'm cruel beyond my years and you say you don't know me anymore. ❜ ❛ i got panic rooms inside my head. ❜ ❛ i get down with crooked men but i am the girl i've always been. ❜ ❛ i got wrapped up in the game again. ❜ ❛ i can't say i'm a perfect ten but i am the girl i've always been. ❜ ❛ don't say that i've been acting different. i'm nothing if not consistent. ❜ ❛ you knew everything you'd be getting. i told you right from the beginning. ❜ ❛ you never dreamed i'd be so cold and then with venom on your tongue you ask who i have become. ❜ ❛ i am a candle in the wind. i'll turn you out, i'll turn you in. ❜ ❛ you've got hands that make hell seem cold. ❜ ❛ [you/they]'re like a poem i wish i wrote. ❜ ❛ oh god, it's just not fair of [you/them] to make me feel this much. ❜ ❛ i'd go anywhere [you/they] go. ❜ ❛ oh god, i'm gonna marry [you/them] if [you/they] keep this shit up ❜ ❛ i'm so boring and i'm so rude. can't have a conversation if it's not all about [you/them]. ❜ ❛ i really love my bed but, man, it's hard to sleep when [you/they]'re with me. ❜ ❛ i might just be in love. ❜ ❛ i apologize if it's a little too much just a little too soon. ❜ ❛ if the conversation ever were to come up, i don't wanna assume this stuff. ❜