#because I looked up the stats and that's the size stores run out of most quickly

[sisterjaniswilde]

I am dead fucking serious when I say I wish I saw more fat women in public. I want to see fat models. I want to see fat women in department stores getting absolutely HYPE when they find racks and racks of clothing in their size and sizes up, so they too can get the "oversized, baggy fit" like women who fit into smalls and mediums. I want to see fat women wearing crop tops proudly and rocking mad midriff. I want to see fat women trying on clothing for their friends and family and saying "look! it compliments my body shape! it's like it was made for me!" I want to see fat women with "cankles" wearing pretty jingling anklets skipping and jumping just to show them off. I want to see fat women on TV, in magazines, on billboards, in all manner of ads, and in online shop images because I want to see my fucking self and all the women I know who don't see enough of themselves. I want to see fat women living, loving, and being visibly proud of who they are because they are beautiful, WE are beautiful. I want to see fat women because fat women need to see other fat women.

[deanstrickland]

❝ WHAT CAN I DO BUT FEEL THE WEIGHT I'M UNDERNEATH AND GRIT MY TEETH ❞

STATS:

Name: Dean Strickland

Age: 35

Face Claim: Ben Robson

Occupation: Owner of Dutch's Pawn & soul surfer

Neighborhood: South Hills

Gender & Preferred Pronouns: Cis male & he/him

BIOGRAPHY:

trigger warning: alcoholism, robbery, car accident

When Dean Strickland was born into the world it came as a surprise, with his mother’s water breaking two weeks early and not quite making it to the hospital. He was born in the backseat of his dad’s Camaro two blocks out from medical services. Since then his mother claimed Dean bulldozed his way into the world, which seemed to remain something of a personality trait throughout his life. His father, known around town as Dutch, owned a pawn shop and was the old tale of someone that completely peaked in high school. The man couldn’t let go of his glory days, when he was a football star and could have any girl he wanted, destined for something far greater than what he eventually became. Which was a gruff alcoholic with a bad temper and an affinity for blaming the world for his problems. Out of all the girls he had his pick from, Dutch chose Dean’s mother because, in his eyes, she was the prettiest. But really, she was just the most cunning. Connie saw a mealticket in Dutch, a way out and likely place somewhere on the west coast. She’s always had dreams of California and in high school it was easy to promise the world when universities were knocking on your door. Then Dean ruined everything when Connie’s pregnancy test their senior year announced that he’d be joining them in nine months. The offers seemed to whittle away and the young couple had to find a way to support themselves and the baby that was about to demand so much from their lives.

As a kid, Dean was often called Tarzan because his mom liked to keep his hair a little longer and he usually ran around everywhere in just shorts or jeans. No shirt, no shoes, just a wild and unruly boy that never said no to an adventure. He began surfing and swimming young, his above average height aided his natural abilities — he had his father’s athleticism and his mother’s agility. The wild boy was reeled in by his father who saw a potential to relive his greatness through his son, which meant that Dutch had Dean out on the water nearly every day and ripping apart youth competitions when they came. Everyone, even the big sponsors and the big names in the sport, seemed to recognize that there was something spiritual in the way Dean could surf. Like he was a demigod, given a gift from Zeus himself. Competitions just really didn’t do a damn thing for the kid. All he cared about was running wild with his friends, climbing things and getting into trouble, not being tamed to some structured routine where he had to practice and then compete against other kids he assumed had no lives because they were too busy training.

Something that was amazing as Dean grew up, aside from his size and stature, was that despite hardly attending school and classes he managed to pass every single one of them. He was smart, read a lot, but school was boring as hell and there was too much fun to be had out there. When he should’ve been in math class he was at the corner store shoplifting something just for the hell of it. English class? No, he was off stealing one of his neighbor’s riding lawn mowers and then using it to write messages in the school’s football field. Dean was arrested and tossed into cells more times than anyone could count or seemed to keep track of. Somehow his punishments never went further than a few nights in juvie. Dutch had a lot of friends about town, being a business owner and a former town hero, and that bought a lot of mercy. Maybe people even felt sorry for the family, given that Dean was looked at as some wild and unruly teen that wasn’t being raised or controlled, and his mother was in and out of rehab for drug use. She also struggled with bouts of depression, surely sad for the life she could’ve had and missed out on because she ended up with a baby at 18 and a significant other that never amounted to anything. Dutch, needing to do something with his life and support his child and baby mama, opened up a pawn shop. It became fairly successful but he couldn’t let go of all he should’ve been and all life had taken away from him. So he drank a lot and spent most of his time at the shop because it kept him from his reality at home.

By the time he had graduated high school, miraculously, Dean hit the road off and on, loosely following the pro surf circuit but never engaging in competition. He supported his little brother, gave him all the ins that were meant for him and watched him achieve success and dreams that he had actually wanted. Dean just wanted to travel, see things, surf in different spots around the globe, and of course find some trouble wherever he landed. It seemed a given in his life. But it all came to a halt when Dutch got into a drunk driving accident and suffered some brain damage as a result. Letting his brother go on and live the life, Dean came home and took up the pawn shop and eventually became owner when the power of attorney stepped in. The shop suffered to stay afloat since most of the money went to his father’s care, now that he needed it around the clock and Connie wasn’t capable. Nurses, especially the live-in kind, weren’t cheap. So, for a while, Dean supplemented the income with winnings he’d get from surf competitions. When he began to hate that, he started stealing and selling, even eventually graduated to robbery. Never once were any of those crimes committed in town, he wasn’t stupid no matter what public opinion of him may have been. He also kept things reasonable, never going out and doing anything flashy or buying something extravagant. It’s become just about living and surviving, doing what he has to for the old man and woman until they croak. Which, some days, he hopes is sooner rather than later.

[allisonlol]

maybe hcs of s/o moving into chuuyas and/or jounos house

💕

a/n: so cute?? i really love this prompt so y’all lmk if u want a part two

warnings: one suggestive comment in chuuya’s part?? otherwise none

(Chuuya, Jouno) When Their S/O Moves In with Them

Chuuya

would probably offer for you to move in after a few months of dating

& tbh anyone who gets to move in with him is lucky asf

because this man is rich

lives in a penthouse that overlooks the city

so something like this:

you’re pretty amazed when you first walk in LMAO

you also wind up getting lost a few times since there’s so many hallways

one time you couldn’t find the bathroom, and had to call chuuya while he was at work to ask where it was 

mans thought it was an emergency but then he answered and u were just like: “so uhh…where’s the bathroom”

half of the rooms are either empty or used for storage tho since chuuya lived alone previously

yes, this man has an entire room dedicated to storing his wine (as he should)

helps you transfer in all your stuff pretty quickly!! you’re fully moved in after only two days

gives you an entire bedroom for yourself, even tho you just end up sharing chuuya’s with him

btw, he has a king sized bed that is the most comfortable thing you’ve ever slept on

which is also convenient for other purposes...y’know 😚

don’t worry about running out of space for all the clothes he buys for you; you have an entire walk in closet just for yourself

chuuya’s only request is that you don’t invite too many people over since he is a mafia executive and needs to stay secret 

does let you invite over a few close friends and family!! plus, the penthouse does have top notch security just in case

the first night after you’ve moved in, chuuya hosts a little dinner party on the balcony and lets you invite some friends from within the mafia

lets you change around the interior design to your heart’s desire :’) you don’t like the paintjob on the walls? he’s hiring someone to change the color stat 

Jouno

would take a bit longer for jouno to let you move in since his home is a very personal space for him

so after about a year of dating

his place isn't as luxurious as chuuya's, but it's still really nice!! since this boy is pretty rich as well

lives in an apartment that's a bit on the smaller side so it's easier for him to navigate

looks something like this!!

pretty simplistic since he doesn't have much of a purpose for interior design 

also super specific as to where things are placed (since he's blind) so pls don't move stuff around

^for this reason he also turns the guest room into your own bedroom, since it’d be too confusing for him if you shared his room

you don’t mind this at all since it allows both of you to stay more organized

don’t get me wrong, the two of you still sleep together in the same bed!! you just keep your clothes/belongings in separate rooms 

jouno wouldn’t mind if you changed the interior design of his place (since it’s not like he’d see it anyways-)

just don’t move the furniture or he’ll be severely confused & probably trip over something 😭

also?? his apartment smells so good??

^keeps little scented candles in every room so it smells like warm vanilla 

always the perfect temperature too!! just don’t touch the thermostat because he will instantly know

he’s not too fond of inviting people over for several reasons, but will make exceptions for your trusted close friends only

lmao imagine if u invited tecchou over,,,,,,jouno would LOSE IT

i wanna write about that now

anyways, it’s rare for you to ever lose anything in his apartment since it’s so ORGANIZED

but if you misplace something, he won’t be much help 💀

basically impossible for you to get lost too since the layout is straightforward

jouno is another one who also helps you move in pretty quickly since he hates the hassle of it all; after a day or two you’re all set!!

[townofcrosshollow]

Twine Sugarcube 102: Stats n’ Stuff

Finally, the long awaited sequel to my original Twine tutorial! Long awaited by me, because I’ve been meaning to make another one but I just haven’t gotten around to it. If you need a refresher on what that tutorial covered, feel free to go check it out here. But now, it’s time to talk a little bit about stats!

As usual, the tutorial (below the cut) should be perfectly beginner friendly and explain everything you’ll need to know to implement this into your game, although it might be a bit long! It’ll also include a bit at the end telling you how to install and use custom macros. Enjoy!

In Twine, there’s no distinct thing called a ‘stat.’ You store stats the same way you’d store information about what the player chose to eat that morning or whether they picked up an item. Using variables. Variables, if you don’t recall, are little pieces of information that can vary over time. In Twine, they’re represented by a $ before the variable’s name- so $health might be how you track a player’s health, and $hasKey might be how you track whether a player has a key.

Setting Stats

So, let’s say we want to track a stat called.... $stat. Well, first, we’re going to have to set that stat. Sugarcube has a bunch of “special passages” that do special things in the game, such as adding text or links to the sidebar. In our case, we’re looking to name a passage “StoryInit.” Whatever code is contained in this passage will run silently in the background as soon as the player opens the game, which means it’s great for setting defaults.

This is where you’ll decide what numbers you want to use to track stats. You might go for something like numbers from 0 to 100, but personally I’m going to use numbers from 0 to 1 (for easier compatibility with the meter macro I’ll introduce later on!). We’re going to start halfway through, as a sort of “neutral” that the player starts with. So, in the StoryInit passage, we’ll add this:

<<set $stat to 0.5>>

Simple enough. But how do we edit that number? Let’s say we give the player two options to proceed, with the first increasing $stat and the second decreasing $stat. All we have to do is add a setter to our link. This is what normal links in Sugarcube look like:

[[Option 1|Passage1]] [[Option 2|Passage2]]

To add setters to those links, we just have to insert two square brackets between the last set and add what we might add to a <<set>> macro. So like this:

[[Option 1|Passage1][$stat += 0.1]] [[Option 2|Passage2][$stat -= 0.1]]

In case you don’t remember, the “+=“ means that the engine will add 0.1 to the current value of $stat, and then replace $stat with the result. So if a player chooses option 1, their value of $stat will now equal 0.6, and if they choose option 2, it’ll equal 0.4.

Using Stats

Now that we know how to change a player’s stats, though, how are we going to implement it? Well, of course, we can use the <<if>> macro to show different text to players with different stats. Let’s say we want a character to say two different lines of dialogue based on whether the player has 0.6 or more in a stat or if they have less than that. We might do something a bit like this:

<<if $stat gte 0.6>>\ “This is a line of dialogue!” <<else>>\ “This is another line of dialogue!” <</if>>\

“gte” means “greater than or equal to,” the same as >. If the stat is greater than or equal to 0.6, the game will display that line of dialogue. If not, the macro will continue down and display what’s under the “else” instead.

That’s all well and good, but if you’re including stats in your game, you probably want to implement more than just cosmetic changes. A common idea is to make certain options only available to players with high enough stats, or make an action’s success or failure depend on their stats. To achieve that, we’ll use a combination of links and the <<if>> macro.

First, here’s an example where the link will bring you to a different page depending on your speed stat. It will display the link “Run!” and the <<if>> macro will test whether the player has a speed of 0.6 or higher. If they do, they will be redirected to the passage “Escape.” If not, they will be redirected to the passage “Caught.”

<<link ‘Run!’>>     <<if $speed gte 0.6>>\         <<goto ‘Escape’>>\     <<else>>\         <<goto ‘Caught’>>\     <</if>>\ <</link>>\

Here’s another example that uses similar methods to tell whether you’re good enough, but instead of redirecting to different pages, the option will only be available if you’ve got the right stats.

<<if $speed gte 0.6>>\ [[Run!|Escape]] <</if>>\

The problem with that sort of method is that if players don’t know they missed out on something, they can be less likely to replay the game. So instead, we can try putting grayed out text where the link would be, indicating to the player that they need better stats to proceed. Remember to add a class like “gray” or “grayed-out” to your stylesheet to change the colour of that text. We’ll also add a little indicator to the link to show them what stat they need to improve to proceed in this way.

<<if $speed gte 0.6>>\ [[Run! (Speed 60)|Escape]] <<else>>\ <span-class=‘grayed-out’>Run! (Speed 60)</span> <</if>>\

But how does a player know if they have a high enough stat to proceed? Well, you can always display it on the screen by just typing $stat. That will show the pure number, meaning “$stat%” would show “60%” if $stat were set to 60. But if you want something fancier, you can instead use a meter! And I’m going to use this as an opportunity to explain...

Installing and Using Custom Macros

If you want to do something cool that isn’t part of the basic Sugarcube format, chances are, somebody might have made a custom macro for it! In this case, we’ll be using the Meter Macro Set by ChapelR.

These custom macros are surprisingly easy to install. All you need to do is open your game’s Javascript (in the same menu as the stylesheet). In the case of this macro, we’ll click the “minified” option, copy it, and paste it all into our Javascript file. With some macros you’ll also need to add code to the stylesheet, but not this one. Installation done! Now Twine knows how to create meters!

Most custom macros are pretty easy to use and will list instructions below- typically you just have to add some variables in and it’ll work right out of the box. This one is a bit harder and requires some prep, so let’s go through it step-by-step.

Remember StoryInit? Open that back up again, cause we’ll need to use it. By running the <<newmeter>> macro in StoryInit, it’ll set up the meters we’ll be displaying on screen.

<<newmeter 'Stat' $stat>>      <<colors 'gray' 'gray' 'white'>>      <<sizing '50%' '2em'>>     <<label Stat black center>> <</newmeter>>

So what we’ve created there is a meter that tracks the $stat variable. It is titled “Stat” so that we know how to reference it later. The colours section determines what parts of the meter are different colours, the sizing determines how wide and tall it is (50% wide, 2em tall), and the label section creates a red label in the center of the macro that says ‘Stat.’ All of those sub-sections are optional, so if you don’t need a label or you’re happy with the default size, feel free to leave them out.

Now whenever we want the player to see that meter, such as in a dedicated stats page, we’ll just have to type this:

<<showmeter ‘Stat’ $stat>>

And voila, we have a meter!

...admittedly, it’s not the nicest looking meter. But with these tools you can surely make something magnificent!

I hope this tutorial was helpful! This topic is the one I see asked about the most, so I figured I would step in and see if I could give people a hand with it. Of course, as always, if you have any questions about what I talked about here or about any other Twine-coding-related stuff, feel free to send me an ask and I’ll be happy to give you some pointers! Twine is a really fun program to code with, and I hope this inspires some folks out there to give it a shot as well :’)

[jungxk]

just one (viii)

summary: the only guy on campus who’s track record trumped that of your best friend’s - park jimin - was jeon jungkook. not that that was a problem…until he set his sights on you.

notes: first of all i wanna thank the people who supported me and encouraged me through one of the worst writers blocks of my life. all the messages and comments are the reason why i finally managed to post this. special thanks to @whippedforkook for helping me with the monstrous tagging process as well as giving me so much praise. and also @lonelyending for cheering me on for a literal YEAR bc thats how long i cried over this fic! this story is so special to me. we’re in the home stretch now x

warnings: mentions of illegal drug use and distribution, swearing, brief smut.

genre: drama, romance, humour, college!au

wordcount: 8k

tagging: @cutechim @benz-biarritz @gyukult @bangulin @eatersanonymous @alyssa1926 @skivv1es @a-sucker-for-them-sappy-shit @moonights @jeymuffins @juuneaux @catsukiii @andreaisaac @whatheydontunderstand @sreveles @noruls619 @henryharios @just-a-fuxked-up-kid @befriendswithj @btsbesharam @poemsandpunani @taelha @misosoup-forthesoul @jikooksmut @heart-eyedmf @the-piano-woman @angrysunshine @chaoticpaperfanhoagie @jsungshine @ci-yen @faby-montana @shinypeanutsportshero @jooniestrivia @alucards-s @cynamyngirl @jiminie-angel @myskoova @jkshoneybuns @smokintae @remmykinsff @majinbuwu @jangx2manboongx2 @potatodogs @seul-queen @alpharyth @blenxxxg @plsky @th-singularity @bapbaptothetop @hermiones-enchantment @stomachfilledwithbutterflies @euphorora @supachloe94 @jiminxjimout @ggukkieland @just-another-fic-recs-blog @jalexad​

part i // part ii // part iii // part iv // part v // part vi // part vii // part viii // part ix // part x

x

4 years ago

x

jimin hated yugyeom.

well, maybe hate was a strong word. he just didn't like talking to him, being around him, hearing his name or interacting with him on any level, social or otherwise. he really tried though, since he was one of jungkook's closest friends and still respectfully referred to him as hyung above all else. and if anything, jimin would always have a soft spot for jungkook, the kid he used to coddle when his own brother wasn't around. but having said that, there wasn't really much basis for not liking yugyeom. it was just a gut feeling jimin couldn't explain, a very subtle callousness about him only jimin could pick up on. for the most part he was just like very other mild mannered boy by day and party animal by night, but jimin still ducks when he sees him enter the library.

"fuck," he hisses under his breath, scooping up his laptop to stride behind a book shelf for good measure. because sometimes, contrary to popular belief, jimin wanted to be alone. he didn't want to make small talk or listen to someone tell him about how well they scored on their last paper or complain about their annoying girlfriend. sometimes jimin wanted to have no thoughts and listen to fleetwood mac as per his human rights. which is why he shoves into the first private study room he sees.

and not an empty one at that. there's a girl inside, sitting cross-legged in her chair at a desk with an array of dried up paint tubes and brushes surrounding open sketchbooks. you don't look annoyed or even that phased, just amused as you give him a once over before going back to painting. "on the run from solji?"

jimin blinks, back still pressed against the door. "huh?" he regards you properly. "i'm sorry, have we met before?"

"not really," you admit with a sheepish smile, which is when jimin suddenly realises that you're...attractive. "solji is in my stats class. you hooked up with her last week at some party and she told me about it."

"oh," jimin takes in your plethora of art supplies. "you don't look like a stem student."

there's a glimmer of something in your eyes, and though you hide it well jimin knows he's struck a nerve. "yeah, i get that a lot."

"it's not solji by the way," jimin clarifies. for some reason. "that i'm hiding from. just a bellend i don't have the energy for right now."

you smile. "it's fine. you don't owe me your life story."

"i do when i'm about to impose on your...study time," jimin peers through the window in the door, wincing when yugyeom enters the hallway. "what would it take for you to let me stay in here for a while?"

you pause for a second. "honestly? just be quiet and leave me alone. is that okay?"

jimin perks up, a weight leaving his chest. "perfect, actually."

x

x

x

[jungkook 11:42pm]: why does it say wings on it

[jungkook 11:42pm] where is it flying

[you: 11:43pm] ffs kook

[you: 11:44pm] im still on the toilet can u just hurry up

[you 11:44pm] grab some tampons too pls

[jungkook 11:46pm] fine what size pussy do u wear

[you 11:46pm] i hate u

[jungkook 11:53pm] ???? ? ? well? ????

[you 11:54pm] REGULAR 

jungkook giggles at his phone, already having left the women's sanitary aisle to grab some chocolate. months later and teasing you was still bundles of fun. he knew for a fact that you were sat there with that angry pout on your face, nose crinkled. he had never bought anything like this before, but jungkook had enough brain cells to know that chocolate was another necessity for that time of the month. after grabbing a large hazelnut bar, he pauses beside the oreos before grabbing a packet of those too. just for good measure. he strides to the self checkout - because even he wasn't man enough for the cashier yet - nearly dropping his array of sanitary products and confectionary when somebody calls out his name from behind the queue.

"kook!" the voice is unmistakably yugyeom's, confirmed by the hand that clamps jungkook over the shoulder and swivels him round before he could think about hiding his socially compromising shopping items. it takes a second for yugyeom to notice, doing a double take at the pads atop his small tower of goods. he holds back a laugh, balancing a bottle of gin in one hand while he waves back at some friends to continue. they were clearly making their pit stop before a night out, probably pre's if they still start as late as jungkook remembers. with his hair styled and expensive cologne lingering, jungkook almost forgets he probably looks unrecognisable in his sweats and cotton-fresh hoodie. friday nights weren't for cuddling. still, yugyeom's smile is welcoming and familiar. "got the munchies? and maybe also a uterus?"

"shut up," jungkook grumbles, averting his eyes. he shifts to his other foot uncomfortably. "my friend just needed a favour, that's all."

"uh huh," yugyeom gives him a teasing look. "is this friend the reason why i barely saw you at jin's the other week?"

jungkook blinks back at him. "wait, you were at that party? i had no idea!" a boyish smile breaks over his face. "why didn't you call me? i haven't seen you since-"

"minseok-hyung's new years eve party," yugyeom throws his head back with a laugh. "remember how we ended up on a boat after the ball dropped and-"

"spent all of new years day detained by the coast guard!" jungkook finishes with a mischievous cackle of his own, nearly dropping the tampons in the process. "fuck, that was so much fun! we need to meet up again, i haven't been out with the guys in so long."

"well no wonder," he quips a brow at jungkook's shopping again. "word got out you're a family man but i didn't believe it. until now, that is."

jungkook's smile falls. "what do you mean?"

yugyeom looks at him for a second, confused by jungkook's surprise. yugyeom was never quite as diplomatic as namjoon or yoongi, to put it lightly. and definitely nowhere near as accomodating as jimin. which is why his next words make jungkook's back stiffen. "bro, look at yourself. you got dairy milk in one hand and tampax in the other. on a friday night. the next time i see you i wouldn't be shocked if you had a baby buggy and a mortgage." still, yugyeom throws him an apologetic look. like a mouse caught in a trap. "face it, kook. you're old news."

"what? that's not true," his brows furrow unhappily. "i don't know what you're talking about. it's not like she's my..."

he can't say the word, but it hangs between them like a dead weight.

"yeah, right," the condescending look on yugyeom's face was starting to agitate him. "you totally blanked us at jin's after she showed up. not even just jin's..." he thinks twice about holding his tongue, but as always, decides against it. "i don't know you, jungkook. whoever this new jungkook is. it's been months. you used to hit us up and be independent and spontaneous and wild and now you're just...someone's boyfriend.

"stop fucking saying that," jungkook snaps, all visible signs of friendliness gone.

"why?" a beat. "do you even use a wrap with her anymore?"

jungkook splutters, heat rushing to his ears and hands in a stinging combination of anger and embarrassment. "how is that any of your business? the fuck are you asking me something like that, as if you-"

"thought so," yugyeom looks away from him with a sigh. if anything, yugyeom knew never to overstay his welcome but that clearly backfired tonight. "whatever, jungkook," he looks over his shoulder at him. "guess you're the last one to find out you're officially married."

"you're ridiculous," jungkook scoffs. "all this over condoms? grow up, yugyeom."

"only couples do it raw," yugyeom turns away from him, alcohol in tow as he waves a hand over his shoulder to join his friends like jungkook was nothing but a lost cause. "you would remember that if you still had game."

jungkook stands there, dumbfounded while the group of boys exit the store noisily but he can't hear a thing. the siren that had been itching the back of his mind all this time was suddenly there at full force, right between his eyes. the glaring truth that yugyeom might be right makes his knees buckle. all those rules jungkook once had, all those measures he kept in place to protect his liberty, to prevent this very occurence - where were they? what happened to them? as the sweet and accommodating counterpart to jimin, why had you never complied? though, the blame wasn't on your hands alone. he got complacent, comfortable. lenient. and now without even realising he was here, a scene from a romcom in the middle of the night, with nothing to say for himself but fuck. the realisations wouldn't stop racing, one after another on the conveyer belt of his anxiety.

the photos on his phone; mostly you. time spent, usually with you. the portfolio for his latest photography module also had some resemblance to your interests. charcoal pencils, night drives, orchids. like the ones you always drew on any scrap of paper lying around. now that he thinks about it, he's seen nothing but your orchids for months. and not just that - you wore his clothes sometimes too. his bathroom had your toothbrush, contraceptive pills and coconut shampoo. his closest friends, his hyungs...not one of them was devoid of affection for you. he wasn't even confident that if the choice was presented, they would still pick him over you.

by the time jungkook finishes paying and practically sprints to his truck in a daze, he can hardly keep himself from shaking. he palms the wheel compulsively, he could feel the sweat in his sideburns, hoodie suddenly suffocating him. it smelled of you.

and then, like a final curtain call: was he just your latest fixer-upper project? some good girl wet dream to play out in the wake of your emotionally traumatic past? a slap in the face to seokjin, maybe, and nothing more? when you were done, when he was out of your system, when you knew his taste by heart and had nothing new left to try - would you stay? did you even know how to?

did he?

jungkook starts the engine. he drives to your door, drops your bag of snacks and pads on the porch, and texts you before leaving. he does not go inside.

x

x

x

"you sure you'll be okay with just the boys?"

you scoff at seulgi when she pins you with a worrying look, taking some of her clothes out of her bag to re-fold them just so you had something to do with your hands. jisoo had already left for the long weekend with her family, so there was no one there to fill up the empty space between your awakward reply. you didn't know how to tell the girls that jungkook hadn't contacted you in nearly a month. and even though he was a notable flight risk from the beginning, you couldn't help but feel like there was hostility there. every now and again he'd at least send a nude or have a quick phone call when he was drunk or high at three in the morning, but you hadn't heard a peep from him. you couldn't stand the idea of someone you cared about harbouring comtempt for you, but the fear of reaching out and somehow making the situation worse outweighed it tenfold. 

you look up to see seulgi still staring at you with concern. "of course i'll be fine! they're boys, not piranhas."

"at least piranhas contribute our ecosystem. boys just cause problems for the hell of it," seulgi lays a hand on the crown of your head like a berating big sister, swivelling you to look at her in your fit of giggles. the urge to nestle you under blankets like a baby bird made her chest heave, and you could tell. "i'm serious. if jimin tries anything, call me immediately okay?"

"jimin?" you snort. "out of a room full of delinquents, my ex, and taehyung, you're worried about jimin of all people?"

seulgi wrinkles her nose. "god, when you say it like that its like i'm throwing you to the dogs." she pauses. "something's up with jimin. i don't know what it is, but he's...off."

you tilt your head innocently, remembering the brief interaction you had with hobi at seokjin's party. you had been so caught up in jungkook - or lack thereof - you hadn't thought to press him about it afterwards. in truth, jimin remained as...jimin as ever. if he was acting differently you certainly couldn't tell. "you think so?"

"mmm," she leans on the lip of the open suitcase thoughtfully. "but maybe with jungkook there, he'll behave himself."

you gulp, fiddling with his watch on your wrist anxiously. "maybe."

x

x

x

you nearly yelp when you feel a big hand swivel around your waist, bucking into the kitchen counter reflexively. jungkook always did this before rubbing his boner against your ass, but the light scent of citrus and short squeeze lets you know immediately that its taehyung. hoseok, jimin, namjoon and yoongi were still in the living room playing video games, giving taehyung the perfect opening to intercept you. namjoon and yoongi had insisted that you come over to their place after finding out you'd be alone for the weekend, and you had completely refused before taehyung's coaxing. and of course, jimin's persuasive nudging. even though you felt safe and relaxed here, it felt wrong to be in jungkook's friends' place without him. almost like a breaching of an unspoken boundary.

and clearly, taehyung picked up on your discomfort by the way he stared at you so softly. his back was to the sink, his sillhouette particularly long and lean this evening. "you need to lighten up, princess. you keep looking over your shoulder so much it's making me nervous!"

your visibly droop with a sigh. "i'm sorry tae. i've had a lot on my mind lately, and..."

he claps his hands on your shoulders, teeth peeking through his grin. "you're not doing anything illegal by being here without jungkook."

you wince at his name. "have you always been able to read my mind like this?"

"absolutely," taehyung's brown eyes look so rich up close. "you're allowed to have friends that are also his friends, because - and try to stick with me on this - relationships between people are allowed to be independant from the primary circles they met in. mind boggling concept, i know."

you wack him on the chest until he laughs. "stop making fun of my anxious thought processes! its called mental illness, sherlock! i can't help it!"

his nose scrunches cutely, enjoying your first fiery outburst of the day. "whatever. i call it not getting laid for a month and losing critical thinking abilities from it."

you gape at him indignantly while taehyung roars with laughter. "you're such a dickhead," you hiss through gritted teeth, yanking his hair and jabbing your fingers in his sides the way you would with jimin during a tickle fight. "whores have feelings too, taehyung! whores have feelings too!"

you both fall about with laughter, knocking over half the snacks on the counter in the process which only makes the pair of you laugh even more. it's such childish chaos trying to clean up the mess on the tiny kitchen floor that neither of you notice the front door open, or the gust of metaphorical and literal wind that follows. watching taehyung trying to salvage a bag of broken crisps is just so funny that the presence of an another voice in the living room goes unregistered, as do the footsteps leading up the hallway to the kitchen, so you have no time to brace yourself or properly pull yourself together with you see-

"...jungkook."

yours and taehyung's heads snap to the doorway. jungkook stands there with almost complete lack of emotion on his face to the pair of you kneeling in crumbs and napkins. there's a brief pause where the tension in your eye contact alone was so strong that it felt wrong to breathe. but it is shortlived. jungkook tiptoes over you like spilled milk, reaching for a glass of water. you and taehyung lock eyes while the tap runs in the awkward silence. "hey. you okay?"

"um," you're not sure whether to stand up, hug him, look at him, or even face him. "yeah! yeah, i'm fine."

he nods politely. "hyung?"

even taehyung looks visibly uncomfortable. "i'm good."

"cool. see you later," he says, downing the glass impressively fast before leaving the room just as fast as he entered it.

you and taehyung stare at each other again, not understanding why you both feel like kids caught eating cake before dinner. you could feel the sweat pricking at your back from the realisation. jungkook had no idea you'd be here, and given that interaction he'd probably want to leave now. there was always the inkling woven between his radio silence that he was done with you, but you never let yourself take it seriously out of logic. because how could months of passion and tenderness and honesty be undone so irrevocably like that? it didn't make sense. you hadn't changed. you were the same girl he hit on relentlessly and chased against all odds. so what was different now?

"____," taehyung calls your name gently, and it's only then you realise you're already up and trailing after jungkook into the living room. when you walk in he's already putting his shoes on to leave again, barely making eye contact with you while he chats absently to his hyungs so he can look busy. the four boys on the large sofa can only reply wearily, eyes darting between the pair of you like a firework was about to blow to soon. and it was.

you could feel it in your throat, under your breast bone, bubbling up your stomach. "wait, jungkook. um...h-how have you been? i haven't heard from you in-"

"i've been good," he keeps tying and re-tying his laces without looking up. "super busy. you know how it is."

his curtness makes you flinch. this same time last month jungkook used to kiss you senseless before he had both feet in the door. he'd ring the doorbell incessantly like a child and greet you with the biggest, toothiest grin you had ever seen. he'd make fun of your bed head and squeeze your cheeks until you'd snap at him. and now when he looked at you he hated every second of it. your mother had the same look. your eyes start to burn involuntarily. "yeah, i do. how is uni? your final project is due soon, right? what theme did you pick in the end?"

"the one i told you about," he stands up abruptly. "sorry, noona. something came up. i'll see you arou-"

"something came up?" you step closer to him. "something came up the second you saw my face? or did you really just trek all the way to your hyungs' place for a glass of water, jungkook?"

jungkook stiffens, but is determined not to lose face. and it's difficult to do under your big, accusatory eyes and jimin's death stare at his back. the whole room was waiting for his response, so he just shoves his hands in his pockets resolutely. "i needed to see yoongi hyung, but i can come another time."

you fold your arms. "well it's clearly important, and you're here now. so don't let me stop you."

"but you will stop me," jungkook snaps. "that's the problem."

"kook-ah," yoongi warns quietly, but he took one look at your face and knew the damage was done. jimin was already standing up, circling around the back of the sofa towards you. the red lights were all there; your watery eyes, your trembling hands. every breath you took looked difficult for you to complete and only jimin noticed.

"what are you talking about?" you squint. it takes you a second to understand; yoongi's guilty expression, jungkook's indifference. "oh, you're fucking kidding me." your resolve breaks for a second turning away only to glare back at jungkook with so much fire you can hardly stand it. "you're selling again? are you insane, jungkook?"

"see," jungkook's eyes are stony. "i knew you'd get this way."

"what other way am i supposed to get?" his lack of response only infuriates you more. it felt disrespectful. "jungkook, you're not a kid anymore. if you get caught with drugs the consequences are serious! forget the potential jail time, you could get kicked out of university, it would go on your record forever and-"

"stop talking to me like i'm a kid!"

"then stop acting like one!" you hate raising your voice, but it keeps climbing without your approval. "did you think about this for even five minutes? this isn't like just going to juvie like before and being done with it jungkook. your hyungs can't bail you out of everything."

"this is a lot of talk for someone who lapped up those fancy paints without a second thought," jungkook says darkly. his eyes aren't like you remember, his face solemn and near unrecognisable. "or did you think that getting that kind of money overnight is only something that's possible through daddy's credit card?"

dread blooms like a garden inside you. "that's...that's how you bought the paint set?"

"welcome to the real world," he quips. "as if selling overpriced weed to a bunch of pick-me-freshmans is considered a crime against humanity to anyone but you."

"you think that's why i'm yelling at you right now?" your voice was growing hoarse, desperate. "you think that's the problem i have with you being literal drug dealer, jungkook?"

he hates it. the sweltering silence, the judgmental eyes digging into his back, the slow realisation that the tears in your eyes were not at him but for him. jungkook's ears ring enough to make him sway on the spot if his feet weren't planted so firmly on the dingy carpet, this metaphorical ground. he couldn't shake the feeling that his lifestyle was only an issue now because of you, how he never felt a shred of guilt about any of this shit until he met you. and if there was anything that jungkook never responded well to, it was pity. and he could feel it from every person in the room, all people that that once cherished and coddled him until you came along. he swallows, throat dry from the way he couldn't look at you knowing what he was going to say next.

"you're embarrassing yourself, noona. you're not my girlfriend and you never were, so stop acting like it."

cotton. it's very faint, under the layers of conflicting cologne and beer and smoke, but jungkook still smelled of cotton while he spat acid. nobody could speak, even though jungkook never raised his voice let alone a hand to you, it still hit like a slap in the face. it sunk into the walls, your clothes, suddenly every hair on your body felt heavy with it. dirty. the shame came first, the humiliation next. and then the sorrow, the dread, and finally the defeat. you knew the stages well by now, and they were cycling through you like clockwork. how foolish you were, to make the same mistake again. nobody dared to move, everyone but jungkook staring at you in denial and horror. they couldn't believe their eyes when you nod steadily, bowing your head to the floor.

jimin is already slotting himself between you, his jaw tight. "that's enough, kook. just leave already."

"no," you stop him, unnervingly resigned. that single word cuts through all six men with ease. "he's right." you step around jimin, closing the space between you and jungkook. for a brief moment he wonders if you'll actually hit him, but somehow watching you unclasp his watch from your wrist and drop it on the coffee table in front of him is far worse. the sound seems to ring like church bells, definitive and umistakable. "you're right, i'm not your girlfriend. you win jungkook."

they all watch you leave in dismay, listen to the door closing softly behind you. within a second jimin sprints after you, calling your name, leaving everyone else dumbfounded. jungkook's stare could bore a hole into the abandoned watch on the table, still ticking away like nothing changed. like his eyes weren't burning, lightheaded at the realisation that he would never wear a watch again let alone the one he put on you.

x

x

x

to an outsider, you looked like you were coping well considering you just got dumped in front of all your friends. but jimin knew that face. your stony eyes, lips pulled thin as if to seal inside the collapse of a monument. you took the tea he offered, and then his arms, your face finding his chest with ease. muscle memory. his torso was a tad shorter than jungkook's, his heart closer to your mouth as if the steady thumps were asking for a kiss of acknowledgement. every time you close your eyes you could see jungkooks face, hard and unforgiving and nothing like the man you trusted all this time. but it wasn't a new expression; you parents looked at you similarly the last time you saw them. it was the look of someone who had no regrets cutting all ties. and now, jungkook was behind them in a lost list of people who chose to be strangers over loving you.

jimin sighs when you cry into his chest, brushing the back of your head gently. he had been ready for this for months, but he still hated to see you this way. again. it made his bones itch, his skin crawl uncomfortably every time you weeped. the only time he considered violence was when you were crying. but he knew what to do, laying down across the sofa so you could curl up into a ball next him, head on his bicep and face smushed into the crook of his shoulder. you used to cry like this for hours and hours, his arm familiar with the prickle of pins and needles. but it was the only place you felt safe. tucked into jimin's side is where you would always belong, and that truth was more glaringly obvious than ever now.

"lets get something to eat," he offers eventually, hand craddling the crown of your head like a child. jimin's other hand on your hip is warm and heavy when he pats you soothingly. in your episodes, you responded well to touch. "what about thai food?"

"not hungry," you grumble against him.

"we could make something together?" he peers down at your lack of response. "come on, babe. you gotta eat something. you didn't even have breakfast-"

"why am i so stupid?" you whisper, a fresh bout of tears welling up.

jimin rubs your thigh. "it's not your fault."

"yes it is. jungkook gave me plenty of red flags, and i ignored all of them-"

"oh, i meant you being stupid."

you scoff. "cheers."

"what?" jimin cocks a brow when you lift your head to look up at him. he wets his lips and you follow the swipe of his tongue thoughtlessly, distracted enough by his touch and proximity that you take a second to digest his words. "it's not like any of this exactly came as a surprise. you ignored me, remember? wanted to flex your big girl pants."

you pull away from him and sit up, forcibly shutting out the daze that jimin routinely puts you under. "what's wrong with you? can't you be polite and wait for a couple hours before laying into me like a normal person? jesus, jimin."

"so let me get this straight," jimin sits up, watching your back as you sit away from him. "you're mad because i'm not telling you what you want to hear?"

"no," you say, head shaking. "i'm not mad. i'm upset because i came here to be comforted by my friend and you're just making me feel worse."

"what do you want me to say, ____? that i had high hopes from the start?" jimin pushes his hair back, brows now at a sharp incline from frustration. "i told you starting something with jungkook was trouble but you didn't listen. why should i feed your victim complex when all i've done is try to help you?"

"victim complex?" you repeat, standing up slowly. the sudden steadiness of your voice causes jimin to panic.

"not like that. don't take it like that, it's just," he's suddenly before you, his warm hands palming up your arms warmly. "i didn't wanna see you get like this and it happened anyway, is all i'm saying." he sighs when your scowl doesn't let up. "if hobi hyung hadn't have given up so easy, then maybe…maybe this would never have happened. maybe if i had been harsher with him then you would have-"

"what are you talking about?" you ask quietly, searching jimin's face. "give up so easy? what's that supposed to mean?"

he looks away, hands slipping off you. "it's nothing."

"jimin."

he struggles to look at you, tongue in cheek. his lips purse for a moment, pink like roses. he's wearing that navy jumper you like. "look, it's not a big deal. he wasn't supposed to fuck you or anything, just take you out for a while. get your mind off kookie, show you a nice time."

your blood runs cold. "what?"

jimin's expression softens. "it's not as bad as it sounds-"

"really?" your voice is sharp, sharper than he's ever heard it. you recoil as if you had been struck for the second time today. "because it sounds like you asked some guy to keep me occupied like i'm a fucking dog. all because you can't stand the idea of me being within a meter of jungkook-"

he steps in, but you step back. "you know that's not true, _."

"don't i?" you scoff, covering your face in disbelief. "jimin, you've been hellbent against me even looking at the guy since day fucking one."

"because i didn't want you to get hurt!" jimin counters, eyes downcast. "i know, okay? i know how much of a dick it makes me sound, but its not like it hurt you when you had no idea! hoseok broke it off before you even knew about it so why-"

"because it's worse," you turn away from him. "you tried to control me. choose what's best for me because you think you know better than i do. sound familiar?"

his jaw sets, and it's like you can hear the twine snap in his head, the percussion of his heartbeat above yours even though he doesn't close the space between you. jimin stares at you for a long minute before drawing in a thin breath. "fine," he steps in, and you can't look away. "you want me to say it? fine. i'll say it."

suddenly the air is lace thin around you as you stare at him, waiting. jimin looks off somewhere else, somewhere you can't reach. "don't tell me you haven't thought about it, because i know you have. if i have you must have too. and lately its all i can think about - being with you, holding you, being the one who gets to touch you. and yeah, maybe it took having to see you with jungkook for me to realise how much i want all that, i put my hands up. but you have no idea what's it like to watch the person you love most get toyed around with by a time bomb like that. i've seen jungkook go through girls like underwear and i love him, god i love him, but even the idea of you being one of those wasted girls sitting outside a party crying over his sorry ass makes my fucking ears ring."

"j-jimin…" you whisper, but you have nothing to say. your hands shake.

"you deserve more than that, ____. you deserve more than waiting around for booty calls or living up to what the next guy wants. from jungkook, hoseok, anyone. you deserve someone's devotion and yeah, maybe all this time i've been too much of a pussy to give it. maybe all this time i was tiptoeing around my feelings for you because i knew if i admitted to myself that i loved you - if i admitted i was just like every other guy - i'd actually set the bar for something other than disappointment. id actually have to step up, and i didn't know if i could do it. i still don't. but if it has to be someone…it should be me."

suddenly he's holding your hands, calming the tremble that rattles them. his words bunch up together in your ears, the meaning lost amidst your awe. "jimin….jimin what are you saying? where is all this coming from, i don't...i don't understand wh-"

"i'm saying," he cups your face. "choose me." he pulls you in. so, so close. "choose me, not jungkook. not anyone else. me."

and there's a part of you that has already caved. that's already kissing him, melting into his arms like you've wanted to for so, so long. you're falling back onto the couch with him in a fit of giggles, curling back into his chest to hide your watery eyes, asking him why the fuck he took so long. you chat together between teasing kisses, pour your hearts out, maybe cry a little. later you would make tea and order pad thai and watch the office all night and fall asleep together in the living room well past dawn and then-

you close your eyes. "i can't."

"you can," jimin says, so passionately you shudder. his brown eyes are teaming with too much determination and ardour for his own good, and you both know it. its difficult to grapple with how huge a risk he's taking, because jimin never takes risks. it made the whole situation seem dire. "you know you can, ____. it's us. there's no one like us."

you don't know how you're not crying yet. you only have jimin to hold onto, hands balled in his shirt without knowing if you're about to push him away or pull him in forever. "maybe back then. maybe if you'd have said all this before," you feel empty, the beat of your pulse suddenly strong in your fingertips. "but it doesn't matter anymore."

he shakes his head in denial, his determination palpable. "of course it does-"

"i'm in love with him," you say. to jimin. to yourself. to the world, finally. "i'm in love with jungkook." holding jimin's stare isn't as difficult as you thought it'd be. "you know if you'd have done all this a few months ago…if you'd have just...i was always yours without question, jimin. and you knew it." it's his turn to bristle under the strain of your voice. "jungkook isn't perfect. i'll be the first one to admit that. he's made me cry, he fucks up, he makes mistakes. but he's never lied to me. he never made decisions for me. he never passed judgement on what i should or shouldn't do with my life. something that i never thought i wouldn't able to say about you, too."

there's a brief moment where everything stops. neither of you can believe what you just said. jimin watches you, frozen in his place as you take your bag, eyes glittering with tears when he calls for you. suddenly he's the time bomb he feared becoming, the panic in his eyes lighting them up like fire crackers. for the first time in his life, he stumbles over his words, and then his feet when you reach for the door, all composure lost. he was unravelling like a tapestry in front of you, never to be repaired, and he could feel it. "____. ____, please," jimin chokes, his cheeks blotchy. "i wanted to protect you, i was just trying to help. don't go. please don't go. i was trying to help you."

"no. you were trying to have me." you say, closing the door behind you.

x

x

x

you have no idea what time it is when you hear the bell ring incessantly.

it had been hours since you'd returned home from jimin's, but there was no way for you to keep track when your only priority was just keeping yourself afloat. you turned your phone off, drew the curtains, and resolved to alternate between sitting in seulgi and jisoo's rooms until they came back. you didn't know what else to do. when you weren't crying you were hyperventilating, and when that stopped the absence of emotion was so powerful you could barely keep your eyes open. you were exhausted but could not sleep. starving but could not eat. it was a miracle you even made it down the stairs, using what little strength you had to yank it open without even thinking about who could be on the other side in the middle of the fucking night. but at this point, you would gladly take a serial killer over jimin or jungkook.

"taehyung," you breathe when you take in his face, relieved. you must look like absolute shit because he scans your face and winces. 

"jimin told me," he says, the apology in his voice and expression was almost painful to register. "he told me everything. ____, i'm so sorry. i should have told you about the hoseok thing, i just thought it would be worse coming from me, and then i tried to force jimin into confessing but then he didn't because he's jimin, and now-"

"you're only allowed to come inside if you stop apologising," you say weakly, voice haggered from the hours of crying.

taehyung's pouty expression almost makes you smile with how cute he looks, gingerly stepping over the threshhold. "i really am sorry though."

"for what," you say monotonously, closing the door behind him while he takes off his shoes. "my inexplicably terrible taste in men? my uncanny ability to get manipulated by literally anyone who shows me a scrap of affection? or my absolutey shredded-to-shit attachment style thats barely intact let alone functioning healthily? after hoppping between the first two for a few hours i'd personally go for the latter. but whatever."

"please shut up," taehyung sighs, bringing you into his arms before you could have a second thought about it. "you need to amp up the misandry in this context. a lot of this had nothing to do with you and everything to do jimin and jungkook."

you're too tired to open your eyes, snuggling into the softness of taehyung's chest. you’re too exhausted to argue. "where did you learn the word misandry? have you been reading?"

"yeah," you can hear his big, pleased grin. "i know you and the girls have been calling me a himbo behind my back."

"affectionately," you add, peering up at him. he wipes the wetness off your cheeks, moving upstairs to your room with your hand in his. he fetches you a glass of water before putting you into bed like he's paid to do it. taehyung was the cuddliest person you had ever met, but you had rarely seen him dote on anyone. "girls love himbos. it's a compliment."

"not all girls," he mutters when he returns from the bathroom with a glass of water. "drink this, would you? you look so dry it's making me itchy."

you do as he says with a roll of your eyes. "what do you mean?" you finish your water with a big gulp. "jisoo loves dumb guys, what are you talking about?"

taehyung looks away from you, bottom lip rolling up under his teeth so fast you barely catch it. he pulls up your desk chair next to your bed, thinking long and hard before meeting your eyes again. "i don't mean jisoo."

you don't understand at first, but after staring at his face for a long minute your stomach drops. "don't. don't you fucking dare," another beat of silence. you rip the covers off you to scamble to your knees, grab your pillow and hurl it at taehyung's head. "taehyung, please don't tell me that the one remaining, healthy relationship i have with a man has also been shot to shit because i swear to god i'm gonna-"

"it's not a big deal," he says firmly, and he really does mean it. taehyung catches your wrists when you lunge at him, effectively ending your outburst before it can begin. he keeps hold of them while he stares into your eyes, watching the way they fill up with a fresh bout of tears. "i've had a crush on you for a while, so what? it's not anyone's business but mine so don't worry about it."

you try not to scream at him. "how long?"

"...since the start." he shrugs. "it's not like i could have done anything anyway. with jimin around. he’d never have it."

"but...! but..." you splutter, the highlight reel of your friendship suddenly marred before your eyes. "but you let me talk to you about boys! you gave me advice with hobi and jimin and jungkook and...! you encouraged jimin to confess to me. and the whole thing with jisoo?"

he wets his lips guiltily. "jisoo is a nice girl. i like her, but...not like you. i've always liked you."

you shake your head in horror, your face crumpling. bile rose in your throat. "so all of that...playing with my friend like that. was just to get to me?"

"listen to me," taehyung says firmly, gripping your wrists to make you look at him again. he's so close you can feel the warmth of his breath on yours, and you never realised how large taehyung's torso was compared to yours before. he could have smothered you, but he didn't. in all senses. "the way jimin and jungkook handled their feelings is on them, just like how this is on me. it doesn't matter if i'm fucking you or not, you're my friend and i'll always want people to do right by you. and that includes me."

there was nothing else to say, so taehyung wordlessly wipes your face again and fetches you more water before retreating to sleep on the couch downstairs. all the while you sat there in your bed, confused and bewildered and thoughtful. the same bed jungkook fucked you on. the same bed jimin held you in. out of all the men in your life, taehyung was the only one who treated his feelings for you with reverence. there wasn't one interaction you could think of where he made his feelings clear, where he even hinted towards wanting something more. if he hadn't have said anything tonight, in the wake of one of the most emotionally tumultuous days of your life, you would still be in the dark about it all. and that was the scariest part. you didn't know anyone else who hadn't let their feelings for you effect how they treated you. so ultimately, it was possible.

and jimin and jungkook chose not to do that. but taehyung did.

taehyung did.

when you finally pad downstairs after hours of ruminating, jisoo's bedroom door is wide open. and that's who you should be thinking about now - your friend and sister jisoo - as the sky begins to lighten with the signs of morning. you hadn't slept for over twenty four hours, you were hungry and thirsty, delirious from the whirlwind of losing the two most important men in your life in one day. but still, you are drawn to taehyung. taehyung, who never asked anything of you. taehyung, who was as silent as he was selfless this whole time. taehyung who routinely put what he wanted aside in favour of what was best for you. taehyung, who protected you without needing credit or recognition for it. taehyung, taehyung, taehyung, taehyung, taehyung-

"taehyung," you whisper scraping your nails through his hair. his eyes fluttered open, twisting his head to face you as you hovered above him. he could barely see you in the darkness. "taehyung, wake up."

"what is it?" he croaks, sitting up with half-lidded eyes and a yawn. he doesn't know how to read the expression on your face. he swings his legs off the sofa in a sitting position, wearing nothing but his boxers and tee, visibly alarmed. "what happened? are you okay?"

you take his face in your hands and kiss him. 

taehyung stiffens against you, breath drawn thin. you pull away to gauge his expression, desperately searching his eyes in the darkness. for discomfort, disapproval, anything negative at all. the absolute ardour you find instead could knock you down if taehyung didn't reach for your neck, kissing you again. you whine at the feel of his tongue, having no idea where such sudden and intense arousal was coming from. when you pull away with shaky limbs, you climb onto his thick thighs so he can feel your wetness through his boxers. taehyung grunts at the sensation, and again when you kiss him passionately and without abandon. the sweet girl every guy he knew was agonising over, suddenly in his lap. he's barely had his tongue down your throat for ten minutes and you're already rocking into him, his erection betraying his resolve.

it's better than he dreamed. 

"taehyung," you gasp, palming him now. he groans when he pulls away to look at your mouth, glistening with his saliva when you take his hand and guide it down to your arousal. "please."

[rynnaaurelius]

Titan’s Curse But Make It Time Loop: Nico di Angelo Edition

-Okay so I’m at work and not doing much and who wants to actually edit your shit drafts for your actual WIPs so that they’re less bad? No one, that’s who

-So I had an idea: The Titan’s Curse. Also known as the book where people start to die. It sucks to be a demigod in this book--for the first time in the original series, it really does.

-Not everything is fixed, not everyone is saved, and people start to have to make really tough decisions.

-So we fix it. Not by throwing Percy, or Annabeth, or Thalia, or, hell, even Bianca or Grover into the mix.

-Throwing the marginally more grown-up, more trained, and more knowledgeable demigods into the fire, who’d get everyone alive and safe by the third time ‘round? Nah.

-We’re making Nico fix this.

-Because here’s the thing about Nico di Angelo: Sure, he grows up to become a major badass, the Ghost King, so on and so forth. But not yet.

-For now, Nico is baby, a ten-year-old whose experience with any kind of fighting consists of one (1) Capture The Flag game and who’s still half-reliant on Mythomagic to explain what the fuck is happening.

-He’s also got the worst knowledge makeup possible! He knows he’s a son of Hades, which is bad, he knows to stick monsters with the pointy end of swords but nothing else, he knows that Percy Jackson and Thalia Grace are Very Big Deals (But also doesn’t know why beyond parents), and he’s, at best, vaguely aware that there’s some kind of bad prophecy hanging around.

-Also by the end of the book, he’s just been told his last immediate family who isn’t Hades is dead in one of the worst ways possible, and he--pretty irrationally IMO, but Nico’s a kid who has been through a lot recently, so we’re not holding that against him--blames Percy Jackson.

-Literally, you probably can’t pick an angstier or worse choice to run through the time travel trope. I love it.

-We’re making this kid save Bianca’s life via time loop, which happens due to. . .hmm, we’ll say the Fates did it.

-So, Loop 0 = Canon, only at the end of the day on December 21st, after the conversation with Percy, Nico falls asleep only gods know where only to wake up the day he meets Percy Jackson:

Loop 1:

-Nico doesn’t actually change anything meaningful at first.

-Spends most of it shellshocked and not unconvinced the last week (For him, anyway) wasn’t a horrible nightmare; shellshocked and staring at Percy Jackson, anyway.

-(Percy’s wondering what’s up with the silent kid his sister had talked up as a cheerful chatterbox)

-It’s only when Bianca agrees to join the quest for Artemis that he starts kicking up a fuss; demanding to go, screaming that she can’t leave him even more, not again.

-(Bianca hesitates; briefly, enough to remind Nico that she loves him. But she’s not their mother, and she needs this)

-Bianca still dies. Percy comes back pale and guilty. Nico doesn’t yell at him when he returns--he already knows. He accepts the Hades figurine so that he can throw it into the lake.

-He slinks off back into Cabin Eleven and falls asleep, hoping desperately that he gets a third chance.

Loop 2:

-He does.

Loop 3:

-After a very painful death at the hands of Dr. Thorn, Nico, generally being a straightforward person at this stage of life, takes the obvious path this time around: He tries to tell Bianca--who brushes it off as a dream.

-Annabeth still goes over the cliff when Nico takes the initiative of attaching himself and his sister to Percy Jackson and Thalia Grace at the dance. He tries to tell Percy and Thalia when Bianca still joins the Hunt, promising Nico that whatever he saw, she’ll be extra careful.

-(Bianca’s fearful of what Nico's saying, and thinks that if these sworn sisters can’t keep her safe, who can?)

-Artemis gives Nico a speculative look but agrees when he begs her to protect Bianca at all costs.

-He doesn’t get on the quest. Being a reasonable demigod of questionable parentage, he sneaks out of camp.

-He gets caught, because despite being aware of his awesome new powers, he doesn’t know how to use them, and is still a ten-year-old who can barely hold a sword the right way.

-He gives Percy the puppy dog eyes and shows off said awesome new powers. Percy forces him back.

-Nico follows him.

-Repeat until Percy dies saving Nico from the Nemean Lion in Washington, DC.

-Nico can’t find it in himself to be terribly sad--especially when he doesn’t make it much longer.

Loop 4:

-He’s really stuck like this, huh?

-Oh, Di Immortales.

-(Before Percy gets his chest ripped to shreds by a lion and Nico meets skeleton cats, he learned how to hold a sword properly and curse fluently in Greek. Percy probably only meant to teach him one of those things)

-In unrelated news: Having a big crush on a guy who thinks he’s only known you for a couple hours? Terrible.

-Trying to hate the guy who let your sister die when he’s that stupid and nice? Even worse.

-That stupid lion.

Loop 5, 6, 7, 8, 9:

-Nico repeats: That stupid lion.

-Somewhere in Loop 7 he starts to steal supplies out of the camp store when he follows Percy following the quest.

-They forcefeed the lion enough trail mix and frozen ice cream in Loop 9 that they don’t die this time.

-At least until someone called the General shows up and Nico’s dead before he can raise his sword.

Loop 10:

-Nico wakes up in his and Bianca’s room in Westover and starts crying. Bianca tells the headmaster they’re both sick and Nico lets her hold him all day.

-They fall asleep and Nico swears he won’t let her die again.

Loop 11, 12, 13:

-He wakes up and he still can’t get out of bed without feeling that blade cutting between his ribs, burning like it’s on fire.

-Gods, he’s so sorry, Bianca. Dispiace tanto.

Loop 14:

-He can get up without feeling like he’s about to die again. Bianca fusses but assumes it was just a bad dream.

-Nico is caught stealing and can’t follow Percy until it’s too late.

-Everyone assumes this means he’s a son of Hermes, however, and Nico can’t correct them without opening his mouth and letting the sobbing laughter out.

-Figuring he’s about to get another chance next round anyway, he takes Travis and Connor Stoll up on their offer to learn a thing or two so that he doesn’t get Cabin Eleven slapped with kitchen duty from now until Doomsday.

-He likes the Stolls. He spent most of the time, pre-looping, actively avoiding everyone at camp as he waited for Bianca and Percy to come back, but they’re not that bad.

-Percy comes back with the figurine and no sister and Nico remembers why he’s stuck.

Loop 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23:

-After Loop 12 and being killed in Washington DC again, Nico realizes: He needs to learn how to fight.

-Unless he gets killed early or refuses to leave Westover, the loop resets after seven days. So, he has seven days to train each time.

-He gets to camp, finds the arena, and meets Clarisse La Rue. He demands she teach him how to kill monsters.

-She laughs, and tells him that attitude in his size will make monsters easy to kill, they’ll laugh so hard.

-Clarisse teaches him how to swing a sword each time--but only after mocking his unamused face.

-Somehow, Percy coming back with news of Bianca’s death only hurts more each time.

Loop 24:

-Nico wakes up before Bianca this time. He looks over at her bed and knows. He’s got to try this time.

-It’s disturbingly easy making friends with Percy Jackson after the last loops.

-Bessie’s new. Cute, but new.

-Nico wonders just how much he’s missed in the past--he thinks of Annabeth Chase, and hopes she hasn’t been dying each time.

-Percy doesn’t even argue when Nico shows up in the stables with a bag slung over his shoulder, and the sword he’s been stealing out of the shed strapped to his hip.

-Nico suggests the ice cream--again--to Percy in DC before

-Nico might be getting the hang of this.

Loop 25:

-Nico is not getting the hang of this.

-Zoë Nightshade’s refusal to accept Percy and Nico on the quest--violating a prophecy, and gods, Nico’s curious if that prophecy ever mentioned this--has so far gotten them attacked and killed by spartoi once.

-And again. As Nico bleeds out on the floor, he watches a panicked blond man--a demigod--plead for mercy.

-Isn’t he on the other side?

Loop 26:

-His name is Luke Castellan and he apparently wants the gods dead.

-Nico can relate at this point.

-The General is Atlas, and Nico knows enough about Greek mythology, real and wrong, at this point to know that is bad.

Loop 27:

-Twenty-six tries, but they finally make it out of DC. Threatening the questers with Atlas killing them all is more than enough.

-For the first time, Nico doesn’t know what happens next. He glues himself to Bianca’s side and glares at anything suspicious.

-With help that Percy refuses to name, even when Nico tries his hardest, they go to New Mexico.

-There’s a boar and it’s so close, they make it to what the others are calling “the junkyard of the gods���.

-Nico sees the Hades figurine on the ground.

-Bianca grins in delight and picks it up, calling for him.

-He can’t help it.

-Nico starts screaming.

Loop 28:

-His sister’s murderer was never Percy Jackson.

-His sister’s murderer was a force of mechanics that makes Nico fully understand, for the first time, what the gods are, beyond stats on a card.

-Talos.

-Nico is going to destroy him.

Loop 29:

-She dies.

Loop 30:

-Again.

Loop 31:

-Again.

-Loop 32, 33, 34, 3536373839FortyFo r t y O n  e--:

-Again. Again. Again. Again again againagainagainagainAGAIN--

Loop 42:

-Nico gets out of bed. He finds Percy Jackson at the dance, hugs him, and tells him he’s sorry.

-Nico walks outside and waits for Dr. Thorn in the snow. He can feel the shadows curling at the edge of the wood like a sixth sense, now. Waiting for him to summon the restless dead out of them.

-So many attempts to save his sister, ranging from sacrificing himself to sacrificing Percy--not that Percy needs the push, Nico has found--to any and all members of the quest.

-She dies. Always, always dies. Whatever Nico does, that junkyard is full of the death of Bianca di Angelo.

-He tried avoiding it. Once. Loop 33. Nico threw such a fit he’s surprised he wasn’t sent back to Camp Half-Blood by the Hunters, but it kept them out of the junkyard.

-He tries not to remember how little was left of his sister’s body by the monsters that time.

-Son of Hades. After all this time, Nico’s beginning to wonder if this is what it means. Death and death and death.

-Dr. Thorn walks outside, and Nico can feel a ghoulish grin crossing his face that has no place on a ten-year-old.

-One of them is going to die, this loop. And Nico will not go to New Mexico.

Loop 43:

-Nico wonders if there was a past life of his he needs to remember. Who could he have made this angry?

-He lies to Bianca and they stay in Westover again this time. Better than death, anyway.

Loop 44:

-Nico tries a different tack this time. A more roundabout way of things.

-He takes Bianca and throws the two of them in the way of the battle with the manticore.

-After all this time, he still doesn’t know much about Annabeth Chase. She gets kidnapped and returned safely to Percy every time, to the best of his knowledge.

-Nico dies holding up the sky, but at least Bianca lives, under the protection of Artemis.

Loop 45:

-Nico looks in the mirror and studies the new grey streak with fascination. And, maybe, some hope.

-Things can change.

Loop 46, 47, 48, 49, 50:

-Nico gets kidnapped a few times. Once, he’s killed in a rage by a Titan with horns, but it’s quick. Mostly, he holds up the sky to get Artemis out.

-She looks at him strangely each time and Nico wonders if she can see what he’s done.

Loop 51:

-They figure out he’s a son of Hades. They offer him Olympus. Olympus and Bessie--the Ophiotaurus, rather.

-Nico says no.

Loop 52:

-Nico says yes.

Loop 53:

-Being on the verge of overthrowing the gods and keeping everyone he’s grown to care for--in the case of several Hunters, against his will; in Percy Jackson’s case, Nico loves him as much as he hates him at this point--doesn’t do much, apparently.

-Nico stays in Westover again. He resists the urge to tell Bianca that would-be destroyers of Olympus don’t need to brush their hair, whatever she says.

Loop 54:

-Nico goes over the edge of the cliff again, but with Percy Jackson.

-This isn’t the first time; in Loop 46, Percy had taken the sky for both the sake of Artemis and Nico until it killed him.

-What’s different, is Nico’s in the middle of what’s become the usual panic attack when he’s about to die for the hundredth time, and his powers react.

-Percy holds him close and calls him cousin. Tells him he’ll never leave Nico.

-You have no idea, Nico whispers. You can’t leave me.

-You think I want to? Percy whispers back. You’re not alone, Nico.

-Nico’s sobbing sounds like laughter.

Loop 55:

-Nico tells Percy the truth for the third time. This is the first time he hasn’t told Bianca first.

-They’ve just found the Erymanthian Boar, Thalia’s told Nico his goth needs work--whatever that means--and Nico’s bracing himself for the junkyard again.

-Getting kidnapped by the Titans really gets old after a while.

-He still has the grey streak, and no number of excuses will fully soothe his sister, but the Hunt’s a good distraction from it.

-Nico doesn’t blame Bianca anymore for it. He thinks.

-Nearly a year into this loop and Nico’s finding it hard to blame anyone for much of anything, anymore. Especially when he sees what she’s faced. Again. And again.

-For now, this time, Percy Jackson is staring at Nico with wide eyes at what Nico’s told him--through these loops, Nico’s starting to wonder if he now knows more about Percy than Percy’s own best friends--and says he believes him.

-Once, Nico would’ve exploded from joy. Now, he just sighs and nods.

-Percy tells him how to condense the conversation for the next loop. He advises Nico to research Talos, “like Annabeth would.”

-He advises Nico to warn Percy’s next loop self about Annabeth’s kidnapping. Nico wonders if he’s gone insane that he’s considering it.

-Bianca dies.

Loop 56:

-Nico makes the executive decision this time to try and befriend Annabeth Chase. As such, he takes Percy’s advice.

Loop 57:

-It takes him two tries to befriend Annabeth Chase and learn about Talos.

Loop 58:

-Three times.

-But the nail. The nail in the ankle of Talos.

Loop 59:

-He hangs back at camp again this time and meets Charles Beckendorf, head of Cabin Nine, and son of Hephaestus.

-Nico figures that short of finding the god himself and committing temporary suicide--not that it hasn’t crossed Nico’s mind--his son will have to do.

-(He’s tried his hand at summoning ghosts, but Daedalus refuses to show, for some reason)

-Beckendorf frowns and tells Nico he would have to see Talos himself.

-Nico hadn’t realized just how much cursing he had picked up off of Percy and Thalia until that moment.

Loop 60:

-Nico knows what the prophecy says. One shall be lost in the land without rain.

-He knows it’s why he’s been failing so much.

-The trouble is, he no longer cares.

Loop 61:

-It took him a try, but he gets Beckendorf on the quest, prepared to defeat the Talos prototype.

Loop 62:

-Strike that, two tries.

-Nico really hates the Nemean Lion.

Loop 63, 64:

-Nico has solved half a problem: How to defeat Talos without putting someone inside the robot.

-The other half of the problem is now that they are all electrocuted by a dying automaton for their efforts.

Loop 65:

-Beckendorf’s crush--girlfriend? crush, they’re both insisting--Silena Beauregard comes along this time. Nico won’t complain over the extra manpower, even if he’s positive that eight campers and Hunters are patent overkill for one quest.

-Silena pulls Bianca out of the wreckage. Nico’s heart stops.

-Silena’s crying when she mentions that if they had been a bit earlier, she could have been revived.

-Nico wonders if Thalia’s going to stab him as he starts whooping. And takes notes about where Talos falls.

Loop 66:

-Nico swears, if Percy Jackson tries to sacrifice himself for Annabeth Chase one more time--

Loop 67:

-Bianca.

-I found you, he sobs. I found you.

-Gods damn the Hoover Dam.

Loop 68:

-And again.

-Despite having the distinct inkling at this point that he doesn’t much like like girls, Nico could kiss Silena Beauregard and Thalia Grace when they manage to revive his sister each time.

-She’s shaky and leaning on him and was dead, he could see her soul floating away--

-But she’s there.

-Nico refuses to let his sister out of the sight at the Hoover Dam and Percy befriends the Naiads this time.

-At least, until the Titans--who Nico made the very big mistake of taunting at DC--sends monsters he can’t control.

Loop 69, 70, 71, 72, 73:

-They keep dying in various combinations at the Hoover Dam now that Nico’s figured out how to save Bianca.

-At least, until he gets separated from Percy in Loop 73 and he meets a redheaded girl with a penchant for calling Nico pint-size.

-Athena dislikes Percy, Nico, Bianca, and Thalia in equal measure. Having learned of the Great Prophecy in Loop 16 and Percy’s mooning over Annabeth in. . .well, every loop, Nico can’t quite blame her.

Loop 74:

-Her name is Rachel Elizabeth Dare and Nico likes her. She takes none of their shit and if it weren’t for the fact that they already have eight people on the quest, he’d want to take her along.

-Bianca gets in a fight with the Old Man of the Sea. Thalia electrocutes him when he throws Bianca in the bay.

Loop 75:

-Nico wakes up in Westover with the distinct feeling that he was drowned on dry land.

-He stays in bed shivering, that day.

Loop 76:

-Atlas is the father of Zoë Nightshade. Nico learned this around Loop 50. He had realized around five loops ago that this probably meant she was going to die “by a parent’s hand.”

-He hadn’t realized that it was going to hurt to watch.

Loop 77, 78, 79, 80, 81:

-Now that he’s figured things out to about San Francisco, it seems the world is out to get him. The number of fights or mistakes that he either makes himself or has to head off are ridiculous.

Loop 82:

-Nico is so very tired. And wishes he felt ten years old again.

Loop 83:

-If Thalia gets in one more fight with Nereus, Nico's going to walk into the sea.

Loop 84:

-He wanders off, in this one. Grover had been killed in Hoover Dam, so Nico’s waiting for the reset at this point.

-In the meantime, Nico figures there are worse things to do than enjoy a good afternoon in San Francisco. He even meets a boy in a purple shirt.

-His name is Jason and he has hair like the sun.

-If he ever fixes this, Nico wants to find him.

Loop 85:

-Nico’s not fast enough in the junkyard.

-In San Francisco, he tries to find the ugliest, biggest trouble he can find.

-He finds a pair of teenagers in armor who yell Latin at him instead.

Loop 86:

-There’s a dragon that will attack them in the Garden of the Hesperides if they make it angry enough and Nico is so tired.

Loop 87:

- Zoë Nightshade is dead. They’ve won.

-Funny definition of “win”, considering they’ve all almost died this loop about a dozen times each, and Nico can’t explain why he’s crying on the body of a Hunter he only met a week ago, in their eyes.

-She hates him, some loops. More loops, she looks at him with ghosts of old grief in her eyes and hands him a knife.

-The gods execute Bessie, and then, Nico watches as his father turns to him and Bianca with sorrowful eyes.

-Nico should’ve figured, after almost ninety loops.

Loop 88:

-Luke offers one of them the entrails of Bessie again.

-Nico takes them.

Loop 89:

-For all the good it does. Nico wakes up as he does every time now: Powerless, in bed, and with only a grey streak to show for his efforts.

Loop 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98:

-Nico doesn’t know how to save Zoë Nightshade. Bianca, he could trick and fight his way into it. Beckendorf and Silena and Percy and a loophole in lost could save his sister.

-Her, she just. . .dies. Sometimes in DC, sometimes in San Francisco, sometimes on the hills of Mt. Tamalpais. Always at the hands of Atlas.

-Always, being murdered by her father.

-It’s not as gutting as watching his sister die, but it aches more in his chest, somehow.

Loop 99:

-He sticks close to Zoë this time. Same as he’s done with Percy, Annabeth, his sister, Thalia, and Grover, time and time again. But not her, Nico is realizing. Not the clinging he’s achieving now.

-Hoping for. . .something.

-He knows better than to tell the immortal Lieutenant of Artemis the whole truth. The loneliness is enough.

-She’s less frosty to him from the start than to, say, Grover or Percy, after Annabeth goes over the cliff again. When he shows up in DC, she’s much less angry than he’s seen her.

-Along the way to New Mexico and then San Francisco, he listens. He’s grown better at it, this far in. When the others are asleep, when Bianca is being fussed over after Talos, when everyone but them is asleep by the fire, he listens.

-And she tells him about her sisters. About her father, when the world was young and Atlas had looked on every daughter of his with pride. She tells him, pride glistening in her eyes, of the battles she has seen, the hunts she has overseen at the command of a goddess, the monsters she has killed, and the epithets she has been given.

-He doesn’t ask anything of her. Not until they’re in the house of Annabeth’s father, drinking lemonade the night before the battle, and Nico knows she is about to die again.

-What do you want, he asks. You’ve done everything. What’s left?

-She stopped, ice seems to creep over her again, and Nico wondered if he’d hit some sore spot.

-He’s opened his mouth to make his apologies when she answers, so quiet and quick he thinks he’s imagined it.

-To be remembered. When my lady has taken another lieutenant, as she must, and I have gone to where all gods go when they die, I wish for my memory to remain. And. . .

-Nico waits, and ignores the sudden, terrifying thought that he no longer knows what he wants.

-I wish to see the stars again. I was born a nymph of the sunset; starlight is precious to me. I want to see it again.

-Nico dies to preserve the memory of Zoë Nightshade.

100:

-Nico di Angelo wakes up in Westover Hall. He hopes for the last time.

-He does everything right: Annabeth goes over the cliff, his sister joins the Hunt, Percy is soon his friend, and he convinces Silena and Beckendorf to join the quest.

-The Nemean Lion never stands a chance, and Nico is glad to be rid of it.

-His sister lives.

-Nico watches Percy watch Rachel Elizabeth Dare go, looking like he’s just taken a frying pan to the face, and fights the urge to snicker.

-Thalia doesn’t start a fight with Nereus, but Percy certainly does. Nico could’ve sworn he saw the boy with sun-hair again, watching with curiosity.

- Zoë Nightshade dies in the arms of Artemis and is made into the stars she loves so dearly. Nico promises her soul that he will remember.

-For, he has found, the dead have a tendency of remembering things they shouldn’t.

-Annabeth and Percy now have grey streaks to match Nico’s, and Nico can’t wait to spend the rest of his life trying to explain that.

-It’s closer than he would like, but much less close than other lives with Olympus. The Ophiotaurus is alive and safe, and they are all alive.

-As Nico walks out of the council, he looks off to the side. By the fire is the familiar girl with red eyes--the Lady Hestia, looking much closer to Nico’s age than that of the Olympian she is.

-Besides her are three old ladies. Nico’s heard about them from Percy, in Loops 26, 53, 61, and 62.

-One lady holds a ball of string that is the color of a warm umber. The other is knitting what looked suspicious like socks. The last. . .

-Scissors, in one hand. Just as expected. Nico swallowed.

-In the other, was a knot of burnt string, tied to the socks. Behind her, Nico could see discarded string of all colors: an electric blue, a stormy grey, a black that seems to glisten with the promise of a storm, string the soft, hopeful pink of love, yarn run through with bright copper.

-Glowing threads that Nico could only describe as the color of starlight.

-As he walked out, firmly between Percy Jackson and Thalia Grace, the Hunt of Artemis behind him, Nico hears one last promise:

It is done, Nico di Angelo.

[egelantier]

disco elysium

i fall into a proper gaming binge every half a year or so, and then forget that computers games exist altogether. my last bout of addiction was hades, a gorgeous roguelite about trying to get out of the underworld and dealing with family, bigger on the inside than it seemed outside. now i've spent a week headfirst into the beautiful madness of disco elysium, and i'm nowhere close to done. middle of the second playthrough, at least a couple more ahead, maybe three, maybe five - this kind of not closer to be done. finally, almost a decade later, there's a spiritual successor to planescape: torment, perfect, unique and compelling like nothing else. i'm head over heels in love.

(and a note: it's very much a game that can and should be played by non-gamers. it's a true click-and-pointer; the entirety of its action happens through dialogue. give it a try.)

in disco elysium, your character wakes up in an absolutely trashed hotel room, coming off a bender of epic proportions, fucked up beyond recognition, and fully amnesiac. it turns out you're visiting a (very much not) sunny town of revachol, a slowly decaying remnant of revolution and consequent war, and, well. you're a cop, and you're here to investigate a murder. namely, a murder of somebody whose dead body is still hanged in the backyard…

this is a horrendous mess, and you are a horrendous mess - bloated, amnesiac, confused, weird, pathetic, with a host of warring impulses and demands fighting for space in your head - but thankfully there's a pillar of stability and light in your dark world, waiting just downstairs: lieutenant kim katsuragi, your assigned partner from another station, a man with godlike sense of dignity and practically endless amount of quiet patience for your bullshit. together with him, you can investigate a crime, try to stop a small civil war, solve a couple of questions of the universe, and maybe, if you play your cards just once, dance a truly epic dance together in a shot-up church. there are also cryptids, karaoke, board games, collecting bottles for money, a mystery of a crashed police car, discovering your own feelings about the homo-sexual underground, and many, many other things.

(the gameplay: you have four sets of stats (intellect, sensitivity, physicality, interacting with objects) and, depending on how you distribute them, you play a wildly different character every time. there's no way to fail: your detective can be dumb as a bag of rocks but able to get by on intuition and muscle memory, or smart and horrible with people, or empathetic and weak, or - the combinations are endless. the game is conducted via a combination of red stat checks that you can do only once, and white checks that you can try, fail, up your stats and retry again. aside from a handful of cases, a lot of time it's easier - and funnier - to accept failures rather than try for a perfect go every time. you are a hot mess, after all. there are ten game days, a variety of sidequests and tasks, and almost endless variability in how you approach them. everything is connected, except for that one door.)

(there's also a political system, where you eventually pick up your political affiliation: a communist, a libertarian, a fascist, and a wishy-washy uncommitted liberal. the game has a lot of things to tell you about all your choices, most of them funny, some of them horrendous. there's no innocence here, and no way to weasel out of the consequences of your worldview; and you could also see that it was done by eastern europe people.)

and the thing is. the thing is, it's very much the kind of a game where you perform a field autopsy on a three days old corpse while a couple of preteen kids are watching avidly and offering their color commentary, and at some point you have to rummage in the corpse's mouth and feel its brain stem. a lot of very, very bad things happen or happened - to you, to the people around you, to the town around you, to the world around you. where in fallout you rolled into town with your stats jacked high and your blaster in hand, and solved ancient disputes and established peace, here the weight of the history is very, very heavy, and you're very, very small. you can't solve the decades of violence and war and trauma and colonization and poverty with the power of your save-scumming and pithy one liners, alas; but you can solve a murder. you can help a sweet and worried old woman. you can put your cheek to a kid's fuzzy plush toy, when offered. you can tell a person, gently, that their loved one is dead, and lie about how drunk they were when they did that. you can replace a taxidermied bird you broke. you can sit on the swing with your partner, waiting for the low tide, and whistle together - two birds on the wire…

it's the gentlest, kindest, sweetest, most hopeful game i've seen in the last decade. it's a goddamn manifesto to human spirit, and to how only - well, love - holds the world, always falling apart, together. a huge part of it is your relationship with kim, because believe me, whoever you are, most of your playthrough would be dedicated to chasing kim's approval and to winning his trust. but it also sneaks into all the cases, all the dialogues, all the little throwaway details. everybody is human; everybody is awful; everybody is holy, even you. oh, even you.

(there are storylines you can or can not discover. about why harry is such a mess - and it's awful and i loved how it was done, with empathy and grace and no judgement; about the state of the world, a bit of eldritch horror so throwaway and beautiful i would read entire volumes just about that; about the city of locusts; about a small girls' memory of playing in the reeds; about the scar of the revolution. suliram, ram, ram…)

(it's also brilliantly, awfully, absurdly, hysterically funny. Art Cop run alone makes me just about die. every failure is funnier than the other. you can be as weird as you want to - in fact, the game encourages you to be as weird as you want to be - and the world around will react accordingly, outperforming you in sheer absurdity. there's a war-and-peace sized amount of dialogue and description in the game, and it's written by some damn genius of pratchettian caliber.)

and, and and. honestly, the best way to get sucked into this game is not reviews, it's random quotes and screenshots, out -of-context spoilers - it's more or less impossible to resist. but please, oh please, give it a try.

>Someone's been walking around in your dreams lately, looking for something. Tidying up, rearranging. Storing away all the unrealized dreams, putting old pains in boxes. The worst nightmares have settled down for a while. A spot of light on the bedroom door after the dark. The fluttering of eyelids in the spring sun. A thought that arises, only to disappear again. And yet there's a pattern emerging…

>What if you didn’t lose your memory? What if something in Martinaise came and stored it all away. For you to slowly open one box at a time. So you can choose which parts to keep. Keep almost none of it. Only the flowers on the windowsill. Only the distant sound of a radio. Lose all the actors, the dark shadows, leave only the still lifes, the blissful distant wash of waves. If everybody knew -- you never did. She’ll be coming soon. That is all.

[thecreaturecodex]

Cinnamologus

“Falcon” © Vivien Siemers, accessed at her ArtStation here

[It was a relatively common practice in the ancient world to disguise the source of a valuable commodity by claiming that it was protected by monsters. Hence your gold-digging ants, your dragon’s blood resin, and your cinnamon birds. By the time the story was illustrated in medieval bestiaries, the birds themselves were pretty generic--most bestiary birds look the same. I made my version of the cinnamologus a falcon in part because of the art, and in part because falcons are under-represented compared to eagles and owls as far as monstrous birds of prey are concerned. The stats are built around the chassis of the roc animal companion statistics.]

Cinnamologus CR 3 N Animal This rust-colored bird of prey has a wingspan longer than a man is tall. A fragrant air wafts about it.

The cinnamologus, or cinnamon bird, is a large bird of prey native to seasonal forests. They brood preferentially in cinnamon trees, which they strip of their bark in order to make nests. Cinnamologus chicks are covered in and consume cinnamon from a very early age, and their feathers store its oils and flake away into powder as they age and are replaced. This gives a cinnamologus a spicy scent and also protects them from predators, as anything that bites them gets a nauseatingly strong dose of cinnamon.

A cinnamon bird is an active predator, but they will not turn their beaks up at carrion. Cinnamologus are more closely related to the falcons among birds of prey, and so have strong beaks and relatively weak talons. They usually make powerful hit and run strikes with their beaks, knocking birds out of the sky or crushing the necks of mammals. They may attack halflings, gnomes or goblins, or even the children of larger humanoids.

Cinnamologus as Animal Companions Starting Statistics: Size Medium; AC +4 natural armor; Speed 20 ft., fly 80 ft.; Attack 2 talons (1d3), bite (1d8); Ability Scores Str 12, Dex 19, Con 9, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 11; Special Qualities dusty feathers (Con based DC), fragrant, low-light vision. 7th-Level Advancement: Size Large; AC +3 natural armor; Attack 2 talons (1d4), bite (2d6 plus grab); Ability Scores Str +8, Dex –2, Con +4.

Cinnamologus    CR 3 XP 800 N Medium animal Init +4; Senses low-light vision, Perception +13 Defense AC 18, touch 14, flat-footed 14 (+4 Dex, +4 natural) hp 22 (5d8) Fort +3, Ref +7, Will +2 Defensive Abilities dusty feathers; Weakness fragrant Offense Speed 20 ft., fly 80 ft. (average) Melee bite +5 (1d8+1), 2 talons +4 (1d3+1) Statistics Str 12, Dex 19, Con 9, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 11 Base Atk +3; CMB +4; CMD 18 Feats Flyby Attack, Toughness, Weapon Focus (bite) Skills Fly +8, Perception +10, Stealth +8; Racial Modifiers +4 Perception Ecology Environment warm forests Organization solitary, pair or aerie (3-12) Treasure incidental Special Abilities Dusty Feathers (Ex) A living creature that makes a bite attack against a cinnamologus must succeed a DC 11 Fortitude save or be dazed for one round by coughing and choking. A creature with the scent ability suffers a -2 racial penalty to this save. Fragrant (Ex) A cinnamologus can be detected and pinpointed with scent at twice the normal distance.

[whiskehorange]

Spooky Nights (2019)

A Halloween Special! Only one of the most important nights in horror, how could I not! I’m taking this into a more comedic and lighthearted way, making this as fun as possible for you! I’m sorry it’s a tad bit short, the storm here is making it a bit hard to post large posts.

Have a Happy & Spooky Halloween kiddos!

Jason

Halloween! One of his favorite nights of the year! A night where he can go out and not get a double take look from the passing strangers. Hell, in Manhattan they might even applaud him for such a “spot on costume.” however he hasn’t been out to actually walk around in... forever. He’s absolutely terrified of knocking on the doors though, standing behind you like a giant statue as you walk up to the houses. Everyone sort of looks at him like a giant, shy child. A lot of “Awww how adorable’s” and “look at how handsome he is!” They all literally think he’s an overgrown kid

Defiantly wears a comfy sweater rather than an actual costume, but everyone loves it!

Candy Rate: 1000% He’s too sweet to say no to

Michael

You must have done some real good sweet talking to him if you managed to convince him to switch out that knife for a plastic for the night. But that’s just about all you get out of him costume wise. It’s the best time for him to be out and for him to go unnoticed, maybe scouting out some dumbasses with terrible costumes, only to fuck them up later. Will totally knock on the door, but his knocks are like FBI OPEN UP

Stays in his jumpsuit and mask, masking the smell a bit only because you told him to. Maybe, just maybe, he’ll throw a sheet over him and the two of you can be ghosts. If not, you’ll both be mechanics!

Candy Rate: 100% but only because they feel a bit intimidated

Thomas Hewitt

Has never really had the chance to ever go trick or treating. He’s seen other kids come and go in their costumes but never really saw the point. Luda Mae would sometimes put up some decorations only to be stomped on and berated by Hoyt as ridiculous. But getting out and about with you is great! Seeing all of these kids running around and being happy actually... lightens him up! He’s not one to knock on the door at first, but after seeing how nice the people are, me might give a few knocks here and there

Dressed up in the one and only 2008 Corey Taylor Slipknot mask while you went as maybe Clown or Joey. His masked idols, how sweet

Candy Rate: 80% Some people just don’t like Slipknot I guess

Billy Loomis & Stu Macher

Good God do they go all out for Halloween. No costume left behind or forgotten, no candy left on the table and certainly no booze left in the cabinet. the amount of Halloween parties the three of you hit up throughout the night is crazy. Billy’s just there for the weed, you’re just there for the candy and Stu... probably booze and bragging rights. You don’t get home until 5 am but does that really matter?

The three of you are like the 3 Stooges, but in 80′s rollerskating gear. The neon short shorts, wristbands, headbands and glow bracelets and all. Stu... certainly rocks his the best

Candy Rate: 0%-100% They don’t really go trick or treating, but they might steal some from the store to make a dash out, so that’s a win... I guess

Pinhead

Pinhead is familiar with the concept but doesn’t see the point in participating. If it’s what you call “fun” then you really haven’t experienced much in the terms of “fun”. Let him ramble on about that himself, but he eventually gives in. Refuses to knock on any door for candy. Only for him to claim that they should “be aware of his presence.” Yeah okay, just knock on the door so the kids behind you don’t have to wait that long

Doesn’t find the paper halo and Dollar Store wings amusing at all, but you get him to wear it anyways. Sometimes, you might see him strut his stuff in vain

Candy Rate: 75% Some of the more Christian Households didn’t appreciate the “vulgar” blood on the costume... oops

Harry Warden

Oh jeez oh fuck do you know how long it’s been since he’s been trick or treating? Let alone OUT and about on a HOLIDAY? I mean he doesn’t have a problem with Halloween but it’s still hella nerve wracking. Physically cannot and will not knock on any door or he might actually just turn and face the other direction to avoid any eye contact whatsoever

He doesn’t know what the hell Minecraft Steve is, but he thankful you got him in the box suit. He got to have his pickaxe spray painted blue so that was a pretty epic gamer moment

Candy Rate: 110% Gamers have the ability to raise their stats when critically low for 3.5 seconds after combat

Norman Bates

Absolutely adores Halloween, now even more so that he’s got you to spend it with! Tons of kids stop by the hotel to have their fair share of Norman’s Candy Bowl. It’s filled to the brim with king sized candy bars and almost never seems to get close to emptying before he replenishes it with even more. It’s nice to put a few smiles on the young ones faces and spend the cool, crisp night with you

He’s a simple boy and doesn’t need anything too fancy, so he’ll settle for a skeleton. He’s fascinated by watching you apply make up to not only yourself, but him as well. You did amazing, sweetie

Candy Rate: 200% For all those little kids, 500% for all the leftover bags Norman impulsively bought for the two of you

The Creeper

You weren’t getting him to dress up in anything at all, no matter how much you begged for him to get in the mood. Creeper prefers the tricking part of Halloween either way, it’s more fun. Although Halloween was more fun back in the day, but he’ll deal with it now, just for you. Isn’t scared to knock on the doors either, flashing that pretty little smile of his as a demand for only the finest candy you’ve got... or else

A cowboy babey! It’s the closest you could get to dressing him up. A little belt buckle with real guns (because what’s the point if their not?), a lasso and even some spurs on his boots. He’s got that Yeehaw smile too

Candy Rate: 100% out of pure fear and intimidation. Have as much candy as you want babe

Hannibal

Trick or Treating? No my dear, you’re met with a fine Masquerade Ball and night out on the town. The going door to door is fun and all for the kids, but let the adults have their own twisted fun. Maybe you might be able to talk him into a few scary haunted mazes or houses, but Hannibal still loves his classy, ballroom fantasies and dancing with you, but only this time a bit more fun and loose with upbeat music and strobe lights

Still elegantly dressed in a suit, a Spider broach on his pocket with an equally stylish mask alongside a slim dress/suit and mask just for you!

Candy Rate: 50%? There will be treats at the party but... they’re more cooked and decorated pastries? They get half credit, but taste great!

[shelbywanders]

Chapter 23: Infertile

So...let’s start from the beginning yeah?

February 2018, we found out the best news, we were expecting! With my past history, we thought for sure we would be trying for a while. So the fact that I was staring at a positive pregnancy test after just a mere two months trying to get pregnant was unreal. But 9 extremely long, tiring and definitely taken for granted months, out popped the greatest gift I’ve ever been given; my Adeline Mae! 

She was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever laid eyes on, I know that sounds so cliche. She came out looking like her daddy’s clone (go figure) except for that sweet little button nose & I just couldn’t believe that we had made something so damn perfect. 

I won’t get into the details of being a new mum and all that jazz in this post, but of course, there’s a lot that goes on in the first year. But one thing that started to get on me and my husband’s minds pretty quickly was growing our family. When Addy was around 6 months, we decided it was time to start trying again. We always talked about having our kiddos close in age and at the time, we wanted lots of them. I had a hard pregnancy with Addy, but that didn’t change my feelings about wanting that big family I always dreamed of having with the person I loved. I have three younger brothers who are 10, 8, & 7. I’ve grown to love how close they are in age and wanted that for my kids too. Me and my older sister are 4 years apart and while we’re super close now, there came a time where we weren't. We’ve always envisioned ourselves with kids just a couple years apart, and get all of our baby making years out of the way so that we can then stop, relax and watch all our kids grow up together. Of course, plans don’t always exactly go as planned. 

I exclusively breastfed Adeline until she was 20 months. When we started trying, my periods had returned but weren’t regular at all anymore. So I started my TTC journey a bit different than I did back in 2018. OPK’s became my best friend and little did I know how many I would go through the next almost two years and counting. But they did help me learn more about my cycle and I grew accustomed over constantly peeing on things every day. 

We were super excited in the beginning, it always is. It’s fun, it’s sexy, it’s exhilarating. The two week wait is exciting as you anxiously wait to pee on some more sticks. The first few times of getting your period, of course it’s a let down, but you keep on keeping on because surely...it will happen soon! Until it doesn’t...

Around Addy’s first birthday which was around 6/7 months of trying I started to get that aching feeling that was new to me. Why isn’t it happening? Shouldn't I be pregnant by now? What are we doing wrong? In our grand plan of our life, I was wanting to be pregnant by Addy’s first birthday and that came and went. Sex wasn’t much fun anymore, I was tired of having to buy more ovulation tests and tired of squinting at clearly negative but also wait, is that a line? tests over and over again. But of course...we just kept trying, praying that next month will be our month. 

December came, month 7/8. I was so busy creating orders for my small shop and we weren’t hardcore tracking. We did the the deed once, the day before my birthday. Two weeks later, I realized I was late. Two days late actually. What?! This hasn’t happened before...grabbed the nearest test to me and finally. Finally. Two pink little lines. A faint line, but a line nonetheless! We were pregnant!!! I remember running to the store to get more tests because I have to see the progression, ya know, peace of mind. I stopped in the kids clothing section and spotted a cute “Big Sister” shirt and grabbed it. I wanted Addy to wear it out and see how long it took my hubby to notice what her shirt said. Unfortunately, she never got to wear that shirt and it’s stashed in the bottom of her dresser three sizes too small now. 

To keep it short and sweet, we lost our squishy baby that should’ve stuck around for 9 months and created a family of four just a couple of weeks after finding out. Instead, it started a whirlwind of emotions that I didn’t even know I could feel and a fight that we’re still battling to as I type this all out. Maybe one day I’ll make another blog about the miscarriage and all the feelings that came with it, just not in this post. 

At this point, here we are entering 2020 grieving the loss of what would’ve been. We picked ourselves up as much as we could and kept on going. Trying. Praying. Crying. Trying. Praying. Crying. We hit a year TTC in May 2020 and I felt a new level of hopelessness. Chapter 23: Infertile?... But how? I’ve gotten pregnant easily in the past, I’ve carried a baby, my body has done this before...what is wrong? 13 months TTC and we had the talk. The talk about trying to find answers and get some help. I set up a costly consultation with a fertility clinic in June. Our insurance doesn’t cover anything so of course, it was a big decision we had to make. While waiting for my cycle to start so that we could start fertility treatments, I had my first chemical pregnancy. So that was another heartache...moving on. 

August 2020, I have my first medicated cycle with my RE. I was on Clomid 50mg, triggered with Ovidrel and progesterone supplements after ovulation. The first cycle was perfect. Absolutely beautiful. I was ecstatic! My body responded so well to the meds and I ovulated at the perfect time and everything seemed great. Didn’t get pregnant, which sucked. $1200 in the hole, but hey! The meds worked. Let’s try again. Second cycle, same thing. My body didn’t respond at all. Nothing. Cycle cancelled...$1200 done the drain again. At this point the holidays were quickly approaching and our wallets were struggling so we put a hold on fertility treatments and we haven’t done any since. The month after we stopped, I had another chemical. That felt like a big ol’ screw you. 

Hold tight, you’re almost caught up! We’re nearing the end of 2020, thank GOD. That hellish year needed to leave STAT. January 2021. New starts, new chances. I had an appt with my primary to talk about what I have been suspecting to be the problem of our infertility struggles. And that’s when a diagnosis came around. PCOS. I’m sure you’ve heard of it. it’s one of the most common reproductive conditions in women and one of the leading causes for infertility. It runs in my family, my symptoms matched, I just couldn’t see it being anything else. As for Addy? I truly think we just got lucky. Blessed. I will never question it. I’m beyond grateful because I cannot imagine not having her right now. I started on Metformin a couple of weeks ago, a drug that helps treat PCOS. I also started a diet and have lost about 15 lbs so far! My motivation is because after this we will probably start doing IUI’s and I want to make sure I’m in good health so that are chances are as good as they can be. But of course...we are praying and hoping that it doesn’t come to that and by some miracle, we get pregnant naturally again before we go down that road. 

So there it is! You’re caught up. I didn’t go into many details on individual experiences because I knew this post was already going to be long. I just felt like a little synopsis of our TTC & infertility journey was needed before I continue writing about my experiences! I’ve felt pretty alone, even though I have people around me who care and love for me but they just haven’t gone through this so it’s hard to relate to anyone. I find writing to help. Getting it out there even if no one reads it. I am absolutely determined to make 2021 beautiful and I believe in every inch of me that our rainbow baby is coming to us. This month. Next month. Maybe at the end of the year. But I know it will happen...I can’t lose hope even if I wanted to. I’m hoping by sharing our journey, we can all find hope within each other. You’re not alone. I’m not alone. Our wishes will come true. Our prayers will be answered. As they say...even miracles take a little time. 

xoxo shelby 

[patchdotexe]

Explorers of Arvus: uhhhh / 3.23.21

today's notes are different from usual bc. well. you'll see

LAST TIME ON EXPLORERS OF ARVUS i broke my sleep schedule and am barely existing so this is fine. we went back to camp vengeance an uhhhhhhhhhhhh we are now going to fuck off into the forest to die or prove a very important point

oh god we forgot to level up

[mgd voice] BOOSTING NYX TO MAXIMUM LEVEL

im so fuckin tired. what on earth am i doing. how do i level again

k is not here this time but instead we've got mae+nii bonking their heads together to simulate 2 braincells and so far it is not working. i might just have to like fuckin, drop out n zzz partway thru or somethin. would be fun to see how chaotic michael makes charlie in my absensce

oh wait i can do d&dbeyond i think. how do i work this again. will i ever remember i have shield

what level am i. level 6? pog. oh shit i think i have a new thing

. new spell

. 3 total 3rd level spell slots

. bend luck! i can now screw people over on purpose (and will probably use my sorcery points FINALLY)

michael is leveling charlie up bc my brain is apple sos

ASDXFKLJFH I FEEL CALLED OUT zec rb'd my most recent art of MaX with "all i know about xem is that leo likes xem a lot that's the extent of my knowledge" THANK U FOR SUPPORTIN ME ANYWAY

there will be less blaseball distractions than last time bc blaseball is now on siesta. however i will still have MaX brainrot in the background bc i was drawing xem

wyatt mason my beloved

OKAY I GOTTA MUTE THE TACO STAND FOR THE ENTIRETY OF D&D i cannot and will not get distracted. we can do this. we

nintendo wii

we havent even started yet and im already incoherent

ok i have made a decision and that decision is that i do not have the brainpower to play. however i do have the brianpower to take notes hopefully! so ill just like. vibe. this will be a first

oh man im gonan pick up Blink. charlie is gonna be a fucking menace to herself and others

oh my god its not concentration so charlie may continue teleporting while unconscious. thorne is going to hate this

[charlie gets her soul eaten by a ring] [charlie singing dragonston din tei at halvkWAIT JORB HAS A PRIZE

jorb got a thing! an evil genius thing! figure man. fugrine. figuring. help

GREEN HAS DIAGNOSED ME AS TIGREX MONSTERHUNTER i love this

my notes are a disaster. this is so sucks

serotonin is stored in the wiggly zoomy jorb camera

jorb: his pinky is the size of the rest of his fingers

leo: he has a disease

jorb: he has a disease.

jorb: that disease is male pattern baldness

leo: [reduced to tearful giggling for mysterious reasons]

LAST TIME, ON EXPLORERS OF ARVUS: we've returned to camp vengeance! taure is still unconscious, which is not very great. camp vengeance is doin better tho!

michael, as part of the recap: ingrid is getting railed by her new girlfriend,

first dice roll of the day is michael rolled a 1. good start

OH THORNE IS AN ARTIFICER NOW thorne took a level in artificer!

"...it's like figuring out the right mathematical equation to summon a gun."

group is gonna go check out the statue that we passed by now that we're not WHAT DO YOU MEAN PONK AND GEORGE CANONICALLY HAVE IBS thats it im not looking at 772 anymore

im doing a bad job of paying attention but at least im Present

SIERON LEARNED FLY AND USED IT ON CHARLIE

michael: what do you want to do with your new flying powers?

leo: how many problems can i cause in 10 minutes

guard 1: ...why is the halfling flying?

guard 2: [rolls a 3 on intelligence] i think they can just do that

groundhogs, the real scourge of the campaign

silje and sieron are gonna hunt a big elk. they got distracted and sieron is putting grass on silje's head. i think

WAIT WE'RE ON WATCH NOW FUCK

we have discovered kali's tragic backstory whoops

update i am. too sleepy for this. good nigh everyone

[ and then leo went and somewhat took a nap! solar, normally playing thorne, started playing charlie in my stead. @jorbs-palace, local hero, started taking shitpost notes in my stead. ]

jorb's ghostwritten notes for leo:

help solar is immediately doing a cursed voice for charlie. charlie can do so many crimes

congratulations, charlie is now temporarily immortal!

dwarves can hit things with their beard

kali wants to know if she's legally allowed to bail

she'd feel really bad if she had to loot our corpses for payment if we died.

we have entered the Tree Zone

one of the corpses is now a flamingo (has one leg)

silje has decided to stab the ground. take that, dirt

kali was large size for a second there but then she remembered to not be a giant

"you accidentally deleted my cat?!"

silje has learned naruto cloning jutsu

be gone, thot

oh boy, making an int check to look at a statue! 11! silje is dumb apparently.

hmm. the statue has divination magic. it's also affecting silje.

SILJE LEARNED A 6TH LEVEL SPELL? its only single use but still

you solved my statue riddllllleeeee

thorne forgot to have eyes

its a shame mac and cheese doesnt exist in the d&d universe

wizards are just math criminals (the criminal part is setting people on fire)

sieron crit fails a check but it was still a 9 because of having +8

thorne is looking for what's weird!

uh oh music got scary, never a good sign

hmm. those leaves over there weren't dead a moment ago.

UNDEAD TROLL TIME! rolling initiative

"it's ok, im a wizard, it's my duty to be correct." "wow! waow!"

woooah here he comes

IT JUST DID HALF SIERON'S HEALTH AS A PASSIVE END OF TURN EFFECT?

thorne backed up and cast eldri- oh, ray of enfeeblement. character development continues

charlie is going to just blink out of existence for a minute.

big chungus has grabbed silje and sieron. BIG CHUNGUS HAS THROWN SILJE AND SIERON.

sieron is using hit and run tactics! isn't good at his extra attack yet though

silje is activating bid bid blood blood blood

thorne uses beam of skipping your leg day. troll's legs are now skipped.

michael is trying to determine what a 'clavicle' is

"does that mean the star trek kind, or the bdsm kind?"

charlie wants to cast magic missile.

charlie has vanished back into the ethereal plane mid-taunt

silje has decided to not get bitten today

silje may or may not have stats.

oh, right, trolls are weak to fire! and also we forgot to upgrade sieron's firebolt. so it actually hurts now!

silje is full of knives and blades and does 31 damage in one turn!

charlie shouts words of encouragement from the ethereal plane. a nearby ghost vibes with this.

🎉 eldritch blast 🎉

kali remembered she hates the sun

silje is enthuasiatic about charlie saying "get him cat boy!"

charlie contemplating using fireball to nuke the troll and also the entire stonehenge

charlie has decided to use magic missile instead, probably for the best

the troll bit at charlie SO POORLY it broke some of its teeth on the ground

charlie is too small to hit

accidentally rolled advantage on a firebolt, so got to learn it WOULD have done 29 damage with a crit but instead it missed because it was not actually with advantage

silje has just sliced open its entire back and made a spray of frozen blood! radical. big boy is down!

we have burned the body because we are not stupid. well, we ARE stupid, but not stupid in the way of leaving a body full of necrotic magic around

[dr coomer voice] i think it's good that he died!

we're also doing a funeral pyre for the other corpses that were around. just to be sure.

our loot is: the satisfaction of a job well done

thorne is cosplaying as charlie

charlie has located the direction troll came from! she found the 'the way to sweet loot' sign

thorne is apparently better at survival checks than our hired guide? wack

we found a viking house! it has: mead, a shield, gravestones,

found a gold coin in the mead! maybe it was thirsty

oh theres a LOT Of coins in there actually. 60 gold and 120 silver!

have successfully pointed out a hole in the DM's logic :)

there was a raven! it cawed and left. ok bye buddy

and that's where we leave it! heading back to camp vengeance next time.

someone rated this session a 7.2 out of 10, which is very specific

good night mr coconut

[apriorisea]

“One Year” You x Hoseok

“Hello?”      “Hi, angel.”       Smiling faintly to yourself, you cradle the phone between your ear and shoulder and get up from the table, moving to the cupboard where you stored the plastic containers. “Hey, baby.” You get a few of the containers and take them back to the table you had set for two, carefully moving the contents of one of the plates into the containers.        “I’m so sorry, angel, but I’m not going to make it for dinner tonight,” Hoseok says quietly, and in those words you hear all the exhaustion, disappointment, and guilt that he’s carrying.       “It’s okay,” you reassure; you had known from the very moment he called you that the dinner plans would have to change. “Are you doing okay?”      He exhales heavily over the phone. “Yes. Just...tired. I thought I’d be able to make it home by now, but we’re running later than expected. I’m so sorry.”      “Hobi, stop,” you instruct, fitting the lid over the container and taking the phone back in hand. “It’s okay. Are you guys going to eat something there?”      “I’m not sure...” he sounds distracted.      You smile again. “Make sure someone orders something, okay? You need to eat.”       “Okay,” he agrees easily. “I’m sorry, angel. I don’t know when I’ll be home, so...”      “I won’t wait up,” you tease. “Just kiss me when you get in, right?”      He chuckles. “Yes, ma’am. Oh---and we’re leaving at 8:30 tomorrow, right? Or do we need to go earlier?”      “Oh.” You’re caught off guard by the sudden change of topic. “Y-yeah. That was the original plan. But, baby, if you’re too tired we can change it. And if you’re too busy, it’s okay, you don’t have to go.”      “I’m going.” He sounds vaguely offended. “I’ll be ready by 8:15!”       You smile. “Okay.”      “I love you, angel. I need to go now,” he sighs.       “I know. Have a good rehearsal. Tell the guys I say hi.”      He laughs again. “I will.”      “Love you, my hope. Be safe.”     “I love you the most!”       The call ends and you pull the phone away from your ear, your gaze unfocusing slightly as you think about tomorrow. The truth is you didn’t really want to go without him, but if he stayed too late at work tonight, it wouldn’t really be fair to force him to go....      Your phone buzzes at that moment and you look down to find a text from him: I love you more than anything, angel. Goodnight! <3      The smile that crosses your face is huge, and you’re transported back to the moment a week ago when you’d first approached the topic, right here at the kitchen table.       “So I know you’re busy,” you finish, fidgeting with your chopsticks. “But....I was just....if you had time and you wanted to, I thought you’d like to come with me?” When he doesn’t answer for a moment, you feel your heart start to sink and look up at him, a negation already on your tongue, but when you see his face, you stop.       Tears shining in his eyes, Hoseok reaches for your hand, tugging on it gently until you get up from your chair and cross to where he sits. He pulls you into his lap, his face serious. “Of course, I’ll go with you, angel.” He brings your hand up to his lips, kissing the back of it gently.      “Are--are you sure?” you ask, feeling tears fill your own eyes as you look at him. “I know you’ve got a lot going on at work right now, and it’s not a big deal, so---”      “Yes, it is,” he interrupts you quietly. “Baby, I can’t even tell you how honored I am that you’re asking me to come with you. I’ll be there. I promise.”       The first tear slips down your cheek, and you duck to hide your face in the crook of his neck. He wraps his arms around you, and you feel him kiss your shoulder.       “Thank you,” you manage after a while, pulling back to look at him. The sight of the two of you in matching tears makes you laugh a little and you reach to cradle his face in your hands. “That means a lot, my hope.” You lean down and kiss him once.      When you break away, he shakes his head seriously. “Thank you for asking me, angel. It means the world.”       Laughing a little at the tears the memory brought with it, you finish eating your dinner alone, then tidy up the kitchen and head to the bedroom. Standing in your guys’ shared walk-in closet, you pull up the weather app on your phone and enter the cemetery’s location: tomorrow morning would be brisk, but not devastatingly cold, a perfect match for the outfit you had planned already. You pull the pieces together, setting them aside for the next morning; the last thing you add is the delicate gold chain necklace he had given you for the last Christmas you’d spent together. There. Perfect. Taking one last look at it, you turn off the lights and shut the closet door carefully behind you.       You change into your favorite pajamas, wash your face, brush your teeth, comb your hair, apply all the lotions and serums, and climb into bed. You immediately miss having Hoseok next to you, but you bravely put that aside, knowing he’d be home soon enough. Grabbing your Kindle, you read until your eyelids grow heavy, then finish your pre-bedtime routine by plugging in your phone and turning on the correct alarm for the next morning. Before you reach to turn out the lamp, your gaze goes to the picture on your nightstand.       Smiling sadly, you whisper, “See you tomorrow, daddy. Love you.” You turn out the light and snuggle into bed. 

     Hoseok gets home around 1am, but you’re in too deep a sleep to feel him softly kiss your forehead, so the next thing you know, someone’s alarm is ringing at 7am.       Groaning, you roll over and look at your clock: you’d carefully set it for 7:30, what was its problem??      “Sorry, sorry, sorry, angel,” you hear a familiar, sleepy voice say behind you. The alarm shuts off and you feel his arms wrap around you. “I didn’t mean to wake you up so early”      You relax immediately. “Good morning, Hobi,” you say, turning to kiss his arm. “What time did you get in?”      “Not too late,” he lies easily. “But I didn’t want to shower last night, so I set my alarm for 7.”     “Ah,” you nod with a smile. “I wondered if my alarm clock had gone rogue or something.”     His soft laugh tickles your neck. “Nope, no killer alarm clock. Just me.”       Twisting in his arms, you roll over to look at him. “You look tired, baby,” you say quietly. “It really is okay if you want to sleep in today instead.”      He leans down to kiss the tip of your nose. “I can’t believe how hard you’re trying to get rid of me...”      “Never!” you gasp, faux-offended. “I just want you to do what’s best for you.”     Smiling, he kisses you more seriously. “I am, angel. Now, let me go shower! We leave at 8:30 sharp!”      You’re not exactly sure how, but you end up ready way before him, scrolling mindlessly through your phone on the couch in the living room while you wait.      Still, it’s exactly 8:15 when you hear him say, “All right, angel, I’m ready!”     Looking up, you’re surprised to see him dressed in a nice, dark suit, his hair perfectly done; he looked carpet-ready, not graveyard-visit-ready. “Wow.” You can’t help but stare. “You...you really dressed up.”     He grins, the sun shining through his smile. “Of course!”      “....Why?”      Crossing to where you sit, he extends his hands, pulling you carefully to your feet. When you’re up, he leans in to kiss you. “Because, babydoll, it’s important to make a good first impression!” His gaze drifts to your gold necklace and he releases you in order to reach out and fix the chain, resettling the clasp at the back of your neck. “You look beautiful, by the way.”     You have to take a second, already choked up a little. “F-first impression?” you repeat to buy yourself time.     Giving a little sympathetic hum, he reaches up to take your face gently in his hands, using his thumbs to carefully brush away your tears, making sure not to mess up your make-up. “Yes. Do I look okay for a good first impression??”     Still not trusting yourself to speak, you nod wordlessly as you process his meaning. You had met Hoseok 23 days after your dad had passed away. You knew this stat perfectly, because it had been 23 days since you’d been able to really smile, and from the moment you’d met him, things had felt lighter, easier, happier. He’d never met your father, but he had immediately become your greatest source of strength, your rock to rely on in the hard times that had followed. It was macabre, maybe, but somehow it felt right that the two of you would celebrate this anniversary first, followed 23 days later by your own 1 year anniversary.      Unable to contain your gratitude, you wait until he releases you and then wrap your arms around his waist, holding him tight. “You’re going to make a great first impression,” you reassure him. “He would have loved you, Hoseok. I know he would’ve.” You feel him kiss the top of your head.       “Really?”      You’re touched at the sincerity in his question. “Yes,” you say firmly, pulling away. You cup the side of his face. “Absolutely. In fact, he definitely would have made lots of stupid jokes about how he loves you more than I love you. Which, by the way, is pretty much impossible.”      He’s smiling again, and the warmth of it touches every corner of your soul. “I love you,” he can’t help but say.      “I love you more.” You glance at the time. “8:30. Ready?”      Slipping his hand into yours, he gives it a quick squeeze and nods. “Let’s go.”      As he’s helping you into the passenger seat, a thoughtful expression crosses his face. You smile at him before he can close the door. “What is it?”      “Well...I was going to say, it’s true for me, too.”      “What is?”       “I love you more than anyone else ever has,” he says, the truth as simple and easy as breathing for him. “But.....then I wondered if that was, maybe...disrespectful?”      Your smile grows wider and your heart grows two sizes. “Not at all,” you reassure him. “Like I said, dad would’ve loved you.”      Relieved, he bends down to kiss you one last time. “All right. I’m ready.”      As he closes the door and makes his way around the front of the car, your hand wanders to the locket hanging from your necklace. Holding it tight, you say to yourself, “He’s a good one, right, dad? I’m glad you’ll finally get to meet him.”       You keep one hand on the locket as your boyfriend starts the car and reaches automatically for your free hand. Yep. He’s a good one. 

[cecilspeaks]

160 - The Weather

No man is an island. Some men are fjords. Most men are oxbows. All men are ravines. Welcome to Night Vale.

The news coming up. But first, let’s go to the weather.

[nature noises, birds cawing]

There’s a cold front moving through Night Vale. Temperature at City Hall is currently 63 degrees and sunny with wind gusts later this afternoon of up to 40 miles per hour. These winds are expected to bring cold air as low as 20 degrees this evening, and possibly dropping to below zero overnight. It’s unknown what’s causing this weather, is a statement I make every day, looking out into the sky. Is it God? P-perhaps it is the government. Perhaps Earth itself is, is it out of boredom that the weather exists? Maybe it is out of care. That would suggest the existence of a God who wishes us well, but it does not explain the fierce destructiveness of a blizzard, or a heat wave, or a tornado, or a tsunami. Is a tsunami weather? That is a question best left to oceanographers, meteorologists, or a Tarot deck. But why would God make a thing, then mar it? What mood change is this? what care can this god have for humanity? Ahhhh. And maybe that’s the point. Ah, that does make me feel better, to think that it all doesn’t matter. It really takes a lot of pressure off, doesn’t it?

Let’s have a look at agriculture. John Peters – you know, the farmer – says his orange crop this year is massive. He says the quantity of product has not deviated, only the quality. “Them oranges are huuuu-uuge!” John said, holding an orange the size of the 2002 iMac computer. “I can’t fit this thing into one of them orange crushers (what that) I make the juice with!” he said, struggling to keep his back straight under the weight of the abnormally sized citrus fruit. But John says he’s excited for his orange grove, which has been doing great ever since he genetically modified his crop to no longer cause teleportation across existential dimensions when consumed. Despite his excitement for orange sales, John says he’s worried about next year’s crop of invisible corn. He said he looked up summer 2020 in his farmer’s almanac and all it said was, “Wellll crap. Good luck.” John plans to diversify his farm investment by raising cattle for slaughter. He’s vegan these days, so he does not want to sell the cattle for meat or dairy. He’ll just raise the cattle until they’re old enough to kill. Best of luck in all your endeavours, John! Hope you finally win that coveted Best Orange at the Citrus Festival this year.

Many of our listeners have written concerned emails about the temperature possibly falling below zero. Bob Sturm of Old Town said: “Zero is the lowest number, Cecil. I’m a big stats guy and I can tell you that you cannot have less than nothing, that’s impossible.” Well listen Bob, I’m a journalist, not a numerologist, so I don’t know what to tell you. Apparently there are many unknown numbers below zero, and as they are discovered, rest assured I will be here to report on them. (Reina Guerrero) from the west side asked if there’s anything we can do to better prepare ourselves for this weather. Well (Reina), here are some tips I just looked up online. One: bundle up. Yeah, your heater can only do so much. Two: bring your pets indoors, and if you have an agent from a Vague, yet Menacing Government Agency outside your home assigned to record your every movement, invite them in as well. You don’t want them freezing alone out there in their black sedan. Three: light a fire, if you have a fireplace. If you do not have a fireplace of pellet stove, try using a refrigerator or sink. Four: if you should lose power at any time, do not panic. Just curl into a ball breathing heavily and repeating: “Oh God no, oh God no, oh God no, oh God no”, through loudly chattering teeth.

Now, we’re not expecting precipitation tonight, but should it snow, I recommend making a snow angel. Yeaaah, that’s always fun. All you have to do is lie flat on your back, arms and legs outstretched, until you are called into celestial service to whatever greater authority rules these beautiful creatures. Thank you for your questions and comments. I’ll do my best to keep our town up to date on the latest weather.

But first, this Saturday is Night Vale’s annual Holiday Fireworks Extravaganza at the Night Vale Harbor and Waterfront Recreation Area. There will be live music by local bands, including  a new band by Dark Owl Records owner Michelle Nguyen and her girlfriend Maureen. [quietly] Ah, my old intern Maureen. Their band is called The Funtastics, and it’s a folk country slash (trans) tribute band performing the acappella covers of Philip Glass scores. According to Michelle’s press release: “Please do not watch our show. I’m very angry you even know about it. I hate that our secret concert at the annual Holiday Fireworks Extravaganza, Night Vale’s most anticipated and attended annual event, was leaked to the press.” Following the concert, there will be a collective prayer to the [gong, echoing] Great! Golden! Hand! And then the fireworks will begin. Event organizers say they have a special fireworks display in store for attendees this year. Traditionally, the biggest explosions are reserved for the end of a half-hour long buildup of lesser explosions, but focus groups have indicated that people are tired of having to wait for the best part. So instead of normal boring fireworks, they will be blowing up old cars using the 18,000 tons of solid fuel they found at an abandoned missile silo on the edge of the Sand Wastes. The Holiday Fireworks Extravaganza would like to thank the Sheriff’s Secret Police for the vehicle donations, which are mostly cars impounded this past week for overdue state inspection stickers. Can’t wait to see everybody this Saturday at the Fireworks Extravaganzaa!

Brrrr! It’s getting pretty bad out there, Night Vale! The temperature has fallen dramatically to 20 degrees outside the radio station. I can hear the creak and groan of our antenna straining under the 40 mile per hour winds. I’ve seen three different minor accidents outside my window as drivers lost control of their vehicles. I’ve got my little space heater under my desk. Huh, but I can still barely feel my feet. [chuckles] I regret choosing today of all days to bike to work. [sighs]

Oh, I’m getting word that power is out in the Barista District, and dozens of leather apron wearing people have been forced to make torches out of Irish cream soaked biscotti stuffed into (-) [0:09:16]. And the only thing available coffee wise right now is cold brew. Gross.

Employees at the Night Vale power plant are working to restore power to that area of town, but they have run into some difficulties. The blustery winds and extreme cold have kept some of the workers from being able to drive to the plant, and the ones already on site re perplexed by how any of this works. “We are not sure if this is a nuclear plant or electric or coal or what,” said Mike Reiner, director of operations for the power plant. “We tried turning the whole thing off and back on like a computer, but the switch didn’t really do anything. Nobody labels anything around here, for crying out loud.” Reiner then began to cry out loud, as dozens of workers rushed to put their arms around the sobbing man. “We’re sorry, boss, we’re sorry,” the frantic workers all repeated. In the chaos of the consoling, a single worker was heard whimpering: “Oh god! Someone do something before he changes back into…” But that voice was quickly and fearfully shushed by the others.

More on the power outage and weather conditions soon.

But let’s get to some good news. Our population is booming, Night Vale! We have more people than houses. But thankfully, the good folks of the private land development industry are helping out. Ah, the altruistic hand of capitalism! A new housing development named The Final Destination is going up in Radon Canyon. New homes start in the 130’s for 2 bedroom semi-detached townhouses, all the way to expensive 10 bedroom estates with beautiful views of the blue..ish mist that settles every morning along the canyon bottom. Representatives from the EPA have warned against building residences in an area known for producing toxic gases, but the developers said they will equip each home with a large exhaust fan and provide a lifetime supply of rebreathers for the first 15 home buyers. The EPA has tried repeatedly to stop this development, stating that excavation of the canyon floor could lead to the release of more gases, which would catastrophically imperil not only the lives of those in the canyon, but the Earth’s atmosphere for hundreds, if not thousands of miles in all directions. “Who knows what’s beneath the shale in that canyon?” one EPA representative said. The representative was wearing a sports coat too large for his frame and comically out of date glasses. He continued: “We have been trying to declare Radon Canyon a Superfund site for years, but Night Vale doesn’t show up in any government database and so it cannot receive its projection. Didn’t you ever see the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark, how everybody’s faces melted off, it’d be just like that.” When it was pointed out that the end of that movie was good because it was Nazi faces melting, the EPA representative said: “Yeah yeah you’re right, that was pretty cool but still, get what I’m trying to say right?” Nobody did, because it was a weird thing to bring up a 40-year-old movie about Nazis and museum artefacts. So, now we will have new housing in the heart of Night Vale’s most beautiful scenic attraction, beginning spring next year.

I’m getting word that the power is out now in Old Town Night Vale and at the library, and on the south end. The temperature has dropped to 5 degrees and I think it will continue to plummet throughout the night. People are doing everything they can to prepare. Before the stores close, I recommend driving out and picking up some water as well as canned goods, even some fresh produce and raw meat while it’s still there. I mean, people worked hard to grow that food ten states away and then drive it across the country right here to you and you haven’t bought it yet? Even if your refrigerator’s not working because of the power outages, it’ll be cold enough in your house to keep it all fresh. So get out there and spend your money on food! We have so much of it. Let’s use it, Night Vale.

But above all: stay warm! If you’re alone, visit a neighbor. Body heat and company can help a lot in weather like this. And if you have room in your home, welcome your neighbors in! There’s no reason to be alone at a time likes. Plus it’s the holiday season, why not keep each other warm with stories, with camaraderie, with good fellowship? [shivering noises] Yet, if you can’t be with others tonight, [groans] then I will do my best to keep you company through this brutal cold.

Ah, I’d like to tell you a story of my childhood. It’s a very personal story, one I‘ve never shared on the air before. [shivering noises] I’m a bit nervous to tell it to you all, but if ever there was time for a story to bring us closer together, now is that time. I will tell you that story in a moment, but first, let’s have a look at sports.

[“Suspension of Disbelief” by Victory Soul Orchestra https://victorysoulorchestra.com]

[beeps] Computer: The National Weather Service has issued a severe weather warning for the greater Night Vale area. Temperatures as low as -10 degrees are predicted with high winds gusting up to 16 miles per hour. Wind chills overnight may reach -30 degrees. Residents of Night Vale and the surrounding towns of Pine Cliff, Red Mesa, and Desert Bluffs too should seek shelter. They should band together around fireplaces with heaters at their highest settings. In cases where heat sources are not accessible or operating, residents should huddle in the vacant lot out back of the Ralphs. Come huddle with us. Come huddle with us. There is a barrel here. It is filled with trash and we have lit it on fire. It is so warm, the trash. The trash is mostly paper and cardboard, but it is also something greater than that. It is a symbol of progress of the great tower of industry (and need) [0:19:51], a ruined towel like Babyl, which just toppled down of the weight of its hubris, and in the language of flame it tells us things. It tells us so much, not through words but through visions. 

Here is a list of visions the fire has revealed to us. One: two spools of coaxial cable. Two: a single white bulb atop of an anthill. Three: an empty keg around squat cylinder of frosting, beneath which lies nothing, not even air. A void (cake). “Happy birthday,” echoes the choir from a good distance away. Four: a great black bird whose white wings brush along the castle turret. Five: a snake spiraled and asleep inside a leather boot. Six: a wheelless tractor in a vast wasteland of cracked earth. Seven: your brother. Not a brother you know, but a brother you once had. He looks like you and he repeats your name, but backwards. Eight: smoke clouds shaped like vice grips.   These are the visions of the flames in the barrel in the vacant lot out back of the Ralphs. 

Beneath our gaze and across our minds, beyond our consciousness, these are the remains of the great tower of humanity. Come huddle with us. You without heat. You without home. You without hope. Come huddle with us. 

This severe weather warning is in effect (through) 8 PM tomorrow, when the warm front is expected to move through the region bringing sunny skies and high temperatures in the mid-80’s, and everyone will return to their normal lives, satisfied that they have (-) [0:21:51] death once again, confusing accidental survival with competence and immortality. What doesn’t kill you only makes you more complacent. The National Weather Service knows this is but a night together with you, not a whole life. For what we have in this moment is (truer) than rain, but deeper than thunder. Parting is such sweet sorrow. Blah, blah, blah. I’m not saying the morning will not hurt. I’m only saying the joy of memory is stronger than the prick of any (plate) upon my heart. This has been a severe weather warning from the national weather service. Stay tuned to the station for further updates.

I love you. I have always loved you. And now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

[beeps]

Cecil: And that is what I saw in the mirror that day. And why I do not like to go near mirrors. Ever.

[sighs] I never told that story to anyone before. I hope it has kept you company throughout this treacherous night. I hope it has kept you warm. Just knowing you’re listening somewhere out there in the cold dark has kept me warm. Stay safe, wherever you are. Good night, Night Vale… [shivers] Good night.

Today’s proverb: Who called it Snowpiercer instead of Chris Evans’s Polar Express?

[mostfacinorous]

GO Whumptober Day 9: For the Greater Good [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][8]

Aziraphale had insisted on soaking his feet in the tub on his own, first because the bathroom was small enough that having two adult man sized creatures in it was a trial at best, and second because there was no chance that he was letting Crowley get any closer to holy water than he had to. 

The result of this was Crowley pacing outside of the bathroom on the small landing, trying to keep up a conversation, while Aziraphale tried to keep in the little noises of discomfort that threatened to find their way out. 

His feet were blistered and burned, crispy in a way he’d never thought he’d be able to apply the word to his corporation, and altogether unpleasant to look at or be attached to. The water did help, however. 

“I was thinking maybe Chinese? How would you feel about that? Or we could go with the fancy French place, if you’re feeling something a little more celebratory…”

“Hmm, maybe sushi?” Aziraphale called back. “Though to be ah--” he shifted his foot, attempting to twist around and call over his shoulder, and it bumped against the edge of the tub, sending pain rocketing up his leg. “--Honest!” He forced out, quickly breathing in through his nose before continuing in as normal a voice as he could muster, “Anything sounds good just now. I leave it in your very capable hands, dear.” 

He tilted his head up and gazed at the ceiling, but did not allow even the impression of a prayer to form. They certainly didn’t need the attention, just at the moment. 

The thought had no sooner formed than he heard the bell over the door downstairs jangling, and heard Gabriel calling out for him. 

“Hello? Aziraphale? I just got your message-- came as soon as I could!” 

Aziraphale had no idea what he meant, then recalled his frantic prayer for help in the demonic dressing chamber. 

“Awh shit.” He heard Crowley say from in the hall. 

Hastily, Aziraphale pulled the stopper and drained the tub, drying his feet quickly before he opened the bathroom door. 

“Go to my room and stay there quietly.” He instructed Crowley, before gingerly making his way to the top of the stairs.

“Ah, Aziraphale, there you are.” Gabriel did not look pleased to see him, even if he sounded it. 

“Yes, here I am-- sorry, found myself in a spot of trouble a bit ago, but it sorted itself out in the end. Ran into a couple of demons up to no good-- they gave me a bit more fight than I was used to.” He lifted his burned foot as demonstration. 

“Good lord, man, you mean to say they used hellfire on you? And you’re still here to tell the tale?” 

Aziraphale nodded quickly, then shook his head. 

“Yes, well, not directly, thank goodness, or I’d be quite gone. No, I ah-- well, I was just getting ready to write it up in a report, if you’d rather have it all in writing?” He knew he didn’t lie well, not quite so quick on his feet as all that, especially right now, when he was still recovering. 

“Sure, sure, that’s fine. And you handled it, eh? I have to say I’m impr--” Gabriel trailed off, then cocked his head. 

Aziraphale didn’t hear anything, but he felt his heart sink into his stomach. 

“Aziraphale, I think you’d better come down here.” Gabriel said, sounding stern, and Aziraphale wondered how much he knew-- and how. 

“I-- ah-- if you don’t mind, I’d rather not. Hard on the ol’ corporation, you know, heh heh…” He knew Crowley had to be listening. 

“Aziraphale, now. Down here, now.” He could see Gabriel gathering his power, could see the faint outline of his wings, and he knew what would come next. 

“Crowley, run!” he called out, ducking and heading further in, towards his bedroom. Crowley, idiot that he was, opened the door, just in time for Aziraphale to barrel into him. 

Behind them, the whole shop shook. 

The lights went out, and a crackling purple energy was the only source of light, climbing the stairs slowly, like a predator with its prey cornered. 

And they were; the window was high up and too small to fit out of, and they weren’t exactly in any sort of shape to fly off. Besides, Gabriel could find either one of them-- there would be no outrunning him. 

“Aziraphale, I think you have some explaining to do.” He bellowed, words ripping through the room like a physical blow.

“Ah, well you see,” Aziraphale began, untangling himself from Crowley and putting himself between the Archangel and the demon. “I mentioned how I’d run into a spot of trouble before, with the other demons, yes? Well… this demon in particular, my old arch enemy, Crowley-- you know him from past reports, of course--”

“Aziraphale.” Gabriel said his name as if it was all the warning he needed. 

“Yes well, it seems the demons in question were ah-- feuding? With this one. And so we ah, we briefly set aside our differences, you know, to...d-defeat our common foes. And so--”

“So you’re working with a demon?” Gabriel asked, clearly aghast. “And to think I was considering a commendation for you, handling hell fire-- But no, you made a deal with the devil to save your own skin. Despicable.” 

“Oi, maybe he wouldn’t have had to if your lot had actually been around when he called for help, huh?” Crowley snapped from behind Aziraphale’s back. 

“Crowley, please!” Aziraphale groaned. 

“No, he’s right-- clearly we’ve been remiss in your training. If you were so weak you couldn’t do your duty without the aid of your enemy, then it seems to me we need to get you back topside stat and work on that.” 

Aziraphale felt his shoulders slumping. 

“Right.” He said, chin nearly hitting his chest as he imagined the training that he had in store. 

“Just as soon as I put an end to this nuisance once and for all.” Gabriel concluded. 

“What?” Aziraphale asked, head jerking back up.

“He’s been causing problems here on Earth since the days of the garden, yeah? I always wondered why you didn’t just get rid of him.”

“Because he can be bargained with, and because he feeds me the intelligence I pass on to you!” Aziraphale protested, spreading his wings to better shield the demon behind him. 

“A turncoat demon?” Gabriel asked, standing down only a little, probably entirely out of surprise. 

“Not-- not exactly.” Crowley protested, parting the feathers of Aziraphale’s wings to look through them. “Look, not like I can go angel again, yeah? But I can help maintain a balance. That’s all. Not a fan of some of what my side does, not a fan of some of what your side does. But if you want to drag someone off for that, don’t take Aziraphale; he’s making the most of a bad situation. You wanna send a message to hell, you take me.”

“Crowley!” Aziraphale protested, horrified. 

Heaven wasn’t likely to kill him; Crowley, on the other hand, had no such guarantees. 

“I do love a volunteer sacrificial-- what are you, some sort of lizard? No-- the serpent of eden, got it!” Gabriel snapped, both to signal his own brilliance and to trap Crowley in a neat little holy glass terrarium. 

Aziraphale watched in horror as the tank floated by, a fully serpentine Crowley writhing uncomfortably inside of it. 

“Seems like all three of us have some business to attend to in heaven, right Aziraphale?” Gabriel asked, and again, his name was a warning. 

Aziraphale sighed and nodded, following along meekly. There was nothing else he could do.

[perunephew1]

Exactly How Does Cryolipolysis Work?

During A Cryolipolysis Fat Freezing Treatment

Content

What Individuals Claim Regarding Us As Well As Our Therapies.

Why Select Cryolipolysis Fat Freezing?

Cryolipolysis Frequently Asked Questions.

When choosing a facility, you should always do your study, as well as just go to an established, reputable center. Have a look at the Prior to and After photos to see how we have helped alter our patients' lives. They permit us to help you with your surfing experience as well as additionally aid us to recognize exactly how you use our website.

Incorporated with coolsculpting Ipswich are able to return to typical day-to-day tasks without discomfort right away after the session, even possible to have a treatment on your lunch break. If you remain to use this website we will assume that you enjoy with this.

What People State Regarding Us As Well As Our Treatments.

Make the most of Marsh Medical Skin Clinics Treatment Bundles, supplying a full program for your skin problem at an economical cost. The number of applicators called for will be figured out after your totally free consultation. This website uses cookies so that we can supply you with the best individual experience feasible. We are using cookies to give you the best experience on our site. advanced tools making use of the most recent Cryolipolysis innovation to significantly eliminate fat without surgical procedure.

Yet don't fret, you do not have to understand all of that due to the fact that the expert assigned to you will pick the best one for you based on your demands at assessment phase. To execute this treatment there are 4 various makers available, each of them operating in different means. This treatment is non-invasive, without any restrictions and constraint; for that reason you are able to wage life as regular straight after the therapy. To reserve your consultation, connect with the Specify Facility team today. You ought to not have the CoolSculpting ® procedure if you suffer from cryoglobulinaemia, chilly agglutinin illness or paroxysmal cool haemoglobinuria.

Why Pick Cryolipolysis Fat Freezing?

You can delete or block cookies however it might affect your accessibility to some components of our site. Fout a lot more regarding cookies at the Details Commissioner's internet site at By using our site you approve use of cookies. Please see our Personal privacy Policy page to learn more concerning cookies and just how we utilize them. The suction procedure takes around 45 minutes and as soon as total, you can proceed the remainder of your day as normal. Your wrong might feel a little chilly because of the cold temperatures, but after a few mins it will certainly start to thaw. Out of these, the cookies that are classified as essential are stored on your browser as they are necessary for the working of basic capabilities of the website.

CoolSculpting in Singapore: Reviewing the fat freezing treatment at Dr Kevin Chua Medical & Aesthetics - Prestige Online

CoolSculpting in Singapore: Reviewing the fat freezing treatment at Dr Kevin Chua Medical & Aesthetics.

Posted: Fri, 15 Jan 2021 12:18:23 GMT [source]

You are needed to make an additional payment of 25% of the total treatment price. You are required to make a down payment of 50% of the total treatment expense. You will see renovations after simply 1 treatment, yet we advise 2-3 for best results. Nevertheless, Cryo-lipolysis is not an alternative to a healthy and balanced diet plan as well as exercise. After treatment consists of raising your water intake, stay clear of caffeine & other contaminants to support your bodies natural procedures. The reason cryo-lipolysis has actually become so preferred is not just to the outstanding outcomes it achieves however that there are normally couple of negative effects.

As the cooling starts throughout the very first couple of mins you commonly really feel intense cold. The most up to date 360 Fat Freezing innovation at our center in Newcastle Upon Tyne. This is when you must book in to see your specialist to examine your outcomes, and publication your next session. The exact same location can be retreated within 6-8 weeks before your very first session. Our outstanding credibility for patient security and contentment, sincere suggestions and also superior care implies your journey with The Private Facility will be an amazing experience to a newfound shape. At The Exclusive Center, we just source one of the most knowledgeable as well as specialized cosmetic surgeons.

However opting out of a few of these cookies may influence your browsing experience. Enter the details below and we'll communicate to prepare a time for your totally free consulation. Our specialists will certainly clarify the procedure, exactly how it functions as well as the outcomes you can anticipate. We aid clients, much like you, be the best version of yourself without the requirement for cosmetic surgery or invasive procedures.

Regardless of this, there are still areas of our bodies that will not change, despite having a healthy and also active way of life. I am a dimension 8 and also more than happy with my size in addition to my stomach which simply wouldn't go in spite of me working out 3-4 times a week. I went to New York with my fiancé, as he ran the New York Marathon, as well as went wedding dress buying while I was there. I found my ideal dress but they took some photos of me in it as well as all I can see was my tummy. Therapy is pain-free and comfy but anticipate to feel a chilly feeling.

We make use of cookies to help offer you with the best feasible on the internet experience. By using this website, you concur that we might keep and gain access to cookies on your computer/device. la-lipo.uk LALipo Bournemouth definition book all customers in for blog post dimension visits at the 4 and 8 week mark to run a bio impedance examine our complete body stat machine.

results as well as have not experienced any type of pain or severe side effects post-treatment. Each session lasts around minutes per area, though this is depending upon the location that is dealt with. Out of managing LALipo Telford , the cookies that are classified as necessary are kept on your web browser as they are as essential for the working of fundamental capabilities of the internet site. One of the most popular treatment areas are the abdomen, 'muffin top' and also upper arms. Don't forget our friendly group of charm medical professionals are readily available to take your reservation or address any questions you might have using their professional recommendations. If you want to figure out even more concerning everything we do right here at the Primas Medispa Central London appeal center, look through our full services. You are required to make the final settlement of 25% of the complete treatment cost.

How often can you do Cryolipolysis?

More than one session may be needed to achieve a person's desired results. If more than one treatment sessions is needed, the next session can't be performed until 6 to 8 weeks after the first session. This is because it can take this long for damaged fat cells to be eliminated from the body.

[decembercamiecherries]

2019 Fic Summary!

I see a lot of artists posting their year end art summaries around this time but unfortunately there’s no real equivalent for fanfic writers? So I decided to make my own! ^-^

Below is a summary of the different fics I’ve written this year! I wrote a lot more than I initially thought and I am really happy with how I’ve improved. Thank you to everyone who has supported me and my works <3

AO3 stats:

JANUARY - XXX

General summary: N/A

Excerpt: N/A

FEBRUARY - midnight (HxH)

General summary: monster hunter au, gift fic for my friend @xcoruscaminex​

Excerpt: Gon reached out. Killua stiffened as warm fingers brushed the shell of his ears. Gon gently tucked a stray silver strand of hair behind Killua’s ear, the worry on his face melting into something softer, kinder, and Killua’s heart throbbed in kind.

MARCH - I won’t come back to you broken (HxH)

General summary: daemon au, post-killugon separation

Excerpt: He and Jax are one in the same, body and soul. And Jax doesn’t miss—crave, want —Killua and Ariney any more than Gon does. He just happens to be more transparent about it.

APRIL - Graffiti chapter 11 (HxH)

General summary: multichapter gang/mafia au

Excerpt: But he remembered his own elation when Gon confessed to him, how Killua’s heart has soared when Gon admitted how badly he had wanted to kiss Killua. Every part of Killua’s body was electrified under Gon’s touch, and he’d been kept up long last night with the memory of phantom limbs and tongues and mouths. He kept replaying the scene on the garden rooftop over and over and over again in his mind until it finally entered into his dreams.

MAY - Gon’s birthday drabble (HxH)

General summary: aged up au, slow mornings

Excerpt: Everything about Gon radiated a certain warmth, from his smile to his dimples and the gold of his eyes. Even just watching Gon made Killua want to inch closer, to suck up that light and genuine care Gon gave out to every person he met. Gon had introduced Killua to more Hunters the past few days than Killua would ever remember, and each of them treated Gon like he was their most precious friend. How far did Gon’s influence reach, if he knew all these people?

JUNE - Hanging By A Moment (Downton Abbey)

General summary: harry potter au, sybilxtom

Excerpt: It’s an odd thing for Sybil to hear. She’s always had her own opinions, of course. It’s the reason why her father thinks she’s a bloodborne Gryffindor, after all. But her opinions, as loud as they are, were always overlooked. Mary was brilliant, dazzling—she stole the spotlight regardless if she meant to or not. And Edith was always doing her absolute best to chase after Mary’s spotlight. Their shadows combined were enough to cast Sybil in the dark, sometimes.

JULY - Running Start chapter 3 (HxH)

General summary: ‘can’t kiss anyone but your soulmate’ soulmate au

Excerpt: Killua’s cheeks warm. He struggles to come up with something to say, but all he can focus on is the silent strength of Gon’s grip, the calloused texture of his palm against Killua’s. The setting sun is warm on his back and today has already turned out to be the most incredible and unbelievable day Killua has ever had. Meeting his soulmate’s mom can’t change that, right?

AUGUST - Better Than One (She-Ra)

General summary: modern au, Adora and Catra propose at the same time

Excerpt: Catra swallows thickly and looks down at the stone under their feet. She can’t give herself away. She just can’t. She’s been planning this for months, years even. She’d gone to ten different jewelry stores, worked too many night shifts to count, planned out the absolute best day to go to this really nice park, and….And she is going to commit. She already has, technically, by deciding to ask Adora to marry her anyway. She’s going to do it, because what comes after will be everything she’s ever dreamed of.

SEPTEMBER - Lilacs (HxH)

General summary: if Gon had Hanahaki

Excerpt: “You mean he’s going to die,” Killua says sharply. He’s scowling, leaning up against a bleached white wall and glaring daggers at the man like it’s his fault Gon is sick. Gon wishes he could rub the frown lines out of Killua’s face; he’s so much prettier when he’s smiling.

OCTOBER - Perspective (HxH)

General summary: Gon and Killua’s relationship from other characters’ povs

Excerpt: Emerald and sapphire. Silver and gold. The sun and the moon. These two boys are contrasts, talented beyond anything Bisky has seen in years, but in entirely different ways.

NOVEMBER - Wildfire (She-Ra)

General summary: multichapter college au, catradora

Excerpt: Adora doesn’t say a word, and the tension between them suddenly swells. It buzzes in the air like a live, palpable thing. Catra swallows and forces herself to breathe evenly. She dares to drag her fingers across Adora’s skin, feeling the slight thrum of Adora’s pulse under her skin. From there she follows the curve up to Adora’s palm and traces the creases there. Adora’s hands are the same size as hers, not too big and not too small. Catra remembers when they were younger thinking how perfectly they fit together.

DECEMBER - Graffiti chapter 18 (HxH)

General summary: multichapter gang/mafia au

Excerpt: The rest of Killua’s stumbling apology was quieted by Gon’s mouth being shoved against his. Gon’s hands cupped Killua’s jaw, fingers digging into Killua’s burning cheeks as the ex-Hunter kissed him enthusiastically. Killua closed his eyes and returned Gon’s kiss, tasting cinnamon and smelling pine and feeling that all-consuming and ever present warmth Gon constantly exuded.