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#because i’m scared they’ll think i’m really stupid
takeyourcyanide · 1 day
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replacement really really scaring me I am going to go I am going to run I have no other option besides the ides she’s trapping me really really scared now really really panicky she’s rude she tells me to snap out of it and says I’m ridiculous and is very annoyed cause she thinks I’m not functional enough annoyed when asked if I’ve been eating or drinking annoyed and huffing and saying no more silent treatment but just can’t speak annoyed because apparently I’ve not been doing work but I forgot about it not important have to focus on fleeing from replacements panicking now why she do that I know why too many appointments too on Friday two and tells me treatment plan I’m scared she says oh we have to agree on something agree on nothing it’s trapping and I’m scared now panicking don’t feel very good she’s cruel already said she wasn’t her I say she’s a replacement I thought even if they think I’m not in my right mind why do they think telling me to snap out of it is helpful it isn’t and not gonna let myself be gaslit she got closed to me she gets mad when I jerk away and hide behind the door and pushes it open but scared says it’s not funny but m not smiling or laughing cause funny no no no I’m scared you’re agitating and scary panicky she said she make me get a job cause if I’m not doing work then I have to something cause being here isn’t healthy but I just forgot hard to focus too idk how to explain but never that I didn’t want to do anything just all replacements all suspicious all scary and outside is fake curated she only does that to hurt me wants me trafficked scary scary scary know I shouldn’t say on here but idk what else to do pure desperation atp cause people don’t wanna help they just say you’re crazy and need pills but I was just asking where to go when you’ve nowhere else really scared really scared felt lightheaded cause she made me scared
She classifies herself as hypermepathetix but doesn’t act like it cause she gets mad very easily and not understanding at all says rude things that make me feel violent but if I say something like that then I’m mean and treated like a serial killer but not her no no no I really don’t like her she says she says things just to see my reaction too to play armchair psychologist mean mean even though she sees agitation even though it makes me feel not good mean mean
#I’ve decided I must run I must run I must run I must#have glasses so better now so can go scary#I’ll take atropine#not safe outside but really really not safe here know she wants me trafficked either way I’ll be not safe#everyone is scary but can someone help me idk how but pls make her go away and leave me alone and tell me where I can go and don’t call#police they don’t help either will take me back and send me away#even if I were not well which not true not will be gaslit but uh still wish they cared enough not to be annoyed and to actually help and no#say I’m ridiculous and crazy would be useful if they cared but atropine cares but can’t do much at all cause stuffie body#this is pathetic isn’t it probably but idc I’m scared this is impulsive not thinking scared#pack a little bag and leave#if not impulsive#don’t want to leave the warm blanked behind and it’s hot outside but cooling off right need to go#wish I could go somewhere safe with nice blankies and no replacements#if they send me away no visitation pls cause they replacements I don’t like them not even ambivalence no#I don’t want to go because they’ll hurt me but if I stay I’ll be really hurt#not as though I’ve never had certain mthings happen to me it’ll be fine if not trafficked or kidnapped m#been really mean lately want not mean wanted to write but too panicked been working on stuff a little and wanted to finish before leaving#but maybe not might take my phone anyway#it isn’t safe on here either but this is my best bet atp hoping replacement will put aside their malice but they won’t you know they won’t#scary scary scary scary scary scary they’re mean and they’re rude to me I don’t want treatments forced onto me because that’s not what they#are and not ill even if were tired of being try to be fixed can I have care and not just pills thrusted or vitriol they get mad at me#if I ask someone to help me they’ll be the same and then I’ll get sent away or or other stuff#what dies she mean snap out of it and that’s mean she says she’s an empath too#mean#and scary#and agitating#and no understanding but expects me to have understanding of her#I’m not ridiculous she is#tired of gaslighting#everything everyone says can’t be trusted always manipulating gaslighting and yet still I’m asking for help that’s stupid I gave up on that
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vampire-rodeo · 4 days
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on one hand. i really wish i could have religious conversations with people, especially people i don’t agree with, because i really enjoy those conversations and i love talking about my religion and educating people about my beliefs. on the other hand i would rather die than talk to someone about my religion
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sapphicmsmarvel · 24 days
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"hey bitch, what's for dinner?"
Cassian dares his besties (eris, lucien and tarquin included) to ask their mates “hey bitch, what’s for dinner?” 
some are short. some medium. one large (for a headcanon type fic). Also this is mostly dialogue because I didn't want to keep repeating body motions (they shrug a lot, they cuddle a lot, etc, etc, etc). 
Azriel:
“Hey bitch, what’s for dinner?” He really tried not to let his voice crack, but he couldn't help it. The idea of calling you something foul outside the bedroom is painful. 
“Based on the way your voice got quieter for that word, I'm going to assume this is a stupid dare from Cassian. And that you aren’t actually that stupid to talk to me like that.” You said as you continued to stir the pot of soup. 
“I’m so relieved you know me that well.” He couldn’t help his sigh. 
You snorted as he came up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist. “If I ever actually talk to you like that, take Truthteller and use it, cause it’s not me.” 
You let out another snort. “My big baby.” You said, taking your hand up and ruffling Azriel’s hair as he pressed kisses to your neck. 
Cassian:
He came in so confident too. But quickly was humbled. 
“Hey bitch, what’s for dinner?” 
“Wanna try that again?” He doesn’t get scared of much, but your calm tone in this moment will strike fear into his heart.
“No, ma’am.” He shook his head. 
“And what did we learn?” 
“Never say that stuff to my spouse and mate who I love very much?” He asked. 
“Mhm.” you hummed as he came up to hug you. “Speak to me like that again and I’m cutting your hair off.” 
“Yes, ma’am.” 
Rhysand:
“Hey bitch, what’s for dinner?”
He didn’t even get a chance to breathe after that sentence because you turned around with the knife in your hand. Seriously, what an idiot approaching you with that stupid shit while you’re cooking dinner. You’re hungry and holding a knife. 
You stabbed it into the countertop, it made a twang sound and shook from the force of you stabbing it. 
“The fuck did you just say to me?” 
“…” 
“Go on say it again since you wanna be all cocky.” You leaned against the counter with your arms crossed. 
“I love you.” Not much scared him, but his wife humbled the shit out of him. 
Your mouth made a flat line and your brows raised as you said, “Mhm.” 
“And I’ll do whatever you want for a month. Hell, the rest of our lives.”
“Mhm.” You ripped the knife out of the counter and then turned around and continued chopping vegetables. 
“Honey?”
“You know, I think I’ll invite Feyre and her wife over for dinner. They wouldn’t call me that.” You continued. 
“Baby,” he began and wrapped his arms around your waist. 
“Maybe I’ll invite Cassian and Azriel’s wives too, they’ll understand what it’s like to be married to the stupidest motherfucker we know.” 
He pressed a kiss to your clothes shoulder. 
“Are you done?”
“You have no idea the doghouse you’re in right now.” 
“Does it help if I told you that Cassian dared me.” 
You set the knife down and turned around in his arms. “You’re still an idiot.” You wound your arms around his neck, your fingers playing with baby hairs growing at the nape of his neck. 
“I know.” 
“Good,” you said and smacked his ass.
He yelped. 
Feyre:
“Hey bitch, what’s for dinner?”
“What crawled up your ass and died?” You asked. 
She couldn’t help but giggle. “I love that you humble me.” 
“Me and Rhys’ wife have a load on our hands considering you fools are best friends. You have got to stop influencing each other.” 
She hummed at the thought of her best friend and his wife. She put her arms around your waist and you leaned into her. “One day, we’re gonna snap and kill you.” She kissed the area between your neck and shoulder. “We have the best wives.”
“You got that right.” You reached around and smacked her ass. But you miscalculated and hit her hip. 
Morrigan:
“Hey bitch, what’s for dinner?”
“Nothing, slut. Bend over the table and spread your cheeks, if you think you can talk to me like that I’ll show you otherwise.” 
 You sat up from your spot on the couch looking at her with a “WTF” expression. 
The woman was too stunned to speak.  “It was a joke but now I’m horny.” 
You laughed, “into degradation are we?” 
“Didn’t think I was, but hey you learn something new everyday.” She shrugged, actually thankful for Cassian because now she could explore this new thing with her wife. 
Amren:
“Hey bitch, what’s for dinner?” She opened the door to your shared home to yell. When she heard nothing but silence she was concerned, she could smell you, you were home. 
“Y/N?” She called. 
She walked into your living room from the entry hall to find you standing there. Staring at her with sad, wide eyes. 
“Love?” 
“….what’d i do?” Your voice wavered and she couldn’t take it. She pulled you into her arms and rocked you side to side. 
“If I ever speak to you like that, you better smack me across the fucking mouth.” Was all she said. “Why’d you say that?” You sniffed. You two pulled away from each other, only enough to lean your foreheads together. “Cassian got it in his big dumb brain that it was a good idea to say that to our mates.” She whispered and wiped your cheeks with her thumbs. 
“He’s an idiot.” You deadpanned. 
“I'm aware.” “And you’re an idiot for doing it.” 
“I deserve that.” Was all she said before she kissed you. 
Nesta:
“Hey bitch, what’s for dinner?”
You were silent and she looked at you from her spot on the couch. You were staring at her wide eyed, your eyes began watering. 
“Y/N?”
“That really hurt my feelings, Nes.” You were about to cry. 
She shot off from her spot on the couch and crawled into the chair you were sitting in. She pulled you into her chest. 
“Oh baby.” She said, “it was a stupid fucking prank from Cassian.” She whispered at the top of your head, kissing your hair. 
“Tell that overgrown bitch of a bat to watch his back.” Your voice was muffled from her tits. 
“I will.” She scratched your head lightly. 
“Nes?”
“Yes, my love?”
“You ever speak to me like that again, I’ll make you wish you never met me.”
She let out a laugh like breath through her nose. “Okay, baby.” 
“Tears and all I’ll pummel you.” You declared and she kissed your head, rocking you back and forth. 
“I know.” 
Elain:
“Hey bitch, what’s for dinner?”
“I will grill your flowers if you talk to me like that again.”
She cackled like the witch she is. 
Lucien:
“Hey bitch, what’s for dinner?”
“Soap.”
“Soap?” 
“If you’re going to talk to me like that, you’re getting soap. Bitch.” You threw a jar of soap at him. “Go put that on spaghetti.” 
Eris:
“Hey bitch, what’s for dinner?”
You whipped off your shoe and threw it at him. Feyre taught you that move. He didn’t duck, he just let it hit him because he knew his dumbass deserved it.  
Tarquin:
“Hey bitch, what’s for dinner?”
“My ass.” 
He loves that you match his freak, “I'm so relieved you didn’t think I was serious.” 
“You aren’t that stupid, plus, Azriel’s mate sent a missive because he tried it.” 
“Drinking with Cassian is the worst.”
“And yet, your dumbass still did it.” 
“The drinking or the dare?” “Both.” 
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thesharktanksdriver · 3 months
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Specs of Stardust (platonic)
I really can’t wait to get to determination! Y/n and the straw hats so instead I thought I’d post little interactions/headcanons of some of the stuff they’d do
I swear I’m working on the Roger pov it’s just this popped into my head and sometimes switching between things in writing helps with my burnout
Masterlist for the series here
Tagged: @peachsuka28 @emptynessinmyworld @badluckinfrench @j-s-l-m @tigerfang-rage @madokamagicaa @rymtea @angstylittleb1tch @badluckinfrench @emmbny @kenkenmaaa @yunho-leeknow @chibiduck @spqce-bun @coca-cola-fiend @Koifishpoond
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Luffy
The best way to describe these two in a room is that Luffy does something stupid and y/n just goes with the flow following him
The rabid golden retriever and the chill black cat
The dumbass duo, rabid dumbass and chill dumbass
Once did the impossible and shared food with y/n because they gave him a dessert Sanji made (the rest of the crew thought they were mass hallucinating)
Y/n gives him cool rocks that they find, they’ve both now made it a goal to collect a rock from every place they go
Gives y/n piggyback rides 24/7
And no one else can give y/n piggyback rides cause that’s captains privilege apparently
Occasionally when going into battle he gives y/n his straw hat to keep safe
Has semi-adopted one of y/n’s crows named Aurelius which he aptly calls Steve. Aurelius does not like him nor being called Steve
Aurelius keeps pecking at him but Luffy thinks it’s showing affection
Both throw caution to the wind about their own personal safety but if the other is hurt they will pummel someone
When he accidentally ends up in the ocean y/n jumps in after to save him forgetting they’ll sink too
Y/n acts a distraction for Sanji so Luffy can raid the fridge at 3 am
When y/n sleeps in the male quarter (they do regular switches between the female and male sleeping quarters) he has y/n tell him stories to make him go to bed easier
Likes to make y/n laugh
Likes to pinch Luffy cause they think it’s funny how he’s rubber
When Luffy says something really stupid sometimes y/n likes to write it down in a journal exclusively called “Luffy quotes”
So far some of y/n favourites are “the colour orange is named after oranges”, “if I get reincarnated I wanna be a clam”, “I am rubber and you are fat, don't you dare touch my hat” and “if you hungry, eat”
Sometimes the two of them make weird animal calls to scare Ussop
Speaking of the two, unfortunately for the rest of the crew they now have to deal with Luffy’s pranks now getting worse because y/n actually helps him plan them now
Ussop still has nightmares of when he woke up covered in bird seed and was almost taken away by the flock
As does Sanji when he realizes he’s been betrayed by y/n who’s let Luffy raid the fridge once more
Sometimes y/n likes to ask him about his childhood, they find it so oddly funny that he’s the son of Dragon, grankid of Garp, became brother of Ace and was semi-adopted by shanks
They also like to hear about it cause they always worried Ace wouldn’t find good people
Luffy whines it’s unfair y/n doesn’t fully die in water like he would before being smacked on the head by either Nami or Sanji
When having to give history exposition y/n is the only one who can dumb it down so Luffy can understand and pay attention for over 2 seconds
Sometimes will proceed to forget y/n asleep on his back and jump into battle
Even when finding out y/n is immortal has still not figured out their connection with Ace or Roger
Both like to sit on the figure head of the ship and occasionally nap there
By doing this not have fell off several times only for Zoro to save them
Luffy just kinda somehow know how y/n is feeling and y/n similarly knows how Luffy is feeling
Instead of buying Luffy stuff y/n just shares whatever they get with him since they have relatively the same taste in nick knacks
Similarly Luffy kinda just shares his stuff with them in return
The Luffy and y/n stuff pile is ever growing
Luckily Nami has not yet found out about it
Ussop on the other hand has and is joining in on the stuff pile
As does chopper
No one can really distinguish who’s stuff was who’s anymore but they don’t care
They now have an entire storyline happening with different characters
Y/n has a new journal for this exclusively for lore
Both are always hungry, while Luffy is open about it y/n isn’t
Somehow though Luffy caught onto this and now demands for for the both of them
“Shishishishi tell me another one!” Your captain says excitedly rocking back and forth as you both sit on the merrys figurehead, smiling you nod thinking of what to tell him “have I told you about the time I met a samurai?”
You jolt awake with a small groan as you lift your head off of resting in the crook of Luffy’s neck, the sounds of battle now invading your ears. “Luffy did you have to get the marines attention when I was sleeping on your back?” At hearing this the boy pauses, his extended out rubber arm hitting a marine in the face sending the guy flying back “shishi sorry”. At that you can’t help but sigh, he most definitely wasn’t.
Sitting at the table you watch as Luffy lists off the entire menu to the poor waiter, the retail worker shaking in their boots as he seemingly finishes and their gaze turns to you. “Oh, I’m fine-“ before you can finish Luffy cuts you off with a blinding grin “they’ll have the same as me!” And then you see the waiter’s hope drain even more impossibly so from their eyes.
Zoro
Mihawks reluctant kids that ended up on his island and he accidentally adopted duo
Before knowing their immortal he thought that they were mihawks secret love child or something after baratie
Bribes y/n with sword lessons if they side with him against Sanji
Sometimes the two of them switch bandana’s
When he naps sometimes y/n joins him, when this happens he makes sure to take a protective hold of them just in case of turbulent waves
Other times when he naps he’ll wake up with an umbrella set up for him
Doesn’t know it’s y/n and Chopper who put flowers in his hair when he’s knocked out and assumes it’s Sanji which leads to a yelling match
Speaking of chopper, both he and y/n like to hang off of Zoro’s arms like monkey bars and zoro uses them as weights when he’s doing push ups
When he ends up lost y/n somehow has the miraculous uncanny ability to find him
But sometimes when he gets lost y/n ends up joining him for fun
Has kept y/n from unknowingly being mauled by wild animals because for some reason they either love or hate y/n
Likes to ask them about any swordsmen they’ve met on their journeys
The one who typically has to save Luffy and y/n when they end up in water
Y/n likes to joke that he and Sanji are an old divorced couple to others on the crew much to his chagrin
Zoro’s actually pretty observant of y/n due to their instinct to shrug off injuries
Y/n calls out this hypocrisy but it doesn’t change anything
He actually really ends up liking y/n’s flock when the murder of crows occasionally stop by
The one he really connects with though is one named Acantha
She likes to perch on his scabbards and seems to almost guard them when he’s not around
Y/n once fell down the stairs and he almost had a heart attack
After this he instinctively watches to make sure they don’t fall again
When y/n has nightmares and cries in their sleep he almost always ends up waking up
It keeps him up at night
The mornings after he subtly tries to keep an eye on them to see if their ok
Y/n about to fight a one off villain and being confused they ran off without them doing anything, Zoro behind them glaring with his swords out at said villain
Whenever y/n is on look out duty he typically volunteers to do it with them or take over for them
Sometimes game stares off into space he gets their attention by flicking their forehead
Has and continues to use y/n as an arm rest since chopper is too short in comparison
Has fell asleep while doing this but is always woken up by Sanji yelling at him
Will either carry y/n slung over his shoulder or tucked between his arm and side
Y/n constantly wonders how he talks with a sword in his mouth
Or how he came up with that idea in the first place
Sometimes when they end up islands y/n buys him sword themed things, like sword polish or even a small rack to display them
In return Zoro buys y/n journaling gear since he sees them sometimes writing in a small diary and also gets them things that he notices catches their eye
….100% bought y/n the journal of Uta that needs a password and when opened loudly plays a low quality version of Genesis
He regrets this decision when he’s woken up to it at 3 am
“Y/n where are we? Luffy said he’d meet us around this time in the centre of this town” the green haired swordsman says looking around at the people who were also in the same abandoned building as the two of you. They all looked weird, one was a big muscle dude, another looked like a ninja with pink hair, a samurai, a blond dude in a tracksuit and some weirdo with a forehead tattoo. “Zoro how do we always end in situations like this?” You ask.
“I’ll teach you more sword tricks if you agree with me next time Swirly brows gets in a fight with me” he says suddenly waking up from his nap as you rested tucked between his arm, for a moment there’s silence and then you nod making him give an almost vicious grin towards the kitchen of the merry.
“So wait, you thought I was mihawks kid?” You question with an eyebrows quirked up, zoro with a bit of embarrassment nods. “Well, I assumed so since he gave you that little blade of yours” he says pointing a finger to Mihawks gift currently in its scabbard “but he just gave me a sword? How does that make you think I’m his kid?”. He gives you an impressed stare, “Mihawk does not just gift anyone anything let alone a sword plus whatever else he gave you. Doesn’t help that he acted like your damn dad afterwards” and after hearing that you let out a small “oh”.
Sanji
The seafood duo, aka the 5 michelin star chef and the kid who once boiled and ate their own boots (it was not tasty but they did it)
Since Sanji was the first strawhat encountered who knew y/n previously (the others being Chopper, Brook and Jimbe) he Was the first one to know about y/n’s immortality due to his prior experience with them
So it’s safe to say that he takes that secret to heart especially when y/n says they aren’t quiet ready to reveal themself just yet
It still felt too soon and they wanted to be treated normal for a bit longer (their words not his)
So he respects that decision even if he knows Luffy and the others wouldn’t make it a big deal
If anything Luffy would probably think it’s cool and move on
But even if that’s his opinion he swears to keep that secret until their comfortable
And he does so with the upmost respect he can and even covers for y/n sometimes
Due to knowing y/n he’s also the one who worries for them the most, especially when realizing the stories they once told on that island have become more fractured in time
Even their memory of that place is much more hazy
Like a film put over a picture, changing its focus and making it blurry
So he does his best to remind y/n, adding in the details he remembers them now forgetting as they write down the stories
Bribes y/n like Zoro to help win arguments via making them any sweet or desert of their fancy
When y/n is aimlessly pacing around deck he has them help out in the kitchen quite a bit!
Typically he has them help with preparing small things but lets them help with bigger tasks once learning they have some prior kitchen experience
At a port he got y/n an apron that matched his and he had Nami embodier it with their name
Is going insane trying to figure out y/n’s preferences because they say their literally fine with anything
Has made them go through entire taste tests and still cannot figure anything out
He’s chainsmokes more than usual after yet another failed test when y/n says they don’t mind salted black liquorice
Cries and chain smokes when y/n tells him they once boiled and ate their own boots
Almost cried when they pick up on some of his French words
Calls y/n stuff like “petite ��toile” and “petite lueur”
After Alabasta y/n joking calls him “Mr. Prince” from time to time
Whenever he makes stuff for Nami and Robin he also makes some for y/n
When Luffy complains about this he always says “women and children come first”
Y/n sometimes clings to his legs, he always chuckles and lets them do so unless it’s dangerous
The only one allowed to raid the kitchen for snacks other than Chopper is y/n
Both of them abuse this privilege but he can’t resist their combined puppy eyes
Once finding out through Luffy that y/n is more hungry than they say they are he now makes them bigger portions
He swears they have a similar stomach to Luffy but he can’t be mad at them
Not when they seem to starve themself rather than tell others their hungry
Due to this he now carries small snacks just in case
Wants to meet whoever “Thatch” is so they can trade recipes and have a cook off
Also to find out through him how he feeds over 1000 people cause he has 2000 stomachs due to the combined forces of Luffy and y/n
Was at first iffy about the crows until a bunch of the birds started eating the leftover scraps he couldn’t incorporate into dishes or was going bad
So he grows to like the feathered flock since they help in not wasting anything
His favourite is one named Blanche who’s an albino crow the murder adopted as their own after finding her abandoned
She reminds him of a dove and of how he too was abandoned by a previous family but found a new one
She also delivers letters back fourth from Zeff for him
He adds a little blue ribbon tied to her leg
When staying in the boys quarters y/n often times has Sanji help them in taking care of themself properly
Mostly cause y/n would just pass out on the floor or stay up till 6 pm if not
Brushes y/n’s hair if Nami or Robin doesn’t do it
Also loves to style it via y/n’s suggestion
let’s y/n borrow his clothes when seeing that Nami had to drag them to a clothing store to actually buy them something other than the clothes they wear everyday
Sanji will never admit it but sometimes he has nightmares of when they had died and on those nights silently checks to make sure their still there
Y/n will never admit to him how many times they’ve starved to death alone on their raft
Mostly for his own peace of mind and their own
Y/n likes to buy Sanji food themed stuff like magnets, dishes and keychains
Sanji meanwhile buys them candies and other odd things he’d think y/n would like, for example Hawaiian shirts and plushies
“Petite étoile! I made you something!” Sanji yelled across the deck, looking towards him you see a Soda float on a small platter. Luffy eyes it hungrily though Sanji notices and he swiftly knocks the young captain with his leg. You giggle out a “thanks Sanj” which makes the swirly browed preen in a mixture of pride and genuine happiness.
“And that’s when…..” pausing in your story you try to think back, the details of which now seemed to escape you. Sanji clears his throat, giving you a sad smile as he then adds in for you “that’s when the musician taught you piano” at that your memory jogs slightly and you smile “and ukulele”
Sitting at the table you eye the small labeled plates with different tastes and textures, all tasted good and even if it didn’t you’d still eat it. But despite that Sanji sits across from you with a defeated look on his face, cigarette sitting numbly in his mouth. “Sanji it’s on really, I’m fine with anything” at saying this his temper seems to flare ever so slightly, something that reminds you of Zeff “you have to have some preference!”. “Well I mean…I ate my boots before. Nothing can be worse than that” once more that seemed to be the wrong thing to say as the cigarette falls from his mouth as he mutters “you what?!?”
Nami
The orange blossom pair
Is one of the first to pick up on the fact y/n might be immortal due to Arlong one day talking about a human child on the sun pirates boat before one that had betrayed them
At the time Nami wrote it off though, more horrified at the fact y/n was a pirate
It brought up a lot of memories of her childhood she does not like to reminisce on
But before joining the crew and after she tends to stick nearby y/n as a big sister presence
Not hovering over their shoulder but just far enough away to watch and make sure their ok
Especially when she wasn’t initially sure if Luffy and Zoro
To be honest Nami always wanted to be a big sister, especially since she in a way wants to make up for everything Nojiko went through due to her
So she takes to caring for y/n the best she can
Especially when seeing that y/n does not to care of themself at all
She’s plain horrified at how they walk off a broken leg, haven’t had a bath in months that wasn’t in salt water, doesn’t care for their hair and leaves stuff stuck in it, along with essentially starving themself sometimes
Nami quickly makes it a goal to change that with the efforts of Sanji
She gives y/n “discounts” when she charges the crew for stuff
The discount is actually free because she’d feel too guilty in charging a child
Along with the fact that y/n spends the pocket money she gives them on gifts for everyone but themself
Speaking of which she charges said person who got a gift with an import fee because that money the gift was purchased with was technically Nami’s
The only one who does not object to this fee is Sanji
Another fee she makes is a y/n hug fee, since as y/n’s appointed big sister she thinks y/n should be compensated for being hugged by a bunch of stinky boys
Teaches y/n about Tangerines and oranges, specifically how to grow them!
Likes to peel oranges for y/n and share them together as a snack as they ramble on about a place they’ve been
In the small garden for her fruits she lets y/n plant some hibiscus plants that y/n cryptically says reminds them of a friend they miss
Is confused as fuck how y/n seems to know almost all the islands they end up on
After finding out y/n is immortal she often asks about past navigators they’ve met and some of the most interesting places they’ve been to
Has to drag y/n to take them shopping because they insist their fine with one pair of clothes
She argues otherwise and can’t help but bristle once finding out their immortal that for years they’ve worn the same thing
It reminds her too much of her childhood, of Bellemere scraping together what she could even when the villagers gave her discounts for clothes
Buys them an entire wardrobe and complains when they borrow the other crews clothes
In reality she doesn’t mind and finds it cute
Has to fashion police y/n because they have no sense of shame and will wear the most god awful combinations of clothes
When y/n sleeps in the girls quarters Nami has their bed set up to be in the middle between her and Robin
That way if a night attack happens y/n is the most safe
And that way Nami can wake them up when their having a nightmare
Carries y/n like throwing a moneybag over her shoulder, it’s partially due to reflex and cause when she has to do this it’s typically in a shit situation
Y/n sometimes sees a small pink spark over Nami’s shoulder when she gets really excited
They haven’t told her yet though
Y/n likes to show Nami the stuff they’ve collected over the years
Especially their jewelry gifted to them
Nami from the moment of meeting the flock saw money signs (lol)
The crows have now been ordered to steal stuff and they bring it to her to examine and evaluate
They also heckle the poor news birds into giving discounts or plain for free
Besides their monetary gain she genuinely likes their presence quite a bit
They not only valiantly guard her tangerines from other less behaved animals but also help her in charting islands
Her favourite is one named Axel, he’s on the older side with a scar across his eye
He not only has an eye for valuable things but also acts as a guard for both the young fledglings and Nami
Y/n likes buying Nami jewelry and navigation gear along with sharing their writing supplies with her
Nami meanwhile buys y/n clothes and some jewelry for them
Sitting beneath the tangerine tree you watch as the hibiscus you planted for Rouge sway lightly In the breeze, your gaze lingers there before Nami lightly touches your shoulder making you jolt. “Here” she offers you a peeled tangerine with a smile, you take it popping the sweat fruit into your mouth. “How much will I owe you?” You ask enjoying the sweet taste, at that she laughs “I need a tester to make sure my product is good. Just consider it free since you’re doing me a favour”. Smiling you nod, not commenting how Sanji would be the better pick for this “job”.
“I still don’t get how you’d gone so long with no other pairs of clothes” Nami mutters whilst holding up two pairs of shirts your size “which do you like? Or do you want both?”. Looking at the clothes you point to the one held up by her left hand, the Hawaiian shirt with a funky pattern. “I knew you’d pick this one” her eyes are layered in fondness even if she gives a small sigh “I’m a creature of habit….besides Mihawk gave me those pyjamas so technically I now have more than one pair”
Waking up to from nightmare your typically used to the sight of the night sky but you awake with Nami’s worried face. Shakily you sit up, “h-hey I’m ok” it’s more said for her sake rather than your own. Despite your words Nami pulls you close, silently letting you clutch onto her like a lifeline as the scent of oranges and tangerines linger as does that small spark of pink just above her shoulder.
Ussop
The story teller duo! Aka the liar and the immortal
Honestly Ussop and y/n are a little dynamic duo of scaredy cat and unfazed who’s dragging the other into a haunted house
Except the haunted house in this case is literally every dangerous situation known to man
Poor Ussop has got it cut out for him more than usual when y/n is around
Something he notices fairly quickly
But he’s too committed in looking cool in front of them and cause he sure as hell isn’t leaving them alone for more than 15 minutes cause they’ll for sure somehow traumatize someone
Another thing he picked up on lol
There’s a Recurring joke with him and y/n when y/n remembers something important at the last minute and he yells that they have the memory of a goldfish
Though y/n’s title is the straw hats storyteller, they really like listening to Ussop’s stories
Though they knows his is fake they enjoy it better that way
Because that means there’s always a happy ending
Something that not all of their stories have
Similarly, though he sometimes gets afraid when they tell their stories, Ussop really likes listening to theirs as well
Mostly for the fact that though some of them are sad their genuinely heart touching most of the time
Y/n tells their tales in a way that captivates just about everyone around them
Something Ussop really admires
Both know and acknowledge each others skills
And sometimes the two of them will collaborate together in figuring out how to make their adventures more engaging when written down
Y/n and Ussop sometimes do commentary when watching Sanji and Zoro fight
Ussop during these commentary of the fighting matches writes down his favourite insults that he and y/n then giggle about later on
Their favourite so far is when Sanji called Zoro Durian in both appearance and smell
Ussop is the one to help y/n in their “disguises”
Aka supplying the fake moustaches
In similar fashion y/n helped make him the SogeKing mask before Water 7
Ussop has y/n test out his inventions and has them teach him new hobbies
To keep from the ever looming fear away Ussop tries to keep himself busy
Something y/n is a pro at and helps him pick up some of the hobbies they’ve learned over the years
On Sundays y/n teaches him and Robin how to do Pottery
Which helps out Sanji because of the amount of broken plates due to Luffy is uncountable
Calls y/n the first mate of the Ussop pirates
He will never admit it but when he misses Ninjin, Tamanegi and Piiman he ends up lingering near y/n cause they sometimes remind him of his old “crew”
Speaking of which y/n is the only one who he talks to about how much he sometimes misses syrup village
Specifically Kaya
Along with this he also confides to them about how he wonders if his dad would be proud of him or disappointed
It doesn’t happen often but occasionally it does really weight on him
But he trusts y/n’s judgment because they’ve met Yassop, and in the fact that they understand what it’s like to miss people
When this happens y/n also confides in Ussop about the people they miss too
Even people they don’t remember
It’s actually pretty sweet especially since on those nights the two of them just talk about how they genuinely feel
Something that is kinda rare for the two
To enhance each other’s stories the two now have started doing puppet shows!
Something they have Nami and Chopper help with in making the puppets
Ussop even made a mini stage out of popsicle sticks
Y/n uses Roger’s coat as the curtain
Ussop Is terrified of the crows especially after that time y/n and Luffy covered him in birdseed and was almost flown away by the murder
Along with superstitions he’s heard about them being bad luck
But the crows love him
Like they really love him, almost as much as chopper
It’s god damn comical watching him run away in terror meanwhile these little feathered fiends are chasing after him with puppy eyes asking for love
The only crows he likes are the baby ones
The little fledglings who (unfortunately for him) find perching on his nose to be the most optimal of places
But their cute as hell so he lets it slide
For now
This then perpetuates the cycle of them growing older and him being terrified of them but them loving him
Y/n finds it funny as hell
But he eventually comes around to them when y/n has them exchange letters between him and Kaya
As well as sending gifts and flowers back to syrup without the items getting lost or rotting
sometimes y/n and Ussop swap headscarves
Y/n likes to buy Ussop random stuff for him to use in inventions
Ussop likes to buy y/n crafts that they can do together (as well as with Chopper)
“And that’s how I, captain Ussop! Defeated the unstoppable man after 3 days of fighting with my 3000 men!” At hearing that you nod enthusiastically as Chopper chimes in about how cool that was. You smile, thinking back to those 3 whole days Roger and fought Whitebeard before recruiting Oden temporarily to the crew. “What did you do afterwards?” You ask making the long nosed sniper perk up, he thinks for a moment before he continues his “tale”.
“Uhhhh Ussop” you say watching as the sniper who currently tinkered away at some new contraption break from his concentration. “Oh hey! Whats up?” It comes out casually as he turns to look at you as you give him an almost apologetic look which makes his brows furrow. Wordlessly you point to the nearby open port window. One of your crows sits there, tilting its head at him “oh no-“ before he can get another word out it lets out a squawk and other feathered little devils start flying in through the window.
“Your dad is more proud of you than I think you know” you say this with utter confidence and it makes Ussop stumble for a moment. “Really?” He asks this in a quiet tone, almost unsure before you nod and smile “it’s all he talked about when I was on the red force. So you best believe it”
Chopper
Cherry blossom duo!
Was the second member of the crew to know about y/n’s immortality due to recognizing the picture of them with Hiriluk
Something that the little reindeer kept tucked away in a small slit in his hat Kureha added to it
So it’s safe to say that he’s ecstatic, confused and freaking out
Though luckily Sanji and y/n were able to talk with him
And to be honest Chopper gets why their scared to tell the others
He’d be scared in their situation! So he keeps the secret as best he can!
Though there were definitely a few occasions he nearly slipped up lol
As the two youngest members on board both Chopper and y/n band together quite a bit
Partially because of the fact that in mental age their close and because their both just natural sweethearts
Chopper finds it funny that despite being the oldest y/n is also one of the youngest
Both are the cutest mf’s out there that Nami 100% uses to guilt others into getting discounts
Y/n and him unfortunately for her also use the puppy eyes on her to get her to peel their tangerines
Chopper thinks of y/n as a big sibling and very much heavily admires them
Y/n similarly thinks of Chopper as a little brother and admires his medical knowledge despite his age
Both have made each other bff bracelets with little sakura charms
Sometimes when chopper gets sad about Hiriluk y/n tells chopper about their experiences with him
And that he would be proud of chopper
That Kureha is proud
And that their proud of the person Hiriluk took as his own because y/n knows chopper will become the best doctor ever
Every time this happens Chopper sobs
Similarly in the moments when y/n is lost (mostly since they don’t like being overly emotional about their feelings or trauma) Chopper likes to become kinda a therapy animal and let y/n pet his fur to calm them down
Along with that chopper also tries to have them open up about how their feeling
Y/n thinks choppers blue nose looks like a blueberry so they sometimes call him that
Chopper gets super “angry” about it (not really, the only times he’s angry at y/n is when they shrug off an injury)
Speaking of which, he gets really worried for y/n and their careless tendencies
He knows their immortal but he wishes they’d care for themself to at least show him their injuries even if their small
It reminds him of Hiriluk since he had also written off his disease and pain as nothing
The parallels between the two of them really make Chopper worried about losing someone again
Like he knows y/n would come back but having to watch someone you love die is still really traumatic
And the amount of times he’s almost had a heart attack from y/n narrowly dodging death isn’t healthy
Now is it healthy for the others either lol
When in his more deer-like form he lets y/n sit on his back! He bashfully preens in pride when they call him their loyal steed
Let’s y/n decorate his horns with little do-dads and charms
His favourite is the little sakura themed ones they bought at a spring island for him
They have done the two kids on a trench coat routine before and it’s somehow worked
The funny thing is that y/n was the legs and chopper was the upper half
Both make inside jokes about the rest of the crew
Both also occasionally goad Sanji and Zoro into fights
They watch with Luffy while eating popcorn
Talks with the flock all the time! He gossips with them and they all adore him so much
He doesn’t have a favourite and loves all of them
Especially since they all try and bring him herbs or steal him medical supplies from islands the crew dock on
The crows love to dote on him, even calling him one of their flock just like the others on the crew
It makes him happy since he gets a bit of animal companionship that he never got and the fact that the flock accepts anyone no matter their looks
He’s scared to tell the birds about how his birth family kicked him out since he knows they’ll try to get revenge
Y/n likes that through chopper that they can now understand their crows
Something in which makes the crows absolutely ecstatic about and Chopper has to regal their constant pleas for attention and to let y/n know that their adored
He tends to their little injuries and puts little bandaids on their wounds
They like to perch on his antlers and he gets supper bashful when they call him their favourite crew member beside y/n
Chopper finds it funny they call y/n their god?
It’s weird but he just assumes that cause the crows explained to him how several generations back y/n had nursed to health their injured ancestors
While y/n stays in the men’s quarter Chopper and y/n set up a little sleepover tent
Both typically fall asleep in the tent and Sanji or Zoro have to put them in their proper beds rather than sleeping on the floor
While sleepy y/n sometimes thinks chopper is a stuffed animal
Both cling to one another when tired (it’s adorable)
Y/n likes to buy Chopper Sakura themed things or medicinal herbs and books that they’d think he’d like
Chopper on the other hands buys y/n things they can do together or with the crew like puzzles or little crafts
“Ahhh!!! What happened to your arm?!?!” The young reindeer doctor practically screams as his widened eyes look at your bloody and bruised arm that’s also bent the wrong way. The rest of the crew whom you’d been trying to hide it from look to you, whoops. “Uhhhh….it was an accident?” You say this and before you can blink your being dragged to choppers medical bay, darn, you’d sneak past them next time
Sitting down on the flooring of the merry you thread your fingers through choppers soft fur. Your breathing still heavy and shaky as your mind comes down from focusing on bad memories. It takes a few minutes sitting there focusing on the sensation of his fur but eventually you find yourself of sound mind again. Tears staining your cheeks as you mumble a thanks to the doctor who nods. “A doctor has to look out for his patients in health and mind” is what he says making you smile ever so slightly.
“Hey chopper what did Rosemary tell you?” You asked looking quizzically at the Crow perched on his antlers, he looks up to bird listening as she squawks again. “She said that big crow, big lizards and Yama missed you? Who’s that?” He translates then giving you a curious look, you think for a moment then coming up with an answer “oh…she means king and the others”. He nods at the answer before then asking “who’s king? Wait! Do you know royalty?!?”
Robin
History duo, ones is a literal archeologist and the other is the ancient ass artifact
After chopper she’s the third person to know of y/n’s immortality due to watching them die with crocodile
While working with crocodile she didn’t talk to y/n directly too much but did try and look out for them in the shadows
She’s also been praying that y/n wouldn’t end up in Alabasta nor that crocodile would find them again lol
But that didn’t exactly go as planned
Once joining the crew y/n is one of the few to trust Robin partially due to their prior knowledge of her and experience with her
Both feel extreme sympathy for one another, especially once realizing they were both children hunted down by the government
Robin like with Chopper uses her abilities to tickle y/n
Robin cannot count the amount of times her ability has saved y/n without them knowing
Before Brook joined y/n would ask Robin to use her power to make arms and lift y/n up to see stuff lol
Sometimes with the sprouted arms y/n likes to play rock paper scissors with them which makes Robin laugh
Y/n eventually has Robin help in writing in their journal to remember things since they trust her perspective more than their own
Because these two both know Poneglyph’s the two gossip via notes to one another in the language
Robin when reading history books and finds something about y/n shows it to them
It’s now an inside joke between the two of them
They also make it an activity to skim through accounts of things and try to find y/n
What sad though is that in some accounts where it’s clearly y/n mentioned y/n can’t actually remember it
And for awhile y/n just gets kinda quiet and excuses themself
She does not mentioned their reddened eyes when she sees them again
But just offers them a hug
In a certain way, Robin kinda projects what she wish she had as a kid into y/n as a form of self healing
Especially after Enies lobby
She wants to be there for them
Care for them in a way she wished others had cared for her
And it’s with this that Robin becomes a mother figure to y/n
She’d tender and caring to y/n in a way that just kinda makes them instinctively cling to her presence
Her warm hugs and floral scent remind y/n distantly of their mom (or they think it does)
They know Robin isn’t her (no one can be) but Robin’s care and general warmth towards them just makes y/n really happy
Hugs galore
As well as Robin helping Nami take care of y/n since they have no self care at all
Y/n constantly steals Robin’s cowboy hat (when she had it )
Like in pre-timeskip one piece Robin calls y/n by their title of “storyteller�� but also refers to them by nicknames as well
Robin loves the crows so much, she has each of them memorized by name
As well as their preferences
Her favourite though is one named Hesta, she’s a quiet one of the flock and likes watch Robin read
May or may not use her devil fruit to pet all the crows
Ussop may have freaked out when seeing the entire murder on the ship with Robin’s hands sprouted from the deck everywhere
When she has mini dates with Franky y/n dressed up as a server with a fake moustache
They also have a fake French accent because they took inspiration from Sanji
Both her and Franky have to hold back laughing cause y/n gets really into it
Y/n likes buying Robin history stuff and letting her borrow their journals to read
Robin meanwhile likes to buy y/n things she sees interested them while on an adventure
(She may or may not have stolen a few things whoops)
“Hey Robin can you help me-“ before you can finish what you’re saying the historian finds herself at your side, already helping in tying your shoelaces. She smiles, “for all the skills you’d picked up over the years I’m surprised you hadn’t learned to tie them yet” it comes out as a giggle with makes you smile bashfully “I know how tie sailor knots and stuff but I don’t think they work for boots”
“Y/n, do you want to help me write some the poneglyph’s? I want to look them over later and put what we have in order” Robin asks making you pause from tracing the forgotten language with your hands. You nod, then pulling out your journal and opening up a new page. “Sounds good to me. Should I include me and Roger’s messages?” At hearing that she nods, a curious smile on her face. “Of course.”
“What happened to you was never right, you deserved better than what the world gave you” hearing this makes her go still as the still sleeping Nami tosses and turns in her sleep. “You didn’t deserve what happened to you either. Neither of us did” when she says this you see tears glisten in moonlight as does she with your starry eyes.
Franky
Suuuuuperrrrrr Star duo!
Like a few others of the straw hats he actually met y/n in his childhood
Specifically because of the Roger pirates when they had stopped in water 7 with Oden
So it’s safe to say after everything in water 7 and Enies lobby he definitely knows y/n is immortal
Though after Franky beat up Ussop y/n kinda takes a little while to warm up to him again at
But Y/n comes around quick on Franky when seeing him help try and save Robin
And after he joins the crew y/n becomes his obligatory little helper!
Since y/n likes to be constantly doing stuff Franky has them help him do repairs on the ship and check for anything that needs to be fixed
He says he can’t fit in a lot of the smaller crevices (which he technically can’t) but normally he’d just use some invention of his
But y/n doesn’t need to know that, not when they get excited in helping
Franky 100% teaches y/n to do poses with him
Nami is half tempted to strangle him for this when y/n did the “suupppeerr” pose after a battle
Unfortunately for her dumbass number 2 (aka Luffy) joins in and then Ussop as well
Y/n in the morning likes to help style Franky’s hair, he wonder’s who Vivi is and why his hair colour reminds them of her
Y/n is also the reason why Franky’s hair is now styled occasionally like sea creatures
His favourite is when they style it as a shark or whale
He shivers each time he looks at y/n’s “ship”
Especially when they say that she’s a fine sea-craft (she not)
He just nods along
Back when he was a kid he was also equally appalled back then about it and had offered to make it better
But just like back then y/n refuse
And somehow that dinky thing always seems to end back up at the ship even when in a storm it ends up lost at sea
Y/n sits on his arm all the time, especially when he is in a muscle man pose
They think it’s funny
He thinks it’s funny when steal his sunglasses
The two of them have single-handedly increased the amount of Hawaiian shirts owned by the straw hats by about 70%
Sometimes when he misses the Franky family he talks to y/n about how they deal with leaving people they love
And y/n always talk about how they kinda deal with it
But it’s always hard
They miss a lot of people
Some of which they don’t remember but know they instinctively miss
It definitely helps him
But it also highlights to Franky just how lonely they are
Because he joined later on he hasn’t seen or heard y/n talk about some of their experiences
He’s maybe heard some from iceberg or the other straw hats but they were always vague
It’s sad to him, especially since their short friendship with him had honestly made him feel less alone in the harder segments of his life
But knowing just how many people they had said goodbye to and would say goodbye to, the years afloat on that thing they call a ship by themself
Yeah, it really weighs on him
Because he gets it
Y/n is the only one for sure who knows that Robin and Franky eventually get together (frobin for real y’all)
They don’t tell anyone cause they just kinda assumed everyone already knew and forgot it was a secret lol
Despite this though, they accidentally cover for Robin and Franky when they go out on small dates
Y/n is somehow Franky’s ultimate wingman (wingperson?)
They suggest to him things they know Robin like or would like
The two of them like to paint a pair of stars on each of Franky’s inventions
A blue 5 pointed on for Franky and a smaller 4 pointed gold one for y/n
Y/n Is the only one on the crew besides Luffy to use the Franky fridge to store stuff
Specifically the snacks the other crew members give them through the day
Franky ends up building some birdhouses on the ship for crows who stay the night along with prosthetic limbs for birds who lost legs or even their wings
He doesn’t have a particular bird he prefers over the rest
He thinks all of them are SUUPPEERRRR
They seem to like his golden chain and shiny metal nose
Much to his amusement
Sometimes a chosen bird will be allowed to wear his sunglasses and it becomes the super bird of the day
This bird for that day gets to hang around on his head and gets a invention made for them
Y/n likes to buy Franky cool gadgets they find along with anything that has blue stars
Franky doesn’t buy y/n stuff but instead makes them things, typically little do-dads or even some puzzles to keep them preoccupied
“Hey Franky, do you need some help there?” You asked watching the blue haired shipwright peel himself away from repairing the mast of the ship. He grins, “Surre thing little helper!” He then tosses you a hammer that you luckily catch.
“What do you suggest I get Robin? I’m still debating between these two” the cyborg man questions as he holds up two different bouquets of fresh flowers. You peer between the two, examining them. “Robin would probably like the second one. Those flowers have meanings of “love” “companionship” and “appreciation” which would be the best choice. She’d like the effort behind them” you say before correcting your fake moustache and dusting off any dirt of your fake waiter uniform you stole from Sanji’s days at the baratie. “Should I have Hesta fly in and deliver them?” He adds making you respond “of course!”
Two cans of Cola clink together as you and Franky sit watching the horizon. “I can only imagine Oden’s face seeing that you’re now a pirate after saying you’d never be one, oh and Tom’s” you giggle as Franky nods “do you think they’d be happy?”. For a moment you ponder “I can’t say for sure….but I think so long as your happy they’d be”
Brook
Dead duo (lol) cause they’ve both died and come back to life (though one has done this significantly more than the other)
By the time he joins y/n being a immortal ain’t a secret anymore
Even if it was his emotional breakdown when seeing them again asking if he’s finally gone fully insane before hugging them would probably proof enough that their immortal
But anyway!!
For very obvious reasons Brook for a long while after reuniting is kinda stuck at y/n’s side
Partially because he’s still unsure if this is real and afraid he’ll wake up alone again
On that ship where only the damned souls of the sea like himself stay
Y/n seems to know this though and happily allows him to stay at their side as they hold onto his coat since he’s too tall for them to comfortably hold his hand
The annual amount of death and skeleton jokes have gone up exponentially because of the two of them alone
Both Brook and y/n cope via jokes and each other (as sad as that is)
The crew can’t help but deadpan at the amount of time the two have watched something horrific or head about it and said “same” or pointed to a skeleton and said “look it’s us!”
Brook doesn’t ask his pervert questions or jokes in front of y/n he’s too mortified to do so when he basically considered them his family
He once accidentally did and y/n asked what that meant and he wanted to curl up and die (again)
Y/n brings him milk and stuff with calcium saying he needs to build up bone density
He has yet to tell them he can’t drink it but he appreciates the gesture and gives it to Sanji instead so he can use it for recipes
Brook is the only person y/n talks to about the ways in which they’ve died
Mostly because he’s the only other person who can understand what its like
And because hearing vindication that what had happened to them was wrong kinda helps them process stuff
Because they should not have died as many as they’ve had let alone in such gruesome ways
Hearing it from Brook, someone who’d also faced the horrors of death and immortality really opens their eyes
Whenever Brook plays music y/n instinctively joins him in song
It’s just second nature to y/n at this point
Both are different versions of insane from immortality. While’s brooks is more noticeable for y/n’s it’s more subtle
Y/n likes to show Brook all the instruments and songs they learned after his death
Especially their ukulele skills much to his amusement
Neither can play Binks booze together without sobbing midway
Nor can Brook handle their stories of Laboon still waiting at reverse mountain
Nor can y/n handle hearing how Brook would see visions of them and the crew in his years of isolation
The rest of the straw hats can’t handle just how depressing that all is lol
He accidentally found y/n, Chopper and Luffy in their game and now has made a soundtrack for it
When y/n stays in the men’s quarter Brook sometimes has to check their still alive because of his fear they’ll die again
Y/n has played the xylophone on Brook’s ribcage much to Nami’s horror
Both of them pull the “as the oldest people on board” card
The two of them also call each other senior citizens and try and get discounts at places via Nami’s orders
Both always get kicked out
Y/n somehow learned the word “boner” from someone and asked Brook what that meant because he was made of bones
He wanted to die a second time 💀
He was mortified after that especially when y/n then taught that word to Luffy and chopper who joined in on asking him what it meant
Robin had to help him escape the questioning
When y/n can’t see anything they like to climb Brook to get a better view
Y/n also sometimes hides in his ribcage
The two of them share an atrocious fashion sense
The only difference is that Robin and Nami help in making sure y/n doesn’t end up in a floral shirt with polka dot shorts and sandals with socks
Brook is extremely proud of y/n’s skills that they picked up from him and his crew
The crows keep bringing Brook bones because they assume all skeletons they find somehow are parts of Brook
Y/n taught them to play the xylophone on Brook
The dead musician’s favourite crow is one named “crazy Pete” because he just picks shit up and starts whacking against the nearest surface
This making him the best xylophone player of the crows as well as the best drummer
The flock also uses his ribcage as a perch as well as his Afro in which they have built a nest in that he didn’t know about until baby birds hatched
He got to name the newborns and named some of them after his old crew
Y/n likes to buy Brook skeleton things (like those plastic Halloween skeletons lol) and music sheets for him to write new music
Brook gets y/n a bunch of weird mystical shit that y/n always ends up loving
“Yohohohoho! Are you up for a duet?” The old skeleton asks as he holds up his violin, you look up from the book you were reading a smile already stretching across your face. “Do you have to ask?” You reply back as you get up and get into position, if a skeleton could smile he would.
“Yo brook!” You yell already snickering under your voice “do you think we ought to buy some trombone’s? Or maybe some Xylobone’s?”. At that he lets out his signature laugh, “maybe, but they’d cost a Skelaton! Get it? Cause we’ve both died!” For a moment there’s a pause of silence between you both before the two of you burst out into laughter. Nami grumbles under her breath about you both being “numbskulls” before realizing her mistake, the two of you laugh even harder.
In the middle of the night you and Brook sit in the crows nest, the humming the Bink’s booze filling the silence beneath the stars. Because for now that’s enough.
Jinbe
Fisher duo! Would’ve gone with sun duo because of the sun pirates but that duo name probably fits y/n and ace more
By the time Jinbe joins everyone on the crew knows so he doesn’t need to keep the secret
Something that makes him hella realized about since he knows he’d have to jump through hoops somehow trying to explain why y/n knew him prior
Is always worried for y/n especially when realizing they already have a very small impulse control that melts away when Luffy is near
Like he is getting grey hairs as Robin and Nami emphatically pat his shoulder
Y/n loves to laze about on Jinbe, they’ll just randomly go up to him raise their arms up to be picked up and then just fall asleep or stay there
Y/n likes how warm he is along with how he’ll carry them around. Plus his more squishy and smooth textured skin on account of being a fishman is a texture that they like
Jinbe has accepted his role as a resting place for y/n
Something that now also extends to Luffy, chopper and sometimes Zoro as well
When not doing his duties on the ship he likes to listen to y/n’s recounts of things
He finds it pretty soothing as well as informative
If no one else is up to listen to y/n word vomit then Jinbe always has an ear open
His favourites are ones are those including Roger
He’d never known him, just knew about bits and pieces from Whitebeard so he’s especially interested in learning about him from someone else
Y/n sometimes like to ask him about fishman culture along with facts about mermaids as well!
Especially stuff about Joyboy
Something which makes Jinbe light up in pride
Head pats galore from this fishman once he finds out that y/n melts at that type of affection
Is the first to not question how y/n has befriended so many war criminals
Though his is curious how the hell Doflamingo ended up on that list
Speaking of which when y/n gets really scared or anxious he is quick to pick up on it
Just immediately picks up y/n leaves the situation while Luffy goes to beat up what caused the problem lol
Y/n when seeing him get odd looks gives people odd looks back
Especially when people ask where their parents were and they point to Jinbe as if it were the most obvious answer in the world
Y/n once has bitten someone who was being racist
While Jinbe was proud he was not happy with the fact they resorted to Luffy type behaviour
Definitely considers Jinbe a father figure
Something he holds in high regard especially when hearing how they think so highly about Roger
Due to Jinbe being a whale shark fishman y/n bought themself and him matching whale shark plushies
He got the smaller one while y/n got the mama
Jinbe may or may not have secretly cried about this
Because Jinbe is serious most of the time y/n has made it a sport in trying to surprise him
Like suddenly jumping from the crows nest into his arms or randomly appearing out of nowhere for hugs
Even if he’s upset with their recklessness he always ends up smiling
Much like the others he ends up as a resting spot for the crows, specifically the young ones just learning to fly
They always end up tucked into his kimono somehow but he doesn’t end up minding it much
Not when the combined forces of the baby birds and y/n give him puppy eyes
His all time favourite crow though is one named Pearl, she’s just a little sweetheart that loves to sit on his hands to be pet
To be honest he finds them all rather intriguing especially since crows typically aren’t this intelligent
Like sure typically their intelligent birds but these ones seem even moreso
it seems somehow they have increased perception?
He’s not sure as to why but leaves it as a “y/n thing”
Something that has become a trend in his will for questioning things
Don’t understand it? Probably a y/n thing so move on and accept it
Nami has been following in this mindset for awhile now
Y/n steals his robes despite them being too big
He purposely leaves them out when realizing they like to do this
Jinbe is the only one to know about y/n’s time as a slave and is the only one to know why they sometimes flinch when people touch their back
He’s also the only way who’s able to understand and comfort them when they silently stream out at the sea
At ports y/n likes to go shopping with Jinbe and though he says they don’t need to buy him anything they buy him sea themed stuff to remind him of fishman island
In similar fashion despite y/n saying that he doesn’t need to buy them anything he buys them charms for their bracelets and necklaces that represent a place they’ve been so they can keep track
“So Roger really could stand toe to toe with Whitebeard?” Jinbe asks as you nod with a smile “yeah, Roger despite having no devil fruit was extraordinarily strong and had extraordinary Haki. Plus Roger was Roger”. At hearing this explanation Jinbe nods but then inquires “what do you mean by that last part?” Which makes you lightly giggle before explaining “Roger is the only person besides maybe Luffy who would sneak onto a marine base, fist fight Garp the fist, raid the kitchen and then proceed to escape back to the Oro with the stolen food, treasure and highly classified government field he thought looked cool”
“Jinbe can I go up” you ask with your hands already reaching up to him and in position to be lifted. The fishman smiles, for an immortal you really were a kid still. He smiles. “Alright, do you also want to hear about fishman island again?” It’s not even really a question when he knows your answer but he asks either way and sees you nod. Pearl who’s perched on his shoulder makes room and finds a place between you and him.
It’s late in the night when he finds you sitting on the railing of the ship, silently looking out to sea just as you did all those years ago. He leans against the railing beside you, remembering not to touch your back at this time. “You got reminded of it again?” He asks on which he receives a full nod from you, “it was in the market, there were some propaganda posters about escaped slaves. I checked to see if I was on there, I wasn’t luckily, but it still left me feeling all flighty”. He frowns at that but nods. “Do you need me to stay with you for now?” You respond quickly without thought “yes….it burns Jinbe, my back burns again but I know the brands not there”
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rebouks · 2 months
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“What’re we doing here?”
Oscar shrugged casually, “Hanging out?”
Robin scoffed with what little joviality he could muster, “Yeah, right…”
Oscar paused and broke eye contact, staring at nothing in particular as Robin waited. It was usually fairly easy to ascertain the direction of a conversation before it even started, given that people tended to rehearse what they’d say beforehand, but not Oscar. His mind was simultaneously blank and fit to burst; he was making it up as he went along most of the time, but that was one of Robin’s favourite things about his father. It paved the way for genuine, on the fly honesty.
“Figured maybe you’d wanna talk-..” Oscar rubbed his temple, “Ask me whatever you want.”
“Really?”
“Yeah-.. within reason.”
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“Why’d you do it?” Robin blurted out; his eyes full of unbridled curiosity, though his father wasn’t looking at him.
“Willpower is a finite resource, y’know? I had a shitty day and I caved-.. didn’t really think about it all that much, to be honest.”
“What do you mean?”
Oscar sighed, backtracking slightly as he realised that wasn’t exactly the honesty he was going for. “Well, it’s not that you don’t think about it-.. I thought about not doing it a bunch of times, but the second I decided otherwise, I went on autopilot and got it over with as soon as possible so I wouldn’t have to think about it anymore. Probably because thinking on it too hard is uncomfortable.”
“Where’d you go?”
Robin wouldn’t usually have to ask such a mundane question, but he’d struggled to fill in the blanks for himself. Oscar’s memories of the previous night were fuzzy and his thoughts sprawling.
“There.”
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“The bar?”
Oscar nodded, still unable to meet his son’s gaze. “You remember it used to be a vet clinic, right? Your grandma ran it briefly, years ago-.. we lived in the flat above for a little while, when you were a baby.”
“I remember.”
Oscar sounded surprised. “You do?”
“Kinda-.. you’ve told me about it n’ stuff…”
Oscar shrugged a shoulder, supposing that’d make sense.
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“You don’t have to feel so ashamed.” Robin ventured.
Oscar almost looked at Robin, though his gaze fell somewhere near his shoulder instead. How could a fourteen-year-old boy conjure such compassion? Such accuracy too. Shame.
Sometimes it felt as though he were talking to a man, not a boy. He was still a child, of course; arguing with his siblings over utter nonsense, playfighting, whinging about school and homework, leaving his dirty socks all over the place-.. but sometimes it felt like he understood much more than he should’ve. Oscar couldn’t imagine many people being so emotionally mature at thirty, never mind half as young.
“Dad…”
“I’m sure I’ll get over it-.. I always assumed I’d relapse at some point, but as the years went by, I guess I got complacent.”
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“How’d it start? Like, did you just wake up one morning and realise it was an issue or..?”
Oscar shook his head slightly, running his thumb over his beard in thought. “Nah, it was slower, I just ignored it. I’d always been daft and over the top with stuff like that, partying n’ shit, y’know? It was like a crutch after a while though, and eventually, I needed it just to feel normal-.. went too far to feel nothing.”
Robin opened his mouth to speak, but Oscar wasn’t finished.
“You’ll probably get some stupid cop coming to your scout meetings or your school one day and they’ll stand there n’ tell you all about how drugs and alcohol are terrible or whatever, but it’s bollocks. Sure, they’re bad for you, but they feel good and that’s the problem. At least for me it was-.. is. It shouldn’t even be legal, really, not that it’d do much good if it wasn’t-.. it wouldn’t have stopped me, anyway.”
“I’d love to forbid you from going near it, but I’m sure you’ll all try it for yourselves one day. Maybe it’s just something to do, maybe it makes a boring night more fun, gives you the confidence to do something you’re scared of, talk to someone you’re shy around, I don’t know-.. you might hate it, you might not.”
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“You hate that you still like it, don’t you?”
Oscar finally met Robin’s gaze as he nodded. “So much.” He wondered if he was making a mistake, being so open, but it was too late now and Robin had yet to balk or appear uncomfortable. If anything, he seemed concerned and intrigued, glad of the chance to ask whatever he wanted-.. not that he couldn’t usually, but the invitation was clearly welcome all the same.
“All your troubles just melt away, but they’re twice as bad when you wake up and doing it over again doesn’t solve much. It’s not the answer, Robin.”
“I know it’s not.”
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Oscar’s frown softened as Robin slid beside him, threading an arm around his waist.
“You prefer being sober though, right?” he asked.
“Ah, that’s a loaded question…” Oscar sighed. “I prefer my life when I’m sober, but maybe a part of me will always crave that oblivion. It’s just something I have to live with.”
“Do you think you’ll do it again?”
“I don’t know, bud-..” Oscar admitted. “I’d like to say no but I don’t think I can make any promises, that’s not how it works.”
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Robin nodded understandingly; he would’ve preferred it if his father could’ve made that promise, but a harsh truth was better than a hollow lie.
“They don’t mean much if you don’t keep em.” Oscar added.
“I get it-.. thanks for letting me ask you about it though, I know you’d rather keep it to yourself.”
“You’re still young but I know it’d drive you nuts otherwise. Besides, I don’t want it to feel like a dirty secret we can’t talk about, at least between us-.. might not wanna go telling all your friends your dad’s an alky though…”
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Robin buried his face in the crook of Oscar’s shoulder and squeezed him tightly, desperate to convince his father that he didn’t think any less of him.
“Nah, they’re got enough ammunition.”
Oscar couldn’t help but snort at that. “I love you so much.”
“I know-.. I love you too.”
Robin said nothing a while as his father held him - or he held Oscar - only breaking the silence upon feeling his restless thoughts return.
“It’ll be the summer holiday’s soon, maybe we could go camping or something?”
Oscar smiled fondly. “Yeah, that’d be fun…”
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umeoniii · 1 year
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aot men beige flags
eren, jean, reiner , levi , armin , connie
!: sfw
(^∇^)
eren:
☆ makes weird voices.
high pitched, low pitched, shaky he doesn’t care.
like sometimes as a bit he just uses weird accents and stuff.
he’ll speak like a caveman for one day.
“me want ooga burga” he’ll scratch his head like one too
and you’ll just stare at him like, “this mfs crazy” bcs literally wtf is he on about?!
the next day he’s trying to sound french
“oui oui mon amour”
and he’s wiggling his brows and has his imaginary mustache in between his fingers.
☆ his next one is he’s kind of oblivious to a lot of things.
you can pull out the ugliest outfit known to man to test him and he’ll say “that looks so good baby”
not bcs he’s setting u up. no, because he doesn’t think that lime green ripped jeans and a orange cropped hoodie look bad together.
you’ll have to show him what fashion looks like and he’ll get better as time goes on.
jean:
the tickle monster.
☆ when you’re around him u have to watch your back. he’s serious about it.
u can have a super cute sentimental moment with him and he’ll pull it out.
“i really love you baby.” you’d say
“who else do you love, because i know you’re cheating on me with him.”
and you’re like WHAT.
“with who?!”
he’d pause and stare at you for a few seconds.
“THE TICKLE MONSTER!”
and he’d tickle you until you can’t breathe and almost pee yourself.
and after that you don’t trust him but then proceed to slip up multiple times.
u guys are gonna hate me for this next one…
☆ he does “the face” when he’s gonna kiss u
u guys know what i’m talking about
“the face guys make when they go in for a kiss”
his isn’t horrid, only because he’s attractive
sometimes he actually over exaggerates it to piss you off.
it’s not super horrible but it’s giggle worthy
reiner:
☆ he’s a cringe bf. unironically. it’s sweet but not all the time.
by cringe i mean “i just found out about periods, god it must suck to be a beautiful goddess :/.”
or he’s like
“hey! tell you’re period it can’t hurt you like that, it’s not cool!”
☆ he’s also a scaredy-cat.
behind all that muscle is a big baby.
he jumps at scary movies even when he knows what happens next.
cannot play something like fnaf with him
he will throw the phone and scream like he got stabbed in his chest.
he’s probably still scared of the dark but it’s kind of sweet idk. he literally cuddles with you at night like a mother and her baby. you’re practically holding him like a frail little princess, except he’s kind of the exact opposite.
this is actually kind of cute though..
levi:
☆ now his beige flag is that he can be SUPER sarcastic. ik he is.
he’s super snarky and sassy.
like he’s the type to tell what’s considered a ‘corny dad joke’ but instead he’d say it with a stoic face.
like if youre talking and couldn’t remember and say something like “remember when umm…” and you just sit there and think, he’d come back with “no i don’t remember when that happened”.
he wouldn’t laugh or anything.
i feel like that’s why it’s funny. he could make a childish poop or fart joke and it would only be funny bcs he looks like this 😐
he would own a stupid t-shirt that says something like, “find your patience before i lose mine”.
☆ he’s a karen as well. he’s not super bad but like at restaurants and stuff when his foods not right or the tables are not bussed…
i’d be in the bathroom crying my mascara off if i was his waitress
armin:
☆ he’s scared of animals.
this includes typical house pets like dogs or cats.
it’s bcs “they don’t speak , so you’ll never know what they’ll do next.”
his fear stems from one small thing that happened when he was younger.
a cat jumped onto his lap.
he thought it was trying to attack him and so he screamed and the cat got scared.
that’s it.
he can’t even visit the zoo because he’s scared the animals will break out. (he’s super serious about it, it’s not even something he jokes about)
he’s tried to like animals and it worked for a while.
until the dog started to play a little too much to his liking.
☆ also he just randomly informs you of random facts.
completely random.
you could be on the toilet and he’ll come in the bathroom like, “a shrimps heart is in its head…”
no “did you know?” or “isn’t it cool that?” he just says it.
if you ever go onto a game show you’ll probably win it with all the useless knowledge he’s given u.
connie:
☆ you could tell him the most god awful thing happened to you and he’ll be like
“wait, this reminds me of something that happened in something i just watched.”
he’ll proceed to whip out his phone and show you the tv show, news report, tiktok. whatever it was he saw.
this tends to happen to every experience that you have.
you could be held hostage and they’ll call him for ransom and somehow it reminds him of this one part of a tv show.
sometimes it’s funny sometimes it’s not.
☆ he sleeps like he hasn’t slept since the day he was born.
he hops into the bed and sits there for 1 minute before he starts snoring aggressively.
he looks dead, like actually…
sprawled out and snoring with his mouth open.
one time he slept with his eyes wide open and you shook him awake panicking.
he belittled you and was all smart and cocky saying “i would never sleep with my eyes wide open” even though he did.
he sleeps to the rain sounds with the thunder. but sometimes is so sleepy and forgets about it.
tagz!🐬: @hangesgirlypop , @yiugen , @heartshapedtearss
a/n: heyooo! b4 u guys request it, im doing girls next ;). i just think this trend is the cutest thing ever, plus it feels good to write fluff. also im actually getting back to requests. like frl this time, i’ve been grinding non stop all night so i could be done by hopefully friday. feel free to request cute things u guys, i will absolutely write it! and also feel free to request other characters, i feel like u guys don’t request them bcs u guys don’t see them and so u think i won’t do them. trust i probs will!
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projectbluearcadia · 5 months
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"Oops."
This is just the kind of scenario that pops up in my head a lot. The walls in the House of Lamentation have ears. (Suggestive)
---
“MC, my room. Now,” Lucifer snapped when he saw the mess you and Mammon had made. As usual, Mammon was getting himself in trouble with a so-called good idea and you were roped into it. This time, it had been adopting a feral demon.
Mammon, of course, had wanted to become a selective breeder after he heard about what purebred dogs are worth. Though now he gave up on that because he was a little too attached to the pair of Harumons he’d just adopted. 
In any case, the living room was an absolute disaster area, and Lucifer was very clearly pissed. 
“I-It was me! Why're you taking MC??” Mammon cried after Lucifer, and he turned a glare back at his little brother. 
“I’ll deal with you later.” 
And he left Mammon in silence, dragging MC by the collar. 
Guilty and feeling scared for the resident human, he followed and debated outside Lucifer’s door whether or not he should knock it down and rescue her. 
“L-Listen, Lucifer we can talk about th—Ah!” Mammon flinched at the high-pitched cry against the door accompanying a loud thud. 
“MC…” Lucifer’s lowered voice rasped. “I think I already warned you there would be consequences for doing something stupid like this.” 
“You’re not my dad!”
“No,” Lucifer replied, and a whimper resounded through the wood, making Mammon shiver. Should he risk it and jump in? Should he? “But you serve me, now don’t you MC?” 
“Well…y-yes…” 
“And since you so willingly went along with whatever that idiot’s harebrained scheme was this time, you’re going to make me feel better.” 
“M-My knees are still sore… sir.” Mammon was half tempted to break in there, a little enraged at the thought of whatever physical punishment he’d given to her. Didn't he know that human was fragile!? And how could he do that when she was so cute anyway!?
“Then rest assured that I’ll make something else sore today.”
“W-Wait, Lu-Lucifer,” she gasped before she let out a surprised cry, and Mammon felt his ears turn hot as the sound of a kiss and something else reached his ears. 
“No waiting,” Lucifer growled, breathless as she panted. “I’ve been waiting.” 
“Ah! N-Not there!” she cried out, still heaving for breath, and Mammon flinched as he heard a thump against the door. 
“Why not? You’re shaking your hips like you’re enjoying it. Dirty girl.” 
Fuckin’ hell, Mammon thought. He’s doin' it that way…. Come to think of it, I think Levi was complaining about that earlier... I really should lea--
“Ahn?! Lucifer, why did you lick me!?” 
Mammon's ears turned pink at the sound that came out of her mouth, and he found himself desperately wishing that he was in Lucifer's place.
“Would you have preferred I childishly bit you like I wanted to?" Lucifer chuckled to himself. "But you want me to lick somewhere else, don’t you? If you want that, then you’re going to beg for it… and I’ll make you scream so loud that the entire house will know.”
“A-Aren’t you afraid they’ll get scared…?” 
“They know I’m here, and they know damn well I’d never let anything happen to you. They’ll know exactly why you’re screaming. I promise.” 
Mammon covered his reddened face with a groan. That asshole knew I was gonna follow to make sure she was okay, didn' he? Fuck. I'm not sleepin' tonight...
As a bonus, when the other brothers found out that Mammon was the reason that Lucifer was making MC scream louder than usual, they casually bullied him the next day. Lucifer was satisfied.
MC later made them make up and screwed them both ruthlessly.
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hwavsg4ch4n · 7 months
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Awkward|| L.M
Note: hi guys, this is actually a music series (more info linked) bonus. I usually write multiple versions of a smut per song and choose which one fits the vibe the most. this one was actually supposed to be for SYNERGY (linked), but I reworked it and made it better for "Awkward". I haven't been here for a while and decided that I'm the kind of writer that likes to pop in randomly lol. I'm thinking about turning this into a mini-series separate from the music series. After you read this, please follow the link at the end and vote on the pole if you think this would be a good mini-series! ps. word count of 4,783... get a snack.
Disclaimer: I have decided not to no longer put any tags in my works to avoid unneeded spoilers. I will only warn when there are extremely triggering aspects in my work. Read at your own discretion.
Synopsis: You've been single for years, it's sad really. coming up with excuse after excuse as to why you should be okay. Then society introduced the appearance of 'soulmates', and somehow everything got worse. But then there's your boss, what should you do with him...
this is a mature work of fiction (18+), this does not represent any real-life figures, this is just for entertainment.
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Music series bonus <masterlist>
You tilted your head back, gulping down the rich red wine as the brisk night air glided across your naked arms.
What was love? It was stupid, at least that’s what you always told yourself. Love is dumb, for the weak; and you weren’t weak. You wished you believed your thoughts, but you couldn’t help but crave love. What it felt like, sounded like, what it smelled like, what it tasted like. 
Jealousy was a disease and you hated to admit that you were practically hospitalized and in a coma from said disease. 
However, solidarity was alright sometimes. It was rewarding, no arguments, no having to worry what your partner was up to if they were taking care of themselves properly. You only had to worry about yourself… is it bad that was your biggest con to single life? Only having to worry about yourself.
You told yourself this for years. That was until early last year, when the CDC came out with a new phenomenon. They called it, soulmates. You thought it was corny. You watched as scientists explained the symptoms, and how it starts. How it feels, how you can differentiate your feelings blah blah blah, it was bullshit in your eyes. But not many felt the same. 
The day after the news of soulmates reached the public, your office became littered with pairings. Mia from accounting and Felix in your branding apartment paired up instantly. Everyone saw that one coming. They were frauds, had to be, the CDC said their research is still new, meaning they’ll need long-term volunteers that they’ll compensate. That's when fake soulmates started appearing. You called bullshit when the news stated authentic soulmates are now being deemed rare. The CDC just wanted to cover its tracks, hiding another economic decline. Soulmates weren’t real.
Your loneliness grew worse because of your slight rebellion. You didn’t put yourself out there, scared someone would falsely claim you as a soulmate. It’s nights like this where you want to let yourself fall in line. Here you are, alone at the Valentine’s Day company party for another year, this time due to self-sabotage. You already hated this holiday, but of course, science had to make it worse. On the balcony sipping expensive wine your boss bought for everyone, you tried your best to drown out the jazz music and giggles as coworkers showed off their engagement rings.
Minho watched you through the glass door of the balcony with hesitancy. He tuned out the conversation he was dragged into. “Mr. Lee, what are your opinions on soulmates.” He looked at the second department secretary, taking in her inquiry, “I’m not quite sure.” He was telling the truth, he didn’t think much of it, if it was true great, if it wasn’t, it didn’t really affect him in any way, probably just another pity thing. The marriage statistic was getting low, he read it in a paper. Minho took one more sip from his whiskey glass before setting it down and excusing himself.
Everyone in the office knew that Minho, the COO of this company, took a liking to you; everyone was jealous in fact. The kind, extroverted, unmarried, painfully attractive man… liked you. The seemingly cold, work-a-holic, introvert of a woman. He’s liked you since before the news came forth with their studies, yet you were oblivious. Your self-esteem is so low that you wouldn’t dare to even think a man like Minho would see you in such a way, not when people are trying to claim the bachelor every day. 
You looked over your shoulder as the balcony door opened. You smiled politely, “Mr. Lee, how are you?” You asked gently. He couldn’t help but smile at the sound of your voice, not even trying to hide the shivers that trailed down his spine at your tempt voice. “I’m doing well, but I couldn’t help but feel bothered when I saw you out here alone. Are you not cold, Ms. L/n?” You watched as he made his way next to you, leaning against the metal railing. He gazed at the city skyline, awaiting your answer.
You took another sip of wine. “It’s a bit chilly, but I can manage.” Short and simple, polite. That’s all Minho got from you. He's never wanted a person to rant to him for hours so badly, but that would be seen as unprofessional. He clears his throat, standing up straight. “Are you not having fun?” He asked. Maybe it was the wine that compelled you to answer him differently than you normally would. “To be honest, Mr. Lee,” He raised his brows, turning to you fully. “What is it?” You let yourself answer. “I don’t really favor office parties.” You chuckled before downing the last bit of your wine.
Minho frowned before biting his lip. “I hope it’s okay that I call you by your name,” He started, “Sure.” He gulped dryly before giving you an offer. “Would you like to get out of here, y/n?” You finally faced him, brows furrowed as your eyes lingered across his figure, taking him in.
White button-up, sleeves rolled to his elbows, black slacks, dark auburn hair fallen into his eyes, the eyes that were surveying you softly. It would be strange, to ride off into the night with your boss on the night the company is rumored to rename the festive party ‘soulmates night'. But you’ve had about 3 full glasses of wine, and you’re bored plus inquisitive.
“Where would we be going?”, he smiles.
After bidding an awkward goodbye to your coworkers, and avoiding questioning looks about the two of you leaving together; you finally made it to Minho’s car.  
“Wanna catch a late movie?” Your head tilted in question, he drove out of the parking lot the humming of the engine fills the silence. Smirking to yourself in disbelief, you agreed. 
The ride was filled with conversation, the longest non-work related conversation you’ve had with this man. He spoke of everything you didn’t think he’d speak of. How he missed home, how living in a bustling city was fun, but the sound of waves beat the sound of honking horns. You couldn’t help but ask him questions, you didn’t care if they were the right questions. You were comfortable, too comfortable. Was it the wine you downed? Maybe the grand looking air freshener in his car. It hurts your pride to admit that it might just be him. He smelled nice and spoke to you gently in that voice he would use to remind you of your lunch hour. 
You took in a breath as his hands on the steering wheel came into view, “Oh sweet jesus”. You pressed yourself into the black leather seat. It’s the wine, it has to be the wine. Minho turned to you as he finished parking, “You ready?” 
-
No one was there in the theater, no one but the two of you. You couldn’t focus on the movie, all you could focus on was how you were alone with Minho, completely alone with him. 
You were zoned out until you were pulled back to reality. “Are you enjoying the movie?” He whispered, not looking in your direction, his eyes glued to the projected screen. You couldn’t help but ask bluntly, “What are we doing?” 
Minho looked at you, you felt his gaze so you looked back. “Mr. Lee, it’s soulmates night.” He frowned, chewing on his popcorn. His heartbeat quickened, were you implying something?
 It was dark, but you could see him like there was the light of a halo above him. “What do you wish we were doing, Y/n?” Why did he ask you that? Why did he ask like he wanted to fulfill a wish?
You looked away, parted lips and furrowed eyebrows. He couldn’t see your face properly, he took your silence as rejection, and maybe he read you wrong. “I don’t mean to upset you, I apologize. Let’s finish the movie, then I’ll take you home?” You didn’t want to finish the movie, you weren’t even watching the boring movie.
Your heart was pounding, was this what proper desire felt like? It felt different from your crush on the Grey’s Anatomy guy. Was this what being wanted felt like? But he’s your boss… You felt a surge of warmth, a shallow buzzing feeling accumulated in your fingertips, must be excitement. Your conscious almost coming alive, fuck it, give in. You did just that.
Biting your lip you breathed in deep, “I don’t want to continue the movie.” You stated in a whisper. You couldn’t see it clearly, but Minho grew worried, worried he scared you off completely.
“Oh- would you like to, would you like for me to take you home now, Miss. L/n?” He didn’t want to use your first name, afraid of abusing his power. It made you flinch, “I thought you said… you were gonna use my name from now on?” You whispered. Finding his eyes in the slim light provided by the screen.
He licked his lips, although it was out of his nervousness, the action made you gulp. “My apologies, Y/n.” you weren’t aware of it yet, but you held all the power at this given moment. He’d do anything you told him to with no question.
“I do want to get out of here, but I don’t want to go home Mr. Lee.” You said, standing up, and grabbing your purse. Minho stood up as well, eyes never leaving your form as he studied you for unspoken answers.
“I would like to see where my boss lives, I’ve always been curious.” your lashes fluttering, as you peered up at him with a quick pulse and sweaty palms. What if you read him wrong, what if he dismissed you and fired you on the spot? What if this whole ordeal was just because he pitied you for being single for every Valentine’s Day party?
“Well, I should let you overcome your curiosity, shouldn’t I Y/n?” He said with amusement. “After you.” He moved out of the way, letting you lead the way out of the theater.
You continuously asked yourself what you were doing on the drive to his house. Well, you knew what you were doing. You were lonely, and tired of it, taking up a messy offer that could end up in you getting scammed by this man. You’ll apologize in the mirror later. Hitting rock bottom was something you would worry about tomorrow. Your hazy mind only lets you think about his veiny hand gripping the gear shift.
What would happen if you took it upon yourself to place him where you wanted him? 
Working up the courage, you sucked in a breath before allowing your fingers to trace his cufflinks, trailing your fingers around his wrist. His fastened pulse boosted your ego, looking to see his reaction. Minho remained focused on the road, with no intention of stopping you as he blinked and took more deep breaths than a calm human would.
You couldn’t help but lick your lips as you brought his hand to the warm flesh of your warm thigh, just under the hem of your black tweed skirt. Your blood pumped at the thought of how he’s letting you have your way. He wanted this too, to touch you. His hand was warm, and comforting. You liked how pretty it was on your skin, admiring the visual as your nails traced his veins.
Minho didn’t mean to squeeze, he did it subconsciously. He didn’t realize he did it until you gasped shallowly, clenching your thighs around his hand and looking up at him with the lowest gaze he’s ever seen from you.
“Sorry.” He muttered, rubbing his hand along the inside of your thigh in an attempt to soothe, not wanting to get you too worked up just yet. But his touch had the opposite effect. You didn’t want to wait anymore. It was known that Minho’s house was in the rich part of the city, all the way across town. Even Though it was a mere 30 minute drive, the distance felt like an eternity. 
“Minho,” Minho gulped dryly. Your deep tone sent shock waves through his body, he enjoyed how his name dripped off your tongue. “Yes, Y/n?” His voice remained steady, not wanting to ruin something that could get so good. “I want you to pull into the park, I wanna watch the sky with you.” You whispered. Minho’s heart grew soft as you continued to trance his veins. He nodded silently, ready to take every command you asked of him.
You watched as he parked, the view of the city was beautiful, but that wasn’t your focus as of now. 
There was a silence, loud, swallowing the city sounds in the distance. Your body shifted, rotating towards him. Minho turned to you, his grip on your thigh tightening slightly as he took in the view of you. “Kiss me,” Yes you were being blunt, and bold, but you didn’t care. Who cares?
You grinned as Minho pulled you on his lap, his strength not surprising you; considering how his arms looked way too confined in every dress shirt he owned. Your eyes shut as his lips collide with yours. Soft, buttery, warm, so so warm, and buzzing… your lips were buzzing. The feeling of him was clouding your judgment. Minho’s hands gripped your waist, pulling you closer. He tilted his head, kissing you deeper. Pulling back slightly, he watched as you followed him. Minho smiled, softly chuckling. You opened your heavy lids, growing shy to see his gaze. Your lips parted as he pushed you even closer, rubbing against the growing tent in his slacks, you jolted as your core began to buzz as well. Your lips molded with his once more, and the sounds of what you presumed to be fireworks sounded in the distance.
 His breathing was heavy as you disconnected to catch your breath. Minho’s hands tilted your head to the side slightly, breathing you in softly, lips grazing your skin as you shuttered, your fingers gripping his sleeve. He licked his lips before kissing your collarbone, traveling up your neck, absorbing every gasp you let out. 
You feel his hand slide to the back of your head, angling your face down so his eyes can meet yours as he lays his forehead on yours. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted you, y/n.” Your heart panged, searching his eyes for truth. He wanted you, Minho, your boss, wanted you. 
Your hands traced his bottom lip, and you blinked softly, “Take care of me then, yeah?” You whispered. He smiled gently, gripping your jaw and pulling you back. 
The both of you suck in a breath as Minho presses his lips to yours once more, his hand pushing your head impossibly closer. He wanted to feel you, meet with you in ways he’d only imagined. You were letting him give you what he thought was impossible for him. Truthfully, he would’ve liked to ask you out on a proper date. But this would suffice if it was what you wanted from him.
The two of you kissed for a while, gradually feeling and touching each other. Feeling what was never seen. Your body grew warmer, the buzzing centered to your stomach as you bunched up his shirt, wanting to feel his skin bare against yours. “Minho,” It didn’t mean to sound like a plea, “What is it? What do you want me to do?” His voice was breathy, low, needy, and ready to please. You couldn’t get enough. “Off.” You tugged at his collar. Barely even a second later, he began to unbutton his shirt. You wasted no time placing your hands on his sculpted chest once exposed, gulping as you stared at his skin. Absentmindedly gliding your manicured fingers across him.
Minho watched your every move, whimpering as your fingertips flicked his nipples. Your nails left gentle scratches, he licked his lips at the sight. He can’t recall ever wanting someone so badly, to the point he was painfully hard, closing his eyes and throwing his head back at the slightest touches you granted him. 
You wanted his reaction intensively, feeling his twitching member under you as you pinched and rubbed his nipples. His chest rose and fell at a somewhat hurried pace, the tips of his ears grew red, and so did his lips as he couldn’t stop licking and biting at them. It’s not like the action helped keep him quiet. His heavy breathing began to get mixed in with soft whimpers.
You smiled, “Who knew you’d be so sensitive.” You mumbled. “Sorry… uhm. I’m not usually like this.” You grinned at his hushed awkwardness. “Trust me, I don’t mind.” You whispered back, your hands continued tracing the outline of him. One by one you left open kisses on his neck, traveling up behind his ear. You sucked at his warm skin, “I hope the secretary doesn’t see what I’m leaving on you Mr. Lee, I think she might have a crush on you.” You said playfully, smiling against his clammy skin, sucking another bruise. Minho’s hands travel to the bottom of your skirt in response, pulling the fabric to bunch at your waist. He squeezes at your thighs as you find the spot that meets his shoulder and neck, his breath shallows. His hips bucking as you suck and nip at the skin. You were hot to the touch, it heightened the feeling of you on him. 
Minho isn’t sure how you got the one up on him, but he lets your hands wander to the buckle of his belt. He looks up at your face, your eyes full of determination as you swiftly take off his belt, unbuttoning his pants. He can’t help but smirk as he feels heat center in his stomach, “You’ve got me right where you want me y/n,” Your movements slow as you start to push his pants down to his ankles, “You’re the only one who’s ever gotten me like this.” Minho watches you bite your lip as he feeds into your ego. His eyes shoot down as you grasp his erection through his boxers. “Haven’t been this hard in so,” his voice shakes as your grip tightens “So long, fuck baby.” Your lips part at his words, looking up to see his head thrown back at the seat. You tap at his tip, the fabric starting to stick to his precum as you admire the bites you left on his skin. 
“Minho,” You call out softly, he opens his eyes to see you staring at his member. The look in your eyes almost makes him ask if you want him to take over. Your eyes were glazed over, your lips pouty as you tug at his boxers, he smirks slightly. “I’ll get these out your way, sorry baby.” Your pussy clenched around nothing at the use of the pet name again, it feels so good to be called that, the buzzing shoots to your core before centering again. It almost felt like a boost of arousal, you were too enraptured by the man in front of you to care.
Your hands returned to his stiffened member as soon as it sprang free, you felt Minho tense at your touch. You looked up at him as you began to stroke him lightly. His eyes were hooded, he watched your hand quickly become slick with his arousal as you pumped at a careful pace. Minho licked his lips, noticing through his foggy mind how you still remained fully dressed. Your thighs only exposed because he decided to tease just once. Yes, his words earlier were to edge on your performance, but they were true. Minho has never been on the receiving end, he loved giving, if you told him to take over he’d do it gladly. More importantly, his need to please was strong, if pleasing you meant stepping back a bit he’s happy too. However, he didn’t anticipate his sensitivity to your touch. He hears himself whimper as your pumping speeds up, the rising heat traveling down to his member. He jolts as the pleasure intensifies. A hand hovers over your pumping one before holding himself back and placing it back on your thigh.
He’s starting to lose a battle, don’t cum, not yet, she’ll get bored soon and touch you somewhere else, don’t fucking cum. He chanted to himself, one of his hands moved to your ass, gripping as his other kept shelter on your thigh. You watched as he shut his eyes tight, his lips parting as he huffed out puffs of air. You smiled in triumph as he began to shake his head side to side, starting to lose his internal war, “B-baby… y/n, I’m gonna c-cum baby,” His voice was hoarse.
You tilted your head, sliding your pumping up to only his tip. His thighs jolted, his eyes opening as he started to look at you for pity. He only saw you looking at his dick dreamily, the heat in his stomach pulses. He swallows down his need to overcome you, opting to let himself relax.
Minho cursed, he groaned deeply, throwing his head back. His brain started to become unmanageably fuzzy. 
“Y/n.” He whispered, licking his lips.
His smooth thighs flexed.“You’re so good baby,” Your lips parted at his soft whimper.
You grin, slowing down your pumping, giggling as he whimpered trying to fuck your palm the heat causing his tip to pulse. “You like me huh, Minho?” Your words were teasing. You were met with an eager nod. Cooing, you slipped off your underwear. You looked into his brown eyes, just when you thought he let himself surrender fully, he had some fight left in him. 
He gripped your waist, biting his lip as he guided you over his throbbing member. You let him sink you down onto his warmth. You whimpered, Minho watched carefully, looking for signs of you needing him to take over. Only for him to get knocked down again, his brows furrowed as you brace a hand on his blushed chest, beginning to ride him. He stared at your clothed chest, your nipples hard enough for the outline to push past your bra and blouse. With heavy breaths his eyes traveled up your littered neck, finally landing on your blissed face. “Pretty,” He whispered, so soft you barely acknowledged it. His brain was swirling with only the image of you, the smell of you reminding him of a warm cabin.
You looked down at him, giggling at his starry eyes and beads of sweat, you were unaware of the state his mind was in. You were enthralled by the thought of him being so pliant. Never in a million years did you think your boss would be under you with a flushed face and a throbbing dick. You feel his dick pulse as he squeezes his eyes shut. Your hands make their way to his jaw, “Are you holding your cum from me, Mr. Lee?” His member throbs again. Your voice and playful words have him shaking his head, gripping your ass so hard you're sure there will be a mark, it stirs you on. “Want you to... To cu-cum first.” He whispered. Your walls flutter and tighten around him, Minho’s eyes snap open, lifting you off him, and you forget about his strength for just a moment.
You peered down to see his jumping member and quivering thighs, precum leaking and he tried to catch his breath. You didn’t let him, you swatted his hold away, ignoring his groan as you seethed him back into your warm hole. “Ah, fuck I can’t hold it, baby.” He rasped out, listening to how wet you were. You didn’t answer him, tuning out his winning, starting to chase your own high that's been building up while watching him. The buzzing started to spread. You gripped his shoulders, pushing yourself closer to him. Minho’s hand placed itself on your sweaty back, bracing himself. His other hand slid down to your thigh, grazing where he was buried into you. His grip tightened, spreading your slick puffy lips slightly. “Min, that's so good.” You whimpered. He hummed, burying his head into your neck. He shifted, widening his legs the best he could, and started to meet your thrusts. 
Your mouth formed an O, tears forming in your eyes as he hit the gummy spot you never reached on your own. Before you knew it your body began to go numb from the pleasure, the buzzing reached every inch of you in what felt like a millisecond. Minho felt your muscles detense, he whimpered as he wrapped his arms around your waist. He chuckled tiredly at the sound of your babbling. You finally needed him, you were close and god knows he is too. He fucked into you like you’ve unlocked a different part of him. 
“Gonna c-cum min.” You whimpered, “I know baby, I Know.” He pressed a kiss to your shoulder, feeling his self control finally coming to an end. He grunts, taking a hand and reaching between your radiating bodies. You moan so loud you're sure any late night hikers would be able to hear you. Your thighs shake as if it feels you’re physically experiencing the color red, the buzzing now being heard in your ears, distracting you from your release covering his thighs as yours shake. Minho grunts before he bites down on your shoulder, seeing sparks of deep green as he squeezes his eyes shut, spilling himself into you as he starts to hear crackles of fire. 
When you close your eyes you're met with the visions of the man that’s under you. Images of his life, his milestones,  you feel what he felt all in the blink of an eye. The images seize, and you’re yanked out of the dreamy state, catching your breath. You gulp, slowly facing him. His eyes meet yours, “Did you see that?” he whispered. You nodded, your fingertips still buzzing. “I-is this that soulmate thing?” his voice slightly above a murmur. Your body tensed, “What?” He looked into your eyes, he could almost feel your fear, “U-uh nothing.” He lifted you off him gently, ignoring what the sight of his release dripping from you did to him. Minho watched as you straightened yourself out in the passenger seat of his car. His eyes glanced at the foggy windows before returning to your now tense form.
Were you his… soulmate? He thought it was just a speculation that scientists made up to give the single population hope. He cleared his throat, putting his softening member back into his boxers, and lifting his pants up. “I’ll, uhm… I’ll drive you home.” Minho licks his lips nervously as he puts on his wrinkled button down. He looked at the time on his watch, 12:57am. He moves to turn on the engine. 
“You believe them?” Minho glanced your way, taking in your question. “Do you believe what they say on the news?” He blinked, thinking of a proper answer as he started to drive out of the parking lot. “I mean,” He turned to enter the freeway. “If it’s on the news, there has to be some truth.” You took in his words, rolling down the window. “Y/n, the… symptoms that they described, that’s what just happened.” You frowned, looking out the window taking in his words. “I saw you, your middle school graduation,” you glower at him, his eyes were on the road, only glancing at you briefly. “I saw your first, and only relationship…” He paused, seeing your hands clasp together nervously out of the corner of his eye. He changed the topic, “When I… finished, I saw green, a forest green. And I heard fire, like a campfire.” 
You gazed at his side profile. Without a word, you looked forward. You gave him the directions to your apartment.
As he pulled into your driveway, you grabbed your purse putting it on your shoulder. Minho said nothing when you opened the door as soon as he came to a stop, not even giving him a chance to put the car in park. You stepped out, your heels clacking on the pavement. You took in a deep breath before bending down, coming into his view again. You looked at his longing eyes, waiting for you to say anything to grant him peace of mind. “I’ll see you on Monday Mr. Lee.” With that, you closed his door. Gulping down anxiety as you steadily walk to the entrance of your apartment.
-
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furious-blueberry0 · 5 months
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Are there people out there that really think that Star Wars is too political? And say that as if it is a flaw?
Like, I’m sorry, but did people seriously look at a saga literally named Star WARS and manage to complain about the fact that it has politics? Did these people watch the movies and only saw the lightsabers, the cool music and the pew pews? Is that all their brain could comprehend?
I’m not saying that you can’t do that, if you want to look at the fun side of the saga only than good for you, but using the argument of “too much politics” and make it the flaw of the story is so stupid.
Like that’s the point, THAT’S THE WHOLE FUCKING POINT.
George Lucas didn’t just make a story of a good guy vs a bad guy, he made a story where a Republic, a just system that has become corrupted to its core, finds itself into a devastating war and is pushed to its limit by a slimy and disgusting scheming bastard (inspired by George Bush), who then uses its weakness to take control of it and transform it, from a free system to a fascist dictatorship (inspired by Nazi Germany and the USA of the Vietnam war) and whose one of the first things he does is a literal genocide and ethnical cleansing of a religious order.
And this is only the Prequels, because in the OT the story is about how this Empire, whose head and right hand are literally the most powerful beings in the galaxy, gets utterly destroyed not by other powerful beings, not by superpowers, not by mystical forces that the human mind can’t comprehend.
But by people, normal people, the average person, who can’t fly, who can’t use mystical objects, who cannot move things with the mind or other tricks.
The heroes of these movies are the rebels, who are not fighting because of some ancient prophecy, or because of a quest given by mystical beings, or because they have to restore the fabric of the Universe, they fight because it’s the right thing to do, because this is what happens when you take away freedom from people, when you destroy their homes, when you kill their loved ones, when you obliterate everything they have ever known and loved.
Treat people like animals and they’ll react like animals, by biting the hand that carries the stick and then ripping it into shreds.
And yes, Luke is the hero that saves the day by killing Sidious and Vader, but he would have never, and I say NEVER have arrived at that point without the help of the Rebellion, it’s something that no one could have ever done alone, a single individual against an entire Empire is a suicide, no matter how powerful you are.
And I love it. I don’t even know how to put it into words, I love how this ancient and meticulous plan gets annihilated by normal people, who just wanted to be free.
THIS is Star Wars: a fight against tyranny.
And it makes me sad how people forget and ignore it. With the Rebellion it’s not just the special people who can be heroes, everyone can! And they don’t even need to do the heroic actions described in the stories and the myths.
A Hero says “No” when the Stormtroopers ask if they saw the young and scared boy who ran and hid behind the bins near their home.
A Hero gives extra blankets and food to the neighbor that is hiding refugees.
A Hero “accidentally” blocks the way of a squad of Stormtroopers, to give others the time to escape.
A Hero hides the weapons of the rebels in their well while the Stormtroopers raid all the houses.
A Hero runs through the streets and into the woods to go find the rebels that are hiding there, to tell them it’s time to run
A Hero talks loudly about the atrocities that the Empire is committing, forcing those who are silent to listen.
A Hero comforts the mother who lost all her children to the Empire.
A Hero organizes the funeral of that same mother, after she tried to take her revenge.
A Hero doesn’t let the Empire enter their head, they don’t let it change their being.
It’s all about the small acts of insurrection that pushes the line forward.
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viridescent-din · 2 years
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Hope
Joel x reader. Smut, 18+ only Fingering, age gap.
~
There’s no hope for you.
You don’t take it personally. There’s no hope for anyone anymore. But it still stings, knowing it will probably never get better. Knowing that in spite of everything, even though you and everyone else that’s left has been given the worst hand fate could have dealt, you can’t ever have what you want. What’s right in front of you. 
Joel, leaving you for weeks on end to smuggle God knows what. Angry when you come, angry when you don’t. Short tempered and mean, hurting under all those layers of pain and experience and grime. When you met Joel, you promised yourself you would dig into him, make your way through those layers and burrow under them. Warm him from the inside out. You wanted to know him.
Now you do, and it hurts more than ever. It’s a nicer pain than feeling nothing at all, but it’s still heavy. The lingering glances Joel gives you make you feel truly alive, but they make you ache too. The wandering eyes, the brushes of his arm, the death grip he holds you in on the runs when you stumble across infected. You know Joel well enough to understand they mean something. To you and him. He doesn’t touch other people like that. He doesn’t care for them. Protect them. 
If he’s felt the way he does for you this long and hasn’t done anything about it, he’s never going to.
It’s possible that Joel doesn’t want to make the first move - doesn’t want to be the one that really changes the comfortable (almost, almost domestic) closeness you two have. There’s lots of reasons he wouldn’t: he’s older than you, for one. There’s also FEDRA and the Fireflies and anyone else who keeps an eye on Joel, looking for a weakness. The lack of confirmation between the two of you as to just what you are bleeds over to anyone who watches you interact. If something changes, if Joel really admits this is real, it won’t stay between the two of you no matter how much he might try. They’ll notice. Joel can’t afford to lose anyone else. 
It’s hopeless, you and Joel. So you try not to think about it, and you never, ever push him. 
-
Joel can’t take this much longer. Can’t take you. 
It’s killing him. Everything is: his job, his age, his sorrow. Everything is wearing Joel down, making him drag his feet and look for the nearest somewhat safe spot so he can collapse and finally rest. For just one fucking minute. 
He only feels rested when he’s with you. And Joel hates himself for that. Hates putting that amount of responsibility on you - to burden you with him. You’ve never asked for that. 
Of course, you’ve never asked because you’re scared that if you do, Joel will leave. He doesn’t blame you. He’s not entirely sure that he wouldn’t.
You’re so good. It blinds him sometimes, your goodness. Sometimes it’s like the sun, shining down on Joel as he overlooks the ruins of whatever given city he’s in. But sometimes it’s like the light on the soldier’s gun twenty years ago, forcing Joel to realize everything he holds dear is devastatingly fragile. 
If Joel let you give yourself to him the way he knows you want to, all he would do is take. He would envelope you, trap you in his chest. He’s cold and gruff and he would expect you to just deal with it. More than you already do. 
~
“Should be an easy run,” you finish telling Joel late one night. You try not to notice how nice he looks in red, even if the shirt he’s wearing is dusty and beat up. “I’ll be back before morning.”
“I’m coming with you.” Joel responds gruffly. You purse your lips.
“I know you had something planned with Tess,” you say. “It’s just the mall. I’m not even leaving the QZ.”
“It’s boarded up for a reason.”
“I trust the people that say it’s safe -”
“Tess can handle herself. Ain’t no thing for me to go with you.” You still.
You don’t mean to be upset with Joel, but stings anyway, the lack of faith he has in you. It’s times like this that make you feel young. Stupid and incapable. 
Needy.
“Tess can leave the QZ on her own but I can’t even make a quick trip to the mall?” You manage to keep the accusation out of your tone, but it’s still implied. Joel knows. 
“Hey,” he says, short. “That’s not what I’m sayin’.” You swallow.
“I know, Joel, I just -”
“Tess has experience. She’s been doing this shit practically since it all started.” You nod as you look away, nails digging into your palms as you clench them. Your heart jumps when you feel Joel take your hand, prying it open. “Quit doin’ that.” He murmurs. Joel’s hand is warm, spreading waves of heat throughout your body. You unclench your fist, and Joel rubs his thumb over the lines of barely broken skin. “It’s different with you,” he says, barely audible. “You know it is.”
For a second, you think this is it. The walls are coming down, and Joel is admitting. Confessing, even. You look at him, eyes wide and hopeful. 
He drops your hand and walks away. 
“I’ll be back tomorrow night. Be ready.” He says. The door slams shut behind him. 
~
“What are we even here for?” Joel only thinks to ask once you’ve led him into some sort of breaker room. You shine your flashlight at all the light switches and levers, looking for the right one. Joel frowns at himself. He should have pressed you for more information about this. It’s not like him to… not. “If I’m just here to take you shopping, we can leave now.”
“Yeah, Joel, you’re here to take me shopping. Prom is right around the corner.” You say. Smart ass, Joel thinks. He lets himself smile while you aren’t looking.
“Think you’re a little old for that.” Joel shines his own flashlight overheard, looking at all the decay. Water drips onto his face, and he wipes it off. 
“I’m not that much older, you know. I am twenty f-”
“Don’t finish that sentence.” Joel stops you. You grin at him before lifting a lever. Machinery whirrs around you both, and the lights slowly flicker on.
“Whatever you say, old man.” Joel rolls his eyes, but secretly, he’s relieved to have you teasing him again. Joel doesn’t like how he left your place last night, how real it felt. How for a moment, he was the cause of the hurt that flickered over your face. “This way.” You tell him, leading him down the maintenance hallway and into the actual mall. 
Even Joel can’t help but marvel at it, even in ruin. It’s massive, and all the stores are reminding him of brands he had forgotten existed. His chest clenches at the sight of some of them, the models that would have Sarah’s age.
The last time he went to a mall was with her. 
“Holy shit,” you breathe, eyes wandering. “Look how big it is, Joel! Everything is -”
“Are we gonna be here all night?” Joel demands, suddenly gruff and impatient. Your face falls. “Let’s get what you want and leave, alright?”
“Right,” you say, excitement gone. “It’s um - I just remember my mom going to the mall whenever one of us got sick. I know there’s… there are like, pharmacies or whatever. I thought it would be good to stock up on medicine.”
Joel pinches the bridge of his nose, angry at himself for taking his shit out on you. It’s not your fault he insisted on coming. 
It’s a good plan, too. Joel is surprised he or Tess didn’t think of it. 
“That’s good. Smart.” He tells you, trying to ease the tension. “Do you remember how to find your way around a mall?” You shake your head. “It’s called a directory. It’s a map, usually on the first floor.” Joel spots an escalator a few feet in front of you. “Let’s go look at one, yeah? Better than wandering around the entire night.”
“Okay.” You agree. “Lead the way.”
~
The pharmacy is on the second floor, so you and Joel head back the way you came after looking at the directory. You start rambling about how there might not even be anything, how a mall probably doesn’t have as much as a CVS or a Walgreens. Joel stops you. 
“Even one bottle of antibiotics is better than none,” he tells you. “This was smart. Good job.” You give Joel a small smile. 
“Thanks,” you say. 
The pharmacy turns out to be well stocked - you and Joel jump over the counter and find practically everything full. Joel watches you look at the labels of everything a few times before you take to dumping things in your backpack. Joel is more careful, on the lookout for penicillin and any other helpful meds he can remember. He falters when he grabs one prescription and reads it: cryselle, low ogestrel. Birth control. Before he even realizes what he’s doing, Joel glances at you.
“You ready?” You ask. You’re standing on the counter, looking down. Joel shoves the pills in pocket. 
“Yeah,” he says, swinging his backpack over his shoulder. “Let’s -” Joel doesn’t even hear the growling until it’s too late, until a rotted hand grabs your ankle and pulls, the crack of your ribs on the counter bouncing off the walls and the look of surprise on your face permanently searing itself onto Joel’s brain. 
~
“Joel!” You scream, the infected chomping at you, practically ripping the skin of its neck to reach you. Bite you. You let out another scream, one pure terror and pain. Your torso is throbbing, a blinding pain that’s making it harder and harder to keep the infected off you. You thrash, kicking its legs in an attempt to get it off, but you only make its knees collapse so its weight falls on you even more. You let out a frustrated sob. 
This is it, you think to yourself. Even if I get out of this, Joel is never letting me do a run again. Your arms start to weaken at the thought, subconsciously giving in. 
The shot fires so close to you it makes your ears ring. The infected stops growling, slumping on top of you. You push it off, dazed. 
Joel is on you in an instant, hands running over every inch of bare skin you have. Hands, wrists. Neck. He hooks his fingers under your chin and forces you to look at him, distress written all over his face. You cough, wincing as it rattles your ribs. 
“Good,” you manage. “I’m clean.” Joel sags with relief, his forehead pressed against yours. He smells scared, stressed and acrid. You close your eyes and breathe it in. 
“C’mon,” Joel says, standing. “There could be more. There’s always more.”
~
He takes you to his apartment. His, not yours. You drop your bags at the door, kicking off your shoes. Joel leads you to his bedroom, and you sit on his sheets, wincing. When you pull up your shirt, your skin is raised and bruised. You tug it back down. 
“Does it feel like a clean break?” Joel asks. You shrug, not knowing what he expects you to say. He leaves, coming back with a bottle of pills and a glass of water. “Ibuprofen.” He explains. “Nothing fancy for a few broken bones.” You thank him. 
“Should we wrap it?” You ask. 
“Don’t know. Might make sleeping on ‘em the first night easier.” Joel watches you. “Can I see?”
You swallow as Joel stands over you. Slowly, you lift your shirt.
To Joel’s credit, he doesn’t freak out. It dawns on you that he might be thinking you’re making a big deal out of nothing. You don’t know what Joel’s life was like before you were in it, but you know it was worse than a few cracked bones. Embarrassment creeps up your face. 
“It’s nothing.” You dismiss it. Joel nods. 
“Nothing.” He agrees. He doesn’t sound convincing, though. 
~
It’s not even that bad. Joel knows that.
He watches people die every day. He’s seen the worst of death and then some. He’s seen people stumble into the QZ holding their innards in their hands. He’s watched people rip their tongues out as the virus infects them, trying to rid themselves of the spores they can feel invading their bodies.
You have a few cracked ribs. You’re strong. You can handle it. 
But the thing is, Joel can’t. He’s worn down, he’s exhausted and scared he just can’t keep himself from caring so much. 
He’s making this a bigger deal than it is. Joel thinks you feel the same - you’re waving him off, saying you’re fine. Saying it’s nothing. The wound is, sure. But the terror Joel felt when he saw you disappear behind the counter in less than a second? That isn’t nothing. It’s everything. You’re everything.
“You wanna stay here for the night?” Joel asks you. Splashes of black and blue spread over your torso, painting your skin. It makes Joel feel sick. He shouldn’t have let this happen. 
“Yeah,” you say. “If it’s okay.” Joel shrugs in response, hunching his shoulders to ward his paranoia away. You give him a small smile, tugging your shirt down. Joel turns around, walking over to the small dresser near the door and digging out one of his flannels. He knows you like them, and you know Joel likes seeing you in them just as much. He tosses it to you on the bed. You catch it smoothly, laying it next to you. Joel faces the wall, letting you change your shirt. 
And then he hears it. 
It’s a small noise that you make. It probably isn’t even one of pain, you’ve been through worse than this, it’s just a hiss of discomfort as you raise your arms above your head to take your shirt off. 
And Joel is rushing towards you, brow furrowed, hands outstretched and mind telling him no, no, no, just like it has for years. 
Joel’s been silently telling himself no to you since he met you. He’s older now. 
He can’t bring himself to listen anymore. 
Joel kneels in front of you, grunting as his knees protest. Your eyes are wide, and you’ve frozen. Your hands are gripping the hem of your shirt, holding it just above your navel. You watch as Joel’s eyes flick towards the bareness of your stomach, and even though he just saw it so he could look at your ribs, Joel can tell you know he’s looking in a different way now. He swallows, leaning forward.
“Let me help you, baby.” Joel says. You draw in a breath.
“Are you sure?” You whisper. You know what this means, what Joel’s thinly veiled statement implies. Joel returns your gaze. 
Joel reaches forward, grabbing the hem of your shirt and lifting it carefully over your head. A small ‘good job’ tumbles off his lips when you raise your arms without making another sound of discomfort again, and Joel sees what his praise does to you. 
He leans back on his heels, looking at you sitting with your breasts exposed on his bed, bones cracked and in need of repair. He watches you wait for him to really promise something, to show you that this is finally happening. 
You’ve been so patient. Joel can’t make you wait any longer.
-
“Joel,” Joel’s name comes out a gasp as he lays you down, 
Joel props himself on the wall, sitting on the pillows. He pulls your back against his chest, arm over your collarbone while his other hand dangles between your legs. He massages your thighs and your eyes slide shut. You grip his forearm, nails biting into his skin. 
When Joel’s fingers have finally worked their way up and are tracing your slick entrance, you whimper. 
“I know, baby. I’ve got you.” Joel licks the shell of your ear as he murmurs, and you feel so safe. He’s capable and willing and wanting, you can feel his hardness against the small of your back. 
If it were anyone else, this would feel sudden. But it’s Joel. You’ve been waiting so long. You’d be lying if you said you understood why it was now that he finally decided to do something, but you don’t care. You don’t care why this brush with death was the one that made the walls come down. You just care that it did. 
Joel kisses your neck, sinking his teeth into the muscle of where your shoulder meets your neck, and you gasp, keening against him. 
Teeth marks on your shoulder. Bruises on your hips. Joel is trying to make up for the fact you’re battered from today’s supply run. You’re about to say something about it when his fingertip pushes into your cunt. Your mouth drops open, and you moan so loud you almost slap your hand over your mouth instinctively. 
“Fuck, you’re so tight,” you hear Joel say as he slides his finger further in. Your thighs tremble, and Joel stills. “Hey,” Joel says your name, serious. “How long has it been?” He asks in a whisper. He runs his thumb up painfully slow over your clit, the same way you would to someone’s back or shoulder if you were trying to comfort them. It makes your head spin. “I gotta know how slow you need it.” He explains. You open your eyes, and Joel is staring at you. 
“I,” you feel your cheeks burn. “I haven’t ever…” excuses build on your tongue before you even finish your sentence. I haven’t had time. I was the only survivor I knew of for years. I was only a kid when this all started. I can’t trust anyone around here. I’m younger than you. You don’t say any of them. You can’t bring yourself to. 
“Oh, baby -”
“Please don’t stop,” you plead. Joel doesn’t move, his finger still inside you, gaze piercing. “Please, Joel. It’s not - it doesn’t have to be a big deal. I need this.” You can’t reach Joel’s lips from here, not with the way he’s holding you, so you drop your head and drag your lips across his forearms instead. “I need you.”
Joel closes his eyes, screwing them shut like he’s upset. But when he opens them, there’s no trace of anger. Just affection. 
“I’m not gonna stop,” he promises you. You nod, relieved. “I’m taking care of you, darlin.’”
When Joel pushes another thick finger inside you to prove his point, he chases away any doubt you had remaining. 
-
“I’m not going to use my cock on you tonight,” Joel tells you after what feels like hours of him working you open.Your disappointment is obvious. Insecurity begins to set in on you, but Joel won’t let it. “Not tonight,” he repeats. “Another time.” It takes a second for you to believe him, but eventually you murmur a quick ‘okay.’ “For now, I want you to finish with my fingers. Think you can do that for me, baby?” You nod, and Joel rewards you by curling his finger. “Good girl,” he says, and you clench around him. Joel smirks, amused, and rubs the thumb he has on your shoulder up and down soothingly. “Relax,” he tells you. “I’ve got you. Let me in.”
You try to wrap your head around the fact that this is happening, that after years of pining after Joel, he’s finally here. He’s sturdy and strong and present - you can feel all of him, his heartbeat against your back, his breath on your neck, his fingers so deep it’s like you can feel him in your stomach. His smell grounds you, filling your senses. You’re so full, so full of Joel. You have been for a long time now. 
You take a deep breath, letting yourself inhale Joel’s scent. Your exhale is shakier as Joel presses in deeper. Your gaze flickers down to where his fingers disappear, and you whimper at the sight. You’re never seen yourself like this, swollen and puffy. You’re transfixed by Joel’s fingers pumping in and out of you, shiny with your slick. He suddenly finds a spot you’ve never had touched before. You moan as he massages the spongy place, trying to find your breath. When Joel keeps at that and rubs at your clit again, your vision starts to blur. 
“Joel,” you gasp, the feeling foreign and overwhelming. “Joel. Joeljoeljoel -”
“Shh. You’re okay. I’m here,” Joel slows. “Do you want me to stop?”
“No!” You exclaim. Your mind is spinning as the corners of your eyes begin to go white.
“Okay. Alright,” Joel soothes you. “I know, darlin’, I know. Feels so good it’s almost scary, isn’t it?” You screw your eyes shut, your chest heaving as you pant. Joel presses on, his confident voice pushing you close to the edge. “But you don’t need to be scared. You can let yourself have this,” Joel takes a breath in, his voice getting distant. “You deserve this, alright? Let me give this to you.” Joel almost sounds like he’s begging. “Please let me do this for you.”
All you can do is clench around him in response. 
~
Joel knows, Joel knows he shouldn’t be doing this. You’re better than him. You should have someone more handsome, someone younger, someone kinder.
Someone with less blood on their hands. 
But Joel is selfish. He’s a selfish man, he has been since he lost Sarah, and he wants this. Wants you. He wants to give you something, make you feel good for just one second in the shitty world you have to live in. He needs this. He needs to know you’re getting some type of pleasure. 
He hesitates when you say this is your first time.
It shouldn’t surprise him - you don’t have the resources people before the virus did. No internet, no sex ed, no parents or older siblings to ask. 
You don’t like new things. Joel knows you don’t like being inexperienced. You’re too good at what you do, it makes your tolerance for being out of depth very, very low. And this is so much more personal than anything else. He can feel your embarrassment when you confess to him, unable to even finish your sentence. 
“Oh, baby,” he murmurs, and it isn’t because you have anything to be ashamed about, it’s because Joel is pretty sure you’ve barely even touched yourself and you still find it in you to trust him to do it. To beg. Joel is a sick man, because it goes straight to his dick, your trust and desperation. 
He wants to give this to you, and he doesn’t care if it also feels like taking. 
When you cum, sweating and writhing in his arms, you clench tighter around Joel’s fingers than he knew was possible. He can feel your fucking heartbeat, and his hand isn’t even on your chest. 
You’re far away when Joel eases his fingers out of you. He manages to lay you down on the bed, cautious of your ribs. He starts to stand to get a washcloth to clean you up, but you grip his hand. 
“Please don’t go,” you tell him, vulnerable. “Please, Joel.”
Joel hates himself. Hates that he’s ever acted in some type of way that would make you think he would leave you when you need someone.
When you need him. 
“I’m just grabbing something to clean us up,” he promises, rubbing your knee. “We made a mess, darlin’.” You sag, relieved. 
Joel caves once he’s in the bathroom and out of your sight. He presses his fingers to his tongue, savoring your taste. He sucks his fingers off like a starved man, and can’t wait until he gets it straight from the source. 
~
There is hope after all. For you and Joel. You can tell because of the dull throb in your core. Joel’s half hard cock against your hip. The medicine in your packs by the door, the softness of Joel’s lips over the skin of your ribs. 
There is hope - always was. Even though you had to wait for it. 
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verstappentime · 8 days
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divorce verse for your wednesday <3 this is from after max & dan break up. (the rest of this verse is here) (the scene previous to this will get finished but this is what i have today <3) The first night Daniel’s gone, Max walks into a fucking wall trying to go to the bathroom.
It’s happened before, because his depth perception is awful and worse in the dark and worse sometimes than others, but usually he hits knee-first or something. Nope, just a wall right to the orbital bone. 
It’s not something Daniel could have saved him from, but it still doesn’t make it any easier. Daniel’s not there to be woken up by his cursing a blue streak and ask if he’s alright, to sit him down and put ice on it and make him feel less pathetic.
His head is throbbing, in a normal person kind of way. He’s going to have a massive goose egg. He finally gets to the light switch, very, very carefully, and tempts himself to go down the hall with the promise of crying about it afterward.
It’s easier, with the bedroom light illuminating the way. He makes it there and back okay. 
He needs to not call Daniel, but he’s groggy and worked up and he gets confused at night and– he’s just going to lose it if he can’t talk to someone. 
Daniel picks up on the first ring. He must still have Max excluded from do not disturb. Must be sleeping with the ringer on.
“I walked into the wall,” he says, before Daniel can get anything out. 
“What?” He can hear Daniel sitting up, sheets rustling. He should be scolding Max for calling in the middle of the night. He doesn’t. “Are you hurt?” 
“I hit my head. Or, like, my face. Both.” Max touches where the bruise is forming on his head. He kind of forgot what hurt that’s not coming from the inside feels like. He pokes it again. He’s lucky he hit on bone, probably, and that it wasn’t a corner and he’s not bleeding. “I don’t know,” he says, voice cracking. 
“Okay.” Daniel’s all calm. This kind of stuff never bothers him. Max wants him to be here. “You sound alright. You weren’t, like, running, right? Do you have a headache?”  “No. I think– I think I am okay.” He pinches the bridge of his nose, just to see how bad it hurts. “This is shit, Daniel.”
“We need to get you some of those lights you can turn on with your voice, yeah? I’ll look in the morning.” We. He’s going to have to stop that. Not right now.
“I can– I’ll do it.” 
“I’ll remind you, then. What do you want to do right now?” 
“I don’t know,” Max says again. “I don’t want to get up again.” He presses his knuckles to his teeth, something awful in his chest. “I feel shit that I called you already.” 
“I don’t care. It’s good you did. I was scared that you wouldn’t. Makes me feel better.” Daniel pauses. “Not that I’m like, glad you walked into a wall.” 
“It sounds very stupid when you say it out loud.” He knows it’s his fault, but he can’t help it: “What am I going to do? Just call you always?” 
“You can, baby.” Daniel never tells him no. Daniel let him leave because he never tells him no. “You have other people, though. They’ll be happy to answer. You can call your mum or Victoria or Charles. But also me, if you want to.” 
Max wants Daniel to tell him that’s unfair. But the idea of being cut off from the only person that really knows what it’s like for him makes him want to throw up. Charles would laugh at him for this one, even though he wouldn’t mean to. Max says, “I think I want to go back to sleep.” 
“Good idea. You want me to stay on?” 
“No. That will be very boring for you.” Max lays down, turning over on his side, his back to where Daniel should be. “Are you sleeping too?” 
“Yeah, Maxy, I’m going to.” 
“Okay. Then we will both go to sleep.” 
“Yeah,” Daniel says, all gentle. “I’m going to text you tomorrow, okay? It’s okay if you don’t want to talk to me after that. But I’ll remind you about the lights and ask about your face.” 
“That’s fine.” He can’t know if he’ll remember, and he really does not want this to happen again, and– and now he knows for sure he’ll hear from Daniel tomorrow. 
There’s a beat where neither of them know what to say, but Daniel’s the bravest and he says, “I love you. Goodnight.” 
“I– Me too, Daniel.” He can’t lie. Not about that.
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gatoburr0 · 1 month
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Another question (two in one day I'm sorry)
Would the fuzzed die out? Like can they reproduce if needed or after all the fuzzed die off would that just be the end and the earth would be empty again until something else rises like how the inklings and octolings originally did?
To add onto that if they can have children would the fuzz actually begin to mutate more and slowly cut out any DNA of what they previously where? As in slowly mutating threw generations and losing any signs that they where inkfish to begin with?
This has been something I’ve been thinking for a while and still can’t explain. I’d really like to explain everything I can with visuals and stuff but I’m scared to talk about sexual topics in social media, even if it’s seen in a scientific and mature perspective, I’ve got a big issue with this since I’m paranoid. But anyways! I’ll refrain from details.
Reproduction is key to keeping the species and the “new world” alive. It’d be stupid to go through all the trouble of making the ooze for mammals to return if they’ll end up dying anyway, Grizz ofc has already thought of this before.
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Yes, they can reproduce, and they can create hybrids too, but this obviously requires a male and a female like it naturally is with animals lol. Certainly not hybrids hybrids as in different species (ex. A wolf and a tiger), but yes hybrids as in the same family (ex. A wolf and a hyena).
Something that could possibly disappear in time would be the tentacles, but tentacles have a purpose similar to a tail, so maybe they’d smooth out and lose their flexibility and mobility as generations progress. In other words, inkling and octoling tentacles could just become nothing more but chunks of meat, no suction cups, no squid skin, nothing cephalopod related, just muscle that the fuzzed can’t move.
Their overall humanoid anatomy stays the same because the ooze is pretty comfortable with it. It may deform the hind legs a bit so in a future, posture in hunting becomes so much more convenient and quadrupedalism becomes permanent.
Also, do they mate for life? Depends on the species, but there’s also a few exceptions. Take Pearlina for example, two completely different things, but look at them! As happy as they’ll ever be.
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steddieas-shegoes · 1 year
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I see a lot of fics/headcanons of people thinking Steve is stupid and Eddie defending him - if you’re still doing prompt things, could you do a roll reversal of Steve defending/being protective of Eddie? (He was on his third go of senior year so I can really see him being insecure about his intelligence but trying to hide it)
You’re so right and I’m about to make Steve go feral 😈
Steve had never been so proud of someone in his life, including the kids.
Eddie walking across that stage had seemed like an impossible task just a month ago, but he did it.
They allowed him to do his class work and homework at home because of “safety reasons,” which just meant they didn’t want to deal with him being in class.
Nancy stepped in as teacher, making sure he had everything he needed to pass.
He struggled a little with math, but who didn’t?
Nancy realized quickly he was incredibly smart; The main reason he’d failed twice before was because he was forgetful and easily distracted.
So she sat with him for hours everyday, working on her own homework while she helped him with all of his work.
And now here he was: graduating.
When he walked across the stage, Steve and everyone around him (especially Wayne) cheered as loudly as they could, clapping and screaming their excitement as Eddie limped across the stage.
His left side was still in rough shape, and usually he had a cane, but he insisted that he didn’t need it for this.
Steve knew he just didn’t want to show any weakness.
But as the ceremony ended, people filtered outside to get pictures, and Steve overheard a group of parents saying some terrible shit about Eddie.
“I think it was pity. They didn’t want him here another year so they just passed him.”
“The teachers are probably scared of him. Worried if they fail him, they’ll be next on his list.”
“It’s not like he’s smart. Never made honor roll even when he was young. Not surprising though, no Munson ever does.”
Steve turned to them, face bright red as the anger rushed through him.
“He earned this. Just like anyone else. Worked his ass off even harder to walk, actually. He’s been working through pain, and appointments with doctors, and people like you thinking the worst. And he still did it. He’s smarter than any of you, but you’re all too busy with your nose stuck in each other’s asses to notice.”
Wayne’s hand was on his shoulder, turning him back to the group so he wouldn’t cause more of a scene, but he couldn’t stop.
“And if any of you bothered to raise your kids better, he probably would have graduated the first time instead of having to deal with them bullying him and his friends. He’s too good for this place and you’ll all see what he’s capable of. Definitely more than any of you.”
The parents just walked away, probably assumed it wasn’t worth arguing.
Steve was breathing heavy, his head suddenly throbbing.
“Eddie wouldn’t want you to put yourself in danger, Steve.”
“I know. But they’re wrong.”
“We all know they’re wrong, but they don’t care that they’re wrong. Let’s just go see him, alright?”
Steve nodded and let Wayne lead him outside.
The kids had beat them, all of them crowded around Eddie and hugging him.
When he saw Steve and Wayne coming, Eddie beamed at them.
Wayne got his hug first, both of them trying to hide tears in each others’ shoulders.
But when it was Steve’s turn, Eddie silently offered him an out from the hug.
Steve didn’t take it.
He never would.
He pulled Eddie into a hug, whispering how proud he was and how much he loved him in his ear before pulling away.
He didn’t have to know what people were saying, and he didn’t have to know what Steve said to defend him.
He just had to be loved by everyone the way he was meant to be.
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My redneck neighbor Doug's interpretations on various 'Bad Batch' characters: Side Character Edition!
I'm chuffed that everyone thinks my neighbor Doug is funny: he really is a gem. I had no idea we'd bond over Star Wars and crappy weather, but here we are.
Naturally, I had to bother him about other characters that showed up on The Bad Batch, so, here we go!
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Phee Genoa: Ah-ha, that there’s Church Lady. You know her, she’s got a big square in her pocketbook and you don’t know if it’s pound cake or a brick, because the Lord saves but He can’t help you in the alley when you’re in Treme and the streetlights just turned on. She has two ex-husbands who are both preachers and they turned to Jesus because they are so scared of Church Lady in court. 
(So I guess he’s saying Phee has raw WHO DAT energy, for my Saints fans out there)
Cid: Looking at this fat lizard bitch makes me hungry. I call that one Houma-BBQ because I’m guessing we could feed a whole parish fire station based on the size of her tail. I wish she’d shut up, she reminds me of my mother-in-law. 
Cad Bane: Homeboy looks like a Sesame Street character who teaches Big Bird about concealed carry laws. I call him Gun Safety Muppet. I don’t like him because he shot my Wife and I’s Boyfriend on the other show and his robot needs to be tossed into a wood chipper. 
(“I’m not gay, but Jenny and I…well, we would make an exception to that man. You ever see ‘Deadwood’? Man is fine. I’m not GAY.”)
Fennec Shand: That’s The Chick that’s in Everything. She was on ER and Boba Fett and I think a Marvel show too? I like her. Hope she kills Gun Safety Muppet and hurls his blue ass into a dumpster. 
Howzer: That’s my niece’s boyfriend, Jorge. We all love Jorge, nice guy, owns an auto repair shop and always remembers plates and napkins for the cookouts after church.
Gregor: Jorge’s cousin, Manny. Met him once at Christmas in Miami, nice guy, only drinks brown liquor and insists everyone arm wrestle him. But he’s got a good job as a PE teacher, we respect education, come on now. 
The Martez Sisters: Aw, man, it’s Jorge’s Unemployed Sisters. I hate it when they show up for Christmas and get into fights with my momma. 
(“Doug, you know they’re not related to the clones at all, right?” “Says who?” “The PLOT?” “Eh, they’ll change it, just watch.”)
Mayday: Aw, I liked this guy so much! That’s Sassy Park Ranger, he’s the type that gives you your camping permits, warns you about the bears, and then is all disappointed when you don’t properly stow your food and the bears destroy the campsite. I need to go back to Little River Canyon, that place was pretty. 
Lt. Nolan: THAT STUPID BLOND JACKASS. (Doug was so enraged by the guy he had nothing else to add. Damn.)
Senator Chuchi: Why does this lady make me want a blue slushie? I’ll call her the Sonic Special. They need more Sonics here in the north, they really do. 
Cody: That’s Obi-Wan’s Boyfriend, he’s sad all the time. We know why. (Confirmed that Doug is a Codywan shipper and I don’t know what to do about that)
Royce Hemlock: Is that Jimmy Neutron after he grew up and became one of those guys that’s on the internet all the time writing creepy things? It’s Jimmy-the-Scientist. He looks like the type of person dogs get weird around.
Rex: That's Rex. He's a king. Respect him.
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kitthepurplepotato · 7 months
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Chapter 18 - What’s on Izuku’s mind?
Summary: Izuku’s friends freak out over his weird behavior. When the boys go after him, Izuku’s secret gets revealed.
Warnings: Swear words, suggestive thoughts, quite a lot of talk about condoms. 😂 16+ for safety.
First Chapter Master List
~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~
“I’m quite sure you don’t need 15 protein shake powders for 5 days, Y/N.” Katsuki appears behind you with an incredulous look on his face. You were so deep in your thoughts you somehow put the whole shelf into your cart while you only need one. Great. “What’s strong, Sweets?”
Wow, that name sounds absolutely wrong from his mouth but you decide not to comment on that. He didn’t mean any harm with it. He never does.
“I said something in the plane that made him sad. But then he looked okay, but…” You mumble, trying your best not to cry in the middle of the grocery store. Katsuki sighs.
“But you are scared he was faking it and he’s crying in a corner right now.” Katsuki finishes your sentence. You turn around to look at him properly, and for your surprise, he looks just as concerned as you. “My fucking argument with the bird boy didn’t help either, so don’t worry, it’s not just your fault.”
“That doesn’t make me feel less stressed, Katsuki.” You retort with a sharp gaze.
“I know, but I also don’t want you to think everything is your fault. Because it’s not.” Katsuki bites his bottom lip with a frown on his face.
“Is this about Izuku?” Rody decides to join the conversation, his voice mild and careful.
He’s really trying, bless him.
“He’s been acting weird and left to look around alone instead of being with us. Usually, when he feels… down… he does that. Runs away like an injured cat ready to die.” Katsuki takes a deep breath, also doing his best to not start another quarrel with the brown haired man.
You can’t believe how much these two love Izuku. The fact that they are trying this hard right now speaks more than thousands of words ever could. He’s so lucky to have them.
“I can send a message in the city group chat about him. There are no secrets in this place, they’ll find him in a few minutes.” Rody is about to type a message on his phone, but Katsuki takes it away from him.
“Do you want to freak the shit out of him birdface… I mean Rody?!”
“Okay, that was a stupid idea.” Rody admits sheepishly. “Maybe you should go after him? You are his best friend after all.”
Instead of answer, Katsuki just gives the guy his phone back and looks at you with a worried expression.
“Keep an eye on Ei for me, make sure he only gets what he can carry to the top of the mountain. He’s also on a diet. If you see chocolate, explode it.” You can’t help but giggle at that. Whoever said Katsuki is an aggressive person is an absolute idiot. He makes his way towards the exit and looks back with a sharp gaze. “The fuck are you waiting for, foreigner, come on.”
Rody looks so surprised his jaw is about to hit the floor and you are not far away from doing the same. Wow. Just wow.
“I’m… coming?” Rody is frozen in one place, not sure if it’s safe for him to step closer or if this is a prank and he’s about to die.
“Are you?” Katsuki teases and no one gets offended this time. Phew.
“I am!”
~•🥦•~
“So what’s the plan?” Rody mutters to Katsuki, while he trails after him like a lost puppy. Katsuki can’t help but roll his eyes.
“We don’t need a plan. We find him and ask him what’s wrong. If he doesn’t answer, you leave and I’ll torture him until he does.”
Fuck, Izuku has been Katsuki’s best friend - he has two best friends, shut the fuck up - for fucking decades but this new, emotional instability is freaking the shit out of him, to be absolutely honest. He would lie if he would say Izuku hasn’t been… like this before, because he was, around the time he broke up with that shitty ass bitch, but back then, it was easy to see the reasons why he was acting the way he was while right now, Katsuki is a little bit confused.
Izuku never wavered when it came to hero work. Every time he fell on his face, he stood up and tried again. Then if he fell again, even if there was blood trailing down his forehead, he picked himself up once again and tried over and over until he got it right. Hell, the guy broke every single fucking bone in his body daily, just to be able to get better at using his quirk. Then after the war, when they were both broken down and banned from doing hero work or going back to school, he still studied, he still did his best every single day, not even worried about what the future holds for them. He never gave up, he never even thought about giving up or about the dangers of the job, he always went head first into the task and grinded until he got what he wanted.
This Izuku… is new to him. This Izuku isn’t sure about his future anymore and that’s the part Katsuki is freaking out about. He doesn’t know this Izuku. Doesn’t know that to say to him, how to ignite that flame once again and hell, Katsuki isn’t even sure what the fuck would he do if he would be in Izuku’s place right now. Obviously, none of them are in the business for the ranks anymore, that game stopped being fun once they reached the top and realized how much responsibly the title comes with. But Katsuki can understand how heartbreaking it can be to loose something you worked so hard for in a blink of an eye. Izuku is probably in shock right now, trying his best to comprehend the situation and that’s why he’s acting so strangely. He probably lost countless hours of sleep to the worry he feels every day, the worry that with him out of the picture the world will crumble, that innocent people will die if he’s not there on the battlefield and even though he has no reason to feel responsible for something he can’t control, it still eats him alive from the inside unknowingly, because that’s how Izuku is - Instead of enjoying the free time and all the love he gets from the fans, from his friends, from his family and mostly, from his girlfriend, he can’t help but dwell on the what ifs. It’s stupid, really, but Katsuki can’t lie and say he wouldn’t do the same in this situation. Even the most hard-headed person would crumble under such pressure. Hell, he would be fairing much worse, he would have burned the whole world down out of spite in Deku’s place. That guy is so fucking strong, what the fuck.
“You are muttering like Izuku.” Rody smiles at him with a knowing look on his face.
“Fuck off, I still hate you.”
“Why?”
That question made Katsuki jump out of his skin. Because honestly, why?
“Why do YOU hate me?” Katsuki retorts instead, giving himself enough time to think about his own answer.
“I don’t hate you, Bakugou, but I also can’t just let the past go.” Rody mutters. “I know I wasn’t there but… Izuku told me about how you treated him in middle school. And before you yell at me, I know you’ve changed. But the way you talk about me, the way you treat me reminds me of those stories. Reminds me of your despicable old self and I want to smack you in the face for it.”
Katsuki only gawks at the man right next to him.
“You can’t just throw that into my face, man!” He laughs, absolutely gobsmacked. “Fair play bitch, but you know jack shit about me!”
“I know, sorry.” Rody laughs back, followed by a dramatic sigh.
“Don’t be fucking sorry, it makes sense. And to answer your question I hate you because you managed to be friends with Deku in one fucking day while I couldn’t fucking get myself to say a single nice word to him but secretly wanted to be friends again. I was fucking jealous of you, you dick. You and your fucking sad background story and your cute fucking pink bird. Fuck you.”
Rody almost trips over a stone from how much he’s laughing right now. “Stop fucking laughing! It’s not funny! You traumatized me! Hugging him and shit like you knew each other for fucking ages!” He retorts but he can’t hide the smile on his face.
Katsuki sees a green blob through the window, in one of the small stores in this area. By the look of it, Izuku is hyperfocused on a box of…
“Are you fucking kidding’ me?” Katsuki mutters, his face full of incredulity.
“What… oh my god…”
It takes the two men several minutes before they can stop laughing. Then they enter the store.
~•🥦•~
“Welcome!” A lovely voice greets the green haired hero when he opens the door to the tiny cosmetic shop down the road.
Izuku is on a mission. Probably on the most important mission in his whole life and he’s been through a lot of shit.
If he messes this up, everything is over. He’s been waiting for this moment for so long and he’s at his limits; if he can’t have this one thing as soon as possible, the whole world will crumble. He’s been hyper fixating on this thing for ages. His therapist told him several times to just do it, it’s not something he’s not capable of in this state, so he has to let his ridiculously high expectations go and just let it happen naturally. He needs to stop thinking about it and just… do it. But he can’t just do it, can he? He needs to think about safety. Protection. He needs to make sure his Sweet Pea doesn’t hate this new side of him. He needs to make sure he has everything to be able to finish this mission successfully.
Hence why he entered this store. A cosmetic store/pharmacy.
Today, Izuku will purchase some… condoms.
He makes a beeline towards the sexual health isle. Then he freezes.
There are so many choices. Too many. He doesn’t understand why do people need so many. He doesn’t mean to brag but he never had to have a ribbed condom to make the other feel great. Isn’t sex all about finding out what your partner likes? What’s the point if you don’t put any work in it? It’s Izuku’s favorite part! The analyzing! Even though he feels weirdly reluctant about penetration when it comes to his sweet pea, to be absolutely honest. She’s so pure, so kind, so lovely. Izuku just want to please her without doing any damage. Not like having sex is damaging but… ahh, it’s hard to explain.
“Hello, sir, are you looking for something specific today?” The lovely customer adviser asks and that’s all Izuku needs to start muttering out all his thoughts.
“I’m here to buy some condoms but I haven’t used one in a while and there are so many options and I don’t really understand the need to have so many and I’m also terrified I’ll buy the wrong one and I’m not sure what’s trendy or what not or if it even matters, but what if it does and I choose the wrong one and what if she has one she prefers and I didn’t even ask? I should have brought her over but I wanted it to be a surprise and I didn’t want her to feel like she needs to uhm… you know… so I just wanted to have it around, just in case… I think I’m freaking out.”
Izuku knows he should be offended for being laughed at by the customer adviser but she looks so entertained he can’t tell her off for it. As we all know, Izuku likes to please.
“Well, I definitely didn’t think when I woke up today that I’ll be helping Japan’s number one hero choosing condoms but I’m glad I didn’t call in sick today.” Izuku feels mortified. He really didn’t think about his fame when he started babbling about his sexual life. He wants the earth to swallow him whole or just run out of the store but he really needs to buy at least one box today, otherwise he’ll be trapped in the mountains with the girl of his dreams for 5 days, surrounded by things that will definitely remind him of… well… that… and he can’t do that anymore.
“Well, do you know if she’s allergic to latex?”
Izuku freaks out once again.
“No, I don’t, oh my god, what do I do now?!”
“Calm down, we have latex free options so maybe take on of those just in case, this brand here is the most loved one.” The lady pops the box into his basket before he can freak out over it. “Now if it comes to the trends… I would go for something simple as you don’t know what your lady prefers yet. This one here is our bestseller, it has a texture that feels like skin, so it feels more natural. We have normal and extra large I’ll leave you to decide which one you want to go with.”
Izuku feels too awkward to actually choose so he just pops both versions into his basket.
Here’s the thing… he has no idea if it’s something that came with his inherited quirk or not but when he hit his growth spurt… his third leg grew as well. He only had one girlfriend and he tries to forget everything about her but he clearly remembers her saying that his size is uhm… respectable. He’s not sure what that exactly means so… yeah. He’s quite sure he used normal sized condoms before and while they are a little bit uncomfortable, it was okay. But maybe he just needs to try a different size.
Okay, Izuku. Focus.
“Do I need… uhm… lube?” Izuku mutters our loudly and for his surprise he doesn’t get laughed at this time; the lady looks at him, her eyes moving from his face to his legs and she… gulps. Izuku’s whole face becomes as red as a fresh strawberry from his garden.
“I don’t think so, but buy one just in case.” The lady blushes and stares out of the window, probably mortified by her own reaction.
“Why are they so many options.” Izuku whimpers as he looks at the massive selection. There are so many flavors and so many brands and… why do you even need them to be flavored…
Izuku, for the love of god, do not think about it. Do not go there. You know why they are flavored.
“I’ll… get the one that says natural. I think.” Izuku pops the lube into his basket with a blush on his face and that’s when the door opens.
“You motherfucker! We thought you are depressed!” Katsuki yells loudly, making the lady jump.
“Ahh, hi Catherine! I hope he didn’t say anything weird to you!” Rody puts his palm on the customer advisor’s shoulder.
“No, he just told me how much he loves his girlfriend, that’s all.” The lady winks and Izuku wants to disappear once again.
“Kacchan, are these okay?” Izuku shows his basket to his best friend, probably looking like a kid showing off his freshly caught beetles.
“How many times do you want to fornicate a day, Deku?” Kacchan asks the million dollar question as he looks at the three boxes in his basket.
“They are different, Kacchan. I couldn’t pick.”
“Well, first of all…” Kacchan takes the normal sized box out of his basket and puts it back on the shelf. “Don’t look at me like that, we’ve changed in front of each other quite a few times you know. I’m not saying the other won’t fit but this will be more comfortable.”
“Thank you, Kacchan!” Izuku stares at his best friend with eyes full of wonder. Kacchan blushes.
“Let’s go fucker, your girlfriend is fucking worried. Also, buy something else so you can say that’s what you wondered off for, if you don’t want to tell her about the condoms.”
“You are a genius!”
Katsuki only rolls his eyes at that.
Izuku gets Sweet Pea’s favorite perfume without even thinking about it; she’s been out of it for several days now but she said it’s too expensive for her budget, so needless to say, Izuku buys three of them. He also gets some chocolate from the counter and a cute pin with the Island’s name for everyone. He puts the condoms into the secret compartment of his backpack while he puts the rest on the top.
“Your secret is safe, buddy!” Rody winks as they make their way out of the store. Izuku thanks the lady once again for all her help and she asks for a selfie. Izuku complies.
“Yeah, don’t worry, birdface and I will make sure no one bothers you two when you are in your cabin.” Katsuki grins as he pulls Izuku closer by putting his arm around his shoulders.
“Yup. We are friends now.” Rody does the same from the other side and Izuku is sure they look like three drunken blokes right now but he’s so happy he doesn’t even bother about how they look.
“We are fucking not.” Katsuki grumbles, but he doesn’t say a single word when Pino sits on his shoulder, and that says a lot.
Life is great. Life is amazing. He doesn’t remember the last time he’s been so happy and nothing can fuck up his perfect mood, not even the dread he feels when he thinks about the future because right now, in this moment, he is the happiest nerd in the whole world.
~•🥦•~
“Izu!” You jump into your boyfriend’s arms just as he comes into your view. Honestly, this man will be the death of you one day. “Are you okay?!”
“Sweets, I just wanted to buy something. I’m sorry if it came off like I’m running away, trust me, all I want is to be with you and my friends. I’m so excited to go up, I’ve been sitting on my bum for so long, I can’t wait to get in shape here.” Izuku giggles and you feel a sudden urge to touch his bum to make sure it’s still in shape… khm. Sorry. Nevermind.
“Yeah, Japan can’t loose it’s number one juicy ass. That would be more devastating than a world war in this day and age.” Rody adds cheekily and both of your faces blush.
“Rody, please…” Izuku mutters, clearly uncomfortable with the sudden attention.
“Okay, can you guys stop talking about my boyfriend’s ass? That ass is mine. So back off!”
You can’t believe you said that, but you felt like it would make the group laugh, so… yeah.
What you did not expect was Izuku looking at you with half lidded eyes, clearly enjoying YOUR attention; he creeps closer, his lips right by the cusps of your ear as he whispers. “I didn’t realize you like it this much.” And hell if it doesn’t go straight to your… well… uhm. There.
“Izuku. For the love of god. Behave yourself.”
“I’m so sorry, I…” Izuku starts to stutter as he comes back to his senses. “Uhm, I don’t know why I did that, I just…”
“Shut up and starts going up that hill.” You spank that famous ass three times to make him move. Izuku’s facial expression changes between “I’ll devour you right here right now” and “omg everyone is watching me I’m scared” as he leads the way towards the cabins. It’s extremely hilarious.
“Wow, that tension was something else.” Tamaki gossips with Mirio who only laughs at the comment.
“I mean, there is something extremely romantic about making love in a cabin.” Mirio admits with a sigh.
“Great, I guess this is what you get for coming to a trip as the only single person in the group.” Kyouka moans as she follows the crowd.
“You can hang out in our cabin, Kyouka!” Kaminari perks up right away, probably excited to have someone to talk to because Shinsou is clearly not in the mood for a friendly banter right now, god knows why.
“We are all going to have a grill party this evening in OUR cabin, so keep it on your pants for now.” Katsuki declares. “Ei got all the meat possible so let’s go up because it’s fucking heavy.”
“I’ve got the booze!” Kirishima grins. “It’s also heavy!” He says but he doesn’t look bothered by it at all.
“Come on guys, if I’m not the last one up there, you all suck!” Izuku yells from the top of his lungs with a massive smirk on his face. Needless to say that comment makes the whole gang perk up.
“Oh boy, I’ll be the first!” Kaminari yells back, already running ahead of the team.
“Oi, not on my watch, Pikachu!” Katsuki is the next one to start sprinting then everyone starts running like maniacs except Kyouka, who decides to stay with you, walking in a normal pace.
“He looks excited.” Kyouka smiles at you as he looks at Izuku running with Katsuki, borrowing some help from black whip when the “road” is too steep.
“I really hope he enjoys himself.” You say dreamily and Kyouka gives you a shit eating grin.
“Not unless he can see you, so move your legs, bitch, we need to catch up!” She pulls you forward aggressively, almost making you fall.
“Hey!” You laugh, but you start running anyway; with so many heroes around, you are quite sure someone will catch you if you fall.
… Next Chapter!
~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~
Potato ramble:
- If you read the last chapter of my Kirishima fic you already now but if not… I’m not sure if I’ll be able to post as frequently or at all. I’m going through a tough time and it greatly affects my writing, especially this story, to be honest, so if I don’t post for a while, I’m sorry. I don’t really want to get into details for now as it would make it way too real and right now I’m trying to just ignore it and keep going, but… if it escalates, I’ll let you know. Please be patient with me. I’m doing my best. Also, if you see me post other stuff but not this one it’s probably because I have a bunch of chapters already written for everything but this one. I’m not neglecting this story I’m just… done.
- Now let’s talk about this chapter and leave the angst behind 😂
- I absolutely love this new unhinged version of Deku. He’s slowly starting to be himself and I’m so proud of him I want to cry. He’s not shy anymore, he knows what he wants and he also knows he’s loved for who he is and not for the facade he usually shows to the people around him and damn, that’s a character development!
- I hope you laughed when you realized what Izuku’s problem was. I definitely laughed my ass of while writing this chapter, especially when I was writing the beginning with the drama while knowing what the real “problem” is 😂
- Oh, also! You can support me with a “coffee” if you would like! It won’t help my mental issues but it helps me pay rent and buy more figurines for comfort so yeah. I’m just throwing this out there just in case. 😂
- Tell me your thoughts! Send me a comment! Distract me! Please and thank you! 😂
TL:
@garfieldthomas @porusuniverse @stickygumchewer @sixxze @mily-moo @aei-sedai-moiraine @aymasakusa @katsuari @kenzie-deadly @shiviwrites07 @lukerycyja-reblogs @cloroxisadelectabletreat @coffeent @kisskissshutmydoor @bobcar1 @yazminetrahan @cringefan @ronimacaroni77 @themultifandomgirl @dangerousluv1 @emperatris-rinaka @shotos-angelic-whore @angelsdemonsmonsters @norvacaine @rei165 @unofficialmuilover @yao-ai @happydragonfrog @eeerreehhh @vinivave
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dummiprxncess · 2 months
Text
Living with BPD Living with BPD feels like being stuck in a never-ending emotional storm that I can’t control. One minute, everything seems okay, and the next, it’s like my whole world is crashing down around me, and I have no idea why. It’s like there’s no middle ground—I’m either feeling everything so intensely that I can’t handle it, or I’m completely numb, just trying to get through the day. Relationships are so freaking hard. I want to be close to people, to have friends and feel like I belong, but it’s like my brain won’t let me. I’m always scared that they’ll leave me, that I’ll say something wrong or do something stupid, and they’ll decide I’m not worth it. So, sometimes I push them away first, just to protect myself from getting hurt, even though that’s the opposite of what I actually want. It’s like I’m sabotaging my own happiness, and I hate myself for it, but I don’t know how to stop. And the self-hate? It’s brutal. I can’t even look in the mirror without picking myself apart, mentally listing all the reasons why I’m not good enough. It’s like this voice in my head that never shuts up, constantly reminding me that I’m broken, that I’m not worth anyone’s time. No matter how hard I try to be positive or listen when people tell me they care, it’s like I can’t believe them. I just keep thinking, “If they really knew me, they’d leave too.” I overthink everything. Like, literally everything. I replay conversations in my head, wondering if I said the wrong thing, if I came off too clingy or too distant. It’s exhausting, always second-guessing myself and feeling like I’m messing everything up. And when something does go wrong, I blame myself completely, even if it wasn’t entirely my fault. I just feel like I’m always screwing things up, and I can’t seem to do anything right. The guilt is suffocating. I feel guilty for being like this, for not being able to just “get over it” or be normal. I hate that I’m so emotional, so needy, so afraid of being abandoned. I hate that I can’t just chill and let things be. Instead, I’m always worried, always on edge, always feeling like I’m a burden to everyone around me. And that makes it even harder to reach out when I need help because I don’t want to be “that person” who’s always dragging others down. Living with BPD feels like being on a roller coaster I never asked to ride. The highs can be great, but they never last, and the lows are so low that I can’t see a way out. It’s not just being sad—it’s like this deep, overwhelming despair that makes everything seem pointless. Even when things are going okay, there’s this constant anxiety in the back of my mind, like I’m just waiting for it all to fall apart. It’s hard to feel safe when my own brain is my biggest enemy, always telling me that disaster is just around the corner. I just want some peace, some stability, but it feels like that’s impossible. I’ve tried so many things—therapy, meds, self-care stuff—but nothing seems to really work for long. I keep hoping that maybe the next thing will help, that maybe I’ll finally find a way to manage all this chaos in my head. But honestly? It’s hard to hold onto that hope when everyday feels like a struggle just to get by. It’s hard to believe that things will ever really get better when it feels like I’ve been stuck in this cycle forever. I wish I could turn off my brain, even just for a little while. I wish I could stop feeling so much all the time, stop being so scared and anxious and guilty. I wish I could trust myself, trust others, and believe that everything’s going to be okay. But I don’t. All I can do is keep going, keep trying, even when it feels like I’m barely holding on. I want to believe that there’s a way out of this, that there’s a future where I’m not always fighting against myself. But right now, it’s hard to see that future. Right now, it just feels like I’m stuck in this storm, trying to survive.
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