#because that shit just isn't realistic to maintain with my schedule

[who-is-page]

Vent. CW for human death.

I've been minorly overstimulated for a few days straight because I've been stationed alone in my work department for 11 hours/day on the busiest days of the week. And my physical and phantom body language is screaming "overstimulated! Back off!" and I wish people could take the fuckin hint! My phantom tail is fucking whipping around and my shoulders and jaw are all tensed up and I wish it just wouldn't. We're horribly understaffed and I'm at my breaking point with how I'm doing literally three jobs: the Sales Specialist position, the Customer Service Associate position, and the In-Home Consultant position (because now I've been told that a bunch of the IHC's duties are magically my responsibility, because "reasons". We don't have a CSA but we do have an IHC, so this is especially infuriating. No one outside my department handles my job duties, but I have to handle his? Are you fucking kidding me?)

It's even worse at work right now because we lost someone really suddenly and it's hitting folks hard. Every time I get customers bemoaning how his department is empty and this is why our store sucks, I have to tamp down some incredibly violent urges. On one hand, they don't know. It's realistically not their fault that they don't know. On the other hand, go eat a fucking cactus, that's not appropriate behavior even if someone wasn't literally fucking dead.

We've got a corporate walk in that department sometime this month (or next? you can never trust managers when they give dates for that sort of thing, because sometimes they'll make you panic weeks early just because they think you're not being productive enough) and I'm willing to bet any amount of money that corporate isn't going to give a shit and is still gonna chew us all out for it not being absolutely perfectly maintained by the employee in that area even though, and I cannot emphasize this enough, he DIED. He is DEAD. EVERYONE IS STILL MOURNING. THE FUNERAL IS STILL BEING SCHEDULED. What the FUCK.

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Actually the most annoying thing my dreams have started doing is a combo of

I don't realize I am dreaming which for me is weird

2. I "wake" from one dream into another dream

3. Each layer of dream is progressively more probable and realistic until I examine how I got there

Thankfully once I am actually awake I can tell and immediately think to check in with myself so it isn't as confusing as it could be for someone who might struggle with feeling like they are actually necessarily awake when they are, but this has resulted in weird shit like:

I have a really fucked up dream where I end up fighting a government conspiracy with my mind powers, then I 'wake up' and am friends with my first husband again and we're joking about how he used to be able to borrow my clothes and I try to tell him about my fucked up dream. the effort of remembering the first dream wakes me from another dream layer.

Finally I am annoyed and fully awake laying in bed, pissed I have been interrupted multiple times trying to relay my weird ass dream to someone, only to realize now I am alone and saying the dream out loud accomplishes nothing because no one is there listening.

It's also started resulting in this thing where I have a dream that seems really mundane and move on, logging it like a memory basically, and then it isn't until I am triggered to recall the dream while awake that I think "Oh hey, that's not something that happened, that was a dream that makes no sense!", but like, until trying to recall it, it was just sitting there in the "mundane shit I did today" pile.

This is the fuckery I start to deal with when I force myself onto a regular sleep schedule. This, the migraines, insomnia, and other bullshit is why I have never been able to maintain a regular schedule.

If my sleep cycle is 'too' inconsistent my body will just sleep when it's tired, get more restful sleep and dream only if I have the energy for it and am sleeping at a time I have tended to be awake really often lately.

If my sleep schedule is regular, my brain starts thinking I need less and less sleep. I stop getting restful sleep, I start getting insomnia, migraines and really weird sleep related cognitive errors.

Looking forward to the possibility of sleep paralysis, night terrors, and mild auditory hallucinations as I am falling asleep coming back to haunt me the way they did as a child when I had parents forcing me onto a schedule for school.

They say regular sleep reduces stress and is better for your health but I am really starting to question if that is always true.

I am putting it to the test as hard as I can though. Edit: For the record I probably have some kind of sleep related disorder and this isn't an argument against anyone else needing regular sleep, this is just an explanation of why I have always struggled with it, in addition to other issues I have mentioned. People are individuals and sometimes a person with a disorder can be an exception to something that's generally a "universal" rule. If you suspect regular sleep is actively not good for you, you should probably talk to a doctor about that. Do not take my experience as an excuse for why it's okay to stay up late or sleep like shit, I am very broken.

[come-on-shitty-boys]

//bruised and battered. sakusa kiyoomi//

Request: Soulmate AU where your soulmates scars appears on you and Omi somehow landed with the clumsiest girl in the world as his soulmate👉🏻👈🏻🥺

Warnings: mild swearing

Word Count: 1.3K

Notes:  okayokayokay i changed it up a bit?? So, think more like shared pain until you meet?? Also i’ll add the header later because it’s uhhhhh 6 am? And I should uhhhh sleep?

@nekxrizawa bby, because I won’t post the inbox message until I wake up in god knows how many hours and you said you wanted tagged ;-;

Sakusa must’ve looked like an old man, hobbling around school.  His entire body hurt as if he had tripped down the stairs.  He had been sitting in class, trying to mind his own damn business when the slow ache set in.  His jaw had clenched tight, trying his best to distract himself from the discomfort of the purple bruises that were surely forming all over his body. 

But, he was used to it by now.  His entire life he had been dealing with the constant random pains and bruises.  His body was littered with scars from all sorts of accidents, the most prominent being the one on his knee.  Everyone got hurt, he knew that.  Hell, even he got his own bruises after rigorous hours of practice, but this?  This was just ridiculous.  How the hell did he get stuck with the clumsiest person as a soulmate?  

It was like every other day something was wrong.  One time he was just trying to run laps with the rest of the team and his ankle randomly gave out, the throbbing pain from a new sprain of his soul mate’s ankle having him sitting down to take a quick breather.  There would be times when Sakusa would just be laying in his bed, trying to get some sleep when there was a jolt of pain passing through his nose, making him reach up to try to soothe the aching.  Did you fall or did you drop your phone on your face?  He didn’t know and it didn’t matter.  All he knew was that his nose hurt and now he was annoyed and couldn’t wait to finally figure out who you were so he could scold you for being so reckless with your body.  

But, even if it annoyed the shit out of him, there was part of him that found your complete and utter clumsiness to be almost . . . endearing.  It was so easy to picture himself tutting his tongue at you, calling you a dumbass, a cute pout on your face after stubbing your toe.  He didn’t even know who you were or what you looked like, but just like everyone else, there was a certain excitement within his chest about one day finding his soulmate and finally learning all of the stories behind the scars that you shared.

Sakusa didn’t know the full extent of that dull throbbing pain that had been building inside of his body since class until the end of the day.  He had been stripping his uniform to change into his set of practice clothes, the steady eyes of his teammates stopping him in his actions.  “What happened to your legs?”  Komori asks, tugging his own shirt over his torso.

It was then that Sakusa finally took a good look at himself.  There were deep bruises on his shins as if you had slammed them into something.  He caught himself shaking his head.  So, he was partially right, but instead of falling down the stairs, you fell up the stairs and had likely hit your shins on one of the steps.  But, as if those heavy purple marks weren’t enough, a third bruise was just barely visible under the leg of his shorts.  You were a walking disaster, that was for sure.  

“Soulmate,” was the only response that Sakusa could manage, bending down slowly to tie his sneakers, trying his best to ignore all of the aches and pains that you had caused him.

“Man, you really got it bad, huh?” Komori laughed, punching his cousin on the shoulder lightly.   “I couldn’t imagine getting hurt as much as you do.  Seems like every week you have a new bruise.”

The ace just shrugged, gingerly getting back up to his feet.  It was just his life.  It wasn’t anything new.  The bruises and the scratches and the scars were just a part of him, they were a part of you, a physical representation of a bond that couldn’t be broken.  There would be more scars and more pain as his life continued, but it was worth it to be with his other half.  If he had to endure a couple bruises and some random small injuries to find you, he would do it over and over again.  Bruises eventually go away and even scars can begin to fade, it’s all only temporary, but the love and adoration that he hopes to one day hold for you would be eternal, making everything worth it.  

Maybe it was cheesy.  Maybe this whole soulmate thing didn’t seem like his vibe, but what could he say?  There would be long nights of just staring at the ceiling as his mind raced and his heart pounded and he was flooded with thoughts of his soulmate.  What would they look like?  How would their laugh sound?  Could they sing?  Do they know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie-Pop?  Did they eat pineapple on their pizza?  Those important questions always plagued his mind, leaving him tossing and turning for hours on end.  

He had dreamt of meeting you a million times.  Sakusa thought that it might be something as small as recognizing a scar or watching you bump your head and then feeling pain in the same area, you know, like something out of a movie.  Except that wasn’t it.  Honestly, he would’ve missed the opportunity if it hadn’t been for Komori.  The libero had nudged him as they walked to class one morning.  “Hey, they have a bruise on their leg just like you do!  That’s kind of a neat coincidence, don’t you think?”  Komori’s easy smile and warm laugh was lost to Sakusa.  It was like his whole world was moving in slow motion, eyes trained only on the girl walking the halls with a group of friends, blackish-blue bruises painted across her shins, a larger one on her thigh just barely visible beneath the school uniform.   There was no doubting it.  After 17 years, there you were, right there in his own school this entire time.

One of your friends noticed the wide look on his face, tapping your shoulder, and gesturing towards him.  That little smile that spread across his face as you turned to look at him for the first time was unlike anything anyone had ever seen, but he couldn’t help himself.  You were better than anything he had ever imagined.  That absolutely bewildered expression as you stared up at him, your mouth settling in a small, “Oh,” as you got a good look at him.  There was a small scar above his right eyebrow, matching the one that you had gotten after running into a table as a toddler.  A scar in the shape of an ‘L’ on left hand from the time that you cut yourself trying to open a can of peaches.  The more you looked, the more markings you found that matched the ones that covered your own body.  

“So, what’d you do?  Trip up the stairs?”  Sakusa teased, nodding his head towards the bruises on your legs.

“Hey!  You don’t know that!”

He felt the edges of his mouth twitch up into a teasing smirk.  “So, you did trip up the stairs.”  And Sakusa just tutted his tongue at you as he shook his head, a small pout taking over your already cute features, just like he had always imagined.  “Dumbass.”