#because that's what ayan is

[bocje-ce-ustu]

on another note, one has to appreciate the cruel irony of ep11′s reveal scene: thua’s outburst is a time-bomb unwittingly set by ayan. ayan told thua his voice matters and thua found his voice (in a kinda twisted way, but still). and if you think about it from thua’s perspective, the worst betrayal comes when ayan, the very same person who encouraged him to speak up, is the one trying to silence him.

[grapejuicegay]

“don’t look at anyone else like that. I’m jealous”

ayan saw akk looking at him openly, letting him see the concern and the love in his eyes and he knows how big a deal it is. because just last episode not only was he saying “i can’t do it. i can’t say it” he could also barely look ayan in the eyes because he knows what will show. but now he’s letting him look. he’s getting his attention and making him see the concern.

and ayan sees. and he knows it’s a big deal. it is still a big deal. they’ve been carving out sweet moments for themselves (ayan had to insist on having one over dinner once but they keep doing it everywhere!!!!) and all of it is a big deal. akk needs time and space to open up and ayan knows that. he’s always known it.

“for you, i will wait forever” he’s still waiting. he’s going to be waiting until akk can actually say it.

and in that moment where akk turns ayan towards him, makes him look at the concern for him in akk’s eyes? ayan turns it on himself. he’ll tell akk he’s jealous but he’s left enough opening that akk could deflect if he needs to. if akk needed, he could turn it into a joke on ayan being jealous of nothing because he’s just looking normally.

and this is right after they just kissed again. everything is a little bit more unsteady, a little more unstable and I think ayan knew that akk needed to know that he still had that space. that he’s still waiting.

and look at akk’s face when he says it

he understands what ayan’s doing. it’s working. (it’s very ep 7 pat of ayan)

[khaotunq]

An assortment of gifs I can hear (feat. Not Me, The Eclipse, Bad Buddy)

[tiistirtipii]

I’ve seen a few posts talking about how Ayan has been specifically referring to Akk as his boyfriend in episode 11 where he says “Thanks for keeping me company as a boyfriend” and “I’m here to keep you company as a boyfriend” and I wanted to acknowledge the fact that that’s not quite what he’s saying. Because the subtitles say it like that, it seems like he’s saying “keeping me/you company… as a boyfriend” with the boyfriend part added on as a whole extra thing. I’m pretty sure (bearing in mind I don’t speak the language so sorry if this is wrong) that the phrase in the subtitles that is translated to “Thank you for keeping me company.” Is the phrase “ขอบคุณที่คอยเป็นเพื่อน” which includes the word “เพื่อน” which means friend. The phrase is maybe better translated as “Thank you for being my friend” and what Akk is doing is saying that same phrase, just replacing the word friend with the word boyfriend. So yes he’s making sure to call Akk his boyfriend, but it’s not like he’s adding it to the end of the sentence like they need a seperate reminder. Still super cute though

[casualavocados]

so uh there's been zero mention of ayan's dad ever... so what do you think? another person he's lost? (i'm so sorry i did this, hugs for ayan)

YOU TAKE THIS THOUGHT. AND YOU PUT IT SOMEWHERE ELSE!!!

no but honestly thats something ive been so curious abt too like did he just...not ever have a dad? did his dad leave? divorce? another death? what's the tea

[dribs-and-drabbles]

Okay...so not only have I already perished but that UNDERWATER KISS went and resurrected me just so it could once again TEAR MY SOUL FROM MY BODY. At this point my soul is a yoyo, bouncing between life and death and the show has control of the string.

[seanwhites]

not to be dramatic but i miss ayan so much :(( i need my bitchy best friend back :(( and i need to boop him on the nose immediately :((

[ravierwitz]

reading a jp ln it fucks severely completely unlike the cliche or normal jp ln i’ve read before very good on chapter 80 and like..ourgh walm if only u woke up earlier u wouldn’t have missed out on ur group leaving therefore not letting them think u died in the stupid worm’s stomach!! ourgh i feel bad for him i hope he ends up reuniting with his group and get to be like. an actual person.

take a rest from being a soldier if you will. walm needs so much rest if this ever gets adapted to an anime or the manga gets popular i hope there’s fics out of him getting the healing/sleep he needs. he’s lost so much, i hope by the end of the novel- eventually he’ll stop suffering or at very least start healing.

I’m going to shit tears from my eyes if he doesn’t.

[firstkanaphans]

Safe House, Season 4: FK moments you might have missed (Day 7)

Khaotung is always a bit grumpy in the mornings because he goes to bed super late. Here you can see First gently patting Khaotung’s head as he says, “Wake up. Wake up.”

And don’t worry, they made sure to tease Gemini for matching both the curtains and the place mats 😂

During breakfast, White asks Khao to pass him the sausages. Khao relays this message to First, who doesn’t realize the request came from White, and instead of grabbing the whole platter, takes a sausage out of his mouth and offers it to Khaotung. “For P’White,” Khaotung says, but he says it in such a way that I’m 100% sure if the sausage had been for him, he would have just taken it.

There’s also this one moment where they seem to be roleplaying Akk and Ayan? 

Khao laughs and shakes his head at the end so they’re clearly joking, but I don’t have a better explanation for you than that. Sorry.

During the afternoon session, everyone plays a card game. This is how close First and Khaotung sit.

Towards the end of the game, First and Khaotung are pitted against each other and First cedes to Khaotung instead of winning outright because Khao has fewer points than he does. (Khao is, in fact, in last place out of the entire house.) Here’s a clip of that moment and you can click the link below to get to a full translation.

(via)

Please note that Khao’s way of thanking First is by very intimately grabbing the inside of his thigh???

At the start of the evening session, they’re playing that weird game GMMTV likes where someone sits on a stool, someone else hits them with a pillow, and then they have to guess who it was. Khao gets to hit First, but as soon as they switch, they’re called down to dinner. First, however, was not about to let the opportunity pass him by.

That night everyone cosplays as themselves when they were kids and hands out these giant heart stickers. First gave his to Khao. Khao gave his to First. *Pretends to be shocked*

First and Khaotung were acting extra couple-y during their nightly interview. I've included a gif of my favorite moment below. Perth was saying that since he's new to GMMTV, he appreciated getting to know everyone. First then playfully asks him “What’s Phi’s name then?” and PerthChimon both pretend not to know.

The chin tickle 🥹

The last thing they did that night was read messages sent to them from each of their castmates. First’s message to Khaotung: Thank you. Khaotung’s message to First: I love you krup. Then they all go around giving each other hugs and I’m patiently waiting for First and Khaotung to hug, but instead they do this.

You can see that First does grab Khaotung’s hand at the end and squeeze it, but I just find the perfectly timed bro nods so funny. 

And that wraps up season 4 of Safe House! Throughout the whole season, I can count on one hand the number of times First and Khaotung weren’t in the same place at the same time and every single one of them was because the other was off doing something for production.

Thank you for putting up with me spamming your dash about a two-year-old show I only half understand. It’s been a pleasure. If you missed any installment of this particular series, you can find links to the other days below:

Day 1 | Day 2 | Day 3 | Day 4 | Day 5 | Day 6

[animebw]

I've seen Kimi ni Todoke get pigeonholed a lot as a sweet, fluffy series that's nothing but good vibes. And to be sure, this show is sugary sweet to a truly dangerous level. Every second I spend with Sawako and Kazehaya feels like I'm putting myself at risk of some yet undiscovered Type 3 Diabetes. But reducing Kimi ni Todoke to its fluffiness leaves out just how wrenching it can be. It may not be as raw an emotional wound as Fruits Basket's exploration of abuse, but there is a deep, aching agony at the heart of this show just as palpable as its sweeter moments. And it comes from understanding one very basic fact: the greatest sources of happiness in our lives are able to cause us even greater pain.

Throughout this story, Sawako's most painful moments don't come as a result of bullies or tragic strokes of fate. They come because she cares about someone so deeply that the thought of losing them- or worse, hurting them with her mistakes- becomes impossible to bear. Not just with Kazehaya, but with Chizu and Ayane in the first arc when their budding friendship is almost shattered and they realize how much they've come to love each other that the thought of losing each other hurts this much. Same for Kurumi's feelings for Kazehaya, or Chizu's feelings for Ryu's brother, and all the other crushes that go unspoken for so long. To love someone in Kimi ni Todoke means to leave yourself vulnerable, to accept the possibility that things will go wrong and this thing that's so special to you will shatter like glass in your hands. To love is to open yourself to agony; to agonize is proof that it's love at all. It's a pain the characters risk again and again, because the connections they've forged are too precious to give up on.

And nowhere is that idea more strongly expressed than Ryu and Chizu's backstory. Seeing how deeply entwined their lives have been, how tragedy and suffering have shaped them, how they've both actively chosen again and again to be there for each other through thick and thin... god, I don't think this show's ever made me cry this hard before. Just the image of Chizu making rice balls for Ryu over and over again to try and replace the hole his mother's death left was enough to make me lose my shit. Never mind seeing Ryu actually cry for the first time. Time and again, the only option they have is hurt with each other, to sink into suffering together and carry each other to the other side. But they make that choice regardless, because they will be fucked if they leave the other to drown alone. Their bond is more than a childhood friendship, or even a burgeoning romantic relationship. It's a connection as essential a part of their lives as eating and breathing, a fundamental truth of their shared existence that they willed into being.

And it's no wonder that Chizu is terrified of losing that after Ryu confesses. How dare he stab a spike through everything they've been through? How dare he shatter their status quo and leave them unable to return to that part of their lives? But once again, all that is just Ryu choosing, once again, to face the pain that comes with loving someone head first, accepting the risk that things will never be the same... in hopes that something entirety new can still be born from its ashes. It's him putting his faith in what he and Chizu have together, trusting that no matter what, they are too important to each other to let go even in waters this stormy. It is, quite frankly, as powerful and honorable an expression of love as I've seen in a very long time.

This show is really fucking good, you guys.

[grapejuicegay]

When akk says "I'm not like you" and "i can't do it i can't say it" it's not about being gay. He's already acknowledged his feelings to himself ("why did it have to be you" a few eps back). It's about being like ayan. He can't disagree with the rules and let it be known, he can't protest with the world remembers, he can't even offer support to their cause. He can't just join a rival school. He has too much at stake here. He's scared. Of ayan. Of his influence. Of his influence on akk. Of them being a possibility.

[respectthepetty]

Just a reminder that I knew I would love Dangerous Romance when GMMTV revealed it in 2022.

This first episode had my blood pressure up because I HATE Kanghan, which only makes me love this more. He's the worst. He is spoiled. He is entitled. He is manipulative. He's a little bitch.

His friends SUCK!

Then, we have Sailom and his scholarship buddies. They are amazing. They are beautiful. They are perfect. They are Linda Evangelista.

And Sailom is the best boy. He is smart. He is hardworking. He is a tired gay. He is my everything.

I am THRILLED that these two HATE each other! Kanghan wants Sailom to beg him for forgiveness, and Sailom simply refuses.

Kanghan goes as far as holding court to publicly humiliate Sailom (while unbuttoning his shirt!).

Yet Sailom, the best boy, took a page out of The Eclipse's Ayan book and said "let's make this gay" and there was not one romantic thing about this kiss. This was hatred. This was aggressive.

THIS WAS DELICIOUS!

And these two are going to hatefuck too!

The enemies stage is set, and we have what I'm praying is our lesbian goddess.

So . . .

Welcome to my new personality for the next three months.

[jimmysea]

What are you smiling at? I smile because you smile. I like when you smile widely. You're cute. I'm not cute. I'm solemn. The president of the Prefect Club, you know? Are you opposed to your own cuteness? I am not cute. You wanna fight me? You're cute. Picking up a fight,huh?

First Kanaphan as AKK & Khaotung Thanawat as AYAN THE ECLIPSE SERIES (2022) dir. Golf Tanwarin Sukkhapisit

[shortpplfedup]

Ayan being a gremlin to Akk: accurate. Akk being pissy with Aye: also accurate. Getting together isn't a personality transplant operation; they just like kissing each other now they haven't become different people. And people also don't magically know how to be in a relationship, communication and compromise is required. We saw pretty much nothing of established-relationship-post-curse Akk and Ayan in the original series, they literally JUST got together. It's been what, a few weeks in-universe? Maybe a couple months max? Now that they're both starting to heal from their life traumas and out of the pressure cooker of the Suppalo situation and Ayan is reasonably confident that Akk isn't going to end it all, now we are seeing the part where they actually figure out how to be in a relationship with each other (well, some of the early calculus).

These two have ZERO clue how to navigate a relationship. Akk's repressed ass couldn't even acknowledge to himself that he had any kind of romantic inclinations towards anybody until basically moments ago. He is just starting to understand his needs in a relationship through his relationship with Ayan, a person he has never felt the need to people-please with, so yeah, he's salty and snapping. As for Ayan, he's learning that Akk isn't this way because of the circumstances or the environment, he's just like this. He cares about everything and everyone while Ayan cares about what and who he cares about and doesn't really give a rip about the rest of it. There is an intersection there, because what and who he cares about is Akk, but they haven't gotten to that intersection yet where they actually understand what the other person is REALLY asking for. Akk wants Ayan to care more and be less standoffish and more engaged. Ayan wants Akk to care less and be more self-protective and less self-sacrificing.

That general approach is also bleeding into the relationship. Akk wants Ayan to be softer with him (like he was when he was worried he was gonna hurt himself) and Ayan wants Akk to be tougher with him (like he was when he was worried he was gonna tear down everything). It's not an insurmountable problem, but it will require them to use their words, absorb the implications and deliberately alter their behaviours.

Akk's people-pleasing (Ayan's gripe is literally that Akk cares too much about others) and Ayan's self-centredness (Akk's gripe is that Ayan considers himself too much and others not enough) are canon. This is literally what brought them into each other's attention in the first place: Ayan doing whatever he wanted and Akk being pissed about it. Add in that Ayan enjoys riling Akk up for horny reasons and Akk softens whenever Ayan gets affectionate with him. Add in that Ayan has seen in 4k the extreme consequences of Akk's people-pleasing (the literal campaign of terror he rained on an entire school, lest we forget), just like Akk has seen the consequences of Ayan's self-centredness (Thua's anger at Ayan's hypocrisy of staying in while pushing others out).

They just like each other. They haven't become different people. And they now have to learn how to communicate and compromise because liking each other means they care about not hurting each other. Which is one of the themes of the special. One of the things @bengiyo says over and over again on @the-conversation-pod is DICK IS NOT MAGICAL IT DOES NOT FIX YOU. It's why we both bonded over loving drama about staying together more than drama about getting together. This is so intriguing to me, watching this play out, because this is the part romances tend to ignore, either because they end before they get here, or they gloss over here with a time skip. As somebody invested in the intricacies of long-term relationships and the compromises people make or don't make along the way, this is working all over for me.

[seekingidlewild]

So I’ve been seeing a lot of fun takes about Ayan’s mom being his wingman, and I love them. I love her, and I love that the fandom loves her. But watching those scenes again from her perspective puts a completely different spin on her interest in Ayan’s love life. Because we’ve known for a while that she’s worried about Ayan, but it’s only been in the last two episodes that we’ve gotten a more comprehensive idea of what she’s dealing with as a parent.

This episode finally made it clear just how big a role Uncle Dika played in Ayan’s life. Despite the fact that Ayan’s dad has been out of the picture since Ayan was very young, Ayan still grew up in what was essentially a two-parent household because that household included Dika. So Dika wasn’t just an uncle to Ayan. He was his father figure. He didn’t just spend time with Ayan periodically. He was part of his daily life. And Ayan’s mom wasn’t really a single parent. She had help raising him.

So when Dika died, Ayan lost both an uncle and a father, and Ayan’s mom lost both a brother and a co-parent. Ayan has been living more or less alone due to his mom’s work commitments, and she’s been trying to parent him through telephone calls and video chats. In addition to the stress that would naturally arise from that situation, Ayan’s mom has been living with the knowledge that her brother died of suicide after a long battle with mental illness, and that her son is now battling a similar mental illness. On top of that, her son has also been fighting a lonely battle to discover why his uncle died, uprooting himself from his school and any former social connections in the process. As far as she knows, he is spending every day in the same environment that drove her brother to suicide, with no friends or sympathetic teachers to act as a support system.

It’s no wonder that she’s scared of losing him, too.

And then she comes home from work one day and finds Ayan asleep in bed with an unknown schoolmate sleeping beside him, and they’re holding hands. And then they come down for dinner and it’s so obvious that there’s a strong sense of familiarity and trust between them. And then over dinner, Ayan keeps looking at his schoolmate with so much love in his eyes and generally acting so happy.

Can you imagine her relief? Of course she asked some pointed questions. Of course she teased them and enjoyed Akk’s flustered reaction. Of course she wanted to drive Akk home so she could get to know him a little better and share a few of her fears with him. I bet Akk could have her eating out of the palm of his hand in no time. Not because he’s handsome and she thinks he and Ayan would make a cute couple, but because he makes her son palpably, radiantly happy, and she probably hasn’t seen that much happiness in Ayan’s eyes since Dika’s passing. In Akk, she probably sees an anchor that can keep Ayan grounded in the present instead of lost in the past. Meeting him probably means a lot more to her than Akk can grasp.

[25shadesoffebruary]

10 BL BOYS I WANT CARNALLY Redo

I have a few people tag me @firstkanaphans @negrowhat in this and when I originally did it I only put Phaya from the sign but I started thinking and I said yeah I got more so here are the others.

1. Phaya from the sign

Idk if it’s the way that Billy plays this character or what but Phaya has my heart. He’s just so annoyingly cute and playful but so smart and curious and he does not like to be ignored and so passionate, it’s endearing really idk.

2. Mork from Last Twilight

This man is so warm and kind and loving and caring and loyal and and and I could go on and and on I love him so much. Like that man went to jail because his friend decided to put his woodpecker into another birds tree and he fought for his ex girlfriend trust. I’m sorry that man is so fucking warm.

3. King from Bed Friend

I love this man and his big brown cow eyes so much. He’s just a walking green flag and he so sexy. He is just thoughtful, caring, loving, warm. I want him on every level. Love him

4. Akk from Enchantè

He a little slow on the uptake but that man is so romantic and kind. And truly was a green flag. And truly just wanted the best for Theo even if he had to put himself on the back burner.

5. Jeng from Step by Step

JENG WAS A MAN (no pun intended) That man was a CEO of his own business while trying to manage another business that he hated. He was self sacrificing and so kind. I love that tired his best to change when it came to Pat. He made some questionable decisions but I believe he did that because he thought that was best for him. He was loving and caring a I count him as a green flag.

6. Mark from Love Mechanics

That man went through so much for love. But I love how he was true to himself. I love how self aware he was and I love how he stood up for himself. Mark knew who he was and also knew what he wanted but he also knew that he was fucked when it came to Vee. I would have treated him right.

7. Ayan from The Eclipse

That man was a menace. But I love how fiercely loyal he was. I love how kind and thoughtful and loving this man was. He just wanted Justice ( and for the school to burn to ashes and for ashes to go the dumpster never to be seen again) for his uncle, he was a heartbroken boy who has lost his one close person in his life and was spinning around lost like a broken compass but he found his north in Akk and I love that for him.

8. Phayu from Love in the Air

Is this really a surprise to anybody. I mean come on now. That man knew how to stand on business. He knew what he wanted and made sure he got it. Made sure the person he wanted was also on their business. He wanted them to be successful together and love a man that is ambitious. Very loyal and protective but was also completely a simp.

9. Boeing from Only Friends

This man was wicked for no other reason then the fact that he could be. I was fascinated. Came to ruin lives and almost succeeded to if it hadn’t been for RayMew and them being like ahh back the fuck up off my man. I still think RaySandBoeing threesome should have happen. I would have like to see Boeing and Top kiss but also BoeingTopBoston would have been interesting to see. And I think Boston would have loved it there to be honest but we talking about Boeing here. Anyway that man should have had more screen time so he could fuck up more people lives.

10. Kinn from KinnPorsche

Listen Linda, that man was most definitely not a green flag and a very dark pink flag but I don’t think he was a red flag. He was just dumb. He’s complicated. But he was kind and thoughtful in his own way. And he tired to be fair to people. But Porsche was on that man mind 25/8 and it’s hard to think when someone is occupying your mind like that. But is he very loyal to a man that did not deserve it. He was caring for his people and was a big simp and I love that for him.

Tagging: @respectthepetty @smittenskitten @spicyvampire @chaos0pikachu @icouldhyperfixatehim @omarandjohnny @piningintrovert @pondsphuwin and anybody who wants to do it