#because we talked a lot about kell and for good reasons

[cla-oh]

Rhy Maresh 👑

I'm re-reading A Darker Shades of Magic, and i feel like drawing Rhy was a good idea.

[jess-moloney]

Analyzing The Jess Interview [Part Two]

Picking up where we left off, Jess was talking about her exaggerated relationship with MGK:

So I then started working with him in like a professional capacity

There's absolutely no proof of this I can find other than she happened to work at Donna Management and Vivienne Westwood and may have been part of a team that worked with him. They do follow each other on social but he's never paid much attention to her posts about him so it's questionable how close they ever got when she was more on a team of people and not handling him directly by herself.

That was honestly the point where I was like what I really want to start with kind of working more directly with teams and with people

I don't know why she says this because, once again, she was already working with a team of people she didn't do this all by herself. She wasn't the single entity of Jess Moloney who reached out to MGK by herself and said "I had to dress you" because she's a famous stylist. She got a magical email that magically contacted him and then previously said she met up with his team. She would have been part of a team where she was already working, not her own company. She worked for Westwood at the time on a team. Not even a stylist team she was the fucking press woman in PR. Even with that, she's now saying she decided she wanted to work with teams even though she was already on a team because clearly that was the situation?

I made a lot of contacts from working at Westwood so that carries you through

By this she means she met some people who she used to boost her reputation to get her other jobs and then eventually "carried them over" to her own company when she started it, something otherwise known as poaching. Which is unethical.

My job's everything. I mean it's not really a job it's like my life like I love it. And like I said like I do I'm a hustler. And when I really believe in something and someone like I will honestly like I will move heaven and earth to make sure that person gets what they want.

I can't help but wonder if she's talking about herself here because she's not had much success with anyone famous (as much as she claims to while she exaggerates the extent of her relationship with MGK and his team who she claims have been soooo supportive of her...though she doesn't explain in what capacity or what she's ever done for MGK or his team, and she constantly refers to him as "Kells" as if she's familiar or friendly with him but there's absolutely no evidence this is the case at all. We do know she'll do whatever it takes to get herself to where she wants to be even if it means lying her ass off in interviews like this.

If you don't believe in the person that you're working with it'll never work. And that really I suppose falls into the reason I started on my own was because I couldn't, you know, when I was working for people I suppose...because I then went to a company that just did management, and of course at that point you don't get a choice of the talent because you've walked into a company and they've got their talent. When you join that company, I brought Kells with me um I was working with another female musician at the time so she came with me, so I walked in with some very good clients.

This story is all over the place here because she starts to talk about why she started her own company then backtracks to leaving Westwood and going to another company and bringing Kells and some other unknown musician with her to I guess Donna Management, which is admitting to stealing clients from one place to bring them to another (once again, poaching). The way she skips around in these stories and avoids giving specifics (not to mention how many times she says "like" and "um") makes her sound like she's creating the story on the spot and attempting to cover her tracks if I'm being honest.

So there are like a few people on the board that it was kinda hard for me to really understand, like, what they wanted to do and what their vision was, and what they wanted from their career. And that was when I was like I can't necessarily work for a company because I don't believe in this person and everyone fucking knows if people can tell like, and I'm very black and white, so I also can't lie...

Right here are several red flags. For one she is straight up admitting she can't work with a team and she also can't do her job if she doesn't agree with the vision these people wanted with their career, which was her job. If talent comes in and they say they want to do this, that, and the other, she's the talent manager she's the one who is supposed to arrange this, it's not really up to her to tell them or agree with it it's up to her to guide them in the right direction. She's not some personal life guru, she has a job to manage clients and get them work. The work they want. That's what she's being paid for. Of course, then we have the huge red flag at the end where she says she can't lie but of course, it continues

The other companies I went to after was just like I think I'm kind of better off being my own boss. Like I'm such a perfectionist and i always felt like when I worked with teams if someone didn't match that uh it would piss me off

Okay so she can't work on teams, she doesn't have any concept of teamwork and her ego is so inflated that she believes that she would be better off being her own boss because she's such a perfectionist that if other people didn't agree with her and her ideas it would piss her off. Is this why she bounced around from job to job for many years? Because she didn't understand the idea of working on a team or with a team or for a team of people? You don't get to be the boss just because you say so or because you think you're right and everyone else is wrong. On top of that, there's a reason that teams manage talent because it would be a very bad idea to have one person doing all aspects of that job when they couldn't possibly do it alone for multiple clients and do it accurately.

She goes on to explain that if she's in a job and doesn't really like it and isn't giving it her all it will impact the overall team, so she seems to realize that her lack of being able to work in a team is detrimental but since she is a perfectionist and always thinks she's in the right...the way she's phrasing this comes across as if her faults are not really her faults as much as everyone else is wrong because she always knows what's right.

She claims that she's a "perfectionist on the team always giving 110% but someone else on the team wasn't" then it was a bad situation so really her failures are actually someone else's fault not her own fault because she always did the best she could and that's the best anyone could ask for, right?

Look I suppose that money makes the world go round but it's personally not my um my main driving force for my job is not money

This is the biggest load of bullshit I've ever seen. With the way she lives such an open and opulent lifestyle flaunting her designer clothing and bags and jewelry and travel and things with Jamie, the fuck money isn't a driving force for her. That seems to be the only driving force she has other than wanting undeserved fame and attention for things she's never really done.

So she goes on to say that money isn't a driving force for her, but then how she doesn't like making money for *other people* when she can make that money on her own so that's why she started her own company. What? So which one is it Jess, do you care about making a lot of money or not what you just said is contradictory to your statement that you aren't driven by making money, yet obviously you are since you went out and started your own company so the only person who would be getting a cut of that money would be yourself, yeah?

I met Renell through the female musician that I had at the time

She never names this female musician client and I haven't a clue who she's on about because I don't recall her ever working with a female musician or even mentioning this anywhere, not even on her own website. What female musician was she representing at all? Or is she just saying this to make herself sound more legitimate?

She says when she met Renell she couldn't understand how this girl was doing everything on her own and didn't have representation and then basically convinced her that she needed representation (and we can see how well that ended up working out for Renell now can't we? because since Jess took over that side of things Ice Studios has become less successful than it was when Renell was doing everything on her own).

I feel like if you're an agent or a manager you can kind of sell anything

Here is where she's admitting she never worked with photographers before at all and had no idea what she was doing but she would just "figure it out" I guess. This seems to be her life motto she has no idea what she's doing but she's so full of herself that she knows she can do it if she really wants to (despite not having any experience in anything she's doing). The way she's talking is like the words of a scam artist or snake oil salesman. She had no idea what she was doing or saying when she convinced Renell to let her become her agent and she still, to this day, has no idea what she's doing but she's such a smooth-talking liar that she was able to convince Renell to be represented by her.

She then says something about how the way she felt about "Kells" going to be "huge" she felt that way about Renell so she had to get in on it more or less. This confirms my theory of what I was saying about her desperate need to get on the ground floor of someone she knows is going to take off anyway and then really having to do no work herself and just ride their coattails. Which I assume she was trying to do with MGK but didn't work (obviously it didn't because there's no evidence she did anything for him). She believed that Renell was going to "take off" like MGK and she'd have to do very little work if any and it the money would just come flowing in without putting any effort into it.

Renell still sits under a million followers on IG but you'd think with Jess's expert management and how much she knows she's great at this and she can do this and she "TOTALLY HELPED KELLS BLOW UP" (which she didn't but in her own mind she seems to think she was part of this process) she could do the same for Renell.

Honestly, there's so much more of this interview left I'll have to leave this for an eventual part three, if I even get around to it. This woman talks in circles, she's not a good speaker, she constantly contradicts herself, her stories sound either extremely exaggerated or completely made up and the red flags are fucking everywhere. Who listens to a word this woman says and just believes her? The fact that she had to go out of her way to say that she can't/doesn't lie is a big tip-off to the fact that she's a huge liar and all she does is lie. You can see it right here in these interviews with how she describes her working process. Is the way she trapped Renell the same way she trapped Jamie? It stands to reason this is the case but this woman and this interview is one of the most problematic things I've ever seen to date. It baffles me how she got to where she is today speaking in this manner as if she isn't obviously just lying her ass off.

[moviemunchies]

Cartoon Saloon got famous off of doing movies like Secret of the Kells and Song of the Sea, and so I’m always happy to see more work from them. When I found out that they have this Netflix exclusive film, My Father’s Dragon, I knew I had to check it out.

For once, this Cartoon Salon movie is NOT about Irish mythology (though neither was The Breadwinner I suppose), but an adaptation of a children’s book about a little boy who goes to a magic island of talking animals to rescue a dragon.

Elmer and his mom, after having to close their store, move to a cramped apartment in a new city. Realizing that his mom needs money, and being misunderstood in his attempts to help, he runs off. A talking cat tells him how to reach a dragon that can help him solve his problems, and he’s on an adventure to the magic island. But the dragon, Boris, is actually trapped on the sinking island, and the only way to come into his full power is to save the island. The problem? He doesn’t know how. So now Elmer and Boris have to work together to figure out how to save the island and realize Boris’s full potential, while the animals of the island are trying to recapture Boris.

There is something interesting in the way Elmer interacts with Boris. You see, Boris isn’t precisely a wise, stately dragon. He’s kind of a small child. Well he’s not precisely a small child–he definitely has closer to an adult voice, but the way he acts and talks is reminiscent of a child. And Elmer, who is very focused on accomplishing the quest, has to struggle to keep Boris on track with his short attention span and boundless curiosity.

I can’t help but think that the impression we’re supposed get is that Elmer is learning what his mother’s going through: being a parent to a child, taking responsibility, learning how to guide Boris and letting him reach his potential. The reason this felt weird for me was that Boris was significantly more annoying than Elmer ever was for his mother. Like, yeah, I get it, Elmer didn’t always cooperate the best with his mom, but he was really a helpful child–the time he acts out is an outlier. Whereas Boris is constantly distracted, popping into Elmer’s bag without permission to eat candy…

Look, if the idea was “Elmer has to learn what it’s like in his mom’s shoes” then it doesn’t work, because Boris doesn’t act like Elmer does. So maybe I misread the entire situation and that’s not how we’re meant to read it this way at all.  But then… it’s even weirder because then Boris is just obnoxious and Elmer has to take a parental role for no thematic reason and I don’t understand what we’re doing here.

Okay, I’m making it sound like Boris is really annoying to the audience throughout the movie, and he’s not–but I understand that in Elmer’s position he would be incredibly obnoxious to deal with. For that reason I imagine he will probably be grating to a lot of viewers.

Saiwa, played by Ian McShane, is a fantastic antagonist for this movie. He trapped Boris on the island and had him lift the sinking island out to try to save the other animals. He’s not malevolent–he’s actually very kind and respectful to the other animals, it’s just that this is the only way he can think of to save the island. He’s never angry or vengeful, he’s really trying his best here, and at the movie when he’s proven wrong he gracefully accepts it and tries to do better. Fantastic! Good job. Something different from a villain, instead of trying to do a twist like so many other animated movies do these days. There is a sort of feeling that Saiwa’s going to end up doing something more harmful, but he doesn’t–and I’m kind of okay with that.

But then Elmer goes home and things sort of… work themselves out? And that happens sometimes, I suppose; however, we don’t really get a ‘how’ on that, other than that they’ve accepted that they don’t have the store anymore and adapted to life in the city. It doesn’t feel as if the characters actually did anything for it, at least not that was in a part of the story we were shown.

The end result is a movie that’s good, I think, and certainly beautifully animated. I can’t help but think though that it’s not as fantastic as some of the other projects to come out of Cartoon Saloon. Movies like Secret of the Kells and Song of the Sea felt like they were masterpieces, and while this is still a good film for kids, it doesn’t have the same weight to it that makes me think I can watch it over and over again.

It’s fun, especially for kids, but it’s far from a must-see. Which, with Cartoon Saloon, seems a bit disappointing.

[jellidile]

Small ramble, but I’ve been seeing a lot of people using all three of Mithrax’s names and no shade to anyone but I thought people might find it interesting as to why I commonly use Mithrax when writing about him, or talking about him>>> So Mithrax was the name Sjur Eido heard and gave him when they first met, and that was kind of the end of his pirate days as he floated around with Eido(daugher) to eventually becoming Kell of house Light, its his, as of now, most used version of his name. We know that it doesn’t hold any ill will the Sjur about it since he named his daughter after her, but we also don’t see him actively correcting guardians or anyone who does use the name Mithrax. It doesn’t seem to outwardly bother him at all and that’s one reason I still use Mithrax. But the other more important reason is that he actively seemed to be bothered when people call him Misraaks. Not so much Misraakskel as thats his actual title, but just Misraaks. Eramis and Spider both this season sneer at him when they call him Misraaks. They’re making fun of him, both for allowing humans to change his name, and to in a way make fun of how far he’s fallen. As Misraaks he was a bloodthirsty, cold, and brutal Captain. Universally feared by fallen and guardians, and he held societal power through fear. But that’s the past he’s trying to erase. I think, in a way, Mithrax uses the version of his name that Sjur gave him is his way of moving on. He’s turning over a new leaf with his new name. Thats why he doesn’t correct anyone, not because it’s been too long, or because it’s not worth the effort, but because he isn’t Misraaks anymore. Misraaks was cold, and cruel, and greedy. He wasn’t a good person, with so much blood on his hands and he controlled the Eliksni under him using fear. Mithrax, or Misraakskel is kind, and generous. Who believes and hopes in a better future, who asks and does not take. Who guides and protects. He is a beacon for his people So I kind of treat it like a dead name, Mithrax is his name and for me, calling him Misraaks is just this way of hurting him by reminding him of who he used to be instead of who he’s worked so hard to become.

[definitelyblaineanderson]

Blaine:

Man, I feel really bad for Savannah after all she's been through. Hopefully she knows we are here for her as she adjusts to tamer life again.

Speaking of adjusting to normalcy as a Digimon tamer, I can't help but in a similar vein worry about Crom's current fixation on his work either. Worried he's slipping into old habits of overworking, and if not, that Tony thinks so.

What if Tony thinks that Crom is doing that and ends up spiraling and endangering himself again? These poor guys can't catch a break either way. Will try to help somehow.

Vorvomon seems upset and defeated at the way they couldn't sustain their mega form during the last battle, but hey at least they reached it right? That's a step forward. They're probably not ready because Kells isn't.

Speaking of that last battle, there was a lot of collateral damage. Us and our Digimon better dip before anything happens. At least the siblings and Mephistomon are alright now. Maybe while we're in the Digital World we can check in on that cure.

Crom will hopefully be done with the program he's working on and won't have to focus on work any longer at least. Then we can all go find Callisto... ? Hope that goes well, shit...

I filled in the other Digimon on what happened in the fight with Gulfmon and what led up to it. Bearmon's a little shaken and saddened by the idea of yet another mon dark digivolving.

Then there's Dobermon, who decided to use Mephistomon's attack on Vani as a chance to have a go at Herissmon which... yeah, that uh. That ain't great. God dammit...

--

Dobermon

HEY THAT FIGHT WAS COOL. I GOT TO BE BELPHEMON AND WE SAVED GULFMON AND KELLS AND SAVANNAH IS OKAY. I think Vorvomon is sad and I can't blame em but I hope they feel better. We all did so good! They became mega even!

It's too bad about Mephistomon biting Vani though, that was awful. At least unlike Filmon, there was an excuse. He was being controlled and all... Filmon just kind of lost control. Made a comment about that when Blaine filled the rest of the crew in. I'm not talking to Filmon right now.

--

Elecmon

I flew Adrian, Vani, and Blaine to Kells' house! Gazimon (Dobermon) was too tired so I came out to help. Vani's Mephistomon has a Devidramon champion form too! I think that's really cool! She's a good friend, I wanna play with Mephistomon in his rookie form but I don't think he's up for it...

--

Herissmon

Fucking Dobermon, making me feel like crap for no reason while our tamer is talking to us. He's such a dick. Every time I think we're cool, he causes a problem. I thought we were all past my... episode. *sigh*

--

Bearmon

Sucks about Mephistomon going crazy on Savannah... been there. Hopefully it won't happen to anyone we know again...

--

Gizamon

Hey, all's well that ends well... shit sounded rough but the Digital Guardians got em through it as they always do.

... hey, has anyone noticed that Dobermon and Herissmon don't like each other?

[prettytoxicrevolver]

Five Times Colson Baker Almost Kissed You and the One Time He Did

Requested? For someone else maybe (i’m sorry LMAO)

Warnings? None? 

Summary: You and Colson have been best friends for years now and had feelings for each other for what seems like the same amount of time. However, you always seem to be missing out on one another. 

Word Count: 2,902 (it’s so long but I promise it’s worth it)

One

“One hour,” Colson says, trying to convince you. 

“No.” 

“Please? We can get food after,” he begs and you consider it for a moment. 

“Alright.” 

Colson cheers loudly at this, picking you up and spinning you around before throwing you back onto his king-sized bed. He heads to his closet, sorting through his clothes to find something to wear and you roll your eyes at your best friend. 

Colson had been begging you practically all week to go to a party that Pete Davidson was surprisingly throwing. You had always wanted to meet his best friend but had never gotten the time to do so. That was the main reason you said yes to going to the party and the other was Colson was Colson and you couldn’t say no to those big blue eyes.

“One hour,” you tell him when you arrive at the house. 

“One hour,” he repeats pressing a kiss to your cheek before heading into the party. 

You head in slowly, making your way to the drink table first and pouring yourself something before figuring out what to do next. Just as you’re about to walk around in hopes of finding someone you know, you hear someone call your name. 

“(y/n)?” you turn to see Pete standing a few feet away with a smile plastered on his face. 

“Hey! I’m Pete,” he says offering his hand to shake. “I didn’t mean to sound weird knowing who you are, Colson talks about you a lot.” 

“Good to know,” you joke, and Pete smiles. 

The two of you end up talking for a while, getting to know each other, and trading secrets about Colson. You don’t realize how fast time is going until a drunk Colson finds you. 

“Darling!” he calls, wrapping his arms around your shoulders and leaning his head against yours. “You met Pete?” 

“Yes, love. And you’re wasted?” you ask. 

You turn your head to the side to look at your best friend when it occurs to you how close Colson is. An inch rests between two of you, and your eyes flicker between his and his lips. Your eyes land on each other and for a moment something passes between the two of you. 

"Y'all gonna kiss or what?" Pete says from in front of the two of you. 

You and Col both laugh, and your head rests on his chest. The two of you cast another glance at each other before you maneuver so your arm is around Colson's waist and his slips around your shoulders. 

"Let's go, big guy." 

Two

"Fuck!" Colson curses loudly while messing with the pearl-like necklace. 

You stand from your spot on the couch and head over to your frustrated best friend. As you walk up to him, his hands drop and you stand in front of him. You offer a small smile and reach up to click together the confusing necklace. 

“I’m nervous,” he admits as you work on the jewelry. “Why the fuck am I nervous?” 

“Because it’s a VMA and you’ve been working your ass off and you deserve one.” 

“But I don’t care if we win or lose,” he insists and you nod. 

“I know. But you still care a little bit.” 

After fastening the necklace, you fix it so the bullhorn is at the center of his neck. Once finished, your hands fall to his chest and you look up at him. 

“You’re gonna win.” 

Because of restrictions, you sit to the side of the room as Colson heads in front of the cameras to talk to the interviewer. You sit back and admire your best friend’s success, proud to have been able to watch how far he’s come and how amazing he’s done in his career, vma or not. 

“What I wanna let you know, you won the vma. I have somebody bringing it in for you right now.”  

Just as Colson begins to freak out on camera, you immediately start to jump up and down for your best friend. You want to run up and hug him and tell him you knew it but you refrain wanting to hear what he says in his acceptance speech. 

He runs through the og’s, Casie, his family, Travis, and Mod, and just as he’s about to stop, his eyes land on you. 

“My beautiful best friend. Just before this, she was reassuring me that I was gonna win and I trust her with everything. Thank you for always believing in me.” 

A happy tear falls as Colson continues to cheer and you watch until the interview is over and the crew cuts the camera. As soon as they’re finished, Colson beelines straight for you. 

His arms wrap around your waist and yours slip around his shoulders and you can feel the excitement and love radiate between the two of you. He picks you up and spins you around unable to contain the happiness and you’re both practically screaming in the tiny backstage area. 

“I won!!” he yells. 

“You won!!” you echo and you’re both laughing out of pure bliss. 

He sets you down and you take a step back, your hands moving from his shoulders to his face and you cup his cheeks and see a beaming smile greet you. 

“I’m so proud of you Col,” you say and he laughs lightly still not believing this all. 

You stay there like that for a moment, gazing into each other eyes and your heart beats fast as his striking blue eyes study yours. Your thumb absentmindedly strokes the side of his cheek and he leans into your touch. You’re certain he’s leaning in and you’re getting closer when someone interrupts you. 

“Colson? Is it okay if we get some pictures?” 

Three

“Okay, we’re gonna sit here and get all of our work done even if it kills us,” you say turning to your best friend and laughing. 

“Or, we could go to this party in the hills?” Kells asks, offering you puppy dog eyes. 

“Absolutely not. You have to finish that song and I need to write this paper. We can get it done together.” 

The older boy gazes at you from across the room and you meet it with ease. After a moment or so, he breaks and you giggle lightly knowing you won. 

You and Colson both had been putting off your respective work for days now. You were both born procrastinators, having bad habits for waiting till the last minute to get things done. When you met each other, it got a little bit easier to finish things though when you had to do it together. 

However, sometimes you got things done much later in the night than the two of you would have liked. Currently, it was almost 2:30 and neither one of you had made much progress. 

“Okay, I’m done,” Kells says coming over to your spot on the couch and laying down. 

His head falls into your lap and you instinctively let your hands fall to his hair. Your hands card through the soft blonde locks that fall into a messy mohawk formation on his head. You watch as Kells eyes fall shut as your nails scratch the sides of his buzzed hair before running through the locks once more, 

“Hey,” Colson says and you look down at him. You smile lightly at the older boy and he sits up at the action. He props up on his elbow, one hand reaching up to twirl his fingers through your hair and you hum at the action. Your eyes trace over his features, committing each perfect detail to memory. 

You suddenly realize you’re both moving closer and closer to each other until you’re centimeters away from each other. Your heart is nonexistent and your eyes shut in anticipation at the closeness. 

Suddenly the loud sound of your alarm goes off and the two of you split. Colson falls back into your lap, his head hanging lowly and sighing quietly. You scramble to turn the alarm off, completely forgetting that you turned it on in case you took a nap during your work. 

“So close,” you hear Colson whisper before he stands and goes back to his work and you find yourself smiling. 

Four

“I suck,” you tell him. 

“You don’t suck,” Colson reassures you. 

“Please? It’s one song, the last song! Please?” he begs taking your hands in his and tugging at them lightly. 

“Fine.” 

“Let’s go!” Col cheers letting go of your hands to pump his fists together. 

Colson had come to you when he was almost finished with the album and had only a few songs left to mix and go over to make sure they were perfect. After going over the album and the deluxe over and over, Colson finally realized what he was missing. 

“It’s just this part at the end, me and Dom already did it but I think adding a high harmony will be perfect,” Colson explains, leading you into the small recording booth. 

He wanted to add you onto body bag, one of your favorite tracks off of Col’s new album that he recorded with none other than YungBlud. The two finished the song, but Colson insists the ending woahs need a harmony. So, he came to you which you still didn’t understand in the slightest. 

“Are you sure you want me to sing? I’m gonna ruin the whole song.” 

“Definite. I’ll sing with you if that makes you feel better,” he reassures and you nod. 

The two of you get set up, Col explaining the process along the way and you try to follow along to the best of your abilities. After putting on your headphones and you both step up to the mic, your nerves start to kick in. 

“I promise it’s not bad. And we can always redo it.” 

You nod at your best friend and he smiles before giving Travis the thumbs up to start the audio. The backing of the song begins and out of habit, you begin to dance to the song. 

Just before the part you’re supposed to sing hits, Colson taps you and you look over at him and he nods as you’re supposed to come in. The two of you sing together, you hitting a higher harmony and Colson smiles wide at you the entire time. 

“It’s perfect guys,” Travis says when you’re finished. 

“We finished!” Colson yells. 

“You did it!” You yell back. 

It hits you both at the same time, the fact that Colson had finished something so close to him and your best friend had achieved something so great. 

You jump into Colson’s arms, your legs wrapping around his waist and your arms wrapping tightly around his shoulders. He catches you as if he’s done this a million times, his arm circling your waist and he pushes his face into your neck. 

You pull away, about to tell Col how proud you are of him when you’re struck by the proximity of the two of you. You both smile widely at each other, radiating complete and utter joy. You move closer, wanting to finally close the gap, wanting to enhance this moment when you’re interrupted. 

“Uh, guys?” 

Five

“Colson,” you whine from across the room. 

“Yes?” he asks looking up at you. 

You give him a look, the look you’ve perfected between the two of you that is always understood whether you say something before, after, or nothing at all. It always means I want food. 

“We just ate!” he exclaims and you burst out laughing. 

“We ate preppy award show food! I want Mcdonald’s,” you say in between laughter. 

“I mean,” he says, shooting you the same look and now you’re both cackling together. 

You grab your phone and Col grabs his keys and the two of you head out together. Some days, going to McDonald’s and just hanging out was the best for you and Colson. You got to relax, spend some genuine time with each other and do whatever you wanted. 

As you drive, you and Colson sing along to your throwback playlist and talk about the award show you just attended together. You two were getting tired of award season, and the speeches and the tiny food. However, you always promised that if you had each other you’d bear every award show. 

“Usual?” Col asks when you pull up the speaker. 

“Yes please,” you answer. 

Colson orders your food and as you pull up to the first window you try to hand him your credit card. 

“Venmo me,” he says. 

“I..” you begin and he tilts his head to the side in confusion. 

“Have no money in my bank account currently.” 

The two of you burst out laughing, the worker giving you confused looks as Colson hands him his card anyway and you try to protest but nothing comes out between the giggles. 

After Colson pays and you pick up the food, you tell him to pull over somewhere so you can eat. He ends up finding a secluded parking lot for the two of you to chill. 

As you eat, you two talk about random things, from stories from the week to past dumb things you two have done. You end up laughing and enjoying your time well past when you finish your food. 

“Remember when you fell at that award show?” kells asks and you begin to laugh.

“It was one time!” 

“You face planted!” he reminds you and you’re both laughing all over again. 

“You didn’t even try and catch me,” you whine. 

“I’ll always catch you I promise,” he says and you look over at your best friend. 

Kells wears a serious expression replacing the bright but rare smile on his lips just seconds previous. Your eyes search his, uncertain of the meaning behind the words. His hand takes yours, his thumb rubbing over the soft skin and his eyes stare into the distance as he does the action. 

“Col,” you whisper, trying to get the older boys attention. 

His eyes snap to yours and his hand moves from yours to your cheek. His thumb traces your features, trailing from your jaw to your lips and you’re breathless at his touch. Just as you inch closer and closer, your lips ghost over each other’s, and your breath hitches. 

You think you’re about to meet, a long-awaited connection when a horn blares out of nowhere, scaring the two of you apart. You both settle back into your seats, a soft chuckle emitting from your best friend as he shakes his head. You bite your lip, a hand coming up to feel the skin where his fingers gracefully touched and you can’t believe your moment was ruined once more. 

And One 

“Hey I’m coming over in 5,” you say greeting Colson from the view of your car. 

“Uh why?” he asks peering into the phone to figure out why you’re headed over to his place so late at night. 

“Cause there’s a meteor shower and I wanna watch it from a good view,” you explain and Colson laughs at you. 

After a quick drive, you’re walking inside of Colson’s house with blankets, pillows, and tons of snacks. When Col sees you, he hops up from the couch and helps you with the stuff. 

“You seriously drove all the way over here for a meteor shower?” 

“It’s a better view over here!” you defend and Colson laughs. 

Together you bring the stuff upstairs and manage to bring it out onto the rooftop. You set up, laying blankets over the rooftop, setting up pillows, and laying out snacks. 

“When is the shower supposed to start?” Col asks as he climbs back onto the roof next to you. 

“I think like 10 minutes?” 

Colson nods in response, settling in next to you. He lays down, his hand slipping underneath his head to prop himself up slightly. You lay down next to him, relaxed in each other’s presence as you wait for the meteor shower to begin. 

As you sit and stare at the stars, your mind wanders to the boy next to you. As cheesy as it was, you’d always be grateful to have Colson Baker in your life. No matter what happened, knowing him and gaining life experience together will be something you always cherished. 

You feel Colson moving next to you, and his hand slowly trails down until it meets yours, interlocking your fingers with ease. Your heart pounds slowly in your chest and you’re surprised Colson can’t hear it. 

“Hey,” he says and you turn to look at him. 

His hand comes to meet your cheek and you search his eyes. You sink into the feeling of his hands on you and nothing feels better in the world. As he moves closer, your breath hitches and you’re mesmerized by his stunning blue eyes. 

Then his lips are on yours, and the long awaited connection has sparks lighting from end to end. He moves slightly so he’s facing you, one hand holding your waist as the other caresses your cheek and you’re relaxed into his touch. 

As he pulls away, he places another chaste kiss to your lips and you’re left smiling wide. As you stare into Col’s eyes, you can’t help but giggle as the ultimate feeling of happiness overwhelms you. 

“Fucking finally,” he says and the two of you are really laughing now. 

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

HASO, “A little Race.”

So this is a little story setting up for some stuff in the future.

A few of you on the discord server mentioned an interest in learning more about the criminal element within my universe as well as a couple other ideas which I would love to incorporate, so I hope you like where this is going :)

Adam turned heads as he walked through the station. Glowing, grungy neon lights lit him up from either side though the forest of bodies parted before him like a sea. Everyone here looked more than a little unnerved at his presence, and hurriedly scampered away into the dark allies upon the station.

It wasn’t a big place, A trading hub  not so far from the metallic belt, so many of these people probably weren't here for illegal reasons, but based on his time getting to know the criminal underbelly of the universe, he also knew the station’s real reputation. And he knew the man he was looking for was likely to be here. 

He would have disguised himself as Kell, but thought better of it. He wanted to keep that disguise in his arsenal if he ever had to go undercover again, and this wasn’t a moment  he needed to be undercover.

Behind him Sunny walked at his shoulder, holding her pearlescent spear in one hand.

She really made an impression on people these days, and he found it more than useful to have a saint on his side.

He walked down the hallway through a set of doors and then into a wide cargo bay. Someone was playing rap music somewhere, and he could hear it echoing  off the rough metal. Graffiti tagged the walls on almost every surface, including the floor, and the rattle of metal on metal drowned out whatever lyrics there might have been. He stepped further into the room as out of place as he had ever been.

Adam had never been involved in criminal affairs. Beside his brief stint as Kell and his  accidental time in the Turma Prison, he had been a straight arrow all his life. He had never done drugs, never stolen anything, never been arrested. And it certainly didn’t help that he had to run here from an appointment with Admiral kelly, and so was still wearing his UNSC uniform, which was pristinely pressed, light grey  and caused him to stand out like a drop of white paint against a black background.

The music crew louder as he stepped inside.

The room was full of shuttles, or some of them were shuttles and others were more accurately jets. Some of them were old, held together by paint and duct tape, while others glowed sleek with outlandish new paint jobs that included skulls and flames and chains. A group of men and women sat off to one side. The women wore very little, just string bikini tops and cut off jean shorts. One of the women, with long dark hair tied back in a ponytail was wearing jeans and a spoked leather jacket.

A lot of the men wore baggy pants tank tops, with lines of tattoos crawling up their arms and necks.

Similar looking people loitered around the ships tinkering with the engines and polishing surfaces already too shiny to need polishing.

The  woman was the first to see him, sitting up straight with the rattle of leather and spikes, “You don’t have any business here, Get out.”

That caused the others to turn and look, and the group of people bristled like an angry dog, forming into a tight group shoulders wide, arms out chests puffed up.

Adam stopped a few feet away.

“I want to speak with the man called Donovan Red.”

“Ol Donni ain’t here.” One of the men said, spitting onto the floor, “New git!”

“I know he’s here. His ship is parked in the hanger on deck E.”

A couple more men had wandered up to join, and he spotted the tell tale sign of weapons shoved hastily into their pants.

He held his hands out to the sides, “Listen, I just want to talk.”

“Then come  back with a warrant, pig.” ONe of them snapped. The guy was an ugly looking thug with a completely shaved head and bare chest. He had a pot belly from drinking, but he still had one of the girls hanging off his arm shying behind him from for protection.:

He sighed, “I’m not here to talk with him about any of his activities as legal or illegal as they may be. I’m not interested in what he does or who he does it with. I am here to ask him a favor.”

There was a shift about the room, and the woman from before stood up resting a hand on her hip, “The golden boy of the UNSC wants a favor from old Donni.” She barked a laugh and the men and women behind her laughed too.

“”In your dreams, boy.”

The group turned laughing and he felt his insides churn a bit with rage. He went to take a step forward but took a deep breath and stopped, “He will want to reconsider.” they ignored him, “If he does me a favor that means I owe him, Think about that, one of the most powerful men in the GA or the UNSC and I will owe him a favor.” he raised his voice, “Your boss would have to be pretty stupid to avoid an offer like that.”

There was a pause around the room, and then Adam felt something cold press up against his temple, “And you have to be pretty stupid to call him stupid.”

Adam turned his head just slightly feeling the barrel of the gun pressed below his ear.

As he moved the gun moved. Sunny hadn’t bothered to deal with the guy, and he knew why almost immediately.

WIth one lightning fast move he reached up and slapped the gun out of the man's sloppy grip. It clattered to the floor and went spinning away under one of the shuttles. Adam then stepped back and elbowed the man in the face. The man staggered back and Adam finished him off with a kick to the sternum that sent him flying back into  a barrel, which tipped over with an echoing thud and rolled slowly away.

He turned back to the others who were hastily reaching for their weapons, “The next person who points a gun at me is getting a spear through the throat.” Sunny stepped forward with a hungry look on her face.

The group paused, “You’re UNSC, you can’t do that.”

HE crossed his arms, “I won't be doing anything, but I can’t guarantee that my partner here won’t.” 

There was a pause in  the room as everyone nervously looked between each other.

“Why don’t we all just calm down.” The voice echoed in from the back, and the entire group turned to see a man walk up through the isel.

Donovan Red was shorter than Adam had expected, but still fit. He wore a tight black T shirt that bulged around his biceps, and when he walked he walked with the confidence of a man not used to being out of control.

The man walked right up to him, unperturbed by their height difference  slowly looking him up and then down. 

“You shouldn’t have come here, Cinderella.”

Adam raised an eyebrow, “Cinderella/”

The man shrugged, “Yeah, you got that vibe, all dressed up like a princess.” He nodded to Sunny, “And hanging out with woodland creatures.”

Sunny did not look amused, 

“Actually that would be snow white, or sleeping beauty, as I recall Cinderella only talked to mice.”

The man snorted, “My apologies for now knowing my princesses better, Cinder-ellla.”

Adam didn’t respond, didn’t back up. Instead he inched forward so he was towering over the man, “Look I’m not here to bother you or your men-”

“Too late for that don’t you think, princess.”

The men and women behind him laughed.

Adam sighed, “If you will let me finish. I assume that you got off your ass and came over here because you heard what I was saying to your cronies?”

Adam stood his ground as the entire group inched in. It was partly out of show, and partly because he knew sunny and him together could take this crowd easy.

Red looked up at him with his head tilted to one side, “Tell you what.”

He stepped back and turned to look at his men, “I’ll talk to you about your little favor, but-” He held up a finger, “Only if you prove yourself worthy of my time.”

Adam sighed. This was going to be good.

“And how, exactly do I do that.”

“Simple,” The man said with a smirk, “You just have to win a little race.”

***

Eris looked up at the pictures on the wall. There were a lot of them to choose from, and she spent some time wandering around the living room looking up at all the images. She knew these people, or at least it felt like she did.. Through Adam’s memories she knew Martha: intelligent and protective, Jim: strong and loyal, Maya: sweet and adventurous, Jeremy: friendly and changeable, Davide: perfect and charming, Thomas: a general hot mess, but someone who cared deeply about things.

She remembered all of them, but at the same time that felt like invading their privacy. 

They didn’t know her, so it wasn’t fair of her to claim to know them.

She sensed someone behind her and turned to find Martha looking up at the pictures with her. She pointed up at one and Eris followed, “that was last christmas together before Adam went to space.” She sighed and shook her head, “A lot has changed since then.”

Jim followed behind and held out a cup, “Can you eat human food? Sorry if you can’t I just assumed.”

She took the cup, “No its ok, myst of my  insides are human.” She had taken off her hoodie and now let it rest on the back of Martha’s rocking chair.

Jim went to stand next to his wife and looked Eris over with his head slightly tilted.

Eris hid behind her long dark hair, hair that reached past her butt. She wore it long, not only to hid behind, but because she thought it might help to cover the starborn ribbons which trailed from her back.

“You know what Martha, she looks a lot like Maya doesn’t she.”

Martha turned to look and Eris shuffled her feet, “You know what, I didn’t see it before but she does. She elbowed him, definitely has the Vir family nose.”

He grunted, “Be glad she got the nose and not the ears.”

Martha motioned her to take a seat, “Why don’t you sit down and tel lus what brings you all across the galaxy.”

Eris sat shyly on the edge of her seat nervously running her hands through her hair.

“Well….. um , nothing really it’s jus that. I had been taking care of the other hybrids and…. And well I kind of got burnt out and couldn’t do it anymore, so I…. wanted to start living for myself you know?”

The two humans nodded sagely

“But I didn’t know where to start. So I thought I would get to know my roots a bit better. I am half human….. Well DNA says a little bit more than half human, so I thought I might start with you.  Iwanted ;to see Adam, but he seems to be gone, and I can’t reach him.”

Martha nodded, “It has been harder and harder lately especially after.”

Eris’s eyes widened as she read the thoughts forming in the woman’s mind, “Someone is trying to kill him!”

The two paused, but then got back into stride without so much as a look between each other. Eris kicked herself. People always hated being around her when they knew she could read minds. 

Here she was driving people away again.

“Yes…. someone has attempted to kill him in the past. We aren’t sure if it will happen again, but we dor worry about him.”

Eris felt her insides go cold, she could feel it through the mental link to his parents, and she could feel it inside herself as well.

Adam Vir couldn’t die, not before she got to know him better, and certainly not if it was going to hurt his parents, who were some f the nicest people she had ever met.

She had to do something.

[ohsnapcracklepopfriends]

Here it is friends. Part one of my Taylor-Swift-nostalgia induced carraville fic. I will be writing a short part two but I figured I’d get this up now and it could be read on its own at this point. I haven’t proof read it so please excuse any mistakes but I hope you enjoy!

Jamie undid his tie. It was a plaid tie, blue instead of red to suggest his neutrality. It was a good day or at least it should’ve been. Liverpool beat Everton two to one, he’d had a good show (no one was harassing him on Twitter yet and Gary had made a few mistakes, Jamie thought that qualified a pretty good show), and he had a date at eleven. He should be fucking buzzing but Jamie just feels the idle hum of numbness. Even the five-goal thriller that was their first game of the night hadn’t got his heart pumping like it used to. 

Gary walked in silently, startling Jamie who quickly pulled on a jumper. Not that his state of dress mattered, Gary’s eyes stayed glued to the floor. He walked to the far corner of the dressing room to change out of his suit, as far away from Jamie as possible.  He hadn’t said a word to Jamie all night when the cameras weren’t rolling. It hurt. Especially when Gary was so good at acting like everything was fine when the commercial break ended. He even fooled Jamie a few times.

Kelly knocked on the door, making sure they were both decent, before walking in to say goodnight. Jamie watched as Gary smiled at Kelly, as he laughed with her about something. Jamie used to do that: make Gary laugh. Kelly turns her attentions to Jamie. She compliments him on his interview tonight and asks him where he and Tom are going for their date. 

“It’s quite late,” she comments, “you can’t really be going to dinner.” Jamie give her a fake laugh. 

“I’ve got a reservation and everything Kells. We’re going to that new vegan place. He’s picking me up.” You heard that right: vegan. Because on top of everything, Tom fucking cared about animals and the environment. Jamie wasn’t complaining too much, though. He could suffer through some tofu if it meant not having to go to Gary and his old haunts. 

“Ooh!” Kelly said, “do I get to meet him? Redknapp keeps talking about how lovely he is, I figure I could judge for myself.” Ah, yes, Redders. Running into Redders had been an accident. They managed to bump into him at the golf course the week before. Tom was good at golf, unlike Redders, as much as he tried to be. Tom gave him a few pointers, helping Redders fix his posture for his swings. They ended up playing a whole round together while Jamie played ping-pong with an eight-year-old girl in the clubhouse. Redders hadn’t shut up about how Tom’s wonderfulness and his perfect swing since. Jamie nodded at Kelly. He figured he couldn’t do any more damage. 

The three of them stood in the parking lot waiting for Tom’s car to pull in. He wasn’t late of course, he never is, they just got out earlier than anticipated. Gary had tried to skitter off to his car but Kelly practically dragged him back up on the curb. Gary, despite trying to put on an agreeable face, looked about as miserable as Jamie felt. Jamie thought he was slightly better at hiding it though. 

At 10:59 Tom’s blue Volkswagen pulled in. One minute early. He wore a nice checked shirt with the first few buttons undone. His hair and shirt were miraculously crisp and clean after a full day of work. He looked like a fucking god with his symmetrical face, sharp bone structure, and straight nose. Kelly certainly took note of that. “Our Carra is a lucky man!” She whispered before going over to Tom to introduce herself. Tom shook her hand and complimented her dress which, to be fair, was a very nice floral pattern. 

Tom stuck his hand out for Gary to shake. “Hello Gary, my name’s Tom. It’s nice to meet you.” Gary takes a minute to collect himself and takes Tom’s outstretched hand giving it a firm shake. 

“It’s nice to meet you as well.” It sounds remarkably fake, of course it does, but Tom doesn’t seem to notice. He just turns towards Jamie with a perfect smile. 

“You have such lovely friends, Jamie. It was nice to meet you both.” Jamie wasn’t so sure about that but played along and let Tom walk him to the car. Tom opened Jamie’s door for him before walking around to get in himself. He saw Kelly sling an arm around Gary’s shoulders as they drove away. Jamie took a deep breath and remembered it was all for the best. He reminded himself that this was what he wanted: stability. He didn’t want to fight anymore. The words Gary had said that night still rung in his ears. He was sure his own snarls were not forgotten either. 

It started to rain as they parked but Tom had an umbrella. Gary never had an umbrella. You’d think that living in Manchester he’d learn to at least keep one in his car. Instead, he resorted to sprinting away from the rain as fast as he could trying to avoid the rain, he wasn’t as fast as he used to be. But Tom was prepared, he always was. He held the umbrella for the both of them as they walked around to the front of the restaurant. 

“James, try the torte it’s quite delicious.” Jamie hated being called James. Absolutely hated it. Not when Gary said it though. His stupid manc accent stretched the vowels into velvet. When Gary said it he felt special. Tom’s polished London accent made him feel posh, pretentious, and twatty. James. Ugh. It was like the word torte. It’s a fucking cake, just call it what it is. Jamie took a bite of the torte. It was good if you ignored the aftertaste of soya in the frosting, a little dry, but Jamie nodded his head like it was an orange mcflurry. He let Tom finish the dessert. 

They’re in the car. Tom’s dropping Jamie off at his apartment. Tom must have noticed that Jamie had been quiet and switched the topic to something a little more in his wheelhouse: football. They were talking about England and possible squads for the upcoming international break. Tom started talking about moving Kyle Walker into midfield and Jamie couldn’t take it. 

“That’s bollocks. Where is the one place on the field where we actually have players? Fucking midfield. Gareth’s drowning in defenders but not experienced ones. Playing Walker in midfield fucking undermines Henderson and leaves the young centrebacks overexposed.” Tom laughs for some reason. Jamie doesn’t find it funny.

“Well, you would certainly know.” This is what you want, he reminds himself again. Peace, calm, stability. This is happiness. But, fuck, Jamie missed Gary. He missed the challenge. He missed the little crease between Gary’s eyes. He missed Gary’s squeaky voice when he gets worked up. He missed fighting and bickering with Gary over things that didn’t matter. He missed screaming at Gary and Gary screaming back. He missed the really hot sex they’d have after such screaming matches, making Gary scream in a different, more satisfying way. He missed Gary’s laugh, his smile. It seemed to Jamie that neither of them have smiled much since that day. Jamie thought that smiling didn’t seem worth it if Gary wasn’t smiling back. 

Jamie checked his phone. It was nearing 1 am. He had a handful of messages from Kelly. Jamie didn’t want to read about how great she thought Tom was, he fucking knew that Tom was great. On paper, he was fucking perfect. The perfect boyfriend. The dream guy. Not for Jamie though. He dreamed of an angry, passionate, crazy, wonderful manc. He opened his messages anyways though, figuring Tom would want to hear what Kelly thought about him. 

Jamie. I know you’re on your date but we need to talk. Can you call me? It’s about Gaz. The first one read.

He’s at mine. Really upset. He said not to talk to you so I figure you know what’s going on. That sounded about right. Kelly caring more about Gary’s well being than Gary himself. Gary was too stubborn to care. 

Call me please. The last one read. Fuck. They’d made a mess of things. Not only had they made a mess of themselves, but they’d also dragged the others into it. 

“Can you pull into that park up there?” Jamie asked Tom. He nodded and turned down the radio, waiting for Jamie to say something more. He didn’t though. Not until he got out of the car and puked some partially digested salad in the grass. Tom came over to him and rested his palm on Jamie’s mid back. Gary used to pet his hair, carding his fingers through it, on those mornings after he’d had a little too much to drink. 

Jamie laid on his back in the middle of the parking lot. The rain soaked through his thin shirt in seconds. Tom looked down at him concerned. “I can’t do this, Tom. You’re so lovely. I mean you’re so fucking lovely but I just can’t—”

“I get it, James. You’re still in love with him.” The bastard still looked perfect even drenched with rain. Jamie guessed that he probably looked like a drowned rat. Jamie must have been giving him a confused look because he laughed and explained further. “I saw the way you used to look at him on the tele like he’s the fucking sun. I saw the way you looked at him tonight like being around him was tearing you apart. Besides, I’m pretty sure half the nation knew there was something going on there.” Jamie laughed at that. They had been pretty obvious. And not just Gary, apparently. Apparently, he was just as open of a book. He needed to call Kelly. 

She picked up after three rings. “Hi Carra,” she whispered, “needed to get out of the living room, Gaz’s sleeping on my couch.”

“Is he okay?” Jamie asked, not really wanting to hear the answer. 

“He’s a wreck, Jamie. He misses you.” I miss him too, Jamie didn’t say, so much. 

“Can I come round?” Jamie asked. Kelly said yes so long as Jamie can get Gary the hell out of her living room and gave Carra her address. 

Thankfully, Kelly’s place was nearby, about a mile away. Jamie didn’t know where he got the energy considering he was dead on his feet a few minutes before, but he ran there as fast as he possibly could. His water-filled shoes squished loudly with every step. He got there in seven minutes and was panting heavily when he knocked on the door. Kelly let him in wordlessly. 

Gary was still sleeping on the couch when he walked into the living room. Kelly gave him a nod and walked into the kitchen. Jamie kneeled next to Gary and cupped his cheek with his palm. Jamie hadn’t realized how much he’d missed that simple feeling. Gary’s forehead was still crinkled in his sleep. His eyes were dark like he hadn’t slept much. Jamie hadn’t either. It was hard to sleep alone, without Gary’s comforting weight on his chest. Jamie took Gary’s hand from where it was tucked under his chin and intertwined their fingers. The weight of Gary’s hand in his set relief running through Jamie’s body. Gary started to stir at that. 

“James?” Jamie smiles at that. His stupid name sounds beautiful coming from Gary’s mouth. His eyes weren’t even open yet and Gary already knows it’s him. “What are you doing here?” He opened his eyes slightly but upon seeing Jamie they were wide open. Gary’s eyes were red and bloodshot. Jamie just wanted to yank him into his arms and hug him forever. 

“What are you doing here, you muppet? Bothering Kelly at 2 am?” Jamie said playfully. Gary flushed slightly. “Come on, Gaz. Let’s get you home.” He grabbed Gary’s hand to pull him up. Gary stumbled when he tried to take a step. Carra looked down at the empty beer bottles and figured that was why. He grabbed Gary’s arm and slung it over his shoulder. Gary’s head rested in the crook of Jamie’s neck, his soft breathing tickling at the skin there. 

“Kelly,” Jamie called softly into the kitchen, “we’re leaving.” She came out to stand in the doorway in her fluffy, pink bunny slippers that Jamie had somehow not noticed before. Jamie thought he should get Gary a pair. 

“Set an alarm,” she said, “he wakes up early. Don’t let him bolt.” Jamie figured Gary wouldn’t be racing out of his apartment at 5 am with the hangover he was sure to have but it was still a good idea. Gary was an unpredictable, stubborn bastard at times. Jamie thanked her and helped Gary down to his car. 

It was still pouring when they got out of the building because clearly the gods wanted Gary to either sober up or catch his death. Thankfully, in his upset Gary had forgotten to lock the car meaning Carra didn’t have to fumble around for his keys in the current weather. Except, that Gary wouldn’t get into the car. He sprawled his limbs over the door so Jamie couldn’t push him inside. 

“Gary, if you don’t get your arse in that car, I’m going to leave you out here to drown.” Obviously, he wasn’t serious but he figured that Gary might be drunk enough not to know that. Gary just smiled up fondly at him and stayed put. 

“I love you,” he said, looking like the most radiant, beautiful thing Jamie had ever seen in his life. His hair was a mess, stuck down to his forehead. His cheeks were bright red from a mix of alcohol and the cold. His eyes were still red but god they held all the love in the world. Jamie could see that somehow, after everything, Gary still loved him, truly loved him. After all the things he said, screamed, did, this man--this beautiful man--still loved Jamie every ounce as much as Jamie loved him. It didn’t matter what he should want, he wanted Gary and all of his adorable, infuriating flaws. His recipe to happiness was just that: his own. He didn’t need stability, calm, peace. He needed to feel something. 

Jamie cupped his face for the second time that night. He ran his thumb over Gary’s wet, stubbly cheeks. Jamie couldn’t help himself. He kissed Gary with all of the kisses they’d missed in the past two months. The two months of pain, loneliness, desolation. He kissed Gary with all of the love he had in his cold, wet body and Gary did the same. Gary moved slower than Jamie, less frantically but no less enthusiastically. Gary clutched at his jacket like a vice, unwilling to let go. Jamie moved his hands around Gary’s body. He wanted to make sure that everything was still as he remembered it. And it was. Of course, it was. He had Gary in his arms, it didn’t matter that the rain had picked up. Though, he was sure he’d hear about the soggy interior of Gary’s car in the morning. He pulled away reluctantly for breath and rested his forehead against Gary’s.

[kats-kradle]

Hi hello yes I actually found your blog while I was looking for Ronon Dex whump, something there is not nearly enough of, and I just wanted to say that should you ever want to share your thoughts about him, whump-related or otherwise, I'm around to hear them,,, I care him very much (which is why I like to see him hurt... funny how that works).

OHOHOHOHOHO DID SOMEONE SAY THE MAGIC WORDS “RONON WHUMP”????? And yes there is not NEARLY enough Ronon whump!!! Buckle up I don’t think you know what you’ve unleashed by offering to let me talk about this XD i have 43 (i counted thats not an exaggeration) unfinished fics where i whump this man so i have A Lot of Thoughts on this so i’ll try to keep my headcanons and general thoughts from getting mixed up so here we go (also I haven’t actually seen past season 3ish but I know like everything)

Just general thoughts

I just love the team dynamic in general the actors had great chemistry with each other

They don’t whump Ronon enough and that is A Crime.    

But when they do whump him OH BOY ITS GOOD

Just off the top of my head I can think of     the episode where John and Elizabeth were possessed by those people who     wanted to kill each other and ronon got SHOT that was dope especially when     it showed the surgery but I was so mad there was no aftercare

Also just the fact that after Ronon was shot the guy possessing John said (about John) something like “if only you could hear him right now he is screaming so loud” or something to that effect and I’m not really a John whumper but oh boy the thought of John fighting as hard as he could to try and get control back because he wants to help Ronon rlly adds to the experience

After atlantis flies and John is going around checking the damage and he finds Ronon with the shard of glass in his shoulder juts the way he kneels down next to him is so soft and his voice goes soft too its great

I haven’t gotten there yet but ohoho the enzyme episode where Ronon gets drugged and then has to go through withdrawal ohooho I may have watched that scene a few hundred times

I just love also how fiercely loyal Ronon is and how much he trusts them

That ep where those villagers were going to give them to the wraith and Ronon literally would rather die than let his friends be taken to the wraith I love how John and Teyla go through like  45 heart attacks that’s one of the ones I haven’t gotten to yet but ive  seen gifs and oh boy oh boy does it look good

The way I generally describe Ronon is he’s     like a bug fluffy dog. Like he’s kind of silly sometimes and he’s very     loyal and will kill without hesitation if it means keeping his friends     safe

Also just that whole scene when Ronon arrives     when John is asking Elizabeth if he can stay is just like a kid asking his     mom if he can keep a dog he found

And Ronon has such a sweet smile also I love it when hes happy (but also I love it when hes in pain)

Stargate Atlantis was very well directed because for most definitions of “good acting” you can see “oh this character is sad. Now they are happy” which I do understand that many people prefer  this because they have difficulty interpreting facial expressions but I absolutely adore how subtly expressive the actors are because to me it’s fascinating to decode what the character is feeling. They act like real people and talk in the way real people would and it seems super natural and not scripted, and you can just tell in their interactions that the characters care for each other a lot and its beautiful

Now that I’ve said something vaguely scholarly-like its time to move on to the mess of headcanons

Headcanons

So when rewatching season 2 with my sister I realized the amazing potential for angst involving Kell (his old commander who he killed) so in my mind even though he’s very loyal to John at first it was more of a “you saved my life now I’ll watch your back because I owe you” and he had difficulty trusting any of them but especially John this changes over time ofc but he can’t help being wary of command 

I also hc that Kell  would punish the soldiers in his division for being “unfit” for battle so like if they broke a leg or something they would be punished  (this is mostly just for my guilty pleasure of ANGST) so that way they     would “be more aware” of their surroundings and whatnot 

Also disobey direct  orders was a big no no and you know how laid back John usually is with  orders so the first time Teyla disobeyed a direct order after Ronon joined the team John was grumbling about it in a way Teyla knew wasn’t serious but Ronon just kind of panicked and started lying his ass off and saying he threatened her into doing it and he should take the punishment which led to an awkward conversation (awkward for Ronon, it left his teammates ready for some murdering)

He hides injuries  because he was alone for so long and never had anyone to take care of him so he just forgets that he has to mention it and in his mind some injuries might not be that bad 

Beckett is constantly  chasing him around after missions desperately trying to get him to hold  still for long enough to do a check

Ronon hates pain medicine because it tends to dull his senses so in his mind all the more  reason to avoid Beckett

He is really good friends with Beckett but just not when he’s hurt

Usually he wanders into the medbay after bad nightmares if Beckett is on night shift and will just sit there

One time he hesitantly asked if Beckett could check to make sure that the tracker was actually gone for good

Ronon was expecting to get laughed at but Beckett took the request with the upmost seriousness and ran all the tests he could think of to calm Ronon’s fear

One time Ronon stumbled into the medbay and he obviously hadn’t slept in a while and was flinching at every noise so Beckett made up an excuse to “take some blood to test and see if it would be compatible with vaccines for the common sicknesses  humans get” and just like. Sedated him. Ronon felt betrayed at first but quickly realized that Beckett only did it because he cared about him and wasworried. He did try to get more sleep after that tho

Oh and you can bet Beckett goes off at him if he ever ends up in the medbay which he does to everyone but  especially Ronon because usually he’s either dragged there or he’ll come  in like “yeah so three days ago for the last mission I got hit in the side and now I’m coughing up blood so…” and then will just like pass out

While he was a runner he trained himself to be a light sleeper so adjusting to Atlantis was difficult because the ocean would wake him up every night at first

Also thunderstorms are The Worst to him because 1. It gives him PTSD for when he was a soldier and the wraith were attacking and 2. When he was a runner thunderstorms were almost a death sentence because the wraith could track him but he couldn’t hide he couldn’t hear and he couldn’t see so yeah thunderstorms are real bad for him

He has a constant fear of leading the Wraith to his new home and his new family oh also I decided that he doesn’t know if his mother died or not so every place they go he’s hopeful he’ll see her

This is a hc I had before I knew it was basically canon but he and the team hang out in the cafeteria a lot especially after nightmares they just all gravitate there

Also I haven’t gotten here yet so I’m just going off of what I know but he kind of tried to leave after Beckett died because he managed to find a way to blame himself also one of my hcs is that Beckett would tell him  about Scotland all the time and had decided that if they ever got the opportunity to go to Earth then Ronon was coming to Scotland with him sooo     ehehhe the angst of Ronon going to earth for Beckett’s funeral and going     to Scotland with Beckett but not in the way either of them wanted

On to softer hcs just cuz

He loves hugs. 7 years of being alone would  make anyone want a hug.

Children gravitate to him for some reason. Logically it doesn’t make sense because he’s so big and a bit intimidating but children just adore him

He carries extra snacks for Rodney

He can’t swim. Somehow he went his entire life without knowing how to swim which Rodney is astounded by and goes on about it for a minute or so

John took it upon himself to give him swimming lessons. John was a terrible teacher but Ronon managed to get the idea

He loves cocoa, specifically loaded with marshmallows. Teyla jokes he likes the marshmallows more than the cocoa

Wow this has gone on so much longer than I thought it would

So that’s it! you unleashed the beast. I now demand to hear your thoughts on ronon because boy oh boy hes a great whumpee and im not sure ive met many if anyone who likes to whumpe him so im super excited!!

[lizzy-williams]

𝐦𝐫. 𝐛𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐫 (𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟏)

((Howdy there, this is my first time writing on here, so I hope you enjoy!))

Masterlist

Summary: You accept a job as an assistant to the now world-famous Colson Baker, who shattered the charts with his album Tickets To My Downfall, and an Oscar winner for his success in the award-winning film titled Midnight in the Switchgrass, which also starred his ex, Megan Fox. But once you are accepted for the job, you seem to get closer than anticipated with Mr. Baker. 

𝑾𝑯𝑬𝑵 𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑯𝑨𝑫 graduated with a bachelor’s degree in business administration, you had never expected to be getting a job like this. Sure, you had heard about your employer. He had won an Oscar for christ’s sake. Not to mention a Grammy-winning album. You had to say that personally, you were a fan, which was one of the main reasons you interviewed for the job. But never in a million years did you think you would land it. 

When you were employed, you were expected to start right after you had applied, which you obliged, even though his house was a thirty-minute drive away. 

So now, there you were, sitting in your car, taking deep breaths. You had arrived several minutes early. You had pulled into the driveway, breathing in and out as you prepared yourself. You were excited but scared out of your mind.

“Come on, AJ, you got this, just go in there and try to not be a nuisance,” you spoke to yourself. With a deep breath, you exited the vehicle brushing yourself up, walking up the long, intimidating stairs. 

You raised your hand up, taking hold of the lion-shaped knocker and knocked three times, the echos being heard even from the outside. The door was large and almost looming over you with its height. You took the waiting time to look around at the garden out front, trimmed to perfection and colorful pink roses littering the gravel. It was nothing less than stunning. 

“Who’s there?” a voice asked, making you jump, your eyes shifting around. 

You then realized the voice was a Ring doorbell system, and you mentally slapped yourself for not just using that. You leaned down slightly, trying to meet the camera’s eye, giving a warm smile. 

“Um, I’m Adeline Williams, I’m the new assistant for Mr. Baker, I was instructed to start today,”

“Yeah, I’ll be right down.” 

The voice was deeper then what you would think Mr. Baker would sound like, having seen plenty of interviews. Suddenly the door swung open, revealing a tall African-American male. He had to be at least six feet tall. 

“What’s up, I’m Slim,” He held his hand out for a handshake, which you quickly took. 

“Yeah, I’m Adeline, but you can just call me AJ,” you responded, “Where is Mr. Baker?”

“Yeah, he’s still asleep. His manager made you a binder for your duties and other stuff. It’s good to meet you though, just feel free to come in and grab your stuff in the kitchen.” He stated, stepping aside and motioning for you to enter. 

You walked in, taking in the entryway. The walls were littered with gold record plaques for collabs he had done with other artists. Paintings of him were scattered around, some furniture almost automatically spotted that looked more expensive than your entire apartment. The ceiling was high-up, light fixtures illuminating the space, giving off a warm feel to the area. 

You slipped off your flats, Slim already slipping away into the maze of the house, leaving you to find the kitchen by yourself. Your sock-clad feet patted across the hard floor, your eyes wandering around, trying to find the kitchen in the stupidly large house. 

You walked down a hallway, reaching another large room, but now the walls were covered in posters and guitars, a drum set in the corner, recording systems, speakers, and even a Monster Energy Drink sponsored mini fridge which was fully stocked, drawings and art above it, the window next to it letting a fair amount of light in, the curtains drawn. You walked over to the drum set, running your hand on one of the symbols, which had sadly had a light coat of dust on it. Come to think of it, so did most of the other instruments.

“You could play them if you want,” another voice said behind you, making you jump and whip around, your eyes instantly meeting the eyes of your employer. 

He was tall, six foot four according to Google, his exposed chest littered with so many tattoos, you couldn’t possibly count them all. His bleach-blond hair was long and shaggy on top of his head, meaning he had probably just woken up, grey sweatpants covering his bottom half, the hem of his boxers peeking over the waistband of the grey material, making you blush and meet his eyes again. 

“Oh, um, I’m sorry, I don’t play,” you then mentally slapped yourself once again, “Sorry, what am I saying. I’m Adeline - Um, Williams, I’m here as your new assistant.” 

He looked you up and down, taking in you attire, a slight sneer appearing on his face, only for a second. You guessed by his reaction that you were over-dressed. 

“You look like a kindergarten teacher.” he laughed. 

“Uhm, noted, do you... want me to take off my sweater or something?” you asked. 

He scoffed, biting his lip and turning away, holding back from saying something that you were guessing would piss you off. 

You sighed, slipping off your sweater and messing with your hands, “Would you mind showing me to your kitchen? Your friend, Slim told me that your manager had had something in there for me,”

“Yeah, follow me,” he muttered, turning on his heel and walking away, your own small feet scuttering across the floor, following him. 

And of course, the kitchen was as stunning at the rest of the house, the size, making it look like a gourmet kitchen. And there on one of the granite countertops was a .5 inch pale white binder. Colson walked over to his coffee machine, starting it up and watching you walk over, opening it up. 

It listed normal duties like setting up venues for tours, making appointments with the production company, merchandise shipment, and payment, normal duties for Colson himself, (Making iced coffee, booking flights, rides for Casie, his daughter, for school, etc.), and traveling with him to the recording studio for sessions, along with renting time for the studio itself. 

“So, what do ya think. The list gonna scare you off?” he asked, a sly smile on his face. 

“Well, seems easy enough. It just seems like a lot of booking things.” you smiled, “But it shouldn’t be a problem at all, Mr. Baker.”

He grimaced, “Yikes, just call me Colson. You make me sound like an old man. And if I’m going to be seeing you every day, we kinda need to be on a first-name basis.” he said, opening one of the hundreds of cabinets on the wall, pulling out a mug, “What’s your name again?”

“Adeline. But you can just call me AJ.” you looked back down at the papers, turning to a page to all the numbers needed for your position. 

“What’s the J?” 

“Huh?” you asked, not looking away from the page. 

“Well, in AJ I already know what the A is, so what’s the J?” He smirked, pouring the coffee grounds into the coffee maker, pressing start. 

“Oh, um, Jane.” you shrugged off. 

“Adeline Jane Williams,” he repeated to himself out loud. 

Your heart unintentionally fluttered. Never in a million years did you think that Colson Baker, Machine Gun Kelly, would ever say your full name. 

The day went by smoothly, your brain soon catching onto the rhythm of things, you and Colson making small talk as you typed away, sending emails to the publishing companies, his agent, manager, and PR team. Colson would occasionally text you to make him a drink, which you did, always getting right back to work afterward. People came in and out, paying you no mind. The only one you honestly recognized was Rook, his drummer, who only came in to grab a beer from the fridge. Soon enough, the time reached 5 o’clock. 

“So, what do you wanna eat?” he suddenly asked, walking into the kitchen area, leaning over the counter you were working at. 

The sound of the TV played as you heard the laughter of a group of people in the other room. 

“Oh, I honestly have no preference,” you answered honestly, looking up from your Chromebook. 

“You sure? Me and the guys were gonna Postmate some stuff, but they can’t decide either.”

“Ummm, I heard there’s a really good restaurant downtown called Beau Jo's. Hear they have a mean menu of Cajun food.” you perked up, 

“Alright, Beau Jo’s it is.” He responded, picking up his phone and walking away. 

Even though you two had small talk, you still felt like he was so cold to you. Like he didn’t like you, or he didn’t trust you. But you really needed this job. After you finished with your work, you walked out of the kitchen and into the living room. 

There, you were greeted with glancing eyes of 20 or more people, who were scattered throughout the space. 

A man walked up to you, looking eccentric as ever. You only knew him because you knew he dated Bella Thorne, but you would never tell him that. 

“Heyyyy, you must be the new assistant. Welcome to the best years of your life!” he greeted, slinging an arm around your shoulders, a cola in his other hand. The smell of expensive cologne. 

“Modern Sunshine, I presume?” I asked in a snobby British accent, making him laugh. 

“Yo Kells! I like this chick!” he called out to Colson, who was across the room talking to some blond broad in short shorts and a crop top. 

“Why don’t you come meet the rest of the guys.”

Well, you knew it was coming. It was the end of the night and everyone had gone home, and it was your job to order Ubers for everyone who wasn’t fit to drive. (Which was close to half the people there). 

You gathered up your things, sighing as you grabbed your kindergarten teacher sweater, packing it in your bag along with your computer and everything else. Finally, you tucked the binder into the back pocket. 

“You heading out?” Colson asked from behind you, his hand on your shoulder. 

Your arms formed goosebumps as you looked back smiling, “Yeah, I think it’s that time.” 

“Cool. Well, have a good night.” he said while you slipped on your flats, “Oh, and one more thing before you go.”

You turned your head to look into his eyes. 

“Tomorrow wear something more... spicy,”

[nevilles-insinuations]

Yours - Colson Baker

Requested by @chimera4plums​ You don't know where you and Colson stand after being friends with benefits for a while. But at least it’s good inspiration for a song.

A/N: Singer! Reader. Italics are song lyrics. Song lyrics are from Separation by Kiana Lede ft Arin Ray. Warnings: Fluffy with vague references to sex. Word Count: 467

You didn't really know how to explain it. It was complicated. You and Colson had been friends for a while and then one night something changed.

Maybe it was the weed. Maybe it was the four shots tequila you had that night.

But after you slept together, it was different. Getting over the awkwardness of waking up with his tattooed arm being slung around your waist. But more so that you were completely fine to wake up with him next to you. In his bed, and the first thing you saw being his messy hair pressed against the pillow.

Since that night 3 months ago, your relationship, if you could even call it that, had changed. His mood always seemed to improve when you walked in the room. Even the guys noticed it, there was just something about you that made him happy.

You saw more of the real him than anyone else. Cute protective Colson. The tall nerd who enjoyed late night conversations that led into early morning. Who you could watch tv with for hours and debate stupid theories about life. You doubt there were many people in the world who were willing to fight about the way he pronounced ramen and kind of enjoy it.

So there was this unspoken rule that you were his. You didn't belong to him, by any means. But it often crossed Colson's mind, what it would be like if you were. Slightly on edge at the prospect of a serious relationship, it was place he had been never in before. A conversation you needed to have but both of you were scared. To finally be happy.

Your hand reached for the bedroom door which was already ajar. Kells looked up from his phone at the sound of knocking, smiling when he realised it was you.

"Hey (Y/N)"

"What you working on?

Plonking beside him, your eyes fell to the guitar next to him. The instrument practically invisible under the sheets of paper covered in his messy scrawl.

"Not really sure, I've kinda given up at this point"

Colson laughed while you just looked at him knowingly. You knew he would wake up later with a beat stuck in his head and run to the studio before he lost it. That was just the way his brain worked.

It was quiet for a while, but neither of you minded the silence. Both of you bundled on opposite corners of the mattress. Time to think about the unspoken tension that had been building for so long. Still, there was something about just being with him that made you feel content. There were never expectations, spending time with him was enough to make your day better.

"You running out of inspiration?"

You asked, seeing the somewhat dejected look on his face at all the paper. He was one of the most creative people you had ever met. One of the reasons you had fallen for him. Someone who lived for music the same way you did. Who put every piece of his soul into his art.

"I guess so"

The blond sighed, stretching his tattooed arms above his head. Colson had been writing in his room for a couple hours now. A little bit tired and losing his focus. You were the perfect distraction, or inspiration he needed.

You grabbed the guitar, resting it in your lap.

"Can I play you something?"

"Show me what you got"

Colson rubbed his hands together, sitting up with wide eyes, evidently more interested.

Feeling the guitar in your hands made you nervous. Gently strumming the strings, thinking about the song you were going to play. But it captured what you were feeling. The thoughts that were always stuck in your head. Admitting your feelings was kind of a now or never thing. Guess you were choosing now. Fuck.

Do you think about me when I'm gone?

Do you think about me when you need your space?

Do you think about me when you're horny?

Do you think about me every fucking day?

Let me know, let me know I gotta know I gotta know, I gotta know

I've been thinking 'bout separation, if you gon' miss it

That you can locate that destination when you get home

And I'm hoping that distance gon' make you wanna kiss it

My pussy like a vacation that you've been waiting on

And when you're all alone

I hope that you wishing I could sit up on it

What you working on?

Only one for the job, boy, you gon' get it done

Yes, I'm always thinking 'bout you

Yes, it's lonelier without you

Yes, I always wanna fuck

Yes, I'm equally in love

There was a smile on his face when you finished. You inhaled sharply, waiting for his honest opinion. It was obvious who it was about. He probably knew you had written songs about him. And there were a lot more songs than you intended with him as the topic. Music expressed everything way better than words ever could. And from the way his gaze lingered on you as the lyrics flowed through the air, it was almost like everything made sense

"We should work together some time"

His face softened slightly. The realization hitting him that both of you should talk. Now. Before he lost the nerve.

"What? You mean like last time?"

You joked, recalling a few days ago when you last slept together. Another night spent beside him that you wished could last forever. Another time that Colson felt stupid not admitting his feelings before you walked out the door.

"No, I meant a song"

Colson laughed and nerves hit your stomach once more.

"But I mean-"

He trailed off, eyeing you like he usually did. But there was something more than lust in his gaze.

"Are we gonna talk about that?"

His tone a little more determined. Suddenly serious because he needed answers. Whatever this was confused him. What you had was good now. Messy - yes. But you could change that and actually make this work. The glimpses of happiness that he had with you were something else.

"Unless there's another guy that you're secretly in love with?"

Colson moved closer, sliding over the mattress so he was sat beside you.

"Nah, that particular song was about the other guy"

The sarcasm made him laugh. And seeing that smile was one of your favourite things in the world.

"Seven deadly exes thing, you're gonna have to fight"

"Oh I can take him"

He asserted confidently, ever the cocky rapper.

"Sure, Baker"

You rolled your eyes in response. So charming.

"Wow. We're really stupid"

He uttered in disbelief, leaning closer to you.

"I know"

Sighing, you moved so your head was resting comfortably on his shoulder.

"Forgive me for being an idiot and not admitting this sooner?"

You hummed a yes, moving to look at him. Hands snaked around your waist as your body melted in his grasp. He pressed a light kiss to your head.

"All those songs scrunched up over there happen to be about you"

He murmured against your hair, feeling your body vibrate as you chuckled in response.

"Because I love you. I was scared to admit it, but I really want this."

You broke apart slightly, his hand still resting on your hip. His eyes looked into yours and you knew he meant every word.

"I love you too"

A weight lifted of your chest the words fell from your mouth. His calloused thumb caressed your cheek, lifting your chin as his lips pressed against yours. Gentle and intimate. Almost like this wasn't real. Any moment you would blink and be back in the torture of not knowing how to feel. But it wasn't. This time you didn't have to leave conflicted and confused about what this was. Love.

And in the morning, he played you some of the songs - after some relentless begging on your part. Still tangled in sheets, the overwhelming sense of happiness that you wouldn’t trade for anything as you sat there with him. It was different now. But a good different.

[365days365movies]

March, 6, 2021: Wolfwalkers (2020) (Part One)

I love Cartoon Saloon so goddamn much.

Before I’d seen a single Ghibli film, I was a big fan of the Irish film studio because of their first film, The Secret of Kells. They’d also done a few TV series in the years prior (I’ve heard of Skunk Fu!, and have no interest in seeing it), and still make a few to this day, but the first time I’d heard of them was with Kells, a delightful movie that borrowed from both Irish history and folklore in their telling of the making of a famous illustrated version of the Bible, and a young boy’s friendship with a mysterious forest spirit.

And yeah, that movie is great, but I didn’t have much to go off of then. And then, 5 years later, they released their second film. And that one fucking BROKE me.

Song of the Sea is the second in what would become director Tomm Moore’s trilogy of movies based on Irish folklore, and was a bit more contemporary as compared to Kells. That one’s about a boy and his mute sister, whom he blames for the death of his mother. However, his mother is not dead, but is a selkie, a mythical Irish mermaid that becomes a seal when donning a magical coat. And it turns out that his sister is one as well!

And you think, “aww, look at the seals, they’re drawn so cute” FUCK ME IT’S BEAUTIFUL AND HEARTBREAKING. It takes a lot from Irish mythology, from giants to owl-women, and it’s a fantastic fuckin’ movie. And then, three years later...Tomm Moore’s directing partner stepped up.

See, while Moore was developing Song of the Sea, his partner from Kells, Nora Twomey, stepped in with her own solo project: The Breadwinner. We leave Ireland this time for a book adaptation based in Afghanistan in the 1990s, where a young girl is forced to pretend to be a boy in order to provide for her family (which was apparently a common practice). A LOT happens in this one, and it’s goddamn fantastic as well! It lost to Coco for Best Animated Feature at the Oscars, and...yeah, that’s fair. It’s hard to beat Coco.

But wow, a 2-D animated feature-based company! WHICH IS FANTASTIC! Seriously, in a landscape with fewer and fewer 2-D films in theaters, I’m overjoyed to see these guys hanging in there with some fantastic films! And just when I’d neared desperation for a new Cartoon Saloon feature...here comes Moore.

Ohhhhhh, let’s fucking GO! The last entry of the Irish Folklore Trilogy, today’s entry is Wolfwalkers, a film that was exclusively released to Apple TV, which I got SPECIFICALLY for this movie. It’s $5, I can afford it.

But I am absolutely pumped for this one. It’s based off of the legend of the Werewolves of Ossory, a kingdom in medieval Ireland in which there was a legendary tribe of people with the ability to turn into wolves to hunt in the forest. It’s also based upon the Irish wolf, a population of grey wolves (Canis lupus) on the island that were sadly extirpated  in 1976. People, man. People.

But OK, let’s get this baby STARTED! Been wanting to watch this one since I heard about it, and I’m excited! SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap (1/2)

Kilkenny, Ireland, in the Year of Our Lord 1650! A group of loggers are working in the gorgeous and atmospheric Irish forest, when they’re accosted by a pack of...honestly very cool looking and well-designed wolves. One of them is caught by the pack and scratched up, then they all retreat.

A large mysterious woman with big red hair and her young daughter stop the wolves from hurting the man further, and also heal up his scratches. He thanks them, and they flee with the wolf pack as the angry townsfolk chase after them.

Wolves are the enemy of the townsfolk, and those townsfolk include the newly-arrived Bill Goodfellowe (Sean Bean) and his daughter, Robyn (Honor Kneafsey), who’ve just moved from England. Bill is a hunter, and his daughter is eager to help him in his endeavors, armed with a crossbow and her falcon, Merlyn.

Bill is on the way to hunt wolves, as assigned by the Lord Protector of England. Robyn badly wants to join him, but it’s dangerous out there, and the Lord Protector forbids children beyond the walls of Kilkenny. Robyn wants out, though, as she’s an English outsider in the Irish village, and this is at a point where their relationship was at an all-time low.

Robyn, clever girl that she is, finds a way to use a group of bullies to distract the men guarding the gates, and sneaks out to the forest with Merlin. As she follows her father (currently unbeknownst to him), she hears a cry warning of a wolf. Robyn runs off to investigate.

A group of shepherds are being accosted by a pack of wolves. Robyn tries to shoot one of them, but the panicking sheep knock into her, and she fires her arrow at...Merlyn. Fuck! I already liked him! The commotion grows...until a distinctly human howl is heard from the forest, stopping the wolves in their tracks. Robyn looks over at the downed Merlyn.

The little girl takes Merlyn away, and retreats back into the woods. The wolves block Robyn’s path, and as they’re about to attack her, Bill arrives, and shoots one of them with his crossbow. The human howl is heard again, and the wolves retreat, one of them injured. Bill chides Robyn for going into the woods, and she tries to go back to get Merlyn. But Bill promised her mother that she’d keep her safe...which means that she’s almost certainly dead. Well, damn. 

They leave the woods, only to be berated by the logger from the beginning, Seán Óg (Tommy Tiernan). He tells Bill off, as the increased logging under the Lord Protectorate has angered the wolves and the people who live with them, whom he refers to as “Wolfwalkers”. But Bill insists that the Lord Protectorate wants the woods cleared, and the wolves exterminated. Seán badmouths the Lord, and of course, who would show up but...

The Lord Protectorate is...oh dear FUCK, it’s Oliver Cromwell (Simon McBurney). Cromwell was a NOTORIOUS asshole for a lot of reasons, and he plays a big role in Ireland’s subjugation by England in the 1650s. I’m in no way educated enough to comment in detail on that, but like I said earlier: it’s a rough time in Irish history, and Oliver Cromwell, cruel, paranoid, but technically historically important douchebag that he was, was right at the center of it all. 

Fun fact, Cromwell actually overthrew the Monarchy shortly after this, during the English Civil War, and became the ruler of the Commonwealth of England. After his 1658 death, his son took over, until he was overthrown by the return of the Monarchy, via King Charles II about 3 years later. And he was SO FUCKING PISSED at the whole affair, that they had Cromwell’s corpse dug up from Westminster Abbey (where kings and queens and Charles Darwin are buried), beheaded, and stuck on a pike on Westminster Hall! Damn.

Anyway, this Oliver Cromwell is just about to overthrow the Monarchy, and he wants Ireland under his heel. He’s commanded the woods to be cut down in order for farms to be established, and Goodfellowe is assigned to exterminate the wolves completely so that that will happen. Upon seeing Robyn, he commands the guards to take her to the scullery, where she’ll probably be trained as a scullery maid. Yay, child labor!

Seán, having just seen the girl with the wolves, tells Robyn who she is. He tells her that the Wolfwalkers can talk to wolves, and will also heal the injured with wild magic. To go back into the woods, she unlocks the cage that Seán Óg was thrown in for insulting Cromwell. His sheep are also in there, and the release of  Seán and the sheep causes enough of a distraction for Robyn to flee into the woods.

Once there, she quickly finds Merlyn, who has indeed been healed by wild magic . Once there, a red wolf approaches her. Robyn readies her crossbow, but Merlyn prevents her from firing, and she gets caught in a snare as a result. During a struggle, the two clash, and the wolf bites Robyn.

She falls out of the snare, but also sees a new kind of vision, seeing the wolf as the girl from earlier in a beautifully animated type of vision. Her arm swirls with golden magic as well, emanating from the bite. Merlyn follows the wolf as they run away, and Robyn’s pursuit of the two leads her into a beautiful hidden grove, with a massive waterfall. Behind it is a cave, covered in drawings of humans and wolves. And that’s not all that’s in the cave.

At the center of the cave is the girl and her mother, sleeping and now surrounded by the wolves. The red wolf becomes yellow energy, and the energy goes into the little girl, who wakes up. Robyn is immediately found out, and the young girl approaches with the wolves at her back.

This is Mebh (pronounced “Maeve”) Óg MacTíre (Eva Whittaker), and I’ve IMMEDIATELY taken a liking to her, from her voice to her character design to her personality. Robyn doesn’t feel the same way, as the two clash. Mebh bit Robyn, but she was actually trying to get her out of the snare. The man are getting to close to the woods, which Mebh isn’t happy about, but Robyn says it’s “their” woods. Here we go.

Mebh uses her wild magic to fix the wound, before it’s too late. I get the feeling that it’s too late. Robyn tries to find out more, including who her mother is, but Mebh chases her off with her wolf pack in tow. And before I get to mention it, I just want to say that this is my favorite design for cartoon wolves. Real talk, I love this good bois. In the process of the chase, though, she’s again caught in a snare, which Mebh frees her from.

But as the two banter again, Mebh senses a “townie” like Robyn in the woods. It’s Bill, and Robyn goes to prevent the wolves from hurting her father. After a close call, Mebh points Robin back in the direction of the town, and blindfolds her to prevent truly discovering the location of the cave...this time. She guides Robyn back, but runs off when she smells food.

Robyn and Merlyn make their way back, and we overhear two shepherds from earlier talking about how one could turn into a wolf if bitten by a Wolfwalker. So, yeah, werewolf rules. Makes sense, given this story’s basis. The two shepherds also have Robyn’s crossbow and fresh bread. Mebh and Robyn work together to steal the food and crossbow, and run away together. Fast friends!

The two young girls bond, and share their struggles. Robyn wishes to go back to their simpler life in England, and wants to spend more time with her father, potentially in the woods. She warns Mebh that the forest is about to be cut down, endangering her and her pack. Mebh notes that her mother went to look for a new place for the pack to live, but hasn’t come back since. Robyn promises to tell her father about the Wolfwalkers and the struggles of the wolves. The two new friends part ways, promising to meet each other in the woods.

When she comes back home, Robyn prepares to tell her father her plan to get the wolves to leave without killing any of them. The preparation is entertaining, as she does a pretend back-and-forth with herself and her dad. Once he gets home, the reality is less great. When he finds out that Robyn never even went to the scullery, he doesn’t listen to her plan at all. He sends her to bed, and the plan is dead before it’s even proposed. Still, Robin promises Merlyn that they’ll find a way to help the wolves.

But that may be...harder than you’d think. As she sleeps, the golden magic comes back, and Robyn sees a wolf in her dreams. Pretty sure of where this is going. She wakes up with a start, and Bill hears this. He gets her up and takes her to the scullery, where she’s put to work.

Y’know, I’ve heard the term “scullery maid”, I’ve never once thought of what the term means. Apparently, it’s a kitchen or backroom in a house for housework, but where the hell is this? Is it, like, the town hall scullery? Not really clear, and it’s made more confusing when Robyn finds her way into a red-carpeted room with animal heads on the walls.

While there, her bite-mark glows, and a whisper of “giiiiiiiiirl” comes from a covered cage towards the front of the room. She approaches the cage, but is interrupted from checking it out by the head scullery maid. The Lord Protectorate has forbidden anyone from entering that room, and Imma call it now: that’s Mebh’s mom. I mean, yeah, no duh, but still. Calling it now.

That night, while asleep, the Wolfwalker’s magic officially takes hold, and Robyn wakes up as a wolf in her bedroom, while her human body sleeps. Her father hears the commotion in Robyn’s loft, and is about to literally kill her wolf-self, but she jumps out of a window and flees the city for the woods.

She quickly finds Mebh, who’s also panicking, as she thought she cured the bite. However, that panic subsides pretty quickly, as Mebh has never met another Wolfwalker before, and is excited to show Robyn how to be a wolf. And through Robyn’s eyes, we get a lovely view of the world through a wolf’s senses, backed by Aurora’s “Running with the Wolves”. And it’s...it’s lovely.

Its also QUITE a good half-way point, so let’s put that right here! See you in Part 2!

[mgkconfessions]

Fan pages needs to stop posting those pics as couple goals and omg look they are so cute and only posting the pics from the side or the back. Colson straight up looks miserable, there is literally no denying that, I love him but he looks horrible. People are saying that’s what we are jelouse of?? I mean if he looked like that from far away image how bad he looked from up close. Someone said what if he’s looking miserable on purpose? Then that would make absolute no sense. Articles saying they want to blend families and are they the happiest people ever, public pda, constant date pap walks, then even marriage talk and then the only time they do a family pap walk Colson looks absolutely miserable. And notice Megan made a big deal on the kelly clarkson show about wanting to go back to the universal and how good of a mom she is and then boom that weekend she does a pap walk with her kids and Colson at universal? It’s not a coincidence. Every little thing in this relationship is so staged it can’t even go to the next level the right way. For example the article about Colson wanting to marry Megan as soon as possible, what if Colson and Megan never actually had that talk and their teams just said that to get attention and now it adds unnecessary pressure especially on Colson about marriage, Colson being the happiest he has ever been when in fact he has said several times he isint happy at all and now it’s unnecessary pressure to act like the happy couple for everyone like this whole thing neither of them could actually move to the next stage in the relationship bc the only next stage now is actual marriage and their teams made sure that was the only move they could do. I mean several articles saying how good Colson is with Megan’s kids but we are just now starting to see him around her kids and notice casie is never with them? Casie has been papped with her dad several times just out getting food so why hasint she been papped out getting food with Colson and Megan at least doesint even have to be with her kids just with Megan too? The only time we see her with Megan is when several people are with them and they arint ever interacting

When Megan announced on the Kelly Clarkson show how she couldn’t wait to go to Universal studios with her kids (to present herself as a caring mum) and followed that up by actually going there with them and Kells a couple of days later, I already took it as a pre-planned afternoon for publicity. But I wasn’t expecting her to seriously also hire a paparazzi to really make sure that the public knew where she was and with who lmao! But thanks for the confirmation that this was just another publicity day! This isn’t convincing anyone of being a caring and loving mum tho, because if she had cared about her children and put their well being and privacy first, above her ego and need for attention, she wouldn’t have invited a paparazzi to their family day and made her kids go through that experience in the first place. Although she has already done that multiple times in the past when she ran some errands with them and therefore they might already be used to it, it doesn’t make it any less wrong. Her priority and main focus wasn’t on spending a nice afternoon with her kids and Kells, it was on proving to the public what an amazing blended family they are and how she’s definitely involved as a mum despite people saying something differently. It was literally a business day for her in the name of damage control. At least the kids looked like they had fun tho and since they’re still little I doubt they understand what’s going on and what mommy is using them for. Maybe if she hadn’t talked about it on the Kelly Clarkson show it would have been less obvious, but now she only exposed her own intentions even more. She definitely isn’t winning any plus points by acting like that and how stupid of her to previously complain about Brian using the kids and their photos to appear like a dotting dad, to only do the exact same thing by hiring a paparazzi to a “private” family day with her kids and allowing the tabloids to release pictures of them to appear like a dotting mum so she can get her headline. She isn’t an ounce better than Brian. I guess desperate times call for desperate actions! Megan probably thought that this was the best way to prove people wrong and show them how amazing they all get along, but all she did was prove them what a clout chaser she is and how even Kells seems to be done with playing happy patchwork family with her. He looked so pissed in some pictures and annoyed, I fully believe that he didn’t want to be there at all. He looked like someone gave him a job, he showed up, followed the stage directions (holding kids hands, holding Megan’s hand, let yourself be photographed) to sell the public the narrative that Megan wanted, but that was all that he was willing to do. He literally looked like he couldn’t believe that he had to do this again with Megan and that she again called the paparazzi and he as her official boyfriend had to play happy family again with her. He would never be mean to her kids or ignore them, but he still seemed mentally and emotional checked out that day and like he couldn’t have cared less about trying to appear involved and interested in any of it (see even picture below). He looks more tired and drained than ever and I can’t imagine that with every staged paparazzi moment Megan organizes he isn’t losing a bit of respecting for her too. While Megan seems to love all of this and she’s only starting, Kells seems like he’s ready to end it all, because he can’t do it anymore. I’m telling you this relationship is dead and over and the only reason why they’re still “together” is because of publicity that both of them can use and because they’re dragging out the inevitable break up that is coming. I haven’t posted about it yet, but some of you might have seen that psychic tarot reading from antphrodite about them and he’s one of the few who I actually consider to be pretty accurate and in his reading he said that Megan is acting like she doesn’t want to settle down like Kells, who still wants to have his fun, although that isn’t true and she does want to settle down. Now look at the pictures from

yesterday and doesn’t that give you the same impression? Megan trying hard to turn Kells into a stepdad of three and almost forcing that family thing on him (like all the sources talking about how Kells couldn’t wait to marry her and for Megan to have his babies every single month which I still believe came from Megan’s team to push that narrative to the public and ease Kells into the idea of proposing to her) while Kells looks like reality hit him now and he absolutely isn’t ready to becoming one big family with Megan and her three little children and the more this is pushed onto him, the more he just wants to get away from it. He did look horrible and miserable and almost every comment under the DailyMail article had the same thought that he’s only interested in fucking dating Megan, but he isn’t ready to sign up for her children and that family life too. Speaking of DailyMail, did anyone else notice that although this was clearly Megan’s publicity move for damage control, the headline focused for once on Kells and mentioned him first and made it seem like he was the main person when usually it’s always Megan who is mentioned first? :D I take that as a failed attempt to make it less obvious that this was Megan’s publicity plan by taking away the attention from her being the driving force behind this. Like the first anon above wrote everything they do is so pre-planned, staged and orchestrated, their relationship looks more like a business following a check list with things couples do than a real relationship that focuses on real experiences and emotions. For the anon who is confused, yes even PR couples would include children, get married and introduce the rest of the family. I know it’s mind blowing because of how fake it is but that’s also why Hollywood is super fake and there aren’t a lot of real and authentic people anymore. I’m going back and forth between fully PR and real, but immediately used and sold for publicity and exposure to benefit their careers a week before the BV music video came out and that was like a month or two after they had met each other, so not a lot of time to build anything real between them without the aspect of publicity, especially since during half of that time Sommer was still in the picture. So almost since the very beginning their whole relationship was sold out and they orchestrated the shit out of them. All their love declarations, their lovey-dovey behaviour, what they do, how they present themselves, what they’re involved in, all that stuff was always done with the main intention to sell the public a fantasy love story that they would get invested in with agents, management and pr teams behind them and their relationship enabling and planing with them together. I don’t believe that everything only comes from their teams and is forced onto them, they surely also make their own decisions when they want to use their relationship for promotion and publicity, but like the anon above said when others or yourself immediately force happiness and a big love story on you although you haven’t even reached that stage in your life or relationship yet (that includes Megan calling him her twin flame right from the start too and Kells emotions being forced to reach that level of intensity then as well instead of allowing them to grow there), then it only adds pressure to make up for what doesn’t exist and suddenly you’re faking your own relationship although you actually are in a relationship and everything you do becomes more about how that appears in the public and what they think about you as a couple. You will be more busy with pretending to be an amazing couple than spending time on being one. I hope you understand what I mean, because that’s how I see them. But in reality their relationship seems to be shattered, lots of insecurities, jealousy, arguments and simply over although they’re still together and put on an act with their on stage kisses, matching nails and Megan following him everywhere he goes. In the context of it all, it doesn’t have a lot of meaning anymore.

P.S.: their trip was on Saturday, Mother’s Day was on Sunday for anyone who is still confused about that.

[welllpthisishappening]

Welllp These Are Books: the April 2021 Edition

I did not read Romeo and Juliet this month. I read a bunch of other books. Like, a bunch. More than one series. Because Big Bang burnout is real and grown adults missing their deadlines is a real good way to stress me out. So, I read a bunch. Good books, very bad books, books that caused limbs to flail. For positive and not-so-positive reasons. Naturally, all those reasons must be shared. Under the cut with occasionally long and rant-prone reviews, as well as spoilers. Beware of spoilers under the cut. Please keep telling me what to read, internet. My library wish list is almost comically long now.

GIVE ME ALL THE WORLD BUILDING AND SNARK AND FIGHTING! WITH MAGIC! AND SWORDS! IT’S MY FAVORITE THING IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD!

Shades of Magic Series by V.E. Schwab

Kell is one of the last Antari—magicians with a rare, coveted ability to travel between parallel Londons; Red, Grey, White, and, once upon a time, Black. After an exchange goes awry, Kell escapes to Grey London and runs into Delilah Bard, a cut-purse with lofty aspirations. Now perilous magic is afoot, and treachery lurks at every turn. To save all of the worlds, they'll first need to stay alive.

— Picture it, approximately twelve forty-seven am. My husband is asleep. I am reading. The second book in this series ends. And I say, right out loud, at what might now be twelve forty-eight am, HOLY SHIT IT JUST ENDED. Justin thought we were under attack. No man has ever snapped awake quicker. He was not pleased. At least not in the same way that I was about these books. Which I goddamn LOVED. Loved. The world building. The magic. The banter. Rhy and Kell’s relationship. Once more. RHY AND KELL’S RELATIONSHIP. Which I might have cared about more than the romance??? Maybe??? I cannot get over how good this world building was. I know people have quips with it, and that’s fair. I saw the “twist” coming in the first book, and I think trying to preserve that left some plot holes that are understandably frustrating. Because Lilah definitely needed depth perception to fight as well as she did. Also did Schwab really refer to her as a cross dresser in her author’s note? Yikes. She wore a dude’s jacket, like—c’mon V.E. Other than that though. I loved it. Also shout out to @peglegsjones for suggesting this one in my 2020 post and call out to me for taking so long to read it.

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo

Ketterdam: a bustling hub of international trade where anything can be had for the right price—and no one knows that better than criminal prodigy Kaz Brekker. Kaz is offered a chance at a deadly heist that could make him rich beyond his wildest dreams. But he can't pull it off alone. . . . A convict with a thirst for revenge. A sharpshooter who can't walk away from a wager. A runaway with a privileged past. A spy known as the Wraith. A Heartrender using her magic to survive the slums.  A thief with a gift for unlikely escapes.   Six dangerous outcasts. One impossible heist. Kaz's crew is the only thing that might stand between the world and destruction—if they don't kill each other first.

— I’ve talked about how little I cared about anything that happened in Shadow and Bone before, but I kept seeing gifs of the Crows in the Netflix show and my brain was like: huh, I could like them. So, after some help from the very helpful internet, I’m happy to report I do in fact like them. At one point, I slunk into the couch. Like that’s how overcome with emotion I was. Kaz ripped a dude’s eye out! For Inej! Matthias loved Nina’s laugh! I would like to hug Jesper. Seriously, this hit all my high points and world building and banter and I lol’ed at “scheming face.” I would like my hold to come through faster on the sequel.

THEY DID NOT CALL INTERMISSION HALFTIME AND MY COLLEGE EXPERIENCE WAS WAY DIFFERENT THAN THESE KIDS

The Off Campus Series by Elle Kennedy

Hannah Wells has finally found someone who turns her on. But while she might be confident in every other area of her life, she’s carting around a full set of baggage when it comes to sex and seduction. If she wants to get her crush’s attention, she’ll have to step out of her comfort zone and make him take notice…even if it means tutoring the annoying, childish, cocky captain of the hockey team in exchange for a pretend date. All Garrett Graham has ever wanted is to play professional hockey after graduation, but his plummeting GPA is threatening everything he’s worked so hard for. If helping a sarcastic brunette make another guy jealous will help him secure his position on the team, he’s all for it. But when one unexpected kiss leads to the wildest sex of both their lives, it doesn’t take long for Garrett to realize that pretend isn’t going to cut it. Now he just has to convince Hannah that the man she wants looks a lot like him.

— The first book in this series was free on Amazon. So, I read it. And really liked it??? It was so chock full of cliches and badly written tropes and Garrett probably should have accepted that Hannah didn’t want to go out at the start, but like—he was cute? And as we all know I am TRASH™ for stories set in the same verse, so, like, I just kept reading these trashy college hockey books. Trashy is a compliment here. God, these kids had so much sex. So much. An incredible amount, really. I once had a guy tell me he was physically attracted to me, but not emotionally attracted to me in college. Like, that was my college experience. The first and second books were the best, I think. I didn’t really like Dean that much.

MAYBE IT WAS BECAUSE HE WAS A RABBI???

The Intimacy Experiement by Rosie Danan

Naomi Grant has built her life around going against the grain. After the sex-positive start-up she cofounded becomes an international sensation, she wants to extend her educational platform to live lecturing. Unfortunately, despite her long list of qualifications, higher ed won't hire her. Ethan Cohen has recently received two honors: LA Mag nominated him as one of the city's hottest bachelors and he became rabbi of his own synagogue. Low on both funds and congregants, the executive board of Ethan's new shul hired him with the hopes that his nontraditional background will attract more millennials to the faith. They've given him three months to turn things around or else they'll close the doors of his synagogue for good. Naomi and Ethan join forces to host a buzzy seminar series on Modern Intimacy, the perfect solution to their problems--until they discover a new one--their growing attraction to each other. They've built the syllabus for love's latest experiment, but neither of them expected they'd be the ones putting it to the test.

— Ok, I know that sounds bad. Again, I’m a creature of predictable habit and this was the sequel to The Roommate, which I absolutely LOVED last year. But where as the relationship in that one was kind of swoony, this one was...I don’t know, really. Everyone was a well-rounded character and the plot was good, but there was this semi-invisible something that made it difficult for me to get fully on board with the whole story. Honestly, it might be because he was a religious figure?? Also, they got together real quick. Like zero to sixty in twenty-six seconds flat.

I KNOW IT’S BAD, IT WAS BAD AND YET—I CANNOT STOP READING IT???

Too Wild to Tame by Tessa Bailey

Sometimes you just can't resist playing with fire . . . By day, Aaron Clarkson suits up, shakes hands, and acts the perfect gentleman. But at night, behind bedroom doors, the tie comes off and the real Aaron comes out to play. Mixing business with pleasure got him fired, so Aaron knows that if he wants to work for the country's most powerful senator, he'll have to keep his eye on the prize. That's easier said than done when he meets the senator's daughter, who's wild, gorgeous, and 100 percent trouble. Grace Pendleton is the black sheep of her conservative family. Yet while Aaron's presence reminds her of a past she'd rather forget, something in his eyes keeps drawing her in. Maybe it's the way his voice turns her molten. Or maybe it's because deep down inside, the ultra-smooth, polished Aaron Clarkson might be more than even Grace can handle . . .

— Last month I read the first book in this series and it was absolutely ridiculous. This one even more so. The Clarksons are still on the road trip (sans one sibling because she fell in love in a week in the first book) and Aaron was, like, not a root’able character? Very Edward Cullen I’M A BAD GUY, BELLA vibes and his relationship with Grace was so strange. Super rushed again, obvs. Meeting in the woods is weird enough. Professing love forty-eight hours later is decidedly unbelievable. Also there was a kidnapping involved? I totally put a hold on the next book in the series.

COME UP WITH DIFFERENT TRAUMA, I DARE YOU! OR NO TRAUMA. WHAT A CONCEPT!!

The Trouble With Hating You by Sajni Patel

Liya Thakkar is a successful biochemical engineer, takeout enthusiast, and happily single woman. The moment she realizes her parents' latest dinner party is a setup with the man they want her to marry, she's out the back door in a flash. Imagine her surprise when the same guy shows up at her office a week later -- the new lawyer hired to save her struggling company. What's not surprising: he's not too thrilled to see her either after that humiliating fiasco.

Jay Shah looks good on paper...and off. Especially if you like that whole gorgeous, charming lawyer-in-a-good-suit thing. He's also infuriating. As their witty office banter turns into late-night chats, Liya starts to think he might be the one man who truly accepts her. But falling for each other means exposing their painful pasts. Will Liya keep running, or will she finally give love a real chance?

— I had such high hopes for this one. Which is on me, I guess. Because I didn’t hate this one, but it was...not great. Maybe I’m just getting old and crotchety but I am BEGGING romance writers to come up with different trauma for their female protagonists. Not every woman has to have been assaulted to rationalize their current personality. Doesn’t have to happen. Like, ok, yes it does happen. Far more than it should. But that’s an entirely different story, and I am so tired of female characters getting absolutely destroyed by their past only to have that be their defining characteristic for so much of the book. Until a nice man they were initially mean to shows up and he’s UNDERSTANDING and he CARES and it’s just, bleh. It’s bleh. Tired and predictable and I’m over it.

IN WHICH I SHOULD HAVE LOOKED AT THE COVER

Much Ado About You by Samantha Young

At thirty-three-years old Evangeline Starling’s life in Chicago is missing that special something. And when she’s passed over for promotion at work, Evie realizes she needs to make a change. Some time away to regain perspective might be just the thing. In a burst of impulsivity, she plans a holiday in a quaint English village. The holiday package comes with a temporary position at Much Ado About Books, the bookstore located beneath her rental apartment. There’s no better dream vacation for the bookish Evie, a life-long Shakespeare lover. Not only is Evie swept up in running the delightful store as soon as she arrives, she’s drawn into the lives, loves and drama of the friendly villagers. Including Roane Robson, the charismatic and sexy farmer who tempts Evie every day with his friendly flirtations. Evie is determined to keep him at bay because a holiday romance can only end in heartbreak, right? But Evie can’t deny their connection and longs to trust in her handsome farmer that their whirlwind romance could turn in to the forever kind of love.

— Ok, so I had had this book on hold for so long that I genuinely forgot about it and forgot who it was written by. Samantha Young wrote that one book that I called the worst book I had ever read. Only I did not realize that when I started reading this one. So, you see how this sets us up for disaster. Because this book was a disaster. Everyone was goddamn annoying. And whiny. Shit, everyone whined. About everything. Also, the actual writing was atrocious. I am not usually one to be like “men can’t write,” but at one point I told both @shireness-says and @optomisticgirl that this book must have been secretly written by a man because no woman writing it would be so obsessed with pointing out where her cellulite was. Like, what??? Also the first sex scene? Oh my God, I laughed. Guffawed. The so-called love interest literally asked: “Are we going to have sex now?” And then they just did. It was so bad. Also there was a dog? Who went everywhere with the so-called love interest. And they just never explained that? I thought it was going to be part of some crushing and depressing backstory. Nah, he was just there.

HOLY SHIT THIS WAS SO DUMB I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS WAS A BOOK! A BOOK MEANT FOR YOUNG ADULTS! WHAT IS YOUNG ADULT???

The Queen’s Secret by Melissa de la Cruz

Lilac's birthright makes her the Queen of Renovia, and a forced marriage made her the Queen of Montrice. But being a ruler does not mean making the rules. For Lilac, taking the throne means giving up the opportunity to be with love of her life, the kingdom's assassin, Caledon Holt. Worse, Cale is forced to leave the castle when a horrific set of magical attacks threatens Lilac's sovereignty. Now Cal eand Lilac will have to battle dark forces separately, even though being together is the only thing that's ever saved them.

— Remember last month when I was like: can’t wait for my hold to come through on this sequel so I know what happens? What an idiot. THIS BOOK WAS SO DUMB I CANNOT BELIEVE IT WAS A BOOK. As always in my rage-induced rants, no apologies for spoilers because seriously do NOT read this, but Lilac (legit, that was her name) married some other dude but just kept fucking Cale??? Like she had a secret door? So he could come in and they could fuck?? I just—oh my God. So, all these things kept happening. Magic and bad stuff and horses were killed. Lilac’s mother was the absolute WORST. Honestly the most worthless character who at one point was like “well, my story is over, guess it’s time to leave,” and then just left?? Forced Lilac into a marriage of alliance and no love and then everything evil was defeated in point two four seconds. It happened so fast I wasn’t even sure it happened. So, then I’m like, ok, how are Lilac and Cale going to end up together? Because this is YA and that’s how it’s supposed to work. Only her being married and that marriage requiring an heir is something of a rather large hurdle. Don’t worry! Remember when Lilac and Cale were fucking? Everyone totally knew. Including the king Lilac is married to. Who is somehow like...ok with this? And tells Cale that Lilac is pregnant. ISN’T THAT WONDERFUL! Sure, because now they can lie and claim its the king’s heir. ONLY IT’S CALE’S KID! AND CALE IS COOL WITH THIS! His entire internal monologue during this is about how he realizes he might not ever be able to tell his kid he’s their father, but he’ll be around and that’s good. Wait, what??? But there’s more! Not only is Lilac having Cale’s kid, but the king she’s married to is in love with one of Cale’s spy associates. So the king and the spy are going to go hang out (and presumably have their own kids) at one castle and Lilac and Cale are going to go to another. Lilac and the king never get divorced or annulled or whatever. Everyone stays as is and married as is and—they all live happily ever after? This was presented as a good ending, I swear. What the shit, guys, seriously.

[iridescent-peasant]

my mega-long ADSoM review, copy-pasted in from my goodreads so i can share my dumb opinions

To summarize, this book is as if someone took Six of Crows, Britishiezed it, then slapped a red, white, gray, black filter over it.

When I first picked up the book, I was very intrigued. I LOVE multiverse/dimension traveling and the mix of a gritty magic system and 1810s London? I was very excited. And obviously, I've heard a lot about the author already too so my expectations were high. And then... I didn't read it. for a solid few months I had it on my tbr shelf but I just couldn't make myself read it. BUT HERE WE ARE! I did it, I finished the book! So let me rant about it:

PROS:

the multiple dimensions all interconnected via one city! Like that's so creative!!

the magic system. yes, it is basically Avatar but make it dark, but I honestly don't mind elementally based magic systems. i think the author managed to execute it pretty well.

the opening! THE COAT! It's such a small thing and honestly adds nothing to the plot but I love those little details! it's what makes a plot so rich

the grittiness, I usually don't go for these types of books but I can see why someone who does would like this. the blood and gore isn't minimized. it's just as bad as it would realistically be.

The author definitely wasn't afraid to kill characters. A lot of side characters that I did end up liking (I don't usually even like side characters!) were killed. Very brave and I applaud.

CONS:

the main characters. They were just so... blah. Kell was pretty ok but I could not STAND Lila. Her "I'm not like other girls" thing drove me NUTS. Also, Rye being a semi-main character of color but whose whole personality is just a bisexual stereotype... that ain't cute sis.

I am honestly in awe of how this author managed to write a whole book about 1810s London, one that literally deals with royalty vs. the lower class and pirates and exploring and never ONCE talk about colonialism! How even! honestly, that takes some real talent and some big British propaganda

going back to the characters; Kell and Lila are both as non-diverse as you would expect from a YA protagonist couple. I know Rye I supposed to be the lgbtq+ and POC representation, but *come on* (and he isn't even that much of a main character he is mostly a plot device and he does literally nothing). In the acknowledgments at the end of the book, the author says that the book is about a cross-dressing pirate and such. And... miss Schwab, I don't think that means what you think it means. Your (very clearly) cis woman main character dressing up as a man in order to steal stuff is not the representation you think it is.

I was going to talk about how Kell, Lila, and Rye and basically a watered-down Kaz, Inej, and Jesper... but I won't go into that.

The plot is all over the place; sometimes boringly slow, and sometimes way too fast to be impactful or make sense. Basically, the pacing is off.

so much plot convenience oh my g-d... oh, that guy *happens* to have that thing! oh, that woman *happens* to be willing to help!! It grated on my nerves.

(tw rape and assault) Lila's backstory--of course--revolving around rape and assault. I counted at least four men at different points in the story talk about raping Lila. It was just getting ridiculous and felt unnecessarily triggering. I am 100% here for female characters killing rapists, but it was just too much.

Apparently, I haven't complained about Lila enough, so let me mention the fact that she says that killing makes her feel good... and it's not acknowledged at all. AT ALL. Like dude what?? A lot of the reasons she does kill people are definitely understandable and I can get behind a few of them, but her saying that it makes her feel *good* and then nobody acknowledging how problematic that is felt very iffy.

Some points of the plot felt painfully predictable. (SPOILER) the predictability of putting a man with an extremely powerful artifact in his pocket next to a pocket picker??? I knew Lila was going to steal the stone and I was so annoyed by it that I stopped reading after that bit for a few weeks. ALTHOUGH it could actually be said in *favor* of the author that I felt so strongly about Kell losing the stone, it showed that the author managed to make me care about the stone as much as Kell cared about it so... Props to her actually!! But I do feel like there could have been a less annoying way of making them meet? maybe?

Was I annoyed that there were side characters named Parrish and Calla, both names characters from The Raven Boys, a book published six years before this one? Yes. Am I going to get into it? No.

Literally having a place called "Black London" where everyone there went crazy and killed each other... it didn't bode well but that's not up to me to talk about.

The two major villains both being extremely queercoded? Is definitely up to me to talk about. It was so obvious too!! It wasn't like, the hidden sort of queercoding that you usually see on villains in media, it was right in your face. The guy (whose name I cannot for the life of me remember even though I just finished the book) torturing that boy in a sadistic yet sexualized way, the way Holland talks about how he was controlled and stuff... very much felt like the "older gay man using and abusing younger men" trope. Less so for the girl, (whose name I cannot remember as well). Just something about her felt coded. I think the most obvious part was at the end where she had that fight scene with Lila... it just felt like that idk.

so between the queer-coded villains and the only canonically lgbtq+ character being an insulting bisexual stereotype, Shwab ain't looking so good...

FINAL THOUGHTS:

(spoiler about minor character death)  I was actually really upset about Holland dying. I thought he was a really interesting character and I was really hoping that Kell would free him from the mind-control or something. I really love redemption arcs and redeemed characters and I was really hoping that would happen for Holland because I know there are more books so I was hoping he would be a character that appears later... Also, I was highkey shipping him with Rye (sob)

This is way too long so I'll stop now but generally, I would recommend this book if you like gritty / darker sort of fantasy YA books. I feel kind of neutral about it but I am glad that I read it because it was still an overall okay experience. Also, I'm so glad to have finally finished it.

my goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/118399436-iridescent-peasant