#because you're just so bad at everything you do and it feels insurmountable when looking at how much better other people are than you

[watery-melon-baller]

Sometimes you just feel pointless amirite gays

[sehtoast]

All of You is Left to Love Ch1 (Depowered Homelander x Reader)

18+

Ch2 | Ch3 | Ch4

5.7k - Homelander, depowered and depressed, working through the motions of a changing body, a new life, and learning that love can grow and change along the way.

Warning: Homelander treating weight gain as a bad thing (nothing excessively derogatory, though), hurt with extra comfort, oral sex, vaginal sex, fingering

!please note, Y/n is written as a pre-bottom surgery trans man. otherwise, the vast majority of Y/n's physical descriptors (eye color, hair color, etc) are kept to a minimum for the sake of reader inclusivity- and also lmao i basically stole spiderman for Y/n's supe identity, so there are some references to that

It finally happened.  After several months of being cooped up inside, John finally worked himself far enough out of his exceptionally long depressive spell just enough to agree to let Y/n take him shopping for clothes.  He didn’t cave easily, and it took some pestering on Y/n’s part to make it happen, but he gave in.

Sweatpants and t-shirts were all he knew anymore. 

The former supe had spent the past few months cycling through the same three outfits– or simply loafing around in just his underwear on the couch like some sort of sad puddle, clinging to a glass of milk like it was the most important thing in the world.  All of what he had anymore was borrowed from or provided by Y/n, because now he had nothing.  Vought took everything from him.  Properties, his money, his suits… They wouldn’t even let him keep his fucking underwear. And it wasn’t like he could challenge them for anything, because he didn’t legally exist to stake a claim to what they took.

Losing his powers was akin to losing his life.  Being Homelander was all John knew, and without it, he was lost.  Homelander was dead, and all that was left was fucking John.  Ordinary, stupid, weak, pathetic John…  He could hardly stand to even look in the mirror anymore.  

The early days after losing his powers had been the hardest– and it didn’t help that he spent them locked up in a Vought prison until Y/n was able to rescue him.  The first thing they did was buzz his hair off– to strip his image, they said– and the shock of seeing himself like that sent John spiraling on the floor of his cell. 

John was often at the mercy of the Vought guards, and a handful of them gladly jumped at the opportunity to put the once strongest man alive in his place. Some exacting vengeance for past slights, others just participating for fun.  Nothing made him feel more pathetic, more disgustingly weak, than the beatings. His skin bruised so easily now, and the blood, the pain… 

He'd never felt so helpless. 

Feeling his body change and weaken left him utterly disgusted with himself.  He could barely tolerate the fucking beard on his face, but he had no will to do anything about it.  He’d been too consumed with dismay to even try.  Y/n had shown John once, and the end result consisted of several cuts along his face and neck for the web-head to dab with ointment.  John wrote it off as just another fucking thing he couldn’t do properly…

Getting out of bed became the hardest part of the day, and every task that followed was insurmountable.

John didn’t know what made Y/n stay by his side.  His love tolerated it all, even the days when their interactions ended with him unloading every venomous, spiteful word he could imagine.  He’d called Y/n names, accused his love of sticking around to mock him– hell, he’d once accused Y/n of taking the role as leader of The Seven solely to humiliate him, despite the fact he knew Y/n making a deal to take the job was the only reason Vought hadn’t killed him yet.

One day, after that taunting voice in his head pushed too hard, John even took a swing at Y/n.  

See, his protector whispered. He was using you. Now you're nothing, and he has it all.

John didn't even know he'd swung until it was too late. The web-head caught his fist, and simply used it as a way to grip and pull him close enough to hold. He sobbed his apology, clinging to Y/n as though he'd die if he let go.

In a way, maybe he would. 

But, every time, no matter how cruel John was, Y/n ended those explosive moments the same way.  Soft hands would detangle his clenched fists from his unkempt hair, his tears would be wiped away, and he would be pulled into a hug that seemed to shield him from the whole world.  Suddenly he was small– smaller than he’d ever been, and he was hyper aware of just how strong his lover really was.  Y/n would hold him until his anger faded and his eyes grew heavy with fatigue.

”Give me your rage,” Y/n would say while rubbing soothing circles between John’s shoulder blades.  ”Give me what you can’t hold anymore.”

One day, once his hair had grown out fairly well, Y/n pitched an offer.

“I could bleach it for you, y’know… Trim it up a little, too.  But, only if you want.”

They’d been standing in the bathroom, each of them brushing their teeth, when Y/n brought it up.  John stared blankly at him, his body numb at the idea. His answer had been vague– unsatisfying for either option. 

Y/n insisted that no answer was just as good as giving one.

John didn't know what he wanted. On one hand, watching his hair grow out after having it forcefully buzzed was almost… healing, in a way. But, the value of healing conflicted now with revulsion as he slowly but surely began to look like a fucking mess. The sides blended with the top and had grown down past his ears now, making him look like a scraggly mop. The ends tickled his neck, too.

But Y/n didn't press it further, and simply pressed a kiss to his scruffy cheek. 

"Want me to do your beard today?" 

John agreed. He was wise to the fact that Y/n's method of circumventing his lack of motivation to even groom himself was by offering to simply do it for him.  At first, it was humiliating to need help for something so fucking mundane and simple.  But, John rarely if ever found the spark to take care of his body properly.  By now, he was used to it– but he was no less grateful for it. Especially when Y/n used it as an opportunity to practically fucking worship what little was left of him during showers.

The web-head was gentle through the process. So, so gentle. He handled John as though he was made of porcelain– and maybe he was, now, in comparison. Y/n would angle his head with the softest touches to his jaw, making sure he got every last trace of hair shaved away.  Y/n pat John’s face dry and ended the task with a tender kiss to both cheeks– especially overtop of the pink scar traveling the ridge of his right cheekbone– and then to his lips. 

“You look great, babe,” Y/n grinned as he pulled John into a hug.

John returned the gesture, but glanced away into the mirror.  He hated that he could no longer pick up on the telltale signs of a lie, and now he could feel his insecurities bubbling to the forefront of his mind.

Could Y/n really mean that?  Because the man staring back at him in the mirror looked like a fucking mess. A soft, fuzzy belly peeking over the band of his underwear, soft arms, shaggy hair, baggy, sleep deprived eyes...  What part of him looked anywhere near great?

John must have taken too long scrutinizing himself, because Y/n spoke up.

“Don’t doubt me, Johnny.” Y/n murmured against the curve of his neck. “I meant what I said. I love you; I’d never lie to you.”

And, now, here they were.  Y/n pushed a small shopping cart through aisles of clothes while John followed closely behind, his posture hunched and hidden inside of a hoodie.  Part of him was afraid to stand out, but another part of him knew he no longer could.

Both burned a pit of shame deep into his gut.

“Any preference on color?” Y/n inquired, pointing at a rack of flannel shirts. He’d already walked John through the rest of the store, picking up a small variety of shirts and pants along the way.  

“I don’t know, Y/n.” John grit.  He was uncomfortable.  Like a raw nerve, he was exposed to the world for the first time in months– and it was completely unsettling.  His heart raced, and he felt almost… dizzy.  Not only that, but he was becoming irate, too.  “Do I really need all of this shit?”

“Mmm, it’s up to you.  I just want you to have a decent setup, y’know?”

John sighed and rolled his eyes in exasperation, but a part of him understood that Y/n just wanted to help.  He does need these things, but obtaining them was so… not Homelander.  But he bit his lip to hold back remarks as Y/n lifted a flannel shirt to his chest to size it by eye.

“Fine.”

He followed Y/n for a moment longer before they came upon the changing rooms, where he begrudgingly agreed to try on a few items.  The attendant shot them an odd look when Y/n followed him inside the stall, but perhaps he looked so helpless that the employee simply decided to let it slide.  He probably looked like a fucking idiot to everyone in the store.

The first outfit made him feel… itchy.  John was no stranger to uncomfortable clothing by any means as the Homelander suit made him all too familiar with sacrificing comfort for aesthetics, but there was something entirely unpleasant about the stiffness new clothes carried.  By now, he was so used to bumming Y/n’s things, which were all soft from years of use and washing, that he hadn’t even thought about the fact that other clothes could be so different.

He consented to the outfit with a grimace. Y/n promised to throw everything in the laundry as soon as they got home.

“Yeah,” he sighed.  “A lot of clothes are really stiff at first until they’re broken in.  And, if you still don’t like them later, you don’t have to wear them.”

The next few left John staring in the mirror in disdain, but one garment in particular really hammered the final nail into the coffin.  The soft curve of his abdomen poked against the fabric of the shirt, and it made his arms feel like they were big in all the wrong ways.  He found himself grinding his teeth, and Y/n’s complement sent him over the edge.

“It does not looking fucking good, Y/n! I look–” He seethed, jabbing his gut with a pointed finger.  “I have a– fuck! I’m getting fat!”

“John, you–” Y/n began, but stopped.  Words weren’t going to make it better. This was about far more than just appearances. 

John peeled the new shirt away as though it were on fire, and grimaced at his reflection as he rushed to put his shirt back on, followed by his hoodie.  Because, that’s just how it was going to have to be now.  Y/n’s things were just going to have to be his, because everything else either made him look like a fucking clown or they were just atrocious.

Suddenly, he felt like he needed to crawl out of his skin just to be able to breathe.  He was too hot, the lights were too bright, the space around him was too small– everything was too much. His heart hammered in his ears, and John clenched his eyes shut against the onslaught of his own body.

Y/n watched him huff a frustrated sigh that turned into a soft, defeated cry as he sank down against the wall to hug his knees and hide his face.

“John…” he whispered, kneeling to rub a hand on his love’s shaky shoulder.

“I hate this,” John choked.  “I hate this so much…”

Y/n understood without him saying it.  It wasn’t necessarily that John hated having to go out and shop like some mere mud person, but that he was forced to reset and rediscover his identity– and this was just another hurdle in doing so.   To see a stranger in the mirror every time, to watch that stranger’s body change a little more every day instead of being permanently perfect from the effects of Compound V.  To see how this new life would shape around this new body… 

Overwhelming was an understatement. 

Y/n vowed from the start to never judge John for what may come with this new life, and he wasn’t about to start now.  He held a special empathy for John’s plight in that moment.  How many times did Y/n have the same reaction to his own body while trying on clothes before hormone therapy helped rectify things?  More than he could count, surely…  So, Y/n sat with John and held his hand, allowing the former supe to lean against him and fight back tears until there were none left.

The pair made their way through checkout as quickly as possible, and Y/n gave John a moment in the car to relax before they took off for home– which, these days, was an apartment half an hour from the city.  

They sat together in the back seat, and John rested his head on Y/n’s lap.  The air conditioning was on a low blast, helping to soothe the former supe’s overstimulation while Y/n stroked lovingly through his messy locks.  Music cast from Y/n’s phone played softly through the speakers, and helped settle both of their nerves as Y/n hummed and gently sang along.

”Anything for you…

All of this is true…

But the best story that I could ever tell,

Is the one where I am growing old with you.”

Admittedly, the former supe had a soft spot for that stupid song…

Despite the sniffles, John did feel better, if only slightly.  And, so, they set off for home, spending the drive in a tender silence while their hands remained joined over the gear shift– serving as John’s anchor and comfort through the unease of being in a confined space.  

When they arrived, Y/n carried the bags inside while John followed like a lost puppy.  He trailed behind to the laundry room, where he watched quietly as Y/n pulled the tags off of his new clothes and threw them in to be washed.

“I’ll do a few passes to get them softened up more for you, ‘kay?”  The web-slinger explained.

“Thanks,” John murmured, his voice bordering on a whisper.  “M’sorry…”

Y/n wondered if he’d ever grow used to hearing Homelander– well, John– he promised to only call him John now– apologize.  Losing his powers humbled him in many ways, and this was certainly one of the most prominent effects of it.

“About what?”  Y/n approached John and took one of his hands.

“F-for everything, I…” the former supe trailed off.  “For throwing this all onto you– for being so fucking useless… Now you have this rotten job taking care of–”

“It’s not rotten,” Y/n interjected, bringing John’s hand up to press a kiss to his knuckles.  “I want to be here with you, no matter what that needs to mean each day.  And, some day, when things are better, I wanna be standing right beside you to tell you how proud I am of you making it through this transition.”

John’s lips twitched as a tear spilled free.  A ‘transition,’ Y/n always called it.  Never a funk.  Never a problem.  Never anything that could allude to him being burdensome.  

“I’m proud of you now, too.  You did a big thing today, and I know it was hard.  I know that even agreeing to go out was hard.  But, you did it.” Y/n continued.  “And I’m proud of you, and I love you.”

“But, there’s nothing left of me worth loving,” John whispered through a suppressed sob. He fucking hated how much of a crybaby he'd become. He’d lost his powers and his spine.  Pathetic… 

“Johnny–” 

“No, don’t fucking ‘Johnny’ me!” He shouted, gripping Y/n by the forearm.  “I– I’m not the same man you–”  John’s face twisted.  “I’m not the same man you loved…”

“Y–”

“No!” John interrupted.  “N-no!  Don’t sit there and tell me that I’m just as good as I was then!  I don’t want to hear it anymore!  I don’t want to be lied to and–”

Y/n cut him off with a firm kiss, walking him back against the wall.  He moved his lips against John’s with purpose, breaking away only when it was absolutely crucial for them to gasp for air.  Y/n’s hand threaded through John’s shaggy hair, and the other cradled him at the neck.  Small, shaky sobs shook the former supe, but Y/n never relented until he was sure he could get a word in uninterrupted.

“I love you more, every single day.” Y/n panted against his lips, staring directly into John’s tear-rimmed eyes. Y/n took John’s hand and positioned it against his neck, allowing the former supe to gauge his honesty by the feel of his pulse.  “Powers or not, I love you.  It wasn’t the flying– or the fucking lasers, or any of that, Johnny!”  Y/n bit his lip as his throat tightened around his own words.  “It’s you!  It’s just you.  Whatever you are, whoever you are.  You, as you are– no matter what that means– you are who I love.”

Y/n’s heart thrummed heavily against John’s thumb, but nothing felt wrong.

“All of you is left to love.  Every single part of you.  Even if you hate it– I adore it,” Y/n pressed the first of a series of kisses to John’s face.  “If you despise it– I worship it.  If you can’t fucking stand it– it means the world to me!”

John whimpered beneath Y/n’s touch, feeling arousal and adoration build in his core, thick like honey and just as sweet, mixing and blending away the bitter taste of his own self loathing.  His hands grasped clumsily through a haze of fresh tears, seeking more contact with Y/n.

“There’s not a single day that I don’t want you,” Y/n whispered into his ear.  “That I don’t love you with every fiber of my being…”

John turned his head to nuzzle his nose against Y/n’s temple.  “S-show me…” He gasped, a fresh stream of tears wetting his lashes.  

Y/n took the command for what it was right away, and lifted John so that the former supe could wrap his legs around his waist.  He carried John– featherlight and eager– to the bedroom and deposited him gently onto the bed.

“How do you want me?” Y/n whispered in his ear.

“S-soft…” John exhaled with a nod.  “Soft, please…”

Y/n took him in a gentle kiss, rolling his tongue into John’s mouth to probe against him softly.  He brought a hand up to thumb gentle circles against the corner of the former supe’s jaw, trailing down to his neck, his chest, then slipping under the seam of his shirt.

John shuddered at the first touch to his abdomen, and he tensed up as Y/n rubbed gentle patterns against the soft flesh of his stomach.  He sucked in a sharp breath, tongue stilling against his love’s as Y/n danced the tips of his fingers over a ticklish spot.  He whined, and Y/n giggled.

“So cute…” Y/n grinned against his lips.  He pulled away to look down at John, taking in the sight of his kiss-swollen lips, hazy eyes, and the small patch of his belly peeking out from where his shirt had ridden up.  “Close your eyes, Johnny…”

Just like before, back when Y/n would coax him out of the top piece of his suit, John obeyed.  He felt Y/n’s other hand slip under his shirt, slowly, carefully working it up his torso.  Lips pressed to the curve of his belly, peppering featherlight kisses all over– even the ticklish spots. Especially the ticklish spots.  The kisses followed up to his sternum, and broke away briefly as his upper half was stripped bare.

Y/n stared down at John for a moment, really taking in the sight before him.  His partner’s brows were furrowed, obviously trying to dispel unpleasant thoughts dancing behind his closed eyes, even as Y/n kept running his hands up and down the length of his sides. John's build truly had softened, but Y/n found it no less satisfying than when he was hardened with deceivingly light muscle. 

Just as wonderful. Just as beautiful. 

His Johnny. 

The curve of John’s cock pressing against his sweatpants was tempting, but there was more to do before the main show.

“I love you,” Y/n breathed against John’s chest, his breath rustling the dark curls covering the expanse of it.  He pressed a gentle kiss over his heart once, twice, and then again before veering off center to seek out a nipple.  John’s tenderness to touch there never failed to send a jolt of excitement straight to Y/n’s core, and the hands gripping his hair only stoked the fire further.  “Every inch…”  Y/n came up to lick a stripe across the pulse point of John’s neck and rolled his hips in time with the swipe of his tongue.

John whimpered, and fought to keep his eyes closed.  He tried to focus on the sensations, on the comforting feel of Y/n’s skin against him.  He sucked in a sharp breath when Y/n thrust against him once more.

“Open your eyes, baby,” Y/n murmured, still rhythmically rolling his hips against John’s.

The former supe obeyed, and was met with Y/n pressing kisses against his cheek– paying extra special attention to that pink scar, just like always.  A shiver worked down his spine, and John moved to meet Y/n’s hips.

“Good boy,” Y/n praised, winking at John before traveling down, trailing kisses all the way to the waistband of his pants.  “So, so good…”  

John squirmed at the feel of his love’s hot breath dancing over the trail of hair leading to the core of his need.

Y/n wasted no time in shimmying both John’s pants and his underwear down, pulling them away entirely in one eager sweep.  His eyes immediately darted to the sight of John’s cock resting against his lower belly, and he licked his lips in excitement.

“You look good enough to fucking eat,” Y/n breathed, running his hands up and down John’s inner thighs.   He leaned down, replacing a hand with his lips to leave little love bites up and down John’s leg– nipping carefully so as not to break his skin.

Though he’d never admit it for the sake of his love’s tender ego, Y/n had to be careful with John now.  Not necessarily to the extent that it required treating the former supe as though he were made of glass, but… Y/n vowed to take care never to hurt him.  And, so, he worked upwards, gently, one hand stroking around where Johnny really needed him, and his lips dancing just shy of his shaft.

“P-please…”

“Hmm,” Y/n hummed, “but I wanna savor you… Every,” he nipped John’s inner thigh, prompting a cute squeak from his partner, “bite of you…”  

Y/n felt hands tangle in his hair, and he followed without resistance as they guided him right over that delicious, throbbing cock.

John felt a fresh wave of self consciousness wash over himself as he looked down, watching Y/n engulf his length, taking more and more until his love’s nose was pressed into the thick, curly bed of hair at the base of his cock.  Once upon a time, he’d have been thrilled to see Y/n throating him so eagerly, but now?

It was just another thing he was failing to keep up with.  It used to be that John kept his goods neatly trimmed– borderline hairless, even.  In fact, he kept his entire body maintained to the point where he could pass as marble under the proper lighting. Then along came a spider who happened to not mind his body hair.  But, even then, John insisted upon keeping his groin trimmed neatly.  

But that was then, and now…

“Sorry…” he whispered, guiding Y/n up and away from his cock.

“Huh?” Y/n inquired, licking a thread of saliva away from the tip.

“T-The hair… H-Haven't gotten around to–”

“John,” Y/n spoke firmly, pumping his shaft.  “I would fucking floss with you. Please don’t apologize for that.”

That was all Y/n said before he was using his superior strength to coax John back down against the bed, taking his cock in his mouth once more, working soft whines and moans from his love.  He bobbed his head, letting the tip knock against the back of his throat enthusiastically.  He smiled around John’s shaft with every little noise his ministrations produced, every rock and thrust forward into the heat of his throat.  Spit dribbled down onto John’s balls, and Y/n spread it all around as he gently played with them.  He opted not to spend too terribly long of a time sucking John’s cock so as to make sure there was plenty of build up left to fuck him properly.

Y/n pulled away for a moment to strip away his own clothes, but stilled when he felt his partner’s hands trail under his shirt.  It had been a while since John was confident enough in bed to take any sort of initiative beyond small acts, and Y/n welcomed the change with open arms.  

John worked slowly, hands running over every part of Y/n’s torso, mapping out flesh he was all too familiar with.  He traced his fingertips over Y/n’s top surgery scars, back and forth over the dull, faded ridges.  The former supe leaned forward and pressed his forehead to the dip between Y/n’s pectorals, resting there as his hands slipped lower to work his lover’s pants down.

Y/n cradled John’s head against himself and pressed kisses into his endearingly messy hair.  His eyes fluttered shut, and he relished the feel of John’s hands taking gentle handfuls of his rear, kneading gently and taking what he wanted for the first time in a long time.  “Mmm, Johnny…” Y/n moaned, rolling his hips forward.  

John hooked his thumbs in the band of Y/n’s pants and worked them the rest of the way down, watching with wide eyes and heavy breaths as strings of arousal followed Y/n’s core from his underwear.

“Oh, god…” he groaned, watching Y/n move briefly to kick off his clothes the rest of the way.

“That’s right… Look how fucking wet you make me.” Y/n gasped into his mouth before bringing him in for a searing kiss, slipping his tongue in to mingle against John’s, gliding perfectly together in a dance they’d performed so very many times.  Y/n felt fingers dance through his folds and let out a deep groan.  

John touched him tentatively at first, sliding a finger from Y/n’s hole to his erect clit to spread his slick onto his eager bud.  As soon as John grazed it, Y/n’s hips bucked into his touch, seeking more.  He let Y/n gyrate against his pressing fingers for a moment before joining in with motions of his own, and the moans… 

Oh, god, the moans…

The effect he had on Y/n made him feel fucking powerful.  It always did.

“C’mon, Johnny,” Y/n whined.  “Don’t make me beg for those pretty fingers…”

John grinned deviously as he watched Y/n grind against him.  He teased his middle finger at Y/n’s entrance for a moment before letting it sink in, nice and slow.  His confidence soared when Y/n began to rock against his digit, and then once more ten-fold when he felt his love clench as he added another finger and began to fuck them in and out.

“Fuck,” Y/n hissed when John focused his fingers on his sensitive spot. 

“That feel good?” John asked with an eager smile, watching as Y/n’s brow furrowed in bliss.

"You feel good," Y/n gasped against him.  He ground down against John’s hand harder, letting every noise slip free unabashedly, hoping that every little moan and groan– every whine and whimper– was building a monumental sized ego boost for John.  

God knows he deserves to feel good.

“I need you…” Y/n breathed against John’s lips, cupping his face in both hands to connect the line of sight between their lust glazed eyes.  The fingers left his core, but Y/n caught them straight away, bringing them to his mouth.  He took John’s digits between his lips, sucking them clean, eyes rolling back as a deep rumble ratted in his chest.  Y/n slipped them free, and immediately leaned in to probe his tongue past John’s lips, swirling his taste through his love’s mouth.

“I hope you can taste what you do to me…” 

John’s eyes widened, and as though his body moved on its own, he flipped Y/n and pinned him to the bed.  For a moment, he stilled, staring straight down at Y/n.  He felt a spark just then, small, an ember that could drown in the sea of everything else… but it was there.  And that spark took him.

It took John to the pinnacle, renewing an energy he hadn’t felt in so long.  A power– not like he’d lost, no– but a power to create, to undo, to unite.  The power of their shared love, and how sliding home between his lover’s thighs cast out all of the bad things, the unpleasant, the unhappy, all of it falling from his shoulders as he intertwined his fingers with Y/n’s, grounding them both within each other.  

Anchored as one.

With his face buried in Y/n’s neck, John thrust forward, affirmations of love pouring into his ear, legs wrapped around his waist that shook under his power.  Even with all of it, he still felt so soft– but in the right way.  Soft for the man under him, for the love engulfing him and twisting pleasure into his core, for the nails biting into his back.

Soft, together.

He rocked into Y/n, his pace quickening as they approached their climax together, sweat glistening on his brow with the effort.  When they finally tipped over the edge, John gave a strangled cry, muffling it with a bite against the curve of Y/n’s neck, his teeth indenting but never puncturing.  There was a sweet freedom in the ability to unleash without repercussions now.  To grip and grasp, to squeeze and sink his teeth into flesh without worry of destroying the last pillar of love he had in this world– the only one he’d ever truly had.  To fuck though the waves of his orgasm without fear that he’d take it too far and leave his lover in pain…

As hands ran through his overgrown hair, John felt content for the first time in a long time.  The tidal wave of his mind had calmed, and even his protector’s voice had quieted down.  Maybe by tomorrow, they’d return– but, for now, a sweet smile tugged at his lips, etching itself freely into his features as the afterglow left him feeling nothing short of otherworldly– beautiful in his own right.  

Y/n barely even had to try to convince John to join him for a bath.

They sat there, Y/n’s back to John’s chest, in mountains of bubbles, giggling and simply existing together.  Arms wrapped around the web-head’s midsection, pulling him impossibly closer, and gentle music floated through the air around them.

Eventually, Y/n worked free of his hold and moved to straddle him in the cramped tub.  Wet hands pushed through John’s hair, moving it away from his forehead.

“Hmm… What’re you up to?” He asked lazily, his tone bordering on a sweet tease.

“You know I love to spoil you,” Y/n grinned, reaching for a bottle of face wash.  “Lay back and enjoy it, babe.”

John rolled his eyes, but couldn’t stop his lips from spreading into a wide, satisfied grin.  And who was he trying to fool, exactly?  Y/n knew damn well how much he liked it, too.

The former supe’s eyes fluttered shut, and he exhaled happily as the pads of Y/n’s fingers gently massaged the foamy soap into his cheeks, his thumbs joining in to slowly push the suds along his jawline.  

A simple wash of his face turned into Y/n working shampoo into his shaggy locks, pressing kisses over his still slightly damp face, then to his lips, all while enrapturing him with a gentle scalp massage.  John stayed like that, blissful to his core and content to just let Y/n pamper him, sighing gently as his love worked soap all over his body.

When a hand gently wrapped around his cock, wise to the fact it had been getting harder and harder beneath the surface of the water, John wanted to say that he saw stars.

But, in truth, all he saw was Y/n.  

Though, at this point?  The difference was lost on him.  And that was okay, because there wasn’t any place he’d rather be but dancing in the light of love cast upon him, hand in hand with the heart he called home.

[finalgirlkateausten]

“I just got up too fast” for teen!sam please if you so desire?

Canon just gave me the perfect angsty opportunity for Sam to open up to the team about her history and her ED... and I've already established grief is a trigger for those habits... so have some adult Sam reaching out to her support system when she starts to relapse :))) TW for discussion of eating disorders and ED recovery, and some comments on body image.

˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗

"Sam!"

"Woah, Carter!"

Despite the fact that she'd intended to get off the floor, when Sam blinks the spots out of her vision she's still seated amongst the insurmountable stacks of books, journals, and paraphernalia they'd all been trying to clear out of Daniel's office. In fact, the way she's sprawled over the floor, articles and folders underneath her, suggests her descent had been less than controlled. As does the fact that Janet and Jack are both standing over her, looking concerned.

"Major Carter." Teal'c tilts his head, looking down from his seat at Daniel's desk. "Are you not well?"

She groans, shaking her foggy head. "I'm fine, guys. I just got up too fast."

Janet gives her a hand this time, and Sam lets her hold onto her arm until she's sure she's steady on her feet. "Want me to check you out?"

She smirks. "If you thought that was necessary, I'd be in the infirmary by now."

"Maybe we just need a break," Jack suggests. "This is... hard work." A frown pulls at his lips. Sam takes a shaky breath.

Slowly, Janet lets go of Sam and straightens her skirt, rumpled from sitting on the floor and then, presumably, diving when Sam had fainted. "That's not a bad idea. Sam, if you're sure you don't need anything..."

Sam nods habitually, because the empty numbness she's felt since Daniel's death is preferable to the pain of digging into the materials of his life. As soon as she processes that thought, though, she pinches her arm, hard, and calls out to the others. "Actually--"

They all turn back to her expectantly. Her cheeks flush, but she pushes on. "Do any of you feel like grabbing some random food and hiding out in my lab. I... the mess is a little overstimulating right now." Not a lie. "And sometimes I prefer eating with other people."

Prefer, sure. Sometimes, it's the only way she can eat.

It takes less than ten minutes for the four of them to settle in her lab, safe and sterile and free from reminders of Daniel. No, that's a lie-- everything reminds her of Daniel. But being in her own space is... better.

Jack hands her a dish of blue jello. Teal'c is un-stacking several containers of the various warm offerings. Janet hands her a carton of orange juice and another one of apple with a smile. "I'm glad you suggested food. I had half a mind to check your blood sugar while you were all laid out."

"Low," Sam mutters, spooning jello into her mouth. She likes the feel of it, but her brain isn't in the mood for dessert right now. And her body-- well she doesn't know what her body wants. Even all these years later, her stomach detaches from her mind far too easily.

"Sorry, Carter," Jack apologizes, making her raise her eyebrows at him. "I know you forget to eat sometimes. I shoulda said something."

She shakes her head. "Not your fault, it just... happens." She opts for some of the mashed potatoes, a nice and neutral-- but filling-- food. "It's, um. Been kind of bad lately. I guess I should've seen it coming..."

Janet tilts her head. "What do you mean?"

She stares at her plate, taking methodical bites, inhaling after every swallow. She's in her lab, with her team. This isn't a rocky dining room table with her father staring her down from his seat at the head. She's eating because she wants to, because it's important.

"After, um, my mom died," she says quietly, "I just kind of... stopped eating. It was... a while... before anyone noticed. Long enough that it took, um. A few years for things to get back to normal."

"I have participated in mourning customs that involve fasting until the ceremonial celebration of the dead," Teal'c offers. "Is this not a similar event of which you speak?"

"Um, no." Sam takes a long drink of juice. "I think, if I had seen a shrink way back then, it would've been called an eating disorder."

"Jesus, Carter," Jack mutters, and she hopes he can't see the trepidation overwhelming her as she bares herself to them. "You were, what, thirteen? You must've been a goddamn twig."

"I'm better now," she insists. "Now that I... understand it. I mean, priorities, right? I have to want to take care of myself." She looks down at her food. "It's just... getting hard again."

Janet cocks her head, her eyes illuminated with understanding. "Is it easier to eat with other people? Some patients find it harder."

"It's better if other people are eating," Sam confirms, picking up a strip of bacon from Jack's collection of breakfast food. Maybe at some point in the future, she'll admit to someone how humiliating it had been in the early days, to have her dad watch her like a hawk over his mug of black coffee as she painstakingly worked her way through a bowl of oatmeal. But this is just a meal shared between friends, and it's okay. She's already feeling a little better. "Now... I can recognize when I'm eating that it tastes and feels good, and I'm coming back to myself. It's mostly just the hunger cues I have trouble with."

"Always thought that was just 'cause your brain was too full of quantum physics," Jack offers with a snort. "Would it help if I, I dunno, had some protein bars in my pockets offworld? I mean, I already do, but do you want someone mentioning it every now and then? Or do you just want us to accept this and move on?"

"I mean." She gestures to their current set-up. "I don't know what kind of coping mechanisms you have going for you, but I might need a little extra help for now."

"I am always willing to feast with you, Major Carter," Teal'c declares. "Perhaps getting off the mountain would be enjoyable. You can show me some of your favorite human restaurants. I am already familiar with Colonel O'Neill's propensity for grilled meat."

"And I keep Gatorade in the infirmary," Janet adds. "It's always in the nutritional fridge. You're welcome to it, just to have a little something extra when you're hunkered down in the lab."

Sam grins. "I do love Gatorade. The yellow one specifically."

"I have everything except red," Janet confirms.

"Y'know, I think Teal'c had the right idea," Jack says, around a mouthful of probably-stale hamburger. "We should go for ice cream. Get some fresh air."

Sam takes a bite of pizza. "That sounds like a great plan."

They pick their way through the rest of the food, and she doesn't even feel bad about the leftovers. On their way up in the elevator, Jack squeezes her arm. Sam's heart does something weird but not painful in her chest.

"You ever need anything else, Carter, you let us know," he says softly. "We wanna keep you around."

She leans her head against his shoulder in spite of herself. "Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere."

[likeawolfatthemoon]

okay after the ttpd season poll i just felt like typing up WHY i feel like each album corresponds to the following months, feel free to ignore~

january - speak now (the excitement of the holiday season is over so you're in a depression but you also feel like you should have hope because it's a brand new year you should be looking forward but everything feels barren and insurmountable and cold BUT DESPITE ALL THIS you remain persistent and determined and bright-eyed)

february - 1989 (it's icy slush on the city streets, a kaleidoscope of loud heartbeats under coats, the frost on the rocky coastline, high tide came and brought you in)

march - midnights (after a long winter everything is thawing out and it's just MUD. sometimes it's still icy, but you're beginning to see spots of sun. and then out of nowhere you're pulled back into the dark.)

april - fearless (fresh and young like a little bud popping out of the soil!! with you id dance in a storm in my best dress fearless!! these new beginnings (her first very very big singles) bringing what was to come in her career = april showers bring may flowers)

may - (mayhaps ts12 will fit here, the proverbial may flowers?)

june - debut (as a teenager, the fresh freedom of summer. the warm sun, open fields, fireflies, the creek beds we turned up, the moon like a spotlight on the lake, just listen to the crickets sing!!!)

july - folklore (again the nostalgia of childhood summer, and NO it's not august because august is miserable and folklore still has hope. sweet tea in the summer! your back beneath the sun! suddenly this summer it's clear! living for the hope of it all!)

august - the tortured poets department (as explained before, like trudging through the satan's asshole of emotions. it's just muggy and excruciatingly hot and you're begging for the reprieve of a summer storm. another summer taking cover, rolling thunder. and when it comes, it's WORSE, because after it's gone you're in a soup and you can't breathe and you can't do anything except wait for it to be over)

september - lover (windows flung right open autumn air jacket round my shoulders is yours!! it was a cruel summer with you!! sacred new beginnings (you'll have new septembers). i've loved you three summers now honey but I want 'em all!! - the album itself has bright summer vibes, but it takes place at the end of the summer, reminiscing on the summer)

october - red (does this even need explanation 🧣 classic fall, classic nostalgia, autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place)

november - reputation (i recall late november holding my breath slowly i said you don't need to save me??? but would you run away with me??? fall is in full gear, clean and CRISP and CLEAR. you're focused on your family and tradition (us-centric), thinking about how that applies to your future. summarizing your year. focusing on what's important and blocking out everything else.)

december - evermore (again i feel like no explanation needed. the holidays linger like bad perfume. hey december guess i'm feeling unmoored. in from the snow, your touch brought forth an incandescent glow. barefoot in the wildest winter.)

[paintedbutton]

2023

As 2023 is steadily ticking ever closer to being over, I'm sitting here and thinking about the past year. I think I've finally realized that - despite feeling horrible at times - it was kind of a good year for me, both in terms of writing and personal stuff. And it goes beyond the "Hey, you wrote a book!" thing.

Writing

That's a big one for me. 2023 marks the first year in a long while that I've shared my writing with people. Joining writeblr felt like a very good decision, even though I'm so far not as active a I want to be.

I wrote a whole entire book's worth of words in 2023, and I'm very proud of it. "Worthy of a King" was truly a project of my heart (still is, obviously) and a major turning point creatively. Writing hasn't felt this easy in years. Between the completed draft 1 and the almost 40k of draft 2 I have already written, I have written somewhere around 120k words in 2023, not counting supplementary and backstory material. That would have felt insurmountable just a year ago. I am so, so proud of that!

I'm looking forward to 2024. I want to share "Worthy of a King" with you all. I want you to be able to read it and get to know my boys and hopefully fall in love with them as much as I have. That's the main goal for me next year. Beyond that, I also want to share more of my WIP stuff with you beyond snippets in tag games. Maybe introduce the world, the characters to you, etc. I'm not quite sure how yet, but I'm looking forward to trying.

Beyond that, I'm not sure what my next writing project will be beyond WoaK. I thought I was sure, but if I am being honest, the iron grip Project Runaways has on my soul is likely never to ease until I just sit down and figure the damn thing out. We'll see.

Personal

Feel free to skip this part if you're not interested. I've stopped sharing a lot of my life online a while ago. I think that's a good thing, but sometimes I question whether that's just me building up walls around myself.

2023 was a year where bad things happened. My dad had a really bad accident in spring, and it's the kind were you just occasionally have to sit and breathe and thank all the lucky stars because he could have died. He could have been permanently disabled. Instead, he goes to concerts and festivals with me. He jumps into mosh pits. He stopped smoking. I am so eternally grateful for all of those things. His injury put a damper on a lot of things - mainly house renovation stuff. One day, I will finally be able to live in the house that is already home to me, but until then, waiting has been hard. Very hard. But it's okay. I'm lucky. We're lucky. I have to keep reminding myself.

Work has been a constant source of stress for me, which sents me down mental spirals I really don't like. Part of it is external factors, but I can admit it's also that I don't know how not to care. How not to involve myself in everything. That's something I've started working on, and want to continue working on in 2024, because this is actually actively detrimental to my mental health and I want it to stop.

But when 2023 was good, it was SO good! All the concerts I went to! The medieval markets, the festivals, the just fun outings. It was such a good year! I went to Norway for the first time! I want to do more of all that in 2024. It makes me feel like myself, I think that's important.

I'm gonna spend New Year's quiet at home, the way I enjoy it most. I don't really like New Years Eve, but I do enjoy spending time by myself. I think I'm gonna finish preparing my photo album of the year. I think I'm gonna dedicate January first to writing. In the spirit of the year I want to have. Let's hope it's a good one.

[star-gf]

oh how time has flown - a journal entry

TW: sa, abuse, mental illness

the great thing about tumblr is that it feels like i'm just screaming into the void. which is exactly what i need. no one hears and no one knows. i don't think there's anyone i know irl that still follows this account so that's relieving. if there is, I can't tell because when I open my 'followers,' it's blank entirely. if you're here, i'm sorry lol

–

it's currently 1:11am on a fine october monday morning. i'm sitting on my bed, feverishly typing my feelings away.

lately more than ever, i've been having these flashbacks, some pleasant but most horrifying. and even the pleasant ones tend to bring me down now anyways.

the pleasant ones being over-romanticizations of fond memories like eating at panera with my best friend in high school, spontaneous midnight dutch runs with my ex, and having the best times with my coworkers as a manager at a clothing store.

they're beautiful pieces of my own ancient history.

a total andy bernard moment, right? if only there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.

the horrifying ones being memories i've tried so hard to forget. the year long sexual abuse as a minor. the emotionally abusive 3-year long relationship with my ex. the even more traumatic breakup that followed. and many other things i doubt i can bring myself to say aloud.

it seems whether pleasant or other, my memories serve to haunt above all else. they weigh on me with insurmountable pressure.

–

i, for the life of me, cannot seem to move forward in one way or another. you know, if you'd asked me 6 years ago where i'd be now, i would have confidently told you i'd graduated two years prior and was finishing up my teaching credential.

how my tragedy-stricken life had plans of its own...

i promise, i am trying to make the best of my life and take action in any way i can, but 98% of the time i feel frozen.

i googled it, it's called executive dysfunction.

great! i have an unofficial name for it. now what?

i feel so stagnate and confined. i want a good life so bad. i don't know where to go... or maybe i do? i think i know where, i just don't know how to get there.

excuse me, sir. when's your next flight to at peace, in love, and finally free?

i'm dying to get there. dying. i want the happy life! finally! let me have it! please?!

i feel pain in my chest at the thought of getting there.

i want the happy life! finally! let me have it!

–

truthfully, i just want peace. i'm tired of being too anxious to enjoy anything in life.

can't watch netflix because i have to be working. if i'm not working, i'm not worthy of existing.

i am operating from a place of extreme financial guilt, i am aware.

can't play my switch because it's actually my ex-boyfriend's and even looking at it makes me want to cry.

i miss you, link, but our DLC challenges will have to wait another year. my heart must heal.

i miss you too, terrisview (animal crossing village; note that i did not name the island, my ex did). i will come back for you. i will pick your weeds, unearth your fossils, and eat your apples once more. my heart must heal.

can't leave the house because what if someone needs me? what if i'm not here to ease the explosive tension should an outburst erupt?

you remember the last time you left, right? you know it's your responsibility to ensure this household's happiness, right? because even if you absolutely cannot prevent an incident, it's still on you to console, mend, and repair.

i am so tired.

–

this vent is yet another form of executively dysfunctional procrastination. i'm supposed to be writing out IG content for a client... and here i am, enjoying a long overdue cry instead.

i can't wait to get where i am going. i am sick. i am tired. i am doing everything i can and it's still not good enough. fuck, dude.

...

well, it was nice catching up! signing off for now. chat soon!

xoxo, sam

[splitscreen]

For Nick and June: We manifested a lot and at the end it was for nothing, so so sad.

i'm glad i finally got an ask i feel like i can answer. for the record, i have been keeping up with the spoilers, i know what's up, but i like to keep my tumblr relatively spoiler free, so i make it a point to not publish asks that have big mega spoilers in the asks themselves because i can't hide that under a cut. chances are, if you censor whatever you're trying to say in the ask, i'll understand what you mean and answer under a cut.

so anyway, to this i say- i certainly understand why you feel this way. i also had a spiral on friday night to the point i completely lost my appetite. but i have since surfaced and i'd like to share some thoughts under the cut!

so... ok. does everything seem bad right now? yes. does it seem like we're backtracking in a way that doesn't make sense? yes. but this is how osblaine is, and always has been. i've actually been here before, i had this same level of meltdown when eden was spoiled for me. lost my appetite, cried in the shower, was convinced it was the end of osblaine. and it wasn't. it wasn't anywhere near the end of them, and i think it actually only made them stronger. did it feel like an insurmountable obstacle at that time? yes. but it wasn't.

another thing i'd like to point out is the spoilers are only for the first 8 episodes. lets think back on s4 for just a moment. if we had gotten spoilers in a similar fashion for season 4, i'd imagine this is what it would sound like:

"nick arrests june at the end of ep2 with a unit of guardians. he hands her over to lydia who tortures her, until they decide to send her to a breeding colony. nick has june brought to see him on a bridge and they kiss goodbye. june escapes and makes it to chicago with janine, and nick is ordered to bomb chicago knowing june is there. june gets out of gilead and makes it to canada and reunites with luke and holly."

like... does any of that sound good for osblaine? if we only had spoilers through ep 8 for last season the same as is happening right now, i'd probably have felt pretty hopeless at that point too. hell, after ep 9 spoilers started leaking, there was still a lot of hopelessness. and then look what eps 9 and 10 gave us once we actually saw them.

and this all still actually tracks pretty similarly with s4 in that we will have one osblaine moment (i wish it was in person and not just a phone call, but it will be interesting to see them talk over the phone! they've never done that before) in the first 8 eps before we get to the (hopefully, fingers crossed) epic content at the end of the season.

now as far as the wife and the pregnancy surprise... this is actually what upset me the most. it is the absolute last thing i wanted, it was the thing i was most afraid of happening, and i'm still pretty unhappy about it. but i think there's a LOT more to it than what's being presented at face value. there are a lot of things that could be happening. just off the top of my head - the wife could be a widow and she's pregnant from the previous marriage, she could be making it up (and nick is in on it too) to prevent them from having to have a handmaid. she could just be making it up and nick ISN'T in on it to make him feel like he has to stay (if anyone watched timeless, i'm imagining a situation like what happened with lucy and wyatt when jessica showed back up).

there are many, MANY things that could be going on here and it's not what it seems like right now. of course, i could be wrong and it is also exactly what it seems, and at that point i will go cry in the shower for about three days straight. but i just think, especially knowing bruce and how he likes his twists, there has to be more to it.

anyway, to conclude, i just want to say i absolutely do not think all of our manifesting was for nothing, and we are not at the end of their story yet. we still have another whole season left to go. we just need to keep focusing on manifesting the way we did last season, because look how that turned out for us.

[lordymaru]

I'm about to refute this entire essay with the simple explanation being:

The only interaction we've seen of these two is when she's a freaking 8 year old. Your self insert shows no boundaries.

And this is probably the last time I'll make a post about the stupidity behind the way the pair is viewed:

Note: I know there's people out there with a brain who ship these two in a more conventional way. In the end you do you, ship whatever you want, no one can prevent you from doing that, just don't be gross about it.

One of the parts being the Significance of their first encounter:

She’s a poor peasant girl who’s suffered immense trauma, suffering, and loneliness. Her initiative to help Sesshomaru came from her generosity

Exactly, she's alone for her family had been killed before her eyes, the villagers treat her like garbage. When she meets Sess he's wounded and simply in a bad state, both mentally and physically. Both of them are, the difference being he's a demon, a powerful one and for him to have ended in such a bad shape only stabbed at his pride- Rin on the other hand is a child, a human tiny child who is vulnerable and to him she poses no threat. Both of them are weak then.

At this point, it’s observable that despite knowing her story, her scars, and her difficulties, humans do not even empathize, let alone sympathize with Rin. It is the feudal era, after all. She’s a young, disabled orphan and the villagers only see her for what she lacks: a voice, a family, and a place of belonging.

Again with your feudal era shit. I can assure you the world is just as ugly today as it was before you and I existed. Next.

When he asks about her bruises, this is the first time anyone had ever afforded her a second glance.

This was a huge step forward for Sess, a huuuuuuge one for he showed interest in another living creature, not just any creature but a human. And for her it was probably like Christmas, for no one had showed her any mercy or interest. Ok you get a point. But oh, boy, how I'm about to spit on the next one:

The audience can see Sesshomaru calculate her body language, recognizing that she is mute. Instead of pressing her further or ignoring her outright, he attempts to comfort her (in his own way), making her feel that it is okay if she chooses not to answer him; that her desire to reply to him should only be a desire, not an obligation. I think, on one hand, that was the first moment of something that would resemble compassion that Sesshomaru had ever administered, trying to put himself in her shoes — if someone had asked him to do something that required, for example, his left arm, he probably would have appreciated them saying “you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to” so to provide him agency for something that he actually cannot do. And the same goes for Rin. He recognizes her disability, maybe even resonates with it and decides to empower her with a choice. Choice is important when it comes to the Sesshomaru/Rin dynamic and it’s a word that will come up often. 

Ok why are you comparing the loss of his arm to her not being able to talk? Not all disabilities are the same, you moron. Or am I dumb for thinking this way? If so, feel free to call me out on my lack of common sense kr whatever you wanna call it. Sess physically couldn't do shit with his left arm because well- it was gone! That's a physical disability. Rin had "lost" her voice after what she witnessed and so she wouldn't speak anymore. Have you heard of Psychogenic Dysphonia? If not, you can click here and give it a reading or do your own research. The more you know: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0892199703000158

So you say he "empowers her with a choice" that is "important when it comes to the Sesshomaru/Rin dynamic" let me get this straight, a choice because why? She's a child? A female? Because you said so yourself, it's the Feudal Era after all and therefore women had no choice in life, no voice, no agency, no nothing. So he was being magnanimous then? You know... This is where you start edging into the gr00ming territory. Can't you see? No? Alright, moving on.

BRUH WHAT THE FUCK?! Are you fucking good? See how you self insert? Bye. Next

The next time Sesshomaru sees Rin, it is suggested that he actively sought her, whether it be by curiosity or concern for well-being

He did... It is not suggested, he actually did asdfhkl. For both curiosity and he probably was worried. He also states he wants to test out his sword, what a perfect chance to do so for Rin is pretty much dead and that's the only way to make his sword work. So she was both being a guinea pig and an itch he wasn't quite sure how to scratch. Next.

Silence Rin.

Rin screams endlessly, annoying Sesshomaru. Firstly, this is the first time we hear him call her by her name. Secondly, Sesshomaru is visibly annoyed by her noises, however, he does not tell her to “shut up” as he normally would with Jaken or even InuYasha. He simply says “enough of that Rin, stop it.” (In Japanese he says, “Silence, Rin. You make too much noise.”) Even analyzing the Japanese dialogue, it is evidently softer than Sesshomaru’s usual ‘kisama’ (貴樣) manner of speech that we see depicted usually. This is the first time he’s had a companion who is not a demon, someone with compassion, and who has had his general best interests at heart with no expectations in return. His softer tone is a logical deduction to make.

Ok... "someone with compassion, and who has had his general best interests at heart with no expectations in return." Bruh... As if he would even consider meeting someone's expectations. Are you sure you're talking about Sess? Another thing is, he always speaks in a calm tone, he rarely yells or loses his composure- he had no reason to be rude to her either, you're excusing his regular behavior simply because she ain't Jaken. Anything else?

Rin doesn't change Sesshomaru overnight, it's a gradual and long process

Well duh!!! Just like you don't lose the pounds you gained from eating in one sit 12 donuts a week ago. Stating the obvious and for what? What's exactly your mf point?

The silence part is important, idk how to tell you there is a power imbalance in their relationship from the moment he tells her to be quiet. He didn't say please, he didn't ask her to, he told her to be quiet. Like a parent would, if I could count the times my mom told me to shush.... That's your first indicator he is not her friend, he is not her equal.

Letting you Be Yourself: The Panther Demon Arc

the first frame the audience sees in the anime sets the scene, painting the Sessshomaru entourage in a serene manner, indicating a level of comfort between group members (episode 75). This is vastly different from our last depiction of Sesshomaru and Rin’s relationship. In episode 44, he was unable to withstand her (albeit annoying) childish antics. But here, it’s observable that Sesshomaru can accept her and her package of unconventional fun. Not only does he tolerate and even more so, accept Rin, but he accepts her influence on his vassal, Jaken and allows them to be free around him.

Is called developing patience. I can assure you that when you're a parent or an older bro/sis and your kid/younger sibling is noisy af you either learn to tolerate that or get used to it for kids are kids abd you have to let them be kids. Next.

She's a child, she's not stupid.

The Abducted Rin: Calling her Name

The respect that Sesshomaru shows Rin is insurmountable. However, the InuYasha franchise is clever to portray the subtlety of Sesshomaru’s respect for her. KV on Twitter points out how highly he regards his companion and never relegates her to anything less than the value that she as a person embodies (@KVndie via Twitter). He consistently humanizes her. 

He only sees how important she is to him after her ass dies a second time. What do you mean? He respects her enough to not coddle her, she is independent and taught her to be self sufficient from the very start. That's respect. He consistently humanizes her because... She ... Is ... Human! OMG WHAT A SHOCKER!

As Naraku remarks on his hostage to Sesshomaru, "Naturally, the girl you're looking for is not here…,” he continues, “the girl is in custody outside of the castle..." Naraku never makes an attempt to give her personhood, leaving her unnamed, disposable, and relegating her to a mere "girl." But Sesshomaru doesn’t take any of this. He is a cold-hearted Daiyokai, yet he still makes an effort and upholds his principle to refer to her as Rin — not a replaceable “girl.”

Naraku is a mf genius. It didn't quite click until now he wanted to see if she was important or not to him and to what extent. For he planned his moves that way, making people turn against one another. While he wouldn't have made Rin turn against Sess he set everything up so he would end up wanting to kill Kohaku and in doing so, Inugang would have engaged against Sess.

Sesshomaru’s insistence on using Rin’s name isn’t only highlighted in this isolated incident though. It pays off. It is an ongoing theme in their dynamic throughout the series.

That's her name ... How you want him to call her? Baby?

I could go on and on but... This is a fucking essay. And then I stumble against more bullcrap:

The second point I want to highlight here is Sesshomaru’s reaction to Rin’s fall and her risky expedition. At this point, it’s unquestionable that Rin has a special place in his heart.

Of course she has a special spot in his heart. I won't deny that. What worries me is how you're trying to justify the way she's important to him since she was a child. As if his way of seeing her had changed.

I'm gonna disagree by agreeing with you in a few pointers. Kagome and Kikyo were rivals, they both romantically love the same guy. Kagome being the only one who could save Kikyo chooses to help her, knowing damn well Inuyasha would have suffered if Kikyo had died- further more, if it was in Kagome's hands to do something about it.

Rin on the other hand, I will applaud to her how she grew past her fear of Kagura after being kidnapped by her, she saw her body in the river and said fuck it and did her best to try to pull her from the water. I loved how stubborn and brave she was, even tho Sess had to pull everyone out of the water- she deserves a gold star. You go baby girl!!!

Rin later makes a cheeky comment, noting Kagura’s romantic interest in Sesshomaru. Jaken brushes this off as childish naivety. But for the spectator, this establishes two things: (1) That Rin does not see Kagura as a rival for Lord Sesshomaru’s attention, let alone affection; and (2) that Rin is still a child. Rin is certainly a child, with a youthful and fresh outlook on life that brings out the best in people. But even as a child, her relationship with Sesshomaru is incredibly healthy, clear, and surprisingly communicative.

Why would she? She's not a spoiled brat

Nah? I thought her double D indicated otherwise. OF COURSE SHE'S A MF CHILD.

Why do you keep mentioning is healthy? Do you need reassurance of it? Communicative in what way? Cuz if you wanna talk about communication let's talk about how he didn't even acknowledge her ass when she gave birth. He didn't even say her name, didn't even look at her. Tell me now how they are communicative and healthy?

I could go on, I really but all I'm getting from this load of bullshit I'm forcing myself to read is how you do in fact need to reassure yourself thr ship is god tier and is... How you said it was? Ah, healthy.

Anyways, thanks for reading and if you see any typo ... My apologies, I tried. Also if you have any input or I was out of line in some way, my apologies once more.

[transmalewife]

like i get where "laziness does not exist" and "what you're doing is already your best" is coming from, it's a good way to make parents and teachers etc empathise with the people they think are just useless, but at some point i think it begins to feel... infantilizing, and can actually make it harder to explain real conditions like executive dysfunction or chronic fatigue to those who don't experience them.

because anyone with adhd has heard at least once that "everyone feels like that sometimes. everyone procrastinates and forgets deadlines, you need to just get your shit together, stop looking for excuses and not medicalize your problems." and I see people countering that with "actually no one is ever lazy, they're all just dealing with some other insurmountable stuff in their life" and that prompts the obvious answer of "well, I have been lazy before" which then requires you to explain someone's own life to them to argue against it, which is both impossible and a dick move

But the truth is. laziness does exist. I've got chronic fatigue, chronic pain, I've got adhd and i've had some pretty unpleasant external life stuff killing my motivation. I know what all of those feel like, and yet sometimes i'm still just lazy. sometimes i sit in a haze of executive dysfunction, starving because i can't force myself to make food. sometimes i lay in bed for hours staring at a wall because my limbs feel to tired and heavy to move and my brain is so foggy i couldn't understand a word if i tried to read or watch something. sometimes i try so hard to do some work but my heart is beating so fast from stress because of a crisis of my life i can barely breathe. sometimes i choose to harness my hyperfocus to clean instead of study bc i know otherwise i won't do anything

but although sometimes i just spend a day in bed because i need the rest, sometimes I do the same for absolutely no reason. sometimes stressing before an exam makes it impossible to study for it, and sometimes going to a party the day before does the same. sometimes i let my dishes rot in the sink because my back hurts too much to stand to wash them, sometimes it's because i just don't want to do them.

I don't really know what the conclusion to this is, other than like. things are never that simple. it's easy to counter "you're just lazy" with "actually, no one is ever lazy," but it's just not true. your experience is not universal, and if you're being honest with yourself, you can probably pinpoint a few moments where you were being lazy. and that's not a bad thing! it's a privilege to be lazy. It's a privilege to not have to dedicate every ounce of energy you get in a week to keeping your life from falling apart. it's lovely to be able to choose to do nothing, and sometimes you should! laying all day in bed because you desperately need the rest is not treating yourself. laying all day in bed occasionally because you can, is. and being able to tell which is happening at any given moment makes you more in tune with your body and helps you track your symptoms and changing needs for rest and leisure

and viewing every single part of your existence exclusively through a medical lens is honestly just a depressing way to live. the point of healing, getting medical help and learning healthier coping mechanisms is to break out of the chokehold your disabilities have on you and be able to make a choice of where you use your energy. if everything you’re doing isn’t already a week late and urgent, you get to choose when to rest and when to push yourself. when to do your best and when to consciously aim lower.

[sionwritingco]

people underestimate how hard it is to date with BPD. i only say this because they typically don’t know that getting into a relationship/friendship is often a step out of our comfort zone. my brain is constantly switching back and forth from “break up with him” to “he’s gonna break up with you” to “you love him so much protect him always” to “you definitely don’t even like him that much, hurt him before he hurts you” this is toxic and you don't have to remind me. it's why i feel like i have to isolate myself at all costs because no matter what i do, i know i'm going to live with a guard up. and even when i have no reason to, a chip on my shoulder. it doesn’t mean i am incapable of change. or that i do not deserve consistent and healthy relationships. peace and stability are what i crave more than anything. and i’m at a point in my life, where i accept full and sole responsibility for that. 

i’ve found the more warm feelings i have for someone, the more emotionally turbulent i get. the emotional horse i’m riding in life becomes a rodeo bull when i'm attached to someone. my constant questioning of your loyalty/integrity is rarely a personal attack but rather my brain being attacked with paranoid thoughts that take a lot of work to control/monitor. ofcourse i’m nervous that sharing this will end up scaring people away, but when you set boundaries and TELL PEOPLE how you want to be treated, how you deserve and expect to be loved, the right ones will stay and the wrong ones will remove themselves.

it’s odd to have the awareness that your thoughts and feelings are influenced by a disorder, but still not being able to stop them.

it's so frustrating to me. it's like the logical part of my brain just gets pushed far to the back when i get upset/angry, i can hear it telling me i'm overreacting or that all i need is to take a deep breath, communicate, not react. but impulsivity gets the best of me. and i'm back to square one. all of the self improvement, and mindfulness techniques are out of the window. IMO self aware borderline is much more painful than the classic stereotypical kind that is narcisstic in nature. because it’s like we want to be normal so bad but we can’t control our emotions.

i can only hope to find someone or something healthy. that understands i can experience enough emotions to last me millions of lifetimes. someone who can be a safe space to say everything and anything in my mind (after careful construction of thoughts). who has a constant commitment to communication and improvement. this wouldn't free me from the haunting thoughts that i am too much, unworthy, undesirable, etc. it doesn't free me from the splitting thoughts, dislike for people, desire to isolate or resort to self destructive habits either. someone who's immeasurable patience, understanding and love for me aids me to keep fighting, to keep learning and reprogramming the behaviors that have kept me down before. dating someone with BPD isn't for the faint of heart. if you're considering this and you aim to be a stable anchor in their stormy waters, you'll be rewarded with love and devotion only people can dream of. you would be unstoppable.

in my experience, it's taken hundreds of thousands of baby steps to learn i have a voice and that i need to advocate for myself. as much as i can love someone, i'm DESERVING of the same love that i give. and i have a RIGHT to walk away when it is not recipocrated. i do not need to be co-dependant because i am more than capable of being alone, despite FEARING eternal loneliness and abandonment due to my condition. i'm not looking for a mind reader nor a personal psychologist. just someone with an insurmountable amount of patience combined with non stop conscientious hard work from both our ends. the same love that healthy, normal people recieve. we deserve too. it just takes harder work.

[with-love-anu]

Dear James,

I don't know what prompted me to write this letter. I've heard that writing your feelings down when you can't say the words is a good way to express them. I do not intend to give you this letter, I am writing it simply for the purpose that I let go of some of the feelings and thoughts, for and of you, that seem to bubbling over.

Sometimes I wonder what good I did in this world to deserve you in my life. You... you are everything that is good and right in this world. You are intelligent, kind-hearted, cunning (in a good way), caring, funny and yes, handsome.

Everything about you is effervescently beautiful. Your mischevious smile when you're planning a new prank with the boys, the way your eyes light up whenever you see someone laughing in your presence, the kindness of your heart that bleeds through every single moment of your existence, your need to help anyone at any time whether they asked for you to or not. I could go on and on, but then I'd be sitting here writing till my hand cramps and days would bleed into months into years.

When I look at you, I feel an insurmountable happiness that I never thought was possible. You have shown me that there are good people in this cruel world, that people can stick to their promises. You have never once let me down or let me feel alone (and I know for a fact you never will).

I can never thank you enough for that.

The day you walked into my life, it was like sunshine breaking through dark clouds after a storm. You are the light of my life. And I hope, that I bring even the slightest amount of happiness and brightness into your life like you do in mine.

There are many words that one could use to describe you, James Potter. But I don't think any one, or combination, of them could ever live up to you because you truly are one of a kind.

I wish I had more time to write what I felt for you down. But unfortunately (and fortunately), I need to leave now or I'll be late to arriving at your house. I am very excited to see all the boys after weeks, but mostly I am ecstatic to finally be in your presence again.

With all my love and all my heart,

Maitri.

******

It would've been longer 💀 but then I realized this is an ask and not a draft for a fic. I hope you're still taking these but it's fine if you aren't 🙃

Dear Maitri,

I found a paper tucked in your drawer today and seeing my name on it, I couldn't help but read. I had no idea you felt this way.. All these years we spent together, all the late nights and hours— you never said a word. I know I shouldn't feel bad, but I do. Because I always thought I knew everything about you, that I was supposed to be your best friend. Because I've been in love with you since our 3rd year.

All this time Sirius and Remus teasing me relentlessly about the way I looked at you— you were always so beautiful, all the days I spent away wondering what it would be like to date you, to kiss you. I didn't think it was possible for me to love you any more but I was wrong. Falling for you was the easiest thing I have done.

I hinted you so many times but you always brushed it off— I kept on telling myself you see me as a friend. And now I see this and my emotions are just all over the place. I know if I decided to talk to you about this I would forget some things and I do not want to do that. Not when I love you such.

Maitri, you really are the best thing that happened to me. And I would love to take you out. As a date. Where I could bring you flowers, hold your hand and kiss you if you agree to. I'll be waiting for you in the restaurant you love to go to tomorrow. Same time.

Lots of love,

James.

****

PLEASE I LOVED WRITING THIS THANK YOU FOR SENDING IT IN.

HP Roleplay

[maculategiraffe]

I was just working on the next chapter of Refreshment (yeah, promise!  Don't give up on me!) and I was thinking-- 

I love-- you guys know how much I love-- stories where people get saved, and rescued, and loved, and cared for, and understood, for the first time.  Told: you've been so brave, but it never should have been so hard for you, and from now on it won't be.

And I feel like, a lot of my life, I've kind of been waiting for someone to notice, or realize, how bad things were for me, emotionally, and step in to fix it?  Like-- life can't actually be this hard, right?  Someone will be along, eventually, to correct the situation, and maybe issue some kind of formal apology?

Which-- expectation-- has always ended in disappointment, because, like-- first of all, things are tough all over, and second of all, no one is ever coming to save you, you know?

Like, getting better, and living life well, is really hard work, and there's no shortcut or bypass, and no one else can do it for you, or let you in on the big secret that makes everything easy and good forever.  There is no big secret that makes everything easy and good.  Like the man said, anyone who says differently is selling something.

And it's hard-- too-- not only that you're never going to be saved, but that you can't really save people, either, not the way you'd like to.  

(Remember in Wonder Woman, that's partly why that was such a great movie, how Diana was just shining with perfect, pure, undauntable purpose for so much of the movie, and when she crumbled and wept and stormed and almost gave up was when she realized there wasn't going to be a simple solution, a single brave and glorious and definitive act that would Fix Everything?  That no matter how brave she was and how well she fought and how brightly she loved, the world was just broken and fucked up, and she could maybe make it easier for some people sometimes but she was never going to get to stop trying, and losing sometimes, and everything was never going to be all right?)

But that's the thing, from both sides: it's never going to be easy, but there's so many things that can help.  That can make it-- not easy-- but easier.  Accommodations, coping strategies, support networks, pleasures and nourishments.  Recourse.

And we get these things from each other.  From telling people what's hard for us, and finding other people who struggle or have struggled in similar ways, and learning what they've come up with or figured out, or looking together for things, that might help.

So yeah, no one is ever coming to save us.  But we're not alone, either.  We can't save each other, or fix each other, but we can help each other.

And those stories, the ones I love, where things are a little easier and simpler, they're still important, because-- I think they're, they can be, one of the ways we communicate.  Find each other.  Call out, across what can feel like such insurmountable walls, such distances.  

So we can find-- not a savior-- and not someone to save-- but, just, the others.  Someone else to be with, here, where it can feel so scary and hard and strange just to be what we are.  Someone to trade off watch with.  Someone to stay with, while we keep on living, keep on trying to figure out how to live.

And that helps, so much.

Thank you guys so much, for being here with me.

[justherefortaylorswift]

there’s glitter on the floor after the party...

Taylor,

*About 9 days ago, on May 22nd, 2018, I had just arrived home from your Seattle show at CenturyLink Field. It was 4am and I couldn’t sleep. I had so much on my mind and was still on a high from your show. So, in the early hours of the morning, after my friends had long gone to bed, I began to write. I’ve revised my original note quite a bit since then. I’ve also had the opportunity to do some additional reflecting since tour, and I have some thoughts. So, I guess this is the end-result of a mash-up of 4AM overly-emotional rambling, combined with well thought-out, fully coherent, mature writing. I feel like I really over-explained this. I could have been a lot less-awkward in setting this up. Let's just get into it:

[SO. I just got home from your Seattle show. It's 4 am and I can't sleep. This was my 6th tour, and I made what seems like an infinite amount of unforgettable memories with a group of incredible people I call my ‘Swiftie Fam” (the name needs work...). There's Cecil (my long-time, Canadian Swiftie friend, you’ll see him in earlier posts), Wanda (Cecil’s wife), Kaeden (7. Cecil & Wanda’s son. Major Swiftie. His first concert!), and finally the beautiful Maile (a recent addition to the fam, and now a life-long friend!).  It’s hard to explain in words, but we all have developed a connection that’s special and unique because of what we experienced together. I couldn’t have asked for a better group of people to stand by my side tonight. We danced, laughed, and cried together… I don’t think I’ve ever felt more understood. These people ‘get’ me.

Not surprisingly, I screamed every single lyric at the top of my lungs and subsequently lost my voice almost IMMEDATIELY. With that in mind, I suppose a more accurate description would be: I wasn’t so much singing, as I was gasping for the remainder of the show. I literally danced with until I was out of breath. I cried (ok, SOBBED) all of my make-up off (a Long Live/NYD mash-up… are you kidding me?! I FEEL ATTACKED). 

By the end of the night, I resembled a pathetic, overly-emotional, glittery, drowned rat.

and I was living my absolute best life.

Also, I was REALLY proud of our outfits this time around! I think we did a decent job of recreating your Direct TV commercial, with my rainbow two-piece, and Cecil’s interpretation of Olivia Benson dressed as a Caticorn (I can’t say I ever thought I’d use that in a sentence). It consisted of around 8-10 hours total of gluing, painting, and hand-sewing, leading up to the show. Everything turned out awesome, way better than expected. Totally worth the man hours! Wanda hand-made matching these adorable matching t-shirts for her and little Kaden (Big Rep & Little Rep), and Maile constructed a beautiful MASTERPIECE from the mountain LYWMMD outfit- it was freakin’ incredible and HOT!

There was something a bit different about this tour for a couple of reasons:

[The production.] I don’t think I’ve experienced such sensory-overload in my LIFE. The whole time it was like a constant stream of frantic, internal dialogue with a lot of run-on sentences, like, “WHAT IS HAPPENING SHE’S GIVING US CHOREO OMG YAAASSS WERK HONEY IF A MAN TALKS SHIT WE DON'T OWE HIM A DAMN THING OH MY GOD ITS RAINING CONFETTI I MUST COLLECT IT I HOPE THESE MULTI-COLORED FLASHING LIGHTS DON’T GIVE ME AN EPILEPTIC ATTACK WHERE THE F-CK DID THESE GIGANTIC SNAKES COME FROM THERE ARE LITERALLY STAGES EVERYWHERE I’M OVERWHELMED OH SHIT SHES PULLING A SPEAK NOW BY WALKING THROUGH THE CROWD WHAT'S GOING ON OH GOD F-CKING FIREWORKS THESE VOCALS ARE LIT THO I'M SWEATING I’M DEFINITELY GONNA NEED THERAPY AFTER THIS NEW YEARS DAY/LONG LIVE MASH UP IS THAT A FOUNTAIN WHATS HAPPENING OH GOD IT’S REAL WATER AND SHE’S IN THE FOUNTAIN I’M HAVING A 2008 SHOULD’VE SAID NO ACM AWARDS FLASHBACK MOMENT HOLY SH-T MORE F-CKING FIREWORKS SO MUCH PYRO IS THIS EVEN LEGAL” I’ve gotta say, you have BEST band (Paul, Amos and Mike..OGS), vocalists (Eliott and Kamilah…the TALENT), and all the dancers. Every single person on that stage was on FIRE, and their talent, passion, and individual personalities made the night sparkle.

[The fans.] I freaking adore this fan culture. I’ve never met a Swiftie who wasn’t ridiculously friendly, welcoming, and super relatable. The vibe was so positive. I’ve never smiled, waved and taken pictures with so many random strangers in my life. It felt as if we were literally in a different world that day. It felt like home.

[YOU!.]  We need to talk about this major GLO UP you’ve got going on, honey. You exude SO much confidence and you're just pure sunshine. When I think about the way you’ve carried yourself these past couple of years through all of the BS drama, I can’t help but feel damn proud. You’ve successfully converted pain into art, into music. Real music, that’s poignant, raw, and just BAD ASS. Your lyrics continue to foster a special connection you maintain with the audience...a connection that often times breathes life into brokenness.

I felt like the luckiest girl in the entire world tonight. 

This may have been my best concert experience ever, which is actually pretty ironic because:

Unlike Red, I wasn’t in the Pit

I didn’t have VIP seating, like 1989

You weren’t close enough for any potential high fives, waves, or eye contact like I experienced at Speak Now at B-Stage

We were not chosen for Rep Room (or T-Party, Club Red, or Loft 89)

…But, it was OK. It was way more than OK. It was truly a dream.

Listen: Something I've always deeply admired about you is that you make it a priority to maintain a personal relationship with the fans.  It’s clear you want to meet as many of us as possible, and you make a conscious effort to do so. You get to know us as individuals and you CARE, and that means everything us and makes such an impact. I mean, you invite us into your HOME for crying out loud, you walk through massive crowds and give high-fives, you lurk our Instagrams and Tumblrs and interact on social media, and you always make a notable effort to meet as many of us as possible at tour.

However, this can sometimes turn into a bit of a "Catch 22" situation for people. The downside, is that it’s honestly SUPER easy to fall into the “trap” of being consumed with the possibility of meeting you after your shows. Due to the fact that the “selection” process is both intentional, yet also random. To be transparent, it's quite difficult to not obsess with the idea of ‘trying’ to get chosen. I witness this behavior so often, in others and in myself just as much, if not more. Selfishly, I often feel not only jealous, but UPSET when I see photos/read experiences of other fans meeting you. I sometimes feel like the only one who hasn’t yet gotten the opportunity.  It can quickly turn into a mind-game if you're not careful, which has the potential to become toxic if we allow the idea of meeting you to rule supreme over what it's actually about...which is the MUSIC. And, this amazing show you put on for us night after night. And somewhat understandably so, I've witnessed the obsession with being chosen to meet you become a main focus point for a lot of us (including myself a bit!). It's pretty stressful, and can easily dampen or cheapen the concert experience, if you're not careful. As dramatic as this probably sounds, Tumblr (and social media) can be brutal within this fandom, and dare I say ‘cut-throat’ at times. It's easy to get upset watching (what seems like) literally EVERYONE get that opportunity, except you. 

That said, I had a wake-up call/mini-epiphany recently, which manifested while driving home from your show at Midnight on May 22nd with my friends, feeling so amazing and so grateful for what I just experienced…but also a little guilty because I feel like I’ve spent way too much time worrying about the possibility of meeting at you when you come to Seattle, how to get the attention of Taylor Nation, where to find Mama Swift, getting that guitar pick from Papa Swift, and this time was no different. Granted, my intentions are 100% pure and it’s only because you’ve meant so freakin much to me for so many years, and it's almost as if my life won’t be complete until I finally get to tell you in person. That said, there is certainty a valuable lesson to be learned here. I am confident that you and I will come face-to-face one day (hopefully with my Swifie fam!). The stars will align at the exactly the right time, and I will have my moment with you, and it will be SO worth the wait. You can't "force" stuff like this, you know? The privilege of meeting you is almost ‘sacred’ in a sense. At least in my opinion. Anyway, my point is: I refuse to a continue to attempt to “create fate” by attempting to "earn" my worthiness in fandom. It’s not productive, it's not healthy, and it’s not cute.

Alright, this is getting out of hand. I need to wrap this up. 🤣 I’m not sure whether or not you’ve seen any of my throwback photo-posts I posted the week leading up to the show. They definitely explain a lot more about me, and my history being a fan. Either way, I must reiterate how grateful I am to have you in my life, and that support you 100% and will always be here. The amount of hope, joy and comfort you've given me over the past 10+ years is insurmountable, and I'll never be able to repay you for that. And I mean that in the most sincere way. Not a lot of things make me as happy as you make me (especially lately). This experience was the ‘boost’ I needed, I think. And like I said, the relationship I have with my friends/Swiftie Fam is invaluable, and I look forward to making memories with them at your shows in the future. You’ve brought the most random group of people together and created a bond that’s unique, unconditional and unbreakable, and I think that’s so cool.

This was A LOT longer than I originally intended it to be. This escalated quickly. Haha. Thanks for listening. 💗

Don’t read the last page…]

Love you, T

Crystal

@taylorswift

@taylornation

@ceunit

@maileswiftie

[photos]:  1) The whole crew: Cecil, Wanda, Kaeden, Maile and myself at our seats. 2) Kaeden the night before the show. SO EXCITED!! 3) Testing out the Caticorn onesie w/ Cecil 4) Cecil and myself FULLY DECKED and ready to go. 5) Wanda and Kaeden: Big Rep & Lil’ Rep! 6) the girls! Maile, Wanda and Me pre-show 7) Us at the end of the show! And yes, that’s me in the middle..in disbelief, exhausted, sweaty, and a physical and emotional wreck (see also: ‘drowned rat’ description above). 8) All of us after the show literally in a hotel lobby (and glitter on the floor after the party!), waiting for traffic to die down before we headed home.

[andshesbarleybreathingg]

Dear Stranger, I know it has been a short while since we last spoke to each other. As a matter of fact, I know emotions and ill feelings are still probably harbored towards me on your behalf, as they should be. The last time we spoke to each other wasn't a pleasant interaction. I remember it vividly as if it had just happened yesterday. We were on the phone speaking with one another and we did what we frequently did towards the end of our relationship which was argue. I argued with you, you argued with me, and we both seemed to be getting tired of the same old problem. We had promised each other we would no longer continue to argue so that we could coexist peacefully to just enjoy each other's company, but neither you nor I stayed true to that. One minute we would be perfectly fine laughing about in each other's presence, the next minute we would be going at each other's throats like two ravenous dogs. So back to that night, which I like to look at as the "boiling point"of all our infamous fights. I being my typical overreactany, douche bag self was just thinking what I could do to piss you off and I snapped. I did something so cruel and hurtful to you that to this day, I still feel regret towards. Not only did I feel bad about the fact that you cried that night, i knew deep down in my heart i had caused someone i genuinely care about and wanted nothing but to cherish and love him more than anyone in the world, to feel an insurmountable amount of pain. You were utterly shocked that i, the girl who promised to never hurt you, the girl who said you could always trust her, the girl who literally told you she loved you and that you were one of if not the best thing that has ever happened to her, me, that girl, undid all the things I meant in a just a matter of seconds by hurting you the way I did. The pain you felt that night still lingers in your heart, because if it didn't you would forgive me and realize just how heartfelt and sincere I am at this very moment. And you know what? You have every right to still feel hurt over how I acted towards you. I know you probably (about 90-95% of you) still hate me at the moment. So much so that you might not even read this letter, which is okay. I don't deserve your forgiveness, because quite frankly I was wrong. No excuses whatsoever. Why should you forgive me? I promised to never hurt you. I repeatedly told you multiple times I wouldn't yet I did. I lied to you and worst of all I broke a promise to you that I had sworn to keep. In life sometimes you make mistakes and some of those mistakes hurt a lot worse than others. I made plenty of mistakes with you, but my biggest mistake was instead of coming to you and leaning on your shoulder with what I had going on at the time, I decided to take my frustration out on you which in essence caused me to lose you. I know you've experienced your fair share of losses in life . think about someone you lost. Think about how you would do anything to see them again, hug them squeeze them tight, and tell them you love them. I know you're still alive but that's exactly how I feel with you. Believe me, I try not to think about you. I've done everything possible to distract myself of the thought of you. I hang out with my friends, I pick up activities, and have tried some pretty cool lifestyle changes. It's helped a bunch, but I still feel empty without your presence sometimes. Especially late at night when I have my thoughts to myself. I miss being around you. I miss your smile, the way you laugh, the way you liked to cuddle with me and how you would press my head against your chest and rub my hair. I miss your quirky ways and the way you liked to always farted. You were so awkward, unusual, and yet I adored every bit of it. You were imperfect, stubborn as a mule, and you easily let others influence you. Despite all your flaws, I still think you're the most handsome guy i’ve ever laid my eyes on. I realize the errors of my ways and I know I can't undo the past. But believe me when I say I do still love you. You still are the best boyriend I ever had.

[tragicbooks]

25 things to do during the inauguration if you're afraid of the Trump presidency.

<br>

Inauguration Day is upon us. Soon, President Barack Obama will sail off into the sunset, and Donald J. Trump will be sworn in as our new commander in chief.

Yup. Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images.

There's no stopping this. As of Jan. 20, Trump will be your president and mine. If you're feeling lost or hopeless, it's OK. A lot of people are feeling the same. It may be too late to undo the results of the election, but it's never too late to do whatever you can to stand up for what you believe in. What better time to turn your feelings into action than than during the inauguration itself?

Here are 25 things you can do during Trump's inauguration ceremony to make the world a slightly less scary place:

1. Make donations to organizations whose work will be more important than ever in the next four years.

Lots of important and life-saving organizations are going to need your help to survive a Trump administration, and they rely heavily on donations like yours.

If you have some cash to spare, consider a one-time or recurring donation to Planned Parenthood, (which is hosting a $20 donation drive  on Jan. 20), the NRDC, the International Refugee Assistance Project, or the Trevor Project for LGBTQ Youth. There's also the NAACP, the National Network of Abortion Funds, Black Girls Code, the ACLU, National Women's Law Center, NARAL, Girls Write Now, the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, and Purple Purse. That's just to name a few.

2. Call or write to your representatives to let them know you want them to stand against attacks on civil rights.

I know, you've probably heard that suggestion about a thousand times. Well there's a reason: It works!

It's also a lot easier than you think. Look up who your representative is and find their publicly available contact information. Then you can call or write a message to them saying that, as their constituent, you hope they will stand by the issues that make a difference to you.

Photo by Mark Wilson/Getty Images.

Don't be silent; the government is there for you.

3. Going to one of the protests the day after the inauguration? Have a sign-making party!

If you plan to attend the Women's March on Washington or any of the other marches being planned around the country on Jan. 21, why not spend the day making a totally badass sign?

Gather your friends, get some craft supplies, and go for it! Squeeze all that frustration out of a tube of glitter glue and let your feelings be known in the form of a pithy slogan. Or feel free to download and print one of Upworthy's Women's March signs.

Who says the First Amendment can't be fun as hell?

4. Find some local organizations that need your support.

Donating to nationwide groups is great but a lot of those organizations also have local chapters that need help. Find out which ones are in your area and learn more about how you can support them directly.

Which reminds me...

5. Volunteer!  

Money is one thing, and showing up to help is another. There's no shortage of places that need actual physical help and would be thrilled to have someone donate their valuable time. While the 45th president is being sworn into office on Friday (and also not planning to actually start work until Monday), why not use that time to give back?

Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images.

Volunteering will also show you how easy it is to make a difference, which is a feeling that you're going to need in spades for the next four years.

6. Support real, credible journalism. With money.

I know, I know. Paying for news? Crazy concept. The thing is, journalism is in big trouble right now. In Trump's first press conference, he openly yelled at CNN anchor Jim Acosta. That's just one example of the president-elect publicly denouncing the credibility of a free press. Trump's chief adviser is Stephen Bannon, the former head of Breitbart — a platform that regularly publishes messages of hate and intolerance.

Trump has also promised to "open up the libel laws" in order to sue organizations that criticize his actions as president.

Photo by Mario Tama/Getty Images.

Now more than ever is the time to start financially supporting real news like The New York Times or The Washington Post or donating to ProPublica, a nonprofit newsroom.

As a pro tip: The Washington Post has lifted its paywall through Saturday for the inauguration.

Don't just get your news through Facebook. Now is the time to get out of your echo chamber and learn about the world through actual reporting and fact-based journalism.

7. Shut off inauguration coverage and watch the Love-A-Thon instead.

Tune in to Upworthy's Facebook page at 12:30 p.m. EST on Friday, Jan. 20, just as the inauguration is starting, to watch the Love-A-Thon, the first ever Facebook Live telethon. Its goal is to raise $500,000 for organizations like the ACLU and Planned Parenthood that stand up for marginalized communities.

That not enough for you? Did we mention that the Love-A-Thon will feature celebrities like Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Jane Fonda, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, and more, joining together to stand up for love? It's gonna be great.

Be sure to RSVP to the event on Facebook to let all your friends know.

8. Use the #Inauguration hashtag to make your voice heard.

As usual during big events, Twitter and Facebook will be lit up with people sharing their thoughts using an official inauguration hashtag. You can jump in on the action and share your thoughts too.

Imagine if the majority of tweets were about standing up for the rights of minorities or fighting to stop climate change. That would send a pretty clear and powerful message.

9. Check out some of the protest hashtags as well.

As Trump is being sworn in, lots of people will be using Twitter to protest and send a message.

For example, the sexual assault advocacy group Force: Upsetting Rape Culture will be starting #WeWillNotBeSilent. Sexual assault survivors will be tweeting with that hashtag to stand up to the rape culture Trump represents. They'll also be tweeting with #InThisMan — to represent the ways in which Trump reminds them of their abusers.

10. Write "This is not normal" on a note and stick it somewhere you'll see it every day.

In a year or two you might forget how weird it is that a populist demagogue surrounded by hate-mongers is the president of the United States. That might lead to complacency, and complacency is dangerous.

So make a note that this is not OK. Stick it on your fridge or above your bed or on your coffee machine. For the next four years, it will serve as a reminder of what you're fighting for.

11. Reach out to someone who's also feeling anxious.

I know, right? Photo by Fox Photos/Getty Images.

If you're feeling bad, chances are you know someone else who is also feeling that way too. Now is the time to reach out to them. We're all going to need each other's help and support.

You can even start planning to take real action together. Everything's easier when you have a friend.

12. Go visit a museum.

Museums are great, aren't they? You get to learn stuff, you get to see amazing artifacts and artwork, and you get to carry around an empty water bottle all day because, seriously, is there a recycling bin anywhere in the building?

On Inauguration Day, a lot of museums are offering free admission. New York City will be opening the doors to nearly a dozen museums, and many museums in the D.C. area will be hosting events.

Find out what's around you, and soak in some culture!

13. Join an online movement and start being active in it.

If you don't live in a major city or can't travel around easily, there are lots of online social justice movements you can be a part of. Pantsuit Nation got a ton of coverage during the election, but there a lot of other smaller groups on a range of issues from body positivity to immigration reform to workers' rights that you can join.

Being active and supportive in movements is essential if you want the causes you care about to stay in the conversation.

14. Give that whole meditation thing a try.

Meditation! You've heard of it. Your one vegan friend probably does it. You have an app for it that you haven't even opened yet. Why not give it a try today?

Meditation has been shown to help ease stress and promote relaxation, and at the very least, it's nice to just take a couple minutes to breathe and be peaceful.

Photo by Niklas Halle'N/AFP/Getty Images.

15. Take the #PeoplesOath with the ACLU.

While Trump takes the oath of office, the ACLU has offered a way for citizens to take an oath of their own.

Take the #PeoplesOath & help protect the rights guaranteed to all of us by the Constitution. https://t.co/ts8qDoiuBZ http://pic.twitter.com/HxeYEZxstn

— ACLU of Texas (@ACLUTx) January 18, 2017

The People's Oath is for people who want to make a promise — to themselves and the world — to uphold the Constitution and stand up for the rights of everyone, especially including those whom Trump has directly threatened.

16. Write about how you're feeling.

Chances are that your thoughts are complicated, conflicted, and not easy to talk about. One great way to work it all out is to sit down and write about it. If you're comfortable doing so, share your writing on social media so that friends and family know where you stand. It might help someone you know process their own feelings, and that's a powerful thing.

There are no rules, really. Write what you're thinking. It'll help you process it and make it clearer in your head — which will make it easier to figure out what you want to do next.

"Dear diary. What the f***." Photo by Ron Sachs-Pool/Getty images.

17. Watch a movie or read a book about someone overcoming incredible obstacles to remind yourself that together, we can do anything.

"Remember the Titans," "Selma," "Hidden Figures," "Spice World," "Harry Potter" — there's no shortage of on-theme stories about people overcoming insurmountable odds. That's what the next four years are going to feel like.

Based on true stories or not, they might just give you the juice you need to make it through the day.

18. Listen to something better than the inauguration speech. Like the "I Have a Dream" speech, for example.

Maybe you're stuck at work during the inauguration with a bunch of people who want to watch it on the office TV. Maybe you're a groundskeeper at the National Mall and there's no option to ignore what's happening right in front of you.

No biggie! Just pop in your headphones and listen to something that makes you feel better, like your favorite album or podcast. Or you can listen to Martin Luther King's "I Have a Dream" speech. Hearing it might give you a glimmer of hope in the goodness of people despite what they're up against.

19. Set a reminder for the 2018 midterm elections.

Mark this date on your calendar: Nov. 6, 2018.

Everyone has their eyes set on 2020, but if you want to, you can change the government in just two short years.

On Nov. 6, 2018, at least 33 Senate seats will be up for grabs. That's a huge deal if you don't like the way the government is operating, but you can't just sit around and hope for the best. You have to spend as much time as you can learning about your candidates and their policies, and then you have to get out and vote. Try to get as many people as you can to do the same.

Photo by Darren Hauck/Getty Images.

You have two years — make the most of it.

20. Donate to a food bank.

It's easy, it'll make you feel good, and it'll help some of the millions of hungry people in the United States. Plus, it'll get you out of the house and away from social media if you want to disconnect from inauguration coverage. There's really no good reason not to.

21. Form or join a book club.

Now is the perfect time to start reading again. I know, the inauguration is at noon Eastern time on a Friday, so it's probably not the best time to hold your first book club meeting, but it is the perfect time to send an email to your friends asking them to join you in starting a book club.

Read books that will motivate you, or at least entertain you, through the next four years.

22. Consider running for office yourself or get involved in a political campaign.

If there's one thing this election has taught us, it's that literally anyone — regardless of qualifications — can become president or end up in politics.

There's lots of great information available on how to run for office. The rules tend to differ by state, district, and position, so read up on it. If you're a woman, check out Emily's List. If you're a person of color, check out LaunchProgress. We need more diversity and representation in government, and there's no reason that can't start with you.

Even if you don't decide to run, you might know someone who would make the perfect candidate. You can be their campaign manager! Sounds fun, doesn't it?

They started somewhere. Photo by Joe Raedle/Getty Images.

23. Learn about how to become part of the resistance to the Trump administration's policies.

The power is in your hands to resist the hateful and harmful administration Trump has promised to lead, and there's no better time to start learning how than as he's being sworn into office. The Resistance Manual, which was put out by several prominent Black Lives Matter activists and racial justice organization Stay Woke, is a good place to start.

Once you know what your role can be in a Trump world, help spread that message to others. And after you've done that...

24. Read up on conflict resolution and how to have difficult conversations.

The 2016 election revealed a sobering truth about the American people: We disagree fundamentally on a lot of key issues. Remember how terrified you were to have Thanksgiving dinner with your conservative cousins? Yeah, well, get used to that.

There's going to be a lot of hard conversations in our future. You're pretty much guaranteed to have a run-in with someone you disagree with. Instead of going on the defensive though, why not take some time to learn about conflict resolution and how to have productive conversations?

Yelling and screaming and fighting aren't really going to get us anywhere. Instead of watching the inauguration, pick up a book that will teach you how to engage people on a human level and work out your differences with civility.

25. Take care of yourself.

It's OK to feel what you're feeling. Existential dread isn't a sign of weakness nor does it mean you're a special snowflake. It means you're paying attention.

This election did something pretty remarkable: It made people actually grieve. That means that people are experiencing the actual process of mourning, and emotions are raw and vulnerable. Yes, even two months later.

If you care about the world, you're going to need to work hard, but you're also going to need to take care of yourself. Whatever your self-care involves — bubble baths, yoga, spa days, burying yourself in your work, laying on the floor and crying — double down on it, and don't feel bad about it.

Photo by Matt Cardy/Getty Images.

You need to put on your own oxygen mask before you help others, if you know what I mean.

Most importantly, try to remember that this isn't the end of the world; it's the beginning of a hard and worthy challenge.

It may seem impossible to get through the next four years, but never forget that there are always things that you can do yourself to take a stand for the things you believe in and to make the world a better place in ways big and small.

<br>

[socialviralnews]

25 things to do during the inauguration if you're afraid of the Trump presidency.

<br>

Inauguration Day is upon us. Soon, President Barack Obama will sail off into the sunset, and Donald J. Trump will be sworn in as our new commander in chief.

Yup. Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images.

There's no stopping this. As of Jan. 20, Trump will be your president and mine. If you're feeling lost or hopeless, it's OK. A lot of people are feeling the same. It may be too late to undo the results of the election, but it's never too late to do whatever you can to stand up for what you believe in. What better time to turn your feelings into action than than during the inauguration itself?

Here are 25 things you can do during Trump's inauguration ceremony to make the world a slightly less scary place:

1. Make donations to organizations whose work will be more important than ever in the next four years.

Lots of important and life-saving organizations are going to need your help to survive a Trump administration, and they rely heavily on donations like yours.

If you have some cash to spare, consider a one-time or recurring donation to Planned Parenthood, (which is hosting a $20 donation drive  on Jan. 20), the NRDC, the International Refugee Assistance Project, or the Trevor Project for LGBTQ Youth. There's also the NAACP, the National Network of Abortion Funds, Black Girls Code, the ACLU, National Women's Law Center, NARAL, Girls Write Now, the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, and Purple Purse. That's just to name a few.

2. Call or write to your representatives to let them know you want them to stand against attacks on civil rights.

I know, you've probably heard that suggestion about a thousand times. Well there's a reason: It works!

It's also a lot easier than you think. Look up who your representative is and find their publicly available contact information. Then you can call or write a message to them saying that, as their constituent, you hope they will stand by the issues that make a difference to you.

Photo by Mark Wilson/Getty Images.

Don't be silent; the government is there for you.

3. Going to one of the protests the day after the inauguration? Have a sign-making party!

If you plan to attend the Women's March on Washington or any of the other marches being planned around the country on Jan. 21, why not spend the day making a totally badass sign?

Gather your friends, get some craft supplies, and go for it! Squeeze all that frustration out of a tube of glitter glue and let your feelings be known in the form of a pithy slogan. Or feel free to download and print one of Upworthy's Women's March signs.

Who says the First Amendment can't be fun as hell?

4. Find some local organizations that need your support.

Donating to nationwide groups is great but a lot of those organizations also have local chapters that need help. Find out which ones are in your area and learn more about how you can support them directly.

Which reminds me...

5. Volunteer!  

Money is one thing, and showing up to help is another. There's no shortage of places that need actual physical help and would be thrilled to have someone donate their valuable time. While the 45th president is being sworn into office on Friday (and also not planning to actually start work until Monday), why not use that time to give back?

Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images.

Volunteering will also show you how easy it is to make a difference, which is a feeling that you're going to need in spades for the next four years.

6. Support real, credible journalism. With money.

I know, I know. Paying for news? Crazy concept. The thing is, journalism is in big trouble right now. In Trump's first press conference, he openly yelled at CNN anchor Jim Acosta. That's just one example of the president-elect publicly denouncing the credibility of a free press. Trump's chief adviser is Stephen Bannon, the former head of Breitbart — a platform that regularly publishes messages of hate and intolerance.

Trump has also promised to "open up the libel laws" in order to sue organizations that criticize his actions as president.

Photo by Mario Tama/Getty Images.

Now more than ever is the time to start financially supporting real news like The New York Times or The Washington Post or donating to ProPublica, a nonprofit newsroom.

As a pro tip: The Washington Post has lifted its paywall through Saturday for the inauguration.

Don't just get your news through Facebook. Now is the time to get out of your echo chamber and learn about the world through actual reporting and fact-based journalism.

7. Shut off inauguration coverage and watch the Love-A-Thon instead.

Tune in to Upworthy's Facebook page at 12:30 p.m. EST on Friday, Jan. 20, just as the inauguration is starting, to watch the Love-A-Thon, the first ever Facebook Live telethon. Its goal is to raise $500,000 for organizations like the ACLU and Planned Parenthood that stand up for marginalized communities.

That not enough for you? Did we mention that the Love-A-Thon will feature celebrities like Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Jane Fonda, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, and more, joining together to stand up for love? It's gonna be great.

Be sure to RSVP to the event on Facebook to let all your friends know.

8. Use the #Inauguration hashtag to make your voice heard.

As usual during big events, Twitter and Facebook will be lit up with people sharing their thoughts using an official inauguration hashtag. You can jump in on the action and share your thoughts too.

Imagine if the majority of tweets were about standing up for the rights of minorities or fighting to stop climate change. That would send a pretty clear and powerful message.

9. Check out some of the protest hashtags as well.

As Trump is being sworn in, lots of people will be using Twitter to protest and send a message.

For example, the sexual assault advocacy group Force: Upsetting Rape Culture will be starting #WeWillNotBeSilent. Sexual assault survivors will be tweeting with that hashtag to stand up to the rape culture Trump represents. They'll also be tweeting with #InThisMan — to represent the ways in which Trump reminds them of their abusers.

10. Write "This is not normal" on a note and stick it somewhere you'll see it every day.

In a year or two you might forget how weird it is that a populist demagogue surrounded by hate-mongers is the president of the United States. That might lead to complacency, and complacency is dangerous.

So make a note that this is not OK. Stick it on your fridge or above your bed or on your coffee machine. For the next four years, it will serve as a reminder of what you're fighting for.

11. Reach out to someone who's also feeling anxious.

I know, right? Photo by Fox Photos/Getty Images.

If you're feeling bad, chances are you know someone else who is also feeling that way too. Now is the time to reach out to them. We're all going to need each other's help and support.

You can even start planning to take real action together. Everything's easier when you have a friend.

12. Go visit a museum.

Museums are great, aren't they? You get to learn stuff, you get to see amazing artifacts and artwork, and you get to carry around an empty water bottle all day because, seriously, is there a recycling bin anywhere in the building?

On Inauguration Day, a lot of museums are offering free admission. New York City will be opening the doors to nearly a dozen museums, and many museums in the D.C. area will be hosting events.

Find out what's around you, and soak in some culture!

13. Join an online movement and start being active in it.

If you don't live in a major city or can't travel around easily, there are lots of online social justice movements you can be a part of. Pantsuit Nation got a ton of coverage during the election, but there a lot of other smaller groups on a range of issues from body positivity to immigration reform to workers' rights that you can join.

Being active and supportive in movements is essential if you want the causes you care about to stay in the conversation.

14. Give that whole meditation thing a try.

Meditation! You've heard of it. Your one vegan friend probably does it. You have an app for it that you haven't even opened yet. Why not give it a try today?

Meditation has been shown to help ease stress and promote relaxation, and at the very least, it's nice to just take a couple minutes to breathe and be peaceful.

Photo by Niklas Halle'N/AFP/Getty Images.

15. Take the #PeoplesOath with the ACLU.

While Trump takes the oath of office, the ACLU has offered a way for citizens to take an oath of their own.

Take the #PeoplesOath & help protect the rights guaranteed to all of us by the Constitution. https://t.co/ts8qDoiuBZ http://pic.twitter.com/HxeYEZxstn

— ACLU of Texas (@ACLUTx) January 18, 2017

The People's Oath is for people who want to make a promise — to themselves and the world — to uphold the Constitution and stand up for the rights of everyone, especially including those whom Trump has directly threatened.

16. Write about how you're feeling.

Chances are that your thoughts are complicated, conflicted, and not easy to talk about. One great way to work it all out is to sit down and write about it. If you're comfortable doing so, share your writing on social media so that friends and family know where you stand. It might help someone you know process their own feelings, and that's a powerful thing.

There are no rules, really. Write what you're thinking. It'll help you process it and make it clearer in your head — which will make it easier to figure out what you want to do next.

"Dear diary. What the f***." Photo by Ron Sachs-Pool/Getty images.

17. Watch a movie or read a book about someone overcoming incredible obstacles to remind yourself that together, we can do anything.

"Remember the Titans," "Selma," "Hidden Figures," "Spice World," "Harry Potter" — there's no shortage of on-theme stories about people overcoming insurmountable odds. That's what the next four years are going to feel like.

Based on true stories or not, they might just give you the juice you need to make it through the day.

18. Listen to something better than the inauguration speech. Like the "I Have a Dream" speech, for example.

Maybe you're stuck at work during the inauguration with a bunch of people who want to watch it on the office TV. Maybe you're a groundskeeper at the National Mall and there's no option to ignore what's happening right in front of you.

No biggie! Just pop in your headphones and listen to something that makes you feel better, like your favorite album or podcast. Or you can listen to Martin Luther King's "I Have a Dream" speech. Hearing it might give you a glimmer of hope in the goodness of people despite what they're up against.

19. Set a reminder for the 2018 midterm elections.

Mark this date on your calendar: Nov. 6, 2018.

Everyone has their eyes set on 2020, but if you want to, you can change the government in just two short years.

On Nov. 6, 2018, at least 33 Senate seats will be up for grabs. That's a huge deal if you don't like the way the government is operating, but you can't just sit around and hope for the best. You have to spend as much time as you can learning about your candidates and their policies, and then you have to get out and vote. Try to get as many people as you can to do the same.

Photo by Darren Hauck/Getty Images.

You have two years — make the most of it.

20. Donate to a food bank.

It's easy, it'll make you feel good, and it'll help some of the millions of hungry people in the United States. Plus, it'll get you out of the house and away from social media if you want to disconnect from inauguration coverage. There's really no good reason not to.

21. Form or join a book club.

Now is the perfect time to start reading again. I know, the inauguration is at noon Eastern time on a Friday, so it's probably not the best time to hold your first book club meeting, but it is the perfect time to send an email to your friends asking them to join you in starting a book club.

Read books that will motivate you, or at least entertain you, through the next four years.

22. Consider running for office yourself or get involved in a political campaign.

If there's one thing this election has taught us, it's that literally anyone — regardless of qualifications — can become president or end up in politics.

There's lots of great information available on how to run for office. The rules tend to differ by state, district, and position, so read up on it. If you're a woman, check out Emily's List. If you're a person of color, check out LaunchProgress. We need more diversity and representation in government, and there's no reason that can't start with you.

Even if you don't decide to run, you might know someone who would make the perfect candidate. You can be their campaign manager! Sounds fun, doesn't it?

They started somewhere. Photo by Joe Raedle/Getty Images.

23. Learn about how to become part of the resistance to the Trump administration's policies.

The power is in your hands to resist the hateful and harmful administration Trump has promised to lead, and there's no better time to start learning how than as he's being sworn into office. The Resistance Manual, which was put out by several prominent Black Lives Matter activists and racial justice organization Stay Woke, is a good place to start.

Once you know what your role can be in a Trump world, help spread that message to others. And after you've done that...

24. Read up on conflict resolution and how to have difficult conversations.

The 2016 election revealed a sobering truth about the American people: We disagree fundamentally on a lot of key issues. Remember how terrified you were to have Thanksgiving dinner with your conservative cousins? Yeah, well, get used to that.

There's going to be a lot of hard conversations in our future. You're pretty much guaranteed to have a run-in with someone you disagree with. Instead of going on the defensive though, why not take some time to learn about conflict resolution and how to have productive conversations?

Yelling and screaming and fighting aren't really going to get us anywhere. Instead of watching the inauguration, pick up a book that will teach you how to engage people on a human level and work out your differences with civility.

25. Take care of yourself.

It's OK to feel what you're feeling. Existential dread isn't a sign of weakness nor does it mean you're a special snowflake. It means you're paying attention.

This election did something pretty remarkable: It made people actually grieve. That means that people are experiencing the actual process of mourning, and emotions are raw and vulnerable. Yes, even two months later.

If you care about the world, you're going to need to work hard, but you're also going to need to take care of yourself. Whatever your self-care involves — bubble baths, yoga, spa days, burying yourself in your work, laying on the floor and crying — double down on it, and don't feel bad about it.

Photo by Matt Cardy/Getty Images.

You need to put on your own oxygen mask before you help others, if you know what I mean.

Most importantly, try to remember that this isn't the end of the world; it's the beginning of a hard and worthy challenge.

It may seem impossible to get through the next four years, but never forget that there are always things that you can do yourself to take a stand for the things you believe in and to make the world a better place in ways big and small.

<br> from Upworthy http://ift.tt/2jRtcbL via cheap web hosting