#been experiencing and what i still experience but they dont. they cant get the concept of what my life is like. and that really sucks a lot

[be-good-to-bugs]

it actually kinda sucks that nobody in my life has any idea the loneliness ive been feeling for the past 8 years. im glad they havent experienced this but it sucks to not have anyone to relate this to.

[violottie]

I cant stress enough how much bi lesbians and bi lesbian discourse flared up my SO-ocd, I was fine for a few months and then I returned to this side of tumblr and I get reminded of them. One of my worst fears is that I am somehow a “bi lesbian” or if after all these years of questioning and finally coming to the conclusion that I’m a lesbian I’ll turn out to be straight in the end. Idk if I should have stayed on the art side of tumblr but where else do I find other lesbians??? I wish I could go back to when I didn’t know “bi lesbians” existed it was easier back then. Apparently the only thing to make intrusive thoughts subside is to be like “so what if I’m not a lesbian, who cares” but I cant do that. I wanna go back to when I didn’t know there were people who deliberately fake being gay because that’s also one of my fears,, even though when I realized I was a lesbian it felt like I REALIZED it rather than chose it

(this is gonna be long but it's very important to talk about so just a heads up on that)

i am so so sorry to hear this, and im infuriated that these fucking creeps in the "community" have caused not only so much blatant lesbophobia to spread but also have caused so much harm to lesbians.

i am right with you because ive been through, and still go through sometimes, what you're experiencing. its terrifying that all this bullshit can snowball and make any doubts we lesbians already have from living in this heterosexual patriarchal society double and multiply even more viciously.

my internalised lesbophobia has worsened also. i doubt myself alot and more often thanks to all this bs. its... i dont even have words to express how damaging lesbophobia, especially from within the "community", is.

it causes harm and trauma and pain and suffering for lesbians, but all these stupid juvenile shits just think it doesnt matter because "uwu theyre so kweer and cool now"

it sucks... but i need you to know it is not your fault that you feel this way.

no matter what anyone inside or outside the community says, and no matter what your spiralling thoughts might make you believe as a result of lesbophobia inside and outside the community, you are not straight, you are not a "bi lesbian", you are not bisexual. you are a lesbian.

i know it is so so hard to just say but i promise you, nothing they say will ever ever change the reality of your lesbianism. i promise you.

it hurts, and its beyond infuriating to have to share space with these disrespectful bastards who coopt our lived experience for a moment of attempted self-actualisation, and that pain deserves to be acknowledged and soothed, not pushed away.

i wish i could give you a hug rn honestly because this shit just fucking sucks. i too wish i could go back to the time when these idiots werent even a concept in my mind or memory, but if there is any advice i can give you to help ease the torment of this constant barrage, it is this:

❤️🧡🤍🩷💖

1) know, for a fact, that nothing anyone, and i mean ANYONE says and no matter how loud they say it, will ever change the lived and exact reality of your innate sexuality.

nothing will ever magic away your lesbianism. it is wired into you, it IS you, a very central part of your personhood. that is not something that any words, especially words shat out of the asshole of a dickhead child on the internet, can ever change.

im not disregarding the hurt, im just reminding you that who you are, who you truly are, cannot change because of the words that hurt. especially because you know deep down that those words are not true.

because being a lesbian is who you are. it is not a quota to reach, or what you do, it is who we are. innately. you know where your natural attactions lie, what genders draw your attraction exclusively and without effort. you know that deep down. we are literally born this way. words cannot change that.

❤️🧡🤍🩷💖

2) the best thing to do whenever you accidentally glimpse said bullshit is to block them and focus on uplifting the actual lesbian community.

lesbians community is such an integral lifeline, i cannot emphasise the sheer importance of enough.

these idiots are, after all, idiots and do not deserve your energy, your time or your pain. they will never matter, and the truth is, they only exist on the internet among weirdos who have no sense of self so seek it by stealing bits and pieces from other peoples personal experience and identity.

they are and always will be inauthentic, unlike you.

❤️🧡🤍🩷💖

3) find and focus on the joy of your lesbianism individually and in lesbian community with other lesbians.

We lesbians are blessed to experience the best kind of human life possible: lesbianism.

our sexuality is bold and strong and proud and beautiful and brilliant and effervescent. it is perfect and brave and worthy of honor and praise and celebration and respect.

our community of lesbians is just as exquisite as we are individually. we are diverse and divine. every butch, femme, stud, stone, masc and feminine lesbian; every trans woman, transmasc, transfem and nonbinary lesbian; every black and brown and lesbian of color; every aromantic, asexual, aroace, non-partnering and polyamourous lesbian; every lesbian of every age and race is so overflown with wisdom and joy and love and brilliance. there is nothing more empowering as a lesbian and nothing that strengthens lesbian pride more than being in a community of lesbians and finding joy in ourselves through each other.

and im not just saying this to be mushy. i mean it. lesbians are divine, and thus, you are also divine.

you are perfect as a lesbian because you ARE a lesbian. you are incredible and intelligent and brilliant and brave.

nothing will change the brilliance of who you are, and in everything you are as a lesbian, you have a universe of lesbians who have been, who are and who will be, all of whom have not only been through the same and similar demeaning bs from the same kind of lesbophobic idiots, but they fought it back and survived and lived and thrived as lesbians.

you are just as strong as every lesbian who has been and is. and you are not alone. i promise you.

i am slowly rebuilding the community of lesbians on this blog that i had on my old one, but i promise you, on my blog you are safe. i swear, i will always always put lesbians first here, and that includes you. i will always defend and support and celebrate lesbians first here, and here you will find many other lesbians who will do the same.

❤️🧡🤍🩷💖

i know this was long, im sorry about that but i just need you to know that i see and feel your pain with you, and i need you to know that you arent going through it alone, and you are not alone.

we lesbians have always stuck together to defend and fight for one another, we have always survived, we have always been here, and we always will be.

i hope this reassures you in some way, and know you're always welcome and safe here ❤️🧡🤍🩷💖

[horce-divorce]

"Trans men don't need an intersectional word that goes beyond "transphobia" because being a man is not an oppressed identity, it's easier for them to get resources, and they're not affected by transmisogyny"

Words spoken by people who have never met another GNC person offline (or another trans person who wasn't white) even once tbqfh. And yeah access to those spaces is difficult and often gatekept to shit so I don't think that's anyone's fault, esp not transfems. Your brutal exclusion is never your fault. Still, I think it is possible to have these CRUCIAL conversations about transmisogyny and how transfems are affected... without making sweeping statements about what other trans people do or do not experience. It might be easier for people to check their transmisogyny if they could understand how it does in fact affect them sometimes, their behavior, language, and the spaces they frequent, in addition to how it perpetuates this awful exclusion. Being hypervisible and yet constantly excluded IS something that transfems should have a word for. That IS something I do not understand the pain of as a transmasc. It must make them feel utterly insane. By all means, coin more words! It enriches these conversations when we can relate to each other more and we have more language for the discussions we're having. We want to tear down the walls keeping us apart, not build more.

to be clear, I don't think tma/tme are "unnecessary." Transmisogyny is real and transfems do really experience uniquely awful shit, especially from within the community. But that in an of itself is not a unique experience. Being excluded from "women and nonbinary only spaces" is actually not a uniquely transfem experience. So many transmascs do NOT benefit from patriarchy and I am tired of this claim coming from non-transmascs.

HOW we all get policed by our in-groups presents differently, but policing each others experiences is not something that bridges understanding. And I'm sorry but in 3 years of this convo I've not once seen someone bring up tma/tme to discuss transfems without entirely dismissing swaths of other queer people in the process. Maybe im not seeing the good faith takes, idk.

A lot of other bad-faith misinformation is STILL getting passed around about the coiner of the term "transandrophobia" and what it supposedly means, and how the term itself is transmisogynistic. None of that ever matches up with what I actually see in transandrophobia discussions. I see a lot of diverse people discussing and relating to transandrophobia, specifically a lot of tpoc and intersex people, even a lot of transfems. The people who talk ABOUT 'transandropobia truthers' present a much different idea of the discourse we're having than what i actually see. That inconsistency is a red flag for me.

Tldr i think the concept of tma/tme is fine actually, but I disagree with the usage of the term tme specifically. Terms describing what tma/tme are getting at AND transandrophobia can and should coexist. These are not mutually exclusive ideas actually. apparenrly i cant bring up one without addressing the other bc nobody has good faith conversations anymore.

Basically just. Please don't tell me what I have or haven't experienced, and I won't claim to know your pain intimately, either. we can still relate to each other over the ways we've been let down. I feel like that should be the goal, not determining who does or does not deserve to use certain words.

Also as an asexual, the whole "transandrophobia truther" dismissal feels eerily similar to the rampant ages-old acephobia from tumblr we know and love. You guys love mocking "novel" (to you) discourse and then 5+ years down the line acting like you weren't telling us to commit sepukku for suggesting that ace people can be oppressed for our orientation because we "don't even experience sexual attraction and you cant be oppressed for something you dont experience."

self determination is important for all of us for many reasons. I won't tell anyone else what words to use for themselves. If you're TMA youre TMA, end of story. But dont tell me by definition that makes me TME or that I have to use terms I feel are incomplete or inadequately describe my own experience. I'm not asking anyone else to do that.

Anyway.

[abimee]

throughout endwalker tock's choice in glams and stuff is heavily relevant to her character lore and stuff and im sad i dont have my photos from that time at all, but one thing i always think about is how

okay from the start

when i first made tock I gave her the super long ponytails to denote that she was a child, and the whole thing with her family is that her mother Never cut her hair because Tatala was forced to cut her own as a shame tactic by her father, and from then on the concept of cutting your hair short in the family was for moments of great sadness or as a form of shame. So tock never had her hair cut ever, so at the age of 12 she had super long hair she held back in ponytails

midway through ARR i changed her haircut from the pigtails to the two braids, a sort of moment of freedom for Tock as she was able to alter her hair (even in the smallest of way) and kept the braided look through ARR and Heavensward

in Heavensward main msq post-thordan fight, somewher in the patches, Tock disappears from MSQ and her mother is in fact the lead during Stormblood. This is because Tock is experiencing grieve, a strong and painful emotion she's never experienced before. What basically happens is a bit of a blur, besides the fact that Tock secretly helps the Nym tonberries defeat the primal King Tonberry that is trapping those in the wanderers palace in a tempered-esque Rancor, and how she does that is by basically pulling a ysayle and summoning a primal within her to fight the thing and end it. This entirely wrecks the aether reserve in her little body, and Tock ends up comatos in the bronze lake waters for a certain amount of time that nobody is privvy to. Due to the harshness of the waters and the comatose, Surito Carito and Alka Solka end up having to cut away most of Tock's hair, as it became damaged and knotted in her slumber. This represents how Tock is beginning to experience events and consequences she cannot control, and to have her hair cut off from her after years of being told her long hair is a status symbol in her family sort of acts as a symbolic ''she can never go home/she can never be who she once was before the grief"

by Shadowbringers she has gotten her hair back to a pretty decent length, and put them back in a twin tail style, sort of symbolizing how even if she has changed, she is still Herself, she is Tock Tutti, even if she is fundamentally altered by all that shes gone through

by start of Endwalker she returns to the double braid look, because she cant go back to who she was before her adventure (long ponytails), but she is still who she was when her adventure started (braids)

midway through endwalker... smiles. Same hair, but this time she has on the Sophist robes, and has adorned her head with a bouquet of flowers, with 6 large flowers on either side of her head. its obviously by now that i sort of mentally took them as Dynamis flowers, because during the near end section of Endwalker the flowers had been dyed pitch black

anyway. remember when i said long ago that tock's white eye is because its unaspected materia from getting blasted with hydaelyns crystal bearing the blessing of being the warrior of light? its not pure white anymore because dynamis is coursing through it 👍

[aspec-advice]

Hey! So I think I might be on the ace spectrum in some way but im still questioning and could use some help

I know I feel attraction and like romantic feelings and things like that but I feel a bit off about sex-stuff sometimes I guess (this feels a bit strange talking about haha but I will try). For example I dont really feel like it unless I know the other person does, like its fine and I can enjoy it and get in the mood but i dont really initiate anything cause I would enjoy just cuddling and kissing just as much. I don't really feel the need for sex to be honest, even though I may enjoy it when it happens. And sometimes i get a bit grossed out with it in a way, all the not dry and clean things makes my skin crawl sometimes?

I guess I just want to feel like my feelings are valid cause I know they are but I cant really talk to anyone about it. And my ex was fine about it, like he absolutely wouldnt do anything he knew I didnt like but he also didn't really understand cause when I brought it up like how I didn't really need sex he took it personal and interpretated it like it meant that i didn't love him as much or wasn't as in love as he was or that I wasn't as attracted to him even though I know it isn't like that. I still think people look hot or attractive and I was as much in love as he was, I just enjoy other forms of intimate stuff in a relationship more

Also, finding a label wouldnt be bad cause even though I dont think I will ever tell anyone because I don't think its any of their bussiness it would be nice to have something to search for on the internet and read about others experiences to make me feel more normal. Cause I think it is something normal, its just a personal preference and it doesnt mean anything else than just that

hi!! i completely understand what you're saying, i'm very similar to you in that i don't mind sex like as a concept or actually in practice it's just not something that i need in a relationship, and like you, i would rather just hang out and cuddle and kiss or whatever. your feelings are completely valid, i definitely feel like that all the time. in addition to that i've also not ever experienced sexual attraction, i've never been with someone and looked at them and wanted sex it's more of an option that the other person says, which seems to be what you're describing. i personally label myself as asexual, because asexuality is a spectrum and being sex-neutral is part of that which is what i am, like i don't mind either way. if you want to look more into asexuality and what the spectrum looks like i think that would be helpful and some specific labels you can look into are demisexuality and graysexual! i hope this helps and if you have any more questions you can dm here or on my personal tumblr (weareliterallyonfire), i can help to explain more in depth or just explain some of the things i meant here!

mars

[dapperrokyuu]

Round 5 Teaser Speculation

Quick, messy, meletonin-induced speculation about the upcoming round in ~4 hours because (1) Ive been wanting to, (2) screw it, and (3) thank god, the teaser is only, like, 5 frames, lol.

This is either a random contestant Luka briefly reminisces about to highlight his winning streak in Alien Stage or this is definitely Sua. Sue, either surviving and/or somehow saved by Luka or her death post-Round 1 through Luka's eyes. While I would greatly welcome the former since I would love to learn more about Sua and see her potentially impacting the story more, I think the latter is more likely, unfortunately. (But Id love to be proven wrong, do it, Vivinos...!)

Its easy to assume that the character in this frame would be Sua, especially after realizing the character in the first frame cant be Hyuna (who was the knee-jerk reaction due to character proximity and her being one of the only character unintroduced). But a possibility I would like to consider is this character being...Mizi.

Things to consider:

Its Luka and Mizi's round next video. Someone's bound to lose. And while Id love a spontaneous escape scene potentially involving Hyuna, the possibility of someone just losing is very possible too. And Luka is someone who has already won before...

Luka's attitude towards his opponent and Alien Stage as a concept demonstrates he has no qualms about winning and someone dying, while Mizi may still be compromised by experiencing Sua's death.

According to the ALIEN STAGE MAGAZINE👽entries, INTERVIEW WITH LUKA and A Legendary Comeback Coming Soon!, Luka shows complete disregard for his opponent (presumably Mizi) and thinks of Alien Stage as a positive thing. Additionally, he completely destroyed his appointent in the first round with, "...the highest recorded score in the history of ALNST." While I would love Mizi to completely bounce back from a traumatizing moment in her life, I dont expect her to because thats unrealistic and even if she did, Luka has way more experience and confidence/apathy--he doesnt care about her life or holding back at all.

However...

Mizi is straight up our protagonist, it is implied here (bottom screenshot) and here (video description). So...she cant exactly die yet. (Though Im open to the idea that Hyuna will suddenly become our protagonist. I will just also be Very Sad).

Luka has privileges due to winning Alien Stage and may have the abilities to and a vested interest in keeping Mizi (and this may apply to Sua too) alive.

Where do I get this from? In the My Clematis: The First-Ever Harmony magazine entry, Sua and Mizi's round was applauded for the chemistry between them creating a performance Alien Stage has never experienced before. It is noted for almost being a tie and how Sua and Mizi are close friends.

INTERVIEW WITH LUKA also shows that Luka values the performance aspect in Alien Stage, even stating, "Focusing solely on the performance and putting on the perfect stage is what every participant should have in mind." That is something Sua and Mizi explicitly did, as what is noted about Round 1 is that the two got lost in performing together. And this is something that Luka has never done before.

Additionally, in A Legendary Comeback Coming Soon!, Luka also portrays a...possessiveness? Over his winner position in Alien Stage, saying, "I will make sure no one dares to covet this new throne.” If he perceives Mizi as capable of toppling him, theres the potential interest, whether its positive or negative. This actually strengthens my thoughts on the character (who's hand is being kissed) being Mizi post-loss rather than Sua (since Sua lost).

And thus, Luka would keep Mizi alive and would be observing footage about Sua because he wants to know how they did what he could not. And potentially how he could do the same? (Which would lead him to learning about friends connections with humans and passions beyond serving aliens. c:)

Anyways, I could go more on this but this is long enough and brain melty. I mostly made this to see whether or not Im right about ANYTHING I speculate in this, lol. If youve read this far, I hope you had a fun time and thank you! And regardless of whether you did, have a wonderful day! c:

[ronpatrash]

okay here is my danganronpa 3 anime experience post. tl;dr it wasn't great and i really didnt need to watch it, but i have to...complete the plot in its entirety? I gUESS??? and this was...painful

first off let me say that my watch of this was with my danganronpa friends. it's already a biased opinion you're about to read, cause we're watching it dubbed, and for the most part we weren't paying full attention to it, because the plot fell off very quickly

the english dub is alright though! for the most part it's not bad and not too jarring, though some lines can sound ridiculously funny, like yukizome talking to chiaki and asking "you think no one will like you cause you're a gamer?" or junko actually saying "kamukura yaas queen" and "he's gonna burst a blood vessel cause i dissed his waifus" I CANT BELIEVE THIS BAD SHOW MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD AT SOME POINTS. junko's english VA is a delight and i'm so glad i sat through it for her to show up and be a horrible girlboss <3

and also the future arc is so skippable that my friends and i still got the gist of the plot while we watched almost all of it at 2x speed LMAO the only part that was a great time for me was when toko and komaru showed up (what a nice continuation from ultra despair girls!!!) and when makoto was about to be brainwashed into committing suicide, cause we get to see a glimpse of what his mind was experiencing. that shit was really cool cause of all the dr1 characters and makoto going through survivor's guilt? i was fascinated UNTIL WE ALL SAW MONDO, IN BUTTER FORM, WITH HIS JACKET ON THE FLOOR THAT SHIT WAS HILARIOUS)

actually the whole story,,, the whole thing with the despair that led to the end of the world shit is just so,,, shallow in the end? it would have held more weight to me if being in 'despair' wasn't actually just brainwashing through watching an animated film. i think the concept of mitarai being so good at animating that he uses hypnotism methods in his films to manipulate the emotions of the audience is... far-fetched but makes sense? animation and film directing is in a sense about making your audience feel things, and everything plays a part in that (from character movement to composition of the shot and colours, sounds, etc etc if you've been to animation school you know this stuff).

as cool as the idea is, I JUST DIDNT EXPECT IT TO BE THE BACKBONE OF THE ENTIRE TRAGEDY, and as much as i want to hate it, i cant bring myself to. im just disappointed, but it's very danganronpa to do this

OH AND I DIDNT THINK MITARAI'S GRAND PLAN IS TO JUST HYPNOTISE EVERYONE AGAIN WITH A HOPE FILM INSTEAD OF A DESPAIR ONE, DUDE, YOU WERE THE REASON WHY EVERYTHING WENT TO SHIT IN THE FIRST PLACE

AND I DIDNT THINK HE WOULD JUST BE STOPPED WITH UHM I DONT KNOW, THE FUCKIN,,, POWER OF FRIENDSHIP, FROM HIS CLASSMATES THAT HE BARELY KNEW OR INTERACTED WITH. THIS PLOT IS SO UEHJDJGJF

also the new characters are mostly very boring. i kinda called it early on that there's sorta a throuple thing going on with yukizome, munakata and sakakura dOES ANYONE EVEN REMEMBER THESE PEOPLE'S NAMES FOR REAL?? I SURE DONT, I KEEP HAVING TO LOOK EM UP CAUSE THEIR PLOT WAS SO UNINTERESTING, AND MUNAKATA AND SAKAKURA ARE BOTH ASSHOLES

the throuple ended really badly too????? oh my god the adult characters are all terrible, only great gozu, the guy with the bull mask in the future foundation, was amazing, bUT HE LASTED LIKE ONE EPISODE. future arc bad,,, you can tell characters were created just to be killed

if you cant tell already by how incomprehensibly angry this entire blog post was written, i'm relieved to be done with the anime. there is no more mystery, the writing is just really bad. it's comparable to my experience with following the kingdom hearts timeline in that it's good in the beginning (because many questions are open and unanswered and your brain fills it in with theories you enjoy), and gets worse towards the end (because every question is answered badly, established plot points are rewritten for bad reasons, and the work is clearly rushed so they can try to beat more money out of this dying horse)

[thisdreamplace]

ashamed to say the 3D reflects our true inner reality, yes? my ENTIRE family has turned against me, after some atrocious conflicts in which they all ganged up on me nd judged me, name-calling, very hurtful things too, provoked me. i been dealing with some serious mental uh 'issues' on my own nd when this happend i was already on the verge of a breakdown nd the good news is while the conflict happened i kept telling myself theyre only reflecting me u can get thru it etc. Later i looked at the hard facts nd realised some of the hurtful things they said were my deep secret feelings abt myself. BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people? confronting one person vs whole family, why?! i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?

Part 2 is simply its been a week and theyve still been cold towards me as if I yelled AT THEM ABT THEIR PAINFUL 'tRuThS' in front of EVERYONE LMAOOO. At first if i was around we'd have dinner together while they'd all talk to each other like best friends aka sickeningly overly friendly while completely IGNORING me while i sat there. i could tolerate it. I WAS PISSED AT THEM TOO Now its too painful. They're having dinner without telling me, yesterday didnt leave enough food for me knowing i hadnt eaten, serve tea/snacks without my portion. i honestly feel so unspeakably trigered nd sad. worst is these things r reminding me of deep school memories when id feel excluded like this by other kids at parties or class activities nd its like im back there. anyway im glad i controled myself a bit nd didnt counter with horrid things abt them to THEM yet they think they can say the same to me. im so hurt rn i cant even tell u lol i was okay the whole week but now its too much,, ive been crying the whole day

thing is, ik this seems like 'im a victim oh noooo they ganged up on meee'. Nope its more like how do i change myself to change them?! u could say why not talk to them how they made u feel, except whenever ive defended myself in the past regarding hurtful things they/anyone in family did, the siblings/parents would say irritating things like: "oh so YOU'RE the one hurt? Oh thats right, its because YOU'RE right! yes, yes, you're always right. Forgive me for saying anything against the perfect person u are." Or one of them says: "You?! I hurt YOU? What about me? You don't care about me! So you think what ur doing is okay?" or "no, who do YOU think u are to tell ME what to do?" it just goes in circles like this! i dont deserve to hurt myself or do smth to myself even if they dont give a damn, even if years of silent suffering of the 'mEntAL pRoBlEms' (which my lovely parents have already told me is my fault years ago, hence why I NEVER show it to them, unless im crying too much then lol they just mock me, but idc abt THAT bcoz now ik i hav a right to let out my emotions)). i mean this is worse rjan usual. its kinda insane nd when guests come they start talking to me as if nothing's wrong then when they leave, they ignore me!

this whole twisted dynamics, feelijf left out nd helpless is ig some crazy assumptin from childhood of being alone nd unable to defend myself. plus when they argye with anyone, they become overly self-righteous nd over the years its clear they can only scream, blame the scapegoat and never talk abt serious matter like normal ppl. And yes, in the past when i bring this up, they like to reply with stuff like: "no YOU'RE the one who doesnt talk to US bla bla" like, when i do u just shut me down? have belittled my mental 'issues', mocked me when im at my worst, stabbed me with cruel silent treatments nd thinking its alright "bcoz of self-righteousness blegh". Or maybe i think its okay for them to punish me? or whatev? Like law says u get what u r. if these ~~~ keep doing this to me, im doubly ashamed to say this means im the one at fault?! i let this monster assunptin grow nd now idk what to do. the worst thing imo is how i failed to tell them,even if they ignored me in the past, how i feel when anything like this or a conflict happens nd none of them stand up for me, or at least are neutral to me. bcoz now if i do, they say nope, u dont care what we do, YOUR the shameless one :! so yeah they hav the advantage of 'numbwrs' while im too afraid to stand up for myself lol. btw they never apologize nd i suspect they expect ME to apologize to TYEM bcoz everything's already ruined bcoz of 'me'..... i give up on them, i really do, but my heart hurts. Either i harden my heart, nd save up to move out, OR i try to change my self or whatev assumptins i have. But how do i do that? i try afirming: "my familys so nice to me, im respected by them" but it feels so fake tears literally enter my eyes lol

firstly i want to say, thank you for coming here to vent and being open about your feelings. it’s so important sometimes to just let it all out, without holding back. so that way you can move forward more bravely, to create the life you truly want to experience. that being said, i am going to be completely honest with you here in hopes that perhaps it may inspire you and you will be ready to do what is needed for the life you truly want to experience.

“BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people?” -> “i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?” here is your question, and here is your answer. i think that being completely honest when venting your feelings can actually be so helpful, because if you read back what you have said, you will be able to clearly find the patterns that are creating your personal hell. FEELING IS THE SECRET. ASSUMPTIONS HARDEN INTO FACT. the true way you feel, becomes your experience. Feelings/assumptions/beliefs come first, and the experiences come second to confirm them. That’s all that’s happening here.

i am glad that you were able to keep your reactions to a minimum! that's wonderful and as many of us know, it can sometimes be hard to do in such hurtful circumstances. but you managed to do it, this shows just a small glimpse of the power you truly hold within. although emotionally you may feel out of control, there is still the choice to choose better for yourself which you demonstrated through your reaction to them. good for you!

the truth is, you acknowledge the victim mindset to seem like you’re not engulfed in it, but no, you’re still very clearly engulfed in it. as i have said before, you can’t be a VICTOR and feel bad about it. feeling bad about taking responsibility, about everyone is you pushed out, about any of these types of concepts automatically shows a victim mindset. talking to them won’t do anything, because there are no second causes. you could talk to them nicely, you could be the nicest person in the world. but you can’t pretend your way out of your inner world. your inner world is the one and only cause of your experiences. until you change the story you tell yourself, they will stay the same. this is a hard pill to swallow sometimes. and it can feel heavily, because it’s ultimately only you’re choice. they can’t change until you do. the heaviness of the situation may make it seem impossible to turn around, but that’s just an illusion. your emotional attachment to the situation makes it seem so real and hard to change, but no. that’s just an illusion too. however, it’s ultimately your choice. Do you want to take responsibility for your life, or do you want to keep being tossed around like your lost at sea, victim to the merciless angry waves? Because we always have a choice. No one chooses your inner world, you do. No one can go into your mind and decide things for you, that’s only your job.

you can harden your heart, but who would be the one who suffers more? It won’t be your family, i can assure you. it’ll only be you. by doing that, you keep that old story alive and therefore you keep experiencing it. you keep those stories alive that are desperately showing themselves to you, saying “LET US GO.” but you remain identified with those painful stories, so you grip onto them tight. you keep on thinking of possible reasons for their behavior, but you could just read your entire ask back to yourself and you’ll see every reason. your reactions, your beliefs about them, your emotional pain. its your refusal to let those things go, and focus on what you truly want that keeps you in this state and keeps them in this state. sure it’s painful to face the responsibility at first, but it’s not a blame game. thinking its about blame is just a misunderstanding of the teachings. it’s not about they’re so perfect and you’re so not, so you have to change your ways. it’s about this is how life works here. this is about... you can ONLY ever experience self. whatever is going on within, will be reflected in your outer world. it’s about how they can’t change, UNTIL YOU DO. so instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you have to decide to give yourself the gift of a wonderful life because you have that power too. you stop deciding they can be in control of your experience, and you decide your experience yourself.

to change your assumptions, stop trying to affirm over them and actually face what’s keeping you from believing in your desires. yeah, it’s going to be painful and uncomfortable. but you need to face the pain that you’re running away from, so that it can finally be released. you have to realize, it only stayed true because you believed it to be true. and if you are to live a life free from that story, and experience a more desirable story, then you must let the pain go. give yourself love and grace as you work through it, and know that there is a more beautiful side of life that awaits for you to accept it in.

No One To Change But Self

There is Nothing to Forgive

How to Sit with Your Triggers

give yourself the time you need, it's not race. the love that you wish to experience exists, allow it in. 💖

[xenosagaepisodeone]

ok 3.0+1.0 longpost -_-

it’s difficult for me to describe how I feel about 3.0+1.0 as a film because it’s artistic vision is just a 25 year cultivated response to the otaku fixation on nge. this film hardly feels like it can stand on it’s own feet as a coherent story -- it’s constantly introducing and reinterpreting symbols, contexts and concepts in order to lay down some kind of grounded world while also wanting to be evocative of the freeform flow of feelings occurring in EoE/Ep25/26. if this movie was it’s own thing and just living in the shadow of it’s predecessor, I could probably live with it and maybe even say that I liked it, but it’s flip flopping on if it wants the metanarrative to drive the story or if it wants to erect a new mythology of Eva altogether completely squanders maximizing the potential of doing either. what were left with is a very cowardly iteration of the message at the end of nge -- “human connections are important, even if they can be painful” becomes “ if we show you what you wanted to see for the past nearly 30 years, will you grow up now?”

"Defeated" feels like how I would describe the ethos of this film.

reiQ’s farmer adventures were cute, but in a way that felt bittersweet- because this character is not actually rei. not simply because she is not ayanami, but because she carries no actual development from her previous iterations like the other characters of rebuild. reiQ answers the question of “what if rei was actually as moe as she looks in official art” but forgets to pull the rug out from beneath you to unveil the depths of her turmoil. while Ayanami would say “I am not your doll to control”, reiQ has almost every aspect of her character dictated to her by other people - and this is depicted as fulfilling and human (because Anno wants you to get a job and have kids). not even her name is her choice. her sudden death only exists to serve as a motivator for shinji. I wanted to believe that this was some commentary on how a relationship without pain and loss cant exist, but it seems unlikely as rei (1, 2, 3, Q, Ayanami, lilith, etc) does not have an arc in this film. also the TV production quality of the village segment made it feel like I was watching a 12 episode sol as opposed to an actual film.

funnily enough, my feeling towards reiQ made me feel retroactive distaste towards 1.0 and 2.22. I’ve never thought rebuild was good, that much has never been a secret. 1.0 and 2.22 however carried enough over from the original series that it felt like the original characters were picking themselves up and getting better. I was happy seeing asuka, who had previously spent 26 episodes and a movie being miserable, open herself up to happiness. I was happy seeing rei connect more with shinji. even if the characters had to become simplified versions of themselves to find their own peace, it didnt feel thatbad. I didn’t realize until 3.0 came out how little this tetralogy had to it beyond puppeteering iconography and hoping that fans find meaning in it. 3.0 and 3.0+1.0 carried the same conviction of 1.0 and 2.22 of showing you characters you like doing things you wished they did, but with the support of the original series environment withering away to unveil half baked ideas, convoluted plots and meaningless regurgitation of every meaningful image this series has produced. seeing rei stripped even farther than her bare bones as reiQ put into focus what I thought I appreciated about 1.0 and 2.22.

there were a few times throughout this movie where I was trying to figure out what it was that anno was trying to say. as stated in my op paragraph, the film does carry it’s own simplified message about how important it is to grow up and face the real world, but this message largely betrays the framing. its cowardly. the pain that shinji experience does not come from the Other anymore, it is all self inflicted. learning to endure hardship simply became a matter of overcoming your own feelings, because now everyone else in your life effortlessly accepts you. there are 3 girls with who dont have any problems anymore and a solarpunk empire that would be all over you if you simply stood on your own two feet. there is no asuka experiencing hedgehog dilemma with shinji, there’s only asuka who exists so shinji can learn how to confess to a girl. there is no misato constantly subjecting shinji to a interplay of projecting her issues onto him and attempting to mother him (with varying degrees of success), there’s just shinjis step mom who accepts that she is responsible for him (which feels GREAT to see but feels bad when you think about what it sacrificed to get there). for a guy whose complicated relationship with otaku culture has bled into his work, you would think that idealistic fantasy of the real world wouldnt be the crutch of the delivering his message. when I say that “defeated” is the ethos of this film, I mean that it is so lacking in purpose compared to its predecessors that it wears itself thin trying to superficially have something for every conceivable audience while throwing out the meat of why people liked those things in the first point.

I was surprised to see that it was gendo who survived as the most introspective part of the film. i’m conflicted towards how I feel about a gendo redemption arc, but I feel as if his instrumentality sequence itself was decently shot (I hate having to compare it to ep 25/26 but it lacks the artistic flare for such a big budget film) and very well articulated. there’s a beautiful story in here about realizing your parents are people and parents realizing the responsibility they owe to their children, but I wish it could have been explored in a different film where characters are less held back by their established canon. honestly watching this whole sequence made me wonder if anno is still friendly with goro miyazaki LMAO

I was largely uninterested in the fight scenes, I think the only one that genuinely made me feel something was the one towards the end where asuka turns into an angel. the poor fight choreography coupled with weird shot composition and the overbearing usage of cg makes fight sequences overbearing and kind of difficult to decipher. cg fights are largely 1 eva vs a swarm of enemies that take up the screen, all of them having the same line weight which just ends up making all parties involved look like a mesh of colors. there arent real stakes for the most part either, asuka and mari tear through waves of enemies with effortless precision accuracy in a way that isnt visually or technically impressive.

believe it or not, I don’t actually dislike Mari. Mari enacts what Anno sought to do with the Rebuilds -- to destroy Evangelion. Mari (literally!) falls out of the sky into the story and is not gripped by the pain of the hedgehog’s dilemma as she exhibits her adoration for most things. her romance with shinji is intentionally analogous to how anno perceives his relationship with his wife -- that she saved him by encouraging him to live in the real world. the actual, textual ridiculousness in her character is softened when you realize that she’s just another component of his 4 movie long exhibition of telling everyone his life is better now that he’s successful and has a hot and talented wife.

is it worth complaining about all the crotch or ass shots. i think we all feel the same way about it. anyway i have more thoughts but these are my loose ones.

[melforbes]

ask meme. what if. patching up. no I still haven’t seen source material

the way i completely forgot about this ask until i wrote like two paragraphs in this and was like oh shit lmao

the source material is getting an hbo series bb you're in luck also ignore anna whatever as tess yes i respect her as an actress yes she is talented in a bunch of things i have not seen but ms annie wersching is the only tess in my heart and also if i have to endure tess being reduced to a powerbitch stereotype i will start foaming at the mouth. but also i have no feelings about this whatsoever <3

WHAT IF: i will pick an important choice or event in my current project and write three sentences (or more?) about if it’d gone done differently

hmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMm

this is hard because i kind of had a stupid amount of confidence in the decisions i had them make in this and because i have ~a lot of experience~ in flying by the seat of my pants with writing lmaooooo a lot of the time with this ive had some degree of foresight when it comes to certain plot decisions. the only reason i have this in the first place is that with other things ive had kind of sort of plot revelations and then been like "well if i'd set that up three chapters ago it would have a huge impact i think but instead i guess it's just going in this one for a smaller impact" so i think i learned my lesson haha. also because this pairing nowadays has a small and sparse tag i really intentionally put in stuff to make it interesting (maybe the wrong word) to reread. like not Interesting interesting but i wanted there to be certain details that are more relevant on a reread than on an initial read because whenever i read stuff in small tags i tend to read it Multiple Times lmaoooooo and it's like if anyone like me is out there I Will Feed You. I Will Give You Food. you see i have this problem in which im like i dont want to act like i put thought into this because That's Embarrassing and i also dont want to seem like i take this too seriously because That's Embarrassing and also i dont want to act uppity or pompous or something But At The Same Time i do put a lot of thought into certain things and i feel like mentioning that and i dont really want to judge myself for that. it's complicated but also super uncomplicated. where was i going with this

OH right. so most of the plot decisions were made super concretely. like pre breakup arc in the nightmares chapters (which came out so much worse than i intended alkdjksjad;glksjg) when tess and joel talk about ellie Knowing (also legit it is such a trip to me that you dont know the context of that. a trip in a good way) she says we every time and he only ever says i even when she points out that this would affect both of them, and at one point i think he says that tess doesnt understand baseless violence which is 100% untrue, and then there's a bunch of window imagery i put in starting there because im a freak. so like For Once In My Life a lot of this was as planned as it could be. on occasion there's been Plot Revelations that get wedged in (the radio interlude chapter, which was a bit of an inelegant seam between prewritten things that didnt mesh well) but for the most part ive got tits out into every decision. like tess and ellie disagreeing about joel's choice was very planned though i imagine that kind of conversation could be executed many different ways i had my one way and stuck to it. so either way

where was i going with this. did i have a point.

OKAY. let's see. i think one of the big ~emotional beats~ so to speak was the ambush chapter and i think that's the favorite because that's usually where people comment if i remember correctly and initially i wasnt going to go with that tone At All haha. years ago i wrote everyday domestic scenes of mulder and scully from x files and had it all on this blog and it was plotless but largely in the same overarching universe (i say as if it was legit ever That Deep) and after writing this as a oneshot and being like you know? Kind of feel like doing that again. i figured i would just follow the same largely plotless path of legit just domesticity and leave it at that. and i think the first like five chapters are tonally different from the rest because i'd never really intended for it to have plot or really any depth whatsoever. in the end like. How do i say this in a way that wont be interpreted as uppity or something asldkjgalsdgjk like. when i did those mulder scully scenes i was very much a beginner and i think i didnt realize just how inherent that beginner-ness was to the concept itself. which isnt a bad thing! like people had fun with those so far as i remember. bizarrely enough i think people might still read those which. cringe. but you kno!!! but with a few years of distance from that kind of concept i think it was hard for me to Not try something else. especially with this universe in which it's just dense with storytelling opportunity. and also i felt as if the first few chapters were just like super super lighthearted and i wanted some angst factor. which is why in the end the angst factor plot itself is flimsy as fuck. like i did not care WHY they got attacked i just wanted that sweet sweet hurt/comfort cup of tea u feel. and after that i didnt really go for the plot too much But i did edge toward it a lot more. like i mean ultimately this is a romance like it was not intended to be plot heavy ever But it's more plot heavy than it couldve been. had i actually written it as i'd intended from the start i think it wouldve gotten old really fast. like nothing but lighthearted domesticity doesnt make sense in this context. for the first few chapters it doesnt necessarily kill the whole thing imo because like. that's the first few chapters. but after then if there was never any ~deeper thoughts~ i think it wouldve gotten reductive super fast.

hmmm what else. Because i am deciding to talk too much on the internet now.

oh in theory the whole breakup arc couldve been omitted and now in retrospect im like it's hilarious that like the next chapter after they got married i immediately peppered in hints that they would break up lkajsdglaksjgdlkj like wow. That lasted a long time. but like i mean i think with them it fits that they would do something like get married before they even said that they loved each other. like i can see them doing a massive workaround instead of doing a small and simple but vulnerable thing. makes sense 2 me. and like they definitely couldve stuck together in the end but 1 theres interesting storytelling in how maybe joel was too stubborn or maybe they grew apart in certain ways or blah blah blah and 2 I JUST LOVE A GOOD BREAKUP AND THEN RETURNING TO EACH OTHER ARC OKAAAAAAAAAY. legit. favorite trope. if i ever experienced that in real life i would claw my eyes out but in fiction it makes me FERALLLL. and also like i mean i lov these two for their dumb quirks but also like it would be a lil wrong to say there wouldnt be consequences for like. Not communicating haha. also again like the world this game is put in is so full of storytelling opportunities and im like Must Take Them All. like joel is stubborn as hell and shuts down when he's overwhelmed and there is growth in the first game (and in the second too but thats not really shown as much and is more left for the player to fill in the gaps i think) but also i think it would be super easy to regress in that sense and i had fun with putting him in those situations. and it's also super fun to have an additional person for the joel and ellie plots to bounce off of. like joel and ellie are two very stubborn people and having an extra person there to be like You Blithering Idiots has been a good time. im getting sidetracked. like it was fun to answer the question of how these two in a marriage neither of them can fully substantiate would communicate in hard times and the answer i personally found was that they both would end up breaking things. which was fun to write!!!!!!!!! but in theory couldve been prevented. maybe i just cant imagine this a different way haha. like Joel And Tess Learn Healthy Communication Skills Over Time. am i mean for saying that doesnt sound probable aldskjgalskdjgslkgj

OH LMAO THE MARRIAGE PART. that was also a big decision i guess. i wouldnt make it go differently alksdjglasdjg like. i definitely couldve written the context around that many different ways bc again this whole is full of opportunity But a frankly premature wedding just feels right to me. especially with like going from being stuck on survival to being safe for the first time in decades. and then having that sense of safety get boring and wondering why there was that super fast wedding in the first place. cant really imagine it going differently

there is later unposted stuff that could def have gone many different ways and that i tried to make go different ways but that would not be right to talk about akldsjaslkgdjsg so.

this got too long sorry <3

[yslkook]

I am the person who asked about cultural appropriation and I felt so much better after seeing your post. I believe everyone is entitled to their own opinion and it shouldn’t be used to invalidate other people’s opinions. I have been a kpop fan for a long time and I remember when ddududdudu came out I was a huge blackpink fan back then and I saw the bindi and I felt kind of weird. I didn’t know how to react but I didn’t really like it. I was young and a bit naïve so I think that was my first real exposure to cultural appropriation. I didn’t really acknowledge it before because it wasn’t people I look up to doing it. And I had my reasons for being offended. 1.) I have experienced a lot of racism as an Indian living abroad and have been called all sorts of slurs for being too Indian so I don’t feel comfortable wearing a bindi but others could and when I went online they were praised for their amazing outfits and looks 2.) I had never seen blackpink address their Indian fans or anything to do with Indian culture. Then I went on Twitter hoping to see other people maybe speak up about it but oh my god it was a messsss. People were losing their shit over how it wasn’t even Indian culture cuz it was just a gem and then also that it doesn’t matter cuz Indians don’t even mind if others wear bindis. And there were non-Indian people defending their faves so fiercely to the point they started insulting Indian culture and i was so scared. I was in a kpop group chat back then and I mentioned there that I didn’t like it and they were okay with that. But after seeing what happened on Twitter, I felt a bit scared that people might think I overreacted so I literally told them that ‘I was feeling bitchy’ and ‘forget what I said’. I really invalidated myself and my opinions even though I personally felt offended. Over the years I have realised how big of a problem this is, not just in kpop, but in the media we’re exposed to in general. But it’s more frustrating to see the idols that tell me they love their fans equally and love everyone also take freely from my culture and not give back. I’m at the point where I don’t feel like a fan because kpop is not catered towards someone like me. And whenever I have tried to educate others, people take it upon themselves to shut me out. Like I’m not even trying to cancel your faves, just educate them but for some reason as soon as certain fans hear cultural appropriation they go into full attack mode thinking that their faves are being cancelled. And this made me realise that there is so much hypocrisy and internalised racism present to this day, not just against Indians but so many other minorities. A lot of kpop fans also have double standards when it comes to racism. Even if they support artists of colour, they can still be racist. It’s sad because kpop has grown so much and have a large audience of young people who look up to them. And when these idols get away with feigning ignorance, their fans think that’s it’s okay to do the same too. It’s a dangerous concept for a generation that should be advancing with their thinking, not going back in time. Also I’m really sorry the ask became so long. I might as well have submitted an essay. I had to talk to someone about this after I saw someone tell me that I should be happy that kpop idols wear bindis because they look good in it....meanwhile if I wear it, I get called things I can’t even say on here. Some people just don’t seem to understand that. Also, I know that I mentioned blackpink a lot here but that’s because I used to be a blink so that was my personal experience with them. I know there are groups out there who have done worse and it just makes me sadder. I am put off of kpop but I really do enjoy the music and the whole fun of being a kpop fan. But the ignorance that runs through the kpop industry and some of the fans too really can’t be ignored.

yeah its definitely jarring for elements of your culture to be thrown in your face while people outside of your culture are praised for taking the same things that others would bully you for. a lot of fans seem to be quick to call out racism and xenophobia against kpop idols (which is a very real thing obviously) but turn a blind eye when there are clear instances of 1. fandom racism 2. cultural appropriation and racism being perpetuated by idols/companies

the original intent of cancel culture makes sense, but i feel like now the conversation stems around the fear of being cancelled rather than accepting accountability and doing better moving forward. people are allowed to grow and change...but dismissing that the wrongdoing even happened is not the way. ive mainly heard about this kind of devotion/behavior on twitter though (no wonder kpop stans have a bad name when the first thing that comes to mind is kpop twitter). i feel like people on here are pretty good about not brushing this to the side

you definitely didnt overreact by just calling out that it wasnt okay and it was also wrong for people to say it was just a "gem" lmaoooo wtf. and you obviously cant just make a generalized statement to say that indians dont mind...who is anyone to say that. even a south asian who doesnt mind that much doesnt have the right to say that all indians dont mind if others wear the bindi...because people can have differing opinions (in my opinion). but its pretty obvious when things do and dont belong

you probably didnt send me an ask for unsolicited advice but ill give it to you anyway- anyone (in real life or on the internet) who makes you feel like your lived experiences dont matter are not worth your time. you know your intentions are good by calling bad things out when you see it. if paying attention to kpop on twitter is affecting you that badly, then maybe take a step back and see how you feel. anything that is affecting your internal peace should be re-assessed, protect your peace!! i agree with you, the ignorance cant and shouldnt be ignored by idols/companies and fans!

as far as engaging with kpop despite all of this...it's up to you to determine what level of engagement you want to have. it's definitely very off putting but these days, is no ethical consumption i feel lmao. maybe it would help if you found a niche of fandom that you're comfortable with engaging in. i feel like people on here are very cool and not quick to dismiss things

and no worries about writing a long ask LMAO bc i wrote one right back and had to include a read more...

[spidermanifested]

picture this: you are a buff lesbian pirate dinosaur alien. youre thousands of years old. the rest of your species consists of like 15 total losers who stay in their dumb castle and a few other ones who run around in the woods eating frogs or something, you dont know or care, youre living your best life sailing around on a giant turtle with the help of a clan of tiny bug elves who think youre amazing and badass (because lets face it you are). youve been their Patron Dinosaur for AGES and you give them fun presents and flirt with the bug elf ladies and generally have a grand old time.

now imagine you find out the Castle-Dwelling Nerds have gotten so scared of the concept of linear time that theyre murdering the bug elves for experiments or something, again you dont know OR care but Your bug elves need your help so youre like “okay yeah ill take you guys somewhere while this all blows over, dont worry, ive got your adorable little buggy backs” except before you can leave, some other bugs show up trying to convince your squad that they need to STAY HERE ACTUALLY with the rest of the bug people and get themselves killed ~together~ and youre like no thats dumb also this girl has been poisoned can we focus on that please. and these strangers go NO YOURE EVIL AND YOU CLEARLY DID IT, even though youre like, right there and also have a sword, so like. great sense of self-preservation there. but you arent in the mood to get in fights with muppets so you use your Pirate Detective skills to figure out whodunnit and save the lady and hurray, except one of the strangers just???? randomly tries to fucking stab you out of nowhere and hes got a spider on him so youre like “well clearly the spider was controlling him so ill excuse that for now” but they insist the spider is NOT a spider and wont tell you anything. so youre like “okay fine get off my boat thats also a turtle i need a drink”

then later youre getting all set to go with your Elf Pals, got everything all ready, everybodys there, yep, time to set sail. except you get like a couple miles out and. theres nobody behind you

and you check again and, yep still nobody. and it turns out YOUR bugs ended up flaking out on you because of those same strangers who came over acting all high and mighty and telling them how to run things, which is clearly your job, and they dont even HAVE a boat or a cool hat or a turtle or ANYTHING, and now your bugs are going to stay behind and die like a bunch of idiots and to top it all off you cant get anywhere without their navigators and stuff because despite having 4 arms youre still just one (very cool very buff and swashbuckling) dinosaur lady. so you turn around. youre like “okay. okay. i can salvage this. theres still SOMEBODY i can wrangle into helping me out”

so you go to your god damn ex wife/literal other halfs house like “knock knock im here for your stupid MAPS and ASTROLABES and whatnot” and guess what shes not home! but you know who IS home, and by that i mean in HER home??? those same asshats from before— one of which as it turns out has a bounty on their head, so you just go “okay if im not getting off this dumb shitty god damn no-sea-monster-having landmass i can at least get my estranged colleagues to respect me and maybe theyll let me do my own thing” and tell them youll let the rest of them leave in peace in exchange for the One Elf you need

and shes like “i’ll FIGHT YOU and if you win you can take me in” and youre like pfft sure while you were out camping with your stupid friends i was studying how to quadruple wield the blade. and the rest of them leave, and you fight, except she fucking RUNS!!! and they all get away!!!!!!! because she lied To Your Face and to top everything off???? to put the cherry on this sundae??? the girl you saved from being poisoned before is there and she chops off one of your actual hands

and later. you catch them Again. and youre like okay same deal give me the ONE bug i need and you can go. but they escape AGAIN and take your fucking turtle!!!! and now you have no boat and no navigators and no captives and no nothing, and then the dude helping you catch them who you thought was your buddy blamed everything on you, so not only that, you realize you have No Friends as well. now youre in full on Revenge mode and you do not care about anything beyond bringing the full force of your wrath down on these little shits who have ruined your entire life in less than a week. so you go to the main ones house, its in a swamp or something, and you set everything on fire and theyre throwing knives at you and its a Lot

but then somehow they get into your brain????? your ex wife lets them like, wriggle into your mindscape, and remind you of all the stuff you used to care about, you know, before it all got ripped away from you, by them. and while youre trying to evict them from your own personal nostalgia hell? one of the other bugs sneaks up behind you and stabs you. multiple times. and it doesnt hurt That bad but its still a lot of stabbing! and youre flailing around trying to get her off you

and then

they trap you inside a fucking tree. like they grow a tree AROUND you. one of them literally gives up all her life energy to make a big giant tree grow and trap you in it. and now you are trapped. in the tree.

and your ex-wife is there outside you can SENSE her smug face. and all the bugs too are probably there. and you cant do anything.

because youre stuck in a Fucking Tree.

and now you know the tale of skeksa the mariner, who might not be anywhere close to what the experts call a “Good Person” but ill be damned if i dont look at all the nonsense she experienced over the course of a relatively minuscule span of time and think “yeah id be pissed too what the fuck”

[swatato]

fat. FAT. P H A T RANT INCOMING FOR ANYONE WHO CARES TO READ THIS NONSENSE CUZ @haldidoodh ASKED

That episode literally blasted the last of my serotonin into smithereens but TBH??? WHO AM I MAD AT I should have seen this coming this whole volume has been such a headache. I cant be bothered to type up a coherent rwde essay on everything that bothered me this episode so im just gonna copy and paste my earlier yelling here instead ;A;

Team Rwby was god awful in episodes 11-12. They’re so self-righteous, entitled, hypocritical and cocky as a team and it doesnt help that they all suck as individual characters nowadays (except for weiss but even she lost best-girl points this episode also lmao blake and yang aren’t even INDIVIDUALS anymore they’re just bumbleby). It was annoying at first but now its just infuriating how rwby thinks theyre always right with their uwu energy and think they can do whatever tf they want with ZERO CONSEQUENCES.

Basically any time there is a problem in this show they have Ruby uwu at it and its solved lol.

They kept giving ironwood shit for taking on this incredible burden SO THAT NOBODY ELSE WOULD HAVE TO and rather than offer any real solution they just kept going “but mantle” like okay?? But remnant??? Like obvi letting mantle rot is bad but HE WAS OPEN TO ANY HELPFUL SUGGESTIONS CUZ HES OBVI AT HIS WITTS END AND DOESNT LIKE THE IDEA EITHER but yeah they just proceed to be the fattest hypocrites by hiding secrets of their own after being all “no more secrets uwu” and WHEN THEY GOT EXPOSED THEY JUST WENT “>:[“ (yangs self-righteous little glare here pissed me off so much oof) especially when ironwood was laying everything out in the open to them from the start. AND ESPECIALLY WHEN THE SECRET WAS FKIN “OH YEAH SALEM CANT DIE LOL” They watched ironwood make every decision he did in hopes of beating Salem while KNOWING she couldnt die??? So literallY WHERE do they get off on screeching at him with their yOu doNt hAvE to Suffer In ManTle YOu doNt kNow whAt iTs liKe bs. Wtf made ruby distrust iw at the start anyway? Because he had a bunch of ships out? They kept this CRUCIAL piece of information from him because he seemed stressed out?? Like what made ruby keep the secret from him. Someone tell me.

And the fact that rwby beat the ace-ops makes no goddamned sense. The power-scaling in this show is non-existant. We finally got to meet some pro huntsmen in this universe who aren’t teachers but are actually on the job, but because we gotta move out of the way for that 👌🏽✨ Power Of Friendship✨ and ✨rwby is always right✨ they somehow managed to beat experienced huntsmen with YEARS in the field who’ve actually graduated school??? FARM BOI OSCAR WHOS *JUST* LEARNING HOW TO FIGHT MANAGED TO LAND A PUNCH ON NEO FKIN POLITAN??? Didnt neo dance circles around yang??? Yang, who punches for a living and also beat mercury and adam??? I cant yall (and the fact that he didnt even bother to sneak up on her this boi literally screamed “no!!” as he ran down a hallway and neo didnt even have time to blink??? Pls)

Ruby’s “you were the best, until you trained us :3” -for maybe 2 days before my team went dancing ruby sis shut right tf up pls my god is this line just so. UNEARNED. Training in a room for a short while does not simply grant you the years of field experience the ace ops have and whAT IS UP WITH HER TRYING TO REASON WITH HARIETT AFTER SAYING THAT COCKY LINE AND FIGHTING HER??? WHAT and also like. The entire idea of “the ops lost cuz they weren’t good friends and were bad at teamwork uwu” is just so dumb. Ur telling me this group of high ranking hunstmen who’ve most likely been working together for at least a few years didnt have teamwork down??? Learning to work together is the most BASIC concept for a team to learn!! Its like the first thing a team has to perfect!! If the ace ops are supposed to be the best of atlas you dont think the ops would have gotten something as fundemental as teamwork down?? I dont buy it. And who gives a shit if they dont hang out after work or take selfies with eachother. Being friends doesnt necessarily mean theyre great at working together. If they succeed at relying on eachother to watch their backs, to keep each other alive (in the words of hariett herself) then Id think theyd know how to protect eachother i.e WORK TOGETHER.

And for all the ✨friendship✨ and ✨going through so much with someone✨ talk rwby like to do, the show barely displays these people acting like friends. We’re constantly TOLD how great of friends this group is, but the actual CONTENT we are shown leaves a lot to be desired. Tell me the last time ruby and blake teamed up in a fight. Or weiss and blake. Or yang and weiss. What teamwork?? Yang only interacts with blake now and weiss is only ever allowed to interact with ruby. Has blake ever said nora or ren’s name out loud? Have jaune and yang ever held a conversation between just them? Team rwby just spent a GOOD DEAL of time seperated from eachother, but when they reunite their teamwork is still somehow better than the ace ops?? Honestly its easier to believe that ruby is closer with team jnpr than she is her own team. If they showed the ops messing up during rwby vs ace ops fight due to lack of communication, then it still doesnt matter. My point is that they shouldnt have lacked teamwork in the first place.

Robyn was m e h this episode “JaMes ConTinUes to UnDeresTimAte Me” *proceeds to get knocked over in .3 seconds and is then KO for the rest of the episode* also great job for starting a fight and aiming to take clovers life in a moving airship with a terrorist on board when clover was acting PEACEFULLY and qrow was WILLING TO TALK IT OUT WITH IW and potentially work on a solution, but naw robyn is big mad and shall shoot.

Qrow made zero sense this episode too. I was with him right up until he chose TYRIAN OVER CLOVER??? THE PSYCOPATH WHO CANNOT BE REASONED WITH OVER THE RATIONAL DUDE YOU KNOW IS GOOD except clover wasnt acting rational in this fight at all and ill get to that AND IS THE ONLY FRIEND YOU HAVE WHOS NOT 19????? Qrow rly looked at tyrian- a man who is literally an enemy to all of remnant and went after ur neice- and said lets get rid of this punk together u and me bro. Like screw teaming with clover to bring down the dude you ACTUALLY have a grudge with whos also a serial killer and then trying to talk it out with clover whod be willing to do things peacefully why is this show like this

and AS FOR CLOVER. where were the braincells this episode. Qrow was trying to fight tyrian-the WAY bigger threat here, but clover??? kept knocking him away from tyrian and restraining him with his hook like??? YEAH LETS HELP OUT THE DEMON SCORPION CRACKHEAD HES CLEARLY NOT THE PRIORITY ATM nvm clover deserved to die there m8

His death scene was emotional and I feel bad for Qrow but u literally sealed his death when u ganged on him with tyrian so why are you even surprised. And on the subject of fairgame, im glad it didnt happen. Qrow was in no state for romance and I was glad he finally had a friend. He just spent the last volume thinking he wasted his life away helping oz, drowning in misery, drinking til he passed out on the street and so drunk he couldnt even be of any help during the apathy situation, when up til now hes been shown to fight just fine while drunk. I don’t see this as a “bury your gays trope” because clover was never confirmed to be gay and all their scenes added up to 40 seconds of platonic friendship. These two are grown ass men, if they had the hots for eachother then im pretty sure they could openly show it and not dance around it like theyre kids. I do feel bad for mlm viewers who were hoping for some rep with fairgame/lucky charms (cuz rt only cares if ur a cute marketable lesbian) but idc for the overly entitled fans who try to force their own headcanons on the writers and go feral when they dont get what they want. You dont just get to prance around claiming whats canon and what isnt. If rep is there then great, but if it isnt, then why not look somehwere else and let the author tell the story theyre trying to tell? Shipping fairgame cuz you think its cute is absolutely fine but not when u start getting ready to casterate crwby for not catering to you. Also, rwby sucks with lgbt+ rep anyway so what were yall expecting.

The only thing that was great this episode was the chorerography. It just sucks that the animation/choreo continues to improve while the writing doesnt. Another thing that really fell off this episode was the whole “we’re friends but we have to fight” drama. It doesnt work when its only ONE SIDE SHOWING ANY DISTRESS OVER IT. Only the ace ops (marrow, clover, the vine dude) seemed to show distress over having to fight rwby (it sucks that the only 1v1 weiss has won was because marrow was going EASY on her cuz he didnt wanna fight her fr) but rwby???? They didnt give any shits. They were so quick to turn against them and aim for their heads. They were SMILING as they ran at the ace ops, while they looked conflicted. If you oppose their UwU philosophy, you’re dead to them.

I really wanna enjoy RWBY but sometimes this show (and the fndm) really tests me. Its ironic how this episode came right after last episode, which I thought was the best chapter this volume. Anyway I rate this 10/10 cuz it gave me best character ironwood and best boi marrow and I would like to give them hugs for carrying this volume on their backs. (Also tyrian and penny and winter have been great too)

[storywriting]

[ Bc yall have foolishly greenlit my Nirvash Headcanon production, here is a general discussion of who I think Nirvash is and I’ll thank you to give me excuses to be more specific. ]

First things first. The Nirvash is the first creature Eureka ever had a conversation with or considered her friend. While Eureka had to learn to speak to people, the ability to communicate with her own kind is one of the few things she was born knowing, so she took to Nirvash right away. The Nirvash is unfortunately one of the main factors that ended up landing her as an emotionally stunted military dog instead of having a normal life where she is nurtured and fully educated by humans. I honestly think if the folks in the lab hadn’t realized her piloting potential, Eureka would have been raised as a completely different person. Since science had never been able to crack the Nirvash typeZERO, she was very valuable to have. They didn’t waste their budget on anything else once they knew that.

I also think the Nirvash had never been called Nirvash by people prior to the discovery of Eureka. Nirvash was exclusively called the typeZERO until Eureka was able to communicate enough to tell humans the name.

Vaguely related, Eureka’s name is also not human given because she is named after an event experienced by the scub coral and it doesn’t make sense to me that humans in 11005 or whatever would think to name her after something that happened in like 2005.  Eureka’s name comes from the very first time Scub Coral entered Earth’s atmosphere, where it crashed into a satellite and was forced to make a home in the Earth’s oceans. Based on what Sakuya says, it’s likely that the whole of the coralian system became aware when it was decided Eureka would be born. Nirvash likely told Eureka her own name if she didn’t already know it herself.

Archetypes are sexless, so as one might expect, Nirvash doesn’t have a particular concept or interest in gender identity. Eureka calls Nirvash “he” in the original series dub and “she” in all future adaptations. I suspect that using “he” might have originally been a mistake by the localization team since Nirvash isn’t voiced until the very end and the Japanese language doesn't really ever require a speaker to designate a gendered pronoun. Whether it was a mistake or on purpose, I tend to explain this by just saying that Eureka copied the words other people used whenever she would personify the Nirvash to them. That would be in line with her character.

Eureka also speaks about Nirvash like a child quite often even though Nirvash is most certainly an older life form than she is. I suspect this is to do with a difference in experience and the higher barriers of understanding for a creature like Nirvash. Put simply, Nirvash is a less developed creature than Eureka is.

In the AU movie archetypes arent the same type of creature as in the main series--they were made or evolved differently.  In the film, the Larval Nirvash is somewhat intelligent. Larval Nirvash pays attention to people and tries to participate in conversations despite being unable speak. 10/10 very tiny and cute and runs around, always doing their best.

I honestly believe that main series Nirvash has a similar temperament and level of intelligence to this AU iteration.  Also, the way Eureka speaks about Nirvash, like a child, in my mind supports the idea that the Nirvash is capable only of very simple thoughts and ideas early on. Nirvash isn't enlightened, per se. At least not at the beginning. Nirvash is a failed attempt at making a person. It makes sense that Nirvash would be less advanced.  If we could hear Nirvash's early conversations with Eureka, I suspect Nirvash's interests and concerns would sound pretty simplistic. I hesitate to compare Nirvash to any stage of human development tbh, mostly because it seems like Nirvash is very intelligent about certain things (like in battle, Nirvash makes very strategic choices), but probably couldn't even match a toddler on other things. Emotional intelligence, for example, is probably something that takes a while for Nirvash to pick up even the tiniest shred of.  Still, Nirvash's wants and feelings do seem to become slightly less simplistic over time. Still simple compared to a person, but the feedback Eureka gives originally is like "nirvash is happy" and by the end it's more like "nirvash feels x complex way because of what they did when x happened and how it turned out". Put simply, Nirvash knows what Nirvash knows, but not much else. Nirvash is maybe like Eureka in that regard. They're in their own weird stage of development where some of their stats are maxed and some of them are like...what are you even doing.  I also pretty strongly headcanon that, like Eureka, Nirvash's understanding of the world and of humans is growing as the series progresses, which I think is fairly substantiated but rarely addressed directly.

As the audience we don't get to see the way Nirvash communicates very often, especially not in any direct easy-to-be-understood-by-people fashion. If you want to learn anything about Nirvash as a viewer you have to speculate based on the few times Nirvash displays some will of her own, or go by the very little information Eureka gives about what Nirvash is thinking. Eureka is somewhat private about her relationship with Nirvash at times, which I find interesting, but that’s a topic for another post.

I pretty strongly headcanon that Nirvash sort of dislikes people, or at the very least, mistrusts the ones she doesn’t know.  I believe this because Nirvash outright refuses to be piloted, even by people with compac drives.  Compac drives are the "keys" humans use to communicate with LFOs, but LFOs cant really communicate back. We know that Nirvash for whatever reason really didnt want to be piloted, but then Nirvash met Eureka and felt willing to activate for her because they could converse and agree on things. No compac drive required for that.  Nirvash will fly for Eureka because they can have a relationship that is a two way street.  It doesn’t require the kind of faith Nirvash would need to let a human do whatever they wanted.

I suspect when Eureka is piloting there is a lot of give and take. They're discussing what they should do.  They compromise on a course of action by combining their understanding.  The trouble any time there is something going on between the Nirvash and Eureka is that it's not a conversation the audience gets to hear. We just have to watch and do our best to interpret

I think that over time Nirvash comes to appreciate and even like some humans and seeks methods of communication with ones she vibes with.  Ultimately the Nirvash does become more able to understand and commune with people because Eureka acts as a cultural bridge between them.   I really like the idea that Nirvash becomes interested in communicating with humans in the limited ways available to her, but only after spending a lot of time with Eureka and taking a shine to Renton. I also know the show gives Nirvash a clear human sounding voice that makes understandable words but I honestly hc that Nirvash sounds more abstract than that in most situation. Like idk, machine noises, Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites™ or something like that.  I think if a human was able to hear Nirvash in any passive sort of way, it probably wouldn’t really sound like language. Eureka can always understand Nirvash but if you're Renton or maybe Ao just hanging around and are somehow catching bits and pieces of that consciousness floating in the air it's gonna feel weird and garbled in your brain unless you're able to make that more direct connection with the Nirvash somehow. It's just not natural to humans, it's not their first language.

On the subject of Nirvash getting on with humans, there is eventually a situation where Renton has to pilot the Nirvash himself. This is on the tail end of Eureka being really down and not really explaining why.  Sometimes when she touches the Nirvash she starts to bleed and it becomes clear that The Girls Are Fighting™️. When Eureka sees Renton piloting she is taken aback by the fact that Nirvash would allow somebody other than her to pilot alone. Also, she comments on how that's 'not Nirvash's style'. It's left ambiguous what exactly her meaning is there, but she becomes pretty upset. There are a few ways I've interpreted it, though it's hard to pin down exactly. One possibility is that she’s upset because Renton and Nirvash Did A Violence. Alternatively it could be because the fighting Eureka saw from them was obviously more of Renton's own will than the give and take she prefers with the Nirvash. Another option is that Renton is not imposing his will, but rather bringing out something in Nirvash Eureka doesn't recognize and isn't comfortable with being a stranger to. Eureka is at this point very stressed that the Nirvash wont talk to her. She seems to go from very excited that Renton makes the Nirvash happy to very distressed that Renton is changing her relationship with the Nirvash. Nirvash is probably one of the only relationships Eureka has where she is comfortable and feels she is on the same page nearly all the time, so it's jarring for that to be challenged or changed. 

A lot of the conflict with nirvash is never clarified in stone, but we know for sure that Renton causes Eureka to change and that's a big deal for everybody involved. Nirvash and Eureka don't really know change before this.  In terms of Nirvash’s opinion, we know mostly about the parts Eureka reacts to, but if you think about it we dont really find out why Nirvash likes Renton in the first place or what initially caused Nirvash to becomes less open with Eureka. It's hard to place exactly what the conflict is. Just that it involves Renton and it involves this change. Despite Eureka being the best creature humanty has for communicating with Archetypes there are still certain barriers between them. They are the same creature, but theyre vastly different versions of the same creature with vastly different capabilities and experiences. Nirvash and Eureka will inevitably end up in situations where they don’t see eye to eye if for no other reason than their mental and sensory experience is vastly different from one another. I suspect that Nirvash is at times jealous of Eureka going off and having experiences and relationships with others, in the same way Eureka gets jealous when Nirvash seems to prefer Renton over her.

That all said, I do think Nirvash does have some sense of right and wrong even without Eureka’s guidance, but Eureka shows evidence of chiding or suggesting morality to the Nirvash throughout. Things like compassion and a moral compass seem to be way more pronounced for Nirvash later on in the series, after like 40 episodes of bonding and getting into and out of trouble together.  Again, we can’t know all the details because the audience doesn’t get any unfiltered version of Nirvash’s perspective, but we know for sure that Eureka (and eventually Renton) is very very important to her even when the they are in conflict. In turn, Eureka regularly demonstrates that she trusts Nirvash implicitly and seems to respect Nirvash's judgement in many kinds of situations. The Nirvash is a member of the family through and through. She’s always down to help the cause, and she appreciates the great privilege involved in having a front row seat to Eureka’s experience. The Nivash has had an unprecedented opportunity to become enlightened about other creatures in ways the rest of the Scub Coral could not. In another life Nirvash could have had any number of destinies, possibly even safer ones with less strife and less change. She was never essential to the plan of putting yet another humanoid coralian into the world and could have moved for anybody else and had a completely different life. Maybe in times of conflict Nirvash thinks about that, but if there’s one thing that’s canon as hell I know that Nirvash would never trade away being loved by the Storywriter.

We stan a queen.

[bigskydreaming]

I just really hate how much of Kyle’s story had to be erased or buried in order to make way for Hal’s return to the spotlight. Like the Hal being Kyle’s Space Dad thing is fun and all, sure, except for how its also this kinda obnoxious way of looping Hal into being part of Kyle’s successes and triumphs as a hero, like....after the fact though? Kyle’s entire thing is in a universe filled with legacies and mentors and sidekicks, he was the one guy who was just COMPLETELY unprepared for any of this, and just had the weight of an entire intergalactic peace-keeping corps’ tragic past and legacy just thrust on him with no warning, and the thing is....HE DIDN’T HAVE TO ACCEPT IT! Even once he understood what it was he was really inheriting, the sheer scope of it and what was expected of him now, to carry on the work that was intended to be shared by THOUSANDS, just...all by himself, with no one to teach him, guide him, share with him, understand what all this was like....

Kyle Rayner’s high concept is that in a franchise that revolves around the idea that “being a GL means you’re never truly alone, you’ll always have thousands of comrades in arms to learn from, lean on, etc”.....he was the one and only character who had to do all that ALONE. Even now, with the Corps restored and back to its full capacity, its obvious in pretty much every story that Kyle has never learned how to fit in with the rest of them, be ONE of them, like here’s this guy who busted his ass for years and years trying to make all of this possible, bring all of this back, make it so he isn’t the last one anymore, the only one....and then it HAPPENS, and he’s still kinda...lost. Because he doesn’t really fit. Because even among this chaotic community of varied experiences in the Corps, he is the ONE guy that NONE of them can ever truly relate to, not even John or Guy, because while they were still around, neither of them were expected to....BE the last Green Lantern, the way he was. Neither of them ever felt the same responsibility to fix what had been broken, that it was down to them, like Ganthet basically put on Kyle.

And like, the thing was....Hal wasn’t there for any of that really. And when he was, most of it was as the BAD GUY that Kyle was fighting, the one who had destroyed everything Kyle was stuck trying to fix. Yeah, ultimately the Parallax retcon made all of that not really his fault and so its not like Kyle blames him for any of that, or should, but its also like....what are you doing, acting like the guy who was literally the face of his enemy for years and years is like....this Space Dad who thank god he’s finally around to give Kyle the mentoring he desperately needed, when like....no dude, Kyle did everything he’s famous for and celebrated for in canon....on his own. Without you, or anyone else. He is who he is because he had one bad-ass mom, Maura Rayner, who raised him right and gave him the tools he needed to succeed...

ESPECIALLY the one that served him best....the ability to recognize when he didn’t have it handled, and ASK FOR HELP.

Which is not a skill Hal could ever teach anyone lol, sorry.

But like, that was one of the greatest things about Kyle at the start of his story....he was wearing one of the most powerful weapons in the universe, the last of its kind at the time, and there was no one who could teach him how to use it the way he was meant to be taught, none of the teachers he was SUPPOSED to have...but rather than just keep trying to bulldoze his way through things and stubbornly insist well he’d figure things out himself then....he was like, okay, I need all the help I can get...and he literally went on a tour around the country, stopping in every major hero’s city to ask them if they could help teach him stuff they felt he should know. Like that was the main reason that for a long time he was called the only Lantern Bruce had ever truly respected....because Kyle had the humility to recognize he was NOT qualified, and he needed to GET qualified, by any means necessary.

And that’s just...so....Kyle, and so fundamental to his character and what makes him so great, but all of that has kinda been handwaved away, not even like retconned in a lot of places because they couldn’t figure out a way to do that that actually made sense....but instead like this sleight of hand thing where they’re like if we dont mention it for long enough and just hype up the Hal as Kyle’s Space Dad mentor person stuff, it’ll eventually be as if Hal really was there guiding and shepherding Kyle all along, even though...lmao, no, that is quite literally incompatible with the majority of Kyle’s overall story and character arc....which is why for as much as the comics talk up Kyle’s role and specialness as the Torchbearer and White Lantern and other titles....they’re extremely vague about delving into details at this point about what any of that even means and what it refers to and he’s mostly shunted off stage so nobody asks too many questions like, hey if this guy is so important and honored by the Corps, why isn’t he involved more in their biggest storylines and like, front and center? 

Its the same problem I was talking about with DC not wanting Dick or the other Batkids to surpass Bruce. DC screwed up massively with their second generation of heroes....Dick and Kyle and Wally and more....because they DID advance the universe’s overall story and timeline, they DID allow the younger heroes to age, and then they DID kill off and do away with a number of the old guard which allowed the original legacies to step up and fill their shoes, AND DO A KICKASS JOB OF IT ACROSS THE BOARD.....

Until, fifteen, twenty years after they started doing that (with Wally), by which point DC’s writers were primarily fanboys who’d grown up idolizing the original heroes like Hal and Barry.....and so they rolled the clock back to allow for their preferred heroes to take center stage again....

Which leaves the younger generation stuck, and with no real place for themselves, which I think is also a big part of the reason their Titans’ reboots haven’t worked. Because they know that these younger heroes are TOO experienced, TOO good to just go back to being actual sidekicks, but they went to all this trouble to bring back all the originals and don’t intend to let them go again any time soon, and so they’re like...well, we can’t have this middle generation fucking things up and making the older heroes look bad, so they kinda just get shuffled around the DC universe and various titles in the hopes that they’ll find somewhere they click, but no idea what to even aim for. 

And so you’ve got Kory with Roy and Jason here and then now she’s in space with Vic and a handful of others that honestly feel like they just pulled names out of a hat, and meanwhile she’s got SOME kind of romantic history with Dick, but good luck trying to pin down where or when that even happened, because that would mean committing to them having been ages that just do not work with the ages they try and claim Dick is now and the amount of time the Titans were supposed to have been retroactively active and lol what even. 

And meanwhile, Titans and their age group remain the first to get picked off and killed in any major event, Titans keeps being the first book to be axed, they tried to speed through an original Titans’ lineup all the way to a team made up of Tim’s age group in a span of thirty issues, and on and on. And its just a mess, and it all traces back to the sheer wtf of DC having spent twenty years writing about their universe growing up and moving to the next stage of things....and then trying to take it back, and its like no, you cant stuff all that back in the bottle, it GREW. It doesn’t FIT in there anymore!

[mieczyhale]

throwing together some of my recent/ish hc posts/tags for @hellomyguru bc its a thing, babey (i have no idea what you’ve seen and what you havent bc tumblr really just suck like that so lmao)

my tags on this post::  #HELL YEAH HELL YEAH #more pride hcs!!! noice!!#i love these sfm#like klaus always taking part no matter how bad shit is bc HIS PEOPLE!!! and ben trying to punch picketers and homophobes is fucking adorbs#and i would kill (whoop) for the day klaus makes ben corporeal during pride and ben can punch all the people and then disappear#vanya’s is cute. come to the light darling!!#and diego fksgjf okay listen whether one hcs him as bi or not this is 1000% something he’d do either way#he’s supportive!!! and he has lgbtqa+ family!!! and nobody gets to be mean to his family but him!!#see also:: the first year after the apocalypse is avoided five decides to tag along when klaus saying he’s taking dave to#his very first pride. he not only enjoys himself but he learns a lot and either then or over the course of the following weeks figures his#own labels out - bc i hc five as asexual and i just have a thing for klaus being the all knowledgeable one about something for once#and his siblings learning about gender and sexuality from him and maybe discovering something new about themselves along the way!#except luther. he’s a cis hetero and we all know it#but maybe he learns to be a good ally. maybe#i mean probably not but whatever#allison is the only other person in the family who i’d even consider calling straight#bc there’s nothing wrong with being straight and i just.. dont have another label that i think fits her really well#so yeah ive got gender and sexuality hcs for them all flgkscndn happy pride month bitches

my tags on this post:: #’you’re telling me this happens every year?? for a whole month??!’ #actually i need every possible concept of dave experiencing pride month and seeing how far things have come for gays#like rainbow shit everywhere#and of course the legalization of gay marriage#out and proud gay politicians and gay people in positions of power#the amount of support that comes when homophobic shit happens now#homophobia isnt the accepted norm anymore#another thing i like is the concept of - either during pride or just in general - dave being excited to learn about the community as a whole#his boyfriend is a nonbinary pansexual and klaus has explained before what those words mean but dave wants to really understand#we stan a supportive and loving couple#dave has a lot to learn in 2019 but i think this stuff would be the most important and have the most effect on him yknow??#shit isnt perfect but its better and now he can work on getting passed the environment he was raised in#so he can hold klaus’s hand in public and kiss him around other people without panicking and eventually he proposes because HE FUCKING CAN#HE CAN DO THAT. HE CAN JUST.. ASK HIS BOYFRIEND TO MARRY HIM. LEGALLY.#good fucking shit

my tags on this post:: #did you see the state of the sky in the apocalypse?? there’s a chance he really wouldnt have noticed#i mean like yeah it could be a funny plothole#but there could also be reasons for why thats not something he noticed#or idfk man timeline shit#maybe the moon didnt explode the first time around#maybe it did and there’s just another moon somehow some way#maybe he didnt notice bc he was first too scared and then too frenzied and angry probably and then he had shit to focus on and math to do#and then dolores wanted to go on dates to the local wine cellars and flat empty areas that used to be parks and then there was spending days#in the library together like having a girlfriend is a lot of work okay#maybe five just didnt have the time to slowdown and consider things like space#maybe his headspace was too fucked#sometimes you just forget about the moon - i know i do!#so sfgksncjf okay y e ah

my tags on this post:: #YES!!! #yes yes yes #okay #so#everytime someone mentions or even hints at dave having anger issues i wanna fucking cheer bc thats one of my biggest hcs for him#like yeah he’s sweet and gentle and respectful and all that - genuinely a good man - our lil jewish gay#BUT#he did grow up in the 50s and 60s which as op said would have surrounded him with a lot of toxic masculinity. now i dont think he would be#a toxic kind of masculine AT ALL but it definitely would have forced him to hide his emotions and feelings and idk hobbies and of course his#sexuality. and i say hobbies bc there isnt a canon answer for it i dont think but i personally hc dave as being someone who loves art#specifically: drawing. dave keeping a lil sketchbook and some pencils under the pillow on his cot in vietnam?? yes please#so anyway yeah - he wouldnt have really had any good examples of how to properly take care of your anger - although he has enough#heart and common sense to know its really fucking wrong to take it out on women and children and people one is dating WHICH - another hc i#have that ties into this is that somehow his dad found out that he’s gay and beat the crap out of him over it. because unfortunately thats a#thing that happens. so his main male example was an abusive pos. and then he goes to vietnam which is fine because its not like he has#anyone stateside that will miss him - that will talk to him anymore - and its a warzone so there are a lot of ways to work out your anger#and yeah that of course includes bar fights. and he does - usually - try and keep a hold on his anger until he’s away from anyone who might#feel threatened - and he doesnt wanna end up taking out an innocent on accident - but he’s not actually perfect and so sometimes he fails#and it happens around klaus one time and seeing his love’s reaction - the making himself smaller - trying to hide - going quiet and so#clearly afraid - and not just afraid but afraid OF HIM - freezes him to the core where he stands because nobody has ever reacted like that#before. or if they have he never noticed or cared because they didnt matter. but this is klaus. his klaus. who he loves and would never do#anything to hurt him. his klaus who he protects and defends and knows he wants to spend his life with - no matter how impossible it is#he wants to go to klaus and apologize - try to undo the damage done simply by him raising his voice and lashing out - but he doesnt know#what to say or how to say it - he doesnt know what to do with the situation honestly. so he leaves the tent and goes to take his renewed#anger and frustration out on whatever he can find so he can calm down and hopefully get into the right headspace to have whats#no doubt going to be a really hard conversation with his boyfriend. because where do you even start??#but of course they talk it out and dave promises to work on his anger and on how he lets it out and yknow.. its dave so klaus trusts him and#it takes some time - there are some incidents - but dave works hard and learns a lot from klaus - including how to unlearn a lot of shit he#grew up with - and its rough but having a partner from the future who breaks all kinds of barriers definitely helps#so y eah. those are my brief feelings on it and i wanna marry op 

my tags on this post::   #!!!!!!!!!!!! #YES #i adore this post#i could never pinpoint why the introduction on the bus made me feel like That but this is it!!#its just so sweet and innocent - even surrounded by other soldiers in the middle of a warring country#the innocence and unbearable fucking adorableness of their first convo on that bus just… its so bright and lovely it makes everything else disappear#the only thing that matters is the two guys getting to experience that ‘o h’ moment for the first time in their lives bc their childhoods#never let them have that #i assume#bc like op said klaus didnt go to a regular school and he wasnt p much stuck in that house and then he was on the streets so#and for dave like.. i guess he could’ve had that moment in school? but it would’ve been one-sided and he never would have#told anyone. 1960s. gay jewish man. yeah.#they’re each others first (and only) loves and i just really fucking adore that and live off of posts about them 

my tags on this post:: #what if he wasnt dead-dead though???#bc like… the day five found them all dead was apparently the day the apocalypse happened right? so its not like they’d been dead for days#weeks or w.e yknow??#and the time between klaus dying and coming back is varying and undetermined - there’s no canon timing for the length of his deaths#so what if he came back to life??#like okay i know its not really possible in canon bc five buried them i think?? or is that a fanon thing??#i cant remembering #anyway#but still - in general klaus not being permanently dead in the apocalypse is another possibility#and five didnt know about it bc after finding them all he began his 45 year journey#and klaus wakes up alone and essentially has to learn to survive and he doesnt know five was ever there bc..well.. yeah#five is long gone#maybe klaus lives out his days in that wasteland#and he doesnt remember it where five does bc five time traveled back and klaus didnt. the klaus that got stuck in the#apocalypse is a different klaus - like a different timeline. the klaus from ep1 never got stuck in the destroyed future so#he’d have no knowledge or memories of it or anything#or - second thought - he kills himself at some point after waking up and either begs god to let him stay dead or he strikes some kind of#deal with her so he doesnt have to return to whats left of earth#oooo or something happened that put a lock on his powers?? like yknow those cuffs and devices and stuff in stuff in fantasy that freeze the#users abilities?? that’d be an interesting plotpoint bc then like who did it and why and what was the last day really like? yknow#vanya’s meds but More is the idea #just a thought#but anyway idk im just a big fan of klaus with the inability to die and all the possibilities that brings 

my tags on this post::   #i’ve actually never stopped to consider why he didnt notice them except for my v first tua watch-thru#which is odd bc like that seems like a thing one should notice after a few watches??#but w.e #anyway#my only other hc for that part of the episode isnt that klaus didnt notice them bc he’s used to guns#it’s that he didn’t hear them#or that they weren’t loud enough -to him- to register as gunfire initially#bc like one of my close hcs is that he has bad hearing. growing up with people screaming in your ears 24-7 365 can’t exactly be good for#his ears now can it? and with how loud some of them are and how close they can get to him - without touching him - that’s just.. a lot of#fucking volume okay#now add in the academy’s mission alert siren#how loud he listens to his music with headphones on when he’s trying to drown out some REALLY LOUD SCREAMING#and then being near gunfire growing up. those bank robbers had guns and weren’t exactly a big distance away#all the raves and clubs and parties he goes to?? places where music is played so loud the room shakes and you cant hear anything else and#the music itself can be heard from blocks away?? that’s an indeterminable amount of intense noise#and then of course the gunfire of vietnam#so like… boys ears have SUFFERED. whether they wanna acknowledge that in canon or not#so the shooting at the theater - the shooting thats IN the theater - which is large and meant to house sound#thats happening across a big city street from where they’re standing and they’re behind the food truck and if klaus was ordering when it all#started that was just another level of sound and he’s not exactly focused bc everything is awful yknow?? so either it takes him a second to#notice or register it on his own or maybe he doesnt and ben says something?? idk but that’s kinda the field i’ve landed on for that scene#not that im not here for op’s hc!!! bc it really is a good one and it makes sense. im just rambling my own theory here bc i like considering#the Ways for Things sometimes. esp with klaus involved. this does make me wonder tho… if his hearing somehow is -fine- in canon…. h o w?#bc like bitch who tf can take all that and have perfect hearing?? thats gotta be impossible. if they are fine is it related to his powers#somehow?? like.. does his casual passing between life and death all the time mean he doesnt have mortal ear weaknesses? its weird but im..#i’ve got theories. 

my tags on this post:: #probably in the massive fucking pockets of his fluffy coat#see also:: a dealer’s place #a boyfriend’s place#an ex-boyfriend who is also a dealer’s place#a girlfriend’s place #a partner’s place#all ex’s of course bc dave is the only valid romantic relationship#he made friends with the person who owns a nearby thrift store and they help him out#he has a locker at a public place like the ymca#he only has one outfit before returning to the mansion so he has nothing to carry - ever on the move#he thiefs off of people in rehab and crackhouses he stayed in that are dumb enough to leave their shit unattended#when he sees something he likes or he feels its time for an outfit change#he mostly sticks with his lace up pants as far as bottom pieces go bc its much harder to sneak away with skirts#and the kind of crazy pants he likes. there’s only room for one pair of pants for this pan disaster#after returning to the mansion he has access to the funky gay clothes he had managed to aquire before leaving all those years ago#bc like… i kinda hc that he got out of there fast and probably higher than fuck and had nothing packed#have you ever tried to pack while high?? it’s harder than it has any right to be#crack theory:: he had a bag - we just never saw it bc in the beginning he wore it under his floofy coat bc safety and he didnt need it the#rest of the time.#i have a lot of thoughts and headcanony opinions about klaus’s time on the streets so thank u#for giving me a place to dump some of them