#been into it since like. 2013 this shit is not going anywhere SIGH

[drpepper0703]

whos this loser......

[heavyhitterheaux]

Will You Be My Valentine? (NSFW 18+)

First Lady of Private Garden Fic

AN: you know Jack is always going to show out for his wife 🥰

Synopsis: Jack has asked you to be his valentine every year since the two of you became a couple so you feel some type of way when February 14th, 2023 is getting closer and he hasn't

Pairing: Baby!Jack Harlow x Baby!Reader, Husband!Jack Harlow x Wife!Reader

First Lady of Private Garden Masterlist

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

February 9th, 2013

“Jack, you haven’t asked her, yet?!?” Urban exclaimed while looking over at him in disbelief.

Valentine’s Day was literally in less than a week and Jack hadn’t asked you yet. Instead, he was trying to think of a creative way to ask you and he didn’t have any ideas so far.

“I’m working on it!”

“She’s your girlfriend! What is there to work on?! She’s already dating your dumbass so it’s not like she’s going to say no!”

“Shut the hell up. It’s our first one so I want it to be special. Are you going to help me or not?”

“With WHAT?! Y/N, will you be my valentine?! There, SIMPLE!”

“You can be such an ass sometimes.”

“And you can be annoying as hell when it comes to all that lovey dovey shit with your girl. You always try to go out of your way to impress her and shit when in reality, she loves anything your goofy ass does.”

Just then you walked up to both of them as they were sitting on the bleachers outside during lunch and you were all smiles.

“OH, Y/N!!!! Jack has something he wants to ask you!”

“URBAN!”

“Sure, what is it babe?” You asked while sitting next to him and all Urban was doing was smiling.

“I….”

“Come on Jack, we rehearsed this just before she walked over here.” Urban said while nudging him.

“Will you quit it, Urb?!”

“I’m trying to help you!”

“Okay, what are you two dumbasses going on and on about? And babe, why are you turning red?”

“I’ll leave you two to it since Jack is probably intimidated by my presence. Just so you know Y/N, I would have asked you already. Anyway, I’m out.”

“Asked me what?!”

“Ask your boyfriend!” Urban yelled over his shoulder before going back inside the school.

You noticed Jack was now more interested in his shoes and you took the opportunity to raise his head with your hand so he could look at you.

“Smush, what is going on? You’re making me nervous.”

“Well you always make me nervous. That’s nothing new.” Jack answered while pushing his glasses back up on his face.

“Are you going to tell me or am I going to have to pull it out of Urban?”

All Jack did was sigh before unzipping his backpack and reaching into it and pulling out a red and white build-a-bear.

“Is that for me?!”

“I’ve been carrying it around for two weeks trying to think of a creative way to ask you to be my valentine and I still haven’t come up with anything. Soooooo, Y/N, will you be my valentine?”

“I would be your valentine forever if it was left up to me, so yes, obviously.” You answered while throwing your arms around him and he eagerly hugged you back. 

“I like that idea. Oh, press her left hand.”

You did as Jack instructed you to do and soon you started to hear one of your favorite songs by Tamia, “Into You.” which you and Jack decided was “your song” for your relationship.

The song always seemed to be playing when you two were around each other so it definitely wasn’t a coincidence. 

“If this happens every year, I could definitely get used to it.”

Just then you heard commotion behind you and turned around to see Urban, Quiiso, Shloob, and Ace with Urban holding his phone up to record Jack asking you. 

“OW! DAMN IT URB! THAT WAS MY FOOT!”

“I TOLD YOUR ASS TO GET OUT THE WAY SO I COULD GET THE PERFECT ANGLE OF BOTH OF THEM!”

“So much for being discreet.”

“What the hell are you four doing?!” Jack exclaimed while looking down at them.

“We had to document you asking Y/N to be your valentine! This is the first one with you two as a couple after all.”

“And here I thought Jack was a simp, it’s Urban.”

“I’m a good best friend that’s what it is unlike yall dumbasses!”

“Well, I thought the gesture was cute, Urban.” You said while laughing and holding your bear tighter.

“Oh, and that was my idea to add the song.”

“HEY!”

“What?! Give me my credit where credit is due.”

“I love it anyway, thank you boo.” You said as you kissed Jack’s cheek and he immediately turned red.

“Yall are actually sickening and I love it at the same time.” Shloob said while opening his bag of chips.

“They’re getting married, I’m calling this shit.”

Present Day

It was less than 48 hours until Valentine’s Day and you were currently mean mugging your husband and he couldn’t figure out what you had such an attitude for. He was trying to tread lightly just in case the issue had to do with him.

“Baby, why do you keep looking at me like you want to kill me?” Jack asked while making sure he was across the room just in case you wanted to throw something.

“Jackman, it is February 12th.”

“Yes, I know.”

“YOU KNOW?!”

“Baby, yes I know! Did I forget something?”

“I should make you figure it out since it is so incredibly obvious.”

“Stink, I’m not following.” Jack said as he attempted to brush a few stray curls out of your face and you still kept the pout on your face. 

All you did was open a box of godiva chocolate and began eating without answering his question..

“Where did you get that?!”

“Doesn’t matter, all you need to know is that Clay knows the way to my heart and I suggest that you ask me to be your valentine before he beats you to it.”

“WHAT!?”

“Did I stutter?”

“HE BOUGHT YOU THAT?!”

“He sent me a text and asked me if there was anything I needed or wanted and I said chocolate and he came through unlike his big brother. I’m convinced you don’t love me anymore.”

“Wait a minute. You’re mad because I didn’t ask you to be my valentine?! And you better cut the shit right now talking about I don’t love you anymore. Loved you since I first laid eyes on you.”

“OBVIOUSLY! And bullshit, you didn’t tell me until we were seventeen.”

“Baby, come on. You know better than that.”

“JACKMAN, I AM CARRYING THREE OF YOUR CHILDREN SO EXCUSE ME IF I GET A LITTLE EMOTIONAL!”

“Babe, come here.” Jack made his way over to you and slid you onto his lap while kissing you.

“Quit pouting, too.” All you did was cross your arms while rolling your eyes.

“Baby, I didn’t ask you to be my valentine because that’s already understood that you are. You and them.”

“Hmmph.”

“Y/N!”

All you did was stay silent.

“Fine, Y/N Y/M/N Harlow, love of my life, the woman that I married, and the mother of my three children, who I have loved since I was fifteen will you do me the honor of being my valentine this year?”

“Oh wow, this is such a surprise! This is just so unexpected and I… I just don’t know what to say!” You said while getting a startled look on your face.

“Are your….. Are your eyes watering and are you serious?!”

“HORMONES! AND YES I’M SERIOUS!”

“Babe! You’ve been my valentine since I was fifteen! I have to ask you every year now?”

“What do you mean now?! And YES! Because you always do!”

“I just did and you still didn’t give me an answer!”

“No.”

“NO?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO?!”

“Clay asked me first!”

“YOU SAID HE JUST GOT YOU THE CHOCOLATE YOU WANTED AND THAT HE DIDN’T ASK YOU!”

“Oh did I say Clay? I meant Dua.”

“Now I’m really about to kick her ass.”

“Just playing with you, baby. Of course I’ll be your valentine. Forever and ever and ever.” You said while leaning up to kiss him and he eagerly kissed you back.

“It’s only right that I have to ask them too.” Jack answered, nodding towards your stomach.

“Well, go ahead.”

“Hold on, I have an idea.”

Jack slid you off of his lap and went into the kitchen as you continued to eat your chocolate that Dua not Clay bought for you, but Jack didn’t need to know that.

Jack then came back and placed three candy hearts on your stomach and you couldn’t do anything but smile.

“You are so fucking cheesy and I love it.”

“Baby Harlows, will you do me the honor of being my valentine along with mommy this year?”

“I think they said yes.”

“YOU THINK?! Why do you INSIST on stressing me out?!”

“So dramatic, smush of course they said yes.”

“Come next year, valentine’s day might look a little different with three more people for us to love, but keep in mind you were my first valentine and that's not going to change.”

Jack looked up from your stomach once he heard your sniffles.

“Babe, not again. You have always cried easily, but now that you’re pregnant, it’s even worse. You cried because I put on your pink fluffy socks as you were telling me thank you last night.”

“I CAN’T HELP IT! I JUST LOVE YOU SO MUCH!” You exclaimed as Jack was trying to calm you down.

“I love you too, baby girl. Now please stop crying before the babies think something is seriously wrong with you. Then when they get here they’ll be sending death glares to me thinking that it was my fault just like you were earlier.” 

Just then Urban came down the steps and saw the candy hearts sitting on your stomach and made his way over to you.

“Can I eat those? And why are you crying?”

“NO! And she’s crying because I asked her to be my valentine.” Jack said as he swatted Urban’s hand away as he looked at both of you and rolled his eyes.

“Why? They are literally there just sitting on her stomach. And aren’t you his valentine every damn year?”

“They’re for the babies! And so what?!”

“Okay?? And?? They can’t eat them.”

“Ew, Urby. You actually like candy hearts?” You asked as he sat next to you and started to pick them off one by one and pop them in his mouth.

“Stink, does that answer your question?” Jack asked as he rolled his eyes.

“Hey, who sent you this chocolate? I want some.” Urban started to reach over you to get to the box, but you quickly smacked his hand.

“OW!”

“Dua got them for me and no you can’t have them. Early Valentine’s Day gift. Never take food from a pregnant woman, you should know better.”

“WHAT?! I THOUGHT YOU SAID CLAY GOT THEM FOR YOU?”

“Oh, did I?”

“BABY!”

“Oops.”

Liked by jackharlow, urbanwyatt, saweetie, cardib, normani, djdrama, estgee, yungskylark, and 1,892,003 others

y/ninsta: Valentine's Day 2023, jackharlow had me mad as hell two days ago, but he made up for it. Love you smush, my forever valentine 🥰🥰🥰🥰

saweetie: wait a minute, didn't he just buy you a car and now you have ANOTHER ONE?

sza: saweetie okay dj khaled

danivalentine: y/ninsta what did he do and do I need to jump him?

jackharlow: saweetie limit does not exist when it comes to my wife. anything she asks for I get. within reason of course.

jackharlow: danivalentine NO! I didn't do anything! your sister is just emotional and SPOILED!

y/ninsta: jackharlow I AM NOT AND IT'S WHAT YOU DIDN'T DO THAT HAD ME SO UPSET!

saweetie: jackharlow I will kick your ass so you better start explaining

jackharlow: she was upset because I didn't ask her to be my valentine because I thought it was UNDERSTOOD that she was since she has been since we were FIFTEEN

danivalentine: y/ninsta you are spoiled lil bit lol and jackharlow your dumbass knows better

jackharlow: danivalentine BUT SHE KNOWS THAT THOUGH. I MARRIED HER!

y/ninsta: danivalentine I'm gonna pretend that I didn't see that jackharlow gimme an elephant

theestallion: here she goes lol

jackharlow: y/ninsta baby where are we going to put it?

y/ninsta: jackharlow idk, you figure it out

jackharlow: y/ninsta how about the elephant sanctuary in Thailand?

normani: well shit

claybornharlow: enjoy the bracelet I got you

jackharlow: clay, delete that

claybornharlow: jackharlow no.

y/ninsta: claybornharlow jackharlow 😜😜😜😜😜

y/ninsta: jackharlow BOOK OUR FLIGHTS NEOW!

urbanwyatt: y/ninsta you don't need any more pets

y/ninsta: urbanwyatt well jackharlow didn't tell me no

jackharlow: y/ninsta me offering to take you to Thailand was me telling you no. if that wasn't clear, here.... NO.

y/ninsta: jackharlow worst husband of 2023 and the year just started🙄

dualipa: he's had that award for five years now

jackharlow: y/ninsta TAKE THAT SHIT BACK NEOW. I WILL RETURN THE CAR! and dualipa if you don't shut the fuck up and take your ass on somewhere. STOP SENDING HER CHOCOLATE AND ASKING HER TO BE YOUR VALENTINE

danivalentine: well this is a turn of events

shloob_: why are we not surprised?

y/ninsta: jackharlow YOU BETTER NOT TOUCH MY FUCKING CAR!

dualipa: jackharlow YOU'RE JUST MAD THAT I DID IT FIRST

jackharlow: I'm tired of fighting for my life every time I post something on here smh jackharlow: oh and y/ninsta we have to dance to our song before the night is over y/ninsta: jackharlow stop it before I cry again jackharlow: y/ninsta good lord lmao theestallion: wait what is yall song? y/ninsta: theestallion back that azz up by juvenile saweetie: bitchhhhh lmao jackharlow: y/ninsta BABY! QUIT IT! theestallion it's Into You by Tamia theestallion: back that azz up could be a warm up song tho y/ninsta: theestallion I like the way you think

Liked by y/ninsta, champagnepapi, estgee, djdrama, urbanwyatt, danivalentine, quiiso, and 2,753,884 others

jackharlow: Woke up to y/ninsta handing this to me. SAY LESS BABY 😭😭😭

y/ninsta: jackharlow he ain't eat it right if he ain't have to change the sheets 😜😜

saweetie: her ass would make something like this lol

2forwoyne: save me a slice

danivalentine: y/ninsta I literally CANNOT with you lmaooo

y/ninsta: 2forwoyne no. reserved for my baby. I'll make you something else. we're using it for extracurricular purposes

saweetie: she means jackharlow is probably going to be eating the cake off of her boobs

jackharlow: saweetie wouldn't be the first time either and definitely won't be the last

cardib: 😭😭😭😭

urbanwyatt: and we're not going to talk about how she woke me up at 2 am because she forgot to make it and made me help her. I do NOT get enough credit being best friends to the both of you

y/ninsta: urbanwyatt you will be compensated accordingly and I needed a test taster

urbanwyatt: y/ninsta YOU COULD HAVE CALLED 2FO

y/ninsta: urbanwyatt you were right upstairs tho

jackharlow: y/ninsta ready for round 4 when you are

yungmiami: jackharlow question for you. are we about to break that record tonight and make it to 25?

jackharlow: yungmiami if I can get her ass to stop running from me we just might

y/ninsta: jackharlow 👀👀👀👀

saweetie: yeah learning jackharlow made you reach your peak 21 damn times in one night was WILD

y/ninsta: saweetie I was bedbound for four days

theestallion: NOT BEDBOUND 😭😭😭😭

jackharlow: y/ninsta and it's about to be a week this time

urbanwyatt: thank goodness I am NO WHERE near them tonight. y/ninsta good luck getting sleep bestie

y/ninsta: urbanwyatt I'm prepared to go down swinging

saweetie: y/ninsta and by swinging you mean scratching your nails down jackharlow's back

dualipa: not if I have anything to do with it and y/ninsta where's my cake?

jackharlow: dualipa in the trash where you also belong

Liked by jackharlow, urbanwyatt, danivalentine, saweetie, djdrama, neelamthadhani, privategarden, quiiso, nemoachida, and 2.004,872 others

y/ninsta: somebody asked what my favorite valentines day gift was from jackharlow and here it is lmaoooo he got it for me our senior year in high school 😭

saweetie: jackharlow I literally CANNOT lmaooooo your dumbass would get this for her

urbanwyatt: we saw it in Spencers and he was like this is perfect lol

claybornharlow: the bear is telling the truth

jackharlow: clay.... don't start

lilnasx: lmaoooo gotta be one of the best gifts I've ever seen

jackharlow: shit I call it like I see it. my baby is gorgeous.

quiiso: jack been going all out for valentine's day every single year. every time I think he can't top the year before he does

jackharlow: quiiso my wife is expensive, gotta keep the ideas coming

y/ninsta: jackharlow I'm what now?

jackharlow: y/ninsta you are my beautiful cutie pie who happens to be my wife who I love so much

y/ninsta: jackharlow oh okay. thought so. I love you too.

jackharlow: y/ninsta with your expensive ass

y/ninsta: jackharlow TAKE IT BACK

jackharlow: y/ninsta NO

dualipa: SHIT BITCH YOU IS FINE. LEMME GET YOUR NUMBER.

jackharlow: dualipa she has your number and I already blocked you and I blocked it on my phone too. idk why I even had it to begin with. don't you have someone else to bother?

dualipa: jackharlow nope and y/ninsta UNBLOCK ME SO I CAN DECLARE MY LOVE FOR YOU

jackharlow: dualipa I hid her phone and she's short so I know she won't be able to find it any time soon. bye now.

Liked by jackharlow, estgee, djdrama. sza, cardib, lizzobeeating, danivalentine, yungskylark, and 3,801,226 others

y/ninsta: and can't forget about this one 😭😭 jackharlow was like baby I have something serious to tell you. like he ass was going on and on and then he sent me this 🙄🙄🙄

jackharlow: THAT WAS SERIOUS. I WAS HORNY AND I MISSED MY WIFE!

y/ninsta: jackharlow baby I was literally just downstairs in the studio...

jackharlow: y/ninsta I still don't see the point mamas

y/ninsta: 🙄🙄🙄

danivalentine: yall are seriously sickening lmaoooo

urbanwyatt: danivalentine you tell no lies

jackharlow: look imma simp for my wife and I don't give a damn what people say

y/ninsta: jackharlow *in my cardib voice* I know that's right!

saweetie: PLEASEEEEEEEE

y/ninsta: I have the best husband in the world. might be a hot mess sometimes, but he's my hot mess lol

urbanwyatt: y/ninsta hot mess indeed

jackharlow: urbanwyatt HEY!

quiiso: I second what y/ninsta said

neelamthadhani: count me in

yungskylark: can we collectively all say to count us in lol

shloob_: lmaooo

y/ninsta: where's 2fo?!

danivalentine: y/ninsta eating in the kitchen

y/ninsta: danivalentine again?! 2forwoyne DON'T TOUCH THE PIE OR THE WHIPPED CREAM THAT GOES WITH IT

saweetie: y/ninsta who the fuck you think you fooling? that whipped cream isn't going on no damn pie

jackharlow: saweetie you right. imma put it on her

theestallion: ENOUGH!

yungmiami: has the record been broken yet? I am here for one reason and one reason only

jackharlow: yungmiami we'll address this tomorrow morning because I'm about to find out. y/ninsta baby the video above already lets you know what I wanna do so come on

y/ninsta: see yall in two weeks if I live to tell the tale 😭

DO NOT READ PAST THIS POINT IF YOU ARE NOT 18+

“Come on baby, take this shit. Didn’t you ask me to slut you out? Don’t ask me if you can’t hold up the end of your deal.” Jack was mercilessly pounding into you as you wrapped your arms around him tighter.

“Mmm, baby!”

“You’ve been such a good girl for me.”

“Fuck, fuck, fuckkkkkkk.”

“We got two more to go, I know you can take it. Stop running from me.”

 Jack had noticed that you were slowly making your way towards the end of the bed and he was quick to pull you back. 

“But…. I can’t.”

“Says who?”

“Shiiit baby I’m about to cum fuckkkkk.”

“See? I knew you could take it. Do it then, cum all over my dick.”

Without one more thrust, you released all over him and he was quick to slide out of you and flip the two of you over and motioned for you to sit on his face.

Jack took one long lick and you immediately grabbed the headboard to steady yourself.

“Jack… baby wait a minute.”

“What am I waiting for? You wanted to be slutted out so that’s what I’m doing so your ass needs to act accordingly. Not talking all that shit now, huh?”

“My legs are literally shaking.”

“And? They’re about to be shaking even more. Come here.”

You did as you were told and moved to get a little more comfortable before Jack decided to not show you any mercy.

“Mmm, my baby girl tastes so good.”

Jack then sped up his pace as your breathing quickened and your grip on the headboard got tighter and so did his grip on your thighs.

You were still so extremely sensitive so it didn’t take you long to once again cum all over Jack.

He then gently tossed you to the side before reaching into the bedside table that was on his side of the bed and pulled out the wand he had gifted you.

“Come on baby, we’re about to make it to thirty with this shit. Spread 'em.”

The next day you woke up and noticed that Jack was still laying beside you. He felt you stir and looked down at you and kissed your forehead. 

“Good morning, baby. You feel okay?”

“Good morning and yes I’m fine.”

“I was waiting for you to wake up to ask if you wanted to take a bath and ask you what you wanted to eat.”

“Yes to the bath and I wanna eat your dick for breakfast.”

“Hmm your wish is my command.”

“Wait, hold on.” 

You grabbed your phone on the nightstand to text Caresha since you told her that you would.

You- Made it to 30 

Caresha- Not surprised with yall nasty asses

“Baby, who are you texting? You want this dick so much so come on.” Jack said before starting to kiss your neck and rub your clit at the same time.

“Hmm, babe wait a second. It’s Caresha.”

“Tell her I’m working you up to 45.” 

“WHAT?!? JACKKKKKK!”

“That wand is really coming in handy.”

Taglist:

@harlowsbby

@babyharleezy

@hoodharlow

@stefansalvatoresgf

@jackiehollanderr

@primadxna-girl

@dessmxsworld

@cockslutslurper3000

@raelorns21

@variety-fangirl

@gbaabyyyy

@kamorsstuff

@harlowthot

@sinsandsuccubus

@curlyhairclub

@bootlegroach

@haylexo10

@thinkingaboutjharlow

@fluidsentiment

@charli123456789

@moody4world

@yourstrulymayah

@yana4life

@beanbagbitch

@alinaharlow

@carma-fanficaddict

@minaxcarter

@arination99

@xjup1t3r

@venusvinc

@jacksmoviestar

@jackharloww

@midnight-star47

@minkookie95

@inluvwithladybug

@exoticr0ses

@jharlowsangels

@jackierose902109

@jackmansbabymama

@cmalass

@megawhoree

@softtcurse

@sia2raw

@miniaturehideoutmentality

@hoya122

@nattinatalia

@jackslover12

@skyesthebomb

@jackharlows-world

@louisianalady

@fdl305

@automaticpeachsong

@harlowcomehome

@gassyandsassy1

@babygirlwilly

@amethyst09

@harrycanyonmoonn

@toocriticalharlow

@tattered-tales

@sisiking99

@dessxoxsworld

@gillybear17

@jacksdaycare

@iheartharlow

@disaster-rose

@babyvinnie

@evansxchalamet

@chtkmyharlow​

@itsyagirljaz

@neon-lights-and-glitter

@awhore4moree

[thejudgingtrash]

Annabeth is a good person,but not a nice or pleasant one,IMO.

YES.

That’s it. That’s the post. Pack it up everybody, we just cracked the case and cleared up one of the most compelling fights in the PJO fandom since forever. Good job everybody, clap it out and there’s the door! Don’t forget ordering the drinks at Starbucks, Mitch! They’re on me!

Okay, but on a more serious note: YES. YES EXACTLY.

And before some of you roll your eyes or grab your pitchforks – put your biases aside and hear me out for once. I like Annabeth. She’s my in my top three characters only second to Percy himself. I love Percabeth. It’s my favorite ship in the entire series and to be frank, the only ship that I care about PJO wise. Hell, I spend my time creating my own headcanons or writing my own fanfics with Percabeth being the star in them.

But that is not to say that I’m unable to see how certain things have developed over the years or where they stand now in regard to Annabeth. I’m not here to ignore things that have been said and/or done due to or in the name of Annabeth and I’m not here to vilify anyone that doesn’t like her. And I’m here to admit that I’m guilty of some of the things that may be addressed in this meta essay that you will read in just a second. However, I try my best to assure you, that I’m for once able to recognize my own bias.

Warning: a monster essay lies right upon you.

This should count as a paper of its own.

Back to the statement on top: I would go out even further to reframe your claim, anon:

Annabeth Chase is a good character but not a nice or pleasant person.

Annabeth is a wonderful character but she isn’t a nice one. Or at least not nice to everyone. She is (construction wise if I dare say) the best character out of the series. She has her positive traits (she’s caring, she’s emotional, she’s encouraged and volunteers, she fights for what she believes in, she forgives (even if doing so begrudgingly)) but she also has her negative traits (she’s stubborn, she’s brash, changing her mind takes forever, she is prejudiced, she baits others). That balances things out. She is branded as the intelligent kid but does irrational things (like I’ve just said a) she’s a kid and b) she’s not a robot). She should probably know better, but we all make mistakes and hopefully grow and learn from them. The clouds in the sky do blur and cover our visions sometimes.

Annabeth had clashes with other characters or was about to have fights due to her stubbornness or jealousy (Rachel, Reyna, etc.) and has of course her problems with the mortal world and her family but she also found new friends, some things cleared up throughout the narration and she was/is quite popular in Camp Half-Blood.

The thing is: she doesn’t have to be nice or pleasant (as a character). Or at least not all the time. Her character is humanized. That is what or who she is. Human. She does stand out as a character, not just because she’s the (future) love interest. She feels like someone you could meet in real life and either adore from the top to the bottom or declare as your biggest enemy. And that’s totally okay if you lean either way – liking or disliking her. Or even feeling indifferent about her. Also great!

To say that she has been the best character that Riordan has crafted is easy to say, because she has been sculpted after Riordan’s wife. He had a model he could rub some of real-life events or traits on. That’s not the problem. The problem truly doesn’t lie on Riordan’s side for the most part for once.

The problem is inherently on the fandom’s side. What the fandom does, how it acts and how it treats Annabeth as a character is the problem. The problems vary but it’s mostly the mischaracterization of Annabeth, starting fights and fan/ship wars, internalized misogyny (in some cases) and how some of the Annabeth stans lash out (ha, got firsthand experience in that field among many of my friends and mutuals!). There is a reason why many people are wary of people that have Annabeth or Percabeth related URLs.

The fact that we see Annabeth mostly through Percy’s lens and (until the Heroes of Olympus saga hits) we never really see her in chill everyday situations is essentially Riordan leaving the back door of the house open, ready for all of you asshats to rob his mansion in Boston. Because a frame on a character means that we don’t get to see the character in its entirety (unlike we do with Percy in PJO for the most part). That means a bunch of stuff is left open for interpretation which is the reason why Annabeth gets so many polarized headcanon and opinions tossed around. I think that is one of the true appeals of Annabeth. You can add on stuff and it necessarily doesn’t have to contradict itself.

We have people calling her abusive due to a (n admittedly stupid and unnecessary) judo flip and we have people that act like she’s never done anything wrong. People sorta use this excuse to form and shape Annabeth however they want and distort her characterization.

People in the fandom act like Annabeth is some weird prized possession. We perceive Annabeth mostly through the eyes of others (Percy, Apollo, etc.) and when we had some sort of insight in her ways (MOA, HOH) it felt… weird? Somewhat? Like Riordan left two bullet points of her characterization and told the ghostwriter: aight, fuck it up, gringo, see you on Tuesday and greet Fred the next time you see him for me. 

There have been many posts lately (by Tharini, Simi, Sawasawako, Jewishpercy and Annie I believe?) that HOO Percabeth felt weird. That they felt weirdly constructed, that there was no conflict, no growth. It felt stagnating, like we’re turning back. We had five books prior where we had Annabeth and Percy slowly shifting from disliking to liking and crushing each other. True development. And when we finally got the cake it felt… dissatisfying. Like the cheap box stuff and not the delicious exquisite taste that we were promised.

I said it previously in my Percabeth ship roast, but let me repeat myself: many Percabeth related things are straight up fanon. Some of it is very old fanon so that’s been unable to distinguish unless you’ve read the books recently and subtract nearly 99,9% of things you see on Tumblr (and occasionally the other shitty parts of the fandom like Reddit, IG, Twitter. Although they mostly steal and recycle tumblr stuff oh well. But back to the topic).

The way people treat Annabeth is so strange. She’s either an innocent fluffy smush baby that’s never harmed a fly and all that she wants for Christmas is being Percy’s lapdog or she’s the devil incarnate, broke into your house, killed your parents Batman style, kicked your puppy and didn’t flush the toilet on the way out. I think this is what mostly makes people hate her or the ship Percabeth. And both extremes are wrong and right at the same time? She is multifaceted so both stereotypes are true and untrue and sorta cancel each other out in the same way.

The true reason why people dislike Annabeth is because the stans are doing the most. (The haters as well, don’t get me wrong, but oh boy. Piss of a stan and you’ll know what I mean). That isn’t inherently new. Are you guys old enough to remember the ship wars that have happened cross platform? Perachel vs. Percabeth? Oh boy, oh boy. I saw some kids on tumblr a few months ago trying to infiltrate both tags and start shit (and also fail). The fact that Rachel still gets used as the bitchy (ex) girlfriend in fanfics? It’s 2020 guys. I know this apocalyptic year is far from perfect and over but I think we can let this trope die, right? Right? I thought we’ve established that Rachel is a pretty chill charcter by now… right?

If you posted your stuff on FFN back in 2010-2013 and it wasn’t the typical cutesy Percabeth story (Goode High, the gods read TLT, punk/prep Percabeth, college AU, etc.) people would’ve come for your fucking throat. Not because the story or the narration was shit. But because the pairing wasn’t Annabeth and Percy (in the sense that Annabeth had to be paired with Percy. I mean Percy gets shipped with everyone and their mother but for Annabeth it was strictly Percy. As annoying as this whole Connabeth thing is – the people behind it actually had a point. She never had a different love interest unless it’s a Percy centered story and he goes off dating Athena, Artemis and Zoe at the same time for some odd reason. Yeah, FFN Percy ships are something). Or it wasn’t the action filled canon compliant story or it wasn’t an AU that was popular.

People were really stubborn, snobbish and wanted their stuff in the four five boxes that were the most popular ones and that’s it. People have been bullied off the site in many fandoms, so it’s not a PJO-only thing but it’s still sad that it happened. (Off-note: most of these FFN tropes are still alive and well and thriving on AO3. Don’t be so snobbish and pretend that every piece you’d find there is a holy grail. There’s a lot of trash you have to waddle through. Same with Wattpad, Tumblr or anywhere else where fanfics get posted. Also had this discussion with Annabeth stans. Sigh).

And Tumblr back then? Forget it, wasn’t much better.

That view has sorta changed (at least for people that have been in the fandom for several years or have managed to find a way to navigate through it) but some of the negative sentiment from back in the day has survived. Be it by new fans coming in or from old fans that never let their stance die. The aggression feels differently and somewhat not. (I don’t know if the anon function had been abused that much back in the day. I was an observer not a participant in the fandom).

Crack a joke at Annabeth’s expense (Kal’s famous “Annabeth is a Republican” post or Dee Dee’s and many others “Annabeth has the education of a second grader, chill with the college plans, girlie” stance) and you have people insulting you, making callout posts, unfollowing and blocking you (based on only that? Okay, honey), making aggressive counter-posts, etc. in a minute. If you respond with “It’s a joke, it’s not real” you have a 50/50 chance of either getting blown off or embarrassing them so that they apologize for once.

This isn’t just about jokes. You can make a headcanon that’s not the cozy cute convenient mainstream saga and people would react the same way. Or art piece (no, not including the whole Tannabeth Blackchase shtick done by Viria and others) or fanfics.

People project so much onto the unfinished canvas that is Annabeth Chase that any form of negative sentiment as little as someone not liking her to straight up criticism, regardless of how tiny it may be, seems like an affront. Like an invitation to a fight. Like an insult to them, their character, everything they believe in. Let me state something:

You are NOT Annabeth Chase. Annabeth Chase IS NOT you. Annabeth Chase is NOT real. Her feeling cannot be hurt. Someone criticizing, disliking, joking about her or even insulting her will not bother her. Someone making a statement about her is not an insult to YOU.

Let me repeat that:

Annabeth Chase isn’t real. Annabeth Chase isn’t you.

So think a little before you act? I get it when you’re a kid and new to fandoms or haven’t been up with fan cultures in the past and are back in the scene. But if you’re in your late teens or even older as an adult and you’re unable to understand that you aren’t what you like – you aren’t the extension of a fictional character – I feel incredibly sorry for you. Because that’s just incredibly sad. Someone disliking something you like isn’t an attack of your character. It shows you that you are you and the other person is a human just like you. That they just have different taste. Disliking something you like isn’t a crime, you know? But me feeling sorry for the way some of y’all act won’t mean that that’s even remotely okay. Especially if you’re no longer in the intended audience for PJO age wise and should know better.

This isn’t a “white stans” only thing. I’ve seen and witnessed firsthand how people of color, mainly women of color, act the same or not even worse when it comes to her character. People have projected their problems and real-life occurring events into her character (I’m sure that she isn’t the only character nor that this is the only fandom where this is happening) and in some cases like I’ve said cannot separate their own personality from the fictional world. Fights with woc happened because of Annabeth fucking Chase. So many things have happened in the fandom the past few months, mostly due to people being forced staying at home because of the quarantine but I’d say it’s 10% on quarantine and 90% on people for acting up like this.

So here’s a little story: There was the act of Riordan blowing the fandom up because of his own stupidity and being unable to apologize for his mischaracterization and lack of research (the whole Piper fiasco) back in June (?) and admits the upset fandom, people on Twitter, Tumblr and Discord legit thought that none of that mattered and that the outcry was destroying Annabeth Chase’s birthday. That’s right. People thought that Annabeth Chase’s non-existing birthday because she’s a fictional character had a higher priority than the rupture and prevalent racism in the fandom. Okay. This isn’t a great look, Annabeth stans. And this of course pissed a lot of people off. I made a post about it and someone not only berated three other people on said post but no, we had a mighty argument which had disrupted many friendships in our circle which haven’t recovered until this very day. We both had our parts in it and no one is innocent. But the cause of this still remains Annabeth Chase or how people prioritize her non-existing well-being. Anyway. I’m getting agitated just thinking about it.

Let’s go back to the characterization thing with Annabeth. Let me remind you:

Annabeth Chase is an asshole. There I’ve said it in a post ages ago (too lazy to look it up, sorry) and I’ll say it again. And that’s not me insulting her. That’s me actually loving that about her. Annabeth is one of the very few unapologetic female characters that really showed all young readers across the world that you can be a girl, a badass, smart, strong, standing up for yourself and what you believe in. You don’t have to be nice. You don’t have to hide your feelings. You don’t need a man in all cases but it’s also okay to accept help and defeat.

A large reason why I think she’s an incredibly important character in children’s literature/YA because many other novels (mostly (sadly)) have the “Oh, I’m a white skinny dark-haired girl that likes unconventional things like READING. I’m not like the other girls, that take care of themselves and pamper themselves by enjoying shopping and wearing make-up. No, I’d rather be one of the boys but a sweet cute little boy and not the jock fuck that drank vodka shots out of a filthy shoe once. Despite me calling myself hideous every man in a 10-kilometer radius falls in love with me and tells me I’m oh so sexy and by the way I’m only 16 years old” shit going on for no goddamn reason.

Yes, I do blame Twilight for this mostly in recent years, but this trope isn’t by any means knew. Pretty sure that you could even use classics as Pride and Prejudice and dissect them in the same manner (Bold statement: Lizzy Bennet is the OG Bella Swan. There. Go fight somewhere in the corner, people). The new wave of YA focuses on girls belittling themselves and only starting to believe in themselves because someone else (mostly the male love interest) tells them they’re worth it. And these books hit the mainstream because they’re incredibly bland and picture perfect white.

With Annabeth it’s different. She shows up for the job and is done with it. (Brie Larson would probably be the perfect in real life version of her. You either like or dislike her. Or you really don’t care). That is what is so refreshing about her. Her unapologetic nature. Can it be off-putting? Yes. Is it annoying? Yes! Hell, every time I read The Lightning Thief, I want to rip her goddamn head off. And it’s just so well written. Her shift from mistrusting Percy but secretly still believing in him to her opening up. Wow, Riordan did something right there.

Annabeth Chase isn’t a young character. She has existed along with PJO for 15 years. She’s on her way to the second decade. I’m pretty sure that with the success of Percy Jackson (and Harry Potter) many lives have been warped and shaped.

But when I say the problem lies mostly in the fandom, it doesn’t mean that Riordan’s completely innocent. The only problem that I have with Annabeth lies not truly with her but the fact that Riordan is only able to produce three variations of female characters:

The sweetheart (Hazel, Silena, Calypso, Hestia)

The strong feminist (Annabeth, Piper, Thalia, Reyna, Artemis)

The bitch (Drew, nearly every female goddess in the goddamn Riordanverse next to every female monster)

And these female characters only know three endings:

End up married with a mortgage, three kids, two dogs and a cat somewhere in Connecticut by the age of twelve

Get dumped into the hunt

Chill on Mount Olympus and only come down to be a nuisance and/or give a cryptic message before going back and doing a godly rave party or something

We know Annabeth as the badass strong female first (or the bitchy character we’re supposed to actually like. Choose your approach), the blueprint so to speak, so some of the other characters feel almost pale in comparison and almost not needed? Doesn’t mean that other characters can’t behave similarly, but it feels kind of redundant especially if their character arcs end in a rather anticlimactic way (Thalia, Reyna). The new additions are the much needed woc as the main story with PJO was inherently white (anyway stan black!Percy and Grover, folks). So it’s not to bash on the new characters, it’s more Riordan’s fault more than anything.

Since Riordan only knows three female character arcs it feels like he tried to copy the formula several ways with different nuances. Some more or less successful. This is where fandom actually comes in handy and helps create more distinguished and fleshed out characters in form of headcanons or fanfiction.

But even in these cases people still make it about Annabeth when it’s time for characters of colors to shine. Remember that whole spiel and discussion that broke out when people (Kal, diver-up, Caitlyn, Bee, reynaisalesbian, etc.) joked about or criticized that Annabeth thinks that she’s having it harder because she’s a blonde? In front of Hazel and Piper? If she would’ve been a real person that’s an invitation for getting decked. And then all hell broke loose because Annabeth stans couldn’t accept the fact that in the real world and/or in fictional worlds the woc/coc have it harder? That the white woman wasn’t the victim that needed the coddling? Yeah, that was mad pathetic.

I hope you people get my point?

Well fuck. I wrote so many things and have the feeling I’ve said nothing. Anyway, I hope I made sense. This is way too long.

TLDR: Chill about Annabeth please. She’s an important character but that doesn’t mean that everyone has to like her, regardless of being a character in the books or a reader/fan of PJO in real life. She isn’t nice or a sweetheart all the time. She also isn’t the monstrous asshole that some try to make out of her.

Peace out.

[dontshootmespence]

As I Watched In Sorrow

Summary: After experiencing an unimaginable loss, Y/N floats through life, living for...she doesn’t know anymore. When it all becomes too much, she’s greeted by a woman in black with a deal so sweet, she can’t bear to let her grief and her morals get in the way.

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 6,864

Warnings: Probably one of, if not the saddest thing I’ve ever written. Please heed the warnings! Suicidal thoughts and near actions, death of a child, betrayal, a crisis of faith/hatred for Chuck/God, brief mentions of sex, knives, self-hatred. Lots of shit.

A/N: This fulfills my entries to @stusbunker Lie to Me in Melody Challenge - a prompt from a Carole King song, “As I watched in sorrow, there suddenly appeared, A figure gray and ghostly beneath a flowing beard, In times of deepest darkness, I’ve seen him dressed in black, Now my tapestry’s unraveling - he’s come to take me back” and @covered-byroses​ 3k celebration with the prompt “shadow.” Shadow here is definitely more of an abstract than physical thing. Hopefully it works. Sorry to both of you that this took approximately 8,000 years. This takes place around season 8/9 solely for the fact that I needed the antagonist to have years of pent up rage toward the Winchesters.

Closed blinds did little to shield the slivers of morning light from burning her skin. As she tossed the blankets aside, she inhaled the stagnant air and closed her eyes against the sun. Though little, it was still too much. Turning off the lone lamp she’d forgotten the night before, she slowly ambled into the bathroom, popping open the familiar bottle and downing the necessary pills dry.

A glimpse in the mirror made her shiver. Her skin pallid and pitted, eyes sunken and dark despite the fact that she hadn’t worn makeup in weeks. Wetting her toothbrush, she propped the mirror open, unable to bear the reminder. Lazily, she pulled the brush across her teeth, more a societal necessity than a want or a need. She needed to grab food and it just wasn't okay to walk out of the front door without her teeth brushed.

Clothes didn’t matter though. The gray sweat-suit she wore to bed would do just fine. She dragged her gaze over the entirety of her bedroom, searching for her purse so she could go and get this over with. When the cursory glance didn’t lead to her bag, she began go through the other rooms - the kitchen, piled high with unwashed dishes and half-eaten tv dinners, the living room, where scattered dolls and a teddy dressed in a little pink tutu sat dutifully waiting for the return of their owner, the dining room, where she could practically still see her sitting, excitedly waiting for dinner. It wasn’t anywhere to be seen. 

Shuffling toward the front door, she looked in the coat closet, finding her hobo bag dangling limply next to the small, lavender windbreaker studded with unicorns. Had she not been in such a state after coming home the night before, she would’ve noticed it here, and put her bag somewhere else. She reached into the bag and opened the glasses case, slipping the oversized sunglasses over her eyes. Just because she needed to go out didn’t mean she needed or wanted to be assaulted by the sun. Why couldn’t it just leave her alone? Steady darkness had been her comfortable umbrella for weeks. Couldn’t the light just leave her be? Darkness was an old friend.

She stepped outside and locked the door behind her before heading toward her car. As a neighbor pulled out of their driveway, she glanced at a bumper sticker that hadn’t been there before.

When life gives you more than you can stand, kneel.

“I did,” she whispered.

----

Later that night, another half-eaten tv dinner was tossed on top of the already packed garbage can. Why was she even doing this? Continuing? Was there even a point?

She went through the motions, turning on the television to watch a TV show before she pulled the covers over her body once again. But it was useless. With more purpose than she’d had in weeks, she walked into the living room and reverently picked up the tutu-wearing bear, propping it underneath her arm as she gathered the remainder of her pills from the bathroom. She’d just refilled the prescription; it would be enough. 

Slipping back under the covers, she placed the bear next to where her head would lay on the pillow and reached for the pill bottle slowly, but with no hesitation. 

A faint whisper emanated from the behind her, where the overwhelming shadow of her apartment fought against the moonlight coming through the once-again closed blinds. 

“I can help you.” A whispery voice said, clearer than before.

“Great, I’ve lost my mind.” She heaved a heavy sigh and twisted the bottle cap open.

With a quick flap of what could only be described of as wings, a woman appeared behind her, emerging from the shadows. “I’m not here to hurt you,” she said softly, holding up her hands as a show of her promise. “I want to help you.”

“Who the hell are you?” She asked, getting up from the bed and backing toward the corner of the room. “Why are you in my house? Get the hell out.” To her disbelief, the other woman walked toward her, through the mattress, as if she wasn’t real. “I’ve gone insane,” she said, shaking, trembling fingers combing through her hair. “I’ve lost my mind.”

“You haven’t,” she countered.

“What the hell are you then?”

“I’m a Reaper. You can call me Tessa.”

A tear rolled down her cheek. “What? Like the Grim Reaper?”

The brunette, wearing an unassuming combination of a leather jacket, black tank and ripped jeans, seemingly floated toward her, smiling. Softness radiated from her, welcoming, despite the situation. “That’s what you tend to call us,” she chuckled. “But we aren’t cold, hooded, evil figures. We’re only here to help you cross.”

Cowering in the corner, a realization began to come over her. “When we die. Is that why you’re here? For me?”

“No,” she replied, moving toward the bed and grasping hold of the teddy bear. “Truthfully, you aren’t supposed to die for a long time. I’m here because I think we can help each other.”

She shook with anger. “How could you possibly help me?”

Tessa lovingly stroked the teddy bear’s head. “I can give you back what you want most.”

Her heart skipped a beat, eyes glancing quickly at the worn stuffed animal. “That’s not possible. Why would you bring her back to me if your job is to ferry people to the other side?”

“Astute,” she replied. “Strictly speaking, it’s not something we’re supposed to do. Make deals with the living that is. As Reapers, we maintain the natural order, taking souls to where they remain for eternity because if they remain on this plane, many times, most times, they turn bad, shadows of their former selves. Order is what’s important.” Tessa paused, as if carefully considering her next words. “There are two men - brothers - that over and over and over again, defy the natural order.” The reaper’s voice became louder and louder as she spoke. “They cheat death. Time and time again. Those above me, my bosses so to speak, they don’t believe I can do my job anymore. And I’m at risk of losing it. You see, this is what I am. Without it, I’m lost.”

For the first time since this strange woman entered her home, for the first time in weeks, actually, she laughed. “So you’re about to lose your job and you want revenge on the people you can’t reap? Am I supposed to feel bad for you?” She ripped the teddy bear from Tessa’s hands and clutched it to her chest. “You take innocent five-year-olds from their mothers - to give to a God that strikes down someone so small and I’m-I’m-I’m supposed to care?!” She screamed, sliding down the wall toward the floor. “You and your God can burn.” Sobbing, she buried her head into the teddy bear, ignoring the looming darkness overhead. If she was to die right now, then so be it.

“Reapers have no allegiance to God. Frankly, I think he’s a heartless bastard.” She continued matter-of-factly. “But he is who he is and our job is simply to make sure these soul’s stay pure. Some we take to heaven, some to hell. Wherever it is they belong.”

“My baby?” She asked, chancing a glance at this creature disguised as a human.

“Heaven. I promise you.” Tessa crouched down to meet the woman’s eye. “Everyone has their own personal heaven. In hers, you’re there. Playing with dolls, snuggling in bed together, reading books. She’s happy.”

She clapped her hand to her mouth to stifle another sob. “Why her? She was just a baby. Why did I have to watch her wither away? Why?”

Tessa caressed her cheek with the pad of her thumb. “I don’t know. I can’t begin to understand His logic. But I can bring her back to you, just as she was, free of sickness. You can live a happy life together.”

“But you need me to kill someone.” The prospect hung heavily in the air. What did these men really do besides cheat death? Was that really such a bad thing? Wasn’t in human nature? Did they deserve to die? Her heart raced with possibilities. “How do I know you’re telling the truth? That you’ll keep your end of the bargain?”

Tessa held her hand out. “I’ll bring you to where her soul rests.”

Instantly, she was transported, at Tessa’s side, from her dim apartment, to a never-ending expanse filled with light. Doors came into focus. “You’re kidding,” she said. “Heaven is full of doors?” Tessa quickly walked her around corner after corner, ensuring they weren’t seen by anyone else, until they came to her door. “My baby.” Her fingers slid over the name on the door. And dates. 2008-2013.

“She’s in here,” Tessa whispered. 

Beyond the blinding light, a park came into focus - one she recognized. One she’d taken her baby to time and time again. From behind the playground, she ran, screeching with delight as her mother chased after her. She barely recognized herself. “This is her heaven,” Tessa said softly, her arm link with yours, almost like a friend. “She plays with you.”

“Can she seem m-?”

“No. Not the you standing here. That one is her projection of you.”

Filled with a resolve she hadn’t know since the moment her baby was placed in her arms at the hospital five years ago, she turned to Tessa. “What do I have to do?”

Tessa smiled, a small sigh of relief escaping her. She pulled a piece of paper from her jacket pocket. “This man will come into your life. I need you to let him in. He’s a strong man, but he’ll let his guard down with those he trusts. You need to be one of those people. Once you are, I need you to kill him. He disrupts the natural order, and we...have a history. He doesn’t trust me.”

“Why do I need to get him to trust me first?”

“That’s for me,” she admitted. “This history...he’s the reason I am where I am. It’s purely revenge on my part.” She loathed to admit it. 

“But I-”

Exasperatedly, Tessa held the woman’s face in her hands. “He has cheated death over and over again. And your daughter couldn’t. How is that fair?”

“It’s not,” she seethed, taking the paper from Tessa’s hands. “How long do I have? I’m assuming I’m on some kind of a timeline.” 

“One year,” Tessa replied. “If you can’t do it, the deal is void and I’ll find someone else who can help me.”

“I’ll do it. I promise,” she whispered. Before she knew it, she was back home and Tessa was gone. Unfolding the paper, she read the seemingly innocuous name.

Dean Winchester.

----

The following morning, she woke in her apartment, the teddy bear still firmly in her grasp. “Worst dream ever,” she whispered, sitting up in bed. She glanced toward the nightstand, where a piece of paper sat. Dean Winchester. 

“It wasn’t a dream?”

This man will come into your life.

So he’d just cross her path? She had to sit here and wait? 

Tired and dumbfounded, she pulled the laptop toward her lap and typed in his name, searching for some record of the man she was supposed to let into her life. A few Dean Winchesters came up, a character in a book series, a teacher out of the Midwest, an escaped convict accused of killing a number of women. Wonderful. None but the convict made an impression. Could this man, doing his best impersonation of Blue Steel after being accused of murder, truly be the one who crossed a Reaper? Cheated death?

Closing the laptop, she sighed, dropping her head into her hands. What the hell was she doing? How was she supposed to kill a man? A man she didn’t even know? “No, I can’t. I can’t,” she said emphatically. “This is insane.” It wasn’t real? Right? As if to prove her wrong, she felt a darkness at her back, heavy and insistent, but leading her toward the light nonetheless.

----

For the first time in weeks, she shrugged her army green coat on and headed out to the nearest bar instead of taking a bottle home from the supermarket and falling asleep after downing near all of it. Warm light bathed her as she walked through the door and sat at the far end of the bar. Her usual bartender, Zach, seemed surprised at her presence. “Haven’t seen you around in a while. What brings you back?”

“The quality booze,” she replied dryly. Some people wanted to pour their hearts out to their bartender, not her though. “Sick of supermarket wine.”

Thankfully, he didn’t push, instead bringing over her usual. Maker’s Mark neat. Sipping, she quietly hissed the burn, its warmth feeling different now, teasing. Maybe it was the fires of hell licking at her insides for what she was contemplating, the lengths she would go to in order to see her little girl again. 

The familiar, high-pitched bell chime alerted her to the presence of yet another patron of the bar. He came to sit a few seats away, ordering a whiskey on the rocks. When she looked up, she saw him. The Dean she saw in the mug shot - Mr. Blue Steel. 

Tipping the rest of her drink back, she swallowed her morals down along with the booze and eyed Zach for a refill. When Blue Steel caught her eye, she smiled and gave him a soft wave. He was cute. She could do this. She had to do this. Without her baby, there was nothing. He walked over, taking a seat on the stool next to her. “Hey. I’m Dean. Dean Winchester.”

“Hi, Dean,” she said softly, taking the refill from Zach’s hand. “I’m Y/N.” She frowned into her drink before she continued. “My friends and family call me Sunshine.”

----

Dean was easy to talk to; smooth, like the bourbon she’d been sipping on for near an hour. He was open yet guarded. Secrets lay behind his eyes, just as they did hers. Though they hadn't spoken for more than an hour, she could tell he’d gone through more in life than others did in 10. Behind his mega-watt, ladies man smile sat years upon years of pain. “So Dean,” she started, swirling the amber liquid around in the glass. “What brings you to a bar in the middle of nowhere at 11:00 at night?”

“Bad day on the job...” He replied, gulping down a hefty swig of his own drink. “Really bad day. Just need to forget, you know?”

She nodded, understanding settling into the marrow of her bones. “More than you know, Dean. If you want to get anything off your chest, I’m all ears. Think of me as a sponge.”

“Thanks, Sunshine.” The nickname sounded foreign on his lips; she hadn’t heard it in so long. But from his pouty pink lips the name sounded comforting. She wanted to lean into it. “I’m not sure it’s something you would understand. I don’t mean that in bad way. Just...I don’t think you’d believe me.”

If the previous night’s happenings hadn’t occurred, she might have been shocked, but she wasn’t sure if she could be shocked now. This Tessa wanted Dean dead, so presumably Dean was involved in all manner of shit that she would’ve never imagined. “I’ve seen some shit,” she replied, tipping the last of her drink into her mouth.

Dean’s eyes scanned her quickly, as if assessing how much she’d actually seen and whether or not she could be trusted. “D’ya wanna go for a drive? There’s a lake about 10 minutes from here.”

This was stupid. Following a man she didn’t know, having seen his mugshot before, but there was an aura about Dean and it drew her in. Plus, she had to do this - for her baby. When she nodded, he held out his hand to her and smiled. Maybe he wouldn’t be a good man. Maybe she would be doing the world a favor. Something told her she wouldn’t be so lucky. As they walked to his car, she felt the darkness, the guilt, the shame, clawing at her back. 

----

Outside the bar, the moon hung near full in the sky. “This is my Baby,” he said proudly, running his hand along an old Impala. “Through everything, she’s been my constant.”

Dean opened the passenger side door for her and slammed it closed before sliding into the driver’s side like a hand into a glove. She could see he was made for this car. 

As the engine roared to life and they pulled out of the parking lot, Dean asked the one question she didn’t want to answer. But if she was going to get her back, she had to. “So, what brought you to a bar in the middle of nowhere at 11:00 at night?”

Taking a deep breath, she said her name. For the first time in almost two weeks. “My daughter.” She spoke so softly Dean almost couldn’t hear her over the rumble of the Impala’s engine. “I lost her 43 days ago. Cancer. She’d just turned five.”

“Fuck.” Dean smacked the wheel of the car. “I’m so sorry. No one should have to watch their kid go through that.”

A tear fell from her eye but she quickly wiped it away. “No, they shouldn’t. I hope you’re not a religious man, but...if God’s up there. He’s a dickhead.”

“I’m not a religious man,” he laughed dryly. “I have faith in humanity, most of the time, but God’s a vindictive asshole.”

She laughed and let her head hit the headrest just as they pulled up to the lake. The moon seemed closer here, silhouetting them as they walked toward the pier. “D’ya wanna talk about her?” He asked. “I’m all ears too.”

Sitting on a bench near the lake, she told him all about her baby girl. Her father hit it and quit it, leaving as soon as she found out she was pregnant. “I was petrified to raise her myself, but I wanted to be a mom,” she said, voice catching in her throat. “I brought her into this world by myself. I raised her myself. Worked two jobs to make sure I could give her the life she deserved. She was diagnosed with leukemia just after her 4th birthday.”

At first, she’d tried not to cry, but it was no use. “Sorry, I’m just-”

“Raw still?”

“Yea.”

“I get it,” he replied, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. 

She leaned into it, a warmth she hadn’t felt since her daughter insisted on a goodnight kiss the night God took her away. He wrapped his arm around her like this is exactly where they were supposed to be. “Anyway, she knew what was happening, even though she was so young. She was the one that kept me sane. Somehow. You wanna know what she said to me the night she died? Her last words?”

“What’d she say?”

“She’s the one who called me sunshine. She said my smile reminded her of sunshine. Before she fell asleep, she took my hand in hers and said ‘when I go to sleep, look at the sun and think of me. Then I’ll be with you every day.’”

She heard Dean sniffle and turned her head to see a tear fall from his eye. “It sounds like she was wise beyond her years.”

“She was.” Shaking her head, she pulled herself together and changed the subject. “What about you? What happened on the job that brought you to a random bar in the middle of the night?”

He was hesitant at first, asking if she believed in things that others thought impossible - ghosts, vampires, demons. Before Tessa, she would’ve said no, but now it seemed plausible. “I do.”

“I hunt them. The things that go bump in the night that no one believes in. I’ve been doing it since I was a kid.”

Her heart ached for him. Only a tragedy could get a young boy into such a horrific line of work.  

“Tonight, my brother and I lost a father and son because we couldn’t move fast enough.”

“I’m sorry, Dean,” she said softly. She felt this innate desire to comfort him, to tell him he’d probably done all he could, but something in her told her Dean wasn’t the kind of man to rid himself of guilt with so few words. He carried it with him. “I really am.”

“Thanks, Sunshine.”

----

For the first time in weeks, she awoke the next morning to the burn of the sun, but her instinct wasn’t to shield her gaze. Instead, she craned her neck backward, hair slipping against the cool leather of Dean’s jacket. They’d fallen asleep on the bench. “Morning, Sunshine,” he mumbled. “Didn’t mean for us to fall asleep on a park bench.”

“Me either,” she replied honestly. “But honestly it’s been the best sleep I’ve had in months.”

Dean grumbled in agreement. Apparently, he wasn’t much of a morning person. “Wanna grab breakfast?”

She hesitated a moment before her stomach entered the conversation. “I’d like that.”

At the diner, she ordered bacon and eggs and toast to Dean’s pancakes and bacon. Then they ordered an extra side of bacon to split because neither could get enough bacon. They didn’t speak another word of her daughter or his job. “Favorite color?” He asked. “Mine’s red.”

“Green. Three favorite foods? Obviously bacon is one.”

“Pizza and a big fat juicy burger.”

“Pizza and bacon, and then probably really good sushi.”

Dean made a face and they laughed. He liked grade-B horror movies and Disney movies, though he wouldn’t admit to the latter to many. She loved psychological thrillers and gross out comedies. “The really stupid ones that make you question your intelligence,” she laughed. “I like turning my brain off.”

As they paid, Dean pulled her close. “Maybe one day, we can watch one of those together. Order a pizza.”

“Meat lover’s?” She offered, handing him her phone so he could give her his number.

His smile shone brighter than the morning’s sunrise. “Is there any other kind?”

With ease, they strode out of the diner and back into the worn leather seats of the Impala. She still didn’t know this man, not really. He was a monster-hunting, leather jacket-wearing lover of bacon, pizza, crappy horror and Disney, but she didn’t know him. Yet, she gave him her address without a thought and allowed him to walk her to her front door. “Sunshine, with my job, my brother and I are kinda all over the place, but I’d like to see you again. If that’s okay with you.”

“That’s more than okay with me.” 

Dean returned her soft smile and slipped his fingers between hers, tugging her gently until her lips were mere millimeters from his. She glanced at them, inviting him to kiss her. Whatever she imagined him doing, he took her by surprise, pressing the most of chaste of kisses to her lips before pulling away. “I’ll talk to you soon, Sunshine. Okay?” He squeezed her hands in his, a further affirmation of his promise.

When he began to walk away, she called after him. “Thanks, Dean.”

“Anytime.”

----

It was nearly two and a half weeks before they saw each other again, but in the time apart, they texted and called nearly every day, each time letting the other in on a little more of who they truly were outside of their first meeting. “What do you miss most about being a kid?” He asked, voice low and whispery.

“Sam sleeping?”

“Yea,” he replied with a yawn. “I’m not tired yet.”

“You sound it,” she said. “Would it be too cliche to say not having to pay bills?”

Dean chuckled. “Yes, I mean something that tells me something about you.”

“There was a lake nearby my house when I was a kid. Well, not nearby, more like a couple hours away. But my parents would take me there a couple times a year. We’d build sand castles and look for seashells. I miss that. What about you?”

“I didn’t really have much a childhood. I was learning how to hunt before I turned 10. When we were young though, I read to Sammy a lot. Help him get to sleep, you know? I miss that.”

“I’m sorry, Dean.”

“Don’t be. It’s in the past.” This time he yawned so hard he could no longer deny that he needed to pass out for the night. “We’ll be passing through in a couple of days. Can I take you on an actual date?”

Smiling sadly to herself, she rested her hand over her tightening chest. “Looking forward to it.”

----

As promised, Dean showed up at her door two days later with a bouquet of flowers in hand. “How did you know these are my favorite?” She asked, inhaling the sweet scent. 

“Educated guess. Now, we’re gonna go to one of my favorite burger joints-bar-tavern things in the area. They have this killer bacon cheeseburger with an egg grilled into the middle of it that you have to try. They also have pool, so I can teach you how to play.”

During one of their nightly phone calls, she asked them how they made a living doing what they did. Hustling pool, the occasional credit card fraud. You know, the usual, he’d laughed. 

You’ll have to teach me.

“Sounds amazing.”

Reaching into the closet for her jacket, she glanced at the small purple coat, still hanging there, and felt her heart skip a beat. How was she able to go out and smile and have fun barely two months after losing a piece of her heart? It felt so wrong. And yet being with Dean felt so right, so natural. 

He’s a strong man, but he’ll let his guard down with those he trusts.

She swallowed back bile and quickly pulled her jacket out, closing the door against realizations and realities she couldn’t indulge. Plastering a fake smile across her face, she slipped the jacket over her shoulders and allowed herself to believe for one moment that life wasn’t as cruel as it seemed to be. 

----

“Sunshine, I think you might be the perfect woman,” Dean laughed.

At that moment, she was acutely aware of the grease running down her chin. “What this whole, chipmunk look with food in my mouth, guzzling beer is a turn on for you?”

Dean licked his lips and took another bite of his own burger. “Yup.”

“I can’t help it, this might be the best burger I’ve ever had. And that’s saying something.” 

“I told you,” he laughed. It didn’t take long for them to finish their food. “Burger is filling, but they have killer pie too. Wanna split a piece?”

She nodded and watched as Dean easily flagged down the waitress and asked for slice of “good ol’ apple.” “The best one they have, followed closely by cherry.”

Dean looked horrified when she grimaced. “Not a big cherry fan. Blueberry, peach, apple. That’s about it on the fruit pies.”

Less than two minutes after the pie came to the table, it was gone. “We should probably go,” Dean said, craning his head back to the door where a line of hungry dinner guests were waiting. “I think our waitress might kill us if we stay any longer.”

Chuckling, you stood up and reached for your wallet before Dean insisted he pay. “First date, remember?”

“Thanks, Dean.” 

Hand in hand, they walked out the diner and toward the Impala. It was so easy to be with him and more often than not he found herself smiling when he was nearby. But she didn’t have the luxury of falling in love, not if it meant she never got to see her daughter again. 

Tessa said he needed to trust her before...before she did it. “Up for a surprise?” She asked.

Dean raised an eyebrow, clearly taken aback. “Sure, I never get surprises anymore. Where to?”

Without telling Dean what she was up to, she directed him where to go. Less than five minutes later, she approached a park - the same one she used to take her daughter to. “I used to take my daughter here,” she said, zoning off as a vibrant picture played before her eyes. A little girl in a yellow dress ran across the grass and toward her favorite slide. “Sorry. Got lost in a memory.”

Dean’s easy-going smile from earlier faded away when he saw the sadness in her eyes. “We don’t have to be here,” he offered, looking back toward the car. 

“No, it’s okay.” It really wasn’t. But it was a reminder of why she was here, why she was doing exactly what she was doing despite the darkness eating at her from the inside out. “I wanted to share. There’s no one here at night.”

Dean chuckled and pulled her in to kiss her before running onto the playground set like a giant child. He ran up the metal slide and stuck his head out through a tube. “Come on! Let’s play!”

Allowing herself the opportunity to let go, if only for a moment, she ran up to meet him and chased him around the small area before she tripped and fell, bringing her down with him. “Been a while since I’ve been a kid,” he said, helping her up. They sat on the wood mulch of the playground underneath the slide and he pulled her close. “Thanks.”

“It’s no problem.” For a moment, she hesitated. “You said you used to read to Sam right?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Did anyone ever read to you?” When she looked back, she saw sadness in his eyes. “No?”

“Not that I can remember.”

“Close your eyes.”

Without hesitation, his eyelids fluttered closed. She reached into her pocket for her phone, hand shaking at the intimacy of the moment and the pain she felt. As she read - Vonnegut, considering he’d mentioned it in passing during one of their phone calls - he relaxed into her. Eventually, his head lay in her lap, her fingers twirling his messy brown locks. Hours passed. The only reason either noticed was due to the placement of the moon, now bouncing off the slide and onto the metal of a nearby bench. 

Dean sat up, sleep pulling at his eyes as he kissed her cheek. “Thanks, Sunshine. I can’t remember the last time I felt that relaxed.”

Swallowing the lump in her throat, she replied, softly. “Me either.”

----

Two months passed before they saw one another again, but not a day went by with at least a text. Sometimes it was just “I’m okay. Still alive,” other days they were able to actually talk, asking each other the most random questions in an attempt to know one another inside and out. “Hey, Sunshine,” Dean said as she opened the door.

Smiling, she allowed herself to be pulled into his embrace, his lips finding hers. “Hello to you to, Dean. I’ve missed you.” In the months since they’d seen each other, she’d made an attempt to clean her home. TV dinners were no longer piled up in the kitchen. Garbage was taken out when it needed to be. Occasionally, she would even open the blinds. Still, her daughter’s bear sat on the windowsill as a reminder of what she needed to do. 

Dean was unlike any other man she’d ever met and with him, she found herself content, even happy. But what did that say, if she allowed herself the happiness her little girl never got to experience? 

“Now, I know I said a couple days ago that we’d go get a bite to eat, maybe take a drive, but then I got an idea. Trust me?” There was a boyish glint in his eyes she couldn’t deny. 

Her mouth dropped open when she saw him remove a blindfold from his back pocket. “Kinky!”

“Not like that...not yet,” he replied, eyes full of hope. 

Dean wrapped the blindfold around her eyes and led her to the car. He would entertain a single question about where they were headed until shortly later, he stopped, picked her up out of the passenger seat and placed her on the ground before removing the material covering her eyes. “We’re at the beach,” she whispered in disbelief. “You remembered.” Tears burned at the corners of her eyes, emotion running wild. Despite the beautiful weather, the shadows nipped at her feet.

“Of course.” He crouched down to kiss her and wiped the tears away with the pads of his thumbs. “I made macaroni salad, pie, and I brought all the fixings for the perfect burger, which I can make on this.” He pulled out a small grill. “My George Foreman! This is the best thing in the world.”

As promised, Dean made delicious bacon cheeseburgers with a runny egg in the middle, just as they’d had at the diner months before. After every ounce of red meat was gone, they walked along the beach, toes in the sand and looked for seashells. Given that the nearest real beach was hundreds of miles away, seashells were a rarity, but it was perfect nonetheless.

The sun began to set, blue giving way to purples and pinks as they swayed together on the beach. “My place,” Dean started, “The place I share with my brother between cases, it’s about a half hour from here, do you want to-?”

“Really?” She asked. Her stomach dropped. He trusted her. Enough to bring her home, to the place he shared with his brother, the only other person in world he cared for. “You sure?”

“I am.”

If only she was too.

----

Despite how much Dean talked about him, Sam wasn’t what she expected him to be. She grasped his outstretched hand and feigned shyness, unable to look him in the eye knowing what she would eventually do. “Dean talks about you all the time,” he said, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I knew you had to be some kind of woman.”

“Dean’s told me a lot about you. Mostly good,” she replied with a smile. “It’s great to finally meet you, Sam.” 

After she said goodnight, Dean led her down the wide hallways of what they called “the bunker,” his hand heavy and insistent on the small of her back. Inside, he backed her up against the wall, against the shadows, and captured her lips in a kiss so delicate and sincere she would’ve collapsed were it not for him. 

In spite of herself, she sunk into his embrace and wrapped her arms around his neck as he carried her to bed. He trusted her. She knew it in the way he touched her, moaned her name, drank her in. But mostly she knew it in the way he fell asleep peacefully at her side that night.

----

On the morning after their night together, Dean had practically begged her to move into the bunker. “When you leave, I miss you. I hate...being without you.”

She’d been hesitant, but with each excuse he’d countered it. “You make me happy, Sunshine.”

Everything in her had screamed to run, but the earnestness in his gaze pulled her in and she’d complied. While they were away on cases, she would walk around the bunker, gaining more and more insight into the man she’d fallen in love with. Tessa had to be wrong. Dean was a good man - the best she’d ever met.

Screaming into the cold concrete walls of the bunker, she called for Tessa. “I know you’re watching me, you bitch! Answer me!” She slammed her fists against the wall, but no amount of pain could make her feel. “Where the fuck are you?!”

Barreling through the halls like a storm, she gasped when she turned the corner to see her there - the same determination emanating from her as the night they’d met. “Having second thoughts?”

“I can’t do this,” she sobbed, falling to her knees in front of the reaper. “Dean is not the man you think he is. He doesn’t deserve this.”

Disdain radiated from each word. “You only know the man he claims to be.”

“No! I know him. He’s kind. He’s gentle. He does what he does for love. And if he crossed you it’s because you deserved it.” Tears streamed down her face.

Tessa’s gaze melted from soft and endearing into furious and frightening in a matter of seconds. Picking her up by the throat, Tessa tossed her back against the wall. “You’ll follow through on our deal or I will alter it. Get rid of him and you will get your daughter back. She’ll be just as she was and the two of you will live a happy life together. Go back on your promise to me and I will make sure your daughter’s spirit rots in hell for the rest of eternity!”

Sobbing, she clawed at Tessa’s hands. “My daughter did nothing to deserve this! You-”

“BUT DEAN HAS!” She bellowed so loudly it felt as if the walls shook. “And I will use whoever and whatever I need to make him pay.”

“You can’t. You said yourself your bosses don’t trust you anymore!”

“True.” She spoke coolly, her fury gone and replaced with something along the razor’s edge of composure. “But they want Dean dead as badly as I do, if not for the same reasons. Get rid of him, Sunshine,” she said mockingly. “Or I will find someone who will and your daughter will burn.” Without another word, she left her trembling on the floor of the bunker, shadows closing in from every angle.

----

As the weeks passed into months, she awoke each night, screaming, picturing her daughter calling out for her from the fires of hell, begging for her to save her. Dean would lull her back to sleep with made-up stories he used to tell Sam and fervent kisses that said what he couldn’t. 

With the deadline looming large, she tried to think of any way to get the job done. At first, she thought of drugging him with pills. An entire bottle would do the trick and he would fall asleep not knowing the monster that shared his bed, but Tessa wouldn’t allow it, appearing to her again. “I can’t get near him, but you can.”

She was in over her head. Her choices were slim. Either tell Dean, bear the brunt of his hatred and never see her daughter again, or do as Tessa commanded, hate herself and save her daughter’s damned soul. Self-hatred streamed through her veins, but she had no choice.

What started as “kill him in whatever way you can” had morphed into Tessa brandishing a knife she was to use. Every time she tried, pulled the knife from her pocket and attempted to do the unthinkable, she saw his green eyes fade away into darkness. For weeks, she made herself ill, throwing up every day and shivering to sleep in Dean’s embrace at night.

Dean thought she’d been cursed as a way to hurt him, but they couldn’t find any evidence. They’d taken her to the hospital, but unsurprisingly she’d had a clean bill of health. Only she knew the cause of her pain.

“Come on, Sunshine” he said excitedly, “I have a surprise for you.” 

Taking his hand, she followed him out of the bunker to a clearing in a forest just a short way away, where he had another picnic, like the one so many months before, set up underneath the stars. “It’s been 11 months since the first night we met. I probably should’ve waited for a full year, but I couldn’t help myself.”

Awash in darkness, she began to cry. He pulled her close and they began to sway, a clumsy dance that brought a smile to his face. There was no time left. Reaching into her pocket, she grasped the handle of the knife. “I’m sorry, Dean.” Before she could stop herself, she plunged the blade into his chest. 

He grabbed the blade, hissing in pain as she pulled herself away. “Why?” He choked, hands shaking around the knife’s handle. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” she sobbed, backing away. “I had no choice.”

A moment years in the making, Tessa made herself known, kicking his phone away before he could call for help. “How does it feel, Dean? Knowing the woman you love betrayed you?”

With a self-satisfied smile, she disappeared momentarily, only to reappear with her baby girl at her side. Dean made the connection. “I could’ve helped you. I would’ve...I-”

Tessa ushered her away, demanding she run as Dean fell to the ground. “I’m sorry,” she breathed, holding her daughter tight to her chest. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, Mama. I’m okay.” She remembered nothing.

Through the tear-stained forest, Sunshine ran from the light - the memories of Dean’s touch, his soothing voice, his gentle kiss - and into the darkness, her constant.

[bcotmy]

it is 2013.

Obama walks into the oval office, where the vice president is sitting on the desk, gnawing at the burnishing of a desk drawer.

"Holy shit." Barack says.

"He's been like this for hours." an anxious aide explained as she guided the stunned president to the situation room. "He ripped off the handles and destroyed a solid oak leg."

"All... all with his mouth?"

"Y-yeah."

They push past an array of specialists being ushered out the door, protesting loudly, to the Chief of Staff sitting across an ancient man with a chew-stained beard.

"Denis, what the fuck is going on?"

"You're not going to like it."

Beat.

"I'm not going to like it."

"You-"

"Denis, I was not told why Air Force One went under lockdown. I spent two hours wondering how fucked the world was. I ran through being certain there was an assassination, to a war, to a dirty bomb over New York. I get here and I'm somehow still more worried than I have been in my god damn life.

"If your concern is that I won't like it, that time has passed. I already don't like it.

"What is going on with Joe?"

Denis McDonaugh sighs. He was new. It had been barely a month since he was brought on to what he had until today considered his dream job.

And he had to explain to the President of the United States of America that

"This... is Calvin McGourghy.

"He is by trade... a... we-"

A laugh breaches the bedraggled man's lips, before evolving into a full-bellied guffaw that spoke of Appalachia and Red Man Tobacco in equal measure.

"Y'alls papers call me a naturalist. S'pose that's not too far from the truth. Heal the sick, strike down the healthy.. Raised th' dead a couple a times.."

Obama was incredulous. "Why in the name of God-"

"H-he's real, Barack. FBI chopper flew him in. We... apparently have him on retainer."

"An' so y'all do," the mystic paused to spit directly onto the floor. "for good reason.

"I seen this afore."

Barack stared at him.

The man lifted his gaze from the floor and locked eyes.

Barack saw more in them than he would have liked. He looked away.

"How... can we save him?"

"Save him? Oh, if that's what y'all wanted y'all shoulda called a priest."

"I-"

The laugh came back.

"Ah know what ya mean. See, with this particular condition, it's a lot more severe than you'd think.

"He ain't havin' no stroke or nothin'. He's what m'colleagues down south'd call a 'Rougarou.'"

"A-?"

"A god damned ly-can-thrope. A were wolf."

The laugh was deeper. More intense.

The two politicians had the feeling it wasn't getting louder anywhere but in their heads.

"See, I can tell. It starts with the mind. He wake late at night. Wanders about, lookin' for somethin'. That somethin' is for the second thing. The teeth.

"See, they come in fast. For feedin'. The rest'f it all, takes so much damn energy, but no human could get it in quick'n'uff. So the teeth come in.

"Boy's like a beaver. Chewin' and chompin' and scrapin'. That's when everyone knows. It's the bitin'.

"An' Joe?

"Joe Biden."

[mittiemoo]

i am having a lot of FeelingsTM about mcspirk at this point in my life, please, let me show you my pain

i have extensive thoughts about what occurs at the end of the five year mission and through the first batch of trek films, right

so the five year mission is ending - mcspirk has been mcspirking for a while now, how they got together is its own separate thing that DON’T WORRY i’ll inevitably get to discussing another time, but the enterprise is landing soon and the boys are figuring out what’s going to happen next, right

and god. spock. poor, poor spock. he has a Dark Night of the Soul where the conflict between his human emotions (read his relationships with kirk and mccoy) and his vulcan upbringing and heritage and dignity come to a CRISIS POINT, and god bless spock, he just isn’t ready at that point in his life to pick anything other than All Vulcan All The Time. it hurts him, so, so much, but he is determined to go through with kolinahr, because that’s what Good Vulcans Do. 

jim is, understandably, not jazzed about this decision, but in the end i think he comes to a sad, but grounded understanding that spock is doing what he thinks is best for himself, so he lets him go. 

but mccoy. fuck. mccoy can not understand how spock could make this choice. after everything they’ve been through together, after watching them all grow and change together, after spock opened up to them and shared parts of himself with jim and mccoy that he’d never shared with anyone, mccoy can’t believe he’d make that choice. to him, it’s a complete betrayal of spock’s true nature (he’s not wrong) and he can’t accept it. mccoy confronts spock about it and it’s bad. spock is in so much pain that he can’t show mccoy, he is completely shut off from him and that is just the worst for mccoy. ‘at least tell me why, spock.’ and spock says it’s because he must, as a Vulcan, not addressing any of mccoy’s concerns about spock’s human half or their relationship or spock’s relationship with jim, nothing. 

so spock leaves on sad, but relatively stable standing with jim, but as far as mccoy is concerned the spock he knew is dead to him. the sense of betrayal and heartbreak is just too much for mccoy to take. this puts stress on the mckirk dynamic as well, jim and mccoy get in to it about spock, jim’s position being ‘he’s his own man and has the right to choose’ and mccoy’s being ‘it’s not a choice when it’s Vulcan Dignity that’s making the choice for him.’ 

it’s very sad, and very bad. 

mccoy quits starfleet because it’s all just too much for him. jim accepts the rear admiral position to stay earthbound to be with his boyfriend (so sweet), and then v’ger happens. jim gets bones back on his ship in an admirable show of pure finesse, and then, 

SPOCK!

even mccoy, who hasn’t yet forgiven spock but has through time come to a begrudging acceptance that it is what it is, forgets his hurt and anger for the briefest moment and is just happy to see spock again

and spock gives him nothing (this scene is brutal in the movie, even without my shipping theory on top of it) and mccoy goes back to being Over It. he feels like a fool for letting himself think just for a second things might have changed. 

then the rest of the movie happens and we get to  T H I S   S I M P L E   F E E L I N G

it’s so good, but it’s also The Worst. of course jim and spock make up, they’re like, th’y’la or whatever, but for mccoy it’s just not so simple. he’s glad that spock’s finally gotten wise and has decided to maybe not sever all ties to the human experience inside his half-human body for christ’s sake, but the pain for mccoy is still there. 

jim is Very Excited to get mcspirk back up and running, but mccoy just can’t do it yet. jim is able to forgive spock with no more questions asked, but mccoy isn’t. mccoy and spock are still both Very Emotional about this whole experience - spock is grappling with what this new choice means for him and how he ever made the choice to kolinahr in the first place, and mccoy just can’t shake the feeling that he wasn’t enough for spock, and still isn’t. as far as mccoy can see, spock doesn’t know or care to know about what this did to mccoy (which he’s wrong about, spock just isn’t ready at that time to do the work with mccoy to have that kind of understanding, spock’s still Going Through It, as it were). 

so for a while, mcspirk exists in a strange, not great open triangle situation with spirk, mckirk, and Just FriendsTM spones. 

mccoy spends this time trying to soften his heart for spock - he learns over time that spock’s just doing the best he can, man, and mccoy does love him and wants him to be happy, but as the years go on and neither mccoy nor spock reach out to each other to broach this gap the Kolinahr made between them, mccoy settles in the idea that this is just how it’s meant to be (it’s not). 

then spock dies LMAO in the absolute most buckwild ‘please take me back’ move of ALL TIME, spock puts his soul in mccoy’s mind and sacrifices himself for the ship. WOW. 

and yes. with spock’s death, mccoy is just, completely devastated, because of course he thought that maybe someday they’d work things out and be together and happy again, but now all mccoy has are the wasted years spent in unspoken strife, and that SUCKS!!

but because mcspirk is endgame, ohoho, mccoy, you can bring spock back, all you have to do is risk your entire human life! 

and OH BOY is that something leonard h. bones mccoy is prepared to do!! absolutely!!!! no question!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so mccoy chooses the danger and spock is back now, hooray

and after all this, after ALL THIS SHIT you know what i think mccoy has a realization.  i think he realizes he doesn’t need spock to apologize to him. the time mccoy spent with spock’s soul inside his brain gave him what he needed - the reassurance that spock’s essence is not only rational, but Loving and Good things mccoy’s always known about spock, but for a lot of their time spent together, has felt disconnected from.

and, god, after this, this is when mcspirk really starts going off

because spirk and mckirk have been relatively strong this whole time - the only unstable branch has been spones, and for the first time, mccoy and spock can be on the same page. you know, as much as they’re able to be. 

spock loves mccoy, he’s loved mccoy this whole time it’s just been Difficult, but now mccoy is able to see this without the pressure and weight of a situation that happened years ago. he’s able to appreciate what spock is doing to show his affection toward mccoy now, and they begin a slow and sweet process of courting one another that honestly, as a die-hard spones shipper since 2013, makes me sick with how great its potential is. 

mccoy isn’t worried about kolinahr, he’s not worried about how spock and jim’s connection is  ‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘better ’’’’’’’’ than his and spock’s, he’s just taking things as they are, and is having a grand old time with it. 

and, of course, once mccoy is able to do this, once he’s able to get over his pain and just accept spock like jim’s been able to all this time, that’s when spock feels able to let mccoy back in, to let him see how he truly felt all those years ago and how he feels now. 

and then there’s like, whales or something, they go camping, and it’s just smooth sailing for me as far as i’m concerned. the mcspirk is locked, loaded, and not going anywhere. 

*deep sigh*

thanks for hearing me out it’s been a lot, thank you

[newtafterdark]

Taste of Metal - Chapter 8: A Lecture on Trespassers

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26157634/chapters/65517814

Summary: What if the overwhelming VR experience Gordon went through, had a deeper purpose than just being a simple simulation & a freelance debug job for him?

But most importantly- what if Gordon Freeman listens to Metal & used to be in a band? aka. the “Metalhead Gordon AU”

- - -

Gordon had to admit that it had been a while since he organized such a big breakfast. It brought his years at MIT back to mind where he and his roommates somehow collectively managed to keep each other on their feet, food included.

 But his worries over the possible mediocrity of what he, Dr Coomer and Bubby might have created - with him being the only one who had actual physical experience with cooking - went right out the window when he saw the looks of amazement and gratefulness at the table.

 Despite having said that he needed neither sleep nor food, Benrey had stacked his plate with a bit of everything that had been brought on the table. If he had been any other person, Gordon would have been concerned. But it was likely that everyone at the table either hadn’t had a proper meal in quite a while or had never had the chance to have one before.

 So when Benrey was carefully layering a pancake with ham, a fried egg, cheese and peanut butter, Gordon just watched with a soft amused smile. 

 Meanwhile, Tommy was losing his mind over the concept of Nutella-Banana toast.

“I-I can’t believe I missed out on this! They never had anything like this at the Black Mesa cafeteria!”

 Gordon chuckled.

 “Doesn’t surprise me, bud. But now you can have that every day if you want.”, he added with an assuring smile.

 Tommy nodded in excitement, already in the process of making another Nutella-covered toast, exchanging his left-over banana slices for Darnold’s strawberries.

 Darnold added the banana to his honey wheat cereal in thought, then looked up to meet Gordon’s gaze.

 “Apologies in advance for prying, Gordon… but I do have a question, If you don’t mind.”

 Gordon blinked over the edge of his mug, cutting the sip of hot cacao short.

 “Sure, man! What’s up?”

 “Well… I recalled your reaction from last night when Bubby talked about exploring the world outside. You seemed… alarmed. Why?”

 Gordon set his mug down, brows furrowed as he looked at his plate. He figured he’d have to tell the Science Team about the outside world eventually...

 “It isn’t as safe as you’d think, guys.”

 “No place is ‘safe’, Gordon.”, Bubby scoffed while cutting his omelette into bite-sized pieces.

 “I am aware, but this is… simulation levels of ‘not safe’.”, Gordon clarified.

 “What do you mean, Gordon? D-Do you guys had natural disasters recently? We understand! We can deal with stuff like that! No worries-”, Tommy threw in, but Gordon held up his hand. 

 “Let me… go get my laptop. I need you guys to know what’s going on.”

 With that said, Gordon got up and went into his bedroom, missing the confused glances the Science Team exchanged among each other. 

 When he returned, Gordon set up his projector and plugged the connection cable into his laptop. He let out a sigh, then opened a folder on his desktop.

 “Alright, welcome to class 101 of ‘Gordon explains what the fuck has been going on on Earth that shit’s fucked up outside’...”, he said, adjusting his glasses and getting into lecture mode. 

 He watched as the Science Team huddled closer to each other at the table, curiously looking at the projection on the wall… but still keeping at it with the breakfast. Gordon smiled softly before reminding himself of what he was doing. 

 “... August 10th, 2013. San Francisco. We thought it was a 7.1 earthquake at first. Bad enough to begin with… but then the video feeds and photos got to the news...”

 The Science Team watched with high attention as Gordon opened up a video file of a news recording. 

 The Golden Gate bridge was swinging dangerously in clear view- until the camera focused on something else.

 Something huge. 

 Something absolutely massive. 

 What emerged from the waters could only be described as a leviathan of a monster. It tore the bridge down with ease and almost instantly made its way towards the city, dragging itself through the water completely unphased by the military attacking it with comparably small aerial strikes. 

 “We called it “Trespasser” since it was the first of its kind we were forced to face.”, Gordon added, his voice sounding heavy with memories.

 The video ended and Gordon turned back, facing his friends. 

 Tommy had his hands covering his mouth in shock, Darnold was holding Sunkist oh-so-gently with horror in his eyes, Bubby was clawing at the table as he stared with wide eyes and even Dr Coomer sat there with concern in his face. 

 The last person Gordon expected to be shocked by this though, was Benrey, who looked positively mortified. 

 “Dude, w-what the FUCK?”, he managed to stutter out.

 “Y-You say it was the ‘first”? There were m-more?!”, Tommy asked.

 Gordon just nodded at that. 

 “The next one arrived 6 months later in Manila-”

 “Six months… that was barely time to rebuild the other city...”, Dr Coomer mused, more to himself than to the others.

 “Then came another one 4 months later in Cabo San Lucas-”

 “They were arriving faster???”, Bubby exclaimed with horror.

 Gordon nodded, pulling up pictures after pictures, playing videos to put emphasis on the seriousness of the whole ordeal. 

 “It was a disaster… We faced smaller ones than Trespasser occasionally… but the big ones got even bigger over time. We faced several each year until only recently. As you can imagine, Earth is still very much damaged in a lot of places because of this. Some areas are completely uninhabitable because of the acidic and poisonous nature of the Kaiju remains-”

 Benrey almost chocked on a piece of bacon-

 “You guys called them ‘Kaiju’??? Like, uh- Godzilla? Big Lizard???”

 Gordon let out a soft chuckle.

 “Yeah… one of the lead scientists behind the research of these beasts is a massive nerd. At first, he only called them that at work to differentiate the samples he got… then the names actually stuck over time in the official reports.”

 Coomer raised his hand.

 “Gordon, how did humanity fight these beasts? It looks like the military was once again absolutely useless!”

 Gordon clicked through his files, looking positively excited to show off whatever humanity's defence system had been- 

 “So, uhm, before I click play… basically humanity got together and formed the Pan-Pacific Defense Corps or PPDC for short. Within the PPDC was the research division… and that included the scientists and engineers who worked on these-”

 What the team saw next in the projection, made several of them gasp in excitement and astonishment.

 The video showed a dragon-like kaiju getting absolutely wrecked by what could only be described as a massive robot.

 “ARE YOU KIDDING ME???”, Bubby exclaimed.

 “Yooooo, what the fuuuuuuuck, man...”, Benrey added, holding his head in his hands, eyes still glued to the projection.

 “This… h-how-”, stammered Darnold, staring in awe.

 “Oh, that is quite the fine work of robotics, Gordon! Very sturdy by the looks of it!”, Dr Coomer observed, giving an approving nod, “So you used these to defeat the kaiju in one-on-one fights?”

 “Well, if we could, we had more Jaeger facing one Kaiju- and yes, my nerd buddy at the PPDC also named the class of the robots.”, Gordon clarified with a chuckle. 

 Tommy perked up at that.

 “That man is your friend, Gordon? Can we meet him?”

 “Well, I haven’t talked to Newton in quite some time… and not with Hermann either… I could e-mail them and ask where they’re stationed so we could meet and catch up? Heh… yeah, I should do that. Newt especially would love you guys!”

 Meanwhile, Bubby leaned back in his chair, arms crossed and glaring at the images still being projected.

 “So… the reason it’s dangerous outside is that these things could pop up anywhere at any moment?”, he asked.

 Gordon made a so-so motion with his hand. 

 “Not quite. The Breach, that’s what we called the portal to their world, was closed not too long ago… but we still deal with the damages and the toxic kaiju remains...”

 Gordon pulled up a photo of an entire coastline glowing in an unnatural blue in broad daylight. 

 “We call this ‘Kaiju Blue’... the closest comparison I could make is that it’s… like acidic oil-like blood. Basically don’t get near any of this at any point. Compared to it, the Green Sludge back in Black Mesa was just a glow-in-the-dark kiwi slushie.”

 That comment earned Gordon a few chuckles and amused huffs.

 “But yes… this is the main reason I want you all to be careful when we go outside. The PPDC still studies what the fuck this stuff can do to a human body… and I don’t want to find out what it might do to you guys. Just… no slurping the toxic alien juice, please?”, Gordon pleaded.

 To his surprise, the team gave him assuring nods.

 “Gordon, normally I would say that you’d be a party pooper… but since we’re all new to this terrifying information, be assured that we will listen. After all, you’re now the specialist!”, Dr Coomer said with a smile.

 Gordon’s tense shoulders relaxed at the reassurance. This was a welcome change from what he had been used to from the Science Team in the simulation.

 “Thanks, guys. I… I know this is a lot to take in- and please take your time to process it! - but I just… I needed you guys to be aware.”

 “Oh, it’s alright, Gordon! I-I think it will slowly sink in over a few days, right guys?”, Tommy asked, turning to the others at the table.

 “I’m already done processing… but we need your laptop for more research, Gordon. I want to know more details on that whole disaster before I take even one step outside.”, Bubby muttered before sipping on his now cold coffee.

 “Of course! And don’t be afraid to ask me about anything, related or unrelated to all this! Honestly, the more I can help with you guys being prepared for the outside world, the better I feel about our whole situation.”

 Gordon turned off the projector for the time being and sat back down at the table.

 “And, uh… thank you all for listening and letting me explain? I’m not used to that from you guys… but yeah, thanks.”, he said with a weak but grateful smile.

 Darnold reached over, putting a hand on his shoulder, while his other hand was still gently petting Sunkist. 

 “Hey, know that we’ll always listen to you from now on. The simulation was one thing… but this is reality. I think I speak for everyone when I say that while bantering with you is álways fun, we won’t push your buttons to a frustrating level anymore. Especially while you’re still recovering.”

 Gordon simply nodded at that, playing with the rim of his shirt. 

 Suddenly, he stood up once more, startling Darnold slightly.

 “Gordon, a-are you okay?”, the mixologist asked.

 Gordon nodded, looking quite serious all of the sudden.

 “I… I want you guys to meet someone.”

 Benrey visibly perked up.

 “Oh shit!- is it son time? Haven’t seen him around so… uh… road trip to go see Gordon Jr?”

 “I can’t wait to meet your son, Gordon!”, Dr Coomer chimed in.

 “W-Well, we don’t need to go anywhere to meet him… uhm… give me a second, I just need to go get my closet key-”

 “CLOSET KEY???”, gasped Tommy in shock.

 “TOMMY, DON’T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT IT WILL MAKE SENSE IN A SECOND I SWEAR!”, Gordon yelled back while he was scrambling to find his keys.

 The entire team watched in a mix of judgement, curiosity and excitement as Gordon unlocked the storage closet that Benrey had sat on top of earlier that morning. 

 They saw his anxious expression completely melt away to make way for a loving gaze as he pulled out something orb-shaped from within the closet depths.

 A sleepy chirp-like sound suddenly emerged from what Gordon was holding.

 “Hey… ‘morning, bud. Dad’s finally back home...”, Gordon said with the most gentle voice any of the Science Team members had ever heard him speak with.

 Another chirp, this time a bit louder-

 “....dad? DAD! YOU’RE BACK!!!!”

 Suddenly the orb-shaped object launched itself out of Gordon’s arms and flew in rapid circles around him, making the man laugh. He reached out and pulled the orb out of the air, hugging it close. 

 “I am! Hey, uhm… dad brought some friends over. They are really excited to meet you. Do you want to go say hello to them?”, he asked gently. 

 The Science Team watched in anticipation as Gordon walked back to the table, arms wrapped protectively around something that was as big as volley-ball.

 Tommy gasped softly as he leaned over to get a better look.

 A small screen on the orb slowly came into view, displaying a curious little face consisting of numbers and symbols. 

 Two appendages, seemingly constructed in part out of computer mice, pulled the small being further up as it looked warily over Gordon’s arm at the Science Team.

 Gordon smiled proudly at the display of mutual curiosity. 

 “Everyone… meet Joshua.”

[what-is-your-plan-today]

Stark Spangled Banner One Shot: You Can’t Kid a Kiddo

Intro: It’s April Fools’ Day…and Tony is out to play. Avengers, beware!

Warnings: Bad language, very mild smut...no one gets naked.

Pairings: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark 

A/N:This is written for @wkemeup​ ‘s  4K Writing Challenge. My prompt was dialogue- “I take zero responsibility for this…”

This takes place in the Stark Spangled Banner timeline in April 2015 just before the events of AOU. Steve and my OFC (Katie Stark- Tony’s sister) have been together for 2 years ish and are engaged at this point as well. There’s also another Easter Egg in here for me to set up another One Shot I’m working on...

You don’t have to have read SSB to understand or enjoy this but feel free to check them out if you so wish. Stark Spangled Banner, and the prequel Stark Spangled Man can both be found here on my Masterlist.

Please re-blog and send me comments/thoughts. That’s my jam!

Steve’s hands were hot on Katie’s hips, gently gripping her bare skin just above her underwear, the top she was wearing riding up slightly. Her bare thighs were straddling his as he gripped her neck, pulling her down for a searing kiss, grinding up against her, the TV programme was long forgotten.

“You know…” he said, pulling back slightly to look at her, one of his hands tangling in the hem of the plaid button down she’d stolen from him to sleep in, as usual “Captain America doesn’t approve of theft.” “Captain America is an ass hole.” she grinned back “Stevie is my favourite.”

He gave a chuckle and leaned back against the sofa cushions, looking at her for a second “How did I get so lucky?” he asked, reaching up to tuck her long hair behind her ears. She smiled at him, her cheeks slightly flushed.

“What’s brought this on?” she asked, her hands sliding up his chest, resting on his shoulders, fingers gently playing with the collar of his polo shirt.

“Nothing.” he said, “Just seeing you before, today, with that reporter, just reminded me about how fierce...” he pressed a kiss to her lips “and loyal…” another kiss “and downright sexy you are when you’re angry…”

“He was a dick.” she mumbled, against his lips, her eyes narrowing slightly as she pulled back to look at him, his fingers gently tracing the outside of her thighs “I mean, it’s not like we haven’t already launched the publicity campaign already…”

“Well it’s big news.” he smiled up at her.

“Of course it will, it’s Harlan Thrombey…” she shrugged “His books are huge!”

“Did you ever get to the bottom of why he’s reached out to SIP to run the next one when he has his own publishing company?” “Oh something to do with his Son annoying him and needing to be taught not to take things for granted.” Katie shrugged “I can ask him that in October when we meet him to go over the final edit and discuss the covers and stuff… but that’s by the by. That ass-hat reporter should have been at the press launch like everyone else, not trying to accost us when we went out for lunch. And what the fuck has whether we’ve set a wedding date got to do with it anyway? Nosey bastard.”

Steve chuckled at her rant and looked at her, his eyes shining. “We haven’t set one though.”

“Yeah well, we’ve kinda had a bit going on.” she said, “Maybe once all this business with the sceptre is sorted we can think about it.” Steve sighed “I know, it’s taking a little longer than we hoped.”

“Well it’s only the end of March.” she shrugged “I’ve always wanted a summer wedding so it’s not…”

She trailed off and Steve saw her eyes widen and her mouth dropped open as she looked at him. “Oh shit…”

“Kitten, what is it?” he frowned.

“It’s the 31st March…” she looked at him, swallowing. Steve felt the colour draining from his face "Crap." The reason for their horror was simple. Because, forget Christmas or Thanksgiving, April Fools’ Day was Tony Stark's favourite time of year, as his long suffering sister could testify. When she was a kid, Tony had done the usual stuff. Flour in her talc, washing up liquid in her shampoo, paper shapes of bugs (never spiders though, he wasn't that cruel) in lampshades so when she turned the lights on she'd think she had a huge cockroach in there, that type of stuff. But, as she matured so did the pranks. At one time whilst she had been at the tower for a meeting JARVIS sent her an alert that someone had slashed her tyres in the carpark. She had sprinted outside to see photos of Slash from Guns and Roses struck to the side of her tyres. Another year Tony had hacked her StarkPhone and Laptop and changed the language to Chinese. Of course she couldn't read fucking Chinese to change it back. When she found an agent in SHIELD who did and he reversed it for her, within 30 seconds it had flicked over to Russian. And when she fixed that it became Swedish and so on and so on... Steve had also been the butt of a few pranks since he had known Tony. In 2013 he had fallen for the old toothpaste Oreo trick when a box had arrived for him allegedly from the cookie company themselves after Steve had been papped eating a packet. That had nearly made him sick. And then last year there had been the none stop phone calls asking for Franklin. Every time it was someone different and Steve was getting more and more frustrated as to who exactly Franklin was and why people thought he was on his number. Then, as he and Katie had been on the sofa making out, he'd gotten one last call…

"Leave it..." she said, her hands in his face turning her back to look at him. He kissed her again, hands sliding up the side of her torso, grinding his crotch down onto hers making her purr with delight as her hands strayed to the buckle of his belt, soft fingers gently skimming his abs as she made to undo it, his tongue tangling ferociously with hers as he gave a soft moan of pleasure... But his phone was going again. Katie sighed as he dropped his head to her chest, mumbling a curse. "Unless that’s a Code Red, you can tell whoever it is to fuck off." she said with a frustrated growl, her head flopping back against the cushion as he reached over and answered it, still led over her. "Rogers..." he said sharply. It was another unknown number, but not an unknown voice. "Hi this is Frankin!" Tony greeted him Steve let out a growl of frustration as he realised he had been had. "Have there been..." pause as the inventor laughed "I'm sorry, have there been any calls for me?" "Tony I swear to god!" he spat through gritted teeth as the inventor cackled and hung up. "Your brother is a dick." he looked down at Katie, shaking his head. "Well yeah, I know that…" Katie looked up at her boyfriend "What did he just do?" "Those calls I’ve been getting all day. Asking for Franklin?" He looked at her and she nodded "it was him."

She paused and then let out a laugh “Ok, to be fair, that’s a pretty good one…” “I hate him.” he mumbled, dropping his head back to her chest.

She chuckled again, and ran her fingers through his hair. “Hey, Stevie…wanna get him back?" “How?” Steve queried, propping himself up on his elbows, looking at her.. “Call him...” she grinned, leaning up and nipping at his jaw line softly as he closed his eyes “Leave the phone on the table...” she bucked up under him, wriggling her hips, his trousers feeling uncomfortably tight  again “and let him listen to us make out”

Steve hadn’t done that, because, well frankly the thought of anyone listening to them wasn’t a great turn on in his books so Tony had gone another year of getting away with it.

Simply put, Tony was king of the pranks, and this year he had the entire team at the tower to torment. 

“We should warn the others…” Steve looked at her, and with a sigh she nodded. She untangled herself from him and straightened the legs on her denim shorts.

“JARVIS?” she asked.

“Yes Miss Stark…” “Where are the rest of the team?”

“Agent Romanoff and Agent Barton are in the Common Room.” he spoke “Thor is in his quarters as is Mr Stark and Dr Banner is in the Lab…”

“I’ll text Nat, Clint and Banner.” she said, nodding “Can you go see Thor…he doesn’t have a phone and I’m not asking JARVIS to do it in case Tony catches on…” Steve nodded “Yeah, I’ll pop down and see him now.” Giving her a quick kiss he straightened his pants slightly and headed towards the hidden elevator, selecting the right floor. Thor and Clint shared one of the highest floors in the tower, both preferring to be higher up, closer to the roof but it was still below their’s. Exiting the elevator, he turned left and knocked on the door.

“Captain?” Thor answered and stepped back. “To what do I owe this pleasure?” “It’s not strictly pleasure I’m afraid Thor…” Steve sighed “I’m hear with a warning.” “A warning?” he frowned.

“Yeah, you got five minutes? It’s gonna take some explanation.”

***** Tony was giggling to himself as he put the final touches to the last of his pranks, before closing the door to the Lab and heading back to his floor. None of the team were up yet, it was ridiculously early, but the early bird catches the worm and all that. Fuck Killian and his second mouse bullshit. He had been toying with setting it all up the previous evening but he didn’t trust Kiddo and Spangles not to do some kind of recon mission before they went to bed. 

“What have you been doing?” Pepper mumbled to him as he walked back into their dark bedroom.

“Nothing…” he said, with a grin, leaning down to give her a peck.

“Bullshit.” Pepper mumbled against his lips. “It’s April Fools Day…” “Is it?” he said, innocently and she rolled her eyes “JARVIS?”

“Yes Sir?”

“Hey buddy, I need you to set up an alert for me for today. If anyone goes into my office, or the garage, or anywhere in the tower messing with my equipment I wanna know about it.”

“Of course Sir.”

Tony grinned as he headed into the bathroom for a shower. “Game on, Avengers...” 

Prank 1.

Steve was the first victim. He and Katie were making their way, cautiously, down to the large meeting room where they were all due to congregate to look over the plans of an abandoned British prison they suspected of being a Hydra base. They made sure to check round each corner before they walked round it, checking up high, low, everywhere.

But there was no avoiding this prank.

Steve pressed his palm to the Biometric Pad on the meeting room door and the pair of them gave a loud yell and a jump as their ears were assaulted by a sudden chorus.

“Who's strong and brave here to save the American Way? Who vows to fight like a man for what's right, night and day?”

“Oh for fucks sake…” Steve groaned as he pulled open the door, the song echoing through the PA system.

“Who will campaign door to door for America? Carry the flag shore to shore for America? From Hoboken to Spokane? The Star Spangled Man with a plan!”

Clint and Natasha were stood, poised at the table, both wearing identical looks of astonishment on their faces. They turned to Katie and Steve as they walked into the room, the song still playing.

“We can't ignore there's a threat and a war we must win! Who'll hang a noose on the goose-stepping goons from Berlin?”

“I’m assuming this means Cap is the first of us to fall victim to Stark?” Clint asked, his lips quirking into a smile.

“Who will indeed lead the call for America? Who'll rise or fall, give his all, for America?”

“Please tell me it isn’t going to go through a full rendition…” Steve sighed, dropping into a chair.

“Who's here to prove that we can? The Star Spangled Man with a plan!”

Silence. The 4 of them waited with bated breath, but thankfully it had stopped.

“Just the first two verses…” Katie said, sitting next to him. “Suppose we should be grateful.” “Kiddo, you’re as much of a sneak as Tony…” Clint looked at her, as Thor walked into the room. “How come you’ve never managed to get him back?”

“He’s too smart.” she sighed, “I’ve tried and tried before. It doesn’t help that he has JARVIS either, watch this…JARVIS?”

“Yes Miss Stark?”

“Has my brother got an alert going for you to warn him if we try and prank him?” “I couldn’t possibly comment Miss Stark, on whether or not your brother has an alert set up to warn him if you attempt to tamper with any of his equipment…”

Normally she would chuckle at the AIs tone but she was too frustrated with her brother and the seeming lack of loopholes in any of his instructions she could exploit. She leaned back in her chair and gave a huff “See?”

“I could just shock him with some lightning?” Thor suggested

“Think that’s a little harsh.” Steve sighed. 

“See if you still think that by the end of the day when every time you open a door that song starts.” Natasha looked at him.

“What, you think…” Steve looked at her and then gave a groan. “It’s not just gonna be the one door is it?”

_____

Tony, watching the events unfold on the display in the safety of his office cackled. “Of course it isn’t just one door…” _______

Prank 2.

Bruce was sincerely hoping that whatever inevitable prank Tony was going to pull on him that the Billionaire had been sensible enough not to shock him so far that the Hulk erupted. Bruce had a pretty good hold on him, so he wasn’t too worried but still, you never know.

He made it to his lab in one piece, opened the door and stopped dead.

In front of him on the floor, for about 2 metres square were cups of water. And they were positioned hat close together that there was no space for him to step over in any direction without them spilling all over the floor. Which meant he couldn’t get into the room. Had it been anyone else, they would probably have simply kicked them over, but not Bruce. He was always paranoid about the liquid seeping through the floors and down onto the machinery which looked after the Iron Legion. 

So if he was going to get into the lab, he was going to have to move them one cup at a time. 

“Damned you Tony!” he said with a loud, exasperated sigh “JARVIS? I need a bucket…”

_______

Tony, watching the events unfold on the display in the safety of his office cackled. “Good luck finding one Brucey…”

_______

Prank 3.

“I don’t think there’s much else to go on…” Steve sighed as the rest of the team finished looking over the plans “We need to get out there and do a recon really.“

“We prepping for another mission then, Cap?” Clint looked at him. Steve took a deep breath and nodded.

“I don’t think we have an alternative.” 

“Ok, well, if we get everything ready we can go at first light tomorrow.” Natasha suggested “I’ll get onto the British Authorities, let them know we’re planning on coming.” “Get Hill onto it” Katie suggested “She’ll go through the UN.”

With that an alert sounded on her phone and she looked down at it. “I gotta go take a conference call but I’ll be back as soon as I can.” Steve nodded to her as she stood up and left the room. She made it to her office, safely and swung the door open, pausing just to make sure nothing fell from the door frame. She darted through, took a look round and everything seemed to be in order.

Suspecting Tony of most likely sabotaging her computer or screen, she sat down on her chair and a loud horn sounded causing her to scream and involuntarily he entire body jumped, and her chair toppled backwards. She went with it, arms and legs flailing and she hit the floor with a crash.

After taking a moment to sort herself out she stood up, and looked at the bottom of her chair. There was an Airhorn strapped to the main leg which mean as soon as she had sat down, it would push the handle causing it to sound.

“I know you’re watching this you fucker!” she yelled, spinning round to the CCTV camera and flicking it off “I hate you!”

_____ Tony, watching the events unfold on the display in the safety of his office cackled. “Nice fall Kiddo…”

_______

Prank 4.

Given that there was nothing else to do, Natasha decided to head to the gym, as she did every Tuesday morning, to practice Pilates. It was a routine she tried not to break as it helped her keep supple and relax. Katie sometimes joined her, and surprisingly so did Steve. He said it helped keep his mind clear. 

She knew that the routine made her an easy target for one of Stark’s pranks, but she was damned if he was going to catch her out. She was one of the world’s best spies, no way was he going to get her with some stupid, childish trick.

She entered the room and glanced up and around, checking the corners, you name it. Satisfied that no one was going to jump out at her, and even if they did, she’d floor them- more fool you, Stark, she leaned up against the bench and stretched her legs out.

“Who's strong and brave here to save the American Way? Who vows to fight like a man for what's right, night and day?”

She spun to see Steve shaking his head as he made his way into the room in his gym gear

“You joining me or hitting the bag?” she asked as they both tried to ignore the song as it continued ringing from the speakers.

“Joining you if that’s ok?” he said, “I went for a run this morning so…” “Sure.” she nodded, and as the song finally stopped they made their way to the store cupboards, picking out their mats. Natasha picked her favoured one, and lay it down on the floor.

As soon as she stepped on it there was a loud popping noise, like a gun going off, and she jumped backwards, dropping to the floor by instinct. 

“Nat…” Steve said, a smile tugging at his lips “It’s ok, it’s not a gun.” Angrily she stood up, stalked over to the mat and pulled it up off the floor. She examined it a little before she gave a snort.

“Bastard!” she exclaimed, slipping her hand into a small, almost invisible hole on the underside. She pulled out a tiny little firecracker, the type that kids used to throw on the floor in front of someone to make a loud bag. “He’s filled my mat with these!” 

______

Tony, watching the events unfold on the display in the safety of his office cackled. “Even Super Spies get fooled, Romanoff…”

_______

Prank 5 and 6.

Later that day the team met in the common room for lunch. Steve already had a headache from that damned song following him every time he opened a door, Katie was sporting quite a sore elbow after falling harshly on the floor, Bruce was pissed as it had taken him a good hour to get rid of the cups of water, and Natasha was seething at the fact she’d been caught out too.

“I don’t know how you’ve put up with it for your entire life.” Clint said to Katie as he opened the fridge, pulling out a can of his favoured Dr Pepper. He grabbed a glass and a few ice cubes, the way he always like his soda and walked over to where they were all sat on the sofas with various lunch items on the coffee table. He poured the soda into the glass and set it on the table.

“Yeah well, you better be careful.” Katie said “You too Thor, there’s no way he hasn’t set one up for you both.” “I am mighty Little Stark.” Thor grinned, nursing a plate of his favoured chocolate and sugar covered strawberries he had snaffled from a tray in the fridge “it will take more than…” “SHIT!” Clint exclaimed, and with a loud yell they all jumped back as the soda in his glass was exploding over the top with such veracity it was showering them all in the sticky drink. As Steve and Natasha headed to grab some paper towels, Katie marched over to the freezer and yanked out the ice dispenser tray.

“He’s put fucking Mentos in the ice cubes!” she said with a shake of her head. “Jesus Christ…” “You gotta hand it to him.” Bruce sighed, wiping his glasses off on his shirt 

“I’d like to hand it to him.” she mumbled, “with my fist closed.” Thor gave a chuckle and popped a strawberry in his mouth, before he gave a grimace, gagged and spat it back out onto the plate.

“That’s…” he stood up, nearly pushing Steve over in his attempt to get to the sink. 

Katie watched him as he grabbed a glass of water and filled it from the tap. 

“What...” Natasha looked at Bruce who was examining a piece of the fruit, holding it in front of his nose.

“Salt…” Thor mumbled as he rinsed his mouth out “It isn’t sugar, its salt. He put salt on my Chocolate Sugar Fruit!”

_____

Tony, watching the events unfold on the display in the safety of his office cackled. “Ice Ice baby... not so mighty after all Thunder God.”

_______

*******

“We have to get him back…” Natasha grumbled as they all sat in Katie and Steve’s apartment, having retreated to the relative safety as their living quarters were the one place there was no CCTV, and Katie had the authority to banish JARVIS from earwigging. (Tony had learnt that lesson one day after hearing something he really didn’t want to hear…)

“Believe me I’ve tried.” Katie sighed “And you heard J before, anyone tampers with his equipment and…” She stopped dead. That was it. That was the loophole. With a smirk she looked round the assembled faces. Steve arched an eyebrow at her, he knew that look very well.

“What you thinking?” he asked and she grinned at them all.

“Ok, listen up.” she said, leaning forward. “I have an idea...”

They listened attentively, Clint and Natasha sharing a grin as she outlined her plan whilst Thor slapped his thigh with glee. Steve leaned back in his chair and looked at Banner who was also smiling ear to ear.

“That might just work.” The Doctor said “It’s a pretty good loophole, and we have the stuff in the lab so…” “I’ll need a distraction.” Katie said, “something that’s gonna draw Tony out of his office for long enough for me to do it but…” “That’s easy.” Thor said, “I’m sure I can cause a good deal of noise in the Training Facility, break a few things with my hammer…”

“Fry something.” Steve said, looking round “If you do that then JARVIS won’t be able to fix it remotely, Tony’s gonna have to get his hands dirty.”

“You all know what you’re doing?” Katie grinned as everyone nodded. “Ok, Avengers, let’s do this…“

Operation Payback.

Tony heard the bang seconds before JARVIS spoke

“Mr Stark…”

“What the hell was that?”

“There’s been an incident in the Training Suite.”

“Course there has…” Tony rolled his eyes in exasperation at how stupid they thought he was. He wasn’t falling for a distraction like that. “Where is everyone?” “Miss Stark, Agent Romanoff and Agent Barton are in the shooting range.” Jarvis informed them. Doctor Banner was in his lab, although it appears he is now making his way down to the Training Facility to find out what’s going on. Captain Rogers is already there as is Thor.”

“What’s the incident?”

“It appears Thor has struck the speakers and the access pad with a bolt of lightning.” JARVIS replied “I’m currently assessing the damage but as a result he is locked in. And he isn’t happy.” Tony gave an exasperated groan and pushed his chair from his desk. “Suppose I best go see if I can help…remember what I said, anyone comes in here and tampers with my equipment…” “Of course, Sir…”

When Tony arrived Thor was kicking the door to the training facility, waving his hammer irately.

“Thor!” Steve was stood by the glass, attempting to calm him down. “Don’t buddy, we’ll get you out of there…” “I can get myself out…” Thor blazed, raising his hand and Tony blanched at the fact Thor was threatening to send his hammer straight through the wall. It wasn’t an uncommon occurrence for the walls and glass to get damaged but they’d only just had it replaced after Steve and Thor had been practicing using Steve’s shield and Mjolnir to cause an outwards blasting shockwave. 

“What’s going on?” Tony asked, and Steve spun to him shooting him a glare.

“I’ll tell you what’s going on…” Thor roared “That infernal song…”

His hammer crackled ominously again and Tony looked back to Steve.

“He was fed up of hearing Star Spangled Man With A Plan ringing out every goddamned time I opened a door.” Steve folded his arms “So he lost his temper. And I can’t say I blame him.” “We’ve talked about this.” Tony looked at Thor “You need to use your words buddy…” “Words, I’ll give you more than words, Stark!” Thor roared “Now get me out of here!”

“JARVIS?” Tony asked, looking at the pad on the door. “Damage report?”

“The Circuit is completely fried Sir.” JARVIS said “I cannot access or override, you will need to do it manually.”

“Great…” Tony mumbled “Let me just go get my tools from the lab.” Mumbling to himself he set off down the corridor and once he was gone, Thor grinned and tossed his hammer in the air as he gave Steve and Banner the thumbs up before he caught it expertly again in his right hand.

“Good job!” Steve nodded with a smile as he pulled his phone out and dialled Katie quickly. “You’re up.” 

****

It took Tony roughly 30 minutes to replace the wires and unlock the door. Thor stormed out, pushed him harshly in the chest before he left down the corridor.

“Guess they don’t have April Fools’ day on Asgard.” Tony mumbled, rubbing at the front of his shirt.

“To be honest Tony, it’s pretty annoying.” Bruce sighed “Can you at least turn it off now, I mean its almost 2 in the afternoon.” “Yeah I suppose…” Tony sighed, before he grinned “it was a pretty good one though, right.” “Hilarious.” Steve deadpanned, his hands falling to his belt buckle. Tony flashed him a grin and a shrug before he gathered up his tools and made his way back down the corridor.

“JAR?”

“Yes Sir.”

“Turn off Prank Spangles will you, before anyone else breaks more of my tower.”

“Right away Sir.” “And I’m assuming from the lack of contact no one’s been in my office tampering with my equipment?” “That’s correct sir.” “Today has been a good day.” Tony grinned to himself.

Once he was back in his office he sat down at his chair, and went through his emails quickly. He absentmindedly scratched at his beard, which felt a little dry to be honest. But he hadn’t oiled it since that morning. Reaching into his drawer he grabbed the small bottle, tipped a good amount onto his hand and spread it across the expertly groomed whiskers before he continued with his work. It took him a few hours but he cleared his inbox and then decided it was time to face the music. Heading down to the common room he found the rest of the team lounging in front of the TV. They were watching Kitchen Nightmares. 

“S’up Kids?” he asked and none of them looked at him. “Ok, alright, I know…sorry if I pranked you but if I buy takeout will that make you forgive me?”

No answer.

“Oh come on!” Tony said, crossing the room, sinking into a spare arm chair. “I’ll get Thai…"

The team exchanged glances before Bruce gave a sigh. He was always the one to cave first, the mild mannered Scientist found it hard to stay outwardly angry, which was ironic when anyone thought about it.

“To be fair, that trick with the water was pretty clever.” he shrugged.

“Yeah, and I suppose the salt strawberries were a little amusing.” Thor said, looking at Katie.

She shrugged, her feet resting in Steve’s lap as he was gently running his fingers up and down her calf.

“Oh come on Kiddo…”  Tony sighed, flopping onto an arm chair.  

“Payback’s a bitch…and so are you.”  she said simply, still not looking at him.

“You’ve never managed to get me back yet.” Tony snorted.

At that point he noticed that Natasha and Clint exchanging smirks. 

“What?”

“Nothing.” Clint said, shaking his head.

“I like your beard” Thor said, grinning “I have always admired how you keep it so neat and groomed. Maybe I should trim mine the same way.” Tony frowned. “Oh is this the part where you pin me down and shave it?” he rolled his eyes “You know I can call my suit to me in like 5 seconds flat.” “We know.” Steve said simply, looking at him. Tony’s frown deepened. The way the Captain’s blue eyes were shining with mirth made him uncomfortable.

He looked round as 6 pairs of eyes were all completely focussed on him now before Katie cracked up laughing.

“I’m sorry, I can’t…I can’t hold…” her laughter grew more and more as she threw her head back against the arm of the sofa “You look ridiculous…” Tony frowned and without a word stood up from the chair and made his way to the bar to glance in the mirrored surface between the shelves.

Oh. Holy. Jesus.

His goatee. His beautiful goatee...was blonde.

He spun round and the rest of the guys in the room cracked up laughing. Steve had his head thrown back, right hand clutching at his chest as Katie wiped tears from her face whilst Natasha doubled over on her seat. Besides her Clint slapped his thigh, his chuckles loud.

“What…how…” Tony spluttered, looking again at his reflection, before he glared back at the group.

“Slipped a little peroxide in your beard oil…” Katie managed to stutter between laughs, Thor’s loud rumbles continued, punctuated every now and then by a snort from Banner.

“JARVIS!” Tony roared “I told you to tell me if anyone went into my office, or the garage, or anywhere in the tower messing with my stuff…” "I take zero responsibility for this...sir” The AI responded “And I believe your instruction was to alert you if anyone entered your office or the garage or anywhere in the tower and messed with your equipment. Technically Miss Stark didn't touch your equipment, only your Male grooming product. I believe they exploited a loophole.” That made the group laugh even harder as Tony went bright red, spluttering obscenities at JARVIS. Eventually he calmed down and sighed, before he glanced at his sister.

“You know I’m almost proud…” he said, shaking his head. “Almost…”

Katie gave him a wink in response. “You know what they say…you can’t kid a kidder, or in this case Kiddo…”

Tony gave a groan which turned into a resigned chuckle. He could always dye it back...

Yes, April Fools’ day was still Tony Stark’s favourite time of year.

@the-omni-princess​  @momobaby227​ @geekofmanythings16​ @angelofhell-666​ @thewackywriter​ @marvelfansworld​​  @cobalt-gear​  @asgardlover75​ @jennmurawski13​​​  @jtargaryen18​​ @saiyanprincessswanie​​  @navispalace​​ @patzammit​​  @joannaliceevans-fanficblog​​  @icanfeelastormbrewing​​ @djeniiscorner​​  @ayamenimthiriel​​  @coldmuffinbanditshoe​​  @disneylovingal​​ @madzmilllz​  @sgtjaamesbaarnes​

[lovemesomesurveys]

[1] You

1. Most people call you?: Steph or Stephanie.

2. When's your birthday?: July 28th.

3. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?: A lot of it is now because I haven’t colored it in over a year now. Sigh.

4. What are you complimented on most?: I don’t receive compliments much, but if I do it’s usually about the shirt I’m wearing, my bag, or if I’ve recently had my hair colored and styled.

5. What do you do for fun?: My days are very routine. I have my go-to things I do everyday to pass the time and serve as distractions, but I can’t really say I do them for fun anymore.

[2] Family

1. Are your parents still together?: Yes.

2. How old are your siblings, if you have any?: My younger brother is 22 and my older brother is 37.

3. Are you the tallest one in your family?: Definitely not.

4. Do you have the same name as one of your relatives?: No.

5. How many letters are there in your last name?: Seven.

[3] Friends

1. Do you have a lot of friends?: I don’t have any friends. The odd thing is that I’m fine with that. 

2. What do you guys do when you're together?: --

3. Have you ever lost a friend because of something stupid?: Yes.

4. Have you made any new friends this year?: No

5. Who's the last friend you hung out with?: A former friend a few years ago.

[4] Your Best Friend

1. How'd you meet him/her?: She gave birth to me.

2. Do you live near each-other? We live together.

3. How long have you been best friends?: All 31 years of my life thus far.

4. Do you tell him/her everything?: Not everything, but a lot of things.

5. Would you do anything for them?: Just about.

 [5] Boyfriend/Girlfriend (Skip if single...)

1. How long have you liked this person?: 2. How long have you been going out?:

3. Who asked who out?:

4. Do you love him/her?:

5. Do you think you'll be together forever?:

[6] Single Life (Skip if taken...)

1. How long have you been single?: Since 2013.

2. Who ended your last relationship?: He did.

3. Do you wish you were in a relationship?: No.

4. As of today, do you like anyone?: No.

5. If so, do you think it'll go anywhere?: --

 [7] Who's

1. A person you'd travel across the country to see?: Uhh, I don’t know.

2. Someone you would do anything for?: My family.

3. Someone you'd die for?: My family.

4. A person you've known for your entire life?: My family. ha. 5. Your favorite person?: To switch things up I’ll say Alexander Skarsgard.

[8] Have You Ever

1. Sang a solo in front of a large audience?: Nooo.

2. Been in trouble with the cops?: No.

3. Got a tattoo?: Nope.

4. Kicked a guy in the junk?: No.

5. Pretended to be happy?: Yeppp. However, these past few years I’ve no longer been able to pretend. My emotions took over.

[9] Do You Believe

1. In God?: Yes.

2. In Satan?: Yes.

3. That everything happens for a reason?: Yes.

4. In love at first sight?: No.

5. That there's such a thing as true love?: Yes.

[10] School

1. What grade are you in?: I’m done with school.

2. Do you get good grades?:

3. Are you the teacher's pet?:

4. Have you ever been sent to the principal's office?:

5. Do you plan on going to college?:

[11] Work (Skip if you don't have a job...)

1. How long have you been working at your job?: I don’t have a job.

2. What do you do there?:

3. What's your favorite part about it?:

4. Is your boss a pain in the ass?:

5. Do you think you'll work there your entire life?:

[12] Pets

1. What was your first pet's name?: Buster.

2. Do you currently have any pets?: Yep, a 4 year old German Shepherd/Lab mix named Princess Leia. 

3. Do you always remember to feed/water them?: Yes, of course. If you can’t remember to do that then please don’t have a pet. 4. Have you ever had a pet fish?: Yeah, I had a fish tank full of fish as a kid.

5. What's the strangest animal you've had for a pet?: I haven’t had any strange pets.

[13] Last Time You...

1. Told someone you loved them?: A couple days ago.

2. Had sex?: Never.

3. Drove a car?: Never.

4. Went to Burger King?: I had it about a month ago.

5. Made someone cry?: I don’t know.

[14] Yesterday

1. What did you do?: Stayed in bed all day while watching The Grammy’s and later on As Told by Ginger, checking social medias, scrolling through Tumblr, reading, and resting. 2. Was it a good day?: I was in a shit mood.

3. Did you hang out with any friends?:

4. Did you get in any trouble?: No.

5. Was it better than today?: It’s only 4:07AM.

[15] Today

1. What day is it?: Monday.

2. Did you do anything fun?: I’ll be doing the same things I do everyday.

3. Did you have to work?: I don’t have a job as I’ve stated.

4. Where did you go?: I won’t be going anywhere.

5. What are you doing tonight?: Sigh.

[kazosa]

Summary: Dean could see the writing on the wall and he knew what he needed to do. It was what he always did. He protected the ones he cared about, at all costs, and killed monsters. Only, this time, The End, he wasn’t sure he could protect the woman he loved.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female Reader

Warnings: heavy angst, major regret, bad language, terrible choices

Word Count: 2963

Tags: @briagallen​ @cosicas-cuquis​ @squirrelnotsam​ @coffee-obsessed-writer​ @sorenmarie87​  @his-paradox​

A/N: the above banner was created by the amazingly talented @coffee-obsessed-writer​ She somehow manages to get in my head and see what I am thinking and puts it in an incredible piece of art for me. Many thanks, as usual!

Eight months had passed since the end and Dean hadn’t spent more than two nights in one place the whole time. It wasn’t that he had somewhere to be. In fact, the opposite was true. No one was looking for him, no one missed him. No one needed him. For the first time in his life, he was obligated to no one… and he didn’t know what to do with himself. Everywhere he went, someone, some place, some dirty back road to nowhere made him think of all the people he’d lost and he would need to move on. It was too hard. And, as much as it pained him to sell his car, it hurt far more to not see Sam sitting in the passenger seat. Instead, he roamed the roads on a motorcycle that looked like had been thrown together. He just needed it to go everywhere and get there fast. 

“Hey, pal, last call was twenty minutes ago,” the bartender reminded him.

“Right,” he downed the beer, “don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.” He stood up from his barstool, taking out his wallet throwing a few bills down on the bar, then grabbed his helmet, ready to leave. 

“You want me to call you an Uber?”

If Dean hadn’t become a functioning alcoholic, he might have thrown up at the thought. He didn’t do that hipster crap.

“Nope.”

“Can anyone come get you?” the bartender asked again. 

Dean kept walking, “nope.” The only thing he’d managed to do in eight months was become a meandering mess who reeked of some kind of booze, as he rode across the country verifying that everyone he ever loved or cared about had died. The end had been a massacre and he had been the only one to make it out alive. 

“You don’t know that,” the annoying voice at the back of his head chimed in.

Dean yanked his helmet on, his beard prickling against the chin guard. He pulled the scarf up around his neck and made sure the ends stayed tucked inside his leather jacket as he got on his motorcycle. There was one person who had been on his mind. One of the last ones he hadn’t yet checked up on, mostly because he couldn’t bring himself to know one way or the other… yet.

2008

“This place reeks of school,” he said under his breath. 

Sam rolled his eyes. “Its a college library Dean.”

“Whatever,” he snorted. “You go do your nerd thing. I’m gonna see what the librarian knows.”

“I hope you’re going to change tactics,” Sam warned.

When Dean gave him a questioning look, he continued. “That ‘tutor’ line never works.”

“When you get more numbers than me, then you can judge,” he scoffed.

Dean still caught a hint of his disapproving look before he left him behind to go talk to the librarian. Unlike Sam, he’d scoped out the library the day before. He knew how to do homework, just not the kind that got good grades. He hoped the one he saw the day before would be working again.

As he rounded the corner, an older woman was behind the counter furiously shelving books to the return cart. She wasn’t the one he was hoping to see; he would have remembered seeing this one. She wore clothes from a few decades before, thick glasses on a chain, and though her hair hadn’t fully grayed, her hair was done in what he assumed was a beehive. 

He sidled up to the counter. “Hey, sweetheart.”

The woman let out an exasperated huff and slammed down the barcode scanner she was using to check in books. She folded her arms in front of her and leaned on the counter to look at her most recent annoyance.

“My name is Gloria, not sweetheart. What do you want?”

Dean cleared his throat and wondered why his obvious charms didn’t work. “Um, I’m looking for a tutor….”

“You really think I’m going to believe you’re a student? Honey, this isn’t my first day.” She unfolded her arms and stood back from the counter, her impatient look not changing. 

“Easy Glo, he’s one of mine,” she suddenly appeared; the one who’d caught his eye.

“You need to quit having your boyfriends come here,” Gloria chided.

The woman looked at her co-worker, “Mm quite right.” She turned to Dean. “Honey, how ‘bout you come down here?”

“Have a lot of boyfriends?” he followed her to the end of the counter. Finally, he saw the name on her tag. (Y/N).

“I you don’t strike me as the exclusive kind,” she teased. “How can I help you?”

I could be, he thought. “I need a tutor,” he leaned on the counter towards her. 

She leaned forward and put her hands on his. “Gloria is watching and I’m usually affectionate with boyfriends.” Her nail traced a line up his wrist making his skin tingle. “What are you really doing here?”

This was not all how he planned on having things go. “I, um, I’m looking…”

“If you’re a student here, I’ll eat my shirt,” she stayed perfectly in character with Gloria watching. “You’re here about that stuff with Jenny and Keith, aren’t you?”

“Just looking into what happened. Not buying what the papers and authorities are saying. Looking to get the truth.”

Somehow, she had a pen and was writing something on his hand. He would have looked at his hand, but he couldn’t draw his gaze from her.

“What’s your name, honey?” she looked him in the eye.

“D-Dean,” he stammered. “Dean Winchester.”

“Well, Dean, I’m off at four and we can talk then,” she said, rubbing the top of his hand. “Better get out of here before Glo turns you into Security.”

Dean sighed heavily as he started the motorcycle. (Y/N) had been a wild card right from the start. He’d been thinking about her a lot lately. She was the only person giving him hope. He couldn’t, or wouldn’t, think of her as anything but alive, but what was he supposed to do? Live on blind faith that she was alive and well? He didn’t have faith in anything. Not after the End, except maybe her… of all people, of all hunters, she being alive would mean he wasn’t alone. And if anyone could cheat death, it was her.

Getting settled before he rolled out, he felt the weight of his gun and knife press against his torso. He knew how to get to Purgatory. In the last eight months it had become a more and more appealing option. Why not just go there and do the only thing he’d ever been good at? ‘Cause (Y|N) won’t be there,’ he answered his own question.

He could just wait for Billie to come get him, but for what? She was there… at The End… she’d said, “This ain’t in your book, honey” as he sat on the ground, covered in blood and screamed into the night at the sorrow and unfairness of it all. He still didn’t understand how living had been his fate…

2013

“Nope,” his heart hammered in his chest as he pulled her into his lap. He took (Y/N)’s hands and held them on her chest. “You’re not going anywhere. We’ll get you fixed up in no time.” In his head, he screamed for Cas to come. 

Sam held pressure on her leg and did the best he could on her abdomen. (Y/N) had been with them in some way for the last five years. She was a natural hunter and her knowledge of the supernatural had bailed them out of tough situations more than once.

“Deuce, c’mon. You gotta stay with me,” he used the nickname he’d thought up for her.

(Y/N) sighed and groaned at the same time. “Ungh, stop calling me Deuce, it sounds like shit.”

Dean looked at Sam, who tipped his head to the side in silent affirmation.

“...wild cards though,” he muttered.

“I don’t want… the last words I hear from you… to include… shit. Clearly… I’m the Ace in the Hole,” she said between labored breaths.

(Y/N) looked up at him and laughed. She went down hill at breakneck speed. Sam couldn’t keep enough pressure on her wounds, even with an extra hand from Dean…

He’d watched her slip away from him once and he didn’t want to do it again. Cas had come, but not in time to heal her before she died. 

“Please, Cas…”

Dean didn’t know if it was he who’d said it, or Sam. Either way, the angel reached out his hands, making (Y/N)’s wounds glow with his healing touch. She’d gasped awake and immediately clung to Dean. ‘Man, she held on tight,’ he thought. And so had he. At that moment, he knew he would never let that kind of harm come to her again.

Rolling on the throttle, the motorcycle carried Dean away from the bar and down the road…

2013

It had been a few months since it happened. Dean sat in the library. His chin resting on his hand on the table. With his other hand, he rolled the tumbler of whiskey between his thumb and middle finger. The light from the above pendant lighting penetrating the amber liquid in the crystal glass.

(Y/N) was in Sam’s room watching some nerd show, or something, and that left him alone to dwell in his thoughts. Nor did he care for the feeling of jealousy that had been rising in him, so he’d decided to have a drink about it.

“Hey,” (Y/N) said, walking into the room. 

Dean didn’t move from his spot at the table. He still looked at the whiskey in his glass and barely raised his hand in greeting. The whiskey had done its job warming his heart and… slightly… numbing his feelings.

(Y/N) pulled out the chair next to him. He rolled his head to the side, resting on his arm to look at her. He almost hated how much he loved her eyes. And he definitely didn’t hate how she was looking at him.

She put her hand on his arm and gave him a little squeeze. “Why’re you out here pouting?”

Called out again, he said what came to mind first. “I’m not pouting, you’re pouting.” Dammit.

“Yeah, okay. It’s funny how you still think I can’t read you like a book,” her voice was soft. She slid a hand down to his wrist, her thumb stroking his skin. It always seemed to tingle when she did that.

Grudgingly, and with more effort than he cared for, he managed to peel himself off the table to sit up. He wondered what she thought she could see written all over him.

He watched her as she stood up, forcing him to lean back a little in his chair. He never knew what she would do next and it both excited and scared the shit out of him, and not ever in a bad way.

Her hands, how he loved when she touched him, went to his face and hair. If he hadn’t already had the whiskey, he might feel drunk off her touch alone. She slowly leaned down further. (Y/N)’s lip touched his and he thought maybe he was dreaming. She kissed him like it had been something they did all the time. He fantasized on it plenty…

Before he knew it, she was gone and looking over her shoulder at him from the doorway, whiskey in hand.

“You coming?”

If he’d ever been drunk, he’d sobered in a hurry and followed her. What resulted was not just an amazing night of love making. It had also resulted in a relationship he hadn’t known she’d wanted… just as much as he had.

The chill of the night air cut through his thin layers. Most of the time, he just ignored it. He’d been through worse. He could withstand anything. He just didn’t know if he could stand living in a world without (Y/N) in it.

The ‘what ifs’ ran through his mind again. If he waited for whatever end was coming to him, there would still be no guarantee he would see her again. There was no way he could go on living in this world if she wasn’t in it…

2019

It was a quiet morning. Sam was somewhere with Eileen and that left him and (Y|N) with the bunker to themselves. These were the mornings that were his favorite. (Y|N) was tucked into his side, her arm draped across him. They didn’t have a case to work. They had nowhere to be. All they needed to do was lie in bed all day. 

“What’re you thinking about?” she asked.

Dean ran his hand over her arm across his chest, “Just about how lucky I am.”

“It’s true,” she kissed his jaw, “you are super lucky.”

Five years. He’d had the love of a good woman for five years. They were a great team. He had everything he ever wanted. Somehow they had managed to balance the hunter life and ‘normal’ life. They worked well together and played well together. 

“What’s the plan for today?” he asked.

“Staying in bed all day sounds good to me,” she answered. “Oh, hold on, I made you something.”

(Y|N) handed him a spiral bound book. Inside were pictures of the two of them, Sam and Eileen, Jody and Donna, Rowena… 

“It’s us. All of us,” she explained, “our story.”

It was mostly the two of them. They were in the bunker, road hotels, in Baby. She never asked him for more than what he could give, but he still found himself wanting to give her more. He wanted to live in a house, have a kid or two. He wanted more. A real life.

Dean kept the small scrapbook with him, always. He didn’t need to bring his father’s journal anymore, the End made sure of that. The journal came with him out of habit now. Dean brought the scrapbook because he needed it, more than he cared to admit. He needed to see their faces, to remember the good times, and to see her… 

Dean slowed the bike to a stop at a red light. Turning right, he would go to her house. To the left, he would take the road to nowhere. Going straight, he would forge ahead. 

The End was coming and, unlike so many times before, they had known it was coming. All Dean could see were all the things that were trying to kill them. He just wanted to make sure she was safe...

“I want you to leave.”

“What? Your room?”

“No, the bunker. I don’t want you here anymore.”

“What? Why? What’s wrong?”

“You’re reckless and too unpredictable. You’re either going to get yourself killed or someone else and I can’t have that on my conscience.”

“No, that’s bullshit.”

It didn’t end there. The next day was more of the same, but he’d stood firm on his decision. Break it off clean, get her away and to safety.

“Just promise me you won’t keep hunting.”

“No.”

“Ace.”

“No. You’re being stupid. You know I can help and you know I won’t stop,” she was mad and near tears. “When this is over and you’re done being stupid, come find me. You love me, Dean.” She turned back before she got in her car. “You better not fucking die, ‘cause when this is over, and you come find me, I’ll kick your ass.”

His heart left that day when she tore down the dirt road that led away from the bunker. Maybe that was why he did the things he did at The End, showing no mercy… nothing but brute force brawling…

Dean turned right and continued on. Was he done being stupid? Probably not. What he did know was that the dumbest thing he ever did was force her out of his life and he needed to know, for sure, one way or another, if his life was worth continuing. 

For the first time, in a very long time, he had hope…

He knew where she used to live, it had been a few years since he’d seen her and… he just didn’t know… was she alive? Boyfriend? Girlfriend? Married? Hunting? Normal job? If she was still alive, she’d be there.

It was late, the house was dark, too dark for anyone to be awake. He should give a damn that he was about to knock on the door and disturb the residents, but he didn’t. He waited long enough and needed to know… to see her face… to have hope again. He climbed the stairs, feeling lighter with each step he took. His heart raced as he stood at the wood door. gargoyle door knocker seemed to mock him as he stood there, unable to move.

“Shut up,” he grumbled as he grabbed the gargoyle and made it rap loudly, twice, on the door. Dean was about to try again when the porch light flicked on. His eyes rebelled at the sudden glare from above. He shaded his eyes, but didn’t look away from the gargoyle. The sound of the locks turning shifted his gaze to the door’s opening. Time slowed to a crawl. Dean swore he could hear the antique metal rotate as the person on the other side of the door turned the knob.

It all came down to this. Would she be there? Would she be the one to open the door? Would she be happy to see him? What if…

The door cracked open. His heart jumped in his throat as the porch light fell on the face inside.

“Hi.”

[purplesurveys]

921

LOL was gone for a while to attempt doing that ridiculous 5000 survey myself again and I really thought I was going to breeze through it this time. 2 1/2 weeks and 2500 questions later, I need a fucking break. Need normal surveys plz.

What was the best thing to happen to you this week? Got to visit Gabie today! I brought Cooper as well so that she, her sisters, and their puppy Tofu could finally meet him. Fun day, but I am beat. The blackout yesterday also made me revisit painting, and that felt so good too.

Where do you put your keys when you get home? It always differs, idk why I never picked up a routine. Sometimes I set it on the dining table, other times on the decorative table in the living room, and other times I bring it up with me to my room.

Do you prefer hot coffee or iced coffee? I preferred hot (warm would be more accurate) for the longest time but once I went iced, I never wanted to go back. 

What's your phone background picture? I recently changed my lock screen to one of Audrey Hepburn. My home screen is still Hayley Williams.

If you could move to any country, what would it be? Anywhere with a clean and honest government sounds like heaven.

Have you ever seen a snake in the wild? No. Can’t say there’s a lot of them here in the city, and I’ve never seen any in my trip to provinces either.

What's your favourite movie from the 80s? Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.

Do you have any posters, paintings or other artwork on your walls? I have at least one of each of these, yes.

What would your dream wedding be like? Huge. I’d want a long guest list, expansive food choices, and acts that can provide good music throughout the evening. I never really throw parties for myself, so I would want at least my own wedding to be big.

Would you ever take a trip to space if given the chance? Yesssssss.

How do you cope with anxiety? I'm lucky to have found different outlets, so that said I usually choose from taking surveys, watching a favorite channel on YouTube, turning to my dogs, going to social media to see dumb memes, or taking a nap altogether. Of course there’ll always be those days where none of these work out and I’ll have to just cry through the anxiety attacks until they’re over.

Are you expecting any phone calls or emails? I’m expecting an email from my college, yes. I’m currently applying for civil service eligibility and they’re asking for documents that only the college can provide, so I emailed them a couple of days ago asking for assistance, and that’s considering we’re still under a lockdown and most offices are still under skeleton staffing.

What's the weather like in your part of the world right now? LOVELY. I actually wear oversized sweaters to bed now and I even managed to wear a thick denim jacket out today. The rainy weather has settled beautifully, and I’m perfectly fine with 24ºC-28ºC everyday.

What was the last takeout food you ate? My mom bought me and my siblings a chicken sandwich and chicken nuggets each from McDonald’s last week.

Who makes you laugh the most? Definitely someone from my college barkada. I can’t decide whether it’s Aya, Kate, JM, or Jum; they’re all equally hilarious as fuck.

Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you? See these questions are always weird to me because my country has its own naming customs; it’s basically a mix of American and Spanish customs. We have two first names (where Westerners would understand their second ‘first’ name to be their middle name) and our actual legal middle name is our mother’s maiden surname (which I think doesn’t apply at all in the Western world). So to answer this I’ll go with our own customs and say that no, I don’t know of anyone who has the same middle name as me. It’s not a very common surname anyway.

What did you have done the last time you saw a dentist? Had a tooth removed. I don’t think it was a wisdom tooth; it was just a tooth at the back of my mouth that had been in pretty bad shape for years but was only discovered at that time.

What does a successful relationship look like to you? I believe the formula is different for every couple. Like I value constant communication and checkups, but others might not feel the need to be clingy or update their significant others all the time.

What do you like to put on your baked potato? Don’t really have these a lot, but I remember when my mom used to make baked potatoes with bacon and cheese and those were unbelievably good.

What field of science interests you the most? Biology. <3 I’m sure I would’ve taken up medicine if I only wasn’t so bad in the rest of the sciences.

What's the closest shop or restaurant to your house? There aren’t any nearby shops since I live in a gated community, but once you get out of the village’s main gate, the first thing to the left is a McDonald’s. To the right is a small complex with a hair salon, burger place, music school, and one of those boujee stores that sell hype clothing.

Do you have any family that live in another country? So many relatives. We’re Filipinos, man. We migrate everyfuckingwhere. As far as I know I have family living in the US, Canada, Vietnam, Japan, China, Australia, and New Zealand.

What colour is your couch? Gray.

Do you know how to care for plants and keep them alive? Not at all. Every single plant that I’ve been given as a gift or party giveaway has died on me.

What was the most memorable birthday you've had? 18th was awesome. Cruise trip, hotel stay with friends, Tiendesitas + noodle date with Gab. How I got away with three separate celebrations without my parents saying anything about it I’ll never know.

Would you rather go to the beach or the mountains? Beach. The area where I live is mountainous as it is; as someone who’s always lived and studied in the city, a trip to the beach in the province never gets old.

What do you do for work? I don’t have any yet but I’m waiting for openings for our national agency for either history, or culture and the arts. My plans have shifted recently and I’m now eyeing to work for either instead of rotting away while underpaid at a corporate agency.

Have you ever been to see the circus? No. I wouldn’t be interested either; they all just seem so harsh and unethical. 

Are there any words that you hate or make you cringe? Sure.

What is the best house you've ever lived in? The one we live in today has been the most comfortable; but I also hold a lot of nostalgia for my dad’s parents’ house in Tondo because of how raw Manila life was there. Life wasn’t pretty, but it did feel real.

What was the first CD you ever bought? The first CD I actively wanted my parents to buy for me was probably the High School Musical soundtrack, heheh.

Do you look in the mirror before you leave the house? Yeah, always. Wanna make sure my shirt is tucked in properly (if it is), or that my jeans aren’t cuffed funny or whatever else.

What's the most unusual thing you've ever eaten? I’ve mentioned this before but it was the Indian dessert gulab jamun. Really did not expect the flavor that came in when it hit my mouth.

Have you ever seen someone quit their job in a dramatic way? I’ve never had a legit job, but when Jeuel quit the org a couple of years ago because of ~irreconcilable differences~ between him and us officers in the executive board it did feel a tad bit dramatic and passive-aggressive.

What movie reminds you of your childhood? Shrek 2 or The Game Plan.

Do you know why your parents named you what they did? The singer named Robyn was really big then and they ended up being fans of the name.

Do you have any bills that need to be paid? None of my own. My parents usually pay the family bills immediately, so I don’t think we have any pending payments for now.

What do you like to dip your fries in? Mayonnaise.

Is your house clean or messy right now? It’s always clean as my mom is extremely tidy.

What was the last email you received? It’s one of the job-hunting websites I’ve signed up for, giving me job alerts for new openings in my chosen industries.

Do you know someone who speaks without a filter? Yeah and I know people who do it responsibly and those who just come off as tactless.

Are you in any social groups? We call our college group the Daydrinkers, since our friendship began when we started constantly hanging out at nearby bars at like 2 PM, during our breaks lol. I used to be in a barkada in high school but Angela and I broke apart from that since we couldn’t deal with Athenna’s toxicity anymore, though I still keep in touch with most of them, like Chelsea and Kaira. Since then Angela and I have formed our own group consisting mostly of Angela’s friends from architecture and Hans’ friends from Ateneo.

How many hours of sleep did you get last night? Sigh, around 4. I don’t know why it was so few, but it also means that I’m currently drowsy as all hell at 9:03 PM. I will most likely turn in for bed after this.

What's your favourite kind of museum? Those that cover history, so museums that have artifacts and fossils and shit.

Do you believe in alternate universes? I like the idea, and I love literature that explores the idea of alternate realities, multiple universes, pocket universes, etc. Whether or not I believe they exist...idk. I don’t think about it that much in literal terms. < Yeah pretty much. Gaby Dunn wrote an amazing piece on multiverses and that was what got me to find comfort in the idea.

Whose house did you last visit? I was at Gabie’s place this afternoon. We had burritos, talked about career prospects, and puppy-sat our babies.

What games do you play on your smart phone? I turn to 1010 when I’m bored or anxious. I have like 30 other games but I never touch them lol, but I do keep them should the time be right to whip them out.

Have you ever been to Los Angeles? I have not.

What was the first concert you ever went to? Paramore, February 2013. I was a late bloomer; kids my age started going to concerts at least three years before that.

Do you know anyone who is colourblind? I don’t think so.

What's your favourite season and why? The wet season, because it’s colder and I hate the heat during the dry season.

Are you the youngest, middle or eldest child in your family? I’m the eldest.

If you had to make something for a potluck, what would you make? I recently watched this phenomenal recipe for 48-hour chocolate chip cookies that looked absolutely bonkers when they were done baking. I’d for sure give those a try for dessert. If that fails I’d just buy the food so that what I bring is more guaranteed to be good.

What kinds of decorations do you put up at Halloween? My family has never cared much for Halloween. It’s not even a legit holiday, so as much as I love Halloween I don’t think I would spend for decorations myself to decorate my own place. The only instance I imagine doing so would be if I have kids of my own who may want to get into the Halloween ~spirit.

How many tabs do you have open right now? In my current window, eight.

What's something you've been meaning to do but keep putting off? Taking another online course, just because it’s great to learn new things and earn free certifications while at it. I haven’t been doing a good job at being consistent with them, though.

What's the first thing you check on your phone at the start of the day? Facebook since it’s my primary social media now. Literally never thought this day would come.

Have you ever flown a kite? Yeah but it’s been a while.

Who was your favourite music artist when you were 16? This was the time I was slowly moving away from my punk phase and inching closer to Athenna’s music tastes, so I was into acts like Hozier, Banks, Daya, Twenty One Pilots, etc.

What are three things you usually always have in your fridge? Water, bread, eggs.

[fanficslutforsmut]

Walking Blind (Daryl Dixon TWD) Chapter Four

When one of the new douchebags came I left the watchtower, walking away, quicker than usual to see if Monet had stayed where I had left her, sitting up on that damn perch. 

By the time I got there she wasn't even there, damn girl was just gone. I looked around to see if I could spot that mop of long blonde hair or that dumb dog she's got but I couldn't find them anywhere. 

"You seen Monet walk round here?" I asked Carol as she mixed some food. 

"I showed her to the showers a while ago, she hasn't been back since then." Carol scrunched her eyebrows together, realizing how long it had been. I walked away before she said anything else, walking towards the musky wet smell, the metal door was closed but I could hear the water still going. I hit the door a few times, calling her name before I heard Bear barking from the other side. I pushed the heavy door and walked in, Monet was on the floor face down, naked and wet. Her skin looked almost blue and was ice cold to the touch like she was sittin in a fucking freezer or somethin. 

Bear cried and whined while licking her. I tore the flannel from my body, covering her with it and then her bottom with one of the white towels. She was bleeding from her head, a gnarly cut from the concrete. I shut the water off, picking her freezing body up and holding her close to me, nudging the door open with my foot and nearly running out the door with her. 

"Hershal, Hershal need your help out here," I yelled, Bear on my heels barking. I pulled her body up and even closer when my grip turned to shit, breathing heavy while I turned to the side to get us in the door of Hershals cell. 

Hershal shoved me outta the way, his fingers on her neck, then looking at the blood coming from her head. 

"She'll need stitches for sure, what happened?" He asked, not even bothering to look away from her while he moved her blood-stained hair from the cut.

"I dunno, she probably fell or something, I found her like that in the showers." I breathed, trying to look over Maggie as she pushed a smaller towel to her head, wiping away the blood. Hershal started to thread a needle, and I watched as he tied her skin back up together. 

"She's gonna need some clothes, come with me and we'll find her some, let my dad take care of this," Maggie told me, trying to pull me away as he checked for any other injuries. 

"I ain't goin nowhere." I scoffed, puffing out my chest and staying guard. She rolled her eyes, knocking my shoulder as she went past me to get some clothes. 

"You should keep her in a cell instead of that perch, keep her away from the stairs," Hershal told me, he was trying to cover her up more with a cheap blanket. I nodded but kept my eyes focused on her. Bear was at her feet, licking them and crying for her. 

"It's gonna be a while until she wakes up, why don't you and Carol fix her up a cell." He offered, even though it sounded more like an order, but Hershal knew what was best so I nodded, taking one last look at Monet and walking out and towards the perch. 

I knew I looked at the least pissed of by the way everyone seemed to slide right on through as if I wasn't even there. That's how they probably wished it was, that I weren't even here, I know what they think of me. Just a dumb hick who can hunt some meat. 

I cleared everything out of the cell trying to make room for her, I put my stuff on the top bunk, I knew it was wrong to go through her shit, but I couldn't help it. Mostly it was horrid smelling dirty clothes, two cans of food, a half-empty water bottle, a small black book filled with pictures. 

I sat on the bottom bunk, looking around for a minute, opening the front cover. 

There was a couple in a hospital room holding a baby, a caption written next to it. "Monet Ophelia Charleston Born May 6th, 1993"

The next few pages were various stages of her life, all with a small one or two-sentence description. I couldn't see the resemblance until around her highschool years. A picture of her next to a few other girls wearing a red and black cheer uniform, jumping and holding a big trophy. "Mo, Rachel, Samantha, Teagan fall of 11' regionals, first place!!!"

Every milestone was documented, her first steps, her first tooth, learning to ride a bike, every first day of school, dances, prom, graduation all of them with the same guy standing beside her for years, some douche named Carter, whose hold on her always seemed so wrong, but the fun memories turned sour a few months after graduation when there were numerous hospital pictures. Mo with broken arms "Monet King county hospital, 3rd broken arm this year 2012", and legs "Monet 2012 'fell' again", big bruises covering her face "Monet 

'ran into' the door 2013", cuts on her forearms and legs "Monet 'fell into' the bushes 2014". My breath caught on the second to last page. 

It was a hospital band with numerous sized pictures of her face. Her eyes were bleeding and unbelievably swollen, it was sharp purple and black bruising around her eye, the bad one. Then there was recovery photos, some pre-surgery, some with her eyes bandaged, ones with her wearing glasses and using a cane. Carter was still in the background of all these pictures too, standing and watching her. "Monet 'mugging accident', broken orbital bone, almost completely blind. May God bring her peace and heal her. 2015,"

 Bear soon came into the photos "Monet' seeing eye dog Bear! 2016", then there were family photos, holidays, and everything seemed to be normal besides a littering few hospital pictures in between.

I scoffed and through the book down when the last page came to sight, a wedding invitation for Monet and Carter due sometimes next year. 

I shoveled her thing back into the book bag before taking the dirty clothes to Carol, asking for her help in washing them. We washed in silence and listened to the almost peacefulness of outside, other than those diseased ridden bitches gnawin at the gates. 

We wrung them dry and hung up the clothes, I passed Carl and several others on the way back inside before Rick stopped me, grabbing me by the arm and pulling me aside. 

"The fuck you doin' man?" I seethed, tearing my arm out of his grasp and standing back.

"Don't you see, she's nothing but problems. Someone has to babysit her all the time, she can't even take a shower herself without almost dying. We can't keep her." He told me, looking away from me and towards the fences. 

"The hell you tryna say then? Dump her somewhere, she'll die." I was mad, pissed even. Rick wants to go out and save some kid who was shootin at him, Glenn, and Hershal, keep him around but we can't keep Monet? 

"We can give her supplies-"

"She won't survive out there and you know it." I shoved, puffing my chest and standing tall. "Thought you were all about not killin the living." I hissed, spitting at the ground by his feet, stocking away and heading into the prison. I passed everyone silently, heading to Hershal's cell. 

"I've got her stitched up, she'll need painkillers when she wakes up, which I assume you have?" I nodded "She'll be out for a while, why don't you occupy yourself, I'll watch her." I nodded, turning around and walking towards Carol. 

"She might need a few things, you and Glenn could run to the store and get her stuff." She suggested, looking towards the cell she was resting in. 

"Like what?" I gnawed on my thumb, harshly chewing the skin off and preparing myself to make a mental note. 

"I could come with instead, make sure she'll have all of her, womanly things." She smirked, I rolled my eyes, barely nodding and walking outside towards the cars. I was going to take my bike until Carol stopped me. 

"We should take the car, in case we find food or other things for everyone." I nodded, we stood for a minute, filling the gas while I eyed up Rick who was also staring right back at me. Just as Carol and I were getting in the car Maggie and Glenn came out running. 

"She's awake, I think, yeah she's awake," Maggie told me. I looked at Carol and the car. "We'll go, you and Carol check on her, we have to get little ass-kicker some formula anyway." Glenn finished up as they already started getting in the car. I half-ass nodded before jogging inside. 

"I thought it would be a while," I asked Hershal, watching as he hovered over Monet. "I did too." He looked at me. He was dabbing a cloth at her forehead while she nodded around. 

"Daryl?" She asked for me. My chest felt tight and hot and I pushed my way through to be up close to her. 

I hummed, giving her a nudge with my hand, she grabbed me tightly, squeezing my fingers with her tiny soft hand. Hershal pushed a small metal chair behind me, I sat down waiting for her to say anything again but she didn't she just hummed and looked towards me. 

She had a blue eye, dark almost grey color but the other was white and cloudy, you could barely see any blue at all. She had a small scar under her eye that was so thin I never noticed until now. She was so pale, not just now but even when I had first gotten her. There were clothes on the floor by the bed, I'm assuming Maggies. 

"We'll leave you two to get decent," Carol told me, pulling Hershal out of the cell and leaving the curtain to fall in place, blocking us from the outside. 

"Here are some clothes, I won't look or nothin," I told her, putting the pile on her lap.  She groaned, squeezing my hand harder as she sat up, clutching the sheet to her chest to keep it from falling. 

"I might need your help, I'm so light-headed right now." She sighed, closing her eyes and leaning forward. 

I hummed and started grabbing back at the clothes, I tossed Maggie's shirt to the side and grabbing the flannel I had covered her with, off the ground. I grabbed a small grey bra from the pile. 

"Here's your bra." I looked away while handing it to her. Monet slowly took it from my hands, and I look back when I heard it clasp together. 

"Shirt" I whispered, fluffing out my shirt and helping her button it up once it was wrapped around her. She sat with her head back and her eyes still closed. 

"You got a lot of marks on ya," I mumbled, she sighed. "Thought you wouldn't look." She didn't sound mad, or even sad, just tired. I kept my mouth shut, handing her a small rolled-up bundle of panties. I watched as she rolled them around in her hands for a second before realizing what the were. She didn't even stand, just pulled them up her legs and lifting her ass for a second as they slid up her hips. I handed her the last item, making sure the jeans were the right way, helping her slide her feet in and letting her use my shoulders to stand up, before sliding them up her waist. 

She swam in my shirts and Maggie's pants were baggy and loose on her.

"You eat much?" I asked. All I could think about was how horrible her body looked when I found her in the bathroom. 

She was so pale white that every bruise she had was so noticeable, even the ones in that god awful yellow color. Her legs black and blue, her sides and back purples and yellows. I could see her spine, her ribs, her hip bones. She looked like a skeleton. Fuck, the walkers outside ate more than she did. 

She just hummed along to me, laying back down once I put some socks on her. 

"Want me to get you anything? Need some food or something?" I asked, nudging her feet. She moved to grab my hand, now facing me. 

"I already ate some of the meat you brought earlier." She told me, clearing her throat. I hummed, letting her hold my hand, grunting when she let it fall. 

"What happened in there?" 

"I fell looking for the soap, ironic to drop the soap in a prison huh." She laughed, it was lazy and breathy. I just hummed along to her. Bear whined and Monet patted her side, "Up Bear." and he listened, jumping up and laying next to her.

"Daryl, we might need you out here," Carol told me from the cell door, I looked to Monet. "It's ok, you can go," Monet told me, I couldn't even say how she knew I was waiting for her but she did.

"I'll be back, holler if you need me alright." I nudged her side before leaving, following Carol. 

[slothgiirl]

Y/N and Harry Styles soulmate au

“I don't know why you're dragging your feet so much,” Lydia mutters, “you like the band.” She's still fixing her hair and makeup, appraising her reflection in the mirror as you pour out a couple of clean shot glasses full of vodka. You're all out of juice so you'll have to bear the sting as it goes down. “And you're not even paying.”

The concert tickets had been a gift to Lydia from her ex boyfriend Graham. They had broken up a week ago when his soulmate mark had started itching, blurry name solidifying into a name as he spent more and more time with his soulmate, and now she was forcing you to come with. 

You sigh, twirling a strand of hair in your fingers, before shrugging. “I'm not into concerts much I guess.”

In all honestly you hadn't even put up much of a fight other than initially saying you weren't that interested. But she was your friend and that triumphed all. 

While people commonly and tentatively dated while waiting for that itch, for that casual bumping into the one, it still sucked to get dumped. To be left waiting for your person amongst billions.

“Who isn't into concerts,” she replies in disbelief, shaking her head, kinky hair slicked back into two cute and tiny buns. “And you like the band!”

You shrug again, helplessly. “They're just not my thing,” you tell her as she knocks back two shots. It was all about the pregame.

It's not even that you’d rather stay in and watch tv or youtube or sleep or anything. It just really wasn't your thing. You'd been to a few shows in your fresher year at uni, and it hadn't been as great as you'd imagined.

She rolls her perpetually narrowed eyes, giving her the infamous resting bitch face. It was her superpower you'd both joked, keeping people away from her on the bus. “Well I promise you'll have lots of fun! How could you not with me?”

At that, you can't help but laugh, smiling over at her, “I'll hold you to that.”

“Okay then let's go.”

*

The loud heavy bass and vodka do their job, sinking down into your brain, hammering all else away as you dance along to the music with one of your closest friends right there besides you. Lydia for her part, looks a lot better. She hadn't truly looked happy since she'd learned that her ex had found his soulmate.

Now she was dancing, shimmery highlighter visible even in the dim lighting.

Looking out our as she finishes off her pina colada like it'll single handedly transport her back to the beaches of spain.

“I'll get you another,” you whisper loudly in her ear, trying to make yourself understood over the noise. It's the least you could do and she deserves it.

“Hurry back,” is her reply, barely audible over the music being played. They were just as good as you thought they would be, given the music they made. The vibe was completely different then listening via your headphones.

It was cool. Not that you'd be admitting that anytime so, you thought as you approached the bar, tucked into an alcove. The bartender looking cooler than the girl from Scott Pilgrim. The effortless and disinterested cool that you'd strived for and failed to ever achieve during your teen angst.

You still wouldn't go out of your way to see a band live.

“Pina colada and a beer,” you ask the bartender, already forking over an arm and a leg for both drinks. You both should slow down. But Lydia deserved to get it all out, so that left you to play the role of responsible adult. Which was laughable. Your laundry only ever got done because you ran out of clean underwear.

“Is it cool to see free shows all the time,” you ask the bartender while she finishes making the drinks.

She shrugs non committedly, “it’s less cool after a while. Tips are pretty good though.”’

You take both drinks, making your way back over, accidentally bumping into someone despite your best efforts to avoid it.  “Sorry,” you’re already saying before they can finish turning around.

The man’s tall, attractive, and vaguely familiar, but it’s too dark to see his features clearly. Smiling kindly as he responds, “ ‘s alright.”

You smile back in acknowledgement before making your way over to your friend. “Holy shit was that Harry Styles,” she yells to you over the music.

Shrugging, you tell her, “a thank you would be nice.”

She rolls her eyes, before continuing, “my little brother’s going to freak! He loves Harry styles. Think I can get a picture after?”

“Maybe,” you tell her, “though I doubt he wants to be approached when he’s just hanging out. I mean,” you trail off. Celebrity or not, being approached by strangers must be tiring.

“If it happens it happens,” she waves off, swaying to the music with her eyes closed, drink in hand.

You shake your head fondly, laughing. Scratching absentmindedly at your wrist in your drunken haze. 

*

It does happen.

Lydia’s smiling, wiping the sweat from her brow as you make your way outside after the music’s over and the band’s played their last note. You’re tired and already feeling how tired you’ll be in the morning during work.

She spots him, first, smoking a blunt with his friends on the curb, streets emptying out as everyone heads home after the concert. With the street lights you can better make out his world recognized features, large kind eyes and plush lips pulled into an easy smile with a strong jaw. He really was that attractive.

Shamelessly Lydia heads over, “hey can I get a pic to gloat to my brother,” she says, alcohol clearly running through her veins.

You snort, bringing you hand up to cover your mouth as you follow her over.

“Sure,” he says easily, passing the blunt over to one of his friends who rolls his eyes. They must all be used to it by now. “What’s you name love?”

“Lydia.” She says before she turns on you, “take the photo.” More a command then a question.

“Selfies are a thing,” Harry adds, looking over at you casually. You smile at him, suppressing the giggles at how ridiculous this whole situation was. Despite living in London for uni, you’d never actually seen any famous people.

It probably had to do with all the time spent in class.

“I don’t do selfies,” Lydia explains self importantly.

He snorts, laughing loudly.

“She’s always like this,” you tell him, swiping your phone into camera mode as she goes to stand right by him. He throws an arm around her and they smile as you take a couple of pictures. “Got it.”

“And your name,” he asks, raising an eyebrow.

You tell him, though you doubt he’ll remember by tomorrow. Harry Styles probably meets many people, too many to remember.

“Want a picture too,” he says half teasing half seriously, a thread of politeness running through the whole interaction.

“What for,” you utter bluntly, flushing beet red as you realize what you just said.

He laughs though, smiling brightly at you. It’s a nice smile. And it’s focused at you. “Ouch, you just went right for my fragile ego.”

Your cheeks are burning for sure now. It’s only good luck that it’s dark and he probably can’t tell. You still won’t say sorry though. It was a whole project you’d come up with for school and you refused to have to write down the time you said sorry to Harry Styles in your report. “Your words not mine,” you respond evenly.

“Well it was nice to meet you both,” he states warmly. “Take care.”

“Thanks,” you say, waving goodbye before you turn and walk off with Lydia who’s giggling madly the way only drunk people can.

“Wow I can’t take you anywhere,” she tells you, her hand tucked into your arm, leaning against you as you head to the nearest tube station.

“Shut up.”

“And you didn’t want to come,” she sing songs. “Would’ve missed meeting out on every preteens crush!”

You shake your head, laughing, “every?”

“You know what I meant!”

“It’s also not 2013 anymore,” you add. “Do preteens even know who one direction is anymore?”

“My brother does,” she retorts, smirking wickedly, “and he’s going to be so jealous.”

“Bet.”

[princeraphoffrance]

➥ 𝑹𝒂𝒑𝒉𝒂𝒆𝒍 𝑺𝒐𝒍𝒐 # 𝟐

✘ Circa ─ March, 2013.

✘ Trigger Warnings ─ descriptions of rape and molestation of an underage boy at the hands of an older male, forced prostitution, thoughts of self-hatred, signs of depression.

——

Recently having turned sixteen, the French Prince gave the room a wary glance over. He hated this, the knowledge of what he was about to be forced into doing, the fact that it was his parents that were making him, the waiting for the next person to show up. It made him sick and the anxiety bubbled in the pit of his stomach, simmering like boiling water. His throat constricted, bile begging to come out, but he had learned how to control that urge in the last year. He no longer vomited before or after one of these meetings. It had been months since the last time he emptied his stomach as a result of his self-hatred.

His fingers twisted together as a sign of his distress and fear. His parents had held a particularly happy look that night, whoever this client was seemed to have been willing to pay more than the usual price. He may be young, and not as smart as Louis, but even he knew and could tell that this wasn’t a good sign. Raphael forced himself to sit on the edge of the bed, elbows on his knees and he buried him fingers in his hair pulling on the strands. He felt like his mind was spinning out of control, he was lightheaded in his worry.

The turn of the door knob made his head shot up, focusing on the door opened. He was sure he had the deer caught in headlights look on his face, something he had yet to learn how to cover up. He swallowed hard and bit his lips harshly as a man walked in. He had been expecting a woman, it had always been women so far, he thought maybe the extra money was because she was into some kinky shit, S&M, BDSM, something like that but not a man. A much older man at that.

Raphael was pretty sure he had stopped breathing as the male obviously checked him out. He couldn’t do this, he just couldn’t. He didn’t want to do this. Slowly, Raph became aware that he was shaking, that he really wanted to throw up in that moment.

“Your picture doesn’t do you justice. You’re prettier in person.” The French Royal avoided looking at the man, he knew what he wanted of course he knew. To fuck a prince, it seems that many people wanted that. He was terrified out of his mind, Raphael had no interest in men, with women he could at least find some pleasure from it even if he hated himself for it, but how did this work? How would it work? How did men fuck each other?

He closed his eyes and willed away the angry and scared tears that wanted to fall. It was so unfair. None of his siblings were used like this, they got to do as they pleased, but not him no he had to be sold to a different person each night. He just wanted to curl up and refuse to move.

A hand grasped his chin and forced his head up, but stubbornly he kept his eyes closed halfway. He didn’t want to look at him, this man. He wanted to pretend that he was anywhere else. He felt the calloused digits press into the flesh along his jaw, moving his face from side to side. Raphael gripped the material of his pants between his fingers as he swallowed. The man pulled his chin, making him stand unsteadily.

“You will call me sir and nothing else. Understood?” Stern, demanding both described how the man, sir, sounded. And given that Raphael didn’t know his name it wouldn’t be an issue other that adding to his self-disgust. Raph nodded his head, and due to the grip was unable to move his head much. “Verbal answer.”

“I understand.” His voice was a whisper, but thankfully steady. He was a prince, he had to keep whatever semblance of self control he could. When the pressure increased on his jaw he tightened his hold on his slacks. “Sir.” He added, realizing what he wanted. The hold released and the man, sir he reminded himself, tapped the side of his face. He hated that.

“Undress. Quickly.” Raphael flinched before muttering a quiet 𝙮𝙚𝙨 𝙨𝙞𝙧 and quickly unbuttoned his shirt and slid it from his shoulders. His fingers were shaking however when it came to his trousers. He felt the burn of tears at his eyes again and the rolling of his stomach reminding him of the nauseous feeling he had been trying to will away all night. He fumbled a few times, finding it difficult to push the button through the hole. He was such a screw up. An internal sigh of relief and dread followed the moment he finally got the button undone. And the zipper followed before his trousers were pushed down his legs and kicked away. For three seconds he left his boxers in place, thumbs hooked on the waist band before he gained the courage to push them down as well.

“So very pretty.” Raphael flinched at the comment, the croon as lips pressed against the tender skin below his right ear. A sensitive spot for him now being manipulated by a new tormenter. “Do as I tell you and this’ll feel good. Don’t, and I’ll have to punish you. Your parents made it clear that as long as no permanent marks are left behind I can do what I want.” The chuckle that left the males lips sent shivers down Raphael’s spine.

“𝙮𝙚𝙨 𝙨𝙞𝙧.” He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to answer, but he did with the only thing he knew would be acceptable. Teeth pulled at the bottom of her ear, making him turn his head closer. He closed his eyes, hoping that it’ll be over soon.

He bit the inside of his cheek as fingers brushed over his nipples, already hard from the cold air contained in the room. He hadn’t even realized how cold it was until then. His nails were digging into his palms. Fingers kept pinching and twisting at them, his nipples, while he tried to keep from making any sounds, knowing they wouldn’t be something he’d want to hear.

He was tense, wound completely like a taut rubber band ready to snap. He almost flinched when a hand suddenly disappeared before grasping his member. Limp, unexcited. But that slowly changed as the hand pumped up and down, lazily jerking him off. He hated this, it was bad enough he had to experience it but he didn’t need to get off. He didn’t want to get off.

“Relax.” The word was growled into his ear and he supposed that it was meant to be arousing, but to Raphael it scared him even more. He tried to force his muscles to release and relax, but he was having a difficult time untensing his body. “Don’t think, feel.” Easier said than done, Raph thought as the hand jerked him until he forced Raphael to orgasm.

Raphael forced his mind to shut down with some struggle and went let this stranger do as he pleased. Before he knew it, Raph found himself bent over the foot of the bed, hands holding the blankets in a death grip. He felt a hand run down his spine, smoothing away the ridges formed by tensing muscles. He buried his face into the mattress and whimpered as hands caressed his ass.

He prayed for this to be over, his mind slowly processing what was being done and what was likely going to happen. He felt his stomach clench again with nausea rising in his throat. He pressed his face deeper into the mattress and bit his lip. His fears were confirmed when a finger pressed against his ass hole. It was taking everything in him to not try and squirm away, he wanted to but his treat was still on his mind. As long as there were no permanent marks, he had said, his parents would allow it. “Stop clenching, or this’ll hurt.” The gruff comment made him flinch.

A cool liquid joined the finger and made him jump. A hand cracked against his ass making him whimper. “Stay still.” He nodded into the covers and did his best to listen and unclench while not moving either. He hated this, he hated how weak he was. Malleable, breakable, usable, pathetic.

Having something in him made him feel disgusting and while he had nothing against those who were into this, he just wasn’t. He wasn’t yet here he was being prepared to take another man in his ass. He couldn’t stop it no matter how much he wanted too. Pathetic, he was pathetic. Nausea made his jaw ache.

One finger became two and two became three working in and out of him. Then suddenly he was empty and his stomach dropped. The head of his member was pressed against the loosened hole and pushed in slowly inch by inch. Raphael was gasping for breath, legs shaking as the male became fully seated inside him. A deep groan vibrated against his back as he felt him pull out and push in again faster this time. The motion kept being repeated again and again each time thrusting faster. Raphael felt tears finally succeed in escaping the prison he had been holding them in, soaking the covers slowly.

The hands gripping his waist tightened their hold, and Raphael knew there would be bruises later. The thrusts became uneven, sporadic and he knew from experience that he was about to release inside him. Had he even used a condom? Raphael couldn’t remember, but he’d find out. Fuck kept playing on repeat in his head, he didn’t need a std on top of this.

A whimper escaped his lips as nails broke the skin on his hips as the male released a yell as he came inside Raphael. Raphael was trembling and crying into the bed as he felt the man pulling out of him and releasing his hold. A hand patted his ass as Raphael heard close rustle. Before he knew it, the door opened and closed again and Raphael was alone.

Pushing himself up, Raphael felt his stomach lurch and he ran towards the bathroom and emptied his stomach into the toilet.

[until-theend-oftheline]

Unexpected

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Reader

Warnings: Unexpected pregnancy and reactions to it. - Not the most fitting gif at all. I just liked it lol. 

Word Count: 2400ish

A/N: This is written for @hollandroos 12k Writing Challenge and my prompt was: “You’re the only person I wanted to be with tonight”

This can as always be read as a one shot but it is thought of as my LLL world for Seb and the reader. This takes place in the spring of 2013.

Thanks to the bestest, most wonderful lil sis in the world @ifyougetkilled-walk-it-off for betaing for me.

***My fics are not to be saved nor posted on any other sites without my express written permission.***

Lifelong Love Letter Masterlist

Sebastian felt as if he couldn’t breath when the door closed behind him in the comfort of his own apartment. He had no idea how he had even gotten here from her place. He didn’t remember the walk or taking the subway. The interaction he had with Y/N earlier was all that replayed in his mind as he sunk to the floor with his back against the wall.

He had been more than a little surprised by her call since he knew she was on tour. Sure, there was a few days break in her schedule, but he hadn’t expected her back in New York until next week. He had felt horrible but he already made plans with a group of friends for the night. He had offered her to come along with them, but she had declined and asked him to come over to talk which had instantly caused his anxiety to spike.

He thought they were doing well. He knew he had a tendency to push girlfriends away and not always be emotionally available to them. But with her he felt things had been going great. They had been friends first and Sebastian adored her. He didn’t want to lose her. He had called Will to let the guys know he’d be a little late and headed for place. On the way there he managed to calm himself down a little, deciding that no matter what happened he wasn’t going to lose her. If she didn’t see them going anywhere as a couple he would be devastated, but he wanted to stay in her life as her friend.

“Hi,” Sebastian smiled when she opened the door, but his expression fell when she didn't return it. She barely replied letting him enter her apartment, following her to the living room.

“Do you want something to drink?” She shifted on her feet, looking nervous and uncomfortable as Sebastian sat down on her couch. It hurt him to see her like this. He wasn’t sure what had happened to cause this. He couldn’t remember her ever acting like this around him. He hated it. He wanted her to feel safe with him and be able to talk about anything.

“No. Y/N just come. Sit down with me?” Sebastian held out his hand to her and he sighed in relief when she took it. She let him guide her to sit next to him on the couch but her nervousness didn’t disappear. She was fighting with a magazine on the table and barely looking at him.

Sebastian tried his best to stay calm, but her behavior was triggering his anxiety. He wasn’t sure what to do. He wanted to pull her against him and hold her until she relaxed. He just wasn’t sure if he was allowed too. He had no idea what was going on and the uncertainty scared him.

“What’s wrong? Honey?” Sebastian pushed, carefully taking her hand. She didn’t push him away. That was a good sign right?

“I’m sorry, I made a mistake,” she sniffled, not looking up at him and Sebastian felt as if his heart stopped. His mind jumped to the worst conclusion, but he didn’t want to believe it. He refused to. Actually, he hated himself for the thought to have even entered his mind. He trusted her and she had never once given him a reason not to. She wouldn’t cheat on him. That wasn’t who she was. She just phrased her sentence weirdly. Right?

“I didn’t know you were coming up to see me so I didn’t really pay attention to the dates. I didn’t have too since… I was so happy to see you and we got drunk so I forgot,” she rambled causing Sebastian to frown, thoroughly confused now. This definitely had nothing to do with another person. This was about them, but he couldn’t for the life of him figure out what she was talking about.

“Y/N. Slow down, darling. I don’t understand…” Sebastian started, before she interrupted him looking straight into his eyes as she spoke.

“I’m pregnant.”

Sebastian felt as if the wind was knocked from his lungs. He just stared at her, his mind had gone completely blank. He couldn’t feel his own body and his throat almost closed up. He had no idea what to say or how to react. Sure, he wanted kids. Eventually. Yes, he thought that he might want them with Y/N. He loved her and he felt more connected to her than he had to anyone before her. But they had only been dating for five months. They had known each other for about a year sure, but they didn’t live together. They had never even talked about this.

“Seb. Say something,” she pleaded, but Sebastian just opened and closed his mouth as a fish out of water. His mouth were dry and his heart was racing as black spots formed behind his eyes.

He wanted kids or so he thought right up until reality of what she said started to really hit him. What if he would be a horrible father? He didn’t have any siblings. Not that he grew up with at least. No one he had had to take care of. He didn’t have any clue how to do this. He couldn’t do this.

“I have to go. I’m late,” Sebastian mumbled, getting off the couch rushing out the door. He didn’t hear her crying or calling his name over the pounding of his own heart.

“Fuck!” He yelled out into the room, his fist hitting his own head as he replayed what had happened in his mind. He had run out on her. How the fuck could he do something like that? He got off the floor and rushed back outside. He locked the door behind him and took the stairs two at the time, running for the subway. Not until he was inside the train did he allow himself to breath or even think.

Tears pooled in his eyes, but he held them back. He had to get back to her. He had to fix this. How the fuck could he have been so stupid? He loved her and no matter what had happened or what was going to happen that wouldn’t ever change. Could she ever even feel the same way about him again after tonight though? She had been terrified and instead of holding her and assuring her they were going to figure this out he had abandoned her.

Sebastian ran from the subway, slipping into her building by holding the door for one of her elderly neighbors who recognized him with a smile. Sebastian ran up the stairs, taking a deep breath before knocking on her door. He had barely been gone an hour but he knew it had to feel like much longer than that to her.

There was no reaction or even movement to hear behind the door which scared the shit out of him.

“Y/N! Please let me in,” he called knocking the door again. “I’m sorry. Please. I…”

He didn’t know what he was going to say, but he also didn’t get to finish before the door opened. Her hair was a mess, her eyes were puffy and red with tears still streaming down her cheeks. Never in his life had Sebastian felt like a more horrible person than he did in that moment. He hated she was hurting in the first place, but knowing he had caused her pain was even worse. He loved her and hurting her was the last thing he wanted. He was supposed to make her feel safe and loved. He wasn’t supposed to make her cry.  

“Oh God. Honey, I’m so sorry,” Sebastian quickly stepped inside and pulled her into his arms, letting the door close behind them. She started sobbing violently and her legs buckled under her. Sebastian followed her to the floor, never letting go and making sure she didn’t hurt herself as she clung to his shirt.

“I love you. I’m so sorry,” Sebastian repeated over and over again, gently rocking her in his arms as she finally seemed to begin to calm down a bit. The dam broke and tears streamed down his face when she pushed herself away from him. The blank stare in her eyes was gone and replaced with an accusing look.

“You left. I told you I’m pregnant and you left me,” her voice was barely above a whisper and it almost still broke with Sebastian’s heart before she got the last word out.

“I’m sorry…” Sebastian repeated, lowering his head when she interrupted, yelling at him as she pushed herself off the floor and got up.

“You left me!”

He wasn’t sure if she was pissed or terrified or both. It didn’t even matter, not matter what she was feeling she had every right. He had fucked up and he knew it. What was worse he didn’t have the slightest clue how to fix it.

He was still terrified. He still felt his heart race faster when he thought about the baby, but he didn’t want to lose her. Right now she was all that mattered and they could figure everything out together.

Sebastian got up as she turned on her heels disappearing into the living room. He was hesitant to follow her but he couldn’t leave her again. She would have to throw him out before he did that. She might be pissed with him right now, but they were in this together. It wasn’t her mistake or her baby. It was theirs.

Standing in the doorway he watched her pace the floor. She looked like a caged lion at first but soon her energy changed again and she sat down on the couch in the same spot he had left her. She looked up at him as if she was trying to understand what he didn’t even get himself.

“You don’t want it, do you?” she asked and the tears started streaming down her face again. Sebastian quickly moved to kneel between her legs, taking her hands in his.

“Honestly? Y/N, I don’t know what I want. I know I want you. I know I shouldn’t have left. I don’t know why I did it. I felt as if I could breath and I…” Sebastian looked down and their joined hands. He felt guilty and ashamed. Of all the ways he could have reacted he had chosen the absolute worst.

“You had an anxiety attack,” she finished for him, giving his hand a squeeze and he looked up. She didn’t look angry anymore. Still sad and still in pain which he hated, but at least she wasn’t about to throw him to the curb.

“What are we going to do?” she whispered and Sebastian instantly moved to sit beside her on the couch. He pulled her into his arms, like he should have an hour ago. He held her and let the familiar feeling calm his mind. He didn’t answer and he knew he didn’t have too. Not right away. She just clung to him and took comfort in the fact he was there.

Sebastian tried to imagine a future with more than just the two of them as he sat there with her. Surprisingly the thought didn’t scare him as much as the initial shock had. He was still unsure what kind of father he would be, but he knew Y/N would be an amazing mom.

The thought of a little version of her almost made him smile despite everything. He did want this with her. It wasn’t like it was the first time he had imagined it either. It had come as a surprise and a hell of a lot sooner than he had thought. That didn’t change the fact that he wanted kids and he loved the woman in his arms. Sebastian took a deep breath before pulling back a little. He ran his hands up and down her arms in a soothing motion before he started to speak.

“I’m sorry how I reacted, Y/N. And I will be for the rest of my life. You didn’t deserve that,” he began, but she just shook her head. She knew about his anxiety and he knew she already forgave him. That didn’t make it right in his mind though and he still swore he was going to make it up to her somehow.

“I love you and I do want to have kids with you,” she looked up into his eyes with surprise written all over her face. Sebastian couldn’t help but smile a little. “The more I think about this the more I want it, but honey, it’s not my choice. It’s yours. If you think it’s too soon I’m going to be at the clinic holding your hand. If you want this…”

Sebastian took a deep breath smiling when he saw different tears form in her eyes. She looked so relieved and he felt as if he could breathe again. “God, I hope you do want this. But no matter what I love you and that’s not going to change.”

Sebastian felt as if seconds were hours as he studied her face. Finally she smiled a little and sniffling as she spoke, “we’re having a baby.”

“Yeah?” a huge smile broke on Sebastian’s face and she laughed throwing her arms around her neck, letting him catch her.

“We’re having a baby,” he repeated her words, burying his face against her neck before she suddenly jerked back, looking at him wide eyed.

“You’re late! Will and the other’s have got to have left without you now,” she exclaimed and Sebastian couldn’t help but laugh, gently wiping the tears from her face.

“You’re the only person I wanted to be with tonight anyway,” he answered with a playful smile, making her laugh and cuddly up against him.

“We’re in over our heads,” she sighed, but her words didn’t scare him. They just made him chuckle and pull her closer getting comfortable on the couch with her.

“Yeah. But we have each other so we’ll be alright,” he promised kissing the top of her head, knowing he wasn’t lying. With her there was nothing he couldn’t do.

Please reblog; help me spread my work - Leave a comment. Feedback is fuel

Sebastian Stan/Bucky Barnes Tag Team

@emilyevanston @sea040561 @petra-arkanian-1497 @serienjunkiegirl @feelmyroarrrr @holyfuckloueh @dolphinpink310 @evansrogerskitten

@smoothdogsgirl @rebelslicious @roxyspearing @mizzzpink @all-my-favourite-things91

@blacktithe7 @valecitainwonderland @badassbaker @petra-arkanian-1497 @grace-for-sale @thinkwritexpress-official @sebbytrash @mariahoedt @jadalecki-jackles @deanxfuckingadorablexwinchester @esoltis280 @percywinchester27 @unicornblood4ever @mizzezm @yknott81 @thoughtsofdarc @mysupernaturalfics @captainrogerss @caplansteverogers @alwayshave-faith @titty-teetee @jeweline16 @sfreeborn @becs-bunker @docharleythegeekqueen @jamersgang  @v-2bucky @wayward-walker @waywardpumpkin  @jennferjareau @primenumberscanbeintimidating @aikibriarrose  @super100012 @super100012 @superwholocknda @vodkasindream @cd1242 @scarlettsoldier @angelsandwinchesters @mogaruke @mogaruke @bitchsike1 @danijimenezv @tinyfistwarrior @slowlywithfreedom @kimmiestrawberrykiwi @satanwithapencil @girl-next-door-writes @captainradicalpassion @hellaqueerangelofthelord @directionernullneun @katshrev @badassbaker @imanunbrokenfangirl @jamesbarnesappreciationsociety @thisismysecrethappyplace

Lifelong Love Letter Tag Team

@whatmakesmebeme-tblr

[fmdrem]

date: roughly around the afternoon of march 13th, 2013 location: seoul, south korea ( dimensions’ dance practice area ) summary: the worth of jeon ahreum word count: 1090 words

being confirmed for the spot in the group meant nothing. it was a temporary reassurance meant to bring even more panic on the table, meant to have them panic and never sleep at night ━because even if they’d say you were in the group, you’d still get judged in the sidelines. you can still risk to be thrown away last minute and have someone else take the place he’s worked so hard for, effortlessly. and how ironic that something so excruciatingly painful to bear with ━with its sleepless nights and countless training, the hours spent in that very dance practice room until he could swear he had turned his feet into some gross mix of flesh and bones━ could be just as meaningless, no matter how much they all tried to give it one, to make the pain worth when it’s never worth. every single one of those tears erased away with one mistake or one little sigh of shoulders dropping in relief, because it just worked like that.

there was no relief when trying to become someone in a cutthroat industry such as theirs. there was no relief when being exclusively underground, there was no relief when trying to reach the world of idols, there’s none.

and jeon ahreum, what was his position in all of it? nowhere, to be fair ━nowhere like the place he wanted to just smash his head against, because the panic would rise and he’d end up yet again regretting everything, regretting walking into that place to have his music put inside a closet as if it was something so shameful, and have his limbs ache and erode themselves even more, even faster than he’s ever thought. it just had to be one of those days on the downhill much to his chagrin, sitting nearby the mirror while wanting to be anywhere else, waiting for his turn in trying to hold himself onto that crumbly pedestal ━because it had to be worth it, to have all he’s loved and built taken away and hidden as if it was such a grave mistake. it had to.

even when moving his arms and legs to the music, flowing along the rhythm and twirling at the bass’ building up for a drop, even with tunes and notes filling his head and pushing back the anxiety, even when taking those gazes impossible to read with a formal thank and a bow, and darting outside with his heart ready to panic on the spot, wanting to reach the emergency stairs for some air and hopeless support ━it had to be worth it.

hell, even the hand grasping his shoulder had to make sure everything was worth it ━with that cold shower arriving as he turned and it was one of the choreographers he’s been dealing with the most since the beginning of the training. he was greeted with a small smile and an equally small wave, a veil of tiredness on features that normally were far much happier ━but he was too tired and too much into overthinking to be, honestly. somehow, the other’s gaze had apprehension, somehow it seemed to fit, to understand.  “ wanna talk? ” as an easy question, it received a nod from him as an easy answer from the young trainee himself ━and thus, without a word, they’d be sitting right at the emergency stairs and he’d feel the air against his cheeks, somehow relieved, his gaze up to look at the other fiddling with a cigarette.

“ you... smoke, hyung? ” “ yeah, but don’t get started━━save yourself the money, honestly. ” “ ah, i don’t count on that anyways. ” smoke always felt so ugly against his nose, making him scrunch. “ don’t see the appeal in it. ” “ sometimes i fail to see that too but still. what’s troubling you, ahreum-ah? you’re not being all giddy, but you’ve scored great at your last evaluation. ”

he could feel his stomach pinch, just a little bit.

“ no no, i know, it’s not the evaluation, at all ━it’s just... my brain, i guess? i don’t know how to put it in words without sounding like a drama queen, honestly. ” the older rose a brow. “ then be a drama queen, we’re dancers ━it’s in our blood, huh. ”  “ hah, that was a good one, i’ll give you that! b-but still... ” ahreum paused a second, looking at the other for a brief moment, then looking away, lower lip bitten. “ do you ever feel like all the things you’ve sacrificed and had taken away from you are just.. not enough? like, not worth it, no matter how much you kick and punch? like, even if you get the good news you just feel like you gotta panic and never let go of your guard because it’s all temporary, blink and not only you’ll miss it, you’ll get it swiped away from your feet like some cheap magician trick with the table cloths. i just... don’t know what to do. ” 

the silence that followed felt just as heavy as a slap across his cheeks and he had all the regrets, all of them and all at once. what a dumbass, did he really think the other would give a shit about his own mental wall screaming with the force of a thousand suns? 

“ ah, yes, actually i’ve been there more than once. ” and that was indeed a response ahreum didn’t expect, with eyes looking up again, wide and almost having a glint of disbelief ━but he said nothing, letting the other continue. “ sometimes, it’s in moments like these that shit build up in your chest and your head and you wish to have a shortcut and just reach what you want as easily, but to be fair, it’s not worth it ━━to cut the proverbial chase, that is. there are things in life that are meant to be chased, even if it’s long and hard and tiring. you’ll end up losing yourself in the process, if you do. ”

a hand rested against his shoulder and just that was able to to make his own heart feel as light as ever.

“ you’re doing great, trust my old ass if you don’t wanna trust the evaluations ━━trust your guts. i know it’s hard and it’s frustrating, but you’ll see ━all of it will bear great fruit and you’re gonna get that sweet taste and realize it’s worth to clench the jaw and move on, ahreum.-ah. ”