#before anyone asks no i do not have any particular opinions on any of the other SMT games

[ponett]

Just out of curiosity, why are you not a fan of Persona? Seeing that anon ask has me curious about your thoughts on it.

they're 100-hour RPGs about high school relationships directed by a guy who once literally said "i've never successfully forged a true friendship with a girl in real life," and they have a habit of portraying character arcs where the teen heroes struggle with the unfair expectations society places on them and try to rebel, only for them to be like "actually i've decided i love conforming to societal expectations" at the last second. also i don't like the dating sim-inspired time management stuff

the music, graphic design, and monster designs are cool, though

[solaireverie]

cl16 | are we out of the woods yet?

summary: [ charles leclerc x f!driver!reader — social media au / fic ] after you get into a rough crash, charles is faced with difficult decisions

request: can i get a female driver reader injury/crash angst with daniel, seb or charles pls love your fics!

warnings: crashes and injuries, general medical stuff, unspecified mentions of death (implied to be jules and hervé), open/unclear ending

author’s note: hihi lovely!! tysm for requesting <3 hope this is enough angst for you ;) also i have no clue how to write injuries soooooo just roll with it

5,891 likes

ynupdates y/n has been taken to the medical center following her crash in the #brazilgp. no further news has been released yet. we're all behind you, y/n! 🤞

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user did anyone see if she was able to get out of the car by herself?

↪ user no, i think she had to be extracted by the medical crew 😬

user i hope she's okay...

Charles' phone is halfway out of his pocket when it starts ringing. Glancing at the screen, he swipes to accept the call when he sees that it's from your mother. He had called her a few minutes ago, when the sight of your crash had first appeared on the screens in the Ferrari paddock, but she hadn’t picked up. Her voice filters through the speakers of his phone, worry tinging her tone. 

“Do you have news yet?” she asks.

“Don’t know,” Charles replies, “I’m on my way to see her now. It… might be good to book a flight — and soon.” He doesn’t want to alarm your mom but it seems inevitable and he knows that you would want her next to you. 

“Okay,” she breathes shakily, “and Charles?”

“Yeah?”

“She better be okay when I get there.”

Charles winces. Of all the people in the world, he knows all too well why you can never make any promises, especially in Formula 1. 

“I’ll do my best,” he says and ends the call.

There’s a marshal waiting for him in the tiny waiting area in the medical center. He’s pacing nervously and immediately strides towards Charles as soon as he sees him. 

“Mr. Leclerc,” he begins, “the doctors wanted to see you before they take any further action. You have medical power of attorney for Ms. L/N in case of emergency, correct?” 

Charles nods numbly. It had been a precaution at the time because you had insisted that out of everyone in the paddock, you trusted him the most. He had accepted it without thinking twice but now the weight of the responsibility settles heavily over his shoulders. He follows the marshal past empty treatment rooms until they reach one with its door thrown open. 

Charles feels his lunch crawling back up his throat as he stares at your figure. You’re laid out on a stretcher and you’d almost look peaceful if not for the numerous medical apparatuses connected to you and the thin trickle of dried blood on your temple. He somehow finds his voice again.

“What happened?” he asks, almost afraid to hear the answer.

A paramedic steps forward. “Ms. L/N took quite a knock in her crash, I’m afraid,” she explains gently. “Something came loose in the cockpit and hit her head. We’re not sure if there’s any further internal injuries, but our professional opinion is that she should be moved as soon as possible to a hospital for further testing.”

Charles swallows around a lump in his throat. “Is there any particular risk with transporting her in this state?” 

The paramedic shakes her head. “No more than the usual, which is relatively low compared to the risk that we run by keeping her here without knowing if there’s anything else wrong.” 

Charles follows your ambulance all the way into the hospital in a haze. He barely registers the press grouped outside the entrance, pushing through them, always keeping you in his sights. He waits outside of the examination room they bring you into and follows as they wheel you around, receiving god knows how many tests. 

After a while members of your team start showing up, although they keep a respectful distance from Charles. He’s glad. He knows, rationally, that you were just unlucky, but the irrational and protective side of him is screaming at him to place the blame at someone’s feet. He knows you wouldn’t appreciate him blowing up at your team, though, so he doesn’t say anything to them and keeps vigil by your side as the doctors poke and prod.

Eventually you’re carefully placed in a hospital bed and Charles is pulled aside by what seems to be the main doctor assigned to you.

“Unfortunately, it seems as if we will have to operate on Ms. L/N,” he says gently. “Someone else will go over the details with you, but long story short she’s bleeding internally and it’s imperative that we get to it as soon as possible. Of course, any operation of this size could potentially be dangerous, but I strongly recommend taking action sooner rather than later.”

Charles shakes his head, the words not yet registering in his scattered mind. “Is she going to be okay?” he mumbles, not meeting the doctor’s eyes.

He can feel the doctor’s pitying gaze on him and Charles doesn’t have it in him to tell him that he’s been here before — not this specific hospital, no, but he’s been on this side of the conversation that they’re having already, and it tears his heart up just as much as the first time. The only difference this time is that he’s the one who has to make the choice, not anyone else.

“We can’t make any guarantees,” the doctor cautions, “but it would significantly raise her chances of survival if we act now.”

Charles winces at the doctor’s words. Survival. Drive to survive, surviving to drive, the irony of the situation isn’t lost on him. He uncurls his fingers gingerly from where he had been unconsciously gripping his pants. 

He wants to avoid the decisions he knows he will have to make in the next twenty-four hours. He wants to pretend that nothing happened, that you’re still on the track, passing everyone in your way. He wants to go back to this morning, when he had kissed you goodbye before jogging off to get ready for the race. He wishes he had taken time to do more than peck you and throw a “love you!” over his shoulder. Charles wants to hide from the cold, stark reality he’s faced with. Your life lies in his hands and Charles is so, so tired of bleak hospital hallways.

He wants to scream at the heavens. He’s suffered and given so much already. Is one shred of happiness too much to ask? Charles had known the risks going in when he started dating you — one Formula 1 driver was usually more than enough jeopardy in a relationship, let alone two — but he’d never really thought that the day would arrive where he would have to make decisions about you, without you. 

Charles stares at your face through the window to your room, tracing the curves and slopes with his eyes. It’s the face he wakes up next to almost every day and he curses himself for not cherishing the time he’s already had with you more. His brain is moving a mile a minute, running through all the possible outcomes. At the end of the day, though, he’s only got one choice.

Charles Leclerc has always been selfish and he’ll be damned if he lets another person he loves slip through his fingers.

“Where do I sign?”

likes and reblogs are appreciated!

masterlist | taglist: @boiohboii @vellicora

[in3rci4]

maybe you could do TBP boys x GN reader who is always serious and calm and doesn't have the habit of smiling, smiling for the first time

Thank you for the request and for giving an idea too 😊🥹 ! I appreciate it , hope it's not too bad ❤️‍🩹

" And then they smiled , that's what i'm after . A smile on their eyes , the sound of their laugher"

The title comes from a small piece of the lyrics of the song " Drift away" from Steven Universe

Prompt : The Black Phone boys reaction at the reader who's always serious and calm , smile and laugh for the first time

Characters included: Vance Hopper , Bruce Yamada , Billy Showalter , Robin Arellano , Griffin Stagg , Finney Blake

WARNINGS !! : Character x reader content , no use of y/n , idk what else to say , Gn ! Reader , Reader might have some backstory I guess ¿? maybe a mix of Fluff and Angst ¿? Some gonna be shorter than others , spelling mistakes

Vance Hopper

You two knew each other for some time now , you were home schooled not so long ago so you didn't had an idea of Pin Ball Vance Hopper reputation . The moment the teacher assigned the both of you for a project , you weren't walking on eggshells like everybody else did with him while talking , you didn't expect anything from him , for you , Vance was just ... Vance . That's the exact reason why you befriend him in no time , your non judgmental personality , and you were completely unaware he wasn't like this with anyone , anyone but you . Even if your words were nice and honest he noticed how cautious you were with your movements and expressions , he thought it was weird at first , your voice didn't matched with the look in your face in his opinion , but Vance got used to it pretty quick , he's not a smiley guy either , he was ... A little more grumpy person than you . Just like usual , in the weekend you would stay by his side watching him play his Pin Ball game , and also making sure he didn't beat anyone if anything went wrong with it , but those are details . You got hungry and decided to buy Mrs Ellen a small snack bag , when you went back to the side of the machine ( not too close to possibly bump it though ) he started to get close to beating his high score . You gasped in excitement and then he heard the sound of the machine saving his new record on the top of it . Vance let go of the arcade game machine and started to shake you excited as well by your arms , you doing the exact same thing with the snack bag still in your hands

" You did it Vance , you finally beat your high score !"

You said with a smile while laughing of enjoyment

" See !? Told ya , told ya I would fucking beat that shit , didn't I !? "

You kept laughing and smiling from the happiness of had seen it happening after so long , so many failed tries were worth for this day to happen . Vance in the other hand stopped moving your body to stare at you instead .

You were smiling , smiling in a genuine , happy and .... He would say in a beautiful way too . Is this how you look like when you're happy ? The real you ?

Maybe he should try to get you to smile more often .

Confused about the sudden change of attitude you asked him with a small giggle

" Vance , are you ok ? "

Yes , he would be ok , as long as you are with him for a little longer like this .

Bruce Yamada

He was a popular and loved guy , he didn't had trouble hanging with almost everybody in school, and Bruce didn't have to do any effort in finding someone to date either . And yet , a particular classmate of his , you , was the one that had all his attention . A person that minded their own business and never had smile in front of anybody before , and still looks like a magazine model .

Bruce wanted to get close to you for years , but he never had the opportunity , ironically , he never had the courage to go straight at you and tell how good looking you are , you look so serious that you kinda scared him , but not enough to stop liking you .

The biology teacher didn't had a clue how happy he made Bruce the day he paired you and him in a project for the science , finally he could have his opportunity , his chance with you . Dying of anxiety inside like his first baseball game , he asked you

" Hey , I know we never talked before and stuff , but would you like to stop at my house tomorrow to speed up things ? For the project , you know ? Maybe we could go out somewhere in the weekend if everything goes well "

Looking into his eyes and with suspicion in yours you asked as well

" As a date ?"

He wasn't expecting you to be straightforward as well , so he fidget with his fingers a little and with a nervous yet bright smile he said

" Yeah , I mean , if you want to of course "

The recess bell rang and everybody stood up to be free again , you grabbed your book and walked towards the door , but before you leave you said looking at him

" it's a date then "

With a smile that could've killed Bruce if he didn't want to stay alive to see you tomorrow , God bless the biology teachers man .

Billy Showalter

His dog Harper was Billy's loyal companion , a very well behaved girl too , never biting things that she shouldn't , no barking unless there's danger or she's commanded to , not jumping into people in excitement , in general , a really good girl . The mornings delivering News Papers are much better with her by his side , at that hour people are still processing their awakening and there's little people on the street , but the ones that are outside never got a complain about her , in fact , they usually want to ask for permission to pet her instead . Lately someone that he seen outside at early morning was you , sometimes with groceries in your hand , sometimes only walking by yourself . You were one of Billy's classmate , but he doesn't talk with anybody in it , at least not anymore , and you were no exception . Sometimes he founds himself staring at you and then snapping out of it , trying to ignore whatever feeling he had to do such thing , but something about you , that mysterious unexpressive charm , the stern look in your eyes , is something that he can't quite describe with words and is afraid of digging for a definition in his mind . Unfortunately for this boy one of those mornings you decided to walk your rescued male dog and Harper for the first time ran away towards the dog to meet him , both with waggy happy tails sniffing each other . Billy stops his bike at a mailbox and runs towards her , to you

" Harper ! Harper ! I'm Sorry , she's never like that , I don't know what's up with her "

The female dog comes close to you waiting to be petted , and you were more than happy to give her what she wanted

" it's ok , she's a really good girl , she just wanted to meet the new handsome boy here "

Billy knew you were referring about your dog , but his stupid brain still made his cheeks burn from the blush , why's he's being like this ?

Harper licks your hand and you giggle from the tickle feeling in your palm , you smile , and he smiles too . More pleased about the morning you said

" You want me to walk with you while you deliver your papers ? Then we can both take the dogs for a walk "

Something more mysterious about you was how quickly you made Billy accepted the fact once for all about his crush about you , maybe the moment your face light up with your smile had enchanted him

" Yeah , I don't mind , Harper hasn't seen that many dogs around anyway "

Harper always helping him in the simple things , she's for sure getting a special treat today after you're gone .

Robin Arellano

He may not seem like that , but he's a person with a good memory and remembers a bunch of people even they don't remember him ( Difficult to say since almost everybody in school knows his name ) . He remembers you from elementary school , Robin thought you were the cute one of the class , although his classmates prefer to call you the " quiet " one . He noticed how you never changed , always focusing on your studies and never smiling , not even for the photos , not even for politeness , always keeping your expressions neutral and seriousness in your way of acting .

Life crossed your paths the day a bully that didn't find his victim who didn't showed up in school decided to go after you instead , poor choice of decision , because Robin did , he showed up , and beat him up .

After he was done , he walked on his way to the boy's bathroom , but you stopped him , and Robin was deep down afraid he messed up things instead of making them better between both of you

" Robin ! "

Trying to keep his cool when he hears your voice behind him , he turns around and responds

" yeah ?"

Without finding more words to describe your gratitude , you kept it simple and said with a gentle smile

" Thank you "

Yes ! He did impressed you ! It was all damn worth it !

" No problem "

Robin walked again feeling like the main character of an action movie , and you smiled at him too ? You ? The good looking and serious you ? Nah he ain't forgetting this day for nothing !

Finney Blake

This year he wasn't sitting alone on the back on the class , well , he was still on the back on the class , but he was sharing his desk this time , with you . Finney had to admit it was hella awkward , I mean , he can't complain that much since it could be worse or Finney himself is too much of a shy guy to start a conversation or keep it on with a stranger . You , his desk mate , never talked to him , not even once , and your cold serious personality didn't make things easier , the two of you introverts , teachers never had to complain about the noise that you guys could make in class . A regular day in math class the teacher talked about the possibility of numbers being negative and being under the 0 , this got the interest of the students because it was something relatively new so far .

Finney murmured to himself casually

" Damn , not even numbers can't stay positive "

It was a bad joke ? Yes , but it was so unexpected he stole a snort and giggle from you , you had to shut yourself up with your hand or else more laughing would be heard by the teacher .

In Finney's opinion it was a terrible one , he's not even that funny , he was surprised yet amused at your sudden change of expression . Maybe he could push his luck a little further ?

" I guess we can't be negative if we just started "

You stopped from escaping a laugh from your mouth once again , maybe Finney couldn't see your complete smile , but your half closed happy eyes got his ego fly over the roof .

They say " stay with the one that makes you laugh "

So don't worry , laugh all you want from now on , he's good at math anyway , he can always teach you if you got too distracted for him .

Not like Finney minds your company at all .

Griffin Stagg

The day he saw you smile after 2 years of watching you keeping your face as unexpressed as possible , was the day a older group of bullies bumped into him , and God , he was so fine with being invisible for other students and not dealing with being a punch bag , that he tried to run away as fast as he could before they could do anything . But stronger and experts on making kid's lives hell , they quickly grabbed his shirt and started to mock him and test him in front of everybody in the cafeteria . Griffin didn't say anything , he couldn't , or else it would be worse , he knows that like the back of his hand . 3 tall dudes , 1 grabbing his shirt , 2 grabbing each of the boy's arms , it seemed like everything was lost , but you pulled up the one in front of Griffin by the shirt and tucked him to the ground . The two boys left pushed Griffin to the ground as well , and went straight to attack you .

But you dodge all of them easily .

After giving the whole cafeteria a show to watch , the boys got up and swore that it wasn't over , but you couldn't care less . You walked towards Griffin and offered him your hand , he stays still without knowing what to say or do more than stare in confusion , until he spoke

" Thank you ... For helping me "

With a big bright smile that didn't fit someone like you , so serious and capable of defeating 3 guys , you responded

" It's nothing , now get up Griff "

Griff ? No one has called him like that before . But , it doesn't sound bad , right ? He kinda likes the nickname .

[phoenixblair666]

When It Rains It Pours

|Logan Howlett/Wolverine X GN!Reader|

This is a headcanon about Logan x GN!Reader, set during the first X-Men Movie. Reader has similar powers to Storm, having the ability to control water and rain. Logan doesn't exactly appreciate their power during this particular moment, but it's okay because it's you.

Word Count: 761 (I haven't written in years, gotta start somewhere)

Warnings: Fluff, Kissing, Very Light Mentions of Smut if you squint real hard

You stare out of your window watching and listening to the heavy pitter patter of the large drops against the roof. You watch as droplets of water race down the glass.

The weather must have been caused by a certain X-Men. Just this morning the forecast called for clear skies and sunshine, but now it's absolutely pouring. At the moment the rain is mainly above the gardens at the school. You assume the professor asked Storm to give the vegetation some care.

You're pulled from your thoughts when three heavy knocks rap upon the old oak door that connects the hallway to your room. You scooch off of your queen-sized bed, shuffling to the door quickly, brushing off your clothing, making yourself look more presentable to your unknown visitor.

You gently pry the door open, earning a creak from the slightly rusted hinges. Once fully open a tall bulky frame looms in the opening. To anyone else, this figure might be intimidating, but it makes you smile instead. Standing in your doorway is a soaking wet Logan.

"This you?" he asks pointing to the ceiling, a serious look on his face. He must be referring to the ongoing downpour outside. He looked annoyed, but it was cute in your opinion. The way his heavy brows furrowed together and the small downwards pull of his lips. You loved seeing this big gruff man pout like a child. It only made you adore him more.

"No, it's not me. There's lightning and thunder out there. You know I can't control that. I can only pull the water from the clouds." He takes your observation into account, seeing a strike of lightning outside of your window.

"Must be Storm then. She should really warn a guy before she unleashes a fricken' tsunami." he scowls, only making your smile grow. His eyes meet yours, and his hard exterior begins to soften. You had always had a soft spot for him, and him you. Often, he would come to your room to catch up, talk about plans for a mission, or sometimes do other things. You never officialized your relationship with him, though. As far as you knew, you were still just friends even if more intimate matters occurred on occasion.

You take his hand gently into yours. The size of his completely engulfing yours. His skin is freezing cold, and you can feel the wetness meet your palm. "Come in. Let's dry you off." You tug his arm, and he follows behind without hesitation.

He stands in the middle of your room, thick drops of water falling onto the old wooden floorboards. You chuckle to yourself at the sight. His clothes are drenched, and his once peaked hair is now flat. You can see small droplets of water beaded in his beard. At your amusement, he raises an eyebrow. "You bring me in here just to laugh at me?" he asks. His tone wasn't harsh, but almost amused. He could never be truly mad at you. You were just too sweet to be mad at.

You shake your head and hold out your palm, gently wiggling your fingers in an upwards motion. The water on his clothes and hair begins to float right off of his body. As it floats above his head, a growing ball of liquid is formed, each drop making its way to the rest. With a flick of your wrist, you fling the ball of water to a large empty glass that sits upon your nightstand, filling it almost all of the way to the brim.

You turn back to Logan, watching as he checks himself for any residual dampness. To his surprise there was none. You smile at him as your eyes meet, a flint of appreciation washing over his features. "Thanks, sweetheart." He begins to take long strides towards you.

He places one of his large, calloused hands on your hip, while the other makes it to the nape of your neck. He towers above you, leaning down mere inches from your face. "Don't know what I'd do without you." You giggle in response, not something he expected. "You'd probably melt." you joke, making a small smirk appear on his lips. "Probably would." he agrees, now smiling down at you.

You lift yourself on your tiptoes, meeting his lips in a soft kiss. Nothing is better than this moment. You don't know if you'll ever be official, but right now none of that matters. All that matters is that he's here with you, and you're here with him.

[scoobydoodean]

Hi im a samgirl and i dont mind if others feel differently about this but if you are interested in a samgirl perspective, the short story to sam's allegorical queerness is that sam grew up feeling fundamentally different from his family. He felt that there was something dirty or unclean about himself which is how a lot of marginalized queer children feel growing up. It's not that queerness itself is monstrous but that society and the patriarchal family unit will cast queerness as the monstrous Other, which is why monstrosity is a pretty common queer allegory.

I keep getting asks about queer Sam and I'm not sure exactly why, other than people maybe assume I have a strong opinion about it. The simple truth is that I just don't find what's said about it compelling so it doesn't interest me. I have no issue with other people exploring it and don't have any desire to ruin anyone's fun. It's just that I don't personally see it when I dig deeper than the surface level of "he felt different" and examine why and exactly what Sam actually wanted and why he felt that way. I will get into that here to an extent I guess because I was asked in another piece of mail what my opinions were, but I don't intend it as an "argument" to start a fight or to dismantle anyone else's perception—just an explanation of my personal lack of interest in this particular type of meta.

First, I don't think "Sam grew up feeling fundamentally different from his family" works for me as a queer meta when the reason Sam felt "fundamentally different" was that—according to his own early framing—he was the normal one trapped in a family of freaks who wanted him to be a freak like them.

Sam says in 1.08 that he felt different from Dean and John, but when we read on to see why, he says it's because he wanted to play soccer instead of being a child soldier.

SAM Because I didn't wanna bowhunt or hustle pool - because I wanted to go to school and live my life, which, to our whacked-out family, made me the freak. DEAN Yeah, you were kind of like the blonde chick in The Munsters.

For people too young to get "the blonde chick in The Munsters", Dean is referring to Marilyn Munster, who was the one "normal" person in a family of monsters in a 1960s sitcom.

In childhood flashbacks in 4.13, Sam refuses to fight Dirk at first even though he could easily best him using the skills he learned from their father.

YOUNG DEAN That's right, you don't. You could have torn him apart. So why didn't you? YOUNG SAM Because I don't want to be the freak for once, Dean. I want to be normal.

In both situations, Sam views his family and what they do as freakish and wants to distinguish himself as the one normal one trapped in a family of monsters who is at threat of becoming like them by pure association and family pressure.

YOUNG SAM Yeah, my, aah -- my dad's a mechanic. So I have to be a mechanic, too. MR. WYATT Do you want to go in the family business, Sam? YOUNG SAM No one's ever asked me that before. MR. WYATT Well? YOUNG SAM More than anything, no.

In 5.16 Dark Side of the Moon, one of Sam's greatest childhood memories is getting to sit down for Thanksgiving dinner in a normal, upper middle class household instead of sitting around with "A bucket of extra-crispy and Dad passed out on the couch."

In 1.01, he says he wants to be nothing like his family. He says he is normal unlike them when Dean is telling him they're the same:

DEAN You can pretend all you want, Sammy. But sooner or later you're going to have to face up to who you really are. SAM And who's that? DEAN You're one of us. SAM No. I'm not like you. This is not going to be my life.

Sam sees the upbringing that he has in common with Dean as something almost... humiliating—to the point that he plans to lie to Jess forever about how he was raised and about his family (1.01).

All of this to say... when the queer allegory I'm being sold is that a guy is queer because he wants to go to college, get married, have 2.5 kids, go no contact with his brother (because Dean isn't normal like him?), and lie about his family to his friends because the idea of them knowing he didn't grow up normal is embarrassing... I don't feel like I'm reading a queer allegory. I'd be more likely to think that if anything, I'm reading a comedy from the POV of "the token straight" who initially functions (in the Pilot) as the "normal" character to introduce the "normal" audience to an "abnormal" world in a relatable, palatable way.

That said, when we embrace the fact that the Winchesters are a family of freaks, there is an easy counterpoint here which is that Sam's attitude in the beginning of the series represents being closeted and desperately trying to assimilate with normal society and be perceived as just like everybody else... and his freak family is in the way. In this case, Sam knows deep down that he is like his family (i.e. queer) but desperately wishes he wasn't so that he could fit in. Given that I'm a big believer in Sam being a hunter through and through despite his occasional denials, I find this much more compelling than the argument that Sam feeling othered in his family because he sees himself (at least at first) as the one normal one makes him queer.

*One of you shaking me back and forth*

"But PK—WHAT ABOUT THE DEMON BLOOD?!?!"

Yeah yeah yeah. While it doesn't start out that way, eventually, Sam does reflect on his childhood and see himself as Megamind instead of Marilyn Munster. This is retroactive though (in my opinion. I do not actually believe Sam could "sense" his dormant powers) after finding out that Azazel dropped blood into his mouth when he was a baby. Instead of feeling like the normal one in a family of freaks, Sam starts to feel like the biggest freak in the family, and Dean's "I'm a freak too" suddenly feels like platitudes. Dean—whose calls Sam didn't pick up for years—starts to seem like the normal one—the good one—between them. Dean is the hero character, the righteous man, the sword of heaven... and Sam thinks in his worst moments that he is someone Hero!Dean should be duty bound to kill (2.11). These are all feelings that (again—in my opinion) develop later. I talk about Sam's feelings of otherness and why he actually had those feelings and how I think the demon blood erroneously comes into play as an explanation for his insecurities here.

I think it probably also makes sense to mention here that the idea that Sam was treated as a monster by his family is very very overstated by portions of fandom. I'm not saying Sam never had reason to feel different or othered or unloved or neglected—he absolutely did (as did Dean). I am saying that people like to write about things that never actually happened when they talk about how Sam was treated growing up. Sam felt different from his family because John let Dean start hunting when he was younger than Sam, then he felt different because he wanted to play soccer and go to school while John wanted him to hunt, and because he thought Dean enjoyed being a parentified child and being raised like a soldier and Sam didn't. Retroactively, Sam feels different when he finds out he has powers. These do not develop until he is an adult, and it is never indicated to us that John knew about any of this when Sam was growing up—much less treated him differently growing up because of it. Retroactively, Sam believes Dean sees him as a freak for having visions even though Dean repeatedly treats his visions as no big deal and psychics are an accepted and trusted group within the hunter community (see: Missouri, Pam, Fred). Retroactively, Sam feels different because he was fed blood as a baby. He did not know this until he was an adult, and neither did Dean, as far as we know, neither did John. Sam never believes that Dean would act on John's last whispered command (that again—does not transpire until Sam is an adult) to the point that he repeatedly tries to guilt Dean into promises to follow through and carry out John's will. Retroactively, Sam feels like a freak in season 4 because Sam chooses to drink a completely different demon's blood of his own free will and develop a completely new power set and Dean doesn't think it's a good thing.

TL;DR Sam did not grow up being treated as the monstrous other by his dad and brother. He grew up as an understandably rebellious kid whose dad was a neglectful asshole and a drill sergeant, and he hated being dragged from place to place with no say. He felt different because he stood in contrast to a brother who tried his best to keep the peace because experience taught Dean that refusing to obey would get people killed (1.18), John would send Dean away if Dean gave him lip (14.12), and Dean felt he had to be there to take care of Sam and John (1.06).

More or less, these are the reasons I don't find the queer Sam metas I have stumbled across particularly compelling (along with—imo—Jared's lack of romantic chemistry with other men). At the same time, people seeing Sam as queer or not queer doesn't bother me. I am not trying to "take away" that interpretation from anyone else (as if I even could). I'm just not interested.

[xoxo-ren-xoxo]

Hermitcraft / Life Series Fic Recs

Because I love so many of them...

I'll split the fics into completed and updating fics, and try to only recommend currently updating fics (i.e., not abandoned). I'm going to write a little about why I like each fic and what the general vibes are - so this is also a kind of review I guess?

I've tried to @ the authors if they have a public tumblr. Sorry to anyone who didn't want to be tagged, I can remove any @ if you ask (or if I have embarrassingly tagged the wrong person). Anyway, enjoy, and I appreciate reblogs because I want as many people to see these fics as possible!!

This ended up being incredibly long so I'm putting a divider here. Click to keep reading!!! Also, fair warning: shipping ahead! Some fics will have mild sexual content, please read the tags if you are unsure <3

Updating Fics

I have already recommended Help Me To Breathe, lost in the dark (he's got a heavy heart), and There Are Monsters Nearby in this post, so I won't explain why I like them a second time, but definitely check them out!!

Death's A Good Gig by @mawofthemagnetar is probably going to be finished by the time this post gets to you, reader, but I'm putting it here anyway. It's short and sweet, one of my favourite representations of Zedaph (or, Zedeath) I've read, and just a joy to experience. If you like grim reapers and discussions of unions, this one is for you. Also I need more Zedaph in my life.

Look, I'm Sorry, Please Stop Scaring Everyone by @cat-in-the-desert reminds me a lot of a particular TV drama I liked when I was younger, which followed a similar premise. This fic follows Mumbo (vampire) and Grian (ghost) as they get up to various housemate shenanigans and meet their local magic-expert and salesman Scar. This fic is fun, but still includes a nice amount of Feelings and hinted-at Angst which I really love. It's lighthearted, but never boring.

It Hurts To Hope by Inquillitory is my favourite of the "Grian crash lands into Hermitcraft and causes problems for everyone" genre. Seeing how many fics there are with that premise, I think that says a lot. It handles Grian's weird Watcher stuff really well. Honestly, I just want to know what happens next!

killing the boy in the tv by @raspberrystruck is like a sickfic on steroids. If you want Grian with so much past trauma he forgets how to function in society, this is basically the fic for you. I really love how hybrid traits affect the characters' interactions in this fic, and how everyone is kind of messed up because of the imbalance Grian brings. It is wonderfully descriptive in all the right places!

Love Me Like I'm Dead by @daniofcrows is such a gem. You know how hard it is to find good Xisuma whump? It's impossible. I absolutely love how Xisuma and Evil X are characterised in this, and I am obsessed with the unique take on hanahaki disease which I have never seen handled in this way before. The balance between flashbacks and present day is maintained wonderfully and I cannot wait to continue reading this one. Wow.

Oh, you wanted me to do a verse? by @bugbbear is... kind of indescribable. It's horror. It's comedy. It's the apocalypse. It's boatem. Scar eats someone. One of the most interesting and unique apocalypse stories I have read. Slowly updating but worth the wait, in my opinion. This one NEEDS more attention.

So Much For Stardust by @a-plethora-of-peters is basically one of my all-time favourites. Which is a damn good achievement seeing as I don't usually read ZITS fics. Like, ever. In this fic, Skizz is a human abducted and hurt badly by aliens, now recovering in the care of good aliens who don't know how 'sentient' he is. Every update of this one makes me smile, it is wonderful. I love how the characters are written and how the different perspectives are shown. It is just great.

Solar Waltz by @raspberrystruck and aroundtheclock is a brilliant and very very sad regression fic. I love fluffy regression fics as much as the next guy, but this one just... hits different. The hurt/comfort levels are off the charts. Grian is so damn cute the whole time, while also being harrowingly complicated and sad. I am so ready for whatever comes next.

Tango's Castle of Cards by @evilrat-sabre is the one where Tango is a BUG. He's just a little guy (horror). This one is so beautifully written, with poetry-type interludes and perspective changes that really make everything feel so much more impactful. Finding out your buddy is a murder bug isn't the easiest thing in the world. I love this so much.

Traveling Thieves {Dark Fantasy AU} (series) by @amethystfairy1 is basically one of the series of all time. I know I keep saying that but it really really is. I love a good fantasy au, and I love an au with hybrids even more. In this world, hybrids are treated like slaves, but it isn't all doom and gloom for the main characters of each installment. There is a lot of hurt/comfort and the different stories feed into each other in really interesting ways. I try to read as much as I can, though I've missed a few because my emails are buggy. Definitely worth reading these fics, especially since now they're all starting to come together!

Completed Fics

Solving Counting Sheep by @theminecraftbee might have rearranged my brain chemistry a little. Another strong contender for 'fics that inspire me to kill Grian', this time with a more concrete notion of "replacement". Three is my favourite fucked up living weapon. It's so rare to find Evo fics in this day and age, too. This fic had me immediately clicking on every update as soon as I got the emails.

Rescue Fire by @imaginethat0327 is one of the most unique takes on a fictionalised life series game that I have ever read. The whole concept is explained in a realistic and easy-to-follow way, as we learn what's happening with the characters. There are several brilliant storylines happening in this one, but my particular favourites are Jimmy & Tango, Joel, and of course Scar & Grian. This fic is full of whump and, well, read the tags, it isn't always pleasant, but those are my favourite things ever. Definitely worth checking out this fic and its currently updating sequel.

don't you know about me? by takenbadgering is a wonderful comedy of errors with just the right amount of angst for a realistic setting type of fic. If you enjoy polyamory miscommunications, rave aesthetics, kandi, school teacher dynamics, and a lovely blend between grumbo, cubscar, and mumscar, this is the one.

Eventually the Birds Must Land by @milo-hypno follows a polyam ship I would have never thought of, and I cannot believe how much I loved it. This married-as-friends fic premise is wonderful, and captures the main trio (Grian, Mumbo, Impulse)'s personalities so well, while balancing them with the incredibly terrifying descriptions of the Watchers and their power. There's a lot of angst here, but it is ultimately hurt/comfort to the maximum degree. I loved reading it as it updated. Yay for gay marriage!

From The Archives (series) by @sixteenth-days was the absolute inspiration for my own Comms AU, and I will never forget its influence on me. As someone basically unfamiliar with TMA, I thought this series might be hard to follow, but it was not! I read all 57 parts in the span of two days, and I think it altered my brain chemistry. Please read it, even if (especially if) you don't know anything about TMA. The Cleo and Grian storyline lives in my head rent free. I mean it. This is horror at its finest. Also there's an audio series of this fic being released rn, which is very cool.

SUPERCRITICAL by @masque-of-plague hits different. It is such a wonderful take on the superhero/HotGuy trope, and it gets so super dark at some points! This one really takes swings at it's fictional government, which of course I love, while at the same time building this brilliantly emotional relationship between Scar and Grian. I do enjoy a bit of enemies to lovers, but the actual plot mixed into the story makes this one extra special. It is thrilling, with action that I don't get to see too often! Great work.

I am weary with contending! is one of the mumscarian fics of all time. From 'this house has people in it'-type horror, to magic gone wrong, to childhood trauma, to attempted assassination, to gender fuckery, this fic has it all. Usually I don't go for convex siblings, but this one is good enough to get a pass from me. Amazingly detailed worldbuilding alongside a brilliantly creative story.

It Spreads by @foxxology may not count as a fic, actually. It's a comic. But it's posted on ao3 so it counts. I was obsessed with this one as it was updating, honestly. It rocked me to my core. The art is phenomenal. The writing is brilliant. I love sculk.

Luck of the sea by Sleepy_Duck is a lovely take on mermaid and human interactions, with Grian as a marine life conservator and Scar as a very neglected mer. This one takes us emotionally in all sorts of directions, and offers lots of hope for the future of the characters. I heavily enjoyed this fic - if you like mermaids and marine biology, check it out.

there are many downsides to being a marine biologist by donnerstag is another mermaid fic but with a pretty different vibe. First of all, it follows what I would consider a rarepair Doc/Martyn. Second of all, reading this as it updated was a thrilling experience that nearly made me cry at certain points. I love how the relationship builds in this fic. It is honestly amazing. The whole idea of experimenting on a sentient sea creature, learning that he can communicate, then losing funding and having to save him from being dissected?!?! It's crazy. I love it.

Thus concludes my fic recommendations. I hope you enjoy at least some of these, and consider reblogging to spread these wonderful fics around <3

[preseriesdean]

if you don’t mind me asking, could you share some of your favorite fanfics or authors? thanks ❤️

oh hi hello!! yes of course!! i actually haven't read any spn fic in a while but i have spent a lot of time organizing my bookmarks. i'm going to assume that you meant samdean fic but i'll add a few non-samdean ones at the end.

authors!

@zmediaoutlet (deadlybride on ao3)

candle_beck (ao3)

@goshen-applecrumbledore (ao3)

whereupon (livejournal)

Linden (ao3)

sevenfists (ao3)

there are so many more great authors but these came to mind :)

fics!

i am going to list my forever-favorites first - the ones i would recommend to anyone and everyone, screaming-from-the-rooftops kind of love - and then many many more under the cut.

beloved by urchinesque (2016, 1.9k, NR, warning: death) It might be the gentlest thing that's ever happened to them.

in my opinion everyone should read this once. it's quick. they die. it's-- happy, somehow. beautiful. i think about it all the time.

Last Day on Earth by candle_beck (2009, 10.8k, E) A list of things to do if you only have one day to live, presented in inconvenient non-list form.

last year my best friend and i were pondering which fic felt quintessential to samdean for us and somehow settled on this one. i still agree with the choice.

Odysseus, American by coyotesuspect (2010, 10k, M) Dean finds Peter O'Toole's recording of the Odyssey in a bin marked “Audio" in Casa Grande's only used bookstore. The place smells like cigarette smoke and old books, and it reminds him of Sam. Stanford era.

my favorite stanford era fic. i think it captures dean's loneliness and desperation beautifully.

A man with his insides out and his outsides off by britomart_is (2016, 5.3k, E, time travel, underage) They say there are only two stories in the world: man goes on a journey, and stranger comes to town.

another fic i want everyone to read. it's so short and feels like a novel. sam is messed up and dean is in love and everything is miserable.

Breathing Hard by whereupon (2009, 9k, E) The day Dean figures it out.

this is so simple and yet-- everything to me. i can't think about dinosaurs without thinking about this fic, which doesn't tell you much, but you'll see. sometimes this is really all you need.

The Last Outpost of All That Is by gekizetsu (2008, 59k, E) The world ends while they’re asleep.

this fic has stayed with me my whole life. i thought about it even during my years away from spn and fandom entirely. they're alone and you don't know why and they build their life together and you end up wondering, is this hell or heaven? whenever i come across a screenshot of the last couple of paragraphs i want to cry.

see things so much clearer by deadlybride (2020, 11.7k, E) Sam's been acting oddly. Dean learns how to use the history on an internet browser and finds out why.

this is a fic that hits the spot for me personally so well. another favorite preseries fic. i love the idea of sam using livejournal, and of dean finding out this way.

Stay The Distance by lazy_daze (2011, 24k, E) Sam is dependent on Dean's touch and closeness after the wall falls - Dean's presence reminds him of why he chose to wake up, and keeps the memories at bay, allowing Sam to function.

i love enmeshment, and i love that here it's literal. i love that they're just sort of fine with it.

more fics below!

in absolutely no particular order whatsover. please check the warnings and tags on these before reading!

Recall by De_Nugis (2012, 6.3k, E) Sam's having a hard time telling what's real and what isn't, especially when it comes to some voicemails from Dean.

Living in god's blind spot by applecrumbledore (2022, 25k, E) Of all the situations Dean didn’t need his dad to see him in, ‘getting off to being pushed around by a guy’ was in the top three. And ‘a guy’ was a massive glossing-over of reality. Any guy—any other guy—would be bad enough, but Sam was fucking cataclysmic.

Almost At Home by balefully (2008, 24.3k, E) Sam graduates from high school in early June in rural Tennessee. He and Dean start the summer with an all-nighter of celebration; the day after, while both fight hangovers, John calls to assign them their first hunt by themselves.

they said it was the fall of man by jukeboxhound (2016, 7.4k, M) Sam gets his soul back on a Monday.

When I Fall Asleep It Is Your Eyes That Close by britomart_is (2009, 1.9k, E) Post-Season Two. Sam is alive. Dean is happy.

Life As We Know It by sevenfists (2007, 13.7k, M, curtain fic) On the morning that Sam woke up, Dean ran five red lights on the way to the hospital, his half-empty coffee cup sloshing in the holder.

tied up like two ships by orphan_account (2014, 3.1k, E) Dean liked to hold hands.

Gospel Truth by Cerberuss (2020, 15.2k, E, case fic) ‘DOES YOUR BROTHER KNOW THAT YOU WANT HIM?’ Individually placed letters, bold and tinged brown with the weather. Sam can’t look away and he prays, dream dream dream.

Buy You A Mockingbird by candle_beck (2011, 10.3k, M, underage, outsider pov) A genuine horror story.

because you want to die for love by hathfrozen (2021, 27.3k, E) Sam and Dean settle into their Heaven—and into each other, too.

the constant vow by deadlybride (2022, 119k, E, fem dean-ish) They've just finished up a pretty standard job and are killing time in snowy Wisconsin when Dean wakes up no longer looking like Dean. That's just the start of their problems.

This Fortress Made of Us by mickeym (2009, 10.8k, E) Sam really didn't do very well without his brother. Coda for Mystery Spot.

State of Love and Trust/As I Busted Down the Pretext by cormallen (2010, 2.9k, M) When you know exactly what your brother's thinking, there are some chances you just don't take.

Quiet with the Rain by Linden (2014, 5.3k, T) Dean can spot an undercover cop at thirty paces, a hooker at twenty, and rims that will match his baby's at ten. But the fact that his little brother is in love with him—that, he can't see worth a damn.

have a cigar by deadlybride (2020, 5.6k, E) What happened with Andy and Ansem unsettles Sam. Dean doesn't seem worried.

Heart Shaped Balloon by winsive (2022, 18.5k, E, underage) Sam and Dad are fighting. No surprise, but it's the weekend before Valentine's Day and Dean isn't missing out on the chance to bang a cheerleader just to console his bratty little brother. He does bring back a heart shaped balloon for him, though. It's not supposed to be cursed.

Bare by gracerene (2022, 2.2k, T) Of all the things Dean hasn't done before, Sam never expected something as innocuous as skinny dipping to be on the list.

Speechless by candle_beck (2008, 11.2k, T, case fic) Dean loses his voice and their rapport is only moderately impaired.

Like It Was Yesterday by nomelon (2014, 4.9k, T, fem dean, amnesia) Sam can't remember a time when Dean wasn't there. Dean is always with him. Sam's whole life, there's never been anyone else.

Like a Ghost with Two Voices by Dyed_Red (2022, 46k, E) To cure Dean from the Mark of Cain, Sam has to let Dean, in all his demonic glory, possess him for 28 days. It goes about as well as expected.

Breathe You In (Choke You Down) by orphan_account (2021, 5.9k, E, pwp) Dean really likes the way Sam smells.

lost in yesterday by margaryes (2023, 1k, NR, john pov) John hasn’t seen his youngest son in 18 months.

Unraveling by Linden (2017, 855 words, E) No, he’d said, the first time Sammy had tried to kiss him, sixteen and half-drunk and stupidly beautiful, even though he’d wanted so badly to say yes.

pack up the moon by deathdreamt (2021, 5.9k, T, pre-slash) Sam storms back out from their room, his backpack on and his duffel hanging off his shoulder and isn’t it kind of tragic that his whole life fits in two bags. He looks suddenly much younger than he is, eyes shining. John is back at his guns, whiskey at his elbow, and Dean can hardly believe how rapidly his life is cracking down the centre.

Yesterday, minnesota by applecrumbledore (2022, 30k, E, case fic) Any initial awkwardness filtered away over a hundred miles of highway as Sam thumbed through the missing witch’s diary again. Some people had secret coke habits or secret second wives, and some people had passionate, pitch black, no-kissing sex with a family member every four to six months and never talked about it. You had to find ways to cope.

All Heartless Spectres, Happiness by orphan_account (2021, 5.6k, E) Lisa Braeden receives an email with the subject line, "You Deserve to Know." It contains a single video file and nothing else. (soulless sam)

The Palm Oasis by fictionallemons (2022, 12.3k, E, underage) John strands Dean and Sam at a middle-of-nowhere motel while he investigates possible demon omens in Arizona. The place is nothing to write home about, but at least it has a pool. Dean resolves to think of this as a vacation for him and his studious little brother, but when their money runs out sooner than expected, he considers turning tricks at a nearby truck stop so he can feed Sam.

Other Brothers by homo_pink (2020, 7k, M, underage, outsider pov) A callow boy can go from infancy to someone’s lover in the space of two wildflower summers.

Leader of the Pack by astolat (2007, 14.9k, E) Teaching old dogs new tricks.

Underground Wires by eggnogged (2012, 15.8k, E, fem sam, underage) It’s hard enough being a teenage girl even without all the extra crap: they move around all the time, her family is as far removed from normal as it’s possible to get, and she’s in love with her older brother. Sam has no control on any of it, she’s just trying to stay afloat.

Multitude of Sins by Linden (2015, 4.4k, T, outsider pov) Every now and again, Jim Murphy would look up from his altar and find the Winchester boys at the back of his church.

Like Arrows in the Hands of a Warrior by ADeedWithoutaName (2018, 10.3k, E, underage, dub con-ish, john pov) John Winchester loves his boys, and would take a bullet for either of them. He knows that he's doing it right, the way he's raising them, the things he's teaching them. Not every problem, however, has an easy answer. Like what to do after an incubus case in which their target got his pollen all over both of John's sons.

You Can't Lose What You Never Had by nigeltde (2016, 5.6k, E) You can't spend what you ain't got, and you can't lose what you ain't never had.

Flagstaff by Linden (2014, 7.3k, T, pre-slash, john pov) John tracked Sam down in Flagstaff, four days after he got home to find him gone.

I'll take my chance on a beautiful stranger by fleshflutter (2007, 3.8k, M, outsider pov) If Chase were a better friend, he might try to end the game now, before Brendan loses even more money. But if Brendan is a dick at Stanford, it’s nothing compared to how he is on break.

Cupid's Got A Gun by geckoholic (2012, 13.5k, E, non-con) Fuck-or-die, set in early S4. But they've been fucking for years, so that shouldn't be a problem, right? Wrong. Ever since hell, Dean's in no hurry to get that show on the road again.

Someone Else's Blood by sevenfists (2006, 6.7k, E) The first time, of course, was an accident. (pretend dating)

How Many Floors to Realize by lazy_daze (2009, 26k, E, swesson) AU from the end of It's A Terrible Life, in which Zachariah decides to keep stringing them along a little while longer, because damn if they aren't somewhat entertaining, right?

Worthless cartography by applecrumbledore (2022, 15.6k, E) Dean didn’t know what finally made him go for it. The djinn’s dream was a catalyst, but the call was coming from inside the house, and he’d been letting it ring for a very, very long time. (They get one night together right before Sam is taken to Cold Oak. Dean has to deal with that.)

The Space Between Sense and Memory by orphan_account (2021, 4.8k, T) There are a hundred unwritten rules on all the acceptable ways brothers should touch each other. There are hardly any ways at all to break them. Or; five times they follow the rules and one time they don’t.

Ions in the Ether by nigeltde (2019, 10.9k, E, case fic) When was the last time you trusted happy.

Crossed Wires by rivkat (2015, 10.9k, E) Dean thinks Sam is dead.

Crown and Anchor Me (or let me sail away) by Sena (2010, 23.7k, E, underage) Sam Winchester is fifteen years old, at yet another new high school in yet another state, he doesn't get along with his distant, distracted father, he's figuring out that he likes guys just as much as he likes girls, his clothes never fit and his limbs ache at the joint ever since his growth spurt started, he has to study for the PSAT and, oh yeah, he's a little bit in love with his brother, Dean, who's taken a break from hunting monsters to work at a local garage for minimum wage.

Wear Him Lika a Habit by sevenfists (2008, 2.2k, M) Their first kiss isn't an accident. It's anticipated well in advance, discussed for weeks, argued over, second-guessed.

Amor Prohibido by phoenixflight (2020, 3k, M, underage) They spent the spring of Sam's sophomore year living in a shitty apartment south of San Antonio. Every Friday night the clearest channel played three hour marathons of a Spanish soap called La Casa del Corazón. There was a mutually understood truce about watching it, because the alternatives were infomercials or creepy kids’ cartoons that futzed into static every fifteen seconds.

Open Road by Mollyamory (2010, 2k, T) Sam's old enough to know what's good for him.

It's the Blueprint of Your Life by queenklu (2011, 38.4k, time travel) Sam jerks awake in the middle of the night and everything goes to hell. Well, not literally, though Dean is staring down the barrel of less than a year before his deal comes due. In the midst of dealing (or not dealing) with his impending death, a killer ghost ship, and Bela showing up out of the blue, Dean also has to figure out what’s going on in Sam’s head to make him so twitchy, why he’s suddenly breezing through this case while writing endless notes in a notebook he won’t let Dean see.

North of Wednesday by Mollyamory (2008, 3.5k, G) Sam's behind the wheel before he realizes he doesn't have the keys. Coda to Mystery Spot.

non-wincest fic.

dean/omc. We Drank a Thousand Times by glorious_spoon (2010, 43k, M, warning: death) They meet in a bar fight in North Carolina when Dean is nineteen, broke, and desperate, then again when a hunt brings the Winchesters into town a few years later. Neither one of them ever puts a name to it but every once in a while, through the years, Dean finds his way back.

dean/cas: terror & desire intertwined by rupertgayes (2022, 39k, M) Faced with Castiel suffering a fate worse than death, Dean makes the decision to let Cas use his body as a temporary vessel. All things considered, Dean thinks, it could have gone worse.

gen, sam&dean: what lasts by deadlybride (2021, 17.2k, M) Not long after they move into the bunker, Dean loses a leg. Most of a leg. After the hospital, Sam brings him home, and they figure out how to live with what remains.

gen, dean-centric: To Repair Broken Men by procrastin8or951 (2015, 3.1k, T) Dad and Sam keep fighting. Dean can't fix his family, so he fixes things around the crappy apartment they are staying in.

dean/michael: our hour came round at last by orphan_account (2015, 1.8k, NR, pwp) "I want to be inside you," says Michael, low and velvet and hungry and that really shouldn't turn Dean on but it does.

dean/lucifer, dean/cas: exploratory by sp8ce (2022, 4.9k, E, non-con) One night, Castiel proposes he and Dean have sex. Except it's a little more complicated than that.

dean/cas: for a healthy heart by Askance (2013, 2.4k, T) A strange black box appears in Castiel's bedroom one afternoon.

gen, sam&dean: charmer & gentle by Askance (2015, 3.7k, G, outsider pov) The afternoon girl calls them Big and Tall, the strangers who come in late every now and then, buying this or that. The night girl doesn't think those names fit quite right.

dean/cas, past sam/dean: whose wings, though tattered, shall carry me home by fleshflutter (2009, 2.2k, T) There is a breeze moving across the field. It stirs the long grass in lapping waves like the sea. Castiel runs his fingertips through it and remembers flying.

[princessfbi]

For the Ship and Sentence: Ship: BuckTommy (love them). Sentence: The wind rippled through Tommy’s hair and he sighed as he wrapped his arms around his husband as they laid on the beach.

BuckTommy

The wind rippled through Tommy’s hair and he sighed as he wrapped his arms around his husband as they laid on the beach. Well, hopefully husband. If they ever got to that part of the whole married thing. Which seemed farther and farther away with each passing venue they had visited and immediately decided wasn’t for them. Tommy didn’t care. He would’ve been happy anywhere as long as Evan was there with him. Eddie had warned him. Tommy had seen his fiancé with a clipboard before but he’d always been privy to the “you’re the exception but only ‘cause you’re cute” rule. Nothing had prepared him for... Well. To be honest, it hurt more than anything. Not because Buck was unbearable or because Tommy didn’t feel heard about the wedding preparations. If anything, Tommy had to remind Evan that what he wanted mattered too and it was okay if he didn’t like something that Tommy did. It hurt because it didn’t feel like there was anything he could do to make it better. Evan wasn’t sleeping. He was stressed. He was overwhelmed. He was stubborn. His sister had offered to help him find a wedding planner but Evan had pointedly refused to even consider it until absolutely none of the venues had passed whatever standards Buck had set on one of his many many sets of notes. The clipboard had quickly been upgraded to a binder and any time he asked if he could help, Evan just waved him off with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. What was supposed to be a day of celebration and fun was poking at Evan’s side like a thorn he couldn’t pull out no matter how many times he tried. And nothing quite seemed to be able to soothe him. He tossed and turned in Tommy’s arms until the sheets were tangled around them. His eyebrows knitted together like he was fighting off a headache every time he so much as looked at flowers. The to do list seemed to be growing, not shrinking, and under no circumstances was anyone allowed to bring up that they still hadn’t set a date. Tommy still hadn’t quite forgiven Chimney for causing that particular downward spiral. It was supposed to be fun and it hurt Tommy more than anything that Evan wasn’t having fun and there wasn’t a thing Tommy could do to help. Sure, Tommy had dreams. He had little touches on the reception and ceremony he had opinions on. He never thought he’d get the chance to even get this far to begin with. But all that mattered to him was that he got to tell the world that Evan was his. That this adorable, gorgeous, kind man had said yes to forever with Tommy and Tommy loved him so much that it was a miracle he didn’t implode. He just didn’t know what Evan was trying to prove. Or rather who he was trying to prove the mysterious point to. Frankly, Tommy didn’t care. The only person who mattered was in his arms. “Breathe baby,” Tommy murmured into Evan’s ear. Evan breathed out as he fell back into Tommy’s chest and Tommy pressed a kiss to the soft skin beneath his ear. Inch by inch the tension that had been lingering beneath his skin melted away and Tommy watched as Buck dug his toes into the sand. Trying to tear Evan away had taken a lot of bribery and some gentle manhandling and he’d only agreed to get in the car when Tommy had told him he had another venue they could look at but they only had a very small window to get there. A little white lie. Or maybe not so much. He’d just managed to get them parked and to the beach before the sunset on the horizon and the colors bled into the sky when Evan shot him a look that said he was busted. It was just meant to be a distraction really. A moment of peace where Evan could turn off the miles and miles of thoughts racing through his head. “It’s perfect,” Evan said and Tommy squeezed him even tighter as he stared out at the tide. “Yeah,” he agreed because it was. Because anywhere with Evan in his arms was. But that spot on the beach? Well it had plenty of space to fit their loved ones too.

[tadpoles-and-daydreams]

A ramble on imposter syndrome and the accessibility of witchcraft

So, I’ve been thinking. I think a lot in case you haven’t noticed. Specifically, I’ve been thinking about the major imposter syndrome I’ve been feeling lately in regards to this blog. TL;DR is at the bottom of this post.

People have been, occasionally, sending me asks requesting my opinion on things/how I do things/what I know about XYZ topic. If you are one of these people, I promise I’m not vagueposting about you in particular- in fact, I love these questions! They’re so fun to get and they actually make me sit and think sometimes, or even encourage me to write out something that I’ve been meaning to for my book of shadows. Genuinely, they're wonderful asks to receive. These questions have made me confront something, however; my blog is still small, but some people actually like what I write and value my opinion even if just a little. 

I feel like a mimic hiding in the witchcraft community. I feel like, were people to truly understand my experiences, they would want to “expose” me for knowing so little.

So I sat down with those feelings and turned it over in my head and I’ve come to a conclusion. The fact is, I don’t do research. At least- not what I think of when people talk about research. My "research" consists of the occasional rabbit hole I go down, one and two halves of different books I never finished under my belt, what I see scrolling through various social medias, and conversations I've had with other witches. I check to make sure I'm not stepping on the toes of any closed practices- in fact, that's what most of my energy goes to when it comes to research. This isn't a complaint; I'd much rather know that my craft isn't appropriative.

But I don’t know much about mythology, even that of the deities I work with. I don't even remember the holidays and what they're for. I thought Nyx was an Egyptian deity until like four months ago because I'd just heard her name in passing as a child and had never looked into the mythology... Even though I mainly work with the pantheon she belongs to. Y’all, I’ve done like three spells that I remember. My book of shadows is a messy disaster and I love it but it's got so little information in it, because I rarely write things down. Most resources (especially mythology resources) are academically worded or difficult to read for me personally, and all of these things feel like secrets I have to guard with my life because if I were to ever say them aloud, people would know I'm a fraud.

Today I've come to the conclusion that that is, in fact, absolute bullshit.

Maybe it's not, maybe this post will make some people really upset, but in my practice it's bullshit. All of the above is a result of my ADHD and the fact that I am nothing if not a hands-on learner. My craft is mostly my own experiences because that's how my whole life is; I learn by doing. My ideal learning style is sitting with another autistic person whose special interest is whatever I'm learning about and just talking for five hours, but if that's not something I can do, puzzling it out myself is the next best thing. That's what I've been doing ever since I felt had a basic foundation for my craft. Hell, even before I had a foundation I was putting my own experiences into my craft because "Well that rule just doesn't fucking vibe with me."

This post is mostly for me, but partially for anyone who feels similar. We are not broken or doing witchcraft/paganism wrong. We are simply what happens when the kid who could never do homework ends up practicing the "religion/spirituality that comes with homework." Witchcraft and paganism, in my experience, is far from accessible when it comes to the typical image of it. UPG is what makes it accessible. So yes, my practice is heavily UPG, and I don't do as much research as I think people have assumed. But I'm going to let go of the idea that I'm a fraud, because frankly I know enough about witchcraft to have supported my practice this whole time and my deities haven't smited me yet so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

TL:DR:

Fuck the rules, I don't do much research. I've researched the "basics" and what I need to so I'm not stepping on any toes of closed practices, but people seem to think I know way more than I actually do. I've felt like I was lying this whole time but frankly witchcraft just isn't accessible to someone with my flavor of auDHD, so my craft relies heavily on UPG and I've decided that I'm not broken or wrong for that and neither is anyone else. I'm tired of seeing myself as an imposter just because I make my practice doable for me.

[detectiveneve]

How To Know If Your Evil Vampire Boygirlfriend Really Likes You (a meta on Astarion's manipulations of Tav deeper into the romance.)

Okay, this was supposed to be a response to this ask right here, and it got so long I decided to just put it in its own thing for slightly easier reading. Thank you again to the asker for giving me an excuse to go off the rails talking about THE BOY. This also got long enough that it needs. Subheadings. And it is [checks notes] 3.6k words long. If you're interested in skipping the act 2 Scene Breakdown and going straight for the character analysis of Act 3 specifically, you can jump to the uhhh 3. Yeah He's Manipulative (Trauma Edition) subheading.

Prefacing that this is just my personal interpretation of Astarion here, the game leaves several moments ambiguous on purpose & I'd be super intrigued to hear what anyone else thinks is going on in this rancid little lad's head. This became more of a process of breaking down what I think he's doing in each scene than anything else, so I hope it's interesting to... you? reader? Since it's a bit long-winded and a lot of speculation and interpretation on my part for his wild ass behavior.

(Also, I haven't played far enough with an ascended Astarion to properly break down the differences between both--he'll have his own playthrough for sure but since I haven't gone far enough in that path, all of this is with no-ritual Astarion in mind) (I also don't have screenshots for everything but hopefully that's alright. just trust me bro.)

Fair warning, I didn't proof-read this & I moved paragraphs around so if it sounds incoherent that's a feature not a bug. Now. Let's get into the EVIDENCE.

1. but did he mean the kisses????

So, before the hug scene, the game leaves us a bit of room to interpret the progression of the relationship. I kind of wish we had one extra scene to sort of solidify his growing feelings in the in-between period of his "I'm just sleeping with you to secure my safety here," era (pre-confession as we'll call it) and his "oh shit I actually kind of care about you," era (post-confession, pre-ritual), but I understand why it wasn't included. Game mechanics & cost aside, the space between these two periods is left entirely up to player interpretation, & has lots of room for HC up to each individual player & Tav.

To address the easiest examples the asker gave, the repeatable kiss dialogues are all ones I'm going to mark under "sincere." Mostly because those are all post-confession, and after Astarion has acknowledged to himself (& the player) that he doesn't want to do anything sexual, but presumably kissing is fine (given that he's enthusiastic about the kisses & will shut down sex/intimacy acts otherwise.)

There's not really a logic to him being slinky here, and I didn't interpret any of his post-kiss repeated dialogues as insincere, much more so playful or coy or cheeky. The voice acting is subtle here, but I found it to be much more playful than his annoying little, for lack of a better word, purring "hello, beautiful" etc etc in act 1 / early act 2. Also, all these dialogues stay the same after the ritual happens, and your romance has been solidified in the grave scene, where he wholly says:

"I feel safe with you. Seen. And whatever the future holds for me, I don't want to lose that."

^ Not a lie. So I think we can mark off those particular dialogue as sincere.

In act 2, there aren't really a lot of places for Astarion to actually get into his manipulative tendencies. He overtly needs your aid with Yurgir (Repeat after me: thank you for helping me. It was very kind.) so he doesn't really manipulate you at... all...? in my opinion? Act 2 shows you his most sincere moment yet in the confession/hug scene. He is not lying. He is more honest in those moments than he has been in the entire game, and it shows in his wording, his body language. He's uncertain of himself, maybe. He doesn't know what to make of the situation yet. He says as much to Tav when you ask him "What are we?" and he says:

"I don't know. But isn't it nice? Not to know. You're not a victim. Not a target. Not just one night it's better to forget. But then... whatever in the world could you be?"

He has no reason to say that without sincerity. He could say you're his specialest babygirl if he wanted to keep up the lie. And other than helping him with Raphael, there's really not a moment where Astarion has an opportunity to manipulate you....

EXCEPT.

EXCEPT. For this moment in particular. which is one of my FAVORITE Astarion ones because it is gloriously bitchy.

2. what if we took over a cult, babe.

Context first: I played a paladin of devotion, rough around the edges but fairly good-aligned Tav. She was a bit of a jerk but she saved people for free, and I adhered to her dialogue roleplay hard, choosing the "destroy the Absolute" dialogues at every turn. I don't have a save for this scene sadly otherwise I'd replay it and compare/contrast answers like a pepe silvia meme, so I'm only able to break this scene down from that particular lens.

Secondary context: This scene is important because it highlights Astarion's manipulative routine while still with a Tav he's very fond of (exceptional approval in this scene) and the way he lays it out is necessary to understand the moments later where he tries to manipulate Tav again, since it has components of the same themes, ideas, and tendencies that go on.

So, Astarion will hit you with this hot take early-ish on.

"You know. I feel a connection between us. Like we're two souls walking the same path (...)" Astarion establishes emotional connection, and a foundation of similarity/commonality/shareed interest. This is pretty standard fare for him. He does the same thing a lot early in act one, where he's almost CONSTANTLY asking you to "trust him," (when you really should not.)

"You might be a little naive in the ways of the world, but I see promise in you. Ambition." - He kind of snidely reveals what he actually thinks--you're a bit naive, you "have a big heart,"--he's hoping that his emotional cloying and little comment and connection with Tav will be enough to sway them over to what he wants to do, and they'll give him what he wants because We're So Similar, See?

"So I was thinking, what would be the right thing do when we get to Moonrise Towers?" - He wields his language carefully. The right thing to do. That's a language he thinks Tav speaks. An interest in doing the Right Thing; so, he adjusts accordingly. He wants to do the right thing too, you see, and the right thing conveniently lines up with what he actually wants, which is real power. Astarion confesses he's not a details guy, yada yada, then--

"If we can take that control from them, imagine the power we'd wield." <- He lets slip what he's actually interested in. Astarion generally can't keep a charade up for too long. His real thoughts always come through, and he reveals his hand in conversations often, but usually in offhanded ways and, well--he's never made a secret really of where his actual interests lie. His attempts at currying your favor and persuading you (and you can really feel the persuasion here) are prettyyyyy overt, but still, he's trying anyways.

"I'm just saying there's an opportunity here. If we can control the tadpoles, we can keep ourselves safe and liberate the world from this evil." <- He brings the conversation back around to what's more neutral than Absolute Power -- keeping ourselves safe. He uses the We and Us language a lot when he wants to convince other people of anything, really. "We're all such good, trusting friends!" he'll say, lying through his FUCKING teeth. His manipulations here are like.... pretty clear, but he still gets an A for effort for trying to align himself with Tav & Tav's perceived goals & see if he can wriggle in his own in the process, put "become god-cult-leader" up as a Reasonable and Rational thing to Want to achieve.

The actual question here: does he care about Tav at this point? Up for interpretation, but I'm going to say yes with... the caveat that I don't think he's fully acknowledged it to himself, and I don't think it's love here. It is high approval though. I do think he cares about Tav, I do think he's including Tav in longer-term goals, he's depending on Tav at this point as an ally he can count on, and he's starting to get chipped away at.

I don't even really think it's a lie that he on some level would like to see Tav safe, and takes their wellbeing into account. He's been with them long enough to worry over their safety to some extent, and to at least partially lump it in with his own (in my opinion). Is that love? I don't think so. "We can finally be safe," is a reoccurring theme in the other scene I'm going to break down in just a second. And it's interesting for a lot of reasons.

And furthermore: you can care about someone and still be manipulative toward them. That's a core thing going on here, I think, with Astarion.

3. Yeah He's Manipulative (Trauma Edition).

"Is Astarion Manipulating Me In Act 3? " YES. A little bit. And here's why it's INTERESTING.

So, the confession scene in act two has already happened. Astarion has confessed some of his big mushy feelings to you. He likes you. You've slammed the "can I kiss you?" dialogue 100 times already because you're really super normal about the vampire twink. He doesn't know what to make of his caring about Tav yet. See: his "what are we??" dialogue.

MOVING ON. Astarion is also, a manipulative little shit, and he will NOT change his ways just because he likes you a lot and giggles when you give him a little kissy kiss.

Astarion is deeply, deeply traumatized, and his trauma has in his own words makes him act out the same cycles of behavior that he did prior to escaping Cazador. In its most obvious format, one of those behaviors was seducing Tav because that was the kind of behavior he knew, and it was the only thing he could think of to secure his own safety. By act 2, he's somewhat aware of the cycle, but--

Traumatic behaviors, like anything relating to surviving abuse & getting out of it, come and go in waves. You'll likely not find a survivor of abuse who doesn't revert back to coping mechanisms at times, especially in moments or episodes of heightened stress, or being put back into the old environment again. ->

Astarion going back to Baldur's Gate--and specifically with killing cazador in mind--is him going back to that same place where traumatic events occurred... almost constantly. Thus, he goes back to his old behaviors. Not to the exact same level, but it is there.

Safety. THIS is a word that comes back a lot with Astarion, it is one of his most reoccurring (if not the most) themes. He wants to feel safe. He associates power with safety, because the safest person in the world--as in, literally safe, not "safe for other people"--in his mind, is Cazador, who is powerful enough to repel any threats to himself & what he owns, has, possesses, and keeps.

Astarion is still, at his core, no matter what, self-serving. He will do what's best for himself first and foremost in almost every circumstance you put him in. Or at least, he will want to--if Tav or someone else stands in his way, and he sticks it out, it'll be begrudgingly. That's a fundamental aspect of his character & to try and do away with it makes no sense.

And in case it got lost, I'll reiterate that I do think Astarion's actual feelings for Tav at this stage are entirely genuine, & deeply felt. It shows, and it's obvious. He's just got several layers of behavior going on in the process.

"But I thought astarion liked me??? why would he consciously choose to manipulate me??" The thing is, once again, you can like someone and still try to manipulate them, pull on their heartstrings, or quite frankly guilt trip them into helping you kill like, a lot of fucking people so you can become godlord supreme emperor of mortals and vampire kind.

Let's get into the second scene I want to break down. Keeping all of what we've established above about how Astarion goes about establishing connection & togetherness & the idea of shared safety to sway Tav over to his side.

So let's set up one thing for sure. It's pretty obvious, everyone gets this scene, but let's set it up anyways.

"What's a handful of the wretch's servants? IF they're anything like me when I was enslaved, they'll all be begging for death anyways." <- apathy toward others, generally motivated by self-interest, lack of empathy for others' plights, a callousness that is fairly unrepetant. He's fairly sure this is what he wants, and--

"After two hundred years of pure shit, I think I deserve something better." Again, Astarion tells us exactly what he's thinking. And what he believes. And he's not wrong! He does deserve something better than what he had before. Or, at least, he doesn't deserve the level of cruelty he endured at Cazador's hands. However.

And then he follows it up with, "I know you do [care]. It matters to me too. I want to be able to protect you too." <- finally, we come back around to the reoccurring theme he'll use to sway Tav over to his side. He sees the soft point of Tav in the conversation--they care about him--and he needles that in; they care about him, he cares about them, they should help him complete the ritual for it, it's what's best for everyone. Except for the 7000 spawn, but. You know.

NEXT IMPORTANT SCENE. let's take a look at the scene that follows after you confront his fellow vampire spawn in the tavern.

I'm keeping the full screencap so I can keep his shifty little look in here. It's not the best format, I wish I'd kept videos, the body language & voice acting adds a lot to this moment, but. Neil you're so good at balancing Astarion's careful shiftiness, his gleeful/vindictive revelry at being so close to his end goal & confronting his siblings without flinching, his coy little pleading, and his near desperate watchfulness. He needs Tav. He cares about Tav, yes, but he needs Tav to help him.

Astarion is, again, fairly callous about the deaths of his brethren. You have to remind him time & again to maybe empathize with their suffering & similarity to him. But each time he reverts back to, "their lives" serving a greater purpose.

Astarion then follows that up with "But we're a team. If I become all powerful, then we become all-powerful." <- I think he genuinely does think of himself & Tav as a team, and as a good one at that. More than anything, Tav is the first person Astarion, in his own words, feels he truly cares for. They've killed a few gods chosens together, Tav has given him respect, patience, care. He feels fairly assured of their presence & kindness at this point. And assurance tends to breed............. let's call it, taking for granted?

I believe he's trying to again emotionally bid for their help & loyalty as much as gauge if they're still with him, as he does by going -> "We are a team after all. You're still with me?" Once again, the easiest way to secure aid is through emotional connections; someone's attraction to you, or better yet, their care for your well-being, are easy strings to pull on to try and entice someone to do what you want them to do. It's not necessarily maliciously intended, but it is a kind of manipulation.

"But Astarion just genuinely wants to know you're on his side!" Yes. And he also really wants you to help him with the ritual. ANY arguments against the idea that he's benignly trying to manipulate Tav's feelings, I'm just gonna put up this screencap right here, one of the last times he bids for Tav's affection & loyalty in this, in this particular conversation:

Look at his stupid pouty face and his "You want what's best for me, surely?" and oh god the voice acting. We're smacked right in the face with Act 1 Astarion's slinky, whiny little "truuuuust me it'll just be a taste I promise &lt;3333" voice. That PURE "I'm trying so hard to connive my way into your good will because I REALLY want this." voice.

His strength is your strength. And he will pleading face emoji his way through getting you over to his side if he needs to. It's honestly so funny, how the writing plays out, because SEVERAL times you can choose to fully fall for it, "yes of course I want whats best for you / want you to be safe / feel good" and every time, he's like "I know I know <333 and I want YOU to feel safe too <3333" and I don't even think that's a lie! I don't think it's a LIE, I just think it's the same pattern of manipulative behavior he's exhibited time and again even when he cares for you.

Astarion is still Astarion. He is very willing to kill, lie, and cheat his way through just about anything to protect himself, & all of that makes PERFECT sense for him. And if you're not on board with his plans, of course he will use every tool at his disposal to get you on board. It is, after all, what's best for both you and him. His power is your power.

4. "I'm doing this for you too." He said, lying. Or genuinely believing that but lying to himself too and executing it in the weirdest way imaginable.

So, this is probably my favorite interaction in the entire Astarion romance. Love the grave scene. Love the horny evil vampire turning. But this moment in particular is fucking brilliant, because it illustrates the dilemma here perfectly.

Astarion outright tells us exactly why he is the way he is, and why he cares for Tav while being able to be so cruel and callous about others. "No one ever looked out for me [...] you're the only one." Tav is exceptional--as in, THE EXCEPTION to the rule--because they cared for him in a way no one else ever has. He has ZERO reason to even bother lifting a finger for anyone else besides himself, because in his mind, none of them ever bothered to help him, why should he bother with them. But TAV. Tav he can make promises too.

On some level, I do kind of believe him when he says things like "I'm doing this for you too." -- As in, I believe that he believes that he's taken Tav into account here as well. I do think he genuinely thinks they'll be an even more magnificent duo of glorious bastards together once he's God Vampire Emperor Of Eternity. And on some level, he's probably right. They do take over the world together in some endings, so. Good for them.

However, do I think he's primarily motivated by anything but himself? No. Tav also benefitting from his mega vampire powers is just a bonus in a laundry list of reasons why Astarion wants to ascend at this point in the game. Why Astarion is willing to pull out every guilt-trippy, pleading face to get Tav to help him, if they show even a hint of reluctance. More than anything: Astarion is a survivor, and a survivor of severe abuse that pretty quickly explain why he is the way he is. Does that excuse what he does in the aftermath of that abuse, when it comes to harming other people? Not really. But it explains it pretty clearly.

Because Astarion is back where he came from, he's immediately thrust back into the cycles of behavior that both traumatized him & were what he had to do. The pattern of behavior, coping mechanisms, rooted in traumatic cycles, that he has done time and time and time again that has successfully gotten him, not what he wants, but what he needs to survive. Does his manipulation of Tav here mean he doesn't care? Not at all. It's just that he needs this work. He needs his allies to help him make it work, and he's willing to pull out every stop to see Cazador dead and himself with enough power to never feel so helpless or vulnerable again.

Astarion can love you & still be himself. He will never stop being a bit bitchy, a bit conniving, extremely focused on self-preservation at all costs. He might not seek out active maliciousness, but even in act 3 after the ritual, he still approves of generally being a sneaky bastard, taking short cuts, taking easy ways out. And none of this is necessarily... a problem? It isn't ""moral"", sure, but it's not really a problem. In some endings, he can pursue ""better"" paths, but his general deceivery and typical behavior aren't going away. Feature, not a bug. How each Tav feels about his ... fairly obvious deep romance manipulations is up to each player though, and that is what's interesting for each playthrough.

There are five more essays to write in here. There's the Astarion after the ritual, who agrees that fine, killing 7000 people is wrong. And there's the Astarion after the ascension, who is now fully entrenched in the idea that Power Is Everything, and all that means for him afterward, and his visceral, intense, obsessive controlling dynamic with Tav where they descend into Chaotic Vampire Evil Marriage. And there's Astarion and Tav together finally, honestly, openly, with the heart-wrenching intimacy of the grave scene. And this is almost 4000 words so I'm shutting the fuck up here.

So. I will end this by saying I'm peeling him like an onion rn I'm obsessed with him. He's gods horrible princess and he's never going to die.

[radinclus-not-radqueer]

Radqueers are a cult.

I am a cult survivor, I have been one far before I was in the radqueer community. As a cult survivor, the radqueer community IS a cult. If you've never been in the community, and have only been an outside observer, it's understandable that you wouldn't realize this, but claiming radqueers are "just assholes" is a slap in the face to people like me who have been permanently traumatized by them.

Here is a commonly used model of how cults work:

If you go through every single point in this, the radqueer community checks almost every one of them. People have already pointed this out many times before, however I will explain it again for people who haven't seen those posts.

(Skipping over ones that don't fully apply or that I haven't personally experienced. Most of these are pretty brief because I don't think anyone will read an entire essay for every point)

Rigid rules - radqueers force you to include everyone and everything, and never question what you're accepting lest you get labeled as "not a real radqueer" and harassed. You must accept any and all predatory relationships, or you'll receive the same treatment as "antis". If that isn't "rigid rules", I don't know what is.

Rewards and punishments - you coin a term people like, or make an "I love pro-cs" post? Everyone likes you, praises you, sends you asks telling you how amazing you are! You dare to question anything about the community? You get cast out, banned from servers, harassed, sent death threats, and doxxed.

Dependence and obedience - radqueers make their victims believe that this is the only community that will accept them. They say that every other community will hate them for their identity, and this is the only "real radinclus" community. This causes people to feel trapped there, or in other words become entirely dependent on the community for validation and support. They convince people that if they leave, or do anything wrong that causes them to be forced out, they'll have nowhere to go. This forces them into obedience for fear of being left all alone and being completely abandoned.

Deception - this one is very, very obvious. There's a reason why radqueers label themselves as "radically inclusive", "pro-consent", "pro-bodily autonomy" - they are not just saying these things because they don't understand what they mean. They're intentionally using uplifting, inclusive language that sounds really great and supportive to deceive people into joining them. This is also why they use emoji codes, so other radqueers will recognize them but people who don't know what radqueers are will be lured into their trap.

Propaganda - pretty similar to the above. They label everything as "radical inclusion" and tell people that they have to support all these things to be "truly inclusive". They make cute flags and emoji codes to make grooming, abuse, racism, ableism, and transphobia seem cool and fun, to further lead people into their trap. By definition, propaganda is "information, especially of a biased or misleading nature, used to promote or publicize a particular political cause or point of view". All these cutesy emojis, symbols, flags, and terms are propaganda.

Discourages access to outside sources of information - radqueers constantly say that all science, psychology, and medical information is "biased" and "bigoted". If you provide them with any information on how what they're doing is wrong, they pull out any number of excuses and then tell their "friends" how bigoted and exclusionist the source is. This makes it seem like radqueers are the only reliable source of information, and anything else is untrustworthy.

Insider/outsider doctrine - this is painfully clear with how they refer to everyone who disagrees with them as "antis". Even if you're just an outside observer, you pick up on this quickly.

All/nothing, good/evil, us/them dogma - once again, they refer to anyone who differs even slightly in opinion as an "anti" or "anti in training", and the second anyone decides to question why they're literally supporting nazis and blackface, they get labeled as an "anti" and "horrible person". They play the victim any time they get told that what they're doing is wrong, while crying and complaining about how much they're harassed and about how "mean" and "rude" anti-radqueers are.

Feeling chosen or special - radqueers very obviously convince themselves that they're so unique and special, which is why terms like transship or transhasapetcat exist. They want to seem really cool and special, and make completely normal things into obscure, "special" identities, like calling yourself translivesintheuk instead of just saying you wanna move to the UK. As someone who's been in their servers, they hoard identities like this because it makes them feel temporarily special and unique, which makes them convinced that what they're doing is right.

Guilt/manipulation - radqueers do this all the time. When someone says they aren't sure if they support something or not, radqueers immediately get all teary-eyed and upset, claiming that the person would be "basically an anti" if they decided not to support it. I've even seem someone cry and complain over being rejected by an anti-transnazi radqueer and claim that it was "ableist" that the person rejected them. Everyone defended and comforted the person who was rejected, immediately siding with them for fear of being "ableist", saying that it was wrong to be against literal nazis. This is very clear manipulation and guilt-tripping.

Phobia indoctrination - phobia indoctrination is where people in the cult make others terrified of leaving for fear of being hurt, killed, etc. As I've explained earlier, radqueers try to scare people into staying by saying that if they leave the community, no one will ever support or love them, and they'll never be accepted outside of it. People who went into the radqueer community after being anti-radqueer know firsthand how awful the harassment, doxxing, and death threats from radqueers are. People in the community who have doubts are very clearly too scared to leave, and people who don't have doubts have been convinced that no one will ever love them except for radqueers.

Anyways, I hope that this clears up how the radqueer community is a cult! Feel free to add on with your own experiences or additions, and please stop invalidating and shaming survivors.

[iron-embers]

The Finale

Had quite a lot of information pass to me in the span of 24 hours, and so it took a while to determine what to say so that we can move on with both a clear conscience and a concise understanding. First, I wanted to thank everyone who has reached out in regards to Bbd, and all the help you have given me in pursuing a fair end to this madness. I couldn’t do this without you all, and for those that have been hurt by the actions of this troll and being caught in the middle, you have my sincerest apologies. No one should have to go through that, Bbd did not deserve any of it and neither did those who have been made victims thanks to the actions of one miserable troll. For those that have suffered for the fighting that has been caused since then, know that your honesty and being civil in the name of seeking the truth have been a great aid, and has restored my faith in the fandom. With that being said, let me make it publicly clear

Hawnkoii is not the troll, and the evidence I was sent while true was taken out of context. When I made the first post addressing everything possible, I had to do it in a way that would not be swayed by opinions, but based on the evidence I gathered. I tagged hawnkoii initially as before any of this, we have actually never spoken to one another. And it wasn’t for any particular reason, it was a mutual understanding as there were no problems that ever arose between us so no point, even after the controversies of drama that happened on a server I was not a part of, I did not block, unfollow or spread anything about hawnkoii to anyone because why cause more unecessary drama. And while the evidence I gathered was quite appalling, the result it brought has been a mix of shock, pain and most importantly, a desire to understand what is really going on shared by many others and most importantly hawnkoii. My post brought on a conversation that was desperately needed, and after me and Hawnkoii talked for a long while both comparing evidence and talking it out like adults, we have come to the shared understanding that we should have spoken sooner. Instead we let the words of others doubt one another’s integrity without ever actually seeking out another side to whatever was being told. And with that we are on the same page and are aware of the truth now. I reached out to the mutuals who have been affected by this privately as I know the troll is still around, but to those I have not spoken to let this post make it clear that hawnkoii is not the troll. They, like me and so many others are another victim of the manipulation the one truly responsible has wrought. I do not regret posting what I did earlier as it helped people get on the same page, like it or not as much as many don’t want to be involved (as understandable as that is) it is clear that it became everyone’s problem when the troll started infringing on others right to privacy. I do however feel a heavy burden knowing that it has brought pain to those that were truly innocent in all this. We all want this to be over, I completely understand and it is for that reason that I want to say what I’m sure all of us have been wanting.

The blame game is done. No more playing by this trolls rules. In the past many of us may have said some things to one another, things that we later realize were wrong and have come to regret, and yet felt they would be shunned if they ever tried to come clean about it. No more. Let this be the moment that no matter what has been said in anger, speculation, and fear….let this be the moment where we let it go. Every individual has agency over what they do, and it is no one’s place to be telling anyone how to follow through with someone else’s choices unless they ask for it. I’ve heard all the sides I could and you know what…what’s done is done. No one should think they deserve forgiveness for what was said, but I would like to think that all of us want in some way to atone. Let this be that moment, we all have our differences, our boundaries and our own opinions, and over time when left unchecked things can get out of hand when any disagreements are not properly communicated. We let petty feelings and pride get in the way of what is truly important, it is wrong to let it continue but it is also HUMAN. And it’s okay to make mistakes. What isn’t okay is to start making what is supposed to be a fun and open place something to dread and fear. By spreading rumors, whispering behind each others back, and instead of letting civility dictate conversations it has become damn near zealotry. This is a place for people to create and share common interests with those they interact with, and whatever ill feelings or disagreements anyone has with one another should be made privately and dealt with in a professional manner. No dragging anyone into private matters, that is a recipe for disaster and if it cannot be solved privately then what will dragging more into it do?

Secondly, this got as far as it did because some have unintentionally forgotten the importance of privacy. It happens, we make mistakes, however as much as I wish otherwise the internet is not the safest place on earth. There are good people here, but there are also bad ones too, and sharing too much info with the wrong person can lead to dangerous waters. So from this point on, if you know someone’s private information because they imparted that to you with the trust you won’t share it, for the love of the creator do not share it without their express permission. And if someone you kind of know happens to ask for it or to verify that other persons info in anyway, please check with the person they are asking about if that is okay. Or if anything, why is that person asking for their personals, if they don’t know the person they are asking about, then they have no business knowing that private info and no one has any business sharing it without permission. End of story on that. This is what made it worse in the first place, so with that said let this be a lesson on why private info should be respected. No more of that. I’ve seen everything that has been going on, I appreciate those that reached out to give their side, the honesty and the want to move forward is what should bring us together, not divide us.

With that understood, and no more of things being unclear and who said what cuz it is time to move on, now to get on to what is also important. It is confirmed that the one responsible for the server drama plus Tumblr drama is

Overwork/ @hearts4muzan / hearts4muzan

And those connected to that account are also the ones responsible for the near year of harassment to all the creators here. As stated before, many things were said on that server by different people, and I have come to the conclusion that overwork who was the one in charge of that server had a malicious reason for inviting all those hantengu creators in the first place. To put it simply, time and time again the troll has reached out stating their obsession with hantengu, to such an unhealthy degree that they came at many creators not just on tumblr, but they did this on twitter first. I don’t have twitter, but have gotten the scoop on what happened on there, and to keep it simple, they love making lil disagreements spiral out of control by playing the they said, who says game, preying on people’s lack of time spent on the internet to manipulate and weave doubt among creators. It starts with one controversial thing, some that can be taken out of context and they spin it, baiting the person they are targeting to say more so they have more info to spin. It is sick, and because they couldn’t get enough of it on twitter, they found their way to tumblr.

Ever since I posted the big timeline post yesterday, these messages came from two of the people I’ve been in contact with, and I’m sure some of you who have interacted with overwork in the past have also received this. As you can see, the troll did see my post as I did link hearts4muzan , calling them out on their bs and so as a final act of desperation they send this to sow more trouble. Not only that, they retagged me and two others earlier today on a post meant to doxx spife, showing a one sided recollection of what happened on the server. As stated, they like to use this guilt trip method to keep people quiet as since they were in charge of the server they saw everything going on, weaponizing and using what others said to spread more chaos, and that action itself shows they are a coward. They didn’t even to bother to make a well written response for different people, they just copy and paste to see what reaction they get. Hell even claiming to be multiple people to divert attention, which may be true, but the again their arrogance led them to believe no one would be willing to put aside their differences to see the bigger picture. Every text of them supposedly informing you of supposed gossip, everytime they shut you down without hearing your side and threatening to reveal the out of context truth, all of it was their game.

Many disputes have happened in or out of that server they were in charge of because they were overseeing all the info being passed around between the creators who joined the server with completely innocent intentions. And whatever info they gather they spin stories out of it, selectively feeding it to certain people so that it creates doubt and chaos. They have done it before, they have experience doing this as they have also proven to fabricate fake screenshots of the person being targeted, with mothzii, spife, and now they did this to BBd. And they tried so damn hard to get BBd to give them something, to bait them into a fight with constant messages, anon asks, and even resorting to stealing their art to goad them on, and when BBd did the professional thing and reported it, with nothing else they started sneaking about on their server and find those that knew bbd in order to get that info. They found their private discord user and even found the personal insta to look for any dirt. Since they couldn’t find any, they resorted to threatening bbd via anon messages that they will locate them. One, that is absurd that the whole reason someone would go to that length is for the sake of creating drama for a fictional fandom, especially to someone who strove for no drama in the first place like bbd. When they threatened that bbd made sure to keep their account private and wanted to what until the troll lost interest, at the very least the location the troll kept claiming was their location was completely off and might as well not correct them. But then, that is when I was sent screenshots of someone claiming BBds discord had a conversation with someone on discord that claimed it was bbd talking bad about one of the creators. The first suspicion is that the other person that BBd was apparently talking to on this supposed chat, had their names blurred except for bbd’s. I found it suspicious and did my research, that was not BBd at all. It was in fact someone copy and pasting bbd’s discord handle, one they got from screenshots they collected showing their handle and putting it over the conversation playing as if it was real. Sick, I know. And that was the final straw, BBd had enough of the lies, enough of the drama in the fandom that she had tried to avoid getting involved in. That’s why when hearts4muzan asked us in asks to join their server, we did not for the sake of not wanting to get caught in the middle of anything. To this day I’m so glad we did not because now we know that was bait, so that we would become their victims. Instead they used other people to get to bbd, and that is what urges me to write all this down to have the story straight.

It doesn’t matter anymore who talked shit about someone else, this became a serious matter when privacy was infringed on and affected innocent people. If the troll who did this wants the attention, to be taken seriously then here is the moment we all come together and keep this troll from ruining tumblr. If they cannot respect privacy, I won’t either. Karma is a beautiful thing and now that we are all on the same page we can finally do what needs to be done and end it.

First time hearing from the troll and me answering them/ them playing as if they are mothziis friend to divert attention

Them stealing my art, same time they stole BBD art after we reported the first pic

Then after we got them banned from stealing more art on rule 34, on July 8th Bbd gets an spam message with a link to a twitter account, showing that they stole another one of her pieces, the tags and text were in Romanian but it basically was saying expletives towards her art of Chizue and Sekido, saying and I wish I could be making this up…Sekido was their hubby and Chizue doesnt deserve him….ya know for a fictional character. She had it reported and taken down, but the account is still on twitter with this….lovely image of the art they parodied from a commission mothzii got from another artist. By the way, that link in their bio was linked straight to the real mothzii, but since mothzii deleted her account due to the twitter drama, it now leads no where, and this troll is using a bastardized version of their user since to play as if they are the same user. They are not. And they have stolen other art of peoples OCs to cuss them out in either Korean or Romanian for daring to make art with their hubby. I cringe as I’m writing this so bear with me. And needless to say, their twitter is full of reblog sand posts that would make even rule 34 blush. All in Romanian. Considering the lack of proper grammar in most of the troll asks everyone was getting at certain points, it does prove they are not an English speaker.

If any of you noticed inconsistencies with how the troll came to you and harrassed through asks, such as one time the text and grammar was awful, and the next they have even better grammar, wonder no more cuz it’s actually two people. One who is in charge of this mothliina account on twitter, and then this user suramii11 that they repost art of is the other. If any of you received the disgusting art or link to said art of dreams child character, this style of tracing over bases and how awful it is, this was the one that did that art.

Unfortunately they did art of hawnkoiis character without consent, and they did that previously with chizue and dreams characters, they were quite disgusting and posted it on rule 34 before they were taken down.

About a week later more asks are sent.

The return of the mothzii rumor

First attempt at resuming the mothzii harrassment

Second attempt, this time from the spam account since I blocked anons

After the twitters art theft, guess what they decided to do once twitter once again failed? Back to tumblr and of course with the same explicit pic of the art they edited before. If anyone was curious why they use this picture, it is actually the same picture that me and BBd found on rule34 after dream was getting harrassed and getting pedo art from the same user. The pic that said chizues name and BBd had taken down, after that was when the troll started coming over to tumblr to harass them. So desperate for attention they even made a fake pic of the real mothzii following them, when that is not the case. All in the name of causing drama

Whether it be a whole group of them are not, this is vile, and what they truly want is to be taken seriously. To be feared and abuse the info they gather to blackmail/doxx creators they are jealous of. Any bit of info they get feeds them and they start to repeatedly harass you with it to wear you down. They did that to mothzii, they did it to Spife (at this point I don’t care if people are still taking overworks word for it, please refer to Spife’s post for the other side of the story), and they tried with so many others like Lumitylovepill and Dreamcorechild. Just like when they tried to play the person of color card and call the creators they were jealous of white supremecists, and when I corrected them as them pulling the race card and using it to be a degenerate was not only insulting, that I was not white, my ask box was filled with all sorts of racist insults, all different as they hoped I would responded back with what race I was so that they could get more info. Since I did not and only said Hispanic, they kept saying Mexican. I’m using this as an example, as that is just one of the many ways they use to bait people into giving personal info. When I didn’t, the asks stopped for a time. When people show that their attempts don’t work, they keep trying and trying, and the best thing to do is show them that it doesn’t affect you.

Point is, I wanted to show people how they do it, so that this doesn’t happen again. Many have said it best, ignore them, they want private info cuz they want to scare other people with it. They are a joke. And know that I made this post I hope people can see that turning against one another will not help. That is what the real culprits want. They claimed time and time again they were against pedo art and pro shipping, yet here they are reposting the same stuff on the twitter. They claimed we followed them, which was a ploy to cause another witch hunt, they claimed they were fair and just on discord, yet here they are calling Sekido their hubby and dosing others for liking the character. They claimed to have friends….if they were friends with anyone it was just them lying to themselves. If they shows what they were truly like to the people they claimed were their friends, they too would be shunned, just like what they messaged me when I confronted them.

Please refer to the first post if there is any confusion, and let us all put this to an end

First post

They are a coward. And even if these accounts get taken down they are so delusional they will make more,and we will be ready. This post with everything laid out, it is my hope that people will be properly informed and take the necessary steps to keep this fandom as fun as it should be. Share this, reblog, ask questions, no matter what, the truth will always prevail. People are from all different walks of life, but we all love demon slayer, let that love for it shine over the pride, the drama and unnecessary bs that should not define how creators treat one another. Respect others boundaries and just be kind to one another.

[local-ground-apple]

Hi could I request Diasomnia crew with a s/o who knows martial arts?

I swear this is the last diasomnia not-separate 🤭

everyone is here (with a lil focus on malmal), oh, and i enjoy bullying sebek a bit too much🤭🤭

,,Child of Man, I've been thinking...Perhaps, it's time we hired a knight for you"

At the sound of Malleus' proposition, you opened your eyes, suddenly feeling wide awake. You rose slightly from the comfortable place in his lap. You titled your head to one side, looking at him questioningly, trying to determine whether he was joking or not.

Malleus Draconia wasn't the type to crack some jokes.

He was deadly serious.

A knight ? For you ?

It seemed a bit too excessive, in your opinion.

,,A knight ? Why would I need a knight ?

You asked him, confusion audible in your voice. Before Malleus could even respond, you heard a soft, yet amused chuckle from the distance. You supposed that Lilia was eavesdropping on your conversation with Tsunotarou. You didn't even bother trying to spot the bat-fae; he was probably hiding somewhere in the bushes or branches. You briefly glanced at Malleus who was carefully observing you, as if he was scanning your face, trying to predict your reaction. He cleared his throat before he spoke up once again.

,,It would be wise. There should be someone to protect you, in case we're not around"

You furrowed your eyebrows, as your head once again layed in Malleus' lap. You could feel him gently running his fingers through your hair, playing with lose strands. Your eyes fell on Silver and Sebek sparring few metres before you. Their swords were cutting through the air, furiously attacking each other. You knew Lilia was nearby, probably silently observing their match from afar and noticing their weak areas that could have been improved.

,,I don't need anyone to protect me"

You said firmly, turning your attention to Malleus who only raised his eyebrow. He clearly didn't believe you, as a soft smile appeared on his lips. He sighed heavily, as his curious gaze seemed to pierce through your form.

Perhaps Lilia was right in his prediction that it would be quite hard to convince you to agree to his proposition. Malleus only wished to protect you, especially given the relationship between you two and his status as future king of Briar Valley. He was a bit concerned that some Faes may attempt to hurt you.

You appreciated his concern. Truly.

Yet, you were more than capable of taking care of yourself and protecting yourself. And you were going to prove it to Malleus.

,,Oh, is that so, Child of Man ?"

Judging by the amused and condescending tone of his voice, Malleus had absolutely no faith in you. You rolled your eyes, playfully nudging him.

,,Actually, I will show you ! I trained martial arts for a while back in my world and I was pretty good"

,,Oh, please do"

You remarqued quite confidently, your eyes stopping once again on two figures before you. For a brief moment you seemed pensive, quickly assessing two man in your mind. You weren't sure which knight you should pick to prove your point. You only watched their training from time to time, if Malleus or Lilia invited you.

You didn't know their particular fighting styles that well, so you could only guess who would be the easier target,

Suddenly, you felt a soft breeze gently brushing against your skin, as warm breath slightly tickled your skin. A hand rested on your shoulder, as you jumped in surprise. You didn't have enough time to turn around, as the mysterious figure leaned down and whispered in your ear.

,,Little One, you could simply pick one who annoys you more"

At this point you were sure that your cause of death would be heart attack caused by Lilia Vanrouge himself popping out of nowhere and scaring you. However, he had a point.

What a splendid idea, you thought to yourself.

,,Thank you for the suggestion, Lilia"

You responded, grinning, clearly delighted with the idea. You stood up, brushing any excessive grass from your pants, before you waved agressively at Sebek, trying to grab his attention.

,,Sebek Zigvolt ! Fight me !"

You yelled, managing to surprise both Silver and Sebek, who immediately stopped their fight. Lilia let out a chuckle at their perplexed and confused faces. Malleus only raised an eyebrow, clearly amused with the whole situation. Although, he couldn't help but worry slightly.

After all, you were just a human, meanwhile Sebek was a professionally trained half-fae knight.

Sebek furrowed his eyebrows, processing your words, before his face twisted in grimace.

,,What, no ! I will hurt you, Human ! You're just a weak mortal !"

Great, as always Sebek was subtly insulting you. You were certainly not weak and you were going to prove it to him teh hard way.

,,Oh, come on, Sebek ! Don't tell me you're afraid that some weak human could beat you in the fight ?"

You yelled back, your voice clearly teasing and railing him up, which was exactly what you hoped for. Perhaps your taunts would hurt his pride and temper and he would agree to your provocation.

Sebek was hesitant.

He actually wouldn't mind wiping that arrogant and confident smile off your face, however one look from Malleus told him otherwise. He glanced at his Master, who was eyeing him carefully. Sebek could literally feel chills on his back from Draconia's icy glare filled with subtle threat.

Sebek felt that if he managed to land a hit on you, his Master would personally murder him. He took a deep breath, his fists gripping his sword firmly, as he shook his head once again.

,,No need to worry, Malleus"

Lilia's amused and carefree tone broke through the silence. Silver looked at him in disbelief. His arms were crossed on his chest, as he was contemplating the situation. On the one hand, he had hope that the possibility of you decking Sebek existed and he would love to watch it; but on the other hand, he was a bit worried that you could get seriously injured. After all, his fellow knight wasn't known for his gentleness.

You approached them both, teasing Sebek once again, trying to rail him up so he would agree to your proposition.

,,Come on, Silver ! You gotta help me convince him"

,,I'm not sure if this is a good idea"

Silver responded diplomatically, eyeing Malleus and Lilia sitting in the shadow of the willow tree. They were whispering, but from this distance, he couldn't make out what they were talking about exactly. Given the cheerful look and playful smile on his father's lips, probably nothing good.

Silver sighned heavily. Now you and Sebek were screaming at each other, trying to assert dominance and convince the other party. Silver was definitely inviting you to a nap after this.

,,Your precious human will be alright, I can assure you of that, Malleus"

Lilia leaned forward and sat near Malleus, who didn't take his eyes off your form for a mere second. Diasomnia dorm leader clearly wasn't believing his friend. He eyed him suspiciously and in disbelief. There was absolutely no way that he was letting you fight one of his knights and possibly get hurt.

,, I've seen them in action once. They will be fine, I can't say the same thing about Sebek"

Lilia stated calmly, as Malleus' eyes widen at his words. Oh, that was quite unexpected. He supposed that if his caretaker was allowing this, he should be fine with your proposition. After all, Lilia was never mistakened in matters concerning any type of fighting.

,,Did you spare with them ?"

Malleus asked, as he glanced in your direction. You and Sebek were eagerly screaming at each other, as Silver stood there massaging his temples, as this arguing was giving him a bad headache.

,,Oh yes, once. I even gave them few tips. "

Malleus nodded his head in an understanding way. Lilia was quite proficient in fighting and throughout his long life he had learned plenty of martial arts. When he spotted you practicing by yourself in secret, he was more than happy to guide you, watch you train and offer some tips on how you could improve.

Lilia was confident that you could absolutely destroy Sebek in a fight. You were less aggressive and more agile and faster than him.

Malleus waved his hand, giving Sebek a green light.

,,Thank you, Tsunotarou ! You will definitely love this !

You exclaimed, as Sebek only rolled his eyes at the sound of your voice. He certainly wasn't planning on using his full strength in order not to severely injure. However, he wasn't the type to go easy on you either.

,, I will go easy on you, Sebek. No need to worry "

You said confidently, smiling softly. Your words clearly irked him, as Sebek scowled in indignation. As if you were the one who would get hurt.

Silver tried to mask a giggle escaping his lips by coughing diplomatically, as he took few steps back, to give you two enough space for your battle.

You were positive that you were going to deck Sebek.

To say that you got carried away a bit would be an understatement. You went absolutely feral and you certainly didn't hold back at all.

That "weak" human had kicked Sebek's ass and decked him hard.

,,You broke my arm !"

,,Your incompetence broke your arm, Sebek"

Silver responded, before he started laughing at Sebek's misery who only yelled at him. Lilia was currently observing Sebek's broken arm, assessing the damage you had inflicted, as his one hand gently tapped his back, telling him not to be so dramatic. Meanwhile you were repeating your apologies over and over again, as if they could magically heal Sebek and his shattered pride.

,, Hmm, I suppose you were right, dearest Child of Man. You don't need a knight"

Malleus' calm voice shifted your attention from Sebek yelling at you once again. You smiled slightly in embarrassement. You didn't mean to injure one of his knights.

,,Well, I didn't mean to break Sebek's arm. I swear it was an accident"

You began explaining yourself, yet Malleus brushed you off with a mere wave of his hand, signaling you not to worry about it. He was impressed with your skills.

,,Don't mind him, Child of Man, that was quite an entertaining show, I must admit"

You shook your head in embarrassement, hiding your face in your hands. Malleus certainly wasn't helping you right now. Not even mentioning Silver who was also having time of his life. Silver tried to mask his wheezing in the background, but he failed splendidly. It was the greatest thing he had witnessed this week.

,,Y/n, you need to teach me some of your moves "

Silver suggested once he stopped laughing at Sebek's misery.

,,I will teach you how to wield a sword in return"

At Silver's suggestion, your eyes widen in surprise. You liked that idea. Malleus seeing sparkles dancing in your eyes and excitement oozing from your figure, only shook his head, sighing heavily.

This was clearly a bad idea.

[jelloapocalypse]

caught you answering questions whichs means I can finally ask my own!

First question, what opinion or review have you shared do you think has made people the MOST angry?

Second, has anyone ever been really weird about your character to your face before? (You know like, WEIRD weird)

And thirdly, do you have any VA roles you regret doing?

these are very incendiary questions

I mean the obvious answer to the first is that I didn't like Infinity Train. I went out of my way to watch it when it had just been cancelled so that if it was good I could raise my voice alongside the other people in order to defend it, but I genuinely think it was one of the most unpleasant watching experiences I've ever had, especially Season 4. Kez in particular is truly one of the worst executions of a character I've seen put to screen.

I also got a lot of flack for complaining about the way children's media handles generational trauma as a theme. Speaking as someone with some pretty impactful generational issues on my mom's side, I dislike how it sets up a parental or grandparental figure as the root of all evil and then "resolves" that by having the lead character go "You are being mean!" and then said parent/grandparent just turns their personality on a dime to create a "happy ending". It just feels so disingenuous and it's the kind of lesson that will get kids hit in the face with a shoe.

Of course, the two big examples I used were the two relevant ones at the time, Encanto and Turning Red, so I got accusations of being racist etc. etc., twitter.

That's very funny because Turning Red and Everything Everywhere All at Once have the same three-generational divide setup and the same culture of origin and I think the latter movie managed to stick the landing in the exact way I think Turning Red missed.

I don't have a lot of popular characters I've voiced but people have walked up to me in person at cons and stuff and given me porn of my characters, which is insanely awkward.

I did a "Did You Know Anime" narration on Baccano! once and I just really phoned it in. No idea why, it's just an awful performance. I still feel kinda bad about that.

[shineonyoucrazyyandere]

One thing I love to day dream about is the yandere and their darling doing beauty treatment 💕 In my case it's Kakyoin. He is definitely the type of boy really care about beauty stuff like having a skincare routine or doing his hair in perfect curve shape. He is expert in this field although he is a boy (completely opposite me, I don't know how to do it although I'm a girl 😭)

I'm sure he will this advantages to be touchy with darling. Here, let he help you putting on the face mask. This nail color is suit you, let he pain it for you. You need help with your hairstyle, don't worry, he is a pro.

I believe he use lip balm cherry flavor too. And when darling joking ask him does it taste good, he will immediately kiss them and pretend nothing wrong with that action "What, you ask about how it taste so I just let you taste it."

Kakyoin is certainly the most thorough when it comes to beauty/haircare/skincare. Of course if he’s going to find a way to slip you into doing something with him no matter how small. Just the slightest extra amount of time alone with the redhead has him thrilled. Why don’t you try a little face mask? They’re not difficult to deal with in the slightest.

He’ll fixate on anything you seem to fancy yourself towards, that’s his primary objective firstly. Just your hair? Perfect, let him brush/comb, or even trim/cut it (it doesn’t make a difference how short or how long it is) He’ll even manage to get you a nice scent of shampoo/conditioner to use. It just happens to be something that he loves on you fragrance wise, but he keeps this to himself.

No make up or a make up every day kind of person doesn’t matter to Kakyoin, he always seems to come up with something to keep you around him longer. Little things that any person should keep up with. Helping with lotion to keep skin from drying out (or sunscreen). The way he does anything with you feels rather nice, gentle even. His heart is practically drumming out of his chest every time he touches you. Yet there’s a firm, focused face, seemingly concentrated on your form no matter the area.

Every little thing Kakyoin does well from painting nails to even simply massaging your scalp, he has the slightest hope to keep coming you coming back. If not he’ll keep coaxing you back, and making the experience pleasant as possible. Let’s not mention if things go south and you run off, that he wouldn’t eventually tie you down acting like nothing happened before proceeding with your usual routine. Even fawning over you right there as if he isn’t terrifying you right there and then.

Somehow he might figure out your favorite color of nail polish, he gets real particular with anything you do to take care of yourself honestly. (He won’t forget a single step no matter how complex either)

As for his own routine of going a little more into things most men don’t usually incline themselves to. He sees it as a good thing to go the extra effort of grooming to keep a presentable appearance. Honestly he didn’t care about any outside opinions on how he takes care of himself anyway, the insults slide right off of him. He won’t judge you either for not really wearing make up (why would he? That would be ridiculous)

If anyone trashes your appearance however, he’s going to make sure they’re taken care of personally with hierophant green.

Now if you compliment him that’s a completely different story, he’s ecstatic. Practically sealing your fate, as he’ll coast off your cute compliments for years to come.

+ Bonus

When out shopping, he doesn’t really mind. He’d likely be the first to volunteer (practically no one else is able with how quick Kakyoin is). Offers to buy something nice to try if you hadn’t done it before, (or just need more).

[wanderinginksplot-writes]

One-Shot: Boss + Competence

Sergeant Boss x gn!reader (no pronouns, no use of 'y/n')

Word Count: 4,700

Warnings: Frustration, feelings of otherness, disrespect

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“Ten o’clock, Boss,” Scorch muttered, elbowing Boss lightly in the side. 

Boss glared, but he knew it was useless. Nothing could put a damper on Scorch’s personality, especially when he thought he was helping. Besides, the head’s up was a sign that there were more important things to focus on. 

And, sure enough, there you were. 

A long-term mission with standard troopers hadn’t been a good use of Delta Squad’s time, in Boss’s opinion. The main strength of a commando squad was that they were fast and subtle, able to move in and out of an area without drawing a lot of attention. Strapping them with an entire Venator-class Star Destroyer was taking away that advantage as much as anyone could. 

But you had turned out to be an unexpected benefit. From what Boss could gather, you did something with the computational systems aboard the Resolute, though he hadn’t narrowed down exactly what your specialty was. You seemed to bounce all over the ship, working on whatever needed attention at that particular moment. 

Maybe you would have continued to be just another member of the ship’s crew - nat-borns weren’t common on ships, but they were hardly as rare as he would have thought - but you had quickly drawn Boss’s attention with your sharp temper. 

The first time someone had interrupted a vital power connection so they could charge a datapad, you had removed the offending connection and taken the datapad for good measure. The foolish owner had attempt to dress you down for confiscating the datapad, but you had pushed him aside with ease. In the end, you had threatened to tell his commanding officer that he had left sensitive information in such an easily accessible place. 

Any other stupidity had been met with an equal amount of sarcasm and impatience. It was everything Boss wanted to do when he was tired of trying to set a good example for the rest of Delta Squad. There was only so much idiocy any one person could be expected to endure, and it was clear that you had hit your limit. 

So, yes, watching you was one of Boss’s great joys. He justified it to himself that he was being respectful. He could also make sure others were being respectful, as well. From your temper, Boss assumed that you could take care of yourself, but you were in an unfamiliar place. You were outside of the typical power structure, which could put you at a disadvantage if someone decided to push your boundaries. 

Boss only realized how far his thoughts had drifted when he felt the others staring at him. Sev shook his head despairingly. “I thought you’d be able to handle yourself better than this, Sarge.” 

“Are you kidding?” Scorch asked. “This is the first time I’ve seen him look that way at something other than his Deece.” 

“Shut up, Six-Two,” Fixer ordered. “Three-Eight, if you want to make a good impression, I hear conversation is a good start. You won’t get anything out of staring from across the room.” 

“For once, I agree with Fixer,” Scorch said. 

“I do, too,” Sev said. 

Boss started to seriously consider the merits of desertion. 

“We’ll leave you to weigh your options,” Fixer said, marching away. Sev and Scorch followed after a moment. Scorch offered a broad grin as he left, nodding so determinedly toward you that he attracted a suspicious look from your direction. 

Boss turned away before you could follow Scorch’s gaze to him. That was all he needed - to be taken out by Scorch’s irritating nature before he’d even had the chance to make a good first impression. 

By the time he glanced back over, you were putting the finishing touches on some wires you had been setting up near the front of the room where this meeting was to take place. He didn’t envy you - the Negotiator was moving in and out of hyperspace to throw off chances of being tracked. It was a strong method of ensuring security, but it made connections to outside sources complex and unreliable.

You hardly seemed concerned, face unworried and hands sure as you wove together connections, typed strings of code into the terminal, and laid out the holoprojectors.

Boss tucked his helmet under one arm, inching closer to you under the guise of making room for the others who were filtering into the meeting room. You were just as stunning up close. Boss was struggling to come up with a conversational opening when you gathered some spare bundles of wires, tucked them into a bag on your shoulder, and left. 

He was still trying to manage his disappointment when General Kenobi started the meeting. 

Somehow, Boss managed to pay attention to the rest of the meeting. He chalked it up to some quirk of Jango’s genes that allowed him to remember every word with only half of his attention fixed on the proceedings. Delta Squad was a temporary attachment to the 212th. What did they care about setting long-term goals for better intelligence? Intel was intel and all of it was terrible. That was just how it went. 

“Sergeant Boss,” General Kenobi called. Boss turned his way, allocating approximately 5% more of his attention to the meeting. “Commander Cody tells me that you recently experienced trouble on a mission due to subpar intelligence. Can you tell us more about what happened and how you handled it?”

Boss fought back a snort. “You’ll have to be more specific, General. Most of the GAR’s intel is subpar, especially for the commando squads. More often than not, accuracy takes lower precedence than timeliness.”

General Kenobi’s gaze sharpened. “What percentage of your information would you estimate is accurate and useful?” 

And so it went. Kenobi wasn’t satisfied knowing about Boss’s low opinion of GAR intel - he wanted to know details. It was a special kind of hell for Boss, who wasn’t used to explaining his thought process or how his squad worked to anyone other than General Windu. Even then, the Coruscant debriefing sessions were usually kept as short and vague as they could manage without sacrificing important information. 

The meeting devolved further and further until it was little more than CTs asking for stories about commando missions. General Kenobi cleared his throat. “Gentlemen, I’m sure we all have important tasks to which we must return. If the sergeant has time, he can answer your questions. In the meantime, you are all dismissed.” 

Despite Boss’s best efforts, he was surrounded by standard troopers, stuck in the room until he had given enough vague answers and sharp reprimands that the crowd dissipated. He allowed himself a moment to silently curse Kenobi’s name before voices at the front of the room attracted his attention. 

“Excuse me, but that is not the proper way to disconnect a holoprojector.” 

There was a sigh, and Boss could recognize the sound of it without a moment of hesitation. You were back. 

“You aren’t listening to me,” the officer repeated. It was one of the nat-borns - a tall, lanky man drowning in his own self-importance. “I said, that is not the proper way to disconnect a holoprojector.” 

You dropped the cords in your hand, letting them hit the table with a weak slap. “Listen, lieutenant-” 

“Captain,” the man corrected, puffing out his chest so you would be sure to see the collection of medals there. Boss was willing to bet that none of them were earned for doing anything that could sully the captain’s perfect uniform.

“Captain, then-” You paused again, letting the silence dangle as you peered at him. “What’s my rank?” 

The captain frowned. “You… don’t have a rank.” 

“Exactly.” You started gathering the cords again, eyes dropping to your work. It was clear from your posture and the tone of your voice that you weren’t meekly looking away. No, the man had been dismissed, for all that you were still talking to him. “That’s because I’m a contractor.” 

“Yes, you are.” The captain frowned harder, like he was trying to see the trap in your statement. Boss started to grin, having already spotted it. “But-”

“If the GAR had to hire an outside contractor to handle their comms, it means that no one else knows how to do the work I do.” You finished rolling the cords into neat bundles and turned your attention to the holoprojector itself. “I’m the expert here. So you can take your opinion on how I do my job and-” 

You glanced around the room, eyes meeting Boss’s. He felt electrified by the eye contact, but you turned away just as quickly. 

“And keep it to yourself,” you finished.

“You’re a civilian serving on a military vessel,” the captain sputtered. “I am certain you signed an agreement to obey commands given by the officers-”

“My contract says I answer to General Kenobi,” you told him. “Any complaints about my performance go directly to him. He’s on the bridge if you want to report me because you don’t like the way I roll cords.” 

And then you turned to retrieve the case for the holoprojectors. It was an end to the conversation, as clearly as if you had left the room entirely. The captain stiffly walked away. Boss wondered for a moment if he really was going to the bridge, but then he put the man out of his head. You were in the same room, and he wasn’t going to waste another chance to speak with you. 

“Hey,” he started, walking over to the table where you were working.

…Only to freeze when you fixed him with an evil look. “I’m not in the mood for anyone else to tell me how I’m doing my job wrong, thanks. Since everyone is so concerned, let me explain how it works: I sign out all of the equipment I use, and it is regularly inspected by someone else. If there’s any damage from the way I set up or break down the equipment, it will be found and I’ll be held accountable. Leave me alone.” 

Boss was loathe to refuse such a direct request, especially since he could hear the weariness in it, but he was horrified at the idea of leaving you to think he was on the same level as the others who had doubted your ability to do your job. 

“Sorry, I just- wanted to tell you how much I respect the way you’ve been handling all of the osik they’re throwing your way.” An expression of bone-deep irritation had crossed your face when Boss started to speak, but it faded as you listened to the rest of his statement.

“Osik is banthashit, right?” 

Emboldened by the lack of vitriol, Boss nodded. “Basically. Any idiot with eyes can see that you know how to do your job. They’re just questioning you to make themselves feel better about not being able to do what you do.” 

“Among other things,” you agreed dryly. “I already know that’s what they’re doing.” 

An uncharacteristic self-doubt swept through Boss and he wondered if he had overstepped. That was eased when you took a deep breath, shoulders relaxing when you let it out. “But thanks. It’s nice to know that someone else sees it, too. Makes me feel less like I’m pushing a speeder uphill.”

“You’re good at your job,” Boss said firmly. “That’s not in doubt by anyone who matters.” 

“That’s-” Your comlink interrupted and you let out a frustrated groan when you looked at it. “Sorry, I have to get to another setup on the bridge.” 

Boss nodded again, but you didn’t see it. Your practiced motions had picked up in speed, working quickly to pack up the equipment from the meeting and load it onto a small cart. He helped with the last few containers, but the process would have gone just as fast without his help. Maybe faster.

You were almost to the door when you turned back. “Hey, what’s your name?” 

“Boss,” he told you reflexively. 

You grinned at that, and the sight of it made Boss’s heart stutter in his chest. “Great name. I’ll see you around, Boss.” 

All things considered, that had gone better than Boss had expected.

From that point, he really did seem to see you more often. You were fixing comms channels, checking on issues with the droids in the mess hall, or working on the data terminals in the main sections of the ship. Every time he saw you, you were too busy for another conversation - even as short as the last one had been - but you always took a moment to smile and greet him by name. 

If Boss had been half in love with you when he was watching you verbally eviscerate officers from a distance, he was fully gone now that you actually knew who he was. Any day was a little brighter when you were working nearby, and he found himself looking forward to meetings. There was always a chance that you would be responsible for the setup, especially if the required equipment was tricky or difficult. 

The downside was, he suspected, the same as it had always been: that you were given shockingly little respect by the people you helped. Boss had personally witnessed troopers and natties alike complaining about the technology and blaming you specifically. He made a point of dressing them down when he witnessed it, but it seemed to be widespread. 

“I can’t believe you found a nattie to moon over in the middle of hyperspace,” Fixer complained. At least, it was framed as a complaint, but Fixer’s tone was as close to camaraderie as Boss had ever heard it. 

“You wanna keep your voice down, Fixer?” he asked, purposefully cutting the other man off as they walked into a meeting room. “You know how regs like to talk. The wrong thing overheard by the wrong person leads to-” 

“An unhappy Three-Eight,” Fixer finished for him. “I’ll stow it, then. But you might see more of… your person of interest if Kenobi wasn’t obsessed with meetings.”

Boss snorted despite himself. None of the troopers were overly big fans of meetings - Jango’s genes made them men of action rather than words, and they didn’t get much from endless planning - but commandos seemed to have a particular loathing for them. 

Of course, it could be that the 212th had simply gotten used to them after working with Kenobi for as long as they had. 

Fortunately, this meeting was likely going to be shorter than previous ones had been. Kenobi and Cody were busy with a different meeting, so this would be attended by Delta Squad, a few officers from the 212th, and an ARC who had been attached to the battalion for their upcoming mission. 

“What do we need the long-range holos for?” one of the officers asked as Delta Squad walked into the room. 

Boss’s heart gave an exaggerated thud in his chest at the mention of equipment you might be responsible for, but it looked like this holoprojector had already been set up. 

“The ARC, Aftermath,” another answered, blissfully unaware of Boss’s sudden interest in long-range technology. “He’s finishing another assignment right now, but he’ll meet up with us as soon as we drop out of hyperspace. He requested an early briefing.”

A sergeant who Boss vaguely recognized - his name was Heft, if Boss remembered correctly - was trying to turn on the holoprojector. The first click of the button did nothing and Heft scowled. The second, third, and fourth times didn’t have any more effect, and Heft’s expression grew darker with every failed attempt. 

“This karkin’ thing is broken,” he concluded eventually. 

The holoprojector looked fine, but Boss couldn’t argue that it didn’t seem to be performing its intended function. 

“Maybe we should call the tech specialist,” one of the others suggested. 

Heft snarled. “Yeah, call back the ‘specialist’ who couldn’t set it up right the first time. Great idea.” 

Keeping a professional expression was a skill every trooper learned from a young age, but Boss suddenly found it more difficult than he had in a long time. The rest of Delta was throwing subtle glances his way, clearly trying to figure out if and how their sergeant would react.

The tricky part was that Boss couldn’t figure that out, either. Heft was a sergeant, too. Since there was no clear chain of command between the two of them, Boss had fewer options on how he could handle things. 

After a few moments of internal debate, Boss decided it would be the most helpful if he took charge of the situation. He found your GAR-issued comm channel on the directory easily enough, putting on his helmet so he could make the call in a little peace… especially since Heft was still spewing insults. 

You answered the call with your last name. No greeting, not even a first name. Boss blinked stupidly for a moment until he could shake himself. “Hey, it’s Boss. We’re in conference room 37 and the holoprojector isn’t working. Can you give us some ideas on how to fix it?” 

“37?” you checked. “For the ARC briefing?”

“That’s the one.” 

“I’ll be there in two minutes.” 

And the line went dead. Boss pulled off his helmet. “Specialist is on the way. ETA two minutes.” 

Heft grumbled while a lieutenant offered to comm Aftermath to let him know about the delay. Boss cleared his throat. “Who will be delivering the briefing to Aftermath? I’d like to wrap this up as quickly as possible.” 

“Who doesn’t?” Heft demanded, delivering a solid slap to the projector. “If this osik was set up correctly, we’d already be done.” 

“Do y’think he realizes what a shabuir he’s being?” Scorch asked, too quietly for anyone outside of Delta Squad to hear.

A single, perfunctory knock sounded through the room and then you were standing in the open doorway. Boss looked at you immediately, offering a subtle smile, but your attention had been captured by Heft. The other sergeant had stridden up to you, looming far too close. 

“This is ridiculous,” Heft ranted. “This was supposed to be set up and completed hours ago. Now we’ve had to delay a briefing for an important mission, all so you could get back here to see if you can do your job on the second try.” 

Boss bristled, but you were already studying the holoprojector - from across the room because Heft was blocking the way, but your eyes were roving over it determinedly. “I don’t see why it wouldn’t work. I tested it myself when I set it up. Has anyone messed with the settings since I left?” 

“No,” Heft said frostily. “That’s your job.” 

“Di’kut,” Sev muttered under his breath.

You eyed Heft, clearly unimpressed. “I can do my job a lot better if I can get a look at the projector. Do you mind letting me past?” 

Rather than wait for him to let you through, you stepped around Heft, the edge of your shoulder brushing against his armor as you passed. You took quick stock of the holoprojector, studying it from every angle even as Heft took a breath in preparation for more complaining. 

Heft’s face was red with anger and Boss’s fingers worked on his vambrace. Putting his helmet on would be too obvious, but his HUD could record even if it wasn’t currently sealed to the rest of his armor. With the helmet tucked beneath his arm and facing forward, Boss was sure he had a shot of you. 

“Maybe I do mind,” Heft bit out. “I want an apology for you wasting our time. We have an ARC trooper in the field who is taking time away from his mission to be debriefed. He has been waiting five minutes past when we were supposed to start and I’m not going to be the one held responsible for that delay! I’m going to Kenobi with this, I can tell you that much.”

Because Boss was watching you so closely, he noticed exactly when your eyes stopped roving over the projector. You straightened, standing calm and proud, a stoic monument against the weight of Heft’s irrational irritation. 

You pressed two buttons and the projector flickered on, a holographic image of an ARC trooper appearing in the next instant. 

In the quiet of Heft’s sudden speechlessness, you stepped forward and faced the projector. “Can you hear me?” 

“Loud and clear,” Aftermath reported immediately. 

You gave a satisfied nod and turned back toward the door - and, coincidentally, Heft. “It helps if you turn on the console.” 

Boss wouldn’t have blamed you if you had gloated for another ten minutes. Heft would have deserved every second of it. But you left the room, letting the door quietly close behind you.

He wanted to go after you, burned with the need to make sure you were okay, but he couldn’t leave the briefing. Not without a good reason. Especially since Heft was starting to brief Aftermath on the upcoming mission.

Fixer tapped his vambrace, then jammed his helmet onto his head. A moment later, he pulled it off, glancing at Boss. “Important call for you, Three-Eight. Needs an immediate response.”

“Understood,” Boss acknowledged with a nod. There were times when Fixer could be the most devious vod… Boss glanced over at Heft, who was watching them curiously. “I assume you have it from here, Sergeant?” 

“Of course, Sergeant,” Heft replied, using Boss’s rank just as pointedly as Boss had used Heft’s. 

Boss ducked out of the room, spotting your retreating figure immediately. Following you was simple - you clearly weren’t in a hurry, and his brisk strides caught up to your meandering pace with ease.

“Hey-” 

You turned to face him with an expression of frustration and disbelief that made him freeze. “It’s working now, I tested visuals and audio myself. What else could you need?” 

Boss raised his hands, hating that you had thought he would follow you to continue Heft’s beration. “No, I- Everything is working fine. It always was - Heft is just an idiot. Are you okay?” 

You let out a breath, and Boss could hear the hint of a tremble in it. He sent out a silent plea that you weren’t going to start crying. Your eyes were bright enough that he worried he was seeing tears, but he would give anything he owned to be wrong. 

“I don’t know if I can keep doing this,” you confided, voice sharp. “It’s not enough for me to do my job - I have to constantly reassure everyone that I know what I’m doing. Basic tasks take me triple the time they should because I have to convince people I’m competent, which puts me behind schedule, then everyone else thinks I’m incompetent because I’m late! Everyone warned me that government contractor work was a bad idea, but this is ridiculous.”

To Boss’s utter relief, you didn’t sound sad. Upset, sure, but more angry than sad. The glint he had seen in your eyes was barely-suppressed rage. He could deal with that. 

“Then don’t let me make you late to your next job,” he told you. 

Your expression froze, taking on a shade of guilt. “Boss, I’m not- I’m just venting. None of this is directed at you-” 

“I know that,” Boss reassured you. “But we can walk while you vent. Lead on.” 

“I-” You started walking, Boss gamely keeping pace beside you. “I think I might be done, actually.” 

“You sure?” Boss didn’t mean to sound so skeptical, but you still looked tense. “It’s good for you to bleed off the frustration. Better than keeping it all inside.” 

“Yeah, I’m good.” You sighed, rubbing at your temple. “I’m just tired. Seems like everyone has a grudge against me. I’m good at my job and I know it, but that doesn’t make it any easier to swim against the current.” 

Boss gave a sympathetic hum. After a moment in which you didn’t say anything else, he asked, “Do you want to quit?” 

“Yes.” You gave a little laugh, which had the interesting effect of restarting Boss’s heart immediately after it had stopped. “But that doesn’t mean I will.” 

“I understand wanting to quit.” 

You squinted at him. “Do you? I thought you were, like, engineered to be the perfect soldier. What else would you want to do, if not this?” 

“I-” Boss hesitated. “It’s more theoretical than that for me. If I quit, it’s desertion.” 

You scoffed, and Boss liked to think it was at the institution of the GAR rather than at his confession. Judging by the warmth in your expression, he was correct. 

“Are you going to leave?” 

The question came out softer than he had meant it to, leaving the conversation with a sudden feeling of intimacy. You shrugged. “I’ll decide after this mission. We’re in hyperspace - I can’t exactly step off the ship anytime I want. Besides, I’ll get hazard pay when we actually reach the war zone.” 

“Lucky.” Boss’s pouting mutter made you laugh again. Wayii! He had just heard it for the first time few minutes before, but he already knew he would do anything to listen to you laugh. 

“If it’s any consolation,” he added. “I recorded your conversation with Heft and I’m sending it to Commander Cody. None of the men should speak to anyone the way Heft spoke to you. I couldn’t interfere, or I wouldn’t have gotten a clear recording. I’m sorry for not giving Heft what he deserved. But since he’s a sergeant, too, it’ll be better for it to come from his commanding officer-” 

“Boss, Boss,” you interrupted, lifting your hands up when he kept trying to explain. “I understand, and thank you. I don’t expect you to defend me against your brothers, though. That’s not a fair position to put you in.” 

“You haven’t asked me to do anything,” Boss rejected. “I’m following up on this because it’s not right for you to be talked down to for doing your job.”

“Be careful, Boss,” you warned. The way your eyes sparkled, he knew it wasn’t a real warning, but he was still intrigued. “If you keep being so nice to me, I’m going to insist on buying you a decent meal when we’re back on Coruscant.” 

Boss’s face went hot so quickly he wondered if they had wandered too close to the engine rooms. “You don’t have to do that.” 

“And you don’t have to do this,” you told him, gesturing at his helmet. “You’re the only one on this ship who talks to me like I’m an actual person.” 

“Sounds lonely.” Boss had experienced his share of dehumanizing experiences, both in the GAR and when they were in civilian surroundings, but he always had his brothers around. Without the rest of Delta Squad at his back, he wasn’t sure how well he would handle that kind of treatment.

“It is,” you agreed. “So I want to thank you. And I… I enjoy spending time with you.” 

You looked so sweet, so sincere… Boss was losing himself in your eyes, but he wasn’t about to stop it from happening. “Name the time and place. I’m there.” 

Your smile was just as breath-taking as every other time he had seen it. You gestured to the door that led to another set of conference rooms. “I have to go do some work for another long-distance comm this afternoon. But we could meet up later? We can debate about foods and restaurants, narrow down our options.” 

“Sounds great,” Boss agreed, finally breaking into a smile of his own. He gestured toward your comlink. “I called you from my frequency earlier. You can always reach me there, just save it to your files.” 

That smile turned undeniably to a grin as you ducked into the room. Just before the door closed between you, you winked. “I already did.” 

Boss laughed to himself as he walked back toward conference room 37. With any luck, the briefing with Aftermath was already over. If not, at least he had something to look forward to.

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Author's Note - I'm pretty sure this is my first fic featuring Boss x reader and I'm really happy with how it turned out!

Reminder, this is a gender-neutral reader. But I'm also a woman who works in IT, so all of Heft's complaints were taken almost word-for-word from the stuff people have said to me. (Just in case you wanted some background!)

Thank you for reading and thank you to the anon who gave me this prompt! You can find other works on my masterlist here.