#being ugly

[bitchy-bi-trash]

I feel so ugly, so repulsive that when I let someone even touch me, i feel disgusted for them, it's like I made them commit a sin.

[willem-dafemme]

Being ugly is so fucking painful !! No one will ever look at you with love in their eyes !! Ever !!

[futurebird]

"Everyone is beautiful? That's just something ugly people say."

PART I - Basic Social Skills PART II- Objective Beauty PART III - The Hate Trap

WHAT IS GOOD ADVICE When you are trying to improve yourself and understand yourself, when you are looking for answers to questions like "why don't I have more friends?" or "Why is romance so difficult?" it makes sense to look for advice from people who are more experienced and who might help you to understand where to best apply your energy. Good advice is effective advice: effective in the short term and in the long term. Good advice contains a few simple actionable things that you know you can do with a little effort. What about Bad Advice? Bad advice might just feel like its wasting your time, giving you nothing you can really *do* -- But the worst bad advice often sounds like good advice when your first read it. There are simple actions you feel like you can implement. It makes sense. It seems to address your problems-- but then this very worst kind of advice instead makes all of your problems worse and introduces new problems. Sadly some people who write advice for people who have questions about friendship, or romance, people who struggle with social situations, will write advice that's ... almost bad on purpose. The goal is to keep drawing you in and needing more of their advice. This is very common when it comes to advice on insecurity about ones appearance, friendships and romance. You may also encounter "advice" on these topics that ... doesn't really tell you anything and just says "feel good about yourself" this advice isn't actively harmful but it can be annoying and the lack of simple actions worth taking probably causes a lot of people to turn to the bad advice. That's what the title of this essay is about. "Everyone is beautiful? That's just something ugly people say." -- Everyone is beautiful is a nice wholesome idea, but its pretty useless to someone who is convinced that they are ugly and that this is a Big Problem. It's easy to become cynical and think there is nothing worthwhile at all in saying "everyone is beautiful" -- to lean into a shallow way of viewing yourself and others hoping that since you are "doing something" it will help. But in the long run? Your problems will only multiply. ARE YOU UGLY There are many reasons people think they are ugly:

Others have told them they are ugly - Even if the people who called you ugly are "correct" it's still an abusive thing to do to another human.

They compare themselves to remarkably beautiful people who are so good looking it's their job. Not looking like a model or actor is not "being ugly" to say so is hyperbolic and self pity. Most people, even some of the coolest people in the world who lead exciting lives, aren't as good looking as models. When you think "I'm so ugly." stop that thought in its tracks and replace it with a more truthful thought "I'm not so good looking that could be my one and only job. But, really I'm good enough to do the things that I want to do and meet the people I want to meet."

You have something that makes you stand out in your peer group: this could be if you are a different race than most of your peers, or if you are shorter or taller-- Even having red hair in a group of people who don't have red hair can make a person feel like they don't fit in. Even if you don't care much about fitting in on a conscious level-- this out of place feeling can work below the surface and make whatever makes you stand out a little feel much bigger than it really is. Also some of your peers may simply be rude or even abusive (see 1)

You have a distorted self image - this can be a hard one to deal with, and in very bad cases it can become a kind of mental illness. Think about someone you know who good looking and imagine how you'd feel if they said "I'm so ugly." You might want to correct them. You might feel like they are fishing for compliments. You might think they are just exaggerating. But imagine how sad it would be if they really believed this. Every time they'd look in a mirror they would see an ugly person. They would feel self conscious and try to hide perhaps. Now... is there a chance that you might be a little like that? If you looked at yourself from the outside? If this is still a struggle it might be good to try talking to a therapist. You can't keep going around thinking you are ugly when you aren't, it will get on people's nerves if they don't know you well and break their hearts if they do.

You really are just kinda ugly - It's impossible to write a way to test if this is really true or if one of the other items or a combination of the other items might be a better fit. But, it's true that some people have an appearance that other people aren't accustomed to, or they are very far from the average in some aspect of their appearance. And it really makes some things harder because people can be judgmental. If you really are "ugly" maybe the answer is to say "so what?" --So often what people really mean when they say "ugly" is different from what's considered normal. So if you really are ugly? So what? Aren't you still a person who wants to do the things that you care about? Meet people worth talking to? Find romance? (if you like the idea of romance.) There are certifiably ugly people who have lived amazing lives. If you decide to stop looking at your appearance as the only way that you can be likable or happy you can be one of them. And you don't have to say "everyone is beautiful" to make yourself feel better. Each time you find yourself thinking "I'm so ugly." -- stop that thought and think "so what?" instead.

[aecorzz]

why am i so fucking ugly why am i so mediocre no one looks at me and thinks im pretty i dont stand out i dont get compliments im nothing everyone good is pretty i fucking hate this i hate why do i look like this i dont deserve to look like this i deserve a body and face as pretty as my mind and but the fucked up part is i can starve and be light as a feather but i'll never be pretty at all there is nothing i can do to change my face why do i loook like this??? and i hate when other people say things like this and say they understand because they dont and theyre actually 90% of the time pretty like yeah you can still feel insecure but nothing compares to actually knowing you're a lost cause

[uglyvoid]

Being ugly is such a visceral experience. Everyone interacts with you differently and it’s difficult to even have and keep friendships. I’ve mostly given up on having romantic relationships, but being ugly permeates everything else. My family is largely annoyed by me, my mother barely loves me, and I only have one irl friend.

[jimkirkachu]

when literally all your mind can think about is the fact that you will in all likelihood never be kissed, snuggled, or held hands with for the rest of your life

[xyzce]

god i hate everything about myself. the way i speak, my whole face especially my nose and mouth and then my personality. literally anything about me is unattractive. i hate myself. i just want one thing: love whether its a person or animal i just want someone to love me and im gonna love them as much as they do to me.

[hell02kitty]

People STAY lyin and I’m tired of it

I’m gonna be honest I’m not attractive…I know this, I’m not blind. It’s painfully obvious! It’s infuriating when I’m with my pretty friends or just with clearly attractive people and they try to “make you feel better” by calling you ‘pretty’ and you KNOW they’re lying! Saying shit like that makes me feel worse cause I know you’re doing it out of pity. I’ve been out with friends and have been called “the ugly one”, and all my homies start spewing nonsense that I’m not ugly. It’s fine that they want to defend me but don’t lie. People these day are obsessed with charity work too, they feel like ‘good people’ when they do shit like that.

“You’re beautiful”🥺

Bitch stop it! Some people aren’t pretty and it’s okay. It’s hard and not fair, but some people don’t have the genetic luxury of being attractive to the masses.

I feel like they only do it to make themselves feel good, y’know? ‘Ooh look at me I’m so nice! watch me make this little ugly duckling feel better by calling them pretty🤩 seee?? Look at me! They’ve probably never been told that, I’m such a sweet person’ 🙄

This might be delusion, idk & I don’t care 🤷🏽‍♀️ all I KNOW is that this is how I feel. It’s driving me up the wall‼️‼️

They do the same thing when you’re fat.

A person will be 200 Ib and 5’3 talkin about ‘you’re not fat’…. Bffr they are big! Doesn’t mean they’re ugly in the face, but they are fat!

Idiots 🙄

No one is genuine, and with the way social media likes to spread all the fake ass, “self positivity” bullshit the more people are gonna lie about what you actually look like.

Take everything someone says with a grain of salt. People are full of shit.

[woahwoahmancalmdown]

I am so fat I feel bad when I talk to boys. I don't want their friends to think a pig like me likes them.

[circusclownproductions]

[goatvomit]

TW: violence, mention of blood, misogyny

⚠️

I'm like, so tired of conventionally attractive and thin women speaking over my experience as an ugly, fat AFAB.

I've been threatened by adult men since I was 12 years old. Yes, adult men, threatening my person for being fat and unattractive. I've had guys tell me it would be funny to STAB ME and bet what would come out on the knife first, fat or blood.

I'm not saying your experience is invalid.

But don't try and downplay the literal violent threats I've received because of my fat, unattractive body.

[blue-sad-moon]

i was the ugly girl who dated a handsome guy. he was generally a nice guy. i know im ugly, so i dont understand what was the freaking need of reminding me that everytime they were with me alone. things like "dont worry he has the looks and you have the brains" "didnt you mother asked how you got him" "why did he choose you? you are nice but there are some really gorgeous girls in your class i have seen them" "how can he be with her?" that last one was from "a friend"... all those comments and the ones i have forgotten have really shattered my soul, my heart and my mind.

[wibble-wobbegong]

they had to make mike gay because he was originally gonna be bullied for being ugly but his actor is Finn Wolfhard.

[sup3rqu33n]

WOW. This fucking floored me. The ad starts out with these beautiful dragons and how you can “breed” them to make some kind of super dragon. But then… wait, what? It’s UGLY? Damn, good thing that ugly creatures don’t count and you can try again. Whew, crisis averted. 🙄

[jimkirkachu]

day 12,256 of the world missing out on a far better existence if only I had never existed

[skyx-the-witch]

Vivziepop male character: *is supposed to be hot and attractive. Canonically everyone wants to fuck him, he is flirty, confident and makes everyone fall in love with him as soon as he appear. Hes got the best voice actor to make the most masculine and attractive voice to match his supposed sexiness. Everyone in the fandom talks about how he makes them wet their panties*

The fucking character design: