𝐣𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐭 - 𝐛𝐞𝐧 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥
• 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲: 𝐦𝐞
𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐬𝐨 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞, 𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧'𝐭; 𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐚 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞, 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐠𝐨?
𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐲 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐟𝐟 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐮𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝.
𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: 𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐲 𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐡 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐡𝐮𝐧𝐤, 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐢 𝐫𝐞𝐰𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐚 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞.
how the world can seem so vast
on a journey to the past
Their families were seated outside in her back yard, having a lovely meal in the warm weather — she sat back and observed how everyone was chatting animatedly amongst one another which further added onto the ache she felt deep inside of her heart, as the chatter quieted down, she stood up with her glass raised high as she began to speak with a soft shaky tone, " I’d like thank everyone for coming tonight, my parents haven’t exactly told you why because I wanted you all to be gathered for this occasion "
His brows knit in confusion, her tone had clearly gave away that she hadn’t been feeling well despite her continuous attempts to brush off his concern.
" A few weeks ago, I had applied to the Juilliard School of performing arts because as you know, I’ve been fortunate enough to receive quite the backing from my instructors and today " She paused then swallowed the lump in her throat, " I have received my acceptance letter, I’m in "
His smile fades almost instantly, as his brain recounts the past few weeks in which she was quite on edge, shifty and overall avoiding any and all inquiries regarding her emotional state, he watched as his family along with hers were elated, congratulating her whilst he sat there completely taken back by what he had heard.
Suddenly his mother turns to him and asks him, " Well aren’t you going to congratulate her, darling? "
He nods swiftly then offers her a sweet smile then says, " Congrats love "
She smiled weakly then said, " Thanks Ben "
It was after the dinner party that he had followed her to their corner which was a shed in her backyard, he pushed the door open and walked in. " Love, can I come in? "
She chuckles, " Why are you asking for permission Ben, of course you can? "
He walks in further before sitting next to her, a brief wave of silence envelops them before he decides to ask her with a soft; broken tone. " When were you going to tell me? "
She lets out a soft sigh, " I didn’t want you to figure it out like this so it was best to keep it until we all gathered "
" I thought you’d stay here, that we’d room together like we always said we would " He said, his tone displaying the ache he felt.
She heaves out a soft breath, " You know we can’t do that, you’re dating Carla, the last thing she wants is for you to be rooming with me "
He raised a brow at her remark, " So? you’re my best mate "
" Ben " She groans in frustration. " Are you really that much of an idiot to not realize that a boyfriend having a close female mate let alone a roommate is a big no no? "
" Says who? we’ve been mates since we were kids and not once did I see you in that light even though our mums tried their best to set us up, plus Carla knows that you’re just my best mate " He shrugs, not sure why she was making a big deal out of it. " I just … I don’t wanna get used to not seeing you around anymore "
She giggles at his tone, " There’s plenty ways for us to communicate Benji, Skype, Facetime — so many more, and plus It’s not like I won’t be visiting in the holidays "
He sighs, " I know, it’s just … " he looks up at her then says. " I’ll miss you "
She reaches over to pull him into an embrace then says, " I’ll miss you too Benji, I promise we won’t lose touch "
" We won’t for sure " He reiterated, vowing to make sure they always stay in contact.
And yet, they never did.
Ben had become so occupied with football & Carla that phone calls and messages between him as well as her had lessened as time flew by — Leisurely, he’d stopped asking about her; in turn, so did she.
She’d expected it to happen, given their growing careers yet what she didn’t expect was for them to lose touch entirely so much so that she had barely seen him even during the holidays, she’d known he had broken up with Carla which was also expected given how hectic his footballing schedule was, however she certainly didn’t think he’d also leave his friendship behind.
Until … that one night.
___
2023.
" You know? she’s back from New York … "
Ben had been in the kitchen, chatting with his mother when she had effortlessly brough her up in the midst of their conversation, he grew silent as he recalled the last time they’d spoken which was about three years ago — due to the unfortunate effect of time. " Oh? "
His mother raised a brow, " Oh? that’s what you’ll say, she was your best mate darling "
" Keyword is was, I haven’t been exactly best mate of the year " He murmurs shyly. " And to be fair so was she "
His mother shot him a knowing look, " I don’t seem to recall her being the one to cut you off due to work, she’d show up, visit me and ask about you even though you were the one that stopped talking "
He looks down in shame, " I know "
His mother shakes her head, " Well it’s a good thing you two will see each other soon for Landon’s wedding "
His head shot up at the mention of his school mate’s name, " What do you mean? "
" She’s the maid of honor and you’re the best man so you two will be spending a lot of time together " His mother explained.
Ben’s eyes widened, he had a feeling that she would be less than thrilled with the idea of spending time with him; indeed, at Jill’s home, she had heard the unfortunate news of being paired up with Ben.
—
" You’re not serious, right? " She reiterated with an incredulous tone. " I have to spend time with him "
Jill rolls her eyes, " Babe, please — Landon and Ben are school mates, plus he knows that you have a fucked up history with Ben with the whole leaving because you’re too much of a pussy to admit that you like Ben "
She shot Jill a deadly glare — " I am not a pussy, and plus I’m over Ben, as clearly he’s never once seen me as anything more than a childhood mate, because it was easy for him to cut me off and focus on his footballer lifestyle "
Jill sighs, " Did you ever stop to think that things happened cause of life? "
" It doesn’t matter " She sighs, covering her face. " I will just ignore him "
" Babe " Jill groans.
" Fine I will not ignore him " She huffs.
—
A few weeks later, Landon and Jill had invited her along with Ben for the cake tasting — Ben had arrived early while all three waited for her to arrive, at about five minutes later she sprints inside with an apologetic tone, capturing Ben’s attention immediately, he noted how much longer her hair had gotten, her completely 180 switch in regards to her style of clothing as well as her face which was semi bare of any makeup, only a spec of mascara and lip gloss.
" Hi, Hi … sorry I’m late, I was held up at the dance studio " She states with an apologetic tone, before her eyes landed on Ben. " Benjamin " she said with a cordial tone.
The icy tone felt akin to a knife penetrating his heart, he nods in acknowledgement then looks away as Landon and Jill raise their brows at him almost as if they’re silently asking him to try and do something, as she stood near Ben — a unanimous ping from Jill and Landon caused her to look at them in confusion.
" Oh … Oh would you look at that? we have a mix up cause Landon and I are scheduled to check out venues " Jill said with a sickeningly sweet tone, she turns to Landon. " Shall we babe? "
Landon grins, " Yes we shall? you guys are ok with handling the cake tasting "
Ben grows silent and was about to speak when she suddenly spoke up with a calm tone, " We certainly will, right Benjamin? "
Ben chuckles nervously, " Right? "
The couple depart, leaving both Ben and her in front of several cake samples — the person in charge, an elder woman by the name of Suzanne approached them, " You guys need any help? "
She smiles softly, " Nope, we got this "
Ben eyed her as the pair browsed through the array of cake samples — " Landon likes vanilla with a splash of cinnamon? " he remarks, breaking the wave of awkward silence.
" Jill likes a berry mix with a hint of chocolate " She retorts with a sarcastic tone. " This is her big day "
" And it’s also Landon’s big day " Ben remarks with an eye roll, " Listen … we’ll just go with the vanilla/cinnamon mix "
" Excuse me! " She exclaims with an incredulous tone, " I’m the maid of honor and my main duty is keeping Jill happy "
" And I’m the best man, I want to make sure my best mate Landon is happy " Ben said, his voice rising slightly high.
She chuckles dryly, " You sure are a good friend huh Chilly? "
Ben winced, recalling how their friendship fell out. " Love? " he whispers.
" No, no … you’re best mate of the year Benji, you’re such a caring friend that I’m surprised you never reached out when I was injured, or when my Nan died … it’s like you wiped me out so excuse me for shifting my emotions onto someone that appreciates them " She said with glossy eyes, " So? we are going with Jill’s option for the main cake and Landon’s option for the reception cake, a good compromise "
Ben sighs then nods, " Agreed "
Another wave of awkward silence falls between them before Ben murmurs, " I’m sorry "
She sighs, " It’s pointless Ben, ok … we haven’t spoken in three years so let’s get through this wedding and just, forget this ever happened "
Yet he had no desire to forget nor risk the chance of reconnecting — the weeks that followed were brutal, she either purposefully ignored him as they worked through awkward silence or worse – handed him an obscene amount of work just so that he’d be far away from her as possible.
What’s worse, he’d begun to sense a nagging sense of covetousness lurking in the back of his mind — she seemed to cozy up rather quickly to Jill’s male cousin Freddie, a football player from a Scottish low tier team he wasn’t aware of.
He loathed the feeling, which seemingly kept him up at night – resulting in a string of memories to crash through his mind, he wasn’t blind to her beauty, it was the kind that drew anyone in, even more so as they’ve gotten older, she had her fair share of suitors that were either heartbroken or sent away by her claim that she needed no man.
Yet he couldn’t help but wonder why he felt a sense of elation each time that happened, could it been? perhaps … what their mothers used to joke about had become a reality, he really was in love with her — he was in love with his best mate.
During the final two weeks leading up to the wedding, Landon and Jill had believed that signing Ben and her up for couples dancing classes would be a delightful idea, oh how they were wrong?
The dance instructor was overzealous, he began his class by saying, " The rules are simple … Tango has no rules, it’s all about following a specific rhythm deep within, it’s the connection between two souls "
She casts a sideway glance at Ben then says with a soft tone, " If you step on my foot, I’ll kick you in the balls "
Ben chuckles, " For that, I just might do it "
As the dance class commenced — a soft upbeat tempo filled the studio as Jill and Landon moved on one end while Ben and her moved on the other, it’d been arduous at first to pretend as if there wasn’t a wave of awkwardness between them yet as they continued to follow the instructions of the dance instructor, a wave of warmth coursed through them with each step, the passion that they concealed was slowly seeping through the cracks.
The song had ended, and as Ben pulled her in, their lips mere inches away, she pulled away muttering something under her breath before storming out, Jill and Landon sharing a look of confusion before Landon asked, " Did you say something? "
Jill sighs, " I’ll talk to her "
He shakes his head before replying, " No, I’ll talk to her "
Ben follows her out to find her leaning up against her car. " Love? "
She blows a soft breath before she finally looks up at him and that's when he noticed her tear stained cheeks which caused his heart to twinge in ache, " I hate you "
" Love, don't say that " Ben sighs in complete dejection.
" No! " She cried — blinking away the tears. " I waited and waited for you to notice me when all you did was brush me off in favor of those pretty girls that come your way, hell you’d ignore me the second you get a girlfriend, our mums could even see it but you … you continuously broke my heart and I … " she laughs softly, " It still beats for you, this stupid battered heart still beats for you "
He tried to approach her only for her to back away, causing him to frown.
" I can’t do it " She sighs walking to the driver’s seat. " Goodbye Ben! "
He watched as she had driven away with a large portion of his heart — as he dejectedly returned to the studio with an enormous amount of ache, Jill said with a concerned tone. " What happened? "
" I lost her " He whispers.
" Ben, mate … no " Landon tried to assure him.
He offers the couple a sympathetic smile before adding, " No, it’s ok "
____
The ceremony was picture perfect from start to finish — everyone gathered at the church to celebrate Landon and Jill who lovingly expressed their emotions with Ben and her standing behind the bride and groom respectively, while she was engrossed in the beautiful sight, he was engrossed entirely in how ethereal she looked in the baby pink gown that complimented her features — and it was at the reception party that he finally decided to confess his feelings.
Only to be stopped by the heart aching sight of her and Freddie together.
Landon suddenly approached him then murmurs, " Mate, go up there and talk to her "
He sighs, " she doesn’t want to talk to me "
" No, she does … Freddie is gay " Landon said.
He raised a brow, " What? "
Landon laughs — " You didn’t know, Jill had mentioned it during the rehearsal dinner "
He tries to think back to that day yet it seems that he’d been too engrossed in looking at her that he failed to listen to anything, " So he’s not …? "
" No he’s not … now please for the love of god, stop being a party pooper and go " Landon had to practically shove him towards her.
Ben tentatively made his way towards her just as Freddie excused himself, she turns to him then says. " Came to make sarcastic remarks and make me feel bad? "
" No, I came to say that I’m an idiot, a complete bafoon, a meat-head, a bone-head, an ar— " He stopped midway when her hand was up.
" I get it … go on " She said with a ponderous sigh.
" I’m sorry love, I’m really truly fucking sorry " He said with an apologetic tone, " I wish I can go back time and undo those three years but I’d been so caught up with football that I forgot that you matter just as much, if not more important than football "
" Ben, don’t say that " She said with a soft tone.
" No, just … just hear me out " He said with an equally soft tone, " You know what these three years taught me, it taught me that the one girl who’s been there for me when times were rough, the one girl I could count on to cheer for me during the academy matches, the one girl who kept me in line when things got overwhelming, the one girl that owns my heart is … you "
" Ben " She sighs dejectedly.
" I love you, I really fucking love you " He said, " If you’d let me, I’d make you the happiest woman there is "
Before she could respond, they hear the guests gathering, she says. " Jill’s gonna throw the flowers "
They walk up to the crowd and then — as if fate had intended for it to happen, the bouquet of flowers lands directly in her hands as the guests clap for her.
She looks at Ben and says, " I guess this is the answer to your question "
He grins, tugging her in for a soft passionate kiss that spoke volumes in regards to their bond — and though, despite not wanting to give in, this journey to the past had brought them back together.
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kinda shy | ben chilwell
part II of pillow talk
request: “Pt 2 when they’re back in London and they both have distanced themselves from the cup?? AHHHH I just can sense chillys “oh I wanna show interest but I’m kinda shy and thinking about what she said” type thing. Like being cautious about his next move…, or her next move idk??? Either way this piece was incredible!!”
warnings: none
word count: 681
masterlist | requests are open!
After long physio sessions, Ben was finally home. The Club World Cup title and the trip to the Emirates were cool, the celebration was gigantic, but soon they had to return to London and with the return was also his physio routine after his knee surgery. A few days had passed, and his recovery was going well, but what really didn't get out of his head was his night with Y/N. He had her number saved on his phone and thought about calling or texting like he said he would, but every hour he would come up with something to do to put it off.
They had followed each other on Instagram and every now and then Chilwell was checking out her pictures and stories, but he found it kind of ridiculous because he had the mood to spend minutes of his day on Y/N's profile, but not to call her. Not that he didn't want to be with her again, he really wanted to show interest, but something was making him a little shy, wondering what she was going to say. He didn't even know if Y/N remembered him, maybe she got tired of waiting and could even be with someone else already.
He was sitting on the couch in his living room after having a nice shower with Oscar by his side. The dog was lying with his head on his owner's lap, receiving affection from one of Ben's hands. He stood like that for a while, his hand tingling, until he decided to fuck off and dial the number Y/N had saved there.
She answered on the second ring.
"Hello?" Her voice was soft on the other end of the line, Ben coughed weakly to allow his voice to come out.
"Hi, it's me." He scratched his throat, looking at Oscar as if asking for help.
"Me who?"
"Ben." He paused. She had to remember him. "Chilwell. Ben Chilwell."
"Oh, hi Ben." Chilwell wondered if Y/N was smiling as he said that. He would bet he was. The way she spoke his name gave the impression that she sketched a smile.
"Good to know you remember me." It was really good, almost a relief.
"Of course I remember, but I really didn't think you were going to call anymore."
"I'm sorry for the delay." He whined, hoping that wasn't the reason for the misfortune of all his chances.
"It's okay."
"I really wanted to call you, I really wanted to, but I still didn't know quite what to say." He gave a weak laugh, wanting to cut the tense mood, and I could swear Y/N let out a little air through his nose as well. "I get kind of shy sometimes, I didn't want to be a jerk." Ben confessed feeling his hands getting sweaty, he couldn't remember feeling so nervous, even more so talking to a woman he had already slept with once.
"Cute." Maybe she would have given him another smile, but it was what she said next that surprised him. "Well, I went to a Chelsea game last week, I looked for you, but you weren't there. I was thinking of calling you on Instagram, but since you said you were going to call, I was afraid I'd get dumped." Laughter. Ben laughed, too. He would never blow her off.
"Really? Did you look for me?"
"Yes."
Now he was really happy to hear that the interest was not just coming from one party.
"Unfortunately, I'm not playing because of a knee injury," he said.
"That's too bad."
"Yeah, I'll be out for a while longer." He lamented more to himself than to her. It was awful not to be able to play, but at that moment there wasn't much he could do. "But we can still watch. Do you want to go to the next game with me?"
"Sure!" Ben smiled at the speed and excitement Y/N used to answer. "I'd love to."
"Then I'll text you all the details, is that okay?"
"Yes, but only if you promise me you won't disappear again."
"I wouldn't even be crazy."
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Beautiful - Ben Chilwell
Who: Ben Chilwell
Prompt: "Have you always been this beautiful?"
Requested by: anonymous
Warnings: none
Just a few days ago you had broken your ankle when falling off your bike, so you had your lower leg in a cast and walked with crutches at the moment.
You had promised Ben already weeks ago that you would come to Stamford Bridge to watch Chelsea's match of tomorrow against Arsenal. The cast on your leg made that you could only wear sweatpants, though, and suddenly you weren't so sure anymore that going to the stadium was such a good idea.
"Please, babe." Ben cupped your face between his hands when you told him. "Everyone will understand it’s because of the cast."
"But I’ll look hideous," you pouted.
"No, you won’t." Ben smiled. "Besides, I’ve got just the thing for you."
He disappeared into the bedroom for half a minute, and returned with a pair of his long-legged Chelsea training pants.
"At least you’ll be in style with these on," Ben smirked, handing the sweatpants to you.
You eyed them doubtfully. "Oh, I don’t know…"
"Come on, have a little faith in me," Ben winked, "I know these will look great on you."
You hesitated for a second longer, but finally decided to at least try them on. "Alright," you agreed, "but if I look like an idiot, I'm not going tomorrow."
Ben cocked his head to the side, smirking cheekily at you. "Fair enough."
You returned a few minutes later, showing Ben how his training pants looked on you. They were somewhat on the large side for you, but otherwise, you had to agree, they could look worse on you.
"So? What do you think?" You asked hesitantly.
Ben looked you up and down with a loving smile on his face.
"Have you always been this beautiful?" He grinned, coming over to give you a kiss.
"Stop it," you chuckled.
"No, I’m serious." Ben wrapped his arms around you in a comfortable embrace. "After seeing you like this tomorrow, I'm sure every Chelsea fan will want this look."
Tags: @stonesyyyy, @footballffbarbiex, @football1921, @laurasstufff1, @juliabrghs, @ella33
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Ben Chilwell masterlist | General masterlist
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player: Ben Chilwell
words: 880 so slightly over
request: Ben Chilwell - no pref - 500 - 750 words - My birthday is the 20th Dec, Chilly’s is 21st Dec, so shopping for birthday gifts in among the Christmas gifts, a night away to celebrate both birthdays in a cabin with a hot tub, snow, real fire, smut, before the madness of Christmas and the Christmas fixture list kicks off…
You hadn’t known what to expect when Ben said that he was taking you away as a mini birthday treat for you both and an early christmas present. You didn’t want to think how much was spent to secure this cabin, what with anything surrounding children’s school holidays and Christmas was an automatic price hiker after all. You hadn’t been sure what to think when he’d told you to pack for a “cabin in the woods”. Which is hardly surprising considering your first thought was “I’ve seen how this movie plays out before”.
Snow had already begun to fall before either of you had climbed from the car but seeing it fluttering down from the sky, between the branches and landing softly onto the building had made you grin from ear to ear. From the outside, it truly looked like a log cabin with its large logs stacked upon one another until it reached a thatched type roof, but once inside, you realise this was merely an aesthetic with most of the downstairs walling being exposed brick.
With a large AGA cooker taking pride of place in the kitchen area which overlooked the raised decking in the backyard and an impressive open fire with a small basket of logs on either side of the fire proudly holding a sign stating to be used if cold - each basket containing wood with a burn time of 3-8 hours, enabling you to pick the best log for your ideal burning duration.
Ben had dragged the suitcases from the car to the bedroom up the stairs which featured a much bigger window than you’d been expecting and already, you couldn’t wait to get snuggled up in there and look at the stars from beneath the covers. While he took care of that, you’d looked over the hamper in the kitchen. A handwritten card hoping that you enjoyed your stay and with it brought a selection of breakfast items, a bottle of wine and things for a light lunch including what smelt like a fresh baked loaf. Out on the decking beneath a quickly growing layer of snow, is what appears to be a hot tub.
Ben found you unpacking the final bag while you put away the food and drink that he’d purchased. So far, it felt as though there wasn’t anything that Ben hadn’t thought of for this trip and you had to hand it to him, this had clearly been something on his mind for a long time for him to have planned this so perfectly. But that’s exactly what this day has been so far - perfect.
The two of you spent the evening heating up the house and making sure the hot tub was all fired up and nice and hot ready for after the evening meal. The cabin emitted a beautiful warm glow which poured from the windows across the rapidly deepening snow as you’d cooked together. Something which you’d done many times before at home but here in this setting, it felt different - far more romantic if you dare state such a word for something as simple yet intimate as this. He looked at you in ways that made your heart feel as though it was on the verge of bursting. His kisses held promises of something else to come.
-
Pressing a towel to your hair, you make your way out of the bathroom and to the bedroom. Ben is already sprawled out over the mattress in only his boxers, one hand laid on his stomach while the other holds his phone as he scrolls through social media with a concentrating expression. Despite now only being dressed in a vest top and shorts, you didn’t feel the cold like you had earlier
“I still can’t believe how clear it is here,” you comment as you enter the room, the large window grabbing your attention as it has each time you’ve walked in here. Even with all the trees surrounding the cabin, the sky is still more exposed than in London. Stars are brighter here than you’ve ever seen in the city and already your camera roll is now filled with tens of photos ready to be uploaded to insta once you’re back. “The view is amazing. You couldn’t have picked a better place.”
“Mmm,” Ben nods, lowering his phone to look at you, “was just thinking the same thing about the view.” The look he gives can almost, almost, makes up for the corniness of the sentence. And if the look didn’t, then the swelling in his boxers did. You’d heard the saying “drinking them in” but only now do you fully understand the meaning of it. The way Ben takes in the sight of you is enough to feel wetness gathering where your thighs meet. Give it a bit longer and you’ll dampen your underwear and your nipples will strain against the shirt you wear.
“Something interesting got your attention?” you ask him as you fold up the towel nonchalantly and place it on top of the dresser. Ben leans over and reaches out, fingers skimming up your thigh until goosebumps leave a light trail where they’ve touched.
“Call it a work in progress,” he replies, gaze remaining where he touches as they climb higher up your leg.
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For You - Ben Chilwell
a/n not totally happy with this one but the rq has been in my inbox for literal months (i started writing this fic in jan 2022 so it's been a long time coming but shit happened and we live, we move and we vibe!
You had started to feel a little off a couple days before Ben’s match. Just a little runny nose, sore throat and the occasional cough, nothing serious. You were self-medicating and trying to get as much rest as possible, but you could feel it was getting worse.
Sure enough, the morning of the Brentford match dawned with you feeling absolutely rubbish. Your throat burned, every muscle ached and your temperature had soared overnight. You were pretty much laying in a pool of your own sweat. The sun peering through the blinds made your head pound.
Ben stirred next to you.
‘Morning, babe,’ he mumbled. Even in your foggy, sickly state, his morning voice still sent shivers down your spine.
‘Morning.’ Your voice was a mere croak, and it made him sit up, concerned.
‘You don’t sound good, darling, are you feeling okay?’ He brought the back of his hand to your forehead. ‘Sweetheart, you’re burning up! Why didn’t you say anything?’
‘I didn’t want you to worry, I’ll be ok for the match, I just need some more rest,’ you replied, trying to stand up. Your progress was swiftly halted when the room started to spin before your eyes in a sudden wave of dizziness.
‘There is absolutely no way you are watching any match anywhere other than from the comfort of the sofa in front of the TV. I’m going to go and make you a peppermint tea and some chicken soup you can heat up for lunch.’ You would have complained, but your lack of energy prevented you from doing so. Besides that, you secretly liked Ben taking care of you. You were normally a very healthy person, rarely getting so much as a cold, so him taking care of you was a treat of some sorts.
As you lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, the sound of Ben rummaging around in the kitchen carried up the stairs to your ears, followed shortly thereafter by the delicious smell of chicken soup.
Not long after, Ben came back upstairs, armed with Sudafed tablets, a hot water bottle, a mug of peppermint tea and your laptop, which you had left downstairs on the coffee table after doing some uni work.
‘I feel bad for leaving you like this…’ he admitted as he dropped the essentials on the bed, leaning over to stroke your hair back from your forehead. You shrugged weakly.
‘Don’t worry, I’ll be fine in a couple days. Not as bad as swine flu or laryngitis.’ You couldn’t help but wince at the memory of having swine flu and laryngitis; the two illnesses had got you down less than 18 months apart, and it was the most sick you had ever been. Ben was so worried about you, he called the non-emergency line twice when you had swine flu.
‘Nothing will ever be as bad as that horrid swine flu. Sure you’ll be ok? Mum is on the end of the phone for anything, Dele and Harry are about 15 minutes away if you need anything, I’ll tell the team what’s going on so if I get a call from you I’ll get subbed off so I can be here…’ You just about had enough energy to giggle and take his hand.
‘Baby, I am fine. Just a little cold. Go do your job, I’ll be here when you get back.’ He bent down to kiss your forehead, ignoring your protests, before letting you go back to sleep.
*
When you woke up, you saw that it was just before kick off. You were feeling a little better having had some more sleep, so you kicked back the covers, popped on a hoodie of Ben’s, and shuffled downstairs to watch the game on the TV.
The team news came through on the Chelsea app, and you were delighted to see that Ben was starting. Even though you knew he wasn’t going to see it until after the match, you sent him a Snapchat of you curled up on the sofa, watching the match. After that, you texted him saying ‘good luck baby, cheering you on as always!!🤍 xx’
The match started, but you were only slightly paying attention. Your body had been fighting this horrid cold as hard as it could, and you were exhausted. The match continued and you were only just about able to follow the match in between power naps.
Just before halftime, however, came the moment both you and Ben had been waiting for all season.
You sat bolt upright, cheering softly through your croaky voice, as Ben celebrated his goal. The camera zoomed into him, and he made a heart with his hands and pointed at the camera. You sent him a heart back, even though he couldn’t see, and texted him ‘I told you it would come. I am so proud of you. You deserve this! See you soon, I love you🤍’. The halftime coverage started, and you allowed yourself to sit back down on your pillows, basking in the glory of your boyfriend’s goal. You knew it was coming, like you’d said to him in your text, it was just a case of him realising it.
*
When you awoke next, it was the door closing that stirred you from your slumber.
‘Darling?’ Ben’s voice was quiet as he padded through the house. You were vaguely aware of him walking over to you, placing a hand on your forehead to check your temperature. ‘You awake, sweetheart?’
You fumbled out a tiny ‘yes’, still foggy with sleep and sickness.
‘Temperature’s gone down, that’s good.’
‘You scored.’ He chuckled, knowing you weren’t exactly ‘with it’.
‘I did, darling, for you.’ Even in your slightly delirious stupor, your cheeks still flushed at his sweet comment. ‘Come on, darling, let’s get you to bed.’ You began to stand up, but soon felt yourself get swooped up into his arms bridal-style, smelling his cologne on his neck as you nuzzled your face into his neck.
‘Mmm, I missed you,’ you hummed groggily as he carefully manoeuvred you upstairs to your bedroom.
‘I was only gone for a few hours, darling,’ he chuckled in response.
‘But when one is sick it feels like much longer.’ Another chuckle left his lips, and you felt him kiss the top of your head.
‘Does one also go all posh when you get sick?’ You didn’t have enough energy to give him a retort back, just scoffing lightly.
Ben gently placed you on the bed, pulling the duvet up over you to keep you warm. You heard him in the ensuite next to your room, showering quickly and brushing his teeth. It was oddly comforting to hear him potter about in the bathroom, and by the time he came out of the bathroom, you were nearly fast asleep.
He turned off the lights, and clambered into bed beside you.
‘Want a cuddle, gorgeous? Or are you too hot?’ You didn’t have the energy to answer. Instead, you snuggled in close to him. His chest rumbled with a chuckle, an arm finding its way around your shoulders to pull you into his side. ‘Always up for a cuddle, that’s one of the many things I love about you, darling.’ The energy had completely gone, leaving you nothing to reply with. Ben knew, though, that you loved him. You didn’t have to, most of the time. It was in the way you looked at him, the way you went to every match you could even with your busy work schedule, the way you ran up to him after matches with the most radiant smile on your face, the way you always made sure you had a plate of dinner ready for him if it was a late finish… The little things added up, and Ben wasn’t great at maths, but he knew it added up to a whole lot of love from you, and he always made sure you felt it from him.
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All mine
Summary: The one where you and Ben “hate” each other.
Warnings: Smut. Requested: Yes. Words: 3.2k
Author’s note: I’m so sorry, this one shot is so long... I got this request from an anon and I instantly came up with the story. This is also the first one I write... Let me know what do you think about it, and you can also request me anything you want. I hope you all like it.
“We can’t continue doing this…”
“Why not?” He asked. “We both have so much fun and I see you happy.”
“I know… It’s the best sex I’ve ever had.”
“Then why do we have to stop?” He asked again.
“No one can know about this. About us.”
“I’m fine about keeping this a secret, but babe, I won’t last much longer. My sister already asked me why I was so happy the other day.”
“And what did you tell her?!” I asked him.
“I let her know that I started seeing someone, but calm down, babe. I haven’t said anything else.”
“Okay…”
“But why do you want to be so secretive about us? It’s been almost two months.”
“Yeah, but I don’t know… It’s just… It’s just sex… Our friends know that we don’t get along.”
“Babe, but we do now. So fucking much. And you know it's not just sex anymore.”
Mason was sanctioned and couldn’t play in this Premier League away match, so he stayed at home and invited me to his house to watch it with him. Being a huge football fan myself, he knew that I would never miss a Chelsea match. Me and Mason have been friends for a really long time because our parents knew each other from a very young age. Mase was almost two years younger than me, and I’ve always seen him as the little brother I’ve never had. I’ve always followed and supported Mason wherever he went. It was almost time for the game to start. The commentators went through the line-ups once again.
“You coming to Reece’s party on Friday, right?” Asked Mason.
“I don’t know, Mase. I have stuff to do.” I answered.
“Like what?”
“I don’t know…”
“Ben’s gonna be there.” When I heard his name… I literally felt butterflies in my stomach, but I needed to maintain my composure. “Hasn’t he told you about it?”
“Why would he tell me about it?”
“Because I know that now you two spent time together. Alone.”
“What the fuck, Mason?”
“The other day I checked the Find My Friends app and I saw that you were at Ben’s house with him, and it was midnight, y/n.” Shit, yeah… I was there. We were doing adult stuff.
“Are you stalking me now?!” I raised my voice.
“So it’s true!” Exclaimed Mason.
“What?! No! It’s not true, Mason!”
“Oh, my God… Fucking Chilly… I knew eventually this was going to happen.” He was laughing.
“Don’t stalk me, Mason.” And I was mad at him.
“I wasn’t stalking you. I was just making sure you were safe at home after the gig you went to.”
“Well, don’t do it.”
“Because then I unveil your secrets?” He winked at me and I rolled my eyes.
I arrived at the party with Alex, my best friend and flatmate, and greeted some of the people I knew. When I saw Ben smiling and standing next to Mason I felt that my legs stopped doing their function. Mason waved at me, making sure that I saw him. My eyes were locked on Ben, and Ben’s eyes were locked on me. Fuck. He looked so good. He was wearing a white t-shirt, light grey trousers and overshirt, and a pair of white Nike AirForces. This was the first time that I was around both Ben and Mason since my childhood best friend discovered what was happening between us. For the past few days I didn’t make any more comments about it, but my silence has been giving me away. I made some small talk with Mason and some of his teammates who were also there, Reece, Kepa, Ruben, Christian, Kai and Jorginho.
“Hello, y/n.” I froze at the sound of his voice.
“Hello, Ben.” I tried not to smile when I said his name. I also noticed he was getting closer to me and whispered something in my ear.
“You look so fucking hot in this dress. You’re gonna kill me, babe.” My heart started beating so fast. It was quite cold outside but to me it felt we were surpassing the 30ºC.
I was wearing a satin royal blue slip dress that went just above my knees. Of course I had Ben on my mind when I found and bought this dress just a few weeks ago. It was only for him. I knew he would love it. This shade of blue… This Chelsea blue reminded me of him for obvious reasons. We were at the back of the house, exactly at the top part of the garden so we had full vision of all the people. I distanced myself from the group and went to grab a drink.
“A fucking Red Bull?” Someone asked behind me, and I already knew who it was.
“Yes, Benjamin. No alcohol tonight. Plus, you also drink one before every match.”
“Because I need energy.”
“Well, same tonight.”
“Oh, yeah... And why would you need energy tonight?” He was teasing me and getting closer to me. I couldn't resist much longer... He winked at me.
“Ben, no. Ben...”
“Just do one shot with me.”
“Okay, but just one.” I smiled at him and Ben approached the table with all the drinks, grabbed two small glasses and poured the liquid.
“Here.” He said giving me one of the two glasses of alcohol.
“Thanks, Ben.”
“You know, y/n… I missed you these days.” Confessed Ben.
“Ben, it’s been four days since the last time.”
“Y/n! Y/n! Come have some fun!” I turned around and saw Alex grabbing my arm and pulling me to the bottom part of the garden where most of the people were dancing to the music.
I mimicked the people and also danced to the music, trying to keep my mind off from Ben. I didn’t want to think about him, but I just couldn’t stop. An hour passed and I was having fun with Alex and two other girls we just met. At some point this guy approached me and started talking to me. He was kind of average, but his outfit was cool so I kept on with our conversation. I’m pretty sure he told me his name, but I didn’t catch it due to the loud music. Minutes passed and I was still thinking about Ben. While talking to this guy I couldn’t help it, but I kept scanning the crowd, trying to find Ben. But Ben wasn’t nowhere to be found. Where the hell was he? Was he trying to find me? Was he having fun with someone else? Why wasn’t he by my side? Fuck, y/n! Stop! Focus on this random guy.
“So what do you think?” I came back to reality and I literally had no idea about what he was asking me.
“What?! Sorry, I can’t hear you with the loud music.” I tried to make up an excuse.
“Let’s go there.”
He pointed to a spot with just a few people around and I followed him there. I discovered that we had a very similar music taste, and this attracted me to him a little bit more. But he wasn’t Ben. We kept talking about music and concerts that we’ve both been to when I suddenly noticed an arm being wrapped around my shoulders.
“Hey man, what the fuck?! You talking to my girlfriend?” I knew that voice so well…
“Sorry, man. I didn’t know she was your girl. Relax.”
“Ben, what are you doing?” I said angrily looking into his ocean blue eyes, but then when I turned around to see the guy I was getting to know, he was already gone. I was kind of enjoying talking to him even though I didn’t even know his name. But Ben has been ignoring me the whole night and I wasn’t going to wait for him…
“That guy is bad news.”
“And you are good news?”
“Yes.” He came closer to me and whispered in my ear. “I know you enjoyed what happened on Monday night.” I felt my whole body shiver remembering all the stuff we did that night at his house. I still don’t know how I managed to get up from his bed and drive back to my house because my legs hurt like hell. I could still feel them a bit sore.
“That can’t happen again.”
“I know you want more. You always come back for more.” He said while putting his arms around my waist and slowly pushed me closer to him. I couldn’t do anything else rather than looking at his stunning blue eyes.
“Because I like it.” I said quietly but he picked up every word despite of all the noise and music at the party.
“‘It’?”
“Yes.”
“Or ‘me’?”
“Very funny, Benjamin.” I looked past Ben and noticed some of our friends, including Mason, starring at us from a distance. Fucking Mason... He was grinning like a little kid on Christmas. I felt so embarrassed... He’s never seen me this close to his teammate and friend. My eyes focused again on Ben’s precious face. “Why don’t we go somewhere quiet and away from everyone?”
He didn’t have to think twice about my proposal. Ben slightly moved his body and still with one of his arms around my waist we started walking together to somewhere quiet – if that even existed because one of Drake’s songs was blasting on the speakers. It was a bit cold outside, but I was feeling the heat while being this close to Ben. I was dying to kiss him again, like we did on that Monday night and many more nights before that one. But no, I can’t kiss him because every time we kissed, we ended up having sex. And I wasn’t going to have sex with him in a garden, Reece’s garden.
“You were so jealous when I was talking to that guy.” I said to Ben once we were finally away from everyone. We split and I crossed my arms on my chest.
“No.” He responded.
“Yes, Benji. It was cute though seeing you jealous.”
“I wasn’t jealous. I just don’t like that guy.”
“Why? You don’t even know him.”
“You also don’t know him.”
“But I was trying to and then you came and scared the guy away.”
“I’m not even sorry.”
“Benjamin James Chilwell, being intimidated by a random guy and getting jealous…”
“Maybe a little…” He finally confessed and I let out a small smile.
“A little?” I needed to tease him.
“He doesn’t deserve you.”
“And do you know what I deserve and what I don’t, Chilwell?”
“Fuck, y/n.” He sighed and run a hand through his hair. “You don’t understand how fucking stunning you look tonight with this blue dress on. You’re driving me fucking crazy, babe. And I’m the only one who can take this dress off of you tonight.”
I was starting to feel some wetness between my legs… He was in front of me and I just couldn’t stop starring at him… at his face, at his body. He was fully dressed, but my mind went back to last Monday, the last time I had him naked on top of me, and inside of me.
“What are you staring at?” Ben asked and I came back to reality.
“You, of course. But I wish we weren’t here, right now.” I responded while he was taking some steps closer to me. Fuck. I was trying to play it hard, but I was too weak…
“Me too, babe.”
“But we can’t go, Benji… Our friends will notice.”
“And? You don’t work tomorrow and I have the day off, so let’s go to my place now.”
“Fuck, okay… Let me go find Alex and tell her that I won’t be returning home with her.” I got so close to him and gave him a kiss on his cheek.
“I’ll go tell Mason that I have to leave. Let’s meet at the front door. I can’t fucking wait to have you all by myself.”
“Benjamin, you already have me all by yourself.”
We separated but I had the need to be close to him again. I walked through all the people who were at this party trying to find my best friend Alex. The only person who knew about my real feelings towards Ben was Alex, so she understood when I told her that I was leaving. When I gave her a hug and told her to have fun she responded with “You too, but use protection.” I tried to hide and make sure Mason didn’t see me go to the front door to wait for Ben. When I made it to the front of the house Ben was already there.
“Come on, let’s go.” He said and grabbed my left hand with his right one. We left the house and walked to his bright yellow Lamborghini that was parked two streets away from Reece’s.
“You know, I can open the door myself.”
“Let me be a gentleman now because I won’t be one later, y/n.”
I didn’t know what to say because I could only feel my whole body shiver. We both got inside of the car and I put on my seat belt, ready for Ben to start the Lambo. I was checking the time on my iPhone when I noticed that Ben unbuckled my seat belt. I didn’t understand why he just did that, so my eyes instantly travelled to his. I didn’t have any time to react because his lips found mine so quickly. This kiss… I fucking needed it so much. We needed to release the tension between us, but I thought we were gonna wait until we got to his house. It was a desperate but very passionate kiss, with both of us moaning consistently. He was grabbing my face, not letting me go, and I had my arms around his neck, not letting him go either. I needed more. I fucking needed more. So I started moving from my seat to on top of him. I could feel the steering wheel on my back, but the kiss hadn’t stopped for any second. Ben’s hands travelled through all my body. When they arrived to my legs, my dress was already a little bit higher up due to my current position, and he intentionally moved it a little bit higher. Fuck. I could feel it. I was so wet right now. I needed him to stick at least one of his fingers inside of me.
“Ben, please. I fucking need you right now.” I moaned and broke the kiss. But he never stopped kissing me because his lips travelled from my lips to my neck.
“You’re so fucking hot, baby.”
“Ben, Ben, Ben.” I noticed that his hands were under my dress and I shivered again. His hands grabbed my undies and pushed them down. And then I felt how one of his fingers was on my pussy touching me.
“Holy shit, y/n. You’re so fucking wet.”
“I know, Benji. It’s all your fault.”
“I’m so hard right now, y/n.” His finger was moving, and when he found my clit he didn’t stop rubbing it. I was already so fucking close, I could feel it. I put my arms around his neck and also tried to hold myself with the headrest of his car seat.
“I’m so fucking close, Ben.” My legs started to shake even more and suddenly I had a bad time breathing. “Oh, Ben… Ben! Ben!” And that’s when I orgasmed.
“Fucking hell, babe. I wasn’t expecting this now.”
“Holy shit, Ben. That felt so fucking good.”
“I need to fucking be inside of you. Let’s go to my house now.”
“Benji…” I looked at the back seats.
“No, babe.” He understood what I meant. “As much as I would like to do it right here, right now. I need to fuck you like you deserve and on my bed, again.”
“Okay, but drive safely.”
I put my undies back up and kissed Ben on the lips before sitting back on the passenger seat and fixing my dress. I could still feel my pussy burn. And holy shit, he only used one finger. Ben turned on the engine and started to drive. Reece’s house was only 15 minutes away from Ben’s but it felt like 50 minutes. I was dying to get off this car and arrive at Ben’s place. While driving, Ben put his left hand on my right thigh. He was caressing my thigh like he didn’t want to miss a second without touching me, like he didn’t want me to open the car door, jump and disappear. But he didn’t have to worry. I didn’t want to go. I wanted to spend as much time as possible with him. We both wanted the same.
We arrived at Ben’s around 1.30am and we both stepped outside the car so fast. We got inside the house and as soon as he closed the door, he grabbed me and started to kiss me again, but not before whispering in my ear “Fucking finally.” We went to the first floor of his house and straight to his bedroom. I knew exactly where it was. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other and he didn’t stop giving me small kisses. I could feel his bulge and it turned me on. We got to his bedroom and didn’t turn on the lights because the light that was coming from outside was enough for us.
He layered me carefully on his bed and started to kiss me more passionately. I wanted to finally rip off his clothes so badly. He took off his overshirt, I grabbed his t-shirt and pulled it over his head, with Ben helping me to do it faster. He then unbuttoned his jeans and took them off while I stared at him. My dress was not covering my underwear anymore, not that it mattered to me but I wanted it gone. I unzipped it from the side and Ben helped me to take it off.
“How many rounds do you think you can handle tonight?” Ben whispered in my ear.
“I don’t know, Benji. I hope a lot.” I kissed his lips and he smiled instantly.
That’s been the best sex of my life. I lost count of how many rounds we went through and all the things we did to each other. I could still feel my pussy beating to the fast pace of my heart, and my legs felt so sore after being open for so long. We were both on his bed, fully naked and tangled with each other. I could feel and hear his heart beating, it was slowly getting to a normal pace. He had one arm around me and was caressing me with his hand. He also placed some kisses on my head. I wished I could stay like this forever.
“You know, it really turned me on when you called me your girlfriend tonight at the party.” I confessed.
“If you want I can call you my girlfriend permanently.” I smiled at his comment and gave him a small kiss on his cheek. “And you can call me your boyfriend permanently.”
“I think we have a deal here, Chilwell.”
“But after some time I’ll have to call you my fiancé and later my wife, Mrs. Chilwell.”
“Benjamin! Not so fast!”
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Deep end
Summary: Y/N who’s struggling with infertility started to distance herself from Mason. How will the Chelsea boy react ? Will they work It out in the end, or have they already fallen into the deep end ?
Warnings: Mention of infertility, a lot of angst
Note: This made feel so emotional. Hope you like it. Also I might make a part 2 of it.
Please listen to this song while reading
Negative.
Once again, negative.
I looked at my reflection in the bathroom mirror: red rims around my puffy,bloodshot eyes , rosy nose and cheeks. I’ve been crying for an hour now. I sighed and unlocked the bathroom door after throwing the pregnancy test in the bin. Mason and I have been trying to have a baby for a year now but every single test we did turned negative. And I’d be lying if I say that this whole situation hasn’t affected our relationship . We’re not who we used to be, and I don’t know if we can ever go back to the couple that we used to be.
I grabbed my phone to find a text from Mason.
From Mason:
Stacey is home. I invited her and the whole family :)
To Mason:
Of course. I’ll prepare dinner.
I no longer tell him about the test results. It’s something that I’ve decided because what’s the point of telling someone over and over again that he won’t be a father?That he won’t have a kid to teach how to play football. He always plays tough when he’s around me but I know it’s killing him too. I,once,heard him gasp from crying when he thought he was alone at home. And honestly,I don’t want him to be torn every time. I kept the grief to myself.
When Mason is around I always try to act occupied with work or sleep early just to avoid him. I don’t know why but I often find myself refusing his sex offers,thankfully he was understanding and never forced me to do something that I don’t want to.To me making love isn’t about having fun with the man you love anymore, it’s just a procedure to get pregnant… but will always end with disappointment.
Sometimes I look at him and think: Won’t he be happier with someone else ? Won’t someone else give him what he needs whenever he wants to ?
“Hi” he whispered when he walked in the kitchen.Hi, good morning, good night is all that we say to each other lately. “Hi” i greeted him without making eye contact. I can’t look at him. His eyes remind me of my failure. Uncomfortable silence filled the room. How the hell did we turn into strangers that live together? “ I, um, I’ll be upstairs. They should be here in an hour” he mumbled awkwardly,scratching the back of his head. I nodded and watched him disappear upstairs. I finished dinner and changed minutes before the doorbell rang. When I went back downstairs I found Mason opening the door. Summer,Poppy and Harley jogged towards him and wrapped their tiny arms around his legs. He lifted them one by one to plant a kiss on their cheeks.
“Aren’t you going to greet us Y/N” I didn’t realise that I was staring at Mason and the kids when Lewis joked. I hugged him tightly and explained” I’m sorry. I blacked out. Hello everyone please come in” I squeezed all of them and we all went to the living room. I grabbed some drinks and snacks and sat next to Mason who had Summer on his lap. They were both laughing. Every laugh breaks my heart a little bit more.
“ Since you’re home now,will you come to Stamford bridge and watch me play ?” He addressed to Stacy who was wiping Poppy’a mouth with a napkin. His arm wrapped around my shoulder-just like the old days- and it’s the first physical touch we had in a while. I didn’t push his arm away actually, it was the first time that I feel comfortable with him touching me. Maybe because we weren’t alone?
“Of course I’ll come to watch my baby brother”
An hour later,I,with the help of Lewis and Stacey,set up the dinner table. And we started eating.
“So how are you two,love birds?” Mine and Mason’s gaze landed on Stacey and we both faked a smile “We’re okay” we said at the same time.
“Are you staying in England for a long time ?” I tried to have a conversation with her to break the awkward silence and be a good host.
“I’ll leave right after New Year’s Eve. By the way the food is so delicious.”
“I know right. She makes the best food. Mason is a lucky bastard.” Lewis quipped.
“I know I am“ I glanced at him and frowned my eyebrows.
“Thank you guys.I’m glad you liked it”
The kids finished first and wanted to play with Mason while Debbie insisted that she will clean the table. We watched as Summer covered Mason’s eyes from behind and innocently asked him to guess who’s behind him. “Um.. I’m not sure.Is it Lewis?” He played along making them giggle so hard “ No.Uncle Mase it’s me Summer”.
I found myself smiling so big, but I looked away when my eyes met his.
“He’s so good with kids. I’m sure he’ll make a great father one day.” Stacey rested her head on my shoulder”Are you considering having kids ?” I looked down at her,her gaze was still on Mason and the kids.
“I-I can’t-“ I didn’t know what to say but thankfully Jasmine unintentionally saved me “ Can we go home ? I’m so tired and sleepy”. We said our goodbyes and they immediately went home leaving us alone,again. After closing the door,Mason approached me ,wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close without any warning. “Mason-“ I tried to gently push him away “Mason please”. He stopped and looked in my eyes. His eyes were full of hurt and devastation. “I can’t even hug you now ? Great. That’s great!” He laughed in disbelief.
“Why didn’t you tell your family ?” I ignored his sentence.
“ tell them what ?” He frowned.
“ That I can’t conceive.. that I can’t give them what they want. That I can’t give YOU what you want” my voice cracked.
“ Why do they need to know ? » he sighed « We’re young Y/N and we can always try again if that’s what you really want.I still have hope.”
“Hope?” I laughed “Hope is the most devastating thing. Hope is cruel.”
Would I be this shattered if I didn’t have hope ?
“ Kids aren’t what I want anymore. You know what I badly want ? I want my wife back. Yes I would be happy if we had a child but I would be happier if i still had the old Y/N.Whoever is standing in front of me right now isn’t the girl that I loved. I feel like I don’t know you anymore Y/N. Are we together just to have kids ? What about love ? What about you and I Y/N ?” He ran a hand through is hair” how did we end up like this ?” His voice was full of hurt. I looked down at my feet and mumbled”The girl that you loved won’t come back. I’m sorry.” I stared off into the distance,trying so hard to hold back my tears.
“That’s all you got huh ? I want to help you Y/N, but you keep pushing me away. Do you think I didn’t notice you crying in the bathroom whenever you think I’m asleep ? I didn’t want to force you into talking about it I wanted you to willingly open up to me so we can work it out together but you never did. And I can’t take this anymore. I’m so sick of you treating me like a stranger.”
He shouted,fist pushing the wall and walked out of the house leaving me sobbing with my head in my hands. Of course he’ll get sick of this. But he’ll never understand how worthless I feel when he slightly touches me. I don’t know why he has never lost hope or why he has never given up on me.
Four hours passed since he left and I was starting to worry. Has something bad happened to him ?
To Declan:
Hi sorry for bothering you but I wonder is Mason at yours ?
From Declan:
No he’s not here. Is everything alright ?
To Declan:
Yes. Don’t worry. Good night Dec !
I put my phone on the sofa when I heard the sound of keys in front of the door and rushed to open it and reveal a very drunk Mason leaning on Ben. His eyes were so tipsy, I’ve never seen him this drunk before. After putting him on the bed and going back downstairs Ben stated” Look Y/N, I don’t know what’s going on between you both but Mason isn’t okay at all. He has been playing like shit lately if you haven’t realised it yet. Also he usually never drinks when we have training the next day but look at him now.. Potter is going to scold him so bad tomorrow” I bit my nails titling my head down and nodding “I’ll take care of him. Don’t worry Ben. Thanks for telling me”
I grabbed a glass of water,and walked to the bedroom where he was laying on his back and staring at the ceiling “Here drink this it might help” I handed him the cup.”Y/N?” He called”Why don’t you love me anymore ?” His words hit me like knives,straight in the heart.Did I really cause all this damage? He doesn’t deserve to be treated that way. He deserves so much better. So much better“ I still love you”
He chuckled taking a sip from the cup of water “weird way of showing it” I helped him take off his shoes and change into something more comfortable. “You need to rest Mason. We’ll have this conversation tomorrow when you’re sober enough”
“You don’t even look into my eyes when I’m sober enough” he wiped his eyes” I’m trying to help you heal Y/N. I can’t lose you. If you need space I’ll give it to you, just please don’t leave me” his voice became weaker and weaker as he shut his eyes. His soft snores were heard minutes later. I pulled the blanket to his chest and pushed the hair that fell on his sweaty forehead. “I’m so sorry for burning us down” a tear fell from my eyes and landed on his cheek.
I put my luggage in my car as soon as the sun rose and left a letter on the nightstand next to Mason.
Dear Mason,
I’m sorry I left without telling you. But it’s honesty what I needed. I wanted space so I can figure out our future together. Unfortunately, I couldn’t accept the fact that I am infertile, and it makes me feel less of a woman and I’m deeply sorry for treating you that way, I let my selfishness take the best of me. Every time that you try to get closer, I get flashbacks of how I felt the last time that we tried and had a negative result. You, my dear Mason, are the most important person in my life and I can’t thank you enough for trying to help me but no one can help me except myself in this situation. I promise I’ll be back weather as the old Y/N that you knew or with divorce papers. You don’t deserve to go through this Mason,so if I will still feel the same, I’m afraid I’ll let you go. You can be happy with someone else and start a family. Until then, I love you more than life. Please try to understand and don’t be mad.
PS: I left some painkillers on the nightstand x
Yours sincerely,Y/N.
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𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 - 𝐛𝐞𝐧 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥
・𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲: @a-little-bit-rascal
𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: 𝐢 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐟𝐮𝐧 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐧𝐞, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐠𝐮𝐲𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐚𝐬 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥.
Y/N was a firm believer of fate, that whatever occurs was predetermined for her - and apparently going through two heartbreaks seemed to be the case, and while it does not seem that big of a deal to some, for her it was; as her heartbreaks were plastered online for everyone to see, Y/N was no ordinary girl, she'd been fortunate to break through the industry as a popular actor and dancer which had garnered her a sizable following, the exact following that saw her break down and come undone only to rise and get straight to work not allowing herself to fully grief the heartbreak until she was in her hometown, and yet somehow, after those heartbreak she was blessed, and it all started the day she had been invited to attend Wimbledon.
She was seated next to a handsome brunette man, around her age dressed in an all black casual yet stylish ensemble, with sunglasses over his eyes, and it wasn't until he removed them that she realized exactly who he was - Chelsea and England's star, Ben Chilwell.
The pair exchanged small talk which quickly formed into a conversation after the event as they exchanged numbers, Ben had even taken the initiative by asking her out on a date, then another and another when time was possible, yet in the midst of those six months nearing seven, they'd never discussed the possibility of becoming anything more than just two adults casually spending time together, while she didn't fault him for not labelling their relationship ( that's if it's a relationship ) she couldn't help but feel lost.
She knew she liked him, quite a lot yet the fear of abandonment, or worse, being dumped for the third time took over, hence why she never brought it up, firmly believing that Ben didn't see them going as far as they can.
Except he did.
You see, while Y/N was stressing over the prospect of them going far in their relationship, Ben was so enamored by her that his England teammates were the unfortunate victims of his affinity for the dancer, particularly James Maddison.
" Mate " James interjects, " I know you're obsessed with her, but for the love of all that is holy, stop! "
It was then that Ben realized that he had been oversharing a bit too much, " Sorry bout that " he murmurs.
" It's fine " James said, " I understand how you feel, I mean I was like that when I first met Kennedy, and here I am, three kids in and happily in love " he grew silent before smiling, " I have an idea, why don't we invite her to come? "
" I don't know mate, she's probably busy " Ben shrugs, as he knew she had a tight schedule of performances and the fact that he didn't want to scare her by making such a big move.
" Listen, Kennedy won't be able to come because she has to watch over the kids, I'll ask her to phone Y/N and see if she can come to Poland instead " James said, then adds with an eye roll, " If she says yes, you will man up, ask her to be your girlfriend and hopefully, get me out of my misery "
____
This is ludicrous, she shouldn't have allowed herself to be persuaded like this yet here she was, at the airport in the small shop looking at something to get for Ben - all the while she was debating if she should just walk out and miss the flight, her thoughts were soon broken by a familiar sound, she looks up to see Aine May in front of her, the girlfriend of Ben's teammate, Conor Gallagher.
" Y/N " Aine May smiles, embracing her before frowning. " You alright? "
Y/N attempted to wave it off with a smile, " Yeah, I just - I was looking for something to get Ben before the flight and I ... " she trails off and swallows the lump in her throat, " Am I making the right choice? I mean, we aren't even serious and here I am acting like a girlfriend " she chuckles.
The blonde girl shakes her head, " Show me your ticket? "
Y/N complies, giving her the ticket; Aine May grins, " we are literally sitting next to one another, come on, I'm getting a new cologne for Conor since he finished his last one "
They spent the next hour roaming through to get what they felt was fitting, and then boarding the flight. Y/N's mind felt messy, yet Aine May assured her that she'll be fine, that Ben would be happy to see her as several of the other WAG's would be there, the only thing she can hope for was that Ben would be happy to see her, otherwise ... this will be a terrible idea.
______________________________________________________________
( I know England flopped in the match but let's pretend they didn't )
The teams were in the tunnel, Ben stood behind James - and while he tried his best to focus, his brain draws back to Y/N and when James turned to him, he sighs. " Mate, relax! " he said, Ben sighs and shakes his head, " I should have asked her to come, I mean ... I miss her a lot, I know I sound like a sap but it's true "
" Yes, you do sound like a sap " James sighs softly, " Now, focus on the game and who knows, maybe she did come, I mean Kennedy didn't say anything but you never know " he shrugs.
They were ushered out onto the pitch, and Ben opted not to dwell on Y/N and instead try his best to pour his focus onto the upcoming match - they'd taken the pictures and were then dispersed onto the pitch in their assigned positions, the first half was definitely intense for England as clearly Ukraine were attempting their best to score early and unfortunately they'd done just that, the goal had definitely placed a damper on them throughout the first half up until the extra minutes when they walked in.
_
Y/N was able to catch the end of the first half and was heartbroken seeing the dejection on Ben as well as the England players as they had hoped not to concede, she took her seat next to Aine May who filled her on what happened earlier, the pair continued to chat until the second half began which seemed to pan out better for England who had thankfully equalized the scoresheet thanks to Kyle Walker's goal.
At around the 58th minute, England were awarded a corner which Ben jogged up to the corner to perform, and right then; he looked up and saw her, his face lights up almost instantly and just then, he turns around executing the corner which thankfully had the ball pushed into the net by Jude Bellingham thus granting England the lead over Ukraine, and provided them with momentum to keep the match in their favor until the very end.
Aine May nudges Y/N to alert her of Ben running over to greet her, what she didn't expect was to be greeted by a warm embrace followed by a soft kiss that radiated a deep sense of longing, " I missed you so much " Ben whispers.
" Yeah? " Y/N beams.
" Thank god you're here " James interrupts them, " He was driving us mad with how much he missed you " he laughs.
" Finally mate " Jude yells with a laugh.
" God knows how long we had to sit and endure him sapping over how much he missed her " Declan joins in.
" Stop it you two " came the voice of their captain and friend Harry Kane, " it's not his fault he's in love " he chuckles.
" But he had us wanting to drive heads up the wall Haz " Jude groans.
" Yeah, plus we couldn't sleep well " Conor said.
Y/N looks at Ben who blushes, " That bad huh? "
" You can't even imagine " Ben chuckles.
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March Prompt list
Hello! To get me back in the swing of writing, I am challenging myself to a prompt list a month!
Please request the number you would like and which driver/footballer you would like it to be for (list found here). If possible please leave a little scenario you would like with it, this isn't a requirement but helps me make sure that we are on the write track with it! It is a first come rule so I do apologise if the prompt you'd like is taken before I get the chance to rule it out xx
Fluff
“i can’t help but find it terribly funny that you think you’re in any position to give me dating advice.” Charles Leclerc
"It’s not fair that your house has power and mine doesn’t.” Ruben Dias
“Woah woah woah, when did this turn into dating?” “Just go with it okay?” Lewis Hamilton
“That shouldn’t have been as hot as it was.” Mason Mount
"why are you so jittery?" "i just saw _____, they're so beautiful."
“just hold me.” Lando norris
“You… You learned to cook my favourite meal?” Domi
"Come on, let's get you to bed" "Mmh...?" "Come on honey" Trent Alexander Arnold
“if you’re still wondering who left those flowers at your desk, i think i’m ready to put your mind at ease.” Jude Bellingham
“i couldn’t think of a better night to show everyone how in love with you i am.” Dominik Szoboszlai
Angst
“We were the only ones who believed in us.” “And that wasn’t enough?” “No. No, it wasn’t enough, apparently. Because look at us now.” Mason Mount
“I really thought we were it, you know?” Jude bellingham
"I thought that if I did all this and came all this way, it would finally click for you... if you can't figure it out by now, then i don't have anything else to tell you." Trent
“Well, I’m sorry I fell in love with you, okay? But it happened and I can’t do shit about it.” “You… What?” Trent Alexander Arnold
"please- please, please wake up, [name]- w-wake up.. please." Mason mount
"i sacrificed everything for you..." Domi
"wait, don't go, please.." Trent Alexander Arnold
“Isn’t this what you wanted? For us to be apart and never see each other again?” Dominik szoboszlai
“Hold my hand, okay? It’s gonna be over soon.”
"What am I? A product for you buy?"
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Insomnia - Ben Chilwell
Who: Ben Chilwell
Prompt: Insomnia
Requested by: anonymous
Warnings: none
Ben didn’t know why, but he just couldn’t catch sleep tonight. He had been staring up at the ceiling ever since he had gone to bed, and it felt like that wasn’t going to change any time soon.
Time slowly ticked away. With each passing minute, Ben realized he had one minute less to sleep until he had to get back up again.
Ben sighed miserably and rolled himself onto his side. Maybe a change of position would do him some good. At least the view was better: he was face to face with you now and could watch you sleeping soundly.
Ben moved again to get more comfortable.
"You’re restless," you mumbled softly. Ben’s tossing and turning beside you woke you up.
"I’m sorry," Ben sighed. It hadn’t been his intention to wake you up, and he even felt guilty for it.
"Can’t sleep?" You slowly opened your eyes just a crack and looked at his silhouette in the darkness.
"No," Ben answered softly.
"Come here." You sleepily rolled yourself onto your back, and invited him to rest his head on your chest. Ben did so eagerly.
"Why can’t you sleep?" You mumbled.
"Don’t know," Ben shrugged minutely, "but I’m not liking it."
"Shh." You stroked his hair with one hand and gently rubbed his shoulders with your other hand.
The two of you lay like that for a long while.
Eventually you felt Ben’s head on your chest grow heavier, and you were sure he was finally falling asleep. When you heard his soft snores, you were certain: he was sleeping.
You rested one arm around Ben’s shoulders and closed your eyes. With Ben now sleeping in your arms, his head resting on your chest, you, too, drifted quickly off to sleep again.
Tags: @stonesyyyy, @footballffbarbiex, @football1921, @laurasstufff1, @juliabrghs, @ella33
Request an imagine | Add me to the tags list
Ben Chilwell masterlist | General masterlist
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(changed my pinned post so that's why we have this post)
NONE OF THESE PIECES OF WRITING CONTAINS TRUE EVENTS WITH THE PEOPLE MENTIONED. I’VE STOLEN THEIR FACE AND NAME AND GIVEN THEM NEW PERSONALITIES, UNPROBLEMATIC PERSONAS AND MADE THEM AMAZING IN BED.
Masterlists and other links 👇🏼
Not all of my masterlist is fluff, so please check the warnings and/or ask content before continuing. By continuing to read each of the pieces, you accept that some of the content may not be for you, and if reading smut, that you are over 18.
You’re responsible for your own consumption, especially if proceeding to read a piece which has warnings not to your tastes.
Though please note that while requests are currently closed, there are a few exceptions at the bottom of this post. Anything sent to me outside of this when I haven’t asked will be deleted and not completed. Don’t be a dick, and respect writers request boundaries.
full masterlist 📖
F1 masterlist
Players A-L
Players M-Z
this month’s new updates 🆕
my fic reading recs
my gif blog
Get early access and more with patreon
Writing prompts
Forever open requests and recommendations:
Antoine Griezmann requests.
I want your fic recommendations
Open Requests:
Ruben Dias requests
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Morning Swim - Ben Chilwell x Reader
Now that the World Cup was on Ben and Y/N had more time to spend together. Y/N helped Ben through his recovery process. At first it was tough it hurt Y/N to see her boyfriend's gutted expression when he was told he wouldn't be able to recover in time for the World Cup. Ben has been a through a lot the past year with injuries he missed most of last season. Just as he was starting to get back into the football just as his confidence was starting to grow he was met with another huge blow.
Y/N can still remember his face when they watched England vs Iran. He was smiling but she can see it was forced behind his mask she saw the pain and even a bit of jealously. The couple watched as the England boys huddled together and formed a group hug. Y/N saw the look of longing on Ben's face he wanted to be there on that pitch with his friends celebrating those six goals.
Y/N did all that she could in this situation. She reached out and squeezed his hand. It wasn't much it wouldn't help speed up his recovery process but she wanted to assure him she was there for him and everything was going to be okay.
When he looked at her hand the smile was back on his face however this time it was genuine. The love he had for her shone brightly in his eyes.
It was a beautiful sight to see.
.................
As part of the recovery Ben had to go swimming twice a week. It was light exercises in the water. Several laps up and down the pool. This was part of the routine Ben didn't mind. Ben liked swimming it relaxed him.
While Ben was in his session Y/N was in the cafe having a cup of coffee. She sips it and scrolls through her phone. A notification pops up on her phone. It was from Ben.
Y/N knew it couldn't be from Ben as he is still in his session.
It must be from the instructor. Y/N sighs and smiles. Ben liked to keep her updated on his progress he asked the instructor who was also a good friend of his to film videos and send them to her. Ben could wait until after the session to send it to her but he knew his girlfriend was eager for updates she wanted to know if he was okay.
Y/N presses play on the video. She saw her boyfriend with his goggles on as he waited for the instructor's signal. When the instructor said go Ben immediately begun swimming. His head bops up and down as he swam towards the other side. Once he reached the other side he turns round and starts to swim back.
Y/N did a little cheer as Ben finished the lap without being in pain or discomfort.
So far so good.
When there was 10 minutes to go Y/N finished her coffee and went to the leisure centre to meet up with her boyfriend.
She found him coming out of the pool area going into the changing room. She waves at him.
He caught her in the corner of his eye. He turns and waves back.
Y/N bit her lip as she eyes him up and down. He is soaking wet. His hair is dripping with water. The sunlight from the window made the water sparkle on his skin. His swimming trunks are stuck against his skin revealing outline of his di...
Her eyes quickly snap upwards. Her face blushes pink with embarrassment.
She wasn't going there not here not now.
"Hey you." Ben smiled as he walks up to her.
Y/N steps back and raises her hands.
"Uh uh shower first."
He sniffs his armpit.
"I don't smell."
"But you are wet." She nods. "I'm not going out in wet clothes in this weather."
"I'm wet huh?" He had a smirk on his face.
Her face went from pink to red.
"I'll see you next week Ben!" His instructor shouts out.
"You too mate."
Ben turns his attention back to his girlfriend once the instructor was gone.
"Come with me."
She frowns.
"Why?"
Ben was already going into the changing room. Y/N quickly followed after him.
"Ben I'm not allowed in here."
"No one is here." He turns and gestures to his surroundings. "We got the whole place to ourselves. Benefits of a morning swim huh?" He grinned. "Now..."
Y/N held her breath as Ben pushes his trunks down. He steps out of them and kicks them away.
"What are you doing?" She asks.
He gives her an innocent look.
"I'm going in the shower."
She stuttered. She couldn't get the words out. She couldn't take her eyes off him.
He knew where she was looking he knew this is making her flustered he sensed the tension the moment her eyes went on him outside.
He is enjoying her reaction. Deciding to push this a little further Ben casually strolls up to the shower and raises an eyebrow at her.
"There's room for one more."
Her eyes widen when she realised what he meant. She quickly shakes her head.
"Ben no we can't."
"I did say we got the place to ourselves."
"What about Mike?"
"Oh he's gone." Ben leans forward. "Y/N...I know you want to."
His voice goes low as he said it. His smirk widens and his eyes gleam with mischief.
She swallows. It is tempting very tempting. She runs a shaky hand through her hair and asks.
"Can I..."
She takes a deep breath
"Can I wash your hair?"
He grins.
"Of course darling. I would love that."
Y/N wasted no time. She takes all her clothes off and steps into the shower. It is a small tight space but they can manage. Ben did crack a joke that she needed to cut down on the cakes. She responded with a playful jab to his ribs.
Ben switches on the shower and they both drop their heads back and let the warm water hit their faces. Y/N squirts shampoo into her hands and signals her boyfriend to lean forward. He does and Y/N gently massages the shampoo into his scalp.
Ben sighs with content.
"That nice?"
"Hmm." He hummed.
Once she finished she turns and grabs the soap. As she turns back she is met with a kiss. It was sudden Y/N froze. The soap slips out of her fingers and falls on the ground. The noise caused the couple to pull away from each other. She is breathless while he looked her over with concern.
"You okay?"
Seconds later she snaps out of her shock. Then she looks at him and grins. She then goes forward and slams her lips against his. Ben quickly holds on to her to stop her from falling over. He goes forward and presses her up against the wall. He hungrily kisses her. He leaves a trail of kisses down her collarbone. He bites down on her nipple and grins when he hears her moan.
"Fuck!"
Ben continued to tease her. He kissed and sucked areas of her body. He then slowly runs his hand between her legs and silently orders her to open them. She obeyed. He helps her lift her leg up. He angled himself so he is in front of the entrance.
"Gentle." She said her voice stern.
"Yes ma'am." He answered.
Last thing he wanted to do was make his injury worse and slow down his recovery process.
Ben's eyes lock with hers.
"Okay?"
"Okay." She sighed.
Y/N gasps as he goes inside her. She feels his wet, hard dick slide easily between her folds. He plants his hands firmly on the wall and immediately begins rocking her. She grasps on to his hair. She shakes her head when she feels the shampoo in it. If she wasn't in a mess right now she would scold at him for not rinsing his hair properly.
He continued to ride her. Nice and steady he didn't increase his pace he kept it slow and gentle like she told him to. She kisses his cheek and ensures him she is enjoying it she is savouring every moment of this.
"Y/N!" He breathed her name. "I love you so fucking much!"
Her name echoed off the walls. His low, husky voice made her legs shake she wasn't sure if she could hold on any longer.
"B...Ben!" She gasped.
The water beats down on them. Steam forms on the glass. Y/N felt like she couldn't breathe she couldn't tell if its to do with the enclosed space or because Ben was turning her into a freaking mess.
She is panting now, her legs felt like jelly. She felt his dick inside her. The heat is forming at the bottom of her belly. She is close she knows it.
"Ben...I'm close."
He mumbled something she couldn't understand. He looks up at her. His eyes are wide and full of love. The sight of it still made her heart swell.
He rolls his tongue in a seductive way. His eyes narrow as he to realises he is close. Y/N kisses him again. She rolls her tongue along with his. As she reached her climax she digs her nails into his back and buries her head into the crook of his neck. She cries out as it came spilling out of her. Moments later he lets out a cry and he spills himself all over her.
As Ben removes himself from her Y/N collapses on the ground. Ben switches off the shower and grabs two towels. He wraps the towel around his girlfriend before wrapping a towel around his waist. He carefully leads her to the bench and sits down.
"Well..." He sighs. "That was nice."
She looks up at him. The lust and desire was replaced with that sweet innocent look again. Y/N laughs. It amazed her how someone so sweet like Ben Chilwell can make sex so fucking great.
"Yeah." She laughed. "It was."
She leans forward and gives him a small, gentle kiss. She cups his cheek and smiles warmly at him.
He rests his hand on hers.
"Morning swim. Did I say it has its benefits?"
"Yes." She nods and again laughs. "You did."
The End
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Coming soon... thanks to @cityfanchelseaslut for the banner!
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