#ben hargreeves. ic / this time i get to say goodbye | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lochrannn · 3 years

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Warnings: Sexual Content (M Rating)

Characters: Lila Pitts; Diego Hargreeves; Allison Hargreeves; Klaus Hargreeves; Ben Hargreeves

Relationship: Lila Pitts/Diego Hargreeves

Roommates AU; Fake Marriage; Slow Burn; Mutual Pining; Emotional H/C

Chapter 8/9

They’ve planned to head out early in the morning, because they will have to drive for a couple of hours to get to the more scenic part of the coast that Diego’s never actually been to himself. So the evening before he stops by Ben’s to borrow his camera. To his annoyance Klaus is also there.

Diego loves Klaus and he’s usually glad to see him and always relieved to see him in a safe and relatively normal place. He hasn’t forgotten the years of crawling along the city’s streets in his car in the dead of night, looking for Klaus because nobody had heard from him in days, or picking him up from shady ass bars, high as a kite.

But Klaus, despite the fact that he seems a little spaced out half the time, has always had an unfailing read on him and Diego really doesn’t want to get into it with Klaus what his plans are for tomorrow and why he needs Ben’s camera. Dealing with his brother’s shenanigans at the wedding was bad enough.

“So you’re taking your fake wife on a fake honeymoon beach trip to take some romantic pictures and you have absolutely no ulterior motive, you say?” Klaus asks, sipping on a large mug filled with a very fragrant and spicy smelling tea in Ben’s living room.

Diego’s leaning against the windowsill, arms crossed defensively, while Ben is over by the dining table unpacking his camera equipment and trying to pare down the amount of stuff he’s going to send Diego out with and very pointedly trying to look like he’s not listening. “First off, Lila’s my actual wife, you were literally the witness, Klaus, and second of all, yeah, I have an ulterior motive, I want to help her convince immigration officials that we didn’t just get married so she could get a visa!”

“That’s not what I’m talking about, stop deflecting!” Klaus says in that mild tone of his that always puts Diego on edge.

“Why, what other ulterior motive could I have other than scamming the government?” Diego asks in irritation and then instantly regrets opening that door for Klaus. The slow grin that spreads across his brother’s face makes Diego regret a lot of choices in his life.

“I think you’re in love with your wife, you weirdo!” Klaus says, batting his eyelashes at him and Diego tries not to react, but then thinks that may be exactly the wrong choice, so a little too late he grimaces and says, “Don’t be silly!”

“Oh please, it was written all over your face at the wedding. And so much sexual tension between the two of you, maybe you should fuck and see whether that resolves it,” Klaus offers with a shrug.

“Yeah, no… that didn’t really work…” Diego breathes out and then instantly realizes the horrible mistake he made when both his brothers almost shout, “What?!” at the same time.

“Urgh, you slept with your wife, you pervert?” Klaus squeals in delight, almost falling over on the couch laughing at his own joke.

“She wasn’t my wife then…” Diego shoots back and he just doesn’t know how this keeps happening. Why is he arguing about this with Klaus? He really, really doesn’t want to talk about it, but Klaus just always manages to push his buttons.

“Oh, intriguing! Do tell!” his brother rights himself on the couch and looks at him with big curious eyes.

“Absolutely fucking not!” Diego says grumpily and crosses his arms again, trying to physically make himself shut the fuck up.

“But then what are you even doing, Diego?” Ben pipes up from the other side of the room and that is almost worse, Diego thinks, because Ben’s going to end up making a good point, “You’re clearly in love with each other, you’re having sex, you live together, you’re married, but for some reason you say you’re not actually together?”

“We had sex once, and Lila’s not in love with me!” Diego grumbles just for the sake of disagreeing with Ben.

“But you’re in love with Lila?” Ben asks at the same time as Klaus says, “Oh please, Lila is definitely in love with you! I thought she obviously wanted to bang you, but now I know she already got there that puts all the longing looks she gave you in a completely different light!”

Diego’s not inclined to simply believe his hyperbolic brother and suddenly talking about the whole thing stings in a peculiar way, so he tries to not pout when he stabs a finger at one brother at a time and says, “I’m not talking to you two about this!” Then, directed at Ben he asks, “Are you done with the damn camera? I don’t want to be here all night, should have just gotten a disposable one at the drugstore!”

To Diego’s relief, Ben holds out a small bag and he grabs it, says his very swift goodbyes, and leaves in a hurry.

They leave, as planned, in the early morning and at first Lila is grumpy and Diego starts doubting himself for suggesting the trip. He’d hoped that beyond getting some nice photos, he could offer Lila a bit of a reprieve from the stress of the past weeks, but once they’ve stopped off to get some coffee and donuts, to his relief, her mood markedly improves.

It’s stupid, but after what Klaus and Ben said to him, Diego can’t help watching her intently to see whether they might actually be right. But all he achieves is to get distracted from watching the road when he keeps looking over to see Lila, feet up on the dashboard, donut in one hand and take-away coffee in the other, singing loudly and badly along to the radio.

Despite the good forecast for the weather, the sun hasn’t managed to come out through the clouds yet, but, Diego thinks maybe a little overly poetically, he’d hardly notice with the way Lila seems to brighten up the inside of the car with her huge toothy grin as she looks over at him while still chewing on her donut.

“What? D’you not like my singing?” Lila asks him with a challenging sparkle in her eyes and Diego turns back to look at the road because he’s starting to worry that he might just be openly mooning over her.

“Why wouldn’t I like your singing, seeing as you’re so good at it?” he responds sarcastically.

“Fuck off!” Lila says, laughing lightly and punching him playfully in the arm with her donut hand, transferring a little of the powdered sugar onto his shirt.

“You’re in a good mood,” Diego points out. He doesn’t mind that, of course, in fact he’s endlessly relieved, but it does come as a bit of a surprise after the last few weeks in which she seemed to be on quite the emotional rollercoaster.

“We’re going to the beach! You have to be in a good mood when you go to the beach, Diego, it’s the law!” Lila explains seriously and Diego makes the mistake of looking over at her again and his heart skips a beat at the way she’s looking at him.

Klaus’s words ring in his ear, but once more he can’t figure her out. It’s just as likely that she simply genuinely likes going to the beach and is excited about it.

When they get to the shore Diego gets so distracted by all the attractions and all the different activities they get up to that he almost starts to feel like they’re on an actual date.

They take a walk along the water, joking and chatting in a way they haven’t in weeks, Lila taking off her shoes and pulling up the skirt of her dress so she can wade in all the way to her knees. Diego’s impressed as he just puts his hand in the shallow waves once to gage the temperature and decides that he has absolutely no interest in getting any other part of his body wet.

They have about twenty pictures left on the film, so they make sure to get as many different photos as possible so they can claim their honeymoon was a couple of days long, rather than just a single day trip. They have lunch on the terrace of a small seafood restaurant and then head back to Diego’s car to change into a different set of clothes and wander along the fair on either side of the promenade.

One stall offers knife throwing for prizes and Lila gets Diego to take part. He’s surprisingly good at it and lets Lila choose a prize and instead of taking one of the huge stuffed toys she picks a cheap-looking bracelet made up of wooden beads on a string and Diego can’t help but think that it really does look pretty cute on her.

As the day turns into late afternoon he buys them ice cream to take along their walk down the pier and Diego doesn’t miss the way something flashes across Lila’s expression when he hands her her cone and then turns back to the vendor and asks for a receipt for their immigration file. He has no idea what to make of it, though.

“There’s a place near London called Brighton,” Lila begins telling him as they almost reach the end of the pier, “it has this huge, gaudy pier and when I was at school they took us there on a day trip. I really didn’t like it, but then they also took us by boat to this other pier that was derelict and damaged by storms and you couldn’t get to it without a boat anymore and I much preferred that one, even though there was nothing really there anymore, except for the ruins of a victorian building.” Lila leans over the ornate, wrought iron railing and looks out at the water. “And then, when I was in my teens there was this massive fire and a couple of friends and I we bunked off school and took a train down to Brighton to take a look. We could still see smoke coming off it even the day after and there was this sooty smell on the beach and I don’t know why but I actually teared up. And I can’t quite explain it, but it was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen!”

Lila turns to look at him then, and her huge brown eyes are so full of emotion that Diego finds it hard to look at her and simultaneously can’t tear his eyes away.

Lila blinks rapidly and then turns back to look out at the sea and the slowly setting sun and says in a low voice, “Don’t even know why I’m telling you this.”

On some instinct Diego pulls out the camera and takes a picture of her in profile. They’ve been purposely only taking pictures of the two of them together, on occasion asking strangers and then wrapping an arm around each other, or Lila would put her hand in the crook of his elbow, because a photo of them individually will offer nothing in the way of evidence for the visa process.

Having heard the shutter release go off, Lila looks at him again and asks, “What’d you take a picture of?”

Diego looks down at where he’s winding the little wheel to the next picture on the film with his thumb and says quietly, “One of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen.”

Lila doesn’t respond and when he does muster the nerve to raise his eyes up to meet hers, there’s suddenly a charge between them that feels like it might set the damp sea air on fire. He’s just about to say something, anything really, when a slightly nasal voice coming from somewhere off to the side chimes in with a midwestern twang, “Hey mister, would you like me to take a photo of you and the lovely missus?”

They both look around abruptly to see a small woman with a kind, round face look at them expectantly.

“Uh…” Diego begins, taking a moment to find himself back in the real world, “Yeah, thanks, that’d be nice!”

He hands the camera to the woman and she takes a few steps back to get them in frame and calls out, “Smile!” and he hears the camera click before he’s even managed to follow her instructions. He’s in the middle of wondering about just how dumb he probably looks in the photo when the woman looks over the top of the camera and asks, “One more?” to which Lila says “Yes!” with determination and then grips his shirt with both hands and Diego turns just in time for Lila to press her lips to his and that’s when all coherent thoughts get swept out of his mind like sand along a beach.

“Aw, how wonderful!” Diego hears the woman call out and only realizes that he’s closed his eyes and pulled Lila hard against himself when she puts a couple of inches between them, but doesn’t quite let go of him at the interruption, “Got the sunset in and everything! Here’s your camera.”

Diego lets go of Lila with one hand and she slides back onto her feet, a tiny selfish part of Diego’s brain notes that it almost seemed like she was a little reluctant, and he takes the offered camera.

He puts it back in the bag and then startles when Lila wraps her arms around his waist and presses her face into his chest, hugging him tightly.

A little uncertainly, Diego puts his arms around her and hugs her back, then leans his head down and whispers into her ear, “What’s that for?”

She mumbles against his chest, but he’s close enough to hear her, “Just don’t think I’ve really thanked you enough for what you’re doing for me!”

There are so many things he’d like to respond with but they all seem to either not say enough or far too much about how he feels in that moment, so instead, Diego tightens his grip on her and buries his face in her hair and just holds on until Lila starts pulling away.

The drive back to the city is a lot more sombre compared to the giddy energy that Lila had created in the car on their way to the beach. Diego looks over at her periodically, but for most of the time she’s just quietly staring out of the window at the scenery whizzing by in the half light of dusk. It’s a beautiful view, he can’t blame her, but he feels almost like she’s trying to avoid conversation with him. So not sure what he would even talk about, Diego leaves her to it and spends his time making up his mind that once she has her green card and is no longer reliant on their continued charade, he owes it to himself, but maybe even the two of them, to tell her how he feels.

There’s a definite shift in the way they live together after their beach trip. They never actually discuss it, but Diego makes an effort to not work until late in the evening, and it seems Lila hardly ever has any plans with friends at night, and so they spend the weeks leading up to their immigration interview cooking and having dinner together, often using the time to get to know each other as best they can and compare notes on all the relevant answers to the questions Rodriguez and his wife wrote down for them. Other times they’ll put on a movie and make popcorn and spend a quiet evening on the couch together.

It’s both perfect and absolute bliss and at the same time it nearly tears Diego apart. Because every time they sit together on the couch, separated only by the fucking bowl of popcorn that they both very strenuously take turns to put their hand in, he has to physically restrain himself from simply shoving the stupid bowl to the floor and launching himself at Lila.

It’s slowly driving him insane.

On the day of their interview they are both quite nervous and when the USCIS agent separates them and puts them in different offices, Diego can’t stop fidgeting even when the interviewer promptly comes back in to talk to him.

He needn’t have worried. They’d done a good job at preparing for the interview and between all of the photos and receipts (some of them legit others maybe slightly less so), there are no holes that anyone could poke in the story they’d created.

He is somewhat thrown, though, when the agent asks him whether he loves his wife, that wasn’t a question that Rodriguez had mentioned, but it strikes him that it’s the one question that he can answer most honestly, so he tells her that he loves Lila with all of his heart and at this point couldn’t imagine living without her, and the agent just makes a note on her notepad and then thanks him for his time.

He’s waiting in the foyer when Lila comes out looking a little flustered and Diego’s heart sinks in disappointment as he concludes she must not have gotten her green card.

“You ok?” he asks tentatively as she gets to him and Lila gives him a glassy eyed look and says slightly absentmindedly, “Yeah, course!”

Confused by her answer, Diego tries again and asks, “How’d it go?”

Lila seems just as confused when she answers, “Uh, yeah, fine!”

Feeling like there’s a misunderstanding somewhere in their conversation Diego asks head on, though he feels like he’s being insensitive, “So, d’you get the visa?”

“What?” Lila asks distractedly, then adds, looking more harassed than he’s ever seen her “Oh that, yeah, yeah, of course I did. Uhm, can we just go home?”

He’s absolutely thrown by that. He would have expected her to be significantly more excited, considering the amount of work she put in, but he thinks maybe it’s just the adrenaline wearing off, so he follows her wordlessly out of the building and back to the car.

When they get back to the apartment, Diego’s just in the middle of taking off his boots, when Lila twists around to look at him and then rushes out, almost as if she’s been holding the question in for hours, “Diego, are you in love with me?”

#otp: just be gentle #lila pitts #diego hargreeves #dielila #diego x lila #diego/lila #tua #the umbrella academy #klaus hargreeves #ben hargreeves #fanfic #ongoing fanfic

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19umbrellas · 5 years

Text

The Great Escape || Ben Hargreeves x Reader || Chapter 2

Description: After the death of your childhood sweetheart you began to have very gory and horrific nightmares that lead to your drug and alcohol problem. After your family found out, your sister admitted you to a rehabilitation facility you begin to see glimpses of your old lover walking about the hallway. Have the nightmares finally drove you insane or is your beloved Ben Hargreeves really back from the dead?

Read and find out uwu

Word Count: 1824

Index: uwu

CHAPTER 2

"(y/n)? Who the hell is (y/n)?" Klaus asked his brother as he sat on his own bed. Ben was sitting on the adjacent bed as he looked down at the ground and huffed out a laugh. "... She was someone special to me." Ben said but his answer only made Klaus even more confused. "Since when did you have someone special?"

Ben gave Klaus a look before he stood up. He walked in a circle before looking back at his brother with a rather awkward expression. He took in a deep breath before started to explain.

The school bell rang, signaling the end of the final period. Students rejoiced as they all quickly tidied their desks and ran out the classroom. You and your friend were the last ones to leave since you both hated being pushed around by rowdy and hyper 14 year olds. As the both of you exited the building, you decided to go to the 7eleven store right around the corner. Your friend agreed to accompany you so now you were both sitting on an outdoor booth as you sucked on your blueberry slurpee.

While the two of you were talking, your friend got a call from her mom, telling her that she was coming to pick her up. She asked if you wanted to come with them but you declined, saying that your sister was coming to get you. She nodded and said her goodbyes before she walked back to the school's front to wait for her mother.

You stayed for another 10 minutes before you decided to leave. Your parents didn't give you a cell phone yet so you're used to calling your sister on the park phone booth. There was a payphone in front of your school but you preferred to wait in the park.

After you rang your sister to tell her that you were done with school she asked you to wait for a while since she was still in the middle of doing a project for one of her major subjects in college. You agreed and went to sit on one of the benches as you pulled out one of your notebook and began to draw doodles. You weren't a very gifted artist but you thought that drawing was really fun and it helped pass the time.

You were drawing a small cartoon fox when you heard the familiar tune of the Ice Cream cart that frequents the park. You quickly spotted the pink cladded vendor near the fountain and you were pleasantly surprised to find no one else waiting in line for his frozen goodies. You put your notebook back into your bag and approached him. You fished out the money left in your skirt pocket and counted it as you walked. You had enough for chocolate coated popsicles so that's exactly what you ordered. As the ice cream man rummaged through the insides of his portable ice box another kid had appeared and stood next to you.

He was slightly shorter than you but he looked the same age. His hair was neat and tidy and his face was a bit chubby and pouty which made him look kind of cute in your opinion. What really caught your attention, however, was his uniform. It looked like the boys uniform in your school only his was black and red in contrast to your school's light gray and blue.

You caught him trying to sneak a glance at you but he quickly looked away when he realized you were staring. You blushed, realizing it too and turned back to the ice cream vendor. He grunted a few times as he pushed aside popsicle after popsicle until he finally found the one you were looking for. "Here you go, young lady." he said as he handed it to you. You thanked him but before you could walk away the boy spoke.

"What popsicle is that?" he asked in a rather rushed tone, he looked a bit tense. "Chocolate coated." you replied. "How much?" he was stuttering a bit. "Sorry kid, she got the last one." the vendor said, cutting you off. "Oh..." the boy said disappointingly.

"You could try their vanilla one." you suggested. "It's almost as good." The vendor reacted to this and checked in his ice box for any vanilla flavored ice cream and sure enough there were some left. "I'll take one." the boy said. The vendor gave him his popsicle and the boy gave the vendor the amount that he owed. The vendor tipped his hat in gratitude and the two of you walked away. "I'm Ben by the way." he said as he stopped to extend his hand. "(y/n)." you shook his hand and smiled.

"Which school are you from?" you asked, trying to push the conversation forward. "Our uniforms are quite similar, other than the colors." Ben paused for a bit before saying, "I'm homeschooled, actually.". You stared at him, tilting your head as you raised a brow. "You need a uniform for homeschool?"

"Uh... " Ben was getting flustered and nervous as he found it more and more difficult to speak. He wasn't exactly used to talking to girls, other than his sisters. In fact, he wasn't exactly the most social of the bunch either. He stumbled on his words a bit as you patiently waited for him to continue the conversation with a growing smile but before he could mutter a full word you heard a beep coming from behind you. Your sister was waving at you and motioned for you to get in the car. You waved back before turning back to Ben. "Um, to be continued?" you gave him a shy but yet koi smile. "See you next time, Ben." you turned on your heel and ran towards your sister as she honked impatiently. "Yeah, see you." Ben mumbled as he watched you drive away.

Behind him Allison fell from a tree and Vanya stood up from one of the bushes. The ice cream vendor looked a little shock at this but said nothing. Allison quickly got up on her feet and dusted herself off. She squealed as she rushed over to Ben and squeezed his arms "Oh my gosh, Ben, She totally likes you!" hearing Allison say that made Ben's stomach flutter

"How can you tell?" Vanya asked as she walked up to them, picking off all the twigs and leaves that managed to get stuck in her hair. Allison rolled her eyes. "Uh, duh!" she retorted "She said she wanted to see him again."

"See you next time is a pretty loose expression. She could just be saying that to be polite." Vanya pointed out but Allison waved her off. "Okay Ben, you did good today but you gotta do better tomorrow when you see her again." she grinned. "You gotta stop the whole nervous-stuttering-thing, okay? You're starting to sound like Diego." Ben nodded as he awkwardly scratched the back of his head. His forgotten popsicle was melting onto his hand.

"What makes you so sure she'll come tomorrow?" Vanya asked. "She always hangs out here after her school's dismissals." Ben said casually. Vanya cringed "How long have you been following her?" she asked "Isn't what your doing kind of... Stalker-y." Allison hushed Vanya and looked at Ben. "Don't listen to her. I think it's romantic." she stated and Ben gave her a half smile.

Ben still couldn't get over the fact that he was finally talking to you. He was already familiar with the feeling of butterflies in his stomach whenever he sees you but the hard thumping in his chest as he spoke with you was an entirely new sensation. "You guys promise you won't tell Luther and the others about her, right?" he looked at his sisters pleadingly. Allison motioned a zipper on her lips, placed her hand on her heart and gave him a wink as Vanya simply nodded.

The next day Ben was sitting on the bench where you usually sat and you greeted him when you arrived. The two of you continued your conversation you had yesterday and it wasn't long until the two of you really hit it off. You were laughing, he was laughing, Ben was starting to get more comfortable around you, the two of you talked until the sun was setting and your sister angrily came to pick you up because you didn't call her sooner. The two of you said your goodbyes but not before you promising to meet each other to here again. And you did. Everyday without fail.

You had to admit, if it was some other boy who approached you that day and you found him waiting for you in your usual spot in the park you would have booked it and waited for your sister at your school. But it wasn't just some other boy, it was Ben, and as much as it embarrassed you to admit it you saw something in him that you really liked and that's why you stayed.

Klaus looked at Ben with furrowed eyebrows. "Are you telling me you had a girlfriend back when you were still a little squidling?" he asked and Ben nodded. Klaus stood up and so did Ben. "Wait, wait, wait, so, you." Klaus gestured to Ben. "Ben Hargreeves, Number 6, adopted son of Reginald Hargreeves, had a girlfriend when you were 14?" he asked in disbelief and Ben answered with a simple yes. "How the hell did you keep that a secret from dad? From the rest of us? Why didn't you say anything when you came back as.... As.... This... " Klaus' brain was forming too many questions too fast and it gave him a small headache trying to process all of them and he groaned.

Ben looked down for moment, feeling a bit guilty, before saying, "Look, I'm sorry I didn't say anything to you when we were kids. I just thought you were going to rat me out to dad or something." he tried to explain but Klaus looked at him with disdain. "But you told Allison and Vanya?" Klaus slowly, shook his head his voice getting higher. Ben sighed at his brothers over reaction. "I needed advice on how to talk to girls, okay! If I my super power was to smooth talk girls into liking me I never would have told them." he tried to defend himself but Klaus was still visibly upset. At this moment, Ben was starting to miss high Klaus. Sober Klaus always gets so moody when he's in the withdrawal stage.

"You know what? I can't deal with this right now." Klaus said as he flung his hands down his legs. "I'm going to go and try to get something drink from the cafeteria because oranges juice never lied or kept secrets from their brothers.". He stormed out the room leaving a frustrated Ben huffing with his arms crossed.

A.N.: Hi guys!

Just wanna say thank you all for all of ya’ll supporting this story I honestly didn’t expect this much attention on the first few chapters huhu, anyways, I already made an index thingy, link is up there, so it would be easier for you guys to navigate.Hopefully huhu.

Also, updates are like 100% faster in my Wattpad because that was the first place I posted this on huhu so if you have a Wattpad acount or if you have the app just put this story in your library and follow me if you want. My username is number_19_the_writer and the link to this book is on the index thingy. uwu thanks for reading! Have a nice day!

Taglist:

@purple-alien-monkey

uwu I gochu fam

#ben hargreeves #ben hargreeves x reader #ben hargreeves x you #ben hargreeves fanfiction #the umbrella academy #the horror #the umbrella academy x reader #fanfiction #number 6 #number six #number four #number 4 #ben hargreeves is bae #tua x reader #reader insert #x reader #writing

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lchufflepuffcorn · 6 years

Text

One last moment (Ben Hargreeves x Reader)

The reader is gender neutral.

Words:1107

Warning: depressing, angst, not major tho...

Note: It’s a songfic, you can find the link of the song here (Michael Schulte - You Said You'd Grow Old With Me)

Ps: I try to do original content, please do not copy my work...

I’d like to say ‘I’m okay!’ but I’m not.

It would be a lie saying that you hadn’t felt betrayed when you learned about Ben. You were still a teenager. Mayhap, but the news still ended you. He was a friend, more than a friend! When you heard about him, it was after a hard day at school. You just didn’t know it could be even worse until then.

I try...

Klaus, Five, Ben and yourself were supposed to study, and you were already not in the mood for more school-related work, to be honest. When you weren’t met at the door by a joyful Klaus, and with Ben nowhere to be seen; your blood ran cold in your arteries. Then a strong hand dropped on your shoulder. The noises stopped entering into your brain. Your skin was sallow, your eyes looked dead. Your soul appeared to have left you. Just like it left him. Klaus’ eyes were watering, Vanya’s cheeks were drenched in tears. Alison was sobbing in Luthor arms. Diego was standing tall, alone, refusing the hand of his mom in his. They had just lost a brother. You left the Umbrella Academy without a word, not even expressing your regrets for their lost. You collapsed on the ground of an alley not that far, crying.

but I fall

The next day, you didn’t show up in school. You had been sick all night, and tears would not stop from rolling down your cheeks. In your mind, Ben’s memories were playing in repeat motion. Torturing you from the inside. That week, you were exempt from school. When your father asked you what he could do to help ease the pain, you responded by:

‘’Close my mind, turn it off.’’

Days transformed into weeks. They turned into months, which changed into years, and yet you were still left breathless. Your parents had concluded it was best to move and try to make a new life from scratches. Ben was now a subject it was best not to mention. Nobody talked about that anymore, it didn’t mean that it was healing.

But I can’t be sober!

You were an adult when that was brought back into your life under the form of a book. It was a present from Vanya. Unconsciously, she ripped open the bandage you had put over your heart years ago. Reading her book was the first time you had let yourself be comforted by alcohol. It also brought back the nightmares you had forgotten.

I cannot sleep.

Sometimes, you would wake up so angry, laying in bed, eyes red from crying too much. You couldn’t help the tears from rolling down to your chin. Your heart racing down your throat and your mind fighting against the rational thoughts.

You’ve got your peace now.

‘But what about me?’ It was selfish of you to think like that, even after so much time. A time you could have used to heal. It made you cry harder. The hot path of water left behind was a notice for your shameful mind.

Thought we had the time, had our lives.

You remembered his smiles and your dates at the movie theatre. Your study dates at Griddy’s Doughnuts. You remembered the feeling of his hand in your, the taste of his lips ghosting over yours. Yours remembered his promises to take you to your graduation party.

Now you’ll never get older, older.

You couldn’t remember the feeling of his skin under your, you couldn’t trace his lips eyes closed anymore. All you could do was look at the wall hoping to heal old wounds without going back into despair. In your mind, during those hard days of getting back into time, back to him in your mind. You could always imagine during hours what you should have said to him before leaving the night before. You didn’t say goodbye.

Now I’m frozen in time.

There were days that you spent still in a chair, unable to move. Frozen in place, shivering. Like that day when you heard on the news about the death of old Reginald Hargreeves. After years spent without reading Vanya’s book and declining Klaus’ voicemail and Diego’s letters and Allison’s movies, it hit you straight in the face. It was like a cold shower. Your bones were stuck in the ice of your blood. You couldn’t change the TV station. Stuck to see and hear everything they had to say about his family. All over again. It was as if you were taking a cold shower. Your bones were stuck in the ice of your blood. You couldn’t change the TV station. Stuck to see and hear everything they had to say about his family. All over again.

Getting colder, colder.

One last word.

If you could have changed what you said to him that last time you two were together. Some tears ran down on your cheeks. You were so tired to cry. So much anger and sorrow and hatred were filling your heart. It had been so full of those emotions for so long that you had completely forgotten what it meant to be at peace. Your figured that maybe if you would just go their one last time. Maybe... it would help you heal at last.

One last moment.

To ask you why…

A flower bouquet in one hand, a black umbrella in the other. You strolled down the street until you reached the once familiar door you had left behind. You knocked one time, two times, three times against it. Just like the old time.

You left me here behind.

It was Grace who opened you the door. A smiled on her face as she recognized you she let you in, guiding you to the garden. His statue was standing tall in front of her. Looking sadly on the ground as if he knew why she had come.

‘’You said you’d grow old with me.’’

We had plans, we had visions. Now I can’t see ahead.

You sat the bouquet down. Your now free hand resting on his marble shoe. On the tomb someone had engraved ‘’ We were one.’’ It had to be Klaus.

We were golden.

‘’Forever you said.’’

For a long time, you hadn’t turned to alcohol to get ahold of your problem. But now…

I can’t be sober.

You met face to face with Klaus without any preparation for it. You had spent so much time gone, you hardly recognized him. His pupils were blown, but you could still see the frightened boy he once was. He still was. His face fell when he acknowledged you. It was like he was seeing a picture. But instead, it was true.

One last word

His hands rose from his side as if he couldn’t control them, and his face broke into a smile. His fingers slowly caressed your cheeks. Searching your eyes for a hint. His lips stirred to form a word.

‘’Hello!’’

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