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#benliz
tallmadgeandtea · 1 year
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Always remember
Uh-huh, we burn for better
I vowed I would always be yours
'Cause we survived the Great War
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culper-spymaster · 3 years
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SS&SP-Benjamin Tallmadge and Elizabeth Walker
For @tallmadgeandtea
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tallmadgeandtea · 1 year
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SS&SP Drabble: Homeward Bound
Hello, everyone, and Happy Easter or Passover or just a regular Sunday! I thought I’d share a little scene I’ve had sitting in my notes app today, as a gift and an apology for the incredibly long wait for the next chapter! With college and transferring and research project my life has just *explodes.* Anyway, here it is! Benjamin and Elizabeth have their most intimate conversations right before she goes home, which I think is interesting. Perhaps it’s their way of unwinding after a day full of supply talk and dealing with Congress’ bullshit and Hamilton being Hamilton (I say this with love.) Enjoy, and thanks for sporting me and SS&SP!
“Is it true, Major Tallmadge?”
“Is what true, Miss Walker?”
“My father-“ she began, remembering the look on their faces whenever she brought him up, the flashes of disdain and resentment. Did she have any? “He always said New York had too many Tories and not enough Patriots. Said it was more divided than Pennsylvania could ever be- which seems impossible now that I know- now that I’ve seen it.”
Benjamin let out a soft whistle between his teeth. “I don’t want to agree with your father. He seems to assume rather than know.”
“Believe me, I learned that quickly.” She never wanted to leave him to be exposed vulnerable, alone. “He promises rather than acts, too.”
“But it- it’s complicated.” His fingers fell back onto the map, his gaze gone for a second, before he spoke again, “Do you remember where I’m from?”
“Setauket?”
He smiled, that wistful, sad smile- torn and frayed, a hint of defeat. “There’s a troop of British soldiers quartered there. No, not quartered- occupying. Ruling.”
Her heart dropped as soon as he said it, her stomach turned when she glanced down and saw where his fingers were- tracing the Long Island coast, subconsciously showing it to her.
“They- they turned my father’s church into a stable. Terrorize the citizens. They don’t respect them- they hate them-“ he inhaled a sharp breath, “they want them to suffer.”
“And there was nothing you could do,” she said.
Just like there was nothing anyone could do when the British burned the valley. When she saw the smoke from her window, all she did was stay inside, trying to hide instead of fight.
“I tried. I tried, Miss Walker.” His eyes met hers- did they match the color of the sound? She never stood at the edge of the shore, so close to the fathomless deep. “Do not doubt that for a second, I tried.”
“I know you did, Major. As you did at Brandywine, and Germantown, for Philadelphia.”
She rested her hand on the table— silence laid over the wood, the maps underneath their palms, their homes written in ink.
“I hate that living in an area they destroyed is something we have in common, Major Tallmadge. I’m so sorry about Setauket.”
He shook his head, as if it would solve and dispel his troubling thoughts. It never works for me. “Tis alright, Miss. It makes us work harder.” He said.
“It makes us fight for what we believe in. For our God given rights.”
“You truly are a preacher’s son, Major.”
“So you always say, but why?”
“You always find the blessing in disguise.”
The dragoons were outside.
It was time to take her home.
Benjamin smiled.
“I’m not the only one who does.”
At the tent’s open flap, she asked, “Will you tell me about Setauket, if I ask?”
“Well,” he considered it, a second too long. “I’m not sure it is beneficial for your mission.”
“Really? You are not the only Long Island soldier I feed, Major. Is that a sufficient answer?”
“Yes,” he said, clearly refraining his laugh, “yes, of course.”
She nodded, and laughed for both of them. Then she raised her chin, “Good. You just earned yourself an extra piece of ham.”
“Miss Walker!”
“I’m coming, Captain Seymour!”
“I’m not counting on the ham,” Benjamin remarked, “You’ll give my extra piece to a foot soldier, won’t you?”
“I-” she paused. He knows me.
“Yes, I would.” She moved forward, “Seymour is getting reckless. Goodbye, Major Tallmadge.”
“Goodbye, Miss Walker.”
And she left the soldier from Long Island.
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tallmadgeandtea · 1 year
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Feel like you my readers deserve something for being SO patient with me this year so here you go! Won’t get the full scene for a long time cause it takes place in 1778 but here you go!
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She reached upward, her hand awkward and stiff until she found his hair, his braid was back behind his shoulders, and she gently tugged at the edge until it was back into view. The color was dulled, but in the sun, his hair would’ve been a beautiful, brown gold.
She undid the first ribbon, held up her hand.
“Tie it.”
Surprise and something else flashed across his face, staring down at her in wonder. She’d told herself she was terrified to do anything, but she did this. She changed.
He grinned, “Anything for you, Elizabeth.”
He changed position, settling on his knees- his hands didn’t pin her, no, his thighs held her down instead, the well trained muscle near the top of her legs underneath the mountain of fabric. She was terrible- she wanted him to lift up her skirts again.
His touch was so gentle it was a shock, stroking her arm, holding it like a delicate, nearly broken thing. Didn’t he remember what he did just moments ago?
It was selfish to sit there and do nothing. She rested her hand on his thigh.
His fingers danced on her wrist, feeling her pulse- was it hammering? Was it soaring, along with her heart?
He was a good soldier, and tied a strong knot.
She turned her wrist, marvelling. A charged hush was in the air between them. He’d given her another thing she wanted- she tied him to her. Like a lovesick girl, she’d keep the ribbon on her bedside table, underneath her pillow, kiss it to make a wish. She didn’t need a reminder of him- he was a constant, in her thoughts, her days, the past few months. She didn’t need anything to keep him close to her- did she? Everyday he was at her side, but this was physical. This was a token. A piece of him. A connection.
She’d never felt so sure of that until now.
“It is the most beautiful bracelet I’ll ever own.”
He shook his head, laughing. “Don’t chide me, please. It is all I can afford.”
“I’d never lie to you.”
“Oh, I know, my Elizabeth.”
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tallmadgeandtea · 2 years
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SS&SP Events: The official wedding of Miss Elizabeth Walker of Philadelphia and Major Benjamin Tallmadge, July 25, 1778
To His Excellency General George Washington,
To The Honorable Judge Edward Shippen,
To Congresman Selah Strong, New York Delegate,
Dr. Joseph Walker of Philadelphia is honored to personally invite you to the wedding of his beloved daughter, Elizabeth, and her betrothed, Major Benjamin Tallmadge of the 2nd Dragoons, on July 25, in the year of our lord, 1778, in Philadelphia. Major Tallmadge’s father, Reverend Doctor Nathaniel Tallmadge, will officiate. The ceremony will be held in Christ Church with afternoon and evening receptions at Walker Manor following the nuptials. Food and drink will be served aplenty, with music and dancing for all patriots and guests who find themselves in attendance. The bride and her bridegroom humbly ask the guests that if a gift cannot be given to them directly, the guests shall find a way to donate funding and supplies to their local militias and regiments.
The Walkers and Tallmadges dearly hope to see you in attendance.
God bless America and God bless General Washington!
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tallmadgeandtea · 2 years
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SS&SP Events: Benjamin Tallmadge & Elizabeth Walker’s Wedding in Setauket, April 18, 1778
It wasn’t how she pictured it- it wasn’t how she dreamed it. She didn’t dream about a house on the tail end of Long Island, in a town that was caught between the sea and the swamp.
She didn’t dream about wearing the only dressed she had packed, or not having any flowers in her hair. And she didn’t dream of saying her vows in a quiet house on a Saturday night, a Saturday in April in the middle of a war.
And she didn’t dream about him- not a gentleman in a fine silk suit, but a soldier, borrowing a coat and shirt from his father, still wearing his riding boots instead of polished shoes with leather buckles.
Maybe the dream had been wrong.
Dreams never worked out the way you thought they would.
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tallmadgeandtea · 2 years
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Turn Week 2022: Favorite AU Ship
Thanks to everyone who participated in Turn Week 2022! My favorite AU ship is Benjamin Tallmadge & Elizabeth Walker, aka Benliz, aka my babies, aka the protagonists of my Turn fic, the Summer Soldier and the Sunshine Patriot (SS&SP) which you can read here and here.
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And for all my lovely readers and Ben and Liz fans, here is a sneak peek of the next chapter!
~~~~~~~~~~
And what did it look like in the encampment, the valley? What did it look like from the artillery line, underneath the tree beside Benjamin’s tent? What sunrise did he see? She had a feeling he’d been awake for hours, like Tilghman. The military family had an early start. Did he sleep at all? Did he think about her after she left, worrying at night about if she was at the tavern yet, if everything was going to plan? If she was going to accept things or argue and ruin them? He doesn’t have to worry about you, Elizabeth. He shouldn’t.
You worry enough for yourself. Why should others?
He trusted her.
Trusting was a form of worrying.
She turned away from the window, her back against the paneling, spared a quick glance around the room. She only opened one pair of shutters, standing in the small space of sunlight, the rest of the room still shadowed and dimmed.
Last night, she didn’t see it, but her mind thought back to the dinner at King Frederick’s tavern, the room Benjamin politely dragged her into after spilling wine on her skirts. The bed was in the same position, facing the fireplace- she stood in front of it after she came in, he was by the door. This room was larger, or maybe it was the same size, but it didn’t feel that way.
No, when she was standing there, saying yes, seeing the look on Benjamin’s face, the room was small. There was less space between the walls as she made her momentous decision, as he asked her, “Anything?” There was less space between them when he explained the plan, when she agreed, again and again. There was less space between them when their alliance was formed.
He thanked her.
He thanked her, and she forgot what the room looked like.
If she asked him to go with her, would he?
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tallmadgeandtea · 2 years
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Cruel Summer
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Daughter of Demeter, Daughter of Hope
Elizabeth Walker loves her summers spent at Camp Half Blood, home to her and the demigods of Greek Myth. The camp is her sanctuary, where she can be herself, where she belongs. The mortal world and its worries mean nothing when she can bask in the strawberry fields or dip her toes in the Long Island Sound. She has her friends, Adrienne Fairfax and Peggy Shippen. She’s never lonely. Mr. Washington trusts her to help keep affairs in order, and even though it can be stressful with her half-siblings and the rest of camp, Elizabeth is capable and kind. She holds onto hope every single day. She’s been here for years, but she loves nothing more than Benjamin Tallmadge, the resident golden boy, her hero, and her best friend, the person she knows better than she knows herself…. but everything changes one day when-
Son of Athena, Son of Sorrow
The quest that killed Nathan Hale should’ve killed him, but Benjamin returns to Camp Half Blood physically and mentally scarred. He’s desperate to make things right, but can’t bring himself to fight. What good is fighting he loses again? What good has fighting done for the Greek heroes of old he loved to read about? What good is fighting with his broken armor and broken heart? He’s angry- at the gods, at his mother- and at himself for failing, even though everyone tells him it’s not his fault. Especially Elizabeth, who he loves yet lets go, convinced he can’t save her. He can’t save anyone. All he can do is think about falling from the sky. All he can do is think about what went wrong. Benjamin knows he can’t stay holed up in the Big House forever, and Elizabeth wants him to hold onto hope, but he couldn’t hold onto the reins, let alone her-
And a path they can’t go down together…or can they?
As Benjamin recovers, Elizabeth starts to suspect something suspicious is happening at Camp Half Blood- a traitor is in their midst, responsible for the failed quest that changed everything. If she can’t heal Benjamin, then she’s going to find whoever hurt him, at whatever cost. Even if it means learning how to fight, something she never thought possible. They will make things right: together, or not at all.
Co-writer: @ms-march
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tallmadgeandtea · 8 months
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Benjamin & Elizabeth Anniversary Snippet!
Hi, everyone! In honor of today's special SS&SP occasion, I wrote a little snippet from a random (but one of my favorites) early 1778 scene to celebrate Benjamin and Elizabeth and get back into the swing of writing them. This summer is hectic, and I know I have to heavily rework the next chapter, but I wanted to have some fun, so here we are! Thanks for sticking around, and for loving Benliz as much as I do! I hope you enjoy!
“Are you nervous?” Benjamin asked.
He stood beside her, his gaze intensely focused on the general’s quarters, searching through the windows as if he was looking for an invisible threat in the stone house. After spending the past several hours walking in and out of them, the houses faded into one another, blurs of brown, grays, and tans, the monotony occasionally broken by weathered white stucco and green shutters. Melted snow ran down the roofs, darkening the colors, but the windows caught the sunlight. Thank god, it was a beautiful day for her parade through camp.
The last thing the generals need to see is you soaking wet with dirt on your hem, she thought. How impossible would it be for them to take you seriously?
Hamilton knocked on the door. He turned over his shoulder. “Should just be a moment, Miss Walker! He surely must be home.”
“You know I am always a little nervous,” she told Benjamin, but she tried to smile, “it’s always a given, unfortunately.”
But it- it wasn’t a shame with him. It wasn’t a secret sin, tied around her heart with strong ropes. Something her father tried to restrain and keep in the shadows, unspoken and abandoned like every problem besides his Congress and his money and her brother’s behavior. She told him when she was nervous, and he fixed it-- with his voice, his words, a change in his presence. Not always-- no, you can never be that optimistic, Elizabeth- but enough.
Enough to keep her standing here.
“Are you tired, then?”
She laughed, “Tired? I’m accustomed to the schedule here-” she leaned in, whispered, “Benjamin.”
There, the classic head tilt, the sheepiness and shock in his eyes, a loosening of the rope.
“I am simply inquiring after your health-”
“Go ahead,” she pressed.
He briefly glanced at the door, the rest of the group.
“Elizabeth.”
God, it was risky.
But she loved hearing him say her name.
Only for a moment.
She found the straight to lean backward on her heels, running her hands along her skirts, but she laughed again. “I’m nervous, but I am not tired, and I’d like to meet the rest of the generals.”
“Of course,” he nodded, and followed her, transforming himself back into a professional officer. “A pity though.”
Oh, she couldn’t let that go. “Why? Will the general not like me? Surely his men have told him about me-” she held up a hand, “and I know we told them to keep my presence a security, but they like to chatter amongst themselves, and I hear the general is quite the talker-” Her nerves rose, her voice a pitch higher.”
“No,” he said solemnly.
“Then what is it? Oh, Major, tell me-”
She wanted him to tell her, and for a slight second, she wished they were alone. She wished they were alone, and that he could take her in his arms, and tell her gently. Let her down softly, as if he were helping her off her horse, a brush of tenderness, what had kept her stable half of her sleepless nights.
But all she could do was lean towards him, take a small step closer.
“A pity,” he said, his voice slow, “because I would love to do something about your hair.”
“My hair?”
She reached up. Mary had styled it differently today, into a plait, letting it cascade down her back, a delicate mess of curls. She smiled as she pinned the cocked hat into place, “Will the Generals approve, Miss Lizzie?”
But she didn’t care what they thought. 
“Do you like it?” She whispered.
“A little too much. I want to rearrange it." Full of unnecessary conviction. 
God, she almost rolled down the hill.
“That is not allowed, Major Tallmadge.”
Her mind was suddenly ambushed with the thought, the tantalizing vision of him running his hands through her hair, his fingers brushing against the skin behind her ear, her neck. Her heart raced, damn the nerves. 
“Don’t laugh,” she ordered.
“I will not.”
In the distance, Hamilton knocked on the door again. “Damn the big man,” she heard him mutter to the marquis.
“We can compromise,” she said after inhaling a deep breath.
“How so?”
“The ground is a bit unsteady.” She lied.
“Yes,” he agreed.
“You can help.”
“I can.”
She looked down, and saw his hand leave the hilt of his sword, lingering in the air between them. Oh, if only she could take it.
The door opened.
And Benjamin’s hand was on the small of her back.
A quick stroke.
And it was better than any of her fleeting fantasies.
She was doing what she loved, and she wasn’t alone.
“Let’s go meet General Knox.”
Was keeping the secret fun?
She didn’t know, yet.
At least he was allowed to have his hand on her back.
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tallmadgeandtea · 2 years
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Highlights Reel of the Official Benliz Wedding:
• Hamilton giving numerous toasts and leading a sing along of Yankee Doodle, in his cups
• Henry Knox indulging him and supporting roasts about British soldiers with help from Lucy Knox
• Nathanael Greene simply saying, “To the happy and hardworking couple” followed by a bellowing “QUAKER!”
• Elizabeth dragging everyone and anyone onto the dance floor
• A performance by our favorite Irish tenor, John Laurens
• Selah Strong feeling like he is on an episode of Punk’d. Why is he here? Why is Benjamin Tallmadge wearing nice clothes? Why is he marrying this woman? Why is George Washington smiling? Does Selah have heatstroke?
• More to come, whenever I write this
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tallmadgeandtea · 1 year
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I love that everyone knows the true way to my heart: drawing benliz
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tallmadgeandtea · 2 years
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Hey, everyone!
Hello, it’s me, Amanda, aka tallmadgeandtea. You’ve probably wondering where I’ve been, and if you haven’t, here is the answer: so I finished my first year of college, and the spring semester was very busy, to say the least. I didn’t want to stress myself out further by having to post everyday, so I took a little break from Tumblr. Now that it’s summer, I’m hoping to get back into the routine of being on here. Anyways, here’s what I’ve been up to:
Finishing up my first year of college (please clap)
Doing an honor’s project and speech on the Continental Cavalry during the Philadelphia and Saratoga Campaigns. It went wonderfully! The chancellor of my school personally congratulated me and my history professor wants me to continue my research!
Writing a Benliz Percy Jackson AU… yes. You read that right.
Reading. Lots of reading. Hoping to read more amrev books and posting about them here. 
Watching Under the Banner of Heaven and actually enjoying it- as shocking to you as it is to me. Please go watch it.
Re last point, starting the Seth Numrich awards season campaign. Manifesting at least a SAG ensemble nom.
And the much more mundane not exciting to share.
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tallmadgeandtea · 2 years
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SS&SP Chapter 10!!
It wasn’t only the land she was thinking about when she thought of Valley Forge.
She thought about being part of a group, caught between being the leader, the supplier, the student. Lafayette’s charm, his eagerness and energy, and Hamilton’s humor, the way he had a remark for every comment. And she saw a glimpse of the way Headquarters- and Washington’s family- worked together when she was with the three of them, Hamilton and Lafayette and Tilghman. She thought of Caleb Brewster’s beard and unfamiliar, hard to place brogue- but he was kind. All of the men she’d met were kind. Even Captain Seymour, who didn’t have a clue of what to do with her.
And she-
She thought about what Tilghman told her.
“Honestly, Miss Walker, the only time he talked to us altogether was when he asked us to help him. And you.”
Benjamin, risking his place on Washington’s staff, his reputation with the others, because he had a plan, and she was at the center of it- and working hard to bring her into camp, escorting her into it, making sure she was comfortable, she was safe. Taking her home because she asked, because she didn’t want to feel lonely. Giving her the supply list.
Giving her his life and limb for hers in return.
Read more here.
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tallmadgeandtea · 2 years
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Here is dialogue I came up with on a whim for a holiday benliz one shot I want to write after I post the next chapter- this weekend!
“And where are the others?”
“A bit behind, as you can tell.”
“I am glad he accepted my invitation. If he did not, I would have been grievously offended.”
“Grievously? You have survived far worse, Mrs. Tallmadge.”
“Let us not talk about that- not now. I just- I want you to hold me. Hold onto me, as hard as you can-”
“If I did, I would break you because, good god, I have missed you so much.”
“Oh, you couldn’t break me.”
“Why?”
“You are what keeps me steady and whole, Benjamin.”
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tallmadgeandtea · 3 years
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Down In Some Lonesome Valley
Hello, and welcome to another SS&SP scene! This one was something I came up with on a whim, but I now honestly think it is one of my favorite scenes. I love Benjamin and Elizabeth’s dynamic so much, and how they walk the line between friendship and something more. Don’t get me wrong, they are great as friends! But I think Ben and Liz should be friends that kiss each other. And get married. And be soulmates. (Which they do, of course!) This scene also let me live out my horse girl fantasies and give Benjamin a moment that’s very Mr. Darcyesque- if you know, you know. Thanks to @ms-march for beta-ing and thank you all for reading! Hope you enjoy!
SS&SP scene under the cut!
“Do you know what I’ve never told you?” Benjamin said.
They were in the clearing- it was quickly becoming her favorite spot in the encampment, in the valley. She loved the ways the trees surrounded her, but it didn’t feel suffocating, it didn’t make her feel small, the way the road into another made her feel when she first came into the valley. The towering trees only amplified her excitement, the small spark of joy inside her chest. In all of Valley Forge, this was the spot, the piece, that she was absolutely sure belonged to her.
It was where Tilghman pulled the cart into after days and hours on the road, it was where soldiers gathered and waited for their extra rations, the small gift she gave them. It was where she could completely be herself, the version she wanted to always be- helping people, working hard. And not for herself, not for someone who wouldn’t appreciate it. Her work was changing lives, helping the valley survive. It wasn’t just for the benefit of the estate, her father.
When she looked back on her life, and her time in the valley, she would remember the clearing. The way the sunlight crept through the trees, wrapped around the trunks, slipped through the branches. She’d remember the feeling of the light on her face, the winter breeze in her hair, the dead leaves beneath her boots. She would remember the dirty, unshaven faces of the enlisted men, their whispered thanks. She would remember the glint of the aides’ uniforms, the hilt of their swords and the golden epaulets on their shoulders. She would remember her friends, and the name she made for herself, if only for a short time.
And she would remember him.
Benjamin.
She would remember that he was the person to thank. She didn’t change her life alone- he was always right beside her. He took her hand and pulled her into the fire, into the valley. He believed in her, he trusted her. She would remember the night she met him, when he had lost everything and she had nothing to lose. She would remember the passion in his eyes, the smile he tried so hard to contain. And she’d remember sitting in his chaotically organized tent, waiting for the next assignment- the next change.
How could you ever forget it, Elizabeth?
It would be impossible.
“Tell me what, Major?” She asked. Did he have something else for her to do? Would she get to stay even longer?
“No,” he looked as if he were about to laugh, but instead he smirked, “I never told you the name of my horse.”
Benjamin’s horse stood off to the side, a short distance from them. His steed was what helped her notice him every morning- it was dapple gray, and its coloring reminded her of the winter sky before it was about to snow, the light gray and white clouds high above the valley. It never made much noise, relaxed, certainly content.
“No,” she agreed- it wasn’t the question she was expecting, “You didn’t, Major.”
But whenever Benjamin talked to her, she found herself intently listening.
“I must admit,” he remarked, “I am surprised you haven’t asked before. You always have questions.”
“Oh. I’ll admit it, Major- I cannot help it.”
“Oh, no,” his voice slightly softened- or at least she thought it did- “I do not expect you to stifle it, Miss Walker. It is a part of you.”
She wanted to tease him for a second, “Is that so? Many men do not want to associate with a curious woman.”
Benjamin was different. He didn’t care about the amount of questions he asked, because he had the same. Questions were what kept him going, what kept him fighting. Raising questions, and solving them. Fixing them. He loved finding answers as much as she did.
He opened his mouth and closed it again, and she could almost see his tongue tying, “I- I certainly didn’t mean it like that, Miss Walker. I think questions are important, and my father said that he who does not ask questions is a blind fool-“
She let herself laugh, easing the tension, “Oh, I was only pulling your leg, Major Tallmadge.”
He looked away, but didn’t hide his grin, “You’re spending too much time with Colonel Hamilton, Miss Walker.”
She shook her head, “Now that I cannot help, Major. I didn’t choose to have my spot in Headquarters be right next to his.”
“No, but he does enjoy getting a rise out of me.”
“Hamilton enjoys getting a rise out of anyone,” she said.
“You’ve learned your way around, then?”
Ever since she’d be given a desk in headquarters, time seemed to have slipped between them without her realizing it. She still spent parts of the day in Benjamin’s tent, but now, instead of escorting her into the thick of the encampment, he was taking her to The Potts House, or somewhere else in camp- someone to meet with, someone to write a letter to. And when he wasn’t with her, he was doing what he was actually hired to do.
He had his spies, she had her supplies.
And is it enough?
For you?
For him?
“Yes, I suppose I am.”
She couldn’t think otherwise.
A silence developed between them- silence wasn’t rare. There was always a moment, a daily quiet they’d become used to. Either when they were on the road leading to Walker Manor, or she was about to leave his tent, looking at him over her shoulder- he never looked away when she left. He was always watching, as if he wanted to make sure she was completely safe, alright and ready to take on whatever he threw at her. She remembered looking at him the same way as he left the kitchen, leaving behind an empty plate and then a letter.
But today the silence was stiff, uncomfortable- it wasn’t cold, and it wasn’t calm, as it had been before. She felt it coming up behind her, pushing her aside as it drove a wedge between her and Benjamin. It was strong and pulsing and she hated it- she couldn’t describe it any other way. She was somewhere entirely different, and so was he. But did he feel it? Did he feel the way time slowed, the way they were trapped in the seconds, waiting for the other to speak?
Or was she by herself, for the first time in forever?
She never felt alone with him.
Fix it, Elizabeth.
For the love of god, fix it-
“Major-”
“Miss Walker-” he had the same idea.
She tried to smile, tried to shake off the silence and act like nothing was wrong, desperate to get back into their rhythm, “What was it we were talking about?”
“You know,” Benjamin said, “I can’t remember.”
“Is that so?”
“Whenever I’m with you, Miss Walker, I always end up saying more than I should.”
“And why is that a bad thing, Major?”
Damn it, Elizabeth.
She shouldn’t have said anything, she shouldn’t have asked- but she jumped at it, eagerly grabbed it as if it were something to inspect, something to record, like the ledger or the lists. She needed to know what he meant- did he know how easy it was to talk to her? She talked to the others, of course- the aides were excellent conversation partners, indulging her by including her in far too many conversations than she needed to be in, telling her jokes. Tilghman had lessons and lectures and stories, and the Marquis simply talked about anything, addressing her as a friend. General Washington summoned her before she was due to leave each day, looking at her over his papers, wishing her a goodnight.
But with Benjamin-
With Benjamin she found her voice- never hesitant, never worried about what to say, what to do.
She’d tell him anything, if he let her.
Oh, but you already have.
She thought he would falter, that his voice would shake and that he wouldn’t be able to tell her.
“I never said it was.”
Oh, he wanted to.
He wanted to talk to her.
Not about supplies, or the camp, or the city, or the route. He wanted to talk about something simple- but simplicity was special, because in times like this, in the valley, it didn’t exist. The only simple thing was the sunrise and the sunset. Everything else had at least one step, at least one flaw. But he wanted to talk about-
“Oh! I remember, Major!” She leaned forward, as if she were about to share a secret, “You were going to tell me the name of your horse.”
“Oh,” he seemed surprised- why? “Yes, I suppose I was.”
“Did you want to say something else?”
Benjamin’s gaze was transferred between her and his horse, contently grazing the rare tufts of green grass, “No, of course not.”
“Well, come on, then,” Elizabeth started, walking past him as she walked the short distance across the clearing- like always, he followed her, falling into step, “introduce me to the fine fellow, Major.”
Benjamin stopped at the horse’s side, giving him a pat on the back, “Miss Walker, allow me to introduce you to your daily riding partner-“
“Besides you, of course,” said Elizabeth.
“Besides myself,” Benjamin proudly looked at his steer, “this is Revere.”
“Revere?” She wasn’t expecting it, but what else could she have thought of? Her father never named the horses, or the hounds. The only name he’d ever picked was her brother’s- or at least that was what she remembered. Her mother had named her- she was the second child, the only daughter.
“Yes,” Benjamin replied, a knowing grin on his face.
“After the Massachusetts Patriot?” Elizabeth asked, kicking herself- of course. Who else would it be?
“The very one,” he said, moving his hand to stroke the horse’s mane, “I like to think he is as fast as him.”
“Oh, give some flattery to yourself, Major. You’re an excellent rider.”
Benjamin looked at home on a horse in a way she hadn’t seen before- not in herself or any of the other officers, except for maybe General Washington. Of course he is, Elizabeth. He is a cavalryman. But it was more than that- he was strong and commanding, but somehow softer at the same time- how many conversations did they have on horseback, with his natural, genuine smile as he held the reins?
“Thank you, Miss Walker. My father taught me,” he said, “although it was so I could travel whenever I went to school or to find a job- not so I could become an officer, let alone a Dragoon.”
She nodded, “Yes. My father taught me as well- in fact, it was one of the only things he did. I can’t remember how young I was- six or seven, maybe. He bought me a mare, and I loved her because her mane was the color of my mother’s hair. And I remember- I fell off, once. She was spooked by something and I hit the ground before I even realized what was happening. I had the breath knocked out of me, and oh, my mother was furious with my father. But she never stayed angry for long. It wasn’t in her.”
He stopped stroking the horse, turning to her, “I don’t think it is in you either, Miss Walker.”
Was Benjamin’s voice a whisper, or did she just imagine it was?
“Major-”
But what did she want to say?
What could she say?
She dreaded falling into another silence, dreaded having to think- think about what he said, what he meant, and what she could say. What she could share. Did she know, deep down, and hadn’t been able to face it? She was always scared of her thoughts, her feelings- about anything.
Was she scared of her feelings about him, too?
Suddenly, he asked.
“Would you like to pet him?”
“What?” Damn it, his voice startled her, shook her- and she couldn’t pretend it was the cold.
They were both used to it.
“He likes to be pet,” Benjamin explained, “it relaxes him.”
Oh, the horse.
He was talking about his horse.
Step forward, Elizabeth.
Hold out your hand, Elizabeth.
Her hand fell onto Revere’s snout, and he huffed- she faced Benjamin, but he nodded, assuring her it was alright.
He stepped closer until they were both standing at Revere’s side. “Here,” he said, guiding her, “he likes when you stroke his neck.”
She followed his instructions, moving her hand- petting an animal was relaxing, comforting. Revere’s coat wasn’t soft by any means- it was coarse and somewhat brittle underneath her glove, but she loved mindlessly running her hand up and down his upper body, listening to him make an occasional sound. And for a minute, she somehow forgot Benjamin was next to her, doing the same. It must’ve been nice to have a constant friend- especially on the battlefield, or traveling from one encampment to the next. She prayed it stayed that way.
“And this,” Benjamin spoke up, “is his favorite spot-”
And then, just before she realized, just when it was too late, she moved- just an inch, right underneath Revere’s mane- but it was enough.
It was enough to have her hand land directly under Benjamin’s.
She looked up at him, and she knew she would never forget this moment, either. She would remember when she was in the valley, and she was young, and she was alone with him- she was always alone with him, but she didn’t realize until right now how it had made her feel. Her entire body was warm- she felt the warmth in the depths of her soul, and she wanted to hold onto it. She wanted to remember it so vividly that when everything was over, when she had to go back to her old life, she would have this to comfort her. She would have the memory of his soft eyes, his nervous smile, and his hand over hers.
When the valley faded away, and it was only them.
It was only us, she would remember.
It was only us.
If she closed her eyes, she could imagine he was holding her hand- and not just to help her onto her horse, to get her out of the cart, to hand her something. He was holding her hand because he wanted to- because he had feelings for her, because he-
Don’t finish that thought, Elizabeth.
She wanted his feelings to be as strong as hers.
She wanted- needed- to know if he felt the same way as her, if he felt the all consuming warmth, the softness and the strength and everything in between. She needed to know if he would remember this, if he would hold onto it as softly and tenderly as she would. She was desperate, especially if memories were all she would have, all she would be able to keep.
Because, god-
She couldn’t keep him.
Benjamin.
He gripped her hand.
He gripped her hand, and Elizabeth couldn’t breathe.
A small squeeze, a fleeting touch-
They pulled away at the same time.
But he was still looking- he was still staring at her.
Was that enough?
No.
No, how could it ever be?
“Miss Walker-” he whispered.
Say it.
Say his name.
But the strength she’d found in herself all these months was suddenly gone- she was just a lonely girl standing in her kitchen, watching him leave, but wanting him to stay.
“Major Tallmadge-”
“We should-” he paused, finally breaking eye contact, “we should be getting you home.”
“Home,” was all she could manage to say without her voice breaking, without inhaling a sharp breath.
Home, where he left her.
“Yes- you know Washington’s rule.”
She’d never forget it- home by sunset.
“Oh, of course.”
She couldn’t stand next to him- she had to move, because if she was still standing here, beside him, so close their hands could touch again…
She didn’t know what she would do next.
But then- Benjamin’s next words were spoken so quickly she almost didn’t hear them, “I”m so- I’m sorry, Miss Walker.”
She turned around, “Sorry for what?”
It was better if she pretended it never happened.
It was better if she was the only one who remembered.
“Keeping you out in the cold,” he said.
Oh, what a terrible little lie.
“I’ve become used to it, Major. We all have.”
She could never be cold.
Not if he was with her.
Not if he touched her.
Again and again.
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tallmadgeandtea · 3 years
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Turn Week 2021- Day 6, Favorite Relationship
If you’ve been following me for awhile, you know that my favorite non- canon (but very, very canon to me) has to be the ship made up of Benjamin Tallmadge and my OC, Elizabeth Walker. I’ve always written romance, but when I wrote my first Benjamin and Elizabeth scene, I knew this was different. They are definitely my favorite ship I’ve ever created, and I’m so glad people like them!! Benliz is honestly what keeps me going, and what helped me during the very dark times of 2020, along with all my wonderful friends and readers here on Tumblr. So here is a few of my favorite one shots I’ve written for them!
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An Act Of Kindness- The first scenes I ever wrote for SS&SP, this features Elizabeth giving Benjamin a gift after the first successful supply raid.
Far Side of the World- Just a sweet little thing about Benjamin escorting Elizabeth home- and getting some quick kisses in. It also features one of my favorite lines I’ve ever written.
First Thing In The Morning- Some classic hurt/comfort- which I love- and also the phrase that their otp tag comes from. May 1778 scenes are basically just me indulging my sick fic fantasies.
O Zion Arise- Another May 1778 hurt/comfort scene, Ben just really loves his wife. That’s it.
A Token Of Appreciation- Set on year later in 1779, Benjamin gives Elizabeth a birthday gift. This is one of my favorites and I can’t tell you why- actually, it’s probably because I love married! Benliz a whole lot.
Sparks Fly- Elizabeth really really loves Ben and has no idea what to do about it.
I Know Places- Because quick and covert kisses are the best kisses.
Take Back Thy Gift- It’s morning, and Elizabeth really wishes Ben could stay with her forever.
My Pain Fits In The Palm Of Your Freezing Hand- Yes, it’s another sick fic, but it also features the exact moment Ben and Liz get together and change their lives forever.
And additionally, here is their playlist if you’d like to give it a listen!
Once again, thank you for loving and reading and liking SS&SP and Benjamin & Elizabeth! It means the world to me!
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