#bitches should've just gone to therapy or something

[deathbyfiction]

[nerves-nebula]

speaking of therapists i got some silly therapist shit that feels like it'd be leo behavior. so i had a bad senior year in 2021 and went to therapy for Reasons at about the end of march. online-only cuz covid lol. nothing wrong with the actual therapist, but i ended up not actually saying anything beyond surface level "i feel a bit bad" or "life is not very pogchamp right now."

problem was that i worded it in the most convincing way possible and my therapist didn't notice anything, and any time i did say something i defo should've gone into more, i just backpedaled and rephrased it. i was the one that thought i needed therapy and i was the same bitch getting myself out of it with acting skills i didn't know i had. so, a couple months later, i convinced myself everything was fine and that was the end of this bitch's therapy arc (mistake lmao).

basically, i'm thinking leo would do some shit like this. she'd go in after agreeing she needs therapy. she'd say some surface-level shit, spontaneously decide "lmao i'm actually Fine and Cured," then leave. then you'd get the some silly voiceover that's like "everything was, in fact, not fine."

i think she would do this and come back like "hey guys i'm back from therapy! I'm cured now :D" and her brothers would be like "no the fuck you are NOT!!!" so, yeah. very #leocore

[indigopurple]

Basically a review of OP episode 503 ig

Currently rewatching post-war arc (in the dub so I don't have any screenshots for u guys sry) and theres a few things id like to point out.

During a conversation Dadan once had with Garp, they were talking about Roger. Garp said that even if they were facing powerful enemies, he would never run away because he wouldnt dare leaving his comrads behind; it wasnt an option for him. Obviously we see this in Ace. But ALSO, isnt this what he did with Katakuri? It was a little different cuz of the setting mostly, but he separated himself from his crew to fight off katakuri, and lied to them about being okay so they didn't worry (he was already getting his ass kicked by then, so he just made that stupid smile and told them not to worry (or smth like that, I can remember the exact line) (that smile was so gross and fake cuz he fucking sucks at lying). Also he said roger destroyed a buncha soldiers cuz they mouthed off his men. That's what Ace tried to do but instead he died. :(

"The pain he went through just made him hold on tighter to the ones he loved" -Garp, about Roger. "Despite his flaws and his bad reputation, his crew still trusted him completely." -also Garp, about Roger. These both sound a lot like Luffy AND Ace.

When Dogra got home and told everyone about Sabo's ship being shit down and him dying (which we all know didnt happen, thank fuck), (by the way the absolutely lost looks on Ace's and Luffy's faces with the sudden silence hurt like a bitch), Luffy started crying and said "WE SHOULDNT'A LET HIM GO, IT'S ALL OUR FAULT". Which fucking says something about him (thinking of episodes 913-915 when he goes fucking berserk, but before that he learns that Kaido probably killed Tama and he says "I should've escorted them..!" (*ugly cries*)). Ace also reacted pretty similarly-- "Sabo...why didn't we go back into town and bring him back here?! We're so stupid!" And he gets mad and asks where he could find the bastard that killed him (obviously not getting a good answer since it was a fucking celestial dragon ugh). That is what Luffy does, in present time. He results to anger first, not sadness. Not sure when he learned to do that but I'm 99 percent sure it was from Ace. Also the blaming himself thing? High chance thats ALSO from Ace. Who else would teach him that self hating behaviour?!

Dadan pins Ace down to stop him from going after the Celestial Dragon to calm him down, telling him he cant do anything, he's not big or strong enough to do anything and he'll be killed as soon as he tries anything, especially since it was the whole country -the whole WORLD- that killed Sabo. He can't do anything. And then they tied him to a tree outside to let him cool off. Oh yeah then he also told luffy to stop crying like a little girl or else he'll- (and he didn't finish the sentence). ...Ok maybe thats why luffy started being more angry than sad.

This is where things get a little more :( . Ace reads the letter Sabo sent them before he died. As he reads, he walks to the end of the forest, to a cliff overlooking the ocean. And starts fucking bawling (btw the voice actor who had Ace's childhood part did not do a very good job, no where near as in character and real as Coleen Clickenberg did with all of Luffy's crying scenes. She was spot on.) ...do you see where im going with that? He isolated himself before letting himself feel sad. It was all rage and then calm beforehand. Y-you see where im going with that. Dont make me say it.

"How's Luffy doing, is he any better?" "Well...he hasnt been eating much, but he still eats twice as much as we do". Oh look, That's what happened after Ace died too. There's a behavioral pattern that hasnt gone away. Not sure why it wouldve tho.

Luffy is mopeing, lying on the ground in a similar setting ace was at when he cried. Hes thinking about some of the things Sabo said, like how theyre gonna sail the seas together, and he clenches his hands into tight, shaking fists. After Ace shows up and hits him, and talking abt some other stuff I don't feel like relaying, Luffy tightens his grip on the straw hat and tells ace, whimpering, he wants to get stronger (and stronger, and stronger, and stronger and stronger and....) And he wants to be the strongest in the world. "And then, I'll protect everyone. I won't lose anyone I care about". He gets stronger mainly to protect the people he loves. And then he asks ace to promise he won't die. To which he hits Luffy again and tells him he should be more worried about himself dying first. And then the famous line that hurts like a bitch- "I'm NEVER going to DIE!" And then this hopeful music comes on (fucking damnit funimation, u gotta do this? Really??) Also he says he wont die as long as he has a wussy little brother to protect. ...FUCK. Ok, the fist clenching is a thing he does all the fucking time, usually when he gets mad. This was different because he wasnt mad, he was sad. He clenched his fist because thinking about it hurt. Which, huh, sounds a lot like his whole episode after waking up from his 2 week coma on the polar tang. To try and stop the mental pain of those horrendous memories, he resulted to physically pain. He hurt himself. So, He clenches his fists in times like these to fight off the mental pain and the urge to cause himself physical pain. Guys, our boy is bad at emotions, help him. ....ok this paragraph is longer than I anticipated so ill dumb down the rest of it ig. Next part, him asking ace to promise he wont die. The music, the body language, the over change in mood- this comforts him. He stopped hiding his face and silently sobbing after ace said this. OH YEAH! didn't he tell jinbe not to die when they parted ways in Totto Land? And then, hes missing still in Wano and we see Luffy is worried....but convinced Jinbe will show up. Again, this comforts him. Hes nervous cuz someone KOFF KOFF ACE broke that promise once. But jinbe is his crew mate so he trusts him, thank god.

"-But whoever did it, they must be opposed to freedom." The whole freedom thing? That runs through Luffy's blood and spirit.His brothers fought for it, his dad is the man who strives to give everyone freedom basically, and Luffy himself has seen enough of the OPPOSITE of freedom to be so, so much more than just against it. Hence why he of course was so eager to free the slaves in Sabaody, the kids in punk hazard, the toys in dressrosa, the country of Wano from Kaido's tyrany. The apple doesnt fall far from the tree huh.

I dont think Luffy would remember his promise with Shanks if it werent for his brothers putting feul to his dream. It was a stupid bet at first; he just wanted to beat Shanks, right then. But after meeting Sabo and Ace, he found the opposite of freedom and human rights. And then he wanted, REALLY wanted, to become the free-est man in the world; the pirate king.

Last one i promise ok? This one is less connected to whats going on in the episode at this point, but something I noticed (its so obvious everyone has seen this ok) was when luffy cries, his posture is always open. He doesn't curl in on himself like many people would do (I know I would, lol). He doesnt hug himself, protect himself. He's just, opened up to whoever is watching, literally. This has a little more to do with something I haven't talked about much in this post yet; his self-destruction issues. I said he tried to hurt himself when he felt mental pain, which is definitely similar. But he cries and doesnt try to protect or comfort himself, like he doesn't have that programmed into his mind. Reminder that he only wants to live because of his dream, and if he doesnt have his dream, he wants to die. (Whoa.). Ok, so no self preservation mechanism at all rlly. Hes basically ride or die. So, when things hurt so much that he cries, he has no hope left. He just kinda...dies inside. So this was mildly different after sabo died. Yes we saw him just standing there, sobbing. But the next day he's still crying, and instead he's laying on the ground. I saw that and the voice in the back of my head told me he wanted to be a part of that lifeless dirt beneath him. Then, Ace walked over. And his words made him feel the hope that I told you about earlier, and he sat up into a sitting position. And HUGGED HIS LEGS TO HIS CHEST. There's some self preservation! Some hope! Some will to exist, to live! Something we saw none of as he sat in front of his brothers corpse, shutting down. He sat there, open to his enemies, incapable of protecting himself. Practically anyone couldve killed him right then and there. I think he mightve liked that, at that moment. Like thank god he has that stupidly good luck cuz if he didn't I swear someone couldve thrown and axe or FUCKING ANYTHING AT THAT MOMENT and hed be dead becuase he never physically or mentally prepared himself. On purpose.

Our poor boy needs some fucking attention and therapists. (Insert my rant post about how jinbe is on the crew primarily for anger management and therapy, not just being a helmsman.) Ugh, smh ugly cries

Aaaaand thats about the end of the episode. Theres so many little tics and peesonality traits that you notive thru this episode, and I only noticed them cuz im rewatching this part of the show for like the third time. I don't react as much as the first time of course but some things are definitely sadder after knowing what's going on and what will happen later on.

Moral of the story (post)? I think luffy is almost equally as alike -if not, more similar to roger as ace is. Also, high key genuinely think Luffy met like NO ONE but Garp before he met Shanks and his crew. What the fuck was his first like 5 years of being alive like? (He wantd to be a pirate cuz Garp didnt want that. Rebellious baby asshole. And then shanks made things worse, in a good way for luffy. And then ace and sabo made that worse thing worse for a good reason. Luffy lives...for those influences. And that is fucking it. Why.

Oh thanks tumblr for moving my picture to the bottom of the post u fucking idiot

[iamknicole]

The Real Her

A/N: Candace comes clean to Benny.

Ever since the shooting, Benny had done his best to do the right things. He hadn't talked to Candace and even though he had told Mitch to call him for anything, he hadn't heard from or talked to him either. Benny had been there whenever Melissa, his siblings, niece and nephew needed something. He was trying to turn over a new leaf and do better. No one expected it from him, he knew they were waiting for him to slip up again so they could call him dumb but he wasn't going to let that happen.

Melissa was spending the night with Alaina and the kids so that Alaina could braid her hair before their baby arrived. Caleb and Cameron had gone to see about one of Cameron's rental properties that was having maintenance issues. Benny and Hanna were the only ones home, she was in the kitchen cooking while Benny stepped out onto the stoop for fresh air. The sun had already started to set by the time he sat down.

Every time Benny heard a loud noise or someone yell out to him, he panicked for a few seconds. He tried to stop his anxiety but he hadn't found a way to control it. The shooting had given him PTSD, according to his doctor but he didn't want to try therapy without trying to work through it himself.

"Benny, you got a second?"

His brown eyes made contact with his sister's. From her eyes her could see that she was dealing with something but that was of none of his concern.

"You know you're not supposed to be here, Candace. Just leave," he sighed staring out into the street.

She laughed a little leaning against the stone of the stoop. "Is that anyway to treat your big sister, B?"

"Don't go there, Candace. You know nobody in this house wants you around here. Say what you gotta say and leave before Mommy comes out here or Caleb gets back." He warned not looking at her.

Ever since she talked with Caleb, Candace's mind had been going a mile a minute. She knew he was right about everything. As much as she said she loved Benny, she knew she didn't. Something in her wouldn't allow it. She disliked him almost as much as she disliked their mama. But she felt bad.

"I just started feeling guilty and figured I should come by and tell you before someone else did," she explained. She watched Benny's eyes move from the thin traffic to her. "I'm sorry I didn't come see you after you got shot."

"That's what you came here for," he scoffed. "I had everybody I needed there. You would've bought extra drama and you know it. You and Mommy can't be in the same place as each other."

"I didn't come cause I thought the guy had better aim. I thought you were dead."

Benny held his head down, thinking about what she said. It didn't make sense to him.

He stood from the step, staring down at her. "What are you saying, Candace?"

"I'm saying that the person who shot you wasn't after Mitch. They were after you and I," she paused as he walked down the steps, "I was the one who sent them."

"I could have died, Candace! What the hell were you thinking? About some damn money?"

She folded her arms after taking taking a few steps back from her brother's towering frame. "I was thinking that Hanna took my son from me so I was gonna take hers. You were just collateral damage."

"Mommy didn't kill Lil Q, Candace! You did! You killed him with your vindictiveness and greed!" Benny yelled angrily.

"I didn't come here for that, Benny. I came here to tell you what happened so we can move on."

He screwed his face up at her words. "There is no moving on, Candace. You tried to kill me? Your own brother that you say you love! After all the shit I've done for you, even after what you put me through I was still there for your no good ass and defended you to Mommy! Like a dumbass I was always there and This," he yelled pointing to where his wounds were, "This is what you do! This is how you repay me! You try to kill me! I have a baby on the way, Candace! You almost took me from my family for some bullshit!"

No matter what Canace had planned on accomplishing with Benny, that went out the window as soon as he spazzed out on her. She watched him go off with an evil smirk.

"I don't care about any of that, Benny! You're as stupid as everybody says you are. I only dealt with you because I knew you follow me blindly no matter what that Holy bitch said. You're stupid and weak but you're her baby," she spat looking him up and down, "The only real way to hurt her is by using and hurting you, Benny. And I'll succeed just like every other time. I don't love you and never have, you're nothing but a pawn."

With his heart thumping and anger flowing through his veins, Benny snatched Candace by her throat with both hands choking her. He bent her backwards until she was on the ground. Watching her struggle under his grasp, Benny could only hear her words echoing in his head.

"Let go, Benjamin. Let her go," Hanna yelled from the stoop. She had been watching from the door since she heard Benny's first outburst. She could see he wasn't listening and was thankful that Cameron and Caleb had just pulled up.

Both men jumped out of Caleb's suv and ran over to Benny. Cameron pushed his hands against Benny's chest while Caleb wrapped his hands around Benny's wrist carefully pulling them away.

"Easy, B. Let her go," Caleb cooed softly. He looked into Benny's eyes as he repeated himself.

"Benjamin, let her go," Hanna yelled again.

Cameron looked at his mama then his father. He knew Hanna yelling wouldn't help.

"Go on in the house, Mama. We'll be in there in just a second. Right, Benny," he asked. "Tell mama you're coming in there, B."

Benny stared blankly at Cameron, his anger was still there but his grip on Candace's neck had loosened. Hanna watched a few seconds longer before retreating into the house.

Candace gasped for air as Caleb and Cameron pushed Benny away from her. Caleb whispered encouraging words into Benny's ear until his breathing slowed.

"If you thought this was over," Candace gasped out, "I'm just getting started."

"And I'll gladly finish it," Cameron snapped.

Once Caleb was able to get his boys into the house, he sent Cameron upstairs and Benny into the kitchen with Hanna. They needed to talk to Benny. Hanna stood at the counter, her hands braced on the edge as she stared at her distraught son.

"I told you that girl wasn't no good. We all told you that, Benjamin."

Benny stood against the wall with his head down. He didn't have anything to say to her or anyone else.

"Now look at you. You're heartbroken over your evil ass sister. Had you just listened to me, your ass wouldn't be in this shit," Hanna fussed. "But no you carried your ass around her like you know everything and don't know shit, Benjamin! I told you all along she was using you."

Caleb put a hand on her shoulder to calm her. He like everyone else in their family knew that Benny deserves to be fussed at a lot but to Caleb this wasn't one of those times.

"Take it easy, Hanna. He just found out his sister tried to kill him," Caleb whispered.

"I won't," she spat. "I've been telling that boy for how long to stay stay away from Candace's evil ass and he didn't listen."

"To be fair, she would've done this whether or not Benny was talking to her. She did this to hurt you."

Hanna threw her hands up, making her way out of the kitchen. "I don't care. Either way, he should've known better than to be around her for this long time then this shit wouldn't have hurt him this bad. End of story."

Caleb knew he should have gone behind Hanna but his fatherly instincts couldn't allow Benny to stand there like that. His body shook from the tears he cried, it broke Caleb's heart. No matter how dumb Benny was, no one deserved this. Walking around the kitchen to Benny, Caleb pulled his head to his chest allowing him to cry there. His body shook even harder as sobs passed through his lips.

"It's alright, Benny. It's alright. I got you, nothing is gonna happen to you. Nothing."