#black = angst and depressed

[rocky-again]

I've had this for a while and idk if I have the will to color it, but eh we'll see. Maybe I'll come back and complete it, just thought it was to good not to post.

But you can do whatever you want with it :)

- Amazing colored version by Chessman-protocol -

[writingoddess1125]

Can you do a Sanji x reader angst?

Done-

Enjoy DEPRESSION!

Inertia

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Masterlist <<<

'Goodbye-'

He heard it every morning when he woke up from his nightmares- at this piint dreams since he was met with the same dream every night, Rolling himself up right as the sun rose forcing his day to start. Heading down to the kitchen, both his salvation and his personal prison at this point.

" Come on Sanji!-"

You cried, pulling him along to the ship that would take the both of you away. His sister saving both your lives that day in giving you all the chance to run- to free yourself from this hellish place!-

Hidden beneath the rhythmic clatter of utensils and the sizzle of ingredients in the pan, Sanji's heart harbored a constant darkness non could see. His eyes, filled with fire and sparkle, also held a subtle emptiness that went unnoticed by his comrades- A smile on his lips as he served breakfast to them all.

Laughing along with their jokes, flirting with Nami as if only to do so to keep the endless cycle going. Cook, Flirt, Smile, Train- Repeat.

"You gotta learn how to flirt Sanji!" You yelled, Sanji shyly staring at you in question. The two of you in the hall of thr shit you'd jumped to, peeling potstos to avoid the verbal abuse of the adults.

"But why?"

"Cause you gotta get girls silly! Got to make a good impression" You exclaim, rather flamboyant in your remarks which made Sanji mutter shyly about his lack of skill.

"Here just do what I do-" You clear your throat, Before giving a dramatic fluttering of your eyes and reaching forward to touch the youthful adolescents chest flirtatiously making him blush and bat you away like a startled kitten. You laughing at his reaction.

Cleaning up he made his way out to the main deck, practicing kicks and other moves with his peers. Arguing with Zoro- but it just didn't feel the same as the arguments he used to have with you.. missing the way your voice strained and waved with the force.

Before smiling at Luffy and talking with his captain- continuing his hollow laughs and empty smiles. Not long before returning to the kitchens were he prepped.

Sanji rusing as he felt the spray of the sea, the ache in his body as he clammered over the sharp rock he was stuck on. Seeing Zeff, the pirate who had taken over their ship as he rushed to him in a fit of rage "Where are they!?" He yelled at Zeff his eyes still searching for you, the hardened pirate shining the bag of food into the child's arms.

"We are the only survivors!- Now take your half and go!"

Serving dinner, he couldn't find it in himself to eat. His mouth bitter at remembering the moldy bread and salty water.

In the quiet moments when the kitchen lights dimmed, and the crew retired to their bunks, Sanji faced the hollowness that clung to him like a persistent shadow- Like you were still there wrapping your arms around him and whispering his undeserving praises.

Shaking the feeling for a moment, he stepped from the now clean kitchen. The dark night air welcoming him as they always did, the only true thing he could remeber of your scent was the constant smell of the sea on your clothes.

Looking back, Sanji was sure Zeff could hear his anguished cried for you those first few nights. His voice fading into nothing after the third day of sobbing your name and begging for you to return to him.

He stood there, Leaning against the railing in the direction of the where he knew your marker was. The one he had planted all those years ago as the place were you had been dragged away under the sea just north of the Baratie.

Pulling out a cigarette he lit it taking a deep drag as he looked out at the dark sea before him. The one who had taken you from him- Thinking of your final words, in that kitchen area when you shoved him towards Zeff as the crashing waves overtook the ship you were both in.

'Goodbye-'

[starcrossedbrothers]

regulus black who was expected to be a leo, due to be born near the end of july, but was born almost a month early, at the tail end of june. premature with complications, he's born on the brink of death. amid the panic and concern as he's watched for weeks like a hawk by the best healers money could buy, sirius black, not even two years old, understands only that he has a brother now but he might not for long.

regulus black who knows this story like he knows his face in the mirror, who has never not known that he narrowly escaped death. and death becomes something familiar, his own mortality something he comes to have an odd kinship with, as he grows from an anxious boy into a teenager numbed by pain and melancholy.

and sirius black, who knows this story but has no memory of it, grows up with a feeling he can never quite get rid of that regulus is in danger. that his little brother must be protected, or he will lose him, an impulse that grows strained with pain and resentment, stretches thinner and thinner as time goes on but never snaps. until an obituary appears in the prophet and sirius finds a photo of his little brother, barely grown, staring back at him, meeting his eyes for the first time in years.

[sp0o0kylights]

One of these days I really am gonna go through this and do a kill count for each character I s2g.

El just fucking murders the shit out of four Russians in the mall via a car she throws. The Scoops Troop look at their bloody, mangled bodies for a moment and then Dustin trots over to hug El, laughing and says;

"You threw that thing like a Hot Wheel!"

Like the lot of them are so used to death and destruction. I worked for a hospital for a hot minute in the pandemic (without doxxing myself my specific city had some other Historic Things going on at the same time that made things Kinda Tense) and this was 100% the humor we all used to deal with it once you got desensitized to the crazy.

[milkbreadtoast]

yu junghyeok and prince cedric have like practically the same design (+v similar personality) but listen the Vibes they have r diff... idk if this makes sense but u know charas w tired dilf energy... YJH has that but not cedric.. hes like a baby.. the way I describe it is YJH is babygirl but cedric is just my baby🫂🔥🔥🔥*gets incinerated* SKJDJ idk if it's noticeable at all but I try to capture diff vibes when I draw them....

when i draw cedric i try to go full shoujo... he is a romance novel male lead... sparkly eyes bright colors 90s anime blush... goes full squish mode when drawing him chibi MFNSKJ🤭

but when i draw yjh im like... no i have to convey the Angst and Depression.... *gives him dark circles and takes the light from his eyes*😇🖤

idk if it's noticeable but I also try to differentiate their designs in subtle ways (besides eye color etc),,, I give them diff eyebrow shapes!! I like YJH with triangle brows(thicker at the ends) and cedric w tapered brows(thicker toward the middle) like the webtoon... I also try to make cedric's hair a bit curlier than YJH🥹

[winnieiscalmeth]

Notes: Just some extremely ooc Revy fluff. Like unusually ooc. This ones a little short. Right before. Benny joined the lagoon company.Angst with comfort.

TW: Abuse, Trust issues, fake friends, toxic relationship (kinda?)

Proodread?:nope

Revy didn't like being coddled. She sees it as weakness. The second someone asks if she's ok her vulnerable she immediately becomes aggressive. Like a scared dog, she'll fight, shout, and hide. Until you came around.

You were accepted as a new member, a person who did not belong in Roanapur. You were kind, too kind for your own good. People took it for granted, Revy admits she also took advantage of your kindnes. She stole things from you, picked at your insecurities, and even hit you once. But in return you followed and smiled at her. A smile that gave Revy goosebumps.

So instead of ignoring and being the usual asshole she was, she spoke back to you. She got to know you better, your age, favorite color, and what you liked to do besides follow her around. Small talk was boring, but then you got to how you ended up there. You were dependant on old friends. Did everything they asked for. Even moved to Roanapur with them. Until they all left you for dead in a back ally.

She guessed that's why she got a weird feeling around you. You're eerily okay with all of the mistreatment you received. Watching others shout horrible things at you while your face scrunches in confusion, filled her with guilt. Revy allows you to follow her around even when it annoyed the hell out of her. When a mission doesn't end her way you are there to calm her down.

Revy will never be able to fully trust someone again after her unfortunate upbringing. But for some reason only you, coddling her makes her feel warm. Finally receiving the love she needs. She absolutely loves it and tries to play it off by becoming distant afterwards, like a scared dog.

[my-moony-and-padfoot]

Even like this?

Word count: 1 700

It's quite depressing but nothing graphic :)

Remus closed the door behind himself, kicked off his shoes, dropped his bag by the door, hung his jacket on the hook and stepped further into their small apartment. He didn't get far until he stopped, only to the doorway. He saw Sirius laying on the floor of their living room, on a hardwood floor curled up on his side, right next to the soft rug.

“Hi love.” He whispered, walking closer. Sirius opened his eyes, watching as Remus walked over to him, first getting down on his knees, then shifting so he was laying down beside him. “Why are we on the floor?”

“It's comfy.” He whispered, voice hoarse like it hadn't been used in days. “You shouldn't- back always gets worse.”

“It's okay.” He smiled, reaching to brush a curl behind his ear, looking Sirius in the eyes. The grey looked darker than usual, he could see all the pain and hurt in them, all the anxiety and discomfort. It looked like a storm, wind whistling loudly, dark grey clouds filling up the sky, just waiting for the water to fall. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” He nodded, but dropped his gaze, though looked back at Remus when he cupped his cheek, gently caressing it. “I'm okay.”

“It's okay if you're not.” Remus whispered, watching as the storm calmed down slowly, eyes softening ever so slightly. It was a subtle change, something no one would notice, something so insignificant that it wasn't worth paying attention to. But for Remus, it was worth it, it was significant, it mattered. You could tell so much by just someone's eyes, and no one ever pays enough attention to it. He frowned slightly as a tear dripped down, it fell in the same way Sirius' guard did whenever he was with Remus, he could let it fall without shame.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don't be.” He said quietly, reaching for Sirius' hand, intertwining their fingers together once he gave it to him. He laid down on his back, smiling as Sirius took in the silent invitation to move closer and lay his head on Remus' chest, throwing one of his legs over Remus'. He closed his eyes when he felt himself be wrapped up in his arms, his safe place.

“I'm so tired.”

“I know, baby.” He whispered into his hair, rubbing his side over the worn out jumper. It was the kind of tiredness that sleep didn't help, no matter how much he slept or didn't, he'd still be tired. Even though he knew it didn't help, all he wanted to do was sleep, it was the only way he could get away from all the thoughts. Except when they followed him all the way to his dreams. Nowhere to run from them, nowhere to hide, he was left there laying on their bed, woken up from a nightmare, too tired and scared to sleep again. Sometimes he found the courage to wake Remus up like he had asked him to do countless times. Sometimes he didn't but just got closer to him, getting wrapped up in the warm embrace once again, hoping he could have better dreams when his eyes shut again without his permission.

It was quiet, he could only hear the clock ticking away quietly in the kitchen, it had bothered him for hours, but now it had blended into the background. He heard Remus’ slow, deep breathing and steady heartbeat right under his ear. It made Sirius feel even safer, just knowing he was there. Knowing he was with him and wouldn't go anywhere. It was just them in their own little bubble where nothing bad could ever happen.

His hip ached from however long he had already laid there, he wasn't sure how long it had been, an hour? Maybe two. He wasn't sure, but he didn't want to get up, no matter how much it hurt. Though, it didn't hurt that much anymore, that too had turned into a dull buzz that just was there, but didn't bother him that much anymore. His shoulder hurt too, but now that he wasn't lying on it anymore it wasn't as bad, the change in position had definitely helped.

“Should we go to bed?” Remus asked after a while, playing with his hair, slowly swirling it around his finger and combing his hand through. Sirius blinked his eyes open, slightly startled at the voice, before remembering it was only Remus. He shook his head after a moment of thinking, pressing himself closer as if to prevent him from getting up and leaving him alone. “Why not, baby?”

“I've been there the whole day.” He whispered, closing his eyes again. “And yesterday, and the day before.”

“How about we move to the sofa then, y'know it's much comfier than this floor.” Sirius shook his head again.

“Have to?”

“No, not if you don't want to.” He nodded. “We'll get up when you're ready, yeah? When you want, I've got nowhere to be, but here with you.” Sirius nodded again, feeling more at ease. “Do you wanna talk?”

“No.”

“You sure?”

“I don't know.”

“Okay.” He whispered, kissing his head. “I'm here if you wanna talk, anytime, love. Always here for you.”

Sirius hummed, getting lost into his thoughts again. He didn't remember why he had even laid down onto the floor in the first place, he remembered getting out of bed and maybe taking his meds, and then he was on the floor. It was like the past few hours had just disappeared, like time had only started running at normal speed when Remus came home. Before that, it had either gone way too slowly or too fast, anything but the normal speed.

He wanted to talk, it would probably help, but he didn't know what to talk about. He wasn't sure what was wrong. It felt like everything and nothing was wrong at the same time. He was tired and anxious, but he wasn't sure why, he just was. There just were these random anxiety inducing thoughts floating around, no way to let them out. They were just stuck, piling on each other, making it all worse. So, he thought it would be easier not to say anything, he didn't want to bother Remus with these lost random thoughts that barely made any sense.

But, whatever it was, it made him so incredibly sad, and he couldn't even tell why. The feeling was slowly suffocating him, it felt hard to breathe, and he could feel himself trying to catch his breath. It brought tears to his eyes, but he wouldn't let them fall. He could feel them burn in the corners of his eyes, but he just couldn't let them go. The task of holding the tears back felt almost impossible, it was so overwhelming, and it felt like the dam would break from the smallest poke at it. It would fall and crumble into pieces without-

“You can cry, Sirius. If you need to” Remus whispered quietly, gently caressing his cheek. That was it, that was all it needed for it to break. It felt impossible to hold the emotion back after that, the tears just fell without his permission. Sirius still shook his head, he didn't want to cry. “It's okay, baby. I'm here, right here with you.”

“Don't want to”

“I know, love. But sometimes we need to let it out, yeah? Doesn't do any good to bottle it all up, does it?” Sirius shook his head, more tears spilling out as he hid his face more into Remus' chest. “Shh, it's okay, there you go. Just let it out, sweetheart.”

“I-I’m sorry.”

“No, shh. Don't be. Nothing to say sorry for.” He whispered, playing with his hair slowly. “It’s all okay, baby.”

“Breathe love.” He whispered, running his hand down his side, then back up again, hoping to help him calm down his breathing. It took a while until he calmed down, the tears slowly dried away and his breathing wasn't as fast anymore. “Feeling better?”

Sirius shook his head, wiping away the tears with his sleeve, sniffling quietly. “Sorry.”

“It's okay, baby, don't say sorry. You don't have to feel better, it's okay if you don't.” Sirius nodded slightly. “Anything I can do to help?”

“Don't go.”

“Wasn't planning on it. Don't worry.” Remus whispered, kissing his head. “I'm here. Always here for you.” It was quiet again for a while, Sirius taking a bit more time to calm down before slowly sitting up, looking at Remus. “Wanna go to bed?”

“Yeah.”

Remus smiled, getting up from the floor and offering his hand for Sirius to help him up, he smiled, letting himself be pulled up and led to their bedroom. “Moony?” Remus hummed, turning to look at him. “Can I have your jumper?”

“If you want.” He smiled, handing Sirius' favourite jumper to him. He pressed it up to his face before pulling off his hoodie and changing into the jumper, then he climbed into bed, getting under the covers. He smiled slightly when Remus climbed in next to him, and he could cuddle up to him.

“I feel so bad.” Sirius whispered after a moment of silence. “I don't even know what it is- it just hurts. It's stupid. I don't like it. Make it go away, rem. Just make it go away.”

“You know I would. I'd take all the pain from you, if I just could.” He said quietly, brushing his hand through Sirius' hair. “I love you, baby. More than you know.”

“Even like this?”

“Especially like this, love.” Remus whispered, kissing his forehead when Sirius lifted his head to look at him. “Love you so much.”

“I love you too.” He said. “Don't go away.” Sirius whispered as he rested his head back down, hiding his face into Remus' neck. “Ever.”

“I'm here, baby. Won't go anywhere.” Sirius nodded, smiling slightly as Remus pulled the blanket better over them. “Try to sleep, yeah? I'll be here if you wake up. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, rem.”

A/N:

What did we think? Hopefully you liked it :)

See you around somewhere maybe, have a nice day/night

<3

[summerchildjames]

regulus’s pov about the black brothers noticing eachother in the hallways.

regulus is driven to believe that sirius is ignoring him.

regulus cries to his chosen family (pandora, evan, barty, dorcas) because he misses his brother so much after sirius ran away from the black residence and got disowned.

the last two lines are because regulus chops his hair off during a nervous breakdown so that he can try and be his true self as a trans dude.

:,/

[hantaslittlearsonist]

It's a fundamental "something's wrong" feeling. It aches in his chest, weighing him down as though his bones were made of lead. It makes him sluggish, tired, feeling like he's wading through mud every waking moment. It's always been with him, he thinks. Something's always been wrong. He's always been uncomfortable, to a certain degree.

The sun hurts his eyes like it has a personal vendetta against him. It burns. Sometimes his friends burn him too. They're just too bright, he prefers to stick to his shadows, where it's safe. Not comfortable, but safe. Because this feeling, as heavy as it is, it's always been there. Even though it weighs him down and stops him from taking true full breaths.

"This is my fault", he often thinks, "no one else has lead in place of a heart". And the "something's wrong" becomes "something's wrong with me", "I am doing something wrong." "How could I possibly be worth anything?" "No one wants me."

He folds in on himself, pulling away from his friends. "They won't notice."

And they don't, not until it's too late.

GETO SUGURU, Dabi, GREGORY VIOLET, Izuku Midoriya, Lawrence Blewer, Kozume Kenma

[undertakerslxt]

Could you do a continuation of wash my mouth out? Or maybe a version of the story for undertaker.

If you aren't comfortable with it or just don't want to I totally understand.

title; even when the night changes

warnings; mentions of the reader's suicide

character; undertaker

song inspo; night changes

word count; <600

note; i loved this request. thank you for sending this in <3 i imagine undertaker would want to take care of you, and then grieve privately, but you know him too well to not follow him. also, this is not beta read!

❝ There's nothing to be afraid of. Even when the night changes, it will never change me and you.❞

Loving him was like loving a ghost. Loving him was like loving the memory of a happier time, something you could hold but not quite grasp fully. He was from a different world, a different time. He was everything you'd wanted, but even so close, you could never fully have him. There would always be a part of him that belonged to the world he'd told you about, one he sounded like he regretted joining.

He spoke of it in late nights under sheets, arms holding you close, and voice pained. How he had come to be a reaper, and how he had discovered how twisted such an existence was. Why he had left, why he was so desperate to find some way to make it more meaningful. Though he never said it, you could hear his desperation to protect you from his world, too. He only wanted you happy, but he wasn't. Not entirely.

You only wanted to be with him, until time ended and the world crumbled to dust. You just wanted him to be happy too.

So - you had joined him in his forbidden world.

That was the only way to fully understand him. Fully have him. It was peaceful, drifting off under the cover of darkness, shadows lulling you to sleep.

You thought he'd be happy you had joined him.

And yet, when you stepped through the door of his shop, eyes glowing faintly green and yellow, his smile dropped. The air shifted, the cold deepened, and you could hear nothing but the heaving breath from his chest. The panicked, suppressed breathing of a man grieved and terrified. One trembling hand lifted, dropped back down. Though his bangs covered his eyes, you saw a tear roll down his cheek.

Why?

His question lingered in the air, scared and saddened and broken. Why, why why. You could give a thousand reasons, but only one suited this moment.

For you. I could not bear to leave you alone in this.

His lips parted, his chest heaved with his breathing. Black nails dug into the wood of his desk, knuckles white.

You had more to live for than me. You have thrown it all away.

But I love you.

He came towards you, movements slow. Pained. Cool hands cupped your cheeks, lifted your face so your eyes meet. Chartreuse to chartreuse. He trembled, for one of the only times in his immortal life words having failed him. What does he say to you now? There is no turning back, no reversing this mistake.

I never wished this on you.

You smiled softly, touched his cheek. It is okay. I am happy now.

He wished to believe that. He wanted to. So, so desperately, he wanted to believe this would be okay. But when he is alone later, pale moonlight illuminating him in a dark street somewhere close to his shop, he screams in rage, in grief. You are sleeping, resting from your ordeal and he cannot disturb you.

And yet the Undertaker breaks utterly.

He screams until he cannot anymore, scythe tearing through cobblestone and brick. He screams until his voice gives out, and he can only drop to his knees and sob, uncaring what passerbys may see. He sobs until his vision darkens, and his chest constricts, and his eyes are red contrasting with his green irises. He does not even flinch when he feels your arms encircling his shoulders, when your lips press a kiss to his temple.

We can be together forever now, my love.

[nezebel]

clair de lune // k. rengoku x black!reader

a/n: sorry guys. also this reader is inspired by my self-insert/oc so you'll be the eldest child of the Kamado family 👍🏽

cw: if I tell you it'll spoil the surprise (angst)

You crept slowly and quietly to the clearing. You and your lover had met here for years. First, as strangers, then friends, and eventually as a couple. With nothing but grass, a couple trees, and a field of flowers, it was a perfect place for the two of you to embrace each other. And not only did it have beautiful flowers, but around the perimeter was a ring of wisteria trees for protection. Your meetings were secretive at first; your families hadn't always been on good terms. His father always mistook your single Hanafuda earring as a sign of mockery, especially when you got with Kyojuro. But eventually he grew to enjoy your company, even if he surely didn't show it.

It was also the same field where Kyojuro had first confessed his love and, a year or so later, proposed to you. For these reasons it will always be special, and if you were ever separated from your beloved, you could always meet each other halfway.

You approach the center of the clearing, seeing a familiar brush of red and yellow hair almost floating above the grass.

"Kyojuro..."

His name fell from your lips so naturally, as if it were designed just for you. The red and yellow turns and is replaced with a bright, beaming smile. You run and hug him, pushing him over.

"(Y/N)! I missed you," he breathes, effortlessly sitting you and himself up. "How has everything been? I hope you've been eating?" He fusses over you and you can't help but smile.

You smile, but you still can't help but feel a little deflated. "Yes, darling. I've been taking good care of myself as well as my siblings. Inosuke and Zenitsu as well. They've made a lot of progress. Your teachings were very influential to them, especially to Tanjiro."

He smiles even more at that. "I'm glad! I aimed for that exactly. Young Kamado is very unique compared to the others, your sister included. You should be proud of them both."

You nod. Now it was your turn to give Kyojuro a gift. "Here. I brought you a basket of food." You opened the basket to show him the cookies and cakes you had prepared along with a bottle of fine wine.

He gives you a kiss to your cheek as a thanks, then takes a bite out of a heart-shaped chocolate chip cookie. "Hmm!" He hums in appreciation and satisfaction. "These are amazing, my flame. Thank you so much for bringing all this out here. But..."

You tilt your head in confusion. "But what? Don't you like the food?"

He nods, almost instantly. "Of course, sweetheart. But I have to go."

You sigh, finally taking note of his white clothing. Tears form in the corner of your eyes. "Can't you stay...can't you stay just a little while longer?"

He begins to tear up as well. Regardless, he keeps a smile on his face just for you.

"I'm always with you, (Y/N). No matter where you go. But I can't be with you physically anymore. Just know I'll love you for all eternity."

He begins to fade away, disintegrating into golden light similar to that of a firefly. You lock your hands with his trying to keep him with you, even if for a second longer.

"Please...not yet...just one more night. Please," you beg. You couldn't bear to be without him.

He gives you one last kiss. A deep, lingering kiss, full of nothing but love for you.

"You have to let me go, (Y/N). Take care of yourself for me, little flame.

His voice blows away with the gentle wind.

You close your eyes. Maybe if you kept them closed long enough, this would all be a dream. Maybe he'd still be here.

You began to feel his grip on your hands loosen until it was no longer there. Laying your head on his tombstone, you sob.

It wasn't long after until you fell asleep. You slept for hours.

You awoke to the sensation of being lifted up and carried away. Blinking slowly, you look to your rescuer; Tengen.

"Finally awake?" He chuckles, then lets out a deep sigh. "(Y/N). It's...time to let go."

You nod. "Okay...okay. I can...try."

"For Kyojuro."

i was listening to clair de lune and it gave me this bright idea so

[mitsuki-komori]

Giving Up

“What are you guys waiting for?! Get going!” All the Crimson Lions nod hastily as they climb up the snowy mountain. Mereoleona thought training here would be a great idea, especially for the squad’s flame mages.

“You do realize they’re still my squad, right?” Fuegoleon says. Mereoleona glares at him.

“So?”

The mountain was freezing, covered in mana like no other… Mereoloena and Fuegoleon watched as the Crimson Lions yelled going up the mountain of ice… except for Leo.

Leopold just seemed to be standing there… He had a frown on his face as he slowly activated his mana skin and walked forward.

Mereoloena stood beside him. “What’s wrong with you?! Get going!”

Leopold gazed at her and sighs.

“If you plan on staying weak forever, then just quit!” Mereoleona says as she crosses her arms. She knows her brother’s competitive and determined nature, so there’s no way he’d ever…

“Ok.” Leopold muttered as he turned around to leave.

Mereoleona stared at him with disbelief. “Where are you going?”

“I give up.”

For a long moment, Mereoleona didn’t know what to say. “You’re… giving up? Is that really the way of House Vermillion?” Mereoleona tries to argue. Leopold shrugs without a care and continues his way home.

“Leo, are you alright?” Fuegoleon asks Leo, concern written all over.

“Mhm.” Leopold hums, not bothering to look up. Leo makes his way down the mountain.

Fuegoleon turns to Mereoleona. “What’s wrong with him?” He asks her. She’s still for a few moments and lets out a sigh.

“He said he… gives up.”

Fuegoleon raises an eyebrow. “He what…?” Fuegoleon questions as he darts his eyes over to Leo who walked down the mountain with dull eyes… without a care in the world.

“He’s not gonna climb the mountain,” she says with a bitter tone.

“I’ll go talk to him—“ Fuegoleon gets cut off mid sentence as Mereoleona speaks, shaking her head.

“No, you go with your squad. I’ll speak with him…” Mereoleona goes on to follow Leo. Fuegoleon sighs and he turns around to go up. Leopold really hasn’t been himself in a while, it was quite worrying.

Leo takes one step in front of the other, snow crumbling beneath his feet. If only he could move forward like this in more ways than one…

“Leo!”

Leopold jumps at the sudden voice and turns his head. “Mereoleona?”

She looks pissed off. Leo really isn’t in the mood for this conversation right now… “What’s wrong?” She asks, though it’s more like a demand.

Leopold stares at the ground, refusing eye contact. “I… It’s too hard.”

Mereoleona clenched her fist and gritted her teeth. “Please, this is easier than the volcano. What’s wrong?” Her voice softened, something that Leo’s only ever heard in serious situations… He could count on one hand how many times he’s heard her speak so carefully.

“I just don’t feel like it,” he answers, gazing back up to Mereoleona’s eyes.

She looks defeated as he sits on a nearby rock. “You’ve been more emotional lately… Are you sure you’re doing alright?”

Leopold shrugs.

“You don’t know?”

Leopold rolled his eyes, his mouth was sealed. His stomach was in knots as it sunk lower… He feels as if he’s going to vomit.

“You look like you’re gonna throw up… Now that I think about it, you haven’t really been finishing your dinners, have you?” Leo didn’t appreciate the interrogation his older sister was subjecting him to…

“I try to finish, I just… haven’t had an appetite in a while. Everything is gross…”

No appetite… “Have you been having any other symptoms?” She asked him.

Leopold was still for a moment. “Symptoms…?”

Mereoleona nods in confirmation. “Yes. Symptoms. There’s obviously something wrong with you and I need to make sure it’s not depression or some sort of disease.”

“Depression? That’s ridiculous! I don’t even have any reasons to be depressed…” Leopold argued, his voice louder.

“That’s not how depression works, Leo. You need to talk—“

Leopold raises his voice to a shout. “Shut up!” He rubs his eyes and runs away, down the mountain. Depression… sure, he had most of the symptoms, but what were the chances it actually meant anything? As soon as Leo’s out of Mereoleona’s sight, he leans against a rock and throws up.

For a moment, his thoughts were muted… and his stomach felt relief. However, his breath smelled now… Leo leans up and wipes his mouth. He feels a lot better now… He can’t help but feel a little bad for snapping at Mereoleona like that. Why does he have to be such a brat sometimes?

Tears rolled down his face, he sniffled as he began an ugly cry… An utterly pathetic cry.

He doesn’t even deserve any help if that’s how he’s gonna treat those who try… Why even bother? He’s so worthless… They could never hope to understand, they’ve been nothing but model children their whole lives! They’ve never been weak or useless to this point… Leo wants to go see Fuegoleon, but he’s probably well up the mountain by now… And going up there makes Leo feel like throwing up again.

Leo slides down the rock, onto the snowy grass. No matter how many tears came down, his negative thoughts would just come back and restart the process… Quite frankly, he was beginning to have a headache… And the volume of his sobbing was really embarrassing.

“Leo.”

Leopold flinched, his voice turned off immediately. “What…? I thought you went up the mountain already…” Fuegoleon takes Leo’s arm and helps him up. Leo continues to hold onto him as they stand.

“I was worried about you. Come on, let’s go home, alright? You should take a nap…” Fuegoleon said with a comforting smile.

Leopold nods and goes with Fuegoleon.

When Leopold opened his eyes, the morning was already evening. He rolled over in his bed and took a sip of water. His breathing was still stuttering from all the crying earlier… There he goes again, sleeping through another day. At least his thoughts were quiet when he was asleep… He wishes he could sleep all day, but humans aren’t designed to sleep for that long.

When he sat up, he felt an eerie silence. His room was always a place he felt safe, his bed a home. Lately, all it felt like was a prison… he feels like crawling out of his skin.

Leopold throws the blankets off of himself and rushes out of the room before his breathing could quicken.

Fuegoleon rubbed his eyes with a sick feeling in his chest. “I’m just so worried about him… You should’ve heard the way he cried… God, it was terrible…” Fuegoleon explained with a strained voice while Mereoleona listens intently. It was the most heartbreaking thing he’s ever heard.

“You think we should have him see a doctor?” She questions. Fuegoleon thinks for a few moments… He doesn’t want to force Leo into something like that, but it’s something that should probably happen.

“We probably should… He just seems more depressed every day, I hate seeing it.” Fuegoleon takes a big drink of water, it helps his nerves relax a little bit.

“I know it’s probably not the nicest thing to do to him, but I’d rather force him into seeing a doctor than finding his body one of these days.”

“Sister! Don’t say things like that! He’s not going to kill himself…” In reality, Fuegoleon was unsure of his words… but thinking of that as even a possibility was too much for him to think about.

“What kind of doctor…?” The door creaks open, a little voice speaking through.

“Leo…” The two siblings look at him. “Why don’t you come take a seat?” Mereoleona suggests with a calm demeanor. Leopold nods as he slugs over and sits beside his brother.

“Leo, me and Mereoleona want you to see a psychiatrist.” Fuegoleon says. Leopold’s shoulder droop and he puts his head down.

“For what?”

Fuegoleon gently puts a hand on his little brother’s back. “Well… you’ve been really depressed lately… We can get you a diagnosis as to what’s wrong and get you some help so you feel better.”

Why? Why would they want to help him? He’s not worth anything… Leopold hides his face in his arms.

“Leo, is that something you wanna try?”

Leopold leans back up and shrugs. “I don’t know… Why are you doing this?”

The two older siblings were taken back for a moment. “What do you mean…? We want to help you, Leo…”

Leopold shook his head as his vision got blurry. “I don’t deserve it.”

Fuegoleon tilted his head and pulled Leo closer to him in a side hug. “Hey, don’t say that… You deserve it.”

“But I’m so worthless and I can never do anything right…!” Leopold starts to cry.

“Don’t say that… You’re strong, you’ve saved so many people…” Fuegoleon whispered, putting his other arm around Leo. Leopold just melts into the comforting touch.

“There’s no point in anything I do… I just want to sleep forever…”

Mereoleona shook her head. “Hey, if you slept forever we wouldn’t be happy. Everything you do has a point.”

“I know you feel like the whole world is against you, but we’re here for you… You aren’t alone.” Fuegoleon says. Leo’s words got more inaudible, he felt pathetic.

“Easy for you to say! You’ve never been weak!” He cries, too tired to even sound angry.

Fuegoleon shook his head. “Hey, now that’s not true… We all start out weak, I had to work hard… I’ve felt worthless when I was younger like how you feel right now… I’ve always felt better after speaking to someone about it… I think it’s good that you’re finally talking about this… Me and Mereoleona want to help you, alright?”

Leopold was quiet, his hands shook, his bottom lip trembling. “I’m sorry…”

Mereoleona walked around the table and sat on the other side of Leo, she put her hand on Leo’s shoulder. “Hey, there’s nothing to be sorry about. Let’s just find you someone to talk to.”

“If you ever need to talk, we’re here, alright? Mimosa’s here… Kirsch is here… and our parents or even your friends… We all support you, don’t think you’re a burden, okay?” Fuegoleon rubs Leo’s back, just as he did when Leo was little… It always soothes Leo when he is crying.

“Okay…”

“We’ll stay with you as long as you like.” Fuegoleon whispered. Leopold nods in understanding, his crying calming…

“Okay.”

[bobalegsanji]

Thank you for loving me - Chapter 1

Hii! I thought I might as well post my angsty Zosan fic on Tumblr!

You can also find this fic (and additional chapters) on AO3!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/54749407/chapters/138761413

Summary: Sanji is going through a hard time. Zoro notices.

TW: panic attacks, depression, anxiety.

Sanji’s head hurts.

He lay in his bed, listening to the quarreling of his friends in the other rooms.

The clock on his nightstand reads 07:03.

He knows his housemates’ routine by heart. Zoro is getting breakfast before going to the gym. Nami is getting ready for her Friday morning class. Usopp and Luffy most likely just jumped into bed, a night full of imaginary adventures and alcohol behind them.

He sighs. Everything hurts.

He used to be able to do so much. He used to cook dinner every night. He’d occasionally join Zoro in one of his morning workouts (even though he could never keep up with him, he would always make him feel included and push him just the right amount). He would join everyone on their weekly Friday club night, usually going to the bar a couple streets down until they stumbled home at 5am, belly full of alcohol and heart full of laughter.

Sanji hasn’t joined in 3 weeks. The first week it was easy to come up with an excuse, an important project he had to finish before Monday hindering him from coming.

The second week was harder. He couldn’t use university as an excuse, not so close after last week. An excuse about a classmate's birthday party not entirely believable. In the end, he spent the evening at the library, only returning home when he was sure everyone had left for the club. Nami and Robin begged him to come, almost convincing him, but he refused. He wasn’t even sure why he did it. He could join them. Why go through the trouble of jumping through hoops to not hang out with his best friends?

Sanji isn’t sure. All he knows is that even thinking about the bright lights, dancing, alcohol and social contact makes his stomach turn.

The third week he faked an illness. Apparently, it was quite believable. Chopper, the sweet medical student he is, almost refused to go out in order to take care of Sanji. In the end, he managed to make them go. He needed a couple of hours of silence.

Sanji throws his hands over his eyes. His nails claw in his arms and tears prick at his eyes. Thinking about having to go out tonight stresses him out. He has no motivation to do anything. He could use university again as an excuse why he can’t go, even though he got dropped from his classes for not showing up. Not that he cared. He hadn’t told the others, not wanting to worry any of them. He was fine, he just needed some time alone and this would give him exactly that.

A knock at the door scared him away from his thoughts.

He quickly wiped his eyes to hide the few water droplets, hoping his voice didn't show any sign of emotion. ‘’Come in.’’

Zoro opens the door with a protein shake in his hand.

‘’Curly, you cooking tonight?’’

Sanji looks up at him. He used to cook daily, but in the last few weeks or so he hadn’t had enough energy. Last week he only cooked dinner for 3 days.

‘’What do you want, Marimo?’’

‘’Onigiri.’’

It puts a slight smile on his face. He’s been laying in bed dreading his whole existence, and all Zoro can think about is a potential dinner.

‘’Sure. You want salmon or tuna?’’

Zoro takes a swig of his protein shake before answering. ‘’Extra salmon.’’

Sanji puts his head down on the bed again, ready to go back to his morning rumination.

‘’Fine. Close the door on your way out.’’

He hears a humming sound before he hears footsteps coming closer and the door closes.

Sanji looks up, confused. Zoro usually doesn’t stay in his room any longer than he needs to.

‘’You want something else from me? I’m already making your favourite dinner tonight, leave me alone.’’

Zoro takes the last swig of his shake as he puts the empty bottle on Sanji’s desk and sits down in his chair.

Zoro looks at anything in the room but Sanji, slightly spinning in his chair as he speaks; ‘’Is something up?’’

Sanji almost laughs. Zoro and he are close. They’ve lived together for almost 4 years. He loves Zoro with his whole heart. But they don’t talk about feelings, ever.

He ends up staring at him.

‘’I’m great, thanks for asking. Shouldn’t you go to the gym? Don’t want your biceps to wait.’’

Zoro ends up staring right back.

‘’You haven’t been cooking lately, you love cooking.’’

Sanji awkwardly averts his eyes.

‘’I’ve been busy with university coursework. You know how it is.’’

‘’About that… You haven’t been to any classes this week, right?’’

Sanji stares at the ceiling. Zoro’s eyes are burning holes in him, yet he can’t make himself look back.

‘’Who told you that?’’

‘’Just noticed. Don’t think the others’ noticed.’’

Sanji sighs and hides his face behind his hands. What a mess he has created.

‘’Fine, I got dropped for this semester.’’

Zoro makes an acknowledging sound. If he wonders about anything else, he doesn’t ask.

‘’Want to come to the gym?’’

‘’I’m very content spending my Friday morning in bed, thank you very much. Please don’t tell the others about the… The dropped thing.’’

Zoro nods, ‘’as long as you’re fine I won’t.’’

‘’I am.’’

The two fall silent. It’s awkward. Sanji mentally curses Zoro for his good intentions. He just wants to be left alone.

‘’So you’re making onigiri then?’’

Sanji nods, looking up at Zoro for the first time since the start of their conversation.

‘’You should make something heavier as well. Only eating onigiri is going to give someone alcohol poisoning tonight.’’

Fuck. Now that Zoro knows, he can’t use university as an excuse out of the club night.

‘’I’ll make something else as well. Any recommendations?’’

Zoro shakes his head, ‘’I’m going if you won’t join me to the gym. You should come soon, or the progress you made will fade. Text me if you want anything from the store.’’

The door closes before Sanji can finish nodding.

He is tired.

[beanghostprincess]

Short and sweet Sanuso one-shot I wrote because I woke up in a very happy and clingy mood today!

[sunnibits]

finding a new hyperfixation is so hard I just wanna hyperfixate on doctor who for the first time again

[my-moony-and-padfoot]

It's going to be okay

TW:

nothing too graphic, But, the whole fic is basically about suicide and dealing with your loved one doing it. There is also a scene where a character cuts themselves, but it's not graphic, just a few sentences

If you get triggered easily, find something else to read, or think before reading

Sort of modern au

Word count: 3 800

“Sirius?” Euphemia said, as she opened the door to the guest bedroom that had been made to be his room now that he lived with the Potters. He looked at her, sitting up on the bed as she walked over. “I have some news for you.” She said, sitting down on the edge of the bed. She didn't sound like her normal self, but Sirius couldn't quite tell what it was, something was just off. She had this look on her face that Sirius couldn’t really place.

“Okay.” He breathed out, some panic slipping into his tone as he started to think about what it could be.

“It's about your brother.” Euphemia started, not sure how she could say something like that, she just didn't know, but she knew she had to deliver the news, it was only right. “Regulus has- he has passed away.” She said simply, a small tear almost slipping out from her eye, but she blinked it back.

Sirius just stared at her, his eyes widening, probably in shock. “Oh. Okay.” He whispered slowly. Euphemia hadn't expected this kind of reaction, she had thought Sirius' would've started crying, or something like that, but he didn't seem to have any other response than that. He just looked at her in disbelief, for several minutes, before looking away, staring at the wall across from his bed.

“Sirius -”

“How do you know?” He asked, still not believing what he was told. How could he be dead? They had talked over the phone last night, and it seemed like everything was okay because usually Sirius could tell if something was bothering his little brother, and he was usually pretty open about those things, to Sirius. But last night he seemed happy, he was laughing and joking, so Sirius just didn’t understand.

“Monty got a call just now, he didn’t say who, but I’m guessing one of your parents.” She explained gently, repeating what Fleamont had just told her. Sirius nodded, but didn’t look at her. He felt weird, like all the air had been forced out of his lungs suddenly, but he was still able to breathe. Weirdly, he didn’t feel like crying, he didn’t feel the tears in his eyes because they weren’t there. He was supposed to be crying, right? “He said that they found his body this morning in his bedroom.” She said, thinking Sirius would like to know, she wished he could tell him more, but she just didn’t know.

“Okay.”

“I'm so sorry, Sirius.” He nodded again, leaning his head against the wall and looking up at the ceiling.

“Don't be Effie.” Sirius whispered, glancing at her only for a second, but enough to see her sad expression and the tears threatening to fall. She was almost crying at this, but still, he wasn't. He didn't understand the whole point of apologizing when someone has died. It was stupid in his opinion, he didn't even know why he hated that phrase so much, he always had. “Can I-. Can I be alone?”

She hesitated for a moment before answering. “Of course.” She said, getting up from her spot. “I'll be back later, okay?” Sirius just nodded before she left his room.

He just sat there without really thinking of anything, staring up at the ceiling. He didn't know what he was supposed to think about, it was like his mind had just gone blank all of a sudden and everything had slowed down. It felt strange, that was about the only word he could think of to describe this feeling. He was feeling so many feelings at the same time, but nothing at all, his eyes burning, but no tears came out. It felt unreal, like a nightmare, and he’d soon open his eyes and he could sigh in relief and reassure himself by saying it was just a dream. But that moment never came, meaning it wasn’t a dream but reality, which he definitely didn’t want it to be, he never wanted it to be.

When he heard a knock on the door, he jumped slightly, but didn’t move to look who it was, he already knew it was Euphemia. Sirius knew it was her, firstly based on the gentleness of the knock, secondly on the fact that he remembered that she had said that she’d come back later. Euphemia slowly opened the door, peeking his head into the room, frowning when she saw that Sirius had barely moved. He was still sitting with his back against the wall, staring up at the ceiling, though his knees were now tucked up to his chest.

She went to sit down next to the boy on the bed, leaning her back against the wall, Sirius turned to look at her, laying his head on his knees to look at her better. “Do you want to talk?” Sirius shook his head. “That's okay.” She smiled softly, reaching to brush a loose curl behind his ear, wanting to provide him with at least some type of comfort.

“Effie?” Sirius whispered after a while, and she hummed, smiling at him. “Can I get a hug?” He asked, looking at her with hopeful eyes, he wasn't used to asking for it when he wanted a hug or something. But he had been told it's okay to ask for comfort from both Euphemia and Fleamont, and his friends, so he asked, hoping he wasn’t doing the wrong thing. Her expression softened even more at his question, the sixteen-year-old looked really young there, asking to be comforted.

Euphemia didn't say anything, but just opened her arms, and wrapped them around Sirius when he leaned against her, his head resting on her chest. “It's a bit confusing, isn't it?” Sirius nodded, closing his eyes. “It's okay, though, whatever it is that you're feeling, I promise that it's okay and normal.” She said, knowing how Sirius had probably already convinced himself that he was doing something wrong.

“You can cry, Sirius, if you feel like it. But it's okay if you don't or can't. It's all okay. There’s nothing wrong about not crying, just like there’s not with crying.” She said, and Sirius nodded, feeling his breathing hitch just slightly at her words. “You know there's no wrong way to feel about it, it's all okay.”

Sirius nodded, letting out a shaky breath as he felt her hand rubbing down on his upper arm, comforting him just like a mother would. It was quiet for a long time, there were no words to be said in, no words would help the ever-growing sadness that had made its home in his chest, making it feel tight. It felt like it was hard to breathe, even though he was breathing fine, just like normal, but it didn’t feel normal.

“What-?” Sirius asked quietly after a while, coughing to get rid of the dryness in his throat, so he could get the words out. “What happened?”

“I don’t know that much, Sirius, I wish I did.” She said sadly, and Sirius nodded, screwing his eyes shut again. “If I knew, I'd tell you.” She whispered, starting to play with his hair to comfort him the best she could. Sirius nodded again. “Maybe you should call your mother.”

“N-no.”

“You don’t have to, but she knows more than I do.” Sirius didn’t answer, but leaned closer to her, just a bit. “But you don’t have to do it now, or ever. I can call her for you and ask if you'd like.”

Sirius lifted his head to look up at Euphemia, she smiled gently. “Really?” He asked, looking at her with his eyes wide. She nodded. “Thank you, Effie.”

She nodded again, pulling him for a hug before getting up from his bed. “Do you need something? Someone?” She asked knowingly, Sirius blushed slightly, and nodded. “First thing tomorrow, okay? It’s already late.” He nodded again, looking at her before she left the room.

Sirius grabbed his phone from the bedside table to check the time, he swiped away all the notifications, not feeling like talking to anyone or checking any of them, then he set his phone back down. He laid down onto the bed, pulling the blanket over his feet, continuing to look up at the ceiling.

He traced along the oak planks with his eyes, going over every single different colored spot he could find in the semi dark room, there was a small lamp turned on, but it didn’t give that much light. Then he looked out of the window, it was a clear night, and he could see some stars, very little but still some. He traced along the few constellations he could see, trying to remember every star and their meaning, he did remember most. As he went over each one, his eyes started to fall shut without his permission, Sirius jolted awake every now and then, before finally falling asleep around one in the morning.

Sirius opened the door of Regulus’ bedroom, peeking his head in. He saw Regulus sitting cross-legged at the foot of his bed playing with something in his hand, but he didn’t seem to notice Sirius walking in and over to the bed. He never looked up from the object, just kept twirling it in his hands. Sirius looked down at it, recognizing it as the small knife Regulus had kept hidden under his mattress, it was the one he usually used when he-

Sirius was pulled out of his train of thought when Regulus’ head snapped up, and he looked directly at Sirius, right in the eyes. Sirius' eyes widened as he looked at his brother, or this version of him. It didn’t look like his sweet and kind baby brother. His eyes were bloodshot with dark circles, like bruises underneath them, he looked as if he hadn’t slept properly for weeks. His cheekbones were sticking out more than usual, and Sirius felt something sting his heart when he noticed that his collarbones did the same thing, like he hadn’t eaten in weeks either. Regulus’ skin looked sunken and more pale than Sirius had ever seen it be.

He just continued staring at Sirius, not blinking or looking away. He didn’t say anything but kept playing with the blade in his hands. Sirius swallowed thickly, trying to speak, but no words came out. He looked down, seeing Regulus’ sleeves stained with blood, dark spots appearing on the green knit fabric, staining and dampening it even further. Sirius looked back at him, seeing that Regulus’ hadn’t still shifted his gaze, still staring at him in the eyes. Sirius shuddered at this all too familiar sight, trying to speak again, but either the words didn’t come out at all or Regulus just didn’t hear him.

Without looking away from Sirius, he pulled the blade up to his wrist, and he screamed, looking at Regulus and crying out. But his silent begging and pleading did nothing to stop the blood from flowing down, staining the white bedsheets with red. He cried and screamed and sobbed and begged him to stop, even tried to help, but nothing he did helped, and still Regulus didn’t tear his gaze away, just kept looking at Sirius.

“It’s your fault, Sirius.” He heard Regulus whisper softly. His sounded so soft and delicate, just like normal, it sounded like Regulus, his Regulus. But the words cut deeper than any knife ever could, Sirius stared at him in disbelief, begging him to stop again as Regulus brought the blade up, slowly.

Sirius opened his eyes, letting out a loud sob as soon as he realized it had been a dream. He hid his face into his pillow, trying his best to muffle the cries and sobs he was unable to hold back. Even after he was calmed down enough and back in this reality, he wasn’t able to wipe off the image of Regulus and the blood staining the white bedsheets. He couldn’t wipe off the words either, they kept echoing in his head even though he tried his best to will them away.

“It’s your fault, Sirius”

“Your fault, Sirius”

“your fault, Sirius”

“Your fault”

“Sirius”

The soft, quiet whisper kept repeating itself as he got up from his bed without even really realizing that he was doing it. He wiped his eyes with his sleeves as he reached James’ door just across the hall, as if on autopilot as he lifted his hand to knock quietly. He stared at the door nervously hoping his dream wouldn’t repeat itself somehow, he hoped he wasn’t dreaming again. He didn’t want to see that, ever again.

The door opened in a matter of seconds, and he was immediately pulled into a hug by James. He cried into James’ chest, who wrapped his arms more tightly around Sirius’ shaking form, rubbing his arm, trying to comfort him the best he could. He had heard the quiet whimpering and pleads of wanting something to stop from across the hall, but he didn’t want to go over, knowing Sirius liked his privacy and he’d come out if he wanted to.

“I’m so sorry.” He cried, though it was muffled by the way his face was hidden in James’ t-shirt. “Wasn’t my fault, I promise. I-I didn’t mean to, I didn’t. James I swear.” Sirius said, frantically shaking his head, looking up at James to show that he was being honest, though more tears just kept spilling out.

“It’s okay, Sirius. You didn’t do anything wrong, don’t worry.” He soothed, swaying them back and forth just a little. “You haven’t done anything, none of this is your fault, padfoot.” Sirius just nodded, wiping his eyes, trying to get rid of the tears, but they kept falling. “Wanna come to my room for the rest of the night?” He asked, and Sirius hesitated, before shaking his head, not wanting to bother James, it was a stupid idea to come here i n the first place.

“No, m’fine.”

“Sirius?” he whispered, rubbing his arm to get his attention. Having known him for years at this point, he knew in times like this Sirius thought he was a bother, a burden to bear, even though he wasn’t and James definitely didn’t mind being there for Sirius when Remus couldn’t be. Because he knew Remus was the one Sirius wanted to go to whenever something came up, or he was upset, James wasn’t sure why, but he had his guesses. “It’s okay if you don’t want to be alone.”

“But y-you need to sleep.” he reasoned, pulling fully away from James and shaking the hand off from his shoulder. “I-it’s almost morning anyway, it’s alright.” he said with a small ingenuine smile, as he wrapped his arms around himself.

“It’s four in the morning, we don’t have to sleep, let’s just talk, or not, we can watch a movie or a show, whatever you want. But maybe not alone, yeah?” he suggested, making Sirius look up at him again.

“No, no, it’s fine, Jamey.” He whispered. “I’m sorry for bothering you, but I’ll just go back to bed.” He said, quickly leaving from the doorway and shutting himself back into his bedroom before James could say anything in protest. He turned on the bedside lamp to let light into the room, then he sat down on his bed, tucking his knees up to his chest and hitting his forehead on them.

The dream wouldn’t stop repeating, Sirius wasn’t even sure if he was remembering it correctly anymore or had his mind made the images even worse. He thought about Regulus as he sat there, Sirius couldn’t quite wrap his head around the thought that he simply wasn’t here anymore, but that he died. When the shock from waking up from a nightmare died down, so did the tears. He felt so stupid for not crying because of Regulus but because of a stupid dream.

It didn’t take long until the door of his bedroom opened slowly with a quiet creak, he looked up from his knees, seeing James peek in. “Can I come in?” He asked hesitantly, and Sirius nodded, leaning against the wall as James shut the door and came to sit next to him on the bed. “I can go away if you really want to be alone.”

Sirius shook his head, leaning it against James’ shoulder. “Do you want to talk about your dream?”

“No.”

“That’s alright.” He whispered. “I’m guessing you don’t want to go back to sleep?”

“Can’t”

James nodded, trying to think what to say, though he was pretty sure there was nothing he could say or do to make it better, even if he wanted to. But still, he felt like he had to say something, just something, it wouldn’t matter what, but still, he couldn’t think of what to say. In the end he found nothing to say and just stayed quiet, eventually falling asleep, though he didn’t mean to.

Sirius kept his eyes closed, but he didn’t sleep, he was just thinking. The thoughts would not leave him alone, no matter how much he tried to will them away, when one awful thought went away, another one came in. He slowly got up from bed, trying not to wake James. He made his way down the stairs, grabbing his jacket as he went outside. He sat down onto the porch, pulling out the pack of cigarettes and his lighter.

He watched as the sun rose, painting the sky in beautiful colors, hiding away all the stars and taking the darkness away. Sirius watched the first light pink colors turn into brighter ones, and then into red and from red to orange. He wanted to scream and shout and be mad at someone, or something. But there was no one, no one he could blame, no one he could be angry at, just no one, he felt like crying too, but still no tears would fall.

When the orange colors started to turn into yellows, he got up, stuffing the much emptier pack of cigarettes and the lighter into the pockets of his jacket, and putting it back where he took it as he got inside. He looked at the stairs, not feeling like he wanted to go back into his bedroom, so he turned the other way and went into the kitchen, starting to make tea for himself.

When he was done, he sat down at the table, continuing to watch the sunrise from the window. He glanced at the clock now and then as he drank his tea, it was a little over seven when Euphemia came into the kitchen too, making coffee for herself before sitting across from him.

“Did you get any sleep?”

“A bit.”

“That’s good.” She said. “Do you want something for breakfast? More tea? Anything.” Sirius shook his head. “Okay.”

“Is-?” He said after a while, but stopped to rephrase his thoughts. “Can Remus come over today? Because last night you said.”

“Hope is dropping him off while she's going to work, don't worry.” She smiled, and Sirius nodded. “Should be soon, I think she said she has to be at work at eight or eight thirty, I'm not sure.”

“Okay.” He smiled slightly, glancing at the clock on the wall. “Thank you Effie.” He whispered quietly, and she smiled back at him.

“I'm going to call your mum later today, if you still want me to.” Sirius nodded. “Is there something you want me to ask?”

“Just um, what happened.” She nodded, Sirius tried to think of what else he wanted to ask, there were so many questions running through his mind, but he knew that his mother wouldn't answer any of them. Especially not if she knew it was he who asked them.

James came downstairs just as someone knocked on the door, Sirius got up, going to open the door. He immediately wrapped his arms around Remus' neck, hiding his face into his chest. “Hi love.” He whispered, rubbing Sirius' back.

“Hi.”

“C'mon let's go inside, it's freezing out here.” He chuckled, taking a few steps in, though Sirius still didn't let go of him, just walked backwards. “You gotta let go of me, so I can take off my shoes. Just for a moment, there you go.”

“Can we go upstairs?” Sirius asked quietly as Remus shook off his jacket.

“Yeah of course.” He smiled, taking Sirius' hand and letting himself be led upstairs into his bedroom. “Cuddles?” He asked, sitting down onto the bed, dropping his bag onto the floor, Sirius nodded.

Remus sat with his back against the headboard, and Sirius climbed in next to him, resting his head onto Remus' chest. “I missed you, moony.” He whispered, they hadn't seen each other in a while, and he had just missed him.

“I've missed you too, baby.” He said, kissing Sirius' head, before starting to play with his hair, trying to gently solve out the knots. “Do you want to talk?” Remus asked after a while, but Sirius shook his head. “that's alright.”

Eventually, Remus ended up reading the book out loud to Sirius he had brought with him. It was calming, having something to listen to, it didn't stop the thoughts but slowed them down at least a little.

It was a few hours later when Sirius heard his name being called from downstairs, he lifted his head up, looking at Remus when he stopped reading. He looked scared, and Remus didn't really know what to say, so he just gave him an encouraging smile and a small nod. Sirius nodded back, getting up from bed and walking downstairs.

When Sirius came back up into his bedroom, he leaned against the door once he closed the door, wiping his eyes though the tears kept falling. “Come here.” Remus whispered softly, holding his hand out for Sirius to take, when he took it, Remus pulled him into the bed and into a hug.

Sirius cried, clutching Remus' jumper tightly, as if to make sure that he wouldn't go away too. He just stayed there, holding Sirius close and rubbing up and down in a slow rhythm. They didn't say anything, there just wasn't anything to be said.

When Sirius looked up at Remus, he gently wiped away the tears and leaned to kiss his forehead. “I love you, Sirius.” He whispered, as Sirius hid his face back into Remus' neck. “it's going to be okay, eventually.”

AN:

Hi, I hope you're well. But anyway, wow I posted something, hopefully it was good and you liked it :)

The ending is not the best, but I was just struggling with it and really wanted to post this today, and I hope the whole story makes sense, but anyway

See you

<3