#blaseballshipbracket

[bread--quest]

who am i supposed to vote for in the blaseball polls. i want to support you but i am unsure who you are talking about and also i don't know shit from dick about blaseball

HAHAHHAHA YES. THANKS KEPLER BESTIE IM TAKING THIS AS AN EXCUSE TO EXPLAIN

why you should absolutely vote for patty fox/hatfield suzuki/anathema elemefayo in the blaseball ship brackets ( @blaseballshipbracket )

ok so. the thing you (kepler) need to know about blaseball is its fantasy sports with emphasis on the fantasy. Weird Shit Happens And People Die. the fans make up the characters of the players based on the info we're given on the site, which is basically a name and some weird stats. all three of these blorbos are on the new york millennials. you don't actually need to read the rest of this kepler it gets long. all blaseball fans following me do need to read it though. okay onwards

first of all let's talk about patty fox. she is a season one new york millennial!! she has been on the team since the game started and never ever left or died, which is impressive. (only 2 other players have been on the mills since season 1 and never left or died). lore-wise, she is somewhere between "anthropomorphic fox" and "just a guy who's last name is fox", it varies on interp. what is universally true about her is that she runs a restaurant called the sly fox!! it's a pop-up restaurant devoted to new york cuisine past present and future. if i talk any more about this i will start getting weepy about just how new york these millennials are so i'll cut myself off here. anyway yeah she runs a restaurant while also being a really good pitcher and also slowly watching all her friends leave or die as she remains. it's very impressive and a little sad. i love her so much

onwards!! hatfield suzuki came out of the millennials shadows to play for them in season 12! she is a tattoo artist from new jersey who has 4 arms, a lot of hats, and mild prophetic abilities via the tattoos. the tattoos are prophetic sometimes. you have to pay for them normally but if it turns into a prophecy it's on the house. she's generally very cool, good vibes, great at skateboarding. i think the retroactive lore was that patty and hatfield had been dating for a while and were both very excited to get to actually play together? but it might also have been that they just hit it off immediately once hatfield started playing. either way they're very cute and they can be each other's rock in the chaos of blaseball

and then!!! anathema elemefayo!! who is the replacement for winnie mccall after she died via incineration as happens in blaseball. winnie was a season 1 millennial so it was really really sad that they got incinerated but ana quickly won over everybody's hearts. he's a gorgon twitch streamer who wears kamina glasses. she's very confident on stream but offline struggles with anxiety, specifically a lot of worries about making her parents proud and honoring winnie's legacy and generally doing good.

so!!! that's the three of them. so i believe the relationship headcanon that emerged was that patty and hatfield were in an open relationship and patty started also dating ana. ana is not dating hatfield but they are friends. uhhhh. i don't have a ton else here i just think they're very nice. it's a healthy relationship!! all three of them are Slightly Less Put Together Then It Appears but generally okay enough and they support each other and maybe distract each other from playing well by sending cute texts midgame sometimes but such is the millennials way. vote for them. mills win

[glassgob]

drawing some of my favorite guys for @blaseballshipbracket which you can vote for here

[Image ID: Lineart drawing of Caleb Alvarado and Isaac Johnson of the Chicago Firefighters kissing. Caleb’s wings are stretched out behind them. End ID.]

[bluntforcefem]

hi everyone. with YOUR help, we can turn this perfectly normal @blaseballshipbracket into

🦀 THE DIVORB GAMBIT 🦀

fuck your life, crab time. vote for valpedro, brockbertie, luistot, and kenshannon to fulfill the infinite blaseball prophecy of divorce today

[leonstamatis]

hi friends. i have a proposal for you as part of the @blaseballshipbracket this week. it’s round three, and actually, two ships i love dearly are up against one another. but it’s okay! i have a plan.

the match between brock/bertie and nic/margo is so close right now, which means it’s ideally situated for a bit of foolish behavior. i think the best thing we could do here is… aim for a 50/50 split.

here is my argument:

we haven’t actually had a hard tie yet. it would be difficult to arrange, which is new and challenging.

it would also be really funny.

beyond that, i would argue that these two ships have a lot in common. if you like one, you’ll probably like the other. the proof is as follows:

each of them includes a partner who falls somewhere on the ace spectrum

each of them involves an extended period of pining and slowburn

everyone here played for the boston flowers

too much responsibility and oh so tired about it

old people in love

there are neopronouns in here!!

brock and bertie have the tragedy of long separation and death. nic and margo have an awful lot of stability and normalcy. if you want fics, there are quite a few for both ships.

i have to assume that me writing this post won’t actually persuade many people unless i offer something. so! i’m offering something.

if you submit a screenshot to me showing you voted in the poll, AND it ends in a tie, i’ll do a raffle and write some ficlets for three people. (doesn’t have to be blaseball, either! i’d prefer to be familiar with the original media, but we’ll make do.)

currently, nic and margo are behind by a couple votes. but it’s a manageable gap and they can catch up. i’m not sure how this whole initiative is going to work, but yknow. tell your friends and stuff the ballot box, if need be. alright, that’s all! have fun and etc.

[thehallstara]

hi there's a little less than a day in the first round of the @blaseballshipbracket and i figured i should probably do a round up of what i've promised lmao so!!!

-if BOTH famous/scorpler and nerd/famous win their rounds i'll write a famous pov 12x100 that covers both relationships

-if nerd/famous wins i'll release a [redacted] fic about them that's been sitting in my drafts

-if haruta/bright wins i'll post EVERYTHING i have in my drafts with them

-likewise, if gitajayden win i will do the same

-if you vote for leon/andrew and show me i'll write a 100 word drabble of a player of your choice 🥰

am i gonna regret all this?? maybe!! tylandry and edric/dec/baby don't need the help rn but i do have stuff to offer if they make it through lmao

[shadowofmoths]

VOTE SUTTON DREAMY/JUICE COLLINS IN THE @blaseballshipbracket !!

here are the girls as killjoys in an attempt to appeal to the emos on my blog and also the blaseball fans. do you like women? do you like women who are bartenders that believe revolution means keeping your loved ones safe & fed? do you like women who are dream-constructs that are figuring out what personhood means for them? now what if they were in love. vote dreamyjuice!

[id: a marker drawing of sutton dreamy and juice collins as killjoys. juice is catching a stumbling sutton by the arm. sutton has a blaster out like she’s in the middle of a fight. sutton is a thin black woman with pink and purple hair, wearing a red vest and fishnets. her blaster says “sleep tight” and she has a sleeping cloud logo on her vest. juice is a fat hawaiian woman with dark hair, wearing a green vest. her t-shirt reads “OJ,” with the o shaped like an orange. she looks concerned, and is saying “oh! watch out!” to sutton.]

[tilldecsendeveryday]

DAY 8

Tilldec has made it to the second round of @blaseballshipbracket and it’s up to you to make them win

[fourteenfifteen]

ok @blaseballshipbracket propaganda time. i love caleb alvarado/isaac johnson aka elfcommie. i’ve written a lot of fic about them. but guess what! there’s more! like a lot more!

for each round that they win i will publish some elfcommie fic that i haven’t posted publicly. so go vote for them

[impernaway]

hi. this is a propaganda post for @blaseballshipbracket. please vote for shannon/kennedy.

here is my fic entangled to explain why i care them.

[jirnkirks]

fic writers engaging in pvp writing in the tags of @blaseballshipbracket

[theshelledonespods]

i did it

CONGRATULATIONS on helping the leon/andrew sweep*!! this should be transparent, but if it isn’t just dm me and i’ll fight with it until it is!

*not guaranteed to be an actual sweep i have to check the bracket.

[leonstamatis]

so leon and andrew won round one of the @blaseballshipbracket. which means i owe y’all something. behold: ficlet.

--

There’s something to be said for rituals.

Leon’s not going to buy into everything about the saints. He won’t be on his knees in front of the statues, asking for things he knows no higher power gives a damn about. But he gets why Andrew does it. At least he thinks he does. Same reason why he finds himself scuffing the toe of his cleat against the ground before every pitch, why he uses the same damn mitt even as the seams are starting to tear.

Point being, there’s something comforting about the burning feel of the metal star he grips in his palm. He might not believe in whatever defines the six points, but it’s Andrew’s fingers that warmed them up just like this. The same fingers, even, gripping Leon’s jersey like they might impart some of that same comfort. Like if Andrew just holds tight enough, long enough, rubs his fingers over the fabric until it’s hot as any fire, something good will come of it.

Nothing good can come of this, Leon wants to say. Nothing worthwhile comes of kisses stolen in empty locker rooms when no one is around, when they can be left with only their own business to mind. He’s been down this road before and he’s got the paperwork to prove it, signed and copied over, first for the wedding and then for what came after.

The six-pointed star in his hand, and his jersey in Andrew’s, each of them holding the most important pieces of each other and still somehow not quite close enough to fully bridge the gap. But Andrew sighs into his mouth, a soft sound that ricochets like a gunshot in Leon’s brain, and if that’s not some kind of miracle then Leon’s got no idea what is.

“Leon,” Andrew murmurs, and Leon bites back the feeling it sets rolling in his stomach.

“What?”

It must come out sharp, maybe a little desperate, even, because Andrew starts to laugh just a little, his chest shaking against Leon’s own.

“Sorry,” he says. It does sound like he means it, anyway. “I think I hear someone coming.”

Leon isn’t at all sure how Andrew can tell, given he can’t hear anything over the sound of his blood rushing in his ears. “Fuck,” he mutters, leaning to rest his forehead on Andrew’s shoulder. It forces his neck to an odd angle, makes his shoulders ache; he doesn’t move.

“Fuck,” Andrew agrees. He leans back to rest his head against the metal of the locker.

Leon doesn’t let go of the star in his hands. He doesn’t move, either; he stays pressed against Andrew, leaning on him until their chests move in tandem and their breathing lines up as something a little more natural, a little less hurried. Andrew doesn’t move either, still as one of his goddamn statues.

Lucky, then, that it’s Sammie who finds them together. At least she can’t be bothered to go telling other people about it.

[leonstamatis]

no wait. for the @blaseballshipbracket if you all support sutton dreamy/juice collins i will post a secret unshared ficlet for each round they win. i have a handful of them. the girls are so important to me.

[leonstamatis]

rounding up my offers for the first round of the @blaseballshipbracket :

-if leon/andrew wins, i will drop a previously unreleased ficlet. (this one is so close, y’all. please.)

-if sutton dreamy/juice collins wins, i will release a ficlet for each round they survive

-bonus new offer! if lenny/chorby win their poll i’ll write a companion scene for dying to live from chorby’s pov. (this is a difference of like TWO VOTES. please help the ladies out!)

i’m staying fairly conservative for my offers in round one but prepare for this list to get way bigger in the future. for now this is all i ask.

[leonstamatis]

reasons to vote for jacob/moses/layna in the @blaseballshipbracket :

(listen. I can’t make you do anything. i almost didn’t submit them at all because they won’t make it all the way and it will lowkey devastate me when they lose. i’m not even offering rewards, because i want to save those for the more contentious battles later on. but, yknow, just for kicks, let’s make a case.)

my second-ever blaseball fic was about these three. it was the first ship that i thought of all on my own, and i was very nervous about putting them all out there.

since then, i’ve written 21k across four fics detailing their relationship through pretty much all of blaseball, up til gamma.

they quite literally have everything? i’m not even joking. moses was involved in the masoning before they came to the flowers. layna was on the beams when they fell into the hellmouth. jacob is a good enough player (or was before gamma rerolls) that he would almost certainly have been vaulted or at least gotten ego a couple times if not for the flowers’ insane lineup.

(moses and layna have sucked outrageously for most of their blaseball careers. that’s not related, it’s just infinitely funny to me.)

that’s not even all.

layna was sent over to the garages during an absolutely absurd three way swap in s12. later, while she was there, she also got alternated.

moses was a receiver, was temporary alternated, had an allergic reaction, watched quitter and wyatt mason vi die (while they were echoing elsewhere, actually! it pains me), and then, instead of staticking out, moses themself died! a regular incineration, at random!

jacob was mostly fine during all of this. he doesn’t experience much. that’s what makes him special. but he’s on the magic now! he fell to their shadows. i’ve given him a wizard hat, in my head.

layna was involved in the first major swap of the expansion era, and one of the biggest ones from discipline, too. moses was the first death on the flowers since cali. (it had been a little over ten seasons.) somehow, in picking three largely unconnected names off a roster to write about, i pulled some players who would have a lot of outside significance. (i did not know this at the time; it was season seven.)

there’s even a dramatic breakup at the end. i made a playlist about it. (there are annotations, too! password’s jacoblayna.)

and like look, i’m detailing all of this because I think the gameplay comes first in storytelling. i can talk about moses as a victim of the game and layna as a victim of the game and jacob as an extremely anxious, but largely untouched, guy, watching both of his loved ones experience tragedy over and over beyond any of their control.

but yknow, I think the fic actually explains their dynamic better than i can in a (relatively) brief post giving an overview. so i’m focusing on what happened to them canonically, and in the spirit of irm, allowing your brain to fill in the gaps of what that’s like for people who love each other.

point is, this may not be the layna you know or the moses you know, or even the jacob you know! but they’re good. and if you are undecided (or have perhaps been persuaded), you should vote for ‘em. because they’re good.

[leonstamatis]

[ID: an edit of the jeb election meme. jeb bush stands in front of a map of the u.s. with his arms outstretched. three meters at the top read “megan: 0; Parker: 0; leon/andrew: 538.” the whole map is colored yellow, indicating a sweep. /end id]

this could be our reality. vote for leon duncan and andrew trebek in the @blaseballshipbracket for me. please.