#bleh i hate tagging stuff lol

[johnslittlespoon]

also little (ok not so little. at all) personal thing as a way of mass–apologizing in advance to friends/moots for being slow with replies/not super interactive for a bit (possibly? always hard to predict) but pls god feel free to ignore this <3

i hate talking ab not–fun personal stuff on here (if it's not hidden deep in tags LOL), but i feel so so guilty for being so slow at replying to messages here/on discord and i would never want any friends to feel ignored or like i'm not enthusiastic to chat bc i genuinely have the most fun yapping together in the wota server and it's been such a joy making more friends here and getting closer with some ppl 🥺 it's just eating me up even tho ik i don't have to apologize/explain myself and i'd never hold it against someone else if the roles were flipped!! it's just to put my mind at ease so i can feel less guilt/pressure :')) and i am Uncomfortable talking about bleh emotions so it's easier to just plop it here and not have to explain myself one on one lmaoo tbf i may delete this in a few hrs bc just typing this up might give my brain some relief anyway and then i won't feel like this is necessary!

but sam lore the quick of it is i have # bipolar and i've been in an originally manic, then hypomanic episode essentially since around the time i started this account? it's the longest 'up' episode i've had but it's also the first one i've been off bp meds for so that might be why (long story dw i see my dr monthly <3 sorting life out rn) and i think starting stimulants back in may prolonged it a bit bc yk. meth LMAO but it finally petered off a few weeks ago and now i am entering the Big D (and not the fun kind) so some days i just do not have any energy for anything other than survival mode and when i'm suddenly super chatty or active, 99% of the time it's bc i just took my adhd meds and downed an iced coffee lmaoo genuinely so grateful i have those meds to keep me from fully sinking deep into a bad episode for now at least. so tldr; not trying to be antisocial or ignore anyone, just tryina truck thru :-)

i'm so thankful for all the cool ass friends i've met thru mota and i have been rly scared since i felt myself swinging to the other side of the bp spectrum last month bc i've been very up since i joined tumblr and i don't want a sudden change in vibes to be taken personally or for it to seem like i've lost interest in fandom!! i also get scared i'll just be dull and boring to friends now who have only known me while i'm manic which is understandable bc it's a big switch up but i think over text it shouldn't be as jarring bc yk i have time to think ab my words more and all. i am a little surprised actually that if anything, my motivation for writing has only intensified in the past month, but i think it's the first time i've had a healthy form of escapism in an episode and my brain has definitely latched onto it to get me thru that and a lot of shit stuff that's been happening irl this summer, so i'm unbelievably thankful that this fandom dragged me back into fic writing as hard as it did <3

but as sometimes happens with depression as i'm sure most of us have experienced, motivation/energy loss can hit even our biggest passions and i'm Terrified and hoping so very hard that it doesn't, but if fic updates do abruptly slow down as i ride this episode out, that's likely the reason. can't see myself losing interest in mota anytime soon but ik that if someone's usual writing pace suddenly slows down, ppl often jump to that conclusion (myself included lol) and i just want to make it clear i will Not be abandoning my fics and as of now, i'm still plowing ahead on all of them. AND THAT'S ALL FR BACK TO MY GOOGLE DOCS fuck do i think this is a journal?? jesus christ my bad

[overheaven]

bleh i’ll probably delete this l8r it’s just tumblr users making me upset lol

the ‘i don’t listen to rap music’ thing that’s happening here is SO embarrassing, it’s like 2006-ass discourse and yeah everyone could stand to shut up a bit LOL but i saw the latest version of that big post that’s going around now has a screenshot of someone admitting they’re afraid of their echolalia picking up slurs in rap music and now there’s a bunch of “if you say a slur it’s not that autism it’s you pal” n stuff in the tags and that’s my least favorite type of tumblr ableism like yeah yeah whatever it’s easy to twist that person’s comments into “i can’t listen to rap because i’m autistic” for dunking purposes but. that is not what they said. fear of echolalia or verbal tics or even just intrusive thoughts picking up stuff like that is a real thing. “i get intrusive thoughts that are slurs but i don’t say it!!” good for u! but your experience with intrusive thoughts isn’t universal and intrusive thoughts aren’t the same as having echolalia, coprolalia, or verbal tics.

BUT!! even more than hating that type of ableism, in the screenshot of that person saying they’re afraid of their echolalia picking up slurs... they literally list their fave hip hop/rap artists & nu metal bands, which i looked up and they are all black musicians (or have black band members)!! yeah i personally probably wouldn’t have phrased it the same way if i were that person but they’re clearly not trying to use it as an excuse to not give the genre or black artists a try? i thought the joke was shaming white people for being biased, challenging preconceived racist notions about whole music genres, and trying to encourage people to expand their musical interests to things that are not just white or white people-approved? clearly this person likes black musicians & rap or music with rap elements so what are we doing with dunking on them aside from making someone feel more anxious and insecure about their disability? there was a tag saying “just find music that doesn’t have slurs!!” they clearly did and you’re just admitting you don’t know the artists they recommended and you couldn’t be assed to look them up! (side note they sounded cool so at least i got some new music out of this!!)

i’ll take that person admitting to their fear in a kind of heavy-handed way and recommending artists i’ve never heard of over the “i’m the only white girl that listens to rap <3 i love childish gambino” reblog LOL???

i’ve been seeing posts that compliment this ongoing embarrassment that are like “you don’t have to like rap music, but you should engage with black musicians and genres; try jazz, try blues, etc etc” which! yes! absolutely! like. look we have a person who has done that and found that hip hop and nu metal or music with rap elements by black artists are more their style than stuff categorized as rap. yet they’re up getting roasted in the hall of shame alongside the “i like hamilton” people and that just feels mean-spirited. idk. just makes me sad.

but i rly shouldn’t be surprised because assuming the worst in others and living out high school bully fantasies is just the tumblr way lollllll

[e77y]

Long but relatively unserious vent/rant below the cut (sorry I added this in bc I realized how long this post is oops)

Being at the center of some kind of internet witchhunt (which ik is kind of buzzwordy but) is literally my biggest fear ohhh my god. Even a small scale one… I think I would Die. Maybe it’s because I had a similar thing happen with my friend group in high school where one of them convinced the others I was like evil and spread all these rumors about me… 😭 He was splitting on me but still. That’s an explanation, not an excuse. And it basically confirmed all of my intrusive thoughts about myself, and my personality completely self-destructed and changed, and I haven’t interacted with any of those people the same way since. I isolated from them for MONTHS and just loathed myself. Bleh

The reason it’s on my mind is bc I’ve seen this happen to friends and mutuals and even just people I’ve followed in small fandoms, where the whole fandom hates them bc of this little drama and like. I KNOW that fandom drama is not the end of the world, but truly I think that would destroy me for months. And I would never be able to set foot in those spaces again :’) Getting a handful of rude comments about a fucking transfem hc I had at like 14 made me stop writing fanfic for YEARS 😭😭😭 sigh. Just bc they said it was ‘out of character for him to want to be a girl’ 🙄 (<- character who canonically felt confident when dressed as a woman btw. initially for a disguise but then she grew to love it. BUT I DIGRESS KNSHFJW)

All this to say I think that’s why I tiptoe around everything I say online… I am SO scared of ruffling feathers, but I know that fandoms are places for like! Having fun! And it’s not a big deal! And it doesn’t affect my real life! But like idk.. I just hate the idea of being hated by anyone. I’m sure that I ANNOY some people, and that’s whatever; I talk a lot and make overly personal posts sometimes (like this lol) but I don’t wanna be HATED yk? And idek if it’s better to be hated and ostracized publicly or resented in secret by people who still interact with you… :( Agh. If you ever have an issue with me, please DM me instead of letting it build up into something worse!

ANYWAY LIKE.. with fandom stuff. Idk. I want to have fun! I want to write and post things on Tumblr and AO3 etc but I am just very scared of peoples’ opinions, especially now that I have a decently popular/well-liked longfic in DnDads. For some reason I have convinced myself that writing bad or self-indulgent NSFW will make everyone hate me lmao. Like girl the POINT of fanfic is to be self-indulgent……….. sigh I need to get out more

^ light-hearted… but also kinda true haha. I stay at home a lot just bc I don’t have many reasons to go out atm and only a handful of close friends to go out with. Hopefully that will change when I move next semester lol. And whenever I get interests, they’re VERY strong and long-lasting, and fanfic writing is one of my main hobbies, so I get REALLY into online communities. And rn that is kind of my little niche fandom Tumblr bubble… which is embarrassing and probably unhealthy but whatever. I just inevitably get a lot of anxiety about things that are important/fun to me (bc OCD), especially bc I’ve never really had mutuals/‘friends’ in a fandom before this, excluding my irls

Anyway this got longer and more vent-y than I intended so I will tag accordingly, and sorry to whoever is reading this lol; I just wanted to get my thoughts written down in a public forum bc idk… Makes me feel less insane when ik other people can see it, too. Helps me not take it too seriously and spiral lol.

[malehficar]

raised my voice to the air and we were blessed everybody needs a little forgiveness

day 3 of @artevalentinapaz‘s daoctober! leli is my personal third fav, but she is my canon wardenmancer, so maybe that makes up for it?

[killuaisaprincess]

T-that me 🥺

[circular-bircular]

(This accidentally became a whole rant, you can delete if you want lol)

endo-stance anon, thank you. it just sucks because most blogs are either very pro endo or anti endo. i prefer pro endo spaces because, in my experience, they're a lot kinder (and oddly don't invalidate trauma as often as anti-endos do) and allow for questioning of system origins.

then again, current close friends are either anti-endo or singlets… it sucks. we want to engage in conversation that's pro-endo but we can't outside of reading posts tagged with pro endo.

there's not a lot of DID/OSDD resources that are loudly pro-endo also, or at least pro-endo-safe. there's... one full site that i know of that's good. we saw a few anti-endo posts that were slightly informative. a handful of pro-endo posts that were good. but most "resources" are by singlets going "hey, fellow singlets, isn't it weird that these Systems™ have ALTERS that have ROLES??? and INNER WORLDS?? like wow!! crazy i know!!" and not like.

actual advice on how to construct a good innerworld, how to deal with system feelings on media (especially introjects), what are good apps to talk with your system mate, is [x experience] normal or common at all in systems, etc etc. stuff systems can talk about, engage with and debate about and share experiences.

also, sometimes i DON'T want to talk about trauma shit. sometimes, we just want to be ourselves. defining ourselves as just traumatic split off parts limits ourselves and we'd prefer to be... "normal" people. with everyday problems. to struggle with simple, non trauma things and ask about them. like "we are struggling to decide on who should eat the food" or "how do we decide what our systemsona should look" or whatever.

like. just... so many DID/OSDD specific posts are either like "luv u did/osdd systems! endos / supporters fuck off!!!", or vents like "we dissociated earlier today :( i hate having multiple people in my brain" and very few resources or talk about just. existing. and even being happy about your system

also, we did see a post that validated feelings we got, feelings that we've experienced before but doubted because "only endos and fakers do that, that's a sign of faking". unfortunately the post that validated those feelings was from an anti endo, we talked about not interacting with them, and then got an anon calling us an "endo / singlet". n it sucks.

just... bleh. rant over. - tired traumagenic / adaptive system

I'm glad you got to rant. It's important to get these feelings out. I'm sorry you got the anon invalidating you - that's horrible.

I'm very lucky to have found a discord server of very accepting anti-endos, who are happy for me to exist with them. They gave me a safe place to believe and advocate for endogenics, a place to process my trauma, and a place to rant about my Undertale fanfictions!! It's a great shift from when I first joined the community and from how I was treated by anti-endos back then.

I've joined pro-endo servers before as well, but sadly, I couldn't find a place for my trauma there. They just felt very... stifling, in that regard. I didn't feel like I could be a traumatized system. I could only be a System(tm). If I used parts language for myself, people would shout at me that it was dehumanizing (even though we prefer thinking of ourselves that way). Meanwhile, in the anti-endo server I'm in, you can just. Talk about your system in whatever way is most healing, so long as you aren't spreading hate or misinformation.

My suggestion might be to branch out of tumblr spaces. Discord servers, I've found, have been far more accepting and less hateful.

[shslpunkartist]

HIHIHI!! I'M BACK FROM GOING THROUGH YOUR BLOG LOOKING FOR THOSE BEE BLOO BLEH WHATEVER HCS WITH THE PUNK TRIO!

HOPE YOU DON'T MIND SOME COPYING AND PASTING HERE. DOING THIS CUZ JUST WOKE UP A WHILE AGO AND MY MIND SUCKS AT RETAINING INFO WHILE STILL WAKING UP. AGAIN HOPE THIS IS OKAY! Oh and btw these HCs ARE the Punk trio ones you talked about before, it's just that this was before you decide to give them nicknames lol.

Both of them have “naughty” piercings. Amelia has her nips pierced, and Pico has dicc piercings.

If they were wear other outfits than their standard.. Amelia would wear soft and form fitting outfits, but nothing tight (unless it involves kneesocks) Keith will wear anything bigger than him, but again, no pants of any kind Pico will wear clothes that look tight, but are still comfy enough for him to wear

Pico loves trying out whatever the person wants to try out/is into. Even if he’s never thought of it before, he’ll try anything out (as long as it’s nothing fecal or nasty like that). An example of this is getting stepped on and electrical stimulation (also here's a special mention with one of your tags on this one which I think might help provide a bit more context: #how I look up the electric thing and they off me a kit for $60)

Amelia cries the most with children movies, mainly cuz the main focus will usually be about family/bonds between friends, and that’s what gets her acting up. She loves them though

Keith loves butt rubs. Doesn’t even have to be in a sexual manner. He’ll lay on the bed and accept butt rubs while watching tv or playing on his phone. He gets grumpy when the person stops too early though. Amelia loves head massages. I’m talking deep past the hair to rub the scalp or lower head. Get the massage going, and she’s falling asleep in your hands within the next 5 minutes Pico likes to do the rubbing instead. He’ll accept rubs, sure, but he’s very touchy. He’ll rub anything soft for an hour straight. Butt, boobs, belly, thighs, hair, whatever. (also here's a special extra on Punk Keith/Oreo involving an anon's commentary and your response to it: Anon: Punk Keith reminds me of my cat a bit. Little guy also loves butt rubs and would often get grumpy if we were to stop too early. He always looks so adorably offended whenever that happens and it took all of our willpower to not laugh at him whenever he gets grumpy. Your response: I was just thinking that! Cats (and I think dogs too?) love butt pats Keith will start at the person who stopped rubbing him, snatch their hand, and it on his butt until they continue. You don't stop until he says so.)

Keith likes turn-based games the most. He likes using strategy to take down the opponent. He gets upset when the enemy lands a crit/lucky shot on him though, and he’ll complain that his luck is utter garbage

Keith doesn’t wear pants nor shorts. Only underwear under his big hoodies/shirts. He claims it’s more comfy

Pico likes running outside while it’s the dead of night. Not even as a jog - no, a full on RUN. Like he’s being chased, or extremely late to somewhere. He does it because he loves letting out all that energy, out of breath in the end, brisk air, nobody around to wonder what the hell is wrong with him. It’s an amazing feeling

Amelia haaaates spicy food. She’ll literally cut thru her food to eat the nonspicy stuff, or not eat at all. Even if it’s a speck of wasabi, or a dash of hot sauce, she hates it Pico will get himself sick sometimes with food. It’s because he’ll want to taste the flavor of something, but he’s already full but he doesn’t care. He’ll have ice cream despite having a huge dinner because he wants something sweet. Now he’s got a stomachache

All of them are genderfluid and bisexual. The one who is most picky is Amelia, by like.. 2%. You need to be a good cuddle buddy.

(Also here's another special extra with another anon, this time with Cherri and Pachinko. Anon: I have to ask, what is it like for Punk Amelia and Punk Pico to have both parts? I imagine, like most things, having both parts has its own pros and cons there. :0 Your response: I mean, obviously I can’t speak from experience, but it’s probably a regular thing to them Sadly, cuz I’m super dumm and thinking dirty stuff, a pro is that they can handle more stuff (and are probably more sensitive) in bed. Con is they’re probably double wet if they’re excited, so like.. their underwear gets soaked, and they got a friggin boner, so like.. double embarrassment)

And lastly here's one that involves Oreo and Keith due to an anon going Beep! instead of Bee!

I’m gonna make this a double Keith fact then, and say that Punk Keith likes to go small and lay in Keith’s hood. Carries him around like a high backpack. If Keith is gonna sit/lay down, Punk Keith will crawl out and slip into Keith’s shirt instead

And there you go! This was all I could find! There might be more but I'll look again later. Right now me very hungry and would very much like to eat so bye for now~!

Holy shit

You and the others that collect info like this are insane ajsldlak

[theyarebothgunshot]

ROSE I AM FREAKING OUT HAVE YOU SEEN THE PREQUEL STUFF???? WHAT IS GOING ON, my god... I was literally about to go to sleep, decided to check Tumblr one last time and see this.... what WHAT!! WHATTTT!!!!!! I don't even know if this is good bad or what but just JENSEN IS PRODUCING A SUPERNATURAL PREQUEL AND DEAN'S GONNA BE THE NARRATOR OR Sth LIKE???? -🐸

YEAH i am normal about this <3 (jk i am also freaking out) welcome to: people screaming to me in my inbox about prequelgate ft. j/2 fallout theory. let's goooo!

Another copypasta and suddenly chaos machine is full on gay I love this prophecy

you know whats funny i just checked the j/2 tag and i feel like for the first time in a long time they are starting to realise that maybe THEY should be the ones who are "gutted" *sips tea*

ROSE HOLY SHIT ROOOOOOOOSE ITS HAPPENING HOLY SHIIIIIT

YEAH

Nevermind just read prequel and well good luck I guess but just you know kind of bleh who wants to watch John Winchester well let’s have hope anyways

i know a lot of people are bummed out but i am kind of very excited actually?? i trust robbie and even though yeah j*hn winchester turned into a nasty abusive bastard, it can be interesting to explore how it all started (imo). it's just the first of many stories they can tell.

I can only accept this circus if it’s Dean telling the stories to his and Cas’ kids and then we have a revival to show that the whole finale was in fact the end Chuck wanted there Jensen I fixed it

i would not say no to this

heyloo bee anon here

um- wtf is happening?

jackles prequel series?? why? i want to be excited about this but sheesh im scared

because supernatural is never dead <3

okay, but, jensen... john winchester ≠ jdm, you don’t have to go /that/ hard for him 🙃

true true... though i am waiting for jdm to comment on this, please i need it

WAIT A SECOND J2 FALLOUT THEORY TRUE??

LMAO HELL YEAH BESTIE

Rose you really picked the worst time to sleep for real

bestie it was literally 4 in the morning, what do you expect from me sdfjsfhsf

I can’t literally can’t we were all right LMAO j2 fallout theory is real and cockles (Misha supporting Jensen) is [gunshots] I’m just laughing cause what the hell is this timeline we’re living LMAOOOOOOOOOO

we would always end up here <3

Do we have the copypaste anons to thank for JP basically confirming the J2 fallout? lol 🦚

yes, everybody say 'thanks annoying idiots!'

ROSE, WAKE UP, COME HERE,

THERE'S A LOT GOING ON FFS

YEAH I KNOW BUT I NEEDED SLEEP

Anticipating that there's going to be a lot of yelling about the prequel on here: I am cackling, but also, I mean, the first time Dean got a look into his parent's past, Cas was the catalyst: literally entered Dean's mind and catapulted him to the 70s. So idk, it's not completely unreasonable to expect some Cas cameos, maybe setting up a parallel timeline since Dean is narrating. What I'm saying is, this is Jackles, he's getting JDM and Misha in on this lmao -Honeymoon Anon

you were right lmfaooo also i fully agree. misha's tweet further cemented that thought for me. he knew about this prequel and i dont think he is cas-baiting us, i think he'll be involved. i'd also be obsessed to see jensen and jdm act together again (though idk who jdm could play seeing as it's a prequel and he is way too old to play young j*hn)

longlivethetribbles heeft gevraagd:

Heyyyyyy bestie, are you SEEING the absolute madness going on right now holy shit

well a little late but I SURE AM BESTIE

bestie wake up pls s16 finale just dropped.

- 🍯

and WHAT a great one it was

I love coming home from work to see all of the chaos unfolding on Tumblr and Twitter. I'm absolutely buzzing right now. I'll probably still be here by the time you wake up and check tumblr 😂 - 🐢

lmaooo and were you still awake?? did you see my freak out??

Oooh bestie wake the fuck up, I know you’re gonna be excited for this one jsnsjsj

god i had SUCH a morning like. it's 12:00 now and all i did since i woke up is check tumblr rip

short summary: jen and dee gain the rights, they post on ig/twitter about a prequel ft john and mary that no one asked for, the fandom loses its everloving shit as usual, they trend on twitter thanks to the beloved twt intern who missed us, misha qt’s jen about cas possibly benefiting from being in the prequel, then j*red qt’s jensen abt how his feelings got hurt by him not being told about a prequel his character as no involvement in & he initially throws a tantrum, and the rest is history - 🦋 anon (ps: i hope this helps a little, i’ve been scattered brained trying to keep up with it all night lmao so pls let me know if i missed anything, bug crew !!)

thank you so much darling i figured it out eventually but this is a helpful summary!!!

I hope you enjoyed waking up to all of this XD -🐢

i sure did!!! also that answers my question about you being awake lmao

I WILL NEVER EVER EVER FORGIVE MYSELF FOR SLEEPING THROUGH ALL OF THIS DRAMA AND NOT EXPERIENCING IT IN PERSON I DIDN'T NEED THIS SLEEP - tea anon

well the party was still going strong this morning so im not TOO "gutted" see what i did there lmaooo

Now that you are caught up with the news... So idk if you remember this but...didn't jarpad tell jackles he was up for a reboot in an online panel? And jackles answered that this was news to him??

-🍯

yeah i think you are right but he was clearly joking and didnt expect jackles to actually be working on something already

J2 anon spare more of those anons let's finish this - tea anon

please, we're having a ball in this bitch

I saw a post on tumblr where someone said now that Kripke gave J&D the rights, maybe they’re starting with a prequel just to end on a reboot in years time and honestly ? I wanna believe that so badly. This is tinhatty but what if this is all calculated in a way that makes it so that Jensen is slowly starting to fix everything that was wrong with spn - now that he has the rights and he’s slowly making spn his own story ?! I mean he did say in his ig post he wants to ‘fill in the rest’ - and maybe Mary and John’s story is only the beginning of spn related content from J&D to come ??? Maybe he wants to give spn the justice it deserves ?? Thoughts ??

i dont think this is tinhatty at all i think this is very possible and not that much of a reach. i could see this happening yeah for sure

want to hear something funny. I found out I had a ruptured blood vessel in my eye because I was sending my friend a video freaking out when the prequel news dropped and I noticed the corner of my eye was red af. and when I got back online jared had tweeted.

DJFHSJD ANON THE CHAOS OF IT ALL, HELP, are you okay? <3

rose.. bestie... how are you feeling about The News? nsfshsf being european is a curse </3 🐞

i feel GREAT im living for it i feel on top of the world tbh (and yeah it really is dsjfhs)

What am I waking up to I can't WHAT I rested my eyes for like 5 minutes help *hits reblog button* - anon anon

yep yep essentially djfhs

“Jensen and Misha are Co workers who barley talk”

I can’t be sure of course but I’m fairly certain that this is the copypasta that brought the j/2 fallout theory back to life. Who’s apparently ‘barely talking’ now? skansjsjsj. It’s almost prophetic, these j/2 anons have superpowers I’m telling ya.

-poker face anon

next time we get one of them we should be thanking them lmaooo

ok, but are we gonna talk about the "When Daneel and I formed Chaos Machine Productions, we knew that the first story we wanted to tell was the story of John and Mary Winchester [...]"-quote because the way this is phrased implies they formed CHAOS MACHINE Productions with the intent of telling this story (first), i haven't been in this dumpster long enough but the name just tickles me in that Misha way, isn't it so sus??? am i missing something???? i mean with this announcement they SURE lived up to that name... 🧩-anon

you are absolutely right, chaos machine SCREAMS misha and we are all here for it!!

hey hey hey. joining the clownverse, there's no way THEE cas girl danneel doesn't know just how much the fandom loves misha and cas. so 2 + 2 = misha in the spn prequel!

AGREED

So I think I finally managed to catch up on wtf happened while I was asleep and my brain melted. What a shit show to wake up to.

Anyway thoughts.

I don't hate the idea of a Mary&John sequel. I think it has the potential to be good (It has the potential to be really bad too, so I'm kind scared).

🕯️🕯️🕯️ manifesting Mary being badass and John being kinda useless🕯️🕯️🕯️

As for the Jensen and J*red thing.

I can see Jensen not telling J*red even if they are still friends, because J*red is kinda good at accidentally telling Secrets. He could have told him right before he announced it so, so that J*red didn't have to find out from twitter. He was on the show for 15 years, he is bound to get asked about it. The public twitter meltdown was really unprofessional so. Like you have Jensen's number J*red. You could have sorted that out in private like a normal person, but instead you choose to act like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

Is it weird that I'm actually going to be kinda that for them if the actually had a falling out, even tho I don't like J*red all that much. They seemed to be really important to each other and while I thought before that the might have triefted apart a bit, I didn't think that the where actively fighting.

- 🐌 anon

the thing is, the polite/normal thing for jensen to do was text him before announcing it on twitter. it's weird he didn't, and that makes me believe that maybe yeah they did have a falling out. especially with the way j*red responded to it on twitter. if he had no other reason to be this upset (no prior beef or falling out) you'd think that he wouldn't be responding like this. on the other hand, the man is a mysterie to me so who the hell knows. i'm not gonna mourn about it if they did/do grow apart because j*red is just.... awful imo.

[igglemouse]

...

I’ll be honest that I think the reason I’ve been slowing down is because I have lost interest in my legacy and I feel if I have I know others have. Again, I have put myself in the corner of creating 5 different heirs with different themes and characters and...it’s a lot of work! That word there, work, I don’t like that here.

I remember when I first reset my legacy it was a soft reset, basically a time jump and I still respected the backstories of my previous legacy, hence Dulce, Marta, Telah, Wilfried and his aliens...it’s been a lot juggling around. 

The first reason I moved down to 3 early this year was because as I mentioned before I was planning on doing a fantasy story and this would have given me time to do that, then I gave up on that idea and went back up to 5 and while I love Wilfried and Talla, it’s back at that point where I’m juggling all these stories and I feel each story suffers because of that. 

For example, Delfina’s Winterfest and Pregnancy would have been a bigger deal but I had Dalton’s next episode looming and as I mentioned...it is a hard one to shoot. With everything pointing to a large magical battle and all...so I just like here’s winterfest, here’s a baby, okay lets move on because I know I have to finish this Dalton episode soon.

and I’ve done that before! I mean with Carnage I posed every fight scene and had a battle scene at the end that I was proud of...but it would take a while to do that and while I do that I feel like the other heirs just linger. 

The pacing of my legacy is slow but when you bring it to 5??? I worry I am at a turtle’s pace now! It’s been a year and between 5 heirs one has had a baby!  Sometimes they disappear for more than a month because of rotating them all and bleh...have I learned anything!?

Well, of course I have, but have I applied what I learned?

So, all this to say is that yes, I’m strongly thinking of restarting and this time completely fresh with none of my old sims, all new. 2 heirs and then I could actually have more time to do other stuff without feeling that if I don’t release anything there is no progress. 

Then maybe I could actually work on more story projects? Maybe I could have time to do tags lol? Carnage season 2, which was titled ‘Moon’ and I abandoned that because so much time went into running 5 different legacies...and maybe the fantasy story I’ve been wanting to tell and maybe I’d actually get to releasing poses! I remember one day I watched @whyhellosims go through my old Carnage posts and then message me about  how much they were enjoyed and it just made me so happy! A lot went into that. I’ve had stray thoughts of picking up where that left off...

I don’t know! 

I do know that I always appreciate the support you all give me! I know some are really into the heirs I’ve created and the stories they have, I’d hate to disappoint and end their stories. I know my legacy never has a set ending but if I do I think I’d like to time skip and wrap their stories up someway somehow...

[madmadmilk]

#madreads | stuff i’ve been reading lately 👀

heyyo i’m just making a list of books i’ve been reading lately IRL. most are just swishy, feel-good, HEA romance stuff. I’ll update it periodically~ ✌🏼💛✨ enjoy, and feel free to recommend! 

“The Flat Share” by Beth O’Leary: sharing a flat with someone you’ve never met? Tiff needs a cheep & easy place to stay, and Leon works nights and needs the $$. Leon takes the bed in the day, Tiff at night.... they’re bound to meet sometime, right?

“The Hating Game” by Sally Thorne: easy-peasy office, enemies-to-lovers. Lucy and Josh share an office for 40 hours a week, PAs for a recently merged companies. constantly one-upping each other, and playing ‘games’ in vengeful silence with arbitrary, made-up rules–– but lucy will never let josh win. especially when there’s a promotion at stake. if she wins, she’ll be josh’s boss, and if she loses... she’ll resign. 

“Beach Read” by Emily Henry: Augustus is an acclaimed author of literary fiction, and january writes best selling romance. they’re opposites in every way.... right now the only thing they have in common is they’re neighbors and both struggling with writer’s block. they make a bet, augustus will write a bright happy romance while january tackles the “next Great American Novel.” of course they’ll take field trips of rom-com montage fame, and he’ll take her to interview backwoods death cult members (???) and absolutely no one will fall in love, lmao.

“Man Crush Monday” (and Stand-In Saturday) by Kristy Moseley. bruhh..... just read it. amy clark is a happy, peppy girl who works on the train... every monday her crush comes aboard, handsome and dorky. lool one day, they meet off the train, and love blossoms from there......

“The Billionaire’s Wake-Up-Call Girl” (and the entire series tbh) by Annika Martin: bruhh lol ya girl works at a company and tries to stay on her best behavior. so when she can’t find a “morning call service” to wake up her boss..... she takes it upon herself to make the call. so yeah, obviously she is the sweetest person ever at 4:30 AM–– oop. and soon enough, boss man is tearing down the city to find her.

“Come Back to Bed” by Kayley Loring: a grumpy lawyer dude moves in next door to an artist, and the only thing she can be sure of is that he’s hot hot hot and has the cutest lil dog ever. when they first meet, he recognizes her long-time and flailing crush on her artist boss..... sparks fly from there lmao

“Happy-Go-Lucky” by L.H. Cosway. Maisie works as a researching for a PI firm, and is nothing but kind to every one there. lol then at the christmas party, intimidating cameron grant shows up and out of the kindness of her heart, she sits by to talk to him. looool he tells her he despises everyone’s behavior at their workplace even her’s to a degree–- be deems her most tolerable. lol even jabbed, her lil office crush on him doesn’t waver. things become even more awkward when he takes her home.............

“Would Like to Meet” by Rachel Winters. evie has been a an assistant for 7 years, hanging on a thread for a promotion. too bad her job is in the hands of breakout-director ezra, for hollywood’s next rom com. lol but he’s suffering from writers block. in order not to lose her job, she collects data and stories from going on “meet-cute” dates and scenarios to “inspire” ezra lol and maybe find herself a real date along the way?

“The Unhoneymooners” by Christina Lauren. olive is ur typical unlucky gal–– constantly outdone by her perfect twin sister, who she still loves and adores. so ofc, on her sister’s wedding day she is paired with her worst enemy, ethan (who happens to be the best man). just 24 hours to get through, and things will be back to normal. lol too bad that everyone at the wedding gets food poisoning, leaving olive and ethan the only people unscathed. her sister refuses to let her honeymoon package go to waste so... she encourages olive and ethan to go... together. looool

And that’s all i can think of for right now!!! i haven’t been reading anything too serious, i just want these fluffy chick lit HEA romances to get me through the rest of the year.... like... just give me some serotonin pls. alright and lemme just say... getting a kindle (and kindle unlimited bleh) has changed my reading life.... it’s so much easier now lol 🥺💛✨

if you have any recommendations or notes to add, feel free to let us know! happy reading!!!!!!!!!!!!! ❣️

tagging: @rae-gar-targaryen​ and @ that one anon that asked hahaha

[azure-steel]

 Instructions: Always repost with the rules, answer the 11 random questions left for you and leave 11 more for the people you tag!

MY QUESTIONS TO ANSWER

1.  What to you prefer while writing? Silence? Television? Music? If it’s television or music, what would be playing?

Music, whatever I’m doing be that writing, drawing, working, cleaning, you name it. I need music on in the background. TV tends to distract me and juices just don’t flow if I’m in silence, so the headphones are on and I’m away~

2. What is something specific that you always look for in your writing partners?

Just general friendliness really. I’ll talk to anyone and everyone and I’ll write with them too (even though I’m guilty of being a lil shy and easily intimidated but that’s by the by.) I like to have a good friendly foundation with my writing partners, and typically where there’s a ship involved just so I know what kind of vibe we have, to know my limitations - if any. I like to feel super comfy with the people I write with, and I love to gush about our muses and their shenanigans, without that interactions tend to fall apart for me, you know? And I’m very guilty of not attempting to try again in the future if I feel I can’t come talk to you :/ 

It sucks but it is what it is. 

3. What is your favourite season of the year and why?

I’m European so I LOVE heat. Summer is where I come alive baby~

4. How many blogs do you maintain across Tumblr? Do you roleplay on any other sites?

I have 2 blogs but I only maintain one at a time. I haven’t the patience or the brain to balance more than one muse at a time. I have no idea how you multimuses do it, I really don’t, I envy you ;o;

5. Tell me your favourite food. Least favourite food?

Cake. I love cake, if I could eat nothing else for the rest of my life I would just eat cake. I mean... I’d die but I’d die happy you know? As for least fave foods... sprouts, fuck I HATE brussel sprouts they’re just nasty, soggy horrible leaves and I don’t understand why people go nuts over them at christmas. You can keep em, bleh. 

6. Leave some kind words about one of your mutuals here! Maybe you’ll make someone’s day brighter or help others find a new writing partner!

lol, I’ll pass on this one. I don’t want to upset anyone by giving love to just one person. There are far too many that I heart so bad, even if they don’t heart me so much xD

7. Do you have a favourite ship that you currently write?

I have so many ships that I adore but there’s 2 that I simply cannot get enough of so I will write about both of them!!

Clerith: with my dearest friend @pulchralilium. This ship man... THIS SHIP!! Just, I’d avoided it for so so long and thinking back I’ve no real clue why because these two babs are just MADE for one another. There’s just so much chemistry between my muse and hers and it really doesn’t even matter what verse we plonk them in. They gravitate towards one another and the love they have is undying and so very pure.  I mean they have fun too, teasing each other and generally fooling around. But there is absolutely nothing Cloud would not do for her, he’d die for her if he had to, hands down!!

Cloud x Mercy (Clercy LOL): with the ever so fantastic @mercyxkilling. Okay, it’s difficult to know where to start here because so much has happened already and I am just HERE for this ship. Like, they were ENEMIES when they first meet. They don’t know one another but Cloud works for a rather infamous “Pirate Queen” who sees Mercy as a threat, so that initial footing is already off to a bad start. But things happen, trust builds and feelings develop and they are just... so INTO each other it’s disgusting~ Both of them have had real crappy lives up to this point and they find these missing pieces within each other they never truly realised they were missing until then and watching them come to care for one another, to falling in love, it’s the best thing.  For serious though, these two are the HOTTEST couple in the Milky Way and they damn well know it too~

8. Is there a character that you deeply wish you had a chance to write with one of your own? If so, who and why?

None really come to mind, but I would love to have some father/son interaction with a Denzel one day. I just adore that relationship so much and I always have hours where I hanker for some good wholesome family vibes ;u;

9. Pets! Do you have any pets? Bonus points if you send me pictures of them!

I have two moggies. A black male, Lord Shaxx. He’s an absolute monster~ and Yuni, my oldest best girl. I love my kitties, they are like my kids!

10. What’s your definition of a perfect self care day for yourself?

Playing vidya games, watching crap tv and just generally doing stuff I wanna do at my leasure~

11. If you could recommend a book or television show to anyone reading this, what would it be?

Hmmmm, I haven’t read a decent book for some time, but the A Story Of Fire and Ice series is just amazing. I know GoT got some bad rep for pacing issues and the ending to that show was just TERRIBLE, but the books are a whole different animal and I can’t recommend them enough. 

For TV: Stranger Things. FUCK. THIS SHOW IS SO FUCKING AMAZING YA’LL. If you haven’t watched this already I do HIGHLY recommend!

Tagged: I wasn’t. I stole it from @oflockharted

Tagging: just steal it and say I tagged ya if you want. I ain’t adding my own questions because I’m lazy. 

[lovemesomesurveys]

Did 2015 just fly by to you? I probably did feel that way. I usually do when looking back on each year. The only things I really remember about 2015 is graduating UC and hanging out with Ty.

Do you like platform shoes? No. I couldn’t wear them anyway.

How much black is in your wardrobe? Most of my wardrobe is black. 

Are you supposed to be doing something else? Nah, this is what I like doing at this time of night as part of my nighttime routine.

If you were with your favorite person right now, what would you be doing? I’d like finish watching this show my mom and I have been watching and check out the first two episodes of the new season of another show. 

Did you have a good holiday season? I did.

Anything special planned for today? Nope.

Who do you really trust in your life? My family.

What do you think about Justin Bieber? I like some of his music.

Do you wish you could change the past? Not entirely, but there’s a lot I wish I could change.

What is your hot drink of choice? Coffeeee.

Do you own a gun? No.

Have you ever cracked your cell phone screen? Not my current phone, but in the past I have. I haven’t had that happen in years, though.

Have your pants ever fallen down in public? No.

If you had to delete one year of your life, which year would it be? I wouldn’t want to delete an entire year. I’d like to change things that happened in various years, though.

What is your favorite article of clothing you own? All of them, which is why I have them.

How late do you usually stay up? Until like 7 or 8AM. :X

What is your favorite Christmas song? I love all the classics.

What all have you had to eat today? It’s only 4AM and so far I’ve just had ramen. 

If your entire life was a movie, what would it be called? I don’t know.

Blue or green? I like various shades of both.

What's your current least favorite song? *shrug* I haven’t been listening to music lately.

Do you know how to play chess? Nope.

What is something the world needs less and more of in your opinion? We need more unity and less stupidity and hatred.

Do you know someone who is just so breathtakingly attractive? Alexander Skarsgard.

How hard is it for you to open up to others? I have a really hard time with that. Even with people I am close to.

What is something that has really impacted your life? My physical disability for sure as well as health issues.

Quick! Chinese or Mexican? Hm. It honestly depends what food I’m in the mood for. I do have Mexican more often. I enjoyed both a lot more when I could eat spicy stuff, but I can’t anymore. :(

How many significant others have you had in your WHOLE life? I’ve only had one, technically. We had the relationship title, anyway. It didn’t feel like one, though. What I had with Joseph felt closer to one in a lot of ways, but we never officially dated. 

I have to ask: What does the last text you received say? My dad asked me to do something.

How about the last text you sent? I asked my mom if she could grab me something while she was at the store.

Have you shared any kisses today? No.

Did the last person you kissed have soft lips, or were they kind of crusty? They were soft.

Do you think your life will be any different a year from now? For the past few years nothing seems to change each passing year, but that’s largely my own doing. Not in a good way, anyway. There have been bad changes.

What is in your wallet? Credit cards.

Have you ever been in a fist fight? Nope.

When was the last time you went to the doctor? This past Tuesday. 

Are you going out of town anytime soon? Nope.

Do you hate your ex? No.

When are you going to get a haircut? I have no idea.

Can you fit your hand around your wrist? Yes. 

Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose? Yes.

When was the last time you applied chapstick? I don’t remember.

Are you a coffee person or a tea person? Coffee all the way.

Do you have a weird laugh? *shrug*

Do you have videos on YouTube? I do, but they’re all private and will never see the light of day again.

When’s the last time you had a phone conversation for more than ten minutes? I don’t remember. I rarely talk on the phone and when I do they’re very brief conversations.

Do you laugh at inappropriate times? No.

What’s your fast food restaurant of choice? The ones I go to are Chick-fil-A, Carl’s Jr, Jack in the Box, and McDonald’s. I haven’t been eating fast food much lately, though.

All the people you’ve kissed, what did their names start with? D, G, and J.

Are you in any kind of pain right now? Yes.

Are you the jealous type? I can be, but I haven’t felt that way in years.

What did you and your ex fight about most? Our issue was definitely lack of/poor communication. 

Do you have a foot phobia? I’m not afraid of feet, but I hate them lol. No one should even think about trying to put their feet on me or near me. I hate mine, too.

Well, are you a germaphobe? I don’t share drinks or eat off someone’s food or utensil or anything like that or want them to do that to mine. I’ll gladly cut off a piece and share or pour some out for ya. 

Don’t you love long hugs? From certain people.

And long kisses? Yes.

Have you ever purchased condoms? No.

Do you have a dirty mind? Sometimes.

What’s your favorite soda? I don’t drink soda anymore, but Coke and Dr. Pepper were my favorites.

Do you check the mail everyday, or somebody else? I personally don’t, but someone in my family does.

Did you think braces were cool when you were little? No.

Do you ever go without makeup or doing your hair? I haven’t worn makeup in almost 4 years and I just throw my hair up in a messy bun all the time. I also admittedly don’t brush it everyday.

Put your iTunes on shuffle RIGHT NOW and tell me the first song it plays. I don’t use iTunes and I don’t feel like opening Spotify right now.

What was the last song you added to your iTunes library? I forget the last song I added to my Spotify.

Are you embarrassed by any of the songs in your iTunes? I’m not embarrassed by any of the songs on my Spotify.

When was the last time you were sick? Back in October.

Did you get anybody else sick? No, it wasn’t contagious.

What brand is your camera? I just use my phone, which is an iPhone 12 Pro Max.

Do you like raisins? Yeah. Chocolate covered raisins, especially. ha. Who was your Valentine this year? I won’t have one.

When did you first kiss the last person you kissed? March 2011.

And when did you last kiss the last person you kissed? Sometime in 2013.

Did you borrow that shirt from somebody? Nope, it’s mine.

What was the last thing you put in your mouth? My medicine.

Do you like to swim? No.

How many vacations have you been on in the past year? My last vacay was last February a month before COVID hit and everything shut down. It’s crazy how fast everything changed and everything that has happened since then. We had no idea what was coming. I’m glad we happened to take a nice vacation when we did cause who knows when the next one will be. 

Have you ever gone on vacation with your boyfriend/girlfriend? I’m single, but no I never have in the past.

Are you supposed to be doing homework, young man/lady? Nopeee, I’m done with school.

Do you have to wake up early tomorrow? Nope.

Do you have any prescriptions currently? Yes.

Are you upset about anything? Bleh.

Where was the last place you went that you hadn't been to before? The OC.

Who was the last member of the opposite sex to make you smile? My brother.

Who was the last attractive person you saw? I see Alexander Skarsgard on my dash all the time. 

Do you have a friend whose name begins with "C"?

Is there anything happening in the next week that you're looking forward to? New episodes of some shows I’m watching to come out.

How many people have you kissed whose name starts with "R"? Zero.

When was the last time you ate a bar of chocolate? It’s been a few years. 

When was the last time you were invited to go somewhere and you declined? The other day my mom asked me if I wanted to tag along for the ride with her while she ran some errands, but I declined.

The last time you saw your best friend, what were they wearing? She was wearing a black shirt with Maleficent on it that I got her for Christmas.

How did you meet the person you're currently interested in? I’m not interested in anyone romantically right now.

What was the last gift you received and who gave it to you? Various Christmas presents from my family.

When was the last time you drank alcohol and what was the occasion? My birthday back in 2013.

You've got an unread message on Facebook; who do you want it to be from? There isn’t anyone in particular. 

What if the person you miss walked into the room right now? The people I miss have passed away, so...

Are you still with the person you fell the hardest for and if not, do you still speak to them? Nope.

What was the last song that made you cry and what does the song talk about? I don’t remember.

If you're in a relationship, how long have you been together? I’m single.

If you're single, are you looking for a relationship? No.

Look around the room; what's the closest blue object? My back pillow.

Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged? No.

How old were your parents when they met? They were in their early and mid 20s.

Who was the last person you added to your phone's contacts? I don’t recall.

What's a song that reminds you of someone you miss? Everlong (the acoustic version) by Foo Fighters.

What's the most expensive item you've bought recently? It was an accumulation of things when I was doing my Christmas shopping.

Who're the last three people you hugged? My mom, dad, and doggo. 

What's the third song on your iTunes "most played" list?

What exactly is on your mind at this moment? I’m tired.

What is it that makes you awesome? Nothing.

What is today’s date? January 16, 2021.

What time is it? 4:55AM.

At this moment in time, is there anything worrying you, that no one else knows about? Yes.

Have you ever cried in front of the last person you texted? Countless times.

What was the last thing you watched on YouTube? I’m watching an ASMR video.

Have you ever voluntarily read the Bible? Yes. I read and study the Bible. I participate in Bible studies. Have you ever thought that your life was so bad you wanted to give up? I’ve felt that way a lot.

How old are you? 31.

When do you start school? I’m done with school.

Do thunder and storms scare you? I love ‘em. We have had a thunderstorm here in so long it feels like.

How often would you say you take naps? Not that often since I usually sleep in until like 5PM. And not to say I couldn’t still take a nap cause I could (I’m always tired), but I wouldn’t want to so late in the day.

How many times in your life have you held a baby? Many times. I have a younger brother and I also have held several of my cousins when they were babies.

Do you like country music? Yeah.

What were you doing at 7:45 this morning? It’s only 5AM, but I’ll most likely be asleep or attempting to.

When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? I haven’t done so yet today, but I’m always like “ew.” I avoid looking in the mirror as much as possible.

Do you look decent when you wake up? No. Or ever.

Do you like to cuddle? I don’t have much cuddling experience to be honest, but sure.

Were you single on your last birthday? Yes.

Do you have any candles in your room? I do. I never light candles, so I’m not really sure why I have one any, but *shrug*

How long does it take you in the shower? Like 30-45 minutes.

Relationship between you and the last person you texted? She’s my mom.

When was the last time you felt unbearably guilty? I feel guilty about a few things.

Are you currently looking forward to anything? Just new episodes of some of the shows I watch like I mentioned before and new shows in general. There’s a lot coming out this year.

What are two foods you think only taste good with whipped cream? Uhh. I can’t think of any that I think only taste good with whipped cream. 

If you eat it, what is your favorite way to eat beef? When it’s in the form of meatballs (mixed with sausage, garlic, onion, and herbs).

What foods go good with radishes? Don’t they commonly go in salads?

Are you insecure about your height? What made you think this way? No. I do wish I was taller, though.

Did your last significant other have a huge temper? No.

Do you usually close the door with your feet or with your hands? My hands.

Are you a fussy eater? I am a picky eater and due to appetite and other issues I’m very particular about what I eat and how it’s prepared and all that. I honestly only eat the same few foods.

Do you enjoy visiting your grandparents? Yes.

Is your hair hard to manage? For me it is. I don’t have the energy or motivation for it.

Have you ever shopped online? I do a lot of online shopping, especially the past few years. Even more so this past year alone due to COVID.

Do you prefer gold or silver? I like both.

What about diamonds or pearls? Both.

Have you ever had surgery? I’ve had several.

Have you ever eaten at Chik-fil-a? Yeah, many times.

Do you spray tan? Nope.

How many hours of sleep would you say you got last night? About 5ish. 

How many aunts and uncles do you have? 3 aunts, 8 uncles. 

Would you say your life is hard? It is for me.

Are your fingernails, and toenails painted, if so, what color? Nope, neither of them are.

Would you ever think about doing porn? No.

What did your last text message you received on your cell say? My dad asked me to do something.

What is something you need to go shopping for? Nothing at the moment.

[dionysuswearsanorangetracksuit]

random tag

tagged by @samgreenstorm tyy 💛

Do you make your bed? my bed at school yes, my bed at home no bc it’s a bunkbed and wayyy too hard to make every day lol

What’s you favourite number? 11 for no real reason, when I was nine I just decided that 11 would be my favourite number and it stuck

What is your job? Camp counsellor at a water park

If you could go back to school, would you? I’m currently in school lol, going into my third year of uni

Can you parallel park? Yes actually, it’s reverse parking that I’m shit at

A job you had that would surprise people? none, it’s mostly just been camp jobs

Do you think aliens are real? Yes, we’re only aware of the tiniest little fraction of a limitless universe there’s no way there’s not anything else out there

Can you drive a manual car? No and my dad hates me for it

What’s your guilty pleasure? um,,,does it count if everything I like embarrasses me bc it reveals a part of who i am??

Tattoos? none, but there are two specifically that I really really want

Favourite colour? green

Favourite type of music? just stuff that makes me feel things and gives me a tingling sensation, I jump around from genre to genre a LOT

Do you like puzzles? they’re alright

Any phobias? needles, can’t do it

Favourite childhood sport? I have a love/hate relationship with soccer

Do you talk to yourself? Yes all the time out loud and in my head I’ve had more conversations with myself than I’ve ever had with other ppl

What movie do you adore? Handsome devil

Coffee or tea? Neither bleh

First thing you wanted to be growing up? A fairy. Does that count??

@astrality @thenightthatendsatlast @history-be-written @embeddedinmybrain @ktbugee @randomsmilingpotatoes @memoriesneedtobeshared 💚

[thetrial]

Quarantine Routine

Usually i’m not into tag game stuff but this one seems like something enjoyable (not to mention a way to vent). thank you for tagging me @bilaqua 🧡🧡🧡

Are you staying home from work/school?

Yes. we were almost halfway through the semester when we moved to online learning and it sucks so bad i hate it (i understand why it’s necessary and of course the public safety and the wellbeing of the staff and students is the most importnat thing but i’m still allowed to have a bad time). two of my profs are uploading lecture videos, the rest is either self-study (bleh) or video conference calls (i disabled my camera & microphone when i got my laptop and i can’t figure out how to turn them back on and maybe that’s for the best), and every professor has his (lol academic inequality) own preferred software so now i have four different programs on my computer to communicate with my peers and professors instead of emailing like normal people. currently, most of my exams have been cancelled and replaced with assignments which normally i would be ecstatic about (fuck exams) but! normally i would go to the library to work on them and i can’t. and on top of all that every other day we’re getting a useless corona update from the university telling us not to panic and nothing else and it clogs my inbox. hate it hate it hate it.

If you are staying home, who is with you?

i’m with my sister!

Are you a homebody?

i guess so but in moderation? i don’t like going out-out (clubbing etc) but my favourite passtime is finding a nice piece of grass and soak in the sun and listen to the birds and just be. or in general just not be in the house. i don’t know. what IS a home even, what does it mean [”i would like there to exist spaces that are stable, unmoving, intangible, untouched and almost untouchable, unchanging, deep-rooted; places that might be points of reference, of departure, of origi-”]

An event you were looking forward to that got cancelled?

ohoho. academic opportunities (conferences, networking etc). fieldwork for my thesis. a trip to the north of the netherlands (waddenzee) in the easter holiday. seeing my friends in class, tentative friend dates with new people, apprenticeship this summer, getting a job, visiting my family in the countryside, spring as a concept.

What movies have you watched recently?

princess mononoke. umm. that’s it. i’m not hugely into films because the emotional stakes feel so disconnected from my reality and generally it feels all very hollow in a way i can’t really express [”it says nothing to me about my life”]. also i spent every day in the last three weeks sitting down working away on my laptop getting a headache i’m not going to sit down and watch a screen for an additional two hours for fun.

What shows are you watching?

absolutely not. whatever goes for films goes doubly for series. i am not investing time and emotion i do not have to spare in these stories (i’m very irritable right now sometimes i’m more open to series. it’s just something about how they’re so fucking long, and how we’re encouraged to watch them all in one go, i don’t like it). also as i said i have a massive headache from my computer at all times and would rather not. that being said i finished rewatching avatar a couple of days before the lockdown started and i had a nice time.

What music are you listening to?

lots of folk (calms me down), whatever talking heads is, mitski, the mountain goats, soundtracks of films i like, i’ve also been going through my record collection again and reliving those albums and teh memories they carry with them. sadly i decided not to make monthly mixtapes for 2020 so i don’t have a nifty link reflecting my mood.

What are you reading?

a lot because i refuse to consume visual media. this is how you lose the time war by amal el-mohtar and max gladstone. the raven and the reindeer by t kingfisher. carry on by rainbow rowell. someone to run with by david grossman. the conservation revolution by bram büscher and robert fletcher (nonfiction). the fellowship of the ring (inspired by paula @bilaqua, thank you so much i’m having a blast so far). also supposedly la belle dauvage by philip pullman and the master and the margrita by mikhail bulgakov but i haven’t seen them since the quarantine started. and of course university-related books papers theses etc.

next on my list are on earth we’re briefly gorgeous by ocean vuong, the poppy war by rf kuang and reread the earthsea novels because it has been too long

What are you doing for self care?

haha. hahahaha. i started running again after stopping for a couple of years as a way to release tensions. like every person in this city i also started a sourdough starter and i’m baking bread and stuff. i cook a lot and i’m constantly trying out new recipes and cuisines but i did that before as well. as i said laying on the floor, listening to records and trying to find that person inside myself again. reading. going to the store once a week and taking the scenic route. i’m toying with the idea of teaching myself to play an instrument, and i set a goal of drawing every day a bit and spenidng less time on the computer but that isn’t happening with my current workload. i’m sleeping like shit etc and i think that’s the opposite of self-care [”the wind is in from africa and last night i couldn’t sleep”]. i think that generally i’m holding up but i’m not doing very well.

thank you again for tagging me and letting me get this all out

i’m very tired and can’t think of anyone to tag so if you’re iterested you are most welcome to say i tagged you, i would love to read your response

[i-rove-rock-n-roll]

28 questions tag

Sweet! I’m feeling pretty crappy (thanks to a stupid virus going around) and all I’m getting from my brain is like that really annoying screechy sound when you boot up a dial up computer. Anyway, since I apparently won’t be getting anything done today (writing/drawing/etc) Answering stuff is the way I’m going! 

@thecadmiuminkwell Thanks for the tag! ☮💙

1. How tall are you?

5′2 (I’m shorter than you, caddie. Actually, no caddie sounds dumb @thecadmiuminkwell)

2. What color and style is your hair?

brown and bleh. Like some days it likes to do a soft curl and then other times it likes to play dead. I need to get a trim. 

3. What color are your eyes?

hazel/ green/gray. idk man. I can’t see em. 

4. Do you wear glasses?

yup. and contacts with them cause I make bats look like they got 20/20 vision. 

5. Do you wear braces?

Nope. Did once. It sucked.

6. What is your fashion style?

like the past 4-5 decades threw up. I have clothes from 70′s-today. I am not hip, or fashionable, or up with the times though. 

7. Full name?

Ain’t getting me that easily internet (sorry, curious peeps) but if you want a name, you can call me A. (thinking about that being my pen name initial). 

8. When were you born?

Does anyone actually still chart their birth down to the dot? No, but I actually love the weather in the summer, which is when I was born. marginally less cool that I share a birthday with Napoleon Bonaparte, the less cool of two dorky Napoleons (the other one’s last name is Dynamite in case you missed the reference)

9. Where are you from and where do you live now?

Illinois and Illinois. I’ve moved towns a lot, but Never states. 

10. What school do you go to?

Also starts with an A. mascot is a dude dressed as a viking. a bit less cool than it sounds. (I’m a tired third year college student, i can nitpick on little things. Really, how hard is it to dress someone like an actual viking, and not in a stuffy costume that scares no one? Sports should be like the old days, striking fear into people’s hearts when the enter the court...ahem...er..nevermind)

11. What kind of student are you?

Usually start off bright eyed and bushy tailed, then loose any desire to work halfway through the term. I still do the homework, but it’s clear to everyone I’m dead inside. 

12. Do you like school?

Yeah. For the most part. Keeps me busy, and I hate being inactive, brainwise. 

13. What are your favorite school subjects?

Religion and Spanish. Because that’s pretty much all I’ve lived the past idk how any months I can’t think of anything else *sobs*

14. Favorite tv shows?

I don’t watch a load of tv. I have Netflix, and though I don’t even watch that a lot, the last few things I’ve watched and enjoyed was Nailed It, Nailed it Mexico, and the Curious Creations of Christine McConnell. I do have some tv shows on dvd that I like, like Golden Girls ( i grew up on their sass), the Good Guys (goofy cop show with tom hank’s son) and one I bought a while ago but havent sat down to watch (though I saw them all in middle school, waiting for it to come on so I could watch it) was Avatar the Last Airbender (the movie that doesn’t exist broke 12 yr old me’s heart). Though lately I’ve been on a nostalgia kick with Scooby-Doo 

15. Favorite Movies?

UHHHHHHH...... Clue is pretty dang funny (Tim Curry dude), I’m blanking... I saw Bohemian Rhapsody in theaters and my mind was slightly blown. I really like Dracula from 1921? 22? Bela Lugosi at  any rate. Old monster movies just have that aesthetic. 

16. Favorite books?

There’s no click all option, is there? No, but idk. I mean, I have a lot of books I like, but I don’t really know if I have a favorite.

17. Favorite pastime?

Eating. I like cooking and baking, but I tend to get banned from the kitchen because I’m messy (my food isn’t bad, I just get flour and sugar and sauce everywhere)

18. Do you have any regrets?

Currently, not spring cleaning when I should have. Five years ago. I’ve got too much stuff lol. 

19. Dream job?

I answered hermit in my last answer thing. I stand by that. 

20. Would you like to get married someday?

Meh. Like @thecadmiuminkwell said, for cake. Can I just skip to the cake? Actually, I’ll just buy myself a cake. Weddings are too much work.

21. Would you like to have kids someday?

I’m not averse, but I can’t see myself having kids myself, so I’d probably adopt when I’m a lot older than I am now (though I’d probably adopt teens). Some of my friends are already planning on having kids and I’m like, !!! I need to make sure I can survive irl, never mind a kid. 

22. How many?

Not something I can quantify when I don’t plan on doing it within the next ten years.

23. Do you like shopping?

I like to, but every time I do I feel bad for buying stuff I don’t need, even if its stuff I like, cause responsibility be like that. 

24. What countries have you visited?

I’ve only visited the one I’ve lived in. And not much of it.

25. What’s the scariest nightmare you’ve ever had?

I can’t remember the scariest one I’ve ever had, but I did have one where a Marilyn Monroe look alike shot me as a kid. Wasn’t scary, just stuck with me. 

26. Do you have any enemies?

Probably. Good on them if they put in the effort into actively disliking me (except my 7th grade english teacher. Picking on kids is unwarranted)

27. Do you have an s/o?

Nope. 

28. Do you believe in miracles?

I like the idea, but no. Not to my own knowledge anyway. Maybe my brain’s hiding stuff from me. 

Ok, so hopefully this didn’t get too weird/rambly. I’m all foggy from cold meds

If anyone wants to feel free. If not *shrugs*

@pheita @quoth-the-ravens @alwolfesblog @writingwordsanddrawingpictures @marewriteblr

[possumcorpse]

15 questions???

tagged by @nuiph ! ♡♡

1.) are you named after anyone?

I was named after my mom and dad, but I chose Jackie because of a game ://///// but I keep the "J" in my name and there's an "E" in it too and that was my only criteria because I didn't want it to stray too far away from my old one.

also my middle name was supposed to be based off my grandpa but they changed it to something else and its joked that my middle name was inspired by Kobe Bryant and i guess thats ok

2.) when was the last time you cried?

every darn day Maybe...two, three days ago?

3.) do you have any kids?

I am a child

4.) do you use sarcasm a lot?

sometimes. I often say stuff like "i hate it!" or "you suck!" n shit like that in a hopefully noticable voice thats different from my normal voice. same applies to doing work like "i love school!".

(i do love school but it depends on the work im doing lol)

5.) whats the first thing you notice about people?

shoes! because i always look down. idk. just their general appearance?

6.) eye color?

brown

7.) scary movie or happy ending?

i like scary movies because i know its fake! (hopefully). plus its a bit exciting to be scared

happy endings are great too but sometimes too cheesy imo. so i gotta choose scary movie!

8.) any special talents?

none! i guess im a jack of all trades, master of none? i can lockpick i guess but im not a god at it. im not really special at anything

9.) when were you born?

July.

10.) hobbies?

skateboarding for sure! i also enjoy writing, drawig, and jamming to music. even better- hanging out with my friends! i havent sewn anything in a while but sewing is fun too and making patches! and i really like playing video games and board games and card games. and reading books!

11.) do you have any pets?

two adorable puppies (theyre like 6 years old and 4 years old). one an aggressive, ferocious yorkshire terrier and the other some dog we adopted but we were only told that he's "some sort of terrier". im too lazy to look it up rn but either way theyre both good buppies

12.) whats sports do you play/have played?

i never was one for team sports really but pretty much all types of sports.

sports i enjoyed/still enjoy, however, were archery, chess, and skateboarding! do e-sports count?

i did cross country in freshman year and i used to take swimming classes every summer but i never liked any of them

13.) how tall are you?

5'2". small. too small.

14.) favorite subject in school?

right now, likely engineering! ive stuck with engineering all 4 years of high school. however, APES (AP Environmental Sci) and PreCalc has been kinda fun. Science and math are much more fun than reading boring articles or history.

15.) dream job?

Total fantasy dream job, but something like a mercenary...? i dont know. just some sorta thing regarding helping people, like a knight or a paladin. BATTLE MEDIC

If set in reality, industrial design has caught my eye and it seems like something id like do as a career. or being an author or something? just a job where i create pretty much!

alright tag time. bleh

@xloy4lty @the-dank-hindu-kush @papertigerinkstripes @freeingalexandra @cosmicscreaming @space-prophet @readableporn @descendingtesticles

and anyone else whod like to do so! dont limit "oh im tsgging these people" to stop you from doing ehatev idk lol