Okay, guys, here's the plot
Fanfic by Milkyr (thanks @peachyfnaf for editing <3)
Art by CreesA
Reunion
“Eclipse… Promise me one thing before I turn off and you're loaded into your own body..."
"Yes, of course! Anything for you, Sunny."
"No matter what happens… Don't lose yourself."
Gray fingers touched golden ones, and Eclipse looked at Sun. At his beaming smile and pale blue eyes filled with care and slight excitement.
"Whatever that means, I promise."
This was the last time Eclipse saw his Sun happy and alive.
***
Emerging from his own memories, Solar raised his head from the table. He fell asleep on the blueprints again. Grumbling softly to himself, the inventor got to his feet and stretched, hearing his iron joints creak. The animatronic soundlessly walked in soft slippers to the laboratories exit door. Focusing his hearing module on the space beyond the door, Solar listened to the sound of… nothing.
It was pretty quiet here.
Leaving the lab, Solar shoved his hands into the pockets of his lab coat.
"Ruin?"
He called softly, going first into the living room, then into the kitchen, then into one of the bedrooms.
"Eclipse?"
But he wasn't here either.
"Jack?"
It seems that he was completely alone in the bunker.
Solar went through all the rooms once more to make sure that no one was here, and then returned to his lab, blocking the front door and turning on the sound insulation in the room.
He pulled off the worn gray cloth from a capsule, which was located in the depths of the lab and was securely disguised as a "garbage can" so that no one would have the desire to ask questions about what was there. Pushing aside some wooden crates, the mechanic looked at the horizontal capsule with regret in his eyes. Inside, under the glass, laid Sun. But not Sun of whose dimension they now live.
It was his Sun. It was Sunny. The one who was always kind to Solar when he first woke up in someone else's body and didn't understand why he was no longer part of Moon. The one who sacrificed his life in order for Solar to get a chance at his own. The mechanic shook his head, pushing away the obsessive thoughts. His gaze was determined.
He's going to get Sunny back. He will get Sunny back. He's sacrificed too much not to. His fingers quickly tapped on the keyboard of the hidden device in the capsule, and the light inside it lit up. Solar frowned in concentration as he immersed himself in his calculations. He has been working on restoring Sun for several months now- it was very dangerous to work when someone else was in the bunker. His plans could be discovered, so he had to do everything slowly and carefully.
Suddenly, the computer let out an approving beep. The inventor opened his eyes in surprise, looking at the big green check mark on the screen. Did… Did he do it..? Did he really succeed..?
With trembling hands, Solar typed a couple of commands, and a progress bar was displayed on the monitor, gradually filling in black. The mechanic pressed his palms against the glass of the capsule, watching with hope in his eyes as the light inside grew brighter.
“Download complete. All systems stabilized. All external modules running properly. Turn designation: ‘Sunny’ on?”
Solar pressed the confirmation button on the keyboard, staring in fascination as the animatronic in the capsule began to make soft noises. At first it was the crackle of electricity, then the noise of the fans, which became quieter almost immediately as he switched to silent mode.
Sunny opened his eyes.
At first, his eyes were cloudy, he heard only isolated sounds- an incomprehensible buzzing- and felt a heaviness all over his body. He saw a dark blue spot above him.
"Moon..?”
His vision began to clear, and the dark blue spot turned into a dark orange. Who is that? Sunny could say with confidence that this was the first time he’d seen such an animatronic model, but his gaze caught on a couple of details in the appearance, and he gasped.
"Eclipse..?"
Sun spoke with hesitance, still unsure of his assumption.
"Yes."
Solar replied in a quiet, trembling voice, feeling tears running down his cheeks.
"What… What happened?" Sunny asked in surprise, noticing out of the corner of his eye that he was lying in some kind of capsule, a lot of wires were plugged in all over his body. "There must be some mistake here..."
"What do you mean? You're alive, and that's good!"
Solar replied in euphoric disbelief, opening the lid of the capsule. "...You probably didn't understand me," Sunny smiled awkwardly, "the separation should have killed me. I knew I was going to die, but… I wanted to give you the opportunity to live in your own body, live your own life!..
Or..." Sun's gaze suddenly became sad and hesitant. "Or… Or are we both dead and this is the afterlife? Oh no- I'm so sorry- I never meant for this to happe-..."
"-No, no, it's okay! I'm alive, and you're alive too," Solar grabbed Sunny's hand so that he could feel his touch, squeezing it like he would leave him again if he dared to let go, "And I promise I won't let anything happen to you. Never again."
"...Wait!" Sunny suddenly realized something. Attempting to sit up, he rapidly looked around, whipping his head from side-to-side. But Solar restrained him from his attempts, holding Sunny still as carefully disconnected the capsule's wiring so that nothing would be damaged. "W- Where are we? Where’s Moon?!"
"Be careful! Your systems are still very fragile after such a long period of inactivity," the inventor replied, "I'll... I'll explain everything, just let me make sure you can move safely, okay?"
"...Solar, you're making me a little nervous. Where is our brother?"
Sunny asked his question once more, feeling a familiar anxiety slowly creeping up on his mechanisms, making its way under his endoskeleton and stirring the very core of the animatronic. Finally, he was able to sit up and look around. What kind of place is this…
"...Yes. Yes, you did die that day." Solar began with bitterness in his voice, trying not to look into Sunny's eyes as he recounted the memory. "It shocked both Moon and I, and it broke us, and then… And then..." the inventor's voice went tight as a lump formed his throat, forcing him to sound on the verge of tears as he continued.
"...His killcode took over his body. I couldn't save him, Sunny. There was an… accident." He bitterly squeezed out the words. "I'm Sorry, Sun. I'm so, so sorry. Moon is no longer with us."
The final statement hit Sunny like the crack of a painful whip. The whole world trembled right in front of his eyes. Shaking hands clutched at the face plate, despair flooding his features.
"...N-No... nononono, NO! T-This can't… It can't be..." Sun's voice warbled out in despair, "Please, tell me you're lying! T-That this is all a bad joke! PLEASE!"
Before Sunny could lose himself anymore, he felt thin and trembling arms wrap around his back. It was Solar.
Sunny buried his face in Solar's shoulder, shaking and sobbing like a traumatized child. He was absolutely shattered by the news. Moon was his day-one. His other half. His brother. The animatronic he was closest to before they separated and Eclipse appeared.
Gradually, slowly, the sobs in the air began to subside. A numb, pulsating sadness took the place of despair. Sun slightly pulled away from Solar and sighed loudly, causing his fans to flare up for a moment.
"But... What happened then..? H-How are we here?" He asked hollowly, looking at the mechanic.
"I had to conspire with dangerous criminals to survive. Working with them, I at least had a chance to get you back." Solar lowered the tone of his voice, "As of now, my name is no longer Eclipse. My name is Solar."
"Oh my God…" Sunny gasped in fright, taking Solar's face in his hands and looking at his rays. It was only now that he noticed how dirty and broken they were. "D- Did they do this to you? The criminals?!"
"No, no, I'm fine. They won't touch me, we have an… agreement," the inventor shook his head slightly, "But they must not find out about you. We're currently in a bunker under the pizzaplex. This is my lab, and we're in another dimension. But I promise we'll escape from here. I'll find a way.”
"B-But how can they not find out about me if they literally live here?" Sunny shivered, feeling fear creep up his spine. Poor Solar, what kind of mess did he get into..?
"Don't worry, they won't come into my lab. This is my personal space, and no one can come here without my permission." Solar took Sunny's hands in his own once more and looked into his eyes.
"Their names are Ruin and Eclipse. They're both very dangerous- Ruin can infect you with a virus that makes you want to kill, and Eclipse is just out of control when he's not in the mood- and he's always not in the mood. Knowing him, he'll tear you apart as soon as he sees you! Swear to me that you will not leave the lab under any circumstances. Please."
"Solar, I..." Sunny spoke quietly, confused and terrified eyes gazing into the tired and sad ones of the mechanic. "...I trust you. I promise that I will do whatever you say, and help in any way I can."
"Thank you, Sunny. Thank you." Solar leaned forward to hug Sun again, "I'm glad you're back." "Yes..." Sunny hugged the animatronic in response, "I'm so glad to see you, too…"
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50 Years Ago: Apollo 17
Not long after midnight on Dec. 7, 1972, the last crewed mission to the Moon, Apollo 17, lifted off with three astronauts: Eugene Cernan, Harrison Schmitt, and Ronald Evans.
Experience the Apollo 17 launch and follow the mission in real time.
Meet the Crew
Let’s meet the astronauts who made the final Apollo trip to the Moon, including the first scientist-astronaut.
Gene Cernan: In 1972, Apollo 17 Mission Commander Eugene A. Cernan had two space flights under his belt, Gemini 9 in June 1966, and Apollo 10 in May 1969. He was a naval aviator, electrical and aeronautical engineer and fighter pilot.
Ron Evans: Apollo 17 Command Module Pilot Ronald E. Evans was selected as a member of the 4th group of NASA astronauts in 1966. Like Cernan, he was an electrical and aeronautical engineer, and naval aviator before his assignment to the Apollo 17 crew.
Harrison (Jack) Schmitt: Lunar Module Pilot Dr. Harrison (Jack) Schmitt joined NASA as a member of the first group of scientist-astronauts in 1965. Before working for NASA, Schmitt was a geologist at the USGS Astrogeology Center. He was on the backup crew for Apollo 15 before being selected for the prime crew of Apollo 17. He became the first of the scientist-astronauts to go to space and the 12th human to walk on the Moon.
The Blue Marble
“The Blue Marble,” one of the most reproduced images in history, was taken 50 years ago on Dec. 7, 1972 by the Apollo 17 crew as they made their way to the Moon.
Bag of Soup, Anyone?
NASA astronauts have an array of menu items to stay well fed and hydrated on missions. For Apollo 17, the menus allocated around 2,500 calories per day for each astronaut. They included:
Bacon Squares
Peanut Butter Sandwiches
Frankfurters
Lobster Bisque
Like anything going to space, weight and containment matter. That's why the Apollo 17 menu included plenty of soups and puddings.
Synchronicity
On Dec. 11, 2022, the Artemis I mission will be splashing down on Earth after its 25.5-day mission. At 2:55 p.m. 50 years prior, the Apollo 17 lunar module (LM) landed on the Moon, with Commander Gene Cernan and LM Pilot Harrison Schmitt on board. Ron Evans remained in the Command and Service Module (CSM) orbiting the Moon.
Experience the landing.
Planting the Flag
One of the first tasks the Apollo 17 crew did on their first moonwalk was to plant the American flag. There’s no wind on the Moon, but that doesn’t mean the flag has to droop. Did you know that a horizontal rod with a latch makes the flag appear to be flying in the wind? Gene Cernan carefully composed this photo to get Schmitt, the flag, and the Earth in a single shot.
So, is the flag still there? Images of the Apollo 17 landing site from the Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter Camera show that in 2011 the flag was still standing and casting a shadow!
Moon Buggy
During Apollo 17, the Lunar Rover Vehicle (LRV), nicknamed the Moon buggy, logged the farthest distance from the Lunar Module of any Apollo mission, about 4.7 miles (7.5 km).
As a precaution, the LRV had a walk-back limit in the event of an issue; astronauts had to have enough resources to walk back to the lunar module if need be.
Grab the Duct Tape!
The right rear fender extension of the LRV (Moon buggy) was torn off, kicking up dust as the crew drove, reducing visibility. The crew made a resourceful repair using duct tape and maps.
For LRV fans, visiting an LRV driven on the Moon is a bit difficult since all three LRVs used on the Apollo 15, 16, and 17 missions were left on the Moon. But you can find an LRV used for training at the National Air and Space Museum in Washington.
Read more about the LRV.
The Perils of Lunar Dust
After the first lunar EVA, Apollo 17 astronaut Harrison Schmitt reported that he suffered from “lunar hay fever” in reaction to the lunar dust. Unlike Earth’s dust particles which are rounded, Moon dust particles are sharp and abrasive, irritating astronaut eyes, nasal passages, and lungs.
Curious about how Moon dust feels and smells? Find out!
So What’s it Like?
After his return to Earth, Apollo 17 astronaut Harrison Schmitt (on the right) described his time on the Moon:
“Working on the Moon is a lot of fun. It’s like walking around on a giant trampoline all the time and you’re just as strong as you were here on Earth, but you don’t weigh as much.”
Splashdown!
After 12 days and 14 hours in space, the Apollo 17 astronauts splashed down in the Pacific Ocean at 2:25 p.m. EST on Dec. 19, 1972. It was the longest of all the Apollo missions, with the most photos taken. A recovery team was waiting on the USS Ticonderoga just 4 miles (6.4 km) away to pick up the astronauts, the lunar samples, and the Crew Module.
When Are We Going Back?
NASA’s Artemis Program has taken its first steps to sending humans back to the Moon with Artemis I, currently on its way back to Earth. The program plans to land humans, including the first women and person of color, on the Moon’s south polar region with its Artemis III mission, currently slated to launch in 2025.
Is aerospace history your cup of tea? Be sure to check out more from NASA’s past missions at www.nasa.gov/history.
Make sure to follow us on Tumblr for your regular dose of space!
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Clegan Astronaut AU - Part 4
Masterpost
Author's Note: I promise this fic will get more mission-oriented soon, but the next couple chapters will be very relationship-focused in the lead up to the Artemis 3 launch. I love these two and have a lot of fun writing them, so I hope y'all are okay with that!
--
Nearly everyone loves Gale Cleven. Those who followed the space program before have loved him since he first came on the scene as an astronaut candidate. Those who are only listening in as Artemis ramps up have the chance to fall in love with him now. Tall and handsome, cool and confident yet a little bashful, bright blue eyes, a winning smile, and a southern drawl. And an accomplished Air Force officer to boot.
Even as controversy over his sexuality continues to permeate certain spheres, for much of the world, it’s hard not to love Gale Cleven. Between training sessions, Marge sets him up with interviews and photoshoots, rushing him onto the Artemis scene as fast as he was selected for the mission. He’s tired as all hell, but he puts on a smile and sweet talks the media.
“It’s an honor, you know?” he’ll say when reporters ask him what being selected to Artemis 4 means. “I really believe we can learn a lot about our world, and about the human species, through Artemis. We’ve been working towards this for years, and I’ll do my best by the American people to make them proud.”
“It’s real exciting, the way people are interested in the moon again,” he’ll say, with a cute little half smile, a wonder in his eyes, a confidence to his voice. “I’ve been in love with it since I was a kid. I get to share that with the whole world now.”
“Oh, we’ve got a great crew. Two great crews, on 3 and 4,” he’ll say when he’s asked about NASA’s preparedness for these missions. “We’ll get it done, don’t you worry.”
And when he sounds so sure, so calm, how can you not believe Gale Cleven?
It’s been a long time since NASA has been able to capture the interest of the public so fully, but with the Artemis crews, there is a growing echo of the adoration that surrounded the Apollo astronauts so many years ago. These men and women are budding celebrities, whether they like it or not, and Gale Cleven and John Egan are the face of it.
Since the press conference, everyone tiptoes around the sexuality question. The marriage question. John hasn’t talked to the media since. But if anyone asks Gale about John Egan, no one can miss the undying love in his expression, the way his eyes go soft and his smile becomes just that little bit more genuine.
How can you not root for that?
The days following the Artemis 3 press conference and Gale’s appointment to Artemis 4 are busier than ever, filled with training, media, meetings, and more training. As the back-up commander for Artemis 3, Gale has gone through extensive training already in the Artemis mock-ups, including EVAs, flying, docking, and anything else NASA can throw at him. Now, however, he has a new crew to catch up with, including him as the new mission commander, Sandra as the new lunar module pilot, and Richard Macon and Helen as mission specialists.
He jumps right into the deep end – literally – with the crew. Their first few days training together consist of Orion simulations, excursions on mock lunar terrain while bogged down with EVA suits, and conducting mock zero-G EVAs in the neutral buoyancy tank. This includes donning full EVA gear and taking a deep dive into JSC’s 40-foot deep pool, where they can interact with full scale mock-ups of NASA spacecraft in order to simulate working through EVA activities in zero gravity.
While Gale grapples with performing repairs on the fake Orion hull, using tools through a bulky space glove as he floats around in a 6.2 million gallon tank of water, Bucky and Curt work through one of their final sim days for the Starship lunar lander, combatting scenario after scenario of different ways they can fuck up landing on the moon. While Bucky hops around on fake lunar terrain with a massive oxygen tank on his back, fighting the urge to pretend sword-fight with Curt using their sample collection tools, Gale leads his new crew through flight scenarios in the Orion sim. While Bucky artfully avoids any and all reporters by constantly busying himself with mission prep, Gale speaks transparently with the media about his new Artemis role.
And while Gale turns in for the night after longer-than-ever days, Bucky is still at the space center, pushing himself and his crew to new limits.
–
October 8, 2025
Nassau Bay, TX
With their schedules demanding more of their time, Gale and John have barely had a spare moment together. Gale can hardly remember the last time they actually sat down and ate a meal together. One of them dropping by to see the other at JSC with a cheap cup of coffee doesn’t count. But their wedding is just a few days away, and, at Gale’s insistence, they had agreed to leave work a little early (or, less late than usual) in order to spend a nice evening away from the endless chaos of their exceptionally poor work-life balance.
Gale had finally managed to pull himself away and is now sitting on a stool at the kitchen island. He’s changed out of his work clothes, thankfully swapping the sweaty flight suit for a thin gray sweater and old jeans. He’s fighting the urge to check the time every twenty-three seconds. He is, however, acutely aware of the fact that it’s past 7pm, and Bucky had promised to make it home by 6:30. He sends him a quick text – “Waiting at home. Dinner’s almost ready.” – and decides to grab his laptop and review some mission protocols, answer emails, and anything else he can think of to distract himself.
By 7:30, he’s tapping his fingers nervously on the countertop. He’s called Bucky twice, both times with no answer. Texts went unheeded. Marge hasn’t heard from him. Gale takes the pasta dish he’d made off the warmer and fills two plates with it, covers them, and puts them in the fridge. He sends another text – “Are you okay?” A couple minutes later, another – “What if I told you that I’m naked?”
Nothing. Even for that. He tries to brush off his growing disappointment and worry.
Bucky hasn’t been the same in the days since the press conference. They’d discussed at length how to proceed in the future -- Bucky didn’t like the idea of screening and pre-selecting every single question beforehand because he knew he’d come under fire for censorship or some shit. Gale agreed, knowing he’ll be facing the same things as Artemis 4 prep ramps up. However, they had decided to warn reporters that probing questions about the astronauts’ personal lives will result in them being removed from the premises at the discretion of the astronauts and the public relations officer. All Bucky has to do is give Marge a certain look and security will escort someone away.
Otherwise, he’s avoided all discussion about it. Gale can tell, though, that it’s getting to him more than he wants to admit.
By 7:50, Gale decides to eat without Bucky. He gives Pepper a few pieces of plain pasta to feel less alone. By the time he’s done, he feels officially stood up by his own husband-to-be. He picks up his phone and calls Rosie. “You guys still at JSC?”
“Yeah,” Rosie says. Gale hears a door swing open to the sound of an evening breeze and footsteps on pavement. “Yeah, we uh, we just finished up for the night. We had a hard time with one of the sims. Got it sorted, though.”
“Mmm.” Gale runs a hand through his hair and tries to figure out how he feels about that.
“Everything okay?”
“Yeah,” Gale drawls. “John, well, he said he’d meet me at home tonight for dinner. He’s over an hour late.”
He can imagine Rosie furrowing his brow, looking thoughtfully off to the side. “Oh, he didn’t say.” Gale hums again but doesn’t say anything else. Rosie sighs. “He’s been… off. Since the press conference. Like he has something to prove.”
“Right,” Gale says sadly. “Yeah, I know.”
“Will he talk to you about it?” Rosie asks.
“Hardly.”
“No, me neither.” Both men go silent for a long moment before Rosie says, “I’m sorry Gale. If I’d known I would’ve kicked him out of there faster.”
“Yeah. Thanks Rosie.” Gale clicks the end-call button, and he buries his face in his hands, rubbing hard at his eyes, not sure if he wants to cry and yell or bang something real hard. He does none of it. He just sits alone at the island, feeling like an island himself.
When Pepper, tail wagging, runs to the front door at the sound of the knob turning, it’s nearing 8:30pm. Bucky walks into the dark house. He follows the faint glow of light through the living room and into the kitchen, where he sees his fiancé sitting alone at the island, clicking away at his laptop and pointedly ignoring him.
“Buck?”
Silence.
“Gale?”
Bucky throws his bag down and walks to the other side of the island, sits down on a barstool, and stares at Gale. Gale stares at his laptop. Bucky reaches across and gently pushes the laptop shut. Gale frowns down at it. “When you’re two hours late, you don’t get to decide if I should pay attention to you.”
“You know how it is, Gale.”
Gale nods curtly and tries – fails – to swallow his frustration. “Yeah, John, I know how it is.”
“Great,” Bucky says. He reaches to take Gale’s hand in his, but Gale jerks away. “Why are you so upset then?”
Gale scoffs, still avoiding eye contact. His words are careful and deliberate. “I know how it is better than anyone. But that’s the point, John. We’ve both known how it is for months. That’s why we agreed to make today different. Just today. That’s all I fucking asked for. And you couldn’t even give me that.”
“We had to-“
“I don’t care what you think you had to do.”
“I can’t just-“
“You can do what you want. You always do anyways.” The words are, somewhere deep down, meant to sting. And Gale wishes he hadn’t said them, but some part of him can’t stand how John’s behavior tonight has left him wounded and defenseless and alone.
“Gale, come on, I know I’m a little late, but I had to-”
“You’re more than a little late.”
Bucky slams a hand down hard and loud on the counter, startling Gale into looking up. He regrets it instantly, the moment he sees the hurt in Gale’s eyes, a sense of betrayal and wariness that Bucky can’t believe he just instigated. “Can you let me speak?” He grits out, forcing a calm into his voice. Gale stays quiet. Bucky sighs and pulls his hand away, curling his fingers tightly in his lap. “I need… I need this to go perfectly.”
“None of it goes perfectly,” Gale bites back. Even though he knows what Bucky meant.
“I know. But I need to be perfect. I need to show them-“
“You don’t need to show anyone anything. You just need to do your job, like always.”
“The stakes are higher this time and you fucking know it.”
Gale clenches his jaw, trying to parse out the anger from the sadness from the worry. “This is about the homophobia.”
“No,” Bucky says too fast. Gale arches an eyebrow. “Maybe,” Bucky relents.
“You won’t talk to me about it.”
“It doesn’t need to be talked about.”
“Clearly it does,” Gale exclaims, spreading his arms out wide. “Everyone is worried about you. Rosie, Marge, and Curt all say you haven’t been the same since the press conference. And they’re right. I’m worried about you.”
“Maybe everyone needs to mind their own business,” Bucky spits out bitterly.
“You’re training too hard.”
“I’m going to the moon.”
Gale is quiet for a long time. Because he knows. God, he knows. He knows better than anyone. Bucky is going to the moon. Just a month after they get married. They don’t even have time for a damn honeymoon. And now Gale has to train for Artemis 4. The long days won’t get shorter, the short nights won’t get longer. Often, they barely see each other when they’re not at work or collapsing into bed. They rarely have time alone. Time to talk. Time to be close to each other. They knew this was how it would be, but that doesn’t make it easier.
“We’re getting married first,” Gale says weakly. “That’s… that’s still important, too.”
Bucky sighs and grips his hair in his hands. He can’t bring himself to look at Gale. He doesn’t even know why he says it: “you knew what you signed up for. Sometimes we have to prioritize.”
The echo of cruel words rings in the brief silence that follows. Gale stands up, looking anywhere but at Bucky. “Well,” he scoffs. “Good to know where I stand on your priority list.”
He walks away towards their bedroom, but stops in the hallway. “Dinner’s in the fridge. I made you a plate,” he mutters, and the gesture is kind but the words hit like a ton of bricks. Pepper follows Gale, trotting loyally at his heels, and Bucky hears their bedroom door click shut.
-
He walks through the doors of the Hundred Proof because he doesn’t know where else to go. His head is spinning, pounding with an anger that he isn’t sure is towards Gale or towards himself or towards the assholes of the world who think they get to decide what he is and isn’t worth in the public eye. There’s something else under the anger, too, something that he isn’t ready to name, and it simmers beneath the surface like flames fighting for breath against water.
The bar is always full of familiar faces, but he doesn’t look at a single one. A couple of voices that his brain doesn’t bother putting a name to call out to him, but they let him slip away. He wonders if that’s all it takes to disappear: just act like you don’t hear the words that people throw at you like stones. Except in the real world, they never stop throwing them even if you pretend they don’t hurt. He sits on a stool near the end of the bar and just stares at the astronaut portraits on the wall. Him and Gale. Always him and Gale.
“Can I get you something honey?”
Bucky blinks, adjusting his focus to see Jackie in front of him. She knows something is off, he can tell. He’s alone at the bar around dinner time, without Gale or anyone else, just a couple days before his wedding. All of that, and it’s written all over his face.
“Whiskey,” he says.
She nods and grabs a glass. When she sets it down in front of him, it’s got ice in it. He looks at her, and she looks back. “On the rocks,” she says. Like it’s a challenge. But she smiles softly at him. “Cause I don’t think you want it as much as you think you do.”
Bucky thanks her – he isn’t so far out of it that he won’t be polite to a woman who has looked out for him as long as he’s been in Houston – and he takes a sip. He lets the alcohol sit on his tongue, slide down his throat. He lets it burn, and he sips it again. With a gentleness he doesn’t feel in his heart, his fingers brush across the condensation on the glass, and he thinks about how Gale always does that as a nervous habit when he’s been out a little too long and is starting to get tired of the company.
He takes another sip. It doesn’t burn anymore, and he wishes it would. His throat feels numb like the rest of him, feeling like he’s drifting aimlessly about with no anchor to hold him down. He thinks about Gale. Shakes his head, tries not to think about Gale.
He thinks about the press, shakes his head. Grips the glass too hard. Gets worried he’ll break it and lightens up. Tries not to think about the press.
He thinks about the mission, rubs a hand over his face. Tries, for once, not to think about the mission.
If we’re lucky the fag will die up there.
He holds his breath to keep it from coming too fast. Where would that leave Gale?
He shakes his head, feels his lungs start to hurt as he keeps them from exchanging carbon dioxide for oxygen. Elevated CO2 levels and suffocation are common concerns in a spacecraft, common obstacles that, if not overcome, could be fatal… He gasps quietly and draws burning air into his lungs. The condensation from the glass leaves little droplets of water dripping from his hot fingertips, rolling down and splashing on the wooden bar top. He sips his whiskey and holds his breath again.
He’s getting married in a few days. Right before he leaves the fucking planet. He just spat in his fiancé’s face.
Gale deserves better.
Bucky really might die up there. Is that better?
He shakes his head, decides, firmly, that that thought process is a little too far even for his brand of melodrama. He forces himself to exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, and rubs his whole hand up and down the cool glass, letting it ground him when he has nothing else to keep his wandering mind on this planet.
“You okay, John?” Jackie asks.
What the fuck is he doing here?
He thinks he nods his head, but he isn’t sure. He might shake it instead. He stares at the pictures on the wall. Blinking tiredly, he looks around the bar.
What is he doing here?
He looks at his whiskey glass and raises it to his lips, but he doesn’t take another sip. His mouth tastes bitter all of a sudden. He doesn’t want to be here. Why is he here?
He only came here because he didn’t know where else to go: where do you go when you’ve denied yourself access to the only place you want, no, need to be? He doesn’t want to be here at all.
He can’t be here.
He thanks Jackie in a hurry and tosses some cash on the bar, next to a nearly full glass of whiskey.
-
Gale has only been sitting in the living room, letting himself feel hurt and lost with a dog comfortingly in his lap and the news on in the background, for less than an hour when he hears the front door fly open. Pepper looks at him, as if she’s asking a question, asking permission. He scratches her behind one ear and tells her to “go get ‘im.” Without another thought she flies off the couch and he hears a faint “hey Pep” from the foyer as he gets to his feet.
Bucky, assuming Gale would still be in the kitchen or bedroom, comes barreling in so fast that he bumps into him right in the middle of the living room. After a stunned pause, Bucky wraps his arms tight around Gale. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I’m so sorry.”
Gale slowly raises his arms to wrap around Bucky, and he lets his head drop to nestle against Bucky’s neck.
“Can- can we talk?” Bucky asks quietly. His fist is clutching the fabric of Gale’s sweater, and he still feels sick at the whirlwind of unwelcome feelings in his head.
Gale nods against Bucky’s neck, holding him just as hard. He still feels dizzy with the relief of his fiancé choosing to come home to him. “I’d like that.”
–
The night of October 10th, 2025, after an evening of low stakes partying with the entire wedding party, Gale is at home with Marge and Pepper while Bucky crashes with Curt. They’d decided to keep with tradition and stay apart for the night. Tomorrow, they’re getting married, and Bucky feels like he could really use a drink. Curt refuses him – for once, he’d agreed not to be the instigator or enabler. It’s his job as best man to get Bucky down the aisle in one piece, and that includes not being drunk or hungover.
Bucky knows this, and really he’d never disappoint Gale like that, but that doesn’t mean he couldn’t use a goddamn drink.
He can’t stop anxiously tapping his fingers, shaking his leg, biting his lip as they watch some crappy movie on TV. Curt wants to smack him to get him to stop, but getting the groom down the aisle in one piece also means no bruises.
After entirely too long of this, Bucky suddenly asks, “What if I’m not good enough?”
Curt nearly chokes on his drink as he splutters in disbelief. The day before the wedding, after knowing Gale for over 15 years and being passionately together for much of that, Bucky questioning himself now is absolutely laughable. Buck and Bucky are not the most stable people in this world, but Curt has never in his life seen a relationship as solid and quite literally bomb-proof as theirs. They bridge the gap between admirable devotion and concerning co-dependency quite flawlessly.
Bucky is furrowing his brow, though, frowning deeply as he clutches the arm of the couch with his right hand and stares at the floor. “What if Gale doesn’t… what if he doesn’t want… me? Anymore.”
“Bucky, what the fuck.” Curt can’t help but actually laugh. Bucky just stares at him with the widest eyes, though, and Curt rubs the bridge of his nose. “I love ya man, but get it together. There hasn’t been a single moment since you two met that Gale hasn’t wanted you.”
“Curt,” Bucky sighs, putting his head in his hands. “I fucked up, man. I… shit, I did and said some things. We’re having a hard time with Artemis you know. I fucked up.”
Curt sets his drink on the coffee table and leans across the couch to put a hand on Bucky’s knee. “Bucky, you both know how this goes. You’ve been through everything together. That man loves ya more than anything in the world, and I don't really get how but he does. So yeah, ya fucked up. But couples fight. You’ll get through it.”
Bucky bites at his lower lip. “What if… what if it gets to be too much? Gale deserves so much better than me. What if I can’t… what if I can’t keep my head straight and…”
Curt tries not to roll his eyes. He is not cut out for this kind of thing. He’s NASA’s least eligible (but he likes to think favorite) bachelor for a reason. “Ok, ya know what, I can’t deal with this.” He pulls out his phone and scrolls through his contacts before pressing call. “Marge, I’ve got a code blue… blue for depressed… Marge, don’t give me that. I’ve got a kicked puppy over here freakin’ the fuck out the night before his wedding cause he thinks he ain’t good enough and Gale’ll quit lovin’ him… yes, I know. I laughed too… I tried… yes I fucking did I don’t need your sass… ok fuck you, I’m putting you on.”
He shoves the phone at Bucky’s face and mouths ‘talk.’
“Hello?” Bucky says into the phone.
“Honey, what’s going on?” Marge asks.
“Curt’s the worst best man is what’s going on.” He glares at Curt who sticks out his tongue as he leans back into the cushions on the other end of the couch.
“Well he called me so he must not be totally useless,” Marge jokes.
Bucky frowns and picks at the fabric of his sweatpants. “I, uh… I guess I’m havin’ cold feet. Is that what they call it?” Marge hums patiently, letting him know he needs to go on. “I just.” He breathes deeply. “I can’t get our fight the other day outta my head, and uh, I still feel shitty about it, you know? And it’s making me nervous about… fuck I don’t know. What if… what if Gale... What if he…”
“Bucky, take a deep breath for me,” Marge says. He follows her instructions. “Now, tell me, do you really think, after all this time and everything you two have been through, you need to be concerned?”
“Yes.”
Curt smacks a palm to his face, and Bucky feels like he can hear Marge doing the same. Curt grabs the phone. “Just put him on,” he demands. Then he hands the phone back to Bucky and there’s rustling on the other end.
Then, “John?”
Bucky bites his lip as his heart starts beating faster. “Hi.”
“What’s wrong?” Gale asks. Something in Bucky crumbles and reassembles at the same time when he hears the warm cadence of his concerned voice.
“People keep asking me that.” Bucky sighs. Then it all comes tumbling out. “I’m sorry, really sorry, about the other day. I didn’t mean what I said. I didn’t mean it. I don’t know why I said it. Everything has been crazy. The press is getting to me and this mission is… it’s big Gale. You know that. And with the wedding, all eyes are gonna be on us more than before. And they’re gonna say things. Shit, they’re already sayin’ things. And there’s been threats and… I should be used to it and I am but… it’s hard sometimes. And I was… I don’t know. I don’t know. I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you about it more. I fucked it, and I was upset and I hurt you and I still feel terrible and… I’m just sorry.”
“I know,” Gale says gently. “We talked through it that night, remember?”
“I know.” Bucky feels dangerously close to crying and he hates it. Gale’s voice is exactly what he needs to hear and it kills him anyways. “I can’t get it all outta my head. The mission, the wedding, the press. And it’s just, it feels like too much. And I’m… They… they want me to die up there. What if I… and then you’re…” He can’t even speak the words. He’s been a pilot for over a decade now, and he’s barely ever given the prospect of death a thought. But the idea of tying himself to Gale only to… well, only to miss out on their future. Only to leave Gale on his own… he can’t even think about it.
“It’s gonna be alright,” Gale reassures him. “Y’all are the best damn crew in the agency, John. The risks have never stopped me loving you before.”
“God, Gale, I’m fucking scared.” He hates to say it out loud, this feeling that he long ago decided he isn’t allowed to have. But if he doesn’t say it to someone, he feels like he might self-destruct. And if he can’t say it to Gale, he can’t say it to anyone.
“You don’t need to be, darling,” Gale says. “I’m right here with you.”
“But what if… what if you change your mind?” Bucky feels so small, and his voice sounds far away to his own ears, infinitesimal, like screaming into a void.
But Gale chuckles softly and Bucky just cannot understand why that question is so funny to everyone. Until Gale starts to speak, his voice measured and gentle and emotional and everything Bucky loves about it. “John Egan, I loved you the moment you barreled into my life, and I have loved you every moment since,” he says. “I have loved you with my entire being, my body, my heart, and my soul for over 15 years. I don’t know how not to love you anymore, and I don’t want to know.”
Bucky feels the forbidden tears prick at the corners of his eyes, but Gale is just getting started. “Because no matter where we go, or what we do, I want you there. We were just kids when we met. Now we’re pilots, Air Force officers, astronauts. We’ve seen and done incredible things that most people can only dream of, and now we’re both going to the moon. But even with all of that, today is the day that makes everything worth it, because you are the person who makes everything in my life worth it.”
He trails off, and Bucky takes a deep breath, wiping at his eyes, willing himself not to break down right there and then.
“Are those your vows?” He manages to choke out.
“Part of ‘em.”
“Aren’t you supposed to save them for tomorrow?”
Gale lets a brief silence linger between them. Then he says, “seemed like you needed to hear them now.” When Bucky is quiet, he adds “I can’t wait to marry you, John.”
“Well now I really have to step up my vows,” Bucky laughs shakily. “Gotta tell my bride everything he deserves to hear.”
Gale ignores the bride comment. “You’ve always been enough for me. You always will be.”
When they hang up, Bucky doesn’t know if he wants to laugh or cry, so he grins like a maniac at the phone on the table and Curt sighs dramatically in relief.
- -
Part 5
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