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herselfportrait · 5 years

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INTERVIEW: CHIEDU ORAKA

(Written for Soundsphere Magazine)

Hull’s grime kingpin Chiedu Oraka found meteoric success on Spotify’s Shutdown Playlist, joining the highest echelons of the scene where Skepta, Stormzy and Ghetts reign supreme. Not only has Oraka made a habit of topping Spotify’s charts, but the rapper’s collective Lockdown no longer see the London leagues as idols, but rivals. We spoke to him about the challenges and successes that are all a part of being the poster boy for the northern grime scene.

Oraka’s first taste of mainstream success was when his single ‘Flex’ landed on the lap of Spotify’s senior editor, Austin Daboh - all from a chance taken on a single tweet. A tweet asking Daboh to check out the single was like a shout into the void, with no promise of a return. But the track’s chiasmic bass and garage sensibilities caught the senior editor’s attention: it secured a place on Spotify’s Shutdown Playlist, exposed to its weighty 600,000 subscribers, wracking up 160,000 streams and counting. Chiedu Oraka became an overnight sensation, setting down the foundations as one of grime’s greatest northern superstructures. “I released an EP after that.” Oraka said, “I realised I had found success with ‘Flex’. From then on, getting tracks on that playlist was the goal. It just didn’t happen – but I didn’t stop. Some people might have got a bit sour about it, but I carried on. Fast-forward another year: I worked with Deezkid who is a part of my label. We did a song called ‘Darcy’ through the distributor, just like everyone else does. Bam. It was on the Grime Shutdown playlist again. What was different this time was its position. It was getting all the streams, then next minute, it was the number one track on that playlist. We just couldn’t believe our luck – ‘Darcy’ is the track that keeps on giving. Two weeks ago, I found out I was on the 50 Most Viral playlist on Spotify. I was quite high up on it, I think I was number 8, sandwiched between the biggest artists in the world. It’s still on there. It’s been there for about two or three weeks and it’s still at number 42 in the top 50. It’s mad.”

With this magnitude of success having found Oraka so abruptly, does he consider himself successful? “I think what I’m guilty of is not counting my blessings, in the sense that to the outsiders looking in, it looks like I’ve had a really successful time – but for me, it’s just a starting block. I always want more. I know I’m nowhere near where I need to be. I want to be up there with all the great musicians from the UK. I really want to put my city – the forgotten city – on the map. There’s so much more I could be doing and so much more that’s going to happen. I put down my success, at the moment - if people want to call it success - as being persistent: keep on knocking on the door and working hard.”

The grime genre is synonymous with the urban jungle that is London. Any scenes outside of the capital’s confines are overlooked, to say the least. As a rapper growing up on a North Hull Estate, based there to this day, what advice would Oraka give to rappers trying to establish a career without a London leg-up? “A little history lesson: when I first started doing this, I was just in my mate’s bedroom, freestyling, saying anything that rhymed with an American accent. I didn’t take it seriously at all. Then, my mate Crafty, the founding member of Lockdown, who had a bit of a buzz during the MSN days sending tracks around, said ‘Bro, you need to starting doing it in your own accent. Write your own bars.’ I couldn’t get my head around it, especially with the writing. I thought, ‘Me? Write raps? Nah.’ Did it. Then it just went from there. What I will say to people is work and work and work on your craft. I don’t even think I’ve fully mastered my craft yet, and I’m at the age I am and I’ve been doing it for this long. I always say I’ve only been properly doing this for seven years. Since I released my first mixtape in 2011, I’ve just improved and improved. The day when people say ‘Mate, you’re not improving’, is the day when I’d be really upset. You’ve constantly got to work on your craft. There are things like Soundcloud and Bandcamp: you can release things for free now. Keep on releasing tracks, keep on doing things, keep on practising in your mirror and success will happen. I’m a strong believer in that.”

Grime, by nature, is built on community. Rappers run in packs. Look no further than Boy Better Know: the North London independent record label presided over by the likes of JME and Skepta, pioneering rap not only as a form, but as an enterprise. “I suppose I’ve sort of done that, but done it with my own twist. I just wanted to do something that resembles me. This is what I’ve tried to represent with the Lockdown padlock: really representing that we’re trying to lock everything down – not just the music, the fashion, everything. That is what Lockdown represents. To be a good business it’s important to look the part.”

All music is written from experience. What has influenced the music Oraka creates? “Life.” He answered plainly. “I haven’t had the easiest. I’ve had a lot of trials and tribulations. I think my age group was part of the larger-lout behaviour in the city centre. Me and my quote un-quote “gang” were out most weekends on the streets drinking, going into the town centre, wanting to fight with men because we were angry. We wanted a reputation – we were young and daft. I’ve had my losses, family losses, like everyone else has. I’m from a council estate. I’ve suffered a lot of racism, especially on the estate that I grew up on, being the only black family on there. I draw from everything, and I try to paint a picture. My estate is my influence; my mum, my sister, they’re my influences; my friends.”

Hull, the “forgotten city”, as he called it, is the place that raised Chiedu Oraka. It has faced far more criticism than it deserves, accused of being rough, dead and undesirable. “I’m not going to sit here and pretend I’m not one of those people who have said that. I went to university in Lincoln for three years, and I came back to Hull and I still live in Hull now. I think the music scene is doing well, but I think it could be better. I’m not going to say there aren’t opportunities elsewhere. I’m also not going to sit here and say I don’t see why people say Hull is rubbish, because I do. But the reason why I’m here is because it’s home. I’ll never shy away from home, it’s who I am. Instead of people whining and moaning about it, do something about it. If Hull is not the place to be – do something about it. Change. Stop complaining. If you don’t like going out in the clubs or whatever, don’t go out then. Why go out, and then complain? Do something about it. Do it yourself.”

The opening of the Bonus Arena, a new commercial venue that Oraka launched, is but another artistic outlet that has opening in the City of Culture. What else does he want to see for the future of his city? “I want to see art and culture at the forefront. There is a buzzing little scene here. I want more live venues. I don’t think there are enough. They’ve shut down Früit. We can’t just have The Welly and The Polar Bear and The New Adelphi. For a city this size we need more grassroots venues. We need more. We need people to invest into us. I would like to see a more diverse music scene in a few years, as well.”

Success is something fought for when you’re a grime artist from the north. In some ways, the two are a contradiction in terms. “This might be a big, bold-ass statement but I do think that if I was a London boy, with a London accent, I’d be a lot further than what I am. Even though the competition is greater down there – there’s so much talent, the pool is huge – it’s a gift. The fact I’m from Hull is my selling point. I’m so happy that I’m the underdog. I believe Chiedu Oraka will be the biggest artist in the UK. People will fall in love with the character, and that will make them fall in love with the music. I’m not fake, there are no fancy frills with me. I’m a strictly proper, Northern, Hull lad. No gimmicks. They haven’t seen nothing yet.”

“I’m an up north player in a down south league”, Oraka famously raps, which sums up his attitude to the north-south success divide: “I don’t want people to think I’m disrespecting the south. I look up to so many London artists. I love Ghetts; I’m a bit of a fan boy when it comes to Skepta, I’ll hold my hands up. He is bigger than grime itself, now. That’s what I want to be. It’s not just about the music. I want to inspire everyone. When I say words like that, what I mean is they’re my competitors. No offense, but I don’t look at anyone really, in terms of grime and hip-hop, as competition from around here. Neither should they, though. Cameo Brooks shouldn’t. Player One shouldn’t. They should be looking further than locally to the top league, which is the London boys unfortunately. Well, not unfortunately – it’s the truth. I respect them, a lot of them are my idols. I’m willing for them to be my rivals now.”

Having started a career in teaching before pursuing his dream to be a rapper, Oraka was motivated by inspiring the next generation. This determination to educate relayed into his music career; a future that Oraka can envision for himself: “I see my future with me becoming a better all-round artist so I can influence the next kid to do exactly the same. I realised when I left my teaching job that my purpose extended far beyond myself. I want to keep kids looking up to me. It’s important for me to continue to be successful so they can see someone who’s just like them and they can do exactly the same. It’s all about the youth. I want people to think of me as someone who sparked change. The northern working-class voice has been heard in Manchester, but who’s doing it for Yorkshire - not anyone trying to be like the Londoners - but someone who’s creating a proper reflection of the north? I feel like it is my job to be that person.”

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flauntpage · 7 years

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DGB Grab Bag: Traveling Jagrs, Mythical 1917, and Nutso Billy Smith

Three Stars of Comedy

The third star: This KHL player – This is technically from last week, but qualifies for this week's list due to the time zone difference.

The second star: The Travelling Jagrs add a member –

You've seen these guys before. They're a roving pack of Jagr impersonators who represent every one of the star's many stops around the hockey world. Now that he's in Calgary they need a new member, and the auditions seem to be going well.

The first star: Nathan Walker's butt makes history– He's the first Australian to ever play in the NHL, which earned him a call from the prime minister, during which he awkwardly had to talk about his own butt until the PM said "Well that's fantastic."

Bonus points to the Australian ambassador to the U.S., who shows up as a supporting character in this story and somehow has this actual name.

Be It Resolved

The first week of the season featured plenty of impressive performances, some of which even closed in on all-time records. In fact, you probably got pretty used to seeing stats like this:

Or this:

And eventually, you probably stopped and went: Wait, what the heck was going on back in 1917?

You wouldn't be alone. The NHL has this weird thing about its history. The league has been around for 100 years, as they're constantly reminding us this season. But for the most part, they tend to ignore the first quarter-century or so and just skip right to the Original Six era starting in the 1940s. Plenty of casual fans have no idea that there were once teams like the Pittsburgh Pirates and St. Louis Eagles and Hamilton Tigers, and unless you're Dick Beddoes you don't know about Joe Malone and other stars of those early years. To hear the league tell it, history basically begins when Gordie Howe and Maurice Richard showed up, and everything before that was some sort of warmup.

And then we see all these stats show up this week, and you think "Gee, the 1917 version of the NHL sounds fun as hell."

I think the league should embrace this. Ideally, they'd do that by marketing their entire history, not just three-quarters of it, but that ship has sailed. The league has spent decades making it clear that they don't want to do that, so I'm not going to bang my head against a wall.

No, I think the league should go in the other direction. So be it resolved, the NHL needs to start making stuff up about the 1917-18 season.

It's a perfect opportunity. Nobody knows anything about what was going on back then anyway, so you may as well have fun with it. The NHL should just start dropping random "facts" about their inaugural season and see how long it takes everyone else to catch on. Stuff like:

In 1917, it was a minor penalty for a goaltender to let his skates touch the ice.

There were five pucks on the ice at all times, but you could only score with the one that had bees inside it.

Player awarded an automatic penalty shot any time an opposing goaltender made a save.

The league only started with only four teams, but quickly dropped to three because one of the arenas burned down. (Wait, that one is actually true.)

Goalies wore full face masks, but they were made out balsa wood and didn't have eyeholes.

Jaromir Jagr won rookie of the year.

Literally everyone involved was drunk at all times. (Also probably true.)

Have some fun with it, NHL. You've never told us anything about that first season before, so you've got a blank canvas to work with. Don't let it go to waste.

Obscure Former Player of the Week

While Walker is the first Australian-trained player in league history, he was born in the UK, meaning there has still yet to be an Australian-born NHLer. According to the hockey-reference.com database of player birthplaces, that leaves 16 countries that have produced one and only one NHL player. That includes this week's obscure player: Willi Plett.

Plett was born in Paraguay to Soviet parents but raised in Ontario, where he didn't start playing organized hockey until he was nearly in his teens. He was a big kid who could also play, and he was picked in the fifth round of the 1975 draft by the Atlanta Flames. He debuted that year, playing four games, then scored 33 goals as a rookie in 1976-77 to win the Calder. He'd top that with 38 goals in the team's first year in Calgary in 1980-81, a season that saw him become the first player to ever have that many goals and at least 230 PIM. (He's since been joined in that club by eight other players.)

He was traded to the North Stars in 1982 because in those days, everyone who could fight had to serve some time in the Norris Division. He played five years in Minnesota, then ended his career with a season in Boston after they nabbed him from the Rangers in the waiver draft.

Overall, Plett was a skilled tough guy, or maybe a tough skill guy depending on how you wanted to look at it. He crossed the line once or twice, including a nasty stick-swinging incident with Wings' goalie Greg Stefan that earned him a big suspension, but he was generally considered a respected enforcer in an era packed with them. He finished with 834 games, 222 goals and 2,572 PIM, one of only six players to record 200+ goals and 2,500+ PIM.

(And yes, his name was "Willi", not Willie or Willy. It's an Eastern European thing. What, you want to tell this guy that he spells his name wrong?)

The NHL Actually Got Something Right

Given what happen in Las Vegas two weeks ago, it felt like there was really no right way for the Golden Knights to handle their home opener on Tuesday. A big splashy ceremony would have felt inappropriate, obviously. But at the same time, it's the first home game in franchise history; you can't treat it like any other game, because there haven't been any others. The team was left to walk what seemed like a near-impossible line.

And they basically nailed it. On Tuesday, they managed to be respectful without being maudlin. They found a way to say what needed to be said without making it all about them, and hit the right notes in the process.

Does that fix anything? Not even close, as others have argued. But we knew they weren't going to be able to do that. So they did what they could.

When these things are done well, they always seem easy in hindsight. But this couldn't have been. As Elliotte Friedman pointed out, the Knights no doubt spent weeks preparing a big show designed to make an impression on their new home. It's almost a tradition that new teams have to do something embarrassingly over-the-top to mark their first game, as Grab Bag readers already know all about. Instead, the Knights had to scrap all that (including a mascot unveiling) for something more fitting.

And it worked. Full credit to the team and league for making it happen. And if they want to loosen up a bit and have some fun at tonight's second game, that's cool too. Things won't ever go back to normal in Las Vegas, but they'll inch their way in that direction, and the NHL can be a small part of that.

Classic YouTube Clip Breakdown

Today is Friday the 13th, which conjures images of a madman in a goalie mask hacking and slashing innocent people to pieces. Or, as NHL fans of the 1980s called it, Billy Smith.

Yes, it's our old pal Smith, the craziest goaltender to ever strap on the pads. When he wasn't winning four straight Stanley Cups, he was blazing a trail that would be followed by guys like Ron Hextall, Patrick Roy, Ray Emery, and others. He was nuts.

How nuts? Well, today's video features a selection of suspension-worthy stick fouls involving Smith and just one of the NHL's other 20 teams from a single playoff series. It's still five minutes long. You do the math.

Our clip begins with Game One of the 1983 final between Smith's Islanders and the Edmonton Oilers. We're midway through the first period, with the Islanders leading 1-0, and the Oilers have the puck deep in the New York zone. Glenn Anderson circles the net on a wraparound, then mysteriously falls over for no reason. Huh. Might want to see a replay on that one.

On a second look, we get a clear view of Smith executing a one-handed slash to Anderson's knee. Let's just point out two things. First, that play is dangerous and downright dirty, and should absolutely be a penalty if not an outright suspension. Second…I mean, that's a pretty cool move, right? Think of the combination of timing, hand-eye coordination and arm strength you need to pull that off and score a direct hit. I bet he couldn't do that again if he tried!

We skip ahead to late in game two, as Wayne Gretzky sets up behind the net. We used to call that Gretzky's "office," because it was where he did his best work. Unfortunately, he then skates out to the side of the net, which is Billy Smith's office, in the sense that it's where he performs amputations.

Yes, Smith manages to pull off the exact same move again, hacking Gretzky on the knee. That leads to a stare down, followed by a scrum. I can't tell who every player on the ice is, but the Oilers have Gretzky, Anderson and Jari Kurri, while the Islanders have a Sutter. So, advantage New York.

The announcer, longtime Islanders homer Jiggs McDonald, is great here. "Smith with a swing at the puck, and Gretzky has gone down like he was shot." Those 1980s pucks sure were tricky, always disguising themselves as the MVP's kneecap.

"You have to remember back to the time when Billy Smith… did it to Anderson." Ah, yes, back to those distant and hazy times of literally 48 hours ago. We were all so young then.

"He didn't hit Anderson obviously that bad." These announcers are great. "They're acting like a bunch of little kids now." Seriously, so great.

Hey, can we just point that legendary linesman Swede Knox is looking sharp out there? Not a hair out of place.

Meanwhile, a policeman who weighs 120 pounds and is clearly packing a loaded gun just casually climbs over the glass behind the bench to settle some fans down. He's never seen again. My guess is he's still there.

Gretzky is furious, getting in the face of referee Wally Harris to plead his case. I can't read his lips, but I'm pretty sure he's explaining that dangerous stick-related fouls need to be called consistently, even when they're committed by star players late in crucial playoff games.

Smith does indeed get five minutes, which needless to say outrages our neutral announcers. "Look how low the stick is!" If I'm ever charged with a violent crime, I want these two to be my defense lawyers.

We cut to the end of the game, as Edmonton's turns the tables by spearing Smith, causing the goalie to execute a full backflip in his crease while shedding all his equipment, Beetle Bailey-style. You'd think this would make the Islanders angry, but Dave Semenko is standing nearby so everyone just pretends they didn't notice.

For the record, the NHL responded to all this by being furious at…the Oilers. For complaining too much about the Anderson slash. As league VP Brian O'Neill put it, "[Oilers coach Glen] Sather has created a situation where Billy Smith is a monster. Billy Smith has had his problems, but he's made an effort to tone it down." Seriously, right? He's slashing guys in the knee now instead of directly in the eye. If he tones it down any further he'll be hacking ankles, and at that point why even bother?

We skip ahead to later in the series, as Anderson gets his payback by blatantly running Smith on a loose puck. That leads to Smith dramatically dragging himself back towards his crease like a wounded Terminator before making a miraculous recovery once he realizes there's no penalty being called.

Our last moment comes from the final game of the series, as Smith nudges Anderson and gets rewarded with a swat to the head that once again causes him to temporarily die. Smith basically admitted to taking a dive after the game, telling reporters ''I was hurt about as much as Gretzky was hurt in the second game…when I hit Gretzky he lay down and he cried to the referee, so I just took a chapter out of his book. I put myself on my back, and I squirmed and kicked and I played dead just like he did."

I mean, can you imagine someone dropping that quote today? We'd all lose our minds for a week. Back then, everyone shrugged and went "Yeah, seems reasonable".

By the way, the Islanders won the series in four games, and Smith got the Conn Smythe. I think he won this round, you guys.

[Turns earnestly towards camera.] If you'd like to learn more about Billy Smith losing his mind, please enjoy clips of him getting into it with Scott Stevens, fracturing Curt Fraser's cheekbone, and fighting everyone from Tiger Williams to Eddie Johnstone to Lanny McDonald.

Smith was inducted into the Hall of Fame in 1993, the only goalie to make it in that decade. HHOF officials could not be reached for comment, as they were all suffering from mysterious knee injuries.

Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you'd like to see included in this column? Email Sean at [email protected] .

DGB Grab Bag: Traveling Jagrs, Mythical 1917, and Nutso Billy Smith published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

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amtushinfosolutionspage · 7 years

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DGB Grab Bag: Traveling Jagrs, Mythical 1917, and Nutso Billy Smith

Three Stars of Comedy

The third star: This KHL player – This is technically from last week, but qualifies for this week’s list due to the time zone difference.

The second star: The Travelling Jagrs add a member –

You’ve seen these guys before. They’re a roving pack of Jagr impersonators who represent every one of the star’s many stops around the hockey world. Now that he’s in Calgary they need a new member, and the auditions seem to be going well.

The first star: Nathan Walker’s butt makes history– He’s the first Australian to ever play in the NHL, which earned him a call from the prime minister, during which he awkwardly had to talk about his own butt until the PM said “Well that’s fantastic.”

Bonus points to the Australian ambassador to the U.S., who shows up as a supporting character in this story and somehow has this actual name.

Be It Resolved

The first week of the season featured plenty of impressive performances, some of which even closed in on all-time records. In fact, you probably got pretty used to seeing stats like this:

Or this:

And eventually, you probably stopped and went: Wait, what the heck was going on back in 1917?

You wouldn’t be alone. The NHL has this weird thing about its history. The league has been around for 100 years, as they’re constantly reminding us this season. But for the most part, they tend to ignore the first quarter-century or so and just skip right to the Original Six era starting in the 1940s. Plenty of casual fans have no idea that there were once teams like the Pittsburgh Pirates and St. Louis Eagles and Hamilton Tigers, and unless you’re Dick Beddoes you don’t know about Joe Malone and other stars of those early years. To hear the league tell it, history basically begins when Gordie Howe and Maurice Richard showed up, and everything before that was some sort of warmup.

And then we see all these stats show up this week, and you think “Gee, the 1917 version of the NHL sounds fun as hell.”

I think the league should embrace this. Ideally, they’d do that by marketing their entire history, not just three-quarters of it, but that ship has sailed. The league has spent decades making it clear that they don’t want to do that, so I’m not going to bang my head against a wall.

No, I think the league should go in the other direction. So be it resolved, the NHL needs to start making stuff up about the 1917-18 season.

It’s a perfect opportunity. Nobody knows anything about what was going on back then anyway, so you may as well have fun with it. The NHL should just start dropping random “facts” about their inaugural season and see how long it takes everyone else to catch on. Stuff like:

In 1917, it was a minor penalty for a goaltender to let his skates touch the ice.

There were five pucks on the ice at all times, but you could only score with the one that had bees inside it.

Player awarded an automatic penalty shot any time an opposing goaltender made a save.

The league only started with only four teams, but quickly dropped to three because one of the arenas burned down. (Wait, that one is actually true.)

Goalies wore full face masks, but they were made out balsa wood and didn’t have eyeholes.

Jaromir Jagr won rookie of the year.

Literally everyone involved was drunk at all times. (Also probably true.)

Have some fun with it, NHL. You’ve never told us anything about that first season before, so you’ve got a blank canvas to work with. Don’t let it go to waste.

Obscure Former Player of the Week

Plett was born in Paraguay to Soviet parents but raised in Ontario, where he didn’t start playing organized hockey until he was nearly in his teens. He was a big kid who could also play, and he was picked in the fifth round of the 1975 draft by the Atlanta Flames. He debuted that year, playing four games, then scored 33 goals as a rookie in 1976-77 to win the Calder. He’d top that with 38 goals in the team’s first year in Calgary in 1980-81, a season that saw him become the first player to ever have that many goals and at least 230 PIM. (He’s since been joined in that club by eight other players.)

Overall, Plett was a skilled tough guy, or maybe a tough skill guy depending on how you wanted to look at it. He crossed the line once or twice, including a nasty stick-swinging incident with Wings’ goalie Greg Stefan that earned him a big suspension, but he was generally considered a respected enforcer in an era packed with them. He finished with 834 games, 222 goals and 2,572 PIM, one of only six players to record 200+ goals and 2,500+ PIM.

(And yes, his name was “Willi”, not Willie or Willy. It’s an Eastern European thing. What, you want to tell this guy that he spells his name wrong?)

The NHL Actually Got Something Right

Given what happen in Las Vegas two weeks ago, it felt like there was really no right way for the Golden Knights to handle their home opener on Tuesday. A big splashy ceremony would have felt inappropriate, obviously. But at the same time, it’s the first home game in franchise history; you can’t treat it like any other game, because there haven’t been any others. The team was left to walk what seemed like a near-impossible line.

Does that fix anything? Not even close, as others have argued. But we knew they weren’t going to be able to do that. So they did what they could.

When these things are done well, they always seem easy in hindsight. But this couldn’t have been. As Elliotte Friedman pointed out, the Knights no doubt spent weeks preparing a big show designed to make an impression on their new home. It’s almost a tradition that new teams have to do something embarrassingly over-the-top to mark their first game, as Grab Bag readers already know all about. Instead, the Knights had to scrap all that (including a mascot unveiling) for something more fitting.

And it worked. Full credit to the team and league for making it happen. And if they want to loosen up a bit and have some fun at tonight’s second game, that’s cool too. Things won’t ever go back to normal in Las Vegas, but they’ll inch their way in that direction, and the NHL can be a small part of that.

Classic YouTube Clip Breakdown

Today is Friday the 13th, which conjures images of a madman in a goalie mask hacking and slashing innocent people to pieces. Or, as NHL fans of the 1980s called it, Billy Smith.

Yes, it’s our old pal Smith, the craziest goaltender to ever strap on the pads. When he wasn’t winning four straight Stanley Cups, he was blazing a trail that would be followed by guys like Ron Hextall, Patrick Roy, Ray Emery, and others. He was nuts.

How nuts? Well, today’s video features a selection of suspension-worthy stick fouls involving Smith and just one of the NHL’s other 20 teams from a single playoff series. It’s still five minutes long. You do the math.

Our clip begins with Game One of the 1983 final between Smith’s Islanders and the Edmonton Oilers. We’re midway through the first period, with the Islanders leading 1-0, and the Oilers have the puck deep in the New York zone. Glenn Anderson circles the net on a wraparound, then mysteriously falls over for no reason. Huh. Might want to see a replay on that one.

On a second look, we get a clear view of Smith executing a one-handed slash to Anderson’s knee. Let’s just point out two things. First, that play is dangerous and downright dirty, and should absolutely be a penalty if not an outright suspension. Second…I mean, that’s a pretty cool move, right? Think of the combination of timing, hand-eye coordination and arm strength you need to pull that off and score a direct hit. I bet he couldn’t do that again if he tried!

We skip ahead to late in game two, as Wayne Gretzky sets up behind the net. We used to call that Gretzky’s “office,” because it was where he did his best work. Unfortunately, he then skates out to the side of the net, which is Billy Smith’s office, in the sense that it’s where he performs amputations.

Yes, Smith manages to pull off the exact same move again, hacking Gretzky on the knee. That leads to a stare down, followed by a scrum. I can’t tell who every player on the ice is, but the Oilers have Gretzky, Anderson and Jari Kurri, while the Islanders have a Sutter. So, advantage New York.

The announcer, longtime Islanders homer Jiggs McDonald, is great here. “Smith with a swing at the puck, and Gretzky has gone down like he was shot.” Those 1980s pucks sure were tricky, always disguising themselves as the MVP’s kneecap.

“You have to remember back to the time when Billy Smith… did it to Anderson.” Ah, yes, back to those distant and hazy times of literally 48 hours ago. We were all so young then.

“He didn’t hit Anderson obviously that bad.” These announcers are great. “They’re acting like a bunch of little kids now.” Seriously, so great.

Hey, can we just point that legendary linesman Swede Knox is looking sharp out there? Not a hair out of place.

Meanwhile, a policeman who weighs 120 pounds and is clearly packing a loaded gun just casually climbs over the glass behind the bench to settle some fans down. He’s never seen again. My guess is he’s still there.

Gretzky is furious, getting in the face of referee Wally Harris to plead his case. I can’t read his lips, but I’m pretty sure he’s explaining that dangerous stick-related fouls need to be called consistently, even when they’re committed by star players late in crucial playoff games.

Smith does indeed get five minutes, which needless to say outrages our neutral announcers. “Look how low the stick is!” If I’m ever charged with a violent crime, I want these two to be my defense lawyers.

We cut to the end of the game, as Edmonton’s turns the tables by spearing Smith, causing the goalie to execute a full backflip in his crease while shedding all his equipment, Beetle Bailey-style. You’d think this would make the Islanders angry, but Dave Semenko is standing nearby so everyone just pretends they didn’t notice.

For the record, the NHL responded to all this by being furious at…the Oilers. For complaining too much about the Anderson slash. As league VP Brian O’Neill put it, “[Oilers coach Glen] Sather has created a situation where Billy Smith is a monster. Billy Smith has had his problems, but he’s made an effort to tone it down.” Seriously, right? He’s slashing guys in the knee now instead of directly in the eye. If he tones it down any further he’ll be hacking ankles, and at that point why even bother?

Our last moment comes from the final game of the series, as Smith nudges Anderson and gets rewarded with a swat to the head that once again causes him to temporarily die. Smith basically admitted to taking a dive after the game, telling reporters ”I was hurt about as much as Gretzky was hurt in the second game…when I hit Gretzky he lay down and he cried to the referee, so I just took a chapter out of his book. I put myself on my back, and I squirmed and kicked and I played dead just like he did.”

I mean, can you imagine someone dropping that quote today? We’d all lose our minds for a week. Back then, everyone shrugged and went “Yeah, seems reasonable”.

By the way, the Islanders won the series in four games, and Smith got the Conn Smythe. I think he won this round, you guys.

[Turns earnestly towards camera.] If you’d like to learn more about Billy Smith losing his mind, please enjoy clips of him getting into it with Scott Stevens, fracturing Curt Fraser’s cheekbone, and fighting everyone from Tiger Williams to Eddie Johnstone to Lanny McDonald.

Smith was inducted into the Hall of Fame in 1993, the only goalie to make it in that decade. HHOF officials could not be reached for comment, as they were all suffering from mysterious knee injuries.

Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you’d like to see included in this column? Email Sean at [email protected] .

DGB Grab Bag: Traveling Jagrs, Mythical 1917, and Nutso Billy Smith syndicated from http://ift.tt/2ug2Ns6