#both winners would be hilarious

[cheridraws]

this competition has me in a chokehold

[ef-1]

Transcribed Excerpts from Christian Horner's hour long Interview that are batshit insane and so narratively dense you'd think they're lifted wholesale from a book, featuring:

The most in depth, behind the scenes view of what transpired in 2018

Fords CEO getting in touch with Dax to gush about how much he likes Daniel

Christian feeling vindictive towards Daniel

Christian comparing Sebastian and Max

Christian comparing Daniel to Roger Federer

How Christian had to mitigate Helmut's shitshow and personally asking Dietrich to give Daniel everything he wanted

Hilarious rapid fire in the end and his perspective on the failure of Ferrari

●●● <- indicates a time skip

Dax: In tennis you see guys when they lose steam, they break apart.

Christian Horner : you see that with checo.

●●●

[Dax mentions that in Christian's position, a lot of people would not have invited Daniel back into the family. "Because Daniel turned his back on the family." ]

Christian: Daniel's a great guy. Very badly advised in his early career. Everybody fucks up at some point. I think he recognizes that he made a mistake. He didn't have good advice around him at the point he left us. Having spent time outside the family he realized what he had here was actually good. It was horrible to see that it got worse and worse after us. It was actually this time last year in Mexico where I sat down with him in my hotel room, I told him you need a complete reset- take a year out. Come back to us.

Dax: He's such a win for you guys.

Christian: Totally.

Dax: you sent Daniel to Jim Farley [ CEO of Ford] and I know Jim Farley and he got in touch with me and told me "That Daniel Ricciardo guy is the greatest!" I'm like to him: he's the dream, send him anywhere.

●●●

Christian: He's [Daniel] a confidence driver, when he's got his mojo, he one of the fastest guys on the grid.

Dax: he's lethal.

Christian: yep.

Dax: he's got that magic thing that people either have or don't have in my opinion which is: there are winners and there are not winners

[you're not ready for this lol]

Christian: He came to us, he's one of our juniors, I remember going to watch him in formula 3, he really stood out. Very smooth. Just great. Naturally. Like a Roger Federer kind of style behind the wheel, very very classic. Light touch. Great, great skill. And then he came through the system [RB program] when we had Sebastian Vettel, 4 time world champion- Mark Webber retired. We chose Daniel as the Junior, with no expectation on him and he started beating Vettels ass. he won 3 races in 2014 when we had FAR from the best engine, Sebastian never won a race that year.

Dax: Even his time at Mclaren, it sucked for him but he's the only one who won a race.

Christian: He IS the only one who won a race.

Dax: and for a long time now.

Christian: and Renault he had great performances. [...] he's got to feel the love. He's got to feel comfortable in the environment that he's in. Some of his races for us were- absolutely outstanding.

●●●

[Christian about the 2018 negotiations]

Christian: I asked Dietrich to show Daniel love. Helmut was obviously pro Max, I said if you could just balance things out, let him [Daniel] know you want him. Dietrich said "no problem, I'll talk to him" so he took Daniel upstairs after the race in Austria to talk to him, and they were there for well over an hour.

Dax: To the point you were nervous?

Christian: I thought SHIT! But they reappear, and they're both smiling, I tell him: "Dietrich, how did it go?" He says,"No problem, don't worry about it. It's not even a question [that daniel would leave]"

Christian: Then we went to Germany, and his engine blew up. His engine kept letting him down, letting him down, letting him down. But from there, we went to Hungary, and we got his paperwork [Daniel's contract] for a TWO year deal all sorted out. Daniel's manager came to me and said 'listen Daniel is nervous about the engine' because we were going to switch to Honda so his manager said: 'he'll do ONE year' I thought wow. That's not really what we talked about, because in 6 months we'll be having the same conversation. So I remember I went back to Dietrich, and I said, "it's about relationships. It's NOT about contracts. If he wants a one year contract, give him a one year contract," so at this point: he's got everything he wants. Also, at that point, Daniel was doing a test for us after the Hungarian race, I thought Daniel will sign the paperwork on Monday, suddenly Monday goes and he's in the car on Tuesday. I'm starting to smell something because this is an enormous deal, you'd have thought he'd be in a rush to sign this contract. And he didn't sign the contract before he got in the car in the morning and I thought he'd sign by lunchtime but it didn't happen. He had to get out of the car and go straight to the airport because he's flying from here to LA and I thought he'll call me. I'm feeling something at this point.

Dax: you know you're about to be broken up with.

Christian: yeah.

Dax: if your girlfriend didn't show up to lunch then dinner-

Christian: exactly. So- he [daniel] rings me, I was in the car with Geri, he tells me "I just got off the plane, I arrived in LA, and I've been thinking on the flight, all the way here- I'm not going to sign the contract. I'm going to take another contract. [...] he tells me Renault? The engine that let him down for 2 years? I was convinced, I was CONVINCED- because Daniel has got a sense of humour- I thought- he's taking the piss. I thought come on. I told him: come on. There is no way. You're not going to Renault, stop fucking about, just sign the contract. After 10 minutes he finally persuaded me that he was going to Renault. It was disappointing.

Dax: I wanna applaude you, because a lot of people who go through that experience think: fuck you.

Christian: there was an element of that. I thought: go and suck on a lemon for a bit. But actually during the pandemic, I remember he called me and said "Christian I hate to say this to you but you were right"

•••

Christian thinks Max > Vettel

Christian about Alex and Pierre being teammates with Max: he broke them

[Very confused in this part because Christian like? Says the best thing for Checo to perform is to forget about Max, stop trying to compete with him, stop looking at his data? Girl you are NOT selling it rn]

•••

When Christian is asked to analyse Red Bull's champions, he thinks Sebastian and Max are diametrically opposed . Sebastian is your stereotypical German, he would be at the track until 11 to analyse data. Max is not interested in all the detail [devasting news for all the bitches who spent years trying to dunk on Daniel by calling him not technical, Christian seems to think that Daniel and Max share a natural ability that doesn't rely on data.] He [Max] Gives you just what he needs to go faster. Max hates testing, has no interest in it.

●●●

Christian confirms he has a lucky toilet.

●●●

Christian says in 2014-18 Red Bull came this 🤏 close to selling to Audi.

●●●

Christian: Drive to Survive is the Kardashians on wheel

●●●

Christian: You get characters like Gunther Steiner. How scary is he. He used to work for us, I had to be the one to fire him.

●●●

Christian on why he believes Ferrari have failed over the last 15 years: Ferrari is a national institution instead of a Team. It needs to become a racing team again. Too many people have input at the top.

[lia1512]

The No-Kiss Challenge Showdown

Y/N had stumbled upon the latest TikTok trend, "The No-Kiss Challenge," and an idea formed in her mischievous mind. With a twinkle in her eye, she approached her boyfriend, Elijah Michaelson, eager to propose a bet that would put their self-control to the ultimate test.

"Babe," Y/N grinned, her eyes sparkling with excitement. "I found this hilarious challenge on TikTok called 'The No-Kiss Challenge.' It's trending like crazy, and I was thinking, how about you and I give it a shot?"

Elijah raised an eyebrow, intrigued but wary. "What's the catch?" he asked, already suspecting that Y/N had something up her sleeve.

"No catch, I promise!" Y/N insisted, trying to look innocent. "It's simple — we just sit in front of each other without kissing for a set amount of time. The first one to break loses the bet!"

Elijah chuckled, sensing the mischief in Y/N's proposal. "And what do the winners get?"

Y/N smirked, her eyes gleaming with determination. "Bragging rights, of course! Plus, the loser has to do something special for the winner. What do you say, Elijah? Are you up for the challenge?"

Elijah couldn't resist Y/N's playful enthusiasm. "Alright, you're on! But I have a feeling you're underestimating my self-control," he teased.

As they set up for the challenge, Y/N couldn't help but secretly hope that Elijah would crack first.

The atmosphere was charged with tension as Y/N and Elijah faced each other, sitting on the couch with determined expressions. Y/N had set a timer for ten minutes, and the room was filled with a mix of playful banter and the sound of their racing hearts.

A few minutes into the challenge, Elijah couldn't help but steal glances at Y/N. Her lips, usually adorned with a mischievous smile, now held a teasing smirk. He could sense her confidence growing with each passing second.

"You're not making this easy, you know," Elijah remarked, trying to distract himself.

Y/N laughed, her eyes sparkling. "That's the point, Elijah. It's a challenge, after all."

As the timer ticked down, Elijah felt the urge to break the silence. He leaned in, his lips dangerously close to Y/N's ear. "You're going down," he whispered, a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

Y/N shivered at the proximity but remained resolute. "We'll see about that."

With only a minute left on the clock, Elijah's self-control wavered. He couldn't resist any longer. In a swift motion, he cupped Y/N's face and pressed his lips against hers. The room filled with the sound of their laughter as the timer on Y/N's phone beeped, signaling the end of the challenge.

Y/N pulled away, a triumphant grin on her face. "Looks like I win, Mr. Michaelson."

Elijah chuckled, conceding defeat. "You got me, but I have no regrets."

Y/N raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really? No regrets at all?"

Elijah leaned in, planting a soft, lingering kiss on Y/N's lips. "Well, maybe one regret—I should have kissed you sooner."

And just like that, the No-Kiss Challenge ended in a sweet victory for both of them. As they shared more laughter and affection, it became clear that the real prize was the joy of being in each other's company. The playful challenge had only deepened their connection, leaving them with fond memories of a showdown that neither would ever forget.

(I am in the middle of a challenge to see who can last the longest with no nut November with my partner but I'm not about to wright smut so here you go its the No-Kiss Challenge instead)

[dweemeister]

Instant reactions to the 96th Academy Awards

A rough night for me. But there have been rougher ones before. I imagine most of my comments put me in a very lonely minority, as has been apparent the last few months.

But here goes:

For all intents and purposes, yours truly was on the Killers of the Flower Moon train. An extraordinary crime epic from Scorsese, with astounding craftsmanship and fantastic performance from Lily Gladstone. More than what I previously believed possible, a major studio production went out of its way to make sure that its Indigenous American representation on-screen was as genuine as it could possibly be (still imperfect, as the film acknowledges, but what an effort). And yet, KOTFM goes 0/10. I've never had a favored Best Picture nominee be shut out in such a way before. And I'm not surprised at all by it. It was clear that non-American and non-Canadian audiences didn't get the context to the film (a criticism I understand, given the screenplay) and, in other quarters, folks thought it was too long (I admittedly have a higher tolerance for longer movies) and others have said something akin to the fact that they are getting tired over "racial guilt" movies from America. I'm not in the mood to respond to the last one. I think it deserved better tonight. I particularly think Lily Gladstone deserved better tonight.

Stat upheld: two non-white actresses have never won on the same night in Oscar history. History, in and of itself, was always against Gladstone.

Oppenheimer winning? Fine, I guess. It was my #4 choice of the ten Best Picture nominees. I guess Christopher Nolan was overdue, but I have always been a Nolan skeptic. The film certainly is his most humanistic, and I appreciate that. As for the narrative organization and editing trickery? It mostly serves to take me out of the movie. And I don't think Nolan truly understands what thematic film music can accomplish for his movies. I think RDJ should have had much more competition all season long, but he did not. Most people are gonna say this is the return of the Academy's favorite subgenre... the Great Man Biopic. But in composition and structure, Oppenheimer (and even Maestro) resembles very little of the past Great Man Biopics. It'll be interesting to see how history treats this movie.

I disliked Poor Things. I didn't care for its sense of humor, didn't agree with many folks' opinions that it was a magnum opus of female empowerment. I thought it was incredibly male gaze-y and troublingly sanitized its scenes of sex work. Jerskin Fendrix's score was unlistenable outside the context of the film and distracting within it. But it has four Academy Awards and people love this movie, so my opinion can go to heck?

Well done Da'Vine Joy Randolph for her win as Supporting Actress for The Holdovers. I truly hope this opens up a lot more new opportunities for her going for! Wonderful speech.

And speaking of wonderful speeches, both documentary winners got me very emotional. The Last Repair Shop is on YouTube for American and Canadian viewers, and it's simply wonderful. Perhaps the happiest I was all night long! And then came Mstyslav Chernov's speech after winning for 20 Days in Mariupol. Chernov had, arguably, the speech of the night. And I agree with him. I, too, wish he never had to make his film and that he never won this Oscar. But he did his job to document what happened in Mariupol. And for that he (and the Ukrainians suffering and dying in their war versus Russia) deserves our plaudits and support.

Once more, Hayao Miyazaki cannot be bothered to show up to an awards ceremony. It's hilarious! I would have voted Robot Dreams, but The Boy and the Heron is not a winner to sniff at. Spider-Verse will have one more shot.... whenever the third movie comes out?

Good lord, they selected the worst possible winner in Animated Short with War Is Over!. There's an unwritten rule that the Academy, among the fifteen nominated shorts, must select one which will piss me the hell off. And for the second straight year in Animated Short, they have done exactly that, choosing something akin to a soft drink commercial.

Billie Eilish and Finneas are now the youngest and second-youngest ever to win two Oscars, after Luise Rainer (Best Actress for 1936's The Great Ziegfeld and 1937's The Good Earth). That feels very, very weird. In both cases of this record.

The "I'm Just Ken" performance? Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (Like Ken)??? Busby Berkeley choreography? What do the kids say? Inject that straight into my veins? It was wonderful.

And speaking of nods to cinema history, I'm so glad they led off the stunt performers tribute with Charlie Chaplin, Buster Keaton, and Harold Lloyd. :,)

And congratulations to Godzilla Minus One and its Best Visual Effects win! After seventy years, Godzilla is now an Oscar-winning franchise, and its win percentage is 100%! Simply wonderful!

I think the moral of the story is that the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences (AMPAS) has been gradually internationalizing over the last decade. And the results of that were very clear tonight. Does that mean I'm too provincial in my tastes? I don't know. But wins such as Emma Stone's, Anatomy of a Fall, The Boy and the Heron, and Godzilla are demonstrative of that.

I'm glad this season is over. I certainly hope that Killers of the Flower Moon will be looked upon more kindly by history and time, without the bells and whistles of awards campaigning and a fuller understanding of why it was made the way it was.

This month has been fun! But now it's time to see movies again without the lens of awards for a long, long while.

[super-paper]

The Villains' Pastime: Gourmet Food Highlights

Another day, another event focused on the LOV and their targeted psychic attacks on Skeptic's blood pressure (+ ReDestro's wallet)

The event starts with the gang fully embracing the freeloader lifestyle: lounging around and playing cards, ordering premium food on the PLF's dime, and doing absolutely nothing to actually help out with running the organization they violently took over like a week ago.

Everyone praises Tomura for being good at cards, with Compress and Twice wondering how he can be so good at reading others even though most of them are wearing masks. Jin then proceeds to shout out what his hand is, solving part of the mystery behind Tomura's undefeated winning streak in record time.

They want to play another game, but Tomura shoots them down bc it's close to noon and he's hungry. They agree to stop playing cards and get some lunch, and start talking about what sort of gourmet (read: expensive) foods they should try next. Tomura breezily talks about how nice it is to finally have money to burn (he's the worst ♥️), which inevitably summons Skeptic from the fourth ring of hell to bitch everyone out about wasting the PLF's precious funds.

"Thanks a bunch~" If Skeptic murks you in your sleep, you really only have yourself to blame Mister.

No one does "endearing in a criminally insane way" quite like Tomura. 😬

Trumpet senses that things are about to get ugly (or that skeptic is about five seconds away from a full blown hypertensive crisis) and intervenes, suggesting that they play a game of cards-- If Tomura wins, the PLF will foot the bill. If Skeptic wins, they either have to pay for their own lunch or just go hungry.

Tomura (quite predictably) says "fuck that" and tells Spinner just to go buy them lunch at a convenience store.

>be me >be stuck in a secret base hidden deep in the mountains >be literally miles away from civilization and the nearest town >tfw warp gate is doing ten-to-life and warp sludge is being gatekept by the world's most toxic Ivo Robotnik cosplayer 😔 >my boss, fully aware of all the above, orders me to walk to the nearest town and buy him a frozen burrito from a gas station >mfw

IS THIS YOUR MAN, SPINNER.

Tomura lightly bullying his friends and making unreasonable requests is nothing new, but this one strikes me as hilariously mean spirited even by his standards bc it’s also implied Tomura expects Spinner to foot the bill on top of all that:

BRO FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE 😭

Trumpet eventually convinces Tomura that it would actually (read: obviously) be faster to just settle the issue with a game of cards-- Tomura finally gives in, and they settle on a game of blackjack.

Compress explains the rules of blackjack and offers to deal the cards-- Trumpet shuts this down immediately and says that HE will deal the cards, thank you very much:

As an aside, I love how utterly shameless they make Compress in these events lmao.

Tomura and Skeptic begin their game, and Tomura quickly makes it apparent that he approaches blackjack with the same suicidally reckless abandon as he does pretty much everything else:

Out of context MHA, eat your heart out.

Spinner, Compress, and Dabi all worry that Tomura has drawn too many cards and is gonna lose by default, but Jin and Himiko both express their faith in his abilities as an ill-gotten bread winner (<3)

Tomura and Skeptic both reveal their hands, and we hard cut to the aftermath where the LOV are gushing about all the high quality meat they bought on the PLF's dime while Skeptic seethes in the corner.

>Tomura

> making logical choices

well, there's your first mistake.

Trumpet tells Skeptic to stop being a hater and dig in, casually siding with the LOV now that they've won their premium beef:

Trumpet:

Like a true politician.

The lunch party continues until ReDestro enters the scene... gushing about some high quality meat he managed to get ahold of and asking the League if they'd like some hot pot. :) Skeptic realizes his life is a cosmic joke. The event ends.

Bonus Stuff:

This is starting to feel less like a case of the LOV simply liking sushi and more like a united effort to haze Dabi. Deserved, tbh.

Jin telling Himiko to eat her veggies and Compress fondly watching her eat her weight in meat......... they r SO cute wtf..................,😭

>I start joking about Tomura being the most rancid godawful tsundere in existence

>somewhere out there, apollo draws back his dodgeball arm

He sure complains a lot for someone who grumpily indulges their every whim, huh.

[some-of-us-watch-the-sunset-too]

Can you do hcs of a very strong SO picking the guys up? I just feel like they would have either hilarious or sweet reactions

(Especially for Steve, I love him the most)

A/N: This is so bad omg. I kinda went a bit off topic here, it’s still a strong S/O, i just didn’t include them picking the boys up for a few of them. Also i realise now that i made them out to be really weak? let’s be honest they’re not, but it makes it more fun to write!

The Outsiders x Strong S/O

———————————————————

Darry

Dar’s strong too so the first thing that came into my mind was competitions to see who was the strongest. like- a big wooden board, then you have Pony and Soda sit on it, whoever struggles the least is the winner

If you beat him in an arm wrestle or one of those strength tests? i hate to break it to ya, but it’s gonna upset him a little bit, he likes to prove how strong he is and likes being the strong one

On the other hand, you two would be unstoppable in a rumble. you’d take on the biggest guys there and let’s be honest you’d probably have some combo move or something.

He gets you to help move furniture all the time, i dunno why, he just does.

Ponyboy

Let’s be honest, the guys weak as fuck. it doesn’t take much to be stronger than him.

He loves it if you give him a piggyback or something, why walk when you have a helpful S/O to carry you everywhere? it makes him feel important.

He asks you to carry stuff for him. He’d probably start whining that his arms are tired or something. He does it for a joke but if it actually upsets you he’d cut it out.

He asks you to help him build up some muscle, given his tactic in rumbles is to just jump on someone’s shoulders and pull their hair while someone else does the actual punching/kicking

Sodapop

He is forever in awe of your strength, he asks you on the regular to help him get a bit stronger but gives up after about 10 minutes because he’s tired

if you picked him up? this boy would be on top of the world. Bonus points if you’re tall too. he’d probably stand on your shoulders or something and literally shout “I’m on top of the world! Bow down to me!”

If he needs to carry a bag of coal or a sack of potatoes in or out of the DX you’re the first person he calls, then he’d call you his hero and pretend to faint into your arms while saying how tiring it was to carry the stuff himself.

He will try to pick you up or beat you in strength in some way, but he’s just not strong enough :(

Dallas

Honestly? I think it would intimidate him if his S/O was stronger than him. he’s the strong one, there’s no room for another strong person

If you picked him up he’d throw a hissy fit like a toddler, he’d probably secretly enjoy it, but he’d never admit it.

Rumbles are amazing with you two. You beat the guy up a little and then pass him off to Dally to finish the job. it just helps his ego alright?

The one advantage to having a strong S/O in his eyes? if he’s in a fight and he’s having a bit of trouble you can give him a hand, maybe sometimes even scare off the other guy become a punch is even thrown.

Steve

He challenges you to at least two arm wrestles a day, he’s pretty strong so he does put up a fight. in the end you always win though.

You two also have combo moves reserved for rumbles, you’re both fighting your own guys then you swap or something since you’re bored of beating the shit out of the one guy.

He’d never ask you too, it’d hurt his ego to ask. but if you offered to help out with stuff in the DX? just simple things like carrying tyres around or something like that, he’d fall even more in love with you <3

You two work out together every morning and help to keep each other motivated when you really don’t want to keep going.

Two-Bit

I honestly think that Two is pretty strong but i also think he’d pretend to be weak just because he loves the attention it gets him 🤷‍♂️

You’re his bodyguard. if you’re together when you meet a new hood somewhere and he feels intimidated, he’ll just say something like “Oh yeah? Well i got a secret weapon!” and push you out in front of him.

He loves your hugs. Big bear hugs that if you squeezed him for much longer than you do he thinks he’d probably suffocate. Something about them are just so comforting for him.

Same thing as Pony, he loves when you pick him up, makes him feel special.

Johnny

I’m gonna be honest i’m a bit stumped when it comes to johnny? I think he’d basically be like ponyboy?

He might ask you to help him move old car seats into the vacant lot to make it a bit more comfy from time to time.

If you pick him up he’d just be kinda like “ok this is my life now” yk? he wouldn’t really pass any remarks on it.

[lusi-raul]

Secret Life Session 3 Alliances (so far…)

The Gem and the Scotts

Base: Cottagecore village on Cherry forest hill

Gem

Impulse

Smajor (The smart scott this session - Gem)

The Mounders

Base: 3 mounds near the secret keeper and Joel’s fair ground on the big mound

Mumbo (The visionary - Etho)

Pearl (The Builder - Etho)

Bdubs (The Gofer - Etho)

Joel (The Muscle - Etho)

The Heart Foundation

Base: Love Island (This session’s lucky winner: Etho!)

Tango

Skizz

BigB (new recruited member)

The Besties

Base: Etho’s roofless gravel house

Etho

Cleo

The Big Dogs WOOF WOOF (furries confirmed)(New Alliance)

Base: The Big Dog House on the Big Hill (previously Jimmy’s big shack)

Martyn

Jimmy

Still Riding Solo:

Grian

Lizzie

Scar

The Yellows:

Martyn

Jimmy

Gem

Joel

Lizzie

Additional Alliances:

Secret Pupper Alliance

Cleo

Pearl

Cult of Perfectly Round Mound:

Joel (leader/founder)

Mumbo (member since session 2)

Martyn (member since session 2)

Pearl (member since session 3)

Bdubs (member since session 3)

The Task Force:

Martyn

Jimmy

Other Yellows maybe

Thoughts/Theories:

I think that Lizzie would fit right in with the besties specially with her and Cleo’s dynamic during session 1 and the hilarious moment of her attempting to make Etho and Cleo question her secret task during session 2. I know they rarely interacted this session but with Cleo and Lizzie both having this aura that intimidates people and Etho being our favorite wet cat in his weird and quirky arc, this could become a very interesting group of people to watch moving forward. Honestly if they group together they’d be this typical and iconic trio of best friends between two girls and one guy in tv shows.

Grian and Scar should join up with Jimmy and Martyn and they could upgrade the big dogs to a wolf pack. I know Scott interrupted this canon event earlier but with Grian and Martyn to babysit them its gonna be alright… I think? Also more Grian and Scar?? Yes please! Tbh it’s only a matter of time for scar to be on yellow so it’s perfect haha.

The Bog dogs might join the secret pupper patrol alliance with the invitation from pearl to also have a dog army. It’s very fitting and imagine the final battle. I feel like this season will be the one where having a dog army can really overpower a player and win the game for someone since there is no regeneration so moving forward I’ll add those who are planning to make a dog army in the list of possible winners this season. So originally I thought one of the Gem and Scotts might win this season and I still think so but I’ll add Cleo and Pearl to that. The Big Dogs too if they go through with having a dog army.

[youcouldmakealife]

LBTE: Jared (122-124)

In which Jared and Bryce think they can interact in public without Gabe figuring out they're married, and Chaz Rossi would like to die.

If you want to follow along, the series page is here.

122. Subterfuge

Jared goes to dinner at Gabe and Stephen’s, and it’s nice. Well, nice might not be the right word — Gabe is totally right about the similarities between Jared and Stephen, and if he makes people feel as nervous that he’s judging them fiercely as he feels nervous that Stephen’s judging him fiercely, he is officially sorry.

Those poor Canucks rookies.

Not sorry enough to stop — he doesn’t even think he’s capable of that —

Those poor, poor Canucks rookies.

It’s nice. Would be even nicer if it was the kind of thing him and Bryce could do together, but he knows Bryce isn’t ready for it, and honestly he’s just happy Bryce is willing to meet Gabe at all, even if it’s not as Jared’s husband.

Like, one, progress, but also: hahaha you guys think you can pull this off.

Wins are hard enough to come by for the Oilers without the salt in the wound of a former player getting the game-winner and the insurance goal.

I would like everyone to enjoy the thought of an absolutely incensed Deslauriers during that game.

Neither of the goals against the Oilers were milestones, technically, but Gabe fished the first puck out of the net anyway, got their trainer Dillon to write ‘1st career goal against the Oilers’ on it

Gabe’s such a good A, truly. Would have done that for any of his guys.

If he isn’t careful he’s going to be grinning wide enough to split his face, and that would probably tip Gabe off.

They STILL think they can pull this off.

“My friend Chaz,” Jared says. “He was my linemate on the Hitmen. And um. Chaz’s teammate Bryce is going to be joining in a bit.”

“Nice to meet you,” Gabe says, and when all the introduction pleasantries are over Chaz gives Jared a completely disgusted look.

The way Jared low-key made it sound like Chaz went ‘hey, is it cool if my friend Bryce comes too?’. Chaz is beside himself. Why did he agree to this. (He did it for the lolz. But now that the day has arrived, he is not, in fact, loling)

They talk Juniors for a bit, Gabe telling them about his time with the Knights. He roomed with the captain of the Panthers, which is kind of crazy.

Hi Jake! And love Jared still low-key fanboying players.

“Hey,” Bryce says when he gets to the table, posture almost as awkward as it is when he’s got a mic in his face. “Jared. Long time no see.”

“Yeah,” Jared says. “Um. Nice to see you again.”

Chaz wants to die.

Dinner’s awkward. Well, he doesn’t think dinner’s actually awkward from Gabe’s perspective, at least he hopes not? But it’s honestly all Jared can do not to text Bryce under the table to meet him in the bathroom so he can just hug him, not even do anything else

The only thing more uncomfortable than third-wheeling a couple eye-fucking is a couple eye-desperately-clinging-to-one-another-for-dear-life-ing.

The only thing holding Chaz together right now is the group chat. Also the fact Gabe CLEARLY has figured it out so every extra moment of this is a shared suffering, as he now has a fourth wheel.

Jared would make a good spy, he thinks.

Oh my god, Jared.

“So,” Jared says, trying to think of something to say that isn’t ‘finish your beer, Gabe’. “Chaz. Known him for years.”

He is squirming in his seat he wants to leave so badly, and he is very red, and his fake casual voice is extremely stilted. Gabe is feeling deeply fond of him right now.

Gabe takes a sip of beer. It isn’t a big enough sip, in Jared’s opinion.

SQUIRMING. And Gabe’s been with Stephen long enough that he might just be taking his time because it’s hilarious.

“You know you can just tell me you’re married, though.”

“I did?” Jared says.

“I mean to Bryce,” Gabe says.

He’s still Gabe, though, so he doesn’t torture him with it too long.

“You’re both wearing wedding rings,” Gabe says. “Like, matching ones.”

“All wedding rings pretty much look the same,” Jared says.

Gabe raises an eyebrow at him.

“And I know he’s from Vancouver, because that always comes up when we play the Flames,” Gabe says. “And I know that you’re living with your mother-in-law right now.”

“That could be a coincidence?” Jared says weakly.

“Also you haven’t stopped looking at each other all night,” Gabe says. “And not glances or anything, that was full on—”

There is deductive reasoning happening here, but even if Gabe hadn’t noticed any of the other things, the eye pining would have done it. It was not subtle.

What’s he going to say? ‘No, he’s not my husband, I actually spent all dinner eye-fucking a dude who isn’t my husband’? That’s objectively much worse than eye-fucking your own husband, which Jared is morally and legally entitled to do.

It is Jared’s RIGHT and his DUTY.

“Um,” Jared tries, but he’s mostly blank. He’s not great at making excuses at the best of times, and definitely not when he’s been called out and has no proper defence on hand. He would, in fact, make a terrible spy.

I do appreciate that after Jared makes objectively absurd statements he’s often the first to acknowledge that they are, in fact, absurd statements. (Sometimes because they’re only occurring in his head, because fuck knows all his friends would burst out laughing if Jared made the mistake of saying ‘I think I’d make a good spy’ out loud)

“Totally get that,” Gabe says. “I’ve uh. I’ve heard some stuff about him—”

Great. Terrific. Jared’s very favourite topic.

“Before you say anything, he was like — all of that was before we got together,” Jared says. “And he was young and — the shit the media says about him—”

Gabe puts his hands up. Which means they’re off his beer, but Jared thinks he’s been given permission to book it, so that’s okay. “I didn’t mean it accusingly. You know your relationship better than anyone else.”

Couple fun things here — including Jared’s continued hawk eye on Gabe’s drinking speed — but yeah, Jared misinterprets Gabe a LOT at the beginning because Gabe is almost TOO nice, and Jared reads into things that aren’t actually meant any way other than Gabe said it? And here’s another incidence of it — if Jared had let Gabe finish his message it was assuring Jared ‘I vaguely read some shit but I don’t put stock in rumours and media and Bryce has a clean slate with me’. Basically.

“Hey Jared?” Gabe asks.

“Yeah?” Jared says.

“Nice,” Gabe says.

Look man this guy is common-law married to Stephen Petersen and longtime-liney married to Dmitry Kurmazov, he has to have a little bit of troll in him.

Gabe shoos him off, and it’s kind of embarrassing, the speed Jared leaves that restaurant.

Gabe describes this as, and I quote, ‘speed-walking like a snowbird in Florida on a grimly determined constitutional’

(If anyone’s unfamiliar with the term: snowbirds are people, generally retirees, from northern climes, especially Canada (especially ESPECIALLY Quebec) and sometimes the Northeastern US, who spend their winters in warmer climates. They fly south for the winter, like migratory birds. Florida is a particularly popular destination for snowbirds.)

A constitutional is walking (to aid one’s constitution). It’s dated as fuck anywhere outside like, Victorian fiction. I love Gabe.

123. Quiet Night In

Jared is vaguely out of breath when he reaches his apartment, which might say something bad about his cardiovascular fitness. Or, more realistically, it says something embarrassing about the speed he made it home, considering he’s fit enough to handle second line minutes in a damn hockey game.

Snow birded the whole way home, but I think the anticipation have something to do with the shortness of breath.

He takes a moment in front of the door, partly trying to find his key — he’s got way too many on his keychain now — but also so he doesn’t barge in looking like a complete idiot, not that he thinks Bryce would mind, or like, even notice.

Jared has finally accepted how rosy Bryce’s glasses are when it comes to him.

“You’re home early,” Bryce says, and glances at Chaz, in a way Jared can totally see is a ‘Jared’s home, get the hell out of our apartment so we can hug and then fuck’ look, though Chaz appears not to notice.

Chaz notices. Chaz is ignoring it, because it is rude to give that look to your guest.

“He sort of figured out we’re married,” Jared says. “Something about the matching wedding rings and you being from Richmond and the fact we wouldn’t stop staring at each other the whole time.”

There was pining. There was yearning.

“He said he won’t tell anyone,” Jared says. He’ll save the addition of ‘and complimented me on my impeccable taste in men’ for when Chaz is gone. Which should be soon.

“Okay,” Bryce says, and glances over at Chaz again.

The looks they’re both giving Chaz right now almost make dinner subtle in comparison.

“Out of my house,” Jared says. “Now.”

“I’m literally putting my shoes on right now,” Chaz says. “What more do you want from me?”

“Put them on in the hall,” Jared says.

Jared is actually the worst.

“I missed this bed,” Jared says.

“You have the same one at my mom’s,” Bryce says.

“It’s not the same,” Jared says.

“Because I’m not in it?” Bryce says.

Well, also because this one just seems to know Jared’s body, but —

“Yeah,” Jared says. “Pretty much.”

Good use of your brain-to-mouth filter, Jared, you should do it more often.

“Gabe,” Bryce says.

“Oh,” Jared says, suddenly wide awake thanks to the rush of absolute mortification that runs through his body. Bryce was a great distraction from it, but he suspects that conversation is going to occasionally leap at him right when he’s falling asleep for like, the rest of his life.

Jared is so lucky it was Gabe that happened with, and not literally any other person, who would torture him with it for life, as is their right and their duty.

“No,” Jared says.

“But,” Bryce says.

“Wait your turn,” Jared says, doing his best to ignore Bryce looking sadly at him through the glass.

“But I missed you,” Bryce says plaintively.

Tragic. Heartbreaking. About to break Jared’s fragile anti-shower sex agenda.

124. Hospitality

“May the best team win tonight, hey?” his dad says. Erin’s in a Canucks jersey — Jared’s genuinely surprised she isn’t wearing his old Oilers one to troll both him and everyone in the arena, mom must have threatened her or something — but his dad isn’t, is wearing one from Jared’s Hitmen era.

Jared eyes him and his very Calgarian jersey. “That sounds mature of you,” he says.

Jared is correct about his sister, and his suspicions about his father are also correct, because they’re a bunch of gremlins.

“Dad’s very mature now, Jared,” Erin says. “He’s grown up a lot since you went to Vancouver.”

I love Erin.

“You want the Flames to win tonight, don’t you?” Jared guesses.

“You’re a lock!” his dad says. “The Canucks are making the postseason no matter what! The Flames need this game!”

“Don,” his mom says.

“I’m just saying that one team needs this game more than the other team does,” his dad mutters.

“You want Bryce to beat me tonight,” Jared says. “Like — just to be clear, you want Bryce to beat me? You want your only son to lose this game to Bryce Marcus. Bryce Marcus.”

“Fuck off,” his dad mutters.

“Don!” his mom says.

Jared can’t stop grinning. “I’m really proud of you, dad,” he says.

Simultaneously character growth and character regression because Don Matheson, everyone.

They look all — familial, Jared guesses? Like Elaine’s officially part of the family now, like there’s a Marcus-Matheson tribe. She’s probably going out with them before the game, sticking around after Jared flies out, staying in his and Bryce’s guest room, her and Bryce going to his parents’ place for dinner, eating his dad’s food while all the Mathesons pretend to be nice people for the length of her visit.

At a certain point is it still pretending, or do the Mathesons become nice people when Elaine’s around?

It’s weird how that makes Jared happier than it does like, left out? But good, he guesses. Like, he’ll probably end up sulking about not getting to stick around and eat his dad’s cooking and watch his family pretend they aren’t evil so that they don’t scare Elaine away, but the fact that they’re doing it even when Jared isn’t there, that they want to hang out is — nice. Nice in the same way seeing pictures of Bryce and Chaz and Ash hanging out together makes Jared feel — grateful it’s happening even if he can’t be there.

Jared feels selfless happiness for others and is confused by it.

They’re all chirping him, but Julius’ text is straight up mean. Jared sends back a mean one of his own, and in response Julius gets even meaner. It’s making Jared feel a little better.

Look at Julius knowing exactly what Jared needs.

miss you already Bryce texts, just after Jared replies to a text from Julius saying he hopes the Canucks make it to the Conference Finals. Which sounds nice, but Jared totally knows he means ‘and so do the Flames so you have to play against your husband, bitch’.

It means exactly that. Though Jared added the ‘bitch’ himself.

Soft, Jared replies, but can’t help but add a You too, because he’s also soft, he guesses. But only for Bryce. Julius is getting another mean text.

The duality of Jared.

“Kind of surprised you didn’t figure it out sooner,” Stephen says. “It was all over hockey news when it happened.”

“I was pretty much just following the Flames and playing my own game back then,” Jared says. “Also I was like, twelve?”

This was the meanest thing Jared could say and he wasn’t even trying.

“You’re a baby,” Stephen says.

“Hey,” Jared says.

“An infant,” Stephen says. “Maybe a toddler.”

“I am not a toddler,” Jared says.

“Kindergarten at most,” Stephen says.

Look how fast Jared’s growing!

“Twenty-one,” Stephen mutters. “Jesus christ.”

“Does it help that Bryce is twenty-four?” Jared asks.

“Does it—” Stephen says. “He’s twenty-four? You met — you were a baby.”

Jared is suddenly aware that it does not help that Bryce is twenty-four.

You would think at some point Jared would learn this, but you would be wrong.

“Do I need to call your mother?” Stephen asks.

“Stephen,” Gabe says.

“I’m calling your mother,” Stephen says. “What’s her number.”

As much as Gabe and Stephen never want Jared to meet their parents? Jared is suddenly just as intent that Stephen never meets his father. He feels like it wouldn’t go well for him.

“Stephen,” Gabe says. “Stop, he looks petrified.”

“I know,” Stephen says. “It’s hilarious.”

Jared can only DREAM of becoming Stephen Petersen one day.

[desert-fern]

You’re the Only One on my Mind - Jake Seresin X Reader

Pairing: Jake ‘Hangman’ Seresin X Fem!Reader (Callsign: Spitfire)

Summary: Jake loses a bet to you and is forced to lip sync as punishment. Little do you both know, that evening holds far more in store than expected.

Warnings: swearing, mentions of cheating (not Spitfire or Hangman), mentions of nightmares, fluff, kissing, me not knowing military things :)

Word Count: 7.3k

A/N: So I already contributed once to @roosterforme ‘s #love is in the air tgm event, I’m Pretty Sure You’re That Love Of Mine, my Phoenix X Reader oneshot and I figured what the hell, let’s have another one. Title is from Cody Simpson’s La Da Dee. I apologize in advance for the length, it kind of ran away from me 🤷‍♀️

———

You pressed play on your phone and the opening lyrics of Cody Simpson’s song La Da Dee rang out through the rec room. Sitting back in your seat, you watched Jake closely, almost daring him to fuck up.

"There's no way to say this song's about someone else

Every time you're not in my arms

I start to lose myself."

In response, the little shit shot you a wink, green eyes dancing with mirth. You scoffed, rolling your eyes in mock annoyance, but the grin on your face gave you away.

“Someone please pass me my shades,” Hangman sang, keeping his gaze fixated on the small woman who’d put him in this position. You two had made a bet, whoever was shot down first in training had to lip sync to a song the winner chose. Clearly, the blond pilot had lost.

“Don’t be afraid, Bagman! It’s not like Rooster is recording this whole thing!” You called out over the music.

"Don’t let ‘em see me down

You’ve taken over my days

So tonight I'm going out."

The next set of lyrics passed by, and the whole group, now affectionately known as the Dagger Squadron, were grinning widely, not even trying to hide their amusement. Making direct eye contact with you, Jake continued singing, pointing at you to make sure you knew he was singing to you.

"Yet I'm feeling like

There is no better place than right by your side

I had a little taste

And I'll only spoil the party anyway

'Cause all the girls are looking fine

But you're the only one on my mind."

Biting back a grin, you shook your head. But your foot was tapping against the floor as you watched the scene unfold. “Pssst,” Phoenix hissed. “Having fun over there?”

“Loads,” you replied, your gaze still fixed on your colleague dad-dancing. At his jerky body roll, you couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face. “This is so much better than I thought it would be.”

“La da dee

La da dee doo

La da dee me

La da dee you

La da dee

La da dee doo

There's only me

There's only you”

“I bet. I can practically see you drooling,” Halo replied, leaning over Phoenix to comment. She found it hilarious. Both Jake’s bad dancing, and the fact that you refused to admit your feelings for the tall blond pilot. She was certain that they were reciprocated, after all, the Hangman wouldn’t agree to lip sync in front of the entire squadron for just anyone.

Your cheeks pinked at her words, rolling your eyes at her before returning your gaze to the man before you.

“La da dee doo

La da dee me

La da dee you

La da dee

La da dee doo

When you are gone I think of you.”

Jake watched the faint blush appear on your face, and it made him grin widely. He’d been watching you this whole time, making sure that you were having as much fun as he was. Of course, it would have been fun for him to win, but now, watching you try and bite back a smile, he wouldn’t have traded this situation for anything.

“All these places packed with people

But your face is all I see.”

And these words were true. You had only recently joined up with the Dagger Squadron, replacing Harvard and in that very short period of time, you had worked your way into Jake’s mind, his thoughts, and his heart.

“And the music's way too loud

But your voice won't let me be.

So many pretty girls around

They're just dressing to impress.”

The next verse passed by with Jake not really doing anything, mostly standing still. Fanboy was bopping along to the music, poking Coyote every now and then just to over exaggerate his next few dance moves when Javy looked over.

“But the thought of you alone has got me sweating, I don't know what to say next,” Jake sang. A small part of him was hoping that you knew that he meant the words he was singing. The look of joy in your eyes made him grin widely and he strutted over to Rooster and began dancing around the man just to see your reaction.

Watching the scene unfolding in front of you, you couldn’t help but laugh. You threw your head back against the couch, stifling your raucous laughter with a hand over your mouth.

Jake’s heart soared. Sitting on the couch in front of him, you had never looked more beautiful as you tried to hold in your giggles at his purposefully terrible dance moves. He could always feel your gaze on him, always in so tune with your presence that it made his skin tingle.

“I'm feeling like

There is no better place than right by your side.

I had a little taste

And I'll only spoil the party anyway

'Cause all the girls are looking fine

But you're the only one on my mind.”

Leaving Rooster alone for the moment, Hangman made his way over to you, holding his hand out as he sang the bridge of the song. You took his hand hesitantly after getting shoved by both Payback and Phoenix, and he grinned, preparing for the chorus.

“La da dee

La da dee doo

La da dee me

La da dee you.”

With his usual self-assured behaviour, Jake spun you around, catching you when you stumbled at the suddenness of the movement, only to twirl you once more. He loved being able to hold you so closely in his arms, savouring the moment because he knew that there was absolutely no way that he would get this chance again.

“La da dee

La da dee doo

There's only me

There's only you.”

Unbeknownst to the two pilots, the rest of the room was grinning, finally seeing just how perfect the pair was for each other. Bob leaned over and poked Fanboy, holding his hand up. “You owe me.”

“Fuck,” the Latino man swore, fumbling for his wallet in the bag at his feet. “How the hell did you know?”

“I watched them. Ain’t my fault you didn’t see it," Bob chuckled, pocketing the twenty Fanboy passed over.

Coyote just laughed, his gaze was still on Hangman, who’d spun you back to your seat. You landed awkwardly in your spot, ending up halfway on Payback, who just pushed you over, leading to a playful shoving match between yourself and him.

“La da dee

La da dee doo

La da dee me

La da dee you

La da dee

La da dee doo

When you are gone I think of you.

La da dee

La da dee doo

La da dee me

La da dee you

La da dee

La da dee doo

There's only me

There's only you.”

Hangman made his way around the rec room, singing loudly in the faces of Coyote, Halo, and Payback. He received a multitude of middle fingers sent in his direction, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Your face was a bright pink from both your blush and the giggles that had just died down.

Sending you a wink, Jake’s heart thrummed happily at your pinking ears, loving that he was the cause of your reaction.

“La da dee

La da dee doo

La da dee me

La da dee you

La da dee

La da dee doo

When you are gone I think of you.

I'll pretend the night is so beautiful

Take a photo with the bros.

La da dee

La da da doo.”

“So. Does this convince you?” Phoenix mumbled.

Your face contorted in confusion. “Convince me of what?”

“That he has feelings for you. He wouldn’t have agreed to this bet if I tried to make it with him,” Natasha replied. She could see the realisation set in on her friend’s face and smiled to herself.

“Shit.” Your eyes widened just a touch. Deep down you’d always hoped that your feelings were shared, but being confronted by the reality felt like the rug out from under your feet.

“They won't see through my disguise

Right here behind my eyes

Replaying in my mind

La dee da yeah

I'm feeling like

There is no better place than right by your side,

I had a little taste.”

And he had. Just in the last few minutes, but it was enough. Jake knew that he wanted you the moment he saw you. But you fought him on every attempt, pushing him back. It forced him to push his feelings away, to accept that you only saw him as a friend. The blush though, that confused him. Did it mean you felt the same? Did you want him the same way he wanted you?

“And I'll only spoil the party anyway

'Cause all the girls are looking fine.

But you're the only one on my mind.”

Mentally preparing himself for the last few verses, Jake glanced over to watch you. He couldn’t keep his eyes off of you. Didn’t ever want to look away. But he had to, just for a moment. He turned and began teasing Rooster, standing behind the chair the other man sat in, popping up on either side of Rooster’s head, singing loudly.

“La da dee

La da dee doo

La da dee me

La da dee you

La da dee

La da dee doo

There's only me

There's only you.”

Hangman had been smacked upside the head after just one of the three final verses, so he moved on, choosing Coyote as his next victim.

“La da dee

La da dee doo

La da dee me

La da dee you

La da dee

La da dee doo

When you are gone I think of you.”

You and the others on the blue couch burst out laughing at the look on Coyote’s face. It was a mixture of confusion, amusement, and a whole series of others that were indecipherable, but were enough to make them laugh loudly.

“La da dee

La da dee doo

La da dee me

La da dee you

La da dee

La da dee doo

There's only me

There's only you.”

Beginning the last part of the final chorus, Jake began to spin. His arms were extended out to his sides and he spun around the room like a five year-old in a dance class.

“La da dee

La da dee doo

La da dee me

La da dee you

La da dee

La da dee doo

When you are gone I think of you.”

With a flourish, Jake stopped spinning. He wobbled a little on feet, but stood there beaming. A moment of silence took place as the other pilots made eye contact before Javy leapt up with a holler and clapped his best friend on the back. The rest of the pilots followed moments later, surrounding Hangman and teasing him for his performance, but he couldn’t find it within himself to be bothered by them. The only opinion he wanted belonged to the smallest of the three women in the room.

You watched Jake get swarmed by the other members of the squadron, opting to stand back. Your eyes met his green ones as you mouthed “You did good,” in his direction, watching as a million-watt smile overtook his face, and he let himself get dragged into the whooping and hollering from the pilots around him.

———

Hours later, you sat in the rec room, nose in your book. You had sought out the quiet of the room late at night to avoid Halo’s teasing about your reaction to Hangman’s fulfillment of the dare. Humming, you turned the page, losing yourself in the plot and characters, pausing only to take a drink from the tea sitting next to you.

A noise made you start and you quickly closed your book, suddenly on high alert. “Sorry, didn’ mean to scare you,” a familiar voice said from the doorway.

“Oh, it’s just you,” you replied. You settled back in your position on the couch, reopening your book and began to read where you’d left off.

He moved into the light, leaning against the doorframe. “I’ll pretend that doesn’t hurt,” he answered, a little more of a drawl in his voice than usual. “Jus’ me. Coulda been a murderer for all you know.”

“Hmmm…” came the wordless reply. “But it wasn’t.”

Pushing off the wooden frame, Jake padded over to the couch you sat on. You looked so calm, hair down around your shoulders, bare feet tucked under a random blue blanket. It was a sight that took his breath away. You looked beautiful even at your most relaxed. “But if it was?”

Shaking your head, you stuck your bookmark in between the pages and shut it. “If you were a murderer Jake, I would have screamed,” you replied with a soft smile. “Why are you up?”

“Mm. Couldn’t sleep. You?”

“Same. And Halo is being unbearable,” you said with a small smile. A softer version of Jake sat next to you, hair fluffy from being towel dried, bare feet resting on the wood floor. It felt private. Like he had let his guard down so you could see who he really was. Not just a flight suit or service khakis and the ego that spanned for miles, but also a black T-shirt and grey sweatpants, clothing of comfort and ease showcasing a different, softer person that was hidden away.

“Oh?” A blond eyebrow was raised in question, and you bit back your chuckle. “How so?”

“Just being Halo,” you said vaguely, not meeting his eyes. “You know how she is.”

“Fair enough,” Jake replied. He wondered why you didn’t meet his gaze, but chose to ignore it. “Whatcha reading’?”

You flipped the book around so he could see the cover. “Eight Perfect Murders, so you can see that I’m well prepared in case you were a murderer.”

“Huh.”

“Yep.”

Silence fell over you both for a few moments before you spoke again. “What song would you have picked if you'd won?”

Jake hummed, narrowing his gaze in faux concentration. “Don’t think I actually thought that far ahead,” he admitted, with a soft smile in your direction.

A cheeky grin overtook your face. “Does this mean you thought I was going to win from the start?” You asked, leaning forwards into his space, a hand on his knee. “Because it just further proves that I’m the better pilot.”

“You were always better,” Jake replied sincerely. “And I’m sorry if I made you feel like you weren’t.”

“You don’t need to apologise, I was always going to feel like I was pretty damn good at my job, regardless of what you thought,” you replied, waving his apology off. You pushed off his knee and settled back against the pillow behind you. “Sorry for being all up in your space.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Jake said. And he meant it, because holy shit, if he could get you to lean into his space again, he’d do whatever it took. “I think I would have made you lip sync to Before he Cheats.”

“Carrie Underwood?”

“You surprised?”

You paused. “Actually no, you’d think I would be, but that makes sense to me.” You placed your book on the table beside the couch. “After all, I did glitter bomb my ex’s house and car after I found out he was cheating on me with my sister.”

“Actually?” The blond man was stunned. “Who would cheat on you?” The concept seemed absurd to him, because you were his idea of the perfect woman. Sharp, skilled, smart, and could be soft if you so chose.

“That dickhead. Dude just couldn’t keep it in his pants. He actually had the balls to say that it was because I was gone all the time because of my job. I told him to kindly fuck off,” you recounted with a sharp grin. It looked predatory, and it was a look that he was used to seeing on your face. Some of the older pilots often assumed you were a secretary or on base personnel, which of course there was nothing wrong with, but it drove you crazy because you felt it negated your skills. And Jake knew that. “But he’s irrelevant anyways, so let’s not talk about that,” you said, curling in on yourself just a little. “Why are you really up?”

“You figured me out that quickly?”

You gave him a soft smile. “Your eyes wouldn’t be so bloodshot if you couldn’t fall asleep tonight. It looks like this has been going on for a bit,” you said in a tone as gentle as the look on your face. “Jake, if it’s none of my business, just tell me and I’ll drop it. But I am here if you want to talk.”

Jake sighed, shifting on the couch. “I appreciate that.” He tucked a foot under his leg and shuffled closer to the woman sitting nearby. “It’s nightmares.” His voice had dropped low, barely above a whisper as he spoke. It was almost like he was ashamed.

You hummed, nodding as you did. “Can I ask how long you have had them?”

“Since the uranium mission. I know it’s stupid and I should just suck it up because this happens to everyone and I just-” Jake rambled, running a hand through his hair and messing it up even more than it already was. He looked haggard and beaten down, like he hadn’t slept properly in a long time.

“Hey…take a breath,” you said, gently redirecting him. “You’re okay, Jake. Just breathe.” You slid closer to him, reaching for him hesitantly. You were unsure how to proceed, so you took a deep breath, watching Jake copy you. “One more.”

He did, chest heaving stiltedly as he tried to steady his breathing. Jake didn’t look at you, staring instead at his hands that shook on his lap. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. "You shouldn't see me like this."

You gave him a soft look, but in your mind, anger whirled, cursing whoever had made this man before you doubt himself and his feelings. You were angry that he had been made to feel like emotions were weakness. Taking one more breath, you reached out and grabbed Jake's hand, holding it between your own. "Hey," you said softly. "You have nothing to apologize for. Absolutely nothing. You are allowed to feel your feelings. And fuck whoever said that you couldn't."

Your words drew a wet chuckle from Jake's chest, and he leaned closer to you, seeking your warmth like a moth to a flame. He hated how vulnerable he was in this moment, hated that you, one of the strongest people he knew, had to see him so fragile. "But they were right," he mumbled.

"We all struggle, but that doesn’t mean we have to let it drag us down with it. You wouldn't tell me to suck it up, would you?” You squeezed his hand, giving him a soft smile. He shook his head, eyes fixated on the floor. “So don't tell yourself that. Just let it out.”

You were met with a wet half-smile, his green eyes gazing on you with an thankful look. “You were already stationed on the Roosevelt, so you know the jist of the mission. But when I left the carrier, there was a moment of panic. That I was going to be too late to save them,” he admitted quietly. “And I know I wasn’t, I got there. Rooster and Mav are fine, but my brain wants me to relive the situation as if I didn’t. Then in Siberia, you crashed harder than I’ve ever seen a plane crash. And you walked away, but…” He fiddled with you hand, toying with your fingers. But he wasn’t looking at you, fearing judgement.

“The ‘what-ifs’ take over,” you finished for him gently. “Those bastards love being heard.” You bit your lip, before continuing. “I understand, that mission haunts me too. Forces me to relive that moment over and over again.” A scoff left your lips, and you shook your head. “I get it, and I’m here if you need someone to talk to. Again.”

Finally, he raised his head to look at you again. “Thank you. For listening, I mean.” Jake looked nervous, like he didn’t believe that he could be vulnerable. And he tried to push the nerves away, but found that he couldn’t. Not when he was being faced with the intelligent eyes of the woman he’d slowly fallen for.

“There’s no need to thank me,” you replied. “I know you would have listened if I needed to talk. So let’s focus on something else, draw your attention away from the dreaded ‘what-ifs’. Ask me anything.”

A small grin appeared, breaking through the fear and anxiety on Jake’s face. “Anything? You might come to regret that, sweetheart.”

“Promise?”

Jake groaned, head lolling back to rest on the back of the couch. He ran a hand over his face, wiping off his tears before replying. “You will be the death of me, sweetheart,” he said, watching you closely. The spark of mischief dancing in your eyes, well, he knew that it was reflected in his own. It was a sudden one-eighty from the mood only moments earlier. “What’s the real reason you got your call sign? And don’t say your attitude, because we all know that that played a part.”

Shaking your head, you ignored the question to ask “Really? That’s your first question? Not going to go for something more hard hitting?”

“Nope, now answer it.”

“Ugh. Fine. I have a tattoo of a Spitfire on my sternum. One of the girls at basic saw it and I’ve been ‘Spitfire’ ever since,” you told him, making a gesture over your shirt showing him where it sat.

“Seriously? Why a Spitfire?”

“Yep, and it's because my grandpa flew one in Korea. It's actually the same model as the one he flew,” you told him with a soft smile.

Jake leaned forwards. “You have a photo?” He asked excitedly, almost like he couldn’t believe he didn’t know that you had tattoos.

“I do, but they’re on my phone in my room. I’ll show you tomorrow?” You replied, smiling a little. Your thumb ran over the back of Jake’s hand, offering comfort and empathy anyway you could. “But in the meantime, I have some that you can see easily. You know, if you want?”

“Where are they?” His eagerness made you laugh, a smile etched on your face.

“Come again?” You asked with a teasing smile on your lips. “Don’t think I quite heard you.”

“Come on, don’t tease me sweetheart.”

“I’m pretty sure you said that already,” you replied, a small smirk on your face. “But fine, I might as well. Here.” You pushed the blanket off your lap and pulled up the bottom of your loose sleep shorts to reveal a large and ornate foliage-covered dagger on your thigh. “This was the first tattoo I had done.”

Jake reached out, finger tracing the fine lines of the hilt. He wasn’t sure what had possessed him to do such a thing, but now that he had and felt the warm skin beneath his palm, he wasn’t regretting it.

You shivered as Jake traced the outline of your tattoo. Catching his hand once he’d gone around a few times, you gave him a gentle look. “Slow down, Bagman. You keep that up and you won’t get to see the others.”

“‘M sorry,” he mumbled, but he didn’t look sorry for his teasing.

You only winked at him, before pulling up the hem of your shirt, revealing the tan skin underneath and Jake was pretty sure that he’d died and gone to heaven at this point. Written in a cursive font on your hip were the words ‘She flies by her own wings.’ On the other side, just below your ribs, in a typewriter font sat the words ‘I Dare You,’ and Jake couldn’t help but laugh at how fitting the words were. “What are you laughing about?” You asked, a smile evident in your voice.

“Just how fitting this one is,” the man replied, brushing his thumb over the skin, grinning when he felt you suck in a breath at the gentle touch. “No wonder you got ‘Spitfire’ as a call sign.”

You huffed a laugh, still hyper aware of Jake’s touch on your skin. Each pass of his thumb only burned his touch into you, setting your body alight. “Guess so,” you hummed, trying to slow your breathing, hoping that he hadn’t noticed.

“You have any more?”

“A few, but only two that I can show you without undressing.” You turned your head to the side, folding your ear over to reveal a silhouette of an old Spitfire plane, but underneath that, was the image of a ghost, acting as the shadow. “I got this just after I made my old squadron straight out of flight school.”

A feather-light touch to the skin made you shiver once again. “Squadron six sixty-six?” Jake mumbled from just behind you, sending sparks down you spine and making you squirm.

“Mhmm, first pilot to do that in the time that squadron has been active. Showed up my entire class, that’s how I knew I was the 1%,” you replied with a breathy chuckle. “Took a lot of extra work, but it got me here, so…” you trailed off, shrugging.

“It was clearly worth it,” Jake finished. “Don’t you have the triple sixes on your hand as well?”

“I have the VFA call code for that squadron on my ankle, if that’s what you mean,” you hummed, turning back to face Jake only to have your nose brush his with how close he was. “Oh…”

“Sorry, I’ll…” Jake whispered, shifting backwards just enough to create a few inches of space between you.

You reached out, cradling his jaw and smiling as he leaned into your touch. “Don’t,” you whispered back. “Don’t move. Please.”

“Are you sure?” Jake held his breath, and prayed that he wasn’t reading this the wrong way. Sitting so close to you, he could see the many colours in your eyes, smell the perfume that was so uniquely yours that he swore he could pick it out of a crowd.

“Mhmm… I’m sure.” You watched his eyes flick down towards your lips, and back to your eyes before repeating the motion. You watched him closely, still aware of his hand on your jaw where it had drifted after investigating the ghost tattoo. “What are you thinking?” you whispered.

“How much I want to kiss you, and if I do, hoping you won’t slap me,” the blond chuckled awkwardly.

Tilting your head slightly, you leaned forwards and pressed a barely-there kiss to his lips. “Still afraid?” you asked, pulling back to catch the stunned look on his face.

Jake blinked in surprise. It felt like his brain had shut down at the feeling of your lips against his and he wanted to feel this way forever. “No, no. Not at all,” he finally replied.

At his words, a blinding smile appeared on your face and you placed your hand on his cheek, running your thumb along his cheek bone. “Shall I do it again?”

“Please.” And this time, Jake was the first to lean in, capturing your lips in a sweet kiss. His heart soared, and he did his best to pour as much emotion into the gesture as he could, if only because he feared he would never get this chance again. When he did pull away, Jake felt your forehead lean against his, your eyes closed. “Okay, so I’m definitely doing that again.”

You laughed lightly, your eyes opening to gaze softly at the man in front of you. “Soon?”

“Hell yeah.” His eager reply sent you both into quiet giggles.

You fell silent, just savouring the newness of the moment they were in. “If you told me eight years ago,” you began, “That I’d be kissing the single most cocky pilot I’ve ever met, I’d tell you that you were insane. Especially since I punched the last one that tried something with me.”

Your honesty had Jake huffing a laugh. “Why does that not surprise me?”

“Because I punched you in the nose after you insulted me.”

“That would do it,” he mumbled, gaze slipping to your lips once more. “C’mere.” Jake’s hands slid to your hips, pulling you forward and onto his lap.

You let out a slight gasp, hands scrambling for purchase against his chest as you straddled him. “Jake.”

“Yeah sweetheart?”

“Just kiss me.”

And kiss you he did.

———

A/N: Thank you so much for reading!

[lovesickfolly]

Because I saw everyone ranting and raving about the GMMTV announcements, I wanted to create a fun game to entertain everyone while we freak out? This is completely silly and just for fun, so please don't take it too seriously! However, let's play! Please choose one random male GMMTV (BL) actor and then spin the wheel. Let me know what the pairing (or trio/whatever amount of people you want) is that you got and then what kind of series you'd like to see those two act in! Would they work? Would it be good? Hilarious? Ridiculous? Bound to fail? Anything goes!

I'll go first! My favourite GMMTV actor is Mix, so let's go with him. I spun the wheel and got: Book!

I think they'd be really fun together. Maybe something that starts in university and then something happens to make them grow apart until they reunite in a new workplace? Or maybe they're owners of rival bakeries that happen to open across the street from each other? Or pet owners who both show their prized cats at events and keep alternating wins? I'd be into it!

Note: I added as many of the actors as I could think of, but I'm sure I've forgotten a bunch. I apologize in advance! Please feel free to create your own. I'd also love to see one for the girls, but I don't know too many names and it would have been way too limited.

[domiforpresident]

Shuriri fair/amusement park hcs

A/N: shuriri has been on my mind heavy lately They are just too cute I'm literally crying. I hope y'all enjoy this while I work on a fic for them

They love going to the fair at night, it's more peaceful and so much more vibrant at that time in their opinion.

Shuri is terrified of roller coasters and gets motion sickness bad. But she sucks it up for Riri who is the complete opposite and loves roller coasters (Riri repays Shuri in kisses for going out of her comfort zone for her)

"Ri I think im going to throw up, you better be glad i love you "

"I am"

She pecked shuri on the cheek as she attempted to run off a bit.

"but if your gon throw up, ima move over here I don't want you to get it on my shoes"

Shuri cuts her eyes at Riri in annoyance.

Riri gets a little too serious when it comes to fair games, she swears She's only playing over and over again so she can win shuri a stuffed animal (she liyin). She will not give up unless shuri pulls her away from it, or wins the game for her.

"Ima win this one for you bae just watch"

"Yeah no, you've lost one too many times let's go"

*Shuri yanks Riri away from the game by her hand*

Shuri Loves all the sweet treats at the fair, the first time she had a candy apple she went crazy and ate one too many. Riri had to deal with the after math which was sugar rush.

"Riri I love you. did you know I love you?? ouu look at those lights the color is so pretty"

"Yes I love you too baby, and thoes lights are pretty"

Riri couldn’t help but laugh, seeing her lover sugar high was so cute.

The first time they said they loved each other was on the ferris wheel, Shuri was all neverous, but Riri finished her sentence for her.

"Riri I lov- I love-"

*Riri pulls shuri in for a kiss*

"I love you so much shuri"

"I love you too Riri"

They both chuckled.

Riri has to take a million pictures on her polaroid camera that she bought specifically to take pictures and videos of their dates together.

"Ri did you not already take a picture of us on that ride?"

"It's for memories. And you can never have too many" Riri notioned.

She also thought the faces Shuri made while holding onto her hand for dear life on the rides we're hilarious.

Shuri is ruthless when playing bumper cars, she doesn't hold back at all. She acts like there's a winner and a loser when the object is just to have fun. Riri usually hits shuri on her arm for being so rough while they were in the ring, Shuri apologizes even though she knows she's gonna do it again.

One time it was closer to Halloween and workers were dressed up trying to scare people, one of them ran up on Riri and she hit them in the nose, she felt bad afterwards and Shuri kept laughing at her while she iced Riri's knuckles.

"Riri you do know it's their job to scare people"

"Yes I do, but that nigga got too close way too fast, could've gave me a warning or something"

"That would defeat the whole poi-"

"Stop trynna be smart and ice my knuckles."

Whenever Riri is too exhausted to walk Shuri being the caring girlfriend that she is, picks Riri up and carries her on her back. There's been many times where Riri fell asleep on Shuris back unknowingly.

"Riri what ride do you want to get on next?"

*Riri completely knocked out*

"Of course she fell asleep......again"

Shuri won't admit it but she thinks it's quite cute that Riri falls asleep on her back, that's why she never bothers to wake her up unless she has to.

They got someone to draw them and the person drew Shuris head really big. Riri found it so funny Shuri on the other hand didn't.

"My head is big but it's not that damn big"

"It's just a drawing Shuri, and the whole point of these is to emphasize your features"

She laughed a little too hard while saying the last part for Shuris liking.

"In that case they should've drew you a few inches shorter" shuri smirked.

"Ok jokes over."

Whenever Riri gets something like powder sugar from a funnel cake there sharing, or just anything that's she's eating on her face, Shuri insist on wiping it off so she can sneak in a kiss while she's at it.

They love to walk around the park for hours just holding hands while talking and cracking jokes. They don't get to do that regularly with them being iron heart and the black panther. But when they can They enjoy every second of it, just basking in one another's presence.

[purble-turble]

Battle Nexus: Oops! All Red Sons

Hey friends, so way way waaay back in the day when I was new to the LMK fandom, I did a Battle Nexus style tourney for all the various Red Sons from the AUs I’d made so far. In that one, I came up with the winner on my own based on the characters and who I thought would come out on top. But now, Tumblr has polls! And a sweet anon this past week suggested I do it again. So, here we are :U

Anyway, I’m going to post each of the above matchups in a one day poll and you guys get to decide who would win in a fight! Links for the matchups will be below- treat this as a masterpost to find the links. I’ll also include little descriptions of each Red Son variant in the poll itself and include their relevant tag for my blog in case you don’t know them.

Round One:

Red Boy vs Prince Red… WINNER: Red Boy

Time Travel Red Son vs MMRS Red Son… WINNER: Time Travel Red Son

Bull Red Son vs Red Son… WINNER: Red Son

Demon King Red vs Dragon Red… WINNER: Demon King Red

Round one went almost how I thought it would, with a surprise win from canon Red Son over Bull Red Son! It was also super fun to see what people had to say about why they voted a certain way or how they thought it would turn out.

I’m excited to see how you guys vote in…

Round Two:

Red Boy vs. Time Travel Red Son… WINNER: Red Boy

Red Son vs. Demon King Red… WINNER: Red Son

While I did expect Red Boy to make it to the finals, I’m quite surprised that so many people are picking canon Red Son over his opponents! I guess it could be chalked up to how much everybody loves Red Son so much, although everyone hating King Red and thinking he shouldn’t win is also a possibility (either that or ya’ll are just not reading that this is who would win a fight not who you like more lol)

Anyway, on to the final event,

Round Three:

Red Boy vs. Red Son… WINNER: Red Boy

Ooh it got a little hairy there for a bit, the tide turned a few times but ultimate, the winner is… Red Boy!

This is both appropriate and hilarious. I am sure all of the Red Sons are very mad that they were beat by a literal toddler haha.. Thanks for voting everyone, it was really fun to see what everyone thought of all the different Red Sons 💖

[grapenehifics]

I keep thinking about that post from a while ago where the Jedi organize a nude calendar as a fundraiser and I’m wondering if they ever did a silent auction? Some Jedi Masters offer music lessons or lightsaber lessons as their auction items. Rumors start to spread that one of the items is “A Date with Obi-Wan Kenobi.” Anakin is so concerned that he goes to Yoda and Mace Windu, like, is this ethical? What if the auction winner wants to have sex with Obi-Wan? They look at him for a beat and Mace goes, “Young Skywalker, that’s the point.” Yoda chimes in with, “Pimping himself, Obi-Wan is.” I’m curious to know what you think Anakin does about this?

Murders. He does murders.

Okay, maybe he doesn't start with the murders. First, he goes to his room and pools together whatever credits he can scrounge up on his own, because if *he* buys A Date with Obi-Wan Kenobi, then no one else can. But then he gets to the auction and is already, before he even steps into the room, hilariously outbid, by a large margin. (I'm assuming 'Date with Obi-Wan' is the most popular, hotly-contested item at this auction, in this scenario.)

So Anakin goes to Padmé, and is like, you're rich, right? Help a friend out here. I will pay you back on, uh, an installment plan? (They both know Anakin has an annual salary of zero Republic credits and will never, ever pay Padmé back).

Padmé is also outbid.

Anakin tries to steal the sheet of paper everyone is writing their bids on (sheets, plural, at this point) and light it on fire. He is caught red-handed and asked to leave the auction.

So Anakin calls his good buddy Hondo Ohnaka (are they good buddies? Anakin isn't sure, but he's pretty desperate, at this point) and asks Hondo to fly out to Coruscant real fast and hold up the Jedi Fundraiser at gunpoint, because there will be some excellent pockets to pick, lots of expensive jewelry for the taking, free-flowing alcohol, maybe even a few rich and famous attendees to take hostage. Hondo thanks Anakin for this great tip! What would Anakin like in return? Anakin offers to sneak them in through the secret back entrance and disable all the security cameras, as long as in exchange, Hondo takes Anakin hostage, too, so it won't look so suspicious. Hondo sees literally no downside for him to this plan and does it.

And that is how Anakin, Obi-Wan in a sheer top and strappy sandals, and Mace Windu all end up hungover and handcuffed together in a cell on Florrum.

(Anakin is pretty sure, now, that he's going to be the one being murdered, but also, he did manage to successfully keep Obi-Wan's body from being auctioned off to the highest bidder, and maybe in the long run this is a small price to pay. Also, they do eventually escape, and they rob Hondo right back, and now the Jedi are flush enough that they don't have to revisit this auction idea for another couple of years, and that gives Anakin some lead time to deploy Phase Two of his plan, which is, dick his Master down so good that Obi-Wan does not even consider offering himself up as bait next time it rolls around. Anakin draws a lovely picture of a grassy meadow with a bunch of starships flying overhead and they submit that as their contribution instead.)

[runabout-river]

On Mahoraga, the Ten Shadows and Sukuna

I've seen so many hurt feelings and rage boners over on Twitter about Sukuna using the Ten Shadows in his fight against Gojo. There are people who straight up call Sukuna a fraud for using the 10S and people are violently speculating about an imagined battle where this and that power didn't exist and therefore either Gojo or Sukuna is the real boss and winner and it's as much of a dumpsterfire as it is hilarious to watch.

Sukuna is not a fraud for using a technique he owns

This is like saying god-like character B only is as strong as he is because he acquired a weapon along the way and that weapon doesn't count in fighting powers because... he wasn't born with it I guess. Every swordsmam from now on is a fraud as well. Zorro is weaker than Sanji because swords don't count while Sanji only fights with his natural body. And that boy Tanjiro! Did you know that he only made it to the Demon Slayer Corps because he also had a sword? Total fraud or something like that.

Time and time again the manga made it clear that sorcerers are not noble and honour bound people. They fight to win and the how is completely irrelevant to the winning because they're, among other things, con-artists and the only thing that awaits them if they don't win is death. Gojo and Sukuna would straight up nuke each other if that was a feasible option.

Gojo is as much a "fraud" as Sukuna

Gojo started this fight with the help of three other sorcerers and that help is going to reappear as the fight goes on. As I said in last chapter's Review, the others will have to fight against Mahoraga to fill out the (most likely) 8 adaptations it has so Gojo's techniques can work again. Uraume is going to appear again at some point as well.

The only reason why this fight is one-on-one until now is because of two things:

Ego, and

The immediate death of any outside assistance

Someone like Sukuna would of course want to defeat his opponent on his own with the minimum amount of effort to show how strong he is, and he most likely didn't think that much of Gojo at first either and he would also reject direct intervention from Uraume and Kenjaku, but his own techniques and weapons? Those are his and he's going to use them at his leisure regardless of where they came from. He "defeated" Megumi anyway to get access to the 10S so there isn't even any debate about whether he deserved to use them.

And Gojo? Hello? He would not let things like a fair fight get in his way of defeating Sukuna and saving Megumi and the world. Right now though, he can't accept any outside help because Sukuna would instantly kill them. Having him defeat Sukuna would be the best case scenario but they most likely discussed the more likely scenario that at some point the others have to step up as well. Even Kenjaku said that they will come. Gojo would give his life to give the others a fighting chance if it were to come to that but he wouldn't pointlessly throw his life away if "cheating" and being a "fraud" would've helped him and everyone else.

(Btw the more I think about it the more I'm of the opinion that Sukuna activated Mahoraga's wheel after Gojo's second Domain collapsed.)

Now that the fraud allegations are out of the way, let's go to another point people are losing their minds over: Mahoraga.

Mahoraga is NOT the ultimate weapon and the end of this fight

Mahoraga is also not the strongest technique of the 10 Shadows. What do we know about it? No one had ever tamed it before, not even the Zenin clan head who fought against the 6-Eyes Gojo clan head. I don't remember where it was said or if was ever clearly stated, but that fight ended with the Zenin activating an exorcism ritual to end the fight with both him and the 6-Eyes dying.

To achieve that, the 6-Eyes had to have been severely weakened otherwise he would've defeated Mahoraga himself just like 15-Finger Sukuna did. Just like Gojo said he would if Sukuna had summoned Mahoraga already. All of this is to say that the Zenin of that time fought against the 6-Eyes with only 9 tamed shikigami and a domain and maybe they were not truly equal in their fighting strength but the Zenin was at least strong enough to inflict serious damage to his opponent.

The true strength of the 10 Shadows Technique does not lie in one single shikigami, not even Mahoraga, but in the intelligent use of all aspects of it. Like: summoning and calling back the shikigami when needed; combining the living shikigami to form new creatures; strengthening the living shikigami with the powers of the dead ones; utilizing the shadows to their maximum, and completing Chimera Shadow Garden and using all its unique abilities and powers.

Intelligence has been Megumi's number one characteristic among all the other characters and I don't know about any of you but as a true culmination of Megumi's abilities, I found Mahoraga to be underwhelming. First, because it (the super mega ultimate weapon) appeared too early in the manga and second, because it was defeated in its very first appearance. So either Gege made a blunder in his storytelling and appropriate leveling of character abilities or Mahoraga was never meant to be the ultimate usage of the 10 Shadows.

(The characters might think it is but the sorcerers aren't the only con artists in JJK, Gege is too.)

In essence, Sukuna isn't automatically going to win this fight just because Mahoraga is going to come, AND it's going to be Megumi who will push the 10 Shadows to its absolute peak not Sukuna

[potentialguybodyswaps]

Halloween Party Swap:

The Halloween party between all the cool kids was just a few days away, and the winner of the costume party would supposedly get to bang Christine, she was the baddest bitch on campus, 5’6, D sized tits, the type of girl who had access to “mommies and daddy’s” money, everyone knew she had a lot of work done but that didn’t change from how fucking hot she was

How ever I didn’t really have a costume picked out… one of my buddies told me about this magic spell that could swap people’s bodies, reason he told me is cause he was gonna swap with this Chinese student who had a thick accent, and just go full stereotype and wear one of those straw hats the rice farmers use to wear in Asia, while also carrying around a rice cooker, asking people if they wanted rice

A few other people were running with this idea and so a lot of people already knew that not everyone is gonna be who they seem, so if they enter the contest they just gotta tell their real names

Now don’t get me wrong, my friend had a pretty good and pretty hilarious idea, it would really be hard to top that, but I think I could manage

I met up with the biggest nerd on campus, Davis, and told him about the party, he told me he already knew but also knew he wasn’t invited

“Bro if you help me with my costume, I’ll get you in, I promise” I said trying to convince him to come

“Ok, ya cool, I’d love to go to a party, what’s your costume” Davis said excitedly

“Um well you see Davis… I was hoping you could be my costume” I said continuing to explain the situation to him

He didn’t seem to buy it at first

“ so your telling me, you wanna swap bodies with me, dress extra nerdy, just to win some contest to fuck a chick?… quit fucking with me, everyone knows it’s not possible to swap bodies, and that magic doesn’t exist. grow up.” He said walking away

I continued to walk behind him and ask”come on bro, some of my other friends have already done it, why not, I mean you’d get to be me for a couple days”

“You know what?” He said stopping and turning around

If you want my body and can somehow use magic to swap us, sure I’d love to be you Brad ” he said turning around and continuing to his next class

“You won’t regret it” I yelled

Later that night before bed I starting looking at the spell online that my friend sent me, underneath it in some of the smallest font a computer can make, was a list of side effects

I had to zoom in just to see them, only thing that stuck out is if both individuals cum inside their bodies, the swap becomes permanent…

Now typically I would just, not jerk off in Davis’s body, but I’ve herd the stories, and apparently bro is a premature cummer, I’m talking like, just looking at too hot of a bitch could make him cum

So I did the only logical thing someone in my shoes would do, I went into my girlfriend’s drawer (well, she’s not really my girlfriend, but like a long term fling), and grabbed a chastity lock that my girl likes to use on me when she’s feeling extra kinky that night, and locked my cock in it and hid the key

It was a tight fit while soft and absolutely hurt while hard but I guess that’s the price he’ll have to pay if he wants to be me for a couple days

I proceeded to do the spell and nothing happened

I texted my friend who already did it with that Asian guy and asked what was up. He told me it takes effect while we’re sleeping, he then asked who I’d be swapping with, when I told him, he was a bit upset but proud of my idea “ dam bro, that’s a good one, I wish I would have thought about that”

So I decided I guess I should go to sleep, no better way to kill time right haha? I just wanna win this competition so bad so I can fuck Christine

The next day I woke up in a dorm that looked nothing like mine, all my posters of nude girls were gone (which I typically take down when I have girls over) and my posters of cars and shit

I instantly thought and new that it had to worked I got up feeling extremely boney and rushed to a mirror, the face that greeted me was this

Now typically someone that’s a hot certified fuck boi like myself would be upset they got swapped into a nerds body, but I was ecstatic. I mean ya I was ugly as shit and these braces looked fuck, man who in college still wears braces haha .

But man, I’m so gonna win this competition I said, getting dressed in a rush, not bothering to check out my crappy body.

I proceeded to go to the customs store and by a stereotype nerd costume to add to the “costume” I’m wearing now… white shirt with a pocket calculator, and pants held up by suspenders

As I was checking out at the register I started getting texts from my old body

“Hey um bro, I woke up in your body, I can’t believe it worked, this is crazy, but um, what’s this thing on my cock and how do I get it off, it kinda hurts my dick bro”

I smirked at the texts, I knew he’d want out of my chastity lock

“It’s a chastity lock, keeps you from pleasuring yourself, and you don’t… that’s the price you gotta pay if you want to be me” I replied putting my phone away and walking home with the costume in a bag

When I got home I had numerous texts from Davis, BEGGING me to get it unlocked

“ Brad come on dude, this hurts really bad and since I can’t jerk it, all I can do is keep staring and or adjusting it so it don’t hurt as much, doesn’t really help much but…”

“Brad, help me out here”

I decided to reply back and let him know why I can’t unlock it

“Look Davis, it’s there for a reason, If we both cum, we’re stuck like this and can’t swap back, and I’ve herd the stories about how just a girl talking to you can make you cum, so I’m not risking you jerking off in my body, and then me having a accident or something in yours… plus I’ve hidden the key so don’t think about trying to unlock it, that stays on untill we swap back, got it?”

“Ya got it, you’ve hidden the key so it stays on” he replied back

After that, I didn’t hear from David for the rest of the day…

Truthfully I’ve been holding in the urge to piss and shit all day, so once I got back to David’s dorm, I couldn’t take it anymore and rushed to the bathroom

As I’m blowin it up I have my eyes resting in my arms trying not to look at his junk but I caught a glimpse and had to look

“ no fucking way” I said as I removed an arm and took a look

“It’s so small it doesn’t even hang haha, this thing is pathetic, maybe like an inch soft, it kinda curls into itself” I said as I got done with natures call

“ I wonder how big it is hard” I thought to myself as imagined naked chicks

I watched as it grew to a pathetic 3 and a half inches

“Dam I would hate to be this guy haha” I said as I gave it a quick tug

That was a mistake, I almost blew it right there

“Jesus Christ, that was close, the rumors really undersold him, he’s not a premature cumer, he’s extremely premature” I said getting up making sure to be as careful as possible to not make myself cum.

………………………………………….

The night of the Halloween party came and I went, fully dressed in my nerd costume, suspenders and all

There was a lot of hot chicks around and at some point in the night they announced via the DJ that costume swaps that involved swapping we’re not gonna be counted in this years contest

“Man this is stupid” I said angrily walking to start getting drinks, that was probably the worst decision of the night because after an hour of drinking, I saw my body walk in, in this skeleton costume, now I shouldn’t be mad cause I did say I’d get him into the party, but what had me upset was the skeleton costume had an extra bone. My dick, he must have gotten out of the chastity lock somehow? Maybe he found the key?

I won’t lie, I was already hard from looking at all the hot chicks that I can’t fuck, mainly due to the rules of the swap, and due to how none of them wanna fuck this nerd…

But when I saw my body walk in, in that costume, displaying my dick though a costume I was gonna originally wear, and knowing I was disqualified myself from the contest, I let lose.

I got absolutely trashed, the last thing I remember before blacking out was Davis coming up to me an making small talk

“Hey bro, I herd they’re not counting swapped costumes this year” he said looking down at me

“Ya” I said looking up from my cup “so ima just drink my problems away and swap us back tomorrow night… I see you don’t have that chastity lock on anymore”

“Ya, I found the lock but I decided I’d need a costume and found this in your room, I’m guessing this was your original idea” he said giving his dick a quick pull.

“Ya” I said looking back down at my cup

Davis lightly slapped my arm and said “ aye don’t worry tho, I haven’t cummed yet, kinda hard staying erect for this costume all night haha”

“That’s good” I said, and then blacked out

I woke up in the middle of the night still drunk as fuck and couldn’t think straight

I saw Christine kissing my old body on the couch and got hard immediately

I rolled over to face them and whipped my dick our starting to slowly massage it

“Oh fuck ya, I always knew I’d end up with her” I said

“Christine looked over and without saying a word smacked my body to look this way”

Davis told her “it’s fine, he’s probably sexless and just living out some sick fantasy in his head, I mean maybe we should help him, how about instead of fucking tonight, we can just match him, and you can give me a hand job, and we can call it even if you want”

“Ok” she said putting back on her sexy face and proceeding to start giving Davis a hand job in my body

“Oh fuck this is so hot, a handjob from Christine, it feels so go-O-OD I said to myself cumming in my hand and falling asleep, not aware that I’m not actually me anymore and was just watching from Davis’s real body, not some out of body experience where I watch from the 3rd person

I awoke the next day with my pants down and my hand feeling Crusty,

“Ew, what happened last night?” I said to myself

I looked around and saw my body still on the couch, no longer with a boner, “Jesus how long did he hold that thing” I thought to myself

I reached over and threw a pillow at Davis’s head, waking him up

“ I’m up” he said frantically shooting upright

“Hey what happened last night” I said looking confused “why are my pants down”

“Oh you got drunk as fuck last night and jerked off last night on the couch” he said with a smile

“Oh shit did I? Well good save bro, I owe you one, I think ima get dressed and go home, we should be back to our normal selves tomorrow” I said getting up

“ I don’t think that’ll happen” Davis said standing up

“Woah woah why not?” I said looking concerned

He pointed down at his dick and I could see a white stain

“Did I mention you jerked off to Christine making out with me, and then proceeded to give me a handjob when she saw you jerking to us?” He said with a smile on his face

“How was it, was it worth the cumming” he said seeming excited at me slowly piecing things together

“I-I-don’t remember, you just let her jerk you off bro? Did you finish? Please tell me no”

“ dam that’s ashame, you seemed so satisfied after you lasted way longer than I typically do, you lasted about 2 minutes, there wasn’t a lot of cum at all but, hey, it still happened” he said smirking

“And I won’t say I did cum, but I also won’t say I didn’t, I think the stain in your costume answers that question pretty well hahahaha” he said laughing with the biggest shit eating grin I’ve ever seen

“ man, sorry you couldn’t help yourself last night but neither could I, I mean it’s not all bad tho, I get to stay as a bonafide fuck boi, this couldn’t have ended better for me” he said turning and walking out the door, leaving me to ponder what exactly went wrong last night tripping me in his nerdy body

#Edit I know this is a little out of season but I’ve been saving this story for awhile and just find it too hot not to post, hope tumblr don’t block it, if so it’ll have to wait till my patreon

[stormflypirateskin]

Saeyoung Winter Headcanons!

I wanted my first fic of the new year to be Saeyoung related >:D

-Since Saeyoung is pretty much warm in general, you get the best cuddles this time of the year! Just let him hold you close in his arms as he leaves kisses anywhere on your face. Best place to heat up from all the cold!

-The again, since it's cold, it doesn't mean that you are always gonna be stuck inside the house. You two still go out to stargaze and even have a snowball fight! The loser has to kiss the winner 707 times! His smug face is cute when he ends up winning.

-He doesn't lose on purpose sometimes, nope.. okay he does. But honestly? He's always very happy to shower your whole face with kisses and affection. I mean, come on! You have the cutest face ever! It's pretty much guaranteed that he'll embrace you tightly while he does it.

-Since you two are gonna be outside sometimes, stargazing and just sitting next to each other can be really comforting. He likes to shove his cold nose on your neck and laugh at your funny reactions.

-Don't worry though, you can always get him back by doing the same when you go back home! His reactions are hilarious and honestly? Keep messing with him, he loves to play these types of games with you, it gets him riled up but keep in mind that your lover will not stop being playful for a long time.

-After a long day, you two basically melt into each other as you cuddle on the couch. Saeyoung's warmth and scent is enough to get you relaxed as you lean onto him and it's the same for him as well. He loves how he gets to feel you so close to him and your scent helps to remind him that he isn't alone anymore.

-Sometimes, even Saeran or even Vanderwood can join you two while you watch movies or play games together. It really brings a smile to Saeyoung's face since he has his family around him. He couldn't feel happier. He truly feels alive as he sees you all together.

-Saeyoung also likes to try baking with you. Having cookies or anything else sweet would be really nice as you two stay in your warm house. Sure, he might be clumsy in the kitchen but he does try his best. Both Saeran and Vanderwood keep an eye on him in case he starts a fire, though.

-It's also the time where Saeyoung brings out his warmest and softests blankets for you two to sleep in. The combination of those things and Saeyoung's warmth will surely make you feel sleepy, warm and safe in his arms. He loves to rest his chin on your head as he embraces you close to him.

-He normally didn't really like Winter because it's cold and he used to feel really lonely. But now that he has you, Saeran and his whole family, he feels really happy. It's also a nice excuse for him to add a function to Meowy which makes itself warm up so you could always feel warm whenever you go. Saeyoung loves you so much and he is gonna show it with his kisses!