i feel like someone dead pretending to be alive
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My toxic trait is that I truly believe I could win a fight against anybody if I was mad enough. U might have the strength and size but I have pure, unfiltered rage.
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the way I literally get so fucking angry over the littlest shit is literally so annoying like calm the fuck down it’s not that serious
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i wish i wasn’t so disposable
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i wish sadness didn’t feel like agony. i wish i could feel a negative emotion without wanting to rip out my eyes.
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It finally clicked in my brain, that the reason you don't treat me like you treat others in your life, is because you love the others in your life. You love having them in your life. I've simply become the obligation you can't untangle yourself from.
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What I hate most about my BPD is the fact that I have started doubting every emotion that I’ve ever felt in my life, whether it’s love, my grief through multiple traumas, or my anger, & it’s so saddening. It has actually led me to start questioning my reality.
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losing a fp feels like you just got your soul ripped out and now you're not even a human being anymore.
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i never felt loved by my family which is why i always searched for it in the worst places because when you’re about to die of thirst, even a drop of poison tastes like heaven.
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BPD is destructive and gives false hope. Some days feel so normal it's like I don't even have BPD. Then within a few days to a week, BPD comes crashing in with all its ugly rage and destruction and everyone in its path will get plowed down. And then I'm left to sit with the aftermath alone because I've pushed everyone away. And then I'm left with the pain that BPD demands be felt.
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