#bts you making me consider not even socializing to watch like GLIMPSES of that live but i guess that's okay | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

akinnie75 · 6 years

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Love; Weakness

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Angst, Romance, Fluff, Slow Burn, Borderline Smut

Word Count: 22.7k

Summary: Jungkook’s dreams died years ago because he was told that he can’t love anything. But all of that is about to change during a coincidental meeting with you.

Warnings: I’m categorizing this as borderline smut because there is one rape scene involved, so be warned.

“Your portrayal of love is annoying”. Those are the words that Jungkook will never forget. It will linger with him for as long as he lives. Even if the years go by and he forgets the face of who said those words, those exact words will be the only thing that will ring true to him. Those words are what provides aid to him on his future endeavors for as long as he lives, and he vows that nothing should and will ever change that. Because to him, he is unable to satisfy his love for others.

It’s the middle of the night, and Jungkook is idly walking alone in a park devoid of life. His phone is ringing nonstop, and every time he checks the caller, it’s one of his hyungs. They are calling and texting him constantly, worried that he have done his usual habit of running off. But he puts his phone on silent, ignoring them in the meantime. For now, he just wants to be alone.

Far away from the eyes of city folks who can possibly identify him, Jungkook feels that it’s safer to take off his hood so he can get a better view of the stars. He sits down at the base of a small, green hill, resting his back against the cold, prickly grass. Normally, he would listen to music, but he isn’t in the mood to be reminded that he’s the face of Korea’s pop culture. Just thinking about music reminds him that he can’t escape his reputation of being an idol.

He wants to be alone—feel alone—to be reminded in this bare park walled by trees and fences that he isn’t an idol, but just another insignificant human. It may be insulting for him to say as there are millions of people who would want to be in his position, but once they actually learn how restricting it is to be an idol, then they’ll understand and want to escape this hell hole as much as he wants to.

His train of thought is broken by a disruption and an odd one at that. Initially, Jungkook heard footsteps at the top of the hill, but right after that, he can hear the sound of someone falling to the ground. The next thing he knows, he sees someone tumbling down the same hill he was just relaxing on, stopping right at the base of it, face down and unmoving. Since the lack of light in this area of the park isn’t helping him in identifying who it is that had just rolled down the hill, he debates whether he should run off in fear his identity might be discovered or to ask if that person is alright. After a short contemplation, he decides that it’s morally right to ask if that person is alright. It’s dark, so that person might not be able to see his face.

Jungkook gets up and approaches the person. Upon closer inspection, based on the figure, the person who fell is a girl, wearing what seems to be a large, black sweater with its hood over her head. She’s wearing basketball shorts and converse, and he thought that it’s a rather strange pair of clothes to be wearing, as he would normally assume that a girl would be wearing something more feminine, but then again, it is late into the night, and comfortable clothes are the best to wear at night.

“Hey, are you okay?” Jungkook asks as he leans forward, reaching his hand out.

“Yea, I’m fine.” You say as you rub the back of your head, raising your head up. Jungkook is surprised that despite you not looking Korean, you’re speaking in Korean. “I wasn’t watching where I was going and…”

You trail off as you gaze at Jungkook. You know immediately who is standing by your side, and based on your wide, shocked eyes, he knew that you know him. He curses under his breath as he pulls his hoodie over his head again.

“J-Jeon Ju-Jungkook…” You mutter quietly to yourself.

He knew it was a bad idea to help you. Because of this careless choice, his identity has been uncovered, and he can no longer return to this park, as you might expose his location to the media and desperately search for him the following days.

Without knowing what else to do, Jungkook stands up straight and turns around to leave when suddenly, you, still sitting on the ground, grab him by the sleeves of his sweater. “J-Jungkook! I...I…”

Your impulsive grab stops Jungkook from escaping. He sighs quietly, having to deal with yet another typical fan, most likely wanting to confess about how much she loves him and how he’s so drop-dead gorgeous. He curves his head down to hear what you have to say, but what he gets catches him off-guard. Instead of screaming, hyperventilating, or laughing, you’re crying. You’re biting the bottom of your lip, sniffing and hiccuping as you stare directly at Jungkook. He can feel your hands shaking as you hold onto the end of his sleeve.

“Jungkook...th-thank you so much. I…I...”

Jungkook gets impatient with you and rolls his eyes. He aggressively pulls his sleeve off of your grip. Seeing this sudden change from Jungkook, you’re shocked by what you see, but Jungkook doesn’t even bat an eye at you.

“Get off of me.”

Not expecting Jungkook to give you this sort of response, you’re staring blankly in front of you as it hits you that Jungkook told you to get off of him. A quick second later, you scoff, wiping the tears away from your eyes, which is not the kind of response Jungkook was expecting.

“Ah ha ha ha...I grabbed you without permission. Sorry, I wasn’t thinking, and I grabbed you-”

“I don’t care what you have to say. Just leave me alone.”

Never in another dimension would you have thought Jungkook would be this rude, especially since just moments ago, he was concerned for you. On television shows, he seemed so hilarious and charismatic, but the Jungkook that you see in front of you is not the same person. This Jungkook looks dead in the eyes, not a spec of the Jungkook that you know.

You move away from him, worried that you might’ve mistaken him for Jungkook (though, it is Jungkook). “Sorry, I should really get going now.”

You step away, then proceed to run off in the opposite direction of Jungkook. And just like that, you disappeared as quickly as you appeared. This can be considered as one of Jungkook’s weirdest encounters with a fan. You didn’t scream or didn’t ask for a photo. You thanked him, but he has no idea why. He’s never met you before, but then again, it’s not like he remembers every fan’s face. Feeling like this night is already strange enough, Jungkook decides that it’s best to head back. He doesn’t want the night to get any weirder than it should.

Jungkook accidentally steps on something flat and hard. He looks down to see that he’s stepped on a phone. He picks it up, not recognizing his phone as his, nor has he seen this phone before. He also doesn’t recall seeing it before he got here.

He turns on the phone, and he becomes disgusted to see that the lock screen wallpaper is his own selfie that he uploaded on Twitter a couple days ago. He is aware that fans do take his photos and use it on their own accord, whether it be using it as a wallpaper or converting it to a photo card and selling it for a quick pay, but just seeing it in front of him freaks him out. People he doesn’t know and will never meet use his face as their ‘avatar’ and it somewhat disturbs him.

It doesn’t take him that long to know that this is your phone, and you dropped it by accident. He isn’t sure what to do with it because it isn’t like you two are going to meet again. Still, it feels wrong to leave it on the ground for someone else to potentially steal it. For now, he decides to hold onto it, and he’ll wait for you to call it so you can pick it up.

------

It began with merely an innocent dream of becoming a singer. Jungkook auditioned for BigHit and got in, then he moved from Busan to Seoul, where he would be making his dream a reality. Even though their CEO wants them to focus on their music careers, he also understands the importance of an education. Jungkook was transferred to the School of Performing Arts in Seoul, into a world filled with idols, trainees, and wealthy students.

Jungkook felt intimidated by the various students who also has similar ambitions as him, but he tried to not let it deter him from his goal. Even though Jungkook couldn’t go to school every day, he made sure that during his past time, he would study so that he can use his free time to practice singing and dancing. All he wanted to do is to become famous.

It’s six in the morning, and Jungkook is sitting in the dressing room while the makeup artist pampers his face. He keeps staring at your phone, twisting it around to catch little glimpses of what kind of person you are. Your phone isn’t too poppy in terms of colors, since your phone cover is a simple black color, and the corners of your phone case have scratch marks or have been scraped off, indicating that you’ve dropped this phone dozens of times.

He turns on the phone, and he sees himself again. It’s a selfie that he took really late at night when he thought about how the other members complained to him for the lack of selfies he posted on their social media accounts. He thought that for tonight, he’d so this so it would suffice the thirst of his fans and stop the nagging from his hyungs. He didn’t think too much about it, not really thinking about how people will use it as their face for various other social platforms. Jungkook turns it off again, trying not to think about how creepy it feels for his face to be used for some stranger’s wallpaper.

To get it out of his mind, Jungkook sets the phone down on his lap and takes out his script. About a week ago, their director told them that they’re going to hold a huge project called Behind the Stage, where it’s a month-long filming project where BTS ‘supposedly’ shows the true side to themselves to their fans, which includes their daily schedules, practice hours, and showing their studios for the fifth or sixth time. For something as hypocritical as ‘showing the true side to BTS’, they have a script that limits them to what they have to say. Script does give them some freedom and let them talk freely, but there are some limitations, such as not showing some brands on screen or cursing.

Like many of their recordings, the production team included a set of missions for each member to accomplish before the end of the month, though they haven’t revealed it to them yet. Jungkook dislikes how in everything they do, they have to include a game. For once, he wants to go somewhere where they don’t have to constantly entertain the camera for their fans and just relax.

But besides that, the script is a broad standard of what their schedule will be like for the next month or so. He knows for sure that Jin will show off his two sugar gliders and Namjoon doing a breakdown of his lyrics, so it gives him time to think about what to show to the fans. Jungkook feels like he’s already shown enough of what he wants to show them, so he’s running out of ideas. Should he show the same thing he’s done in previous shows, or should he last minute think of a hobby he picked up but quickly dropped it?

“Jungkook, you have to be on set! Everyone else is waiting for you.” One of the staff members shouts from across the room.

“Okay.”

The makeup artist makes one last correction to his cheekbones, then Jungkook gets up, leaving the script on the table. He nearly forgot about your phone as it almost falls off his lap. He picks it up just in time before it can hit the ground. Jungkook debates whether he should bring it or leave it in the dressing room, but since phones aren’t even allowed on set, he thinks it’s better to leave it here.

------

On the filming set, Jungkook is with the six other members. Since there are finally no cameras on them, they can freely do whatever they want. Many of them are warming up their vocals, while a few others are getting their mics placed on their shirts.

Being the last one on the set, Jungkook has yet to have a mic on him. Normally, he would wait until someone would approach him and put on the mic, but since he’s a little late, the staffs are busy with everything else. It isn’t until the director notices Jungkook. He looks noticeably upset that Jungkook hasn’t been prepared yet.

“Can someone please get a mic on Jungkook??” The director sighs in frustration. “Hey intern! You’re not doing anything, so you do it!”

Jungkook stands idly by myself, hands in his pocket as he waits for the supposed intern to put a mic on him. A young girl runs to him, with the mic equipment in her hands. He pays no attention to her, but for some reason, the girl looks somewhat familiar. Her black sweater, her height, and even her natural scent. He looks down to see that the intern is you. He moves back a little, surprised to see you.

You smile awkwardly, unable to forget your embarrassing introduction with him. “Hi, Jungkook.”

He demands some answers. Why is his stalker here?? How did she get in?? He wants you out, but then he remembers the directing calling you an intern. What are the possibilities that someone who he met last night is the intern?!

“I won’t do anything. Let me put the mic on you, then I’ll leave you alone.” You whisper.

Jungkook raises an eyebrow, but he complies. If it means that you’ll leave him alone, then he’ll do what you say. He raises his chin up, clearing his throat as he finds this situation very uncomfortable. Every so often, he would glance down at you, and you don’t seem to be bothered by this situation.

Once you’re done, you let him know, and you walk off, hidden amongst the crowd of other staff members. He stares at the direction you walked into, curious to know who you are, but then, his train of thought is broken when the director insists that he hurries to the front of their camera to start the recording.

------

Just as it said in the script, each member must accomplish a mission by the end of the month. On the last day of the recording, they are to show their final result. For some of the members, they are rather easy: J-Hope having to cook meals for each member at least three times, Jin watching at least ten horror movies, and V coming up with a new choreography. All of these missions do not make sense, and it seems like some are meant for other members but got mixed up while they were choosing their month-long missions.

For Jungkook, his mission is to “compose a heartfelt song to the ARMYs without the help of the composers,” meaning that he has to write a song from scratch. His older brothers complain that their missions are difficult, but to him, his mission is the hardest. He has written lyrics and edited a few before, but he has never made one from scratch. Even when he did compose music, the producers usually have him revise it a million times, and the end result is still not what he envisioned it to be. In the words of RM, Jungkook doesn’t ‘put himself into the music.’

In the back room, Jungkook is heading back to the makeup table that he was at, and he sees that your phone is still on top of the table. He picks it up, gives it a good glance to double-check that it’s yours, then searches for you to return it. The recording took all day to do because they were doing a behind-the-scenes for their popular Vlive show, BTS Run. The producers gave them a list of games they had to accomplish by the end of the day, which is exhausting having to use all your energy just to try and be entertaining, but he still had to keep his smile up.

With it being late at night, Jungkook and everyone else still has to rehearse for their new song that has yet to be released. The staff is packing up to go home, so he looks for you, making sure that you haven’t gone home yet. He was about to ask the staff members for your location, but then he realized that he never got your name. Not wanting to look like an idiot, he refrained from asking staff members where you are.

He can’t find a trace of you in the building anywhere, so he’s worried that you might’ve gone home already. He curses under his breath, since you’re making it difficult for him to search for you. Since you’re not inside the building, Jungkook looks for you outside. He looks at the front of the building, and you’re not there either.

Jungkook was about to give up when he searches in the back area of the building, only to find you. You’re standing all alone in the center of a dirt field, staring up at the moon. You’re wearing your thick, black sweater, so your hoodie is over your head and your hands are in your pockets. Seeing this scenario, it looks tranquil, you looking up at the moon without a single movement. He almost doesn’t want to interrupt you, but he doesn’t want to be responsible for your phone anymore either.

“Hey.” He calls out to you.

You turn around, and you’re surprised that Jungkook is here. “Oh, good evening.”

Who the hell says ‘good evening’ nowadays? Whatever. Jungkook approaches you and takes out your phone. He shows it to you, and you’re shocked that he has your phone. That’s when you remember that you set Jungkook as your lock screen, so you quickly swipe your phone from him, cheeks blushed.

“I was looking for my phone everywhere. Where did you find it?” You hide your phone in your baggy sweater pocket.

“You dropped it back at the park.”

You’re feeling even more embarrassed having to be reminded of what happened that night. You wish you can re-introduce yourself to Jungkook again instead of that humiliating first introduction.

“So...care to explain everything?”

You look at him, a bit confused with what he means by that. “What do you mean?”

He sighs in frustration, calling you ‘stupid’ in his mind. “How you knew where I was last night, why and how you’re an intern, and why your lockscreen is a picture of me.”

Your face turns red when he mentions your lockscreen. You wish he hadn’t seen that, but it’s already too late. You brush your hair behind your ear, keeping your hoodie over your head to hide your flustered expression.

“I can answer the second question first. I’m an international student studying in film, and Mr. Lumpens was giving out internships, and I was the only one who got accepted.”

He never knew that Lumpens gave out internships, but then again, Jungkook is so busy with his job that he has no time to know what’s going on behind the scenes with the company. BigHit is holding auditions anyways so it would make sense if they’re also holding internships and job opportunities for the next generation as well.

“I started my internship last week, but you never noticed me. And...about last night, I saw you walking out of the building by yourself. I was kind of worried something might happen, so I followed you.”

Jungkook can’t think of anything other than to call you a: “Stalker.”

You make a small yelp under your breath, hoping he didn’t call you that, but he still did. You try to think of ways to redeem yourself, but nothing comes to mind. It feels like every time you meet Jungkook, you just embarrass yourself more and more.

“I have a question for you, Stalker.”

“Hm?”

“I thought my agency doesn’t hire fans, so how the hell did you get the internship?”

From what it seems from last night, you look like a huge fan of BTS, specifically a fan of him. You even have a wallpaper of him on your phone, so there’s no question that you’re not a fan of them.

You look down, trying to be careful with your next response, in case you don’t embarrass yourself again. “I’m not a fan of your band really...I mean, I am, but I’m more of a fan of your production.”

“My production?”

“Golden Closet Films.”

“Oh, you mean that.”

Golden Closet Films is nothing more than a hobby for him, so there’s no reason for you to be a ‘fan’ of his videos. He doesn’t do them because he wants to become a director in the future or anything, but only because he likes to film things that seem cinematic.

“I’m also a fan of Director Lumpens’s work as well. I love how detailed he is with everything he does, the way he establishes a setting in the beginning of his music videos, what kind of world he wants to introduce to the viewers, his use of front, middle, and background lighting. Oh! And also the usage of the eyeliner shot to switch perspectives from a third person to a first person is phenomenal. He doesn’t rely on the usage of dialogue, but more so on the behavior, expressions, and movements of the actors, A.K.A., you guys. He’s also super creative in putting so much information into one scene, especially since he’s limited to three to seven-minute long videos, it’s just so fascinating that I-” You abruptly stop yourself, realizing that you were fangirling over film techniques.

Rather than a fan of his work, you seem to be more of a fan for Lumpens. Why does it dishearten him to learn that your eyes gleam brighter when talking about Lumpens’s work rather than his? It isn’t like he was expecting you to like it, and if anything, he doesn’t want anything to do with you.

“But anyways, thank you for keeping my phone. It must’ve been extra weight that you had to carry.”

“Yea, it was extra weight, so you better appreciate it.”

You smile cheekily, tilting your head a bit childishly. “I should be going back, and you should too. Get some rest because tomorrow is going to be another early day.”

“I don’t need to fucking hear that from an intern!!”

You chuckle. “Okay, sorry.”

You walk away, but with your phone this time. Jungkook watches you walk away, and he curses under his breath. You never answered why you have a picture of Jungkook on your lockscreen. If you’re such a huge of Lumpens, then why is it him on the lockscreen, not of their director? Actually, it’ll be creepy if he thinks about you having a married man on your phone screen...

------

Debut wasn’t the easiest. Jungkook thought that after he and his hyungs debut, they would automatically become successful. But when their first music video came out, they merely got 10,000 views. That may seem like a lot to some people, but compared to other established bands, this is nothing. Jungkook thought that after all their hard work, people would acknowledge it and appreciate them. Unfortunately, in the eyes of the general audience, they can’t see it from their music video, and thus they were swept off of the platform.

That was the first time Jungkook ever doubted his future as a singer, and that’s when that feeling of being lonely really started to eat up Jungkook.

For this particular scene, it’s going to be filmed in their living room. Everyone is sitting in their positions, and the staff members who aren’t in charge of the sound, cameras, or any equipment in general are sitting on the floor, including you. Since you’re still an intern, Lumpens hasn’t given you any hands-on jobs yet. For now, you’re in charge of the extra jobs that others don’t have time to do.

Jungkook and the other members are sitting around the couch and chairs. Suga is introducing their activity for today, which isn’t all that different from your daily lives. After this, Suga, RM, and J-Hope will most likely hide in their studios and won’t come out for days. Jimin’s mission is to film a music video, so he most likely will be out all day looking for inspiration. Jin is going to a meeting to meet with their producer, and V will most likely be in the practice room.

Jungkook doesn’t know what he’s going to do. If anything, he’d like to go to the dance room with V or hang out with Jimin, but since they’ll be working on their missions, their director will most likely want him to do the same too.

In his bedroom, he’s trying to think of inspiration, but his mind draws to nothing. Jungkook taps the end of his pencil to at least start a beat, but still nothing. He groans in frustration as he messes with his hair. He stares at his camera, wondering when he has to start filming himself. He needs to at least get some footage of himself so that he has enough screen time on the second episode at least.

Right before he is about to press the record button on his camera, he hears a knock on his door. Jungkook sighs, not wanting to be interrupted. He gets up from his seat grudgingly to open the door. And at his door, he’s surprised to see you. When you make eye contact with him, you immediately look away from him, suddenly feeling bashful, but he’s in no mood to meet you.

“Hi, Jungkook. I heard that you’ll be working on your mission, so I just wanted to drop by and drop off some food,” You show him a lunchbox that you bought from the convenience store. “Sorry, I’m not a chef, so I just bought this from the store.”

“How the hell did you get in here?” Jungkook is sure that they made it clear that they didn’t want any of their staffs members anywhere beyond the living room.

You point your thumb to the living room. “V needed someone to help hold the camera while he tries to think of his choreograph. I had some time, so Mr. Lumpens finally gave me the opportunity to shoot something, so I had to take the opp-”

“I don’t need you to tell me the entire story, and I’m not hungry, so take the food away.”

“Oh, sorry,” You bow your head slightly as a way of apologizing. “Okay, I just wanted to let you know.”

You walk away from the door, and Jungkook closes it behind him. He can’t believe that you wasted your time offering him lunch when he could’ve been doing his work. Now that you’ve fully distracted him, Jungkook returns to his chair, clearing his throat so that he can start recording. He leans forward to his camera, pressing the recording button.

“Hello everyone, welcome to my room,” Jungkook begins his introduction. “I didn’t get the chance to clean my room before the recording, so sorry.”

He looks away from the camera, trying to think of other things to say. It’s been a while since he last did a recording in his bedroom, so he feels a little uncomfortable on screen. He spins around in his chair, trying to looks for some sort of inspiration to talk about. That’s when he lays his eyes on his keyboard, so he starts pressing a few keys.

“I’m currently working on the song that’s supposed to be done by the end of the month,” He stares at the corner of his ceiling, cocking his head as he whines a little. “It’s a little difficult starting from scratch. I wish I was like Suga hyung or RM hyung and write songs from the top of my head.”

Jungkook doesn’t even remember why he has a keyboard in his room, he barely knows how to play it. Occasionally he plays a key so when he records his cover songs, he can hit the right note, but that’s about it.

“I hope that by the end of the month, I will write a song that will ARMY really happy.” Jungkook says without even thinking.

“OH MY GOD!!!! YEONTAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!”

Suddenly, your voice from across the living room can be heard from Jungkook’s room. He jumps, not expecting you to scream, but soon after, he grunts with frustration. You ruined his recording, and he has to restart now. Jungkook wants you to have a piece of his mind, so he turns off his camera and barges out of his room.

He marches to the living room where he sees you and V. V has Yeontan by the leash, and you’re on your knees, just dying to hold him. Even from a distance, Jungkook can see your eyes glittering with glee.

“Can I hold him?!” You ask while feeling restless.

V is happy to see anyone excited to see Yeontan, so he gives you permission, taking him off the lease. You put Yeontan on your lap, unable to contain all this happiness in your chest. You pet him on his back and play with his tiny paws, laughing as he tries to lick your nose.

“He’s so cute! You’re so lucky to have a dog as cute as him.”

V crouches down, can’t get his eyes off of Yeontan as his dog plays around with you. “You don’t have any pets?”

“My apartment has a strict no-pets rule, but I do have a German shepard husky back home. Her name is Coco Ono, but we call her Coco for short.”

“Coco Ono?”

“Inspired by John Lennon’s wife, Yoko Ono. Every time my siblings and I watch her performances, Coco always howls with her. It’s really cute. Maybe I can show you a video of her one day.”

V already thinks that it’s cute just thinking about it. He already seems more interested in your dog than you. Yeontan jumps off of your lap, sensing that his owner is thinking about another dog. Feeling inferior, Yeontan stands by V’s leg, wiggling his tag.

You and V finally notice Jungkook, who’s standing at the end of the hallway. You two were so immersed in talking about dogs that you forgot that Jungkook was here too. You get up, cleaning your knees from any dust that was on the ground.

“Oh, Jungkook. I’m so sorry if we were disturbing you.”

“If you ever act unprofessional like this ever again, I’ll report this to Lumpens and have you fired.”

Hearing that threat from him, you feel like a stab to the chest. You can’t respond to him, looking down and feeling ashamed.

“Hey Jungkook, don’t talk to her like that. I was being loud, too, so apologize to her.”

But Jungkook doesn’t care about V’s order. He turns around and returns to his bedroom. He already said what needed to be said. From behind, he can hear V trying to comfort you, but you keep telling him that it’s alright. Soon after, you and V leave the dorm.

------

Jungkook has been stuck in his room all day, trying to write a good enough song. In total, he’s thought of ten different beats and twenty different melodies. Now he’s trying to figure out what fits with what. These only came to him from the top of his head, so he’s trying to fit the puzzle pieces together.

Since he’s been locked up in his room for hours, his stomach is feeling empty. His stomach wouldn’t be quiet about being hungry, and it would distract him from his work. Jungkook sighs, having to waste more time than he needs to, and heads to the kitchen.

They would normally have takeout, so Jungkook can just take something from the fridge and deal with his hyungs yelling at him for eating their food later. If not, he can always heat up some noodles, but he’s getting tired of eating that ten times a day too.

He leans down as he opens the fridge, scouring through the shelves for something to eat. That’s when he sees a familiar lunch tray sitting by itself in the corner. It looks like a full tray of food that hasn’t been touched, so he takes out and notices a sticky note on the lid. It reads:

Just in case you get hungry, Jungkook. - (Y/N)

When Jungkook read the name, he had no idea who it was, until he recognizes the tray. It’s the same tray that you bought for him earlier. He’s a little surprised that you left it in the fridge for him to eat, despite turning you away. You even wrote his name on it, as if you wanted him to eat it, no one else. In his mind, he calls you an idiot because you could’ve given it to V, but it isn’t like he hated that you left it for him.

While heating up the tray, he’s starting to feel bad about what he said to you—threatening to have you fired. He was just irritated because your voice was really loud, and that was the first thing that came to mind. He rubs his hand all over his face in frustration. Why did he have to say that to you?

The microwave beeps once the time limit hit 0:00, and he takes out the warm plate of food. He sets it down on the counter to let it cool down. Next to the tray is the lid with the sticky note still intact. He reads the sticky note again, studying your handwriting, then his eyes trace down to your name.

“...So her name is (Y/N)...”

------

After eating the food, he had this innate desire to go see you. He hopes that you’ll still be at their practice studio with V, and if not, he just made himself look like an idiot for going there for nothing.

While standing in front of their studio, Jungkook sighs, as he doesn’t know what to say when he sees you. V might be there, so it’s a little embarrassing having to say thank you whenever his hyungs are around. He knows that he will never hear the end of it from V, and he’ll tell the other members too. Regardless, he made the trek here, so might as well check now.

Thankfully, you’re still in the practice studio, and V and Yeontan are still there too. Jungkook looks through the window on the door, spying on you two. Instead of dancing, V and Yeontan are sitting on the floor, playing with each other. V doesn’t say a word, but you can tell from his expression that he’s feeling the utmost happiness.

Jungkook sees that your mouth is moving. When he looks closely at you, you’re holding your phone in your hands, facing the camera at V, as if you’re recording him. Curious about what you two are talking about, he opens the door slightly to eavesdrop.

“I think Tannie knows when I’m feeling sad, even when I’m hiding it. I’m really bad at expressing how I feel, and sometimes it rubs off to other people in the wrong way. Even with Tan, I’m not good at expressing how I feel, but with just one look on my face, he knows how I’m feeling, and I love him for that,” He giggles while Yeontan chases after his hand.

“But you and Yeontan don’t live together anymore. Does your love for him fade away the longer you two are apart?”

“Of course not. It only makes our bond stronger. We spent so much time together that it feels weird not to be with each other. So when we finally get to be together, we’ve never felt so happy.”

You can’t help but smile at V’s relationship with Yeontan. You tilt your head while staring at V and Yeontan playing with each other. Their relationship is definitely something to be jealous of. Fans already know how much V loves Yeontan, but not many see the behind the scenes where V expresses his genuine love for him. It’s hard seeing it from a computer screen, but if anyone were to be in the same room as Yeontan and V, you can see the look in V’s eyes that he truly cherishes Yeontan.

Jungkook interrupts the moment by cracking the door open a bit more. You and V are alerted by Jungkook’s appearance, and Yeontan runs towards Jungkook, nibbling on the ends of his shoe. Jungkook crouches down and pets Yeontan on the head.

“What are you doing here, Jungkook? I thought you were working on your song.”

“I needed some fresh air.”

“By coming here?”

Jungkook doesn’t answer back. You stop the recording on your phone, then you get on your feet, since you got what you needed. You put on one strap of your backpack, checking the time on your phone.

“I’m going to be heading back home. Thank you again, V, for letting me interview you.”

“Ah, it’s no problem. And thank you too for helping me with recording the choreograph all day too.”

Still wearing that huge jacket, you pull the hoodie over your head, since the night outside is fairly cold. You walk to the door, acknowledging Jungkook and saying farewell to Yeontan, and head out. Jungkook is a bit confused, looking at V, then back at you.

Yeontan runs back to V, and V plays with him. Jungkook looks annoyed for some reason. V senses the vibe from Jungkook and finally looks up from his dog.

“What’s wrong, Jungkook?”

“Are you just going to let her walk back home on her own?”

“What?”

Jungkook sighs in frustration. “It’s midnight, and you’re going to let a girl walk home alone?? Some weird guy might approach her and force her into his car!”

V doesn’t understand why Jungkook is getting so upset about this. Since when did Jungkook care about you so much? If he remembers earlier today, Jungkook acted like he hated your presence.

Seeing as V looks like he won’t answer, Jungkook groans in frustration. “Are any of our managers still here?”

“Manager Sejin is still here. Why?”

“I’m going to borrow one of the company’s car.” Jungkook runs across the hallway to look for their manager.

“Wait! Why??”

But Jungkook is gone as fast as the speed of lightning. V decides not to call after him, assuming that Jungkook is going to take you back home. V wonders if Jungkook understands the irony of his concern that you might get into some stranger’s car when Jungkook is pretty much a stranger to you, and he’s going to force you to get into the car.

It’s been awhile since the last time Jungkook showed concern for a staff member. Usually, he would be polite only because he doesn’t want to look bad when his hyungs do it. It’s nice to see something fresh in Jungkook’s eyes.

------

You’re walking alone, hands in your sweater pockets while staring up at the starry night. The night looks so beautiful; it makes you not want to look down. Since it’s midnight, there’s not that many people wandering the streets, but you’re fine with that. Sometimes, you have your moments when you like to be left alone to your own thoughts.

You wonder if it seemed like you didn’t want to be in the same room as Jungkook earlier. When he just got to the practice room, you stood up and left. You hope he didn’t see it as that. You just so happened to finish recording V, and you were planning to leave regardless. Jungkook already hates you as it is, and you feel like you’re just making it worse.

While lost in your own thoughts, you see a bright light shining from behind you, hearing the sound of an engine running. You automatically think that it’s a car, but you pay no attention to it. However, when the car slows down next to you, that’s when it starts to concern you. You increase your walking speed, trying to beat the pace of the car.

The driver opens the window, revealing it to be Jungkook. “Hey stalker, slow the fuck down!”

You pull down your hoodie, surprised to see him. Rather, you’re even more surprised to see Jungkook driving. “Jungkook?? What are you doing?”

“Shut up and get in the car.”

“Why?”

“Just get the hell in!”

“U-uhm, okay.”

Jungkook stops the car so that you can get in. You hop into the passenger seat, seat belting yourself. You rest your backpack on your stomach, hugging it close to you. You feel a bit awkward, not knowing what to do since this is so sudden. You knew that Jungkook has a driver’s license, but you never pictured being in the same car as him.

“Geez, you’re so annoying.”

Usually, you’d let Jungkook hammer you with insults, but this time you didn’t do anything, so that insult irked you a little. “Wait, what did I do??”

“Do you not have any common sense?? Everyone knows that it’s dangerous to be walking alone at night. It’s even more annoying that V hyung didn’t have any common sense to take you home either.” Jungkook rolls his eyes.

Though that was meant to offend you, you can’t help but blush a little. Underneath all those mean words, Jungkook was worried about you, so he came to pick you up. You clutch onto your backpack tighter, hoping that Jungkook doesn’t see how embarrassed you look right now.

“Did you drive your car here?”

Jungkook looks at you, eyebrow raised. “How stupid are you? This is the company’s car. I don’t have time to even drive, so I don’t have a car.”

“Oh, sorry.” He didn’t have to call you stupid though. Your head perks up, something hitting you just now. “Wait a minute, then how did you get to the studio?”

“Walk. How else?”

“But didn’t you say that it’s dangerous to be walking around this late at night alone? Like, it’s common sense to not be walking alone.” You’re not saying this because you’re trying to mock him for harking you on that, but you genuinely want to know why he did something so dangerous.

Realizing how hypocritical he sounds for even saying that in the first place, Jungkook blushes. Thankfully, you aren’t making fun of him for not abiding by his words, or even giving him backlash that he called you stupid, even though he’s the bigger idiot.

“But you’re a girl, so you’re prone to being in danger.”

“But you’re an international celebrity. Wouldn’t that expose you to more danger?”

Why do you always know a way to make Jungkook feel tongue-tied? He opens his mouth to say something, but he’s quick to close it when he realizes that he has nothing to say back to you.

Seeing how he won’t answer back to you, you sit back, hugging your backpack once more. “Well...as long as you weren’t put in danger. Besides, I think...you’re kinda cool...for picking me up even though you didn’t have to. So thank you.”

Jungkook turns to you, and although he can’t exactly see your face, he can tell that you’re trying to hide your face behind your backpack. Your face must be flushed with red. Hearing you compliment him and imagining how red your cheeks are almost makes Jungkook want to pull down your backpack to see your blushing face. He’s curious to know how your flustered expression looks like.

Immediately, he slaps that thought out of his head. Why would be want to see your face? You don’t wear makeup and you definitely do not have body of a model. You’re nowhere near his ideal type, and you have no sense of fashion. You’re also socially awkward, and your foreign accent makes it so obvious that you’re not Korean.

...And yet, his heart still tugs just thinking about how cute your face must look right now. He kept thinking about that so much that he forgot to thank you for the meal you left for him.

------

Jungkook’s classmates are always talking about their math teacher, Ms. Kang. She’s fresh out of college, and she’s drop-dead gorgeous. The male classmates are always hovering around her, and the female students always glare at her with envy. Jungkook, on the other hand, is more focused on training hard so that he and his hyungs can become successful.

“How can you not fall for Ms. Kang??! I would kiss her foot if it means to be with her!”

“Kissing her foot is even a blessing itself.”

Jungkook can see why she attracts so many students to her, but he isn’t interested in her. If anything, she’s too old for him. As of right now, he has no interest in dating or girls in that manner. All he wants to do is work.

“I don’t know. I think she’s really pretty...but I wouldn’t kiss up to her.” Jungkook answers.

“What?! Well, makes sense. You’re like the purest boy we know, which is so weird. At this age, every girl is a possibility for boys. And you claim you’ve never had your first love yet.”

“It’s true!” As much as Jungkook hates to admit it, it really is true. “And I’m not really in the mood for dating right now. I just want to focus on practicing.”

“Whatever you say, goody two-shoes.”

It does make Jungkook wonder though...How do you know if someone is in love with you? He’s never experienced it himself, so he wouldn’t know.

“How do you know if you’re in love?”

“Well, my friend, I think the purest kind of love is when that person notices the small things that others won’t notice. It could be the tiniest of details, and it’s because they’re always looking at your direction. Now, that is when you know you’re in love.”

However, unbeknownst to them, Ms. Kang was already in the classroom. She must’ve heard Jungkook’s conversation with his two classmates because she keeps eyeing them. Thinking that they might get in trouble, they turn away from each other, pretending to be well-behaved students. But Ms. Kang doesn’t say or do anything.

She just keeps staring.

“No...this isn’t right,” Pdogg says.

“But I did what you said last time. What’s wrong with it now?” Jungkook insists on knowing.

In Pdogg’s studio room, Jungkook is sitting across from him. He has just listened to Jungkook’s latest song he created for the show. For the past few days, Jungkook has been giving Pdogg a few of his drafts to see if any of them are acceptable enough to be published during the filming of Behind the Stage. So far Pdogg has turned down every one of his works.

“You’re just regurgitating everything I tell you to do.”

“Isn’t that what you want me to do?”

“No, it’s not. I tell you so that you can create it yourself. If you just copy everything I say, then it’s pretty much a song that I wrote, not you.”

The fans don’t have to know that Pdogg wrote it. Just write it and Jungkook will just plaster his name over it. That way, it’ll just make his life a lot easier. Jungkook wishes he can do that, but the agency is very big on crediting the artist, so that option is impossible.

“Look, your song isn’t bad, but it sounds no different than a generic song played on the radio. A song won’t hit you naturally if you write it just because you have to. Give it some time, you’ll be inspired by something.” He unplugs Jungkook’s USB drive that contained his song and returns it to Jungkook.

Jungkook looks dumbfounded. He did exactly what Pdogg told him to do. How is he still not accepting it? Jungkook wants to get angry at him, but knowing their age difference and having to show respect to him, Jungkook simply thanks him for the advice and exits his studio.

Jungkook sighs, feeling anxious about when that time for his ‘inspiration’ is supposed to show up. He’s worried that his inspiration will come too late, or never come at all. From what it seems, the other members’ missions are flowing very well, as if Jungkook is the only one struggling. They have another shoot to film in a couple of hours, so he has to go to that soon. From what it seems, it looks have he’ll have no time to edit his work tonight.

Jungkook walks across the hall when he hears a familiar voice from the hallway. He peeks his head from the corner and sees their CEO, Bang Sihyuk, talking to an unfamiliar woman. Though Jungkook has never seen the woman before, he can definitely tell that she is beautiful. Her long black hair, pale skin complimenting her red lipstick, and that smile that shows all of her white, straight teeth. Any guy would fall for a woman like her.

But to Jungkook, she looks like any other woman.

The woman notices Jungkook staring at them, and he flinches when he gets caught. Now that he’s been caught staring, he wants to run away, but it’s too late when Mr. Bang notices him too.

“Oh, Jungkook! I didn’t know you were here! It feels so long since I last saw you.” Mr. Bang smiles, excited to see Jungkook.

Jungkook forces a fake and uncomfortable smile as Mr. Bang shakes his hand. It really has been a while since he last saw Mr. Bang; he looks like he lost some weight. Mr. Bang steps aside so Jungkook can see who this woman he’s been talking to.

“This is Sue Chin, and she’s the new head of the casting department.”

“Hello, Jeon Jungkook. I hear a lot of good things about BTS, and it’s nice to finally meet you.”

“Hello.”

“Ms. Chin here is a UCLA graduate, and she has her own experience in the performing arts. It’s been really stressful handling the third Hit It audition, so she’s been helping us. I can definitely tell you that she’s been helpful, alright.”

Sue laughs, looking down as if she’s flattered. “Oh, I didn’t do much.”

Jungkook can tell that Mr. Bang has definitely fallen for her beauty with the way he looks at her. Jungkook looks unimpressed as Mr. Bang continues to shower her with compliments, while Sue pretends to be happy with the flattery.

But what disturbs Jungkook a bit is that while Mr. Bang is complimenting her, Sue’s eyes do not leave Jungkook whatsoever. Occasionally, she’ll look down and smile timidly, but she always looks up at Jungkook. It’s as if she’s already become infatuated with him.

She just keeps staring.

Jungkook feels his chest tightening, and his heart thumping really hard—as if he’s experiencing deja vu at this moment. All he wants now is to leave.

“I have work to do, so it was cool seeing you again, Mr. Bang.”

“Okay, I’ll see you soon, Jungkook! Keep working hard.”

Jungkook waves goodbye to Mr. Bang, flashing a quick smile before leaving. He finally feels like he can breathe again after leaving that room. He didn’t like the vibe that the Sue person was giving, even though he knows nothing about her. Just something about her feels so...familiar. He doesn’t want to think about it for now, and scurries further away from that hall.

In another section of the building, Jungkook sees you from a distance. What’s strange is that you’re pacing back and forth in front of Suga’s Genius Lab. He wants to know why you’re standing in front of Suga’s studio, looking conflicted.

Jungkook decides to approach you without a second thought. “Hey Stalker, are you spying on other people now?”

Your head perks up, and but then your eyes look down, still looking troubled. “Oh, good afternoon, Jungkook.”

“What the hell are you doing here?”

You’re blushing slightly, a bit embarrassed to tell him why you’re here in the first place. “Uhm, nothing too special. What about you?”

“What I’m doing here has nothing to do with you. Don’t brush off my question.”

“...It’s kind of embarrass-”

“Tell me.”

“I want to ask Suga if I can record him playing the piano.”

What? “What the hell? Why?”

You knew his reaction would be exactly that. “I know it’s really weird to ask him, especially since I’m in no position because I’m just an intern, but I really want to record him playing the piano. It’s okay though...Actually when I think about it, it’s a really dumb question.”

You didn’t even try, and you’re already defeated. Jungkook creases his eyebrows, not enjoying that expression you have on your face right now. He can already tell that you’re the type to chicken out real quick, and he hates to see that.

Without even asking, Jungkook rings Suga’s doorbell, and you look frantic, unable to believe that he just did that. “Wh-what are you doing?”

Jungkook doesn’t answer you and waits for Suga to open the door. He knows the passcode to his studio, but it feels like it’s more polite to ask him before entering. Suga doesn’t answer the door immediately, assuming that he might have his headphones on and blasting music in his eardrums.

Jungkook rings the doorbell a second time, and after a few seconds, Suga finally opens the door. He opens just a little, but not enough where you two can fit in. Without the usual makeup, Suga’s eye bags look really obvious, as if he hasn’t slept for weeks. His hair is a mess, and he looks has he hasn’t see daylight in days. Judging by how he opened the door without flashing a smile or even a greeting, he’s probably grouchy.

Unphased by his intimidating looks, Jungkook points his thumb to you. “She wants to record you playing the piano.”

However, instead of answering, Suga stares at you, making you feel nervous. Unfortunately, Suga doesn’t bother saying a word and just closes the door on you two. You’re disappointed that he didn’t comply, but then again, you somewhat expected it. Jungkook already knew that Suga was going to decline, but he still wanted to give it a try.

Jungkook looks from the corner of his eyes and sees how bothered you are by Suga’s rejection. There’s a mix of emotions that he’s feeling right now. He doesn’t like seeing your disappointed face, but he also didn’t like how Suga just rejected her straight-up. What’s with it with his hyungs and not treating you properly? ...If I were them, I’d take care of yo- Jungkook cuts himself off, making him embarrassed that he even thought of that.

Jungkook rustles with your hair, and you jumped, not expecting him to touch you like that so suddenly. “You know, you’re always ugly, but you’re uglier when you look distressed.”

You aren’t quite sure whether he’s trying to insult you or cheer you up. It sounds like a mixture of both.

“Suga hyung is always pushing people away like that whenever he’s in the middle of composing music. I’m pretty sure once he’s done, he’ll give you the chance to record him.”

Now you know that Jungkook’s just trying to cheer you up. You smile, feeling the temperature of your cheeks rising. Jungkook sees how you’ve brightened up, and he feels something in his chest. It’s not the same feeling he had when he met Sue. He doesn’t feel disgusted when he sees you smile, but he feels...giddy?

“Okay, I’ll take note of that.”

------

In the lobby on the second floor of the building, you’re sitting on a chair, and Jungkook returns from the vending machine with two drinks. One is a Cola for himself, and another is a fizzy orange juice. Since you’re spacing out, he tries to get your attention by putting the cold drink to your cheek.

“Eep!” You yelp.

Jungkook wants to laugh at your reaction, but he tries to contain it. He shows you the drink he bought for you, and you take it, a bit confused why he’s giving it to you in the first place.

“You didn’t have to buy me something…”

“But I already wasted my money on it, so take it.”

“O-oh, okay. I’ll pay you back.”

Jungkook glares at you. “I didn’t give this to you so that you owe me a favor.”

“Okay…”

Jungkook pops open his soda, taking a huge gulp of it. Meanwhile, you haven’t opened yours yet. You’re just spacing out.

“Why did you need to record Suga hyung?”

“Hm?”

“It was the same for V hyung that night too. You were recording him on your phone. Did it have something to do with the Behind the Stage show?”

“Oh, no. It’s just a personal thing I’m working on.”

Jungkook raises an eyebrow, needing more information.

“It’s...a project I’m working on.”

“Which is…??” Jungkook keeps trying to press forward.

“Uhm...it’s a bit embarrassing.”

Jungkook groans and twirls his head in frustration. “Stop saying that it’s embarrassing and just tell me.”

“Okay…” You laugh nervously. “Uhm...I’m working on a project I call ‘Love; Weakness.’”

“Love Weakness?”

“Yea. ‘Love’, semicolon, ‘Weakness.’”

Jungkook still looks confused. Seeing as he doesn’t understand, you can already feeling yourself cringing at your own title. Saying it out loud sounds dumber than reading it on paper.

“I don’t know if you know this, but if you search up the word ‘love’ in the thesaurus website, one of the synonyms for it is the word ‘weakness.’”

Really? Jungkook didn’t know, and what are you doing on the thesaurus website too?

“It’s not a direct synonym, but I still thought it was fairly strange that weakness is one of the synonyms for love. When I click on the link to the synonyms for weakness, another word that stood out for me is the word ‘vulnerability.’”

You lean back, circling your index finger around the ring of the soda can.

“So I thought, ‘is this website trying to tell me that feeling love is a sign of weakness?’ I didn’t think that was right.”

Weakness is a synonym for love? When Jungkook thinks about it, it is true. He thinks that being in love with someone or something is rather weak. You end up becoming desperate for their love, and you feel like you can’t live without them. You expose your vulnerable side to them, and they can use that to their advantage. Jungkook finds that unnecessary and gets in the way with work.

“But while looking through more words that fall under weakness, there was another word, ‘fondness.’”

Jungkook is alerted by this.

“And that’s when it hit me: love doesn’t necessarily mean that you are weak, but weak for what makes you love it, hence a ‘fondness’ for it. You build a relationship through that bond, making it more firm as time goes on. You may fall weak to Yeontan’s cuteness, but your fondness for him makes your relationship stronger. That’s what I’m trying to get out of this project.”

It makes sense why you were recording Yeontan and V playing around, even possibly interviewing him. You were trying to get a snippet of V’s bond with his pet.

“That’s also why I wanted to record Suga playing the piano. There’s something about his lack of expression that shows...an array or expressions when he plays the piano. Does that make sense? You can see from the movements of his fingertips and that complete focus on only the piano keys that he truly loves music.” You smile just imagining that. “But if he doesn’t want to show it, then it’s fine. After all, I’m just a student, and he’s a professional musician.”

You stand up. Putting the can of soda in your large sweater pocket. You give Jungkook a smile as you check the time on your phone. When he gets a quick glance of your lockscreen, he sees that you still haven’t changed your wallpaper; it’s still a selfie of Jungkook.

“I have to go now. One of the staffs is having me help with the sound editing team. Well, mostly just serving them drinks and watching what they’re doing. I won’t be on set this time.”

There’s this sense of displeasure when Jungkook heard that. You’ve been on set since day one, but now you won’t be there. It isn’t like you two even talk on set, and if anything, Jungkook intentionally ignores you. But having you not actually be there makes him feel...empty.

Even after you’re gone from the room, it leaves Jungkook thinking about what you just said. ‘Being weak to love doesn’t mean showing your vulnerable side, but how fond you are with it,’ you tell him. As strong of an opinion you have with that, Jungkook can’t help but disagree with you. There is a reason why ‘vulnerability’ is under the same category as ‘weakness’ in the first place.

------

No matter how much Jungkook studies, he just doesn’t quite understand. Why is it that Jungkook is always failing his math tests? He made sure that he asked his hyungs, the tutors, everyone to help him with math. He did every step that everyone told him to do, and when he thinks he’s finally confident, he fails a test.

“Hey, can I see your test score too?” Jungkook leans over to a fellow classmate.

“What? No! What are you trying to do, show off that you got a better score??”

“No! I failed my test. I just want to check our answers.”

His classmate still doesn’t seem convinced by that. But still, his classmate gives him his test paper, and Jungkook looks at every question. There were a few that they both got wrong, a few others where they were both right.

However, one pattern he spotted that was quite odd is that even for the ones that Jungkook got right, Ms. Kang marked them as wrong. Majority of the answers that were marked as incorrect are actually right. Jungkook keeps looking back and forth between his paper and his classmate’s paper. She marked only the incorrect ones for him.

“That’s odd. Ms. Kang even took off points for the ones I got right.”

“Whoa, really?”

Jungkook is annoyed by this. He asks for his classmate’s previous test papers so he can compare. Just like the most recent test, Ms. Kang marked many of his math problems as wrong, even though he got them right. However, she doesn’t make a single mistake for his classmate’s paper.

“That’s really weird. Maybe it’s because she’s still new that she’s making all these mistakes.”

Jungkook doesn’t find that as a reliable excuse. She went to college for a reason, so she should learn at least the basics of high school math.

“Maybe you gotta talk to her about this.”

“Yea, I will, but not anytime soon because we’re going to shoot another music video right after school.”

“Ohhh!! That’s right, Mr. Jeon-I’m-starting-to-become-popular-Jungkook! How does it feel finally getting some recognition?”

“It’s good...but I honestly don’t feel any different.”

“What are you talking about? You got thousands of girls fawning for you now! Geez, I think any guy would want to be in your position.”

His classmate says that, but Jungkook doesn't see his fans in that light. Jungkook truly appreciates all of the fans that care and support them. He would never hook up with a fan; he’d like to take the time to sit down and get to know them. He loves all of his fans.

“Anyways, you gotta get that checked man before you fail. Plus, you get some quality time with Ms. Kang.” his classmate nudges his arm.

Jungkook walks out of his bedroom like a zombie, barely picking up his feet. He can feel his exhaustion creeping up to him after staying up all night composing the song. In the living room, he sees you, Jimin, and V are together, hanging out. V asked you again to help him film for his choreograph and has asked Jimin for help about dancing. In exchange, Jimin is asking V for advice on camera work, since he has to make a music video. He could ask Jungkook for advice, but lately, Jungkook has been busy with his own mission, so he doesn’t want to bother him.

When you see Jungkook heading to the kitchen, your face brightens up. “Oh! Good morning, Jungkook!”

You wave your arm to Jungkook, but he doesn’t wave back. He’s too tired that he doesn’t even have the energy to raise his hand. Also, when did you become close to Jimin and V? It isn’t unusual for Jimin and V to become close with the staff, regardless if they’re male or female, but why you? You’re still an intern. Jungkook doesn't know why, but he doesn’t like seeing you with them.

“Ohhhh, Jungkook! You look very dead, and it’s just the morning.” Jimin teases Jungkook.

But Jungkook isn’t in the mood to answer. He simply nods to Jimin’s remarks. While Jimin and V are used to seeing Jungkook looking this exhausted, they don’t pay much attention and continue their conversation about dancing and cameras. You, on the other hand, are concerned about him.

“Jungkook? Are you okay? Do you need some coffee?” You asked in a worried tone.

Jungkook ignores you, then drags his feet back to his bedroom after grabbing a can of Cola. He closes the door behind him, and you’re left unanswered.

“It’s okay, leave him be. He gets like that when he’s stressed.”

“It’s better not to talk to him when he’s in that mood. His anger gets to him sometimes.” V added.

Although Jimin and V warned you, you still can’t help but be concerned. You’re aware that being an idol takes up a person’s life, but this is the first time you’re seeing it. At least, you’d like to know if Jungkook is alright.

------

Jungkook can feel his eyes becoming heavy. He gulped down the entire can of soda, but the caffeine isn’t helping him stay up. He’s sitting in front of his computer, stumped on writing his song, but also struggling to stay focused. He keeps blinking, and it becomes more difficult for him to keep his eyes open. He leans back in his chair, rubbing his hands up and down his face to wake himself up.

Even though he closed the door, he can hear your voice, along with Jimin’s and V’s. His hyungs’ voices are the loudest, while you talk in a more calming voice. He wants to know what you three are talking about. Though the wall muzzles your voice, Jungkook can still hear it, and it’s somewhat soothing.

Even though Jungkook always sounds angry with you, you never once raised your voice. You always spoke in that calm tone. If he can remember, the last time you raised your voice was his first encounter with you. You weren’t mad at him or anything, but rather, you were surprised to see him. Instead of getting angry, you thanked him, but he doesn’t know why you thanked him. He never met you before, so what did he do to deserve that thanks?

When he looks at his past conversations with you, you’re alway thanking and complimenting him. However, Jungkook always mouthed foul words at you. There were so many times when he wanted to thank you, but the words never came out. He never got the chance to thank you.While listening to his two older hyungs and you talk, Jungkook’s eyes start to close.

------

Jungkook is awaken by the sound of his phone ringing nonstop. It’s the ringtone for Kakaotalk, and it won’t stop ringing. It starts to annoy him, so he decides to check to see who’s spamming him. However, when he sees the innumerable amount of unknown numbers texting him, Jungkook is alarmed. His inbox is filled with countless of messages that reads:

I love you Jungkook-oppa! 💕

Is this really Jungkook’s ID?

Hi, Jungkook!!! 💞✨😄😁😙😭

Are you really Jungkook from BTS?

Omg, im actually crying

Hi Jungkook! Been a fan of BTS since I Need U era and I just want to say…

Jungkook learns quickly that all of these numbers are his fans, but how did they get access to his Kakao ID? There are hundreds of fans who are texting him all at once, making it impossible for him to block every one of these fans. He starts to get anxious, trying to figure out a way to delete all of them as well as figure out how they got his ID.

Jungkook stands up from his chair, about to go out and ask one of their managers to handle this, but due to his hasty nature, Jungkook accidentally drops his phone right on top of his computer keyboard. Jungkook tries to pick up his phone, but his fingers also hits a few of the keys while he tried to catch it.

But as he grabbed it, he didn’t realize that he had accidentally pressed a couple of keys together that would delete everything on his USB drive—the same drive that contained all of his work for the song he was composing. During that midst of silence (with the exception of his text tone going off every millisecond), Jungkook’s jaw dropped, unable to believe that he had just accidentally wiped clean of weeks worth of work just like that.

Finally, panic sets in, and Jungkook scavenges for his files anywhere on his computer. He looks through every folder in the USB, looking through his files explorer, his downloads, even his recycle bin. But he can’t find it anywhere. He can feel his sweat starting to form on his forehead upon the realization that he actually deleted all of his work in mere seconds.

Weeks of sleepless nights working on the song and continuous rejection from their producer down the drain just like that. While rustling with his hair in frustration, the ringing from his phone won’t stop; fans are still messaging him by the moment, telling him they love and support him. He glares down at his noisy phone, the source of his troubles. This is their fault.

In a fit of rage, Jungkook grabs his phone and throws it across the room, shouting to release all of his anger from within. He threw it so hard that the corner of his phone made a hole in the wall, but he doesn’t care. Jungkook flips his piano keyboard over, crashing to the floor, and he throws his figurines and papers everywhere.

During his tantrum, his phone is still ringing, fans still dropping by and leaving thousands of text messages. The sound of his phone only increase his temper, so he runs to his wall and begins punching it. He punches his hand repeatedly against the wall that it starts to scrape his knuckles. His knuckles start to turn red and sore from the repeatedly blows, creating a dent.

Hearing all of this commotion from the living room, you—who had been left behind by Jimin and V so they can make a quick trip to the convenience store to buy ramen—run to Jungkook’s bedroom, swinging his door open to see his room a mess. You see him in the corner of his room, punching his wall, so you leapt over the papers and items on the floor to reach him.

You pull his arm away from the wall. “Jungkook! What are you doing?? Stop it!”

“I fucking hate my fans! All they ever do is fucking ruin my life!”

He remembers all the times when fans were being disrespectful: grabbing his hair and shirt just to get a chance to touch him, pushing and chasing after him in the airport, and even started a petition to kick him out of BTS.

But he thinks the worst thing about his fans is that majority of his fans only like him because of his looks. They don’t really care about him, only his looks. No one really cares what he’s like inside, not even his own fans. This is exactly why Jungkook hates being an idol.

“Don’t ever say that about your fans!” You blurt out. “You don’t really mean that! Think about all the times when the fans loved and supported you—the times when you felt the most alone, and they were there for you!”

Jungkook turns to you, unwilling to listen to you. That right, he thought, you’re a fan of me too. Jungkook jerks his arm off of you.

“You’re only saying that because you’re a fan of me too. I offended you, too Isn’t that right?”

A bit shocked that he said that, you froze in spot. He knew it—he hit it directly in the center. All this time when you showed him care, it was only because you think of him as a celebrity; you see him merely as Jeon Jungkook from BTS.

“Get the fuck away from me. Your face is annoying me.” Jungkook says right before he leaves.

He leaves you alone in his bedroom, and you’re left feeling confused. What had happened to make him throw a fit this violent? Something must’ve happened for him to get this upset.

You look around the room, and all you can hear is the sound of a text tone constantly going off. You look through the piles of paper and novelties on the floor, and you find Jungkook’s phone and the millions of text messages that he’s getting from his fans.

------

It’s eleven o’clock in the evening, and he’s been out all day. Luckily, they didn’t have anything particularly important to do today, and RM, J-Hope, and Suga were going to be in today’s episode only. It felt nice he got to be alone without his phone because this time, there were no distractions. His hyungs and managers aren’t texting/calling him, and he doesn’t have to read messages from his fans. He just got to be alone.

Even though he was alone, you kept popping up in his head. The last expression he saw from you was a look of hurt. He knew that his words stabbed you right in the heart because in a way, he was directly talking to you too. You’ve always had a high tolerance when his insults were directly towards you, but this time, it seemed like you took it to heart.

At the front of Jungkook’s apartment complex, sitting right outside of the lobby is you. When you sit there alone, you really do look like a stalker. What the hell are you doing here so late at night? Not only that, but it’s chilly outside. He can tell that you’re really cold because you’re all balled up, and your hands are in your pockets.

Not wanting to approach you, but also not having any other way to get around you, Jungkook grudgingly pulls his feet to the lobby entrance. Just as he predicted, you noticed him, so you stand up and run to him.

“Jungkook! Are you okay?”

“You know, you really look like a stalker just sitting there.”

You ignore his remarks, waiting for him to answer you back.

“What the fuck are you doing here? Don’t you have your internship shit you have to worry about?”

“It’s okay, that’s my own problem that I can deal with later.” You brushed it off rather quickly.

You show Jungkook his phone that he left behind. You kept it warm in your sweater pocket, making sure that the cold temperature doesn’t affect it in any way.

“I figured out how they got your ID,” You start off. “Someone hacked into your account and released it. I think it was a fan.”

How did she find out about that? Jungkook wonders if you actually spent the whole day tracking down the person responsible for the leak.

“It took a while, but I was able to have someone relay the information to the company, so the hacker should get a warning from BigHit, but I’m not sure.”

Jungkook doesn’t know what to say. You spent the whole day just doing this for him. But why though? Why sacrifice the possibility of losing your internship for someone as ignorant as Jungkook? Why are you so nice to him?

“I didn’t ask you to solve this for me. The fans would’ve figured this out and sent a mass email to the head of my agency about this anyway.” He walks past you so he can get to the entrance door.

“I know you didn’t ask me to do this, but...I wasn’t the one who discovered it first.”

Jungkook pauses.

“Jungkook, it was your fans who solved this, way before I ever did. I learned about this situation from them, and they emailed your company, but since they were emails from fans, they didn’t think too much about it. So I wanted to help some sort of help and at least gather all of the emails and the evidence that they sent to make it easier for them to read,” You smile, proud of the fans who took the time to do all this. “I just wanted to tell you this.”

Jungkook doesn’t answer you. He’s speechless by the works of his fans, like he didn’t really expect them to do what they always say they would. He was just joking about fans dealing with this first.

“So...please take back what you said about your fans. They really do care for you because you’ve helped them in ways that other people couldn’t.”

He looks at you, and you look so desperate, as if you really want him to forgive the fans who messages you as well as thank the ones who helped. Of course, looking at the situation like this, Jungkook can’t help but feel appreciative. Plus, the fans who did text meant no harm. After all, he was the one who panicked and accidentally deleted all of his work.

It reminds him of the time when he and his band hardly had any fans, and receiving fan letters was the best thing in the world. Reading a letter from a fan meant that there were really people who acknowledged that they’re alive. He even remembers the time when a fan sent him a basket of fruits, and he was so delighted that he didn’t want to share any with his hyungs. Jungkook can never forget those moments.

“Alright...I was wrong to say that I hate them. I was just upset at the moment.” Jungkook realized that he can never truly hate his fans. After all, many of them stayed by their side, so he should do them a favor and stay with them as well.

There’s a glimmer of hope in your eyes, happy to see that Jungkook’s faith in his fans hasn’t completely been wiped away. You were worried that because they have so many fans, they would only see them as numbers, not individual people.

You can’t help smile, and your cheeks start to turn red. This isn’t really something to be happy about because Jungkook’s information still got hacked, meaning that the hacker found his email and phone number. But seeing how Jungkook forgave them, you can’t hide how happy you are.

There it is again, that look on your face that has been tugging on Jungkook’s chest lately. He hates seeing you smile, not because he thinks you look ugly when you smile, but because he feels undeserving of it. He’s been nothing but crude to you, and in return, you give him kindness. He can never understand you and why you’re so nice to him. It makes him feel guilty...but he wants more of it.

Jungkook pulls you towards him. You fall in his chest, and you can feel his heart thumping really fast. He wraps his arms around you, hugging you tightly so you can feel his warmth. You’re surprised by this, your face turning to a tomato, but you don’t reject him either. Jungkook feels more at ease, having you in his arms like this. It’s as if all of his troubles is gone when you’re around. With this silent but heartfelt embrace, he can confirm that he’s fallen for you.

“...I…”

Do you really think you can satisfy another girl?

Suddenly, a flashback runs through his memories—a memory that he made sure that he forgot. Jungkook pushes you away out of the blue, and you don’t know what’s going on. Without a warning, Jungkook runs into the lobby, leaving you all alone by the front of the entrance door. You don’t know what that hug was for, and you don’t know why he pushed you away like that.

------

In the elevator, Jungkook leans against the wall opposite of the door. He slides down, falling to his knees as he realized that he likes you, but he doesn’t want to. He curls up into a ball, covering his ears as a waterfall of unwanted memories return to him.

“I never liked you.”

“You started to become boring, so I moved on.”

“With the way you are right now, no one will ever want to be with you.”

“Remember this when you continue to pursue your career: no one will truthfully love you because you’re Jeon Jungkook from BTS.”

But the one thing that he can never forget—the one that will forever be embedded in his memories is that one sentence: your portrayal of love is annoying. That’s right...Jungkook can never love someone, can he? Jungkook can never satisfy your needs, because he’s unable to love, just like what that person told him. You being with him would only bring you tragedy. You’ll eventually become annoyed of him, then you’ll leave him too.

His phone rings suddenly, and it’s a text message. It’s not from Kakaotalk, but from normal text app. It’s from an unknown number. But when he see the name in the message, he knew immediately who this is.

Hi, Jungkook. This is Sue Kim, the new head of the casting department. I heard from Mr. Bang about your information being leaked. I’m so sorry about what happened. If there’s anything you need, don’t be afraid to come to me if you ever need someone to comfort you. - Sue Kim.

Jungkook knows what she means by ‘comfort’. No one ever says that to a stranger unless they want to get in bed with them. He knows that...but he still returns the text to her. If there is one thing that he can satisfy people with, it’s ‘that’. Jungkook is too filthy to be with someone like you.

Thank you. I’ll come to you whenever I need someone by my side.

------

Jungkook enters the classroom, peeking his head in first to see if Ms. Kang is in here. She’s the only one in the classroom, so he enters. She takes notice of him, and she looks delighted to see him. She stands up from her chair, but not saying a word.

“Jungkook, is there a reason why you’re here?”

“Uh, yes. I wanted to talk about my test scores.”

‘It’s about time,’ Jungkook hears her mumble, but he pays no attention to that, as he must’ve imagined that. Ms. Kang pulls out a chair from a nearby desk, and she pats the seat of it, signaling him to sit.

“Sit down. This talk might take a while.”

“Okay.”

Jungkook obliges and sits down. Ms. Kang doesn’t sit down, but instead stands in front of him. That’s when Jungkook sees that she’s wearing a rather provocatively short skirt.

“I noticed that a lot of my test scores have a lot of incorrect marks, but I got most of the questions right. I checked with one of my classmates, and it seems like you’ve accidentally gave me the wrong incorrections.”

Jungkook is trying to explain, but it seems like Ms. Kang isn’t even listening. She just keeps breathing heavily while staring at him. Actually, not directly at Jungkook’s face...but more down.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, Jungkook. I didn’t mean for that to happen but...I’ve already put your test scores down in the system, and I can’t undo it. However, I can give you extra credit to make up for my mistakes.”

Ms. Kang walks behind Jungkook, and it sounds like she’s taking out a piece of cloth. She takes Jungkook by the hands, making him flinch. “Ms. Kang, what are you doing?”

“Just trust me. You’ll like this.”

She puts both of Jungkook’s hands together, then ties them together. When he realized that Ms. Kang tied his hands behind the chair, Jungkook struggles to get them off, but then he stops fighting when he sees that Ms. Kang is taking off her underwear right in front of him.

Face red, Jungkook turns away. “M-Ms. Kang, what are you doing?! Let me go!”

“What’s wrong? I’m just trying to help you.”

Ms. Kang unbuttons her shirt, exposing her chest, but Jungkook dares not to look. He doesn’t know if this is actually happening, or if this is a dream, but all he knows is that he wants to get out of this situation. Jungkook wants to scream for help, but he’s so frightened that his voice won’t come out.

Ms. Kang gets on his lap, and Jungkook jumps from fright. His head is still turned away, but Ms. Kang forces his head to look at her bare chest. This is the first time Jungkook has ever seen breasts before. Suddenly, Ms. Kang puts her hand on Jungkook’s thigh, moving it up to his pelvic area, followed by her hand moving back and forth to entice it.

Jungkook doesn’t like this, but his body is reacting differently. He hates this, and he wants to throw up. He didn’t come here for this. Jungkook starts to cry, not wanting to do this with his math teacher.

“Ms. Kang…please stop it...I’m scared.”

But instead of stopping, Jungkook’s scared expression only excites her more. She tilts her head to the side, her red lips curling up to form a lustful grin.

She leans close to Jungkook’s ear to whisper something. “Jungkook, my innocent, precious student, what you’re feeling isn’t fear, but desire. You want more from me. You’re craving for me, too, and you just don’t know it. It’s not fear but love. Believe me, because after all, I’m your teacher, and I’m teaching you right now.”

Is that true? Jungkook wouldn’t know...he’s never been in love before. Could he be mistaking this feeling of terror for love?

“Jungkook...I’m tired of teaching a bunch of thirsty students. They’re all so immature, and that’s why I love you. You’re always working hard to achieve your goals, never looking at me like those brainless boys. You’re much more mature than they are, and it makes me want to have a piece of that. Jungkook, I love you, so give me all of you.”

Once she feels like Jungkook is ready, she unzips his pants and spreads her legs.

“You must’ve been feeling alone after you became an idol, right? Let me fill that void for you.” She whispers one more time before tainting him.

How did she know that he was lonely? Jungkook heard from his classmates that you’re truly in love with another person if they notice the small thing about you. He made sure that no one knew that he was feeling lonely. So if Ms. Kang noticed that, then does that mean that she really loves him? If that is so, then his innocent mind thinks that it’s better if he returns the feelings.

But...if that’s what he thinks, then why does he feel like he disappointed his hyungs, his family, his friends, his fans, and most of all—himself?

“Did you hear what happened to Jungkook?” One staff member whispers to another.

“About the Kakaotalk thing?”

“Yea! That was crazy, wasn’t it?”

“It was. Poor Jungkook, he had to deal with his fans annoying him.”

Two staff members are talking to each other while organizing the different outfits on the shelf. You’re helping as well, folding them neatly and making sure that there aren’t any creases. You wish you can tell them that Jungkook doesn’t think of his fans like that.

What happened that night was definitely strange, but what’s stranger is that after that, Jungkook completely cut ties with you. He stopped acknowledging you completely. Whenever you greet him, he ignores you, walking off as if you weren’t in the room. You don’t know what you could’ve done to make him do that.

“(Y/N)?” A staff member calls out to you.

“Oh, yes?”

“Do you think you can get us the clothes from the next room too?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

The woman thanks you, and you head out of the room, heading to the room right next to this one. While on your way there, you hear an all too familiar voice talking across the hall. It’s Jungkook’s voice, and he’s speaking with a woman. You stop to listen as their voices get louder, passing through the halls perpendicular to you.

You see Jungkook and Sue walking with each other, and they’re smiling. Sue is clinging onto Jungkook’s arm. You’re feeling this ache in your chest when you see Jungkook smiling—something he’s never done with you. Jungkook looks so happy with Sue, but when he’s with you, he looks miserable.

Because you’re standing there, taken aback by the scene, Jungkook catches you staring. You both make eye contact for a brief moment, and you debate whether or not you should greet him. But before you can, Jungkook returns his gaze to Sue, continuing his conversation with her. You can feel your heart drop when he looked away as if you two have never met before. Your throat chokes up and you try to hold back on your tears, heading to the room to get the rest of the clothes.

Jungkook keeps looking back, but every time he does, you’re not there. He wonders if you saw him with Sue, which you most likely did because you two make eye contact.

Because Jungkook’s attention isn’t on Sue, Sue tugs on his arm in a cutesy manner, pursing her bottom lip up to form a sulking expression. “Jungkook, where are you looking? I’m right here.”

Jungkook grudgingly returns his gaze to Sue, who’s smile returns once all of his attention is back to her. He hates how clingy she is, and how this middle-aged woman is trying to act like she’s young again. He dislikes this situation he put himself into, being stuck with a woman who wants nothing more than his body.

But he prefers this than to be with you because Jungkook knows that he’s not capable of loving you. He would rather have himself spiral down a rabbit hole filled with greed and lust rather than to have you stuck with him and be miserable for making that choice. Once you learn about his weak side, you’ll no longer want to be with him, and that’s what he doesn’t want.

Sue wraps her arms around Jungkook’s tighter, having his elbow feel the side of her breast. She keeps looking down at his body with desire, then she raises her gaze up at Jungkook’s handsome, structured face. “You know, I’m free tonight. We can do something if you like.”

Jungkook looks at her, knowing exactly what she means by that. “Okay.”

Jungkook doesn’t know what brought him to say that. Perhaps it’s because no matter how many times he tries to forget about you, you always pop up in his mind, and he wants to forget about you.

Your kindness is not what he deserves.

Every time he’s with Sue, his guilty conscious always returns to you. And yet, he’s trying to move away from the feelings he has with you by being with a woman who doesn’t even love him.

------

In the hotel room, Sue pushes Jungkook against the wall, kissing him passionately on the lips. Sue has her arms all around Jungkook, but he leaves his arms hanging lifelessly as she caresses him. She undoes her bun, letting her long hair fall down, and she takes Jungkook’s hands and places them on her waist.

She pulls back, breathing heavily. “You know, from the moment I saw you, I was wondering how you’re like in bed.”

He’s not surprised she thought like that. Sue unbuttons Jungkook’s shirt, exposing his chest and abdomen to her. She smiles once she laid eyes on his body, impatient to know how it’ll feel like when she touches them. Jungkook and Sue head to the bed, where Sue pushes him down first. She takes off her clothes, only to be wearing her black bra and underwear.

Sue climbs on top of him, kissing his neck repeatedly while he looks away, unphased by her moans and kisses. He keeps staring at the clock that’s hanging on the wall, time ticking slowly. He doesn’t know why he’s here, or why he’s letting Sue do this to him when he isn’t even enjoying it. This is not the first time he’s done it, but it isn’t like he has enough experience either. He lets Sue take the lead, which she gladly decides to do so.

Sue’s hand rests on Jungkook’s chest, and it traces down to abdomen. She begins to rub at Jungkook’s privates while she kisses Jungkook all over his mouth. However, when Jungkook feels her rubbing his bulge, he is immediately struck with a sense of familiarity—one that he chooses not to remember:

That one afternoon after school, in that empty classroom filled with nothing but the orange color of the sun. There is not a single sound in that room except for his math teacher’s moans and Jungkook’s cries. He kept his eyes shut, biting his bottom lip. He couldn’t cry for help because he was so deathly scared of getting in trouble. The only words ever echoed in that classroom was from Ms. Kang—her repeated I love you’s as she moved up and down.

Jungkook couldn’t comprehend, but he knew that this was going to be a secret between him and his teacher. Even after the deed was done, Ms. Kang still told him how much she loved him. Jungkook, convinced that what he experienced wasn’t fear, but romantic feelings towards his teacher, can only nod. He can only assume that he and Ms. Kang has started a scandalous relationship.

But...despite her repeated confession, not once has Ms. Kang actually showed him affection.

Feeling that familiar, disgusting feeling he once had in high school resurfacing, Jungkook pushes Sue off of him. Catching her off guard, Sue falls to the ground. She looks at Jungkook, surprised and annoyed as to why Jungkook did that.

“Jungkook, what-”

“Don’t call me by my name!” Jungkook blurts out.

Sue stands up while Jungkook sits up, hiding his face beneath his hands. She leans over to touch Jungkook’s hand.

“Honey, what’s gotten into you?”

Hearing her call him ‘honey’ disgusts him. Jungkook wants to throw up just hearing that nickname. Jungkook whacks her hand away from him.

“GO AWAY! Don’t contact me ever again. If you try to talk to me after this, I’m going to file a complaint.”

Feeling disrespected, Sue scoffs at Jungkook. She grabs her clothes on the ground and puts it on. She glares at Jungkook, feeling as though she’s the victim because Jungkook led her on.

“I thought you were better than that. Turns out that you’re no different from other men.” Sue says just to get under his skin. “I only wanted to have sex with you anyways because you were famous. I never liked you.”

Even though Jungkook never developed feelings for Sue, her words still stung. Just being reminded that he is nothing more than a toy, it hurts. This is exactly why he’s tired of being an idol. He’s nothing more than an action figure to be played with, a figure seen on TV to be advertised and bought. The light will never shine on who Jungkook really is.

Everywhere that Sue touched starts to tingle, as if her germs are drilling themselves into his skin, and he feels dirty. He tries to scratch her germs off of him, but no matter how hard he tries, it feels like it’ll never go away. Her germs have become imprinted into his skin, and it’ll never come off.

Wanting to be cleansed of this filth, Jungkook can only think of you.

------

Ever since that day, Jungkook and Ms. Kang have been meeting up secretly to have sex. Jungkook never initiates the moves though—it was always Ms. Kang. The first couple of times, Jungkook felt so disgusting doing something as dirty and forbidden as this, but after a while, he was able to convince himself that this is what he should like. If Ms. Kang loves him like she says she does, then he should return the favor. As her boyfriend, Jungkook should learn how to treat her right.

But as time went on, Jungkook and Ms. Kang started seeing each other less and less. Every time he goes to meet her, Ms. Kang is always telling him that she’s busy correcting papers or tutoring. Being the understandable person that he is, Jungkook believed her and gave her space. But it started to become normal for Ms. Kang to brush Jungkook aside, and Jungkook started to become worried that it might be because he’s not treating her right.

Jungkook started asking for advice from his friends on how to treat a girlfriend. He did everything they told him to do, but it never seemed to satisfied Ms. Kang. He would always compliment her looks help her whenever she needed it, and even went out his way to buy her flowers. Nothing worked, and he’s left questioning what he can do.

“A heartfelt letter?” Jungkook asks.

“Yea, I’m pretty sure she’ll like it.” Namjoon tells him. “For some things, it’s hard to express it through speech, so I think it’s better to write it down and tell her how you truly feel.”

Jungkook had asked Namjoon for advice. He didn’t tell him that it’s his teacher he’s trying to appease but did say that it’s a girl from school. Since Namjoon is very good at writing lyrics, Jungkook asked him for help, and he’s one of the few hyungs who knows how to keep a secret.

“Tell me how it goes. I hope she accepts your confession.” Namjoon smiles, rooting for him.

Jungkook smiles, thinking that this might be it.

It took him a while to write a whole paper-worth for Ms. Kang, but he did it. What he wrote might be a bit cheesy, but he thinks that he might get his feelings across to his teacher with this letter. All he has to do now is give it to her.

One day after school, Jungkook is standing in front of Ms. Kang’s classroom. His heart is thumping like crazy, unsure of whether or not this will work. It’s been awhile since he and Ms. Kang had a conversation, so he might feel a bit uncomfortable coming to her and confessing his feelings. However, Jungkook won’t know anything if he doesn’t do anything, so he opens the door.

What he sees in front of him shocks him. Ms Kang is there, but there’s a male student there too. The student is tied to a chair, and Ms. Kang is on his lap. This feels all too familiar, and Jungkook can feel his legs become weak. He can barely hold the letter in his hand. Fearing that they might get in trouble, Ms. Kang unties the student’s hands from the chair to let him escape. With the student gone, Ms. Kang looks frustrated, crossing her arms.

“What do you want?”

Jungkook shakes his head, trying to get the image of Ms. Kang climbing another student out of his mind “I-I just wanted to talk to you.”

With his fingers feeling weak, barely holding onto the paper in his hands now, raises the letter that he worked on to show his teacher.

“I know you’ve been busy with grading and everything for us to see each other...so I thought that it’d be better if I wrote you a letter, and you can read it whenever you have time.”

Ms. Kang doesn’t respond whatsoever. She approaches Jungkook, the sound of her heels echoing the classroom. She takes the letter from Jungkook’s hand, and instead of reading—or even glancing at it—Ms. Kang rips it into pieces. Jungkook heart drops, seeing the letter he put all of his feeling down being torn as if it’s nothing meaningful.

“Since you’re not getting the hints I’m trying to give you, I’ll spell it out for you,” Ms. Kang drops the torn pieces of Jungkook’s letter to the floor. “You started to become boring, so I moved on.”

Jungkook eyes widen, but Ms. Kang scoffs and rolls her eyes.

“Don’t act so surprised. It was all because you’re an up and rising celebrity, and I wanted to know how it feels like to do it with one.” She says so frankly and emotionlessly.

Ms. Kang leans closer to Jungkook, poking his shoulder with her index finger.

“You really thought we were in a relationship? Get your head out of fantasyland and learn that romance doesn’t work so dream-like.”

Jungkook bottom lip starts to tremble, having a difficult time swallowing Ms. Kang’s words. “...W-was it because I didn’t treat you right? I-I can change. I’ll do whatever you say to make things work out. Just…”

Just don’t tell me that you never loved me.

Ms. Kang bursts into laughter. “Wow! You’re really delusional, you know that? Are you really that dumb? Our relationship was nothing more than physical, but you were so innocent that you didn’t want to believe that. You knew all this time that I never liked you. Jungkook, your portrayal of love is annoying. And with the way you are right now, no one will ever want to be with you.”

Ms. Kang leans close to Jungkook’s ear to whisper something.

“Remember this when you continue to pursue your career: no one will truthfully love you for you, but because you’re Jeon Jungkook from BTS. You threw away your real self the moment you signed your contract to become an idol, so forget about ever finding a lover who’ll really love you.”

Ms. Kang moves away from Jungkook, exiting the classroom to get space from him. Jungkook doesn’t know how to react; he can only look down at his trembling hands. He sees his tears landing on the palms of his hands. Jungkook knew that Ms. Kang didn’t like him, but he wanted to believe that true love is real. She broke that illusion. It never existed in the first place, and those are the words that Jungkook will never forget.

It will linger with him for as long as he lives. Even if the years go by and he forgets the face of who said those words, those exact words will be the only thing that will ring true to him. Those words are what provides aid to him on his future endeavours for as long as he lives, and he vows that nothing should and will ever change that. Because to him, he is unable to satisfy his love for others.

Jungkook is walking around the empty section of the park by himself. After canceling their hotel room, Jungkook can’t bring himself to return home, so he went to the park to clear his mind. He looks up at the sky, staring at every single star, wishing that one of them and come flying down and crush him for his sins.

Jungkook finds an isolated playground, and he’s never seen it before. Maybe it’s because it’s in a hidden part of the park, so he never found it. He goes ahead and sits on one of the rusty swings. His feet pushes him back and forth, wanting nothing more than to become forgotten just like this playground. Jungkook regrets ever coming to Seoul to become an idol. He wish he stayed in Busan, become another one of those faceless people doing everyday activities. Why couldn’t he just given up on his dreams earlier in life?

However, he isn’t alone. He can hear the sound of the playground’s sand crunching. Jungkook looks up and is shocked to see you, standing in front of him. Jungkook has no idea how you knew he was here, but whatever the reason, he’s so happy to see you.

“I thought I’d see you here. V told me to look for you, and I had a feeling that I should go here first.”

Jungkook doesn’t say anything, but he only looks down with a stoic expression. Even from this, you can sense that something is not right about Jungkook, like he’s feeling more down than usual.

“I have an idea. Let’s go somewhere.”

------

You and Jungkook leave the convenient store with a grocery bag filled with candy and snacks. Of all places, he didn’t expect you to take him to a convenient store. It almost makes him somewhat disappointed that out of everywhere, you chose this place.

“I can’t believe you actually wanted to come here.” Jungkook says with a monotone voice.

“What? It has almost everything you need, and for pretty cheap too! It’s called a ‘convenient’ store for a reason,” As much as you let Jungkook’s insults slide, you’re not letting this one off so easily. “Back in my home country, our convenient stores aren’t as cool as the ones here, so I kind of go here often.”

He remembers the time when you bought him a meal from this store and left it in the fridge for him. You really do love stores like these.

“Plus, my grandma told me that eating sweets helps you take out the bitterness in your body.” You hand Jungkook a chocolate bar.

Jungkook takes the chocolate bar, though he wonders what kind of adult would still believe in that. That’s something that grandmothers tell their five-year-old grandchildren. But still, Jungkook is no different, so he unwraps the bar and takes a bite out of it.

Jungkook notices that when you talk about your family, it always seems like life was perfect for you. It makes him feel a little jealous because he left his parents at a young age, and he rarely talks to them on the phone either.

“Must be nice.”

“What is?”

“To be close to your family like that.”

“What? Oh…” You look away, feeling slightly distraught. “I wouldn’t call it that. I haven’t seen or spoken to them in four years.”

Jungkook is surprised.

“Yea, they didn’t approve of me going to Korea to study film. Actually, they were never supportive of me studying film in general. They wanted me to become a doctor or something that makes a lot of money. They told me that I was going to be unsuccessful and become homeless, and I do, they won’t help me because they already warned me...I guess you can say that before I left, our relationship was unsteady.”

For someone who’s so laid-back and talks about their family, your family isn’t as caring as you make them to be. That might explain why his insulting words mean nothing to you, which makes Jungkook feel bad for always being mean.

“But at some point, I got tired of holding a grudge against them, and I started to feel a bit lonely. I was in a foreign country that I knew very little of its language, and I had no one to turn to. So, I guess you can say that this film project I’m working on is in hopes that my family sees it.”

“...To let them know that you can become successful?”

You shake your head. “Just to let them know that I’m doing alright.”

Jungkook wishes that he can think like you, just to let things go so easily so it wouldn’t eat him up like this. He wishes he can move on from what happened in the past and look forward to the future like you.

Speaking of films, Jungkook does recall that you once mentioned that you like this videos, but you never got around to answering it. “You know, you never explained to me why you like G. C. F.”

“Huh? Oh…” You feel a bit embarrassed telling him though. “It’s nothing too big…”

“Just tell me.”

“Well...I like the simplicity of it,” You start off. “How do I explain it…? I think...when you film, it’s because you’re not trying to get some deep meaning out of anything, but to remember it as a piece of memory. It’s so raw...so real. It makes me forget that you’re all celebrities—that you’re no different from us.”

Jungkook didn’t think of his videos in that sense, but he still finds your interpretation of it interesting.

“You all are so comfortable in your videos that…I felt like I was looking at a clip of a friend’s memory. During those the first year here, I felt so alone, and I had no one. There was this gnawing feeling in my chest when I felt homesick, and it was horrible. I regretted leaving my family for a career as risky as filming, I felt alone, but I was too shy to talk to other people, and at some point, I hated filming.”

You turn to Jungkook with a gleeful, yet gentle smile.

“But it changed when I found your video. It was so calming and friendly, and I haven’t felt that ever since I left. Just hearing you and the other members laughing and having a fun time made me feel happy, like as long as you were happy, then I was alright. I told myself that if I ever saw you, then I would thank you. So...thank you...for pulling me through the hardest time in my life.”

Remembering those nights when you were either insomniac or cried yourself to sleep was common, or when you tried to call home, but your parents ignore your calls. It drove you insane, but you knew your parents did that on purpose to push you to that limit and have you return. You just felt so disconnected from the world and that there was no way for you to return.

But just one video from Jungkook was enough to make you forget all of that. It didn’t have to be a high-produced video for it to express how passionate it is. It reminded you of why you love to film in the first place; it returned you to the path that you walking on. That’s why your theme is ‘Love; Weakness’, because you’re returning to your roots and pursue what you see as love in the purest form.

You were supposed to be the one to comfort Jungkook, and here you are, crying your eyes out. Jungkook doesn’t know what you went through, but he can feel empathetic. He knows how it feels like to be alone in a new place without your family and having to grow up on your own. Jungkook saw himself in you, and maybe that’s why he was so rough with you.

His past was eating him so much that he once forgot about that young boy who dreamed of becoming a singer, but that teacher took it all away from him. She took away his innocence and brainwashed him into thinking that what they were doing was right, then turned it against him by making it his fault for infatuating her.

“It’s so weird though...when I first met you, I wanted it to be professional only, but I wanted to get to know more about you. And then at some point, I think I started liking you…”

Jungkook’s heart skips a beat when you confessed. His heart stopped for a moment, then it began to beat rapidly. Rather than feeling excited to hear your confession, he felt guilty. Even though you give him nothing but affection, he’s been doing nothing but treating you wrong. He did all of it with the purpose of pushing you away because he felt like he doesn’t deserve you, but it still ended up the way it is.

You’re unaware that Jungkook just tried to sleep with Sue, and you don’t know how filthy Jungkook is. You know nothing of it, and yet you still like him.

��Don’t say that when you don’t know anything about me.” Jungkook huffs out.

You’re surprised Jungkook said that.

“You only like the Jungkook you saw in those videos, right? You don’t like the one who’s offscreen, the one who’s aggressive and hard to get along with. You only let it off so easily when I insulted you because I’m the one that you like from those videos, right?”

You open your mouth to say something, but you close it.

“It’s better if you don’t talk to me anymore.”

His warning stabs you right in the heart. You didn’t expect him to accept your confession, but you didn’t expect him to say that either.

“But...you’re still the same person.” You whimper out.

“Would you still like me, knowing that I purposely started talking to Sue just to hurt you?” Jungkook says. “Earlier, I went out just so I can have sex with Sue.”

You’re absolutely speechless. Just moments before you met him, he was with Sue to sleep with her. Hearing that hurts you more than knowing that Jungkook won’t accept your feelings.

“None of it is your fault, it’s all me. You saw how I treated you, right? I’m broken in the head, and I don’t think I’ll ever be fixed. I won’t be able to reciprocate your feelings, and I don’t think I ever will. The way I portray love is...annoying,” He echoes Ms. Kang’s words, but then he gives you a painful smile. “So (Y/N)...don't chase after me anymore, alright? You’ll just waste your time.”

Jungkook reaches out to touch you, but then he pulls himself back. He’s worried that he’ll taint you with all the sins that he’s committed. Instead, he walks away, leaving you with the bag of candy that you two bought. You thought about running after him, but you can’t bring yourself to. Your heart hurts hearing that he had sex with Sue, but he looks like he’s in more pain.

Jungkook felt like what he did was right. It’s better that you rip yourself away from idolizing Jungkook and find someone who’s better. Even if this is his last meeting with you or if you grow to hate him, Jungkook never regretted meeting you. All he hopes now is that you find that happiness you’ve been looking for.

------

A month has gone by since the first time Jungkook met you. The filming for Behind the Stage has ended, and Jungkook was the only member who failed his mission. In the end, he couldn’t write a heartfelt song for his fans.

Lumpens had you transferred to another agency with him to work on another idol’s music video. Jungkook thought that meant that you and him will never see each other again, but he was wrong. Even though you’ve been transferred, you still come by to the main building, waiting for Jungkook to talk to him.

Unfortunately, every time Jungkook sees you leaning against a building, waiting for him across the street, he would take the back door. He’d expected you to give up within a few days, but it’s already been weeks, and you’re still out there, waiting for him.

Today as well, Jungkook sees you from the sixth story floor that you’re outside, waiting for him. Your hands are in your pockets, sighing as the frosty night is getting to you. Thankfully, you’re wearing your thick sweater so you wouldn’t fall ill. Still, Jungkook is worried that you will get sick because it seems like you’ve been spending all your free time just waiting by the front building.

RM spots Jungkook leaning over the window, so he gets close to him and pats him on the back. “We’re heading back to the apartment now. You coming?”

“Yea.” Jungkook replies, not taking his eyes off of you.

Curious to what he’s staring at, Namjoon looks out the window and sees you. “She’s still there? She’s got some will power, or she’s a stalker. Do you want me to call the police on her for harassment or something?”

“No!” Jungkook blurts out. “She would never…”

“Then why not talk to her?”

“T-talk? No...I can’t bring myself to talk to her...especially after the way I treated her.”

“But running away from her won’t solve anything either.”

Jungkook knows that, but what does he say to you after pushing you around, then kissing you? “I know that, but approaching her will only encourage her. It’s better if she grows tired of me and move on.”

RM has never really spoken to you, but he knows enough that you spend a lot of time with Jungkook. There’s also V too, but V did once mention that you talk about Jungkook too much. It’s annoying having to see two stubborn people refusing to move from their spot.

RM pats Jungkook on the shoulder, sighing. “If you really do care about her, then how about give her some closure at least? Let her know how you truly feel, then let her respond.”

RM wishes him good luck, then he leaves the room. Jungkook looks out the window again, watching as you wait for him to come out the door. The last time he told a girl how he felt, she ripped his letter to pieces and made him scared to like another person ever again. You two are completely different people, but there’s still that fear lurking behind him that you’ll do the same.

Jungkook considers about confronting you one last time, end things once and for all. RM’s right; he can’t leave you hanging like that without giving you some sort of closure. Jungkook will tell you to leave, and that’ll be the end of it.

------

Your feet are starting to hurt because you’ve been standing outside for a few hours. You don’t want to go on your phone, afraid that if you’re on your phone, you’ll miss Jungkook. Though, it isn’t as if Jungkook has been going in and out of through the front. You’re starting to wonder if you’re even waiting at the right building, or if Jungkook will ever show up. But after a few days thinking about what happened that night, you were able to put your thoughts together, and you want to tell Jungkook everything.

“You know, you really live up to your nickname, Stalker.” You hear a familiar voice next to you.

You turn to the side, and you see Jungkook. He doesn’t look excited to talk to you, but he also looks like he doesn’t look like he’s unwilling to talk to you either.

You get off from the building, standing straight when you see him. “Jungkook! I have something to tell you.”

------

At the park that you two have been together twice already, you and Jungkook are sitting at the same swing set where you confessed your feelings and Jungkook tried to reject you. You both aren’t looking at each other, but down at the cold sand under this dark sky.

“You said that you had something to tell me, right? Go ahead and start.” Jungkook thinks that it’s better that he goes second and lets you say what you have to say.

“...I’ve thought a lot about what you said to me, about what you and Sue. So I asked her about it.”

“You WHAT?!”

“She said you two didn’t go all the way. Is that true?”

Jungkook doesn’t have anything to say to you. He can’t believe you actually confronted Sue about it, and he also can’t believe that she told you the truth as well. You stare at him intently for an answer.

Jungkook sighs. “No, we didn’t.”

You sigh in relief. But why are you so relieved? It isn’t like Jungkook is a virgin anymore either.

“Why didn’t you?”

“Why do you want to know the details?”

“Answer my question, please.”

“No, I won’t tell you. This is dumb.”

Jungkook gets up and tries to leave, but then you grab him by the sleeve. “No! I won’t let you leave until you answer my question!”

“Let me go!”

“No! You told me that you won’t be able to return my feelings, but why?? Is it because of Sue?? Do you not like me?? Why do you think you’re annoying??”

“Stop it!”

“No!! Jungkook, I won’t leave you until you answer me-”

“It’s because I’m scared!”

Jungkook stops struggling, and you stare at him, surprised and confused at the same time. You loosen your grip around his arm, and Jungkook looks down in shame and embarrassment.

“I did so many stupid things in the past that I can’t forgive myself. I was used by my own teacher so that I can satisfy her needs. She told me that she loved me, and I...I believed her because I was naive. I thought that just because you tell someone you love them, then it’s only the right thing to return the feelings back to her too, right?? No, I was wrong.”

All this pent-up emotions is leaking out of Jungkook, and he can’t stop. He’s hid this from everyone—his hyungs, friends, family—because he was so ashamed of himself. He thought that it was better to keep it a secret and never let this come out.

But it only made Jungkook’s mental state deteriorate. Hiding it rather than facing it only made him feel small, insignificant, and really fucking stupid. He had more physical strength than Ms. Kang, and yet he didn’t fight her off. He hates himself for not stopping the mess that he created, and he hates it even more that you have to learn about the ugly side to him.

“You know what she said to me?? She said that I’m...annoying. And (Y/N), I don’t know how it feels like to be loved, but I think with you, I might finally know how it feels.”

Jungkook can no longer hide his tears anymore. His vision becomes blurry from all the tears falling down. All he can think right is how much he hates himself and how he wished he can redo the past. Maybe if he hadn’t let Ms. Kang do what she did, then you and Jungkook might have a chance at a normal relationship.

But he knows that he can’t, and he’s scared that you and he won’t have a happy ending. Jungkook is just meant to never have a bad ending.

“But...I’m scared...I’m scared that you’ll also tell me that I’m annoying, that I’m boring...that I’m delusional. I’m so terrified that if I show you my vulnerable side, you’ll leave me.”

Jungkook continues to sob. Just in that instance, he finally admitted something he’d hidden for years. He was manipulated by his own teacher, but he put all the blame on himself. Jungkook thought that he’s the reason why his teacher said all those things to him. He was scared that if he told others about this, then more people will leave him.

He blamed himself all these years, and he convinced himself that what his teacher told him is the truth. Jungkook said all those mean things to you because he wanted to build a wall before he can get hurt again. That’s why Jungkook said that he can’t reciprocate his feelings, because he’s scared that the past will repeat itself.

You put both of your hands on his cheeks, tiptoeing as you close your eyes, pressing your lips softly on Jungkook’s. His eyes widen and he’s frozen, trying to register what you just did. But you did this only because you want to have Jungkook confirm for himself that you aren’t lying that you like him.

You pull yourself back, blushing as you aren’t experienced in kissing, but you still hope that Jungkook understands you through that if words can’t. “How would you know that I’d leave without even trying?”

You move back to give Jungkook space.

“Jungkook, I’m not that woman, nor am I Sue. My reasons for liking you is different from theirs. But I understand...maybe right now would be too fast for you. I can’t promise you that I’ll leave you right now, but if you give me time, then I’ll prove it to you. I won’t ever leave you like that.”

Jungkook can’t bring himself to say anything. All he can do is sob as he leans down, pressing his forehead on your shoulder.

“I’m filthy, you know? I’ve done things that I regret doing...things that made me become this broken shell of a human.”

You smile, combing his hair with your hand. “Well, if you’re broken, then give me the opportunity to put you back together.”

“But I’ve already been broken so many times. Putting me back together only means that I’ll break easier.”

“Then I’ll just be more careful. I’ll keep fixing you until you can finally stand on you own. I don’t care how long it takes.”

Hearing you give him words of comfort—something that he desired for so long, scares him to death. What if there’s that possibility that your words mean nothing, and you’re just using him? What if you’re no different from Sue and Ms. Kang?

But all the while, it gives him hope that maybe Ms. Kang might be wrong. Maybe there is someone out there willing to learn and understand him, someone who doesn’t look at him with greedy eyes.

Jungkook holds onto you as he starts to sob. You wrap your arms around him, letting him release all the stress he’s hidden so well. He feels like all the weight on his shoulders have been uplifted, like he can be free from his burdens. Maybe with you, Jungkook has a chance of experiencing nothing but an authentic relationship. You two don’t have to date, as long as you’re by Jungkook’s side, then that’s all that matters.

“(Y/N)...can I trust you?” Jungkook tries to say in between his sobs.

“Of course!”

He continues to cry, promising that he’ll give the world to you. Someone like you deserves everything. You gave him that chance to conquer his fears, and in return, he’ll repay you for everything you’ve done for him. One day, Jungkook will tell you that he loves you with ease, not being scared of holding you like how you’re holding him right now, and no longer doubt you.

------

Epilogue

There once was a young boy who aspired to become a singer. He traveled to the big cities to make his dreams a reality, and it did. But what comes with dreams also comes with reality. The young boy learned how to dance, come out of his shell, and become a well-rounded performer, but he also learned loneliness, betrayal, and hopelessness.

His career did not start off well. He trained for years for this only to be ignored because he wasn’t famous enough. He became obsessed with work, working alone during his free time, and never having enough time to make friends. He struggled with his own challenges all by himself. That was the first time he experienced loneliness.

One day, an older woman saw those three flaws in his eyes and used it to her advantage. She casted a lustful spell on him and used him whenever she desired. But she grew tired of him, and thus, replaced him with something stronger and better. That was the first time he experienced betrayal.

He wandered through life aimlessly without a goal, letting time moving forward to allow it to eat him up. But then, he met a woman who changed his worldview. She didn’t do anything spectacular, as she was on a journey to discover herself as well. He started falling in love with her, but then he told himself that he could never make someone as special as her happy. He knew from the beginning that he has nothing to contribute to her. That was the first time he experienced hopelessness.

But that woman didn’t give up. She healed him of his lifelong wounds, though it was not easy. There were times when the young boy doubted himself and pushed her away, but she still remained. There were challenges they had to overcome, but they still stood by each other’s sides. She gave him everything that he once lost, and even though it took a long time, the young boy can finally experience a happy ending.

It’s a start of a new season, and Spring has finally arrived. All of the flowers have bloomed, and the sun shines brightly over the world. The sounds of the busy street filled with people bustling through their everyday lives and cars getting from one point to another. The city is always busy like this, and it’s a great place for opportunities to unfold.

But for you, you don’t live there anymore. The toxic air hovering around the city is too toxic for you and your husband. Though people came there for success, they also came for greed. There were times when the sun shined bright like today, but many days were cloudy from the industrial smoke.

Despite that, that is also where you met people who changed your life. The city life changed you forever, and you finally decide to settle in the outskirts. You knew from the very beginning that you want to spend your last days not in the city, but with your husband.

In the hospital, you’re walking down the hall, holding a small pile of papers, an outdated laptop, and a USB drive. Because you look like a fragile, old lady, many nurses often asked if you needed help, but you always declined their offer. You’re much stronger than they think you are. Besides, it would be embarrassing to come visit your husband with a nurse assisting you.

You find the room where your husband is staying in, and you open the door to find him reading a book and wearing his reading glasses. He’s reading that same book that the leader of his band wrote decades ago about self-care and self-love, but it’s one of his favorite books, and he can never put it down.

He sees you enter the room, and he smiles. “Oh, I wasn’t expecting you to come here again.”

“I wasn’t planning to come, but while cleaning out our attic, I found a few things that I think you’d like to see again.”

You walk to him, turning on the laptop.

“Oh goodness, I haven’t seen a dinosaur this old in such a long time.” He cringes at it.

You smile as you put in the password that you still surprisingly remember, despite your old age. You insert the USB in, and a tab file opens up.

“Let’s see if I remember how to use this…”

You open up the only folder in the USB, and in there sits only two files. There’s a video file and a song file, but they’re both called ‘Love; Weakness’.

“Is this what I think it is?”

“It’s my college project and your final draft of your first published song. I didn’t know you still kept the files.”

“Oh geez, it’s been decades since I last saw this. I can’t remember what it feels like again to be twenty and with healthy muscles.” He lets out a weak laughter.

You laugh with him. “But I still think you’re a strong man. Let’s watch these before we show our kids.”

Jungkook agrees to watching and listening to them. You click on the video, and it starts to play. The video has the song file with the same name played over it. Jungkook remembers that he never completed that one mission to compose a song, and it bothered him that he couldn’t. So he worked on and thus came out with this song in the folder. Even though he hasn’t heard this song in years, Jungkook can still the passion he put into it for his fans. They have long since moved on from him. They either passed away, or they’re living a life of their own.

But there has been one fan who stood by his side for majority of his life, and that fan eventually became his girlfriend, who he proposed and thus became his wife. They shared their whole life with each other, having kids who then built a life of their own.

The video shows clips of each individual member, V with his dog, Suga playing the piano, Jimin and J-Hope dancing, Jin singing, and RM composing music. All of these hyungs have contributed in his life, and he will never forget what they’ve done to help him.

But at the end of the video the music stops, and it’s a clip of Jungkook filming you as you two are star gazing at the park.

“Oh god, I remember this.” You turn away, feeling embarrassed.

“Wait, don’t film me!”

You say in the video.

“But I want to capture this moment and have you remember this forever.”

“Then I’m going to cover my ears!”

“Then I’ll say it as loudly as I can. (Y/N), I really, reeeeally love you, and I don’t think I’ll ever bring myself to love another person as much as you. Since you helped me with so much, then I’m going to return the favor to make sure that every single day, I’ll express how much I love you. From this point on and til the end, my feelings for you won’t day from this day forward.”

Even after decades of being married, that still embarrasses you. “Oh goodness, you were such a cheesy kid back then.”

But the Jungkook in that video lied in the last part. His feelings for you didn’t remain the same, he ended up loving you even more. Even after fifty years of being married, it felt like every day, he fell in love with you more and more. He never got tired of you, and when the day comes for his last breath, he will still not feel tired of you. Jungkook will never express how much you changed his life and how much he’s grown to love you this strongly.

Even his Jungkook closes his eyes forever in this moment, and you are the last thing that he sees, he wouldn’t mind. Because in the end, you proved him wrong. You did end up staying with him for his entire life.

The End

A/N: Thank you to everyone who read this until the end, especially since Jungkook was a real butthole lol. I hope you enjoyed reading it, and as always, don’t be afraid to message me if you have anything to say!

Masterlist

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shesawriter39049 · 5 years

Text

|BRAVADO|HOSEOK (M)| AU

EX IDOL ...TRANSITIONING TO SOLO K ARTIST (NOT BTS)

A/N: I had taken the sneak peek for part 1 down and swapped it out for the BACKSTORY ...but you guys asked for it..also it’s like completely reworked lol. This is 2.7K the full thing will prob be around around 10k…storyline heavy since it’s the first chapter but there will be a good amount of smut!

I’d suggest reading the backstory..at least after this so you have a better Idea..as this is a AU for multiple reasons….BUT you don’t HAVE to read it to get the gist.

PLEASE NOTE: THE WAY I’M WRITING HOSEOK’S FEELINGS ABOUT BEING A IDOL IS NOT HOW I THINK HE FEELS...IT’S REFERENCED HERE..AND WILL BE REFERENCED IN DETAIL DURING THE STORY. BUT THE GROUP HE WAS IN..THE CONTRACT AS EXTREMELY STRICT EVEN FOR KPOP. THE GROUP MUSICALLY OR CONCEPT WISE WAS NOTHING LIKE BTS SO PLEASE DON’T READ INTO THIS TOO DEEP !

Lol it’s just a story!! !

-The OC is tatted...but that’s as far as it get physically also her name in this is actually a nickname/business name sooo she’s still “Y/N”

Glancing up at all the lights throughout the city, just silently observing the way the sun was starting to set, taking in the different color waves that dusted the sky.There was this...array of calmness that had washed over Hoseok's body as of late, and he couldn’t even tell you where it came from. To be real, you'd think he’d be a total wreck considering he was in the final stages of finishing his debut album. A Week from today to be exact, in one week he’s due to sit in front of his label and play them the finished product. Once that album get’s the labels stamp of approval..that's when it all starts, picking the single, finding dancers and a choreographer..shooting the music video, and album cover art. Oh let’s not forget the endless traveling to promote the single as well as multiple live performances. While hopefully finding a couple hours a to eat and sleep. The funny thing is, no matter how utterly exhausting that all sounds, especially because for the first time in his career he’d have to do it alone. Hoseok still felt good, damn good,confident, happy, genuinely happy, the butterflies that roamed through his body as he anxiously awaited the start of his new journey felt more exhilarating than anything else. For the first time in years he was looking forward to the idea of stepping into the “Unknown” excited to grow and mature within in craft. Now don’t get me wrong I’m not sitting here saying the ride so fars been nothing but rainbows and butterflies. He did damn near have a mental breakdown last night while in the studio with Gray and Yoongi, over the production of a song. Let’s just say it was pushing 1AM, and Hoseok had a little too much coffee..mixed in with a little too less sleep...and for some reason the 808 just didn't sound right. But of course..after finally getting a good oh I don't know 10 hours of sleep, waking up to a voice memo from Gray... ultimately the 808 actually did sound right! To be fair it always did, he was just stressed and trippin’ a little ,but that was normal, that was expected this is his first solo project , his baby if you will.

“Our sunshine” that’s what his fans called him, no matter what mood you were in, if Hoseok smiled at you...your body responded on command. There was no way around it, and the energy and pure bliss that radiated from his body as of late reflected that nickname to the tee. I’m not implying he was completely miserable during his career as an Idol because he honestly wasn't. Hobi loved his members, fans, and will be forever grateful for the life and memories they’ve given him. But, Idol life at least under the contract he signed...wasn't meant for a free spirit like Jung Hoseok, and this mini hiatus he’s been on since the groups disbandment, has shown him that first hand.

As he continued gazing out the window of the tinted SUV that was currently sandwiched in LA traffic he didn't even realizing the permanent smile engraved on his cheeks the entire car ride. One earpod in, currently playing a couple rough cuts of the songs he'd just finished last night as he just people watched. Loving the different cultures and personalities that danced along the streets of LA, the city of dreamers...always feeling at home no matter what part of California he was in. Moments like these were still felt new to him, the freedom he now felt being able to not be paranoid if he went to events solo. Or if he wanted to go out to a bar and have a couple drinks with friends..no matter the gender. Finally able to run his own social media accounts and post whatever he wanted….if he felt like posting a picture of him in a towel after the gym then he could. If he wanted to post a picture of him and a girl out at dinner….he could, now if we're being real here..the majority of his fanbase is still women so he’s not in any rush to settle down and spam his socials with a girlfriend. Nor does he even have time to entertain someone full time, but it’s just the principle,if he wanted too he could...and that’s something he hasn't been able to do since he was shit,18. His new contract for the most part was solely business related, it held no stipulations on his personal life. Smiling fondly at the growing line of fans that started streaming down the sidewalk, the event itself didn't even start for damn near a hour and a half yet fans were already posted outside.

Tonight was Jay Park’s album release at “The Novo” in Downtown LA, the event itself was a showcase and a album release party all in one, this particular event wasn't for the fans though. They were just all outside patiently waiting to show their love and support while of course also hoping to get glimpses of some of their favorite artist, as well as Mr. Park himself. The idea behind the showcase was more so for industry reps to get a first listen at the album: Radio personalities, music critics ,bloggers and of course Jay’s friends and family. Hints why Hoseok was invited, even during his boyband days the two of them were close, bonding over there love for hip hop and dance.He often refers to him as his “Little big brother” since even though Park is almost 8 years older..Hoseok is almost 4 inches taller,and there's not a day that goes by that he doesn't remind him of that. The two of them were a lot closer than the public actually knew, Park starting out in a boyband himself later transitioning into becoming the founder of his own label. Partially because he wanted to give other Korean artist who didn't fit in that “Idol box” full reigns and creative freedom over there craft, Jay understood Hoseok’s concerns and struggles first hand.

Currently headed not even a mile up the road to “The Ritz-Carlton”, which is where Jay was staying while he got ready for his party.Feeling the car come to a complete stop,taking that as a hint that they had arrived, pulling down the mirror to give himself a one over, before stepping out of the car. His dark wavy locks messily pushed out of his face, skin holding a warm glow due to being in LA for the past 2 weeks. Minimum makeup on, let’s be real when your going to a papped event ...all celebrities no matter who you are have something vailing over there skin. The last thing you need is the full exposure on a camera zoning in on every pour on your face, it just wasn't a full blown smokey eye. Letting his eyes trace down his face, gazing over the small silver hoop that sat in his nose, all the way to the ink the laced along the side of his neck. He felt good, he felt like him...not even trying to hide the smirk that danced along his lips as he glanced back at this reflection “Sir is this entrance okay?” The sound of the drivers voice snapped Hoseok out of his moment of vanity “Oh yeah, well, actually let me make a quick phone call first just to double check.” Tilting his head up to smile at the driver through the partition before scrolling through his text messages quickly looking for the one labeled “Mariah-JP” . Clicking the call button, placing it on speaker as he could tell his pods were dying, and he swore it didn't even fully ring once before she picked up “ PLEASE, tell me your here!?” The level of frustration and desperation in her voice shouldn't have been as amusing as it was,impulsively snorting out the ugliest cackle , not even able to imagine what her days been like. “Shit, I’m sorry I didn't mean to laugh but...wow...ugh yeah, I’m getting dropped off at the main valet entrance is that cool?” Wanting to make sure she wasn't it by any other door as he’d rather get dropped off than make her chase him around “Yes that’s perfect just hurrrryy!!!” Even the driver couldn’t help but chuckle at how frazzled she seemed. Quickly apologizing for the break in character not wanting to seem unprofessional in which Hoseok waved off, not minding one bit, the call was on speaker and it was honestly hilarious. Almost reaching over to open the door himself before he heard the drivers side door open, still a task he felt unnecessary..I mean..come on...he could open his damn door. But not wanting to offend the driver or interfere with him doing his job...he waited patiently for him to open his door.

Hopping out of the car swiftly, turning around to grab the small black David Yurman bag off the seat, as well as to double check that nothing fell out of his pockets as he wouldn’t be riding to the party with the driver. Part of the reason he was meeting Jay here first is because he received a text in regards to a mandatory pre-game session before hand. In addition to the fact that Park wanted his entourage of friends to arrive with im to walk his “black carpet”

Gazing up at this beautiful 54 story glass structure that sat in front of him.. instantly bringing back memories of the boys last world tour, were they sold 2 nights at the Rose Bowl. It was crazy how his heart started fluttering all over again just at the thought of it..the biggest grin stretching across his cheeks. To anyone else just walking by, hell even the driver he probably looked fucking insane but he didn't care, that memory too vivid, too pure..to be held in regardless of the circumstances. Eyes starting to tear up at the pictures he was starting to paint in his head, he swore he could literally still here the fanchants clear as day ..damn near a year later..

Snapping himself out of that memory before it got too deep, and his makeup got ruined..because if he would’ve sat in that moment any longer he would have started balling his eyes out! He felt the driver simply just pat his shoulder... It was the sweetest thing ever the way he just stood there, not asking any questions, not exactly sure what just happened that caused the sudden shift in Hoseok's mood. But he just let him have his space, not in any rush to leave, and even if Hoseok didn't physically say anything about it, he picked up on the gesture immediately, something so small, meant so much.It wasn’t required for him to give a damn, all he was instructed to do was drive...yet he could tell this young man needed a little more than that right now...even it was subtle.

“Thanks man I appreciate it” There was this sense of warmth that laced through Hoseok's voice as he spoke, a slight tremble knocking at his usual collected tone because he meant that phrase in more ways than one. Extending his hand to the drivers for what he assumed was just a handshake instead Hoseok slid a tip in his hand before smiling up at the gentleman fondly.

“The pleasures all mine, I hope you enjoy your night!” The warmth was returned graciously before he made his way over to the drivers side to pull off. Of course the driver didn't actually open his hand and look at the amount until he got in the car but let’s just say he was pleasantly surprised.

It didn't take long for Mariah to spot him...not that he was hard to miss in his leather embellished Gucci jacket. Damn near pushing past the doormen to hold the door open for Hoseok, who previously started walking towards the door extremely slow, with a shit eating grin on his face. “Don’t make me hurt you! Get your ass over here!!!” flailing her arms in the air as egged him closer, pulling her in for a quick hug because she damn sure looked like she needed one, in addition to a whole lotta liquor! Standing there in her cute pink little bodycon dress and Louboutins, hair pin straight, parted down the middle draping down her back.“Thank God...this man has been asking about you all damn day!” Sighing into Hoseok's chest as she spoke , her tone shifting immediately, soothing out while in his embrace. Hoseok’s known Jay for almost 5 years and Mariah's been Park’s assistant since he started his label in 2013, so naturally the two of them had become friends as well! A snort left Hoseok's lips as he shook his head not even surprised. Again that was his “Little big brother” after all….

“Offff course he has..” a slight air of sarcasm cracked along his lips as he tried to fight back the smile tugging at his cheeks. Secretly loving the fact that one of his closest friends genuinely just wanted him around, as friendship was something Hoseok held dear to his heart! Following Mariah’s lead through the lobby, grand wasn't even the right word to describe this hotel, the sound of Mariah’s heels clicking along the marble, as she lead them towards the elevator.”So on a scale of 1-10 how ready are you to quit today?” Brow arched at the implied question, as the door opened and she damn near slumped against the glass upon entering. But before she even had time to respond a ringtone comparable to the grim reaper cut through the air causing a loud cackle to erupt from Hosokes chest.

“Oh my God, please tell me that’s not Jay’s ringtone!?” Mariah couldn't even help the exasperated sigh that left her lips as she put the phone call on speaker. Not even waiting for her to say “Hello” before he spoke into the phone

“Have you-”

“Dude stop whining like a little bitch!” playfully sliding his tongue through his teeth as he teased Jay through the speaker. Waiting for him to recognize Hoseok's voice through the phone...

“Well it’s about time your punk ass got here! And who are you calling a bitch! It’s Jay hyung to you motherfucker” This was their relationship 24/7 they gave each other shit on a consistent basis, if you actually didn't know how close they were you'd probably think the hated each other. Park brought out a different side to Hoseok and he loved it, growing up in Korea, and growing up in the states is a complete 360! Even if your parents were extremely strict and “traditional” if you will. Naturally growing up in a integrated area...your character traits adapt to the people your around. So with the two of them technically being Korean -American there wasn’t a barrier within there “vulgar, or “crude” sense of humor. There were things he could do or say around him that Hoseok wouldn't dare say around most of his Idol friends just due to the culture difference. Dramatically rolling his eyes at the sound of Jay asking for him to be called “Hyung” as he already knew he only said it to be a smart ass .

Hoseok could hear another voice in the background that he didn't recognize but it was clear it was a woman and from the sound of things she busting his balls which made Hoseok happy to no end. “Alright, man will be up there in a minute, were literally in the elevator just stop your crying for 2 seconds little big brouthers coming!” Not even waiting for him to respond before he clicked end on Mariah's phone already well aware he’d have some smartass comeback.The sound of the bell dining rang through the small space, as the glass doors slowly parted...exposing the cherry stained wood walls.

Hoseok’s curiousity getting the best of him “Who's in the room with him right now?” Glancing over his shoulder as they swiftly moved through the sea of people..walking through the halls, a amused smirked moved up her face at the question “That would be Rain….” there was a certain twang to her voice as she said your name only making Hoseok even more curious as the approached the room.

Peeping her head through the door after swiping the keycard to make sure he wasn't walking around balls to the wind, and the minute the door cracked open, exposing the extremely spacious executive suite the two of them could hear the the endless banter that was currently taking place. “Yeah, I’m sure they are comfortable you look like your about to take your kid to soccer practice Janice. Where the fuck’s you minivan!?” Brow arched, tone slightly elevated at the implied question, after a good oh I don't know 10 minute discussion as to why Jay was NOT wearing those particular pair of jeans with his custom jack for his performance tonight. More importantly..he hadn't even started getting ready for the night at all, as he had a rack to his left with four options to walk the carpet in because he couldn't narrow it down prior too.

“Fuck off it’s a durango not a minivan! Anddddd you could always like, I don't know sew some leather patches here ...and oh here..” Eyes almost bugging out of your sockets not even believing he was legitimately standing in the bathroom trying to get you to alter a random ass pair of jeans that looked like they’d be rejected from Goodwill...a hour before his party.

“Are you- did you- Park!” The growl accompanied in the way you said his name made his entire face crumble into it self as he laughed which let you know he was just busting your balls at this point. “Okay you know what..I’m gonna kick your ass, and take those before I burn them, I swear to god!” Huffing out in frustration as you ran your fingers rough your scalp, taking a firm grip on your roots as you held your hair in place. Eyes fluttering over to your left following the footsteps that entered the room only for you to meet the gentleman who standing parallel to you. A smirk glossed over your lips as you acknowledged the way his eyes shameless took you in from head to toe. Your gaze almost somewhat encouraging him to continue as to be fair….you were doing the same thing to him. I guess you could lie and say it was the inner stylist in you that made you give everyone you meet a one over which is the honest truth. But if were being real, that didn't have a damn thing to with my your eyes were flicking from his lips over to his disgustingly chiseled jawline. More importantly, why did this man look so familiar..you knew him from somewhere you just..couldn't quite put your finger on it...

You watched the way his eyes admired the sinful manner in which your black leather Moschino mini dress clung to every curve on your body..more importantly the way the entire piece was held together by one single zipper than ran down the center of the dress.Letting his eyes drift over to the extremely sexy contrast of the full black and white sleeve that started at your shoulder and draped all the way down to your wrist, extending slightly onto the curve of your hand. Or maybe it was the fact that your entire presence didin’t crumble the minute he locked eyes with you. Even at first glance the aura radiating off your body had him intrigued you just looked like you could actually keep up with him, the real him. It was insane the way a good oh I don't know, 30 seconds of eye contact between the two of you said so damn much. I guess the night will tell if he was on to something or if you were just being a little tease..which to be fair you definitely were regardless, but that’s part of the fun right?

That’s all she wrote for the sneak peek...lemme know what ya think and if your excited for the full thing which is halfway done actually thank the lordt! lol

Love you guys as always,

Rocki

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