#btw i think silver would probably hate them too since that's literally like an extremely unethical sonic ripoff

[rapidhighway]

hiii question-- is razor from the future as in "just from the future" or is she from the future as in "could possibly know silver"?

Um this reply is messy af because there's so much stuff going on around me sorry in advance

I've been thinking about that myself. Since we don't really know what Silver's future looks like without the apocalypse, it would be easy to do some world building there and set the creation of clones during that time. Tbh I don't really have a full timeline of events planned yet. I was thinking Razor is either from Silver's time, or much later but I just haven't decided xd

I suppose they could run into each other, especially if Silver is something of a hero during his own time, but that would require a lot of world building (which I'm probably willing to do tbh skxjskdjjd)

The clones are like military/government agents, soldiers, so it's likely they would meet in a time of crisis.

But now that I think about Razor and Silver... The clones are like a horribly botched military experiment that was just... A very bad idea in pretty much everyone's eyes. They're not part of the public or anything and they live short lives and their existence is extremely controversial. I just wonder how Silver would feel about them 🤔

Ok I'm going to make a little post later that maybe is a bit more coherent xd but thank you for asking! It made me think of a lot of things :)

[lcncasters-blog]

hey everyone!!! i’m d, i’m 23, and i use they/them pronouns. super hyped about being here so i’ma just get right into it

so kai is my fave character and kinda notoriously The Worst while also being The Best, so i’m warning y’all before we even go in that he’s actually so sloppy and wild pls proceed w/ caution. i’ve been playing him for over 4 years. that being said, he does have a fuck ton of information, so while the bullet points are going to be as condensed as i can possibly make them, you should really check out the appearance section (or you can just look at my sidebar which is wonderful artwork of kai one of my close friends did for me --- give them love on their art blog nialls ok SO talented) of his STATS FRAMEWORK and then if you really hate yourself i have a DEVELOPMENT TAG too with a bunch of headcanons (feel free to RB the rebloggable ones from me btw)

LOUIS TOMLINSON? no ⏤ KAI LANCASTER, the DEMIBOY is TWENTY-THREE and was born with a GOLD soul, and now has a GREY soul. i would describe HIM/THEM as EXUBERANT + BRAVE, yet CARELESS + IMPATIENT. KAI spends HIS/THEIR time PLAYING AT SMALL VENUES WITH HIS ALT ROCK BAND AND WORKING AS A NANNY and has lived in seattle for TWO YEARS.

TW FOR TERMINAL ILLNESS/CANCER, SUBSTANCE ABUSE MENTIONS, ABLEISM, & MENTIONS OF SELF-HARM/SUICIDE.

kai was born a gold soul into a pretty posh, old-money typea family in manchester, uk. like i’m talking on his mothers side they’re all doctors, lawyers, scholars, etc, etc, and on his dad’s side entrepeneurs. his parents themselves built a fairly large business from the ground up together that now goes by the name of lancaster industries. their current biggest venture and pretty much what they’ve built the whole of their fortune on is a chain of luxury hotels that you can find basically in every major city in the world.

he had 3 younger sisters who he essentially raised considering his parents were too busy to be around during their childhood. only two of them are still living, his youngest sister having passed a couple years ago at the age of 7 from leukemia.

his mother is literally the devil? kai always hated school/struggled in it for a multitude of reasons, not the least of which were his not diagnosed adhd and his dyslexia, which he never got the help he probably needed for. he’s always kinda just thought he was extremely stupid, and that idea was reinforced by the way his mother always used to tell him the very same thing. “think harder, kai. use your brain.” is a phrase that’s essentially been reinforced so many times in his head, he p much hears her voice ringing in his ears every time he gets so much as vaguely confused now.

that being said, despite how he struggled in school, he was always a very vibrant, kind, charismatic, and magnetic young person. he tends to draw people into him with his silly nature and upbeat attitude, and he’s kind of the Eternal Optimist, so he was fairly popular when he was attending. to say he has eccentricities would be putting it lightly, and he’s loud, never seeming to run out of things to say or fail to command the interest of the room.

anyway things with his mum only got worse in his relationship with her when he barely managed to complete his a levels by the skin of his teeth (and with an absurd amount of tutoring), and then refused to go to the university of her choosing. she p much wanted him to “get his shit together” so he could take over the family business someday, but i am not kidding when i say kai would wilt away and probably legit just die if he had to work in a place like that forever – and that’s assuming he even got through business school in the first place.

his father was always a push-over and sort of was absent/bent to her will when he was around, so he didn’t bother to defend kai when his mother decided 2 cut him off from everything and essentially ex-communicate him once she realised he was refusing 2 be manipulated and forced into shit anymore.

that was at age 18, and by that point he had plans to move out and travel to london with his best mate anyway, so he was basically like “peace out” and got the hell out of dodge. he still harbours a lot of guilt for abandoning his younger sisters, particularly so considering his youngest one fell ill so soon after his departure.

he lives, breathes, and sleeps piano. music as a whole is something he’s passionate about, having taken the time to develop his somewhat unorthodox voice, but the way his fingers fly over the ivories is a living art form more than it is anything. it’s how he communicates, how he speaks his deepest truth and just like? put those feelings out there into the world that he otherwise wouldn’t be able to articulate in the common vernacular.

so what he wants to do with his life is to just? talk to people? through his music? to play for them and the be in front of a crowd every night and to feel the energy of them, to command them with his presence and to exist with them in that way. he almost gets high off of it? he’s been playing small shows since age nineteen with his band, but since he moved to america he obvi hasn’t had them and has been on his own.

SORRY I’M REALLY TRYING TO CONDENSE THIS so ok basically he was in love w this girl from the time they were 14. they lost their virginity 2 each other, they were on & off all through HS, & then through to age 20 after he moved away and all that. she was v v ill and struggled with mental illness and kai tried his best 2 take care of her, but he was always in over his head despite his dedication to like making her feel OKAY. she needed help that he could not give 2 her, and they ended up breaking up & him letting her go at the end. she died soon after that, and it remains unclear 2 him whether or not it was a suicide. it was officially ruled as an “accident”, but he knows different and yeah i mean. essentially like.... the most “smudges” on his soul kinda came from his sitch w her bc he was always coming and leaving and dropping her and returning when she needed him and like. he TRIED but he just COULDN’T? anyways

after that he got involved with this boy who was a substance abuser, addicted to H to b exact, and for a while he thought that he was getting better and they were building off of each other, building a healthy life together. the fact he called kai his “new addiction” was probably never a good thing, but kai didn’t recognize that at the time. they got engaged eventually, and kai was 100% convinced that he was the actual love of his life after caro. of course, in the end, it wasn’t built to last, and when it went bad, it went really bad. kai eventually felt like there was a chasm several miles deep between them, and he had no hope of getting to the other side again. he broke it off, broke the guy’s heart, and made his soul even darker.

THIS NEXT ONE IS KINDA AN OPTION CONNECTION OKAY SO IF ANY1 IS INTERESTED PLS PLS LMK!!!

kai has been posting vids on YT of him covering songs on his YouTube for like actual years, and when he was around 20 he met this person via the comments section on one of them. they seemed to be quite the fan of his interpretation of some of the songs he chose to play. they ended up talking more and more as time went on, exchanging contact information, and grew very very very close.

that was the start of the LDR that is what brought him to america/to seattle in the first place. they were together for about eight months and had seen each other in person three times for a total of about 3 weeks before he made the decision to get started on his visa and move to the states. the moment he was able to, he crossed the pond and moved in w them!!

strain on their relationship was created when at first kai was unable to find work and contribute to the bills and the household funds. they lived in a tiny flat, and going from barely seeing each other to having each other all at once and all the time was a lot. on top of that, kai was homesick and restless and felt trapped because that’s what kai does and it’s not okay and it’s totally wrong and he cheated on them soooo there’s another tick against his soul ig. within six months of his arrival, they broke up, and kai moved out.

he couch surfed w some friends he’d met 4 a while, and eventually found a decent paying job as a nanny for a well off family.

he plays live shows at small venues in bars/clubs and still seeks to make a living as a musician but it’s hard out there and plus his soul aint exactly the prettiest to look at any more. i mean he doesn’t have a DARK DARK grey soul, it’s more a lighter grey, not quite silver, but definitely not storm clouds.

he’s still working on getting his full citizenship though he’s v v v close 2 it & has been lowkey getting help from his cousin w paying for the process so!!

THAT’S BASICALLY IT

last but not least IM REALLY FUCKING SORRY  ICOULDN’T MAKE THIS SHORTER I JUST HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS AND fEELIGNSA

SEND ME AN IM OR LIKE IF YOU WANT TO PLOT!

[apositivelifeaffirmingway]

I’ve been stewing on this for days now, biding my time and trying to sort out my feelings. It’s been rough and hard and painful and I know that things will never be the same for how I feel about this show, or Robert and Aaron as a couple. 

But, I think it’s time to let this out in as coherent a way as I can - and this isn’t even that coherent; this is my attempt to get it out of me so I can try to move past. Because it happened. So I gotta deal. 

This isn’t even everything I have in my head, I just can’t seem to organize all my thoughts about this - but it’s the broad strokes. I welcome civil discussion about any of it. I’m not active on this blog right now but I will see your messages and respond if anyone wants to keep talking about this.

I’ll start by saying I’m not done with the show. Yet. I’m waiting to see what might transpire. There are definite *things* that if they happen will cause me to tune out for some time (maybe forever), but I’m WAITING TO SEE.

As a lifetime viewer of soaps, I logically understand what the show thinks they’re doing, and in some ways I’ve started the journey towards acceptance that THIS was what they decided to do. But emotionally? I am completely compromised and my heart is destroyed. I hadn’t realized how much these two had seeped into my body and soul - how much I had put on them as a surrogate for my own non-existent happiness - until this complete and total trainwreck of an event occurred. If nothing else, last week has *cured* me of this show and of Robron. The show and the pairing are not the same anymore, and it won’t be the same for a long time (ever?)...and that’s probably a good thing for my own mental health if I’m honest. 

As for the actual *thing*...I find fault with ALL parties. I mean, aside from the asinine writing of the actual episodes (meaning FULL BLAME TO THE WRITER AND THE SHOW BUT SINCE THIS IS THE SHIT THEY GAVE US I HAVE TO MAKE IT MAKE SENSE SOMEHOW). 

No one comes out of this CLEAN or totally blameless.

I do blame Aaron a teeny tiny bit (like 0.05%) for not telling Robert about his torment inside; about the REAL reason he’s using. Not that it would have made a difference but maybe it would have? Communication. Sigh. (also? If Aaron hadn’t been in prison this wouldn’t have happened. I know that’s a completely and totally unfair statement to make, but it’s also true. A minuscule silver lining? What happened wasn’t about Aaron not being enough for Robert, or Robert having feelings for someone else...it’s all a byproduct of that stupid Kasim thing. Of Aaron (Robert’s moral compass) being absent, suffering on his own of course, and pushing Robert away because of his experiences. I mean, this is indicative of a highly unhealthy codependency from both parties but I think we were all aware that was the case. Regardless...at least the circumstances for this happening were this extreme? Yeah? ha...I need to seek out any little bit I can that might help me feel even slightly better about this shit.)

I blame Rebecca (about 25%) for taking advantage or Robert’s emotional state, and his physical state. Because she did. She overheard Adam say where Rob was - that he was upset. Then she got that vague text from him asking if she was around and she ran off. He didn’t ask her to come (that we saw onscreen, which is all that actually counts)...she stuffed her phone in her pocket and ran off to Mill because she knew he was there. (so in my mind, Rob wasn’t lying on Friday when he said to Chas that she just showed up). I also 100% do not buy into the fact that she didn’t know Robert was playing her. She knew he was drunk - REAL DRUNK. I don’t think she really believed his “we’re over” rant. Rather, she chose to believe it, and in that I think Chas was absolutely right when she said Robert only used her because Rebecca allowed him to. Yep. Fuck her. I was still trying to give her a chance but now I’m just done. 

I blame Robert most (the remaining 74.95%), of course (Or rather, the pod person that took over Robert’s body and reverted him about three years). He’d been TRYING so hard for so long and decided to just give up on all of it. I can relate to what he said to Chas on Friday - that Aaron had hurt him and so he wanted to hurt Aaron, and “once the idea took hold I couldn’t stop it”. Yep. I’ve done many self destructive things to myself because I couldn’t get rid of an idea...So I understand that perspective. But it doesn’t make it okay, or forgivable.

Robert’s struggle the last few weeks has been interesting to watch, and I’ve loved it. His dynamic with Liv especially has been FANTASTIC. The problem is the show didn’t give it more time. His breakdown after Aaron essentially said “leave me alone” was so unearned based on the very few things we saw onscreen. I suppose we were meant to think it was a breaking point for him? That Robert was upset because Aaron was drugged up, and didn’t care about Liv’s troubles, or that Robert had been worried??? But none of that came across very well in the dialogue. And Aaron could have been (should have been!) a lot more cruel to Robert to elicit the EXTREMELY OTT reaction from Robert that we got. I don’t know. It was so badly handled and makes no real sense. I just.... 

I am dead inside.

(btw - are we supposed to think that Aaron’s story about the guards finding stuff in his cell is true? because if it is, and if what Aaron said about convincing them it wasn’t his is also true, does that mean he threw Ethan under the bus? Put the blame on him?? Nice cellmate he must be. sigh.)

I did believe Robert’s shame and agony and guilt on Friday. Even if it took Rebecca threatening to tell Aaron the truth for him to come clean to Chas. He still did tell her when it came to it. He didn’t try to excuse it away but he did try to explain his thoughts and feelings which...is also a new thing. So. That’s...something. (I guess). And another something is that it’s perfectly clear (at least to me) Robert doesn’t harbor any actual, real feelings for Rebecca outside this supposed ‘friendship’ they had. And I think (maybe I just hope) that she’s finally had enough of him, too. Robert only wants Aaron...but now that he’s fucked up royally who knows if/when that’ll ever happen. You know - all I wanted was for them to be okay when Aaron got out, so we could see a truly happy, loving reunion and now that won’t even happen. For CERTAIN Chas will stop Rob confessing on Monday, and so whenever Aaron is released Robert will still be sitting on all his guilt and so, while it might look happy from the outside it really won’t be. Fuck I want to throw up. Will watching this show ever be fun again? 

Also? I cannot IMAGINE how/why Chas would leave if Robert and Aaron are split and Aaron is not in a good place. Or how she would leave them knowing what she knows about Robert? Or does the truth come out and Aaron and Liv leave with Chas and they all go away for varying amounts of time? Like...???? I hate this show so much, the timing of all this makes NO sense. LOL.................(I laugh, or else I’d cry - again). I also suspect Lucy has filmed a lot of scenes that will air further into the future than what we think. 

On top of all that, I just cannot imagine ANY possible scenario that would have Aaron forgiving Robert for this. Aaron could forgive Robert a random, I think, but not HER. Never her. That’s what makes this all so unbelievably BAD and tragic. 

Like I said above...I know how soaps work - I’ve been watching them off and on for 25 years. American soaps no less where there are literally no rules, where tired cliches and the worst of the soap tropes RULE THE DAY, where there’s little to no character development at all, and where lazy plotty-ness is applauded and often awarded. I KNOW how things go with daily dramas. The difference here is that Emmerdale knowingly played with fan expectation. They pulled the rug out from under us just weeks after making us all putty in their hands with that pointless wedding, and all that press and such. It was extremely cruel and unnecessary. Also? I simply thought the show was better than this kind of cheap drama.

I didn’t expect Robert and Aaron to go untouched or to be exempt from shitty soap plots; I didn’t expect them not to have relationship struggles. But I had hoped so hard that they would be free of the boring as hell cheating story. That any struggles they faced would be something exterior - something they could face together with some angst and arguments along the way. I guess some could argue since the circumstances around this event are extreme and have nothing to do with feelings or lack thereof that it’s not a typical cheating storyline. But still. Aaron was supposed to be different. The number of times Robert assured him, and told him how much he meant...I can’t believe any of that anymore. 

We the audience know Robert’s struggle. We know his emotional state and honest to goodness regret over the event, and that it happened with HER. But Aaron can’t see that, and won’t see that, and he shouldn’t have to see that. Which is why I just cannot fathom HOW this can possible be made okay again. 

I think, for me, this all would be so much easier to handle right now if that damn fucking wedding (which has been forever tarnished for me, so great job show) hadn’t happened. If the show hadn’t spent all that time and energy to tout this event so much. I just don’t understand WHY???? Why did EVERYTHING have to happen RIGHT NOW??? If they wanted Lucy and Isobel around for a wedding, they should have postponed it to when both were back. Because this...they’ve ruined it. For me...it’s ruined and possibly forever. I mean, am I wrong?

This is why, last fall, I fought with myself so hard against wanting or accepting an engagement or a wedding so soon. Because I knew, as soon as they were *happy*, then things would go to shit and they’d be broken. That’s how it is for popular soap couples. They don’t get happiness for any length of time. Ever. And so I should have known, or expected this. Except I thought the STRUGGLE for this current period was just prison. Not prison, and drugs, and cheating. Like.... TOO MUCH SHOW. Just one of those three things would have been enough. There was really NO NEED TO PILE IT ON. NONE AT ALL.

This is also why I tried so hard not to assume anything about Mill. The show made a point to say it was Liv’s money buying the house. There was never anything said about it being Robert’s, too. Just because there was a set didn’t mean Robert would be living there. But...I kept my mouth shut because who likes rain on their parade? Now I wonder...did they seriously build that set just for what happened last week? because if so? Fuck You Emmerdale. Truly and Sincerely, ME.

I try so hard to stay positive here - which is why I’m not really around right now. I’m not positive. I’m broken and upset and angry. I’ve lost all interest in making content. I’ve blacklisted all the tags because I can’t bare to even look at a single gifset. At all. I can’t watch any old clips because it all feels like manipulative lies. I don’t know when (if) that’ll change. As it is, right now I CANNOT WAIT for non-Robron episodes.

...this is just a small part of what’s been circling in my head the last four(ish) days. Writing this out has made me feel a teeny bit better - but not much. Sigh. If you read this all, thank you. I know there are things I missed and points I probably meant to make or expand on that I lost in the stream of my consciousness...

Though perhaps everyone is sick to death of talking about it. In which case, you probably didn’t get this far in the first place.