#buddy if i try it im going fuck off the deep end

[thanatoseyes]

Me: so afraid of my own psyche that I don't take any drug other than caffeine and alcohol.

Internet/Acquaintances: You should try it at least once.

[uwooyoungs]

//

[littlepuppers]

A thought to add to that fantasy:

The owners end up having to go on a trip again a month or two later, and seeing as you did such a good job last time, they ask if you can watch him again for two weeks. Even though you really don't want to, they pay really well and you could really use the money, so you end up in their living room as they hand you the keys and head off on their trip, his snout pushing between your thighs before their even out of the driveway...

mmmm yesss i mean unfortunately i need the money and they pay so much bc he’s a big dog and eats a lottt so i have to keep dog sitting him.

as we’re in the driveway, i push his snout away from me and walk inside. i pour food in his bowl and get myself a snack. i remember not to bend over or lean down too much bc of what happened last time. and i wore that stupid skirt again. why?? because i have to be presentable for the owners, they know my parents and will report back or get someone else if i seem like i’m a slacker. anyway, i literally can’t ignore the fact that his huge dick is just out bruh like have some courtesy.

i’m there for a couple hours watching movies and chilling on the couch while he’s on the floor. I fall asleep to the peaceful sound of gunshots from an action movie.

OW WHAT THE FUCK. i wake up in a panicked state feeling claws scraping my thighs. i look down and this damn fuckin dog has his head under my skirt and is nuzzling my pussy rn, licking it way too harshly. wondered why i had such an intense wet dream. ewww disgusting i push his head away but he’s not budging, he muzzles deeper and is tongue goes inside me. it goes in wayyy too easily bc im fucking soaked. WTF buddy get out please..i feel his huge tongue lapping at my walls and my legs start shaking. fuck i’m like about to cum in a dogs mouth this is so sick. my thighs start tightening around his head, then he stops.

dude. what. there’s no way this dog just edged me. fuck off.

he gets up to leave but then bites onto my skirt and drags it up all the way to my face. i playfully bite onto it, taking it from him and giggle. but all of a sudden his paws pin down both of my arms and i realize what position we’re in. oh my god no no no no no NO.

his hips go down and he starts bucking them trying to find my parts. so gross please don’t, not again. i squirm trying to dodge his scary MASSIVE doggy cock. he then lays his upper body down on me, putting all his weight on and pushes harshly into me. FUCK. god what the fuck. he ruts into me in and out so fast and hard, it hurts. i think his cock is getting bigger…oh shit. noooooo no no. please don’t. i try to push his paws off my arms and he snaps at my face, i flinch away and tears start running. he licks them off my face while still pounding me. the squelching sound and my whimpers fill the room it sounds so fucking inappropriate. i feel his knot trying to get in “NO BUD GET OFF!” he pops it in and finally stops thrusting. the feeling is overwhelming and i cum immediately as it goes in. buddy whines and barks in my face. i feel his liquid flood me. fucking disgusting. im still sniffling from earlier but i take deep breathes while his knot goes down. he continues to lick my face till im ok. that’s kinda nice. but not nice bc he knotted me without permission. “no treats later buddy” i say and then he starts shifting his hips, i gasp as he slips it out of me. i hear the liquid drip onto the floor and feel it gush out of me. sweaty and panting, im still laid out on the couch, legs spread, and there’s a disgusting doggy cum mess all over my pussy.

fuck…i look down and see it left his huge puddle on the couch. great, now i have to clean it all up. i get up carefully and start walking when my legs give out. i collapse on the floor, my legs are too shaky to walk. buddy walks over to me and is sniffing me, especially down there. he whines. i think he feels bad and wants to clean me up. i slowly and carefully spread my legs and he puts his head down, licking up my thighs and on my pussy. fuck it’s sore and feels really overstimulated, but um, kinda good ig. his head comes up and he licks my face, spreading his cum on me GROSS. i push him away and he trots away, growing another hard on. i roll my eyes, glad that didn’t go anywhere. i get up, less shaky now, and go to get the cleaning stuff.

i clean up the mess and forgot about his cum, now crusted, on my cheek. gross. i wash it off and sit back on the couch, exhausted even more now. i refuse to sleep near him again. what a gross horny dog. what is his deal seriously. he lays on the ground near me and stares at me, panting, his red cock out on the ground as well. god, can’t believe i have three more days of bullshit.

IM SO WET WRITING THIS

[suryp]

Date: unknown

Year: inconsequential

Region: central Tartyryn straight

The snow crunches beneath our feet, the wind howls like the devil, and while we all show fear, I've reason to think my brothers know not that we walk over a frozen sea, more than 30 metres deep with fish heavier than our entire platoon. I doubt my commander knows, either, but that suits our real mission just fine.

The mission. Ha. Everyone knows the only safe spots for a town are off shore, we've already done the math, there's nothing out here worth finding.

Good thing Commander Reijean is such a greedy fuck, then.

"HALT!"

Thats him right there. Most would say he just wants to prove himself, but I know better. All humans hide their worst traits, tone 'em down for the public. We're all worse than we seem on the outside.

"..."

"whats out their c-"

"shut your trap private, I won't have my skill split be-"

*Crack*

"Mission complete, I suppose"

In an instant, Clark pulled out the rifle on his back. it was cheap shit, like all the gear for this trip was, but He's among the best "weapons guys" I've ever met.

Fortunately, the gun jams, and he vanishes into the blizzard.

"Clark? Buddy? Clark? Clark!"

"Circular formation, weapons up, we are-"

"...Commander?"

Just a few more to go. Our platoon used to be larger, but wandering for days on end through an empty void of ice and snow will take its toll. Just a few weeks ago, we might've won this fight.

Good thing banshees are smart, then.

"SpLit up!"

"Commander?"

"Split Up!"

"h- He's right. we're no more than a larger target like this."

"Just gotta find the right time for it."

Sabotage wasn't the plan, and it leaves a bad taste, but there's nothing for it.

"Now."

"..."

"..."

*Cr'Ack*

"..."

*Crunch*

"..."

And finally, a blood curdling scream cut short, by a few extra holes in the lungs.

I stand up, spread my arms wide, and make myself the most clear and easy target I can."

-...-

Two hours later

The blizzard dies, I see my siblings dead in the snow. Three have a mulch of bone and Metal shards, alongside frozen blood, in place of their heads. Commander has a crushed neck. Charlie's kevlar is punched through, frozen blood all along his chest.

There's a sixth carcass, some ornitherian, I think, though it's hard to tell considering how much was eaten. The ribs are gone, and only Two and a half legs remain.

I begin to walk off. A meal, even the frozen remains of a hippogriff corpse, is the last thing I d-

*crunch*

"..."

"you not fight me. why?"

"..."

"all humans try to kill us. take sea from us. take tyk'yk from us."

"...take egg from us."

"..."

"you not fight. why?"

-

alright thats a wrap! The official intro to Fisher and the Flame and the world of... well, I suppose she doesn't have a real name yet but hey, we can make this work.

for a bit of context regarding appearances, if you need that, "Ornithere" and "Hippogriff" refer to pterosaurian animals, most similar to (and heavily based on) Trollman's "Cuvier's Isle" a small spec one-shot. It does not refer to the serinean animals of the same name.

Banshee are a bit easier to describe, being a rough combination of Utahraptor osstramaysi and a Leopard Seal, very similar to @tales-of-kaimere's *Updated* xuul design, along with the Adzakoordu and the White Cockatrice, as well as the Tamakai.

The narrator, Jake Fisher, is getting a drawing, by someone who appreciates men far more than I.

now go read about kaimere on Keenan Taylors twitter, bluesky, deviantart, and youtube channel, along with trollman's various sickass works on the same websites.

-

edits: minor word changes, removal of unneeded dashes, and Commander is now cishet, because killing the first queer confirmed in story feels a bit too rude.

Reijean is still his name tho, since there has to some reason this unit was sent out.

also added a new tag. sorry y'all.

(im just gonna use the most extreme and broad tags that, since im exceedingly apathetic but do want to tag things correctly)

[opossumprints]

You're Weird--Im Weirder Pt. 4

part 1, part 2, part 3,

Steve has a decision to make. 

The last time he gave a gift to Eddie, he was in a bit of a panic. He had a tiny window of opportunity last time because the object of his attraction was too far away to be safe about it. The whole ordeal almost ended in disaster and with Steve without his favorite pair of shorts. He was lucky, Eddie went off somewhere and Steve got lucky. Steve would be damned to be caught off guard again. 

That still leaves him with options. Due to the slightly more flirty nature of last time’s pair, Steve’s slow increase in his teasing had jumped forward in the planned escalation. Either Steve pretends it didn't happen or… 

Steve could try to rile Eddie up. The idea makes him warm and wriggly, and he has the perfect pair to get the job done.

When Steve took Robin out to replace last week’s casualty, he walked away with a bit more than planned.  The new pair are more reminiscent of girls' panties than shorts, high cut with dainty patterns. In truth they’re one of the few pairs that make Steve blush. 

If all goes well Steve might even land himself a date. 

When Sunday rolls around Steve is prepared. Sudsy’s is near completely empty today, Eddie is there of course chatting politely to the laundromat’s owner Pam. Steve takes a deep breath before entering and waves jollily at the pair. 

So far so good. Steve manages to secure the machine next to Eddie’s (it's easy to tell with the sheer amount of band tees) and hurriedly starts the first load. That’s the easy part. The trick is a carefully timed tug below the waistband of his jeans as he bends down to dump in e washing soda. When he leans back Steve slips his thumbs into the waistband and stealthily two thin and dainty straps over his hips. 

After readjusting his shirt Steve is certain that it’s not noticeable to the average passer-by unless Steve lets them notice. 

Now all Steve has to do is wait. 

It all has to play out perfectly, has to go just right, He can't afford another fumble. To keep himself in place and hopefully prevent him from doing anything stupid, Steve sits down in front of one of the empty machines.  

In a stroke of luck Eddie wanders over without prompting. Which considering how Steve wasn't able to actually get near Eddie last time is a nice improvement. 

Eddie is wearing the butchered remains of a plain black T-shirt. It’s been cut into a tank top with the sides cut low, it's even got a few artistically cut holes that show off peeks of skin that Steve is trying really hard not to stare at. Unfortunately redirecting his gaze leads to Steve staring at where the shirt has naturally ridden up and Eddie’s low swung sweatpants don’t cover.  

“Hey” Eddie says, voice gruff. Steve's head snaps up, fuck he’s caught. He must look startled because Eddie raises an eyebrow “good morning?” The way Eddie says in a kind of prompting, almost sarcastically demanding, tone makes something stir within Steve. He can imagine them out with friends and Eddie teasing him in that tone; say hello Stevie, be a good boy. Steve manages to save himself from further embarrassment and respond with his own good morning. 

“Sorry we didn't get to talk last week” Steve says after a beat, “you're really fun to talk to and I missed it” he smiles for good measure. Eddie’s eyebrows disappear even further into his hairline (which is mostly just impressive instead of sassy) and he grins slow and easy.

“Dwaww you missed me!” Eddie drawls teasingly, his tone reminiscent of someone talking to their dog when they get home. “Don’t let your buddies hear that or you’ll never hear peace.” 

Steve fights the blush trying to bloom across his cheeks and nods.

wait …

“What buddies?” Steve wonders. He tilts his head despide the twinge in his neck from looking both up and sideways. “Do you mean robin?” Seriously, who is Eddie talking about? Perhaps its the honest look in Steve’s eyes but Eddie is taken aback for a second before he shrugs so Steve lets it go.

The taller boy nudges Steve with his foot good naturedly before unloading his machine. It’s really nice to continue the routine of chatting while doing laundry together. 

If it weren't for Eddie pausing awkwardly mid conversation every once and a while (and the fact there is a very public very dingy laundromat) Steve can imagine them goofing off together in a home they share. It’s so easy to imagine them bumping hips while folding towels and distracting each other with kisses while loading the dryer. Steve can imagine how easy it would be for Eddie to lift him on to the machine and pin him in place so eddie can–

“Dude your loads done” Eddie (the real one) buts in to Steve’s day dream 

“Yeah it is” Steve breaths huskily 

“What?”

“What?” 

Steve looks up at Eddie and blinks up at him innocently. In a way it's just part of the plan, not at all Steve being a complete idiot, not one bit.  

The impromptu staring contest ends when Steve gracefully and elegantly clambers back up on two legs like a concussed baby deer. 

Steve pops open the laundry machine door and leans in to start grabbing clothes. Just as planned, his too loose shirt slides up (forward?) and reveals the criss cross straps over Steve’s hips. 

It's the boldest thing Steve has ever worn. From the front it's just a normal (if not incredibly skin tight) pair of pajama shorts, but the sides, the sides are a whole nother story. Instead of sides there is a lattice of straps that criss-cross up his thighs and over his hips, squeezing the softness that rests there. 

And now Eddie is getting an eyeful. 

Steve rights himself after unceremoniously plopping a handful of shirts and a sock back into his laundry basket and risks a glance at Eddie. The other boy is bright red and has his shoulders by his ears. Steve could pretend Eddie looks bashful if it weren't for the deep want he sees in the others eyes. Instead he throws the rest of the plan out the window.

The plan was to let Eddie sneak a peek before slipping away for a quick change so he could drop his gift in Eddie’s clothes. But why go through all that when Steve could just lean into his space, look at him through his lashes and wet his lips. 

“Hey Eddie?” Steve coos, blinking languidly, “I really like when we hang out” he shifts even closer to Eddie to bring them nose to nose. Steve can feel Eddie's breath catch in his chest and grins sweetly. “Do you want to come to my place? Nobody’s home so I would love to have some company.” 

Apparently Eddie’s words are failing him because the boy nods rapidly and with enthusiasm instead. 

Later when they lay cuddled together in bed Steve thinks he could never be happier. Eddie lounges on his back with Steve draped over him, head resting on his chest, and with his arms wrapped around Eddie’s torso. 

“Hey Steve?” Eddie murmurs, running a hand up and down his lovers back idly tracing the constellations along his spine.

“Yeah?” he sighs dreamily in response. Steve turns his head to meet Eddie’s gaze and feels himself go gooey; he could stay like this forever. Being snuggled against the man he has loved from afar for so long feels so right. 

“I have something to tell you, and I really hope you can forgive me.” Eddie says cautiously. Oh no, Steve shifts onto his elbows and pushes himself to sit. 

Steve feels his worry pinch at his face and knit his eyebrows together. He worries his lip between his teeth for only a moment before he can bring himself to speak. 

“Eddie? what’s wrong?” Was he only an experiment for Eddie, is that what he's going to say? Is he going to be told this was a one time thing? Steve feels guilt tugging at his spine, Eddie is his own person Steve should respect it if that's the case not dread and despise the thought, should leave it be if that's what Eddie wants. 

Eddie steels himself with a steadying breath and meets Steve’s gaze. Eddie is trying to sooth him, rubbing up Steve’s arms and supporting his elbows. He’s so sweet; being open and honest and breaking his heart, but he’s still trying to help steve. Holding him and supporting him because he’s so sweet and he cares. Steve cares for him too, whatever he says Steve will honor because he cares for Eddie, loves him enough to let him go. 

“For the past couple weeks I have been stealing your underwear” 

Steve collapses in a fit of giggles. Oh he feels so bad but he does. He’s so relieved and it's so funny, he can't bring himself to feel sorry for Eddie’s confusion or for the noise he lets out when Steve’s weight plops back on top of him. 

Steve tilts his face and peppers happy kisses along Eddie's jaw. 

“Bu–but Stevie? You’re not mad?” 

Gleeful giggles bubble up from Steve’s chest once more 

“I’ve been giving them to you!” he gasps “of course i’m not mad!”

Eddie's hands are still in the air, supporting the memory of Steve's arms that just slipped from his gentle hold. 

“Are you trying to tell me that you, Steve Harrington, for the past several weeks have been slipping me your underwear!” Eddie blurts incredulously. 

“Yes!” Steve giggles “I was trying to flirt!” he knows Eddie cant see his eye roll but knows deep down Eddi can sense his amused exasperation. 

Eddie flounders a bit, flapping his mouth open and closed. 

“And they call me a freak!” Eddie is giggling now too.

“baby “ Steve smirks “your weird but I’m weirder”

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am so deeply, incredibly, sorry this took so long. The fanfic author curse kicked in and my internet tried to kick the bucket. I've been writing this thing in literally thirty-minute intervals because of that and I thought it was fixed but no! It took another two full days to get back on track. I managed in the end and got this part finished and that's all that I really care about in the end.

I really hope you guys enjoy it!

@slv-333, @jaytriesstrangerthings, @ajeff855, @stellasapiente, @croatoan-like-its-hot

[elthadriel]

hi im here to cause problems 😌

💛🖤

any of the ships in the terrible horrible no good polycule (echofivestupdogmaslick+)

Despite his best efforts Tup can’t quite manage to tear his eyes away from where Fives is trying to eat Echo’s face. He wrinkles his nose. It wasn’t every day that your dead partner came back to life, but did they have to celebrate so loudly?

“I think this might be good for us,” he says.

“Really?” Dogma asks hopefully.

“Really?” Slick is less optimistic.

“Really.” Across the landing bay Fives gropes clumsily at Echo’s ass. Tup can hear them moaning from here. Is Five that loud with him? He hopes not. “I met Echo before he died—”

“Before he went missing,” Dogma interrupts.

“Before he went missing. And Fives talked about him all the time. He seems sensible.” They could use another level head around here.

Echo pulls at Fives’ hair with his remaining hand. Their mouths are open so wide they might as well be licking each other.

Slick hums in a way that makes people want to punch him. “By ‘met’ do you mean drooled at him working out in his ARC gear across the gym?”

“No! I mean I had a conversation with him.” He’d also drooled at him across the gym, but who hadn’t?

“Look, kid,” Slick says, as though Tup hadn’t ended up serving longer than he had, even if he’d been decanted first.

“Don’t call him kid,” Dogma says. He doesn’t look at Slick either, eyes locked on the two ARCs. He’d been drooling right next to Tup.

Slick rolls his eyes, but bows to Dogma’s wishes in a way he refuses to for anyone else. “I just think we should all keep in mind that Echo and Fives were already members of the 501st when I was arrested.”

A sort of dread that is usually reserved for when Fives and Slick really get into it pools in Tup’s gut. And maybe a little lower. It wasn’t going to happen, but that didn’t mean that Slick and Fives fighting wasn’t hot. What would adding Echo to the mix even—

Tup needs to get laid. He has two actual partners and a sort of partner in the form of Slick. How is it he never seems to manage more than jerking off in the tiny shared fresher?

“Did he know you?” Dogma asks. “If he…” he trails off, eyes widening in an expression that Tup is familiar with. Sure enough, Fives has shoved up Fives shirt, showing off his broad back.

The landing bay is empty except for them, but there’s no guarantee it’ll stay that way. They’re supposed to be laying low. Fugitives of the Republic and all that.

How had Echo even found them? Tup files away the question for when Echo’s mouth isn’t occupied trying to deep throat Fives’ tongue.

Slick cocks his head at the display, but doesn’t lose focus. “Nah, I didn’t interact much with the 501st if I could help it. But I bet I got some of their little buddies killed.”

Fives wedges a leg between Echo’s and Echo’s civvies don’t hide enough to for Tup to even pretend that Echo isn’t humping it. Echo’s lost the built ARC that Tup jerked off to a couple of times before he died—it had felt morbid after—but he still holds himself with a straight-backed confidence that hits very nicely despite the circumstances.

So Echo won’t like Slick. Fine. What’s new?

“Yeah, but no one likes you, Slick,” Tup says.

“We do,” Dogma points out, which is only true on a technicality.

 Slick lounges back against their ship looking so very pleased with himself. “Yeah, I’m sure he and Dogma will be the very best of friends.”

Dogma pales. “Fives and I have moved on,” he says very quickly.

“Sure you have, kid.” Slick says. “But you arranged for a firing squad to shoot Echo’s favourite lay. How do you think he’s going to feel about you? Even if said lay has decided to stop bringing it up.”

Dogma’s face makes it very clear he’s come to the exact same conclusion as Tup. So much for getting to fuck two ARCs at once he supposes.

“He’ll probably like you,” Dogma says to Tup, dejected misery having fully consumed any optimism.

“Yeah, trooper. You’re just everyone’s favourite.” At least Slick sounds happy.

“Lucky me,” Tup mutters.

They lapse into several seconds of blissful silence, interrupted only by the wet activities happening across from them.

Slick straightens up. “Huh. Those limbs are more dexterous than I’d have imagined.”

“Okay!” Tup slaps Dogma and Slick on the shoulder. “We’re waiting inside the ship!”

[byrdtrollsunoreversearchive]

Nightmare Blunt Rotation

What’s one thing you never expected to happen in February 2024? Is it an Ervmir Demork Drabble?

(hehe, a short little side thing I wrote)

It’s late into the day. You are playing an indie dating sim on your laptop in the front hall. It is the only place in your penthive apartment where there are reliably no other people or servants. Though the dark glow of security cameras reminds you are always being watched all the same. You like to stay up late in the day, when it’s quiet and most of the staff and your father’s ‘friends’ have long since gone home. You are completely bombing it on all these conversation options. You like to do no-mercy runs on kiss in the dark demon quadrant simulator and get all the bad endings. 

Suddenly, the doorbell rings. 

“Uh, sir?” You hear from behind the wood. 

“Hello?” You reply.

“Ervmir” The voice replies, and you recognize it as the buildings security guard. “Can you get your father?” 

“Depends why” You answer. 

“This woman is demanding to see him, I tried to get her to leave, but I think she’s lost her marbles-“ 

“OPEN UP HASCHA” insists a demanding, female voice who begins banging on the doorway. 

You curl up into a little ball on the couch. 

“You’re a really bad security guard!” You yell. “Who the fuck is that!” 

“She’s like eight feet tall! What was I supposed to-“ The guard argues. 

“Figure it out!” You squeak. 

“I demand to speak to Hascha” Orders the woman. 

“I’m going to tase you” the guard says to her. “If you don’t leave.” 

“Less warning-more tasing!” You order. 

There is a sound of a large thud, and a scream.

You back further into your corner, hoping the security guard has been triumphant in whatever struggle just occurred, but the universe would never be so kind. 

“Open the door” says the woman. “Hascha will recognize me” 

“Yeah well” you stutter. “If you hurt the security guard! He’ll be angry!” 

“Go to bed Erv,” Says a male voice. “Two in the damn morning.” 

You jump as your father enters the room from behind. Against all logic, he walks over and opens the door. 

A giant, horrific beast of a woman dressed like Mary Poppins straightens her back, covered in blood. 

Hascha glances at the bottle of wine in his hands, and then back at her. 

“Haha” he says. “I wondered if Eponin and all those bitches were crazy.” He says. “Are you real?” He says, waving a hand in front of her. 

“Im real” she says. “I'm standing right in front of you” she says, sidestepping your father into the hive, much to your dismay. 

“Verula, did you fall from heaven because I thought you dropped dead 50 sweeps ago” Hascha jokes. 

“Ha ha. You’re drunk” she says. 

“I must be. Did you kill my security guard?” They stutter. 

“My kismesis was murdered right in front of me” Verula replies. 

“Right” your father says, wincing, scratching the back of his neck. “Bummer. That is so rough Buddy.”

“Do you still have that cask I gave you 60 sweeps ago from that off world winery?” 

“Now you’re speaking my language. But also no, I already drank it.” Your father says, leaning on the wall. 

“Hascha!” You squeak. “Who the fuck is this! She killed our security guard!” 

“I’ll explain to you when you’re older. Go to bed, Erv.” 

“Why. It’s not like I’ve got shit to do tomorrow” you retort. “In case you forgot, you fired me” 

“Who is that?” Verula says, staring at you. 

“Oh this grub I adopted” Hascha replies. 

“Why?” Verula.

“I dunno. For fun. To make my life worse”

“Whatever” she dismisses. “Can I stay at your place for a couple nights.” 

“Of course,” he says, leading the woman upstairs. “Everyone’s trying to kill you by the way. They’ve all lost it.” 

“Wonderful” the jadeblood says, wiping blood off her face. 

And then you are in the front hall, alone. You sigh. It’s just you and the dead security guard. You try to ignore him for a moment, but you have not yet sunk so low morally that you can continue to play a dating sim over a fresh corpse. You take a deep breath, closing your laptop, and walking over to him. Shakily, you reach over and pull his id out of his vest, and go to call this guy's family. 

.

.

.

.

.

You are in the front hall again the next time you see her. You had to wait even longer for the hive to empty. Hascha and their mysterious undead fling had been having some kind of kismesis grief bender for the past week, and avoiding them at very nearly any time of night or day has become more difficult and frustrating. You are trying to finish a demon’s route in the game when you are once again interrupted. 

The two large trolls are walking into the kitchen, giggling with each other. 

“Maid!” Hascha calls. “We can cook something- Where is the- Maid!” He says, stumbling around. 

You sigh. This was not the first time he’s lost track of time and forgotten the servants go home at day. Hopefully Verula could be a voice of reason to him. You don’t want to have to tell him again. For some reason he always gets upset with you, like you were insane for reminding him the hive staff slept. 

“Maid!” Verula calls. “Maid!” Oh, wonderful. You think. They’re both on something. They’re both intoxicated. 

The calling out for the maid and wandering around the hive and resolving into giggling continues for some time, before you snap. 

“It’s two am! The staff went home!” You shout. 

“Motherfucker.” Hascha complains. “Go to bed, Erv!” He says, hypocritically. “Whatever. We’ll order online.”

“You can order food online? Like through a computer?” Verula says, like a woman who’s been dead for a long time.

“New age magic darling- the miracle of computer.” He says, taking a moment to try and doordash on his phone. The jadeblood plucks a joint from his hand. 

“Do the robots deliver it?” she jokes. 

“Nah, just app people” he dismisses. 

The woman coughs. 

“What?” 

“Like the people who work for the app” he says. “They get a message and deliver the food” he attempts to explain. The jadeblood takes another hit. 

“An army of people in the app?” She says, looking over his shoulder. 

“Yeah” he says. “Wait- give that back” he says, trying to grab the joint. 

“What?” She says. 

“I forget if I laced that one.” He says, taking back the joint.” 

She stares at her now empty hand. 

“You know Hascha” she says. “I didn’t think you’d still be like this.” 

“What?” He says. 

“You know. When you got kicked out of the fleet and put on planet arrest” The jadeblood says, giggling. “And you were like, I’m gonna spend every day partying like there is no tomorrow and doing hard drugs and shit. I thought you were just like. Going through something. And you’d come to your senses in like, a few sweeps at most. And get back on your feet. And weasel your way back into the fleet or something. And you’re still doing this shit? And you have a kid?” She says

“Hey” he says. “I own a billion dollar news company.” 

“You’re having a laced joint on a Tuesday night after we already drank the rest of that wine.” 

“One you just stole from me” They retort. “Glass hives, darling.”

“If I were a better person,” She says. “I’d be worried about you.” 

“If I were a better person” He replies. “I’d want you to worry about me.” 

“You’ve really been doing this?” Dentry says. “For 50 sweeps? Did 857 truly break your pan so badly?” She says, miming a knocking motion on their head. It’s unfitting the seriousness of the conversation, but he does not seem to mind. 

“Maybe not all the time,” He says. “Sober up for a couple weeks, or a month, your tolerance builds back up, you can put your life back together just enough that everything looks fine on the surface and money keeps flowing, and then go have fun again.”

“Sounds like you have it down to a science” She says. “What a miserable way to live.” 

“Oh it's a wonderful way to live” He argues. “Probably gonna die someday” They admit. “But it’s a wonderful view from halfway down.”

You turn up the music on your headphones, and try your best to return your focus to the game. But it’s too late- it's ruined. You are clicking through the options but your brain is barely processing them.

Eventually there is a loud thud from the other room.

“Fuck” you hear the jadeblood say. “That is- shit” the woman says, clearly having a sub optimal time. 

“What?” Hascha says. 

“I think it just hit me” she stumbles. “I think that was laced. That is- too much uppy. Not enough downy.” 

“Don’t freak out,” he retorts. 

“I’m not freaking out. I’ll be fine. Do we have more wine? Or normal weed? I’m just need something more downy” 

“Maybe-“ Hascha says, and then proceeds to look in all of the various places in the hive where they kept alcohol. This takes a long time. There are many places. 

“Fuck” he says. “I think that’s everything. Where’s- MAID!” 

“The maid went home!” You snap, again.

“Erv” he says. “Perfect” he says, stumbling into the room. 

“I need you to go to the winery on 5th and downing. The one we like. I need you to grab like 15 Domaine Leroy for the lounge and 10 Corton-Charlemagne for the cellar. Make sure it’s the one with 18%  alcohol from that place in Tuscany. Take the spaceship.” He says, dropping the keys in your hand. Fascinating, how he’s able to remember everything about the winery so specifically except a very key detail. 

“The winery” you say. “IS CLOSED! IT'S THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY.” 

“Christ, well you don’t have to yell you little shit.” He retorts. 

“I don’t think you need more wine” You say. 

“Verula’s freaking out” They say, waving their hand dismissively. 

“Exactly why you should not give her more alcohol, genius” You say softly. 

“What was that?” He snaps. 

“Nothing” You mutter, losing your nerve. 

“Okay” Hascha says, turning and stumbling away. “Here’s what you do-“ he begins, and then walks out of earshot. Several minutes pass. You begin to silently hope he has gone and passed out someplace, muttering to himself, but right when you are going to go back to bed, he returns, holding a crowbar, which he then hands to you. 

“Okay Ervmir- here’s what you do. You’re going to break into the winery.” 

“What?” You say, hoping he is joking. 

“Step one: you break the winery window. Step two, you leave 5 hundred thousand Caegar bills on the desk in reimbursement. You take all of the liquor you can fit into the spaceship- actually I don’t trust you with the spaceship. You WALK to the winery but still carry as much alcohol as you can fit in the spaceship. And everyone wins” 

“I lose,” you say. “I get arrested.”

“No you don’t- you do it all very quietly.” Hascha reassures. 

“I can’t WALK to the winery!! It’s day! I’ll get burned!”

“Erv, Verula is really freaking out. And her freaking out is freaking me out. And we really do need new alcohol.” Hascha says, picking you up, and placing you in the hallway outside their penthouse apartment. 

“What! No! I’m not stealing you booze! What if a paparazzi sees me!!” You plead to deaf ears as he takes your keys, holding them out of your reach. 

“Listen” he says. “I’m going to lock you out. And you aren’t allowed back in. Unless you go to the winery. Okay? Thank you. Goodbye Erv.” He says, and he shuts the door in your face. Motherfucker. You are going to kill him for real someday. You bang on the apartment door, part in hopes he’ll change his mind and part in an expression of anger and frustration.

Before eventually, your breathing evens enough that you pull yourself to your feet, and storm off in search of an umbrella. 

.

.

.

.

.

Two whole hours later, you bang on the door again, with a cart full of wine from the winery. 

Hascha opens it. 

“Ervmir” he says. “What took you so long” 

“Ha Ha” you reply, voice layered with contempt. “It takes a while to break into a winery”

“It seems like an in and out kind of deal” he critiques. 

“You’re lucky I came back at all” you say.

Verula, the woman herself, peeks out of the hallway. 

“Thank you Ervmir.” 

“I hate you both and I hope you die. I poisoned every one of these” you say, shoving the cart into the room. 

“He’s joking” Hascha reassures the jadeblood, who true to his word, looks a little freaked out. 

“One of these days I won’t be!” You snap. “I’m gonna go call Esveri.” You say, your voice cracking. 

“You’re gonna call your boyfriend at, what is it? 4am?” 

“WHO ELSE WOULD I CALL?” You snap. “Hire me a twenty four seven therapist! You might as well pay someone to parent me if you’re going to try this hard!” You yell, storming off to your room. 

You shut the door, but linger by it. 

“He’s a good kid,” You hear Verula mutter softly to your father, popping the cork off a bottle.

“He hates me.” Hascha replies

“Yeah, well, no shit” the jadeblood answers.

[unforth]

Just blacklisted a couple fandoms, just cause I wasn't interested, and got to thinking about how much I genuinely unironically fucking love this website. I've never been on any other platform that gives me this degree of control over what I see - by letting me control who I follow, giving me block abilities, letting me make a list of tags that don't interest me, and more. Yes, some changes that have been made didn't suit me, but I'm sure they suited some percentage of the user base or prospective user base, or else they wouldn't have been made. Even the new dash only took a few days to get used to, and to me the change is a net neutral. Yeah, the tumblr live icon at the bottom is irritating, and I wish the NEW would go away, but I appreciate the snooze for 30 days and again, a layout change can be gotten used to pretty quick.

And then I got to thinking about how many people here seem to virulently hate this website, and it honestly makes me sad. Every time a change is made, some number of folks go off the deep end, screaming how much they hate it, abusing staff, saying they'll leave, harassing other users who say they like it or don't mind it. It's gotten to the point that I'm genuinely afraid to make a post about liking Tumblr, like it's A Cool Kid (tm) marker to ~hate it~ and some bizarre form of virtue signaling to complain about it as loudly as possible every time there's a change. Then there's the HOW DARE THEY ASK FOR MONEY as if websites...don't need money to run...and again abuse piled on other users "don't you have better ways to spend your money shouldn't you support charity blah blah blah" and like. Look. This is a service I use and appreciate. Services need money to exist because capitalism. And I hate capitalism as much as it's possible to hate anything but I'm stuck living with it, so yes, I will vote for something I enjoy using and want to continue using with my dollars, while also trying to support other causes I believe in, and getting myself some cute things and sugary desserts to stave off the morbs, and buying my kids the things they want, and, and, and.

And then the newest thing unrolls, and a quarter of the userbase flips out THIS WEBSITE IS THE WORST I'LL NEVER GIVE IT MONEY STAFF GO DIAF IF THIS ISNT UNDONE IM LEAVING FOR REAL

And buddy. If you're saying that.

Real talk.

Why the FUCK would they want you to stay? What possible reason have you given them to accommodate you? Your data takes up server space, you refuse to chip in a penny to support the service, you're threatening their employees... if this was a fucking Denny's they'd have called the fucking cops on you, "yeah I agree that ACAB but you threatened the maitre d with a butter knife and refused to pay for your meal after eating and told the waiter to 'kys' so you didn't leave us much choice..."

Basically.

I love Tumblr.

But ngl, sometimes I hate the people here.

(Not as much as I hate capitalism and cops, but y'know.)

[sickness-health-all-that-shit]

hello! i was watching ian and mickey scenes through *the* youtube channel, i'm not too deep into the lore of the fandom but! i read that noel wanted to be paid more for his role which is why they wrote him off on s6 etc. reading some comments through clips from the other seasons he is not in i saw that the ''reasons'' as of why ian seems not to care of him was because of his medication and pretending to keep himself steady but with s7 it went down after seeing him again + monica's death (and that's also why he's maniac again :0) thankfully right after they're back together which makes my serotonin skyrocket! i mostly read fics that are a sort of fix it or with mickey coming back right after monica dying etc. i didn't know about these infos before so i thought it was kind of fanon that ian goes maniac because of that and that he never said ''i love you'' to anyone but mickey. i wanted to ask you what is your take on ian's feelings when mickey wasn't around? gotta say that it makes me feel way better knowing that despite their effort to remove mickey from the series they managed to make it was all about him/leading back to them together! i hope i didn't disturb you with this ask but im having feelings!!! eheh

hi there! totally valid to have ✨feelings✨ about this, especially when you first start diving into their history and relationship!! my own deep-dive under the cut:

I do believe Noel left bc of contract renegotiations, yes. and after that fans were not happy with (and were very vocal about) the show trying to 'replace' Mickey with other boyfriends for Ian and having Ian badmouth Mickey etc. anyway, if we're keeping this to in-universe explanations as to how Ian felt about Mickey during those seasons, my interpretation is this: at the start of s6, Ian was in a very, very bad place. we see that at some point he started taking his meds (despite his previous refusal to do so like during the breakup in 5x12) but he's very clearly going through depression at that stage. let's keep in mind that at the time he was dealing with accepting his diagnosis, something he struggled a lot with both bc of the comparisons with Monica and bc of how much he valued his independence, so acknowledging the need for outside help and someone to care for him when he's not feeling well is particularly hard for him. he also just came out of a long period of being unmedicated--I've seen people suggest symptoms first started manifesting at the end of s3, and might've influenced his decision to go off to the army with everything that that brought as a consequence and all the choices he made as a result of that.. his life had changed dramatically in that period (he dropped out of school, left his home and his siblings, worked in nightclubs as a minor and of course he went through all that traumatic stuff with Mickey from 3x06 onward) so at the beginning of s6 he makes the decision to basically just put all of that behind him. Ian has a tendency to compartmentalize, which means he took all the bad things that had happened to him up until his diagnosis (and everything that reminded him of that, ie Mickey) and tried to forget about them, so that he could move on in some way. of course at this point Mickey was in prison and expected to remain there for the next 8 to 15 years, so that was another thing Ian made the decision to put out of his mind, bc it all hurt too much to deal with. so he made a new life for himself. which I'm very proud of him for! I love his journey to become an emt <3 dating-wise, choices were made. not necessarily by Ian though, by which I mean he kinda fell into those relationships, going through the motions because of how uncertain he was feeling at that time, and ending up dating people that should've maybe definitely had been fuck buddies at most. anyway, let's not dwell on that ajkds and let's get back to Mickey. the whole 'out of sight out of mind' thing obviously crashes and burns for Ian once Mickey shows up again, right there in front of him. that rush of deep-buried feelings must have been overwhelming. and yeah, I do agree that Ian's manic state through s8 was probably a result of the double hit of Monica's death and losing Mickey again--for all Ian knew, for good this time. and he absolutely never said I love you to anyone but Mickey, bc he's never loved anyone but him. they were it for each other from the start!! thank god the show finally got with the program at some point lol and gave us the happy ending they truly deserved ❤️

[nervousron]

Where do you stand on shipping Michael and Trevor? Pre-prologue did they have an established relationship, an unlabelled "thing," or just ridiculous romantic tension? How about post-canon?

i flip-flop on where I stand a lot. Especially with the pre-game stuff. I don't think it was ever an established relationship, but there are a lot of little comments in the game that make me think they had something going on between them.

(Post Deathwish conversation)

"we're back baby! Mike and Trevor - top of the world."

"T, come on."

"Trevor Philips and Michael... De... *fart sound* together again!"

"Yeah. We're together at this moment, but... ahh... you know it's not..."

"I know, alright? Shit, you're such a downer. I don't even feel drunk anymore."

"Well, you are still drunk. So cheer up."

"Nah, you ruined it."

(Drunk conversation)

(T) Fuck you, actually (M) Dont you wish

(Cutscene in By the Book)

(M) hey, fuck you (T) You know? I'm beginning to think that's exactly what you wanna do (M) Yeah, Jesus. I just said the same fucking thing to my wife

Trevor's attraction towards Michael seems to have been there from the get-go. Lamar jokingly refers to it as "love at first sight" and i dont think he was very far off. When Trevor blew their first robbery together, he was sent to prison for it. By all accounts Michael should've skipped town and continued on his way. But he didnt. He waited for Trevor, a man at this point he hardly knew, and that decision changed Trevor's life irreversibly. I think thats where his infatuation begins.

As for Michael I think the attraction to Trevor comes on slowly. He doesnt realize its happening, and when he does, he makes up excuses for himself so he doesnt have to worry about being a queer. Buddies jerk off together all the time. If your best friend is willing to go a little farther than that and doesn't make it weird in the morning, why not go with it? And if Michael loves him a little, so what? Who doesn't love their best friend. They're Bodhi and Johnny Utah. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance kid. That's all.

I think they had a good thing going for a while, up until Mandy got pregnant. Then they had an on-and-off thing for years that got more and more volatile as their friendship fell apart.( I wrote like 6 paragraphs about that but it was getting really lengthy so that's a post for another day lol.)

Or maybe they just never acted on it and the farthest they got was weird flirting, drunken three-ways with call girls, or jerking off to the same skin-flick. I can see em' all happening and its a horrible back and forth on my end of which makes the most sense canonically.

No matter what I think they had something really deep and guttural together before the Ludendorff heist

As for post-game i have my realistic idea of what would happen, and my idealistic ideas of what would happen.

Realistically:

Trevor is done pining after Michael. He still loves him, that will never change. But he's done with the heartache. They made up, and they'll hang out from time to time, but Trevor is never going to let his heart be broken by Michael again.

Michael is trying with his family. He wants to make his marriage work. He continues to fuck up, probably still sleeps around from time to time, but he's genuinely trying to stay with Amanda. He doesnt think about his past with Trevor very often, because if Trevor doesnt want to bring it up, neither will he.

They have a strained fucked up friendship, but a friendship nonetheless.

Ideally:

Abso-fucking-lutely. They figure it out. They're a goddamn mess together, but they're happy. They fight like they always do, but at the end of the day they're both trying

(im working on a post about my ending C Trikey thoughts that was supposed to be a reply to iagami a while back. i have so many ideas for a post-C ending for them and most of it is just dumb "lol thatd be funny" type stuff, but a lot of it has genuine thought put into it too. This post is already too long lol. thanks for reading through it!)

[winderlylandchime]

*points to tv* ‘look its Justin and Brian. Dude, it’s early morning and he’s going to the baths? LOOK AT THEM KISSING GOODBYE! Did you see that cute shit! Adorable. Oh Brian..you can find hotter places to fuck at than this dump..JEN! THATS MY BABY JEN! WHAT IS GOING ON? this is his office? FINALLY I AM GETTING MY BUDDY EPISODE! Aw he took a picture of Jen, why the fuck didn’t it show it? I wanna see my girl! My two favorite people being best friends! I am so happy!’ ‘Ted IS A SINGER! Oh as a waiter? *smacks his chest with his fist* respect! Been there, done that, tough shit. *pauses tv and looks at me* Did you know when i first started as a waiter, i didnt know what cappuccino is made of so when people ordered it, i told them we ran out of it. I got fired 4 days later’ ‘i feel bad for Emmett. I get they want to support him but Emy also needs support. Damn it this is bad. But i also *takes a deep breath* feel bad for Mike.’ ‘AWWW Vic and Rodney are gonna live together! Finally Vic gets something more in his life than just hiv and sister. GOOD FOR YOU VICKY BOY! LIVE THAT LONG HAPPY LIFE BABY!’ ‘How in the holy hell, did they convince Brian to go to this restaurant. Id get if Justin was there but he isnt, so HOW? Oh he came along to laugh. Okay, makes sense’ the scene where Pink Posse walks down the street is up and he paused the tv and started laughing. I did not expect him to have these reactions. ‘They look like a gay boyband. Backstreet Gays. Look at them on their way to fight people with their pink shirts. I am trying so hard to be chill with this but what is this? They look like a low budget cult. (The car/fight scene happens) Justin.. violence for violence is not cute. Nothing about this is cute. I am trying to get it cause of prom but WHY IS THIS HAPPENING NOW?’ ‘Look at Brian once again waiting for him. Is he late? A vigilante with a curfew. Thats new. Soooo he’s now hopped up on adrenaline ready to fuck. Cool cool cool. Look how fast Brian’s plans can change when it involves Justin. Or sex. But Brian when youre done, we need to talk to Buzz lightyear about his dangerous activities’ ‘WHY IS MIKE BEING A BITCH TO BLAKE?! He is a sweet guy who hasn’t done shit wrong. Be nice to him!’ ‘Im glad theyre finally giving Vic some fucking story line. Sometimes it felt like they forgot he was there *turns to me all serious* which one am I, Deb or Vic?’ The Britin scene comes up ‘YOURE TELLING ME FOR ONCE THEYRE NOT SHOWERING TOGETHER? see! Brian is worried, scared and annoyed at this pink pussy movement. And so am I! Now come on Brian, go and yell at Cody, like only you can. Why is Justin being so angry at Brian? Since when is he so angry? Brian! Do something!‘ ‘oh Brian is not having Emmetts shit. Look at him being a friend. *pauses tv* i really like this Brian. Something feels different, i fuck with it. he is full of advices lately!’ And we are back to Justin and Cody and he just groaned loudly and slid on the floor from the coach ‘this zack and cody spin off needs to end. Blondie is being forced to be angry and have a horrible haircut. Unless if they give me Brian yelling at this wannabe Captain America, make it stop. Justin he is literally telling you he wants to search for fights, why is my blondie so dumb at times?- damn I actually really feel bad for Mike in this episode, that is a first.’ The scene with Cody and Justin at the restaurant or whatever is up ‘what the fuck is this bullshit? JUSTIN WE HAVE A RULE! WHY THE FUCK IS HE BREAKING A RULE IN EVERY FUCKING SEASON?! DUDE- what..Justin for fucks sake walk away from this shit, at what point will you realize youre in too deep? WHAT THE FUCK KINDA ENDING WAS THAT?!’ *gets up and grabs his cigarettes* ‘great now Brian isn’t the only one stressed, worried and annoyed’ He is now outside walking up and down and talking to our mom all angry about how Justin is risking his life and being an idiot and then he just randomly went ‘but at least brian is looking really good this season. I feel like this might be his season where he finally thrives’ …safe to say he is wrong.

Brian really does look so good in the bathhouse scene. Also let's note Justin being happy to leave Brian there - this is not a kid who suddenly wants monogamy and marriage a year later, okay?

GOOD FOR YOU VICKY BOY! LIVE THAT LONG HAPPY LIFE BABY!

Oh Anon, oh dear sweet anon.... you're going to need to get some tissues for your brother.

That shower scene is so good. Brian is worried and pissed. He didn't scrap Justin off the parking garage floor just for him to risk his life being stupid.

i really like this Brian. Something feels different, i fuck with it. he is full of advices lately! CHARACTER GROWTH!

‘but at least brian is looking really good this season. I feel like this might be his season where he finally thrives’ …safe to say he is wrong. I mean he does look good the whole season, but yeah there's that whole cancer thing... Poor brother.

[eldritchmochi]

b m u y ! letter ask game

B - A pairing–platonic, romantic or sexual–that you initially didn’t consider, but someone changed your mind.

i fully blame seize and gem for getting me on the shadowidomauk train, regardless of the teif personality. seize especially has me in a chokehold re: their lucien and essek combo in one of their fics, which i have not read nor do i even know if its been posted but they keep sending me snippets like MOCHI YOU WILL LOVE THIS IT HAS ALL* YOUR KINKS and by dog they're right (*it is not actually "all" this is impossible as i have Too Many Kinks but)

also gem's essek-owns-a-boujie-coffee-shop au that has shadowidomauk as end game is cute as shit im sorry gem that i haven't had the spoons to edit more (its so good aaa)

M - Name a character that you’d like to have for a friend.

i answered M with "ashton" over here in this post the other day but another character i would want to be friends withhhhhhhh hmmm lets say asterion. no i have not played the game but from the lore i have absorbed via cherry he is very much the kind of gay i would have fun having catty gossip with while also being the sort of rock for him to lean on and like..... not therapy him i hate being peoples therapist but the immovable object he can bounce trauma off and figure out How 2 People again. i think he would appreciate my bluntness and the way i set clear, explicit boundaries but am otherwise unflappable, and i would certainly appreciate his humour, and we can bond!! over the whole being ace as a result of trauma!! :D

U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.

answered U over here with ashton, kylo, and bucky over here but lets do it again!!

lets kick it off by going Old School with the Original Husbando ^TM: vash the stampede. you have no idea how jazzed i am about the new trigun anime (no i have not watched it i merely enjoy the smut on twitter) because vash is like, my og blorbo. did i have blorbos before? yes, kind of, but my Wants in a man* (*fictional character) had not yet developed so they were but proto-blorbos. vash tho... he has it all: tall pretty boy happy go lucky twink who is secretly Full Of Trauma but shoves it down super hard by being just so upbeat and goofy, and just really wants..... love and peace lmao. a lot of my blorbos historically have similar vibes in the "puts on an act to cover deep severe trauma" way lmao

next up: more anime i guess, but modern: i honestly super fucking love all might???? like SO MUCH he is such an interesting character and i desperately want to read fic of him grappling with his severe health issues alongside his image as a hero AND his mentoring of midoriya (preferably with that guud guud smut, but i have no clue who i'd ship him with, i only got two seasons in lmao). unfortunately, everything i like about him isnt even in cannon its just stuff that i, a cripple, can extrapolate from the worldbuilding and lil snippets we get of him but MAN i am o b s e s s e d

third!!! more comics: loki, specifically the agents of asgard loki. i am 100000% planning to cosplay that loki (i have the hair after all) and i am very excited because he is just so very Gender. it was the first time i saw a genderfluid character in mainstream media and his "i AM gender queer, i IDENTIFY as a bitch" like is something i quote constantly to describe my gender. also hes just such a dick who is obviously trying to do better and unlearn bad habits and god, i dont remember specifically what its about but he has a big fight with his earthside contact roommate buddy helper person over something and then comes crawling back and does this big speech where he talks about how he knows hes a fuck up but he's trying and he values her friendship so much even if he's been shit about showing it and it is chefs kiss

Y - What are your secondhand fandoms (i.e., fandoms you aren’t in personally but are tangentially familiar with because your friends/people on your dash are in them)?

dragon age. just... i know so much vague dragon age lore from listening to cherry talk about it because it is their BIG love for video games (pending bg3..... not sure if itll overtake da but theyre very sad they cannot play it again til monday lmao). i absolutely instigated a convo with someone on okc asking if xyz thing was a da reference and i was rIGHT it secured me a date lmao

similarly, mass effect, batfam stuff, haunted mansion, nbc hannibal (dont ask me why its a fandom in law still i cannot explain), s8 infinity (???? i only know matcha blossom), the final fantasy mmo, taz......

you can ask me more of these letter questions!! i have much time to spare!! maybe!!!

[big-city-times]

due to popular demand (two people in the replies of this post) i will now complain about how agitating the penny the pony and the pirate is to me (coming out as a hater) [under the cut][not going to put a whole essay in the main tag without a cut]

prepare yourself [i am so sorry]

before diving deep into my "he would not fucking say that" syndrome, there are ?? a lot of things i like about this episode ??

positives

the biggest, and the one that makes me the most sad, is how much i love the b plot. partially because it feels ironic watching becky and violet try to rewatch the mid-summer special of pretty princess and trying to convince themselves that its not as bad as they had thought originally, as i desperately try to convince myself that this episode isn't as bad as i had thought, but also because its just so ??? funny ??

like. fucking watch this

that's ?? hilarious ??? and it's used in this episode ???

not to mention that violet is just so adorable and funny in this episode and i love myself some good violet characterization AND theres really goofy botsford moments !! like them bullying tangent for not being able to tell a good story. father daughter bonding /j

also, about tim specifically, i find myself saying "can you believe this guy!! hey buddy !! the doubloons exhibit was last week !!!" a lot strangely enough

there's also some really silly bits about tangent himself !! like i've really stuck with the idea of him LOVING hearing other people's stories, stealing only when he's low on cash, or having a mom who's an artist

like !!! those are super cute and fun !!!!!!!! hearing about villains daily live's is one of my favorite parts of this show !! they're just presented in a way that doesn't sit right in my head !!

nice and goofy animations as well :]

negatives

yk. this is a rant. it's not really intended to be about the positive stuff so

cutting straight to the chase, i know exactly what the main reason is. it's the voice actor change im not gonna lie

for a minute, imagine, a character with a higher-pitched voice that you like, say, spongebob

then imagine them with a voice that is an octave deeper than their usual voice

isn't that weird and disorienting ??? like it just doesn't feel like them anymore ??

as violet says in this episode itself, that's. not their real voice, not to you at least

in this case, not only is his voice deeper, but its brash and gruff rather than his usual young, kind sounding voice, with a obvious (and often broken) fake accent. he sounds more like an adult and it BOTHERS me

its giving the minor change in chuck's voice in a world without wordgirl. while still the same person, a minor shift in his speech patterns makes him far less likeable

obviously this is no hate to brian stack (his va for this episode), he did a very good job on the actual acting, the voice just doesn't feel right for the character :]

there's also something that feels off about the way a lot of his lines are presented, not in voice, but more in the style of writing

in the previous two episodes, despite being absent minded and annoying to those around him, he's very selfless and kind, (caring about the safety of scoops and the dogs, leaving people alone if they reject him, noticing that scoops is upset [though he does interpret it wrong], ext.) but, here, it feels more like he's less distracted by his thoughts, and more self-focused. for example, regardless that he did enjoy tim's history lesson on the bumblebee penny, he immediately turns and begins to tell his own story, which just feels ??? way out of character ??

less negative, but he feels wayyy less focused here, and begins and ends stories very often, feeling less like they're tangents, and more like really brief, mildly annoying tidbits about himself ?? lmfao

it feels almost like they tried too hard on the tangents and ended up staying way too close to the topic. we are no longer going from pirates favorite wood to ballet slippers and that makes me very sad :[

i guess theres just something very offputting about how pirate-y he feels. he doesn't feel like some dork in a costume, and that's what i feel his character is supposed to be like !! he's not really a pirate !! he doesn't have a ship !! he rides around in a wagon !!! a flying wagon !!

conclusion :

as i said earlier, i keep coming back to this episode hoping that i'll like it better, but i never do.

who are you !!!!!! idk what villain that is !!! this episode has so much potential !! the crime is so goofy !! he's just written in a very strange way !!!

bonus bit - why is it so funny to me that his arm literally makes a clanking noise when he touches it. look at this stupid little twig arm. there is no way youve ever been to the gym youre lying

[flingza-roller]

Sorry if this is bad timing, but I just saw your post about lorikeet and I love them! Could you tell me a bit more about them and your other splatoon OCs?

OHO YES! there is no such thing as bad timing to ask about ocs, im just incredibly happy that somebody is interested!! heheh time to Ramble (this is long sorry)

ok so im gonna stick to the bird kids cuz theyre a lot easier to explain GSJFD (maybe someday ill give my other ocs refs and backstory stuff....)

all four of em are very much based off how i play the game as each character, so i pretty much just grab my in-game behaviour and give it to em as a personality.

so, lorikeet! splat3 is still very new but i think ive somehow already solidified their personality lmao. theyre super reckless, pretty much always falling off stages and getting themself splatted by doing stupid things like running headfirst to a tacticooler or trying to challenge the eliter that wont leave them alone (i think mahi-mahi is the absolute worst for this). they like to go a little bit cazy and get as many kills as possible, which is silly when the only mode u play is turf war... (on that, there is not a single splatoon game that has gotten me to like ranked/league. i played it a few times and then swore off it, so now all four of the kids hate ranked lol)

lori fucking ADORES deep cut so theyve got the three earrings in their right ear bc they wanna be like shiver and frye. on deep cut, they love splatfests and all the music n fun stuff that comes with it. theyre weirdly not too competitive when it comes to defending their team, BUT they will go extra feral during splatfest turf wars and go complete beast mode. they still dont have a main weapon? favours brushes but thats pippins thing so they should probably pick something else GDKGS

oh they have the worst adhd brain. if they see something cool happening in the bg of a stage they will just straight up stop in their tracks and watch for a while, completely oblivious to whatever is happening in the match. and of course the moment they hear the tacticooler they will run for it even if theyre literally in the opposite end of the stage.... stupid. favourite stage is yet to be decided, gotta let the game marinate for a while longer

as the new agent 3 lori is pretty good at following orders, they just kinda... die in the dumbest possible ways. trying to jump through walls, walking straight off ledges, accidentally attracting attention to themself by throwing lil buddy right next to them. but theyre pretty good at fighting! also they like annoying the captain, because of course (this doesnt bode well for kiwi)

id like to build more on their character eventually but that requires me playing more splat3 and ive been rly unmotivated to do so >:/ ive barely played any salmon run and still havent touched table turf. augh. lori u will grow as a person i promise

now PIPPIN! (she/they) theyre my kid from octo expansion! shes very silly but surprisingly strong and skilled. never asked for help from OTH and went through every single test multiple times to get every weapon ticked (hell). also enjoys fighting inner agent 3 because ??? clearly a lot more competent than theyre letting on.

so once pip came to the surface they were very much like "id rather NOT do the whole fighting thing again" and jumped into turf wars with the intention of just having fun and messing with people. her gear set is 100% QSJ cuz she likes annoying the enemy team and then jumping away like a coward when theyre cornered (it jumpscares people bc they dont expect an octo to jump THAT fast).

she uses brush so that they can draw love hearts in enemy base :] they think its very cute and gets sad when ppl ink over it. also if an enemy tries to initiate a party they will always join bc make love not war etc. always goes for the highest inkage (highest score excluding win points was over 2000) favourite stage is inkblot art academy!

zero sense of fashion btw they either wear the QSJ gear or whatever they think will make her look hot (big fan of the octoling armour and marinas crop top). sometimes changes gender to Boy bc why the hell not, gender is arbitrary.

when grouped up with the others, they like teaming up with pigeon to cause chaos and havoc. shes very excited to see lori joining the team cuz theyre equally as insane as the other two! kiwi is the only one carrying a braincell here rip

PIGEON time!! (also she/they) technically my first oc because splatoon 2 was my first game! so she definitely has the most going for them. foil flingza main (my beloved), absolutely a frontliner and goes for the kill as much as possible. very good at sneak attacks! main gear is almost entirely special charge up (sorry. im the og missile spammer) except for ninja squid which they use to scare the shit outta ppl.

pigeon adores the birds u see hanging out on various stages, especially the pigeons (naturally). favourite stage is moray towers! i never said we had good taste. moray is excellent for roller users and allows for fast clean base inking >:]

like the others they love a good squid party but isnt always in the mood, HOWEVER she will never splat an innocent partier bc thats a dick move. if theyre not a threat, theres no need to splat.

outside of turf, pigeon is actually not a very violent person. very sweet to their friends and oh so very lesbian. she sees a pretty girl in the square and goes 😳 (btw this DOES work in battle, be a cute girl and they will be distracted). fucking absolutely obsessed with squid beatz like you have no idea, aims to get gold on every hard mode song. favourite songs to play are frantic aspic, shark bytes, and entropical. she and pippin love playing games like this together, i bet theyd be great dance duo.

in hero mode, pigeon is naturally a completionist and obtained every weapon. fucking loves harassing marie and annoying her as much as possible. adores callie so much <3 their best speedrun time is 40 sec on octo samurai (sadly cant reach the world record of 39)

unlike pippin they actually have a pretty good fashion sense, always coordinating their outfits and ink colour to match. a very stylish squid!

now kiwi is an interesting one. i first played splatoon 1 in beginning of 2018, so sadly i missed out on the splatfests. still got plenty of turf in and played hero mode repeatedly bc i have brainrot!

so kiwi (again. she/they) is really into amiibo challenges, especially the kraken challenge. being a kraken for that long makes em feel powerful, and its lotsa fun. they actually spend far more time on hero missions than anything else, they enjoy turf on the occasion but find it weirdly intimidating (favourite stage is flounder heights!). she feels most at home in the valley, with craig and the squid sisters. theyre far too sympathetic toward octolings (unlike pigeon who just goes fucking ham) and tries her best to just avoid fighting them entirely. because of this, shes pretty good at stealth missions, especially since she rarely makes much noise anyway. theyre definitely the most low-key out of the four agents.

SO!! why do i name them all after birds? because.... i like birds :D yes im a wannabe ornithologist and birds are my main special interest. i also mainly name them after aus/nz birds cuz im just Like That. we have cool birds in australia, and lorikeet was just far too fitting to pass up. (btw pippin is short for peregrine falcon)

despite being so skilled in hero mode missions they do actually get hurt a lot and almost always has some kind of bandaid or gauze on her body from various injuries. is it a lack of skill, or just recklessness? hmmm (its definitely just because she doesnt take enough care of their body lol).

if kiwi were to be captain in splatoon 3, theyd definitely be just constantly scruffing new 3 by the collar to stop them from doing something stupid. is very afraid of a new idiot joining the gang, as if pip n pidge werent bad enough. all 4 as a splatfest team would definitely be the most chaotic thing possible.

also theyre this way because when i draw squirds (tagged on my blog as "wings au") i think its fun to see how different they all look! kiwi would certainly be more fitting as a bird of prey but i think they look so silly with the stubby wings so im not changing my mind. this does mean shes real fast at running! pip and lori are the fastest flyers, pigeon is just kinda in between rip

final note, theyre all at LEAST 18 just so that its not weird. they all use she/they except lori, whos exclusively they/them. they all fucking hate ranked but love hero missions. also all of them have 1 braincell bouncing between them (mainly held by kiwi)

if u managed to read this far, thanks for ur time!! ill eventually draw all these silly bird kids together as squirds, i think itd be fun.

[flesh-of-a-hare]

now, come out with your hands up, we've got you surrounded...

fun fact, i've been sitting on the idea of making a rough animation/animatic based off this slice of this song for like,, forever, at this point! and yes it would've been essentially just this but with Flourish(tm)

the Bitter Bones Saga Lore behind this explained:

originally, this was gonna be based off the (extremely cringy) on-going Bitter Bones Saga (where my self insert/sona is a coworker of Sun and Moon, whom Sun and Moon can't stand, and the entire plot is how this mentally ill bitch is like, anti-coping over it)

The two silhouettes in the first part that are mocking Bones ("Well, well, look who's again, went out to look for some reason to hide again") are mental representations of Sun and Moon (but simplified to rlly basic silhouettes here bc i was afraid of being too cringe on main). The reasoning is bc i was picturing that it starts with Bones having a rough day working with Sun and Moon. they wave at the kids as theyre leaving but can tell neither Sun nor Moon wants them there so they go into a closet/storage room to get away for a moment, trying to take a deep breath and mentally orient themselves.

That's when their Inner Bones (the pink rabbit silhouette with pointy teeth) starts mocking them, purposefully antagonizing them and ripping them a new one. the Sun and Moon silhouettes are more of what they imagine Sun and Moon are thinking of them, secretly making fun of them behind their back, more than they are like Sun and Moon are actually there and saying those things.

the "Well, well, buddy, you found it" is Inner Bones holding up a mirror, basically saying 'YOU are the reason you shouldve stayed home. you're stupid, you're dumb, you're cringe, you only ever make a fool of yourself and inconvenience the people around you. stupid lil idiot. fuck u'. and Bones reacts by attacking 'Inner Bones' (except, in reality, it's just a mirror, symbolism for how they're attacking themselves, ik ik very deep) bc damn bitch i know ok shut the fuck up!!!

the last part, which has no lyrics bc im lazy, was originally going to be Sun or Moon opening the door to the storage/clsoet or whatever and being like ?????? tf is going on in here, as Bones stands over a busted mirror, probably crying like an idiot. Them turning into a small demon-rabbit creature is more like symbolism for how it feels to be caught in the middle of having a mental break down, like you're caught in your most animalistic state, a deer caught in headlights, and you know the other person is looking at you like you're a freak of nature.

the ending would've been Sun/Moon being like 'what r u up to in here???' where there's this long pause before Bones turns around with an almost-normal-person-like facade up, smiling as though they arent bothered and weren't just attacking a mirror. "i was looking for something but accidentally knocked something over, i'll go get the broom and clean up!!" and they walk out with a fake, cold, empty expression on their face, leaving Sun/Moon standing alone, looking down at the broken glass and smears of blood silently. but im lazy so i didnt draw that part lol

[doughma]

some time ago i got tagged in the twst ask meme w/e and me n my friend wanted to redo them since its been a year and our tastes have changed and, i have no where else to post this big ass blog post so dont look at me

Would you be a mer, a beastman, a fae, or a human? (or other!)

most of the time i like the human option cause its the default and what i would be if i got transported in and also human/non human is always top tier BUT i also played with the idea of my yuusona being a fae or more specifically the twst version of tinkerbell so id like either human or fae

Would you be at rsa or nrc?

NRC hands down, im too chaotic neutral for rsa i would go insane there i may look cute and very femme but the way i talk is anything but lady like and i dont wanna hear the gasps from rsa students when i tell them to fuck off

What dorm would you belong to?

tests gave me pomefiore which i absolutely accept, but i woudnt mind diasomnia either for the uniform lol but pomef with the poison potion makin love would be the most fun imo even if vil and i would butt heads all the time

What character(s) would you be best friends with?

imm just go down the list of every dorm Heartslabyul: tbh tbh, probs fucking none of them MAYBE DEUCE but honestly all their first impressions i would just avoid the whole ass dorm all together

Savanaclaw: all of them, idc i see fluffy ears and tails and im already making my way over to try and get them to agree and let me pet them I WILL DO ANYTHING TO SHOVE LEONAS EAR INTO MY FUCKING MOUTH also im a women so its already in my favour with them, ruggie would be easy to befriend because its in his dna to be submissive to women and we both love doughnuts, leonas gonna take some work but MY BOY I PROMISE THIGH AND TITTY PILLOW IF YOU LET ME PLAY WITH YOUR EARS AND HAIR PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE IM BEGGING JUST ONE CHANCE- and oourgh jacks so cute and big and would have the best reactions because hes tsun i cant help but wanna pet and tease him i OUGGRHU

Octavinelle: azulu, MAYBE maybe floyd maybe maybe! maybe tweels! maybe! it really fucking depends because ill give they a pass for chapter 3 because theyre fish people and my burning curiosity would make me forgive them just to be able to ask them questions about being mer folk and maybe try to ask if i could touch them while theyre fish people LIKE LISTEN I JUST LIKE TOUCHING FISH OKAY???? I LIKE THE SLIMEY FEEL IM SO DAMN CURIOUS AND IM DYING TO TOUCH AN OCTOPUS my personal need and love for fish would win over their wrong doings, that one voice clip of THEY WERE THE BEST TRIO AROUND what about the people they murdered WHAT MURDERS???? is how i feel about them

Scarabia: none. chapter 4 would have ended differently if i was there and it would have been violent. kalims also too sunshine boy for my tastes even if i would humor him if he talked to me but i would just find it too exhausting to deal with on a personal level

Pomefiore: rook! i love my fucking hunter mans! i love how weird and passionate he is and i wanna hear all the gossip i KNOW HE KNOWS AND HEARS and i wouldnt judge him for being a fanboy because honestly same lol i got that obsessive trait in me too bbgirl i understand show me more pictures of neiges knee caps i would love to see it vils a maybe but honestly, even if i wish to pull him into a deep kiss and then choke him out i dont really see the two of us getting along

Ignihyde: oh both of them easily, orthos the cutest baby brother and i would love to hug and care for him and tell him all kinds of praise and HES SO CUTE HES THE BABIEST AND NEEDS TO BE PROTECTED idia because were both reclusive gamers and i wouldnt care to hang out with him irl he can hmu on the twst discord and we can vc game together hed be the best gaming buddy

Diasomnia: i dont care for silver im sorry, hes so pretty but he has the personality of someone i would just look over and forget he was even there sebek LOL sebby my sebz,,, mr sebster,,,,, emotionally i love that stupid fucking croc, realistically? the moment hes too loud, im already leaving the room and judging from a distance lilia is my gamer bbfy #2 i love grandpa bat sm UGH hes so cute and small god i wanna hold and HE WOULD FUCKING LET ME i think my talk of calling myself mommy would amuse him malleus is a funny case tbh! his horns and whole demeanor would interest me and im walking over to ask if i can touch his horns also begging crying PLEASE LET ME TOUCH THEM his little gaogao kun would be a fun topic because i love tamagotchi and i would want one lol and wed probs let them met up and play with each other :]

What character(s) would you hate?

Ace. hes a cunt idc tho like respect ig because he doesnt care hes an asshole and doesnt change so like you do you ig? but i would hate him! like from the moment he made fun of you for not knowing the seven it was already over, i would have started a fight right then and there with him and thrown hands I COULD FUCKING TAKE ACE HONESTLY EVEN AS A GIRL hes all bark and if you start to get physically it would throw him off at first and thats more than enough time to get at least one punch to his face, hes deff the type that likes to bully out of affection but im someone who fucking hates that so it would never work out even if we had a decent first impression

epel, sorry hime it just aint happening i LOVE my cute shit and anything i find cute and he would react poorly to our first meeting and me calling him a cutie pie and im not here for people who have over reactions to the most nothing of anything like if you have personal problems with those kinds of things, thats a YOU problem and you need to work on that yourself and not snap at people you just fucking met, id forgive him if he apologized but i still wouldnt wanna get close to him and would still side eye him scarabia, chapter 4 just ruined it honestly like jamil, i dont care how fucking hot you are the canon ruined you for me. gods tho hes so fucking hot and it sucks I WOULD HAVE FORGIVEN HIM IF HE APOLOGIZED IN CANON BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOO- i also dont hate kalim but IM TOO FUCKING TIRED FOR HIS CHARA TYPE OKAY

What character(s) would you date?

i still kinda like the idea of dating rook because i do like the idea of someone being obsessed with me, but on the other hand my jealous hand....... rooks a man of love for everyone and i respect that but i wouldnt be able to truly handle it if im being honest IM SORRY ROOK I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOUR HUNTER PERSONALITY AND THE THRILL OF THE HUNT BUT I WANT A MAN THATS ONLY GONNA LOOK AT ME AND I KNOW I CANT FUCKING COMPETE WITH VIL OF ALL PEOPLE WAHHHHHHHHHHHH leona is honestly a chara i didnt expect to love as much as i do now because it hit hard how compatible we are- also hes a leo and aquarius can get along well with leos an- but um in my obsessive au writing for leona he really is my fucking type god do i wanna just take a nap with him and gently brush his hair and take care of him and LEONA IF YOURE LOOKING FOR A NEW MOMMY IM RIGHT FUCKING HERE MY THIGHS ARE FAT AS FUCK ugh i just love a man thats pathetic and depressed it makes me wanna give them the motherly tender love they need and fix them OR make them worse depends on how im feelin atm i also kinda feel id be a good or okay match for azul idunno? hes also kinda pathetic but in the cute way i wanna squish his face and coo at him and then violently shove my tongue down his throat, hes also someone who needs tender love and im here to provide it I ALSO WOULD BE DOWN TO FUCK AN OCTOPUS its on the bucket list idia but only because we fit the image couple thats tall skinny dark punk dude with his thick high femme pink gf, im the EXCUSE YOU HE ASK FOR NO PICKLES gf and in my monster fuckers dreams, malleus lilia and sebek are also on the list because PLEASE ITS ON THE BUCKET LIST I NEED TO FUCK SOMEONE NON HUMAN BECAUSE I GO BACK TO MY WORLD PLEASE-

What would floyd’s nickname be for you?

maybe frilled shark lol, i dress cute but im also elusive when i wanna be and dont like to personally share info about myself and not much is know about frilled sharks, im also bite first ask questions later WILL STAB AS A WARNING

and rook’s?

mademoiselle gaieté, or mademoiselle merriment is still absolutely it, im forever gonna have laughing as my talking filler/quirk its just apart of who i am as a person and how i talk i cant help it

What twst character(s) are you most like? (personality-wise)

floyd still, we are both moody bitches and can change at a drop of a hat tho im better at controlling it and getting over it without having a reaction at the other person, as long as they leave me alone for at least five mins i tend to get over it nicely if you leave me alone for a bit and let me calm myself down instead of bugging me more about it or continue to poke at me cause then im gonna get mad and violent also a little like leona with being stubborn as a person and not wanting to change and being a lazy fucking cat like bitch lol i took a test once and got trey so, do with that info as you will

Which subject(s) do you think you would excel at?

normal stuff probs math or art, but which one i would be doing my best at because i want to? potionology because it SOUNDS FUCKING COOL MAN IT SOUNDS LIEK SM FUN TO BE A LITTLE WITCHY GIRLY WITH MY WITTLE CAULDREN MAKING SOME POTIONS and because i also want to bark for crewel papa

What club would you join?

im still forever on the board games club man it just sounds like fun and i only wanna do clubs that is fun also azululu and idia are there so its a fun club with some people id be friends with so even more fun!!!! another fun one imo would be science club since theres all the new magical flowers this world has and potion making??? it would be fun to experiment and learn new things tho clubs i personally was in during my school days were art club and the recycle club

How do you think you would survive in twisted wonderland/what would your life be like in general?

i still personally think i would be okay, like im alive, tho emotionally? depends really. i think i probs would be a little more aloof and standoffish being taken away from my family and brother and would be a little worried about my brothers mental state with me being suddenly gone that it might make me crack a little when im alone at night like a bitch might cry herself to sleep and be more snappy with random students talking or bothering me but im also very used to being alone in life, at work, at school, so being the only girl might cause me to be alone further so i dont think it would bother me that much and id be able to handle it fairly well tho i might end up clinging to a teacher or crowley lol like after school im just gonna go hang out with crewel to see if he needs help with anything like IM A LONELY LITTLE PUPPY PAPA PLEASE LET ME DO SOMETHING WAHHHHHHHHHHH and tbh i probs would end up in the science club because of him kdfngfdjkgnjkfd i used to be an assistant teacher for a pharmacy class during covid and helped teach the students that were ready for iv making while he dealt with the new students so i wouldnt mind helping out the teachers with paper work and grading since its sometime ive done and enjoyed but overall maybe a little lonely life until i find friends but not anything i wouldnt be able to handle, and im not above whining to crowley for stuff since i am now in his care lol

[optional!] What would your unique magic be?

still probs anything that would freeze or petrify the people i use it on lmao a UM that would make people leave me alone is perfect imo my brother likes to joke that i am a ice queen so its fitting