#but I've gone every single time because it's literally five minute of my time

[rosalesbeausderholle]

All the people who are like 'participating in politics does nothing!' like politicians make me mad with rage too with their spineless bullshit and hypocrisy and the rest, and no, they never do near enough and that's very frustrating, and many of them are greedy fucks who would betray us over their own interests in a heartbeat, but it's still a very bad sign to go 'don't vote it's useless' because the revolution isn't going to happen if you can't even participate in the democratic process in your own country and that nihilistic attitude does nothing but hand your country (general you, this goes for all of us) over to fascists, and it's very hypocritical to act like there hasn't been a lot of progress with anti-racism, pro-women, pro-lgbt (among others!!) legislation that was passed in the last 100 years, and that was all due to pressuring the right politicians into it. You don't have to like the politicians, they're not your friends, you just have to pressure them into doing what you want. So, yes, pressuring the right politicians leftwards and keeping them in power is how we've had a lot of very important legislation passed! So, participate in politics, it's literally the least you can do (of course, please do more).

[weebsinstash]

could we get some valentino x male reader pls?

Bruh I've been actually on Valentino x male/intersex male Reader so hard lately (and I don't mention intersex for like fetish reasons but. I don't know what having a dick feels like and sometimes I'm like "well what if boy but. Vagine" and, shut up its my gender expression power fantasy, maybe I wanna have muscles and broad shoulders, leave me alone 💀)

Right off the top of my head, I've had ideas recently for:

-boy band lead vocalist! male Reader! Just. Ok. Imagine Reader and Angel having kind of a beef with each other and at some point it becomes a sort of "oh yeah, well I can XYZ better than you" kind of competition amd Angel says some shit like "you wouldn't know what it takes to come out here and strut for a bunch of perverts who look at you like you're a piece of meat" and you just hit him with some shit like "bitch I LITERALLY sucked FIVE DICKS so I could headline for the Superbowl, you fucking LOSER, you dont know ACTUAL music, i was AN ARTIST" and you start belting out something sexy with a choreographed dance that is clearly professional level skill

-male Reader with a little sister and you protect her from Valentino by offering to take her place. You've never sucked a single dick in your life and hell you might not even be gay but Valentino has your baby sister's life in his hands and, you've got to protect HER if not yourself

- ughhhhhh I'm probably gonna make this it's own post too but I've been ON my "unwilling red string soulmate" personal indulgence lately and. Just. Valentino who sees his red string appear and OBVIOUSLY he's gotta RUN to find his boo and he finds you and immediately thinks you're the most precious adorable sexy little thing, BUT. You just. Look straight at him and how HUGE he is and reply "i-im not... actually into men 😳" which is a LIE of course and, here's Valentino thinking, AW, his poor little baby gay! You've never had a boyfriend or gone to any clubs? TRAGIC! But also perfect because he is just TICKLED watching you get flustered beyond belief! So cute!

-I feel like. He would try and give you boners on purpose and think it's the cutest most erotic thing. He's got you sitting next to him and you're filled with liquor and he starts REALLY laying on the flirting, maybe even... places his palm on your upper thigh and BOOM. Hard as a rock and you can't even hide it because he makes you wear tight pants all the time. He's just over there, "what's going on amorcito? :3c you feeling a little hot under the collar?" as if he didn't just spend like 15 minutes talking about how he'd love to get you on your back and touch EVERY INCH of you, how he'd love to TASTE you--

-this is gender neutral but, convinced he eventually forces you to do some of those sexy pin-ups with him and one day you're walking around Vee Tower and he just has that shit HANGING UP. Poster You is just braced against his chest looking at the camera all demure and vulnerable while he's like. Got his guns out looking all tough like "mess with my pookie and you're through" and of course he makes you do. Sexy ones. Matching lingerie?

-I think of forced feminization with a male Reader sometimes actually. Like you wear boxy unflattering shit on purpose and one day Vals just like "you've got a small waist for a guy" and is checking you over. It starts off small. He starts wanting to style you. Then he wants you to update your skincare routine. Which is all fine right? But then he starts pushing his personal tastes. You've got such nice muscular thighs... which is why you would look so nice in some fishnets. He'd love to see your cute little butt in a thong while you cover your dick with your hands in MAJOR EMBARRASSMENT. You've got such pretty eyes; can Daddy put some mascara on you?

Valentino straight up punishing you by dressing you in full lingerie, your ass is in garters, heels, full glam makeup, and forcing you to pose for some cell phone pics

-still over here just mentally 🤌🤌🤌 at the idea of Valentino taking male Reader out with him and Angel and you've got matching outfits. You and Angel are in little skimpy, color matching fits while he's in a suit and gold chain, something that makes him feel powerful while he shows off his favorite toys

-I rllllly like the idea of like, a male Reader who is a honeypot assassin. You can be extremely charismatic and charming and seductive but it's all a front; you're an S tier actor and you take your targets down when they least expect it. The Vees are all at the club and some upstart wannabe new Overlord decides to attack and you just JOHN WICK THAT SHIT. Picture the Vees just sitting there, everything is peaceful, suddenly, in a flash, you move your serving tray in front of Valentino just in time to block a bullet. All three Vees are like wtf? How did you even know? What's going on? You proceed to totally wreck shit improvising weapons as the attacker and his goons charge forth and you even wind up grabbing a whip from a nearby dancer and using it as a WEAPON WEAPON and that shit looks like it HURTS. You're out here "Michelle Pfeiffer taking out 5 mannequin heads in one take"ing that shit. You're cutting people IN HALF (because having hell powers is cool leave me alone)

-i like the idea of male Reader who was a professional male model and a bit of a tailor himself, like a real kind of posh art student kind of type. You're with Valentino and Velvette notices how impeccably you're dressed and asks you where you bought it, you just, not so humbly brush yourself off. "Oh no, I made this myself. Nothing down here really fit my tastes" and suddenly you're like, custom designing wardrobes for ALL the Vees

Honestly just "Reader in XYZ Profession is exploited by Val/the Vees for their skills" is an idea I've had a lot. You have a hobby in baking so they always want food from you. You used to cook drugs so they make you work for them. You're a polyglot so youre taken along on business meetings to make sure none of the Vees business partners are planning shit in front of them. Like. Imagine just being the bitch who sits in the corner of the meeting room and shoots project/product ideas at them and it's like ACTUALLY successful and they're totally receptive and like you. You're just "Hey Valentino, what if you and Velvette did a collab on a waterproof mascara where you shot a porno in one continuous take so you can show the actor putting on the mascara, setting it down on the vanity, and then they start choking on a dick and their mascara doesn't run" like. They love you. Vox is just like "so, any new ideas today" and you're just using your VoxTek Premium Exclusive Black Card to cut coke into lines, "*snooooooort* uhhhhh.... I got some ideas for some stupid little mobile games you can put tons of micro transactions in? Like just before i died there was this one game that was getting really popular but it had a lot missing, we could-" and they could all just kiss you

-on God, Fs in the chat for virgin male Readers who have Valentino finally pop that cherry. I feel like he'd find out you've never had so much as fingers in your ass and within that WEEK you're being dosed with love potion and taking him balls deep

-Val's the kinda yandere where he tells you you're safe being closeted with him, he'll keep your secret, he'll let you stay on the downlow, but one day he so much as ASSUMES disrespect from you and he's immediately letting everyone know exactly who you belong you. You're arguing with him and you go completely silent and cross your arms or some shit and he just takes a hit from his cigarette, "you know you looked a lot more handsome when you were screaming on my cock the other night" and outs you just like that, either as gay or as fucking him or both. Imagine Angel not knowing you slept with Val and he immediately gives you this hurt expression BECAUSE HE TOTALLY DOESNT HAVE A THING FOR YOU TOO

-Valentino would absolutely make male Reader and Angel fuck while he watches and or films it, and also tbh I feeeeeeeel like. Angel would be ok with trans or intersex men tbh? Idk. It's not clear exactly what his taste in men is? He doesn't mind when men are shorter than him, so, like, is he a switch? He gives huge switch energy and let's face it, that's one TALL twink. I mean look at him holding Charlie! He's strong for his size too! Pole dancing takes a lot of upper body strength!

Oh no... not me suddenly thinking about a scarier yandere angel dust who is a lot stronger than you thought... Yandere Angel Dust who corners you and takes you completely by surprise and you get a GUTTING display of just how strong his arms actually are. You're thinking "oh he's just some lanky bottom twink, he couldnt overpower me, in fact I'm scared i might hurt him, he's delicate" but like HONEY HE CAN SUPPORT HIS ENTIRE BODY WEIGHT BY JUST HIS ARMS OR THIGHS. He's a FIT twink.

-ive said it before but uh once Angel Has It Bad Enough, like Bad Bad Bad, he's over here, "oh Daddy, I'm just soOoOo scared uxu ya know my buddy Reader, that one ya think is cute? Well, he was drinkin' earlier and he mentioned wanting to move FAR away and he wouldn't tell me WHERE 🥺 I'm just so worried he won't be able to take care of himself, you know, what, with all that trauma about his FATHER and-- oh he didn't tell you? He's really vulnerable to BIG. SCARY MEN and im wooooorrrrrriiiied, what if he gets hurt, talk to him Daddy PleeeeEEeEease? 🥺" like. He might still hate Val's fucking guts but he's high on coke and watching Valentino put some real inches in you and he's having the most explosive guilt-filled nut of his entire afterlife

-im sorry I'm just picturing Reader being like "I'm not fucking gay, fuck off, leave me alone" and Velvette just not even looking up from her phone, "I saw you using that $200 hand cream. You're so deep in the closet you're finding Christmas presents"

"I'm not fucking gay" "amorcito I've seen the pants you like to wear. No straight men wears those"

"I told you guys I'm not into men!!" "That's what I thought too until I met Al- VAL! Until I met VAL! [OuO']"

Then one night you're off work and none of the Vees or even Angel know where you're at and they wind up in a club and, there you are, getting absolutely fucking wasted, on top of one of the counters, you know those clubs that have random pokes everywhere, and you're dancing, you're getting real zesty with it, you're dropping your ass, and here's Valentino jumping to his feet pointing a finger, "so you DO know how to pole dance!!!" and your fate is sealed from there on in 💀💀💀

[nerdyvocals]

A continuation of this post, more quotes from me and @look-at-those-niceass-rocks watching Pink Ladies together, this time episodes 4-7 (again shared with permission, and since the cast is in the house, @saveourpinks, please enjoy our unhinged dumbassery):

Principal Nicholson is a fuckin' weenie

(during Sorry to Distract) I am looking respectfully. I am looking SO respectfully. Their husband, distantly: I doubt that Me: *WHEEZE*

(During Carelessly) The true bisexual experience is not knowing which one of them you would rather be making out in the park with. (I am pan but I concur)

(@ Buddy) OH POOR FUCKING BABY, find purpose outside of your socially assigned tasks

Fucking of course his name is Leonard

Them: I would've gone fucking feral for this show in high school. Both of us, in sync: I'm going fucking feral for it now

Me: Anyway, rest in peace Cynthia Zdunowski, you would've loved they/them pronouns Them: *CHOKE*

Wally: I'm kinda hungry Them: Looks like she's kinda thirsty

(About Richie and Jane "needing to talk") That has spiked MY anxiety and I'm not even Jane. I would have been CHASING that little shit down.

(When Vaughn told Lydia to help Cynthia) I want a very sexually charged line reading session between the two of them and if I don't get it I Will Cry-- Levi, I don't like the way you're laughing right now

(Note I couldn't breathe for a Hot Minute, I forgot they somehow hadn't seen any spoilers for this show)

Richie: Jane's my girl, not my boss Them: YOu are wrong, she is both. I've seen the way you look at her I'm not a fuckin' idiot.

Me: Anytime I see Lydia or Cynthia I just embody that one quote- Did you ever watch Boy Meets World? Them: What, no? Me: Hang on, there's a quote from Shawn, I'll find it (Note it took me five minutes to find this clip, 2:00-2:09 if you're curious, but the quote is: Aw to heck with it, marry me! I live in a trailer park and I have no education but my hair does this!)

The entirety of Merely Players consisted of a stream of: fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

(@ Mr. Pedo Man) You deserve beige you piece of shit

KEEP EVERY PART OF YOUR BODY AWAY FROM THIS LITERAL CHILD

(After Jane and Richie's fight) Think about the last time a boy gave her his jacket you fucking dipshit, you goddamn weenie.

(Honorable mention: Both of us replying to everything Richie said in that argument with "Yeah, it is about her, it's her life, what's wrong with her wanting an education???")

Me: I love how the most scathing insult you can think of is to call someone a weenie, are you eight? Them: It's fifties appropriate!

Vaughn: You are a revelation! Them: Yeah, she's a revelation to my fucking sexuality

Them: [Husband], they're lesbians! Husband, nowhere near the computer: I know

(Jane got more votes) HEHEHE GET FUCKED

Me: I love how quickly your opinion of this man changed from the first episode, you were ready to simp and now you hate him Them: YEAH BECAUSE i THOUGHT HE WAS NICE I WAS BAMBOOZLED AND I'M MAD ABOUT IT.

Jane and Buddy: *kiss at the end of episode 4* Them: I am going to bite his nose off

Lydia: You swallow your consonants Them: Well you were swallowing her tongue a minute ago, that probably didn't fucking help Me: *choking on drink*

(during Girl's Can't Drive): Mama I'm a Big Girl Now walked so this song could fucking RUN

Them: So when does Hazel get a jacket? Me: I have no idea what you're talking about, shut up

(After me reading them the discrepancies between the amount of Thesbians fics on AO3 to literally anything else) I am addressing this to every single person who writes in this fandom, puh-LEASE seek therapy

Me: *short rant on how I Cannot Resist a Butch in a White Tshirt* Them: I'm just obsessed with [Lydia's] robe, I wanna take it...off. [Husband]: *unintelligible* Them: THE ACTOR IS AN ADULT I CAN FIND THEM ATTRACTIVE

(after I pointed out that Lydia keeps staring out the window at the Frosty Palace like she's waiting for someone) I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE

Me: I have a fic for you Them: if it's more Potato, I'm down

Olivia: *slaps Richie* Them: She could wake me up like that, I wouldn't complain

I would be a 1950s housewife for Potato

Them: I am no longer simping for Richie Me: He's having a hard time right now Them: I know this, and I will resume simping later when he's done being stupid

T-Birds: *having a heart-to-heart* Them: *sniff* They're all coming over to my house and I'm making them soup and bread

Richie: I think I'm in love (one tear catches light) Both of us, Supernatural veterans: ~a single man-tear~ *FIVE MINUTES OF WHEEZING LAUGHTER*

[haljathefangirlcat]

My dealer: got some straight gas 🔥😛 this strain is called “Beowulf” 😳 you’ll be zonked out of your gourd 💯

Me: yeah whatever. I don’t feel shit.

literal years later, when I least expected it: dude I swear I just saw Cain's spawn lurking in the fens

My buddy the narrator pacing: Hrothulf is plotting against his uncle

The thing about Beowulf is... I never quite got the hype about it. (Yes, we're not Supposed to use words like "hype" about world literature Classics, especially from ancient times, or to make light of them in general. Shut up and contemplate the fact that social media posts expressing nothing more than personal opinions and feelings aren't generally meant to be the same thing as academic work to be shared between academians in an academic context.) Ofc, I understood its historical value, including in terms of linguistics and philology. But in terms of "would I pick this as reading material to obsess and fall into a research hole over"? Despite trying a few times, I never quite got past ALL the references to God every other line. ("Snorri was an Evil Zealot who set out to knowingly and purposefully Christianize Norse mythology For The Evulz" crowd, I will tattoo each and every single one of those all over your body so you can't look into a mirror without accidentally reading one ever again.) The apparently disjointed "Beowulf fights Grendel and then Grendel's mother in Denmark. Years later, after going back to Sweden and becoming king, he also fights a dragon but this time he dies" narrative didn't really appeal to me, either. Nor did the presence of (afaik) exactly one (1) named female character. (Wealhtheow, babe, in hindsight I'm so sorry.)

I'm not sure what changed, exactly. It's just that, some time ago, I finally got around to reading Grendel by John Gardner, and I loved it and thought "wow, this would have made me either bawl my eyes out or stare off into space for like five-to-ten minutes after finishing it, had I read it as a teen." And after that, I found myself thinking "well, now I should probably get to know know the original story," and finally picking up my copy of Tolkien's translation of Beowulf, and realzing there actually was a lot going on in the story, and getting way too engaged in the looming "Hrothulf kills Hrothgar's kids" subplot that doesn't even really resurface in any later material about Hrolf Kraki (though those aren't exactly free from fucked-up family dynamics, either...), and going "!!! Volsungar mention!!!!" at the bit about Sigemund and Fitela despite already knowing about the Sigemund and Fitela bit and the whole "who actually killed the dragon first/in which tradition" question, and losing my mind at the bit about Hama and the "necklace of the Brosings" and "Eormanaric's hate" because, yeah, I already knew about that one, too, kind of, but recently I've gone into a little bit of a Brisingamen deep-dive, and a while ago I read a really interesting commentary and translation of the Hildebrandslied that had quite a lot to say not just about the specific hatred/enmity of a powerful king for an adventurous hero but also about the shift from Odoacher to Ermanric as Dietrich' von Bern's enemy, which ofc (?) got me thinking about Eormanaric/Ermanric/Jormunrek's apparent widespread reputation for being an asshole, something there probably has to be some accessible paper in English about somewhere out there...

Ahem. Anyway, I also found myself alternating reading Tolkien's translation with watching Grendel Grendel Grendel, the weird and very simplified and toned down but still somehow very enjoyable and sad kids' movie adaptation of Gardner's Grendel. And Beowulf & Grendel, the one without any magic where Grendel's a traumatized Neanderthal on a quest of vengeance that's somehow also quite a good watch despite the wonky editing, the cast and crew being possibly cursed by the Norse gods, and ofc, the time-displaced Neanderthals. And Animated Epics: Beowulf, which I might have actually watched once as a child, thinking about it. And Simon Roper and Jackson Crawford's read-along, featuring interesting linguistic, literary, and historical notes as well as Australian!Hrothgar, Beowulf making it exceedingly clear that "some of my best friends are Danes!", and some unforgettable exchanges such as "I used to tell my students the story about that time I almost drove off a cliff when they were worried about their exams to make them undestand that I, too, had experienced the fear of death :|" "I'm glad you didn't perish :)" "Thanks. :|" (I'm on the Fits 8-11 video, btw. Even if, when it comes to Tolkien's translation, I'm already at the part where Beowulf says goodbye to Hrothgar and sails back to the land of the Geats. Look, I remebered thos videos existed somewhat belatedly.)

I think eventually I might also end up rewatching The 13th Warrior (which I'm gonna go out on a limb and say might be the true origin of the ahistorical Neanderthals in Beowulf & Gredenl, but I remember liking that one, too). And Outlander (my beloved "aliens crash-land in Viking Age Scandinavia and fight each other while being Sad & Tragic in their own ways" one, not the Scottish one) but specifically as a Beowulf reimagining this time around (rather than as "the movie that could have totally had the Brooding Hero, Fiery But Sweet Warrior Woman, and Hotheaded Rival-Turned-Friend invent modern polyamory, because that wouldn't have been weirder than having a character called Boromir" like every other time). Maybe that weird post-apocalyptic Beowulf that was the first to do the "Grendel's mom's got it goin' on" thing, too, at least if I can find that snarky review of it on Youtube again. Probably not the Uncanny CGI Desperately Trying To Be Live-Action 20O5 Beowulf where the titular hero keeps screaming "BEOWULF!!" and "I'M BEOWULF!!!" just in case the audience's intelligence levels can't be considered to be above the average rock's, and that also decided to add a foot fetish/body paint kink note to its cover of Grendel's Mom, though, unless I can find any snarky review of it. (I remember reading somewhere that the director actually hated Beowulf, as in the poem itself, and accepting the bit of info without question. The high heels-shaped feet are just one of the reasons why I wonder if anyone ever asked him if perhaps he hated women, too. At least his work supposedly contributed to the writers of Outlander being told "there's already too many Beowulf movies coming out!" and going "whatever, we're gong to do our own thing! With blackjack and hookers aliens and shieldmaidens", so I should probably thank him for that.)

Unfortunately, while I'm pretty sure I'll be able to avoid writing down a list of Adaptations I Absolutely Need To Check Out One Day Or I'll Die (i.e. Every Single I've Ever Heard About) like I did for The Nibelungs In Their Every Possible Form, all of this had the unforeseen side effect of reminding me that, even when I didn't have much if any interest in Beowulf, I used to have a bit of soft spot for Unferth. I mean, how could I not, when I imprinted on Hagen von Tronje when I was eleven-years-old? Give me a guy who knows all of The Hero's heroic deeds and still doesn't find him all that impressive from their very first meeting, and I'll just "👀" at him. Though from what I knew, this guy in particular seemed to go against his character type by becoming more friendly with the hero and lending him his ancestral sword, which seemed pretty interesting. Especially because he was apparently a fratricide, too? And you wouldn't expect a guy who killed his own brothers and got a "... and that's why you'll go to Hell!" by The Hero over it to have any kind of redemption arc/sudden reveal of hidden depths in any positive sense. And there was also that paper (which, ofc, I didn't bookmark at the time, and now I want to kick myself for that until I remember the title or at least the author...) arguing that maybe him telling off Beowulf about the swimming race was less about him as a person and more about him having a specifc role among the thanes in Heorot that included testing strangers requesting to speak with Hrothgar to figure out if they really were who they claimed to be or if they could actually live up to their reputation...

Again, I blame John Gardner, at least in part. He has a really crunchy Unferth, who definitely reawakened my interest in the character. The on in Grendel Grendel Grendel wasn't half-bad, either, though very different in some respects. But the original, too, ended up being actually so much more fun (meaning, so much more to chew on/rotate in my mind) than I could have imagined from my vague memories.

First you've got the iconic "didn't you look like a total loser against Breca, and isn't that literally all there is to know about you?" "shut up, you're drunk, a kinslayer, someone I have never heard anyone tell heroic tales about, and also, maybe if you were braver Grendel wouldn't keep eating you guys" banter, and I'm starting to realize that might be already more juicy, in terms of both Beowulf's and Unferth's characterizations and their interactions together, than I ever thought it was. Then you've got a line that sounds an awful lot like "everyone could see Grendel's severed arm hanging from the ceiling and that shut Unferth up" and seems to imply some sort of lingering bitterness on Unferth's side when Heorot is in the middle of the celebrations for Grendel's death. But then Unferth actually starts being described in much more favorable terms, almost as if the narrator were pointing out that, despite what the audience might think after his first appearance, there's a reason he's close to Hrothgar and has a good place in his hall... even if at the same time Unferth's praised for his "mighty heart" (something quite different from cowardice), wisdom, and the trust everyone in Heorot apparently has in his mind, there's actually another reference to him having had no mercy for his relatives "in the play of swords" in the past. (Fun little detail: that line comes right after one to the effect of "Hrothgar and Hrothulf were there and no betrayal had yet happened between them"...)

Until, finally, you get Beowulf preparing to go fight Grendel's mother and Unferth giving him his family's swords, Hrunting. And all kinds of entertaining things happen in relation to Hrunting.

You've got Unferth not remembering his first words to Beowulf because he was just really, really, really drunk when he said them, which seems to go well with Beowulf himself calling out his speech as a drunken boast but not with the "that shut him up" line I mentioned before. (Which leads me to wonder: was he actually too drunk to know what he was saying? Or did Beowulf give him an easy out in case he regretted it, which Unferth eventually chose to take to try and smooth things over?) You've got Unferth being "mighty of valour" yet not daring to go after Grendel's mother himself and "forfeiting glory" while giving his weapon to a "worthier" warrior, but his sword getting some lengthy praise nonetheless, to the point of being basically deemed infallible, and Beowulf not only not making any more comments on Unferth's supposed lack of bravery but calling him a man of "wide renown", praising his sword some more, vowing to succeed in his heroic feat with Hrunting or die trying, and telling Hrothgar that no matter what happens, Unferth must get it back when it's all over. And after that... you've got Hrunting utterly failing to kill or even harm Grendel's mother.

Except, that's literally the first time it ever fails at anything? And Beowulf can only kill Grendel's mother when, with the help of God, he finds a magical sword forged by giants, which implies there was no problem with it (and, by extension, with Unferth?) as the whole situation simply needed a little something extra to be dealt with?

Then, you've got Beowulf actually bringing Hrunting back, even if it wasn't much use to him when it really mattered. And praising it again, making sure to publicly clarify, while addressing Hrothgar himself, that no, it really is an excellent sword. And, after some more "the monster is dead!" celebration, Unferth himself (unambiguously "bold", now) having the sword brought over again not just to lend it Beowulf, but to gift it to him.... a weapon that is both nothing to sneeze at and, as Beowulf himself has acknowledged while praising it, a family heirloom. (From a guy who probably already has enough complicated feelings about his family without running around giving that kind of stuff away, to boot!) One Beowulf accepts once more, and gladly, already figuring it will be "a good friend in war, a power in battle" and saying absolutely nothing bad about it (the narrator goes "oh he's so gallant!" at him after that bit, which is admittedly kind of hilarious in itself, but still, imho, not really much to go on if you want to think he's not being sincere) right before he announces his intentions to sail back home.

I'm gonna be honest: I had already read most fics tagged Beowulf/Unferth on AO3 before this Beowulf binge. And now, I've gone and reread them. I've actually read the ones I'd missed the first time around, too. Not that it took me much time at all, but still. WildandWhirling has two really lovely ones. This innuendo-heavy one is a delight to read, too.

I think I might end up writing at least one more. Maybe canon!verse, if I manage not to spiral into researching Old English attitudes to homosexuality, or maybe Modern!AU, if I manage to find a good way to transliterate "sailing off to another country to slay monsters" in this century in a convincing way. Even just to have more than six works in the tag itself. But we'll see...

I suppose, in the end, the whole point of this random, almost stream-of-consciousness post (besides freeing up my head from at least some of my recent Beowulf thoughts) might have turned out to be just that, no matter who they are, fangirls will, indeed, always make them gay. (... I say, as if this was a surprise and I didn't already ship a number Nibelungenlied-and-adjacent gay ships I got into way before any of this.) It wasn't its original purpose but *shrug* I'll take it.

Then again... come on. All that talking about swords. *grin*

[bangobeep]

A Love Letter to Jazzpunk, by Ed

It's crazy how fast time can go by when you're enjoying yourself. It's been about three years since I first encountered this game, and I could not be happier with where it's brought me. I've learned so much and met so many wonderful people through it.

For a game that can be played in 2 hours and a half, it sure is complex; so full of jokes and content that can take literal hours to be taken apart. It's brought me closer to an appreciation of things like abstract art, the cyberpunk genre, analog tech, vintage clothing, suits, among a few others.

I remember my first interaction with the game. Funnily enough, it was not through Ranboo like what I usually tell. Back in the day, 2021, I was a mere high school student who, to cope with the horrors of the pandemic, used to be into the DSMP. Woo. Yeah. No shame in admittance. Well, only a little bit.

There was this one cosplayer I used to follow on TikTok (if I recall correctly, their name is Fern [they/them]); mainly because of their c!Foolish cosplay. I was drawn to them and their energy and the way they portrayed characters! So, naturally, I followed them and interacted with their videos every now and then.

On the 23rd of June of 2021, I found myself doom-scrolling on the app (as one does), and I came across one of their videos, though this one was not from any media I knew or was used to watching from them.

The song spy? by WHOKILLEDXIX started playing, and there he was. Glasses and (makeshift) orange tie. Business card. Coat. A little unhinged, yet classy. The Editor.

I feel as if I was so drawn to him because of what I wanted to do after high school. I wanted to study literature in college to become an editor myself! I wanted to correct people's texts, be annoying about it and get paid for it! And would you look at that, the name of the guy is quite literally The Editor. LOL.

As the days went by, I found myself going back to the video, waiting for them to upload more, to feed into my curiosity. I loved the video I saw so much I saved it to my gallery the exact same day I saw it.

Then came the second one, with actual footage from the game. "Quick, look behind you." The Director says, and the camera cuts to the ground, and Fern's shoes. I heard their voices for the first time. "Improvise, I know you'll do well by me." He says again, and I grow ever so drawn to it. Five videos are more than enough. And while I don't look it up just yet, it's in my head.

Until the 25th of July 2021! Like I said, I used to be into the DSMP, though by then, the fixation was fading, and I found myself in that limbo where nothing quite caught my attention. On that day, Ranboo tweeted something about a Jazzpunk stream, and it instantly caught my attention. I was quick to put down anything I was doing to find out what it really was.

And though I was not particularly interested in them, or their streams anymore, I was hooked! I was not the kind to stay for an entire stream, yet there I was. Two hours and thirty something minutes of being beamed in the brain with pure madness.

And then it was over. And I found myself gripping every single piece of fanart I could find with my bare hands, screaming because there had got to be more, right? There had to be more.

And there was! That's when Tumblr became my main form of internet presence. First was Instagram, then came Twitter, and well, would you look at that, I made it here.

I started drawing. I must admit, my first few drawings were atrocious, but looking back on them now, I feel proud. People say that when you fixate on something, your art develops as you go, and they're right!

A year and a half are all my prior account lasted. By the same name. I made a stupid joke to my boyfriend, sending one (1) spam message in their ask box and it was gone! And so, bangobeep 2.0 came to fruition. But that's not the point.

Back when I first got into the game, the need for connection was strong. I found myself craving the partnership; the long, late-night talks about little details of the game, the roleplaying, the scenario thinking, and so the Jazzpunk server came to life on the 13th of August 2021. Named Jazzpunk Moment. I sent a DM to the people I saw most often in the tag back then: Pangolin-404 and Vendotlover, both of which I admired very much!

I remember looking at their art and reading their fanfics and thinking to myself: 'Wow, what I'd give to be able to talk to the cool kids!' And well, I did! I talked to both, and they both agreed to give me their discord, after which they (and a few others with time) joined the server.

Some time after that, I befriended them personally through our mutual love for the game and similar interests, as well as through general chitter chatter about me being hyperactive when on caffeine, 404/Caligula telling me about Sammy Lawrence from Bendy and the Ink Machine, and Ven telling me of xeir OC whose name came from Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss. I’m happy to say nowadays I still talk to both Caligula and Ven very often. In fact! I consider Cali one of my best friends, and I am kinda gay dating Ven. So, you know. Fun things bring fun people together. :)

Then came around people like Jazz Jazzanon, Zippy Zippycup, Jazzhands, Noah, Wither, and a couple others that, while I won’t mention, made this experience something wonderful for me.

I can’t quite find the words to express this something so dear to me. Jazzpunk, as short as it is, changed my life in ways I could’ve never imagined. I’ve started researching things I thought I’d never be into, started books I loved, got into music I had never listened to before, and it all helped build me as a person these three years. It’s brought me unimaginable amounts of comfort and joy, and I don’t think I’ll ever find something else that will make me feel this whole.

I could go on and on about how I have projected so many little aspects of my life onto my interpretation of it. About how the way I interpret Polyblank is highly influenced by those I love. About how the paintings in The Editor’s house fit him and his personality, but those are topics for another day.

The world out there is wacky and crazy, and Jazzpunk does a great job at feeding into the fact it can be strange, it can be difficult, and it can be fun.

So, to 10 years of community, 10 years of happiness, 10 years of a game that will stay with me forever, and many more to come!

Thank you, Jazzpunk.

[bunglegaydogs]

ch. 109 spoilers!

bro i know okay i KNOW that one order has been released, atsushis about to get apparently fucking feasted upon, aku's possibly helping aya, I KNOW ALL OF THIS.

BUT MY HEART IS HURTING FOR MY FUCKING BOYS IN MEURSAULT

I'm not going to analyse it. But FUCK am I going to analyse it.

I'm literally just going to be chatting pure unadulterated shit through this because my head's still reeling and i was listening to THIS FUCKING PLAYLIST WHILST READING IT https://open.spotify.com/playlist/65Jdag9jXO4aE3HWOLHXTN?si=f53cd9f37f554146 I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF WRITING MY SKK ANGST AND REMEMBERED THE CHAPTER WAS OUT, AND THEN I GOT FUCKING SLAPPED ACROSS THE FACE AND SPAT IN THE MOUTH AND I WAS LISTENING TO THIS FUCKING PLAYLIST WHILST READING AND THEN WHILST SCROLLING THROUGH EVERYONES POSTS ITS HELL AND IM STILL FUCKING LISTENING LMAO

Literally, my thoughts throughout the whole chapter were "what the fuck" on different levels/degrees, and by the end of it, I was in shock and then it all hit me about five minutes ago lmao.

SO I'M JUST GOING TO RUN THROUGH THE CHAPTER BC WHY NOT BRO I NEED AN OUTLET I'M WAY TOO FUCKING EMOTIONAL FOR THIS RN

So, first off ofc

FUCKING SIGMA?

Guys dw I don't think he's dead; it's the information overload. Also, I'm not just saying this bc I'm in denial (ahem ahem) but genuinely because I don't think Sigma was shot with a fatal wound; and he touches Dostoevsky and automatically he's not dead. Fyodor's ability is seemingly able to kill people upon immediate contact. (Which is probably why he made Sigma's ability also through touch idk man lmao) And Sigma is not dead !!! (fucking praying) it's genuinely just the sheer amount of information he received from Fyodor; that shit was a LOT. He inquired about EVERY SINGLE SECRET that he had; bro, this is fucking Fyodor that we're talking about; that's a long-ass list. Anyways, so I genuinely just think it's like what happened to Atsushi; Sigma's ability is to take information from people, so he's a lot more used to an influx of info in his mind than Atsushi is; however, this was a shit ton of info for him to take in, it's going to take a while to process all of that. (Also his first thought being to tell the Agency AH I can't- also does this mean that Fyodor's plans maybe involve the Agency even more? Man I don't know lmao)

Next, Aya is so slay I hate her dad fr fr lmao xoxo She's so important to the story and I love it. Also, convenient hole there Akutagawa. Anyways xoxo so, we see a lot of humanity still emanating from Aku, so this is very good.

So, now uhm. We're onto Dazai's arrival! 🤠

WHAT THE FUCK

Even his first line after being gone a couple chapters is literally fucking gay as shit.

"Aah. I've imagined this scene thousands and thousands of times. Although, in my day-dreams... the roles are reversed."

MOTHERFUCKER WHAT

I was so caught off guard when he said this

Asagiri really just outed this mf xoxo

Bro's daydreaming about Chuuya? And just admits it as a passing thought?

Okay bub.

Also, the "...Well? Come at me, Chuuya."

Why's Chuuya hesitating in the first place? Fyodor told him to go and kill Dazai. He's now seen Dazai, and just isn't doing anything, he's just standing there. And Dazai's just taunting that mf.

"Try and amuse me with your lame-ass punches."

Right, now, I don't know about you, but this really doesn't sound very Dazai to me. I don't know, it was my first thought upon reading it. Like yeah of course he'd mock Chuuya; but has he ever called him weak? And like I don't know just the phrasing doesn't sound like him. Also, his shit-eating grin just makes me piss. Also, the fact that this gets a reaction from Chuuya like it would if he were human. Instead of acting on Fyodor's orders, he goes to punch Dazai after being provoked; also, I don't know about you, but a punch from Chuuya, no matter how hard he hits (he can't use gravity also) wouldn't kill Dazai. Chuuya is going to punch Dazai out of anger and infuriation at him mocking him; not because Fyodor has ordered him to.

ALSO, we don't see Dazai's face here, and he's not smiling anymore, but also he isn't moving away from Chuuya? I don't know maybe I'm dumb lol.

Also, another thing?

"Back up and put him down."

Like, dog connotations between SKK are fucking rampant, Dazai always calling Chuuya his dog, etc. The phrasing here gets me interested lol.

Then the "...Darn." from Dazai. What's with the pause? Idk, maybe I'm just overanalysing lol.

I'm sorry but Chuuya slays so hard here.

Anyways.

The sigh.

What's with the sigh? Any right-minded person (considering that it's Dazai we're talking about, maybe not the best phrasing) wouldn't just sigh when they have a gun pulled on them? Also, what the fuck is with the gun being so bright or smoky I can't tell?

BRO HE'S BEEN SHOT AND HE'S STILL ACTING GOOFY AS FUCK WHAT 💀

It doesn't sound like Dazai! It really really doesn't, not to me at least. But I'm probably just mega delusional. Just the, "Where the hell were you aiming, you god damn clutz?!" If you showed me that line and asked me to guess which character said it before I read this I guaran-fucking-tee you I would not have said Dazai. Maybe it's code, I DON'T KNOW BUT I FUCKING WISH I DID. Maybe he's like telling Chuuya where to aim...? I DON'T KNOW I'M SORRY. Also, mans looks absolutely PISSED but it's fine bc he's hot xoxo ALSO SORRY I ONLY JUST REALISED HE SAID SHIT LMAO As long as I've read this manga I have never ever known Dazai to swear, except that one panel that always makes me giggle when they're having their counselling session and he just goes "What the fuck." but idk if that was the real like actual translation lol. Also, after getting shot in the shoulder, nobody fucking shouts "OOOUUUUCH!" Bro's actually so goofy, it's not real. Idc, I'm fucking clutching at straws of course I am, but this is some act. He's literally had his bones broken by Chuuya at fifteen years of age when he stepped on his wrist and snapped it, he's been tossed around like a goddamn ragdoll, he's been shot by Fyodor's sniper, stabbed by Shibusawa and stabbed by Gab; all times he has never had this reaction, and those were near-fatal wounds, two of them actually killing him. Also, nobody says "That hurt!" After getting shot, come on now.

THE FUCKING IMMEDIATE SWITCH UP.

Going from shouting and screaming in pain and anger to utter silence and a calm look on his face at having a gun pressed to his head by his partner. Also, idk if Chuuya's actually touching his head with the gun; if he is, however, then I'm sure that will nullify the vampirism I THINK. In the fifteen LN, they defeat Randou and the old boss by Chuuya wrapping streamers around himself and hiding it underneath his clothes whilst Dazai held onto it from the other end of the room, and the streamers protected him from Randou's attacks, I THINK. And I THINK that this may mean if the gun touches Dazai's head, then maybe...? I really don't know, I'm clutching at mega straws here but it's just what I thought when I first read it.

Also, what does Fyodor mean by the "With this... there's no need to worry." About what? Dazai, like, having an extra plan? I really don't know.

Then this motherfucker sighing for the SECOND TIME WITH A GUN POINTED AT HIM? Like sorry that this is such an inconvenience??? Maybe you should be a little bit more worried? Also his dead-ass fucking look makes me piss.

Anwyays, my next thought is just why he's commentating the situation; Chuuya is here. He knows. He's the one holding the gun. Dostoevsky is watching on the cameras, he knows. He arranged this shit. Dazai knows. He's got the fucking gun pointed to him. So, why is Dazai just announcing what's happening? Also, of course his shoulder's going to hurt? You've just been shot babes. And once again, the "This is the god damn worst!" He's cussing an awful lot, which is actually shocking for him to be honest. But if we do decide to go down the route of he actually has no plans left and is genuinely just left for dead, then that's lowkey valid. But this is Dazai we're talking about bro. Also, the "And I'm gonna lose to Dostoevsky." Is he trying to get Fyodor to be like "Ah, he knows I've beat him." Hm. It's like pandering lol. "And as if that weren't enough, I'm being killed by Chuuya!" He's very expressive rn lmao. Anyways, who is he voicing all of this to? I don't know. OH WAIT ANGO? FUCK WAIT LMAO OKAY SORRY.

So, I remembered the other day that Dazai, despite Ango not being able to communicate with him, can still communicate with Ango. So, pretty much, has he relayed everything back to Ango? And Ango knows what's happening right now? Hm.

Anyways, if that's just irrelevant, then who is he just chatting to? I don't know man he's wild lmao.

"Looks like you're all out of plans."

He's very smug. Cocky. If you did see my other post about that being his downfall, you know what I think about this lmao. He's so sure that he's won, he knows that he's finally, after all this time, bested Dazai. However I just simply don't think that that is true.

AH, SEE. THIS IS WHAT I WAS SAYING BEFORE!

He leans into the gun. Also sorry he's just so pretty. Anyways. The thing about Harukawa is that Harukawa enjoys telling emotions, stories and psychological states through the character's eyes. And, said that though he wasn't going to disclose which character, there was one character whose eyes were devoid of highlights when they were showing their true self; whilst Dazai looks mighty determined here, and his words are true, he's got an act going on. But also, his eyes are genuine. They're determined, and they're real. I can't explain lol anyways. Onto the main fucking attraction here.

"Chuuya. Come to your senses. Our fate will not end in a place like this. Because you and I are destined to-"

HM? HM? Genuinely, I was so taken aback at this part, I was in fucking SHOCK. Fellas, is it gay to talk about your fate with your partner who you daydream about, every day and night, for the past seven years, and say that you're destined to do SOMETHING before it gets cut off and said partner shoots you in the head?

"Our fate will not end in a place like this."

He knows how destined they are, the sheer trust they place in each other, all of it. They both fit perfectly together, no matter how many jagged and sharp edges they have. Also, reminds me of when Dazai was messing with Chuuya at the Lovecraft fight and Chuuya says "You're not dying in a place like this!" Anyways. I just... this scene fucking. Aeugh. I'm broken. I feel ill. I'm going to throw up, and bash my head against the walls and start screaming and going absolutely ape-shit and feral and wild bro. I swear to fucking God, just a couple of words and Asagiri has already restored my writer's block. In just a panel or two, my heart's fucking broken and I'm already feeling every emotion under the sun; this is the effect of their relationship together. You don't know how to feel about it, but you know exactly what you feel about it. Anyways, sorry.

Once again, what the fuck is he shooting him with, a goddamn flare gun? Why's that shit so bright?

Is that enough blood for a gunshot wound to the head? Is that the appropriate face that someone makes? Too many questions. He just looks mildly surprised.

Oh to be honest, I only just saw that he shot him in the other fucking shoulder. Also, see how much Dazai moved forward to shuffle closer to Chuuya lmao. That's got to be important, right?

Anyways. Showing just the slight amount of blood and the top of his head, hm. Idk man lmao. Something seems suspicious. Something smells fishy.

Going back to this scene real quick, Chuuya is looking awfully human when Fyodor says "Stop." don't you think? Anyways.

Okay, forgive me; he shot him twice after he shot him in the head. He's shot him in his other shoulder and in his side?

Hm.

Not both Sigma and Dazai's "final sentences" being cut off. Hm. Also, once again, Chuuya looking more human than he did before. When we first saw him with Fyodor, mans was fucking SWEATING and going feral, growling and shit. And, I can't lie. The, "I've been... looking forward to th-" Who's to say that he is actually talking about dying? Bro said the same thing when he got stabbed by Shibusawa and Gab. And he knew he'd be coming back both times.

But, something I will say; I can most definitely agree that Dazai does look very dead in his eyes. That I can most definitely say.

LMAO I just got the most random ass theory in my head; what if Chuuya turned that time-stopping girl into a vampire and she's using her ability for something LMAO THAT'S FOUL my brain is actually so dumb.

He's smug. He's cocky. He has seen him be shot and thinks that he's won. But again, I just can't believe that Asagiri would do that; I know he has the balls to do it, but is it beneficial to the story for Dazai to die? There are too many unanswered questions, too many routes that this could stray down if he does. What about the Agency? What about Atsushi and Aku? What about Chuuya? The PM? Ango? Not to be all "Dazai cannot die he's too important" but yeah, I am going to be all like that. Anyways lol. My point was that the "goodbye" here, MAYBE this is "Operation Goodbye" coming into play. I WILL STAND BY THIS THEORY UNTIL MY FUCKING GRAVE. Which will be a very early one depending on the outcome of the next fucking chapter. But yeah, maybe this is the reason it's called that, and Chuuya will hear this, or even Dazai, and it's like a signal. Also, fuck off if you think that I'll believe Dazai is dead; he got shot in the head at point blank, and still had the energy to smile and be like "Aw yeah I love this" like bruh. Also, maybe Chuuya shot Dazai in the side and the shoulder before and after he shot him in the head so that Fyodor thinks "Oh, he's definitely dead." And Dazai has made sure that the second round in that gun is a blank or it's fucking paint and he replaced it fucking ages ago, whether with the time-stopping ability or he gave Chuuya the gun before he ever even GOT into Meursault, bro I really don't know. I'm sticking by my paint theory and that the bullet in that specific magazine thing is a little paintball. Dazai can literally canonically send himself into cardiac arrest and come back out of that; he did it to Atsushi in 55 minutes when Atsushi scared him. Anyways.

Not him being in a different position then he actually "dies" in man. LMAO what if this shit is Poe's novel? Anyways.

He dies with one leg folded and one stretched out, arms at his sides.

In the camera footage looking one, we see him with both his legs folded and like almost cross-legged with his hands clasped together inside his legs, the same when Aya is pushing the table. Me when I move after I die, what? Also, how come the other bullets went through his body, but the bullet shot through his head just didn't? I'm sure we've seen people get shot in the head in this series before and if we haven't, I'll be very fucking shocked. But anyways, either way, I can guarantee you they all would have/will have died instantaneously. This motherfucker is just chilling, laughing and talking about how fucking glad he is as he's dying. Bro. Anyways. Long story short, Dazai is not dead and he's a cunning little shit and I'm telling you now that that fucking magazine, that one bullet round was a paintball bullet thing. Idk man. I'm not having this motherfucker die now after this long and so many almost-confessions to his fucking partner bro.

Also, the black around Chuuya's eyes is easing; it's lesser. And also I said this as soon as I saw him, but he doesn't have the veins under his eyes anymore. He just looks a lot more human than he did before.

Also, yeah uh. One Order is fucking me up bro fr. I hate Fukuchi man, just bc you're bitter, king. Also, I find it very... interesting, that when Aya is going "Fall! Just fall!" It shows us the three generations of Double Black, all in equally precarious situations.

Dazai, having been almost drowned/set on fire/suffocated/poisoned, ALSO THE LETHAL POISON THAT IS IN HIS AND FYODOR'S BODIES, WHAT'S HAPPENING WITH THAT? LMAO. Anyways, so, Dazai, having been almost drowned/set on fire/suffocated/poisoned, then fell in an elevator and literally almost died as he apparently crawled through the hallway or something, then got shot in the shoulder by Chuuya, only to be apparently shot in the head and killed and shot in the side and the other shoulder. Maybe the bullets are antidotes lmao anyways. So, Dazai, apparently dead. Fukuzawa, having his throat sliced and also apparently, supposedly dead. Atsushi, not supposedly dead, but supposedly about to die, and is certainly in a dangerous situation; someone mentioned on a post I saw before that they feel as if this is building up for the three SKK generations working together, and I agree! Mori hasn't really been seen much; I feel as if he's going to turn up soon. Aku is of course going to either die after Aya rips the sword out or HOPEFULLY just go back to being human; same with Chuuya. I feel as if all of this is somehow planned. I feel like Tanizaki is going to turn up with light snow and the president is actually fine, and the One Order that Fukuchi has isn't real, and Fukuzawa slipped the page from him or something. Because, Tanizaki is literally behind them with Kunikida I think it was? Also, Kenji and Tecchou? Teruko? Where's Jouno? Where's Tachihara? What about the PM members that got turned? What about whatever the fuck Dazai has planned? Bro, I'm so scared but I actually cannot wait.

LMAO I am going to PISS MYSELF laughing if it just yanks Bram off the building and flings him. LMAO IT JUST FLINGS HIM OVER TO MEURSAULT LMAO.

But yeah no. So. I am insane. I am clinically unwell. That chapter fucked me up; but we've been getting fed GOOD the past two months fr. This has given me so much SKK angst fic ideas holy shit. Asagiri and Harukawa both just cured my fucking writer's block with one chapter.

Also! Something else I saw was somebody saying how similar Fyodor's mental ass fucking scene was with Dazai's and it honestly is! Fyodor getting shot in his left shoulder first, then Dazai in his right, then his left.

Now, just a thing of note; in Christianity and stuff, the left side is usually representative of evil and Satan, whereas the right side is associated with Righteousness and goodwill. Bro, I had this shit drilled into me as a kid, left was bad and right was good. It's just very interesting to me that Fyodor was shot in his left shoulder; representative of evil, and Dazai was shot in the side that it supposed to represent goodness and all things pure, really lmao. Maybe I'm just looking too deep into this, but I found it pretty intriguing.

Anyways, my main point was how similar the scenes are; they're both playing characters that are opposite to their true selves. Though, to be honest, it's a bit of a weird one/situation because we don't actually KNOW their true selves lmao.

Anyways! This is way too long, I'm going to carry on my SKK angst with my newfound absolute shit mood bro this shit fueled me but has actually destroyed me.

Honestly, props and kudos to you if you read this far.

[irrigos]

Irrigo's Best and Worst Exceptional Stories from Every Year

This is going to be incredibly long. Should I have split this up into several posts? Perhaps. But I didn't. Anyway here's my extremely subjective opinions that may or may not match up with the subreddit's yearly survey. This post is long and has some spoilers, but I've tried to mention them only when necessary and labeled which little blurbs have spoilers in them.

2015

Best: Cut With Moonlight

I can say this very confidently now that I've played many many too many Exceptional Stories: a lot of them really fumble the ending. So, the fact that Cut With Moonlight has a good twist I wasn't expecting, and ties the ending back into the beginning of the story is what makes it a (haha) cut above the rest

Worst: Flint

There are lots of people who like Flint, and that's not illegal (despite my many petitions to the government), so I just have to accept it. I played it when it came out, and liked it at the time, even though I couldn't really grasp what was happening! I thought it was just because AK's writing was too deep and poetic for my simple mind, but now that I'm no longer a teenager, I think maybe he might just be a bad writer? Playing it now (when it's not split in half with a month between) it's way too goddamn long, it's really boring, I don't know why he made it canon that the Mountain of Light experienced sexual violence when she's literally a pile of rocks, and also the fatphobia in it really started to get to me. Like, I get it. The Imperturbable Patroness is big, but it felt like her size was brought up constantly. It might just be me, and other people maybe wouldn't have gotten this impression, but when I played it last, it felt like every sentence about her was like, "She heaves her huge body, holding a knife in her meaty fist, and stomps her big feet on the ground, and looks at you fatly"

Honestly, I would recommend this ES if you want to remind yourself why we're glad AK is gone.

2016

Best: Five Minutes to Midday

Are there better, more compelling stories, with more variance in the choices you could make? Perhaps. But this is MY list, and I'M in love with the Subdued Protestor. This one was extremely in character for my PC, and also particularly timely (I think when it happened, Morgan had just lost their soul), and the Protestor was sooooooo big and handsome and I love him. He's my best friend, my homeboy, my rotten soldier, my sweet cheese, my good time boy. I really don't have much more to say than that!

Worst: A Waltz to Move the World

(Spoilers)

This one's complicated! There's a lot to like about it. I like that it has a soundtrack! I like that it's got cool Great Game stuff! In isolation, I like the idea of helping a woman reconcile with her father! But... I just can't escape the fact that the story expects you to have a lot of sympathy for this guy whose problem is he's so sad about the time he murdered his wife. Also- was any of the lore about The Old Man and the Winter in Vienna ever followed up on, or has it been mostly dropped? I don't remember. Someone who knows more lore than me might know, and I frankly don't care enough to check.

2017

Best: HOJOTOHO!

This one is one that is widely loved, and yeah, it deserves it! I don't actually have too much to say about it. Who doesn't love hanging out with some weird little kids? Having a little girl see an opera, latch onto a part of it, and just immediately be like "THIS IS ME NOW" is so accurate. Also, the final choice in this one was really tough for me! It was a doozy!

Worst: The Clay Man's Arm

I've written about The Clay Man's Arm already, so I almost wanted to pick something else for worst, just so I'd have something new to say. But how could I pick anything else! This is my least favorite story I've ever played in Fallen London. There are others that I think are worse in construction or morals or metaphorical implications, but I have not found a single one of them to be as repulsive. You couldn't pay me to play this one again.

2018

Best: For All The Saints Who from Their Labours Rest

(Spoilers)

Everyone knows I love Church and Hell stuff. And if you don't, you should! I'm the one who made them put the Bishop of Southwark in Mask of the Rose, because he's my special favorite! That said, I can't say I really loved this one as much as some of the other "best"s. I mean, I got some got Reggie moments, so that's good. But... I don't know. I was excited about there being a sexy priest, but sadly the Intrepid Deacon is EXTREMELY not my type (my type is.. well! Reggie! not little baby men who've never done nothing to nobody!). Also... well I'm not quite sure how to express this, but I think it's really weird that the end of this one basically confirms that Lucifer is... real? That he's one of the fallen princes of Hell, or something? Possibly implied that the Christian God is a Judgement? idk it rubs me the wrong way to have a religion confirmed true or false within the fictional universe. So, while I think this one is the best of the year, I can't say I don't have some pretty hefty problems with it. Also I always get the name wrong

Worst: Factory of Favours

I already wrote about this one here, but the important thing is, it's boring. There's really not too much more to say- you do a series of boring actions to achieve dull goals for NPCs who I wouldn't even say rise to the level of being actual "characters", and then it's over and you go home. It has all the substance and style of a dinner consisting of a single sheet of blank paper.

2019

Best: Cricket, Anyone?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we all know it's the best one. Everyone says it's the best one. I'm so filled with spite I wanted to be super contrarian and pick a different one, but I can't. It's so fun, you guys. The lore reveals in it are cool (and it's important when an ES doesn't make me resent the presence of a Master- I do not enjoy those guys!), and the plot is exciting, the mechanics work really well, but in my opinion, the most important thing about Cricket, Anyone? is this: it's funny. There are points in FL where you can really smell the influence of Terry Pratchett, but they never manage to actually emulate him (turns out, when you try to combine Terry Pratchett, TS Eliot, GK Chesterton, and Jorge Luis Borges, you just get like... Neil Gaiman. And nobody wants that!). I love Pratchett's humor, so Groover capturing that, and actually delivering on the "hilarious" part of the "dark and hilarious Gothic underworld" that's advertised on the log-in page was really exceptional to me.

Worst: The Stag & The Shark

(spoilers)

2019 was actually a really good year for Exceptional Stories, and I had a hard time picking a Worst one. The Stag & The Shark was well-constructed, and I wouldn't say there was anything really wrong with it! I just wasn't really invested in the characters and I didn't care about any of their goals. The titular Young Stag wants to kill a Bound Shark because he think it will prove that he's cool, his dad wants his son to be safe and also stop being so fucking weird, and the fisherwoman whose boat you're on wants to recruit the Young Stag to the New Sequence. I don't really care about some rich kid wanting to fit in with the Young Stags, I don't care about his dad, and I also think the New Sequence sucks, so I don't care about them achieving their goals either!

2020

Best: Go Tell the King of Cats

Okay, you need to know one thing about me: I'm a cat guy. Also, a Cats guy. It's a good musical. And auxiliary to both of those: I love stories about old and busted bastard people. So this one was basically made for me. I don't want to talk much more about it, because I really think you should play it, especially if you like a story about an old bastard man (who is also a cat) trying to get a second chance. I teared up at the end.

Worst: The Dilettante's Debut

(spoilers)

uuuguughghguhgughguhghghghhhhhhh. Okay, the thing about The Dilettante's Debut is that I wanted to like it. I always want to like Exceptional Stories! I like it when things are good! But the ending on this one is.... god. It's bad. So you're trying to help the Dilettante restore the reputation of the Fairfax family, and also show up his cousin (the Wild-Eyed Socialite). I'm on board with this! I can do this! I generally don't see the point in undermining the people who hired me, so I didn't work against the Dilettante for the majority of the story...

... and then it turned out the final goal of the Dilettante's Footman was to use shapeling arts to mutate the Socialite into a Starved Man. If you agree to help him with this, in the end, you're told she's been put in a sanitarium. This is possibly (probably) a lie, but also... I mean, I'm supposed to mutilate this woman's body without her consent, and then banish her to either the Roof (most likely), or genuinely a sanitarium, a place where women were frequently abused, and for what? Because she drinks too much? She's successful and the Dilettante isn't? She's kind of rude to him?

I refused to help the footman, but then I didn't have enough cache with the Socialite to decent ending, so it felt like I was being punished for being loyal to the guy who hired me (because I didn't really have much reason to betray him) until he was going to commit and atrocity. I was either supposed to betray him for no reason earlier, or stick with the atrocity, and both are bad.

Anyway, it felt like Unto Dust (the story two months later) was trying to do something similar to The Dilettante's Debut, but it did it way better.

Anyway, it felt like Unto Dust did "last scion of a noble house dealing with his grandparent's legacy" way better two months later

2021

Best: The Tempest

Between this story and HOJOTOHO!, Fallen London really is the only game that I've ever played that truly understands little girls. The Tempestuous Urchin is pissed the fuck off about her lot in life, and she's right to be! And I just really enjoyed a story about how powerful anger can be, both to let go of AND to utilize. I just feel like you don't really see that a lot, and I really liked it.

Worst: For A Dream of Innocence

(spoilers)

I've talked about this one before, way back when it came out, but short version is: this one had a lot of errors, the story was unfocused, and I thought that it had some really Troubling implications.

The long version is: There were a lot of typos, or times when it referred to a character with the wrong pronouns. It seemed to have three different ideas, any of which would have been a decent ES in itself (a rogue French spy, making a new life in a vat, an enclave of Rubberies living under a bridge), but because they're all crammed together, none of them really seemed to pay off, and it just felt like the story wasn't really ABOUT anything.

And then the Troubling Implications.... first of all, the Abbess's motivations for being duplicitous and manipulative is that she's old and wants to be young and hot again, which... I mean it's possible for a person to want that, but it just seems kind of misogynistic to me. Like, yeah, why else would a woman bargain away the lives of a town? Women be obsessed with their youth!

On top of that, it also doubled down on the Rubbery lore that I really hate. I kind of thought that the fact that Rubberies are constructs with no interiority or culture had been retconned, or at least allowed to fall to the wayside with the Tentacled Entrepreneur/Helicon House bringing focus to Rubbery art and music. And I was glad for it! So I didn't like that it was brought up again here, and in a way that came across as particularly colonialist. These beings, who are less than people, do not have any culture, and any they have acquired is only from association with a More Civilized people (in this case, Londoners), and this is viewed as a disgusting aberration by their close-minded rulers, is. um. Well. It Sure Is Huh.

2022

Best: Adornment

I would say that I'm a pretty well-known Masters Hater, so when I saw that the art for this one was Mr. Stones, I was like.... ugh. Great another one to pander to the Masters fuckers, the only audience that FBG cares to cater to.

I was wrong! I was very wrong. I mean, maybe I wasn't wrong, but I was being too negative. This was a really fun story, and I really really liked all the characters in it. A fun nonbinary anarchist criminal and a Quaker clay man? Were they writing this one for me exclusively? I even enjoyed Mr. Stones' presence in it!!! It was really fun. Anyway do you guys think Mica and the Smuggler ever explored each others bodies

Worst: Darnier Cri

(Spoilers)

You gotta do real bad to make me hate the story that's about Victorian fashion, a thing I love very much. You get asked to help a fashion house design their new collection, and eventually learn that the fashion house has been run by revolutionaries, using the inherent magical powers of Neathy fabrics to influence Surface politics (specifically to undermine the Transvaal Republic, which was an independent republic in what is now northeaster South Africa, in an attempt to drive the colonists out of Africa). It's newest investor is an agent of the Transvaal Republic, who is trying to destroy the fashion house.

I guess I would say that it's a... BOLD choice, to try to explicitly address colonialism in your alt-history adventure game where you can fuck a squid. I'm certainly not a "keep politics out of my video games" type person (I think art is inextricable from politics, and I talk about the politics of FL all the time) but I really don't think that FL is equipped to actually address this subject head-on. And, frankly, it's incredibly jarring, when the idea of anti-colonialism has never come up in the game before. I know there ARE colonies in the Neath, even one that you can be the governor of, but I would argue "the magical fantasy talking tigers seem to graciously tolerate your presence" is very different from "the European settlers in Africa think they are genetically superior to the native Africans." It's just kind of jarring!! And honestly, I don't think this game is really equipped to address it!!! It's just a little out of place. And on top of that, a lot of the language the villain uses to... uh. be racist, I guess, is also a lot of the same language the game uses around the Great Chain/Liberation of the Night, like talking about a "hierarchy of being" and people "knowing their place in the chain". Like... the implication of that allusion is that the fictional hierarchy that exists in Fallen London, that puts Judgements above Curators above Humans above Apes, is the same as... racism? Real world racism? So LoN is anti-racism? So anyone who doesn't support LoN... supports white supremacy? And if that WERE the case, then why would the game keep framing LoN as morally ambiguous? Do we not like anti-racism actually?

I don't think that was necessarily intentional, or at least, I don't think that's an implication that FBG meant to include with the Liberation, but I think it's pretty sloppy writing.

Also, I hated the ending choice. The clothing studio is on fire, and you can save one thing from it. Your options are: a unique clothing item, a different unique clothing item, or the garment you made to send to a high-ranking client on the Surface, that is intended to influence them to side with the Africans over the European colonists. Like... why. Do you want a special hat that you can only get by paying real money, or do you want a special coat that you can only get by paying real money, or do you want to end racism?

Baffling. And that's not even getting into the fact that it's been pretty well-established that the special Neathy fabrics lose their special qualities in the sunlight, so the entire premise of this story is either impossible or a huge retcon.

In Conclusion

if you're wondering how much I've spent on exceptional stories over the decade I've been playing this game... uh... no you're not!

[janiedean]

How are you Lavi? I was wondering, have you have shared your opinion about the end of Supernatural? I would especially love to hear your thoughts about Destiel and that love confession.

hey! I'm... extremely tired because a lot of stuff is going on that I will partially share on main about soon but has been sapping my energies a lot (i'm OOOLD) but it could be worse, thank you <3

also, wrt spn: I think I did say it in scattered posts but if you want the condensed version:

I had quit spn like early s12 at the hitler episode then I finished it after the ending because I figured I owed it to them after watching the finale live as it aired so... it was something but going in order

I actually greatly enjoyed s12-15 up to the end and I was pleasurably surprised - like okay it was the usual crazy shit half of the time and it def had gone on too long but 12-15 were eons better than the slug that was 9-11 and I had a lot of genuine fun when watching them and like they actually look/are extremely coherent for spn standards so I mostly have positive stuff on the topic like the apocalypse universe was cool, the ketch redemption arc was cool, tombstone and the tarantino episode were a masterpiece (and the 80s rock episode too sdlgkjd same as the scooby doo crossover) and I loved chuck as the villain and how meta that was

concerning deancas and the love confession: I mean as the resident idiot who had written her first deancas fic after 4x03 aired I always thought that they didn't know what they had been doing until like s5 when they realized what they were doing (sorry no one convinces that 5x03 wasn't written by someone who didn't have the deancas agenda in mind in spades) but like I generally thought that if it went somewhere it was gonna end with sam retiring and being a man of letters or smth like that and deancas going off to fight monsters in a way where you could frame it as THEY ARE BEST FRIENDS™ in places where them being gay would be frowned upon

I also thought that if anything happened whether like... either canonization or adjacent-canonization it was gonna be the last five minutes of the series finale because otherwise some parts of fandom wouldn't have let anyone involved with that show live which is why I was pleasurably shocked the confession was in ep 18 and not 20

now: I think the network authorized it and then chickened out when covid hit because the way the entire thing is structured... like sorry but this story starts with cas rescuing dean from hell, in 18 cas ends up in the empty from which he can obviously be rescued, in 19 every single plotline gets wrapped except that one in an episode that can work as a finale-finale if you leave it at that and I'm supposed to think that the og plan for ep 20 didn't include a reverse thing where dean got him out and they made out? sorry at this point bite me I'mma put my money on that esp given that...

... episode 20 is the most useless finale i've ever seen in the sense that literally nothing happens in it, the show itself had fillers where more shit happened like honestly I've never seen 40 minutes of a show that were more... a waste of time and resources and effort as that one, it looked like they told the writers they needed to have dean and sam be bros™ one of them had to die and they met in heaven again and they did that but just that X°D like sorry but the vampire porn diaries had the exact same finale template - one brother dies the other lives a happy normal life and they meet again in heaven -, s8 of tvd was vastly worsely written than spn s15 like i'm not even arguing that, but if you look at tvd finale actually shit happens in it and when you watch it it actually looks decent/wraps things up/makes you feel stuff, the spn finale is just stupid but I can't even be angry at it because imvho it's obvious they did it on purpose X°D but like tldr if the og plans hadn't been scrapped whatever they were they would have had an ep 20 where shit actually happened and that wasn't the drag it was, and like if it had come at the end of a badly written season (like tvd) I'd have just shrugged and whatever but... it came after an actually well-written season that was actually coherent with the previous four ones so I can't believe that was the real endgame content really XD

anyway: the confession was imvho absolutely ic and coherent with the entire thing starting from s4 because like sorry cas being in love with dean since then is just blatantly making sense, I never thought once it was baiting or teasing because only ppl who never watched the show would think the delivery was bad or that either misha or jensen were cringing while saying their lines, cas saying exactly the stuff he said made absolute sense in context, dean's reaction (as much as I'm sure they cut stuff) was absolutely sensed as well and no one tells me he didn't reciprocate bc the entire thing was built so that he'd admit it to himself at the very end and I mean anon my friend my comrade when I watched that episode I cried for twenty minutes straight after I finished it so X°D

like okay yeah part of it was the SEE WE WERE RIGHT ALL ALONG FUCK THE DENIERS but most of it was that I honestly was moved and I found that entire speech extremely heartfelt, meaningful and a whole lot of things I'm not sharing on main because I don't want people deciding stuff based on it but like I have zero negative things to say about that confession, I'm glad it happened and I don't regret catching up also because it happened as it really felt like the natural reaching point of cas's whole arc, I'm just sad that whatever the fuck went on with the cw they didn't let dean have a decent ending bc honestly what the fuck was that thing and they deserved to be happy without presuming they met offscreen in heaven or whatever the fuck but honestly all my issues with spn's ending are with the cw obviously getting cold feet concerning episode 20

tldr: the ending-ending sucked but up until 15x19 I thoroughly enjoyed most of what I saw nonsensical or not because at that point spn was the kinda thing you watched bc you liked it with all the faults it has, I 100% believe that the last episode sucked on purpose because I've never seen a finale done with so little effort after four seasons full of effort ever like not even penny dreadful whose finale imvho sucked on purpose sucked this much but like getting there was worth it and deancas being canon in itself was smth I never thought we'd get this explicitly and I'm very very very happy it happened, peace

[justmanic03]

Amethyst - Chapter Nineteen

A/N: This one's pretty sad ya'll. Nothing too heavy.

"How can you be sure that Harp Girl of all people is the leader of Team Moon? She literally made fun of them when she first met Lisa on the mountain!" Mackenzie exclaimed, confused at my revelation.

We were now walking through Grugar Valley, Mackenzie at my side, Danny trailing slowly behind us with an exasperated look on his face.

"Well she's hardly going to flaunt it. It makes sense that there have been no grunts around. They're trying to keep themselves under wraps." I explained. "Besides, right from the first time I saw her, I could just tell she's one of those people who just can't be trusted."

"A compulsive liar, you mean?" Mack asked.

I nodded. "Maybe that's why she made fun of Lisa."

"Doesn't make sense to me." Danny huffed.

"Besides, it doesn't really matter how much of a tough tsundere Lisa thinks she is. Anyone can tell that her heart is just way too soft to last five minutes in some huge criminal operation." I continued.

Mackenzie nodded his head. "You've got a point there. She's always been soft when it comes to Pokemon and people she cares about. Anyway, I heard they've got some extra strength potions in at Pollux right now. I'll catch you guys later, hmm?"

"See ya." I called as he turned away and began walking towards the Pollux branch. Oddly, however, Danny did not bid him goodbye. I turned around to see him with his arms firmly crossed, and his head down, his eyes boring into the cobblestone floor.

"Why are you always jumping to conclusions?" Danny asked, his tone a little harsh.

"It's called reading between the lines, Daniel." I sighed. "Look, that girl has a bunch of talking Pokemon! Since when do Pokemon talk?! She's clearly tampered with their genotypes in order to give them voice boxes! I know for a fact Lisa is a good person, she's not capable of doing something so horrible! But Freya? She's a different breed entirely!"

"Yeah, and what if it turns out not to be true? You'll be a laughing stock." Danny retorted, a scowl plastered on his features.

"Why are you so in denial all of a sudden?! That girl is clearly up to something!"

Danny just shrugged before turning away from me to stare at the Grugar Valley gym building. "Oh so you're some kind of scientist now?!" Danny sneered. "Whatever. It's nothing to do with me. Buzz has instructed you to lead this detective mission, not me."

"Daniel, why are you being like this?!"

He sighed loudly in frustration before snapping his head back towards me. "Have you ever listened to ANYTHING I've ever said to you?! Y/N, I've had your back since we lived in Unova! I've always offered to battle with you and lost every single time! And now here I am, playing SECOND FIDDLE to you trying to solve some stupid murder mystery! I didn't spend years upon years looking out for you only to have it all thrown back in my face!"

His outburst had left me speechless. I just stood staring at the boy who I once thought I knew, now completely bitter and angry, seemingly out of nowhere. "I didn't know you felt that way..." I managed to speak.

"Yeah? Well that's because you're always too wrapped up in trying to become some kind of hero to even pay any attention to how I feel. You're as bad as Lisa with her Team Moon stuff."

"That's a low blow..." was all I could muster.

"Whatever. I'm outta here. Best of luck on your wild goose chase." He scoffed, before turning in the opposite direction and heading for the dark cave.

I called after him, but it was no use. He was gone. And I had no idea if or when I'd see him again. A wave of guilt washed over me as I realised just how much I had overtaken him.

He was always so used to being one step ahead of me, yet now the tide had turned, and he was struggling to adjust to our new dynamic.

What could I do?

****

The Grugar Gym was everything I expected it to be. Dragons here, dragons there, dragons everywhere. There were even three people hiding under a dragon costume, with one as the head, one as the body, and one as the tale. I couldn't help giggle in amusement at their "roars".

I walked up towards the registration desk, stopping behind the person who was already at the desk. The man was tall and thin, wearing a baby pink silk suit to match his side-swept pink hair. He was carrying a white briefcase, so he was clearly someone important. A tiny, adorable Clefable stood at his side, and I smiled as it waved its tiny arm at me. As I bent down to its level, the trainer finished speaking to the receptionist, and turned around. He smiled upon seeing me interacting with his Pokemon. His piercing green eyes were bright, although he had dark eyebrows despite being extremely pale. "Always nice to see the bonds between people and Pokemon in action." He commented.

I stood up, however, I was still far below his height.

"Uh yeah, I've always had an affinity with them," I replied.

"Name's Clyde. I'm Deputy Chairman of the Elite Four." He extended his large yet bony hand, and I took it.

"Y/N. I'm a gym challenger." I responded.

"Say, Y/N, you have a rather sad look in your eyes. What gives?" Clyde tilted his head to the side as he examined my face.

"Oh, nothing serious. I just had a fallout with my best friend."

Clyde's eyebrows knitted in concern.

"Oh that's awful," he said sympathetically. "Though I know just how it feels... I had to disown one of my best friends back in the day."

"You mean Champion Flossi?"

Clyde nodded. "I am afraid so. I have a meeting right about now, so how about you go in there and get your gym badge, hmm? Give it your best shot against Robin. I'm free later, I'll wait for you and then we can talk properly."

I contemplated that for a moment. Taldourse's one-and-only Fairy Master was stood before me, and was well aware of the truth about Flossi. Upon realising he could potentially give me some helpful advice about Danny, I nodded. "Sure."

****

"Welcome to Grugar Valley's one-and-only Gymnasium! My name is Robin, I come from the beautiful Sinnoh region!" She twirled around, and almost tripped, yet her beloved Dragonite was there to steady her. "Thank you Hydra!" She laughed it off. "So, Y/N, this is the final gym. It feels weird just saying that, to be honest."

"Why does it feel weird?" I asked.

"Well, historically, there were eight gyms... but you know what happened..." she scratched the back of her head awkwardly. I sighed, nodding my head.

"Although we can't go anywhere near the Opaquia Gym to reopen it, we do have a substitute of sorts." She explained, the smile once again returning onto her features.

"Oh?" I was curious.

"He's REALLY strong! He's not quite on Flossi or Kossi's level, but he's pretty damn close. His specialty is poison types. Your Gym Mission is to defeat him, before you challenge me!"

"Him?" I asked, confused as to who this mysterious trainer was.

"He's just through that door over there." Robin pointed towards a dark blue door with a Toxel painted on it. "Best of luck, Y/N!"

***

[docholligay]

RANT: Overwatch Lore

Oh my god, I just...you know what's really infuriating to me about Overwatch Lore, other than literally everything? How much I GIVE A FUCK. I CARE SO MUCH. Like, to a certain extent, Crystal can't hurt me because I have been around the Sailor Moon block so much that I know what this shit is going to do and exactly how its going to disappoint me, and so I feel strangely free and disconnected from it. Haruka wearing a wedding dress at the end of the new myu? Utterly predictable, sure this may as well happen, why not, Michiru saying she's jealous of Usagi and Mamoru? Yeah sure whatever she's not a real Michiru but a false one.

This is the appropriate way to interact with canon.

But Overwatch? For whatever fucking reason I cannot free myself from the shackles of caring what the fuck they're doing to my girls (and Winston). I should be able to look at the intensely inconsistent characterization* and the utterly fucked timeline** and go, "Oh wow, nothing matters!" but every single fucking time, I open the stupid comic or short story, and every single fucking time, there is a little voice in the back of my head going, "No, stop this is...holligay PLS" and every time I get SURPRISE FUCKING PIKACHU over the disappointment. WHY THIS? I fucking love Tracer, so goddamn much, and I think Pharah is one of the most uniquely interesting characters I've noodled on in a long time, and when the game started up, they were supposed to be the CORE of the story. WHy do you thing I made them main characters? I thought weirdly, that pharah was going to matter! I thought she was going to be more than an accessory in other people's story. MY TEAM WAS SELECTED BECAUSE OF THIS THING FROM THE BEGINNING OF OVERWATCH GEE IT'S BEEN A LONG FIVE YEARS

Me, being a dumb fucking cunt who apparently has never interacted with a video game ever, in my life, took the ladies from this trailer and was like, "Okay these are the core characters of the game, and surely each of their lines represents an extreme core value they hold, something that is incredibly important to their character. They're all saying similar things but in different ways, and THAT is important." I BASED MY ENTIRE OVERWATCH WORLD BASED ON THIS FACT.

I AM FORTUNE'S GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING FOOL.

Remember when Mercy's sense of ethics and compassion was a core part of her character? Remember when she was like, "uh, Overwatch was basically always wrong." Remember when she had a personality outside of being the sexy girl? THEY MADE HER JUST HAVE THE EXACT SAME JOB AS HER PARENTS.***

I keep thinking back to the simplest tucking things, like Lena's AGE. Canonically, Lena is 26 years old. I, and others, using the very difficult system called, "We googled and found the RAF website" determined that she would be too young to have been an RAF fighter pilot, gone to overwatch, been lost in time, and have revived overwatch. We had a very simple solution! "Oh, " we said, "she was lost to time at 26, and a symptom of her disability is she doesn't appear to age/doesn't age" No! Said overwatch, no, she's really 26 despite that making no fucking sense. Or like, Tracer's favorite ~footie~ team being Chelsea. Like, you don't have to agree with me that it's clearly the West Ham United, but there are a MULTITUDE of options that don't boil down to, "One of two English football teams Americans know" GOOGLE. GOOGLE. I googled and handed a list of three options to an Actual English Person, asking their opinion based on my take of her. It took me like, thirty minutes.

FAREEHA AMARI perhaps no one has been fucked so roughly and thoroughly as you are. From the absolute asspull of you being half-Native to cover for the Thunderbird skin. I am very happy that some people feel represented by it, but it was always an asspull. It was never their original intention**** And she was SUPPOSED TO BE A MAIN CHARACTER. She was supposed to be central and her conflict with her mother was supposed to be about FAREEHA, not about fucking ANA. Ana Amari fucking sucks, and the fact that she sucks was supposed to be about Fareeha and how, I mean think about it for five fucking seconds, if we take the view that she 'grew up' with the old guard, nearly every fucking adult in that group PRETENDED TO BE DEAD AND FUCKING FAILED HER. How can that not be Fareeha's story? How can she not have trust issues? How can people being flighty not fuck with her even if she wouldn't admit it?

I'm not even going into Dva because the way they play into her whole cutie pie kpop thing isn't an argument I'm into having.

AND I CARE. I keep fucking caring!! I fucking read the McCree/Cassidy comic! And I will keep reading it!! Why? Because I am FUCKING STUPID, Y'ALL. I am a DUMB CUNT who loves these girls SO FUCKING MUCH. Every time I see a Tracer thing I'm like, "my girl!!!!" my heart soars at seeing Pharah and Mercy together. I just...I can't stop myself! THE THING I HATE MOST ABOUT OVERWATCH LORE IS THAT IT IS COMING DOWN WITH ME, HAND IN UNLOVEABLE HAND.

*LENA MY BELOVED. She was always a bright and optimistic and sunny little thing, but also, like, more than fucking happy to put a bullet in someone with that same smile on her face. WHISTLE WHILE YOU WORK AND ALL THAT. She was forgetful and twitchy and had a little bit of a temper on her and could HOLD A GRUDGE but generally assumed the best of others and of life itself, and I took to her VERY quickly without meaning to, and in the last comic I think it's particularly glaring how they've stripped her of so much of what made her a very human sort of character. Issue three ALMOST did something really neat with her and I was SO excited but they just dropped so much of it and UGH MY GOD WHY DID I READ IT WHY DO I CARE but also like, let Lena be a complex person with feelings for more than five seconds?? You've walked back SO much about her, up and including her being a blue collar Eastender because you hired some bitch who can't do the accent but I guess she was on Downton Abbey so whatever***** let's remove what made her an even more compelling sort of hero--lesbian, disabled, blue collar, been through HELL and back--because why not? We already avoid talking about the real implications of her disability and the utter BULLSHIT she must have been though as, might I add, the only human being to ever survive being physically disconnected from time.

**Buy a whiteboard!! Buy a whiteboard.

***Doc, both of Lena's parents are fighter pilots. Fair, so, criticize me all y'all want and I won't put up much of a fight, but I'd like to argue that having it be a longstanding family legacy has a slightly different tone if I was going to defend myself.

****I know this because Fareeha's VA, when asked at the Salt Lake City con about what she was given when auditioning, was told expressly that she was "an aggressive Egyptian Captain America" which is a) essentially how I've always written her and b) confirmed what I have always DEEPLY suspected.

***** WHY IS DOWNTON ABBEY ALWAYS THE SOURCE OF MY PAIN

[itsadamcole]

christmas with benefits

fem!reader x ‘hangman’ adam page

reader and 'Hangman' Adam Page made a deal a few years ago; that if they were single at Christmastime then they would hook up. Christmas with benefits is what they called it, but this year, it's a little different ...

word count: 2.5k+

warnings: smut (friends with benefits, kinda), kinda fluffy, idrk what else :)

— day 25 ... we did it, and i will be going on a short break after this is posted (it’ll probably be around 11 pm est when y’all see this bc i was really late when i began to write this). i hope you enjoyed these christmas / holiday / winter themed imagines bc i enjoyed writing them —

masterlist || request an imagine here

~ 18+ content below - read at your own risk ~

You sit in your bed in your room back in your parents' house in Virginia. You've texted your best friend, the Hangman Adam Page, to come over since he's not that far away.

It's late, almost midnight on Christmas Eve going into Christmas Day. You sit in your Christmas pajamas as you wait. Your parents have gone to sleep so you just wait for the usual "I'm here" text from Adam so you can go open the front door for him.

This has been a thing every Christmas since yours and Adam's Ring of Honor days. Five years ago, five Christmases ago, both you and Adam agreed that if you were both single during the holidays then you'd casually just hook up. No strings attached, no feelings attached. Christmas with benefits is what Adam first called it, and you couldn't help but agree.

Every year, you'd either meet him at his childhood home, he'd meet you at your childhood home, or you'd meet at a motel.

You don't know how it even got to this point. Five years of hooking up on Christmas. Only one Christmas was missed because Adam was technically seeing a woman and didn't want to do the Christmas with benefits that year, which was fine with you.

The led lights that hang around your room are set to a light blue color and you play with the remote as you wait for your phone to go off.

Just before midnight, at 11:48, your phone starts ringing and Adam's contact pops up. You answer.

"Hey," you say. "Almost here?"

Adam says, "Just turned down your street. I hope you don't mind, and I wanted to give you a heads up, but I brought you a present. I don't know the next time we'll see each other so I wanted to make sure that you got it."

You smile and leave your room, walking downstairs. "Yeah, that's fine," you say. "I have something for you too."

It's been a while since you've seen Adam. He works with AEW and you work with WWE. Your schedules just don't allow you to see him except for a few times a year. Especially since you're NXT women's champion right now.

"Yay," Adam says. "I'll see you in a few."

You say your goodbyes and you wait at the door, watching for Adam's car.

This is something you've always looked forward to. It's something about being close to someone who cares for you and who you care for deeply. If it wasn't for the no feelings attached rule then you would have told him how you felt a long time ago.

Adam's car pulls up out from and you open the front door. The cool air hits you and you shiver a bit. You watch him get out of the car in his cowboy Christmas pajamas. He has a bag and a wrapped box.

Another part of your deal is that after the hookup then it's Christmas movies and snacks. Adam has snacks. That's what you assume is in the bag.

He walks up to your front door and smiles when he sees you. "Hi," he says. "I thought that maybe we can open presents before we, um, you know."

You smile and nod, moving aside so he can walk inside. You close and lock the door behind Adam as he walks upstairs to your bedroom. You closely follow him.

Adam sets the bag and the box down on your bed and you sit on the bed. You grab Adam's present off the bedside table under the lamp before you crisscross your legs and look up at him.

He sits in front of you, mirroring your position. He holds out his present and you take it. "Go ahead," he says. "I'm excited to see your reaction."

You giggle and begin to unwrap the gift. You open the box, which is actually kind of big.

Inside the box is an AEW merch shirt, one of the bandannas that Adam's worn during his entrances, and a necklace that you've wanted forever. It has your birthstone inside of a heart.

"Adam," you gasp. "I've been wanting this necklace forever."

He laughs and says, "I know. I figured it was time to buy it for you. Also, I dare you to wear the AEW shirt to work one day."

You laugh and say, "Stop trying to get me fired."

Adam helps you put the necklace on as he says, "Tony Khan already has told me he wants you on the roster so if Vince McMahon fires you then just come to AEW."

His fingers linger on the back of your neck by the necklace clasp a little longer than they probably should. You look back at Adam and say, "We'll see." You smile. "Anyway, it's time for your present. Open the little envelope after you open your gift."

You hold out the medium-sized box and Adam takes it. He unwraps it and opens the box.

Inside the box you gave Adam is a cowboy hat that has the AEW logo on it, one of your merch shirts, and a little silver bracelet with "cowboy shit", which is Adam's thing, and "ice queen", which is your thing, engraved on it.

You're known as NXT's resident "ice queen" because of your cold heart and rude personality. It's your gimmick. You love it, and it sounds kinda cool.

Adam smiles and opens the tiny envelope. You watch as his eyes widen and he says, "I know you didn't give me a yearlong pass to come to any WWE show."

"Of course I did," you say. "Front row, off-camera for the most part. I know we haven't seen much of each other because of conflicting schedules but maybe if you have some free time and are in the same area then you can use this pass to go in and out of the arena. It's completely free so you don't have to waste several hundred dollars just to see me for twenty minutes."

Adam's tried to come to WWE shows, but tickets were always sold out or not where he wanted them because it was always so last minute. You had the idea of the pass a few weeks ago, talked to management, and got it in time for Christmas.

He says, "You are literally the best person on this Earth."

You giggle and say, "That works for literally any WWE event. A Takeover, a regular NXT live show, or even Wrestlemania."

"Thank you, Y/N," Adam says, putting everything back in the box. "Seriously."

You do the same and say, "It's the least I can do. Maybe we'll see each other more than three or four times a year."

Adam looks at you and smiles. "I'll have to use that pass all the time," he says. "I need to see you more than three or four times a year."

You put your gift from Adam on your bedside table and say, "I agree."

He says, "So, about this Christmas with benefits thing."

"I wanted to talk to you about that," you admit.

While you waited for Adam, you decided to tell him how you feel. Screw the no feelings attached rule.

Adam looks at you confused and says, "Okay. What's on that pretty little mind of yours?"

Your face gets flustered a bit as you say, "We agreed that there would be no feelings attached and no strings attached, and we've done well at that for the past few years."

"But?" Adam asks. He knows what's about to happen.

Nervously, you say, "But recently I've been thinking of you as more than my best friend. I just want more out of this besides sex. You already treat me so well, and we've known each other for years, so I thought that maybe we could try to be more than just friends."

He stares at you as you talk. He can't believe this. You've been doing such a good job at hiding this that he had no idea, and he's not mad about it. He can finally tell you how he's been feeling about you.

In one swift movement, Adam cups your face and pulls you toward him. Your lips crash to Adam's and you gasp. You gasp softly but kiss him back.

The kiss lasts for a few moments before you pull back and ask, "What was that for? You've never kissed me except for when we're, you know."

Adam pushes your hair behind your ear as he says, "I thought that I could start kissing you when we're not having sex."

A smile forms on your lips and your face gets a little flustered. "I would, uh, like that," you stammer. "Can we still have our usual Christmas sex?"

He laughs and says, "That was never out of the equation, Y/N."

You giggle and lean in, kissing Adam again. He kisses you back and you crawl onto his lap, straddling his waist. Your hands slide into his curly hair and his hands slide up the back of your pajama top.

Sighs leave your lips when his hands touch your skin. You smile against his lips and push Adam onto his back.

Slowly, you begin to undress Adam underneath you. You kiss Adam's bare chest once his shirt is off. You do leave a couple of marks on his chest.

"The first chance you get, you mark me up," Adam says, looking down at you. You trail your fingers over the marks and down to the waistband of his Christmas pajama pants.

You look up at Adam with your eyes before you say, "You're mine now. I hope."

Nerves rise up within you as Adam says, "I am. I'm yours."

"Thank God," you sigh as Adam smiles.

You pull off Adam's pajama pants right before Adam rolls and lays on top of you.

He stares down at you and attacks your neck with kisses. You sigh and let out a soft moan. Adam's hands roam your body as he kisses your neck.

You pull off your top, leaving your upper body exposed. Adam's eyes are on your body and you bite your lip softly, watching him. After a moment, he leans down and presses kisses to your bare stomach. You sigh softly.

Adam hooks his fingers into your pajama pants waistband and pulls them off your body. He slips his fingers into your panties and runs his fingers through your folds. You gasp and your back arches off the bed.

After a few seconds of this, Adam pulls off your panties. You look down at Adam and find that he's looking up at you with his eyes. Your tongue swipes across your bottom lip as Adam slips a finger into you, moving it shallowly and slowly. You create a little 'O' with your mouth and a moan escapes.

"Baby, you have to be quiet," Adam reminds you. "Your parents are just down the hall."

You giggle and say, "Oops."

He laughs and speeds up his fingers as he begins to play with your clit with his tongue. "Adam," you sigh. "God, don't stop."

Adam smirks and adds a second finger. Your fingers are back in his curly blond hair. He edges you closer and closer to an orgasm. Your back arches off the bed a few times before Adam pins your hips to the mattress.

You feel your walls begin to clench around Adam's fingers, and he realizes this too. "You gonna come, baby?" he asks. You nod eagerly.

"Please," you whine, needing to release.

He nods and says, "Come for me."

So you do. All over Adam's fingers. You softly moan his name as you release. He sucks his fingers clean before coming up to your lips and kissing you. You moan into his mouth as you kiss him back.

While he's distracted with kissing you, you roll so you're straddling Adam's waist. Your lips are still on his.

Adam pulls back from the kiss and asks, "Where did this all of a sudden come from?"

"I wanted to try something new," you say, kissing Adam's jaw and neck. He sighs beneth you.

You slip your hand down to the bulge in his boxer shorts. You rub him gently and he makes a soft growl sound. "Y/N," he says with a soft moan. "Be nice."

In a split second, you decide to be a little tease. You grind down against his bulge and say, "You won't do anything."

He stares up at you as your finally pull off his boxers. You take his erect member and pump him a few times. You line him up with your entrance and he asks, "Are you still taking the pills?"

"I got an implant to make it easier on myself," you admit. "I kept forgetting to take the pills."

Adam laughs and you smile. Adam's laughs turn into soft sighs as you lower yourself onto him, his length slowly beginning to fill you. You throw your head back as you wait a second before you move. Your hands are on his chest to keep your balance as you begin to move.

Both of you let soft sighs leave your lips. Adam's thumb finds it's way to your clit as you move your hips. You moan softly as you move your hips faster. Adam's other hand is on your waist, helping you move.

He sits up a bit, propping himself up on one arm. His thumb is still rubbing your clit. You wrap your arms around his neck and your fingers are in his hair. His lips are on your collarbone.

His lips make their way up to your jaw. He says softly, "Keep going. You're making me feel so good."

Adam’s praises give you the confidence to move faster. His tip hits your g-spot and you gasp.

You lean down and kiss Adam softly as you move.

Your walls clench around Adam’s length. He moans into the kiss softly as you both reach an orgasm.

His name falls from your lips as you release around him and he releases his seed into you. You both fall into the bed beside each other.

The kissing doesn’t stop. You messily makeout with Adam as you both catch your breath. Your hands both roam each other’s bodies as your lips move messily against each other.

Adam is the first to pull away from the messy kiss. You look at him and he says, “So, we’re together now?”

“Take me out on a date first and we’ll see,” you tease.

He laughs and kisses you one more time before he pulls you into his arms. You bury your face into his neck and smile against his skin before dozing off a few moments later. Adam soon follows you and dozes off too.

[microsuedemouse]

I think it's very cute the way Ben doesn't know anything. He's trying but he needs some help getting there.

hello I'm sorry it took me all day to answer this but every time I looked at it I knew it was gonna Get Me Going so I wanted to wait until I was sitting down at my keyboard with a few minutes to spare

the short response is: YOU'RE VERY CORRECT AND I COULD NOT AGREE MORE. Ben is dumb as a post 95% of the time and it's incredibly endearing. he's doing his best with this hero stuff, but his best does not involve any knowledge whatsoever. and that's fine, he's got plenty of heart to make up for it

(insert Tick reference here)

BUT ALSO. I hope you do not mind me going off on a character tangent here, friend, because I cannot talk about how dumb Ben is without thinking about how it informs the rest of his character and I have so many thoughts,,,

(quick sidebar: anyone who's been around for a single one of my hyperfixations knows this, but character is my shit. I don't normally feel the need to explain this but my Ben 10 posts seem to draw more attention/new people than most of my nonsense so I'm giving you this info as context. as someone with an English degree, as a lifelong story addict and storyteller, as a writer of both fanfic and original work - character is my biggest strength. analysing, picking apart, developing, whatever. and it's also the thing I can go on about forever.)

ANYWAY SO... Ben Tennyson knows nothing and it's wonderful.

I've mentioned before, while still watching the original series, that everything you need to know to understand Ben as a character is 'he's ten.' it literally completely explains him. even the smartest ten-year-olds in the world would still be dumb as shit if they suddenly had superpowers. he's a very average ten-year-old American boy when he finds the Omnitrix, and so in the process of learning to use it and be a hero... he's cocky and stupid. of course he is. he has moments of insight, because he's not incapable of learning, but mostly he's cocky and stupid because he's ten.

one of my very, very favourite things about Alien Force - which I'm now about halfway through - is the way that Ben is characterised. to me, it's so wonderfully done. because he's clearly changed! and if he hadn't I'd be frustrated, because it's been five years - five years during which every kid in the world goes through immense amounts of change. age ten to age fifteen? huge difference. I can tell you from experience: I transferred to an out-of-catchment school program from grades five through eight, meaning ages almost-ten to almost-fourteen (November birthday). when high school came around I returned to my own catchment and found myself amongst a ton of kids I'd known since kindergarten but not seen since we were nine, and the amount that everyone had changed was crazy.

Ben's growth between series is extremely believable to me. he's no longer stupid and cocky - he's not ten anymore. he often seems anxious, especially in the first season as they're searching for Max. everything about him feels very much, to me, like all the trauma that he experienced during the original series - and probably since! - has finally settled in, and he (and Gwen) has started to process that. his and Gwen's banter and friction is mostly gone; they're supportive of and close with one another now - like two kids who Went Through Some Shit together and have had to lean on each other as they began to deal with that. (I could go on a whole separate tangent about that implied growth they've done as a pair, but that would be a whole long-ass ramble of its own.)

as Ben becomes comfortable using the Omnitrix again, we start to see some of that dumbass overconfidence coming back out, but overall he's shed the cockiness of his childhood and grown into a teenager who's reasonably sure of and comfortable with himself with other people (e.g., the way he deals with Cash and JT now, as seen in The Gauntlet). but he's also still figuring out how to be a real hero, especially when the stakes are high, and he's not always as confident in that role. he does a good job of putting on the hero persona when he's in action and things need to be done, but in between we see him worrying about his capability at and suitability for that job.

but he also continues to be totally clueless. it shows differently from when he was a kid, a little because he's older, but largely because of how he's otherwise changed. that cocksure ten-year-old was too proud not to know what was going on, not to be right all the time! but his pride has mellowed out a lot, and he's developed a certain amount of genuine anxiety about his skills as a hero (as well as, apparently, a surprisingly healthy ability to talk about that anxiety). he's also only fifteen, and fifteen-year-olds are still dumb in much the same way that ten-year-olds are dumb. the brightest kids in the world are still incredibly dumb. again, I'm telling you from experience.

so we now have a Ben who can at times admit that he has no idea what's going on, which is so charming. we also have a Ben who, a lot of the time, doesn't even fully realise he has no idea what's going on, because he's distracted thinking about something else. I love how often the show cuts to shots of his face and you can practically see the loading bar behind his eyes as he tries to take in new information. like it just hasn't computed yet and you gotta wait a sec for it to sink in.

he's capable of cleverness sometimes, just like he was five years ago. but that's not his strength, honestly. we're actually repeatedly shown that his greatest strength is his heart: he's a compassionate and caring kid - he has lapses, like all teens do, but by and large he's a good guy. (this also, I think, makes a lot of sense with his off-screen development into a slightly more anxious, less certain young man. especially when you think about what a big influence Max has clearly been on his growth.)

Ben is a true blue 'pure of heart, dumb of ass' hero, and I'm just so constantly charmed with how it's executed. I have plenty of nitpicks with the show's writing that I'm sure I'll get around to yammering about eventually, but the character writing for Ben Tennyson is golden and so far I'm a huge fan.

holy shit this post got long - apologies lol, but thanks to anyone who bothers to read it!! ily.

[0606-hyuck]

PUPPY LOVE

Word Count: 2.2K

THUMP THUMP THUMP 

"What the hell is that?" Renjun called from his bedroom in the general direction of his other roommates, who were relaxing in the living room. When he received no reply, and the hammering on their front door continued, Renjun made his way out into the other room. 

Chenle and Jisung had been curled up together on the couch, but when the noise started they had both startled and sat up straight, staring wide-eyed at the other two older boys. Jeno and Jaemin were looking between each other, debating whether or not it was a good idea to let the maniacal door-knocker into their apartment. 

"Is anyone going to answer the door?" Renjun replied irritated, ignoring the apprehension of his friends and walking towards the entrance. Just as Jisung was about to tell Renjun not to open it, he heard his name being called through the wooden door. 

"Jisung, are you home?" Came the frantic voice Jisung recognised as his close friend, Y/N. "Someone please answer, I really need your help."

All the boys turned to face Jisung, as if he had the answer to why you were agitatedly trying to bang down their door. Jisung sat frozen to the couch, unsure what to do, until Chenle sharply nudged him under the ribs with his elbow. "Answer the door, dummy."

Jisung reached the door and opened it quickly, his eyes taking in your dishevelled state only causing his anxiety levels to raise higher than a healthy level. He grabbed your forearm and gently pulled you into the apartment, silently asking you to explain your situation. 

Between shallow, shaky breaths, you managed to explain that you'd lost your dog, and by your unsteady hands and red, tear-stained eyes, the boys realised that this was a situation they had to take seriously. You'd come to them because you genuinely had no idea what else to do, and hoped they would be able to help. 

Shocked into silence by your revelation that you'd lost the dog they'd been looking after just hours earlier, it took Jisung and his friends a few long moments to finally kick themselves into action. Renjun, who was still standing, moved to the entrance and slipped a pair of sandals on hurriedly. He placed a hand on your shoulder and said, "I'll come back with you to your place so you can grab Saja's leash and some treats."

Barely registering your own head nodding, you allowed Renjun to lead you back to your own apartment to prepare for the search and rescue mission of your dog. After the door to their own apartment shut, Chenle, Jeno, and Jaemin headed to their respective rooms to grab sturdy walking shoes and loose sweaters. The fact Jisung's arguably favourite dog had just done a runner seemed to take a longer time to register in Jisung's head, but when it did, he was a mess. 

Following his friend's leads and running to his room, he hastily threw on a pair of mismatched runners and was the first one ready to leave. "Come on!" He cried impatiently as his friends came back from their rooms, moving from foot to foot as he waited in front of the door. 

Jaemin eyed his younger roommate carefully before stating, "getting so worked up isn't going to help us find Saja."

Barely managing to roll his eyes, Jisung distracted himself by opening the door and ushering the others out into the hallway. "If I find Saja for Y/N, then she will like me more."

Both Jeno and Jaemin shared an incredulous look, but before either of them could respond you and Renjun came bursting from your apartment carrying a harness, leash, and bag filled with dog snacks. Without saying a word to the others, you guided them to the stairwell and down the floors as quick as your messily tied shoes could carry you. 

When you made it out onto the street, into the still-warm summer night air, you realised just how unprepared you actually were. It had been about ten minutes since Saja had disappeared on you, and you had no idea which way he had actually gone. He was there one second, and gone the next. 

"I lost him over there," you managed, pointing towards a dumpster by the side of your apartment building. "He could be anywhere by now."

"Okay, so here's what's going to happen," Renjun started, obviously the most clear-headed out of the six of you. "I'll take Y/N and go this way, Jeno and Chenle can go the opposite way, and Jaemin and Jisung can go that way."

Jisung found himself a little miffed that he wasn't able to pair off with you, but it made sense because neither of you were really in the right mind to effectively look for your dog together. At least Jaemin would be able to calm Jisung's worries. Renjun continued, "we will search for half an hour first before we start to regroup and search the pounds. If you see Saja, grab his collar and by god, don't let go. Understand?"

Everyone nodded, and with that silent agreement you all split off into your own directions. 

Jisung and Jaemin were given the task of searching north, and started heading off down a road which would eventually lead them to the river. For the most part, their search was wholly void of conversation as they both called Saja's name and peered behind rubbish bins, bus stops, and down darkened alleyways. After twenty-five minutes of fruitless searching, the road turned into a pedestrian only walkway and there really wasn't anything Jisung and Jaemin could do besides head forwards. 

As they checked behind a shrub way too small to hide the shiba inu they were after, Jaemin decided to finally break the silence. "When you said you wanted to find Saja to get Y/N to like you, what did you mean by that?"

Jisung tried to groan, but because of his nerves it came out more like an awkward voice crack. Managing to contain his nerves for a second, he said "I know how much Y/N loves this dog, and I'm really scared for her. The time I've spent walking him with her and seeing how much she fawns over him...Saja feels like he's my dog too."

Jaemin let out a short, affectionate laugh. "I could tell you liked Saja when he was staying with us, and that explains your nerves. But you completely avoided my question."

This time, Jisung did groan. "If you're trying to get me to admit I like Y/N, then you're wasting your time. You already know the answer to that." A beat of silence passed, and knowing he had Jaemin's full support, Jisung added, "I'm sick of feeling like a boy compared to you and Jeno and Renjun. I want Y/N to see me as a man, and I think that by finding her dog I might be a hero to her."

As Jaemin started cooing at Jisung's curious admission, Jisung shoved the older boy away from him with a huff and finally focused on the mission at hand again. Although it was summer, the light of the day was starting to fade, and the anxiety started to seep back in. In his peripheral vision, Jisung noticed a small movement. He didn't think too much of it, assuming it was just Jaemin, until he realised Jaemin had stopped paces back to tie up his shoe laces. Looking closer, Jisung's chest was filled with childlike hope as he spotted a familiar tan coat of fur. 

-

After searching for so long and finding absolutely nothing, you were just about ready to give up. Renjun, to his credit, had indulged in your worry and had been searching behind every single chair, bush, and object you came around in the hopes of finding your dog there, even though he knew half the things you two were looking behind were not big enough to conceal Saja anyway. 

At some point, you'd walked by the entrance to the subway station closest to your house and found Elodie and Yeonmi wandering around the area, aimlessly searching for your dog. In your fretful state, you'd completely forgotten to introduce your friends to Renjun, but it appeared no one blamed you and they'd been getting on fine so far. 

"Y/N, it's been half an hour," Renjun mentioned quietly, coming up to place a hand on your shoulder while you searched under a parked car. "I'll give Jaemin and Jeno a call and we can start deciding who goes to search which pounds."

Straightening up, you felt your cheeks dampen and you realised you'd started crying again. The thought of your beloved Saja being locked in a cold, dirty cage, terrified and entirely alone, was too much for your heart to handle. Elodie came up to you and quietly wrapped her arms around you, pulling you close to her body and surrounding you in the warmth of her large jacket. 

Yeonmi rubbed small, slow circles on your back as Elodie released you, and reassured, "Saja being in a pound isn't great, but at least he's safe there. We will find him."

"Okay," you sniffled, wiping your nose on the tissue Renjun had kindly handed you earlier. "I guess we should go back." Renjun nodded resignedly, and started walking back the way you had come. Elodie let out a defeated, sad sigh, and you almost didn't hear your phone ringing over how loud she was exhaling. 

"Jisung?" You questioned in disbelief once you'd managed to grab your phone and read the caller ID. Your three friends halted in their steps and turned around to stare at you when they realised who was calling. They couldn't hear what Jisung was saying, but by the absolutely relieved smile that washed over your face they could tell it was good news. "Oh my god, I literally love you, Jisung! Okay, we'll be over as soon as possible."

Elodie and Yeonmi shared a knowing look at your praising of Jisung, and were happy to finally see the anxiety roll off your shoulders and a wide smile on your face. "Him and Jaemin found Saja down by the river, where Jisung and I usually took him on walks. I should have known!"

Putting your metaphorical running shoes on (you were actually wearing slides), you sprinted as fast as you could to where Jisung said he was, Renjun, Elodie, and Yeonmi trailing behind you begging you to slow down. With Saja's leash in one hand, and your phone gripped in your other, the concrete under your feet switched to grass as you approached Jisung and Saja's location. 

You detected two figures crouched down on the grass, stroking the fur of a familiar dog. As you got closer, Jaemin registered your presence and stood up, stepping away from Saja. His friend's sudden movement caused Jisung to also look towards you, and a shy smile graced his face as his hand held onto Saja's collar tightly. Jogging towards them and completely out of breath, you managed an 'oh my god, you found him' before you fell to your knees in front of your excited dog. 

Clearly oblivious to the commotion and panic he'd caused, Saja gave your cheeks a generous amount of slobbery licks, not quite sure why you were burying your face into his fur so tightly but thankful for the attention nonetheless. After a few long seconds, you pulled yourself away from your dog and clipped his leash onto his collar, making it harder for him to bolt away if he so chose to. 

Standing up on trembling legs, you passed the leash over to Jaemin; behind you you could hear that Renjun, Elodie, and Yeonmi had finally arrived. Through heavy, wheezy gasps Renjun panted, "damn, Y/N, who knew you were so speedy?"

Ignoring Renjun, you turned your attention to Jisung, the one who you assumed had found Saja and called you to tell you the great news. He stood over a head taller than you, and was watching you with a twinkle in his eyes - he was simply happy to see you so happy. 

Without thinking, you suddenly threw your arms around his neck in a surprise embrace. Jisung stumbled back slightly, totally unprepared for your affectionate attack, but managed to steady himself and place his hand on your lower back, subtly pulling you closer into him. You couldn't resist burying yourself into the space between his shoulder and neck, and he ran a gentle hand over your hair in an act of reassurance. "Everything is okay now."

"Oh Jisung, I was so so worried," you whispered into his t-shirt, feeling tears brimming in the corner of your eyes again and hoping you wouldn't leave a stain in the fabric. 

"I know," he soothed, "but Saja is safe now."

Regaining your composure after relishing in the warmth of Jisung's hug, you finally pulled away from him, earning yourself a sigh from the tall boy. Looking up at him and finding him slightly flushed, you stood on your tip toes and placed a soft kiss on his cheek, mere millimetres away from his lips. He let out a startled yelp, but didn't pull away, although his face bloomed a delicious colour of red when he realised all your friends were watching you with affectionate grins on their faces. 

"It's all thanks to you, Jisung!" You asserted happily. "I guess I really do owe you that dinner date now!"

Puppy Love [part eighteen]

Description: When you move into a new apartment, you’re pleasantly surprised to find out your neighbours are all attractive. Really attractive. You find yourself developing a crush on one of your said neighbours when he offers to help you train your dog, Saja, but you quickly realise he has absolutely no idea what he’s doing...

Taglist: @whosyourmama @chubbsdabunny @peachhyun @jising-jisang-jisung @bangpink123 @hiqhkey @chuus-slug @coolhootswtlove @ghjasksdk

Next

[prismatales]

Comfort

All my love and gratitude goes to @sugacookiies, @pixxiesdust and @hawks-senseis for beta-reading this, you guys were some of the greatest help I've ever had! ❤

Pairings: Bakudeku x Reader

Warning: Tw:Depression, Tw:Suicidal thoughts, angst, fluff and comfort.

Fingertips slam a frantic yet steady pace against the keyboard, your eyes go back and forth between each paragraph with a growing sense of panic. All your senses are running on nothing more but pure anxiety and stress, not even the thought of eating something crosses your mind as the one and only thing to worry about seems to be this specific assignment.

Neither of them can remember the last time they saw you in another spot of the house that wasn't that chair before the computer, sure sometimes you take a break to go to the bathroom, but sleeping? That word doesn't seem to have a meaning in your vocabulary.

Except for that one time you fell asleep on the couch for less than 30 minutes before startling yourself awake and jumping away from the plush cushion to keep working.

Both Midoriya and Bakugo knew how important it was to complete your thesis, but was it worth it when your health and body is on the edge of giving up? They both know how badly this kind of routine can end up affecting your health.

The last time you got this stressed it ended up fucking up your stomach all the way from the esophagus to the intestines. The whole digestive system was so affected it started to feel like your stomach was literally burning itself into nothingness from the gastritis you developed. You had to get treatment for two whole weeks, which was right before your high school finals, and it was one of the worst experiences you've ever had to go through.

There's a reason a huge portion of people going through College ends up feeling dead on the inside, the overwhelming amounts of work, spending so much time in the library one could literally claim they live there, assignments and impossible amounts of field work, all of that could be more than enough things happening at the same time to cause plenty of people to go insane. And if that was bad enough, preparing your Thesis was like one of the deadliest of trials.

Just from the look on your face, it was obvious you're starting to develop another health trouble just like that time, the tips of your fingers start pressing right on the spot above your stomach with a face full of discomfort.

Deku's the first one to see that and in less than five minutes he's already outside on his way to get some medicine, he doesn't think twice about using One for All to go faster. 

Everyone in the apartment was more than used to hear mumbling during the day, courtesy of your beloved Deku, but not even Bakugo was prepared to hear you of all people mumbling such dark things the very next day, when the stress began taking a harder toll. He could hear every single word loud and clear even when he's standing near the kitchen counters at the other side of the house.

"Why do I even bother?...It's not like anything I do even matters..." He can hear the the long sigh followed by more self hatred while he's stirring the noodles for dinner. "Sometimes I wonder if people would even notice that I'm gone...hahaha...I wanna die"

"...! That's it!" The wooden spoon gets slammed roughly against the marble counter, searching through his pocket Bakugo pulls out his phone to text Deku, who's already on his way home from patrol.

It takes less than an hour for the two of them to be there right besides you trying their best to comfort their shaking and panicked S/O, it makes them feel useless seeing how much you're struggling to hold on to the remains of your mental stability.

And when they hear the next course of muttering they know things are just about to get worse unless they do something about it.

"I can't do this anymore...I just can't," The tiny voice coming out of your mouth was heartbreaking. Your whole body is trembling uncontrollably as Midoriya walks up behind the chair, he lifts your whole body so he can take you to the bedroom, that way you could finally get some well deserved rest and calm down, in the meanwhile Bakugo goes back into the kitchen to fetch you something to drink.

Their dynamic was simple and yet effective, most of the time Izuku tends to be the one calming both of you through words, if that's not enough to help he's trying to find another solution to the problem through physical actions. Katsuki on the other hand tends to prefer being the one letting his actions speak for themselves first, even through the smallest of gestures he's always looking out for the both of you, in a reverse context to Deku, when his actions are not enough he's trying to make an effort to comfort you with his words.

Everything came crashing down inside your head like a landslide in the middle of a storm, bringing chaos and despair from every direction. It's easy to recognize the signs of your depression kicking in due to all the work piling up at once, and they're aware you're one of the most dedicated and passionate persons when it comes to your studies.

Midoriya tried to lay you down into the soft mattress and walk away to get that blanket they bought specifically for this type of occasion, but his shirt is quickly clutched into a tight grip, the broken sobs are barely audible to someone not paying enough attention have him on high alert as he realizes you've already started crying.

He has no other choice but to ignore his quest for the blankets and sits back on the bed. His back rests against the headboard while you're laying on your side, face resting softly against his well-toned chest, your body surrounded by his own arms that hold your shaking body against his with the hope that it can help you relax.

Bakugo comes into the room shortly after, carrying your favorite cup steaming with some nice and warm drink, your favorite judging by the glorious smell coming out of the cup in small puffs.

He carefully passes the cup to the green haired man sitting in bed before walking to the corner of the room and towards a dark gray, medium sized basket where the additional blankets are kept, rummaging through the furniture he finds one of the biggest, fluffiest and softest blanket of them all before walking back towards the bed. 

It takes you awhile to process what's actually happening because of the storm running through your head. But eventually, between the reassuring words and sweet whispering, the shaking and the crying slowly, but very slowly starts toning down until nothing but a small whimper can be heard every now and then through your bedroom. 

In less than a few minutes you've already been wrapped in that beloved blanket while resting between two warm and fit bodies, leaning back against the headboard with a comforting drink in hand.

"Are you feeling any better?" Izuku's voice is soft and sweet, just in case there's something still bothering your mind, at the same time one of Katsuki's hands is busy rubbing circles in the section between your shoulders in a steady rhythm, the feeling of his calloused and scarred hand touching that portion of skin helps relaxing your exhausted self at an almost exaggerated level. The last thing they want is for you to have another breakdown.

You want to reply but your mouth quickly opens and closes, so all you can manage to do is give them a soft nod in response, too tired to even try and talk to your sweet boyfriends. 

Sometimes the negative thoughts come during these kinds of moments to try and bring torment. It makes you wonder if one day they'll get tired of this and leave after realizing you're nothing more than a hindrance.

"Don't even think about it, Dumbass," Katsuki growls from his spot at your left side "I recognize that look on your face when I see it, you think you're worthless don't you?" That hand behind you makes its way to your shoulder, pulling your whole body towards him and positioning you in a way that makes your head rest on top of his well toned shoulders. For someone who's body is so nicely sculpted, the place where your head lays is one of the most comfortable places where somebody could rest.

"You are one of the strongest people I've ever met. You've always been someone who rarely allows small shit like this get the best of them" Katsuki's hand had long ago left your back to run his fingers through your hair, the friction against your locks of hair and scalp has a soothing effect that relaxes everything from your whole body to your mind.

A small tear manages to escape, but this time is out of relief and happiness for literally having two of the most wonderful lovers by your sides. The exhausted smile that spreads over your face sends the both of them into a state of relief.

"What did I do to deserve you both?" 

Deku lets out a soft laughter while Katsuki just smirks in satisfaction.

"Existing." 

MASTERLIST

@t-amajiki @undead0relived @shoobirino @bnha-ra @godtieruwu @mysticalite @bnhabookclub @gallickingun @unbreakableeiji @savagetrickster

[hot-wiings]

Leave An Ask Or Comment To Be Added To A Specific Characters Taglist.

Edited: 7-28-20

You paced the floor of your dorm room back and forth as you impatiently waited for a knock on your door. You held a stick in one hand, one that displayed two positive lines. In your other hand was your phone, displaying an urgent text to your boyfriend, Inasa Yoarashi.

We need to talk! It's important... [Sent: 2:34 PM]

Your phone displayed that he'd seen and opened your text, but you'd gotten no response from him. From the tone of your text, it sounded like you wanted to break up, but the contents of what you needed to tell him were much more heart wrenching and serious than that.

There was a knock on your door and you knew it was him. After years of dating Inasa, you could recognize the way he knocks on your door.

You walked up to your door and unlocked it for him to come in. You quickly moved the hand holding the stick behind your back. You knew it was stupid, you called him over here to tell him in the first place, but now that it was facing you in the face you were scared.

"Hey, are you okay? I heard you were sent to your dorm and excused from your classes because you were ill."

Your heart ached at the words you had to tell him. He was so worried for you, and you feared the bomb you were dropping on him would ruin the relationship you had, but he is your boyfriend and the father of the baby in your womb. He had to know.

"I'm... I'm pregnant."

The words just tumbled out with a stutter and there was no taking them back. The truth was out there for Inasa to take however he pleased.

"What...?"

"I'm pregnant! There is a baby inside me. Your baby."

"You... You can't be. We were careful! We always used protection."

"Accidents happen, with or without condoms. The only one hundred percent protection is abstinence."

You quietly looked at the floor as you let him process the bomb you dropped on him.

"We can't keep it, you know that right?"

"They're not an it, it's a them... For now at least until I get an ultrasound."

"You're thinking of keeping it? You can't be serious! What about our careers, your career. You won't go to school, you'll never become a hero. You'll spend the rest of your days, picking up trash and waiting tables, your life will be over."

You picked up your eyes from the ground and faced your lover. The hatred and hurt could be seen in your eyes. They were glassy, and tearful, but what Inasa said was too late to take back.

"Six hundred, sixty-four thousand, four hundred, and thirty-five babies are lost to abortion each year. Sure, maybe those women were living in poverty, but I'm not. I have the means to take care of the life growing in my belly. I made the decision to sleep with you, therefore I have to own up to my responsibility."

"No one would blame you if you got rid of it. You have a career to think about. Fuck, you're a Todoroki, your business is everyone's business, you have a reputation to think about."

"I don't give a shit about my Todoroki status! Did you know Steve Jobs was almost aborted? One of the smartest men in the world. Did you know Celine Dion was almost aborted? She was her mother's 14th child and she wasn't sure she could handle it, but she did, and now her daughter inspires people through lyrics. If you don't want this baby, then our hearts will go on fine without you."

"[Y/N]..."

You avoided his eyes and pointed to the door. Maybe you were just being emotional and overreacting to him, but you knew you had to have this child, with or without his help.

"You should leave."

As you watch Inasa walk out your door one thing was for certain in your mind. This baby would grow up without having to worry about financial support from Inasa or Enji. Single mothers all over the world were surviving, so could you.

Inasa stood outside your dorm room. Your door was wide open and there were boxes scattered around. You were scrambling about, folding clothes up and sorting items to boxes and bags.

"Hey..."

Your eyes flashed up to see Inasa. Shock flashed your face before quickly looking down at the box you were trying to fit clothes in.

"Hi... What are you going here?"

"I... I heard you were dropping out of school."

"Well, the school board made it known that I'm not welcome here pregnant."

Instinctively, your hands went to the small but noticeable baby bump. Inasas followed your hands and he stared down at the bump bulging out of your stomach. His child was in there. His child. A literally baby.

"How'd Enji take the news?"

"I cut ties to my father once my pregnancy was leaked to the tabloids. He was angry that I tarnished his name, I couldn't really give a shit."

You taped up the last box and made a movement to pick it up but Inasa swooped in front of you and lifted it before you could. He gave you a very sheepish expression.

"It's bad for the baby."

"Thought they were an it?"

"[Y/N], I'm sorry. I shouldn't have acted like that. It was irresponsible and out of line. You have to understand why I freaked... Babies require a lot of attention and needs. They have to be thought out and planned, that being said I've had time to think."

Inasa placed the box on the ground and knelt in front of you. He grabbed your hand cautious and carefully in case you rejected his display of affection. He placed a ring box in your palm as he started reciting the speech he prepared.

"I want to take responsibility. I want to be in this baby's life. I want to be in your life. I can't imagine doing this with anyone else... We can get a house and other mundane things. You can go back to school afterward. I want to do this together... If you'll have me."

"Inasa... Yes. Yes, I'll have you."

The months leading up to the final trimester of your pregnancy went great. You and Inasa found a three-bedroom apartment for a cheap price, and you even found a school that would take you despite the fact you'd be a teenage mother. UA high said it wouldn't be any issues considering you only had to finish up one semester, and the handwritten recommendation from your brother, Shouto, a stellar top student at UA put you into good graces.

"Do you want any tea?"

You looked up from your book to see your brother peering down at you with a soft smile.

During the process of your pregnancy, your brother really helped out. Shouto was constantly there for you when Inasa was gone. He forced you to be on bed rest while he retrieved things like entertainment and food for you. Truthfully, your mood swings scared him a little bit.

"I'm good Shouto, have a seat you don't have to cater to my every need."

"Tea is good for the baby."

"Your brother is right. When I was pregnant with you I'd drink a cup of chamomile every night."

Your mother walked into the room and took a seat by your feet. Ever since your mother was released from the mental institution she'd been living with you and Inasa. She'd been very supportive and nice over the pregnancy. She'd been very motherly, the kind of motherly you'd missed out in your childhood, but she was making up for lost time now.

You smiled at your mother when you felt a warm trickle at your legs. You grasped the now huge bump on your stomach as you gasped.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?"

Your brother was by your side in a minute, concern and worry displayed on his face as you turned to him with just as much panic.

"My water broke."

"What? But your not due til next week!"

"I don't think she gives a shit, because my water just broke."

Your mother blatantly ignores your brother's freak out and calmly knelt next to you.

"Sweetheart, we're hours away from any hospitals, if your having the baby your gonna have to give birth here."

"This baby wasn't planned in the first place, neither should the delivery. Let's do it."

"Shouto, get me some buckets of water, clean towels, and pillows."

Your mother helped you adjust your body so you were in a birthing position.

"You need to stay in this position until your dilated enough to push. Take deep breaths. I'll have your brother call Inasa."

You started to feel cramps and pain. Immense pain as your mother walked away and talked to your brother. Shortly, she returned with a grim expression.

"Inasa is stuck at his internship. They won't let him leave."

"Okay. It's okay. I have you. I have Shouto. It's okay."

Your mother guided you through the process of birth-giving. She helped you get into positions that would help induce a faster birthing.

"You need to take a deep breath and push. I can see the head nearing. Just give me one more big push."

Exhaustedly, you pushed just as your apartment door swung open.

"Where is she? Is she okay?"

The urgent sound of Inasa resounded throughout the apartment as Shouto directed him to you.

"I'm here. I'm here."

"What about your internship?"

"Screw them, I said I wanted to be in this together! My daughter is being birthed, I'm not missing it."

With one last push, your mother pulled your daughter out of you. She sniped the ambiblical cord and cleaned her up before wrapping the baby in the clean towels and bringing her around for you and Inasa to hold.

As you looked down at your precious bundle of joy you squeezed Inasas hand. Months ago you thought you'd be alone with this, you were scared and frightened but you weren't alone. You had Inasa, your brother, and your mother. They weren't going anywhere.

[moistmailman]

Gods and Godesses AU

*A fatigued Pyrrha is on the battle field, bleeding out and wheezing as she kneels out from exhaustion while a man with an axe is approaching her*

Bandit, raising his axe: So this is what the famous Knight Nikos is capable of? I must say, Im disappointed.

Pyrrha, internally: Damn it, is this how going to die? Being out sword by a group of bandits? I can't even see straight right now. My body is so weak, I can't move an inch. I can't believe I'm going to die here.

Bandit: *Starts to bring his axe down on Pyrrha*

Pyrrha: *Raises her sword and closes her eyes in anticipation, praying to God that she will be able to block this*

*5 seconds passes*

Pyrrha, slowly opening her eyes:......huh? What the?

Bandit: *Not moving a muscle*

Pyrrha: What the? What the heck is going on—

*Pyrrha looks around to notice that the entire bandit army wasnt moving a muscle, as if they were frozen*

Pyrrha, baffled: What the heck is goi—

*Suddenly a bright light appears before her, causing her to shield her eyes*

???: Knight Nikos! It is not your time to die today!

Pyrrha, opening her eyes: Whose there—.........o-oh my God.

*Standing before Pyrrha is a tall blonde man with blue eyes and blue armor, holding a battle flag in hand*

Pyrrha, stuttering: Y-youre....you're....oh my gods, you're the god of rejuvenation!

Jaune, smiling: That is correct. I've been watching you for a while, my brave Knight.

Pyrrha, still weak: You have?

Jaune, nodding: I have. But before we get into that, allow me to do something real quick.

*Jaune waves his hand at Pyrrha, causing her wounds to heal*

Pyrrha, gasping: Oh my gods. They're gone. I'm healed! You really are the god of rejuvenation!

Jaune: Yes I am. But this is nothing special. Any god can do that to a human, but they can't do anything close to what I can do. You haven't even seen my full potential yet. Now, I have a question to ask yo—

*Suddenly another bright light appears, causing Pyrrha to shield her eyes once more before seeing a short woman dressed in red with silver eyes appear before her*

Pyrrha, in shock: Oh my god.

???: Knight Nikos! It is not your time to die to— wait a minute! What are you doing here!?

Pyrrha:......what?

Jaune, annoyed at the short woman: What am I doing here!? What are YOU doing here!? Go away Ruby! This is my champion!

Pyrrha, choking: Ruby!? As in the goddess of speed Ruby! That Ruby!?

Ruby, smiling: Yes, that is me. And with my help you will be abl—

Jaune: NO! Stop it right now! I was here first, now butt out!

Pyrrha:....w-what's going on?

Ruby, cutely stomping her foot: No! That's not fair! You knew I had my eyes on Pyrrha for a while! She's going to be my champion, not yours!

Pyrrha, choking: Champion!? You two want me to be your—

Jaune: No she's not, Ruby!

Ruby: Is too!

Pyrrha, awkwardly: G-guys, can yo-

Jaune: IS NOT!

Ruby, sticking out her tongue: IS TOO!

Jaune: OH REAL MATURE! HOW OLD ARE YOU!?

Ruby: 2168!

Jaune: REALLY?! CAUSE YOU LOOK 10!

Ruby, blushing: S-SHUT UP! NO I DONT! I HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I LOOK LIKE A BEAUTIFUL 19 YEAR OLD WOMAN!

Jaune: Your height says 10.

Ruby, puffing out her cheeks: WHY OUGHTA! *Starts trying to hit Jaune, just for him to keep her at bay with his hand*

Pyrrha:....what......what is going on? Am I slowly dying and having a weird dream from my blood loss?

Jaune, chuckling: You can’t get to me because you’re so short! Ha!

Ruby, trying to. Real through: SHUT UP YOU BIG JER—

*Suddenly ANOTHER white light appears, this time a bulk blonde woman with purple eyes and revealing clothing to show off her muscles appears*

Jaune, groaning: OH WHAT NOW!?

???: Knight Nikos! It is not—

Ruby: OH NOT YOU TOO! GO AWAY YANG!

Yang: Wait, Ruby!? Is that you!?

Ruby: Yes, it is! And you are too late to make Pyrrha your champion, because she's mine!

Jaune: No she's not! She's my champion!

Pyrrha, wide eyed:......h-hold up, i-is this the goddess of strength!?

Yang, winking: It sure is. And I have had my eyes on you for a while now.

Pyrrha: Oh my gods. Is this a fever dream!? Is this really happening?! Am I really in the presence of two goddesses and a god?

Yang: You sure are, sweetheart. And let me tell you something. Your fighting skills are awesome. I'm really impressed. And don't even get me started on your muscles. Mwah. They are a beauty.

Pyrrha, blushing: O-oh uh...thank you.

Yang: Youre welcome, gorgeous. Now anyway, I have a question for yo—

Jaune: FOR GODS SAKE! THIS IS MY CHAMPION!

Yang: Oh blow it out your ass, Jaune!

Ruby: Yeah! Blow it out of your butt!

Jaune: I WAS HERE FIRST!

Yang: Nobody cares!

Pyrrha, awkwardly: H-hey guys, y-you really shouldn’t argu—

*Suddenly another bright light appears, before a short white hair woman appears in front of them*

???: Knight Nikos! It is not your time to—

Yang, groaning: Oh great. Miss no fun is here too. This is about to become unbearable!

???, repulsed: What the!? What are you guys doing here?!

Yang: Same thing as you, Weissy!

Weiss, angrily: Do not call me Weissy!

Pyrrha, head spinning: T-that’s the goddess of i-ice! That’s the goddess of ice! The goddess of ice is standing right in front of me!

Yang, rolling her eyes: Yeah, she sure is. And she’s a cold hearted bit—

Ruby: Language!

Yang, rolling her eyes: She’s a piece of work. There, happy Ruby?

Ruby: Yep.

Weiss, sternly: Look, I don’t know who you guys think you are, but Pyrrha is going to be my champion! Got that!? I have had my—

Jaune: “Eyes on her for awhile.” Yeah, we all have! But I was the first God here, so all of you go away!

Weiss, grimacing: I don’t even consider you as a god, Jaune. So I don't even know why you are here.

Yang: Ooooooooh, damn.

Jaune: GODS DAMN IT! EVERYONE GET OUT OF HE—

*Yet ANOTHER bright light appears again*

Pyrrha: Oh my gods! How many are going to show up!?

???: Knight Nikos! It—

Yang, waving: Oh, hi Blakey!

Blake: Yang!? What in the world are yo— wait, Weiss, Ruby, Jaune!? What are you doing here!?

Ruby: Same thing as you! We all want Pyrrha to be our champion as well.

Blake: Are you kidding me!?

Jaune: Nope. We all want to bestow our powers on her.

Yang: And Honestly, why are you here anyway? You're the goddess of sneaking. What the hell can you do for her in this situation?

Pyrrha: *In the background trying to wrap her head around the fact that 4 goddesses and a god are with her* Uhhhhhhhhh

Blake, offended: What is that supposed to mean!? I can help her so much in this battle! I can help her sneak away from everyone unharmed.

Yang: So you will make her a coward, is what you're implying?

Blake, angrily: No! I will make her fight another day! That is what I can do! Fight smart, not stupid!

Yang, nodding: Hmm hmm, that's cool and all, but I will be able to make her kill every single one of these assholes with her barehands. So I'm pretty sure I'm the best choice for her here!

Ruby, crossing her arms: Nuh uh! I will be able make her zoom around everyone and take them all out under a second! So I'm obviously the best choice for her!

Weiss: That is prosperous! I will be able to make her freeze everyone here solid! And she will be able survive even the coldest depths of hell with my powers! I'm the best choice!

Pyrrha: Guys seriously, please stop—

Yang: Its summer, dipshit! It's like 80 degrees out!

Weiss: Why you littl—

Jaune: I can literally make her unkillable! She will not be able to die with my powers bestowed upon her!

Yang, sarcastically: Wow, that sounds so amazing! You hear that, Pyrrha. With Jauney's help you will be able to get tortured none stop without the relief of death. Doesn't that just sound amazing?

Weiss: Its honestly better than being a damn brute like you.

Jaune: Ha! Thanks Weiss.

Weiss: Shut up, I still don't respect you.

Jaune: OH COME ON! I WAS HERE FIRST!

Ruby: LOOK, SHES GOING TO BE MY CHAMPION AND THATS FINAL!

Yang: NO SHES NOT! SHES MINE!

Jaune: I WAS HERE FIRST! SO SHE'S MINE!

Weiss: NOBODY CARES, JAUNE! BESIDES, SHE WOULD MUCH RATHER HAVE ME INSTEAD! IM THE BEST CHOICE!

Blake: NO! I WOULD BE THE BEST CHOICE FOR HER!

Pyrrha, mumbling: Are they actually fighting over me. This reminds me of all the boys when I was a teenager.....*starts blushing from the thought*

RWBYJ: *RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE*

Pyrrha: G-guys.....

RWBYJ: *RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE*

Pyrrha: Guys.

RWBYJ: *RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE*

Pyrrha: GUYS!

RWBYJ: What!?

Pyrrha, awkwardly: Uh...well uhm.....do all of you guys really want me to be your champion? Like me?

RWBYJ: *nods*

Pyrrha, blushing: Oh my gods. I h-honestly can’t even.....comprehend any of this. This is all happening so fast. I don’t even know what to do.

Weiss: You can start by picking one of us.

Yang: Which obviously going to be me.

Ruby: Nuh uh! It’s going to be me!

Jaune: Are you guys forgetting that I’m the first one here?

Yang: I wAs ThE fIrSt OnE HeRe.

Jaune: My gods! You’re as mature as your sister!

Yang: YoU aRe As MaTuR—

Jaune: WILL YOU SHUT THE HELL UP!?

RWBYJ: *RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE*

Pyrrha: GUYS STOP ARGUING!

RWBYJ: Sorry....

Pyrrha, awkwardly: Okay look, I don’t really know how to choose. I-I mean, this is a lot to take in all of a sudden. I thought I was about to die not even 5 minutes ago....or at least, it would be five minutes ago if Jaune didn’t stop the time suddenly.

Jaune, smiling: I saved her by the way. Just saying.

Weiss: Shut up.

Pyrrha: So my mind is all....wacky right now, and I can’t decide. So could we maybe....I don’t know.....could I just be all of your guys’ champion? O-or is that against the rule of something?

RWBYJ:.........

Pyrrha, blushing: I-I sorry, I just really don't like arguments is all. Nobody usually wins with them, and they always leave people in a bad mood. A-and I will feel bad if I choose one and leave the others depressed and all. B-because you did come all the way out of your way to help me. S-so how about I just be all of your champion? S-so everyone will be happy?

RWBYJ:..........

Pyrrha: I-I just want to make everyone happy, and that’s it. I-I promise. I-I’m sorry if my suggestion offends any of you, because that’s not my intentions at all.

RWBYJ:........

Yang: Do we even have a rule book?

Weiss: No, we don’t.

Yang: Really? Hmm.........

*two minutes later time unfreezes and the bandit swings his axe down, just for it to hit the dirt*

Bandit: What the hell!? Where did she go!? It's like she just disappeared in a shado— GARK!

*Abruptly all of the bandits were quickly killed off by a red blur, some of them being frozen solid, some of them being thrown 30 feet in the air*

Pyrrha, appearing out of nowhere covered in blood: *Panting*

RWBYJ: *Appear out of nowhere*

Yang:......well, we just made an unstoppable killing machine.

Jaune: Yeah, we did.

Pyrrha: *passes out from exhaustion*

Yang: Dibs at carrying her~

RWBJ: Dib on— dang it!

Yang, picking Pyrrha up: Haha! Too slow!