#but Im so so new to this shit since my only experience was some FUCKED shit in middleschool

[waluigisgaybf]

not my S/O walking up while Im trying to draw more nsfw shit on a page already full of nsfw and other suggestive bg3 sketches and in a sarcastic tone going “Wow I wonder if you’re horny, like- your arts really saying some shit right now- almost like it’s influenced by you and your brain- look at all that.”

I DIDNT EVEN HAVE A REPONSE MY ASS JUST NARROWED MY EYES AT THEM AND WENT “Perhaps.”

[moonystoes]

Who? - Elisa De Almeida x singer!reader

summary: when the public thinks y/n is dating a football player... a male player. Inspired by this

A/n: this shit made me wanna kms. i really thought social media au would be easier since it's not writing. but holy shit editing this was ass. also the fact that it took me around 10 hours yesterday only?? and 138 pictures. but lowkey... making fake beef and conversations was kinda fun lol.

warning: nothing, but this is the first time i made a social media au so it may be bad...and the quality of these screenshots are shit. also...I worked really hard editing the time of those screenshots (except the second one... i forgot) they will help you understand the timeline. I recommend reading this in white mode so the tweets can look smoother.

face claim :@itsouidad on instagram

y/nl/n

liked by ayanakamura_officiel, brahim, jackie_groenen_14, and 39,968 others

y/nl/n smiles and preparations, 2 days until I meet you guys 🫶(also happy new years lollll 😭😭)

احبكم كثيرررر 🩷🇶🇦

view all 7,983 comments

user1 IS THAT SOUQ WAQIF???? GUYS KILL ME SHE WAS RIGHT AROUND ME AND MY BLIND ASS DIDNT SEEEE 😭😭😭💔💔

user2 wait they allow women to not wear the scarf there?

↳ user3 @User2 girl what?? yes tf, get out of the propaganda ffs

ayanakamura_officiel ohh la laaa

↳ y/nl/n @Ayanakamura_officiel 💍 yes or no?

↳ user3 @y/nl/n lmfaoooo y/n keeps forgetting shes famous now

y/nbiggestfan awhhh how is it babee?

↳ y/nl/n @y/nbiggestfan everyone is so sweet and generous 🤧🥹🥹, i can't wait to meet yall

y/nupdates have fun sweetie!! enjoy it

↳ y/nl/n @y/nupdates thank you Emi 🫶

jackie_groenen_14

liked by elisadealmeida5, psg_feminines, and 13,622 others

tagged: elisadealmeida5, sakinakarchaoui, grace_geyoro, psg_feminines, qatarairways

jackie_groenen_14 always learning with the girls, it was nice to have some special days with my 2nd fam ❤️💙

view all 58 comments

y/nl/n what were you thinking in the 5th slide lolll

↳ jackie_groenen_14 @y/nl/n i thought you said it was cute :(((

↳username1 @jackie_groenen_14 im so confused how do they know each other

elisadealmeida5

liked by y/nl/n, jackie_groenen_14, grace_geyoro, and 74,567 others

elisadealmeida5 Great time together in doha 🇶🇦

Thanks for the amazing experience ✨️

@psg_feminines

@Visitqatar

@qatarcreates

@Qatarairways

#parissaintgermain #psg #paris

View all 321 comments

_clarehunt 🥰🥰

jackie_groenen_14 baby ❤️

user54 تهبلللل اخخخخ

user42 lindaaaa😩

user11 who was she giggling with on the 5th pic ugh 😩😩

y/nl/n

Liked by elisadealmeida5, kehlani, brahim, and 36,641 others

y/nl/n thank you so much Qatar for this experience, too many pretty places my phone storage is gonna explode ☹️

Thank you @dohamusicfestival for this unforgettable moment, and to everyone involved (that old lady that was making Nutella bread in souq waqif, I will never forget you 👆)

View all 2521 comments

user5 you're always welcome back!💞💞

user3 maybe that girl on Twitter wasn't so blind... I swear it's the same place

↳ user1 @user3 babe that's The Pearl it's literally like number 1 on tourist attraction place

↳ user3 @user1 so? They could go together

↳ user1 @user3 I still don't understand the fascination of them going together, like she can have friends. I know she's antisocial and makes jokes about it but I promise she's not a baby 🙏🙏

Cutiedealmeida uploaded a thread

"can I get a kiss?" - fan of Elisa's

Elisa: "sorry, I'm not single sorry" 💔

-

-

oh my god elisa speaks in English again! Does this confirm that our favorite football player is taken...or is she just saying that as the girl looks much younger? Who knows! I guess we have to wait till Eli confirms her relationship...video credits: @emiliaaa.zl 🤞❤️ #elisadealmeida #footballnews #psg #psgfeminines

View all 58 comments

↳ user1 FUCK MY LIFE

↳ user2 she literally just confirmed it by saying she's not single 💀💀 do you want her to post a sloppy make out picture or what

↳user3 let me not just say anything...

↳user4 @user3 do you know who is the gf?

↳user3 @user4 nope I was just jealous 😁

fanofyn @ynupdates do you think it could be her?

↳ ynupdates @fanofyn y/n never said she's not single. And even if she is taken, there is barely any proof of it being Elisa 🤞

elisadealmeida5 uploaded a story

y/nl/n

Liked by elisadealmeida5, kehlani, brahim, and 79,751 others

Y/n ☀️❄️

View all 9562 comments

User1 she couldn't think of a caption so she used emojis lol

↳ y/nl/n @User1 stop exposing me 😔

Besfriend can't believe you ditched me for this 💔💔

↳ y/nl/n @Bestfriend stopppp I asked you if you wanted to come 😭😭

Jackie_groenen_14 the sunglasses and the smile 😍😍

↳y/nl/n @jackie_groenen_14 shut up I'm blushing 🤚

User2 SHUT UP SHES WITH THAT PLAYER

↳user3 @User2 that place is very popular lol every rich person is there right now

↳user2 @User3 man I can't even be fucking delusional anymore without yall

↳user4 @User2 I believe you, they were posing the same way too ✊️

↳user2 @User4 WHAT THE HELL I DIDNT EVEN NOTICE THAT

Y/nl/n uploaded a story

elisadealmeida5 uploaded a story

Y/nl/n

Liked by elisadealmeida5, brahim, kehlani, and 156,164 others

Y/nl/n good night and good win 🙏 Hala madrid 🤍

View all 12736 comments

User1 wait she's actually with brahim????

↳user2 @User1 I'd cry

User3 slut, only cares about players for money

↳user4 @User3 get a fucking life weirdo

User5 nooo the men found out about her :(( she will literally get hate on every post now

Bestfriend idgaf it's visca barca

↳ y/nl/n @Bestfriend babe... this isn't you 😔😔

user6 she's wearing a Spain shirt 👀

↳ user7 @User6 isn't brahim Moroccan?

↳user6 @User7 he's half Spanish, and before he got into the Moroccan team he wanted to play for the Spanish one but he wasn't good enough for them ig😬😬

User8 BABBYYYYY LOOK AT MY GIRL LIKE WOW

User9 awh she's so happy for her boyfriend ;((

User10 the last slide is brahim?

User11 awhh it's so cute how she's teaching him how to eat with his hand, but the food looks too hot tho 😭😭

Y/nl/n uploaded a story

Y/nupdates_page

Liked by user1, y/nsister, and 64,652 others

Y/nupdates_page GUYS KILL MEE Y/N JUST WENT LIVE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A YEAR!...but something happened in the end as you can see from this screen-recording.

Is Y/n dating Elisa? Or was it Brahim? The audio wasn't clear, and the camera wasn't showing the door properly either! But from the small corner... the person has the same features as both brahim and Elisa. Short brown hair and fair skin... it could be either. But it's 99% Brahim since y/n never made a statement that she likes women, and she did make a lot of... interesting tweets back in the day about brahim ifykyk 🙈🙈

#y/n #music #elisadealmeida

View all 11,614 comments

user1 LMFAOOOO HER FACE

user2 idfc I'll stay delusional and pray it's Elisa

user3 wait what happened after this???

↳Y/nupdates_page @User3 she froze for 5 seconds, laughed, and then just ended it 😭😭 not even a fucking goodbye, she HATES us 😔💔💔

user4 noooo she's not single anymore💔 no more heartbroken depressing music

user5 wait who the fuck is Elisa and why does it feel like there is some inside joke that yall are hiding from me

↳Y/nupdates_page dw bae i got you, I made a post about the whole rumor a while ago 🫡

user6 HER SISTER LIKED IT

↳Y/nupdates_page @User6 she's probably sending it to the gc to laugh at her lmfao 💀💀

User7 #music ma'am are you that desperate for likes

↳Y/nupdates_page @User7 yes I'm an attention whore and the tag clearly worked.

y/nl/n

Liked by elisadealmeida5, jackie_groenen_14, kehlani, and 196,725 others

Tagged: elisadealmeida5

y/nl/n I'm so happy for my girlfriend ;((

eli, I'm so proud of you and I love you so much 🤎🤎

View all 60,624 comments

elisadealmeida5 babbyyyy❤️❤️🥺🥺

↳y/nl/n @elisadealmeida5 ❤️🤎

user1 WHICH ONE OF YALL BITCHES CALLED ME DELUSIONAL

user2 it's actually insane how we knew about this from a random tweet damn

user3 brahim didn't like this post lolll

user4 that's a girl?

user5 damn she's hot as hell

user6 I get depressed thinking she's not single but I start crying in joy when I realize it's a woman

user7 awhh she used a brown heart emoji 🤎🥺🥺🥺

↳user8 @User7 what the fuck is that supposed to mean 💀💀

↳user7 @User8 y/n has a whole album called 'Brown Hearts' lol

user9 Elisa is not single :(((((

user10 wait are they together?

↳user11 @User10 well i tell you what Sherlock Holmes you are unbelievable

↳y/nsister @User11 LMFAOAOAO

-----

i want to thank @thinkingaboutjaedyn for showing ouidad... like its insane how perfect she is for this

fun facts:

-the pictures were somehow easy to find, i was actually shocked on how i was able to find pictures from ouidad for this fic, the only time i struggled was for the 'paparazzi' pics at the end.

-the two pictures on y/n's post of her in qatar were from my sister's instagram page

if there is a mistake ignore it because im gonna kms if i have to edit this again

[inkskinned]

im gonna start a fight; and, at the same time, i need you to take this in the most good-faith way possible, but:

videos that involve body-checking and intentionally (and uncritically) show a mealplan of an unhealthy number of calories are just a revamped version of pro-ana food diaries.

and yeah, i know there's arguments. i address some of them under the cut. but at the end of the day, we're just coming back to romanticizing mental illness; we've just found a better platform for it.

this is already something we've done. we knew it was wrong and tried to stop it. and tbh. it just wasn't enough.

there are people who argue "well, what if you have an eating disorder, you can't help it if you don't eat!" except that as someone with an ED; we are not infants. we know what we're doing. part of having an ED is that you are like, maybe too self-aware. even if we can't help our own food choices, we don't need to fucking romanticize the disorder - something we've been warning you about since 2013. there are hours of setup, filming, and editing that go into these videos. they do not happen to fall into place randomly. there is a reason they are pieced together to be beautiful, bright, inspiring.

there's this woman who pretty much only posts daily plans under a normal amount of calories, and everyone defends her saying but it's better than nothing! and i'm like. except she opens those with images of her showing off her body and provides no context in the video or caption that suggests that she believes what she's doing is unhealthy. she has hundreds of thousands of followers on a platform designed for young kids and teens. i refuse to believe that by accident her content just happens to be cheery advice on "healthy" versions of starving.

for any other symptom of mental illness, we would be incredibly enraged by this kind of placid acceptance of a "tips and tricks" fast-start guide. imagine if people posted pink & pretty videos saying "best places to cut yourself" as if it was a fucking storytime. we, as a society, are so fucking fatphobic that we would rather accept blatantly harmful displays of self harm than admit that we are obsessed with a hyper-thin body type.

i am not suggesting someone never talks about their disorder. i talk about mine. actually, it's a plot point in my book.

here's the difference: i recognize it's a fucking mental illness. i am very careful to never mention a specific weight, eating pattern, or calorie plan. i always make sure to position it as something that ruined my fucking life. i do not put cheery music in the background and hearts and sparkles over my worst moments. i do not film it in bright light. i do not start each passage with an image of a thin body followed by "here's how to look like her."

eating disorders should not be framed as aspirational. and the problem is that society worships the "after" image, so long as you don't get too sick. there is a reason so many people who quit being "influencers" will later admit - i wasn't eating well that whole time; an obsession with food was completely destroying my life.

we let any uncredited, uncertified person write the most backwards, fucked up shit about how to get the body you desire! because the underlying, secret belief is: well, at least they're thin! and the real thing that fucking gets me each time - they make fucking money off of it. their irresponsibility and societal harm literally pays off for them.

"why do you care so much." "don't like it don't look." "so what if people experiment with new ways of thinking of food?"

thank you for asking. we're about to get extremely personal. it's because when i was 18 i discovered "thinspiration"/"thinspo." and it absolutely influenced, shaped, and codified my pre-existing eating disorder. i went from having some troubling habits and traits to being incredibly unwell within what felt like a matter of days. there were actual pages designed to train me on how to have an ED correctly. it was all so suddenly easy. i was sick; and the nature of the illness meant - i wanted to be sicker.

it takes an average of 7 years for a person to fully recover. i know this personally - even now, 10 years from the worst of it, i still fucking struggle. i am so much happier now and i eat what i want and i literally don't think about food at all (19 year old me would shudder) and yet - i still fucking know the calories of plain toast with butter.

an eating disorder is one of the deadliest types of mental illness. over 1 in 4 people with an ED will attempt suicide.

and i'm sorry. i just do not see the exchange rate of "high rate of engagement" versus "the value of a human life."

[undobutton]

Okay so I'm angry, feel free to ignore or whatever.

warnings: swearing, terrible grammar, possible spelling mistakes.

white fanfic creators will worship the white / white passing characters and get so fuckin mad when people " mis-characterize " those characters. when in reality others are usually exploring the character as a whole. maybe they're kind in a fic or the 'precious cinnamon roll' gets genuinely mad for a good reason. but that doesn't fit their view of said character and they feel so comfortable yelling at whoever wrote the fic and shitting all over them???

then they want to strip a black character of their blackness and pretend like racism doesn't exist in their little worlds and they make black readers feel so... false? like we don't even actually exist. like they won't even go through the bare minimum of finding new ways to express embarrassment it's ALWAYS blushing. or feeling your face turn red. and someones always playing with y/ns hair??

but god forbid a black writer create a black reader that other people can fuckin enjoy? or express that a BLACK character might feel uncomfortable dating a white person?? or the (black) character and their white significant other will experience the world differently?

and it hurts cause fanfic writers will spend hours up to weeks researching a time period or a fantasy race (elf, dragon, witch, etc) for accuracy but they won't consider it for a black character or reader? thats so sad.

especially when they take offence at black writers only wanting other people of color to interact with their posts. Like you kick us out of the chatacters xreader tag. but the xblack!reader tag is for everyone?

and then the smut. it's always borderline racist. like the character frowned or got angry once and now they're characterized as a toxic, rude, violent person? like if you want rough smut there are so many not-black characters who are word for word what you want. but you instead force those ideas onto the black characters with no evidence!

like they aren't porn-bots for your little kinks. they mean something to those black readers and writers who finally got some representation and now we've gotta scroll through pages of uncomfortable smut to find one fic where the character is sweet... but y/n is white as hell.

like i hardly write because im afraid of white fanfic writers taking my stories as a personal offence. especially with Hobie. since there's always someone in his tag with their "hot take" or actively yelling at a black writer bc we express these feelings.

like just shut up. please. or do some fucking research.

[sentientcloudofmusk]

That SciShow video has me all kinds of twisted around.

How easy would it have been to not be sexist, i feel like moon swings are a fine thing to say youll experience whilst the chemical systems in your body are being altered. Them stating "lets not be sexist" felt very preformative.

Im not very well versed on the chemical side of transition, something that upsets me quite a deal but, even i know citing shoddy studies, reading a whole section from one source and recommending a hormones that every transfem ive seen has said "that shit should be thrown in the trash" is maybe not great

There are so many intensely passionate and knowledgeable transfem people who they could have consulted like they consulted their writer for the testosterone segment, instead they pushed away anything "anecdotal" (code for transfems talking about their experiences) whilst USING ANECDOTAL INFORMATION FROM A WRITER TO INFORM THEIR TESTOSTERONE SEGMENT.

It is so blatantly poorly researched which disappoints and enrages me to no end, im on multiple of their news letters and know they could have done MUCH better if they cared to.

I have been following SciShow, Hank and John for years and years now and this is another reminder of how little these science communicators actually know.

I hope genuinely they just fix the video, i dont want a meaningless youtuber apology just fucking post an addendum and link it at the start of the video to replace the first section and learn from this shit; i know they can do good work and mistakes happen but this one was one that deserved some extra care, especially since the host mentioned how "this will only generate nice comments" in a sarcastic tone, implying how sensitive this is.

Im so angry im posting this to my kink blog so it gets more outreach cause i do want to hear more takes.

[cypionate60mg]

Hi! I love your work. It's really thrilling to find art at the intersection of philosophy, gender, and the erotic. You seem to be really thoughtful and intentional about your presentation of these pieces, so I'm curious about why you tag everything with "autoandrophilia" which IME is a pretty loaded word with a complex etymology. Would love to understand more!

Thanks, and good question. My answer is very long.

Before we go any futher, Blanchard's typology is transmisogynist bullshit. It's oversimplified, misinformed, and unimaginative. He actually abandoned the term 'autoandrophile' and has since switched to 'autohomoerotic'. More controversial online circles of trans people half-ironically identify with Blanchardian typology. For some, it's like MBTI, and for others, it's their self-diagnosis. Depends on the person.

When contemporary Western psychology began to take shape in the Wednesday Psychological Society's weekly meetings, one of the 'defects' they discussed was homosexuality. According to E. James Lieberman's biography of Otto Rank, he said in an informal setting that homosexuality is "love for one's self as seen in the persona of another like oneself whom one admires...strongly built up on narcissism. It is an ego symptom and not a sex symptom." Sound familiar? I don't think Blanchard's typology is all that different from that of early European psychoanalysis.

We see this same critique levied against trans people. That we're confusing attraction for identity, our self-love is fetishistic, and we're narcissistic neurotic perverts. But we can't just dismiss and ignore it, because we do indeed see trans people say things like "I can't tell if I want to be him or fuck him" or "become the person you'd want to date." 'Autoandrophile' starts to sound a lot like 'gender envy'. So what is actually happening here?

To even approach answering that, let's ask more questions. What does it mean to love people who look like you? If you are estranged from your own body, or if your body changes over time, is it morally objectionable to love a specific version of youself? Even a future one? It it also morally objectionable for that self-love to have a sexual dimension?

Trans people are expected to have the clarity of mind to separate who they are from who they're attracted to. (It's one of the demands society makes to ensure you are 'of sound mind' while still being suitably pathological to deserve hormonal/surgical treatment.) But if you don't necessarily identify with your body, then you already exist outside of that distinction. Like an open window, the barrier between inside (self) and outside (everything else) becomes troublesome.

Do you see now why I like the mirror metaphor so much? When you look in a reflection, that's not technically you. But it only exists because you are there to cast an image. The room's mirror image, too, is not necessarily real, but you gain insight into the room, maybe even see it in a new way, precisely because it's reflected back inaccurately. Your conception of yourself is filled out with detail when you cross-reference it with another version of yourself, one that doesn't exist in the same way you currently do.

It's some ontological quantum gender shit. And it's not unique to trans people. Cis people can experience it too, but they rely on the assumption that it's natural to have an oppositional 'counterpart', a 'complementary' partner. Somebody who completes them. Why, then, can't I complete myself?

We find ourselves back at your question. If Blanchard isn't going to use 'autoandrophile', then I will. One man's trash is another man's treasure. I'll use it to:

disrupt its definition.

challenge trans assimilationists.

discomfort cis men with my desire to be like them, or worse—to encourage them to define their masculinity.

provoke people into thoughtful discussions.

make people feel less alone.

But mostly, I use it so that when people look for the term, this blog will come up, and they'll see my porn. Or art. Or whatever they'll want to call it. And they'll start asking themselves the distinctions between any of these things.

There's so much more I could say about all this. Autoandrophilia's relationship to beauty standards, its usefulness (or lack thereof) as a coping mechanism for the limitation of transition, etcetera. But I'll stop here for now.

Much love, CYP60MG

[nadianova]

How much time do you spend planning some of your visual novels? At least going by some of them being jam submissions, it feels like you go from pre-production to a finished build very quickly, and it's amazing how you can manage that while still having an awesome story and so many assets.

Also, what is like, the process of planning a story out for you, if there's any vague or concrete similarities that you've noticed?

i think the important context here is that if i get bored/have nothing to do i jhust immediately get really suicidal its like ridiculous how bad it gets(ITS FINE DONT WORRY ABOUT IT IVE HAD 5 YEARS OF THERAPY). so i hate being bored and want to occupy my time wit something fun whatever that is. if i have a project to focus on but especially if I'm working for a game jam i have a deadline and i just decide to myself okay i will release a game now.

because ive made a decent amount of games i roughly have an idea on my capabilities, i can estimate how long it takes for me to write a story so and so long and how long it takes for me to draw stuff i need and how long it takes for me to throw stuff in renpy. these are estimates like as in I'm not accurate with it but still enough that i generally know where to start cutting ideas since the most important part is just having something to submit. i also know to plan around my brain wanting to slam my head into a wall an my hands suddenly giving up on being able to draw.

i think thats the beauty of game jams it forces you to just go for it and release something. releasing a 'bad' game is better than no game at all. experience only comes over time and i think just going for it is the best approach there is. like its literally 2 weeks 1 month whatever of your life. if you have the time and motivation go for it. make it work or fuck it up it wont matter in the grand scheme of things

im not sure what is the motivation behind the question but i do want to point out that this is just my method (if you can even call it a method) and the only way to figure out what works for you is to just try until you find something that actually works for you

idk not everyone will find it doable/fun to plan around spending two weeks gamedev 10 hours a day just cause i wanted to fit in 100 cgs for a jam game but apparently i can do that when i cheat my stupid adhd brain into hyperfocus with adhd meds

READMORE BECAUSE I CANT STOP RAMBLING

as for planning tho i think ideas on their own are worthless and its always about execution in the end. a great idea or a meh idea are the same for me but i do still enjoy the planning process so i keep notes

like i see a great tumblr post or i see some art or visual novel has some scene that inspires me: i save that shit for myself

having a big collection of random floating ideas like that helps me easily pick from especially during a jam type duration. right now i have like 4-5 half-baked project skeletons, some are literally like 3 pictures and some like naomida are a hundred hours worth of me writing world building about how the toilets work in a city with no plumbing cause its -30celcius(i love bringing this up)=

i dont normally plan that much, i tend to just wing it. like for malmaid i seriously just had some rough ideas and just went along as i wrote

same thing for dddeviance i had a handful of scenes that i really wanted to make and knew what kind of start and end it was meant to have and just figured out how to fill the in between. a lot of plot points changed vastly like halfway through i realised my devil + angel combination was stupid and i should just go for fallen angel + angel.

i think there really is no simple answer tho (as evident from the long as hell post) i don't really have a 'process' because every single game has been worked on has come with different type of planning since I'm always trying new stuff to try and distract me from boredom. like I've been using obsidian for naomida while previously I've just used a empty discord serve as my notes app for malmaid and dddeviance

and tbh with naomida I'm running to a new problem where I'm definitely planning too much. like I'm spending too much time fidgeting with details in chapter 4 even when i haven't finished writing chapter 1 just cause its so easy to get in the loop of "oh ill just change this one line" and boom 20 mins spent playing with my notes that didn't really progress my game since by the time i reach this point the whole scene might have shifted to something else

.

but if i had to squeeze an answer itd be something like everything related to my art or writing or games is just like "oooooo that seems fun i should remember this for later" and then i just string 10-100 of those into a story

i tend to write my stories in a format of

character A does this and that

this happens here

puppy play ryona piss orgasm

new day and then this happens here

sad thing happens

more piss orgasm

the end

and just like start filling in more details and working on my story in a nonlinear fashion until i feel like i have a strong enough skeleton that i can start writing my scenes. i hop around a lot, often preferring to write the fun scenes first like ero stuff or the ones I'm the most interested in and then the rest is just filling the blanks and stringing the cool scenes together

[shadale-s-safe-space]

I don't know much about you as a person, but from what I can gather you've had a long journey with art, but still have the motivation to continue even when its rough. I'm sure you didn't start out making masterpieces, so if its not too much trouble, do you have any advice for a 16 year old artist losing motivation? i feel like im stagnating right now and its awful

Idk man, all I can say is, draw watchu want without the care who's gonna see it or what they gonna say , commit to new ideas and care less about pleasing everyone, because I know that way too well, I started learning by drawing animals, flowers and nature, "you should draw something else", switches to furries " No you must do human portraits", draws humans *no one fuckin cares*, and I felt miserable drawing what I didn't want all the damn time just trying to please everyone and be liked, hell, I still do that sometimes cuz I'm a dumbass. When in reality, when you do your own thing is when you're the happiest, this internet bullshit? Yeah don't trust the likes and favs, people like what they find relatable, no one really knows how much time you've spent on your drawing or how much you love it, when a 5 min doodle you did could do more than a painting that took 2 whole days to complete just to be scrapped in a new speedy record, paint what you love for yourself and you only.

Don't be shy to learn new things, I have tons of stuff I don't post here cuz I know people wouldn't care about it, but here for this post, have this that I practiced when I felt too depressed to think of anything good and wanted to step back from the MD artstyle

You'll see, you'll thrive when you draw what you want, and get yourself a drawing buddy! That way you'll stop focusing on the internet and more on each other, and each other's improvement. Tbh I struggled with that one. Since everyone I had were not into art irl, I somehow managed to find someone after 10 years of drawing alone. I honestly wanted more people to join in and make an improvement circle, but unfortunately that never happened.

I found myself twice as productive now than ever, even though I'm not active here as much I am still drawing and making things, ofc giving you more comics! And other fun things in the future I hope.

If you're struggling to draw something just do it, man commit, i was uncomfortable drawing men and male characters for years, I've wasted so many years being "too uncomfortable" and draw a naked person like yeesh who fucking cares, it's for studying.

And ofc if you feel like you're not improving at all please, please experiment with your artstyle and try something new, please refresh your mind, I was stuck for years doing the same thing over and over, same colors, same 2px brush, drawing like a machine same shit over and over, I felt so stuck and lost, but also afraid to do something new, idk why, I guess I never felt good enough or deserving of it. I also didn't go to art school, I am NOT a professional, nor will i ever be in my opinion. Hell, me feeling like I'll never be good enough left me afraid to try and apply for art school, they were asking for sculptures, different mediums all that scary stuff and I was like, I don't.. know.. how to do those things... I can't build a portfolio in less than 3 months?!?! I don't even know how to use half of what they're asking for!!

In reality at the end of the day, art is what you make of it and no one can stop you, search for inspirations and don't be afraid to try, yes you'll fail fist 2 or 10 or hell even 100 times, but you'll come back with more knowledge than ever.

For ending I give you the most confusing drawing to ever exist [dw he's just sleeping on top of her and she's just ghasping for air but awe romance or sum lol] is it weird? Yeah but I had a fun time making it hahaha

Idk I'm bad at putting my thoughts together, but hopefully some of this helps.

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

Ok i just remembered this freaky story out of nowhere. My mind totally blocked this out for so long im not sure why it just came up. basically this is the first time i ever saw true magic at work , magic of the darker variety..

basically one time in 2016 i was dating this girl who worked at the same place as me. Our boss was SOOOO cruel to me, she was mean to everyone but it was really obvious she picked on me specifically, and it only amplified as time went on. i really felt she hated me and put up with so much torment. it made my gf so mad, but there wasnt rly anythign we could do because we liked out jobs other than that one thing & we didnt want to quit

So one day she approached me all excited, she was like, "OMG *bosses name* left her hairbrush in the bathroom and i stole a bunch of her hair so i can put a binding spell on her , then she'll stop bullying you :D"

i was genuinely freaked out, i was like Um, idt you should do that, it rubbed me the wrong way. But she was a headstrong person so nevertheless she texted me later saying she did the spell.

Next day i go into work and i kid you not, i kid you fucking not, my boss was acting like a DIFFERENT FUCKING PERSON. brand fucking new. She literally was sitting there with a coffee waiting for me !! Saying some shit like "i dunno, i'm just feeling really grateful for you today *^_^*" And for the rest of the time i worked there she straight up never bothered me again, she praised everything i did, i became like her number 1 angel star. it was undeniable that something major had changed about her.

idk if it was like, karmic consequences of the spell but my relationship with the girl who casted it went soooo sour really quickly after that. within a few months we were not even on speaking terms anymore and ignored each other at work lol. Still, that was like, a crazy experience of magic that shook me up. it was so surreal, the difference in my bosses behavior was so severe and so IMMEDIATE..

I definitely dont condone that kind of work, even if she meant well and just wanted to help me, messing with people's free will is never it for me :x especially stealing the hair, i think on a subconscious level i could never trust that girl after that. Like that is just straight up conniving. Be careful with your hairbrushes and nail clippings around witchy people you guys X_X

thats my story! ive never known anyone who's been that serious about magic since then so it's the only story i have.

[scarrletmoon]

it's izzy hands it's kylo ren it's billy from stranger things it's snape it's draco it's loki circa 2012-2014 it's a REPEATED PATTERN throughout all of fandom of an antagonistic white guy getting a devoted fanbase that is both disproportionate to his importance in the story and also misunderstands the white guy's role as an antagonist. they think their mean little guy is a misunderstood victim and they base their entire fandom experience around him. and then in season 2 ofmd went and redeemed izzy before killing him off to further ed's arc, something that is a solid choice from a technical writing standpoint but from a fandom perspective it built the izzy fans up into thinking they were right about how izzy has never been homophobic, izzy is a poor downtrodden abuse victim, and from day one izzy has been a protector and the only competent guy around and a loyal and dutiful first mate. and possibly the most significant part is that so many izzy fans have accidentally and unknowingly tricked themselves into thinking that izzy is a main character bc their fandom engagement revolves so heavily around izzy that they forgot the actual show itself doesn't, so they were completely blindsided by a death that has been foreshadowed since season one ("im not dying, not for that twat and not for you" and "only retirement we get is death" and the whole "plumb the depths, man" sequence where izzy was talking to stede through a death shroud ffs). and i want so bad to just ignore it but we literally got a queer romcom centered around an interracial couple and an incredibly diverse cast and an indigenous main character and a diverse writer's room and the season ended on a happy note and it's all about queer joy AND YET. soooooooo much of the post-season discussion has to center around the white side character!!! even in death izzy hands takes up a disproportionate amount of the fandom conversation and im exhausted. it's every fandom! every fucking time!! this isnt anything new this is the same time-honored fandom tradition of white man favoritism YET A-FUCKING-GAIN and im SO FUCKING TIRED OF IT!!!!!!!!!

(i get so scared when i turn on anon bc i’ve consistently gotten such shitty, cowardly messages through it but i’m glad this isn’t one of them lmao)

i know i’ve said this 374748 times but the last time i made the kylo ren/snape/white villain connection on twitter (i mean that’s on me, it’s twitter) i had people legit furious with me for calling them nazis which………..i literally never said

and i get the frustration. trust me, I GET IT. the white villain problem smashes right into white fragility and makes it almost impossible to talk about any of it. it means, like you said, that we’re talking about a fucking white side character in cast of amazing, nonwhite talent, because some people can’t handle confronting the fact that whiteness insulates them from the realities of racism, and that their ignorance and hostility makes them active participants in white supremacy

(and it’s really hard to explain this to people who’ve been taught that racism is when slurs and white klan hoods, because then they’ll say and do the most vile shit and CRY or fight you when you gently try to explain the racist shit they just did)

and because fandom is very queer as well as very white, we also have to contend with the kinds of white people who think that queerness somehow negates their whiteness. that they can’t express their privilege in contexts involving POC. that we’re making shit up to be victims and to minimize their pain on purpose. and time and time again, i have had my queerness erased by white people, so they feel comfortable ignoring criticism i only ever shared bc i was hoping for something better

i’ve said it again and again and again and AGAIN that it’s ESPECIALLY depressing seeing white people close ranks in ofmd fandom especially BECAUSE it has such a diverse cast and doesn’t shy away from discussing racism in all the ways it manifests. like, most of the racism in the show isn’t even subtle and y’all STILL elected to ignore it? do y’all not feel ANY shame about that?

and some of them don’t! bc they think we’re infiltrators. bc they’re only a few steps removed from “they will not replace us” as they see more POC try to join fannish spaces. and they’ll pretend they’re not trying to push us out bc they’re marginalized in other ways — deliberately ignoring the fact that they’re also crushing their fellow queer, disabled and marginalized community

so you’re tired? yeah. me the fuck too. we deserve so much better

[leonenjoyer69]

It has been demanded of me to drop everything I had made for an unshared BMC x TGS AU I thought up back in March :3 I honestly don't remember much of it, but I apparently wrote a shit ton, so here's that straight from my drafts and writing app--

First! The original Tumblr draft!:

Guys guys, hear me out, TGS "Be More Chill" AU thingy.

Hyde is Jekylls SQUIP, and boy is he defective. Self loathing is of course still in order, but also he's constantly telling Jekyll to do really impulsive things. Oh, this guys being an asshole? PUNCH HIS ASS JEKYLL! holy shit, hot theatre boy Lanyon? Kiss him kiss him ASK HIM OUT YOU WUSS-

Hyde SQUIP doesn't want complete world control via SQUIPs tho bc all the other ones are too "boring", he just kinda wants to do whatever and "fix" this really nerdy Scottish boy.

And then, what I had in my writing app (which was a lot jfc):

TGS au that is vaguely inspired by BMC >:3

Henry and Robert share a dorm room at this university (Henry is big gay for Lanyon ofc). At this University, Jekyll has created this science club, Students for Arcane Science (of course there's also all sorts of mythical curiosities in this world, so it's still got all the ghosts and creatures and werewolves) with the help of Dr Maijabi (who's a teacher in this mayhaps, otherwise itd be Mrs Frankenstein). This club is just to bring people who are very passionate about their scientific fields together to talk and share experiments and things, and to perhaps do experiments together. One day, someone in passing (perhaps Pennebrygg) mentions this odd new Japanese technology to Jekyll, since he's so enraptured by chemistry and matters of the mind and soul, and Jekylls nerd ass immediately wants to know more about it. So, being the science-driven guy he is, he immediately sets out to get his hands on one to try, because hey, maybe this cool little pill will give him the confidence to actually ask out Lanyon and to make other people like him more. Too bad he gets a defective one. He doesn't know that though! So, of course his first course of action is to absolutely grill this SQUIP thing-- who so quickly insisted that he was to be called Hyde (what an odd name for this oddly dressed lad)-- on how he worked (I like to think Jekylls Scottish accent slips out more when he gets enthusiastic or when he's rushing, Lanyon has to remind him a lot to "speak English"). Hyde doesn't really care to answer most of these questions, but he relents on one condition, that Jekyll shuts the fuck up long enough for him to make it home so he's not caught talking to himself like a maniac in public. So, cue a montage of Jekyll barely containing his wonder and excitement as this brash little creature walking beside him (Hyde doesn't like being locked away in the mind, so hes persistent about keeping a physical manifestation of himself if able) explains how he was created (well, to the extent hes allowed to). Eventually though, he gets kinda bored and just begins poking fun at Jekyll and the people they come across, running around doing silly things that he knows only Jekyll can see, and Jekyll kinda gets a kick out of it. Eventually they make it back to Jekylls dorm, where Lanyons just lazing around. (Im unsure if Jekyll  should reveal that he got the SQUIP to Lanyon or if it should be kept a secret from him, since he wants to use it to get with him and all). Hyde probably makes some quip about Jekyll having good taste or something, studying Lanyon super closely. Jekyll gets super flustered and kinda runs off to somewhere where he can talk to Hyde one on one. When talking, Jekyll reveals what he wants help with: 1. Getting with Lanyon, and 2. Just being able to fit in more and get people to actually like him. Hyde agrees (of course, he doesn't have much else of a choice considering he's bound to this nerd now) and starts coming up with increasingly wild and morally questionable plans.

Hyde's whole thing is that he's defective- not in a "I wanna take over this place/the world", but in more of a way where he wants to live vicariously through Henry. He can't live his own life because of what he is, and for some reason, despite how he was supposed to be created, he's less "calm, calculated computer" and more "impulsive spit fire". He feels things that he's probably not supposed to, but hey, that's not for him to dwell on. (It'd be really cool if at some point Henry tried giving Hyde his own body, mayhaps either with Mr Tanis, Pennebrygg, or Frankensteins help) so, Hyde let's this impulsivity guide him through "helping" Henry, which makes Henry's control and ability to ignore the increasingly wild things Hyde tells him to say or do (for example, telling him to punch a fellow student for looking at him snide, or to tell Lanyon that his smile is beautiful)

____

Yeah, clearly more inspired by BMC than like, a straight kinda insert AU, but idk thinking on it now it could definitely be changed a decent bit to fit BMC more. But!!! There's that, to the people that were curious lmao

[med-ex]

feelin rlly idk HAPPY?? over this franchise as a whole✨

I wasn't even alive for Fallout 1 & 2 - but upon entering the world 3 years after they were released, would grow up hearing its name constantly... never did i think it would take GTA's place as my favourite video game series. Like literally never thought the weird little isometric game talked about by my older cousins would be the one.

I played Fallout 3 at the worst period of my life- it became a pure escape from graduating high school, becoming a severe alcoholic and moving off my mountain into my province's capital city. I was in love with it to the point that when I came home to my family home to visit, I would haul my xbox 360 in my backpack and strap my little tv to my back with a rope- ✨that's✨ how addicted I was to it.

It resonated with me in a way no other game series has. No, I obviously didn't grow up in the same standards as the wastes, but could resonate with foraging for food, no clean water & mess, destruction and despair everywhere you turned.

Fast forward a year or so, and I try Fallout: New Vegas. This is where it finally became my favorite series ever. I could list all the reasons, but they're similar to what you'll see all over the net; it's just amazing. I already was all "fuck the government" since I was a child but it made me think- think about the rule of authority, think about perseverance, weigh out what "right" and "wrong" truly means and the blurred line between the two.

By the time I was 21, I tried Fallout 4. It took some getting used to in the terms of its modern graphics, but I really loved how I got to experience conversations that felt like I was actually having them. I loved building the world back up and when I was brave enough to try mods- then shit got real interesting. I was already obsessed with Fallout 3 & NV but we can thank Fallout 4 for getting me into the community as a whole.

I was one of the ones to make fun of FO76- the launch was a huge part of that, but I just didn't understand how it could ever truly fit into the Fallout series. I played it for the first time when I was 2022, and now after 2 years I wholeheartedly regret shitting on it so hard. There are so many cool quests/stories and though some of them are silly seeing as it's online-based and they need to cater to that and though it's a bit strange at first, it feels so cool to be around other players adventuring the wastes + actually having to persist to build your own base, feed yourself and survive- as console commands don't exist in the same realm they used to with the earlier titles.

Now, we arrive at the airing of the first Fallout television show. I seriously thought it was gonna be shit- I just couldn't imagine them being able to do a good job but as we can see, here we are. The show is amazing and I didn't even know it was something I wanted so badly. The only real-life renditions of Fallout I've seen is that one live action trailer for 76 + cosplay- so seeing it in film, is seriously so fucking cool.

Idk guess im just gettin a little ✨sentimental✨ towards a series that has given me so many lessons, so much ability to cope with my own shit + gotten me into such a fun community filled with funny jokes, amazing art, discussions and rich lore that maybe one day could leave the video game + TV screen and become even a book.

Ty to the crew of original artists who started this back in the 90s, and thank you to the crew of artists at Bethesda in this current century who kept this game going💖

[iveneverbeenmorestressedinmylife]

it feels like I'm going fucking insane I just finished the episode "One day, one room" and i was fucking astounded. It left me with my mouth open, literally peak television. Seeing this side of house, seeing him finally open up for once, seeing him say "I don't know", the novelty of seeing him experience the fact that connection comes with uncertainess. He made that human connection and he doesn't know if it helped her or not

The DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TIME HOUSE GOES TO THE JOGGING PARK TO GET AWAY FROM CUDDY AND ITS OLAYED FOR LAUGHS AND THEN THE SAME LOCATION IS SHOWN FROM A NEW PERSPECTIVE BOTH LITERALLY AND FIGURATIVELY WHEN HE TAKES THE PATIENT THERE

THE CHANGE. THE FUCKING CHANGE OF THE MOOD OF THE TONE OF THE WHOLE EPISODE. THE CHARACTERIZATION GODDDDD

This literally had a huge effect of me this episode was touching

ANYWAYS PEOPLE ON REDDIT DONT LIKE IT???? AM I INSANE???? AM I DUMB???? AM I ILLITERATE IN MEDIA??? AM I GOING INSANE??? IS THIS NOT ONE OF THE BEST HOUSE MD EPISODES????? im asking you because youre the only house md person i know on this hellsite

Well, your first mistake was taking what people on reddit say seriously and letting their opinion affect the way YOU think about this episode and how it affected you!!!!! One day one room is indeed, an amazing episode, it really is one of those times where we see House truly open up. One of the rare times where he opens up to someone other than Wilson, or Cuddy, someone who doesn't actually even really know him. And he opens up for the patients benefit!! He only does it because she asked him to!! He doesn't have much to gain from this but she asked for it, she basically begged for someone to connect with her pain and he happened to be the one she chose for the task. Even tho this sort of thing does NOT come naturally to him at all.

Theres just something about how uncertain he is about all of this too. The way he asks his team for help (tell her your life sucked - it didn't, tell her nothing bad has ever happened to you - but it did, dont tell her anything. and don't these answers say some interesting things about the people who gave them), the way he settles for a half truth at first and almost loses her trust because of it. The way he eventually just lets it happen. The way he is still so uncertain about whether he did the Right thing even when the impact of his actions seems to be mostly positive. The way he is still not sure if he truly helped her or if he just made a traumatised girl remember the horrible things that happened to her. The way he had to unearth his own past to do that (did it make any difference? Wouldn't it have been better to just forget everything?). The way he is clearly bothered by it. "Because i don't know." What a way to end this episode. All of that uncertainty, the fact that human connections are one of those things that he will never be able to fully understand or control, the fact that he will never know if he made the right choice. Its honestly been a few months since i last watched the earlier seasons but you made me think about this ep again and yeah you are so right, this is probably one of the best house md episodes. Me (insane) to you (also insane): you are not insane and neither am i. Take my hand. Strangers on reddit don't know shit.

[cheesecake-the-chicken]

Im going to try to simplify a lot of things here (big word is try). Because there's a lot. We're a traumatic osdd-1b system btw!

However, being a median system varies from person to person. So keep in mind my experiences aren't fact for every median system out there.

1.) Commination & Memory

Commination for us is very limited. We mostly communicate through feelings and emotions. If you will, pure vibes.

I can hear people talk from time to time. If I really focus. Or if the situation calls for it. (Ex. Someone in front is having a hard time. And someone speaks to talk them through it.)

If I do something someone doesn't like I can feel a general vibe which then can easily translate into words. (Think like a language translator). If I fuck up someone's art piece by accident I'm gonna feel that "fuzzy talk" and understand what they're saying.

We don't have massive memory barriers. So it's easy to recall what someone did last. However, we still forget things. Sometimes someone fronts, leaves and a new person fronts. The new person fronting might not recall what they did exactly. But, have a general idea of what was leading up before they switched out.

A really good example for us is Minecraft. Person B played a shit ton, took a break, and switched out. Person A fronted, got on Minecraft and tried to figure out what the fuck they were doing. Oh, they were mining for iron. We call it "Sticky Note Memory" because we didn't completely forget, but we need to do some reading into to remember. Sometimes it's harder for other people.

2.) Fronting & Identity

Fronting isn't what most systems think it is. It isn't a snap and you're no longer fronting. Because we're a median system we never collectively consciously leave the front. We're all here. Currently, I'm just closer to the front. I am aware of my identity. Whether that because I want too or because the brain has decided I'm the favorite guy.

Fronting and switching is more of a flow. I'm slowly melting into someone else. It might take us awhile to figure out hey, I'm someone new. Sometimes we have what are called "Fillers" where there's an in-between. Sometimes people can spawn sometimes it's a temporary thing. However, we're collectively the "same person." Here's a diagram I have of our experience.

Some of us are less distinct than others. Some have more identity. 90% of us are facets. The 10% are fully formed headmates. But, still melt in with us to create our epic system. But, I can't speak for them on their experiences since I'm a facet and they're not. Whether they ID to that term is up to them.

Most of us are copied and pasted but have wildly different appearances and maybe a little something else added to it. I may act like a lotta my headmates because we're the same people. But, also very different at the same time. It's hard to explain.

Think of icecream. Icecream is icecream. It isn't a sandwich. But there are different flavors of icecream! I'm just a different flavor and texture. But still icecream.

But yeah, that's all I can think of at the moment. There's a lot more but I don't want to go overboard on this ask lol. Again, happy to answer any questions and such!!

thank you so so so much!!!!! this is really relatable for me

definitely with communication, like there’s a difference between what i imagine us doing vs what we do lmao. like i’ll want us to agree on something but the others are behind me like “…ehhhhh” my thoughts are often shared with them though, and i only hear them speaking, not thinking

AND THE FRONTING THING!!! i thought “well i’m definitely not a system because there’s no switches and i’m always here to some degree” (except that time the other day when i had a crisis because i didn’t know who i was and then snapped out of it lmao 😂) but the others tend to come and go, most often being at least a little here except for when they’re asleep

we are definitely separate but share consciousness to some degree. there’s a couple fragments that are part of others (like puzzle pieces that complete them), but we all have distinct personalities, appearances, roles etc.

again thank you!!!! like i’ve said i can only say so much for the others’ comfort and our safety, but it really means the world that there’s others out there like us :’]

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

ALSO. HIIII good evening <3 holding microphone up to u. i would love ur scion thoughts post-interlude!! if u have any!! i know u have Opinions on him i wanna know how the redstringing's going!!!!

OH DUDE I HAVE SOOOOOOOOOOOO MANY FUCKING OPINIONS. GOD. WHAT THE FUCK . WAS NOT EXPECTING 2 LEARN THIS INFORMATION WHEN I WAS TIPSY ON CLOWN WINE AT MIDNIGHT BUT ALAS HERE WE FUCKING ARE I GUESS. CASUAL WORM READING EXPERIENCE. FUCK

okay okay okay oka. that interlude was so fucking good it both answered some of my questions and also gave me SO MANY MORE QUESTIONS. as soon as kevin started talking about being the most powerful man in the world i KNEW. i KNEW it was gonna be some scion bullshit. at first i thought it was gonna be like some... witch from beauty and the beast bullshit where he Was Actually scion just. posing as an eccentric homeless guy out of costume. which would have disappointed me i think because i am so dead set on scion Not Being Human.

WHICH. I FEEL SO STRONGLY IN MY HEART THIS CHAPTER SUPPORTED SO WELL. when they described how Simurgh first appeared floating motionless over a city. dude. dude. my first fucking thought with that was "hey that sounds like what people say about scion." he doesnt speak. his face never moves. hes extremely powerful, so far the only person powerful to drive away the endbringers. he's GOTTA be the same type of thing they are. not human, never was human, but for some reason he Looks Human. like... simurgh does too, but shes still huge and has weird proportions and the wings. scion as far as i know is normal sized and looks mostly human besides being gold. i havent figured that out yet

having a LOT OF FEELINGS about . the whole reason scion does what he does is because some miserable man with a heart of gold told him to. side note i reallyyyy really got attached to kevin i liked him a lot :( that brings into question SO MANY fucking things about the endbringers. this is full on mac ghostiezone game theory moment at this point but. i dont know where they came from, but it seems like at their first appearance they were... susceptible to orders? and this just happened to be an extremely lucky right place at the right time moment. I cant even imagine a world where scion wasnt a "hero" and was instead a force of destruction like the endbringers. which brings up the question... did anyone else try to talk to the endbringers at their first appearances? i cant IMAGINE anyone would willingly go near leviathan or behemoth considering their more monstrous dangerous appearance . but what about simurgh? im acting on the assumption that the endbringers are some sort of Creation and i dont know what their purpose is but either option 1: someone DID talk to the other 3 and it was someone with extremely bad intentions and gave them the orders to become what they are now or option 2: nobody said shit to them and theyre acting on base instinct????? idk. im viewing the endbringers more like. animals or natual disasters than anything and i dont know if thats exactly correct to do but its how my brain works. so.

the big difference between them is that... scion acts with a Goal, where the endbringers seem more like forces of nature that dont really act with any sort of. purpose. simurgh is the exception to this though since she went out of her way to obscure the information about power origins from reaching dragon and also the way she acts makes it seem like... she Knows something. i dont know i still have sooo many questions.

im REALLY worried about whats gonna happen now that kevin gave him the new order to kill. im really worried its gonna be like a monkeys paw situation where... maybe one or all of the endbringers will die, but then what the fuck does he do after that. come back to whats her name (is it lisette?) for more orders? theres no guarantee lisette will be anywhere near as. idk. selfless? as kevin? that feels wrong. idk. she seemed scared of that situation and didnt want the responsibility placed on her so what if she avoids it and never gives scion any other orders???? will he just fall back on old programming and start killing other "bad" things???? is THIS how the fucking apocalypse starts. this has gotta be connected to the apocalypse in some way i can feel it in my bones. scion with kill orders makes me feel crazy.

[polyamorouspunk]

sleepover friday thing and im sorry if i've already sent you an ask about this, i have the worst memory in the world at the best of times. with that out of the way... how do i cope with my orientation doing a 180? my whole life, starting from when i was about 10, ive identified as a lesbian. i exclusively dated girls (or people who identified as girls at the time anyway) and non-binary people. i was only attracted to girls and non-binary people. when i thought about being married in the future, it was always to a woman or non-binary person.

then i met my soulmate and he was a man. i dont use the term lightly either -- im talking about love at first meeting, spending time together as often as possible, sharing secrets, the whole thing. i plan on getting a tattoo dedicated to him. i still called myself a lesbian, just with one exception, because he was the only man i ever loved. and then he went dormant and hasnt come back (hence the tattoo).

then i started noticing i sometimes got crushes on men but not very often. now it's a couple years later and it struck me the other day that i don't think i'm sexually attracted to women anymore. just men and non-binary people. and it really threw me for a loop. ive been a lesbian my whole life but now im not? i'm almost exclusively (sexually) xlm now. which is certainly hard to deal with since i'm dating someone who is woman-aligned.

this is really long im so sorry i didnt mean to ramble so much akskfkf but do you have any words of advice for someone whose identity flipped on its head and feels lost now

I doubt that I’m going to say anything revolutionary here, so I’m just going to talk.

Things change for everyone. Different things change for different people. I don’t want to discount the experiences of certain people like men who are attracted to cis women exclusively, women who are attracted to cis men specifically, men who are only attracted to men, women who only attracted to women, etc. When I say stuff like “sexuality is fluid” it’s in the same way you say “gender is fluid” knowing that for some people it 100% isn’t, but it CAN be.

Some people have a very hard time accepting that sexuality can be fluid. It’s been pointed out before that some people are all for playing around with your gender and calling yourself a woman as a cis man in drag or calling yourself a liquid because your gender is so fluid or going “none of the above” in those gender questions or any amount of things like that. But as soon as someone implies that sometimes you can be a lesbian and sometimes you can be a gay man and those things can coincide or change certain people get really up in arms.

Complicated sexualities and gender have been around longer than any of us, and certainly around longer than tumblr and the internet. Perhaps my own favorite example is talking about how bisexuals and lesbians used to fall under the same or at least a more similar label in Stone Butch Blues. Before the phenomenon of lesbian separatists.

Bisexual lesbians and pansexual gays and all those kinds of things, while perhaps POPULARIZED by social media, existed long before that. Why is the idea that trans people existed before tumblr not a novel idea but the fact that perhaps wlw were all lumped under the phrase “lesbian” because there were women with more complicated sexualities like might fit under the label “bi lesbian” today wild and unacceptable to some people?

The idea that you can call yourself a lesbian exclusively but have some exceptions or call yourself gay exclusively but have an exception or hell even call yourself straight but have an exception is not a new thing. I, personally, love straight cisgender male content creators who say shit like “I’m not gay but I would make out with that man”. Cracks me the fuck up. I want more of that shit. But suddenly if a lesbian says “I’m not straight but I would make out with that man” it’s like woah woah woah are you sure you’re REALLY a lesbian?

Plenty of people who are straight/gay/lesbian fully accept that you can ID as one of those things and still use that label if you have on exception or even a few. Some do not, and will say if your thoughts even stray from your assigned sex of attraction then you are not allowed to use that label.

There will people who will say you can’t call yourself a lesbian if you’ve had sex with a man before even if you didn’t enjoy it. Gold star lesbian mentality.

The idea of sexuality being fluid is sadly a controversial one, as is every facet of being “in the community”. But for many people it is.

I see it a lot like coming to terms that you are not in fact cisgender. You go your whole life believing, truly believing, that you are a cis girl perhaps, until suddenly one day you realize you are NOT. Maybe there weren’t “signs” that you were trans along the way. Maybe one day it just hit you like a ton of bricks. What do you do? How do you cope?

Well. How do you cope with any other thing that hits you like a ton of bricks? How do you cope with someone you thought loved you deciding to dump you and never speak to you again in a day? How do you cope with being fired from a job you felt so secure in and planned on being in for at least another decade? How do you cope with the unexpected death of a loved one?

Over time. You try not to stress it. You try and move through your days by keeping it in the back of your mind until time has dulled that immediate pain enough for you to reconsider. The pain isn’t going to go away. But it can become manageable. You cannot deal with things if you are screaming and crying and hyperventilating and throwing things. You need to wait until you’re not doing any of those things in order to deal with the issue at hand, for a vivid and extreme example.

What does it mean to you to be xlm? I call myself a bi lesbian. On this blog I call myself trans masc and mlm. On my main I’m a [girl] and a bi lesbian. To me that means I, Savanna, personally will have sex with people who have a vagina, as someone who also has a vagina. Be they trans men, trans women, cis women, nonbinary/other. I do not like the idea of having sex with an actual flesh and blood and cummy dick, HOWEVER I’m open enough to say “I haven’t really been in a position in my life right now where someone has wanted to jam their dick inside of me, so I haven’t really had to worry about that. If it comes to that point, I can’t say for sure that I’m going to be like ‘ew no a dick’ even though I do not like dicks. Depending on the person and the situation I might be willing to make an exception.” And hey. There are people I might be with who have a vagina that I might just be like hey you know what? I don’t want to have sex. For whatever reason.

Your partner is woman-aligned, so I’m sure in your mind that’s not something you’re aesthetically attracted to right now. But sexually might you be? Do you think you’re having another exception to your sexuality like you did before?

Try your best not to worry about it and try to come to any conclusions until you’ve given it some time. I’m not sure how long it’s been since you came to this realization, maybe it’s been a few days, maybe it’s been a few weeks. But take the time you need to not make an emotional response to it in regards to your current relationship. Do what you’re doing and talk to other people about it. When you’re ready, you should talk to your partner about it. Perhaps there’s accommodations and arrangements that can be made. I’ve said before even though I’m transmasc here like if a cishet guy wanted to date me only as his gf I would be willing to compromise on my gender expression for that most likely. My gender isn’t a huge deal to me. Things like that.

Take it slow and take your time. Don’t make any rash decisions. Talk it out. Don’t worry about feeling like you “made a mistake” or are “living a lie”. We wouldn’t tell someone who came out as trans things like that, so much as gender changes and/or is fluid so is sexuality.