#but also am fully encouraged by my entirely family so like..i blame them actually mhm yes totally not on me

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Due to recent events, it's time I told my truth: So, we'll start from the beginning, when everyone knew me as the new affiliate on his cell phone playing Pokemon. At this point, I had been open about being transgender and bisexual. Right before I got the email saying I was affiliated, I met someone that went by the username AutumnLittleByte. This is where shit gets real. This is your one and only warning as I'm about to be fully honest about what happened. 2 weeks after meeting Autumn, she informed me to check my donations. Lo and behold, she sent me my first ever donation of $20, this was meant to go towards the PS4 or Steam games if I so chose. Whichever path I wanted to take to improve my streaming even further. In concept, this sounds like a kind and generous gesture, but in reality this was her way of "getting in". When I found out she'd given me this kind gift, I cried. I was honestly shocked someone would do that just to try to help. At the same time, she'd joined my old Discord. I'll get into why it's old later, trust. When she joined, she asked if she could add me as a friend so we could message each other. It seemed so harmless I immediately said yes. How was I to know any better? This was my first donation and my first real time properly using Discord. So what happened? Well, it started out harmless, as I said. She sent a picture of the shiny Mightyena she'd just captured on Pokemon X to me, helped me make a channel just to post shiny Pokemon in, and subsequently posted the same picture in there. Again, harmless at the time. Two weeks later, we'd been talking privately and learning more about each other. Apparently she was also transgender, but male-to-female. She claimed she was 19 and currently in her first year of college. Claim being the HUGE KEYWORD HERE. Seemed innocent enough, and she even sent a picture of hersrlf to confirm it. With no context she honestly looked 19. But did she act 19? Honestly, she was a bit immature. But I merely attributed it to how I am. I'm a bit immature and I won't lie about that. 2 more weeks of talking and she asked me out. Me. Me of all people. I was kind of floored as I had openly admitted I had a crush on another streamer, but it was just that, a crush. Nothing else came from it and that streamer and I remain friends. Especially in my heart, as she no longer streams or has been on Twitch in over 2 years. Now, being in this situation, getting to know this person and thinking what she claimed was the truth, she honestly seemed very sweet and I wanted to give her that chance. So I stupidly said yes. A few weeks into the new relationship and it seems to be going well. By this point, I had been gifted up to Stormblood on Final Fantasy XIV and was also gifted 6 months of subscription for the game. So that was extremely exciting and I chose to play and stream it quite often to hang out with my friends. Well, she started to get real jealous, real quick. It kind of worried me how quick. She basically didn't like my friend, who I previously stated I had a crush on, and claimed she knew 2 people that did not like her for manipulating others. Okay...? But where was the proof in that claim? I didn't really buy it either, but I let it slide. If we rewind just a bit, she'd done something that I was already weary of. So, my first game I ever streamed on the PC was Black Rock Shooter for the PSP, I did it using the PPSSPP emulator and my Xbox 360 USB controller. All seemed to go well and we had no problems. She even made me an overlay which my friends decided to have a little fun with after I set it up with my alerts. Well, Autumn upped the ante by continually donating with my friends, which started a donation war. Until she grew mad that she lost, stole money from her roommate, and called my friend a stupid slut on stream. All these donations, plus a very generous donation from my friend Chris later meant I could purchase Christmas presents for my family for the first time in a very long time. It felt nice to give back, but I also wanted to be a good boyfriend. How? By...spending $50 on Toothless from Build-A-Bear. He had chocolate scent. Toothless was apparently Autumn's favorite cartoon character and her favorite smell was chocolate. I had it sent to her and so in response, I got pictures when she received it and she actually gave me 2 $50 gift cards for my birthday and Christmas. Seems nice right? This is when things started getting noticeably bad. I was told I couldn't make any purchases without her permission. Nor could I spend any money on my mobile games. Nor could I get anything for XIV at all. And to me, that was a bit controlling and weird. But I let it slide. Remember? No one ever claimed to like me like she did before. So, I let her walk me through what she wanted it spent on. I got several Steam games I honestly wasn't interested in and....Minecraft. Yes, I had to spend $25 for the modded Minecraft. This way I could play with her on her server. This just seems controlling though? Some people are like that. Not in this case. I still haven't fully rewound so you guys would know more. I do this a lot so I can explain things. Let's head back to my birthday in 2017: The entire week, I had been told time and time again by my girlfriend that she had sent me a package for my birthday. She claimed it included a very personal letter, a ton of Reese's candies, and two large Treecko plushies she'd bought for me, as well as a Treecko poster. For those that know me well, Treecko is my all-time favorite Pokemon. Well, she promised and promised and promised it was coming, and so I was heartbroken on my own birthday to find out it never came. She claimed it was lost and sent me a tracking number. The tracking number didn't exist anywhere, I tried multiple places. So instead of getting angry, I knew I had problems with my bipolar depression at that point, I asked her what the letter was about. To try and get some insight as to why she nay not have sent it. She told me it said that she loved me. And that she was scared of how fast she'd fallen for me. And according to her, it detailed exactly how she fell and why she did. The last time anyone said that to me, I was being catfished for money. I was shocked and honestly I had some kind of feelings but I wasn't sure what they were. So I said it back to her, but I was honest and she claimed she was okay with that. Now we return to the gift cards and Minecraft time. Oh boy. You probably can already tell where this is going, but it's my truth and this is how I choose to tell it. Anyways, Autumn had become not only controlling, but very clingy at this point. I told her several times that I was going to sleep or taking a nap in the previous week and she'd begun to act like I was avoiding her or leaving her. It was this behavior that manipulated me to begin with. I did everything I could to reassure her that I wasn't leaving her and I cared about her very much. Well, one night she got very upset with me. This was because I refused to do 2 things: Let her control me on Minecraft so she could play with her apparent ex at the same time and flirt the whole time I was there doing basically nothing but continually mining for gems and dying to lava, and I also adamantly refused to take nudes and send them to her. She'd been trying to get me to do that for a solid 2 weeks and I simply wouldn't do it at all. And that pissed her off. She called me, on Discord, apparently crying. Telling me I made her feel like shit and it was my fault. I had to beg and plead for forgiveness, for her to take me back, because I was so manipulated at that point I thought she was as good as I was going to get. She finally caved after me breaking down on the phone with her. Her claim at the time was that she never had anyone fight for her like I did, and it made her like me more. Sure it did. Mhm. Anyways, we continued to have stupid little arguments since. Mainly involving me being forced into Minecraft with her and her ex once again, me trying to play XIV with my friends that she didn't like apparently before I was gifted the game and subscription, or especially me saying no to nudes. A week before our final fight, I was actually finally able to relax and spend some time with my friends that she didnt like, but we chose to do it off stream so she couldn't snoop. I even hid myself playing games on Discord so she wouldn't know at all. Both were concerned. I didn't seem happy, or myself. It kind of seemed like I was bending to her will and it scared them. Tbh it scared me too. I told them I was scared, and I didn't know if I could leave without more problems. More problems? What do you mean? Well, the night before, obviously Autumn and I had gotten into another fight. In that fight, Autumn let it slip that she wasn't transgender, and also wasn't 19. She lied about both things to get with me, she was really 16 and apparently gender fluid. Meaning she didn't mind being addressed as male or female. It scared me because I had just turned 24, I didn't want shit happening to me because she lied about her damn age. What was worse was that she actually sent nudes in the hopes I would send her some in return. Which is why we always fought. I deleted her pictures and when they weren't in our messages anymore on Discord she got pissed and cursed me out. She would attack all my insecurities and use my bipolar depression against me as if I was trash for having it. Then I would get the blame for her having to be mean and set me right when I didn't do anything to deserve that in the first place. I'm not into nudes, it's not shocking I don't want them. Both friends encouraged me to leave her, my mother even begged me to leave her and I just...I couldn't. I was stuck in this rut. She was underage and could use that against me. I wasn't going to do any better, I was going to feel like shit forever and never be happy again. I legitimately believed this. Well, everyone around me did what they could to help me try to be happy in this shitty situation. So a week after relaxing, I decided to stream XIV again, but I twisted it so I could include Autumn. She'd gotten a free trial, so this way we could play and enjoy ourselves....so I thought. Autumn was ADAMANT about barring my friend from even playing the game. No Discord chat or game for her, that's what she wanted. No, I want her to talk to me and I want to play this game with her. That popped into my head immediately, a clear light in a seemingly endless realm of darkness. So I did, I added her to the Discord chat and Autumn lost her shit. "Xion what did I just fucking tell you? I said don't add her to the call." Immediately came out of her mouth, she knew she'd been caught right then and there trying to bar me from my friends and manipulate me. There's still the clip of me being "dumped" by finally standing up for myself. Finally. And they were so concerned they did something wrong that when the breakup was finalized, they cheered. And did everything they could to keep me smiling and happy that entire stream. So why now? Why tell us all of this now? Because abuse of any kind, it's never okay. It's not okay to defend someone like that for supposedly changing as well, especially if they victim blame as I have seen. I lived through 3 months of pure hell, never again. You are not alone. If you are being abused, there's always a light in the deepest darkness. You can break free and be happy, I believe in you.