#but also god that Turkey olympic guy

[fauxpapillons]

Mika in that silver medal winner guy's pose was something that haunted me all day and so

That time she shot Belial with Rackam's gun.

[octopiys]

Okay I just saw someone’s Olympic x cod au (and it was so cool) so now I’m asking everyone what their Olympic x cod head canons are.

OOOO HI ANON

Okay this is actually really cool

First thought was that Soap and Gaz would be synchronized divers. (I love diving, I did it as a kid but couldn't afford to keep doing it) I think they're built properly to do it, and I think when they win their first gold they'd be over the moon, cheering and shaking each other desperately because they can't believe the news. Yes, they'd be on the same team, as Scotland is a part of the GB team.

I honestly feel like Ghost would do rings acrobatics (I think it's acrobatic gymnastics or artistic gymnastics?) He's got wide enough shoulders, and what he struggles in is his weight class and his height that work against him, but his muscles make up for it. (HAVE YOU SEEN THEIR ARMS AND BACKS??? WILD)

Price is a bit interesting. I'll say he coaches Ghost in rings, because that's what I think he'd do if he wasn't competing. He's also got ties with both the Russian team, and the US team, but one of the Russian coaches dropped the Olympics before Russia was no longer allowed to compete, and is frequently spotted on the sidelines near Coach Price. There were rumors in the early 2000s, when both John and Nikolai were competitors, that they would trade each other's team plans and secrets due to their.... ehem, close companionship.

Alternatively, I think Gaz could be on the cricket team. Idk he probably played it as a kid, and would just end up sword fighting his cousin with the bats, and he's not actually really sure how he got on the team, in all actuality, but he's one of the best by far.

Alternatively, Soap might do volleyball. He just seems like he'd play volleyball. Didn't even realize he qualified for the Olympics until he got back home and saw it on the news: "Local Glasgow teen qualifies for the 2024 Paris Olympics" followed by "Unable to reach for comment". He's in the Olympics quite a few times, one of the youngest qualifying volleyball players in Europe when he first started off.

Alternatively, Ghost might do archery, get famous for splitting his arrows twice in a row one game. He gets made fun of, afterwards, by a mohawked Scot on his team just a few years younger than him, who repeatedly calls him Merida. It... doesn't really help that the stadium fluorescents make his hair look more ginger than usual.

Price and Nikolai do shooting. I feel like Price will be that Turkey guy who gets famous for being wildly comfortable (minimal gear, short sleeve, and kind of bored) during his competition, along with his god-given boonie hat. He's won gold every year since 2004. Nikolai sticks to his own challenge, coming in at a close silver, and ended up taking a break after 2016, when an accident on the range was the likely culprit to the abrupt pause in his career. But, he's still spotted like a celebrity at every Olympic games..... is that a Team GB shirt he's wearing?

I feel like Alex would do rowing (men's single scull), and not be terrible at it. He's got one gold and two silvers, before community work he did overseas took his leg. He then keeps it up, if possible, and joins the paralympic rowing (para-rowing) team. He does significantly better in this category, and gets gold 3 paralympics in a row. He still does charity work in the middle east with his wife,

Farah, who either does fencing, or boxing. I can't decide. She would be incredibly powerful in fencing, deadly accurate, and makes Alex thank God that she doesn't have actual access to swords. Her rounds are extremely fast, but she's amazingly skilled, having been placed on the team when she was just fourteen.

Roach would do water polo, or maybe rings with Ghost. That's how they meet each other, and theres no malice in their relationship at all. The media loves it, especially after his wipeout in 2016 because there was an unforseen obstacle (bug) on his ring, thus giving him the nickname Roach.

Rodolfo would be a gymnast too, either pommel horse or parallel bars. He's one of the tallest competitors in that category, at a shocking 5'8 (173cm) and is beloved by every Olympic fan in Mexico. (his job is pommel horse. his job is parallel bar)

Alejandro would also do gymnastics, but he'd probably do pommel horse or the horizontal bar. He's known for his fiery attitude, once making world news for almost fucking up an American competitor from Texas when he made a few comments after Rodolfo suffered a bad case of the twisties two seasons ago.

Graves is a newer competitor, the same one from Texas. He's not as well known, been around since the last Olympics, but he's got an interesting floor routine that will earn him a gold this year. However, he doesn't place in the all around competition, just falling short of the Mexican team, and one guy from GB. Better luck next year, Phillip.

[frasier-crane-style]

The Force doesn’t care about black people.

Okay, so there are, what, two and a half canonical, movie explanations for Rey being so powerful that she makes every other Jedi look like Robert Loggia competing at the Olympics.

1. Luke’s New Jedi Order being killed and the Dark Side being resurgent led to the Force ‘balancing itself’ by creating a Super Lightsider Force Goddess.

2. Rey’s part of the Palpatine bloodline, which I guess makes the Skywalker bloodline look like a bunch of schmucks?

2a. DYAD????!?

Hopefully, by now we all realize the TLJ explanation is bull, since the Jedi Purge was much bigger in the OT and the Dark Side was much stronger, but Luke didn’t have anywhere near as much power.

The dyad thing would seem to imply Kylo Ren and Rey would have the same amount of power, not that he’d be a weakling even with extensive training and she’d be a wunderkind from the word go.

So that leaves the Palpatine bloodline, and I’ve gotta ask--doesn’t it stand to reason that Rey’s father, Palpatine Jr., would be as powerful a Force-user as her? Why then would he go down to some jive turkey ‘Sith hunter’ who in turn died from falling into a hole in the ground? Couldn’t he summon up Force lightning to defend himself and his wife? Leia was able to fucking fly when she needed to; what was stopping this guy from Force-pushing a brother’s head right off his shoulders? 

And why wouldn’t Palpatine train him from birth to be a Sith apprentice? That’s what he did with Darth Maul. Yeah, sure, Palpy Jr. could go rogue like Starkiller did in Legends continuity, but then he’d still be an obscenely powerful Sith Lord with a thing for the Light Side. That would be a complete game-changer for the Star Wars universe. You’d think the guy who took him out would be a certifiable badass. Someone who would make Boba Fett look like a chump. Not a guy who died from falling into a hole in the ground.

Can the Force skip a generation? We haven’t seen any indication of that. Anakin was Force-sensitive, then both Luke and Leia had the Force, and finally Ben Solo had the Force. And that’s with the comparatively weak-ass Skywalker blood. Palpatine’s bloodline is evidently more powerful; those bitches can Force lightning shit without even trying to! 

Also, to go back to the ‘balancing the Force’ explanation--if Finn is Force-sensitive, why wasn’t he able to go God of War the moment he was handed a lightsaber? He got his ass handed to him by a Stormtrooper! Are white people just better at using the Force than black people? Mace Windu did get killed by Force lightning and in genre fiction, electricity is a black guy’s home turf.

The Force is fucking racist, man. 

[crazy4tank]

Glen Lerner – Personality, People and Purpose

New Post has been published on https://fashiondesigne.com/glen-lerner-personality-people-and-purpose/

Glen Lerner – Personality, People and Purpose

“I’m the particular vision guy. I realize the big picture. We deal with all the men around the country on this mass tort’s plus national referrals, ” he says of their position today. “I keep communicating with individuals and relationshipping with individuals. This business becomes read more about relationships as you go together, just like life. ”

But the narrative arch is incomplete if this only tells of the organization story.

Fifteen yrs after he started their path in legislation, something unexpectedly transformed the way he seen his career, great life.

Although this individual won multi-million buck settlements, built the thriving brand, together all of the trappings associated with “success” — the Rolls Royce Phantom and a $5 mil house — this still left him sensation like he had been missing something essential.

He came to recognize: “the saddest part of life is when people are usually defined by the things they have, and not the particular men that they are. ”

Some deep soul-searching came to the fore April 26, 06, a date he’ll bear in mind. It was when he or she arrived at an epiphany; the moment he appeared in the mirror plus said to himself, “I want more than this particular. ” But not materially more. Rather, spiritually more.

“I experienced everything everybody needed. I was just a damaged dude. I was not focused as a guy on where I ought to be focused – as a husband. I simply said, ‘God, I actually can’t do this any more, ’” he recalls.

“The funny point is, I was the religion major with Duke, but I actually knew nothing regarding who God actually was. I majored within Judaic Studies, yet I never noticed his face. We picked up my Holy bible and I read this through four situations that year. This started to change my entire life. Changed me as being a husband, changed the marriage, changed me personally in the community, changed me personally as a boss. It had been a radical modify in me. I actually finally had an objective and a calling. ”

That calling had been to use what this individual built, to build up other people. “God gave me these types of gifts not for me personally, but for His beauty, and to touch people’s lives. ” Which is exactly what he has attempted to do since the time his mission in every area of your life changed.

Lerner plus Rowe Gives Back again, their charitable basis, today donates numerous back-to-school backpacks, sponsors a 5K operate against human trafficking, supports the Candlelighters Childhood Cancer Base of Nevada’s yearly Superhero 5K, sponsors the Cops plus Burgers fundraiser occasion for Special Olympics, and their seventh annual golf competition in December raised $460, 000 to support Az charities. They also offer the scholarship program to help low-income students. They are just a few of the many non-profit endeavors the company will be involved with.

“Ours is not only a business focused on legislation or injured individuals, but it’s a company focused on our areas, ” he comments.

Thousands of people have benefitted using their Thanksgiving turkey give-aways, in Las Vegas, Tuscan and Chicago.

The first yr he recalls in regards to a thousand turkeys received away in Chi town, and 600 within Las Vegas. “I keep in mind standing there 5 years ago, praying, plus looking at people position outside in Chi town – it’s cool outside, ” this individual recalls.

“You never recognize how blessed you happen to be until you see exactly what others don’t have. If you drive by within Tucson – you happen to be giving 1, five hundred turkeys away – and you see individuals sleeping out the night time before to get a $25 turkey, my Our god. ”

The company usually offers 10, 000 family members every Thanksgiving. (In 2020, they could just offer 2, 500 turkeys, and just in order to food banks, due to the pandemic restrictions. )

“I contribute to our residential areas not so that people state, ‘Lerner and Rowe sent me a chicken, so if I obtain hit by a pickup truck, I’m going to move call them. ’ That’s not las vegas dui attorney do it. You do this because God provides blessed you. I have been giving far more than I actually thought I would end up being, ” he says.

Furthermore in the spirit associated with helping others, Lerner is founder associated with Law M3, the mentoring project directed to “help lawyers be the best variations of themselves. ”

“I really think it is incumbent upon us in a profession. That’s just how people get better. Just like the Bible states, ‘iron sharpens metal. ’ You coach people, to get these to be leaders within their own communities. ”

Picasso once said: “The meaning of a lot more to find your present. The purpose of life is to provide it away. ” For Glen Lerner, he has indeed discovered, and bestowed their gifts, to numerous individuals who have tips from his assist.

[wennjunwho]

Seventeen 13 days of Winter

So kids Christmas is aproaching and I’ve been preparing since October, so here’s the thing: 

Here are a bunch of dialogue prompts, scenario prompts, etc. Choose two (you can mix and match or only send one, or send one of each, idk whatever you see fit) with the name of one of the boys form SVT and I will be writing 4 full lenght fics leading up to christmas and one fic every day starting Dec. 12!!!

Have fun kids!!! If yours doesnt turn into a whole lenght fic I will make it either a bullet point or a text scenario so don’t worry!! (also do keep in mind that the 13 days of christmas is each for every guy)

[x] = taken

Dialogue Prompts: 

“Oh how convenient that there is mistletoe above us.”  [x]

“Have you got your presents yet?” “No, I’ve got ages.” “Christmas is tomorrow…” [x]

“It’s a time of good will, not whatever the hell you’re doing”  [x]

“Who have you got for secret Santa?” “I can’t tell you. It’s called secret Santa for a reason.” [x]

“Come out in the snow with me!” “I’d rather stay inside where it’s warm and I can’t slip over on my ass.” [x]

“You’ve never been ice skating!?” [x]

“Is this the first time you’ve seen snow?” [x]

“It’s New Years, aren’t you going to kiss me?” [x]

“All I want for Christmas is you…” [x]

“You’re not going to spend the holidays alone and sad. I won’t allow it.”[x]

“Why is there no decorations at the top?” “Because I couldn’t reach up there.”  [x]

“That is the most thoughtful gift anyone has got me.” [x]

“You’re useless with wrapping presents!” [x]

“You know i could never leave you alone on your favorite holiday.” [x]

“I know that people usually kiss under mistletoe but.. I had other things planned.” [x]

“Are you seriously crying over Rudolph..?”  [x]

“You spent how much on decorations?!?!” [x]

“How did you know? I only ever told one person.” [x]

“If you throw that snowball you’re declaring war” [x]

“You don’t have to go to all this trouble, you know” [x]

“Secret Santa is bullshit” [x]

“No offence meant, but I do not trust you to carve the turkey” [x]

“Step away from the cookies.” [x]

“You know, you remind me a lot of the Grinch. The only difference is in the end, his heart grows three sizes, but you stay an asshole.” [x]

“What do you mean I have to dress up like santa?!” [x]

“Santa?” “No, it’s the Easter bunny. Of course it’s Santa.” [x]

Scenario Prompts

  a)  Character A and Character B, sworn enemies, are chosen to prepare the company Christmas Party. [x]

 b)  Character A can’t wrap gifts to save their life. Character B is their neighbor and can help. [x]

  c)  Character A’s ex will be at the Christmas Party A is attending. Character B poses as A’s fiance.  [x]

  d)  You made me a Christmas playlist but it’s just Mariah Carey’s “All I want for Christmas is you”. I can’t tell if you’re hitting on me or if it’s a joke   [x]

 e)  We’re neighbors and I just got locked out of my apartment, I was baking cookies that will burn if I don’t get in there quick   [x]

  f)  I met you on Christmas but haven’t seen you since, until today on Christmas day, are you an angel? Wait, you actually are?  [x]

  g)  I’ve never seen snow in person before, until now, what is this white stuff falling from the sky? Why are you laughing at me?  [x]

  h)  There’s one Christmas cookie left, so I challenge you, winner takes the cookie  [x]

  i)  I drew your name out of the Santa for secret Santa that we’re doing with our friends and I really had no clue what to get you, we don’t know each other too well so on the day of the gift exchange I asked what you wanted but I couldn’t think of anything. you pulled me under the mistletoe oh god [x]

  j)  it’s hella snowing outside and the power went out on the third floor (aka your floor) of our apartment building. You come up to my door, asking for blankets because you’re freezing but I just pull you inside and oh wait you’re actually very nice  [x]

  k)  I got a candygram a week ago and it had a cute Christmas poem on it in which I was compared to an angel, I’ve been trying to figure out who it was but it finally hit me when you held the door open for me and said ‘no problem, angel [x]

  l)  we went through a really bad break up a month ago, but I already bought you a Christmas gift. it’s too late to return it now and I know you’d really like it so I show up to your house on Christmas Eve and present the new watch I bought to replace your old one that’s nearly falling apart and I swear I see tears in your eyes  [x]

  m)  Person A has just been through a terrible break up and has found themselves alone during the holiday season. They end up going back to their hometown, where, out of pity and familial obligation, they get invited to a Christmas party. At first, they awkwardly stand around, trying to keep out of sight, but it’s hard to do when a certain cutie accidentally pulls them into a kiss instead of another partygoer that happened to be wearing the same outfit…  [x]

  n)  Character A is stuck working in coffee shop on Christmas Day and Character B is the lonely soul spending their whole day there. [x]

  ñ)  Character A and Character B compete in Christmas house decoration. [x]

  o)  Character A returns to their birth-town for the holidays. Character B is their estranged childhood best friend. [x]

  p)  We have spent christmas together since we were children how did I just realize you’ve never gotten me a present??? [x]

  q)   we’re going ice skating for the first time this year and it’s pretty obvious that you’re secretly an olympic figure skater or something how the hell are you so graceful you’re literally twirling around on one foot on a frictionless surface and i can barely make a left turn [x]

  r)  you asked me what i wanted for christmas and i was feeling really sarcastic so i said “a unicorn” and you actually went out and got me a stuffed unicorn i hate you so much but actually it’s really cute and i might sort of love it [x]

  s)  i know we hate each other but it’s christmas eve and your flight was cancelled please come inside  [x]

   t)  i live below you and i was minding my own business watching the snowfall out the window WHEN I SAW A BODY FALL ARE YOU REALLY PUTTING UP CHRISTMAS LIGHTS NOW   [x]

   u)  we were playing in the snow and you suddenly tackled me to the ground and now…we’re just…staring… at each other…  [x]

   v)  YOU DON’T LIKE MARSHMALLOWS IN YOUR HOT CHOCOLATE? WHY DO YOU HATE LOVE  [x]

   w)  TREE DECORATING (bonus points if one of them is doing it completely wrong omg why am i in love with you)  [x]

   x)  “i did that annoying thing where i put loads of smaller boxes inside one big box and you’re getting really mad but you don’t know that the ring is in the smallest box and i can’t wait to see your face  [x]

   y)  i didn’t know that this holiday party was a dress-up thing and when i came to get you, you answered the door in your full-on GRINCH COSTUME and i almost had a fucking heart attack   [x]

   z) You forgot christmas shopping was a thing and now we´re here, in the middle of Christmas Eve trying to get one gift for every one of your friends, also did I mention I´m kind of falling for you [x]

The prompts came from here, here, here and here 

Have fun kids!!!

[victor-v]

so yesterday i finished all for the game for the second time in my life (weird thing i've never read a book or series twice) and it wrecked me for the second time. it was unexpectedly nice that i actually understood everything with so much clarity, but that makes sense i've got lot of practice in reading english since then. also, i wrote my thoughts on the book this time.

i can't understand how a book can have such an impact on me, i hate that and i love it, everything else that crossed my mind is under the cut

★huh andrew really bullied aaron into dressing identical to mess up with neil

★"i don't swing either way" is the phrase that made me feel more valid that the whole queer community ever

★neil is pure nihilism

★how can i EVER forget neil wore a tight long sleeved TORN tshirt that andrew bought this is way too much

★seth is dead and all kevin can think about is the line up tbh i do that often

★they are making a scandal about how they sit

★kevin telling neil "destroy him" filled me with power

★the most unreal part is neil ALWAYS keeping his roots another colour the guy must dye his hair every fucking week

★how did neil buy andrew's promise to protect him from the japanese mafia's professional murderers when the only people he physically bullies is an obsessive young adult with anxiety, a princess in high heels and his sunshine sister in law

★wait a fucking minute andrew saw neil filled with terror while holding the phone and immediately gave him the car keys so he could be alone fuck

★nicky fucking hemmick attended to improv class

★ according to dan few athletes were crude enough to start trouble at an ERC event, you mean as crude as neil?

★how to take care of your teammate while he's in a crisis according to: andrew→show concern and reassure him. wymack→10 seconds of vodka

★"hey, jean. jean valjean" is peak comedy

★the ravens walking in v formation is genuinely the most cringy thing you can think of

★neil first finds out the only possible person to date him is andrew because he was jealous of renee are you kidding me

★andrew only missed 13 from 150 shots on goal for fucking real what a Man

★renee is an angel, she's specifically andrew's angel

★neil truly is a watcher

★bee wearing a bee costume is the only good thing on this world

★dan and matt dressed like greek gods!!!!! they can adopt me already

★can you believe nicky is the one who got into neil's brain and planted the idea of realying on someone, and since then neil actively pursues an investigation on andrew's relationship status how on god's name i missed that HOW he's not even subtle about it damn

★he first worries about renee now about kevin goddamn it josten how can't you se how much you care about him

★it's funny how sexuality is such a heavy topic between them when they sure as fuck have some pretty huge stuff going on you know like dying in the hands of the mafia or being tortured

★i imagine andrew running to renee all bonkers like "listen if the cute guy asks, for fucks sake tell him i'm gay but make it ~casual~ maybe this way he'll get it"

★the sole mention of thanksgiving dinner makes me want to die

★kevin is checking the scores in a newspaper I forget this book is so 00's

★they should have spent the day eating turkey and frozen pie at abby's fuckkkkkkkk

★are you kidding me they are in the middle of a conversation and andrew casually chokes neil a little but it's ok they carry on wtf

★"we are all going to regret this" is the fucking worse piece of foreshadowing in this book

★neil interrogating andrew the same night he was raped what kind of fucking piece of shit does that

★i can't fucking believe neil went ahead and shoved andrew's hand under his tshirt in front of kevin, wymack, betsy and two fucking lawyers are you kidding me

★neil asking "are we? friends?" to nicky is so relatable because i also would have an aneurysm if someone told me i am their friend

★someone else tries to flirt with him and he immediately considers andrew how i was too ace to see it the first time i read

★jesus fucking christ riko is one truly fucked up sociopath and neil is the bravest motherfucker on the land

★how can he face riko like that in the nest and be extremely pure in other occasion

★"are we watching the ball drop? i want to make a wish" he wants to make a wish and i want to die thanks

★i can't believe the whole if it means losing you then no and side effect of the drugs shit it's unreal fucking unreal how oblivious neil is too ace to realize anything SOMEONE JUST CALLED YOU "DREAM" THE LEVEL OF ROMANTICISM

★the amount of heavy staring in this trilogy is ridiculous and all i can think about is twilight

★these books made me see how far from the 00s we are, for many reasons, but mostly for some jokes that can't let slide; like calling neil a battered wife, domestic misogynistic violence is not a joke

★i can't believe from all people, wymack was the first one to get andrew was into neil

★"that doesn't mean I wouldn't blow you" is such a funny phrase to be said casually why is it

★"you are a racoon, not a fox" oh andrew

★it only took andrew admitting he had a crush for neil to be all sentimental and shit, and that disarmed andrew too

★they are like some kind of animal that while you think they are fighting, they are actually mating, that's exactly what nora meant with feral

★half of last book is neil mooning over andrew jfc

★nicky made neil smile while distracting him from riko im gonna throw myself off a cliff

★i can't quite believe neil goes through a detailed monologue about andrews memory the man is impressed and borderline turned on about every talent on his crushe's shelf

★i literally can't follow and will never understand the quarrel/promise/agreement between aaron and andrew what a bunch of pretentious idiots

★every time neil's phone buzzes all i fear is the fucking countdown

★i thought "i want to see you lose control" was a collective fever dream i can't believe it's written on the books

★if i was nicky i already have told andrew to stop his freaky pretentious shit towards me

★neil to the upperclassman: ha ha fellas is it gay to unthinkingly call andrew in the middle of a anxiety breakdown

★"you gave me a key and called it home" is as soft as heartbreaking i want to jump off a cliff

★"i won't be like them, i wont let you let me be" is actually pushing me off that cliff andrews feelings are a fucking storm

★neil was kidnapped and tortured the day of my bday and that's not a coincidence

★neil's talent to twist the truth in order to convince andrew of anything is outstanding

★excuse me they have no right to be this soft i hate them

★they miss so many opportunities to be funny about the whole "protection" thing

★did he really had a mental breakdown over where to fucking sit on the bus lmao

★"don't come crying to me when someone breaks your face" is the second most awful piece of foreshadowing

★lets be honest for a second andrew should be a fucking writer because all those things he says? edgy myspace pretentious poetry

★im sorry but i don't care about literally anything except neil smiling onto andrew's neck bye

★andrew ghosted a kiss across neil's hip im dead for real

★abby kissed neil's forehead farewell after cleaning all his injuries i have no words he's recieving all the affection he deserves

★cant believe you don't see aaron is fucking worried neil is taking advantage of andrew

★i mean yeah ok don't talk love but neil is sad that nicky thinks it was only hate sex, and he immediately acknowledged it meant more than that to him bc his demi btw wtf does hate sex mean i can't believe you hate someone so much you wanna suck his dick

★they all went horseback riding when will i have a group of friends like that

★"who's humanising who in that relationship" i know right nicky

★kevin locking himself to have a panic attack is the most relatable thing

★the car encounter with ichirou holds the same tension as a mr robot scene

★the proposal of playing olympics and being unstoppable feels like marriage or smth

★neil is literally having his hot girl summer

★i adore neil's overflow of emotions after swallowing everything for so many years. represented, thanks.

★andrew terrorising katelyn who the fuck does he think he is what an annoying asshole

★"did you know i've never been skiing" is the most epic line

★i cheer to the sole mention of laila

★alvares can deck me right now and i would say thank you

★"war is profitable" aaron knows what's up

★sometimes i want to slap them is2g

★that scene at eden's where they are all discussing how roland found out and aaron ends up being the only straight one lmao boy it's your punishment for being so homophobic

★the whole "deadliest piece on the board" spech is 100 times better when you consider kevin was wasted and overly exaggerating every word and gesture

★can you imagine those few fans supporting kevin's new tattoo screaming YAAAAASSSSS QUEEEEEEEEEN while snapping fingers i'm cackling

★matt in court body slamming into anyone that's been a problem to the foxes: VIBE CHECK MOTHERFUCKER

★neil kissed andrew in castle fucking evermore the audacity i adore him

[evenstevensranked]

#40: Season 2, Episode 7 - “Thin Ice”

Ren is locked in for two events on the same night — Dinner with their new neighbors The Minkler’s and an ice skating date with Bobby Deaver. Oh, no! We’re also introduced to Nelson and his hypochondria. Meanwhile, Louis and Twitty discover prank calling and fail miserably at it. It’s fantastic. 

This one opens with Ren’s bedroom phone ringing as she frantically runs to answer it. Ya know, that purple see-through plastic Y2K phone that every teen girl on TV had? Dang. I wanted one so badly. It’s Ruby calling to let her know that Bobby Deaver is going to be calling soon. Her “sources never lie.” That’s a little creepy. It’s like she’s in the gossip mob or something. Fo’ real, Ruby needs a new hobby. Just then, Ren gets a call waiting. She answers and an extremely deep voice that sounds nothing like the guy Ren is so obsessed with says “Hey, it’s Bobby” and she falls for it. That was easy. Too bad it’s just Twitty and Louis calling from across the hall. They’re giggling like idiots because they’re 13 year old boys and telling someone “I just thought you should know I’m not wearing any socks” is hilarious apparently. It doesn’t take long for Ren to catch on when “Bobby” starts referring to himself as the “hot little cuddle muffin” she loves so much. Too far, guys. Too far. She decides to play along for a minute which is pretty funny. She says that she’s actually in love with Twitty -- not Bobby -- before busting into Louis’ room. She threatens them while simultaneously blasting them with a water gun. Twitty is all “Dude, your sister loves me.” Completely missing the sarcasm. 

....that moment u know u f’d up.

At school the next day, Ren’s at her locker when suddenly this strange kid appears and calls her “Boo Boo.” It’s Nelson Minkler. We find out that they used to be neighbors when they were toddlers and now the Minklers have moved back to Sacramento. This episode marks what should’ve been his actual first appearance. The episodes were obviously aired out of production order because Nelson is randomly in the Season 2 premiere with no explanation of who the heck he is — and then 6 episodes later we get this one.. which is clearly his proper introduction. Why does Disney Channel do this?! Their worst offense was with Lizzie McGuire. The airing schedule was so jumbled that the freaking SERIES FINALE aired 8 MONTHS before the show stopped airing new episodes. Like, what the hell???

Anywaaay, they’re locker neighbors now and we find out right away that Nelson is a hypochondriac when he opens his locker and a zillion health care items come pouring out of it. Anti-ointments, a freaking snake bite kit, knee pads… yeah. Ren clearly doesn’t want to deal with any of that. She quickly runs away from him and he shouts “BYE BYE, BOO BOO! If you ever need any anti-fungals just knock on my door!” Wow, buddy. I feel Ren’s pain here. 

We see that Louis and Twitty have become obsessed with prank calling. They’re even doing it during school hours now. They’re at Louis’ locker prank calling Wexler telling him he won a free fish or something stupid. Louis is trying to put on some “older” sounding voice, but I would 100% recognize it as him. The face he makes to achieve this voice is gold though:

Just then, Tawny shows up and catches them in the act and she is honestly me:

I’d have no patience for this. 

At lunch, Bobby Deaver was genuinely about to sit down and have lunch with Ren and Ruby… but, Nelson shows up all “HEY, BOO BOO!” and ruins everything. As usual. No wonder this character was only around for a few episodes in Season 2 before disappearing from the face of the earth. He serves no other purpose than for Ren to have a male friend and to mess things up for her constantly. Annoying. Still better than Beans, though. 

He starts coughing and asks Ren to check his tonsils for inflammation. He claims “Just last month I had puss balls the size of acorns!” This kid seriously must’ve lived under a rock his entire life. Any remotely civilized human knows this sort of behavior is weird. He makes the most obnoxious “AHHHHH!” sounds just sitting there with his mouth wide open forcing Ren to look. Ren once again wants nothing to do with this and makes up some excuse to get away. Same. Ruby and Nelson are awkwardly left alone… so Ruby breaks the silence by saying “I’ll look at your puss balls” in that New York accent of hers and I swear to god. The innuendos in Season 2 are next level.

Louis and Twitty decide to prank call Tawny’s family and we get to see her house for the first time in the series! Add this to the list of sets with on-point characterization. It’s very yuppie and warm… with lots of house plants. Not to mention, she’s doing yoga when the phone rings. This makes so much sense to me. 

Louis claims to be Lance Larsen calling from QPop radio with a $1,000,000 trivia challenge. Again, Louis’ voice is so painfully obvious. Tawny gets her dad to answer the winning question, which is to name the “Top 5 most popular lunch meats” — If this was a legit question, Dr. Dean’s answers would most definitely be incorrect. He lists liverwurst and olive loaf but not turkey or roast beef. I told you they’re yuppies. It doesn’t matter though… they become “millionaires” anyway of course. 

“DADDY, WE’RE MILLIONAIRES!!!” 

To Ren’s dismay, Steve and Eileen tell her that they’ve planned a dinner date with the Minkler’s Friday night to welcome them back to the neighborhood. Ren gets another phone call that night that starts off with “Hi, Ren! It’s Bobby.” Bet ya can’t guess what happens next…

Ren assumes it’s Louis and Twitty pranking her again so she plays it up saying “So, this is Bobby Deaver. The hot little cuddle muffin who I love sooo much.” Dude on the other end is all.. “Um.. I guess?” Yeah. It’s actually Bobby this time. Oops. It’s pretty hilarious because she yells “Listen you little twerpazoid, I told you if you ever called me again you’d be sipping your food through a feeding tube!!!” and Bobby’s like “Ren, is this a bad time?” HAHA. Ren has a mental breakdown once she realizes. She quickly apologizes and explains that Louis just discovered prank calling. (“It’s okay I have a little brother too. He’s in 3rd grade.” / “Yeah, well mine just acts like it.” - True.) Ren collapses on her bed and the incredibly cheesy, romantic piano stock music they always use for Ren/Bobby stuff starts playing. Bobby invites her to go to an ice skating party with him on Friday night. This is one of the reasons why I ranked this episode #40. It cuts to Ren’s ridiculous daydream of how she envisions the party. The music swells and it fades to footage of Ren and Bobby dramatically ice skating like freaking professionals competing at the Olympics in an empty, moody-lit rink. It’s absolutely hysterical to me. 

Obviously, she accepts the invitation but — wait! Friday night?! That’s dinner with the Minkler’s! Whatever will she do?! Not even gonna lie. I’m a sucker for this potential “two places at one time” cliché TV trope. Regardless, she still promises Bobby that she’ll be there “...no matter what.” A little melodramatic but, ok. She tells Ruby about the situation the next day and is totally in a bind over what to do. Ruby suggests that she fakes sick to skip out on the dinner and sneak out to the party. This entire episode is giving me flashbacks to Free Skate at the local ice rink every Friday back in middle school and the drama that would always ensue. Especially “relationship” drama. And crush drama. Oh, wow. 

Tawny excitedly runs up to Louis and Twitty in the hall telling them “My dad and I won a MILLION DOLLARS on the radio!” “Ya don’t say?” Louis responds. Which is great. She tells them they’re moving to Paris immediately. Yeah, now Louis and Twitty ain’t laughing. Tawny’s dad picks her up in a limo and everything, and Louis and Twitty are left to break the news to them that they didn’t actually win a million dollars. This is another reason why I ranked this episode higher. I think this is hilarious. Tawny and her dad break down in tears, as do Louis and Twitty. Louis vows “I’m never making prank phone calls again. I’M A BAD BAD BOYYYY!” when suddenly Tawny and Dr. Dean start dying of laughter. Turns out they planned the whole thing to teach them a lesson. Brilliant. 

Tawny tells them, “We knew it was you two the whole time. We have caller ID.” SERIOUSLY, LOUIS?! The first rule of prank calling is to dial *67 first! Amateur. Just imagine that. Tawny picking up the phone seeing “Stevens” or whatever on the caller ID and just going along with Louis’ terrible fake DJ voice, oh my god. She really is perfect for him. Tawny and her dad offer them a ride home in the limo (which is a rental) but speed off without them.

Ren goes through with lying and fakes sick to get out of the dinner. She goes gallivanting off to the skating party and bumps into… Nelson??? Yep. He faked sick, too. Nelson tells her that his feelings were hurt when she refused to give him a simple throat examination. To which Ren responds “Well, people don’t generally ask me to look at their puss balls.” THERE IT IS AGAIN.

For whatever reason, Louis and Tawny are at the party as well. (She asks him where Twitty is and… “He sprained his ankle chasing after the limo.” “You know, I really thought you guys would give up once we hit the freeway.” - Why is this so funny?!) Louis thanks her for teaching him a valuable lesson about the dangers of prank calling. “Gotta grow up sometime,” he says. She’s super impressed and they’re adorable. They skate together and hold hands, which is precious… and it would’ve been even more precious if it was actually Louis’ hand she was holding. But, alas… Louis skates off leaving Tawny holding a fake hand. I’m dying. Louis Stevens — What a legend. It really is so cute seeing them together like this, though.

THEY’RE SO FREAKIN CUTE!!! I’M DYIN

Tawny throws the fake hand, and ends up hitting Nelson in the head. Ren decides to help Nelson instead of doing the couple-skate with Bobby. Wow. I guess that’s nice of her, though. In the end, Ren and Nelson make up and he lists, like.. every single thing he’s allergic to as the episode fades out.

It’s not over though! The bit where they come back for one more minute after the last commercial break is the real reason why I ranked this one #40. Normally, these “last minute” bits are pointless and generally not very funny. But, this one. OH MAN! The first time I watched this I was literally in tears for 10 minutes -- I couldn’t breathe. This time, Louis dreams of him and Tawny skating like Ren dreamed about her and Bobby. Everything’s romantic… until taWNY’S LEG BREAKS OFF AND THE HAPPY MUSIC DRAMATICALLY CHANGES TO MINOR AND WE GET THE CLASSIC LOUIS SCREAM. It’s so freaking random and unexpected and so great.

And there you have it, #40! This is actually one of my personal favorites. I think it’s pretty solid in the humor department. I love the Louis/Tawny stuff. The prank calling bits are great. The Ren/Bobby stuff is finally more funny and entertaining here than cringy. And yeah. I just like this one a lot. 

I also totally didn’t even realize I missed a weekend. THE DAYS HAVE BEEN GOING BY SO FAST!!!! What the heck. Also, we’re now officially moving into the #30s!

Thank you for reading!

Twitter | Facebook | Instagram