#but also they have SO MANY BIG NAME VAS

[smile-files]

okay okay i just finished watching camp cretaceous and i gotta talk about ben. like as a character is he just so funny

ben starts out polite and shy and sweet and afraid of literally everything. like all the other campers have no idea why in god's name he's here (which is completely fair, as he doesn't seem to want to be here either) - but then he befriends an ankylosaurus, which he names bumpy blongy scimbly scromplo. and then he gets taken by a pterodactyl :)

i think one of the strangest things to me is how you have apocalypse shows like this and of the main cast only one will realistically react to almost being killed. like ben almost gets killed by a carnotaur after being separated from the group and the second he finds cover he just instantly starts crying and like. finally. the fact that i should consider that cathartic is ridiculous lmao

no but seriously it's so funny he's gone for a whole season i think and the second he comes back we get an episode about every new trauma he's unlocked. now he's paranoid and jaded and really disconnected from his friends (and people generally)... this boy fears death. this boy will poke death in the eyes. this boy's first best friend is a dinosaur. this boy will commit arson in self defense. this boy thinks everything threatens him and so will continuously commit arson unprompted. this boy has just screamed for the first time ever and is now startled by how loud he was. trauma catharsis boy! get beaten up by the narrative and then beat up the narrative in revenge! let's go!!

it's been a while so i don't remember how this was addressed right after he rejoined the other campers but anyway his friends are so shocked and so concerned and ben's like shut up i need to blow something up or i'm gonna have a panic attack. y'know eventually he eases back into the group and gets to be an absolute dork again but he's always trauma catharsis boy from here on out. even if he gets barely any screentime later on lol </3

um but yeah it's sad how in the later seasons (especially the last) we don't get much ben-centric stuff... like there was the thing about him not wanting to leave bumpy on the island but besides that it's mostly ben being a dork who knows way too much about explosives.

it's hilarious, ben is like... gay with no gaydar (in a general sense). i'm skipping ahead a bit but yeah when yaz comes out to him - not to say that cishet people can't understand or sympathize with queer experiences altogether but idk his response is so earnest and thought-out that it just seems to me that this boy is queer in some way himself (trans icon? trans icon). and then it's really funny because in the season before ben completely missed a social cue (autistic icon? autistic icon) and thought that yaz was into him when she was just trying to third wheel for someone else. like ben do you even know what flirting is? are you sure?

y'know actually ben is scared of everything for the whole series, it's just that now he chooses fight over flight. if you cover his eyes to play "guess who" he'll shriek, and immediately turn around and stab you. ben surprise party incident 5 dead 13 injured. that's really funny to me because it's taking the timid -> brave pipeline to the logical extreme: still terrified, but now with weapons lol

ben is so funny. my beautiful, disturbed, beautiful boy (to quote darius). my guy who starts a battle whenever he makes eye contact with someone. my scrawny kid with a giant dinosaur. my will byers kinnie. my boy who's better at combat than conversation. ben really carried camp cretaceous and you better admit it

[coraniaid]

It's true that the Buffy writers' answers to the closely related questions "is there a meaningful distinction between a vampire and the human being who was sired to create them?" and "when you get down to it, are vampires basically people?" clearly undergo something of a shift in the second half of the show.

This is a transformation that starts with Buffy's reluctance to stake Willow's vampire alter ego in Season 3's Doppelgangland and continues at pace with the gang's collective reaction to finding out that Harmony has "become" a vampire in Season 4. It's a process that continues as long as Harmony remains a recurring character on the show, until, by mid-Season 5, Buffy (and Buffy) has essentially undergone a complete switch in its view of vampirism. The later seasons handling of vampires are very hard to square with the speeches made by Buffy in Lie To Me ("you die, and a demon sets up a shop in your old house [...] but it's not you") or Giles to Xander [about the late and largely unlamented Jesse] in The Harvest ("you're not looking at your friend: you're looking at the thing that killed him"). Whether this is a change for the better or not is a matter for debate, but that it is a real change that happens is pretty hard to dispute.

It's also true that the writers are obviously increasingly reluctant to show their show's protagonist, the titular vampire slayer, actually going around killing vampires. At least any vampires who've had a chance to establish some sort of personality. How many of the dozen or so named, recurring vampire characters does Buffy actually kill over the course of the show? Not very many.

I make it two in Season 1 (if you're generous and count Luke as a recurring character), one in Season 2 (if you're similarly generous and count Buffy sending Angel to hell for almost three whole episodes as killing him) and ... that's it, right? Somebody other than Buffy kills Darla [=Angel], and Colin the Anointed One [=Spike], and Dalton [=the Judge], and Mr Trick [=Faith], and vamp!Willow [=wishverse!Oz, twice] and Sunday's only-named-in-the script henchvamp Tom [=the Initiative], and Sandy [=Riley], and Spike[=... well, Spike, ultimately, I guess]. Nobody ever kills Drusilla or Lyle Gorch or Harmony, all of whom make multiple appearances on the show and (un)live to the end of the series. And Angel and Spike (and even Darla, eventually and temporarily) all come back after apparently being killed.

Buffy might have a sacred calling to slay vampires, but the show is very uncomfortable about her killing non-human characters who've had a chance to establish themselves as people. Perhaps that's why the show stops having vampiric Big Bads completely after Season 2, and why Season 7 tries to introduce a whole new category of personality-free, definitely-not-people monsters to replace its existing vampires. (Perhaps not entirely succesfully, if we're being diplomatic.)

It's certainly true that the show does not have a consistent take to offer on vampire lore. Like everything supernatural in Buffy, vampires are essentially walking metaphors: and the things that they exist to represent and comment on change and evolve throughout the show's run. Buffy's worldbuilding is not very deep or rigorous.

But what's not true at all, and what I wish people would stop claiming, is the idea that Angel's awkward "well, actually..." when Buffy assures Willow in Doppelgangland that "a vampire's personality has nothing to do with the person it was" represents some sort of big departure from the show's established or implied lore up to that point. It does not. At all.

In fact, it's Buffy's claim that is at odds with everything that the show has been saying up this point. A vampire's personality has always, always been something that the show wants us to believe is informed by the personality of the person who died to create them, This goes all the way back to Season 1.

In Angel, Giles does tell Buffy flat out that "a vampire isn't a person at all", but he also says that a vampire may have "the memories, even the personality of the person that it took over". In the part of her speech from Lie To Me that I elided earlier, Buffy admits that if you're turned the resulting vampire "walks, and it talks, and it remembers your life" [and the clear implication here is that the vampire walks and talks like the original person did, otherwise what is this supposed to be saying?].

If the show's original position was that a vampire's personality had nothing to do with who they were in life, why would Giles have felt the need to tell Buffy (in Season 1's Never Kill A Boy On The First Date) that Andrew Borba had been on the run for a suspected double murder the night he died and rose as a vampire? Why would he have told her in Season 2's Bad Eggs that the Gorch brothers "massacred a village" before they were vampires? Why would he warn her in Season 3's Helpess that Zachary Kralik was a "criminally insane" serial killer even before being sired as a vampire? If the show -- or even just Giles himself -- really did have the position that a vampire's personality has nothing to do with the person they were before death, as Buffy claims in Doppelgangland (and some fans apparently believe), how would any of this make sense?

If we weren't supposed to think vampires inherited at least some part of their personality from their host then why, in The Harvest, would vampire!Jesse still be obsessed with pursuing Cordelia Chase? Why would Drusilla still be driven mad as a vampire as a result of the pyschological tortures that Angel inflicted on "her" when she was a mortal? In Halloween, why would Buffy be trying to find out more about the sort of person Angel was as a human? Why would Willow and Xander still be together in the world of The Wish?

The idea that a vampire inherits the personality of the person whose body they take over [or who they were before "becoming" a vampire, in the later seasons' parlance] isn't any kind of retcon. It's one of the few consistent takes on vampires the show had from beginning to end. Continuity of self; moral standing as a person; capacity for self-reflection and personal growth, whether or not vampires can breathe ... these are the things about vampires the show changes its stance on. But a vampire's personality was always informed by who they were in life, right from the very first pair of episodes.

(Spike and Drusilla being capable of at least some kind of romantic love and mutual jealousy in Season 2 is also not a retcon, incidentally. We saw that with Darla and Angel in Season 1 as well. And even the Master clearly felt emotions and had some sort of affection for his favorites among the vampires that worked for him. Spike and Dru do represent a significant -- and welcome! --change in the tone of the show, but they aren't somehow a walking refutation of what Giles has been telling Buffy (and through her, us) about vampires for the past year.)

I mean, I don't really have a big point to work to here, it's just that I keep seeing takes on my dash about how this particular scene represents a big change in the show's lore about vampires. And that .. just isn't true?

[toa-arania]

I found Touhou on IMDB and then it got worse.

So there's a bit of a story behind this, as there should be with any post. I have spent the past *checks clock* fifteen minutes and counting losing my goddamn mind over this.

Touhou 1-11, including 7.5 but not 9.5 or 10.5 for some reason, are all on IMDB. This is not that strange, as many video games are listed there for their writing or voice credits. What's weird is how I discovered this. I heard a voice in, of all things, a four and a half hour video about the Lego Ninjago show and how badly it fumbles its women. One of the characters sounded a bit like Azula ATLA so I checked. It was not the same VA. Then I saw this.

And then I saw this.

Now the sharp-witted amongst you may have noticed the tiny little inconsistency that

TOUHOU DOES NOT HAVE VOICE ACTING

Touhou has never had voice acting, especially not back in 2003 when PCB came out. There's also the detail that Layla Prismriver does not appear in PCB, nor does she appear in any Touhou game outside of her mention in the character profile of the Prismrivers, which firmly establishes her as very dead and thusly incapable of speech. You'll be pleased to know that it continues to get worse.

This is not the plot of PCB. What the fuck do you mean only one of these heroines intends to stop it. The cast list is also fucking bizarre.

Merlin and Lunasa are here but fuck Lyrica I guess. Alice and Youmu are not credited and REIMU ISN'T HERE EITHER. Youki Konpaku is credited. Youki Konpaku is not in this game. The goddamn Saigyou Ayakashi (which is spelt disastrously wrong here of course) is given a voice credit. THAT IS A TREE. THAT IS A TREE THAT DOES NOT TALK IN A GAME THAT DOES NOT HAVE VOICE ACTING. I AM GOING INSANE. WHERE IS REIMU.

Now obviously what I did at this point is start checking the other ones, and th8, 9, and 10 don't really have much interesting going on other than a continued and bizarre lack of Reimu in all of them. 6, 7.5, and 11 however are all bizarre for fun new reasons. Let's start with Subterranean Animism and work backwards.

I was suspicious of the lack of images so I went to check all of their pages and they're mostly men as far as I can tell. Most of them are credited in a film called Sule, Ay Need You, which a brief google has only barely convinced me is a real film that exists in the first place. It has a wikipedia article in indonesian. One of them, however (the only one with a picture) has been in eleven million different things with reasonably big parts. I have no idea what's going on here. With the player character situation there are eight characters uncredited not including Koishi, who is also nowhere to be seen (which feels strangely appropriate) and Sanae who I remembered literally as I was typing this is in th11.

Moving on to Immaterial and Missing Power:

TGHAT'S REIMU

Also I'm pretty sure Meiling wasn't in IaMP? (According to a quick google she was added in a patch but not given a story mode). Anyway the sudden appearance of Reimu is the only real interesting thing here because random cast absences are just so commonplace now. Now lastly for the weird fucking pages we have the Embodiment of Scarlet Devil and oh wow this one is something else.

Where do I even begin. Reimu is gone again. Three separate people are credited as Remilia. Actually most characters are credited twice except for Marisa and Sakuya for some reason. Sometimes they specify (voice) and sometimes they just don't. Most characters have [Character Name] and [Character Name (Voice)] which implies that one person is doing mocap or operating a puppet or something while another voices them but then there's just Rumia and Rumia. Who voices Rumia. Remilia has three fucking credits. Marisa and Sakuya get to be normal people. Reimu and Patchouli are just fucking gone. What the hell is happening.

And now it gets stranger once again because I said th1-11 earlier, not th6-11. The PC-98 games are all here too. However. Those pages are all just. Normal. ZUN is credited as the writer. There are correct plot summaries. No voices are credited. The name format is even different (Touhou [Number] [Japanese name]: [English name] instead of just Touhou [Japanese name]: [English name]). They're far too good quality. It honestly feels like whoever uploaded the PC-98 games is a different person to whoever's been doing their bizarre uploads of the windows games.

Now at this point I was looking for other interesting stuff to add - IMDB has Did You Know segments that had fun little details about the games, which seemed to be accurate. It also has a More Like This section linking to the other pages and-

...

...

Luna Nights is here too.

...

LUNA NIGHTS ALSO DOESN'T HAVE VOICE ACTING!!!!!!!!

[just-prime]

Tales of Squandered Potential

Oh hello again everyone who follows me for my Star Wars ranting!

So! Tales of the Empire. The Hat Man is at it again.

Episodes 1-3 : The Path of Boredom

As expected, all of the Morgan stuff was not my thing. She was boring in Ahsoka, she was boring here. The entirety of the three episodes just hammered home "this lady is angry" in a way that felt overdone because there is no arc. There's no growth, no interest, no nothing. It all just feels like Filoni trying to retroactively make his one dimensional character that gets killed off in the stupidest way possible feel super badass. However because we know that she gets killed in the stupidest way possible, everything falls flat and none of it feels earned. It also doesn't actually answer any of the many many questions that Ahsoka raised about her. She's just there, standing in front of a fire. That's all she does.

Thrawn is there for all of about two seconds, and every moment of it is painful, because here's the thing. WE KNOW WHAT THRAWN WAS UP TO AT THIS TIME!!! We have the book that explains all of Thrawn's many exploits as an admiral. This is only more evidence for the idea that Filoni has never actually picked up any of the canon Thrawn books. Which we kinda already knew, but this is all but confirmation. As I've previously said, and will continue saying, Filoni needs to contextualize Thrawn as a 100% big bad otherwise his Heir to the Empire fanfilm won't actually feel earned, so he is systematically destroying any and all nuance that Thrawn has had to make sure that new viewers only ever see him as an unredeemable evil.

And I know that there are a lot of you out there who are holding out for the possibility that this is all a misdirect by Thrawn! That this is all part of his grand plan to go back and help the Ascendency, and that he's lying to everyone about his intentions. But the sad truth is that Filoni doesn't give a rats ass about anything other than cartoonishly evil Thrawn which means we're never getting Eli, or Karyn, or Hammerly or any of the characters from the six fantastic canon books that Timothy Zahn so lovingly created. That was made very clear with Filoni's prioritization of Admiral Pellaeon, who for those who don't know is actually in the new canon Thrawn books too! He wasn't just left behind in Legends, Zahn brought him back into canon too! But again, being the Legends fanboy that he is, Filoni doesn't care about where Pellaeon should be canonically, so instead he's just shoehorned into the episode for no other reason then Filoni likes him.

Episodes 4-6 : The Barriss Content

Soooooo, why didn't Barriss get a full fucking season to herself??? I get the idea behind the 15 minute episodes, but it really makes it hard to tell any sort of cohesive story. It works far better as a snapshot of a couple of days in someone's life. So unfortunately, while I did enjoy them, Barriss's episodes felt really rushed and I found it really hard to tell when things took place. How long was she at the Inquisitor training center? Was it a day? Was it a month? Really would have been interested in actually seeing the inner workings but it all has to get brushed over in favor of her becoming an Inquisitor. A seemingly intentionally not named Inquisitor which makes me feel like they've run out of early Inquisitor names. Unless there's a trial period before you get a proper number? I don't know it was just one of those things that niggled at me. Another thing that niggled at me (which was also mentioned by the wonderful artist @stealingpotatoes, go give her art some love) is that her design is kinda boring as fuck? Like, you have Birdy-Mc-Skullface right there with such a neat design and yet all Barriss gets is a motorcycle helmet with very slight voice modulation.

But I digress. The fact that Barriss commits herself to the Inquisitorium via a ritualized fight to the death, and then goes "wait, the red light saber wielding, all black wearing, Darth Vader serving inquisitors aren't here to help people?" before immediately bailing is so funny to me. This girl cannot for the life of her commit herself to an organization without becoming disillusioned within 1-3 business days.

I'm not sure how I feel about it all being about Lyn? I was very much rooting for her to totally die in the ice shafts instead of what felt like a very last minute redemption arc?

Though speaking of the last episode...HOLY SHIT OLD BARRISS IS FUCKING HOT. *coughs* Excuse me. Anyway. I would have loved to see more of what happened in between eps 5 and 6. Seeing how she and the jedi kid escaped the planet, and where the two of them did after than in the very hostile Empire would have been a facinating story watch play out. Also, who is this female friend that Barriss is referring to when she sends the child away? Is it Ahsoka??? If it is...WHY WOULD YOU NOT SHOW US THAT REUNION??? Like I get the whole point of this is to set up Barriss to make the jump to live action like every single other Filoni character is curseddestined to do, but also you've had people waiting years to find out what happened to Barriss and it feels like they burned their biggest story possibility on a throwaway reference. Did she find Ahsoka? Did Ahsoka find her? When did they find each other? Was it pre-Rebellion? Was it after Ahsoka was already functioning as Fulcrum? Given that we now know the Fulcrum name originated from Anakin, did Barriss recognize the name and seek this mystery person out? I don't know it just feels again like more wasted potential.

Final Thoughts

Fuck this animation is good now! Can we get a new writer?

Like, even for the shit I was annoyed by, the entire show just looks fabulous. It makes me really really wish that ANYONE other than Filoni could make content in this style. Let the writers of Jedi: Fallen Order and Survivor do a Merrin episode or a baby Cal episode. Or the people doing The Acolyte, let them do Tales of the High Republic! Let anyone other than Filoni have a chance to create within the world of Star Wars animated content.

[ddarker-dreams]

Patiently waiting for your thoughts on Fontaine’s new archon quest 🫡

oh man. i do have some thoughts to share.

(warning for spoilers to those who haven't played through the latest archon quest)!

OKAY, so — overall? i enjoyed it. the fortress of meropide section felt a little tedious at times, i'm begging mihoyo to abandon those awful 'stealth' 'gameplay' sections. aside from that though, i was always interested enough to keep moving ahead. i especially like how they wrote navia. the story of her and her father got me emotionally invested in her as a character, i actually teared up at one point.

i was glad they avoided their infamous 'introduce a character and have them betray you' shtick. idk if that was a quota they had to reach before and that's why they did it so often, but in any case, it made for a refreshing change. the reveal of fontaine's history, the serial disappearances, focalors and furina; there were lots of intriguing story beats. furina's story might somehow be one of the saddest in genshin yet?? the execution of the reveal and the final conversation between focalors and neuvillette packed a strong emotional punch.

onto my gripes...

childe. why. why'd they do my man like that. the buildup was so interesting! the cutscene where he helps neuvillette subdue the space whale had me frothing at the mouth. him in his foul legacy armor ... his leitmotif playing... him growling and grunting.... oh, how happy i was, naïve thing that i am. i was a bit confused how they dedicated a total of three seconds to traveler and the floating fiend going 'oh wow there's childe ig.' like ??? at this point in the story, i thought they were sorta buddies??

the space whale's execution confused me. i expected it to be deeply tied to fontaine's past, or at the very least give some abyss bread crumbs, but it just kinda flopped around and stuff. the fight was cool, don't get me wrong. but the whole 'yeah this whale is some dude's pet lol' bit just felt odd. i get that they want to prove the Big Important Name Fella is suuuper important and suuuper strong but c'mon. at least make the space whale a creation that ran rampant or something.

i could've forgiven the space whale shenanigans if we got a nice conversation with childe at the end. how did he feel in the abyss? was he fighting the whale to keep the people of fontaine safe, out of bloodlust, or something in between? what was it like seeing skirk again? how much time felt like it passed when he was in whale abyss prison? does his vision resonate with him properly again?

instead, we just get a few throwaway lines that he's back in snezhnaya healing up. did they run out of budget to book his VA?? i get they have to be selective with lore drops, but there are so many ways around that.

my last major gripe is how they went about furina's character quest. maybe i'm just an oversensitive weenie (i definitely am), but the traveler and flying creature's interactions with furina... i was physically grimacing. how did they seriously think it was a good idea to ask the person who has been tormented by acting for 500 years to give the stage another shot? imo, it would've been fine if they tried that, furina rejected them, and everything played out about the same. but those bits where traveler + the imp kept pressuring furina felt so weeeeeeird. i genuinely didn't want to click the dialogue options. if this was framed differently, that would've also been fine, but it's kinda a 'haha :3 epic paimon says teehee te nandayo reddit gold' light.

tl;dr i liked the overall experience but someone needs to delete paimon from the game + treat their characters as more than a punchline.

[poledancingdinos]

Hostile Territory - Chapter 18

Pairing: Captain Syverson x OFC (Leah Coleman)

Word count: 3.1K

Warnings: grief, past loss

Catch up: Series Masterlist

Taglist: @amberangel112 @utterlyhopeful-fics @marantha @kebabgirl67 @littleone65 @omgkatinka @luclittlepond @persephonepraxidikechthonios @enchantedbytomandhenry @narnianaos   @geralts-yenn @peaches1958 @avengersfan25 @sillyrabbit81 @summersong69 @identity2212 @liecastillo @lena-banena @mrsevans90 @confessionbrain-writings @eclecticfashionbookszipper @happydistraction @hannah9921 @valacircareads @toooldforobsessions

Masterlist

Day 202

Leah’s first stop after getting off the plane was her childhood home. Her second stop was the cemetery.

She walked along the path she had come to know by heart. The land was not very big and was surrounded by a line of trees to shield it from the nearby road. She came to a stop in front of the fourth headstone of the thirteenth row on the left.

“Hey Dad.” Leah set her bag down on the grass, kneeling beside it. “I’m sorry it’s been so long since my last visit. I’ve been moving around for the better part of the last three years and I haven’t had many opportunities to come home.”

Leah pulled a packet of wipes out of her backpack and began cleaning her father’s headstone. The lawn around it was well maintained by Caleb but the recent weather had left splatterings of mud on the smooth surface. Once she finished her task, she sat down facing the inscription, lifting her knees to her chest.

Gage ColemanDearly Loved,Sadly Missed,Forever In Our Hearts

She and Caleb had agonized over what to write. The man at the funeral home had shown them a bunch of examples for “loving father” and “taken too soon” but none of them had felt right.

A dozen men whose lives he had saved overseas had shown up to his funeral. There were two dozen more from the VA, the dog shelter, his work and Caleb’s year in school.

Leah and Caleb may have been his only living relatives, but they hadn’t been his only family.

“I’ve been so lost since you’ve been gone, Dad. It’s been so hard finding my place.” Leah buried her face in her hands, choking on a sob. “All I ever wanted when I was younger was to be like you. It hurt so much knowing you never wanted this life for me.”

Leah took a moment to brush her tears away with the sleeve of her hoodie, fixing her gaze on her father’s name.

“But I think I get it now—why you didn’t want me to follow in your footsteps. It’s not easy. Actually, it’s been really fucking hard, but I just know that this is what I’m supposed to be. I hope you’re not too mad.”

Leah didn’t want to spend her entire visit with her father in a blubbering mess so she blew her nose on a tissue from her bag and took a few calming breaths.

“I, uh… I met this guy. He’s more than just some guy, really, he’s my captain. I know, I know, it’s a recipe for disaster. I think if you met him he’d change your mind though.” Smiling to herself, Leah remembered how Sy had said he and her father would probably get along. She was sure her father would agree.

“I mean, Aika—she’s a german shepherd we rescued—Aika loves him and you always said dogs were the best at judging character. I think I might be in love with him and I… I’m so scared, Dad. I’m scared of what might happen if I do this but I’m also scared that if I don’t take this chance, I’ll regret it forever.”

After a few terrible attempts at dating after high school, Leah had somewhat given up on the idea of finding someone to share her life with. She was so independent and bullheaded that she didn’t think she would ever manage to make a relationship work. Then there was the whole fear that a guy would never be satisfied with her and would always inevitably cheat on her as had happened before.

“Were you happy, Dad? After mom left and you were all alone with us, were you happy? Maybe I was just a clueless kid and you were this big ladiesʼ man but based on the lack of female presence at your funeral, I don’t think that was the case. Sometimes I wonder if you were lonely without a girlfriend. I hope you didn’t feel like that was a sacrifice you had to make for us but if it was then… Thank you. Thank you for always putting us first. Thank you for being such an amazing dad.”

An alarm on Leah’s phone informed her that it was time to head back to the house. Caleb was going to be home for dinner and she wanted to have food ready and waiting on the table so that they didn’t have to worry about anything but catching up and enjoying their time together.

Leah stood, packing up her trash and getting the dirt and grass on her jeans.

“I love you, Dad.”

Sy’s welcome dinner with his family was as uneventful as ever. He hadn’t expected some big shindig but he had pictured a tad more enthusiasm. Never had he felt so much like a stranger in his own home as he did at that moment.

His nieces and nephews were barely old enough to remember him since the last time he’d visited. It was also a school night so his sisters had taken the kids home right after dessert. His brothers had stayed a while longer but once the youngsters had fallen asleep, they and their wives had also gone home to put them down in their own beds.

After helping them carry the kids to the car, Sy spent another few minutes talking to the twins before retreating to the porch. His brothers had only been twelve when he left and now they were both fathers. He’d spent more than half their lives away from them.

The screen door slamming alerted Sy to his mother’s presence, drawing him out of his thoughts. She dropped down by his side on the porch swing, not saying a word for a long time.

“I’m so sorry, honey.”

Sy was taken aback, turning to face his mother.

“For what?”

Sy racked his brain, looking for a reason as to why his mother would want to apologize but he came up blank. When she looked up, her eyes were red and brimmed with tears. A million different thoughts slammed into him, filling him with dread but none of them had prepared him for what she eventually said.

“For not helpin’ ya more when you were young.”

He knew instantly what she was referring to but he’d never expected her to mention his childhood, much less apologize for any of it. In fact, he didn’t think his mother had anything to apologize for but by the looks of things, the guilt had been eating away at her for quite some time.

“Mama, ya had two other boys who needed ya more than I did.”

She shook her head, wrapping her shawl tighter around her shoulders.

“No,” she said adamantly. “Ya needed me just as much as they did but I didn’t see it because ya always acted so strong. I wasn’t the mother ya needed me to be. I wasn’t there for you.” The sobs she’d been trying to suppress finally broke free, prompting her to lift a hand to her mouth. Sy watched, feeling utterly powerless as the women who’d raised him fell to pieces right in front of his eyes. “I didn’t see it and maybe if I had and I’d been a better mother then then ya would never have enlisted. You would be safe here with your family instead of out there, riskin’ your life and worryin’ me sick every second of every day.”

Hearing those words, Sy pulled his mother into his arms, her tears soaking his shirt as he held her. He hated hearing that she blamed herself for his shortcomings. Knowing that his parents had their reservations about his career and hearing that his choices actively caused them pain were two very different things.

“None of this is your fault, Mama. Ya can’t know that things woulda been any different.”

“Yes, I can.” She pulled away enough to hold his face with both hands. “You are so smart, baby. Ya coulda done anythin’ ya wanted, ya just needed a little more help in school than the others. Maybe if we’d caught on while you were still young we coulda found a way to make things work and ya wouldn’t have fallen so far behind.”

Sy closed his eyes, leaning his forehead against his mother’s.

“Mama, I never regretted joinin’ up. I love you and I know me being away is hard for ya—it’s hard for me too.” He pulled back to lock eyes with his mama’s. “But I never regretted it.”

“But maybe ya wouldn’t have felt like the army was your only choice. Maybe ya coulda gone to college right after high school, met a nice girl and been around long enough to give me a few grandbabies.”

Sy couldn’t help but huff at that last comment. Even when she was breaking down she was your typical southern mother—so full of love that she wanted as many grandkids as possible to share it with.

“Ya already have six grandbabies, Ma,” he admonished.

“That’s true, but I wouldn’t mind havin’ a mini you runnin’ around.” She pulled him down to kiss his cheek then wrapped both hands around his biceps to rest her head on his shoulder.

Sy kissed the top of her head in return, smelling the familiar fruity scent of her shampoo. She’d been using the same brand for as long as he could remember. In fact, when he was a teenager he’d asked his father to buy a different kind because he didn’t want to smell like a girl.

It was strange to think there was a time where his biggest concern was what he smelled like. Or that there was a time where his hair was long enough to warrant using shampoo instead of bar soap. He’d given up almost everything that tied him to a life outside the army but maybe it was time to make a few exceptions.

“I uh… I don’t know that babies will be involved, but there is this one girl that caught my eye.”

His mother immediately perked up, as he knew she would. 

“Oh?” she wiped her cheeks. “And what’s her story?”

“Her name is Leah and she… Well she’s one of my soldiers. She was assigned to my unit a few months ago.”

“Wow. She must be a real tough girl to make it into the special forces.”

Sy nodded. “But she’s got a good heart too. She’s an artist, she loves dogs and she’s real close with her brother ‘cause they’re each other’s only family.”

“Ya sound real smitten,” she teased, nudging his side.

“I guess I am.” Sy managed a half smile as he turned his gaze downward. “I just wish I’d had more time with her before she got on her flight to Denver but maybe it was better this way. If we got together while she’s still my subordinate and someone on base found out it could ruin both of our careers.”

“If she’s the one for you, ya can’t let her go. Who knows when you’ll have another chance like this. I think you should go after her.”

Looking out over the yard of his childhood home, Sy considered his mother’s suggestion. It had always been a little wild and unkept when he was young. His little brothers’ toys had always been strewn about, his own bike laying amongst them more often than not.

Now, however, the lawn was neatly trimmed. His mother had planted lush flower beds that were in full bloom and pruned daily. Even the house itself was unrecognizable after a few necessary renovations. At least the ceiling in his old bedroom no longer leaked when it rained.

He wanted that for himself. A place to call his own. Somewhere to return to. A house that would change over time and age with his family. He wanted a home. Hopefully one with Leah in it.

He shook himself out of his reverie. “Mama, I haven’t been home in almost two years. I can’t run off after less than twenty-four hours.”

“Nathan, sweetie, if you feel this strongly then there’s nowhere else I want you to be than with her. I want to see you happy.”

She stood from the porch swing, tapping him twice on the knee.

“Take the night and sleep on it, but I have a feeling your heart already knows what it wants.”

Sy nodded in acceptance, standing to kiss his mother on the cheek and pull her into another embrace.

“I want you to know, baby, that I am proud of the man ya grew up to be. It scares me to death that I might lose ya but that don’t mean I’m not as proud as can be that you’re my son.”

With that, she said goodnight before heading inside.

His mother was right, Sy didn’t need to think another second whether or not he wanted to go after Leah. He wanted to jump in his truck and head out on the road but he also had no idea where to go.

Sy pulled his cell out of his pocket, tapping the screen and bringing the device to life. It was late, nearly midnight, but with any luck the man he needed to reach would see his message somewhere between when he stumbled out of the bar and when climbed into bed with whatever man or woman would be warming his bed that night.

To Sy’s surprise, his phone lit up with an incoming call as soon as the message had been delivered.

There was noise in the background as he answered, some classic rock song Sy couldn’t quite hear clearly enough to recognize it.

“Why do you need Coleman’s info at this time of night?” BJ was shouting over the music but soon the sound faded, letting Sy know that he had walked out of the bar to take the call.

“Whatever business I have with Coleman is between us. Do you have her address or not?”

“Really? You ask me for a favor and you’re gonna give me that bullshit?”

Sy knew it wasn’t fair of him. Especially since BJ had trusted him enough to confess his own biggest secret. He was the only person that knew BJ was bi. They’d lost a man a few years back and it had sent BJ into a spiral. That was when he’d confessed that the two of them had grown to be more than teammates.

If anyone was going to understand how he felt about Leah, it was BJ.

“I need to see her. I need to see if she feels the same about me as I feel about her.”

“And how exactly do you feel about her?”

The Captain sighed, sinking down into the porch swing. “You really gonna make me say it?”

“Damn straight I am.”

He scrubbed a hand over his beard which was overdue for a good trim.

“I need to know if… If she’s willin' to give us a shot. If she can’t stop thinkin’ about me the same way I can’t stop thinkin' about her.”

Sy held his breath as he waited for a response. A moment passed. Then another.

“I’ll text you her info when I get home. It’s on a scrap of paper in my pack.”

With a relieved exhale, Sy said a silent prayer to whatever god was listening.

“That’s it? No follow up questions? No snarky comments?”

“Na, I’m just glad you finally got your head outta your ass. Your moping around was getting real fucking old.”

“I really owe you for this BJ.”

“Make me the best man at your wedding and we’ll call it even.”

An image of Leah in a white gown walking down the aisle towards Sy suddenly flashed through his mind and he groaned inwardly. Fuck. He really liked that image.

“She can make you her maid of honor. I’m sure you’d look great in a fluffy pink dress.”

“Don’t think I won’t do it, Sy. I fucking love that girl, I’d do it if she asked.”

A door slammed closed somewhere on the other end of the line, a muffled male voice following shortly after. “Babe, why’d you disappear on me? I turned around and you were gone.”

“Sorry, it’s my captain. Give me a sec. Sy, I gotta—”

“All good man. Thank you.”

“Keep me posted on how it goes.”

With a brief goodbye, they hung up and Sy made his way back upstairs. He quickly used the washroom and slid between the sheets of the queen bed his parents had purchased specifically for him.

The other two bedrooms had been turned into a craft room and a proper guestroom. His, however, had been saved for these rare moments when he made it home. He’d been the only one to have his own room growing up. The girls had shared one and the twins shared the other. It must have been the only blessing of being the middle child.

They’d changed it, of course, clearing out any clutter and moving it to the attic in case Sy ever wanted to go through it all. His first time back home following his enlistment, he’d had to squeeze his newly acquired muscle into his old twin bed. His parents had taken pity on him, investing in a bigger bed despite knowing it would barely get used. They’d also elected not to remove the posters of half naked women he’d put up when he was fourteen.

Sarah Michelle Gellar had been his number one crush at the time. It seemed his tastes hadn’t changed much—strong, sassy, independent.

His phone buzzed on the nightstand and he was happy to see an address from BJ. Sy immediately booked a flight to Denver for the next morning. He was able to find a last minute car rental as well but decided to wait before booking a hotel.

Maybe it was presumptuous of him but he hoped he’d be able to stay with Leah even if it was on her couch. He still checked availability at a few local motels then set an alarm early enough to give him time to pack some clothes and get his duffle ready. He was not going to risk missing his flight on the off chance that his body managed to sleep past sunrise the next morning. That was, if his impatient ass managed to sleep at all.

Chapter 19

[lukkabloom]

Fun facts abt residents according to Ikevamp Radio (ヴァンなま) Part 2

Continuing with the Ikevamp radio findings (& some stuff w/the VAs) I have episodes 4-7 this time!!! (also pls take this with a grain of salt bc idk how much of this is canon according to Cybird)

Episode 4: It’s just Vincent and Sebas’s VAs!!

Morishi emphasizes that he’s a special guest, not a permanent part of the show, Makki says that there should prob be only one MC. They settle on Morishi being a guest-regular

ANYWAYS ONTO THE BATH SEGMENT

Vincent’s learning to sing the song Sebas taught Leo in episode 1 & 3 (for anyone curious, the original song is called Ii yu dana [いい湯だな] by the Drifters [ザドリフターズ] and it was a song the group sung at the end of their TV show/stage from the 70s–late 90s. Sebas knowing that song would mean he was alive during this time period)

Sebas hears him hum, Vincent is embarrassed, telling him to forget he ever saw him singing

During the day, Vincent saw Sebas cutting and sorting the gardens, to which Sebas references Nippon Mukashi Banashi (Folktales of Japan) where so many Japanese folktales start with a character cutting grass/weeds

Vincent recalls that Theo called MC “hondje” and “dog”, worries that she might be offended at those names

Sebas reassures him that MC has a strong spirit, and shouldn’t worry abt her much

Sebas comments that while Vincent and Theo are siblings, they have completely different personalities

Vincent answers that many people have stated this, wonders what he has to do to make others believe that they are brothers

Sebas has Vincent do impressions of Theo, starting w/Vincent calling Sebas “hondje” but Vincent just calls him “wanchan” (doggy/puppy) instead

Sebas makes a weird/loud noise, saying that that’s just an angel playing with a puppy (the part where Sebas loses his sanity. Actually he’s losing more of it as the episodes continue)

Vincent relents, quietly mumbling “hey, hondje” to Sebas

Sebas says he’s so close, just needs to be a bit more intimidating

Vincent repeats “hey, hondje” with more determination, Sebas replies “I have received Master Vincent’s ‘hey hondje!!!!’” (Sebas is crazy I swear)

Sebas pressures Vincent to say “I will make you my dog,” like Theo, to which Vincent questions if Theo has ever said that

Sebas quickly answers yes, forcing Vincent to say the phrase but worded more respectfully “I will make you my dog, okay?” (peer pressure is never okay, ESPECIALLY concerning Vincent)

Sebas is satisfied with the result, saying that the two brothers are really related

(I LEGIT DON’T KNOW WHAT’S WITH THIS EPISODE)

Sebas confesses that he just wants to see Vincent as a sadist and Vincent just sweat-drops

In this episode’s “Can you tell me… your name?” segment… (aka my fav part of the livestream—lol it’s not even the skit in the thermae) 

Sebas’s chosen line was “I’ve boiled the pumpkin” (this was done during Halloween, that’s what’s with the pumpkin). There were a lot of food-related names, so Sebas would say “Cucumber, I’ve boiled the pumpkin” or “Miso soup, I’ve boiled the pumpkin” and many others (mushroom, pig, tomato, sweet potato, radish, shiitake, hanpen)

There was also one in which Morishi said “Aramaki, I’ve boiled the pumpkin” to which Makki replied “thank you,” and another with “Vincent, I’ve boiled the pumpkin”

Episode 5: feat. Theo’s VA Sato Hisanori & Earl Rose (ローズ伯爵)

First episode where there is video in the livestream (it was previously just audio)

(I love watching VAs play their roles so this episode is prob one of my favs)

Sato realizes what kind of crazy show this is when he has to say “konvampire” instead of “konbanwa” (good evening) as a greeting. I feel like every guest other than Tsuda has said this (at least implied) but Sato just straight up says this

Sato calls Makki “nii-san” (big brother) when they first greet each other, referencing their roles as Vincent and Theo (also, fun fact, the two VAs are born in the same month of the same year)

Sato asks the viewers who they like the most out of Vincent, Theo, and Sebas. The viewers overwhelm them with calls of “Vincent!!!”

Sato asks for them to stop, changing questions, asking the viewers who wears the best clothes out of three (Makki, Morishi, and Sato). The viewers still say Makki, though there are some saying Sato

Earl Rose is a guest for this episode. He is the lord (read: owner) of the vampire cafe in Ginza. (he’s basically here to promote the ikevamp collab w/his Vampire Cafe) Sato looks freaked out/uncomfortable by the earl. The three eat the collab foods and drinks provided (it looks pretty good tbh)

NOW ONTO THE “I LOVE YU” SEGMENT

Vincent sinks down to his shoulders in the waters, Theo can’t find him for a bit

Theo and Vincent enjoy spending time w/each other

Sebas can hold his breath underwater (in a hot bath) for 5 min. He did so to not interrupt the two brothers’ conversation (Sebas becoming more and more ooc)

Vincent stated that his previous record was 3 min 46 sec. Sebas said that “as a butler of this mansion, I shall keep on improving” (Theo doesn’t know what the heck is happening, but Vincent seems to be enjoying himself so he let’s go)

Vincent & Theo have never fought (as expected of such bros. Now that I’m rereading this I’m sure this is reinforced in various routes so maybe I don’t need this info)

Sebas (who tries to create some tea---figuratively) asks Vincent what he would do if his pancakes were covered by tons of syrup by Theo, to which Vincent replies “I will give those pancakes to Theo.”

Sebas switches over to Theo, asking him what he will do if Vincent steals his syrup before he can eat the pancakes. Theo answers “Easy. I’ll give the pancakes to my brother. It would mean that he wanted to eat pancakes so badly that he would steal the syrup”

There’s around 2-3 times where Theo almost gets angry at Sebas and Vincent has to stop him (pats his head and stuff)

Theo asks why Sebas is acting weird, to which Vincent believes its bc he’s working too hard, so they should help him out & fulfill his hopes/wishes

Sebas has a voice recorder??? Theo doesn’t know what it is

Theo doesn’t approve being recorded, but Sebas goes to Vincent for protection, who calms Theo

OK I don't talk about this segment much but for the first time since the episodes’ release, there was a tie in the votes in the drawing segment (van Gogh’s drawing section) between Morishi and Makki. Usually, they’ll give the best voted piece to a randomly selected winner w/the VA’s signature, but instead of giving out both pictures, they gave out Makki’s art piece (bc he’s van Gogh lol)

(they didn’t do the “Can you tell me…your name?” segment this episode, but this episode is legendary in my mind!!! So funny and entertaining)

Episode 6: No special guests!! Just Sebas and Vincent

Makki finally lets the viewers choose the official position of Morishi (guest, regular-guest, regular, or dyungyun). He’s officially the dyungyun (でゅんぎゅん) It’s an exclamatory phrase meaning exciting/heart-beating I think… I’ve been watching 6 episodes of the radio but I still don’t know what that phrase means exactly

Welcome to another episode of Sebas slowly losing his sanity! In today’s “I love yu” segment, Sebas makes his appearance by jumping into the baths!!!

Apparently Sebas has an urge to swim when he sees the large baths, and even is a first-class swimmer (スイミング一級) I think it’s a scale on how great he is at swimming, and it would mean he’s pretty good

Vincent has also seen him swim butterfly (idk if it's in the baths or in a pool but imagining Sebas swimming butterfly in the hot baths is amusing)

Vincent likes eating the motsunabe (もつ鍋), a type of hotpot that Sebas made

As an adult, Vincent spends his Christmas season painting, but as a child, he would spend time w/Theo baking cakes, decorating trees, or playing in the snow

One time, Theo cried when a snowball hit him in the face

The two decide to do yaminabe (闇鍋) w/the residents. It is when you darken the room, and anyone can put anything in the hot pot. Vincent’s curious what the others will decide to put in the hot pot.

They created a new segment in the show called “Vanmana Involuntary Awards 2017” (ヴァンなま勝手にアワード) where they review the year 2017 with things related to Ikevamp and the radio. The first award is the most popular phrase which ended up being voted as “dyungyun”. The second is deciding on the best artwork produced in the “van Gogh’s drawing section” with the winning piece being a drawing by Makki titled “A woman being kabedon’d by an Ikemen in a dark room” (yes that’s the title). The third is voting on what the viewers want ikevamp to do in the future (ex. Voice drama CDs, more livestreams, raiding Ikesen, etc.) with the winning choice being to raid Ikesen. And in turn, it is implied that Ikesen would raid Ikevamp. The last is asking the viewers if there has been any change (physically, mentally, emotionally) ever since they started watching the radio, with the most votes on the viewers being more interested in Morishin and Makki.

AND of course, my fav segment “Can you tell me… your name?” Vincent’s chosen line was very nice “Christmas? I don’t need anything. All I want is (y/n) alone.” 

BUT Sebas’s chosen line is (drumroll please…) “(y/n), did you write your New Year’s greeting card?” and the first name he called out was “Santa-san, did you write your New Year’s greeting card?” AND I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING

Other names used were reindeer, postbox, and dyungyun (most were legit names tho)

They also did a third phrase where after saying (y/n), Sebas and Vincent will say a line, and I guess the staff felt bad for Sebas or smth bc he has legit lines in all of the available options. It was decided that Vincent would say “(y/n), I love you,” (大好きだよ) and Sebas would say “I love you” (愛していますよ) after Vincent (Both mean the same thing, just worded differently. Vincent's "Daisukidayo" would prob be closer to "I like you" meanwhile Sebas's "Aishitemasuyo" would be "I love you" if I were to be very specific)

I thought people would submit serious names (many did) but there were names like ice, carbonara, butter, napolitan (many varieties of pasta). There was also Rose and the two VAs were like “Earl Rose??? You watch this???"

Episode 7: feat. Comte’s VA Horie Kazuma

OMG Comte’s VA has such a sexy cool voice I can’t

So I didn’t know this, but you can talk to Vincent on Amazon Alexa?? I don’t have one so idk if it still works but apparently it’s called “Vincent’s time” (フィンセントの時間) and Vincent can tell you the time of day and you can talk to him and stuff??

Video showing Vincent's Time here part 1 part 2 part 3

It’s so funny how similar Horie is to Comte bc Makki and Morishin will be loud and talkative while Horie just watches over the scene like a parent

ANYWAYS for the thermae skit…

It’s rare for the others to meet Comte in the thermae since Comte baths at a later time than the others

The topic of today’s thermae episode is mainly about the construction they have in the baths (prob in another part of it??) Sebas came back running after looking at it, Comte and Sebas told Vincent not to worry about it (WHAT IS HAPPENING OVER THERE??? we'll never know...)

Vincent wants to paint scenes he’s never seen so he’d like to go out to various places

After living for so long, Comte said he’s starting to lose the concept on the importance of New Year’s and New Year’s resolutions (this episode was broadcast on Jan of 2018)

Vincent says that Comte’s like a father, to which he replies, “Haha, I’m not like a father. When you call me something as young as a ‘father,’ it makes me feel embarrassed. I’m probably way older than you two think I am”

Sebas replies, “Oh, of course. None of us know how old Comte actually is”

Comte continues, “It’s rude to ask a vampire their age. Besides, men like to keep their secrets hidden.” To which Sebas is like “As expected of le Comte. That is admirable.”

According to Sebas, Jean has a breast fetish?? Sebas apparently knows nothing else abt Jean other than that single fact

So… the “Can you tell me… your name?” is *chef’s kiss* amazing as usual

Comte’s line was “(y/n), I won’t let you go” and for one of the names, he said “Aramaki, I won’t let you go” & you can tell the staff were laughing. 

So Sebas… his chosen line was “(y/n), isn’t this bed a bit hard?”

There was “Comte, isn’t this bed a bit hard?” and Horie replies “No,” in his Comte voice & it’s amazing. There’s also “Aramaki, isn’t this bed a bit hard?” and Makki replies “Yup.”

Other notable names include bed, obachan (Auntie), Morishima (yes the VA’s asking himself) and employee (店員さん)

Also Morishi does voice-percussion at the end of the stream and… I’ll just say it’s interesting :))

(Also the updates will prob be daily since I've watched & have the next couple parts written already. I just have to watch the last couple & write about it, which should be done soon)

[des2dream]

Okay, Crumpets! Let Me Tell You A Story....

By the way, thanks for asking, @xxluneilaxxaus

Once Upon A Time (a few years back in late 2020 and around 2021),

I wasn't a big ASMR fan either. I looked at ASMRs of people eating food, whispering into the mic, scratching on their microphones and I was like, "I don't get it!".😕 I also cringed because it always made my ears feel funny. One day, I got curious again and did some research until I found male audios. The first one I found was ZSakuVA's first Kayson locker video....before it got remade and I was like, "Oh.....woah!" 😲😳 At first, I was embarrassed and ashamed of myself so I laid off for a while. I think a few months later, my curiosity got the better of me and I saw the audio again....actually, the whole Kayson series (at the time where there was only The Locker Episode until the Halloween Episode). I guess you could say I was hooked. I was hooked on the character, the storyline, and the romance (Yes! Yes! I know, I know! A little silly!). I enjoyed listening to the audios and didn't think of them much as ASMRs, but just audios. Then....it hit me. I realized something that day. I've listened to audios BEFORE!!!

Before I listened to ASMR, I frequently listened to audio dramas and dramatic readings since I was a teenager. One of the best things I enjoyed about a story was hearing how the scenes played out in my head while reading it and listening to it was the next best thing! I've listened to a few audio dramas that were pretty enjoyable over the years. Creepypasta readings, audio dramas based on shows that I liked, even audio books/stories! It wasn't until that moment that I understood what I liked. I didn't want to watch ASMR videos of eating food and watching people do slow-motion on camera! I wanted to listen to audios! After listening to Saku's audios, I searched for other creators and I was blown away by what other people had to offer like DemonPishi, NoraASMR, SaejinVA, IceBoy, GoodBoyAudios, and much more that I apologize for not naming because we'd be here all day. I'm so sorry! They were all full of personality and talent! Still, there was something I was most curious about.....The ZSIMPS....Oh! Uh, I mean....THE CRUMPET COMMUNITY!!!

I used to be a lurker (though, I like the term, observer) and I would sit down and watch Saku's livestreams on Youtube and I was pleased at how kind the community was. I wasn't used to that because I was WELL aware that communities like The MLP Fandom, The MHA Fandom, and The Sonic Fandom had a TON of problematic fans and terrible misbehavior and illegal activity going on. The community seemed like a cozy spot to be around with. However, I didn't officially introduce myself into the community until I came to the Discord Server on the first day of 2024. So, I was always around since 2021 except I wasn't seen or heard of. However, in 2023 I decided to get involved in watching Twitch Streams after dear ReverieVA and Saku played Outlast and I couldn't stop laughing. It was a fun time too! Twitch was a lot of fun and it still is. It's because of Twitch that I decided to get into Discord with how great the community has been and I've grown to remember so many usernames! Tumblr has been kind to me too! All the creators, VAs, ASMR Audio-ists, and all the fans have given me more inspiration to work on my own stories and creations while I continue to focus on working hard for a future involving Creative Writing and becoming an author.

I guess this is also my way of saying, "Thank You!" ❤🌹💗

[instarsandcrime]

what fun words or slang do you hc for our hotel gang? 😊

(Like Husk using "chucklefucks" unironically for example 🤣)

Oh gosh, that's a good question! Let me go down the list here for as many as I can think of...

Char/lie:

-In the beginning of Va/ggie's fall, she was probably very in love and very awkward while she tended to Va/ggie's wounds. And as a fellow bisexual, would definitely throw finger guns and go "Hey...y-you?" before backing out and leaving. This has happened several times. The gay panic was probably too strong for her.

Va/ggie:

-For Char/lie I literally cannot think of anything except every Salvadoran nickname under the sun. I'm not even going to list them. Just think of any one of them and you've got it.

-Similar to Al/as/tor, but instead of terms of endearment it's terms of insults™

Al/as/tor:

-Purposefully calls Hu/sk names that put him down. In Loser, Baby there are a lot of insulting labels thrown his way, and I think after some time Al/as/tor did call him enough of those that purposefully also echoed other people to get under his skin a little more. Maybe some of those were Al/as/tor originals...

-Char/lie's are much more pleasant, but he especially likes to sneak in ma fée (my fairy, normally used for your child) as far away from everyone else as possible, and as close to Lu/ci/fer as possible knowing he's centuries old and knows what that means 10,000%. And as far away from everyone else because unfortunately, a small unfortunate part of him really does mean it.

Lu/ci/fer:

-Just. Just so many cheesy nicknames. He was once an angel, and angels are definitely sappy guys. 'Char Char', 'Stardust', 'Sweetie', 'Dear', 'Kiddo', 'My little girl', etc. Similar to Li/li/th! 'Lily', 'Darling', 'Love of my life', etc.

-Contrary to popular belief, Al/as/tor does in fact get a nickname. 'Him'. Everything else is just an insult so they don't count.

-I really enjoyed your fic Watch My Back and him calling Niff/ty 'little one'. I am sticking with that headcanon no matter what.

-Va/ggie gets extreme deja vu when Lu/ci/fer has trouble talking to her at first, knowing she's a big part of his daughter's life. So despite being straight(????) and not knowing our rich bi history, and without knowing Char/lie has done this, throws finger guns in the exact same way and goes "Hey...y-you?" before backing out and leaving. It's only happened once but Va/ggie definitely still remembers it.

Hu/sk:

-Oh An/gel Du/st. There are just. So many nicknames. I definitely agree with 'Chucklefucks' for everyone generally. Specifically, An/gel is much, much different and more personal compared to everyone else. He'd probably alternate between 'kid', 'loser', 'cher'-- in which he picked up Louisiana slang from Al/as/stor and will get away with it because he knows An/gel Du/st will never look up what it means (term of endearment for loved one)-- 'Ange', and probably when he learns his real name, 'Tony'.

-Calls Niff/ty 'the menace' or 'little menace' for obvious reasons.

An/gel Du/st:

-Calls himself 'gal' and 'dame' a lot. Fuck gender roles honestly, he's all for being called what he's rightfully deserved.

-He tends to share the 'loser' nickname with Hu/sk. But he does have others-- 'baby', 'sweetheart', and 'tesoro'. (treasure/darling). Which is unfortunate because he knows Hu/sk will look it up and get incredibly flustered every time it's used. NO ONE knows what this word means except Hu/sk and has no idea why he fled the room. At one point Pen/tious considers it a threat from secondhand observation.

-Leans a lot towards 'babydoll' and 'cutie' for Char/lie because he definitely sees her as a cute, shining ball of energy (and respects it, probably, considering where the show is going with him and redemption)

[locution-youngster-enjoyer]

💗Granny May

💗The Narrator

💗Leslie

💗Charlie and Meatloaf

Oh sweet Jesus Christ /hj

You’ve opened a whole can of worms with that one, ESPECIALLY for the Narrator

Granny May

I don’t have a lot to say about her because I don’t care that much about her overall, so I don’t have that much to say about her backstory-

She’s been in the villain business for a long long time and was more respected in her younger years. Her husband was also a criminal, but before him she dated Hal Hardbargain, who made her the mech suit she uses. They’re now bitter exes, and constantly fight because they’re cranky old people. Unfortunately, Granny May’s husband passed away, but she Carrie’s on her villain career because it fulfills her.

Granny’s mom is not a villain, and didn’t exactly approve of Granny’s career, but still loves her a lot.

Eugene and Granny don’t really talk anymore after the shorts. Granny is disappointed he gave up on his villain career so early, but otherwise doesn’t focus much on him.

Uhhhh yeah that’s all I got for her, I haven’t really given her much thought lol-

The Narrator

HAAHAHHAHA oh god

Ok so- in my AU headcanon thing (Idfk at this point), there’s three different levels of reality. There’s the irl world (aka us, yes you person reading this), the middle ground, and any fictional world. Narrator’s live in the middle ground, aware they’re fictional but also living out there own lives in some strange form of free will. This means that it’s possible that any narrator from any media could interact, though it’s typically separated between film/tv show narrators, and game narrators.

Also, most of them without canon names just go with whatever name their VA has, so the Narrator would be named Chris.

Chris is happily married to the Powerpuff Girls Narrator (aka Tom)

Time works differently in the fictional reality (aka the whole show of Wordgirl) then it does in the Middle Ground. Time skips that are shown in the show aren’t actual time skips to the Narrators. Chris will literally just walk off and do something else until whatever time is being skipped to. While he can just stick around after an episode, there’s no real reason to, but he sometimes does so anyway because he actually likes his protagonists.

Tom is a whole separate thing so if y’all want me to talk more about these two please let me know. I love ‘em :))

Idk what else to mention, I just like the silly voice guy

Leslie

MY GIRRLLL. I have so much to say about her

In my au, Leslie and Victoria Best have a strange mentor and student relationship.

This is because that Leslie had a very similar childhood to Victoria. The reason she seems to be so multitalented is because as a kid, her parents put her through so many tournaments and extra curricular activities. Kids viewed her as either weird or mean because she was working all the time. Unlike Victoria, Leslie didn’t constantly boast about being the best, but she did have a silent air of superiority.

Until around 8th grade, when a teacher called CPS on her parents. They lost custody of her (because of the horrible shit they would do to her), and she started living with her grandma.

No longer having the constant force telling her to be perfect, Leslie’s mental health and self confidence tanked. It why as an adult she gets stage fright easily.

She went to a really prestigious high school filled with several people with rich families (including some other characters). One of said characters was Claire McCallister, who she quickly befriended (they also dated briefly, but it didn’t really work out, with them leaving on good terms)

Eventually, her high school and another high school participated in an event where they competed with each other, and that’s where Leslie met Lady Redundant Woman, Ms Question, and Mr Big (pre-transition). She specifically hung out and befriended Shelly, and helped him realize he was trans, so for a while they were absolute best buds.

After school, Leslie started working in economics, but was pretty bored with her life, until she heard of a job opportunity as a secretary for an up and coming company. To her surprise, she ends up reuniting with Mr Big.

Mr Big didn’t originally have Mind Control is his company statement, he suddenly got the idea from a random joke Leslie made that he took way to seriously.

Over time, Leslie started to lose her energy for the job and her self esteem started to sink again. The lack of credit and the overworking she received do nothing to help her.

Charlie and Meatloaf

These guys are so silly :]

Meatloaf’s actual name is Joe

These two were roommates in college and were best buds ever since. They both got a job at a construction company together, and they began to befriend a certain Dr Boxleitner who kept calling for their help because he kept blowing up his lab.

Post the accident, Two Brains ‘hired’ them to come work for him, since they were the only people who he knew and who were willing to help.

They’re also in an asexual relationship with each other

[useless-catalanfacts]

Photos: quinto being played in Sant Cugat del Vallès (Barcelona Metropolitan Area, Catalonia). Photos from Tot Sant Cugat. Close up to the numbers carton taken in Sabadell (BMA, Catalonia), by Óscar Espinosa for Diari Sabadell.

On the evening and night of Christmas (December 25th), Saint Stephen (December 26th), and sometimes more days around it, many people in the Catalan Countries will be playing a very fun game called quinto, quina, plena, rifla or loteria vella, depending on the area. To summarize it, it could be described as an unhinged traditional kind of bingo, but words can't do it justice.

Social centres (social centres are a big thing here) and other organizations set up the game, which is attended by many people of all ages. When you come in, you pick up a carton with numbers for yourself (each carton has all numbers from 1 to 90 but organized differently) and a handful of dry beans for the table. A person known as "the parrot" (el lloro) will pull out balls with numbers from a bottle basket or a hollow dry squash, but for many numbers he will not say the number, he will refer to it in a cryptic way, through a rhyme, an idiom, a pun or a joke. Each town or area has their own way of naming each number, some of which require the players to sing back or complete the sentence. Here are a few examples of how the "parrot" can say the number 1:

el més menut ("the smallest one"), to which the players shout back to the "parrot" el teu canut! ("your wallet!")

la més petita ("the smallest one"), to which the players say to the "parrot" la teva! ("yours!", you can guess what the innuendo is)

el més petit de tots ("the smallest of them all"), to which the players sing back tocava la trompeta ("played the trumpet"). This is part of a traditional Catalan song about kids who were sent to war.

Cap d'Any ("New Year's Day")

és tot sol ("he's alone")

el primer de mil ("the first of a thousand")

el primer ("the first one"), to which the players reply el Barça! (Barça is Barcelona's football club, meaning it's on top of the charts, the best club)

The rest of numbers follow the same idea. A few more examples:

2: un dos ("a two", said the same way as "one two"), to which the players say tres quatre ("three four").

6: el sis ("the six", pronounced the same as "please, stand up" in formal you), followed by the players' reply alci's vostè ("YOU stand up").

8: un que és vuit/buit ("one that is eight" which is pronounced the same as "one that is empty"), followed by the players' reply el teu cap! ("your head!) or el teu llit! ("your bed!").

2: un aneguet ("a little duck"). 22: dos aneguets ("two little ducks").

4: una cadireta ("a little chair"). 44: dues cadiretes ("two little chairs").

75: l'any que va morir el Paquito ("the year Paquito died", in reference to 1975, year when the despised dictator Francisco Franco died. Paquito is a diminutive of Francisco, here used to ridiculize him)

90: pelat l'avi (all multiples of 10 are called pelat, this one is "pelat the grandpa").

The number of the day of each festivity: 17 is Sant Antoni, 23 is Sant Jordi, 28 is els sants innocents ("holy innocent's", 28th december), etc. 25 is sang el 25 de desembre (December 25th) with the players singing fum, fum, fum (lyrics of a famous Catalan Christmas carol).

Every time a number ends in 1 (21, 31, 41, etc), the players say in a high pitched voice "uuuu uuuuu!"

The list would be never ending if we could see what is said in every town. Some "parrots" might also add some new way of saying it according to some common reference for the people of the town, or even a historical event (I've seen some refer to 23 as "todo el mundo al suelo!", Spanish sentence meaning "everyone to the ground!" which was said by Tejero in the 23rd February 1981 failed coup d'etat).

As you see, there's many things to remember, and the "parrot" sings quite quickly, so you're always busy placing the dry beans on top of the numbers that have been said, trying to get a line or a square. Whoever gets it will shout línia! ("line!") or pleno! ("full!"), and their carton will be taken to the "parrot" to check if they did it right. If it's correct, this person will win the prize (usually consisting on a basket with products donated by local shops as well as the money being played), and then the rest of players might whistle and shoot dry beans at the winner, especially if they or their surroundings have already won a previous round.

But, as if the players didn't have enough things to be busy with, at any moment they can shout more things at the "parrot":

If you have only one number left: busca-me-la! ("search it for me!").

Or you can be more specific with what you need: una de petita! ("a small one!"), una de gran! ("a large one!"), i els vuitantes? ("what about the 80s?"), petits a dormir ("the little ones, bedtime" if you don't want small numbers)...

If numbers that end with the same show up on a row: remena! (shake it!) or remena, nena! ("shake it, baby!", in reference to a famous 1930s song).

If the "parrot" is not saying any good numbers for you or has been the same person for a long time: canvi de lloro! ("change the parrot!") clapping or banging the table three times, said repeatedly. It can be a joke just to say it's not working for you, or if more people join and if the clamor is sang by many players, the person who says the numbers will change.

You can also shout things that rhyme with the number that has just been said, for example: dos! - que n'ets, de gos! ("2!" - "you're such a dog"), set! - tira't un pet! ("7!" - "fart!")

These are only a small percentage of the sentences said, and many jokes and puns can't be translated outside of the Catalan language. It's difficult to explain how fun this game is and how unhinged it can get in some occasions, but I hope you could imagine it with this explanation.

Merry Christmas! Bon Nadal!

[valentinbelleyh505]

hi! you're a tlg fan?? :D

for the character ask game how about 2, 7, 12 and ship ratings for your favourite character!

ofc! I'm a TLG fan!!! and i really love Bunga <3

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

• H A K U N A M A T A T A. I LOVE HIS BABY VERSION HE IS FUCKING CUTE AAH 😭😭😭... i love so much his moments with his gays uncles Timon and Pumbaa bro... I love his friendship with Kion and Beshte, Beshte is kinda Bunga's second bestie bc they calling each other Big B and Little B <333. stuff that i love the most is his moments with Binga brooo 😭

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

• i see some fans headcanon that he has ADHD, so i love that idea about it bc makes alot sense. i also see that the fans headcanons that he's BI and some headcanons that he's trans... i love so much these idea bro, bc that his VA is Bi

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

I think i have abit many headcanons for him btw

he has ADHD

he is Bi

he uses by the pronouns He/Him

he have a third best friend, and it's a human ( it's a oc that i'll make for TLG universe from my AU :D)

in my au, his relationship with Binga is kinda similar to Sir Pentious and Cherri Bomb

same being a silly guys, he have a protective side to protect his friends

he is always teased by The Night Pride members (removing Kion, Rani, Nirmala and Surak) about his crush on Binga imfao

if he make a Christmas for Timon and Pumbaa, he gonna make a Christmas for Binga

Also in my AU, he's 12 in S1, 14 in S2 and 16 y/o in S3

his third best friend and rest of The Night Pride is trying to help him to confess to Binga about his love on her

I also thought when he is trying confess for Binga like this screenshot of Pentious with Cherri:

Ship Ranking:

Bunga/Binga - 1000000/10, I FUCKING LOVE THEM, THAT SHIP IS HOW I STARTED LOVING THE DYNAMIC RIVALS TO LOVERS ASF, also this ship kinda looks like Charlie and Vaggie from Hazbin Hotel but i see they more being Sir Pentious and Cherri Bomb, i also kinda see they as Angel Dust and Husk lol, i see some fanfics of Bunga having a strong protect side when she's in danger, it's fucking cute of his part. I can see it on the episode “little old ginterbong” 😭. I give their ship name as BunBin, i also love blue x purple ships, in these days i can thought they as Aladdin & Jasmine and Rapunzel & Flynn Rider

Bunga/Kion - 3/10, they're besties ._.

Bunga/Dhahabu - 4/10, Bunga used to have a crush on her, but i see Dhahabu more as a lesbian. I'm neutral with this ship

Bunga/Fuli - 6/20, just friends

Bunga/Simba - 9/10, i put this ranking because of their friendship, or i say brother relationship <3

Bonus BROTP: Bunga/Janja - 9/10, last year I can thought this crack BROTP, i can thought they talking about their purple love interest and the person that they hate most and Cheezi & Chungu laughing in background lol

Sorry for the delay because I almost spent the whole day writing the headcanons and ship rankings for him 😭

also hi for TLG fans <3

I'm also gonna apology you if you don't like vivziepop :)

ask game

[jaythegayass]

My Transformers One Review

(No spoilers for now)

It was AWESOME, litteraly the best movie I've ever watched. It was interesting from start to finish, it was funny AND they did a great job on the important scenes, catching well the emotions of the characters. So well that I got emotional many times and cried once, that says enough. The fights were, WOW and the animation is extraordinary. Even my non-Transformers fan friend loved it (she came with me), she knows nothing about it yet she liked it.

I give it a 10/10, but in reality it's a Best Movie Existing/10. I recommend it 100%, PLEASE I NEED TO YAP ABOUT IT- Excited for the second movie...? :]

I bought a shirt, pillow and got those cups at the cinema with the lil figurines. Yeah, I loved it. I want to watch it every single day now istg LMAO

(SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT, DON'T CLICK IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED IT. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED)

Ok, so, the start was super goofy especially the scene where Orion "Transformed" XD Laughed hard at that one, same with the "My finger can transform" later on. Pax and D-16 makes me sick, THEY ARE SO CUTE???? Orion even got him a Megatronus-wathever-his-name-was sticker! Which is when I understood where the Decepticons logo is from and D-16's name.

Orion is super sweet and very caring, he saved Jazz even when Elita told him to get out! I can't believe how different he is as a 'normal bot'. Same with D-16, I was surprised at how he didn't want to break protocol and all.

SENTINEL PRIME IS SUCH AN ASSHOLEEEEE! I wanted to kill him myself, understood D-16 very well.

I hate how D-16 became slowly filled with rage, slowly letting down Orion. It hurts me so much 😭 They all had the same intention, but D got so blinded by rage it went downhill. They did such a great job slowly transitioning him, dang, my heart.

B-127 (Hope I got that right) IS ADORABLE!!! I love his lil 'antennas' and goofy personality.

I was never a big fan of Elita, but I liked her in that movie.

STARSCREAM IS BEAUTIFUL-... Buttt his voice doesn't match. It does, but in a way that it's not the perfect va. When D screwed up his voice box it was kinda funny, he sounded like a girl LMAO

Shockwave and Soundwave are also very beautiful, I love them!

THE MOMENT D SHOT ORION AND LET HIM FALL MY HEARTTTT- Like, what if: Orion wouldn't have gained the Matrix of leadership? He'd still be dead and Megatron would've taken over??? Gosh, their fight was great, it just hurts so much.

In my opinion, D-16 was blinded by rage with good intention. He was brave, but wrong when he said "I have nothing else to loose". He had Orion. So, he was an asshole for doing all the things he did + becoming Megatron. I'm so sorry for Pax, their breakup broke me man 💔

IN THE END, I LOVED IT!!!

[lightgriffinsect]

OH MY GOD FINALLY SOMEONE ELSE WHO HATES COUGAR’S CONTENT

before he started making those weird shipping videos I actually liked his fnf comic dub but then he started making content farm shipping videos at first I didn’t mind until the thumbnails for the videos started becoming really suggestive

and yes I know fnf is not a kid friendly game but it got really annoying and gross that every tabi video is just him being harassed by that tall girl (I forgot her name) and most of the videos were giving toxic couples vibes like seriously why is tabi always getting paired with a bunch of female characters like what is this a love triangle anime????😭😭😭

it doesn’t help the fact that cougar's voice B3 boyfriend from the B3 remixed mod so with this shit going on it can cause the dev team to kick him off (I hope they does because honestly his voice doesn’t fit B3 boyfriend) and find a new va 

and now he’s making farm content videos of the smiling critters from poppy playtime by making them hot furry characters LIKE DUDE THOSE ARE CHILDREN TOYS WHY ARE YOU SEXUALIZING!???!?!?!?!?!

So yeah I hope someone can tabi away from this man

the tall girl you're referring to is Nikusa, the kinda-sorta villain(?) of FNF Entity. she's an awesome character who also doesn't deserve the crap Cougar put her through.

speaking of which, EXACTLY???? I never liked cougar's dubs at all tbh; even comics that I personally had read beforehand, which had no hints of romance or shipping whatsoever, became so uncomfortably sexual and harem-y the moment Cougar got permission to dub them. i imagine there were artists who didn't want their work cast in this light at all, and I just feel horrible for them. it's really gross.

and honestly??? FNF being a mature game has NOTHING to do with the overly sexual thumbnails and blatant disrespect of Homskiy's and other creators' wishes for their characters. that doesn't make it okay at all. it doesn't matter how family friendly an IP is, if it's popular, people who only value views WILL come up with the most disgusting clickbait garbage as long as it gets them attention. content farms will oversexualize the most innocent of child-friendly characters in order to get views. FNF being for older audiences doesn't make it better.

cougar's channel has become nothing more than one of these farms. he just happens to be using a former friend's beloved character as a mascot, which only makes it worse.

it reminds me of the downfall of Gametoons and EnchantedMob, ngl. they used to make awesome videos with genuine effort and well-thought out plotlines. now their content is in a similar state. it's disgusting. the fact that cougar has let his standards devolve to this is abhorrent.

every artist has boundaries when it comes to fanart of their work. for such a renowned person in the FNF fandom, with such a large platform, to NOT make sure he isn't crossing those boundaries, and in fact actively disrespect them, sets a terrible precedent for future "big" mod devs to follow.

cougar absolutely cannot get away with this. too many other people in this fandom have, but this is something everyone has borne witness to. it is 2024, and we're sick of seeing this. we want every scrap of what we have left.

i honestly hope the remaining mod devs are doing alright. i haven't talked about them much but their experience working on Vs. Ex is no less valid. it's sickening that cougar took advantage of minors to finish all the work on their own so he could slack off. again, an ADULT could not be bothered to handle anything of the mod development, so he left it all to the rest of the team that he was leading, most of whom were MINORS.

cougar must be held accountable for his blatant disregard for Homskiy's boundaries, breaking his trust and using his beloved character against him. no one should forget how he exploited his underage co-devs to dump all the stress of finishing the mod on them.

Tabi's character is beloved to not only Homskiy and the other devs who actually worked on the mod, not only the Entity creators, but to all of us. everyone in the FNF fandom who has gone out of their way to make art for Tabi, everyone who has cared enough to even praise this art, to seek it out, we know this character's worth. we are the ones who value him.

the same goes for Nikusa, and Ayana, and every other character that he's reduced to shipping fodder and suggestive thumbnail art. I just hope outsiders and people who only know them through cougar's "dubs" will understand the same.

[my-writings-and-musings]

Time for more Earthspark appreciation! This time let's focus on one of my favorite moments with a new character, Nightshade!

Of course, Spoilers if you haven't seen the show!

Nightshade made quite a stir in the fandom and beyond by being the first explicitly nonbinary bot, and everything about their introduction as such is very carefully crafted. I'd like to point out my favorite details while also squeeing about how utterly adorable they and their siblings are.

First, we get three whole new Terrans, and they're all absolutely precious! Not to mention beautifully designed and way taller than their older siblings!

OP is absolutely delighted to see them, and immediately drops closer to their level so he can introduce himself, expressing sincere welcome and asking them their names. Much like Twitch and Thrash, they're not quite sure at first. That tracks pretty well considering they're about five minutes old!

Thankfully Robby and Mo know the drill, and through their connection they're able to help two of their new siblings discover their names.

From this we learn two important things about each bot; their names and their pronouns. Robby introduces Hashtag with she/her, and Mo introduces Jawbreaker as he/him. As an important setup for later, Nightshade introduces themselves with only their name and an incredibly sweet greeting indicating their confused delight at having been brought into existence.

Look at them, precious little bow and everything. I would die for every single Malto but especially them.

Next, it's time for a plan to rescue Dot, and the new additions to the family are eager to help! Optimus takes them all to a rest stop and they begin forming their strategy with what they have on hand. This results in STILL more cuteness.

Lookit that little face and Mo's adorable expression of concentration I simply can't ahhhhhhh this show is non-stop sweetness!

Now onto the scene in question, which I wish I could GIF in HD because there's SO MUCH but here we go!

Nightshade asks to be represented by the bobble head, and looks to Optimus for permission to do so.

Optimus, being a gigantic dad, happily complies - but hesitates when he realizes he doesn't know how to refer to the young bot. He pauses and looks uncertainly to Mo.

Nightshade goes quiet and their optics begin to glow, a sign that they're emoting strongly enough for it to go through their connection. They appear nervous as they look to Mo, sitting more tensely and setting their lip in a line as an unspoken communication compels their big sister to nod in understanding.

Mo speaks for them gently, stating their pronouns with a level of firmness that reads as polite but quite protective. She may only be a fraction of their height, but you can tell she'd fight for her little sibling and their identity. I really have to commend her VA for this and so many other scenes! Nightshade adds a small addendum that he or she simply doesn't fit for them, speaking for themself with the help of their sibling's support.

Optimus, whose respect for pronouns is now canonized, apologizes and makes it a point to address them properly. Nightshade relaxes and the nervous glow in their optics fades as they share another little moment with Mo.

Then my heart simply exploded from the cute.

I know I'm not alone in being incredibly impatient for more Earthspark, but the introduction of Nightshade and the other Terrans has me on the edge of my seat, and moments like this are the reason why! These characters all care so deeply about one another, every moment they're on screen is such a delight. Thank you for geeking out about the little details with me while we wait!

[nerdieforpedro]

You're not Broken

Frankie Morales x plus size female reader

Fanfiction: Teens and up

Masterlist / Francisco “Catfish” Morales Masterlist

Approx word count: ~2200 (I edited a bit after starting my draft post.)

Warnings: references to smut, descriptions of past violent traumatic events, depression, PTSD, minor physical altercation (wasn't intentional), anxiety, self-deprecation, Fluff at the end

Notes: I'm happy to finally have a fic for Frankie Friday! In many of my fics as of late, the angst has been HEAVY, this one is no exception. I tried to include all the warnings I thought would apply, please let me know if I need to add anything. I think at some point depending on what weird, painful, happy or fun path life has taken you down, we all may feel broken at some point.

We're not, we're just humans in an imperfect world just trying to figure it out.

The same question had been nagging your thoughts for the past month, “Why doesn’t he let me sleep over at his house?” You’d been with your boyfriend Frankie for three months, getting to know each other, having mind-blowing sex and having a great time so you thought. You’d even met his daughter, Camilla, who was an adorable two year old toddler a few times. Frankie would sleep at your place, playing big spoon to your little spoon, his strong arms wrapped around you, his chin and scruffy beard against your shoulder and neck. You’ve been to the man’s house, just haven’t stayed overnight in it. You realize it’s dumb, thinking too hard about this, you’ve only been together three months, it’s not that long, but it’s also not that short either, at least to you. He makes sure you get home safe from your dates and calls to let you know he’s in his house safe. 

One night, you decide that tonight you’re going to ask him why, why he doesn’t want you in his house overnight. Frankie doesn’t offer an explanation, only that he didn’t realize that it was that important to you. Instantly, you feel like an idiot for bringing it up. He assures you you’re not and you both go off to bed, sleep soundly and he cooks you breakfast. Slowly, you spend more nights at his house, but it was one particular night within the week you had been staying overnight at Frankie’s house why he was hesitant to have you over.

It turns out, Franscico Morales is a man with layers, like an onion. He hates that analogy because his friend Santiago says it too often and Benny mentions that his feet smell like onions, anyone’s feet would after wearing heavy boots all day with no breathable material. He’s a kind man, a loving partner and a doting father. He was also a soldier in the Special Forces of the US Army. This left him with blemishes on his mind and frayed his soul, he tries to remember he’s not that man anymore and has moved on, left that behind. As a concept, he understands, but his body and soul never forget what he did in the name of his country. Most times, he can keep busy to stave off the intrusive thoughts, the fears, the self-loathing, the guilt of surviving, the blood he can still see on his hands and head shots he made. Even flying, something Frankie loves doing which lead him to the army, reminds him of his past, moving his comrades bodies to and fro, sometimes they were alive, sometimes not. Frankie has talked to some people about it, some at the VA, and those he served with, but it’s a struggle each day. He is happy though, his daughter lights up his world and so do you, his new girlfriend who he does want to see when he wakes up.

Instead, Frankie sometimes sees the faces of those left behind, those who he couldn’t save, other times, it might just be blood or his old comrade Tom on that damn mountain a hole in his fucking head. He doesn’t want to burden you with this quite yet, things are new, they’re good. He can’t bear for you to walk away as others have, scared of him, feeling he’s defective in some way. Even Camila’s mother felt that way about him, she told him he’s a wonderful father but a haunted man that can’t let anyone in. That stuck with Frankie in the subsequent years.

Now he’s here, happy that you’re lying next to him, but wondering when it will happen. When his mind will fail him again and he’ll see the past horrors taunt him once more. Thankfully you’re a heavy sleeper, he was sure that he had woken you at your place when he got up in the middle of the night and went for a walk, sat on the couch, read one of your books, scrolled through his phone and then when he was near exhausted, he climbed back into bed. You were never the wiser though, you’d wake up with that gorgeous smile and ask him how he slept, give him a kiss and ask him what he wanted to eat. It was as it should be, no nightmares, no horrid dreams, no violent visions, maybe he got three or four hours of sleep tops, but it was next to someone who treated him like he was normal. He had found that he slept slightly better at your place so he was hoping to keep that going as long as possible. The veteran would get up to four and a half hours of sleep consecutively at your home

Tonight in Frankie’s house was fine, better then fine actually because once again, he made you say nothing but his name for at least an hour. After you both came down from your highs, your boyfriend wiped you down per his routine. If there was one thing you had learned about Frankie, unless he approves, don’t disrupt his routine. He takes special care to wipe you down first then himself, encourages you to use the bathroom followed by himself. Then the pair of you got into bed, his big spoon to your little spoon. A lovely end to a lovely evening. 

Except at one in the morning, you heard whispering. Frankie’s large hands weren’t on your round belly or wide thighs, instead, he had them wrapped around himself as sweat dotted his brow. An unfamiliar grimace was on his face as he mumbled something you couldn’t make out, it didn’t sound like words. You reached to touch his shoulder and he snapped back, he looked at you but his eyes were wide and unfocused. One of his hands grabbed your wrist as he draped you out of bed, he crouched behind the bedroom door. You didn’t say anything at first, shocked by what was happening but you started calling his name, first Frankie which he didn’t answer to, then you tried Francisco, he still gave you nothing. He was rattling off numbers now which were nonsensical. Finally you tried Sergeant Morales which got him to focus on you finally.

It took him a minute, but he recognized you and gasped in horror. Frankie didn’t remember getting out of the bed or grabbing you, ‘a new horror has happened’ he thought as he released your wrist. You actually hadn’t felt your hand for the last few minutes and now that he wasn’t putting any pressure on it, your wrist throbbed in pain, you winced but didn’t want to scare Frankie more than you already assumed that he was. He turned to head toward the kitchen but you stopped him.

“Wait, don’t go. I’m alright Frankie.”

“No you’re not cariño. Look at your wrist…I…”

“You didn’t mean to. I know you would never mean to. Is this…” You paused, taking a deep breath before asking. “Is this why you didn’t want me to sleepover?”

Frankie looks away for a moment, closing his eyes. Is this the moment he loses you? You say it’s fine but like hell it is. He knows your wrist hurts and you’ll be lucky if it doesn’t bruise by morning. You’re one of two people he wanted to be his best self for, you and his daughter, but he’s failed. Shown you what the outcome can be if his mind plays serious enough games with him. He looks into your patient eyes and nods. “Yes. Though not as severe as tonight was, most nights I…I don’t sleep well.”

You surprise him by embracing him, wrapping your soft body against him with your arms around him, massaging his back. “I’m glad I now know Frankie. We’re supposed to be up front with each other right?”

Frankie laid his head on your shoulder, placing a soft kiss on your round shoulder, he was in your arms and felt better, still guilty but better. Maybe you wouldn’t leave right away, he’d have time to convince you to stay at least.

“Frankie, let’s go back to bed, but I’ll be the big spoon this time.” His body stiffened, that was not part of the routine, his regimen with you. Before he could mention this, you’d pulled him back to bed and laid down, patting the pillow beside yourself. The man sighed and laid next to you in bed, giving in to your whim. He rolled on his side and felt your body against his, though your arms, especially your sore wrist didn’t quite make it around him due to the broadness of his back. 

“Cariño, I think we should switch positions. Doesn’t your wrist hurt like that?” You knew Frankie wasn’t wrong, it still pulsed with pain, though slightly less since it had been a few minutes. You decided to turn on your back and patted your chest.

“Lay here then. No funny business though, we have work in the morning.” A playful grin spread across your lips. Frankie let out a happy huff and laid his head on your tender breasts as his chest lay across half your plush belly. One hand patted your head, his fingers rubbing your scalp as his other hand squeezed your hip. 

“This is a lot better. You sure you can sleep like this though? Are you comfortable?” Your boyfriend asked, that was the man you knew, always concerned for your well being, even when you’re trying to get him settled.

“Yes, I can sleep through you having horrible dreams most nights.” You closed your eyes, realizing that may have been a cutting statement to make, but it was mainly directed at yourself. He’s been suffering like this and you didn’t know, slept happily without a care because you don’t remember your dreams but he does and it’s detrimental for him. “Sorry, I just…I would have tried to help you sooner you know. I get why you didn’t tell me. It’s a hellova thing to deal with Frankie.” You feel his body start to relax and to put more of his weight on you, he’s accepting of the position at least, you’re hopeful that it can get him back to sleep with minimal issue.

“Thank you cariño. I don’t deserve your understanding or your kindness.” A small acknowledgement comes from Frankie, though it makes you frown. He shouldn’t speak of himself that way, it’s not his fault his mind is in this state, it took years to become this. You had an arm that was laying across the pillows, above his shoulder, you bent it to place his scalp in your palm grasping and releasing his soft curls.

With a kiss placed on his forehead you told him, “You’re not broken Frankie. You’re entitled to so much from life. I love you and I won’t hear you talk about yourself like that. You’re too important to me.” A heat rose from your cheeks and spread throughout your body, you might burst into flames. You just told this man you loved him and you’ve only been dating him three months, that seems a bit soon. Even if a real tender moment is happening right now, that could sour it a bit or weird it out. You stayed perfectly still, closing your eyes to avoid the look on his face whatever it was. You worry too much.

Frankie is ecstatic with this turn of events. In fact, he too was wondering if it was too soon. Your plush body he loses himself in, your melodic voice where it always sounds like you’re singing his name, Camilla appeared to like you - she didn’t do the stranger danger and waddle away, you make him laugh, his friends liked you, you were aware of his past transporting discretion and although you didn’t excuse it completely, understood that he was trying to make ends meet at the time, enjoyed how comfortable he could be with you even in silence. Why shouldn’t he tell you that he loves you, especially now that you’ve said it first, though he did want to beat you to that originally. Francisco popped his chin up to look at you, your eyes were closed and he snickered, he had horrible dreams and you spun too many things inside that pretty head of yours.

“Look at me, Cariño,” he waited until you made eye contact with him. This was important after all, “I love you too and I also thought it was too soon. We’re on the same page most of the time. Stop spinning and sleep.” A small peck landed on the top of your breast before he laid his head back down.

Soon both of your respirations slowed and you slept until the morning. Frankie did not wake during the night or need an early morning walk. He had the best sleep he’d had in years. You were ecstatic to see him the next morning actually looking well rested for once, sitting on the side of the bed as he said good morning to you. Your hands pressed against his back as did your cheek - a wonderful start to the day for you both.