#but anyways I was literally laying in my bed last night and idk how I ended up down here like I clearly remember laying in bed putting my

[peapod20001]

Haha don’t pay me any mind oho

[hangeswif3]

Mistake

Pairing: Bonten!Rindou x reader.

Summary: you don’t remember what happened last night.

Warnings: super slight nsfw, cursing.

Note: I wrote this cause I saw this tiktok

And i couldn’t help but thinking about Rindou.

You know the drill, English isn’t my first language so be nice, and idk if I like this so I might delete it later. Thanks for reading anyways, I love u <3

Your head was killing you. Was the first thing you noticed. The second thing was how bright were the lights. You slowly opened your eyes to scan the place you were in. It was your room, but something looked kinda off, you noticed you were only wearing your underwear and your sheets were all over the place, like someone else had slept with you.

You tried to remember what had happened last night. You were out with your friends, everyone was there and things obviously got out of control, because you couldn’t remember a thing.

You tried to trace back to the last thing you remembered. Like the ride there, meeting the guys at the club, Ran getting drinks for everyone, you dancing with your friends, Sanzu getting high, Sanzu offering stuff to everyone, and you drinking a lot. Everything else was like a blur, almost like it might have happened but maybe it didn’t.

You slowly raised your head and got out of bed. You looked in the mirror, you looked awful. Your make up was all smeared, your hair was crazy and you had some interesting marks on your neck. You didn’t remember who gave you those.

Shit.

You heard some noise outside so you put on an oversized shirt and some shorts and got out of your room.

“There she is, good morning party girl.” Said Ran.

He was in the kitchen, bending over the counter drinking a cup of coffee. You turned your head to see your surroundings and noticed that everyone was there. Sanzu was sleeping on the couch, Koko and kakucho were sleeping right next to him on the floor, and Ran was shirtless which meant he had slept there too, probably in your roommate’s room.

And Rindou, he was making himself some coffee, he had a withe plain shirt and some pants. He had his hair all in a mess and he wasn’t wearing his glasses. He looked awkward.

“Morning, mister Haitani.” You said playfully. “What the fuck happened last night?” You asked rubbing your face.

Everyone seemed to stay quiet for a moment.

“You don’t remember?” Said Ran smirking.

“Remember what?” You said.

Ran laughed and right when he was about to speak, Rindou cleared his throat and turned around to look at you in the eye, while taking a sip to his coffee.

Ran put his hands up on defeat and walked out to the other room, he was laughing.

“How are you feeling?” Asked Rindou when Ran was gone.

“Why are y’all acting so weird? And what the fuck happened-” You suddenly stopped noticing the hickeys on Rindou’s neck. “Oh, had fun last night?” You asked him pointing to the marks on his neck.

“Huh?” He saw how your face change to a slightly annoyed expression. “Oh, yeah kinda” he said finally.

The truth was, you have always had something with Rindou. His relationship with you wasn’t like with the others. You guys were always “fake” flirting, but no one really made a move. That didn’t stopped you or him from getting jealous every time the other flirted with someone else.

“Cool” you said, leaving him there and moving to the living room. Your head was definitely hurting now.

You moved Sanzu a little to wake him up. And sat down on the couch next to him. He groaned and opened his eyes to look at you before pulling you by your shirt for you to lay down with him. The couch wasn’t so big so you were literally on top of him.

“Good morning princess” said Sanzu holding you tight. He was always like this with you, which annoyed Rindou.

Rindou that had followed and now we’re sitting on a little couch in front of you two was now looking at you two, he looked mad. He didn’t like when Sanzu touched you.

“Stop, move over so I can use the blanket too.” You said to Sanzu.

He obliged and you two ended up sitting next to each other, covered by the blanket.

“Did you have fun last night?” Asked Sanzu.

“Don’t even mention it. I have no fucking idea what I did.” You responded.

“Oh is that so?” He said, locking eyes with Rindou, a smile creeping up his face. “I think I have some pictures from last night on my phone.” He was reaching out his phone when Rindou spoke.

“Y/n, can I talk to you for a second?” He said, still looking at Sanzu.

“No, I wanna see the photos first.” You said, taking the phone from Sanzu’s hand and going for the media folder.

A bunch of pictures appeared and you clicked to the most recent one, you scrolled through all of them. Some of them were of the others laughing or drinking, some of them were blurry but one especially catches your eye. It was you. You and Rindou.

You could see yourself sat down on Rindou’s lap, he had a hand on your waist and you both were laughing. You scrolled more and now there was a video. You were dancing on a small platform with a pole in the middle. Your small black dress and your black red net tights didn’t cover much, thank god you were wearing small shorts underneath.

But that wasn’t all, you were dancing in front of someone and that someone was recording you with his phone. It was Rindou. He was cheering up for you and you were dancing for him and smiling at his phone.

You looked like you were having a lot of fun, to be fair.

But then you scrolled to the next photo. And that’s when you realized who left the marks on your neck. Rindou was kissing you, and not a nice innocent kiss. He was sitting on a couch, and you were straddling over him, both legs to his sides. And there was more pictures of you two having fun.

You suddenly remembered something, like a memory flashing by. You were dancing to a song and Rindou came behind you, he didn’t say anything but put his hands on your hips, moving to the rhythm of the song.

You looked up at Rindou, he wasn’t looking at you. You stood up and walked towards him, pointing to your room.

“Let’s go.” You said.

He let you walk in first and close the door behind him.

“You remember?” You asked first.

“Parts of it.” He said. He didn’t look nervous, just a little guilty.

“Care to help me remember?” You said.

“I mean. Everyone was minding their own business, we were dancing, having a good time. You kissed me, so I kissed you. We ended up here. We didn’t go too far.” He said, finally looking at you.

You sat down on the bed, he stayed in front of the door, against the wall.

“Wow” you finally said.

“Yeah.”

“I mean, we were drunk.” You said, standing up and walking towards him.

“We were.”

“It was a mistake.”

“It was.”

“We’re friends.”

“Yeah, we are.”

By this point you were extremely close to him. You didn’t even notice that he had put a hand on your waist.

“We can’t let that-“ you didn’t finish your sentence because he kissed you. Putting a hand on your cheek.

You immediately kissed him back. It was a desperate kiss, full of frustration and anger.

“Jump.” He said. You did it and put your legs around him. He turned around and pressed you to the wall harshly. You moaned because of how good his body felt pressed against yours and he took the chance to explore your mouth with his tongue.

You two separated for a moment to get some air and you looked into his eyes. You couldn’t help but laugh at the irony.

“We can’t let that happen again.” You said before you kissed him again.

[casperth3ghost]

"mundane hcs" but its acc just shit i do on a daily basis

ANYWAYS, a list of random things i do that i think tts & vat7k characters would do‼️(this is like most characters btw, like not js the main ones this is like as many as i can remeber and that fit with my self projection

lance will get home from the busiest day ever and the first thing he does is make himself a bowl of ice cream, no matter what hour of the day, he WILL have a bowl of ice cream

varian tries to brush his teeth twice a day but usually how it goes is he takes a shower and then lays and bed lying to himself like "yeah ill js rest my eyes for a couple minutes and then ill get up" and then he actually falls asleep, but every morning he brushes his teeth with no problems

eugene used to brag about how many cavities hed get until he had to take care of them and started missing when he didnt have any

rapunzel can be mid convo with somebody while texting them and then out of the blue just space out and like "huh..." when she realizes what js happened

cassandra and yong are both lactose intolerant but cass tries to take care of herself(she drinks almond milk & eats frozen yogurt which are 10/10 alternatives for non-lactose free items BTW) but yong just keeps eating everything and then wonders why he feel absolutely diobolical 10 mins later

catalina says shell start a book and then reads 1 page then forgets about it for around 3 months ans then remeber and the gets so focused on it no one knows if shes okay, angry does the same thing but with tv shows

nuru tends to not stop what shes doing to go pee so shes suffered the consequences(shes had a UTI before)

rapunzel, despite telling everyone around her to drink water, shes always suprisingly dehydrated

ulla will wake up at random times at night wondering why the fuck shes awake and then go right back to bed like nothing happened

donella has thought of multiple schemes to kill people but has decided that for her own good she will not commit any of them

quirin forgets to say please and thank you at restruants and then says them last minute and then gets so embarrassed and akward he will just flat out stop talking, he passed this onto varian who seems to suffer with this to even MORE extent bcuz he doesnt realize when someone is complimenting him so he'll just stare at them and then be liek "oh!! oh my gosh thank you!!" but the person already walked away and now he feels like an asshole

adira will wear the same pair of pants for 3 weeks straight w/o washing them bcuz she wears other pairs in between that pair so she has a pant cycle, but none of the pants get washed until she can acc smell like dog shit on them or smth and realizes just how morbidly gross they are

hector says hes a hopeless romantic but has never fallen in love a day in his life

donella knows every word to satisfied from hamilton but she literallt doesnt relate to angelica in any way, shape, or form

catalina is a shameless taylor swift fan

angry is a taylor fan but she will always refuse to admit it bcuz idk she feels ashamed

rapunzel will find a band that scratches her brain and listen to that band until it is literally impossible for her to do so anymore

cassandra loves fettuchini alfredo

king edmund is an accidental social butterfly

queen ariana had attempted to drown willow in a pool more times than she can count

kind fredric will butt into random convos if even just 1 word peaks his intrest

hugo knows how to crochet but never has enough money or motivation to actually make something even mildly useful

hugo is a "booktok" girly but he doesnt and never has had enough money to invest in the shit ton pile of books he wants

varian would rather go to a meuseum then lay in bed at his house

ulla would do cartwheels in an aquarium if she could w/o getting kicked out

cyrus says goodnight and goodbye to everyone but can never muster up to say "i love you" after just bcuz he thinks itll be too akward😓

amber is the type of gay girl to say "ewww lesbian/gay" to her friend/gf bcuz they say smth gay knowing she is just as queer

uhhhh thats all i can think of rn, but like this is mostly based off shit i do... so take all that as you will🤺‼️ ill post any art i decide to shit out in the next couple of days on here but also a reminder i am painfully active on pintrest so uhhh ya:3!! BTW most of these hcs are just stupid and for fun so like pls dont get offended and feel free to add on or give suggestions:3!!

[m0nsterqzzz]

The Gift

pairing: katniss everdeen x district 12 reader

summary: when she can't be there to protect you, you'll be damn sure she finds some other way.

a/n: this is so fucking short but I have like 7 katniss fics in the work rn that i can't figure out an end to. it's literally only 1023 wordssss ahhhhh i prefer writing long ones so its more entertaining for yall but idk. im dying. started writing a enimes to lovers clarisse fic, and a taytay one, AND my leg fucking hurts. who knew breaking a bone hurts? not me yall. sos. send help.

Walking up in district 13, dressed in a hospital gown that wouldn't stop scratching your body with the material, and your girlfriend nowhere to be seen wasn't exactly pleasant.

After a minor breakdown, it was revealed from Haymitch that Katniss is a few rooms down, also panicking since she’s not allowed to see you. It doesn't bring any comfort, listening in the silence of the night wondering how she’s doing. The last time you saw her face to face she was shooting an arrow towards the top of the force field of the arena you and her were placed in along with 22 other tributes that had won previous hunger games just like you and your girl.

So now you lie awake in your hospital bed, staring up at the ceiling as the annoying clock placed above your door clicks and clicks. If you squeeze your eyes shut and take a deep breath while covering yourself in blankets, you can almost imagine you’re back in district twelve, laying in bed with Katniss instead of laying in this cold room with the knowledge that your district has been burned to the ground.

Your eyes fall to the clock, watching the tiny second hand slowly spin around the full circle before the minute hand moves a little bit signaling only one minute has gone by. The only reason you finally lose interest in it is because the door below it slowly creeks open, a person with long hair and a gown similar to yours stepping inside and gently closing the door behind them.

“Katniss.” You mumble, a relieved smile coming onto your face. She nods, sitting on the side of your bed next to your body.

“Hey honey.” She whispers, clearly nervous a guard rooming the hall will hear her and come in to take her back to her own room. “Are you alright? Haymitch won’t tell despite my threats.”

You manage a small chuckle, nodding as you finally close your eyes and curl into her side. “I’m fine. Are you okay? Nobody will tell me.”

She’s silent for a minute, and you feel a wet droplet drop onto your arm. A tear, though you don’t mention anything to your girlfriend. Finally, the brunette shrugs, wrapping an arm around your shoulders to pull you closer. “I’m okay now.”

With a small kiss to the top of your head, she relaxes her head against your pillow before sitting up. “I forgot. I brought you something.” She reaches up to the back of her neck, shuffling around for a second before she holds something out to you. Even in the very dim lighting of your room, you can see the necklace. It’s one you're familiar with, for Katniss never took it off until she volunteered as a tribute for her sister Primrose about a year ago.

“My dad gave it to me when I was a kid.” The archer hushedly says, staring at it before glancing at you. You know the story, it being one of the first ones she told you when she finally opened up to you about the loss of her father, but you listen anyway. “He said it would protect me when he wasn’t there to do it. He died in the mines a few months after that.” When she learned her district she was born and raised in was now just ashes and rubble, she thought about the lost friends and that necklace. It was placed in a jewelry box before she left for her second time in the arena, and unlike the townspeople she was decent friends with, her mother was able to give it back.

You two fall into silence for a second before she continues, her voice slightly breaking before it goes back to normal. “And he was right. It has always protected me. I want it to do the same for you.” You’re about to object when she just gently shushes you. It’s her fathers, something she’s very dear almost all her life, why would you just let her give it away?

“I hold my dad in my heart. Not in the necklace. I want you to have protection when I can’t be there to do it. This is as close as we’re gonna get to that.” you giggle, looking in her eyes for a few seconds to make sure she’s sure about this before nodding and turning your back to her so she can put it on you.

Her hands gently touch your skin as you clasps the jewelry onto you, leaving a trail of warmth on the back of your neck before she puts her hands back into her lap. You turn to face her again, hands moving to fidget with the necklace. It’s a gold chain, a small sun charm hanging from it in the middle. It’s beautiful. 

“Thank you Katniss.” You say, words sincere as she moves to lay in between your legs with her head on your chest.  She doesn't say anything, just placing a kiss on your collarbone that speaks more than enough.

The door creaks open once more, her fight of flight instantly getting triggered as she shields your body with her own and looks over her shoulder. Her tense state calms a little bit when she sees it’s only Haymitch, mumbling something about needing a drink when he sees Katniss in your room. “I was doing night checks. Making sure your person’s still alive.” He mumbles, clearly pointed towards your girlfriend after she threatened him this morning with a syringe to tell give her updates every once and a while about how you were doing.

You find yourself letting out a small laugh, one of the first you’ve had in what feels like an eternity even though it’s only been about a month and a half.

Katniss smiles at the sound of your joy, the first real one since she learned you were alive.

She may not always be able to protect you, but hopefully the trinket will.

Even if it doesn’t, one things for sure. Her dad would have loved you.

Not as much as she does though.

[fatuismooches]

Hi!!! This is my first time saying anything here, so yayyy! But I say that one ask from another anon talking about how Dottore had never recorded fragile!reader's voice before and then forgot what it sounds like, and my brain made some jumps and--

I like to think that sometimes, whether when Dottore is just working in the room while reader sleeps (I like to think that he's modified himself enough that he doesn't need as much sleep as regular humans) or if he's also in the bed with you, that sometimes, reader's sleeping form reminds him a little too much of when reader was in a coma. Or perhaps, even worse, and that reader's time had come while he was sleeping/working. Immediately, he has to reassure himself that you're not, in fact, dead, by either going to check their pulse and keeping his hand there longer than it needs to be (what if they die the second he takes it off??) or, if he was closer to them or sleeping with them (in the literal sense), by even just listening to it. And he tries to rationalize it with himself (bc he's so i denial, I already know it) by being like "noooo, i'm not worried!! I'm a great doctor, and I have nothing to worry about!! I'm just... checking for abnormalities!!" as if he isn't just doing it to make sure they're still alive.

Idk, the thought just popped into my head. He's lost them before without a chance of saying goodbye, and he never wants it to happen again, especially if this time they'll be gone for good.

I'd like to think that reader wasn't really aware of it until one night when he was making a little more noise than usual, and they woke up groggily to find him with their ear on their chest, desperately holding onto you as if you were going to die any second. And then the second he realized you were awake, moved off was like "Hello, I'm not doing anything sus whattt"

So now reader knows he does it, but allows it because they think it's kind of cute, but also because they know that he would never admit his fears.

Anyway, I'm kinda tired, so I don't know if this actually makes any sense. But slay!!

Thank you for feeding us Dottore content, and I hope you have a good day or night!!

You've known Zandik for a long time. So you are very aware that he has weaknesses. Yes, even though the scholar tried to hide it, his walls would slowly chip away during those late nights spent in the dorm or on expeditions. But Dottore? After you woke up, you wondered if Dottore had any weaknesses. Dottore seemed to be a man of no fear, but perhaps you should have expected that because what would someone as God-like as him have to fear now? He has much power in his grasp, surely there is nothing that could bother him. He's no longer the same Zandik you once knew, and that's okay really, but you just wonder to yourself sometimes. Little did you know Dottore's one and only fear was about you.

Il Dottore considers himself a rational man in every possible subject area. Yes, he does not allow himself to be swayed by anything as irrational as emotion and instead focuses on logic. Whether his final decision is cruel or unethical is not something he cares about. But you... you are the exception. You are the variable he cannot control. And so irrationality is one of the things he despises, swore to himself he'd never be a victim of, but here he was anyway. Succumbing to an irrational mindset is the last thing he thought he'd do.

Often times when Dottore sleeps with you, he doesn't actually sleep. He gets into the bed to appease you, because it brings you comfort, (your words) lays there for a bit until you fall asleep, and resumes his work. He is just far, far too busy to stay. But, nowadays, he finds it even harder than usual to say. Why? Because of his irrational mind, once again. He needs to know that you are alive. Which is a dumb fear really, you're not going to die, you're not going to leave, your body is stable (for now) so there's no need to worry. But he needs to know. He needs confirmation. You know. He really hates that you've done this to him. He hates it. But he can't blame you, only himself, because if he cured you already he would never have to deal with irrationality again.

Dottore is used to the quietness of a human heart, from his experiments of course, clicking his tongue in annoyance from how easily they died and feeling no emotion. But your heart, if your heart stopped... well, his madness would not be transcribed to paper very well, because it would be too hard to describe. But he denies that. And he especially denies it to you. He denies it, so that's why he finds himself counting your heart's beats per minute anyway. But now you know that even the great Il Dottore has a fear and weakness. After all, when it's only the two of you, he is only Zandik, the same man who fell hard for you all those centuries ago. But that's okay. You promised to always be there, even if he doesn't want you to be.

[whoucallingalesbian]

SCENARIO AHEAD ⬇️

ok yall remember the wattpad ellie x reader story i was talkin ab the other day, so this is the vibe i was imagining while reading it

idk how to explain it but something about those small american towns near the woods is soooooo 🤌🏻

like i NEED to live there and meet the love of my life its literally a dream (and if that person is ellie williams bonus points)

idk how to explain it but this is so 2016 tumblr converse green jackets car trip wattpad typa vibe

do yall get me😩

no but imagine this scenario

you are in a small town somewhere in oregon, going back from a class to your dorm room, as soon as you arrive you lay on the bed and start listening to your playlist. after a while you decide to take a nap and all of a sudden you hear the door creaking and it wakes you up so you look up and see ellie standing at the door looking at you in the eyes. noticing that she woke you up, she apologises, puts her backpack on the floor and decides to lay on the bed. you two start talking to each other about how you spent the day and some other random stuff and she decides to ask you to come home w her for a break. couple of days pass by and you two are on your way to ellie’s house, ellie is driving and you are the passenger princess, the road is wet from the rain from the last night and you are surrounded by the pine trees, the air is crisp and its cold outside. you are wearing grey off shoulder sweater with something written on it, navy blue shorts and ugg slippers w a ponytail. ellie is wearing black tshirt w skinny jeans and converse w her usual low bun hairstyle. you notice her sparing glances occasionally at your direction, which gets you flustered. after half an hour of travelling you two take a turn to the left on a muddy road and thats when you see the big wooden house, ellie stops the car and you get out, she helps you w the luggage and you two get in the house. she shows you your room where you unpack and immediately lay on the soft bed, cold, white mattress under your skin. on the left side there’s a window with the most beautiful view. you decide to stare at it for a little bit and appreciate its beauty. then you decide to go to her room, you open the door, band posters everywhere, a guitar, bed with dark mattress and some other stuff thrown around the room. you sit on her bed and tell her how beautiful her home is, after some talking she takes her guitar and starts playing a song. you stare at her for a while admiring her talent and then go back to your room to relax. two hours pass by and ellie knocks on the door and comes in, she takes a seat on your bed and starts caressing your arm with her fingers, you get chills and blush at the sudden show of affection and your eyes meet her green ones. you get up and she does the same and you lean in for a kiss, it was a passionate one. her hands exploring your body, asking you for a permission to take off your shirt..you nod and she slowly starts stripping u naked. feeling her skin on yours made you feel like theres not one thing in the world to worry about, she pushes you on the bed where you two continue..

psa this is not supposed to be a smut or anything of that sort, cuz sis is struggling w english so i can’t really be writing any wattpad typa stories, BUT this was a scenario i imagined in my head while i would look at those pictures so i had a feeling like i have to share it w you

ik that there is plenty of grammar mistakes but oh well, girl is not a writer this was just for funsies

anyways hope you liked it

xoxo tea

[nicistrying]

Thurs 1st August

2.39am and I am wide awake bc my mother in law is being a total nightmare. She's been mostly great all through wedding planning, they are doing us a huge favour by looking after Maggie so we didn't have to put her in kennels. But now they've suddenly decided they really wanted to stay at the hotel, which we said 8 months ago when we asked them to have Maggie that we didn't want her staying there, bc she would be stuck in the room all day, and if a cleaner went in she would be territorial of the room so she'd probably have to be muzzled, and we would be so stressed about making sure people were going to check on her etc. They said this was all fine, they were planning to go home on the night anyway, no problem. But now because there are empty rooms they are having a fit that they can't stay. I get that that's frustrating but we would be so uncomfortable with Maggie being in a hotel full of 60+ people, she'd be so so stressed and it would not be fair to her.

So his mam has then been telling us we shouldn't be paying for empty rooms, but it was in the contract we signed 18 months ago that any empty rooms still need paid for because they're all booked out for our guests, which is fair and from what I can tell is standard for any wedding venue so we would be in the same situation literally wherever we had the wedding. We've explained that to her several times over the past few months and she would not take no for an answer bc she's used to kicking up such a fuss that people just give in to her.

So she had been having this discussion AGAIN with Matt yesterday, and she said she was 'going for a walk near there anyway so she would pop in to talk about it' and he told her not to, because there is nothing to discuss, everything is under control and nothing needs changed. The venue then emailed us saying she had been in wanting to discuss the rooms and thank god the wedding coordinators weren't there to discuss with her. So they emailed us saying rooms can be made up at the last minute if anyone else decides to stay etc as I think they assumed that was maybe what she wanted. Matt sent her their email and said Idk what you wanted to discuss but there's the reply, and she replied 'they said the wedding coordinator would call me and I told them not to tell you!'

Obviously Matt's reply was of course they told us, it is actually our wedding. Then she starts saying how upset she is that she's being left out of the wedding and feels like she doesn't know what's going on. But we've TOLD HER every single update, we talk wedding planning every time we see her, I've offered to take her dress shopping multiple times and she didn't want to go with me, I asked her to send photos of her mam for a memory table and she just never did, we asked her to make our cake, she is a witness to our marriage and will be on the fucking certificate. What else did she want?! She's been just as involved as, if not more than, anyone else. We said from the very start we wanted to do it all ourselves and that's what we've done but we've kept them in the loop the whole time. I genuinely don't know what else we ahould have done. I'm at my fucking wit's end with her I am so stressed and it's literally all because of his family being dicks. My face is breaking out, stress eczema is coming out, I can't eat or sleep. I had a bag of crisps and 4 squares of chocolate for dinner then went to bed and lay awake. His one brother and his wife who we get on really well with have been so supportive bc they've already been through this. Like we were so worried about my family behaving themselves but they're all actually being really chill about everything. We really didn't think his would be such a nightmare

But on the bright side, my sister in law (the one married to the nice brother) helped me make these lovely glasses for everyone having hair and makeup done and it took us 4 hours and we just ranted about this stupid fucking family the whole time and it was v v cathartic

[icedmetaltea]

Yesterday was ok, today anxiety's been awful again...

(rambling abt anxiety and nonsense venting below)

felt dizzy/bit of vertigo throughout the morning and when I checked my BP it was 154/108 so that scared the shit out of me... I took a bit of propranolol and that seems to be helping but I'm worried bc when I asked about what a dangerous BP was my stepdad said 160 and up and that's uncomfortably close. The last time it was high it was only like 140/90 so this was really scary

I called the number the crisis ppl give me from a resource sheet on friday again since I never got a response after leaving a message on monday but this time they told me to call yet another number and they said I couldn't get any kind of help till I came to their office to fill out some forms and like??? I CAN'T LEAVE MY FUCKING APARTMENT

Do these people never get ppl with severe agoraphobia?? The last time I had a full-on panic attack I screamed at the top of my lungs and had to call 911 to get ppl to calm me down so I'd stop hyperventilating, you want me doing that in public again??????

Anyway she told me I can call the supervisor and see if she could make an exception in my case BUT ofc she wasn't available and I had to leave a message, no clue when I'll hear back and when I do I doubt she'll even be able to help me

I fucking hate this system. This is why so many people kill and hurt themselves. When they are lost, when there's nowhere else to turn. When the crisis ppl come they give you a whole list of resources but what is there for people like me who are stuck at home, broke, unable to work bc they literally cannot function like this when it gets this bad every couple of months (sometimes more frequently)

it's either go to a psych ward where they'll pump you full of meds that'd just give me the same "locked in" panic attacks which trust me are far worse than toughing it out at home where at least it isn't bright and loud and horrible or face shit on your own

I thought it was starting to get better, yesterday I cooked 3 meals for myself, I went outside and sat on the step for 5 mins, today I can't get out of bed bc every time I try the room spins. Even when I'm laying down like this it's bad. Even if I close my eyes it's bad... I slept better last night and I thought I was doing well but no, midway through the day everything's horrible again. I keep feeling out of breath no matter how many deep breaths I take... other times I feel like there's "too much air" and I'm breathing too fast and can't slow it down... how do I even describe it??

I feel like I'm going insane but at the same time I know it's been this bad and worse before. I remember my childhood. I remember laying on the floor struggling to breathe, alone. I remember begging god to take this sensation of dread to go away, or to just let me die. Anxiety has a habit of always seeming... idk unfamiliar? No matter how many panic attacks you have, they always feel new

and what's worse is I can't even remember how I eventually always overcome these phases bc I ground rule growing up stemming from OCD I had at the time was I wasn't allowed to write anything in a journal bc it was "bad luck" or something (at the very least my OCD isn't nearly as bad these days) Idk if it takes days, weeks or months to get better. If I spend half a year or longer just waiting for things to get better then like um... it kinda becomes a quality of life issue, doesn't it?

Idk maybe it's the weather. It's 65 rn, yesterday it was mid forties, so maybe that's it. Well then I'm fucked bc it's only gonna get warmer as it approaches summer, and ya know climate change and everything wooooo

Doesn't help that the past two times when my stepdad witnessed me having those really bad attacks he said I should go to a padded cell or something... I know where he grew up there was no such thing as mental illnesses or therapy, only "crazy and not crazy", but damn it hurts. At least my bio dad understood what was going on to some extent. He knew anxiety was out my control, that I was going through it but that it didn't make me "crazy", just that my body was reacting physically to something seemingly unsurmountable on a mental level.

My stepdad was even surprised when I told him anxiety is the second most common mental illness nation-wide. I've talked to many other bad anxiety-sufferers, the reason you don't see us outside a lot is bc most of us are inside afraid to leave our houses! We're literally just trying to survive in bodies with malfunctioning nervous systems and in a society that literally is built around causing stress on a daily basis- on normal people, so just think about how that is if you literally have the being-stressed-out disorder my guy

it also seems like whenever I talk to my mom about this she tries to immediately talk about something else. Like I messaged her earlier today and when I brought up feeling dizzy and having a high BP she just said "Sorry you're having a challenging day! We're at the library getting library cards. Libraries are nice!" like sure some ppl like talking about light hearted stuff to distract them but sometimes I just need someone to be there and listen, you know? All it does is make me clam up and bottle all my emotions in, which ofc makes it worse.

I'm scared to check my BP again. I feel like there's something terribly wrong with my body but it's not as if I can see a doctor if I can't 1. afford it till medicaid processes or 2. fucking go to the doctor. You want me to have another one of those soul-crushing panic attacks and shriek around some stranger in an uber?? Hell no

So yea idk what to do. I have a math test this weekend and I've barely studied at all, can't get myself to focus on anything. I can't drop out again, I've already failed this class twice. I don't think they'd let me take it again and I'm pretty sure I've run out of financial aid to pay for it

Ofc mom and dad are gone, my sister said she'd visit me the other day but "forgot" to, so I'm alone. Completely and entirely alone.

The one thing I have going for me is the PMDD won't start up for another week or two so at the very least I have a will to live rn. Anxiety and depression usually go hand-in-hand but since it's just anxiety atm I'm still able to have the motivation to cook and clean when I'm not ya know unable to get out of bed bc my heart is beating out of my chest

When it does come back, well... I'll keep those crisis numbers on speed dial. I've survived all this horseshit, I might as well make it worth something. Idk maybe the thing I'll keep living for rn is a fucking pet fish someday. I have to hold on to every tiny thing that gets me through the day bc there is a chance, even if extremely slim, that things will in fact get better

[whaleofatjme1920]

How about a Scp 2030-1 (Laughy) x reader public s//e//x smut fic? I only found one lemon fic of him on wattpad so maybe you can give him a shot lol

A Good Show

[SCP 2030-1 X GN!Reader, AFAB]

[Warnings: general smut, creampie, biting/marking, Kinda public. MINORS DNI]

[AN: Sorry this is literally months late idk how to explain I’ve been up a wall. Anyways, here’s this. I don’t actually know what mood this is, and had a hell of a time even remembering what tense I’m writing in. my bad lol. 2212 words &lt;;3]

It’s not everyday that you have a skip absolutely obsessed with you, but working for the Foundation has its merits. SCP 2030-1, also known as Laughy McLaugherson, had attached himself to you sometime last year. You had been working under someone, watching tapes, when he’d found himself captivated with your beauty. Though, through the late night visits where he would materialize through your laptop screen, your TV, at one point your shower where there were no electronics to be seen, he’d found himself helplessly infatuated with your mind too. 

His obsession is dangerous, anyone could see that. You knew it, but still, here you remained. Laying on your bed, you flicked absentmindedly through channels you had no intention of actually watching. Your other hand pressed on your phone to check the time. Relatively pleased it was past midnight, you tapped the remote to the channel you knew would guarantee his. 

His face wasn’t visible, but the rest of him was. He was animated as he explained the joy of coffee houses before his body paused. “Well, lookie here, folks,” he stated in his jovial, upbeat tone. “Seems we’re due for a commercial break! We’ll be back right after these short messages from our sponsors.”

You watched as his body language shifted before your TV displayed ads for products that couldn’t have existed in your current time. You squinted with a small scowl lining your lips. You wondered if he’d step through as dramatically as he usually did. You chuckled when the screen warped, suddenly holding the viscosity of warmed honey as he crawled through similar to the girl from the Ring. 

“You have such a pretty laugh,” he noted as he stepped through in full, briefly fixing his tie and smoothing out his dark blue suit that almost hurt your eyes to actually gaze upon. All of this time with him slinking through your various devices and you still haven’t a clue what he looks like. You can feel that he’s smiling, but some part of his anomalous nature blocks your mind from perceiving his face. He’s got tanned skin, a light shade of brown, with dark brown hair that curls like the remnants of a gameshow host pulled from the 60s. But you don’t know the finer features of his face. 

You could recall asking him about that when he first started appearing in your home. He told you he did it for your benefit. 

“I’m glad you think so,” you finally replied. 

He mirrored your chuckle and sat down on your bed. “I know so,” he said simply. “How are you?” He’s already gotten comfortable behind you. His long, lanky body curls around you warmly, a perfect fit to spoon you. He rubbed over your hips, your waist, and your chest before finally cupping there. His hand pressed against your chest, the pads of his fingers gingerly slipping over your nipples. 

“I’m fine,” you hummed, clearly turned on by the physical touch. Your hips rolled against his subtly, or as subtly as you could manage. “What about you?”

“Eh,” he began. “Could be better.” He sounded so much more relaxed there in the space of your bedroom than when he would play host to his weird little show. “Did you want me to make some tea?” He asked as he rolled his hand down your stomach again to the hem of your shirt. He played your body like a violin, slowly coaxing your warmth without ever touching it as he moved his hand against your flesh from under your shirt. His fingers didn’t feel calloused at all, but not soft either. He works, but not in the way that shows. 

You moaned softly at how easily you fell into his grasp. It isn’t the first time you’ve slept with him, but this is one of the faster times he’s managed to get you to bend to him. “No,” you answered as you bucked your hips back against him. You were nearly desperate to feel him. “You feel different,” you noted. 

“Is it bad?”

You shook your head. “What’s gotten into you?”

His lips danced languidly over your neck as he continued to rub you in the right places. “You’ve never really responded to me like this before,” he mumbled. His teeth, just barely sharpened past what’s considered normal, nip at your soft skin. His hand left your nipples to fall between your legs. He let the waistband of your underwear dig into his wrist as his long fingers rolled against your lips, his thumb rubbing ghost-like circles along your clit. 

You hummed once more. “You feel good,” you managed to wisp out. On the TV, you saw his show was back on. It was an empty stage, of course. He was in your room entertaining both of your combined desires. “Laughy-”

“Should we give them a show? A real show?” He inquired, voice dripping with lust and the desire to entertain. He felt you flutter even though he hadn’t pushed inside of you. On the TV, your heaving chest caged by his strong arms displayed lewdly. The audience made no sound, but he could feel they were entranced. He didn’t care whether they liked it or not, but chances are they were just as captivated in the good way as he was. 

There it was. His cock, already semi-hardened, pressed against your ass. He growled playfully in your ear when you moaned once more upon the sensation of his index and middle fingers just barely dipping into your already weeping pussy. 

He chuckles in that slightly condescending way that makes your heart pound. “I’ll take that as a yes.” He worked your body a little faster. His other hand wrapped around you, not caring of the somewhat awkward position as he groped at your chest again. He reveled in the pretty sounds that softly poured from your lips. “I’m going to fuck you,” he whispered in your ear before he bit down on your neck, his sharpened teeth leaving a bloomed mark on your smooth skin. 

You nodded fervently. “Please,” you mewled. Usually, you’d let him take his time with you. He was the biggest fan of nestling between your legs and showing you his inhumanly long tongue and all it could do, but you wanted nothing more than for him to bury deep inside of you. The two of you shifted on the bed. You whined at how his warmth left from between your legs but you grinned when he positioned himself above you. The sound of his buckle clicking and sliding off made you press and rub your thighs together. You looked up at him hungrily, even if you couldn’t actually register his face. 

He slid off your pants, your underwear, and chuckled once more upon seeing you hurriedly slid your top off as well. He puckered his lips together and you recognize the sounding whistle as that of a wolf, which garnered soft laughter from the audience. His head tipped back while your hands eagerly wrapped around his long, thick cock. He exhaled deeply while your fingers traced over his veins, working him up to that unbearable hardness. His hands spread your legs apart while he fell to his forearms and loomed heavily over you. “You okay?” He checked once more as his hardened cock pressed against your entrance. 

“Yes,” you said as you angled your hips upwards. You felt heat rise to your cheeks as the tip of his cock slid up and down to coat itself in your arousal. “I want you to fuck me and for them to watch.” You watched with wide eyes as the head of his cock split you open. Your breath hitched as he disappeared inside of you, inch by inch. Your pussy fluttered. Instinctively, you reached your hands up to his biceps and dug in as hard as you could. You gripped his dark blue suit and let your eyes squeeze shut as he pushed in deeper. 

“How long has it been since I last fucked you?” He asked through grit teeth. “You feel so good but I-goddamn it-!” The words were lost on his tongue as he bottomed out deep inside of you. He moved his equally blue eyes over to the TV where the audience could clearly see he was balls deep inside of you. Your pussy stretched to accommodate him, and he reveled in the sight. He pulled his hips back and let himself become absolutely mesmerized by how his cock dragged back before burying deep inside of you again. He groaned deeply upon feeling you grip him harder. 

You cried out softly and wrapped your legs around his waist. “Oh gods,” you moaned. “Laughy please-” you pleaded wantonly, “don’t keep me waiting. Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me-!” 

Not one to disobey a request said oh so sweetly, he did as you asked. “Your wish is my command,” he smoothly granted. His hips snapped back and forth. He groaned deeply and let his lips fall back to your neck as he pressed hard against you. Thrust after thrust, he found himself absolutely lost in the pleasure of your body. “Keep moaning for me. I don’t give a damn who complains, I want them to know you feel so fucking good because of me.” 

Your songs of pleasure grew louder and louder. A tight, warm coil in your belly grew hotter as his cock pressed you open. You panted like a bitch in heat. You suppose that’s how he made you feel. It was appropriate for the situation. Your legs locked so tightly around him refused to loosen as his thrusts grew erratic. You squeezed his cock tightly. “Cum inside of me.” Your mouth was speaking faster than your head could rationalize. “Please, cum inside of me. Fill me up.” 

Something about your words spurred him on. He bit at your neck once more to leave those pretty marks your supervisors would positively detest as he grew rougher. He nudged your vision over to the TV to let you see exactly what he was doing to you. He was pounding into you at a dizzying pace. You were so wet that you’d soaked the bed and still had the potential to keep going. He grinned upon seeing your reaction. “You want me to cum inside of you?” He teasingly prodded. 

“Yes,” you answered. “More than anything. Fill me up so much I can’t take anymore.” Your body craved him and needed him. 

“Then cum on my cock first.” Cockily, he sharply rolled his hips forwards so the tip of his cock pressed against your cervix. In any other situation, it might’ve hurt but gods, part of his anomalous nature must have been suppressing all sensations even hinting to that. He pressed so thickly against you, the tight coil cracked under the pressure, snapped and rushed out from you in white hot pleasure. 

Your pussy fluttered and squeezed around his cock as you arched your back and screamed. You didn’t mean to scream, at least not like that, but the pleasure was far too great to ignore. Tears welled in your eyes and clumped together in pearly beads before they rolled down your cheeks. You gripped him tightly as you rode out your orgasm all the while still begging him to unload everything he had deep inside of you. 

He was never terribly loud when he came, but something about seeing his cock pressed deep inside of you, it made his heart spin. He groaned deeply as he rutted against you and stilled, his cock twitching as his balls rested flush against your ass. “Fuck you feel so good,” he rasped breathlessly as thick, sticky ropes of cum spurt against your cervix and filled you to the brim. He rolled his hips against you as if to fuck it deep inside of you. His lips pressed gingerly to your neck, even going so far as to flit across your jaw before his eyes caught the sight of the thick white liquid dripping out from your pussy and around his cock onto the bed. He laughed softly before pushing his hips forwards once more. 

“Look at that,” he cooed as ons of his hands moved up to your lower abdomen and softly pushed down. “Some of it escaped.” 

You looked up at him and felt more heat rise to your face. “Laughy,” you warned. Your tone may have conveyed some form of annoyance but he could recognize that hunger from miles away. “You don’t want me to give you another load?” He cocked his head to the side like a lost puppy. He started to move his hips back. “And I wanted my audience to see an x-ray view,” he trailed off. 

You squeezed your legs around his waist once more to draw him in closer. Too embarrassed to say it outright, but craving him oh so badly, you pulled at his collar. 

Laughy himself was surprised at the action. He suppressed a yelp before his lips met yours. And he laughed. Genuinely this time. “You have such an odd way of telling me what you want. Don’t they, folks?” 

From the TV, a stereotypical chorus of ‘aw!’ filled the room followed by the manufactured wave of clapping. 

[hazbinhappy]

Hey just saw you had hazbin hotel match ups open! I’m a trans man (he/him pronouns) for sexuality I don’t really have a definite answer I’m open to all with a small preference to more feminine presenting people!

For personality and what not I’m told by friends I’m either chaotic neutral or chaotic evil lol, I’m decently slow to open up maybe saying one or two words and over all being pretty quiet but once I open up you gotta tape my mouth shut to get me to shut up (though actually I do enjoy the feeling of tape over my mouth I blame autism for that) I make a lot of sexual jokes (constant “that’s what he/she/they said and other stuff) along with that I have a pretty major sailor mouth as well I can be pretty sarcastic in addition I can be pretty slow as well I can be a bit all over the place which you might be able to see here idk lol! For stuff I enjoy doing I really love visual arts (I enjoy painting, been doing stuff with clay, digital art, trying to figure out animation) I also very much enjoy writing (I have I think it was 20+ unfinished fics on ao3 lol) been trying to figure out how to bake, and idk I have an obsession with plushies (please send help they completely cover my bed when I lay them all out) for stuff I enjoy it’s a bit harder since I constantly move around one thing to another like unless someone is with me I’ll start a show or movie watch the first five minutes then do something else unless I was already a fan of it, I will say I do enjoy the weird kid stuff like the bendy franchise and I know the lore of fnaf pretty well (until security breach when robot Gregory theory came out I gave up) tbh not much for stuff I hate I’m a pretty open person and don’t really hate a lot of stuff besides the word moist (it’s the one word that sounds like what it is and I hate the texture of that kinda stuff to and I can feel the word) it is the one thing I actively hate. For appearance while I don’t have an active drawing of my sinner look I don’t have much other then I picture being goat like (fucking love goats) and not really important but dying my hair constantly like how I do irl. Also even though yes I am a trans man I still like wearing skirts and dresses because damn it if I can’t be a pretty man then I don’t want to be a man (that is very much a lie I am still a man even if I won’t be able to wear my dresses and skirts)

Also one last important thing I don’t want to be matched up with Husk (I see him as a dad and I don’t want to deal with being paired up with my father) nor do I want to be paired up with Angel (I ship him and Husk so I don’t want to be paired up with other father) also no Lucifer I feel like if I get paired up my friend will kill me I wish I was joking she is only willing to threaten me when I do much as joke about taking them. Anyways have an amazing day/night I hope this was enough!

Your Matchup is.....

Velvette! You gotta here me out before I dish out the headcanons and mini-blurb!

Looks at that cutie god I love her!

Anyways! I matched y'all up for multiple reasons! Have you seen the girl? She may be put together but Respectless just screamed out that she is chaos when need be and chaotic people love to be together (I mean look at Hell lmao). I think she wouldn't mind someone who is slow to open because she it lets her have more time for you to model and work with her! She wouldn't mind the sexual jokes and curses or sarcasm because that is up her alley (I mean Valentino is literally one of her colleagues I don't think she cares too much for him lmao).

okay onto the headcanons because those will explain better, no?

It may sound weird but I think Velvette would go to art shows to get inspiration! Fashion shows are actually a way to express and test what you can do with fashion so art shows are a great way to get inspiration

And wowie lookie there, a certain artist just happens to peak her interest a lot! She may either personally chat with you or send an email asking to collaborate on some pieces.

I wish in the show they played more with Velvette and the fashion instead of the social media. I think she'd be a boss in the artistic fashion and practical fashion

I swear this is important: Shae Bishop makes ceramic clothing and some of his work was in my school's art gallery!

why is that important? well i think it would be pretty cool if that was something you proposed to Velvette! She'd be unsure because "isn't that clay? isn't that breakable?" and it's a whole explanation about how it's for the art not actual long-time wear

so that brings you guys closer!

she did consider making a deal with you to permanently keep you around but you just kept coming back on your own so she didn't really feel the need if you just came back all the time

i think the dating would be a mutual understanding, but you'd ask and she'd be "of course, why wouldn't we be? (eyeroll)" (she was actually nervous to ask)

if/when you moved in with her she made space in her studio for you to do any kind of artwork because she wants to spend any kind of time even if she was too busy yelling at her models and artists

she may not always have her listening ears on but whenever you say something that catches her interest she'll respond (she'll remember bits of other things you say, she doesn't tune you out, she just cherry picks her responses)

She doesn't mind the plushie collection as long as there is room for her to cuddle with you. if not they are banished to the shelf.... maybe a couple on the bed.

she loves to dress you up in whatever is the latest fashion or even your preferred. she'd match in any way at any moment.

she will tease and bully at any moment but it's her love and she never means it. plus there is plenty of compliments that cancels it out.

idk why but you know how people like to have their oc's with horns have jewelry on them and even chains that connect? she'd find that so cute and would make some in different styles (like a bracelet for the day)

"Velv-"

"Can you BELIEVE the nerve of these ladies! Prancing around like their ideas are any good! Wrist ruffles? Fifty layers? What are we? Doing a fuckin' blast to the past!" Velvette kept ranting on about her workers before you rolled her eyes.

"You're about to get a blast from the past if you don't get off my table. I was working." You gave her a deadpan look.

She gave you the middle finger before scooting you over on YOUR chair as you worked.

"Well, babe, I have no clue why they would think that is fashion? I mean, things from the past making a comeback? Neverrrr-"

"I know-! Oh Fuck You!"

[mariana-oconnor]

The Golden Pince-Nez pt 2

Oooh map! We have the map. I love maps.

This is a really weird looking house, though. I mean, those two corridors just go from that 1 room directly to either the outside or to the guy's bedroom? That's an unusual layout.

Love that we have a little x to show us exactly where in the room Smith's body was. O Willoughby, Willoughby, Willoughby Smith. We didn't know you and now you're a stiff. O Willoughby, Willoughby, Willoughby, say, From whom did they come, those golden pince-nez?

Apparently a very visually impaired woman whose eyes are remarkably close together and whose nose is rather wide, according to Holmes' assessment anyway.

We saw the cold winter sun rise over the dreary marshes of the Thames and the long, sullen reaches of the river, which I shall ever associate with our pursuit of the Andaman Islander in the earlier days of our career.

Do we know about the Andaman Islander? Am I forgetting something? Is that from one of the novels rather than the short stories, because it's been a long time since I've read those. Also, Watson is clearly feeling uninspired this morning. This is probable because he was up until stupid o'clock last night and then had to be up on time to catch the morning train before breakfast. Poor life choices.

I saw an intent look pass over Holmes's face. “You say that she must have come back this way?” “Yes, sir; there is no other.” “On this strip of grass?” “Certainly, Mr. Holmes.”

Alright... so there's something off about the marks in the grass. The grass is only bent in one direction, perhaps? Idk how tracking in grass works. You know who you need?

"This garden door is usually kept open, I suppose? Then this visitor had nothing to do but to walk in."

I like locked doors. The idea that anyone could just walk into my house at any moment is very upsetting to me. It is the role of the door to prevent that from happening. I could not live like this.

(I literally just tried to undo something and deleted more than half of this post, wtf Tumblr? I will try to reconstruct it from memory)

"Halloa! what is that scratch upon the face of it? Just hold a match, Watson. Why did you not tell me of this, Hopkins?” The mark which he was examining began upon the brass work on the right-hand side of the keyhole, and extended for about four inches, where it had scratched the varnish from the surface. “I noticed it, Mr. Holmes. But you'll always find scratches round a keyhole.”

I was going to defend Hopkins at this point, but then I read that the scratch was 4 inches long and presumable fresh, so nope, sorry, can't help you there. That's kind of a key piece of evidence.

I wonder if the professor is an alcoholic...

Sorry, couldn't resist that one.

"Halloa, Hopkins! this is very important, very important indeed. The Professor's corridor is also lined with cocoanut matting.” “Well, sir, what of that?” “Don't you see any bearing upon the case?"

So many Halloas in this part.

I expect the bearing is that it means the murderer could also have left down this passageway without their footsteps being heard. Which raises suspicion of the Professor.

It was a very large chamber, lined with innumerable volumes, which had overflowed from the shelves and lay in piles in the corners, or were stacked all round at the base of the cases.

Interior decor goals. I mean, I almost live like this already, but still, goals.

The bed was in the centre of the room...

(From This Tumblr Post)

Clearly the Professor is evil. No one else could sleep in a bed like that, unmoored from the world, surrounded by space, adrift from good reason and sanity.

I have seldom seen a more remarkable-looking person. It was a gaunt, aquiline face which was turned towards us, with piercing dark eyes, which lurked in deep hollows under overhung and tufted brows. His hair and beard were white, save that the latter was curiously stained with yellow around his mouth. A cigarette glowed amid the tangle of white hair, and the air of the room was fetid with stale tobacco-smoke. As he held out his hand to Holmes I perceived that it also was stained yellow with nicotine.

'Curiously stained with yellow' > proceeds to immediately explain why it is stained with yellow.

"I can recommend them, for I have them especially prepared by Ionides of Alexandria. He sends me a thousand at a time, and I grieve to say that I have to arrange for a fresh supply every fortnight. Bad, sir, very bad, but an old man has few pleasures."

This guy... this guy imports 1000 cigarettes a fortnight. 1000 a fortnight. That's over 70 a day. That's 3 an hour if he doesn't sleep. 4.5 an hour if he gets 8 hours a night. Sure, the internet tells me it takes about 5 minutes to smoke a cigarette, so he isn't actually chain smoking. He could totally smoke more. Really the take away from this is that he needs to work harder at this and stop his reliance on such unnecessary things as oxygen.

70 a day... yikes.

And he knows it's bad for him, too. What? 40 years before the first study in the US saying the same thing? 60 years before it became big news? The tobacco companies really messed with our understanding of things, huh?

Also, the fact that he can afford to import 1000 cigarettes every two weeks and still has the money to have servants, a nice house, and a secretary. This guy has way more money than any academic I've ever met, that's for sure.

“Alas! what a fatal interruption! Who could have foreseen such a terrible catastrophe? So estimable a young man! I assure you that after a few months' training he was an admirable assistant."

Maybe it's because of how unpleasant his introductory description was. Maybe it's because it was preceded by the implication that the murderer could have got into his room unheard. Or maybe it's just that he asks a rhetorical question here and I can never hear a person in this sort of a situation say 'Who could have forseen such a thing?' without my brain automatically answering 'You, I bet.' But Professor seems sus.

Or maybe it's just his bed.

“I shall indeed be indebted to you if you can throw a light where all is so dark to us. To a poor bookworm and invalid like myself such a blow is paralyzing. I seem to have lost the faculty of thought. But you are a man of action—you are a man of affairs. It is part of the everyday routine of your life. You can preserve your balance in every emergency. We are fortunate indeed in having you at our side.”

Yep, super sus. That's way too much complimenting of Sherlock and way too much insistence upon his own infirmity.

I observed that he was smoking with extraordinary rapidity. It was evident that he shared our host's liking for the fresh Alexandrian cigarettes.

I suspect that this is for a different reason from the one Watson is thinking, but also NO HOLMES, do not be sucked into the 70 imported cigarettes a day pipeline.

“That is my magnum opus—the pile of papers on the side table yonder. It is my analysis of the documents found in the Coptic monasteries of Syria and Egypt, a work which will cut deep at the very foundations of revealed religion. With my enfeebled health I do not know whether I shall ever be able to complete it now that my assistant has been taken from me."

okayokayokay Tentative theory:

The professor's research is based on a lie. Everything he's worked on is based on some incorrect fact about a historical 'she' being somewhere or not being somewhere, and he has (or had) evidence that it was incorrect in his desk. WIlloughby worked it out and was breaking into the desk to get the evidence when the professor snuck up behind him and stabbed him in the neck, then scarpered back up the passage-way as fast as his tar-filled lungs would let him.

“I am a connoisseur,” said he, taking another cigarette from the box—his fourth—and lighting it from the stub of that which he had finished.

OK, now that is chain smoking. I really hope there's a reason for this and it isn't just a weird thing ACD put in for no reason.

"What do you imagine that this poor fellow meant by his last words: ‘The Professor—it was she’?”

That his research was a house of cards, built on nothing but hot air. That he was a fraud and his thesis fabrication. That his entire life's work would be worth more as kindling than as an academic paper.

Maybe I'm basing things on vibes again, a little bit. Sorry.

“Susan is a country girl,” said he, “and you know the incredible stupidity of that class."

Nope. Fuck that shit. Not sorry at all. I hope the Professor is guilty. Patronising, classist, intellectual elitist piece of shit. I'm all-in for Team 'The Professor Did It' and even if he didn't do this crime, he's definitely done some other crime somewhere.

“Possibly an accident; possibly—I only breathe it among ourselves—a suicide. Young men have their hidden troubles—some affair of the heart, perhaps, which we have never known. It is a more probable supposition than murder.”

Yeah, because stabbing yourself in the back of the neck is such an efficient way to do it? No wonder your research is so terrible when this is the amount of thought you put into things. Wow.

An accident? How very Final Destination of you.

“But the eye-glasses?”

Fine. Those I can't explain. Maybe they were what was hidden in the drawer and Willoughby found them? But why would the professor then leave them in plain sight? Maybe if Willoughby was the only person who knew what they meant?

So, secondary theory. The Professor's work is still rubbish and based on lies, but it's not Willoughby who found out, necessarily, it's some unknown woman with terrible eyesight and eyes very close together and a big nose, and she came to confront the professor then went missing. Willoughby knew about her going missing, but the professor claimed she'd never been to see him and the pince-nez are the proof the professor was lying.

And the woman is... dead in a ditch somewhere?

Needs work.

“Ah! I am only a student—a man of dreams. I cannot explain the practical things of life."

Oh shut up with your false modesty nonsense. Ugh. You're terrible.

...he continued to walk up and down for some time, lost in thought and consuming cigarette after cigarette.

Is Holmes trying to get through the Professor's entire supply so he has to order more? Wtf?

“Tell me, Professor Coram,” he said, at last, “what is in that cupboard in the bureau?” “Nothing that would help a thief. Family papers, letters from my poor wife, diplomas of Universities which have done me honour. Here is the key. You can look for yourself.”

Well obviously he's removed anything incriminating from it now. Pah

“It depends upon those cigarettes that I smoked,” said he. “It is possible that I am utterly mistaken. The cigarettes will show me.”

I have no idea how the cigarettes are involved in this, I confess. Is the professor involved in a smuggling ring?

I may have remarked before that Holmes had, when he liked, a peculiarly ingratiating way with women, and that he very readily established terms of confidence with them. In half the time which he had named he had captured the housekeeper's goodwill, and was chatting with her as if he had known her for years.

You mean he's good with people? Good at talking to people? Particularly women?

*side-eyes adaptations*

Is this the passage that they had in mind when they did that whole Enola Holmes lawsuit?

“I suppose the Professor eats hardly anything?” “Well, he is variable. I'll say that for him.” “I'll wager he took no breakfast this morning, and won't face his lunch after all the cigarettes I saw him consume.” “Well, you're out there, sir, as it happens, for he ate a remarkable big breakfast this morning."

Is he keeping a secret woman under his bed? Does she sneak in and have breakfast with him?

So weird.

"Well, it takes all sorts to make a world, and the Professor hasn't let it take his appetite away.”

Because he's a terrible human being.

Alright, at the end of this part, my current theory is that the Professor has some kind of secret meetings with a woman with very close-set eyes and terrible eyesight. Willoughby found out and the Professor lied to him about it, then Willoughby found the woman's glasses in the drawer and the Professor, or the unknown woman, killed him for it. Who she is, why she was meeting the professor, why it was so paramount that no one find out, I don't know.

Also, the Professor's research is terrible and founded on lies, because I just want him to fail at life.

And there are cigarettes... or something.

Yeah... there may be some gaps. I'm working on it.

[americanrecord]

Good morning, Kelsey!! How was yesterday? I hope today is wonderful!!

hi, ashley!! happy thursday!!

yesterday was fine, i just made my job spreadsheet and had some time to myself because everybody else was at work!! anyway, tmi warning for sickness?? day was going really nice….until….like midnight-ish, in which case i got theeeee worst stomach ache of my LIFE. i eventually fell asleep around 1-something & woke up at like 3 because my stomach still hurt. i ended up laying on the bathroom floor because i was so dizzy i almost passed out (this has never happened from a stomach ache like …ever. i don’t get dizzy often). anyway, so i then crawled back into bed, and somehow the worst part hasn’t even started yet, because then i got nauseous. and you know me, and u know my biggest fear (besides spiders) is throwing up 😭 literally haven’t thrown up since i was 7.

(well, actually, back to 0 days since i last threw up) but anyway, i called my aunt who was somehow already awake at 3:30 and then i just proceeded to want to KILL MYSELF for the next like 2.5 hours. literally as terrible as i remember it being. and the worst part?? i’m not sick 😭 it’s the food issues!!! i think it was the coffee i had coming back to haunt because it was just like acid & mostly dry-heaving. idk why i’m telling u all this but ummm, it was so so terrible. i will now NOT be playfully trying any of the foods i’m not supposed to eat because legitimately top 3 worst experiences of my life.

anyway…now i’m laying in bed. i was up from like 3-6 and had to fall asleep sitting up, which was…weird and kinda impossible, so i’m just chilling. idk what i’m gonna get up to today.

how are you? how was yesterday? hopefully, better than my night!!

[awaitingfall]

07.14.24

Wasn’t planning on posting today, but I’m starting to feel a little anxious so maybe writing it out will help.

I feel like something’s been going on with my heart. It beats so fast and so hard at random times throughout the day. Well it might not be random because I feel like it happens after I eat certain foods like carbs, and then maybe after a long day of not being too active it starts to beat like that in the evening. Or also when I’m having bad stomach cramping, which happened this morning again. But also just walking up a flight of stairs. I live on the 3rd floor of my apartment building and I walk up and down them everyday, you’d think my body would get used to it by now? But I literally have to stop before the last flight and just chill for a few seconds before I finish. And it’s not like I’m incredibly out of shape or anything.

I’ve only noticed it get this bad in the past few months, but I’ve definitely had a faster heart rate almost all my adult life. I don’t really remember the POUNDING heart ever being an issue other than after I’ve done something super active. Part of me feels like it could be from my neighbor’s cigarette smoke getting into our apartment and breathing that in whenever we’re home. Most times when we come home it REAKS of cigarettes. All I want is to have my own space away from other people’s bullshit but I don’t have enough money for a down payment on a house 😭 Anyways, I really don’t know what else it could be from. Maybe my meds are starting to affect me, but I’ve been on the same ones for years now, nothing’s changed. Although, now that I think of it, I used to take my anxiety meds at night before bed until I realized that I would get a pounding heart when I was just laying in bed trying to fall asleep. So I looked it up and that is one of the side effects of the med…shit, maybe that has a lot to do with it since switching to taking it in the morning. Damn I would’ve never thought about that if I didn’t right all this out, SEE writing out my problems DOES help sometimes! 🥲 Regardless, I could probably work on my cardio to help strengthen my heart, but I feel like that’s not fully addressing the issue. I see my doctor at the end of the month and I’m going to ask her to refer me to a cardiologist so they can run tests. I’m only worried because my grandfather died from heart related issues, although he didn’t have those problems until he was older. I just want to be careful and take care of myself as best as possible, especially while I’m still young.

I’m sure my anxiety doesn’t help with the rapid heart rate. I’m sure it just makes it worse once I start worrying about it.

I really want to be off of all of my meds. I feel like starting birth control is the reason I began having thyroid issues and made my anxiety worse. But I’ve been on birth control for 10 years now and I’m scared of how my body is going to react to stopping it 😰 If anyone has had any experience with stopping birth control can you comment or send me a message about how that went (would be even better if it was the Kariva brand). I feel like I hear so much negative stuff and I’m worried if I stop it it’s going to uproot my entire life. I did have fairly painful periods before BC and my job is very active, I feel like I’d have to ask off at least 3 days/month just to rest, but I’m also the fucking anchor holding everything down at my job and the only one who can work the press so no actual orders would get done for 3 days and my boss would not be about that 😭

Idk, just a lot to overthink about. But hopefully since I wrote it out here it won’t keep me up all night and I can have a peaceful sleep 😌

I’m just going to start fresh tomorrow. Wake up at 5am, start with a guided meditation sitting up in bed, drink some water and take my meds, then go upstairs and get a nice well-rounded workout in. My breakfast will be scrambled eggs with kimchi, spinach and feta cheese on some sourdough toast. Then I’ll prep my lunch and dinner which will both be plain Greek yogurt with some of that farm-fresh honey I just picked up today and a goji berry trail mix on top. And then I’ll spend the evening reading.

I just can’t let my boss stress me out tomorrow. The fact that he’s back in the shop for 2 months just makes me want to quit, but I know I’m stronger than that and can’t let a random human being affect my mental health like that. I shouldn’t let anything affect my mental health, unless it’s in a positive way 😤

[fapper]

Almost got jumped yesterday

Okay yesterday i was high as fuck and sleepy and right as i was abt to go to bed this DEMON (my roommate) comes in with this stranger ?? And so i told the cunt “hey can you pick up those dirty soiled panties that are in the closet they have been laying there for over 3 days and its disgusting” and this COMPLETE STRANGER BY THE WAY says “why did you do that just now” and “you just yelled at her” etc etc bla bla bla i literally started arguing with the cunt like “ur not gonna come in MY apartment and tell me how i can and cant feel bitch this is none of ur business i dont even know who you are” HAH

So an hour later this demon comes in with a bunch of people and packed everything up but she still has her shit in here so shes not permanently out which is ugh but i fr thought i was about to get jumped bc she came in w these 2 other girls and one of them had her hair in a hoodie 💀💀💀💀💀 not to mention the staring at me like LMFOAOSKDKS like theres no way ur about to fight me for telling her to pick up her brown stained panties

Yk what this demon had to say about it too like 😭😭😭😭😭😭✋ she said “no theyre clean” 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 as if those arent white panties that arent brown in the middle 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 anyways i felt crazy unsafe last night so as i was waiting for them to leave i was high as fuckkkkk and slept on the couch. LOL

As i was high as fuck i genuinely dont remember what the fuck was happening but i think a stranger started yelling at us 😭😭😭😭 and i heard someone say “does anyone know whose cooters these are?” And im sure my roommate blackmailed me or twisted the story the other way around to embarrass me bc these strangers were like insinuating those panties were mine but i truly didnt care LMFAO i was like im listening to music rn and sleeping

No cuz they were genuinely arguing w my other suitemate but idk over what bc i was high as FUCKK

Anyways will update

[kucherovv]

ok very long situationship discussion under cut bc i slept over last night and Ermm im processing it now

sooo it was pretty nice for the most part Like. idk when im JUST hanging out with them its very good. like laying in bed together is pretty much the only time its good

we hung out w our mutual rlly close friend and. idk if ivs said this but at some point there was another girl which is. fine because we're not dating or exclusive in any way (like, explicitly not exclusive) but it does make me want to kill myself. anyways we were talking about said other girl and there were hints that there might be a THIRD one but i genuinely dont think so bc situationship literally cannot leave their room rn bc of [mental health reasons i cant get into]

like i dont want to be naive but. yeah i think it was just something in the past bc they have always mentioned other people as friends at least and they only ever hang out w me and the aforementioned close friend. like they dont even see the other girl anymore

anyways also our friend was pointing out how situationship was IN A SITUATIONSHIP with someone else last fall semester before i rlly met them and wanted to start dating but the girl didn't want to and it like devastated them. almost like what is happening to me rn. and they were like "well let's not talk abt that because it gets too close to uncomfortable self reflection" ok

theyve told me before that like. they want people to be obsessed with them (hence the fucking around) but not obsessed in the way that people are when theyre dating. BUT after a break up the other person should continue to be obsessed with them. like theyre scared of the commitment or vulnerability or whatever that comes from reciprocity. its so weird i just dont understand how their brain works!

its just like. how can you expect people to give you attention the way that you want them to if you treat them like this.

also our friend was like "i would rather you guys stop entirely or date but i cant stand this in between" like YOU cant stand it IMAGINE HOW I FEEL LOL. ok anyways. and he also said he told situationship to just stop being involved w anyone which is funny. its so silly when they talk about our relationship like im not there 🥴😐

also its. not like i havent been honest or upfront abt my feelings bc ive told them maybe 50 times how i feel abt them. but its not something im going to push whatever

i was also talking to my hs friend who had a situationship turn into a real relationship and he was like "well are you guys having sex at least bc that makes jt a little better" NO WE'RE NOT!!!! its so weird bc we . basically did when i was visiting them this summer and then havent even kissed since then. silly!!! someone (charlie maybe) said we were slowburn and its like No. we're just regressing

ANYWAYS. i am not pushing or changing anything BECAUSE. they are withdrawing for the semester and going home then coming back in the spring. and going to therapy and meds in the meantime

so. this is very dumb probably but. i hope they get better so we can be in a fr relationship because i think we're very good together. and i think they like me more than the other girl. which sounds so stupid and desperate when u say it out loud but i really. do think they like me the best. and i hope that if they pursue a relationship w someone that its me .

ok typing that out makes it seem insane um. but yeah whatever fuckk me i guess

[lady-lycany]

Writing this down cuz my anxiety is over the clouds rn

I just had a moment where- for a few seconds- dream and reality got mixed up and now idk what's real and what not

Last night I only had like 2 hours of sleep and tonight I put my phone down, where my alarm clock told me that I had 8h8mins left to sleep...

Now where I checked, I still had 7 hours of sleep left... And I was laying awake for at least 30mins, after putting the phone down... I felt like I slept for at least 4hours. How were that only a couple of minutes?... Anyway... The mixup...

I was laying in bed and a force pushed my head down. I screamed up and hid under the covers, knowing that something was standing right in front of my bed (I saw it but I don't remember what it was)... While staying under the covers, I reached for my lightswitch and as soon as the lights where on, I looked through the room, confused why no one was there... Dude this felt so fcking real, that I literally screamed for my life. I've never had that before (in fact whenever people did that in movies I was like 'hah how fake'). But everything happened in such a blur, that I don't know exactly, what of all that happened while I was asleep and what while I was awake.

It's even funnier how I watched yesterday the leaked trailer of the edge of sleep where Mark is playing a role, and it's about a sickness or something that klls people in their sleep. the melody in the trailer is the song "dream a little dream of me" and that's the first thing I had in mind after waking up. Even though it took a while to know, that I'm actually awake (I'm still not 100% sure, that's why I'm leaving everyhwere a digital footprint now)

I'll try to sleep now again but geez I'm terrified

What's going on?