#but apparently I was also a naive fool this whole time

[penofwildfire]

I. It's not actually canon that Firstbourne is FSM's mother. That's not an established fact. I feel like I'm going insane wtf.

[dragonfirerogue-writes]

had a rough night yesterday so im basing it off that, hopefully you make its angsty and also fluffy

Wednesday x Reader

You and wednesday and other friends were hanging out, but suddenly you get a notification. you open up your phone to see someone that hasnt posted in a while, your Ex that has ghosted you for months and have never talked to again, hell you never even talked about breaking up as after a year of not responding to you, you assume that your relationship with them is over. Your previous expression drops as you feel despondent, you moved on but you were still hurt as they never even tried to contact you, never tried to talked it out with you.

and you can decide what Wednesday and the others reaction will be and how this will turn out, this is a personal turmoil of mine so i apologize on pushing this on to you and i hope you have fun writing this out

Better Days are Ahead

Wednesday x Reader

The day started out so well. It was a free day so you were out with friends. Wednesday was by your side, broody as ever. But among you and your friends, the aura around her was comparatively lighter. The others in your group were chattering away and you were content to just listen and bask in the company of good people.

A loud ping alerted you to a notification on your phone. You took a quick look, just to check what it was. The antics of your friends weren't to be missed and you wanted to witness tomfoolery. However, the name you saw turned a glance into a stare. Suddenly, everything changed.

Your ex's name. You had forgotten that you still had your phone set to receive notifications from them. It had been a year. A whole Gods forsaken year.

A year since they last spoke to you.

A year since they disappeared from your life.

A year since they ghosted you.

Your mind gets pulled back into the past. To happier, naive days when you and your then partner spent every moment together. In your eyes, you had it all. It was perfect. Nothing could pull you two apart.

Until one day, they were gone.

You had sent a text out, but never received a reply. Initially, you figured that they might've forgotten or got distracted. It happens so you weren't fussed. But more and more texts went unanswered. Calls were unreturned. Visits became nonexistent. Suddenly you're struck with the fact that they up and ghosted you. Left you alone without so much as a goodbye.

And it hurt.

The pain was near unbearable. Your friends witnessed it. The tears and sorrow that flowed out of you. The dark cloud that followed wherever you went. It was enough that even Wednesday was offering her services to dispatch your ex. You declined though. Having her near was enough. It took a long time, but you got better. You moved on with the help of Enid's positivity and Xavier's artistic distractions. Girls' Night began to involve you as Yoko and Divina gossiped your ear off. Ajax eased your nerves with his stash and his jokes.

And Wednesday? Her concern for you brought you back. As much as she didn't want to admit it, seeing you so down hurt her. It made her want to destroy the one who hurt you. She was willing to kill for you and it surprised her. When she mentioned it to you, you let out a soft laugh.

"It's like you like me or something. That's impossible though. I'm not worth it, apparently."

Suddenly you find yourself face to face with the goth.

"I will hunt down this cur to the ends of the earth for making you feel like this. You are worth more than one fool's opinion. You're worth even more than the opinions of your friends and you know they hold you in high regard. As do I."

That laid the foundation for your rise.

But now? The hurt returns. You can feel your eyes welling with tears. Your heart clenches in your chest. A frown pulls at your face and your energy drops dramatically. Even after all this time, they still affect you like this. The simple name before you caused this flood of emotions to overwhelm you.

Before you could succumb to the void, you feel a hand in yours. You look up and see Wednesday eyeing you with concern.

"Why are you in your head?" She asks. The question draws the attention of the others. With everyone's eyes on you, you just let out a sigh and show them the notification.

"My ex seems to be back. They just posted something. And, you know. Not a word to me."

The sudden uproar startles you. Xavier was standing, ready to storm off and fight someone. Enid growls and flexes her claws. Wednesday looks ready to release demonic energy. You take a moment to stare at everyone. They were all quick to defend you. Even the laid-back Ajax was fuming.

A smile blooms on your face.

The feeling of your friends and partner giving their support so readily made your heart swell. The pain of the past felt more bearable. It was still there, but you could ignore it now.

You feel a hand on your cheek and turn your head. Wednesday's eyes soften when they're on you, but there's still a danger in them.

"Cara mia, it will be nothing for us to hunt them down and force them to grovel to you. Just say the word."

You just lean in to give her a quick kiss and turn to the rest of your friends.

"They're not worth it. But if they ever show up..."

Almost everyone's grin turns sinister. It was a fascinating sight.

[centrally-unplanned]

House of the Dragon "peace arc" was generally cringe though with a bright spot at the core. Rhaenys came off the worst for it; sitting in a council meeting getting news that the enemy has marched an army, taken two of their castles, and sacked a city and calling those wanting to respond to that warmongering idiots is an amateur hour moment. It isn't like Rhaenyra was heading to King's Landing to surrender or anything, she wanted a negotiated peace. To get that, you need a position of strength - otherwise your enemy is less likely to make peace with you, as the cost of killing you is so low. "War begets war" is an aphorism, not an iron law; this cowardice in the name of conflict avoidance serves neither peace nor their war. Smack their advancing army with a squad of dragons and show them "hey, this is what More War is gonna bring - let's give peace a chance hm?" You only make peace with your enemies, after all, reminding them of that fact is not the barrier to peace naive instinct thinks it is. And then you also aren't telling your own vassals you are going to ditch them in the face of fire, bonus!

The way she seems haughtily superior to the "squabblings of men" while making a fool or herself is a real directorial fail, it is almost accidentally sexist - poor wimmins can't understand Clausewitz. Though I gotta give the actress Eve Best some unintentional credit:

I guess she fucking nailed it.

While I am bashing Rhaenys, the framing of the Vhagar/Meraxes fight is very strange - Rhaenys has clearly won the battle, because Sunfyre is pretty much dead, and you would likely bet Aegon with him, and the way it is shot strongly suggests Rhaenys successfully retreated while Aemond is not at all in pursuit. The whole battle was clearly a trap that she had just dodged. Then she doubles back anyway against a much stronger foe and loses while dealing no apparent damage. Why do that dumb thing? It's both way too risky and also strategically foolish - Meleys as the Black's strongest dragon is highly needed as a deterrent force. It would be more reasonable if Rhaenys was a proud warrior type, proud warriors do that kind of thing ("I can't abandon Rook's Rest!"), but she was defined by her caution up until she chose suicide-by-dracarys.

In the books she is ambushed by a cooperative Aegon/Aemond and dies fighting, easy peasy. The logic is sound, it is a weird change to make.

Speaking of bad tactics, why only send one dragon? If the other dragons were busy that would be one thing, but they mainly aren't, they are doing nothing of note at the time, you have like 4 of them. In the book Rhaenyra is being a bad leader, too grief-stricken or cowardly to go herself, and too possessive of her sons to let them fight; it is shown as a mistake. In this show it is shown as a moment of Rhaenys's courage; she is like "I will go your grace" and everyone is like "oooh" and the question of why this is a solo mission just gets swept aside. Again, you know Vhagar is stronger than you, teamwork is the only real chance you have, while having more dragons is your primary advantage. The Blacks can and should make mistakes, but it has to be framed as mistakes by the show.

This is of course downstream of the "make Rhaenyra the Good Guy" decision; but beyond the Rhaenys idiocy I think this worked great for her here. She didn't hesitate to help her allies; the moment she returned from her failed peace mission, she got right to work. Trying to make peace was idealistic but people are sometimes. And meanwhile I continue to support the Aegon's Dream choice - it really does give her this solid motivation beyond power for her commitment to her inheritance. It is framed really well - like she herself only half believes the prophecy. She is choosing to believe it because she is stuck now and needs moral certainty for the choices she is going to make. That is a very human thing to do, and insightful to essentially admit her own biases out the gate. It makes her likeable without giving her a moral pass for anything.

I do think the show has tipped a bit too far into the "greens = bad guys" camp in comparison though. I would have fixed that by making Rhaenyra more directly complicit in past crimes like killing those who called her children bastards, show she is too committed to this whole "law & prophecy above all" bit, and that the Greens have some legitimate grievances against her. But we may see her get corrupted by the war yet; hopefully they have the courage when it matters most.

[tatzelwyrm]

After beating jedi survivor twice i have one issue with it. The villains are so boring!!

Dagen is an angsty whining final fantasy looking jerk

Bode was fun UNTIL HE WENT EVIL. And then he reminded me of dagen with his crappy attitude.

Rayvis had me very intrigued and couldve been a great villain… if he didnt have a collective total of like 15 minutes of screen time before dying.

Frankly after such a great antagonist in trilla when playing fallen order, it was really a disappointment dealing with these fools

I am with you on Dagan and Rayvis, but Bode haunts me.

Dagan in particular is very forgettable, which is a shame, because a 200-year-old High Republic era Jedi with a grudge is a fun concept. But, in the end, he might as well have remained a vision encountered entirely through Cal's psychometry. Him being there in the flesh didn't add much to the game apart from 3 boss fights.

Rayvis is your standard proud warrior guy with a life debt who lives for war. He sounds like the voice actor had fun, but there's nothing much to him that interests me. But then, as you say, it's not like he's really in the game all that much.

Neither of them is as fleshed out or has as much of a presence as Trilla.

But Bode just haunts me.

I suspected he was gonna betray us the moment he showed us a picture of his little daughter, but despite his betrayal being expected, I ended up enjoying the details a lot.

I've said elsewhere that I believe that the phrase "doomed by the narrative" is overused but that I believe that it fits Bode perfectly and that's why I enjoy his story.

[Detailed spoilers follow.]

I am compelled by how trapped he is. How he trapped himself long before we ever meet him.

He is so driven by his fears that he would rather live alone with his daughter on an empty planet than share it.

He is so driven by his fears that he can't trust anyone. In his eyes, anyone could be a spy, anyone could betray him and Kata to his masters. Why is he so convinced that anyone among the Hidden Path could be a spy? Because he is one himself and betraying people is his job. It's delicious.

Cal is also driven by fear of loss. His goal in this game is to gather everybody he cares about and hide them away in a place where none of the evil in the galaxy can touch them. It's a fantasy so naive that, a week later, I still can't believe he pulled it off, even if only on a surface level (which is my one problem with the game. The ending is too open. I kept waiting for the consequences for Cal's brief touch with the dark side. I kept waiting for him to realise that keeping Tanalorr a secret and the compass out of the hands of the Empire is going to be enormously complicated, maybe even impossible, especially given that he mentions making copies the compass... I hate when AAA games do cliffhangers, given how much time it takes to make one).

But one difference between Cal and Bode is that Bode can't trust anyone. Cal's goal is explicitly to share his mythical paradise planet with as many people as possible while Bode is so paranoid he apparently wants his daughter to grow up a hermit on an empty.

Bode assumes the worst of everyone because he himself is the worst vs. Cal who assumes the best of everyone and offers second chances like candy (to Caij, to Rayvis, to Trilla in Fallen Order, to Bode himself).

Bode is another dark mirror for Cal, like Trilla, like Dagan (nothing new here, it's a narrative staple, but a good one in my option, I enjoy it, and I like the way it's done in Fallen Order with Trilla and I like the way it's done with Bode here). Bode is what Cal could become if he lets his fears of loss consume him.

There is still hope for Cal though while there was never any hope for Bode. He was on that road long before we met him.

While I'm personally not a fan of stories that explore that whole "attachments are bad if you're a Jedi" angle (and I suspect we're getting a lot more of that in a potential sqeuel), Bode is actually a good example in my eyes.

Bode offered himself to the Empire. The game (in particular the Force Echoes on Nova Geron) makes it very clear that Bode is the one who approached the ISB, not the other way around. This wasn't a situation in which he was held at gunpoint and offered the choice to work for the ISB or die. He also wasn't tortured into working for the Empire like Trilla and other Inquisitors. Bode himself put Kata in the hands of the Empire because he was a slave to his fears.

It's what makes him so tragic. He never could have acted any differently. Nothing we could have done could have convinced him to truly trust Cal. Bode is simply in too deep.

By the end it's clear he doesn't even really care about Kata as a person. How is living alone on an empty planet good for her? How is living on an ISB base good for her while Bode is away all the time? He ends up hurting her over and over in name of protecting her, even physically, in the end.

By the time we meet him, all that matters to Bode is that she is alive and he can keep clinging to her and to the handy excuse she represents. It's the way he lives.

There is a Force Echo on the Lucrehulk in which Bode hopes that Cal is safe after they're separated. But once Bode remembers that he is going to betray Cal eventually, he buries that sentiment very quickly with the mantra of "I'm doing this for Kata".

Bode needs to keep telling himself that every horrible thing he does is for Kata, because if that ever stops being true, what does that make him?

Bode can't be saved just like the Ninth Sister couldn't be saved in the beginning of the game. Honestly, when we killed the Ninth Sister in the tutorial level I was wondering why she was even in the game, given how quickly we dispatched her.

But by the end it made sense to me. She was there to mirror Bode's fate. Cal hesitates a long, long time before dealing the killing blow to her. He talks to her (at her, rather, given that this is a very one-sided conversation). He calls her by her name, her true name. She never answers. She just stomps and snarls, too consumed by her anger to form words. Cal's final words to her are "it's time to set you free". He realises nothing he could do could make her turn from her path. She's going to keep fighting until one of them is dead.

It's the same with Bode. Cal begs him to surrender. Bode never stops fighting him, consumed by his fear. When Bode shoots first, Cal realises nothing he could do could make him let go of his fear. Bode is going to keep fighting until one of them is dead. Dying is the only way in which Bode could ever be free from his fears.

Perfect bookends.

I hate Bode because he killed sweet old never-did-anything-wrong-in-his-entire-life Cordova (right in front of BD-1, too!) and because he uses Kata as a cheap excuse for everything, including leading countless people to their deaths, betraying Cere's location and leaving Kata herself trapped on an ISB base (and, eventually, potentially, on a peaceful but empty planet).

But mainly I feel so sorry for him because he's so tragic. He dug himself a hole and never stopped digging...

[miralines]

woe ouatis rpverse sptumblr: the sequel be upon ye

link to the original

172 notes

🥁insubordinationriskofficial follow 🔁 roseredasinfuckyou follow

🧱 roseredasinfuckyou follow

the insubordination risk show was fucking great btw

🥁 insubordinationriskofficial follow

Re: your tags– we’re in the process of launching a crowdfunding goal to get a real album out! We’re just figuring out the logistics, but believe us, we won’t shut up about it when it happens. In the meantime, if you want to support us Luna sells patches on their spetsy, including some band ones ＾▽＾

112 notes

🌱 gayforjohnspratt follow 🔁 antiroyalribbons follow

⚫ zanti-deactivated02334432

Althea Black is a naive fool. I don’t know why anyone agreed to publish that utter trash she calls a book. I’d feel sorry for her if she weren’t helping spread all this propaganda. 

My full review of her book will be up on my spyoutube channel at the end of the week. Hint: It’s bad.

🪐 rose-red-apologist follow

oh, fuck off, literally everyone is tired of your shit

🐱 catboykingcole follow

man really thought they could get on the rose red defenders website and say this lmao eat them alive

🌱 gayforjohnspratt

@spstaff wasn’t this guy banned? you wanna do something about that?

19 notes

🟥 realredhood follow 🔁 beaumontbogwitch follow

🧙‍♀️beaumontbogwitch follow

Help how do I convince my brother and brother in law not to name their kid fucking marion

🟥 realredhood follow

I mean I’d send you some receipts but I’m kind of on thin ice with FABLE so just tell them that I said Fucking Yikes

2,294 notes

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🌹 roseredbignaturals follow

FRECKLES LUCK SPOTTED ON SPTUMBLR ABORT MISSION

⚡ thundercatsbecameourskeletonhats follow

I’m sorry WHAT?

♋ aroarrowers follow

I still think it’s fake, but some random blog mentioned knowing her and got a bunch of questions about it and then made a post claiming to be from her saying to leave the blogger alone. Seems like they’re just looking for attention if you ask me.

🌹 roseredbignaturals follow

It’s real there’s a selfie and everything. Believe me if they got that from someplace else I’d have already seen it. Apparently this blog belongs to her adopted kid or something???

🦫 peripheralplatypus follow

LINK??

🌅 atypicalarielien follow

Stop spreading this y’all the blog has been getting death threats. Also stop calling details about her personal life fucking ""lore.""

🌹 roseredbignaturals follow

I’m deleting istg if she sees the shit I’ve posted about her

🌱 gayforjohnspratt follow

coward

118 notes

👩🏻‍🦰 frecklesluck follow 🔁 roseredbignaturals follow

🌹roseredbignaturals follow

so im watching through the event footage for the conference from that interview she gave with the whole like, moulding breaking reveal conference. you all know the one. and i found a shot where she and adam bete are sitting together beforehand between speeches in the backround from a news broadcast. and oh my god. her piercings. its such a crime they made her take them out before she went on the news like. fuck. she's so pretty. her hair was down and she was laughing as something bete said. im so in love this is a crime. she's so hot none of you understand. her eyebrow piercings and her ears and the tattoos on her arms (they always have her wear suit jackets its such a crime like) and. and. im so gay NONE of you understand!! aaaaaaa

👩🏻‍🦰 frecklesluck follow

You know, when i searched my name on this site I expected the usual 'why isn't she in jail' shit that sptwitter tells me. thanks i guess.

83 notes

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🌱 gayforjohnspratt follow

so like @roseredbignaturals are you okay. how are you doing after that. your internet crush is married.

🌹roseredbignaturals follow

NO IM NOT OKAY IM NOT OKAY IM NOT OKAY AH

🌹roseredbignaturals follow

M NOTSHE SAW ME SIMPIG

🌹roseredbignaturals follow

FUCK

5 notes

🧱 roseredasinfuckyou follow

for the last time, dyeing your hair red is not fucking appropriating rose red culture norms shut up and stop making things up challenge

If I get ONE MORE goddamn ask about this

82 notes

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🌹roseredbignaturals follow

HER DAYS OF SWEEPING LESBIANS OFF THEIR FEET ARE OVER

🌹roseredbignaturals follow

WHY WAS I A TEENAGER ON ARIEL AND NOT IN THE PERIPHERY YEARS AGO IN A GAY BAR WHERE FRECKLES LUCK (FRECKLES LUCK!!!!!!) COULDVE SWEPT ME OFF MY FEET

🌹roseredbignaturals follow

THIS IS THE WORST TIMELINE

🌱gayforjohnspratt follow

you're really having a time of it

🌹roseredbignaturals follow AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

6 notes

♥️ redlikesmovies follow

I told you guys I know her!!

[itsmelb]

The ultimate Only Friends The Series resumé

So we are here at the end of the series we all couldn't wait to see the whole year. And I just wanna say some things about the series, the actors, the circumstances, my emotions. U know me I have a lot to say in general but firstly I am just so grateful to have witnessed this kinda evolution of BL series and now let's get deeper into the mess 😆

The series

As I said it was so highly awaited that I was sure ppl would be delulu all the time. I knew that there would be beef because everyone wants mess and when they get it they can't handle it. I know ppl expect things from BLs (me too I don't exclude me) and when it isn't how it (apparently) should be (in their opinion) and it's exactly how life COULD be ppl hate, be shitty and say mean things in general.

I mean I was mad when the directors and writers cut out TopMew scenes just because "fans" hated on them (I still don't get it) but I never once hated on Ray, Boston or somebody else (like hating Khao or sb). I can say we'll that's shitty what he's done, I can say I am mad at Boston for this but as I said before life is not perfect. I also can forgive somebody when I see okay he changes for me, the other one I don't. I think ppl should not watch the series when they can't accept failure and not being perfect then. When you want a BL like in books go watch Lita or Hidden agenda or sth.

This sometimes killed my mood. But well I am obsessed with the actors of this series. And it's what kept me watching. The mess was real.

The actors

Book aka Mew: my beloved Bookie. I think he did so great. And I am not saying this just because I love him sm. He worked his ass off. He never did a role like this (playing so many emotions and naivness and all that we've seen). I am really excited to see what he is up to. I hope he gets to challenge himself again. I wish that ppl see how well he's doing. He deserves the praise for this role and all that are coming. 🍅💕

Force aka Top: I love bad boy Force. I love his smirk his laugh and him. I like how he acted the scenes from asshole to in love like a fool haha. I don't get why ppl hate on his acting. He improved sm I just want that he gets some respect. 🦊🫶🏻

-> Forcebooks chemistry was so good. All the stares and the cries and all the heavy emo stuff. I love them sm it hurts that ppl are so disgusting. They deserve the world and I am so proud to be their fan 🦊🍅💕

Khao as Ray and First as Sand: K is so naturally talented. I like his ways. I love his eyes and his smile. I like the way he and First act and be together. I like how they both cry so beautifully. I love how First can be fierce and soft. Also his expressions are so good. Their characters were a mess and they acted the part so good.

-> I realised that they don't belong on my top list of actors anymore. I mean, dont get me wrong. I appreciate and respect their acting, and their sexyness is beyond good, but I prefer others more. It's just a feeling I can't explain it further.

Neo as Boston, Mark as Nick: They did so good with their messy characters and all their deep shit. I like how it turned out at the end btw them. I like how Nick said, I can't be with u bc u are who u are but that's okay for u not for me though. I think that's so real. Also Boston is Boston, personally I couldn't be with sb like him but some will and it's okay. I can respect that.

-> Neo Mark did so good they grew on me. Especially Neo. He acted so good that we could hate Boston. U have to do that first. And Mark well the emotions were big!!!

Lookjun, Nonnie, Mond, Drake, Jennie as Cheum, April, Boeing, Gap and Yo: I love the mess around them, that Mond was Boeing was such a crazy thing. Also Drakes guest star was so sexy. The girls should have been there more. I don't know... they picked them well.

...and Mix as the first guest lol: holy shit I knew he would be there. I love him sm. And I am here for him to create chaos...and that's why..

My personal emotional ofts rambles

The emotions I had during this series were like a crazy ride. I am happy and sad and angry and a little disappointed and that's just the half of it haha. They did well. They could have done better though. Don't cut scenes just bc ppl want it, let stories tell and let them flow, be more accepting about different love lifes, different ppl different perspectives and last but not least accept failure from characters.

And at the end I would finally say my ranking of my fav characters I did a while ago and now I wanna do it again:

1. Mew (still on top sorry haha)

2. Top (yeah back on top really. All Mew said about forgiveness and that I agree)

3. Nick (just because I like that he looks after himself now!)

4. Sand (If he is there for u u won)

5. Cheum

6. Ray (how the tables have turned. I just don't like that he gets through with everything. Yah)

7. Boston (still last because I personally don't like his motives. And that is just my opinion)

And that's that. 💯 it was a ride. I am sad that this ended..

..but maybe we get Season 2 with Mix? I would watch it for sure 😆

[houseofbrat]

I always see anons saying with conviction that pretty much no one is fooled by M anymore, and they’ll list the countries they believe where no one is fooled…apparently. Take a look at the Instagram account ‘Betoota Advocate’. It’s an Australian satirical ‘news’ account whose sarcasm is so strong people often don’t get the joke. It’s a great account and makes fun of those who need to be made fun of, but they have it wrong when it comes to TW. They’ve published posts in the past about TW that show that although they don’t necessarily strongly support her, they are mocking the ‘white old men in suits’ and the racist media for what it reports on her. Their recent post on her focuses on the fact TW said no to the coronation invite and how she can’t do anything right because if she said yes she’d be criticised and if she said no she’d also be criticised which I feel is a weakness of critics of TW because they are doing that. Take a look at the comments. Mostly pro TW. As I’ve said in previous asks, there are still naive people out there and because Australia gets little royal news, they believe the whole spin put out by TW.

And this is why after the divorce press starts, the palace pr teams will have to be thorough in demonstrating that Harry's ex-wife was always a terrible person. They need to prove to the public that she was always bad before she ever met Harry & married into the BRF. I'm pretty confident that they can do it; she's made so many enemies over the years.

They have to be complete in the job they're doing this time because QEII wouldn't allow them to do the job back in the summer of 2017 because she didn't want too much drama at the end of her reign. Look how that turned out.

[lightcreators]

@sheyearns​ continue from here

       HE SOUNDED LIKE A spoiled brat. It reminded Lacie of those little chumps she had met during the first years of her needing to socialize with other children from noble families and oh, how much she dreaded it to step foot out of her comfort zone and socialize with them. Levi aka Glen wanted her to have more friends around her age. Did he know none of them actually liked her? They just had to look at her eyes and Lacie could already see the expressions of dislike. The worst were the ones who pretended to like her. Who had to play with her because their parents told them so but Lacie was not a fool. They were too scared to lose the Baskerville’s favour and Levi wanted to put her into a mocking situation.

       Lacie laughed, shaking her head and disapproving of his statement. “You’re too naive and I almost feel sorry for you.” She had heard it before. Many times by those arrogant fools who think the whole world was going to kneel for them and listen to their commands. “It’s a game you can’t win. You already lost before you even started it. I’ll give you a piece of advice; stop trying to rule over others.” Lacie had her fair share of other people blaming their shit on her. The accused sentences still replayed in her head from time to time. She did it! It was her fault! Don’t look at me, look at her, everything’s done through her! She ignored it. She walking her path as if she couldn’t hear anything. But she did. She always did and they were too ignorant to care for it.

Everything  about  the  situation  was  actually  funny.  Did  she  was  thought  she  was  the  only  one  he  met,  watching  at  him  with  disgust,  about  how  he  expressed  arrogance  inside  her  expression,  making  her  somewhere  …  threatening  ?  Ooooh,  he  should  be  scared  because  of  her  apparent  disapproval  about  how  he  considered  life  as  his  little  playground  ?  Oh,  he  knew  that  gaze.  He  also  understood  possibly  the  misunderstood  who  installed  between  them.  There  was  no  immediate  intention  to  using  her  as  a  pleasant  piece  doing  everything  he  desired  without  realize  it,  without  even  an  ambition  to  be  nasty  over  her  …  Not  immedietly.  It  was  depending  of  her  actions  if,  at  some  point,  he  would  have  to  be  bad.  Shouldn’t  he  received  some  thankfulness  for  have  informed  her  ?  Shouldn’t  been  flattered  about  bring  down  that  confession  so  much  naturally  with  a  clear  not  faked  happiness  ?  A  the  very  least,  he  appreciated  her  presence.  Otherwordly  presences  were  something  …  rare  …  to  be  pick  up.  Inside  his  realm  filled  of  obscurity,  into  complete  silence  he  was  flattered  of,  he  touched  quickly  things  and  people  who  aren’t  from  that  world  …  even  if  he  didn’t  know  the  taste  of  a  daylight.  The  underground  giving  him  all  informations  he  needed  to  know  about  the  noblesse  sphere,  as  he  helped  them  doing  their  goal  of  revolution.  

Her  Masjesty  probably  had  saw  him  one  or  two  times  even  since  he  became  her  Spider,  and  slowly  ruling  everything  from  the  backstage.  Everything,  afterwards,  depended  of  his  moves  and  moods.  He  giggled  so  much  towards  her  first  remark  he  needed  a  short  moment  for  recover  of  the  pseudo-insult.  Naive  ?  What  a  compliment  !  Oh  yes,  he  was  going  to  let  her  believe  how  much  he  was  n  a  i  v  e.  Oh  yes,  she  could  p  i  t  y    h  i  m  ,  feel  so  sooooory  for  him,  looking  at  the  disaster  of  the  boy  he  was  —  it  woud  be  such  acknoweldgement,  such  pleasure  !    ❝  Oooh,  I’m  naiiiiive,  it’s  such  a  shame  !    ❞  He  self-mocking  himself  while  expressing  tears  inside  his  eyes,  pretending  to  be  heavily  hurt  by  her  words.    ❝  Ah,  you  really  do  feel  sorry  for  me  ?    ❞  He  asked  out  of  the  blue,  deciding  the  test  the  potential  of  that  woman.  Because  she  was  funny,  he  was  going  to  play  her  game.  Someday,  she  would  realizing  how  fooled  she  had  been  with  the  illusions  of  his  person.  Someday,  she  might  understood  they  were  the  same.  It  wasn’t  even  a  possibility.  She  was  like  him,  inside  that  selfishness  and  distance.  She  was  like  him,  inside  imposed  norms  on  society  for  people  belonging  to  another  realms.  It  would  be  a  nice  gesture  of  his  part,  an  forgiving  one.  Best  the  pathetic  he  was,  greater  the  result  would  be  for  later  !  It  was  something  he  understood  by  the  moment  he  got  an  occassion  to  kill  that  old  asshole  asking  support  over  a  witch  …  It  was  something  he  understood  by  meeting  that  man,  when  regardless  polite  gestures,  understood  how  cruel  and  heartless  he  was.  He  was  meant  for  great  things.  He  was  meant  for  destroying  people  from  their  powerful  seats.  Besides,  he  liked  that.  He  liked  playing  the  role  of  a  powerless  boy  when  he  knew  all  control  was  coming  from  him  …  when  he  knew  people  could  be  fooled  by  appareances  …  Inside  his  misery,  he  had  been  blessed  of  that  talent.  It  was  making  him  his  life  worthwhile.  It  doesn’t  matter  if  no  one  cared  about  his  broken  heart  and  his  actual  distress.  No  one  cared  about  him.  No  one  could  perceiving  reality  beyond  the  appareances  …  She  wasn’t  an  exception.  She  joigned  another  people  be  fooled  over  what  she  saw  without  saw  beyond  …  His  fake  tears  lasted  for  a  short  while,  as  he  expected  an  pleasant  answer  towards  his  answer,  half  crying  in  everything  he  could  about  the  previous  remark.  At  some  point,  a  little  happy  smile  flattered  his  features.    ❝  You’re  really  lucky.    ❞  Was  an  gentle  warning  as  his  tone  turn  out  somber.    ❝    You’re  the  one  saying  that  meanwhile  you’re  trapped  into  darkness  too,  mh  ?  You’re  the  one  saying  this  to  me  while  you  want  also  some  comfort  into  others,  right  ?  I  am  supposed  to  believe  you’ve  a  beautiful  angel,  even  though  linked  towards  darkness,  who  suddently  stopped  to  give  up  because  you  are  cursed  ?  Or  maybe  watching  a  poor  miserable  boy  is  a  terrible  reflection  for  you  ?  You’re  really  lucky.  You  have  such  an  interesting  potential.    ❞  His  tears  were  gone  on  his  face,  and  he  slowly  watching  her  with  interest.    ❝  Besides,  didn’t  you  get  your  research  before  ?  I’m  the  Queen’s  shadow,  far  more  better  than  the  obedient  dog  of  that  Phantomhive  who  bends  down  at  every  whim.  I  am  London’s  darkness,  the  terrible  shadow  laying  in  England,  it’s  what  the  Trancy  are.  As  a  member  of  a  powerful  family,  you  must  understand  that,  mh  ?    ❞

[its0046rightnow]

no. 1

I have not been on tumblr in years, but returning here to write what will essentially be diary entries feels appropriately melodramatic.

Almost a year ago I got with somebody for the first time. Not just a first time "getting with" - I had never so much as kissed anyone before that (I can't remember if he knows that). At first I was so naively happy. I thought he was cool. As much as it pains me to admit it, I genuinely did like him. And I thought he liked me.

As such, we fooled around a few more times before officially going all the way. It was at that point that everything went downhill, though it should have been much sooner. The sex was bad. Even though I convinced myself in the moment that it was worth going through with (and doing once more...), it was just so bad. Objectively. I was definitely not any good for him, but honestly it was horrific for me. I have a high pain tolerance and do not cry, but I cried just a little then. I don't think he noticed, or if he did, he pretended not to. It hurt in a way that I later learned is not normal. In retrospect I've come to believe those women on tiktok that proclaim that your body tries to reject a partner that isn't good for you; mine certainly did then.

The physical pain was one thing, but you can just lay there and take that. Without exaggeration I can say that that night was the start of the lowest I have ever felt mentally (if not the lowest, certainly the lowest I have been made to feel by another person). He had been so polite in asking if every little thing was alright, and then out of nowhere (that's how it felt) there was a hand gripping my neck and then slapping me. I was in shock. I didn't say anything or try to move because it was such a shock to my system (you could say... a slap in the face... :P). When it was over he told me to go to the bathroom and I had to stay in there for ages, both to collect myself and because I thought I was bleeding out. It looked like a crime scene. I came back, he fell asleep turned away from me, and I have never felt more lonely. Tried to go at it again the next morning and had to stop because my body couldn't take it. He would never fully walk me out of his place and that always pissed me off. Went home on the bus and felt numb. Felt numb for the rest of the day until he messaged with an unfunny joke about how there were bloodstains. The numbness was gone and I wanted to throw up. A month of painfully dry messages sent once a day (and then once every 2 days, then every few), and I did it again. God knows why. I think I believed that it would be better, having gotten the first time out of the way. It wasn't.

I saw him less than 48 hours later at an event, and the first thing he said to me was that he forgot I was coming. I would shoot myself in the foot before saying that to another person. "I do not listen to what you say because you are insignificant to me, and I am going to announce that so you know you are insignificant to me." The hell.

I guess in a way he got what he wanted: he has a fetish and I checked the right boxes, apparently. I was able to figure out that he did on my own, but recently I've been told that his fetish is apparently infamous. Since my hypothesis was proved there, I feel that I can also say he watches too much (any) porn: the out-of-the-blue choking and slapping and general disregard for my wellbeing make me think that at a very essential level he sees women only as objects, and ones for his pleasure at that. I really picked a winner.

In conclusion, this experience is the biggest shame and embarrassment of my life (according to google they are two different things but both apply). I am so horrified that that man can say he's been with me. I hate that it took me a few whole months to be able to decisively say that I never want to touch that man again. I hate that I still think about it to this day. I hate that all the dates I have since went on have gone so poorly that I cannot say from personal experience that not all men are like that. And I know logically that they're not. But the experience has sort of made me asexual.

Will maybe post again on another night where I am overthinking this (lots of nights). Part of me doesn't want anyone to ever read this. Part of me is somehow hoping that he'll read this (I don't think he has tumblr) and realize why I can't respect him (I don't think he has the maturity to self-reflect like that). I have moved on obviously but would still like for it to become a very distant memory. <3

[atl4ntxc]

⭔ׅ ،ㅤ“ii. 𝖔𝖓 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖕𝖆𝖌𝖊 𝖔𝖋 𝖒𝖞 𝖑𝖆𝖘𝖙 𝖏𝖔𝖚𝖗𝖓𝖊𝖞 . ” 𓈒ㅤ𓂅 🕯️

⌕ content warning : mentions of suicide, mentions of whipping (not the kinky one.) , blood, alcohol use, harsh usage of words,

⌕ summary : the aftermath of mc’s suicide.

older brothers ver. (lucifer + mammon + leviathan)

xiloscient ver.

shame and regret. the brothers felt shame and regret. they were the one who did this to mc, they have no right to mourn.

𝐬𝐚𝐭𝐚𝐧

why was he so naive? he’s smart. incredibly smart. so why didn’t he figure out ella’s motive and bad intentions? he was supposed to be the smart one.

why did he treat them like this? why? he barely knew ella yet still believed her— incredulous. he feels stupid, fooled.

is barely worried about the punishment. he’d only stare at the avatar of pride, who was being punished, crimson blood oozing out of the eldest’s back.

finds the fact that lucifer should be punished severely, but he does not voice it out as he was also in the wrong for what he has done to you.

gets irritated much easier, and it is not rare to hear things being thrown around his room as his tantrum begins.

Satan stared at the cat who purred softly on his lap, a small smile graced on his face.

He didn’t notice the letter that sat beside him until the cat itself got up from his lap and sat beside the said letter. He looked at letter and picked it up, curious to know what it contains and who it is for.

He tried to stop himself from opening the letter, but curiousity got the best of him. He’ll feel guilty later, now— he just wants to know what the letter is about.

“dear satan,

wait— gosh, that sounds so weird. nevermind that! uh, i hope I find you well. i’m sorry for leaving so early.

you know, maybe this journey wasn’t so worthwhile. when i was younger, i used to wish i would disappear from this world. the whole world seemed so dark and i cried every night.

i hate myself for not being able to receive love. i was afraid of having multiple eyes on me, and i still am. during those beautifully beautiful days, i was in pain— and i feel guilty for feeling such way.

i feel like i am unworthy of love, but... you and the brothers changed my thoughts. though at times i feel helpless, i will always search for you. you helped me, yet you were also one of the many reasons that i broke down.

i know you would be angry at me for that particular sentence, and i apologize for it. it might be too honest, but i want to express what i feel towards you before i pass on.

i held on, not because i wanted too. trust me, all of me wanted to stop. i held on for my dear life, yet i know i failed at doing that too. i might be gone, but i want you to please forgive me if I have done anything wrong in the past.

thank you for keeping up with me.

sincerely,

mc. ”

Satan gripped the letter tightly, drops of tears landing on the cream letter paper. He wiped his tears using his palm aggressively and used his sleeve to stop any oncoming tears.

The cat stared at Satan and had it's ears pressed flat. It nudged Satan with its head and purred against him, trying to get his attention. He looked at it and gave the cat a small smile, bringing it in for a hug.

𝐚𝐬𝐦𝐨𝐝𝐞𝐮𝐬

asmodeus is the avatar of lust. he cares about his beauty and takes it very seriously, sometimes spending a huge amount of grimm just for new beauty products.

though, ever since he got the news of mc’s apparent suicide— he has neglected his mental health. he would often wake up with eye bags, sometimes heavy, sometimes not.

incredibly worried about the punishment. his skin is the epitome of flawlessness and he does not want to ruin his image either.

would try to convince lucifer to stop the punishment, but fails. heavily believes that he isn't guilty for your suicide, or so he tries to convince himself.

tries to keep up his image, yet breaks down at the mention of the former exchange student.

Asmodeus waltzed into his room, visibly drunk. He took another sip from the champagne glass he held and walked closer to the edge of his bed, gracefully sitting on it.

As Asmo tried to take another sip of the red champagne, he noticed a letter that sat on his night stand. Gently putting the glass down, he carefully picked up the letter and began inspecting it.

He also noticed a vase full of calla lilies. It had yellow and purple calla lilies, making it compliment the beauty and fanciness of Asmodeus’ room. He opened the letter and began reading it, expecting nothing more than a love letter from a fan.

“dearest asmodeus,

it's a great pleasure to finally have enough confidence to write this letter to you. i greatly admire you for your confidence and self-love.

it's unfortunate for me to say that i have neither of those traits, but that’s okay. you may have come to notice the vase of calla lilies that sits at the night stand of your vanity, i have picked those freshly from the garden of butterflies that i personally took care of.

i hope that you know— er... find out about what calla lilies mean. i have purposely picked those two colours for you, purple and yellow. now, this may seem odd for me to say but i forgive you.

yes, i have acknowledged your wrongdoings, and that is why i chose to forgive you. as much as i would love to hold a grudge against you and your brothers, i know that there is no use for me to do that when i will be in the afterlife anyway.

i never wanted to be a failure, i can tell you that. it pains me to know that i will never be good enough for you. or in fact, for anyone. knowing that i was never enough in the first place hurts. it hurts so bad.

i’m sorry if i became a burden to you. i never meant to trouble any of you.

with much love,

mc. ”

Asmodeus stared at the letter, too shocked to move or say anything.

Looking around his room, he spots the calla lilies and slowly walked towards his vanity. The time felt slow. It felt as if he was walking in slow motion, as if time has been slowed.

He gently touched one of the petals of the calla lilies and stared at the multiple shades of purple that displayed itself on the flower.

His chest began to be filled with guilt, and then horror once he realizes the true meaning of the said flowers.

𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐳𝐞𝐛𝐮𝐛

it hurts so badly to know that he wasn’t there to save you. ever since you died, he has lost the appetite to eat in the normal quantity that he usually does.

helps his brothers a lot on dealing with your death, while he, himself, has not gotten over you yet.

he is the only one that will not be punished by diavolo, as he was one of the demons that genuinely cared for you— and diavolo has acknowledged that.

extremely conflicted about the punishment that his brother will face, but he can’t do anything about it.

becomes a little distant from his brothers, but will occasionally comfort them when they need it.

“Beel, ”

Called Xiloscient from afar, catching the attention of the shorter male. “Xilo... ” He mumbled as he proceeded to stand up from the position that he previously was in. “What are you doing here? ”

“I have a letter for you. ” Spoke the blonde yet again, handing Beelzebub the said letter. The 6’8 elf stared at the demon to catch any kind of reaction out of him. He was curious.

Beelzebub took the letter and thanked the taller elf politely, opening the letter after he (Beel) had left to go to the kitchen.

“hi, beel.

i just wanted to say that i’m sorry. please believe me when i say that i never wanted to hurt any of you. it was never my intention.

as much as it pains me to say this, i am suffering by myself. due to my neglected mental health and my body that is getting more weaker on a daily, i decided that i can’t go through this anymore.

i was never strong in the first place, beel. i admit it, i am weak. i can barely get a grip onto reality itself— so, what makes you think that i can hold onto my life any longer?

i know that i shouldn’t have done this. but, what do you want me to do? i’m sick and tired of living this way. it feels as if i am drowning in my own tears— as if it was an ocean filled with my blood. you might not agree with me, but i know how it feels like to be stepped on and be betrayed.

all of my life have been filled with backstabbers— and i am so fucking sick of it. though, i never blamed you or the brothers for what has happened to me. if fate has decided that i will go through this, then so be it.

i’ll be watching over you, beel— no matter if i am still here or not.

dearest,

mc.’’

Beel put the letter on the dining table before taking in a deep breath, sorrow visible on his features.

He clutched his hand and dugged his nails into his palms, knuckles turning white as he does so. Beel looked down onto his lap and finally let the caged tears freely flow down.

“Mc, I’m so...’’ and with that, he finally breaks down.

𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐩𝐡𝐞𝐠𝐨𝐫

belphegor feels conflicted, angry and guilty. first, he feels conflicted on how to feel and deal with your death. secondly, he feels angry at himself for doing such horrible things to you.

and lastly, whenever he gets reminded of your death, he remembers the incident between you and him. the incident that took your life— fuck. he doesn’t want to compare these horrible memories.

does not care about the punishment. he thinks lucifer deserves it, but doesn’t comment on it as exhaustion consumes him.

he will ignore and sleep through every argument that echoes in the HoL, trying to escape from reality.

sleeps much more than he usually does as a coping mechanism and that’s saying something.

Belphegor woke up from his slumber, dark eye bags visible on his face.

He woke up due to the fact that he couldn’t find his favourite cow pillow, making him be grumpy once his eyes greet the light that is present in the room.

He slowly opened his eyes and moved them to the side, trying to search only using his eyes. Then, he noticed a sealed envelope with a stem of cyclamen beside it. That made him curious, which made him slowly rose from his laying position. Belphegor opened the envelope and took out the letter, his eyes beginning to trail over the written words.

“dearest belphegor,

i know you well enough to say that i’m aware that you just woke up from your slumber. just kidding! or... did you really just woke up?

ah, well. i hope you took notice of the stem of cyclamen that sat beside the envelope. what do you think that it means, belphie? i’m sure that you find it annoying... but that’s okay.

i hope you're in well condition. i know that it’s very hard for you to cope with lilith’s... death but i know for a fact that you are strong, stronger than anyone that i’ve ever known. although i find it very— hurtful to know that you believed ella more than me, but i got used to it.

i don’t get it. i don’t get why you easily believed ella. am i that untrustworthy, belphegor? am I that replaceable to you and your brothers, belphie? i don’t get why i’m feeling this way. i feel so envious of ella, and i hate it. i hate the way that each time that i look at her, i could feel my blood boil.

i could feel a vein pop in my neck, and i could feel my mind racing to gather a solution. this endless pain that i felt when i saw everyone, smiling and laughing with ella— while ignoring my presence, made me feel like i was nothing but a figment of my own imagination. i felt like dust that could easily be swept away by the wind.

though, i’m sure that i got used to that feeling. i can say that i don’t like feeling that way at all, but i can’t change it. i can’t change the way that it is, so i just have to get used to it. it’s ok though.

thanks for everything!!

your dearest,

mc.”

Belphegor could only stare at the letter, eyes wide with surprise.

He turned his head and slowly picked up the stem of cyclamen, inspecting it carefully before sighing and putting it aside, along with the letter.

He climbed back onto his bed and sat on it, mind running in circles. Belphegor pulled his legs and hugged his knees, hiding his face as tears slowly rolled down his pale cheeks. He was in the wrong. He didn’t want this to happen. He got tricked so easily. Was he that naïve?

He couldn’t accept the fact that you were gone.

urk— that hurt.

[faery-the-diamond]

I saw someone was asking about ask box, so i guess i will try to use it, AHEM.

Ask to Crownbert: How is that feels to be... A crown... just a crown.

Ask to narinder:Do you remember Ratau and others who you given crown to? Who was the best on your think and what did he do?

Ask to some of believers: And how changed quality of your life after narinder have become crown nearer and leader have become a crown? Are it better or worse?

Sorry for such a delay 💦

Before we start, here's an important note first:

I'm planning to answer these asks with text (with some occasional art) so that I had enough time to draw the comic itself as well as art for my other AUs. Especially since my university starts on the next week :">

————————————

Lambert: Well... Saying that it feels strange would be an understatement. Which is expected from being stuck in a magical object I guess. But it also feels kind of... Terrifying. Imagine yourself being a leader, who was responsible for everything for the past couple of years, and then suddenly you ended up in a position where the only thing you can do is grant your questionable ally powers and watch. You have no idea how much I'm worrying each day...

————————————

Narinder: I do, in fact, remember them. Though sometimes I wish that I didn't... Lambert had a lot of predecessors. Most of them were weak like Ratau, unable to sacrifice even one of their followers. Some of them even thought that being in possession of my Crown gives them the ability to reason with my siblings and their followers. Naive fools they were... But there was a handful of my vessels that I honestly thought that they could make it to the end. Though in the end all of them still failed. The most successful one, besides Lambert, was a lizard. He wasn't afraid to use violence and sacrifice anyone who even looked wrong at him. He was the only one who managed to reach my brother Leshy. But apparently he had some serious mental illness, talking to himself constantly, speaking with the people that were never there, even changing his name almost every day which is why I'm not sure how to call him. In the end, Leshy, the God of Chaos that he is, broke his mind completely letting him rot in his own madness.

————————————

Follower A: It was definitely worse in the beginning, but we're pretty sure that it was just our Leader trying to get used to controling another body.

Follower B: And he's learning quickly! That's truly an impressive feat that only an actual Deity is capable of!

(Here is a post where I explained how followers view this whole situation if you haven't seen it)

[suits-of-woe]

King Lear at Shakespeare's Globe

england trip shakespeare insanity continues -- today i got to see opening night of the production of king lear at the globe. let's GOOOOOOOO

god the energy of being at the globe is just fucking unparalleled. there's nothing like it. the audience interaction is so intoxicating to be a part of, everyone's laughing and gasping and clapping at moments that you'd normally be expected to be silent for in a typical theatre. and this lear got to be FUNNY. it was still a tragedy obviously but the comedic elements played so well in this setting. lear picked out an audience member to play off for "what was thy cause? adultery?" and edmund's "both? one? or neither?" brought down the house it was sooooo much fun

casting! first of all michelle terry cordelia/lear double cast made me crazy as i knew it would. it was kind of ambiguous whether they were intended to be the same character – it was never explicit, but there were moments that hit so well because of the double casting. just moments of care for lear where she looked SO sad. when lear asked goneril "are you our daughter?" the fool was standing right behind her and i. hhhhhhhhh. then in 3.6 the fool fell asleep along with lear and just didn't wake up. gloucester felt him for a pulse and he was dead. but then after everyone else had exited he got up and walked offstage which might have just been a logistical thing but felt like almost a second chance for the fool as cordelia. just like being the fool might have been a second chance for cordelia after she got banished. don't know if this makes sense but god i'm crazy

kathryn hunter is a fantastic actor, she was a more subdued lear than i've seen before which worked really well in some moments but in others felt like it lacked a bit of energy, just cause the emotionality for stuff like the storm scene didn't escalate that much. but in her quieter moments she KILLED. and she was physically so much smaller than almost everyone onstage which really emphasized lear's vulnerability and hurt

okay i owe an apology to ryan donaldson edmund because i kept making fun of him for looking like white jesus and also making the "no bitches" face in his headshot but. okay. i am not immune. possibly he's hotter from afar than he would be up close but he was a good edmund and by that i do mean sexy. his chemistry with the sisters was great and he played off the audience SO well. also he was scottish. hiiiiii sir. oh to be the groundling he winked at when he said "my mind as generous...and my shape as true ;)"

ann ogbomo was a really great goneril, she wasn't as sad and fucked up as my dream portrayal but her energy was fantastic. i just think that women. she was also double cast as curan which is the closest i've seen any production come to my "edmund and curan are for sure fucking" agenda so i'll take what i can get

marianne oldham was a solid regan! i liked almost everything about her except that in 5.1 and 5.3 she was inexplicably wearing like. a shiny metallic bikini top under a camo trench coat which ???? that was. a choice. unfortunately she was hindered by the fact that mark jax as cornwall just did not really know his lines tonight. which makes sense cause it was opening night and apparently the director of this prod got in a car crash recently so they had to scramble to put things together but the fact that he had to adlib a few times was a little disappointing, plus he just didn't have much of an intimidating presence

kwaku mills edgar good! not thee most amazing i've ever seen but i really enjoyed his performance. he was definitely very naive and sweet at the start so it hurt to see him break

gabriel akuwudike was also a really good kent, he was younger than most people i've seen in the role which i think made me like him more. he was very much styled like a soldier in the first scene and it was so clear that he's just been putting himself on the line for lear his whole life and this was no exception

OH AND WOMAN FRANCE. she didn't have a huge part obviously but woman france made her and cordelia standing together while lear banished her hit different. and they gave her a bunch of cordelia's servants' lines in act 4 so it was like. cordelia had her husband there for her. crying just a little

in the first scene goneril was wearing a HOT all black suit situation and regan had a bit of armor on her shoulder. and albany was in a tux while cornwall had a military outfit which i think was a cool way to show the contrast between the sisters. cordelia was in all white. lear also forgot albany's name in that scene and had to be prompted by cordelia which was interesting because it was an obvious sign of dementia but also kind of a contradiction to the idea that he favoured albany and a sign that maybe goneril was the least favourite

regan sat in the throne during her and goneril's conversation at the end of 1.1 at one point. girlboss

after edmund cut himself in 2.1 he was acting like he was in a LOT of pain and i don't know if that was acting to get gloucester's sympathy or if he'd actually injured himself worse than he intended but either way i'm :((( and gloucester DID actually show concern for him and so did regan once she entered. possibly more concern than cornwall was a fan of

in 2.3 gloucester's armed guards came onstage during edgar's soliloquy and he had to hide himself under something AND THEN THEY FOUND HIS HIDING PLACE which was so tense and he burst out and screamed the "poor turlygod! poor tom!" line to scare them off in this desperate moment and it worked. it slapped

the eye scene jesus christ. there was a servant who had a tray with wine and two glasses and regan fully just got herself a glass of wine during the scene which. scream. but also. there was a corkscrew. so you can guess how THAT went. i'm usually pretty immune to the eye scene but that made me cringe. HOWEVER my complaint was that the servant holding the wine wasn't the servant who went for cornwall, it was more of a soldier type but i think it would've been cooler to have it be someone who obviously wasn't used to combat and shouldn't have stood a chance taking him down. also regan sat down and fully ignored cornwall while he was bleeding out which isn't usually my favourite choice but i didn't like this cornwall so good for her

i will say one thing about the globe is because they can't do blackouts where "dead" characters can just walk offstage without the audience seeing, a bunch of people walked off "mortally wounded" but looking like. pretty much fine. just a thing about the venue ig

the play had several scenes where servants were shown just doing things! like preparing a meal in 1.2 or in transitions between scenes and i liked that it emphasized the fact that there ARE people in this world who aren't noble even when they aren't playing a specific part in the play. and the staging of 5.2 had just servants running from the battle while gloucester cowered and smoke poured from backstage. we didn't see the nobles fighting, just the impact on the people, and i liked that

lear used a wheelchair at various points throughout the play and then in 5.3 he wheeled dead cordelia onstage in that same wheelchair instead of carrying her. and then at the very end tried to put her feet on the ground and help her up to her feet. what if i fucking sobbed. that scene always killed but this staging in particular got me

in conclusion lear good and the globe SO fun that i'm actually looking forward to seeing h*nry viii in a few days cause if anything can make me like it it's that

[malewifehenrycooldown]

Slightly long, ramble vent-ish post but also some negative observations of the wider self ship community that has been bothering me a little bit.

sometimes I don’t want to be in the self ship community anymore (not that I considered myself part of it from the beginning) because said the community creates these small pocket communities of the same people interacting with each other and that’s fair and totally fine!

It’s just that up to a certain point, these pocket communities start to create an isolating and alien environment for newcomers and this is not helped by the community’s genuinely bad communication skills. Like I genuinely wonder how many blogs have deactivated due to lack of interactivity (a whole can of worms no one likes talking about apparently. HI REBLOG:LIKE RATIO) and the overwhelmingly intimidating environment for younger folks (teens - early 20s) to navigate, especially people who may not be as critical or conscious of the media they consume (and don’t understand how they could be harming people through consuming specific pieces of fiction). I remember one person straight up left due to the lack of communication and it really, really sucks because just an open conversation can really ease peoples fears and worries. People just should not have to feel like walking on eggshells all the damn time in the community and if they feel that way then there is something SEVERELY WRONG with this community but no one cares to address it

Like I’ve already left a few self discord servers, and blocked some users, and now I just don’t see any point really being in the community anymore, because there’s been multiple occasions when I’ve interacted with a user and then it turns out that said user probably has some personal issues they need to sort out, but constantly deflect blame or disregard anyone’s advice to change their actions/attitudes for the better or that they really need to get actual professional help. Like obviously we should call out bad behaviour but also know that you should encourage these people to change saidd behaviours for the better.

Idk maybe I’m cursed on tumblr to interact with people who turn out to be not that great or I’m just too naive because I believe that people are inherently good. Maybe I’m a fool for wanting to see the good in people and wanting to support them, all at the cost of me ignoring all the red flags that are obviously in front of me. Which to be fair is probably reasonable; fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me for not knowing better I should have heeded the red flags when I saw them. /serious

[thesunshinebunny]

When the world falls apart, the only thing we can hold onto is ourselves (Part VII)

 Series Master list

pairing: canon Eren Jaeger x reader

content: Angst, unstable relationship, breakup, smut/nswf+18, major character death, violence, blood (obviously), war (pretty obvious)

summary: War and hate. It’s what defined the world at this exact moment. You failed your comrades, and by failing them, you failed yourself. Your relationship is hanging by a thread and your enemies will not only be found on the other side of the sea, but also in the mind of the person you love the most. How will you take the reins in the face of so much destruction?

Chapter summary: Sometimes, to understand the present, it’s necessary to pay a visit to the past. While reader is in a deep sleep, their unconscious plays a trick on them by reminding the most important and catastrophic moments in their life.

Word Count: 9.1K

Year 847, a very hot and humid day.

First day of training in the 104° squad. Each of the hundreds of soldiers coming into the slaughterhouse gathered in lines, lined up, waiting for our first orders. Announcement of names and locations. Some serious who didn’t need an introduction, other clowns who didn’t take the training seriously. Instead, I...was  waiting with an empty view towards the horizon, not seeing anything or anyone in particular.

First day, call and presentation; some came from cities, some from towns, but none from a filthy wealthy family of nobility, much less royalty. Most of us simple villagers, presented on a silver platter for the aristocracy, entering our graves on our own. Each one would have their reasons, some simpler than others, some more hypocritical than others, and others more selfish than all of us here.

First day, and there were already a couple on the ground and others being severely punished. Like the tall girl with a ponytail who had the brilliant idea to not only steal, but also cook a potato before training and eat it in the middle of line formation. A village girl, a hunter and faithful to her principles and culture; a girl who wasn’t ashamed to show her true colors on the first day, even if it gave her a punishment that would end up lasting for hours, until nightfall. An incredible example for the most stupid, but equally for the bravest. I think it was hearing where did she coming from that something inside me arose like a flower in the middle of spring, or maybe it was hearing her resound every minute around the training ground until the moon rose. I’m not very clear about it. Maybe I wanted to be nice to someone after a long time, and what better way to start with a person who was humiliated on the first day of what would be our next life.

I wasn’t quick enough to bring her something to eat when her punishment ended, a certain very short blonde beat me beforehand, but I was quick to save her a seat next to me the next night, while saving her a portion of bread. I assumed she would like it, and I wasn’t wrong. She devoured every last crumb along with her ration of dubiously sourced food on a metal plate. Hearing her eat with such enthusiasm brought a smile to my face, it reminded me of the little tadpole children who came and went in my town, asking for a piece of bread or an apple, even knowing that they had food at home. Those playful children who wandered through the small market, looking for some candy and returning disappointed at their doors when they hadn’t found any.

"I didn't hear yesterday where you came from"

Sasha, I think that's the name of the girl in front of me. Apparently she was talking when my mind wandered with nostalgia and melancholy. Her eyes were very fixed on mine, and as much as I looked away, I could still feel them penetrating my skull. I guess you can't dodge the past for long, right? At the very least, I tried to be as cautious as possible when giving my answer.

"I come from a village northeast of the wall Maria, far enough away from the wall to be warned of the fall before a titan reached our town"

She played with the poorly made metal spoon on a piece of carrot that came out of the poor soup, already cold, that this place delighted us for the second night in a row. I made me a mental note to go out hunting every now and then if I wanted to have a good meal and not end up anorexic and a failure.

“And what do you do in your village? In mine we are dedicated to hunting, but they’re taking away the land for the cattle” She took a huge bite of his bread, showing how angry she was. I couldn’t blame her, taking the land out of a hunting village was like taking away their essence, a part of their soul.

"We’re dedicated to raising horses and handicrafts" From our town came the fastest horses that the military police could ask for, some of them stayed for the field and keep the children busy.

Beautiful horses dedicated to the gambling of the nobility, others common for the plowing of the agricultural peoples. Horses dedicated to the race for the survey corps; what the government needed, we provided. It would be hypocritical of me to say now that the horse was my least favorite animal. It was not. For me they were the most beautiful, faithful and loyal creatures in this whole little world. My favorite animal without a doubt.

I wanted to talk about the various horses we managed to sell at a high price to the most authoritarian court on the Rose wall, but a noise from behind our table made my jaw drop.

A "Tsk" echoed throughout the dining room.

I turned my head, hoping to find an animal, or anything but a human like us. To my misfortune, I met the withering look of a brunette with bright green eyes, just as bright as those of the forest, and his hand holding the spoon tightly, as if my simple face angered him.

"Do you have a problem, Jaeger?" I remembered him from yesterday. Serious, tall, with a look that could kill you at any moment. Decisive and lethal. At the same time conceited and childish. He had won the ears and admiration of the majority here with well-used words and a touch of drama.

"Yes, I have a problem" his hand let the spoon escape on the plate, causing some drops to fly in all directions "I have a problem with people like you"

He got up from his seat, walking slowly but steadily toward my table, planting himself in front of me. The lap dog as a friend of his following behind him with a decomposed face, one hand half raised, perhaps to stop him if necessary. But let's face it, of the two, Eren was the one with the most strength, it was obvious to the naked eye.

"And what is that due to? Or do you wait for me to get into your little head and find some clue that can help me understand the cockroach you have for a brain?" At no time did I get up, I wasn’t going to lower myself to the same situation as him.

Half of my body had my back to him, so I was looking at him over the shoulder. He may not have liked that, ‘cause he immediately grabbed my shoulder and turned me around, waiting for me to look him in the eye.

"People like you, who come from villages far from the cities, who don’t know the real danger, are a problem" He looked so angry, angry with the world perhaps? I couldn't find an answer to that anger, nor the source of his feelings. But what I did know, was that he wasn't going to let me be trampled on by a fool who knew the world simply by seeing a titan within his short life.

"Excuse me, but you realize that many here come from villages far from the big cities and only very few saw a titan with their own eyes" And it was those same people who began to get up and look at him with bad eyes. The same ones who looked at him with wonder, as if he were an angel fallen from heaven to bring them the news of the world.

I fervently removed his hand from my shoulder and deigned to stand up, trying to gain some ground in this pathetic discussion. I wasn't going to raise my voice like I assumed the boy in front of me was going to do it at any moment, so my body did it instead.

"I don't understand what your complaints are about, but please, oh great Eren, the one who saw a titan bigger than the wall, explain to me" I could notice how his other friend was approaching towards his back, looking at me with caution.  Now, of the group of three, with her I had to be the most careful.

"Are you making fun of me?" he took a dangerous step towards me. 

“’course not” ‘Course yes, but I wasn't going to say it openly.

"People who don’t see the enemy in the face think they can come out of the walls to face it" did my ears hear that correctly? I looked at him as if a third eye had popped out on his forehead.

"Not having seen a titan in my short life doesn’t mean that I cannot go out to fight them"

"And yet you have no fucking idea what you're up against" the conversation was getting more and more heated, his feet were getting closer to mine and I could lightly feel his breath on my skin.

"That doesn't mean you can come and mistreat me" I instantly threw myself back, but ran into the legs of the table. Sasha's hand rested on my shoulder, unable to encourage me with words, but enough emotionally.

"Fucking villagers" he took a step back, turning on his heel and looking, without seeing, or so it seemed, the crowd around him "you don't know what it’s to see a relative of yours being eaten in front of your eyes!"

Ah, that's where so much hatred for the world came from. But I wasn’t his target. He must express his emotions, his anger, towards a common enemy, not towards a comrade who was going to help him in battle. Taking it with me wasn’t going to help him at all, and the fact I was from a small village didn’t mean I was naive and deserved the anger of the citizens. "I'm sorry that happened to you-"

"My mom was eaten in front of my eyes!"

"I'm sorry that happened to your mom! And I'm very sorry that you had to see it with your own eyes, but taking it out on me is not going to help you ”I pushed him back with my words, unfortunately they were not enough to stop his viper tongue.

"You can't know what it feels like to lose your mother like that" he turned his back on me, and before turning to his blond friend, he turned his head over his shoulder, looking at me again with contempt. "Go back to your village with your mommy and cries on her lap for being incapable of shit"

His comment blew me away.

He had left my mind blank and the only thing I managed to do was throw myself back, and sit down heavily on the hard wooden bench. My eyes stared into nothingness, unable to observe the multitude of eyes that settled on me with sadness, some with regret and support. Sasha sat down next to me on the left, while on the right a figure that I didn’t recognize crouched down to look me in the face. All I could make out of him, or her, were those big round blue eyes. A blue that reminded me of the rivers that flowed gracefully near my town. The same water that landed on a larger lake or river, and… perhaps, on the same sea.

"Hey, Eren-" I heard someone yell. From the tone of their voice I thought I distinguish Jean's annoyance.

I didn't have a second to reflect on what I was doing and before I could blink, a plate full of food was flying in the direction of the two boys, impacting on the wooden wall and scattering the pieces of vegetables on the floor and the people who unfortunately was close.

The two boys turned to see where the plate had come from, finding my hand half raised and smeared on the thumb of the cold soup. My body was euphoric, my breath hitched and my chest rose and fell quickly.

"You ... you don't know shit about me, or my family, or my people" I started slowly what would be the best speech I would have given in my 13 years, a speech that would bring me problems, as well as friends. “I’m so sorry about your mother, but in the same way, she was devoured by an enemy of which we still do not know exactly"

I came around the table and approached the brunette, meeting his friend halfway through. Without stopping, I hit her shoulder with mine, pushing my way over her.

"While mine was shot by the people who had to protect her" now my body was a few inches from him, taking Jean away from his side "my mother was killed for the simple fact of wanting to see the sea"

His blond friend, who hadn't been separated from him at any time, widened his eyes, even more than the person who bent down to comfort me. His eyes stared at me in amazement before turning to understanding and sadness.

"Judging by your friend's expression, he understand what I'm talking about" There was little space for me to move calmly, so I chose to get closer and closer to Eren, keeping my face a few inches from his. Even with the slight difference in height, I could manage to have an aura of warning and seriousness.

I raised my hand to his forehead slowly, preventing the girl from earlier from pouncing on me thinking I was going to hit him.

"The military police took her out of my house, placed her to the center of the village and with a pistol in the middle of her forehead" I closed my hand except for two fingers, simulating the muzzle of the rifle, and placed them in the same place as they did it with my mother "they shot her in front of her little child"

I detached my fingers from his forehead and with a "bang" I simulated the same shot that, to this day, continues to haunt me in dreams, after 6 years. My eyes observed his expression, the color had disappeared from his face, he was so pale that it seemed he was going to faint at any moment. There was no longer a trace of his anger towards me or towards the titans; An immature child had been left in front of me, from whom they had taken food for not knowing how to appreciate it.

I walked away carefully, noticing the trembling in my body, in my legs, and took small steps towards the door, leaving everyone who wanted to give me their condolences and emotional support behind.

"You are lucky that your mother was eaten by a spice stranger to her, mine didn’t have the same fate"

*** Weeks passed from that terrible night. The golden trio hadn't deigned to approach me, and for my part I longed for it to stay that way for the next three years. I didn't want people like Eren or his friends to get involved with me, I preferred the company of people like Sasha and Marco, Jean and Connie, as empty-headed as they were. I preferred to spend my free afternoons practicing archery, preventing some stupid from passing through the shooting range or next to the bullseye from getting a head shot.

"Here, I fixed your glove, now you are supposed to be able to put your thumb in without it opening" Marco had his hand extended, grabbing a leather glove, which I’d found in the storage bag of the training set.

The leaders had been very understanding when explaining the training I wanted to follow as free time. Although no faction was going to need a bow and arrow for sure, due to its inefficiency, I had given my point of view that it would end up being useful if an expedition needed more days than predicted and more food and provisions were needed, a bow was going to be of great help when hunting.

"Thanks Marco, you are an angel in this place" I proceeded to put on the worn glove and test its elasticity with the arrow and the bowstring.

"See you at night" and with that, the freckled man marked himself towards the canteen, greeting Jean in the distance who was waiting for him at the door.

The shooting area was not far from the entire training ground, close enough to observe everyone who came and went on the field, everyone who wandered without any direction or aim, and everyone who wanted to train. As well as being close enough to the training area with the movement equipment, equipment that was being used a lot recently by many colleagues in need of balance. One of them turning out to be the annoying brunette with bright green eyes, who was walking very dangerously with his friends on the target at the time I was about to release the arrow.

The small deadly weapon shot out and ended up hitting the red dot in the middle, grazing Eren's neck. He put a hand on his skin and when he saw the arrow stuck on the straw object he turned to look at me angrily.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing? That almost hit me in the neck "

"If you saw where you walking you would realize you’re in the shooting zone, if an arrow hits you it’s not my fault" I yelled at him from a distance, preparing a new arrow to launch.

When I saw him take a couple of steps towards me, I stretched the arrow back as a warning, I wasn’t going to laid on a rose’s field while he went back to being a fucking asshole. Armin, I knew his name in these weeks when listening to a conversation he’d with another person, he grabbed his arm while Mikasa put herself as a shield. They both took him away from the target and I was able to shoot the arrow without taking my eyes off them.

I followed them until they positioned themselves on one of the balancing machines, helping Eren onto the equipment. I was about to accommodate a third arrow when I heard a scream coming from his direction. My head spun at the same speed an owl would, given countless hours of practice in the woods, and I watched the last second of Eren's fall, watching in broad daylight as his head hit the stone floor. The blow could be heard from a distance, even where I was located I could hear it as if it’s next to me.

Seeing him lying swaying on the floor, half hanging from the equipment made me burst out laughing. I couldn't stop the laughter from coming out of my mouth seeing him in such bad shape. He was going to have a safe bump and maybe some neurons would end up rearranged. My laughter didn’t go unnoticed, the commander Sheith passed on his way to the shooting area and stood in front of me, looking at me with that serious, expressionless gaze.

"Cadet (Y/S)!" I settled myself as best I could, putting the bow to one side and the arrow on the back sleeve before standing firmly "help young Jaeger heal his wound"

I was puzzled and my face reflected it.

"But, sir, why me?" I begged with my words to let me go, or at least give me a couple of hours of punishment, whatever it was before starting a conversation with that selfish man, much less heal his wound.

"Are you arguing with me, cadet?"

Every movement or prayer that I could make to try to accomplish my task vanished like a leaf in the wind. I lowered my head, avoiding his frivolous gaze and waited for him to leave, snorting. I reluctantly put down the bow and arrow sleeve next to a target and headed towards the three of them, Armin and Mikasa were trying to lift Eren off the floor as they took the equipment off his hips.

"Come on, I have to heal your wound" I didn’t stop to greet them, or to explain the situation. In the same way that I approached, I went towards the canteen, without looking back.

On the short drive I overheard Armin asking about my rare kindness, to which I replied dryly that if it weren't for the commander, I'd be breaking my asshole on the floor by laughing. We walked and walked, me in front and the other two physically stable, keeping the dark-haired boy as best they could, lifting his head so that he wouldn't hit himself again. Upon reaching the canteen stairs I yelled "Sasha, I need a bucket of cold water and a washcloth!"

I opened the door for them and pointed to a table near the kitchen door so they could seat Eren. I warned them to keep his head steady, to keep him from going forward or backward, and to keep him awake at all times.

"I didn't know you knew so much about medicine" Armin pointed out when Sasha came out with the bucket of water and a cloth floating in it.

I let out a slight "hmm" before positioning myself behind Eren, squeezing the hands of the other two and allowing them to let me do my job. I ran his hair back, trying to locate the wound and notice any cuts. Finding none, I proceeded to feel the area, finding the slight bump on the upper side of the forehead. I down the cloth in the cold water, letting it soak, and placed it on his head. The water was so, so cold, it had even made me shivered, but for some reason, Eren didn't seem to be fazed at all.

I didn’t give it much importance and I passed the cloth over the bump, waiting a few seconds for it to deflate a little before going through the sides, preventing the area from becoming inflamed as well. I soaked the cloth again and laid it on the side of his forehead, indicating to Armin to press down and not move his hand while I looked for a handkerchief or some bandage to cover the blow. In the same way, I explained to Mikasa to keep watching Eren, to talk to him, even if he wasn't waiting for an answer, to keep him awake for fear of having an accident in his brain.

I found what looked like a used bandage, quite disgusting for my taste, but I wasn’t going to take much longer of my time for "patient" who didn’t deserve my treatises. I stretched the bandage as far as I could over his head, giving it two full turns before pinning it around the back of his head.

"Try to find a better bandage for the blow" I washed my hands with cold water, hoping to get rid of all the irritation the situation had caused.

"Thank you" Armin sounded really grateful, with a hint of ... sympathy perhaps? With my hands clean, I grabbed the bucket and started to put it back in the kitchen when the blonde asked me again "where did you learn all this?"

I sighed not once, but twice, the kitchen door was open and I was about to enter when I threw a look over my shoulder "everything I know, I learned from my mother's books"

And with that I closed the door behind me a second time to the golden trio.

***

Year 850, a beautiful spring night.

The night before our graduation. A hectic night. Between the well-deserved nutritious food, meat and bread that we have longed for the past three years, and the shouts of encouragement for each of us who were present that night, a great party was put together. Many people defected and others didn’t have the ability to move on. Many were frustrated when they fell short of the top ten, fearing they would be sent to the survey corps, others claimingthey had contacts in the military police and had an assured position. Others fought for their point of view before such faction; and with others I mean the same suicidal brunette. Eren, finishing 5th out of the top ten, undoubtedly deigned to throw me in my face.

"Three years and I'm still better than you, your little village tactics were useless" he smiled wickedly and his eyes showed that characteristic glow when he won a fight. Although there wasn’t a fight here, therefore, there was nothing to be gained.

"Congratulations Eren" I turned around without waiting for an answer and walked briskly towards Marco and Jean, they were both heading towards the boys cabin and I followed them to the entrance, leaving a fuzzy Eren behind.

Now, tonight, with the years of training in the past, it was time to rest, have a night of peace before the real deal began. I never thought it would arrive the next morning.

From my position, far from the main entrance to the Trost district, a thunder crashed into the ground, followed by hot smoke covering our feet. The famous colossal titan stood imposing on the side of the wall, watching my companions who were a few meters from him. From where I was standing, I could see his arm rise and run the guns and the others, burning and blinding them with its smoke.

An calvary that started very early and had no intention of ending soon. Death and dismemberment in every corner, blood flying through the air, comrades being eaten. At each step we take, each turn a building took to dodge a Titan or go after one to kill it, a comrade fell in battle; with each step I took, it was one step closer to my own death. But, call it a miracle, call it divine grace, or simple luck, I managed to reach a roof of one of the many houses destroyed by the attack. From the roof, I could see the disaster more clearly, and I could examine my own disaster with great concern.

The pants were torn in the knee area, the tips of my boots brushed my bare skin and apparently bruised from some friction. I had a blood stain in the abdomen area, apparently from a person who was eaten near me and I didn’t have the dignity to see it. I didn’t have the strength or the courage to unbutton my shirt to see the disaster that surely my body had taken in the hours we were surviving in the city. I had enough of the bruises and cuts on my hands and cheeks thanks to some small rocks flying through the air from the impacts; I didn't need to see if my ribs were in place.

In the distance, perhaps three, four houses in from where I was, were a few comrades sitting on the rooftops of another house. It seemed a few had survived and came together to rest, there weren't many titans in sight and the few there were were wandering around without looking around. Those idiots gave me the chance to jump houses, without looking down. If I looked down I would’ve see the cobblestone streets stained red, I would’ve see limbs scattered right and left. I had a goal in mind and I wasn’t going to lose focus on the death around us.

I landed on the fireplace, hitting both knees when landing, I was running out of gas and it showed. The movement wasn’t being so fluid anymore. I scrambled down the stone wall of the fireplace, landing right next to Armin. My movement gear hit his, jerking my hips and torso on impact, nearly knocking me off the roof. Armin didn't flinch, he was just looking at the tiles, but given his expression, I think he wasn't looking at anything at all. He was just preparing to stare and lose himself in the terrors of his mind.

"Armin, what happened? Ar you alright?" stupid questions. Obviously he wasn’t alright, it was reflected in his empty and dark eyes, but my mind couldn’t process correctly.

It was in automatic mode, only thinking about survival, not the correct questions for each of those who were spread out on two rooftops. Of the many who had graduated, we were reduced to two dozen, maybe a little more without counting those who were in that huge building with the gas parts. Others may have taken refuge in a house, waiting for the right moment to move and reach us. But there was little hope, even if I didn’t say it out loud, unconsciously I knew there wasn’t much to do with the people who were not among us, because after all that was exactly what was happening ... they were not with us, they weren’t in the land of the living.

How pessimistic my thinking, right? I wasn’t wrong at all.

"Armin, where is Eren?" want to know the worst?, I already knew the answer before Armin could lift his head and scream the terrible news with his lungs.

In the end, the boy who so wanted to fight the world, succumbed to the terrors of him.

But what had impacted the most was that, minutes after hearing that news, minutes after arriving at the building for gas supplements and saving the comrades who had barricaded themselves, minutes after being saved by that fighting titan, we saw the same Eren, the same brunet with bright green eyes, appear. Alive.

The surprise we all get when we see him emerge from the nape of that eccentric titan. He was fine, his skin pink and hot from the smoke of the decaying body from his titan. His titan? There was no time to understand the situation. If that, how to understand it? We saw him resurface, like a phoenix, among the ashes of a dying body, fully alive. He had all of his limbs, even the ones that had been eaten; I could see the limits of his pants and the sleeve of his shirt torn, with perfect and huge bite marks.

I stood to the side watching the scene, Armin and Mikasa crying uncontrollably when they saw his heart beat. Scientifically and medically that was impossible. Technically speaking, nothing we were witnessing was possible; And yet there was the suicidal bastard, breathing normally. His eyes closed, his lashes drooping over his lids and his hands being held by his childhood friends. Jean couldn't believe the scene before his eyes, even the other trio was hesitant to say anything, with serious faces and completely stiff eyes at Eren. Each and every one of the reactions present entered what would be a normal reaction, missing one who wanted to kill him immediately.

And I think I rushed a couple of minutes.

***

Days after the expedition to the giant tree forest.

With Annie crystallized and guarded underground, a bit of tranquility arose within the walls; a calm that only attributed to the survey corps. Citizens panicked, not understanding, not comprehending even ten percent of what the latest information was being advertised in newspapers and billboards. The general did everything possible to give us time to resupply and rest from such a hard fight. The patrol had been divided in two, and I had remained as Jean's auxiliary escort, the poor man wanted to vomit all the trip when he had to suffer the terrible order of disguising himself as Eren.

And when the time for action came, we were both prepared to assist Eren in his titan form. I wasn’t still used to seeing him at a height of more than 15 meters, but his characteristics were still there: eyes, now huge, green and shiny, as if that shine never went away, no matter how violent or dark the situation turned upside down, and his dark haired, he looked silkier and smoother in this way that the originally he modeled.

Now we where here, Armin, Mikasa, Jean and I watching him and examining his vital signs. He had fallen into a coma for the second time. I couldn't blame him, I guess controlling a titan of that caliber used up a lot of physical energy, let alone the psychological, but to be honest… mental health had already leaked out the window.Each of us were standing in a corner of the room, sometimes Armin wandered between the door and the window, sitting close to his friend on the bed when he couldn't take it anymore from the anguish. Mikasa always sat next to him, holding his hand at all times, faithfully waiting for him to open his eyes. For my part, I was watching the sun set outside the window, as the sunset gave us its warm rays and prepared us for the cold night.

Every once in a while, whenever I heard a snort or movement coming from the bed, I would turn my head and come closer to feel his breathing. He was stable, and showed no signs of any disturbance. He was completely healthy, except that he was absolutely tired. Like all of us.

There was a couple of knocks on the door, pulling all of us out of trance. Jean and Armin were being needed to give testimony in front a small assembly, before the leaders continued speaking with Commander Erwin.

Silence reigned in the room. Mikasa was still willing to maintain her position in the chair, even if the sleep weakened her with each passing minute. I could see how her eyes were closing and her head fell from fatigue, it was obvious that she needed some rest. I put my hand on her shoulder, pulling the scarf out of her hands and trying to lift her up at the same time.

"Come on, you're very tired, you must get some sleep" I led her to a sofa that was doubtfully placed on the other side of the room. Normally our rooms were only furnished with a couple of beds, a desk and a closet, ah... and a paltry window. We couldn't bother with expensive decorations or furniture like a sofa. Above all, when we didn’t receive a decent salary.

"But Eren ..." I laid her on the few cushions, not very comfortable, brown and beige, that matched the small room. When her head touched the doubtful softness of the pillows her eyes closed completely and her breathing became calm, it was a matter of seconds before she fell completely asleep.

"I'm going to take care of him, you rest" I adjusted her hair before noticing she had entered the realm of dreams. Apparently my words were enough to give her that peace of mind to go to sleep.

I knelt to remove her boots and set her feet on the lap of the sofa. Notice her legs stained with dirt, I'd bet she'd have a couple of bruises around her knees and ankles, maybe even her feet. My body was moving heavily as I searched for a blanket among the few scraps of cloth lying in the closet. In the end, I ended up finding one a bit small for her body, but it perfectly covered her torso and stomach, that way she wouldn't take cold while she was in her defenseless state.

I wanted to look out the window again, but there was nothing to observe that I hadn’t seen before, a sad and dull orange sky. I settled into the chair, feeling that I was usurping Mikasa's place for some strange reason, and I kept analyzing the young man lying on the bed. His hair was matted and a bit dirty, a shower every now and then wouldn't hurt, although he smelled conveniently well, like freshly cut wood or dry grass. A scent that, while I was destined to smell more than necessary thanks to the expeditions, I felt no discomfort smelling it on Eren. It fit him very well indeed. I might even get used to being around him if it meant smelling such a sweet scent.

Seconds that seemed like minutes, and minutes that seemed like hours. Time seemed to play against me and I felt like my body began to weigh me more and more, and more, until I fell forward and lay my face on the hard mattress and the soft fabric of the sheet. Second-rate cotton, if you would let me say so, but it did the job. It was comfortable, too comfortable, enough to let me rest for a moment and close my eyes, making time flow more quickly.

I felt a hand gently rest on my head, moving and caressing me with a tenderness I hadn't felt in years. I opened my eyes immediately expecting to find my father in front of my eyes, but instead, I spotted a still asleep Eren, scratching himself and trying to wipe the sleep out of his eyes.

I pulled his hand out of my head quickly, but without being rude, and laid them on the bed. I rubbed my eyes and gave him a half smile "Good morning sleeping beauty"

It took a few seconds for his eyes to get used to the little light that filtered through the window and when they opened they surveyed the entire room, still drowsy.

"Where is Mikasa? Armin? " he coughed after feeling a little hawking in his throat.

I stretched out on the chair, accommodating the bones of my back and immediately moved to the side, letting him see a sleeping Mikasa, comfortable and warm under a blanket. Eren inspected her, perhaps trying to find any signs of injury or complaints, but finding none he turned his gaze from her to me.

"Mikasa is asleep" I settled back on the chair, this time stretching forward a bit and resting my elbows on the bed, holding my head on my hands "Armin and Jean had to go to give their testimony for the paperwork"

Ere didn't say anything, he just nodded and gave me a brief "hmm" before looking out the window. "How do you feel?" was the last thing I said before the room fell silent again and neither he nor I deigned to say anything else.

Years of hating each other weren't going to go away, just like that. It was going to be a long road now that we were in a much worse mess than when we were 13 years old. But at least, we could talk to each other without the need to jump on each other's jugular, that's progress, right?

***

Why couldn't this bastard have a little sense of preserving of his life? Why wasn't he a little more careful, and since we are, a little more common sense? Why couldn't he stay calm for a few seconds, analyze the situation and act according to his surroundings?

Now we had to do a search party to find the damned "last hope of mankind". Galloping as fast as the horses would allow us, avoiding on all sides dozens of titans, even when one fell, five more came out. It was an order that had become more and more dangerous. And to make matters worse, having to be behind two of the most dangerous titans we could have encountered was a suicide mission and most of us knew it. We were giving it our all for an idiot, who I don't think he knew the value of the lives that were being lost in battle.

Sighted in the distance, ranks breaking and each one trying to survive while we tried to have enough time to rescue him from the armored titan, large numbers of soldiers were being eaten or crushed. You know the terror I had in my eyes to see Captain Erwin being bitten on the arm and dragged towards God knows where? If a great man like him could be defeated so easily in the blink of an eye, what was in store for us? What was in store for me?

I kept galloping, begging Phillip to keep going as fast as he could, that he never stop and be careful of everything in his path. I was so scared that I didn't know exactly to who I was saying it, the horse or myself. For sure, I knew the horse wouldn’t understand me perfectly, but he was the only thing that I could grab to at that moment, the only one that could save me.

Both left and right, titans ran everywhere, the boys had managed to reach the battleship while the others did what they could to give them time, seeing Ymir was also a sight worthy of admiration if it wasn’t because I was givind my life at this moment. And surely she was helping the blonde of "girlfriend" instead of us.

In that sway between giant bodies and tiny soldiers, the ground rumbled, the earth fell away, even trees fell at our feet. When trying to reach Mikasa before she fell, a titan came out of nowhere in front of me, trying to dodge it would be a feat, especially when he had his immense mouth pointing almost completely in my direction. I will never be able to thank the soldier who cut his neck, for seconds later to be grabbed by another titan and break his spine in such a grip. With the body decomposing and the other titan out of focus, I was able to move on, circling the smoking mass, ready to support Mikasa when another mass fell very close to me, causing the horse to jump from the force of the impact. In that second of distraction I turned my head to look at what had fallen, the ground began to crack under Phillip's legs and it only took a footfall from the armor titan to completely break apart and pieces of earth and stone came out, shotting everywhere.

As I turned my head back forward, I saw clearly how a stone flew directly towards my head. Call it reflections, call it having a guardian angel on my shoulders, but I was able to move my head in time, causing the stone to impact the gap between my shoulder and neck. I shot backward, hitting my head against the hard ground. I felt my shoulder dislocate and I noticed how by leaps and bounds the shirt, previously white, was staining with blood, as well as the jacket and the floor. My head was probably bleeding from the back as well, but the pain in my shoulder kept me from focusing on anything else. It was impossible to move it, I tried to scream for help, but my words stuck in my throat, and even if I had been able to scream, it would have been overshadowed by the hundreds more screams that were begging for help. The grass around me felt a bit comforting, like a cold hug in the last minutes of life. Body pain prevented me from reacting to the sight of a five-meter titan approaching where I was lying. Tears began to flow, falling down my cheeks; I wanted to scream, say my last goodbye, but I was so petrified that I just closed my eyes.

If I was going to die, I would rather die without seeing the horrible face of that damned titan. I preferred to have the image of my family in mind one last time. The ground began to rumble, I thought more titans were going to come for me, that I was going to be smashed into pieces, but the longer it took to feel the huge hand or a pair of teeth, I opened my eyes, finding myself, not a pack of hungry titans, but with the clear evening sky.

I raised my head and to my surprise, a bizarre surprise, all the titans that were chasing us at the time, were now going towards one of the highest. I couldn't understand what was happening, I looked around trying to find someone, to see if someone else was seeing the same thing as me. In the distance I found Armin holding a figure, I couldn't quite see who, trying to breathe normally and stand up. I tried calling out to him, but my vision started to blur and it made me dizzy from trying to lift my head even higher. I brought my hand to my head and confirmed the blood that flowed behind it, I was completely soaked in my own blood and at any moment I would end up fainting if I didn't treat my wounds.

The grinding of a horse brought me back to a state of consciousness, Phillip was back next to me and he lowered his head towards my good shoulder, pushing it up and lifting me little by little. Standing back on both feet, I leaned on his stomach and in an attempt to walk towards Armin I heard Eren's terrified scream in the distance.

Both he and Mikasa were looking at the scene without understanding anything at all, and what bothered me the most was that those stupid were still sitting on the ground, without any intention of moving. As I could, I got on the horse's lap, lying on my stomach, both arms hanging at the side, and I told him to run as fast as possible towards the two figures in the most dangerous area that could be at that moment.

"Stop looking and start moving!" I yelled at them a few feet away. They both turned their heads in my direction, wanting to say something, but only managed to gasp a few times before I arrived.

I grabbed the collar of Eren's shirt and with what little strength I had left, I lifted him off the ground "NO TIME TO TALK, LET'S GO"

Seeing Mikasa being picked up by Eren and placed on his back, I indicated to Phillip to leave the area, to try to get to safety, along with the other soldiers. At our side ran the couple of stupid who almost devoured, wondering what had happened. Their words sounded more and more distant and the ride put me in a calm trance until I was unconscious.

***

Year 851, a beautiful summer day to go horseback riding without the hassle of a titan in the area. At the same time, a beautiful day to visit the forgotten and destroyed towns.

We took our time, observing the landscape. Trees that had fallen and left their tracks on the ground and on the trunk were beginning to show traces of vegetation in their wood. The grass crushed by large feet was beginning to heal and new shoots were coming to the surface, some flower buds could also be seen. The few stone paths were smashed, small cobblestones were smashed, and there was no possibility of repair unless they were remade. Today was the day; the day it was my village's turn to be toured. We leave early to the northwest, guiding us along the river, me in the lead. The night before I hadn’t been able to sleep, to close an eye, I was nervous, very nervous, I couldn’t even eat anything for breakfast. After four years, I returned to my home, or what was left of it.

Endless nights I dreamed of returning to my small village, touring the oldest houses and greeting its inhabitants, seeing the children run, now older, and helping them take an apple from the market. I dreamed of reassembling one of our horses, of stroking and caressing them, earning me one, perhaps two licks to the face. But what I most dreamed of was to see my father's face again, to see his eyes full of dark circles and sadness at having lost his wife, the woman he loved the most in the whole world; I wanted to hold hid hands again, see them splintered after carving a piece of wood and turning it into a beautiful work of art. I wanted to lie down by the communal fire, hear stories from the elderly, shameful stories, and love stories. I wanted to be able to repeat my childhood years, to see my mother one last time, to be able to say goodbye properly.

I wished my village had been intact, but at the entrance my heart shattered. There were no standing houses in sight, all had sagging roofs, broken windows, and dried blood marks from years painting the walls.

I got off the horse looking at the damage and I was leading him forward by the mooring. Slowly, being careful not to trip over any stone, I entered the town more and more, seeing the withered flowers and their dried petals lying on the floor. Children's cloth toys, a odd wooden horse broken in half. Some walls were burned, others full of holes, the clothes hanging outside the houses torn into pieces, the stable reduced to nothing. The center, where the market normally took place, full of rubble and garbage, on the left a path of dried blood, on the right as well. I approached a stall that had not been completed, a fruit and vegetable stall, now reduced to nothingness itself. I picked up the chunk of splintered wood and found underneath what scared me the most. An arm.

I didn't know who it was exactly, the clothes were almost the same for everyone, but I assumed it was a man's; It was in the process of decomposition, pieces of meat were half detached. Beside him, a porcelain doll broken on its head, its brown curls discarded, and only dirt and fiber remained. I picked it up with both hands and kept walking in the direction… in which direction? I couldn’t tell. Only my body was on autopilot looking around me for a sign, the slightest hope that someone had survived. But one look at the stables from the beginning was the only thing that put my hopes in the trash: there were pieces of horses lying all over the ground. Not even our pride had survived. My feet stopped walking, dragging on the ground, and stopped in front of the house that saddened me the most. Mine.

Of all, this was the one in the best condition, part of the roof had fallen to the side, not on the house, and a hole led directly to the living room. The walls were completely burned, not from the destruction of a horde of titans, no. Those burns were from years before, produced by the military police. Seeing that wreck brought me the vile memory of the day of her execution. The people were scared, they implored not to kill her, but those brutes turned a deaf ear and executed her without mercy. My mother was a very dear woman to everyone and no one denied her dreams of leaving the walls, my father loved her more than anyone ... but that love of his was not enough to save her.

"(Y / N)?" I heard Eren's voice behind me.

His voice echoed in my ears, but I couldn't fully register it, I was just looking straight ahead, towards the hole in my house, looking from the outside for fear of entering. "These were the borders of my life"

I took a step forward, then another, and then another, until I collided with the first stones of the house. From that place I could see how the fire from a small oil lamp had fallen on the floor and burned part of my father's favorite armchair. I took another step, fully entering what was left of my old home. I ran my hand over the dry, scratchy fabric, dust had collected over the weeks, maybe years. Given how advanced the bloodstains were, I couldn't exactly calculate the time that had elapsed. In front of the chair was still a small desk full of sheets, most of them ruined by rubble, but some survived. Some of these had broken tips, other were left with black spots, and others were flawless, as if they had been made yesterday. Beautiful drawings of people, others of nature, others of birds or city buildings.

I kept looking for more sheets, running those that were hopelessly damaged, and under my foot I came across a paper somewhat harder and thicker than the others, even framed. The glass was broken but it revealed perfectly a small family, a man, his wife and their child. "In this dusty and destroy little house, where an artist love his wife"

I took the drawing with me, holding it tight with both hands, until I reached the only standing door in the house. The door leading to the master bedroom. I stood there for a couple of seconds, wondering if it was right for my sanity, if it was right for my conscience to open it up and find whatever was on the other side. I inhaled and exhaled a couple of times before sliding the door open. Next to the bed, on the side where my mother used to sleep, was my father's top. I wasn't brave enough to turn around and see his face. I closed my eyes when I saw the scene and left what was left of the facade with my head lowered. "The house of my childhood is gone"

***

A couple of days after hitting the ocean.

We had settled next to the shore. Jean, Sasha and Connie were playing with the small waves that were breaking in the sand, Armin was inspecting small seashells and Mikasa was dedicated to dipping her feet in the cold water. We had made a small fire to cover ourselves from the cold of the coming night. Eren and I were in front of that same fire. He watched as the small sparks flew over the small sea of ​​flames until they exploded and died in the blink of an eye. Some fell into the sand before exploding, others continued to rise until they rose higher and became part of the beginning of the starry sky.

My feet were barefoot in the sand, letting the little grains get between my toes and tickle every time I twisted them. I dropped my head on Eren's shoulder, giving me the chance to close my eyes and reopen them after a few seconds, admiring the sea towards the horizon.

After so many calamities, after so many deaths and losses, a moment of quiet was more than necessary. Maybe being this close to the bright green-eyed brunette wasn't so bad after all.

I could get used to this.

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[lovesanmotion]

yandere!fanboy!ateez reacts: s/o writing a song about them

This is: requested | I guess....the yandere!ateez as fanboys are a success from what I can see. I only uploaded them without thinking. Also, don’t hesitate to blow up my request box! I’m jobless like Hongjoong, Yeosang and Wooyoung. Also, to the sender who requested this, thank you so much for appreciating my blog and writing! 

Lyrics I placed in order:  Love Battery - LOONA (Immortal Songs)  Shadow - F(x)  Going Crazy - Secret Jieun ft. BAP Yongguk Peekaboo - Red Velvet Shampoo - After School Babe - Hyuna Into You - Yuri Love Foolish - TWICE 

Hongjoong: 

“Even if you are not handsome, I like it. Even if you’re not buff, I like it. You are just for me, to me, you are the best.” 

Hongjoong stood among the crowd with a foolish smile painted on his lips. His hands placed on top of his chest as he listens to your new song that you are performing at your comeback concert. 

“Hold me one more time. Hold me tightly until I burst. Love’s effect must be fading. I need you.” 

A soft sigh escapes his lips dramatically. Lovestuck as he watches the love of his life sing a song about him and how she constantly needed his touch or else she’d die from his lack of attention on her. 

“Fill me with love. Love battery has drained. I can’t live without you, I really can’t live without you. You are my battery.” 

He clutches his chest tightly, his heart beating loudly inside. He didn’t cared how wild the others were cheering for your comeback stage, all that matters to him is that this song was made for him. Just for him. Normally he would promote your songs by requesting them on radio stations, but he hesitated on the idea of promoting it. This was his song. And only he gets the full rights to enjoy it. The others are just listening to it, he thought that you were kind enough to let everyone hear the song you made especially for him. 

“To me, you are everything. I like you so much, I totally like you. My only love, there’s no other, my love. You are the best.” 

As the comeback concert ended, everyone inside the concert hall talked about how your comeback song is a hit and promised to get you another music show win. The others gushed how you must be in love that you wrote a song about affection. 

Hongjoong could only chuckle to himself as he walks out of the venue, hands filled with your individual merchandise and a wallet almost empty after emptying the shelves of your concert goods. 

“Stupid fools think that the song is for them when in fact the song is about me. Me! Only me! Why would Y/N ever notice all of you when a whole me exists?” Hongjoong thought to himself as he walked alone late that night. 

Seonghwa: 

“Everyday, I secretly chase after your footsteps. I’m always careful so you won’t notice. No one says it but our date has started, our own date.” 

Click click! Seonghwa focuses his camera on a different angle before taking another shot of you. Click click! 

“Where are you going? Step by step, I follow you. Without a word you lead me. Step by step, did you notice me? I have nowhere to hide anymore.” 

Yesterday, Starlight made a comeback and today, they are performing their comeback song at a radio station. For this comeback, Starlight’s Y/N participated in the song writing, having been credited two songs in the mini album. She partook writing the comeback song! 

“When the sun rises, I walk in sync and together with you. I am really really into you. When the moon rises, you fall asleep in my arms. I really really like you.” 

Seonghwa’s parents had been praising him for landing a wonderful job in the corporate world. When in reality, he was only hired by a fellow sasaeng that gave him much flexible work hours so he could still manage to slip out of his work and follow your every footstep in the country or out. He was being paid fairly well even when all he did was just to follow you around.

“Day by day, we resemble each other more and more. Your laughter and tears, I know it all. Don’t be scared, were a fate tied by the sun, its our destiny to be together.” 

As the performance ended, the girls sat back down on their seats and the interview rolled in. Fansites can only hang outside of the studio, and of course, Seonghwa is up close, nearest to Y/N. 

“Congratulations to Starlight! This is their third comeback and the song is really catchy!” The MC remarked. 

“It’s sounds like a summer song! I heard Y/N took part in the production?” The second MC asked, the cameras then turned to face Y/N. Y/N who was flustered, nodded her head. “Yes” 

“Can you tell us the story behind the song? Your fans are dying to know the meaning behind such a good song.” The first MC says. 

Y/N held the microphone in her head, smiling, she explained: “This is a true to life song. I made a song about a guy who was really handsome and captured my heart. We were always going in the same direction and one time, his hand brushed into mine. And I felt so happy by the small connection.” Y/N chuckles. 

When Seonghwa heard about it, he lowered his camera and stared at Y/N. The song was about him. He remembered how he would spend his vacant period at work to follow Y/N when they were shooting an ad around Namsan because of the newly built skywalk. His hand brushed on hers when they were buying food at the convenient store. Seonghwa was so moved by the explanation that he felt like his feelings grew more for you. 

“My sunshine likes getting attention. My attention. That’s right, my sunshine, bathe in my attention only. ” 

Yunho: 

“It’s not love, this isn’t love. It’s just your obsession. Wherever, Whatever I do. It’s frightening. The you who watches me.”

Yunho watched as Y/N practices for her upcoming comeback stage at The Show next week. He admired how she dare approached a bold and mature comeback. And he was so happy to see this new side of his girl. However, he felt like he needed to be more protective of her since she was going for a more risque concept. 

“Have you gone crazy? Why are you like this? Please just leave me alone now. Seeing you is suffocating. Please disappear from my sight.” 

Yunho stood behind the cameras as he watches Y/N and the featured artist practice. He heard a few staffs make a comment about how the featured artist looks like him. And maybe how you might’ve fallen in love with him. Yunho’s feeling swelled when he heard of those comments. In fact, he was so happy that he heard it from them. But you on the other hand, why do you still deny your feelings for him? Why was it so hard for you to be up front and honest with what you feel? Is it because he works as your manager? You’re in the same company as he is? And that you kept insisting to be professional? At this point, Yunho would resign if that was the case. If he can’t have you because of his line of work, he would be more than pleased to resign and be in your arms everyday. 

“Get lost. Just back off. I really can’t breathe. Wherever I go, wherever I am. It’s frightening. The you who follows me.” 

Yunho managed to lift the debts off his family. After paying the debts, he was able to even buy a new home for them around Gangnam area. His parents hesitated on the idea at first since owning a land in Gangnam costs way more than renting, Yunho told them not to worry. Not to worry since he is being paid royalty in his job. After that, he was able to spoil you with luxurious gifts and live with you in your apartment. More like forced himself into your home. 

“This ain’t right, this isn’t love. It just hurts me, don’t be like this. I loved you. But I don’t now. Erase me from your memory.” 

And when the song was released, Yunho was all up for promoting it. He made everyone he know listen to the song in various streaming platforms and watch the MV as well. Whether you would like it or not, Yunho is here to stay in your life. Permanently. 

Yeosang: 

“Peekaboo! This is new, is this love? All my friends yell at me, they say I have a problem. I’m fine fine fine fine fine fine.” 

A small painted Yeosang lips as his eyes followed you on stage. He watched you as you danced in a tight red dress. That was his gift for you last Christmas to be exact. The designer brand didn’t really put it out for sale. They only made one and had it up for auction. It was a dress that accentuated your curves and complimented your skin. Yeosang won the auction and had it included in your next comeback. 

“Tag you’re it! It’ll be fun! I’ll include you here. Til the moon hangs on the jungle gym, let’s play” 

Since Yeosang is someone who holds a high position in the company, he made a proposal to be your sponsor. At first, your members didn’t like the idea since sponsors have a bad reputation attached to it. But you were naive and still proceeded with the sponsorship. You thought it would go bad, but Yeosang made you feel comfortable in his home and gave you all the fame that you wanted. Never did he once ask anything that was against your morals. 

“Peekaboo! It’s strange, you’re different. I stop this game and I look at you again. I’m not a fraid, because I just felt that a new story will begin” 

Your members were still cautious about Yeosang orbitting around you. There was something about him that they could not lay a finger on. Scared that they would find their contracts terminated the following day. But seeing you happy, they felt like they needed to stop. As long as you are happy, they are happy. Yeosang included. 

“Don’t worry, my love. You’re safe with me. Anyone who accuses you will come to me first.” 

San: 

It was 9pm when you made a surprise V live alone in the recording room of your company building. San was actually nearby, he was hid inside the convenient store where he bumped into you before. 

“Hello everyone! Have you all eaten? I missed you alot.” He watches his Y/N pout in the screen. His heart raced a bit, 

“I ate already, my love. Don’t worry.” San responds, as if it was only him that you were talking to. 

“I made a new song and I’m in the recording room. Apparently, I was given permission to spoil the song for you!” Y/N happily takes her phone and draws it closer to the company phone of where she is doing her live. 

“I wanna be shampoo Trickling down your hair I wanna embrace you With my strong fragrance  I will wrap around your entire body With white foam  So even the mirrors can’t see you I will cover you  So no one can have you You won’t ever get rid of my scent” 

“That’s all the spoil for now.” Y/N stops the recording and turns the camera to her face again. She leaned her face closer and read a few comments about how would the fans think. 

“What is your inspiration behind this song?” She read aloud. She leaned back in her seat with her lips pursed. “In all honesty, I met a male fan last week. I actually bumped into him and I was able to smell his perfume and...” Y/N paused. “He smelled so good that...was it possible to fall in love just by smelling their perfume?” Y/N chuckles softly. 

San had his eyes wide. The song was about him. He felt like bursting from his seat but he refrained himself from doing so. 

“I hope he isn’t a weird fan. I also have a fan who constantly bothers me even at the late hours. It’s bothering me. And I hope the person stops soon.” Y/N said. Double jackpot! He got mentioned twice by you. He couldn’t wait until the song releases, he was already booking train station platforms in honor for the release of your song. 

Mingi: 

Was it possible to fall in love with just a touch? Ever since the incident at the Incheon Airport, your company has become stricter and hired more bodyguards when it comes to outside activities. From what you heard, VS Media is even rewriting their rules when it comes to fan and idol gift giving. 

“Come on, let me play some more. Why treat babies gently, I cannot count on you, my age. You’ve walked in any magic. I am the one for you. Everyday I wake up. This is mine.” 

Ever since the incident at the airport, you slightly became uncomfortable with the idea of leaving the dorm. Despite your feelings, rest assured that your members were always there for you. 

“I am not sleeping today. I remember my eyes. I’m not sleeping.”

It’s been a month since you stepped foot inside the airport again, things were going okay. You were able to walk inside and through the gates without any problem. The fans still following your footsteps, you tried to loosen up yourself a bit - smiling and waving at them. Nothing could go wrong. 

Until, you saw a figure from your peripheral vision. You turned your head to take a look, but no one was there. Strange. As you and your group were able to board the plane, you took a seat near the window and pulled out your lyrics notebook. Flipping through the pages, you stopped at an unfinished work. The unfinished work is your solo song used as an outro for Starlight’s upcoming full album. 

“Babe babe babe in your eyes. Babe babe babe in your hand. My appearance is babe babe babe babe. I want to hear it again.”

“Are you writing a song?” You were startled with the question. You turned your head and didn’t noticed how a man with a mask and cap sat besides you already. 

“Yes I am” You spoke softly. “Can I read it?” the man besides you asked. 

You hesitantly gave him the notebook, the man took it and read through the lyrics. 

“I like how you composed the song. It’s still in its raw form too. You’re a genius.” The man complimented. You smiled and thanked him for the compliment. The next thing you knew shocked you. 

The man placed a hand on your knee, his other free hand removed his mask and cap. Song Mingi. At that moment, you couldn’t process what was happening. All you knew was that your mind kept telling you to tell at least your members. But your body started heating up at his touch. 

“Did you miss me?” 

Wooyoung: 

Wooyoung had disguised himself as the photographer for your album. The night before it came, he worked on creating his fake ID and borrowed a spare camera to use for the production. 

“At that smile that sees my eyes. For me, the whole world is bathed in light. Hold my hands and I close my eyes. I hope this time stops here.”

Wooyoung’s breath almost took away as he saw you in black under shorts and wrinkled and almost unbuttoned white button down. He didn’t know what the concept was but his eyes were already feasting on your body, not ever feeling full. 

“Fall in love more deeply, you and I. Let’s fall in deeply, you and I together. The one thing that I want. You seep into me, you spread inside of me.” 

“Ms Y/N taking the bold move of doing her first sexy concept.” Y/N’s manager teased her. Wooyoung knew everyone who was on set. Him, Y/N, Y/N’s manager, stylist, make up artist and a few production crew that wasn’t part of VS Media. 

“What’s the story behind this concept?” Y/N’s manager asked, Wooyoung could only stare in awe at Y/N. Never did he see this side of her. He always knew of Y/N as the sweet and bubbly girl in soft concepts. But of course, Wooyoung love to break the types. 

“I actually like to search my name on the internet. And I came across fanfics of myself.” Y/N chuckles. Oh that sweet sound that made Wooyoung’s heart beat fast. The audio recorders can never outdo it. 

“There is a certain blog that possibly does a lot. That blog posts photos of me, writes fanfics and posts my schedules too. He’s doing god works for my other fans.” Y/N chuckles. As the production of the photoshoot started, Wooyoung did his best to capture the real beauty of this side of Y/N. 

“What a hardworking fan. What’s the name of the blog?” 

“ForY/N” 

Wooyoung’s eyes widens as he heard the name of his blog. His blog inspired you to make a song....about him? 

“Filling my whole heart. With you, I feel my heart. Fall in love more deeply, you and I. Let’s fall in deeply, you and I together.” 

“The way that person writes really amazes me. I’d like to get to know the person.” Y/N explains. His mind fell into a spiral. Part of him wanted the song to be released already but there was also a part of him that wanted the song to be released for him only. 

“Wish will soon become tomorrow. Today is more heart fluttering than yesterday. I want to go together with you. Closer to the place where my dream reaches.”

The bonus thing about what Wooyoung did today is that as a photographer, he was able to keep some of the photos. Running away even with some. 

Jongho: 

Jongho fell in line for the release of your album. He was actually second in line as he was actually camping outside of the building of your company. 

“Everyday I called out your name, about a thousand times, about ten million times Before you finally heard it Cut and rewind, why can’t you be mine? Ooh the one who spins my head like this It’s you, just running running running around you  My repeatedly-midnight promise  I don’t know what to do”

Jongho, who had his arms crossed over his chest, looked up and down to turn around where that song was coming from. He hasn’t heard of this song but he knew that was your voice.

“Crazy love!  I love you, love you, hate, foolish Crazy love!  I love you Make me feel so high Love!  I love you, love you, hate, foolish Crazy love!  I hate you Make me so bad It’s weird, the more I fall for you I’m sorry, I’ll hate you I don’t know, I can’t explain this I’m trapped in a labyrinth of strange emotions”

The whole room was adorned with your own merchandise and on the TV display was actually an MV of your b side. Jongho took a basket and grabbed a handful of your limited and regular version of your albums, along with a packet of your photocards and a griptok. 

As he was in line to pay for his orders, in which his basket was filled as he actually bought more of your items. You made a sudden appearance into the room. For Jongho, he felt as if the room got brighter when you suddenly stepped inside. When it was his turn to pay for his items, the people behind the counter were amazed at how many he was able to fit into his basket. 

Tapping his feet impatiently, he wanted to be able to greet you before you left the room. When his bag was handed to him, he immediately took it and sped walk towards your direction, talking to a few. 

He felt as if the gods were with him. As he drew closer to you, the ones you were talking to left and it just you and him now. 

“Hello Y/N!” Jongho greeted. You turned to him happily. “Hello!” 

“I really really like this song of yours!” He gushed happily. “Can you tell me about it?” 

You nodded happily. “The song is actually about someone who makes me feel happy, the idea of love in a dangerous way? The idea send me thrills.” You chuckled. Jongho felt ecstatic. Beyond the moon even. You wrote a song about him! 

That afternoon when he got home, he made sure that everyone in Seoul would be able to hear the song that you made. It was for him so he had full brag rights to do so. 

[imagintheworldaway]

Used Pt 2

Anonymous said: Hello i loved your post “used” with Harry and i just wanted to know if you are planning a part 2 in the future?!?

Anonymous said: Loved your most recent imagine of Harry! Can you plzzzzz make a part 2 of used, where she’s a bad B and becomes even more successful and she’s better off without him? Thank you!

A/N I loved that you guys loved the first one! I went through a few different ideas / endings for this one and I think I'm happy with the outcome! warning it is a long one so strap in!

Used Pt 1 can be found here

Requests are open!

That night at Harrys apartment felt like a life time ago. The breakup wasn’t messy as neither of us addressed it really, I archived all of my posts of him and he had done the same for me and that was about it. It didn’t take the fans to catch on but what can you expect, they know more about me than I do. it had been almost 6 months to the date, not that I was counting or anything but I honestly felt like Harry was my soulmate at the time. Oh how love can blind you. 

The past few months I had submerged myself into my channel and my fans. I had done an array of meet and greets and was interacting more with them, and honestly my love for YouTube was restored and I felt like a whole new person. I had had a full make over and due to this my channel had grown immensely and I had hit 50 million subscribers, a huge achievement which I never though would happen. it was amazing to see the amount of support I was gaining from my fans and how much I had grown, from a naive teenager to a young adult. I had received an overwhelming amount of support from my friends. When Harry and I broke up they tried not to take sides but It was evident that that couldn’t last forever and I was ok with that. 

I had just finished a meeting with my manager at her office. With my new look and attitude brands seemed to swarm at me and I was gaining so many new opportunities it was kind of crazy. It was like I was a completely different person and it seemed to be working in furthering my career. I got in my Uber and made my way to my new apartment, after the break up I felt like starting a new was best and so I moved into my new multi million apartment in knightsbridge. It was nice to be in an area by myself as it meant that I had more privacy and was able to truly live my best single life. Plus a tour of new apartment left many of my friends in awe, and honestly I loved that I could show off all my hard work. 

I thanked my Uber driver and made my way to my apartment, once inside I collapsed on my sofa and kicked off my heels, which I was still getting used to in all honesty. Having changed from living in baggy jumpers and old trainers was a bit of a shock but I loved wearing my more out there wardrobe, with tighter clothes and higher heels, my makeup always done to perfection, I always felt like people had their eye on me and I felt amazing.  My change in personality and look hadn’t gone unnoticed either, although they didn’t say anything I could tell my friends liked my new attitude, after wallowing in self pity for a few months I think they’re happy that I’m back and stronger than what I was before. 

I still thought about Harry from time to time. How I not so secretly still had one of his jumpers and when I was alone id wear it, just to feel his embrace once more. When we had initially broken up it took him less than two days to send Freezy round my apartment to drop off my box of things and to request his stuff back. I know Freezy felt bad but what choice did he have if Harry wanted to erase me from his life then so be it. More fool him, I had grown so much and if he was truly clout chasing then he should’ve stuck around a little longer. 

I woke up to my doorbell ringing. I must’ve fallen asleep on the sofa. I stretched a little when the doorbell kept ringing. “Jeez I’m coming” I mumbled to myself. I pressed the array of buttons for who ever it was to get through the front gate and after a few minutes I opened the door to reveal Talia. “Have you been sleeping?” She giggled at me as she walked into my apartment, propping herself up on one of my breakfast stools. “Hmm, oh yh, busy day” I laughed closing the door and standing the other side of the breakfast bar looking up at her. 

“Soooooo” I edged her to start talking. “Oh right sorry, your release party, Simon was pestering me to ask you if a certain arsehole could come?” She said the last part in a sheepish tone. Fuck, my release party I completely forgot, I had had so much on my plate that I forgot I was opening a club and releasing my own line of spirits. I stood up looking at Talia with a confused look “why the hell would I invite my ex to my release party?”. I reached up and grabbed two wine glasses pouring us each a glass of rosé. Passing over a glass to Talia as she pondered her reply. “Honestly I said the same but apparently all the lads feel bad as everyone we know is invited except for him” she swirled her glass of wine and took a sip as I copied her mentioned. In all fairness it was rude that I invited everyone but him, plus it was going to be the event to beat, and I had a few spaces on the guest list. “T, I don’t know” I shrugged at her sighing. “If I was you id tell him to stick it where-“ Talia started before I cut her off “I know, I know, it does seem a little harsh, I have invited so many people and, well, you know what fuck it, I’ll get my manager to add him to the list if you let him know” I decided. Talia looked gobsmacked, I had never seen her this speechless in our lives. “Are you sure, he’s a dick like you really don’t have to” she said cocking an eyebrow at me. “Look its not fair, plus there’s going to be hundreds of people there and the likelihood of us actually interacting are practically 0” I stated. Which was true, there was going to be just about the whole British YouTube community there, as well as some celebrities and journalists, and I would have my team around me at all times so the chance of him even getting near me is slim. 

That night Talia and I had gotten wasted, watching movies and just have a nice little girly night. However, right now I was shaking in my heels. My hair and makeup had been done to perfection and I was in a body hugging dress which showed off all of my curves perfectly. I looked almost like a model that’s how good I looked. I of Course was going to be the last to arrive at the venue, I needed everyone to be chatting with flutes of complimentary champagne when I entered so all attention was on me, as conceited as this sounds my publicists and manager had worked months for this to run as perfect as possible. I arrived at the venue and I could hear the music from outside “you ready?” My manager, Lucy asked. I nodded my head and made my way through the back entrance. I stood behind the stage door with a mic in one hand and a bottle of my own vodka in another. “Deep breaths, you’ll smash it” Lucy smiled at me, I just nodded and plastered on a smile, I heard the music die down a little and the door opened and I made my way on stage. An eruption of applause and cheering began from my friends and guests. I smiled taking it all in for a moment before I raised the mic to my mouth. 

“Thank you all so much for being here today and supporting me in my new business venture. If you would have told me a year ago that this is where I would be I would have laughed. These past few months I’ve grown more than I ever have, my channel, my business and more importantly myself. I can’t thank you all enough for the continuous love and support, without you guys or my fans I wouldn’t be where I am today. So id like you to all enjoy a complimentary glass of my new Vodka and enjoy yourselves. Because tonight is about friends and loved ones. So let’s get wasted!!!” I recited my speech cheering at the end. I got a mass amount of applause and cheers and I smiled looking over the crowd. I could see all my friends together happy, the way it should be and I smiled until I saw him, he actually came. My smile faltered slightly and my breath hitched in my throat. I quickly shook it off and made my way to the stairs, exiting the stage. I was quickly engulfed in a mass of hugs and bodies, people I knew and some I didn’t all congratulating me. 

I had done it I had made it and all on my own. 

After about half an hour I made it over to my closest group of friends. They all cheered when I went over and I did a mock curtsey, careful not to reveal too much. I got handed a glass of something and started polite conversation. “We’re all so proud of you” Gee gushed “you’ve done so well I can’t believe that you are basically the most sought after name at the moment” freya added. “ I couldn’t have done it without you guys” I smiled. “Oh shut up little miss humble” Ethan who had clearly had a bit much to drink already. “You’re  the queen of UK YouTube, you have your own empire going and you built it all yourself” he grinned at me before smothering me in a hug. “You need to be in more of our vids then maybe we’d be doing just as well as you” Simon commented earning a laugh from the group. “Here’s to Y/N the baddest bitch I know” Talia toasted and everyone joined in. I smiled as we fell into polite chatter. “I’m just nipping outside” I informed my friends smiling at them before making my way to the balcony. I leant over the edge and smiled, nothing could ruin my life right now. I thought to myself. That was until I heard footsteps approach me from behind and the body heat of someone I could recognise in an instant next to me. “Before you say anything I’m here to congratulate you” Harry said. I kept my gaze forward, not wanted tears that I didn’t know still existed for him to spill. “I’m so proud of you, honestly I am, so are my family, they miss you, I miss you” I turned my body and met Harrys gaze. I studied his face, he had bags under his eyes and the usual scruff on his beard was longer than he usually kept it, his hair was also scruffy, not scruffy like usual but tangled and unkept. He was wearing smart trousers and a nice button up shirt, no blazer, Harry hated formal clothes. “Thank you” was all I was able to say as I smiled at him. “You know, with every day that goes by someone reminds me how I fucked up and should have kept a death grip on you, that you were the best part of me and now I’m just some boring kid who plays Fifa” I half chuckled at the end. I felt sorry for him, it seemed that I had grown and succeeded and that Harry had stayed stagnant in his life. “Harry, I, I don’t know what you want me to say” I looked at him with sorry eyes, I think maybe I still loved him, but I had been doing so well without him I just I didn’t know whether I wanted to kiss him or kill him. “No I, I get that, I was a dick. I was in a rut and I took it out on you. And well honestly seeing you do so well without me just shows how I was holding you back. I’m proud of you, I’m happy for you, honestly I am bear, sorry Y/N” we had made eye contact at this point. So many memories came flooding back to me. Our first kiss, our first date, the nights we spent talking about what we wanted to name our children, and how we wanted to have a house in Guernsey and one in London. How we were going to grow old together and never let the other go. 

I broke my gaze when I heard Lucy call my name. I took a deep breath. “I loved you harry, with all my heart, with all my being and I was willing to stay and love you no matter what. I think I still do love you. But right now I need to focus on me, my empire has only just started and I don’t want us to back peddle. The only way for me is forward no mater if you’re there with me or not.” I spilled my heart out to Harry before I heard Lucy call me name again. “Sorry” was all I could say before I headed back inside. I wiped a stray tear from my eye and took one last look at harry, I had left him so broken. But now was time to put me first Y/N is number one in my life and as much as I wanted to fall back into my old self I couldn’t. I had made promises and shown that after heartbreak you can build and make yourself stronger than before. And I was not about to throw it all away.