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amateurscribes · 5 years

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A quick warm-up scene, and essentially a sneak peek for the upcoming Pg. 42 Ln. 5, ‘The Brush of Death’ so uh, enjoy? (This takes place around chapter two of the fic from what my notes are suggesting):

"May I have this dance," an unknown man steps forward, causing Grif to quickly let go of Simmons' hands. Although the man didn't say a name, his hand is outstretched towards him and he only has eyes for Grif.

Now he has a choice here, he can either turn down the stranger and likely accidentally cause a scene which would be bad press or he could plaster on a fake smile and be as cordial as can be.

He shares a quick look with Simmons, and there's a strange look in the other hero's eyes, but nonetheless, he starts to walk towards the refreshment table saying, "I'll meet up with you later, Phantasmagoria."

Well, it's not like anyone could say that he wasn't trained by the 'best' manager. The choice- if it could be called that- was decisively clear.

They were here to entertain and entertainment was something he could do.

"Right," Grif nods at him, before looking back at the stranger. "Nice to meet you, Mr...?"

"Temple," the man supplies. "But you can just call me Mark."

Oh, that's why Simmons had gotten that look. This was the judge in charge of hero affairs for the Justice Bureau.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, sir," Grif lies. It was never a pleasure to meet any of these annoying higher-ups. They were always so stiff- especially if they were involved with the law.

Nothing good ever came out of lawyers or judges or politicians or the rest of their ilk.

"Believe me, the pleasure's all mine," the judge said. "Now, if I'm not mistaken, you agreed to a dance?"

As much as he loathed taking the other man's hand, he was very much aware of the eyes that were suddenly turning to them.

Fucking charity balls. Gossip spread quicker than the goddamn plague.

So he took the other man's hand and let him take the lead, not caring to put too much effort in. It was very easy to just let muscle memory kick in, after all of those lessons Dylan made them attend so that they'd be able to not make bumbling fools of themselves.

Which wasn't all that fair considering that most of them were currently wearing their helmets with suits. The only ones in the Second League who looked moderately passable were him and Simmons, but considering that Simmons was still wearing his ornate crown and him his visor circlet they only barely made the cut.

At least his hair was long enough to braid, poor Simmons had to live with the fact that his crown covered most of his hair leaving only tufts peeking out from under.

"You know," the judge speaks up from what had been an otherwise easy moment to blank out of. "I think your power is the most fascinating."

What.

He nearly stops moving, very nearly tripping in his shock, but once again he relies on muscle memory to not draw attention to the pair.

"You look surprised," the man observes. "Did you think I wouldn't know?"

"Yes," he grits out because no one is supposed to know, that's the whole point, the whole shtick. It's what makes him sell-able to the audience.

"It's only reasonable that I know every detail about you heroes," the man shrugs nonchalantly. "After all, I wouldn't want to deliver a sentence on an innocent man for a crime or a damages fine that he didn't do. And for that, it's pertinent that I know whose powers can do what. You see?"

He doesn't respond to that.

"And yours is very underutilized," the man continues. "Only two limitations, yes? The touch of a human and your own imagination. You still occupy space but there's no timer, no drawback, nothing. Haven't you ever wondered what else you could do?"

"No," he snaps, and it's not a lie. Because he knows exactly the extent of his powers, and some judge acting as if he had hidden potential was very quickly souring his mood.

"I wonder," the judge supplies. "In theory, would you be able to cast an illusion over your own face- your own body even- to make you look like something or someone else?"

Once again, he stills. But then relaxes minutely, because it was a posed question and not an accusation.

So it seemed like he could keep some of his secrets after all.

"In theory," Grif throws the man a bone, hoping to get him to back the fuck off.

The judge lets go of Grif, pausing the dance, and somehow during all of that, they've managed to maneuver towards one of the solidarity corners of the ballroom, the judge with his back to the wall.

Pulling out a photo, well worn, the judge asks, "Do you think you could make yourself look like this man through an illusion?"

Squinting his eyes at the photo, he notices the sharp tear on the side and the leftover arm of someone else. The man in question is smiling brightly, arm wrapped around the torn off person, his bright blond hair being the most notable characteristic.

"I'm going to assume you're not going to leave me alone for the rest of the night unless I try out your theory," Grif glares at the man.

His unctuous smile not leaving his face, the judge says, "Well it couldn't hurt to play along, right?"

Keeping his glare on his face, he reaches into his pocket to pull out a bobby pin. Grabbing his braid, he raises it to his head, quickly loops it in a messy crown and pins it into place. He then runs his hand over the area, turning it blond with a simple gesture, eyes glowing blue.

He stares at the photo some more, before tapping his visor to make disappear from view, and he closes his eyes to make them the grey that he sees in the picture.

It's as he opens them that he sees a longing look bleed onto the judges face.

"Who even is that man," Grif asks, and that seems to shock the judge out of whatever had made him go all distant. "A criminal?"

"Ah, no," the judge says, voice wired with unbridled emotions. "He is... a missing man."

"Oh," he tries to muster up fake sympathy but finds he doesn't quite want to, especially not as he wears the mans face for the moment. "Was he married?"

"Yes," Temple nods his head. "He had a wife and a daughter, but I am afraid that Georgina is... no longer with us."

He's not enough of an idiot to not catch the familiarity that radiates from the man.

"What of the daughter? Are you taking care of her now that both her parents are gone," he asks.

"She's being well taken care of," the man supplies. "Or at least, that's what Mrs. Grey has assured me of."

Letting the illusion slip away, Grif finds that he is way more uncomfortable right now than he had been when Dylan had forced them all into suits earlier that day.

"Well, your theory bears truth," he says. "And you've had your dance. Now if you would excuse me, sir, I'm going to take my leave."

There's a strange look on the judge's face, but he nods saying, "That's only fair. I hope our paths will meet again, Phantasmagoria."

Not staying to give the man a response, he turns around and starts walking towards where Simmons is awkwardly holding a champagne glass.

He needed a stiff drink.

But behind him, the judge still hasn't moved.

And Grif thinks he isn't supposed to hear the man mutter, "Dead shepherd, now I find thy saw of might, who ever loved that loved not at first sight?"

That fucker was a fan of Shakespeare, was he? Fine, two could play at this game.

"I pray you do not fall in love with me. For I am falser than vows made in wine," Grif quotes loud enough for the other man to hear. He smirks a tad as he delivers the next line, "Besides, I like you not."

Shock blossoms onto the judges face, but disappointingly it's not followed by embarrassment. Which, ok, sure thing asshole, don't respond when called out on your creepiness.

Not garnering the reaction he had hoped, he goes to Simmons and the other heroes like he should have done earlier.

#My writing #My fic #Scribes WIP #Pg. 42 Ln. 5 'The Brush of Death'#Second Series Act One #which I guess is now the series tag idk #T&B/RvB AU #*me clapping my hands* shakespeare references because who's gonna stop meeee #also this kinda makes me want to do fun drawings of an As You Like It AU for giggles #Grif as Rosalind/Ganymede #and Simmons as Orlando #Grif to Temple: you're ugly as fuck deal with it #Temple's internal monologue through this is basically:#'god I sure hope he doesn't realize I'm a serial killer :/'

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paganchristian · 3 years

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School of fish (of course) from the bridge where we saw the baby alligator. Anyway, hm, makes me think,.. fish in a school turn the same directions to swim from predators and things like that, so, maybe people have a similar instinct. Not exactly the same, well duh, because we don’t go around literally in herds running the same directions.

But similar in a sense, we might do things that kind of harmonize us to each other and make us go in similar directions often, or pressure each other to do that, and signal to each other when and how, maybe unconsciously. Religions might serve a purpose like this at times, as well as other belief systems and moral systems, ideological systems, cultural norms, and so on. They might serve a purpose of protecting us from danger, but also other purposes in which acting somewhat like a school of fish can be helpful to the group.

It makes it simple and easy to focus, to remember, to pay attention, to do what you need to do when a big group of people are all doing that thing. When they have been doing it for years, generations, or even perhaps centuries, and when they all offer support or punishment to keep you in line, too. It makes it quite easy and doable to just go along. So how do you get a big group of people over many generations to all do the same things like this? Well,.. It needs to be easy, it needs to be instinctive, and compelling, so that we are driven to do it, so that even the most basic or the most weak, exhausted or overwhelmed person can do it.

Because there are many people in any generation who are very exhausted, overwhelmed and weak in various ways, mentally, physically, emotionally, psychologically, and so on. In order to make a religion, or a moral system or a system of cultural norms carry on strongly over time in a large group, you need it to compel their emotions. Fright, or shame or horror, guilt, anger, us vs. them, protecting from perceived threats and enemies, protecting from damnation, attaining heaven, these are all things that appeal to this kind of very basic, weak self, and even they can get on the same page to feel motivated by such things, if the things they have to do are simple and clear enough, easy enough to do. Not that they have to be fair or sensible or good, but just convincing and easy enough to do.

I keep on running into this brick wall where certainty is the dividing line that keeps me outside the religious club. Certainty that their ways are right and mine are wrong (their certainty, not mine). And certainty that I have to follow their ways or I’m condemned, basically. I have to follow their beliefs or I’m not accepted by God’s grace and salvation and what not. So the thing is I just can’t believe it, I just can’t buy it.

There are so many different rules and demands that different groups say form the dividing line of who is condemned and who is not. There are so many rules and demands they make that cannot be applied fairly to those who aren’t even ever exposed to the rules so they don't’ have the freedom to even choose to do these things that they demand. And for those who are taught the rules, unless it makes sense to you, how can you be held accountable and expected to follow the rules? It’s always this forced belief that of course, everyone would see the truth, the necessity, of it all, and of course, if they didn’t choose to follow then they were willingly doing wrong. And they thus deserve to be punished or separated from God’s love or whatever. Sent to Hell, if that is the ultimate outcome they believe in for them.

And it’s very tiring. It’s just like fish in the school who need this visceral fear to keep people in line. Religions serve some purpose, and when they keep people in line, they serve some purpose. And just because maybe God is really there in religion, and maybe special graces are there even in some of the rules and the rituals, that doesn’t mean that those who don’t believe in those rituals are willingly wrong or that they deserve punishment and exclusion from God’s love.

Even if they refuse to partake of certain rituals that are indeed full of grace, that doesn’t mean they willingly refused grace, but that they didn’t know the grace was to be found in those rituals. How can rituals separate people from God?

If God is love, only a refusal of love would separate people from him. And who is less loving, those who refuse rituals or those who want to condemn those who refuse the rituals? You might refuse rituals but still be a very loving person. Many who do the rituals claim they are saved and good and God’s chosen and they still live lives full of unkindness, selfishness, arrogance, judgment, condemning others, turning from the pain and need of others, turning from the feelings and experiences, refusing to see another view. And often, outright hatred. Yet they feel they are God’s chosen ones and if we are a member of the religious group, we are told not to criticize them too. Maintain the group solidarity, that is the ultimate goal.

And it’s all again about the ego, because the ego often cannot cope without the school of fish type behavior and instincts. Even putting the ego aside, we often can’t survive without the school of fish type behavior, because we need the ego to survive, up to a certain point, until we have learned to be less egoistic, but still we do need it to survive, just less than before, and we have trained it to behave better and to think more clearly and not run the show most of the time.

But till we learn how to do that it automatically takes the wheel and runs our lives because it’s like a human instinct. Ego is how the human brain evolves and copes with the growing up process. When we’re very young, we are in some ways very selfless, nonjudgmental, caring, innocent, and even if we are in some ways self-centered because we are only aware of our own needs to a great extent when very young, still, (but babies can be so loving, almost like we’re an extension of themselves, and they have so much love, just lack certain awareness and emotional self-control). But we still behave in ways that overall are extremely loving, pure, and innocent. Many of the ego’s complex and most harmful mechanisms only develop later.

But as time goes on we very soon have to adapt to being a human in a society, a family and culture, a nd prices have to be paid to do that, so the ego develops to hold together the illusion of harmony, peace, safety, and certainty, to give us something to trust, follow, and plan to do with our lives, so that we have what we need, mentally, emotionally, socially, physically. We might not really have all we need, but we have to get by and convince ourselves we are doing ok enough so we stave off depression and keep going. Even if we’re depressed, and don’t fit in and fail in so many ways, we have to keep trying to fit in and make it work and scrape by the best we can so the ego remains to try to cope with all that the best it can, even if it does a bad job because it is so lost and confused.

And what can dismantle or weaken this ego stranglehold? Finding the grace of God, finding wisdom and unique insights and coping methods that are less about control, fear, judgment, conformity, anger, manipulation, exploiting others, repressing others or oneself, and things like that.

Because under all the ego’s unfair and untruthful tactics there is a self that is all about love, caring, peace, joy, sharing, but the ego has control over that self and largely distorts or stifles it. Somehow if you can find out what true love is, what true innocence is, you can start to get in touch with the peace and clarity and simplicity beyond and below ego. But what makes it happen, it depends,... Desperation and finding the same old group conformity behavior doesn’t work is one thing that can start to loosen its grasp. Finding the manipulative, controlling, and negative behaviors don't work is another. Spirituality in various forms is another. Loneliness and the need for love and finding real love is another thing. But these are all possible things and not the whole thing, and usually they say it’s a deconstruction to remove the ego, bit by bit, and find what is underneath, layer by layer, the work of a lifetime to really get there and get very far with it.

Some people start out already having gone through so much separateness, exclusion, difficulty and pain that they never learn as much of the manipulative and controlling behavior of ego, because it wouldn’t work for them. There’s only so much you can control and if your life is just uncontrollable you don’t learn the same norms of control that others learn. There usually are some ways you still try to hold on to some control but there are less such ways available to you so you might be able to see through the cracks of the ego’s façade better, at least some of the time and the crack is where the light gets in, as that quote goes (was it Leonard Cohen, not sure?).

I keep running into habits and practices they say I have to stop, but that I don’t feel I need to let go of or change them. And I keep learning and hearing more and more ideas, the deeper I learn on this path, I learn more new practices I didn’t know I was “supposed” to follow. But I don’t feel like I have to follow them, and they say I absolutely have to, no questions asked.

I feel like death might be staring me down (might be, but that is a big if, and still, such a big heavy if that it’s very intense, I feel cornered, in a room all by myself, to face down the most serious things anyone ever does in their life, with my family and daughter too that I’d have to think of how to leave them and what to leave them and so on, if I were to die, and they are left with this religious-spiritual-emotional-social chaotic world so what can I leave them to make any sense or find peace in it all?) and what am I going to do?

Will I try to be right, according to the rules and demands they say will give me heaven and save me from hell? Or will I try to be happy instead, because I don’t even know if I believe or feel there is any sense in what they say I have to do, but if I just do what feels right to me, I still have love, and I have joy and peace and comfort in things they say are condemnable. I don’t have to try so hard to examine every claim they make and every blame and punishment they try to say I will get. I don’t have to try to see what of all this I’m supposed to teach my daughter or share with my loved ones, if they were open to them (they’re not so it’s actually beside the point, except for perhaps a few little things I might, might, possibly, not sure, be able to share as light subtle possible suggestions and not advice or judgment of any kind). I don’t have to feel like just because I didn’t hurry up to get in line and pull all the others around me along with me into line too, that means something awful will happen.

But that’s not good for the whole school of fish effect of conformity and teaching the group things that the overburdened will only learn this way.

And finally I feel maybe I can find faith outside that reward and punishment system. Finally I feel like maybe love and grace and mercy and mystery and using my own heart and my own sense and my own experience can take back the power that was forcefully taken from me through egoistic fear and control tactics.

Yes, if there are some kinds of mysterious graces to be found in rituals and rules and practices, I’m not against that, even though I have to wonder why? But I’ve experienced such things, and I don’t know why but I know it is so sometimes. But why, though, really, ... Why? Why were mysterious graces hidden in things that don’t have any logical or even experiential subjective, emotional conviction in them, for so many people?

So like it’s almost like, you can do this thing, and it will be a life-changing experience, you can learn this subject, you can take this course, this lifepath and career. And some will say, ok, I believe you, I will do it. Others feel no pull towards it. They are not morally wrong, they just don’t feel convinced by something that is not on the face of it logically or emotionally convincing, in any inherent obvious sense, any more than any other emotional, spiritual tool or practice. And of course, many won’t ever encounter the practice at all, living in some culture where it doesn’t exist.

While many will concede that those who never are exposed to the chance to choose can’t be damned, it’s too unfair, many will still say that those who don’t choose to partake when they have a choice are damned. But I think that is ridiculous, because there is nothing on the surface of it to convince them it’s the way to go. No matter what others try to argue with flimsy egoistic arguments, saying that it’s obviously good and right and those who can’t see that are willingly bad and wrong, I just don’t believe it. I have been one of those who didn’t believe but I was not a bad, wrong person. I tried so hard with everything in me to do good, and tried much harder and did much better than many of the religious people who I see condemning others that are outside their group.

I might try the rituals and practices, but I finally feel free, broken free as though knocked out of a trance, free to listen to my own heart, sense and experience, instead of going along with the group. But since I’ve learned so much from the group that has helped me, and I know that such conformist behavior might have developed for very good reasons, I don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater.

But this all or nothing kind of extremist thinking is often what takes a good thing and makes it a harmful hurtful and very destructive thing. What might do great good for many might do bad in other cases. Like folk medicine can have great cures, it can also have harmful remedies that later prove totally bad for you, and it it can have superstitions that are counterproductive, instilling fear, and judgment, witch-hunting. So too can religions or other conformist things, moral systems, and cultural norms of all kinds can have these shades of reality, from always true, situationally true, mistaken and harmful beliefs taken as truth, and pure superstition, but they treat it all as being irrevocably true and exclude and terrorize those who don't’ do the same, or at least you can’t question it. So if you silently live your own life, ok, but if you try to openly disagree, you threaten the stability of the conformity and that might break up the good as well as the bad, or they fear. But a system that can’t see it’s own flaws, can’t learn and grow, and listen to other’s real experiences, can’t see how it’s hurting and repressing and denying and excluding others unfairly, that is not a healthy system.

There seems to be a persecution complex going on where anyone who challenges the conformity is seen as a dire threat to the health and wellbeing of the group when actually they could be helping them to grow and improve. But only a system that has to have such pervasive solidarity like a school of fish, all effortlessly aligning together, only that kind of group will be so reactive to disagreements. And yet so much of what exists in society behaves much like that. Maybe we sometimes need it, maybe much more than we’d like to admit or see for ourselves because we are smarter than that, we are more in control of ourselves and our emotions and our sense, so we think. But really in the final say, even no matter how smart we are and how well-thought out our views and ideas, often in the final say what we really do in our lives in the choices that matter the most or make the biggest impact, those things are very emotional and driven by things like fear, anxiety, confusion, loneliness, need, and social pressure and yet we do have some power to influence and step outside that. But it takes a lot of personal work to be able to do so, because each of us is born into this kind of storm, this whirling pool of chaos and confusion and need and lack and pain and rush and horror and hurt. Sooner or later it all catches up with us and that is when the ego drops its veil over our minds and hearts and souls and each of us has to grow beyond it. Maybe as a culture or society we could somewhat evolve to be better, and less ego-driven, yet it seems like maybe much of this is just due to human nature, and the nature of life, with all its challenges that are so chaotic no matter what you do. I don’t know.

Anyway, if it is something that at least in our current culture, and as far back as you can look in most societies throughout time, it seems much this way, if it is just this way, that ego rules so much of the world and culture, and becoming less egoic is a personal, individual journey to a great degree, then ok, I have to bravely take that on myself and share with those who are open, if I find them. It’s not something that needs to or has to be totally individual and in order to have real love often it doesn’t need to be too individualistic. But it does need to be out of step with much of society and many of the relationships that are available will be very out of touch with this too. You can still love, care, share, but your ego self will be forefront when interacting with many others because they are only able to relate to you from a very egoistic level of thought and reaction. All you can give them all they’ll listen or pay attention or care about and receive is largely egoic. There is still love, but real ego transcendence, not very much. Only a hint of that is to be found in much of the love that exists, even in acts of service and such, because service is not all there is to life, for most people and if they are to find their true selves, beyond ego, they have to get to uncover layers and layers of themselves, not just love others, but find themselves, unique gifts that others might not respect or value in this ego-based society, ego-based families, ego-driven love and romance, ego-infused religion and moral and norm systems, ego-based work and career, ego-driven life at all in society and culture.

Some of the things I’ve written about here are very much drawn from Richard Rohr’s ideas (and others might be very different from what he says, so I’m not trying to say I am fully in line with all that he says at all), but I’ve gotten much of these ideas from some of his videos I’ve been listening to lately. I thought I’d mention that because there are some great ideas on his videos. Even though it’s like he said in one of them, many of the ideas he talks about are kind of like universal truths and they are your truth, my truth, many or any body’s truth, because they are so widespread, basic, human truths, but often they aren’t even realized, and so it’s easy to just take them on as your own and start to talk about them in terms of your own feelings, thoughts and experiences, because they are yours, even if you weren’t able to notice and put them into words or even realize them if they were repressed. Even if these now feel like they might be on their way to becoming “my truths” in many ways, still I wanted to acknowledge the ideas were heavily shaped by his ideas, because it feels like I should mention it and give some credit where it is due and in case someone else might even read and be helped by the videos too, who knows. I feel a little uncomfortable repeating so much of what was said by someone else that I just listened to them saying and not mention that I got my ideas from them, of course, whether the ideas are universal truths or not. At some point I think I’ll stop referencing the source and internalize the ideas as my own, as it should be to some extent at least, I think. I am not one for gurus and such, because I think that’s a good way to stunt growth and self-expression if you always have to defer to others and refer to them, and in the process you might not notice your own insights, or you might feel less than just because you didn’t realize something and had to be taught it. I guess these days I feel an aversion to the whole authority-mediated approach. Authority and conformity has tried to control and restrict me and possess and expect from me so much that I try to free myself from it at every turn. The more I see how widespread its reach into every good thing in life, and how outside the norms I am and how they try to control and strangle my individuality all the more because of how weird I have to be, the more I feel extreme anxiety and discomfort at these authority and rule based things.

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somestoriessomewhereelse · 4 years

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Inktober 2020

1 – Fish

Sleep is just like water. Most of the times you feel good around it, light, peaceful - until the moment you suffocate and simply can't breathe in anymore. Then, you stay at the surface, awake, and dry.

2 – Wisp

I had this dream, again. I wander in a dark forest, following some flickering lights I can see floating in the air. I'm not scared, I'm just wondering where I will end. Then I notice I'm walking in my own footprints, and there is no end, no exit, always the same path.

Do I have the strength to change?

3 – Bulky

Anxiety, fears, regrets, disappointments, most of the time I can handle them. I feel them, however I don't let them overshadow all the lights of my life. But when one my nightmares come true, they take all the space, and just left me powerless in the dark.

4 – Radio

Wavelengths to hear and see anything. Colors, music, bones, heat, anything. So I wonder: do we also have a wavelength? a color? a frequency? And what are mines?

5 – Blade

I'm a fighter. I have weapons. I have my words. I'm able to stand in the arena with them, to attack, protect, react. I just have to remember to be careful with them: sometimes, I use them wrong, like a sword whose blade is turned inwards.

6 – Rodent

I'm a rat. I'm small, snitchy, unworthy of trust. They give me side eyes, they don't want me to belong. But I'm gonna prove them wrong. As one said: "Not everyone can become a great artist, but a great artist can come from anywhere".

7 – Fancy

It's one of these days, when everything is fine. I'm in a good mood, peaceful with the world, and peaceful with myself. I go outside, hang out with nice people, drink and eat quality. I laugh all night long. I live the dolce vita, at least for one night.

8 – Teeth

I used to have a sweet tooth; candies, chocolate, juices: snacks time was my favorite of the day. Now I'm older, bitter, and my mouth has another favorite dessert: human flesh

9 – Throw

Why would I risk all I have for something else? Why can't I be satisfied with my current situation? Why is there always this burning desire to chase for more, to go beyond, to reput everything at stake? I have to find the peace to settle down.

10 – Hope

No matter how much I will be prepared, and how hard I try to make everything right, all I can do is just hope for the best and keep faith.

11 – Disgusting

Discriminations. Narcissism. Orange pants. Disappointments. Food wasting. Hair loss. The police. Sprouts. Failing. Myself.

But I can try to focus on what I like.

Solidarity. Glitters. Candies. Queerness. Pink sweaters. My friends. Sex positivism. Persisting. Discoveries. Hopes. Myself.

12 – Slippery

That night I felt I was on my sexy side: confident, hot, an object of desire -or maybe it was just the steamy hammam. My throat was welcoming, embracing dicks and dicks sliding countlessly. I could finally stop thinking, and be in the moment. I'm such a good slope.

13 – Dune

Beaches. The feeling of infinity, in space (what is being the horizon?), in time (how old is the sand in my hands?). The energy of the Earth, the Water, the Wind, the Sun, surrounding you, eroding you, reshaping you. Face to these strengths, you surrender. Nature is your mistress, you vow to protect her until you die.

14 – Armor

I know I have a shell, multiple walls and coping mechanisms built between my anxieties and the rest of the world. I know that what's inside of me, sometimes is only perceptions, not reality; that I shouldn't project my fears on what could happen or not. I know all of that, yet behind this colorful mask of pride and self-confidence, I'm still insecure and needy to be reassured.

15 – Outpost

The outpost position, sometimes known as "the first line". Their mission is to inspect enemy forces, and surprise them with a trap. But they're also the most vulnerable, and often used as human shield or simply sacrifice. Who cares about them? about their health? about their life? Decisions are made for them, regardless of their hopes and desires, as if they had no control of their own life. And who thinks that's fair?

16 – Rocket

The decisions I regret the most are the ones I took too fast, mostly with my dick. When I speed up and let my horniness speaks before my reason, these are the times I miss my target, and honey I never end up in the stars.

17 – Storm

When the pressure accumulates too much, the tempest can't be avoided: there is a need for some release. Spiky lightning striking the trees, thunderbolts bumping the ears through the heart, rain wetting and flooding the lands. Storms may seem destructive, but the sun always shines after them, and can enlighten what survived and what is ready to be rebuilt stronger than ever.

18 – Trap

Trap. Y'all know what I'm gonna write today. Y'all know I feel trapped by a lot of things: the curfew, capitalism, feelings, doubts, expectations, the desire of perfection and optimization, blah blah blah. And I know I feel like that mostly because of my brain. But I also feel that this situation is like quick sands: the more I fight, the quicker I go down; sometimes, in order to find inner peace, I just have to let it go.

19 – Dizzy

Alcohol, ecstazy, cannabis, cocaine, ketamine, LSD, poppers, GHB, speed, hilarious gas: anything to make me feel less myself. I love feeling my body getting lighter, my thoughts evaporating, and overall weighting less, to be only joy, electricity, light, desire, present and eternity.

20 – Coral

Once upon a time a beautiful mermaid, who lived peacefully in the oceans. She dreams about going up, see the human world, and she prays to meet them one day. And one day, her wish is granted: humans come undersea, to expand their world from their boats. The anchors destroy rocks and corals, the nets capture her fish friends, and the released oil covers the surface in black, like if there was clouds forever. Not quite her dream come true.

21 – Sleep

Is it because I'm a night person that I sleep so bad, or is it because I've always slept so bad that I became such a night person?

22 – Chef

I love food. I love eating. If there is one thing about living in France, it is this: we can find any king of food anywhere. French cuisine is great, and now it is mixed with a lot of other world influences. I love it. And I'm hungry to try new flavors.

23 – Rip

I don't know death yet, but I've felt multiple times the grief of an ended relationship. Whether it was because I had to leave for studies, or because my actions lead them to break up, most of the times I feel it's my fault. Then I get caught up in wondering what its: what if I stayed? what if I acted better? And here comes the sorrow.

24 – Dig

Underneath the social mask, underneath the short-term anxiety, underneath the hopes and the illusions, underneath my core memories and my life plans, what most part of myself will I find?

25 – Buddy

To these few amazing people who stand by le no matter what, who see me at my worst before any rising glory, who are with me regardless of the distance between us, who love me and whom I love them back: I thank all of you, for everything.

26 – Hide

Being outside the norms implies hiding: it's a basic survival instinct. We hide not to be discriminated, rejected, hunted, killed. Because we live in the world that doesn't understand us, and doesn't want to. Well fuck them. I'm tired of hiding. I'm tired of see my pears hiding. We are strong, powerful, resilient. Let's break the norms. Let's take the place we deserve. Let's become visible.

27 – Music

Through my voice, she spreads and produce love. I live for her and I have nothing else. How many people will I meet, who like me wrote on their face "I live for her"? I live for her, on the ground or against a wall. I live for her, even in a complicated future.

28 – Float

I had the feeling I was getting okay, finally reaching the surface, finally breathing a fresh air. Apparently I was wrong: I'm drawing again. This air was not that fresh, it brought insecurities I didn't think they was still there. However, it ain't my first time, and I've become a good swimmer; I'll reach the surface again, and again, and again. But sometimes my eyes get tired, burnt by the salt, and I just can't see the lands anymore.

29 – Shoes

These boots are made for walking, these shoes are made for running, and these heels are made for being a star. I have no more powerful moment than when I’m on stage: for five minutes, I feel like I belong, like I matter, like my performance have importance. The stage is the place I can express myself, show my feeling (my ass), and connect with people. And it all started with my first pair of heels.

30 – Ominous

I have a bad presentiment. Ok, to be honest, I always have. But when I think about the following weeks, I feel like... I don't know. Is it gonna be better this time, since I should be more prepared? or is it gonna be worse because I have way more issues to deal with at this same time? Staying weeks in my bed wasn't that difficult, I got used to it. But dealing between social work, lockdown, interpersonal issues and personal goals... well, let's just say I have a bad presentiment.

31 – Crawl

I will never crawl. Not for you, not for the government, not for anyone. I'm no one's bitch, never in the sheets, never in the streets. Lock me down but I will still stand up. Once again, it's not the time to surrender, but to rise, together, united. And no I won't be your houseslut for the month.

#Twitter #vie #moi #Sens

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maniibear · 8 years

Text

AA!SteveTony - the one where the married dorks get on to becoming married dorks. Continued from this fic. For @ishipallthings <33

Word Count: ~1500 Warnings: None, only fluff

Steve opened his eyes with a start in the room he claimed as his in the SHIELD facility that the Avengers were temporarily calling home. The room was little more than a barracks; it should have been familiar, but nothing had felt familiar in a while.

Brows drawn in concentration, Steve focused on where he knew the speakers were located.

“Tony?” he rasped up at the ceiling, staring blindly into the dark. When there was no answer, he murmured wryly, “I’m losing sleep because of you.”

The silence which followed that confession made him shiver. Steve threw the thin blankets off and glanced at the clock, which solemnly informed him it was 3:07AM. He sighed. He’d gotten into bed at 3, but it was unlikely that he would stay in it this night, either. Restlessness was a usual side effect of a body made for battle living in relative peace, but Steve had never lacked for activities to exhaust him. Of course, that was before this haunting quiet.

For a while, it all seemed very optimistic. Sam was able to intercept Tony’s interdimensional frequency and it was as if the genius had never left. The illusion lasted as long as they were in this facility. Outside, Steve found himself distracted by the least of things. Tony’s name accidentally spilled from his lips all the time, pauses stretched in his conversations, reserving space for comments that would never come. And he still hadn’t figured out how not to panic when Iron Man didn’t answer on the comms.

But that was part of loving Tony Stark. Steve saw the sacrifice play coming from a mile away; he watched as it snatched Tony away a place he could not follow and it took every ounce of faith he had not to pit his shield where Thor and Hulk’s strength failed. Tony didn’t need rescuing; there was a path back home that weaved through the infinite multiverse, and he was sublime enough to take it.

So Steve had sent him off with the only memento he could slip between dimensions. “You’re the best friend I ever had.” You’re too important not to return.

The memory of Tony’s red metal fingertips grazing the barrier and vowing to return was safely tucked away in Steve’s photographic memory, but the loss still hurt. Three days ago, Sam lost the signal and they hadn’t heard Tony’s voice since. It wasn’t the sheer, regretful terror of losing Bucky, but Steve suspected his body dared not sleep in case he woke up too late again.

He snuck another glance at the speakers and sighed deeply. “I miss you.”

He wasn’t expecting an answer, but when the speakers seemed to sigh back, Steve raised himself onto his elbows. So he had heard something...There was another noise, like dry leaves crumbling.

“Tony?”

“Cap?” That sounded like Sam, uncertain, but not apologetic. “Cap, you awake?”

Steve tumbled out of bed and made for his shield. “I’m here, Falcon,” he answered crisply. “What’s going on?”

“We’re picking up a bio-signature,” Sam declared. “I’ve been trying to call you; the temporal and dimensional markers seem to match, but I can’t get a read on--.”

“In English, Falcon,” Steve ordered, already pushing his way into the hall. Nobody else had their lights on, but the team was well equipped to function in the dark. “Where’s the threat?”

“No threat,” Sam replied. His confusion gave way to excitement. “It’s Tony! Guys, it’s Tony, he’s coming back!”

Steve began sprinting.

If Tony had to guess, it was probably some ungodly hour in the night and he was doing the equivalent of banging obnoxiously on the front door. So he was an inconvenience, what else was new? He was also tired, but multiverse willing, he was banging at the right door.

And even if he wasn’t, well. Whatever’s behind there couldn’t be worse than Siberia. Or that one universe-none-shall-speak-of-especially-not-to-Cap. Timelines where things went wrong were inevitable; it was a logical fact and Tony was good with facts. And yet, he was still pathetically relieved when Sam--his brave and earnest protege, Sam, called to him from the other side.

As he guessed, it was an ungodly hour, but the whole team was there nevertheless. To his credit, Tony had come from the portal in style, landing on one knee instead of tumbling through like the exhausted bag of bones he actually felt like.

“So, it’s really him?” Clint asked cautiously.

“Three words, Barton,” Tony replied. “Rio; last summer.”

Clint immediately back down. “Ok, it’s him.”

One would think a group of highly trained spies and superheroes would need more proof than that, but clearly not. Tony barely shed a few pieces of armor before the hugs poured in. As soon as it became apparent that he survived being tearfully manhandled by Clint and Thor and Hulk, Sam took their place with a legit reason to cry.

“The tech,” he wept into Tony’s shoulder. “It’s so outdated and I used to work for these people!”

Tony tightened his hug in engineering-bro solidarity. “I know, Sam, I’m sorry you had to work with last year’s command system, but I’m here now.”

That seemed to console Sam. “I’m glad you’re back, Tony.”

“Me too,” Tony let the last of his armor go, and felt lighter for reasons other than the fact that he shed a few pounds of gold-titanium. He smiled over at Steve, who’d come down to the lab in his sleepclothes, shield, and little else--not even the Iron Man themed slippers Tony had ironically bought him for Christmas that Steve unironically loved.

“Looking good, best friend.”

The shield crashed to the ground. Steve made a noise that might have been ‘hello’ or ‘welcome back’, or something else Tony couldn’t guess over the force of his hug. Actually, hug was an understatement to the way Steve dragged him off his feet and pulled him close like he never wanted to let go. And Tony was sure he’d never create anything that would move as gracefully, or shift as instinctively as his body did to make room for Steve. He cupped the back of Steve’s head, chest heavy with love and longing and protective anger at the wetness seeping into his shirt.

Nobody said a thing to ruin the moment, so it stretched out long and sweet until Steve loosened his grip and Tony slid back down to the floor. They didn’t lose distance; Tony slipped his palms from Steve’s hair to his flushed cheeks. Steve took the opportunity to kiss him then and--and god, Tony had missed him. Drawing Steve’s mouth to his, he wondered how he ever had it in him to go away, to risk being lost without a chance to find his friends, with nothing but a pithy one-liner to tide them over? What did it take for Steve to keep faith in his promise to come back--Steve, who had lost everything to passing time, but thrived in a world that wasn’t his because he believed in Tony’s heroic future.

Never again, Tony thought hazily as they kissed, I couldn’t do this to you again. Steve moaned softly against his lips, and Tony already promised him the world just then.

“I want to marry you.”

Tony gasped in surprise, eyes wide. “...what?”

“I want to marry you,” Steve repeated. His eyes were damp, but earnest and hopeful and endless blue. “Whenever you want, wherever you want. And if you don’t feel the same, I...it’s alright.”

Tony searched his brain for words, but the best it could do after roadtripping through universes was a confused whimper. The team fidgeted at their periphery, interested and waiting, like Steve was, for Tony to get it together, you ass!

“I only wanted you to know, Tony,” Steve told him gently. “It’s the least I could do. You’ve never been shy about what you want and all this--” he gestured to the air without taking his eyes off Tony. “It made me realize I waited too long.”

“Yes.” Tony breathed in relief.

If he didn’t know Steve as well as he did, Tony would have missed the tiny flash of disappointment crossing his brow. Steve smiled through it; he placed a kiss on Tony’s brow and started to pull aw--why was he pulling away?

Tony tugged him back ruthlessly. “Yes. As in, yes, I’ll marry you, Steve oh my god! Why would you even think I didn’t want...you just--”

Wow, what a time for a genius brain to break.

“Come on,” came a hoot from the sidelines. “Just kiss already!”

And Steve did, with a million watt smile that made Tony’s heart soar while the flash of a camera went off. Sam and Hulk cooed at the photo in the background. Tony spotted a rare smile from Natasha while Clint seemed to be channeling every ounce of his SHIELD training to keep a straight face, which only called more attention to the tears running down from under his shades.

“Congratulations, friends!” Thor declared. “The joyous return of friend Tony and his betrothal to our good Captain calls for revels! I shall send for mead! And maidens!”

Tony leaned his forehead against the hollow of Steve’s throat, contented to note how it was flushed. “Should we be worried?”

Steve shrugged and splayed his hand along the small of Tony’s back. “Not sure,” he said as the planning of revels began in earnest. “But you’re here with me, and I think we can handle it.”

#stony #superhusbands #stevetony #avengers assemble #tony stark #steve rogers #my writing #bymani

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orendrasingh · 4 years

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Nearly two weeks into protests against the killing of an unarmed black man in Minneapolis police custody, a slew of different cities across the country have been forced to confront the brutal methods used by their own police officers as videos emerged of harrowing incident after harrowing incident. And on Friday, it seemed a reckoning of sorts was in the air: Police officers in multiple cities were suspended, hit with charges, or stripped of their powers after they were caught on camera treating peaceful protesters like combatants. In New York City, where earlier this week authorities had praised the police department’s “restraint” amid protests despite video evidence to the contrary, NYPD Commissioner Dermot Shea announced that two officers involved in violent encounters with protesters—including one woman who was violently pushed to the ground and a man who was pepper sprayed after his mask was pulled down—have been suspended without pay.New York Cops Beat Protesters for Crime of Being ThereIn Philadelphia, the District Attorney’s office filed aggravated assault charges against police inspector Joseph Bologna after a video showed him hitting a demonstrator with a metal baton. The demonstrator, a Temple University student who was also arrested and detained for 24 hours, needed ten staples and sutures in his head following Monday's incident in Center City. Several states away, two Chicago police officers caught on video pulling a woman from a car by her hair before placing a knee on her neck have been stripped of their police powers pending an investigation, authorities said in a Friday statement. But before the night was even halfway over, the illusion of change began to unravel. NYPD officers rushed dozens of demonstrators in Manhattan that were out past the 8 p.m. curfew, arresting people in droves and hitting several with batons. At least 10 protesters were arrested after the peaceful protest—several of whom chanted “black lives matter” while they were awaiting transport, according to City & State NY.“This is outrageous. We were engaged in a non-violent protest. Stop arresting New Yorkers for no reason,” NYC Council Member Ben Kallos tweeted.Across the river in Brooklyn, one protester told The Daily Beast he was pushed over by authorities—prompting other residents to shout and swear at officers pushing them to go home past curfew. After a tense stand-off in which cops yelled at reporters and pushed people who had been peacefully protesting onto the sidewalks, at least a dozen were arrested and directed into NYPD vans. And in Buffalo, while there was a sense of accountability after the officers who shoved down 75-year-old Martin Gugino on Thursday night were suspended without pay, there was another sign of the rift between peaceful protesters and police officers as 57 fellow members of the Buffalo Police Department Emergency Response Team resigned in solidarity with the suspended officers.In Minneapolis, where protesters continued to express outrage over the death of Floyd on Friday, demonstrators were skeptical of police being held accountable. Zeque Davies, a 29-year-old whose parents emigrated to Minneapolis from Liberia, said the cities that have disciplined officers in recent days are “trying to prove a point through the media.” “I don’t think they’re actually holding cops accountable,” Davies told The Daily Beast. “A slap on the wrist and a paid vacation is not holding a cop accountable. Trying him, arresting him and giving him a charge, that’s holding a cop accountable.”Demonstrators in other cities weren't convinced that a simple suspension would solve any problems. “I'm sure there are professional police officers. But what we're seeing is that unlike other departments or other services, when a police officer goes rogue, they kill people,” Tara Smith, 30, told The Daily Beast at a vigil held at Union Square in Manhattan. “A city clerk is not going to do the same kind of damage, so you can't tell me that they should not be held to a higher standard than other industries and other departments and services.” Others pointed out that all the recent acts of brutality by police were happening even while people were filming them—raising the question of what happens when the cameras stop rolling. Carolina Martinez, a bartender in Buffalo taking part in a peaceful protest on Friday, said it only took four hours for video of police officers shoving down a peaceful protester to garner worldwide attention a day earlier. “The only thing we can do now is just continue to just broadcast it,” she said. Residents still came out in droves on Friday to protest. In Washington, D.C., the mayor’s office commissioned “Black Lives Matter” to be painted across a street leading to the White House.Cops Reclaim New York in Massive Show of Force In New York, thousands of residents across the five boroughs took to the streets despite the rain. Upstate, in Buffalo, protesters gathered in Niagara Square demanding police reform one day after an elderly activist was shoved to the ground by officers.The nation-wide demonstrations on Friday also focused on Breonna Taylor, the Kentucky EMT worker fatally shot in her home during a botched March police raid. On Friday, Taylor would have been 27-years-old. From New York to Portland to Miami, thousands of protesters sang Happy Birthday in Taylor’s honor. In Kentucky, dozens of demonstrators gathered in Jefferson Square Park in Kentucky to honor her memory, many writing birthday cards that will be sent to Taylor’s family.In Miami, hundreds of residents took to the streets in a Black Lives Matter protest, forcing officials to shut down several highways and the mayor to change the city-wide curfew. The Miami Police Department closed Interstate 95 in both directions to allow space for the continued protesters chanting “say their names” near Wynwood. “I think the protests are finally getting politicians and police departments to finally listen. Everyday it's a step forward,” Ashlynn Lee, 20, told The Daily Beast. Her friend, Tanisha Brown, 20, added: “They are definitely listening to what these protests are about. We are taking not only over the streets in the 50 states and different countries, but also social media. All you see when you scroll down is black lives matter. People are starting to shout it is definitely happening. Everybody is fighting for black lives.”About an hour later, Miami-Dade Mayor Carlos Giminez moved the curfew to 10 p.m., after it was pushed back to midnight earlier this week. Alan, one protester who attended the Miami protests, called the mayor’s decision to bump up the curfew due to “unrest” a “bullshit move.”“If it wasn't about Black Lives Matter and police reform, the protestors would be treated differently. There was no unrest,” Alan said. In Minneapolis, the intersection where Floyd was killed has turned into a constant block party—complete with a stage that hosts speakers, spoken word artists, and rappers. Robin Jackson, 27-year-who lives down the street, told The Daily Beast things are peaceful in the downtown Minneapolis neighborhood, for now. He added that while some Americans are reeling from Floyd’s tragic death, the black community is simply witnessing what they have known for years.“I feel like this is just the acknowledgment among people other than Black people, where they can say, “Ok, maybe they have a point,” Jackson said. “They’re at least acknowledging that something is happening.”The ongoing protests have already sparked police reform in two states. City officials in Minneapolis have agreed to ban police chokeholds while detaining suspects and require officers to intervene when they see unauthorized force used by a colleague. Every Buffalo Cop in Elite Unit Quits to Back Officers Who Shoved Elderly Man to GroundIn California, Gov. Gavin Newsom on Friday ordered the “carotid hold,” a neck restraint move that blocks blood flow to the brain, be removed from police training. Seattle Mayor Jenny Durkan on Friday announced a ban on the police use of tear gas for 30 days as protests are expected to continue in the city. The ban came just hours after three civilian police watchdog groups urged Seattle leaders to ban the violent tactic that public health officials believe may potentially increase the COVID-19 spread. A federal judge in Denver Friday also ruled that police must limit their use of “chemical weapons or projectiles” and a number of other measures of force against protesters, calling the past actions of law enforcement nation-wide “disgusting.”As demonstrators have continued to take to the streets, one medical worker in New York acknowledged that the health care community is concerned about how the protests will ultimately impact the ongoing coronavirus pandemic. “Obviously it worries us because we’re afraid of a spike in coronavirus cases. We all work at a hospital and we know what that means when that happens,” Sushmitha Echt, an attending physician at Northwell Health, told The Daily Beast. “At the same time, we’re wearing our masks... there are certain things we just have to take a stand for. This is one of those things.”Read more at The Daily Beast.Got a tip? Send it to The Daily Beast hereGet our top stories in your inbox every day. Sign up now!Daily Beast Membership: Beast Inside goes deeper on the stories that matter to you. Learn more.

from Yahoo News - Latest News & Headlines https://ift.tt/379Awsm

#OS #Blogger

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beautytipsfor · 4 years

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Cops Are Finally Being Disciplined—but Is Anybody Buying It?

from Yahoo News - Latest News & Headlines https://ift.tt/379Awsm via Beauty Tips

from Blogger https://ift.tt/2zb1cwf

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lorajackson · 4 years

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Cops Are Finally Being Disciplined—but Is Anybody Buying It?

Nearly two weeks into protests against the killing of an unarmed black man in Minneapolis police custody, a slew of different cities across the country have been forced to confront the brutal methods used by their own police officers as videos emerged of harrowing incident after harrowing incident. And on Friday, it seemed a reckoning of sorts was in the air: Police officers in multiple cities were suspended, hit with charges, or stripped of their powers after they were caught on camera treating peaceful protesters like combatants. In New York City, where earlier this week authorities had praised the police department’s “restraint” amid protests despite video evidence to the contrary, NYPD Commissioner Dermot Shea announced that two officers involved in violent encounters with protesters—including one woman who was violently pushed to the ground and a man who was pepper sprayed after his mask was pulled down—have been suspended without pay.New York Cops Beat Protesters for Crime of Being ThereIn Philadelphia, the District Attorney’s office filed aggravated assault charges against police inspector Joseph Bologna after a video showed him hitting a demonstrator with a metal baton. The demonstrator, a Temple University student who was also arrested and detained for 24 hours, needed ten staples and sutures in his head following Monday’s incident in Center City. Several states away, two Chicago police officers caught on video pulling a woman from a car by her hair before placing a knee on her neck have been stripped of their police powers pending an investigation, authorities said in a Friday statement. But before the night was even halfway over, the illusion of change began to unravel. NYPD officers rushed dozens of demonstrators in Manhattan that were out past the 8 p.m. curfew, arresting people in droves and hitting several with batons. At least 10 protesters were arrested after the peaceful protest—several of whom chanted “black lives matter” while they were awaiting transport, according to City & State NY.“This is outrageous. We were engaged in a non-violent protest. Stop arresting New Yorkers for no reason,” NYC Council Member Ben Kallos tweeted.Across the river in Brooklyn, one protester told The Daily Beast he was pushed over by authorities—prompting other residents to shout and swear at officers pushing them to go home past curfew. After a tense stand-off in which cops pushed people who had been peacefully protesting onto the sidewalks, at least a dozen were arrested and directed into NYPD vans. And in Buffalo, while there was a sense of accountability after the officers who shoved down 75-year-old Martin Gugino on Thursday night were suspended without pay, there was another sign of the rift between peaceful protesters and police officers as 57 fellow members of the Buffalo Police Department Emergency Response Team resigned in solidarity with the suspended officers.In Minneapolis, where protesters continued to express outrage over the death of Floyd on Friday, demonstrators were skeptical of police being held accountable. Zeque Davies, a 29-year-old whose parents emigrated to Minneapolis from Liberia, said the cities that have disciplined officers in recent days are “trying to prove a point through the media.” “I don’t think they’re actually holding cops accountable,” Davies told The Daily Beast. “A slap on the wrist and a paid vacation is not holding a cop accountable. Trying him, arresting him and giving him a charge, that’s holding a cop accountable.”Demonstrators in other cities weren’t convinced that a simple suspension would solve any problems. “I’m sure there are professional police officers. But what we’re seeing is that unlike other departments or other services, when a police officer goes rogue, they kill people,” Tara Smith, 30, told The Daily Beast at a vigil held at Union Square in Manhattan. “A city clerk is not going to do the same kind of damage, so you can’t tell me that they should not be held to a higher standard than other industries and other departments and services.” Others pointed out that all the recent acts of brutality by police were happening even while people were filming them—raising the question of what happens when the cameras stop rolling. Carolina Martinez, a bartender in Buffalo taking part in a peaceful protest on Friday, said it only took four hours for video of police officers shoving down a peaceful protester to garner worldwide attention a day earlier. “The only thing we can do now is just continue to just broadcast it,” she said. Residents still came out in droves on Friday to protest. In Washington, D.C., the mayor’s office commissioned “Black Lives Matter” to be painted across a street leading to the White House.Cops Reclaim New York in Massive Show of Force In New York, thousands of residents across the five boroughs took to the streets despite the rain. The Manhattan protest ended peacefully just after 9 p.m.—when protesters took a group photo before authorities reminded them of the curfew. Upstate, in Buffalo, protesters gathered in Niagara Square demanding police reform one day after an elderly police activist was shoved to the ground by authorities before they walked past him.The nation-wide demonstrations on Friday also focused on Breonna Taylor, the Kentucky EMT worker fatally shot in her home during a botched March police raid. On Friday, Taylor would have been 27-years-old. From New York to Portland to Miami, thousands of protesters sang Happy Birthday in Taylor’s honor. In Kentucky, dozens of demonstrators gathered in Jefferson Square Park in Kentucky to honor her memory, many writing birthday cards that will be sent to Taylor’s family.In Miami, hundreds of residents took to the streets in a Black Lives Matter protest, forcing officials to shut down several highways and the mayor to change the city-wide curfew. The Miami Police Department closed Interstate 95 in both directions to allow space for the continued protesters chanting “say their names” near Wynwood. In Minneapolis, the intersection where Floyd was killed has turned into a constant block party—complete with a stage that hosts speakers, spoken word artists, and rappers. Robin Jackson, 27-year-who lives down the street, told The Daily Beast things are peaceful in the downtown Minneapolis neighborhood, for now. He added that while some Americans are reeling from Floyd’s tragic death, the black community is simply witnessing what they have known for years.“I feel like this is just the acknowledgment among people other than Black people, where they can say, “Ok, maybe they have a point,” Jackson said. “They’re at least acknowledging that something is happening.”The ongoing protests have already sparked police reform in two states. City officials in Minneapolis have agreed to ban police chokeholds while detaining suspects and require officers to intervene when they see unauthorized force used by a colleague. Every Buffalo Cop in Elite Unit Quits to Back Officers Who Shoved Elderly Man to GroundIn California, Gov. Gavin Newsom on Friday ordered the “carotid hold,” a neck restraint move that blocks blood flow to the brain, be removed from police training. Seattle Mayor Jenny Durkan on Friday announced a ban on the police use of tear gas for 30 days as protests are expected to continue in the city. The ban came just hours after three civilian police watchdog groups urged Seattle leaders to ban the violent tactic that public health officials believe may potentially increase the COVID-19 spread. As residents continued to take the streets, one medical worker in New York acknowledged that the health care community is concerned how the demonstrations will ultimately impact the ongoing coronavirus pandemic. “Obviously it worries us because we’re afraid of a spike in coronavirus cases. We all work at a hospital and we know what that means when that happens,” Sushmitha Echt, an attending physician at Northwell Health, told The Daily Beast. “At the same time, we’re wearing our masks… there are certain things we just have to take a stand for. This is one of those things.”Read more at The Daily Beast.Got a tip? Send it to The Daily Beast hereGet our top stories in your inbox every day. Sign up now!Daily Beast Membership: Beast Inside goes deeper on the stories that matter to you. Learn more.

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gsmatthews95 · 6 years

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Buda buda Budapest we are NOT on a drinking fest

So I dont wanna brag or anything but I am writing this piece at 11:30 after a lon hot day on a bus after a deceptively stressful start to the bus journey. God knows what's in store for the rest of it... But let's rewind, I'll finish on this little tale after I start at the beginning. So we have been in Hungary for the past four days. More specifically Budapest. Shock. Tourists going to Hungary and only visiting Budapest. Hmmm who would do that..? Sorry a slight lack of inventiveness on our behalf. But no, there is a reason we all visit buda and pest, they're sick. What? Buda and pest. I thought it was just Budapest. Ok. A little history lesson for y'all. Budapest used to be two towns, buda and pest, on either side of the river. They merged though and made Budapest. Nice eh? Pretty cute I think. So Budapest. I've been her before woooo. Back in the day before I had a beard and long hair. When I was 17. Yes I know I still look 17 but I swear I'm not. On that note I looked about 15 on that trip. I may look back at photos actually that may be funny, although, being only boys on the trip I reckon I won't have many photos. One of the great things about girls. They photo document life. Actually that's also one of their worst features. Too much camera. So our stay here started poorly. Pur hostel was a fake. Or at least we think it was. It wasn't in the building it says it was and no one had heard of it.... Hmmm. Some mice backpackers pointed Us to a new one though and we made it. Bad start. Annoying start. Whatever, we survived. This day was long. Little sleep in the bus followed by lits of heat meant we were drained. We took a nap in the park next to the river. Yep. Took full advantage of Budapest's culture. Budapest is another lush city. Gorgeous buildings. Not too busy. Everyone's friendly and lots to do. We liked it. Only issue, its a wee bit touristy. People are always selling and asking for money. I HAVEN'T GOT ENOUGH TO GIVE YOU ANYTHING, I'M SORRY. there's a lot to see in the city. A citadel, parliament, more churches, a monument, a palace, in short lots. And I am here wondering do y'all give a s**t about that stuff and my adoring description of it all? Answer probe not. And I may not be a mind reader but I reckon I know exactly what you are all thinking. HOW MUCH DID BEERS COST? Ah I'm glad you asked Karen. They were more expensive than Poland waaaaaaa. I had To go to Aldo, urgh. But seriously Budapest is lush. Having forgotten everything from my school trip 6? Years ago it was a new city. We even saw a (slightly underwhelming) cave church especially if you've been to coober pedy (amirite dad??) He he he. We made one drastic mistake than I will take the blame for. Our decision to go on a "hike"/walk on the hottest most humid day. Urgh. It was tough and tiring but we made it. The longest sight seeing day and it was boiling. Urgh. But beautiful nevertheless. However spirits were low and tensions were high. Oh side note, the palace. You can wander round the grounds and I think go inside. A PERFECT example of exactly what should happen at Buckingham palace (amirite Hannah). A tourist attraction better and more interesting than merely looking at it through metal gates and last armed gates. The ability to feel and experience the history and not feel like a peasant with a class so low they cannot be within 100m of " her majesty" oh god. I can't believe I just wrote that even or it was sarcastic. Its a joke. Get jezza in power. Actually make him king. Then he'd rescind the monarchy and make it a republic. Knight jezza I agree. The monarchy is archaic and undemocratic, anyone who disagrees please fb message me for a chat. Xoxo. So I have evaded a crucial activity we undertook during our stay at this lovely city. Please keep me focussed guys. Don't let me rant especially about the monarchy I won't stop. Side note 2: I have realised my three most passionate subjects for discussion are: the abolition of the monarchy, the legalisation of drugs and my dislike of social media. Call me if you want I debate. I love these topics. Anyhow. My next point. A trip undertaken yesterday. Very enjoyable. A day at the Turkish baths. Oh yeah. Yeah baybey. It was lolz. Bathing in different pools, different temperatures, different sizes, different depths, different currents, different weird creepy old people and different overly excited annoying kids. All lots of fun though. I felt relaxed afterwards. Like proper zen. There was also a sauna and steam room. We sweated put all our regrets and mistakes. Slash beer. A true cleansing. Post bathe new skin new me kind of vibes. At the end I even did a wee bit of skin therapy. 2 mins cold pool then 30 secs warm pool and again. Good for the pores. My body is a temple I know. It was jokes but sadly we picked the one day that wasn't only not hot, it was actively cold, great. Cheers god. I went to loads if churches and this is what you give me? Grrrrrr. I'll surrender 9 fattened calves to Gain your favour again pleaseeeeee. Lol. Sorry calves. No worries. So on to this bus journey. It started (the stress) 2 hours ago. We leave the hostel. Stroll to the train stop. Tickets pre bought nothing can stop us. Its closed. What? Ye its closed. We panic. Bus leaves in 35 mins. Ok fine still time. But the next stop is too far to walk especially with no guarantee it'll be open. Dilemma. Do we risk it? No silly. Taxi. Owww I hate taxis. So expensive. Looking at the metre is also so stressful. You're money just ticking away we make it, 5 euros worse off grrrrr. We find the bus with 5 mins to spare easay. I go to put the bags in the bus. A man there. 1 euro per bag he says. Um no. F off. I've bought my ticket and have no more cash. He takes my bags out and rips off the label. Hmm. He means business. I call his bluff, he just wants pocket money. We chat to some people they've all paid. Ah. We check the ticket, 1 euro fee on arrival for under bus luggage. Ah awkward. We scramble for two euros. 60c short. Eek. Two guys in front offer help, legends. They have 50c. We all search desperately for the illusive 10c it evades us. What'll happen? No big bag? No bus? Deportation from the country? Prison sentence? Death penalty? Your guess is as good as ours. I dont know the Hungarian justice system well especially with gringos. But no. An angel sent by god arrived. In form of a backpacker who beard our strife. She perked up and offered her 10c. I virtually fainted with relief. A true moment of heroism and solidarity amongst tourists. I strutted to the man handed the money with a smirk. His look was passive I may as well have not been there. But we're here. On the bus and on our way to Belgrade. Woo Serbia, new country for the list, exciting. Anyhow 40 mins later its now 12:10 and bed time for George. Sleep tight everyone. G.

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xupeishan · 6 years

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Fear and Vulnerability (Direct)

While researching about fear, I looked into many artists, philosophers and researchers. Most of them talk about how to overcome fear, how to find courage and how to manage fear. It seemed really clear and easy for them to identify their fear and recognize where it’s from. However I find it hard to identify and understand. During the research, I stumbled upon a TED Talk call The Power of Vulnerability by Brené Brown. In this talk she explained her research on connection and how it leads to discovering “... I know that vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it's also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love.” And all of a sudden everything seems to make sense. The connection I felt is real, it is not some illusion created by my own anxiety about not being able to find a core to my works. The fear and doubts exist. So, what now? What happens next? What am I going to do with this fear? Is it OK to feel fear and be afraid? Should I try to counter it with optimism thoughts and hope that everything will turn out to be fine? Should I try to conquer this fear and make it disappear one way or another? I am a relatively selfish person, I want my own future to be good. I want to live in an environment that I at least don’t need to worry about getting kill from pollution, flooding, war breaking out between nations. I will probably still fear about something even under that kind of circumstances, but at least it will be about some variables I can control.

I begin to look at artists who used fear in their work, the first work that came out was The Scream by Edward Munch. Though the artwork may not be about fear itself, the anxiety and reaction it showed was always closely related to fear. From his notes, it is a work to express what he felt at the moment from an actual scene from nature. Then another result came up quickly afterwards and it was Francis Bacon’s Screaming Popes : Study after Velazquez and Study after Velazquez's Portrait of Pop Innocent X. When mentioned fear, it always seem to connect with horror, phobia and anxiety. Although they are all considered as a range of fear, these art works (to me) lacks the vulnerable. They focuses on presenting the fear, while not presenting what is behind. So I looked into more contemporary artists trying to find one who established the connection and I found Marina Abramovic and her works Rhythm 0 and The Artist Is Present. To me, Rhythm 0 was about fear and suffering, and The Artist is Present is about love. 36 years apart, two most well known works and “... are so diametrically opposed to each other”. Looking at her works throughout the years, the change is huge and yet the method is the same. In her interviews she talked about how people are afraid of many things, and her performances used energy from audiences and liberate herself from the fear. She pushed her body to the limit and start converting what she received into something else. “You know the knife and the pistols and the bullets, I exchange into love and trust.” To me this is very important, I do not want to add my fear and doubts on the audiences and make them suffer. I want to understand fear and doubt and use it as a foundation to build love and protection. She put herself in a position where she is fully vulnerable for Rhythm 0, fear was present during it and the acceptance of vulnerability created love. Though I may not fully agree with her method of putting herself in a matter of live and death, the theory is the same. In more recent work, 512 Hours, instead of letting herself be completely vulnerable, she asked the audiences to do so. The solidarity she gave them, the silence and the guidance, coming to an end with a connected experience between all.

An Indian Public Speaker, Osho once said: “So first you have to understand that fear has not to be conquered, otherwise you will remain always afraid of the conquered fear - because the conquered fear is there...” Although I do not agree with all the things he said, this sentence is very accurate to me. Going back to the TED Talk about Vulnerability, shame - the fear of not being enough was explained by Dr. Brown, she stated the need to understand shame and decipher it, to acknowledge how particular shame kept you safe in the past but now this fear of not being enough has gotten into the way. “Vulnerability is not a weakness.”, this is still a topic we need to bring up and debate about in our daily life. While fear can be talked about openly, vulnerability can not. People fear about being vulnerable. Children were taught in school to be strong, boys are taught to man up, the society refused to be vulnerable. And it occurred to me that if we see from a different angle, when we stop seeing things from it’s surface, a lot of artists has already start to explore the theme of vulnerability through different topics. Artists like Amy Elkins who created the series Danseur to challenge gender stereotype and the way masculinity is seen within the society.

Vulnerability should not be avoided, it should be embraced and believed that it is a fundamental part of what makes us feel sentimental, empathetic and ‘alive’. It is not something that is comfortable, but rather what is necessary. Artists throughout the time have been using fear as a source to create, whether its literature that generates fear and phobia, or reflecting what they are afraid of as a child, fear and vulnerability has always been there. Fear is not something we can just ignore or excluded from our lives, as an artist and as a person. It should be something we are constantly acknowledged and understand. Marina Abramovic did not make all the people in MoMA cry because she generated fear, instead she gave them a chance to be vulnerably and look into themselves through her. We should not numb vulnerability and try to hide the fact that we live in a vulnerable world. It is not perfection that we need to achieve in order to get a sense of worthiness, it is rather embracing imperfection and let yourself be vulnerably seen, to create artwork and also to be a person. These are my opinions on fear and vulnerability.

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