#but come on let's not do this for texts that have been published in our parents' lifetimes

[hedgehog-moss]

(replying to this post)

That’s a good example of the perils of domesticating translations! It seems obvious that if you try to adapt an ongoing series by changing a main character’s hometown so it’s more local, at some point you’re going to run into problems, like a whole book where they visit their hometown, which will need an in-depth rewrite so it stays coherent.

The France-French translations of Baby-Sitters Club were still set in the US, so the characters had names that were slightly domesticated so as not to frighten French children, but not so much that it wouldn’t make sense for these girls to be American—e.g. Mary Ann became Mary-Anne vs. Anne-Marie in Québec French, and Dawn and Stacey became Carla and Lucy, which still sounds American to a French kid, but not as unconscionably American as their original names. (Part of it is finding names that won’t be difficult to pronounce—but the Famous Five kids had easily-pronounced names like Julian and Dick, and they still ended up heavily Frenchified, into François and Michel. And the books were set in Brittany in the French translations, instead of England, even though French kids could have handled reading a story that was set five metres to the left.)

I remember feeling puzzled about Nancy Drew at one point, because she’s such a household name in anglo literature and I’d never ever heard of her, so I was like, we’ve translated every other popular anglo series, why have I never seen a Nancy Drew book in a French library? And then I discovered that Alice Roy from the “Alice” book series in French was, in fact, Nancy Drew. It blew my mind—Nancy Drew is Alice!! omg, I did know her this whole time. I read somewhere that the French translation re-named her because French kids would have no idea how to pronounce “Drew” and because they would be more likely to associate “Nancy” with the French city of the same name, so it wouldn’t feel anglo enough. So, amusingly, it was a mix of domesticating and foreignising. 

One type of domestication that’s regrettably popular in children’s literature is “temporal” domestication—when you re-translate older books to modernise the language and remove references that would “confuse” today’s kids (not talking about changing aspects of the books that wouldn’t fly with today’s sensibilities, that’s another discussion.) In revised editions of the Famous Five books in the UK, “shall / shan’t” were changed to “will / won’t”, dated words like “horrid” became “horrible”, “trunks” -> “suitcases”, etc. It’s a form of domesticating translation—from 1950s English to modern English. Personally I’m not a fan of it, because in a lot of instances, “modernising” prose for children is synonymous with pruning it and dumbing it down.

In French children’s literature spatial domesticating is losing steam while this kind of temporal domesticating is on the rise—we now feel like French kids can handle reading about an English boy named Julian who lives in England, rather than making the story about François in Brittany, but apparently kids can’t handle reading about a boy who lives in the 1950s and speaks accordingly. In recent re-translations of the Famous Five books they changed the passé simple conjugations to the less complex present, and the “nous” to “on” in the kids’ dialogue among other things, to make the text less formal, more modern—and simpler. The Spanish revised editions have examples of both trends—George calls her father “Padre” in the original translation and “Papá” in the modern one (temporal domesticating—the UK reprints do the same thing, changing “Father” to “Dad”); the kids having tea was initially translated as “tomar el té”, while the new translation changed it to “merendar” (spatial domesticating—and sure, it’s a similar enough concept, but it erases cultural differences. If you’re reading about English kids you can accept that they refer to their snack time as la hora del té rather than la merienda...)

Idk, I think kids who enjoy reading can handle books about fictional children that don’t live and talk just as they do; identifying with people who are quite different from you is part of the fun of reading. I remember reading as a kid the Comtesse de Ségur children’s books which were written under Napoléon III, and the 19th century language was a delightful aspect of them—the fact that little kids my age used imperfect subjunctive in casual conversation was hilarious to me. I was saying in my previous post that domesticating your translation too much evinces a lack of respect for your reader’s ability to handle unfamiliar concepts, and I think we should try to have a little more respect for children in that regard.

[the-peak-tmnt]

Hey The Neon Void readers, quick update from the author's sister!

(art commission by @kaysdenofchaos)

Hi readers of The Neon Void fanfic. This is the author’s older sister. She’s been getting a lot of fan art and asks lately. She’s sent me screenshots of a few unanswered ones looking for advice on how to respond.

While all the love and support of TNV is genuinely appreciated, my sister @sugarpasteltmnt is not equipped to respond to a small handful of these asks/comments that are, quite frankly, inappropriate.

Sugarpastels is not a therapist, and she’s certainly not an internet stranger’s therapist.

She’s an adult with an extremely demanding and stressful job for a very large client. Some of you have already experienced and enjoyed her work IRL without knowing it. Her company is close to finishing another project that will bring a lot of joy to hundreds of thousands of people every year, but working on a project of that scale is extremely stressful.

She is writing this fanfic for fun. TNV is a way for her to decompress and put her creative energy towards something other than work.

What’s not fun is coming home to asks/comments from readers who are projecting their own struggles/mental health onto TNV, and even Sugarpastels herself, and demanding some sort of attention from her over it.

Let’s be real: it’s fun to watch our blorbos suffer! So much of fandom is just us putting our favorite characters in Situations because it’s fun. Simple as that. But I think another reason TNV has resonated so strongly with readers is because of the way Sugarpastels writes the internal struggles of these characters.

We are both aware that TNV deals with mental health topics. Since the early days of “modern” fandom, fanfiction has been a way for people to explore complicated, difficult and sometimes even taboo subjects. There’s no shortage of complex feelings being explored in TNV, which is why we’re all having so much fun reading it.

But that’s all it is; an exploration. Sugarpastels is not a mental health expert. I’ve read a handful of books on PTSD and mindfulness for research while writing my own fanfic, and I would never consider myself prepared to help someone else.

It’s okay if you relate to things from TNV. I know I do! Again, fanfic has always been a way to read about things rarely dealt with (or handled poorly) in published fiction/tv shows/movies. I will always argue one of the greatest things about fanfiction and other fanworks is being able to see ourselves and our own struggles through our favorite fictional characters.

But Sugarpastels is not a fictional character. She’s a real person. Most importantly (to me at least) she’s my little sister, and this big sister cannot handle watching some of her readers expect more of her than is appropriate.

So I’m asking you to please be mindful of what you ask/say to not just her, but literally everyone on the internet. Unless you’re chatting with someone regularly, they do not know you. Whether it’s friends, family, teachers, coaches, etc, there are people in your life who know you personally, and are therefore better equipped to help you than a stranger on the internet.

Sugarpastels is so full of empathy that it’s hard to not feel for you when you send things like this. But it just isn’t fair to put that kind of unnecessary pressure on someone who is, at the end of the day, just trying to have some fun writing about ninja turtles bein’ sad.

(That being said, PLEASE DON’T BE SCARED TO SEND HER ASKS AND FAN ART!!! They make her day every single time and are seriously so, so appreciated. She’s texting me about it constantly how much she loves all of TNV’s readers. This whole post is really directed at an extremely small percentage of her readers, but there have been enough I felt something needed to be said.)

[rin-fukuroi]

𝐅𝐚𝐢𝐫 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲 [𝐀𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐞]

Please do not translate or publish my works without my permission.

The originals of my works can be read here

Fandom: Honkai: Star Rail

Pairings: Aventurine x dealer!fem!reader

Warnings: gambling, sexual tension.

Note: English is not my native language, so I apologize if there are errors in the text qq I'm just starting my blog on Boosty, but I'll be glad if you support me with a subscription and read the full NSFW version of this work there. Soon there will be other works that will not be published on Tumblr.

▶• ılıılıılıılıılıılı. VIVIZ — MANIAC

You have long heard from other casino employees about a certain visitor, which comes here quite often, but you have never been lucky enough to meet him until today. The girls sighed languidly, referring to him as a handsome man, preparing to serve him the best drink, for which he would pay generously, and the men working in security only irritably noted that if he visited the institution today, they would only have more work. Then you didn't pay any attention to their words until one of the bar staff squealed with delight, energetically pointing at the blond man who entered the hall.

A dazzling smile, a light gait, but a sly look hidden behind gold glasses, gliding across the tables and the employees standing behind them before playfully sparkling violet-blue eyes rest on you. Your back straightens reflexively, and your fingers wrap around the back of your hand, and you nod in greeting when several men, led by a blond man, approach your poker table. You have been working in the field of gambling for several years, so you can easily notice expensive watches, chains and rings on his hands and a long earring in the ear of an elegant man in a hat, dressed in a black jacket with a fur collar, a turquoise shirt with a small but provocative neckline on the chest and white trousers with patent leather shoes. In total, all the clothes and trinkets of this person can be compared to the cost of your life. Winning will not matter to him, as losing will not greatly affect the quality of his life, which means he simply enjoys a sense of excitement and superiority, since, according to rumors, he plays very well.

«Well…»

— Oh? I haven't seen you before, — the blond man lowers his glasses on the bridge of his nose, smiling slyly at you as soon as you raise your head.

— I'm sorry, sir, today I'm serving you, because the dealer who is more familiar to you is ill, but I assure you, this will not affect the quality of the time spent in our institution in any way, — you kindly answer with a calm expression on your face, which causes the blonde to chuckle softly.

— How official! Relax, honey, — the man leans lower, slightly tilting his head to one side, carefully watching how the expression on your face changes to a more tense one. — It's a pity that… Oh, what was her name? — the blonde pulls away, thinking for a second, trying to remember the name of your colleague, but in the end only sighs briefly, spreading his hands. — It doesn't matter. You've been brought up to date, that we're going to need a separate room, haven't you?

— Yes, sir. Please follow me.

An unpleasant person. It was clear from afar that it was better to stay as far away from him as possible. These vibes of nauseating self-confidence and narcissism definitely don't bode well, but you still humbly do your duty, pulling on a smile and letting the guests into the VIP-room. Usually this room is rented by companies of influential people whose names are so well known to everyone that such guests don't even bother to introduce themselves, because you always know who they are, but these men… You're seeing them for the first time.

Anyway, a job is a job.

— Have a seat, dear guests. Would you like to see the bar menu?

Men in suits silently take their seats, and only an energetic blonde immediately responds to the sound of your voice, standing in front of the last empty chair.

— We'll order the same as usual,— the stranger says sweetly, spreading into a frighteningly sweet smile that sends chills down my spine.

— I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I don't know…

— Oh, how could I forget! — the blond man clasps his hands in a gesture of apology. — Whiskey on the rocks.

His theatricality is a little annoying, but that's none of your business.

— As you wish, sir.

The female silhouette peeking out from behind the slightly open door and instantly disappearing after the blonde's words only made your task easier, allowing you not to even leave the room. It seems that this man is really very popular among girls, which, in principle, isn't surprising. A pretty face, a thick purse and a sugary voice, like a demeanor, are the pillars that support the classic image of a heartthrob in the eyes of any woman. It would be fascinating if you hadn't met such people before. This place is teeming with both men and women, sometimes even reasonably believing that the whole world belongs to them. Perhaps you would have bought into his charisma too, if you were as frivolous as a bar employee rushing into a room no more than five minutes after the order was placed.

— Thank you, dear. As always, you help out, otherwise my friends seem to be out of sorts today, — the blond man chuckles melodiously, looking at the other five guests. You can almost see in their stern looks the desire to strangle this talkative flatterer, and you can't help but chuckle to yourself.

— Anything for our beloved visitor! Have a nice game, — your friend blushes, smiling shyly before leaving the room, barely restraining a satisfied squeak.

You modestly clear your throat, drawing the attention of everyone at the table to yourself.

— Well, gentlemen, shall we begin?

You leave the button* in front of the blond man sitting first on your left hand. Early* is the most unfavorable position to start the game, but he should have known about it when he sat down here, or is it just an accident?

After the preflop*, while you were deftly shuffling the deck in your hands, someone had already started emptying their glass of whiskey, someone took out a pair of fragrant chocolate cigars. The blonde just watched carefully how skillfully you dealt the cards, not missing a single movement of your fingers. For a second, you even doubted that he didn't trust the new dealer, but every time you dared to look at him, his lips stretched into an even more sugary smile, and his eyes always found yours. Is he trying to get you into the same emotions as the silly waitresses? You wonder how soon he'll lose interest in your indifferent face?

The game went on quite calmly until three people remained at the table, including a smiling blond man.

— Ace of hearts, two of spades, jack of hearts, ten of clubs, two of hearts. The bets are made, you can open, — you say in a monotone voice, glancing at the cards on the table that turn over one by one.

«Street? Not bad…» — you stop looking at the blond's cards before you hear a thud on the table. After looking at the other hands it became clear that there is nothing on the table stronger than two pairs.

— Oh, don't get mad! We've just started, — the blond man raises his hands in an innocent gesture, chuckling softly, it seems, making the man opposite even angrier.

It seems that now you understand a little what the casino guards were so unhappy about, but the more games passed, the more sad the blonde's position became. The empty glasses were hastily replaced with newly filled ones with a new portion of whiskey, and the concentration of smoke in the small room became more and more suffocating, it seems, only exposing the undisguised glee of the men at the table, allowing themselves to mock the blonde, who was catastrophically unlucky today. A flush* against a royal flush, a pair against a square* and, in the end, his hand could only boast of the highest card*. What a disappointment.

— Here, order yourself one more whiskey, — one of the departing men casually tossed a couple of chips in front of the blond man sprawled on a chair, grinning hoarsely before staggering slightly out of the room after the other four, whose loud voices disappeared into the noise of the casino outside the door.

— Sure, — the man who remained at the table smiled gently at the departing acquaintance before taking a sip from his glass.

You wanted to say something, maybe even encourage him, but it's not your way to mind your own business, so you just silently gathered the cards from the table, about to ask the guest to leave the room, when suddenly he spoke first.

— That's not what you expected, is it? — you turn to the blond man, who is resting his head on his own palm. The same strange smile is still playing on his lips, even despite how much money he left at this institution today. He's really weird.

— I don't know what you mean. I don't know how you play, so I couldn't even try to predict the outcome of the game.

— Come on. You know how I play. That girl from the bar told you about me, didn't she?

Annoy.

— Even so, I'm not used to trust rumors, — you reply indifferently, carefully putting the cards back in the box.

— In that case, now you can conclude that I'm a lousy player? Oh, that would be unfortunate, because everyone has unlucky days.

— I don't think it's about luck, — you wanted to say that someone should just drink less and make less risky bets, but you restrained yourself, maintaining professionalism.

— Ho-oh? Then what is it? — the blond man perked up even more, waiting curiously for your answer.

— It is not appropriate for me to give advice to visitors, because my earnings, among other things, depend on them.

— That's how it is! So I was wrong when I decided that you weren't like the other girls looking at my wallet?

— It turns out that it is. But I'm looking at the wallets of every potentially profitable player for me, — you shrug your shoulders. — And now, if you'll excuse me, you should leave the room, since the game is over.

— How pragmatic, you remind me of someone I know, — the blond man, as if he hadn't heard your last words, gets up from his chair, coming closer. — So you don't believe in luck, huh?

The man leans slightly forward, looking into your eyes from under the half-lowered glasses on the bridge of his nose. The expensive sweet fragrance of the perfume instantly cuts into your nostrils, and you take a small step back.

— It's absurdly to rely only on luck in poker. That's all I wanted to say.

— Hm-m … — the blond man pretends to think. — You're right. Then what about roulette?

— Even roulette has its own patterns, but if we don't go into details, of course, this game revolves exclusively around chance.

— Great! Then can we play? — the man turns towards the roulette table, which has apparently not been used for a long time, in the corner of the room.

— I'm afraid my shift is already over… — you frown, even before you finish, he interrupts you.

— Oh, I was so catastrophically unlucky today that I just want to win back at least another game, otherwise I won't be able to sleep peacefully tonight… Are you really that heartless?

— You can use the services of a croupier and play roulette in the hall.

— It would be sad, because I already liked you, — the blonde smiles, looking into your eyes again.

— If you're trying to flirt with me like that, then I'm in a hurry to upset you — it won't work, — you reply irritably, about to leave, when suddenly a weak grip on your wrist stops you.

— I'm sad to hear that, but what if I make a bet?

You turn around, batting your eyelashes in puzzlement when you meet the sharp gaze of a man's violet-blue eyes.

— You can't play roulette without betting, what's the point of all this?

— Let's say… if my bet plays out, you owe me a kiss, what do you say?

You almost boil with anger, looking at this personification of self-confidence standing in front of you.

— I'm not going to play your games, let go of my hand.

The attempt to pull back your hand was unsuccessful, on the contrary, only forcing the blond to pull you closer.

— It seems that luck isn't on my side today, so if I lose, I'll just leave.

The desire to just slap him in the face is almost impossible to ignore, but you wouldn't be working here if you weren't a gambling person too. Your lips stretch into an arrogant smile as you approach the blond man's face, slightly squinting your eyes.

— In that case, on what number* will you put it on?

The blond man's eyebrows rise, after which a ringing laugh is heard in the room.

— I knew you could entertain me! — the man lets go of your hand, but does not take a step away from you before saying softly. — I'm betting on zero.

«He's crazy!»

You almost laughed at how crazy his bet turned out to be, but it sounds like he's already agreed to leave you alone, so you just smiled, silently retreating to the corner of the dimly lit room. The table has indeed not been used for a long time, having already become covered with a layer of dust, but you take a small ball, gently rolling it in your hand before turning towards the blond man who remains standing at the poker table. He doesn't seem to care at all that he's going to lose now, and the smile doesn't leave his face for a second. It will be all the sweeter to see how the expression on his face will change when he loses.

— Your bet is accepted, — you say loudly before spinning the roulette wheel by throwing a ball at it.

The man doesn't even look at the spinning roulette wheel, instead watching your eyes follow the ball as it slides across the sectors.

12, 35, 3, 26, and finally….

— It can't be… — you whisper, eyes wide open and just looking at how the ball stopped at zero.

— Ho-oh? What's is it? Judging by your reaction, did I win? — the blond man grins, slowly removing his hat from his head and leaving the hat on the edge of the poker table.

This can't be happening. Betting on numbers is always a huge risk, because the chance that the ball will stop at the chosen one is incredibly small. Was he… really just lucky?

You purse your lips, summoning all the self-control you have to turn to the man with an indifferent expression on your face.

— That's right, congratulations on winning, sir.

— M-m… it's not just a win, you remember the conditions, right? — the blond man says playfully, slowly walking towards you, until finally he towers over you, elegantly ripping the glasses off his face.

«This jerk has probably been rehearsing this for years…»

— I didn't have to accept such bets at all, — you mutter irritably.

— I understand your disappointment, but still, you accepted it. Be kind enough to hand me my prize, — you look into the extraordinarily beautiful eyes of a man, trying your best to deny how really attractive he looks without glasses and a hat.

— Ahem… okay. But can I at least get your name? I wouldn't want to kiss a complete stranger.

— Huh? So you don't know who I am? How cute, — the blond man squints, breaking into a smile. — You can call me Aventurine. And you… — the man hooks the badge on your chest with the tip of his finger. — Y/N.

Where have all your old composure gone? They probably got lost somewhere in the midst of this madness, which for some reason you signed up for, following your own excitement. Self-confidence is just as much your enemy as Aventurine, only in this case he is elated with victory, and you are trying to collect your thoughts in order to fulfill the conditions of the game he started.

— Excuse me… — you mumble awkwardly before pressing your lips to the man's cheek, leaving as quick a kiss as possible to hastily turn away, hiding the blush that has appeared on your face.

— Hey! And what was that? — Aventurine says in disappointment, touching the place of your kiss with the tips of his black-gloved fingers.

— You asked for a kiss, but didn't specify which one, — you try to sound confident, but still mentally berate yourself for not being able to look into his eyes right now.

— Oh… — the blond man sighs heavily, pulling away and approaching the roulette table. — I'm not satisfied with such a victory. Let's do it again.

— Huh?! — you cry out indignantly, looking at the back of the impudent man rolling the ball around the zero sector. — I shouldn't be here at all, and neither should you!

— I'm betting on zero again.

You freeze, raising an eyebrow when you turn to Aventurine.

— You're going to lose.

— Maybe, — the man shrugs, turning to face you and leaning on the edge of the table. — But if the bet plays out again, you'll give me a real long kiss.

— I'm not going to waste my time on this madness. The chances of hitting zero a second time are so small that it's easier for you to just leave this room right now, since it's simply impossible to play this bet.

— Let it be so. You don't lose anything if you're so sure of my defeat, do you? Besides, didn't you say that you don't give advice to the players?

It annoys you how logical his words sound. But what's even more annoying is that you really doubt it. It's just not possible. You have to show this arrogant idiot his place.

— Okay, — and here you go back to the roulette table again. — But if you lose, you will never return to this casino again.

Aventurine's purple eyes widen before flashing a gambling spark.

— And you know how to make the game more interesting, — the man grins, picking up the ball from the table, carefully leaving it in your hand. — I agree.

This will be the craziest bet anyone has ever made in the entire existence of this casino. And it only fuels your interest too. You spin the wheel in anticipation by throwing the ball. Your heart is pounding in your chest, as if your own life is at stake. It's been a long time since you've experienced such adrenaline, no matter how absurd what's happening, because it's worth it to win…

— Ha-ha! It seems that today is really my day, — Aventurine grins as the ball slowly rolls and stops at sector zero. Again. — The money I lost in poker was worth spending all my luck on such a tempting prize.

Impossible. He just did the impossible. What were the chances? The mind is so devastated by shock that you can't even approximate the probability, just silently looking at the green sector in amazement.

— You're not… cheating, are you? — you're almost whispering, without opening your eyes from the little ball.

— What cruel accusations! How, tell me, could I cheat at roulette? — the man clicks his tongue in frustration, slowly wrapping his arm around your waist before pulling your body towards his. — If these are just assumptions without any evidence, I think it's time to start awarding the second prize.

The lips open, releasing a soft sigh into the air. You feel the warmth emanating from his body, the smell that his nauseatingly expensive clothes exude, and you feel his measured breathing on the skin of your face when Aventurine bends down, almost touching his lips to yours and freezes.

— I'll make it easier for you this time, — the blond whispers, letting his warm breath caress the delicate skin of your lips.

— What do you mean?.. — the only thing you managed to say right before Aventurine's lips covered yours.

Long fingers dive into your hair, forcing you to tilt your head back, and he deepens the kiss, insistently making his way with his tongue through your lips, which are not too resisting. A soft moan dissolves in Aventurine's mouth, and your fingers desperately cling to the fabric of the shirt on the man's chest, but still you respond to the kiss, allowing your tongue to stick out a little further, slowly waltzing in tandem with his. The shock was instantly replaced by a mixture of embarrassment and a flutter in his chest. It seemed that this kiss lasted forever, so harmonious, gentle, but passionate, as if you have known each other for so long that Aventurine doesn't need much effort to make you melt in his hands, which you allow to touch your body.

Lips gasp for air as soon as Aventurine pulls away, looking at your flushed, relaxed face, which isn't touched by the former cold indifference with which you looked at him all evening.

It's a strange feeling. From the very beginning, when you saw this man, the only thought that you would never in your life become infatuated with just his presence somewhere nearby was ingrained in your head, now fighting for supremacy with the unwillingness that he would let you go. You shouldn't give in to this.

You gently press on Aventurine's chest, shuddering as soon as you feel his warm skin under your fingertips, noticing that you touched this very seductive neckline.

— Is that all? I have to go… — you say softly, trying to get out of Aventurine's hands, but he's not even going to let go of your waist or your cheek, to which his palm is still pressed.

— Really? Well, then I won't hold you back, — the blond man grins, still continuing to prevent your imaginary escape.

— Then let me go. I gave away your winnings and I don't owe you anything else.

— Yes, you did, — the man whispers, gently stroking your cheek with a thumb in a leather glove.

You look at each other without saying a word and freeze like statues. The muffled sounds of slot machines, clinking glasses and laughter come from the hall outside the door, breaking the silence that hangs between the two of you, but you can't hear anything else except your own rapid heartbeat throbbing in your ears. A strange warmth spreads in your chest, gradually sinking down, and a heavy weakness settles in your legs, which doesn't allow you to move from your place.

«What are you doing, Y/N?», — you ask yourself one last time before you swear unintelligibly under your breath, grabbing Aventurine's shirt in order to involve the man in the kiss again. Greedy, careless, but you needed it. The blonde's palm shamelessly moves to your buttocks, covered with black trousers, gently squeezing the elastic flesh, and your fingers slowly slip under the neckline in the shape of an inverted heart, caressing the heated skin of Aventurine's chest.

— W-wait… — you suddenly break off the kiss, breathing heavily and looking at the purple irises covered with long eyelashes.

— What's is it? I won't complain that the dealer is harassing me if you're worried about it, — Aventurine grins, forcing the expression on your face to change to the old irritation.

— This is wrong. I don't have to…

— I don't care about the rules, — the man tilts his head to one side, smiling playfully. — I'm betting on black.

— What? — you ask discouraged, watching the man's fingers hastily undoing the buttons of your white shirt.

— If I win, now you'll be my prize, — Aventurine winks at you before opening the cotton fabric on your chest, noticing you are wearing a black lace bra. — Tsk-tsk, how unlucky you are today. I won again.

✧ ✧ ✧

The button is a special chip marked "D", transmitted clockwise and identifying the dealer (in this case, the dealer is an employee of the casino, so the button only determines who will bet first).

The early position is the player's place at the poker table, located immediately behind the dealer.

Preflop is the initial stage of the poker game, which includes the distribution of cards and the first bets, including blinds.

A straight is a combination of a sequence of five cards.

A hand is a combination of two cards in the player's hands.

A flash combination of five cards of the same suit.

Royal flush is the strongest combination of cards from 10 to ace of the same suit.

A pair is a combination of two cards of the same value (for example, two aces).

A square is a combination of five cards of the same value (for example, four aces).

The highest card is the card of the highest value of all lying on the table.

In roulette, it is possible to bet on one color, on even and odd numbers, and so on, including you can bet on a specific number, which is quite risky due to the reduced chances that such a bet will play, but the winnings from it are multiplied by 35.

[sunflower-lilac42]

✧ 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭'𝐬 𝐎𝐮𝐭 | trevor zegras ♔

summary: when the news is out between trevor and jack's sister, things take a turn for the worse.

warnings: media, being exposed

published: 3/25/24

notes: two fics in one day? one week? I'm a changed person. this is very based off of red, white and royal blue because i love that movie with my whole soul. it's so good, i highly recommend it. anyway, this is it for the fics i had planned so I'm going to focus on my three au's for the rest of the week but if another fic comes out don't be surprised. let me know if you want a part two because i would be glad to write it | add yourself to the taglist ➺ taglist!

nhl masterlist | main masterlist

Nothing was how it should be. They were supposed to be careful, they were careful. They were only seen together when it would make sense for them to be together; when he was in town for a game, when he was supposed to be hanging out with her brothers, or when he had a game against the Devils or the Canucks. And when they were seen together, they made sure everything was strictly platonic, no hand touches, no stolen glances, no nothing.

However, maybe they should’ve accounted for the fact that one, her friends were journalists, and two, her friends weren’t really her friends in the first place. They had a few classes together in college, back when she was still undecided, but despite that? They only found her interesting because of her last name and who shared it.

Somehow she was too predictable, her password was as basic as it got. It was the day Trevor asked her to be his girlfriend, they’re anniversary. It was the best day of both of their lives but now it was the root of all their problems. It wasn’t the biggest scandal on the dance floor, there were things much worse going on in the NHL and the world in general. No one would care about this besides the Zegras and the Hughes families and the girls who were too obsessed with hockey players and their relationships for their own good.

She was studying abroad in England this past year and she couldn’t help but fall in love with it. She had decided to extend her stay into the fall semester, not wanting to go back home. This sort of worked in her favor, she was 3,444 miles from Jack and Luke and 4,632 miles from Quinn. She was in a different time zone, country, and continent than them. All she had to do to avoid them was not answer her phone. 

She was good at that, blocking out social media and her phone as a whole. Growing up the sister of hockey players and her mom being who she was in the hockey world, she got used to the hate and backlash she got from not wanting to do hockey. Her phone was shut off and thrown into her desk drawer. Her friends tried to comfort her but were to no avail, she was too worried about what other people thought about it.

Not only had pictures of them been put out into the world but their text messages as well. However, she couldn’t remember a time she left her phone unattended. She hadn’t spoken to Trevor in two weeks, she hadn’t spoken to anybody besides her roommates in two weeks. She had seen a couple of articles and videos that were spreading, the one of Trevor’s interviews where he was addressing the situation was not only the biggest one but the most recent one. 

It was before the game, that the reporter had asked him about how everything in the media that was speculating had impacted him and his play. To which he responded with, “Y/n and I are together and have been since the beginning of the season. And whether people choose to support or hate it, isn’t my problem nor my business. We’re happy and hope everyone can support that decision and respect our privacy. I fell in love with a girl who happens to be related to my best friend. How is this affecting my mindset? I wouldn’t say it has, I’m still planning, and Greg still thinks I’m playing as best as I can and even better. I’m worried about her, that’s for sure. She hasn’t had the best track record with the media.”

He said a few more words, none of which mattered to y/n. She wasn’t sure if she cried more because of what he said or the situation. She curled up on the chair in the corner of the room, reading a book. Her friends looked at her sadly, they hated the fact that she had gone back to her reserved nature. 

Trevor on the other hand was acting like it wasn’t bothering him, he couldn’t hide himself from the media or anything really like she could. But, it was eating him alive. He didn’t know if she was okay or if something had happened or if she was ignoring him. He was too desperate to know if he was okay so he attempted to reach out to all three of her brothers but he got nothing back in return.

It wasn’t until Mason walked into his room with his phone in hand, “I called her friend for you.”

Trevor looked at him with wide eyes, “What?”

“Thank me later.”

Her friend had been walking up the stairs to their apartment when she got the call from Mason, they had met when y/n and Trevor took them along on a trip to ensure that no rumors would start. She had practically run the rest of the way and bolted into the apartment. She walked over to y/n and handed her the phone.

She reached out for it and held it up to her ear, “Hello?”

“Baby!” 

Her voice stuck in her throat along with the sob that had been forming for a while. “Trevor? Oh my god, are you alright?”

“I’m hanging in there. Are you okay?”

She paused, “No. No, I’m not okay.”

“You know what, I’m coming to London tonight. Just hold on until I get there.”

“Hurry please.”

And just as he promised, 8 hours later he was standing in her apartment, opening his arms for her. She ran into them once she heard him call out and buried her head into his chest. Trevor sunk to the floor with her, his back pressed up against the wall, “It’s okay. I’m here. I got you.”

He could feel her body racked with sobs and he couldn’t help but start crying himself. He had torn himself apart these past two weeks as he waited to hear from her and knowing how much she had been in pain had hurt him. He picked her up soon after and carried her to the bedroom, laying her down on the bed. He crawled in next to her and wrapped his arms around her once more.

“Have you heard from your brothers yet?”

“Not a word. Not that I have checked my phone since the article came out.”

He frowned at her, tightening his hold, “Sometimes I wonder if part of their acceptance is just to forget it ever happened in the first place.”

This made him laugh a little as he pulled back to look at her. He moved the piece of hair that had fallen in her face behind her ear. His face changed when he realized that her small smile had turned back into a frown, “I feel so lost. They used to adore me, used to protect me, but now. It feels like they just wish I never existed.”

“Hey, they still love you.” She just blinked at him, “I’m sure if you looked at your phone they would just be wondering if you were okay.”

“I liked your speech, it was very put together.”

He smiled at her, “It made me very proud to be your girlfriend.”

“Hey, I’m always proud to be your boyfriend.”

She giggled and kissed his cheek, “You know what I mean you dork.”

“Speaking of boyfriends and girlfriends. Did you know Mason and Lia were dating?”

She perked up, “No! When did that happen?”

“Apparently-”

“Hey.”

The two turned and looked at Lia, “What’s up?”

“Your brothers are here.”

𝑴𝑰𝑺𝑪𝑬𝑳𝑳𝑨𝑵𝑬𝑶𝑼𝑺 𝑷𝑳𝑨𝒀𝑬𝑹 𝑻𝑨𝑮𝑳𝑰𝑺𝑻 ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

if your name is crossed out it means i couldn't tag you

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[arkhammaid]

— ˚₊‧⁺˖ THE NEW GENERATION SUPERSTARS | TO A GOOD SEASON

fandom. formula one & mcu

about. ollie and y/n talk for the first time... even if it's over text. takes part right after the strategy reveal

content warnings. smau, not edited/proofread

notes. have this first chapter before i dip into my holidays hehe

hey y/n! i hope you don't mind me reaching out, but i thought it would be good, since we're the only rookies and never properly met :) to a good season!

oh hi oliver! i don't mind at all, thank you for the message. to a good season for us

are you busy with preperations as well?

yeah

ferrari is definitely a step up from f2, haven't had a free minute for weeks now

welcome to f1 lol 😂

leclerc treating you well? it must've been a mess with sainz...

no worries, charles has been very welcoming, i'm really honored to be his teammate. and the thing with carlos... yeah, it was a bit, but we actually get along well

good good, wanna see you racing and not getting distracted by some bitch fighting in the garage

lmao 😂😂

nah nah, all good. to be honest, he's still a bit prickly about how ferrari and lewis handled those rumors... but well, it isn't really my business

good good

have to run, dad wants to wrap up our moves to ny

but we'll see each other soon, yeah? lemme know when you have time for a proper talk, we definitely have to stick together as rookies

the grid can be a cruel world

alright, have a nice day! don't know about free time yet, but the lastes we'll see each other will be in bahrain

awesome, till then oliver :)

you can call me ollie

let's meet up in bahrain

hello to you too, y/n

hello ollie

so, let's meet up

i'll be there a few day earlier, you as well?

i actually planned to come with ferrari, but i can come earlier!

awesome. you can entertain me then :)

what about the rest of your team?

kev is back with his family and doesn't want to leave them too early, my dad is busy because the president is an incompetent fuck, harley and peter are working on publishing a paper before they join and the rest is just generally busy

damn. alright, as long you plan everything? i have nothing prepared lol

sure! we can go training together and i know a few nice places we can hit before the stress begins

great!!

i'll send you the data later, don't worry, i'll pay for the hotel

you really don't have to

i don't care, you're hanging out with me, i will pay for stuff. i know you could stay at home but you're gonna spend time with me so shut it

alright

hehe, until bahrain. can't wait!!

until then, y/n 😊

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ARKHAM MAID 2024

[kiibichio]

PLAY DATE ✩ M. STURNIOLO

OVERVIEW ;; you and matt are friends w/ benefits, so he hits you up .. you walk to his house and have a “play date” !!

CONTAINS ;; matt x fem reader, sub&dom ! matt, fwb ! matt, pet names, oral (m ! receiving), use of y/n, unprotected sex, angst (?) near the end !! (that’s it i think??)

kiki speaks ;; okay so this was based on THIS tik tok because omg he’s soooo. but anyways… ENJOYY (also this is my first smut EVER so please excuse me if it’s kinda sucky) PART TWO OUT NOW!!

date published ;; 02.17.24

not proofread !!

——————————————————————————————

5:57 pm.

i lie in my bed, excruciatingly bored. watching some show that i have little interest in, when i get a text from one of my friends, matt.

“hey, are you free rn?” the text read.

me and matt had been friends ever since he moved to los angeles. i also got along with his brothers well, so we would always hang out and go places together. a few months after becoming friends with them, i broke up with my ex-boyfriend and got closer to matt.

one day, matt and i had a conversation and decided we wanted to try some things, so we hooked up. without feelings. which brings us here. friends with benefits. although i might just be breaking that ‘no feelings attached’ rule, but he doesn’t need to know.

“yea?? whats up?” i reply

“chris and nick are gone. come over?” he asks

“sure, just give me like 5 minutes” i sent back

finally. ive been waiting for his text all week. last time we spoke was like 4 days ago. i quickly put on some light makeup, a cute & comfy outfit, spray perfume and head out the door. the triplets only lived about 2 minutes away from me so, i could just walk there. which i did often and most definitely will do now.

once i arrive at the triplets’ home, i give the door a knock and it opens, with matt standing on the other side of it.

“hey matt-” i get cut off by him grabbing me by the waist and kissing my harshly in the doorframe.

“sorry. just couldn’t wait.” matt smirks, licking his lips while closing and locking the door.

“i can tell.” i spoke, a smirk crawling on my face too.

“c’mon. my room.” he demanded and grabbed my arm, dragging my to his room.

he brings me to his room and sits on the bed. i close the door behind us and walk over to straddle him.

“missed you, y/n. haven’t seen you in 4 days. ive been so busy-” he explains, holding my hips as i hover over him.

“shh.. matt we’re here now.” i speak before moving my mouth onto his, resulting in a rough, heated kiss, which turned into a make out. our tongues moving together in rhythm, exploring each others mouths.

i start grinding over his clothed cock, trying to gain some friction, letting out soft moans.

“hmm.. you like that, matt?”

“shit… yes- fuck” he breathes out

i continue my movements, going back and forth on him. i quickly slip my shirt and jacket off, matt following me and taking off his shirt as well. i unclasp my bra, matt took a nipple in his mouth almost as soon as i took it off.

“ah- fuck- someone’s impatient.” i groan out

“mhm..” he mutters

i feel his dick start to twitch under me, signing that he was close. i speed up my movements. he grabs my hips tightly and comes right on the spot.

“oh shit..” he moans

i move off of him and onto my knees, rubbing his cock through his pants.

“look at you, so fucked out already.. haven’t even gotten to suck you off yet.” i smile sinisterly

“don’t tease me, y/n.” he breathes

“oh don’t worry.. i won’t for long.”

i swiftly pull down his sweatpants and boxers and grab his cock. i kitty lick the tip then slowly lap a long stripe from his base to the tip before taking all of him between my lips.

“oh- god! mgh fuck- y/n.. don’t stop. shit!” matt moans out.

i bob my head up and down on his cock, letting out soft, quiet, noises, sending vibrations down it and making him shudder. my tongue hit every vein on him, very slowly. i continue my motions, making direct eye contact with him the whole time until i feel his dick start to twitch in my mouth.

“fuck, im close..” matt mutters.

“cum in my mouth, matt. i wanna take it all.”

with that, he shoots out white, thick ropes of cum down my throat.

“s’good for me, matt.” i tell him, sweetly, while standing up and taking my pants and underwear off.

“mhm…” is all he manages to get out while still sitting on the edge of the bed.

“now get on your back so i can ride you.” i say sternly, walking over to him

“yes ma’am” he chuckles under his breath

he moves to the middle of the bed, lying on his back. i hover over him, giving him wet, sloppy kisses all over his face and throat area. most definitely leaving marks.

i then lined him up with me and sunk down on him. when he bottomed out, we both let out a string of moans.

“shit matt..”

“oh you’re so good. fuckkkk”

as i take all of him in me, i wrap my hands around him and rest my head in the crook of his neck, waiting to adjust to his size. no matter how many times we do this, ill never get used to it.

once i was ready, i started moving up and down on top of him, trying to pace myself.

“mghh…. matt.”

“holy shit.. mm you’re so good. so perfect for me,” he whimpered, “taking me so good oh my god.” he continued to moan.

those words made me instantly clench around his cock as i bounced on it, speeding up my pace. the room filled with grunts, moans, curses and the sounds of our skin slapping.

my legs were starting to give out and my bounces got sloppier, matt noticed this and flipped us over. now we were in missionary, with him pounding into me relentlessly.

“oh fuck fuck fuck fuck matt” i managed to moan out

“yea.. mhm got tired after a couple of ups and downs huh?” he grunts

“ohhh matt shittt”

“that’s right, y/n. say my name. uh huh”

i came about as soon as he said that, but he kept going, chasing his high.

soon, his thrusts got slower, indicating that he was close.

“cum inside me, matt. i wanna take it.”

“oh fuck y/n. fuck” he groans, while his cum fills me up and falls on side of me.

we both lay there for a while, out of breath before matt speaks up.

“you can go now.. if you want.” he says

hearing that kind of broke my heart. i knew we weren’t supposed to have real feelings for each other but geez.. am i just some toy to him?

“are you serious? you just told me you ‘missed me so much’, but you’re letting me leave just like that? am i just some sort of play date to you?” i ask, sitting up. anger, sadness and confusion written all over my face

maybe i shouldn’t have said that.

——————————————————————————————

kiki speaks (again) ;; urmmm I DONT KNOW HOW TO FEEL ABOUT THISSS UGH 😭 i hope i did good and you guys enjoyed but this is my FIRST EVER SMUT AND FIC SO GO EASY ON ME. i would also really love tips from other writers bc idkkk. but TOODLES !! (p.s. DO U GUYS WANT A PT. 2 OF THIS BC IK I KINDA ENDED W A CLIFFHANGER-ISH TYPE THINGY??)

tag list ;; .. empty for rn 🍵

[useless-catalanfacts]

La Pedrera. Photos from Ajuntament de Barcelona and La Pedrera.

Nowadays, la Pedrera is one of the most famous building in Barcelona, Catalonia. It's one of the most emblematic buildings in the Catalan Modernism style, and has been declared part of the UNESCO World Heritage Site "Works of Antoni Gaudí".

But it hasn't always been recognised as good architecture, all the opposite! In fact, take a look at its name: it's technically called Casa Milà (house of the Milà family), but locals always call it "la Pedrera", which means "the quarry" in the Catalan language. When it was built, in 1910, Barcelonians thought it looked like an ugly piece of stone-y quarry mountain in the middle of the city.

But that's not the only thing that they thought it looked like. Let's see some parodies that were published at the time:

In 1909, the popular magazine Cu-Cut! published this vignette of a mother and a son walking in front of the house, when the child asks his mom "was there also an earthquake here?". This is a reference to an earthquake that happened in Sicily the previous month, and to the house's bendy shapes that look like it was shaken.

In 1925, the children's magazine En Patufet also joined in, with a vignette where the owner realises he can't hang up curtains* on this windows.

*Note: I'm using the translation "curtains" as a simplification so that English speakers without a detailed knowledge of Catalan culture can understand the joke. The vignette actually uses the word "domàs", meaning a decorative textile that is hanged from balconies during holidays.

In 1910, Cu-cut! compared it to a mona, the cake that Catalans eat on Easter Monday, by drawing a vignette where a child says "Daddy, daddy, I want a mona as big as this one!".

Three times did the magazine El Diluvio mock this building.

First, in 1910, they called it a "Medieval architecture model, between burrow and burial, that I don't quite dislike". It described its future in the following way: "the round gaps in the façade have become dark holes where all kinds of vermin come in and out: crocodiles and rats, but also snakes, hedgehogs, owls, sea monsters... Two undulating lines wrap up the building, which stands in front of an absolutely black sky. Above it, in the rooftop, the chimneys, the air vents and the stairs' endings have stopped being whipped cream mountains to become sinister piles of skulls."

In 1911, El Diluvio striked again, comparing the building's cast iron handrails to a fish stand. Their illustration had Casa Milà with a sign saying "cod entrails sold here!".

And lastly, it made fun of the controversial statue of Our Lady of the Rosary that was supposed to go on top. The Milà family in the end decided not to place the statue (some say because they didn't like how the sculptor made it, some say it's because they were scared of having a religious symbol after the 1909 anti-clerical riots) but the architect Gaudí, who was a very religious man, insisted on having it. This caused the Milàs and Gaudí to argue, which the magazine represents with a caricature of Mr. Milà wearing a Tarzan-like loincloth and branding a whip fighting against Gaudí wearing a pith helmet, grabbing him by the hair and hitting him with a hammer. The text under the image translates to "Will the Virgin Mary stand on top of the peculiar monument? Who will win, Gaudí or Milà?".

In 1912, the popular magazine L'Esquella de la Torratxa imagined that this extravagant futuristic building could only be a garage for parking airship and air-planes. This satirical drawing is titled "Future Barcelona. The true destiny of the Milà and Pi house". (Milà and Pi were the owners of this building).

The text that accompanied this illustration wondered if this building is the Wagnerian Valhalla, an anti-aircraft defense for the Moroccan War, or a hangar for zeppelins.

What do you think? Was the banter justified?

[camilaxmartin]

request: Could you do a Vanessa x Reader fic, where the reader falls for her, but due to their past, constantly being rejected, or falling in love with awful people. The reader begins to distance themselves from her and ignores her calls, texts, and doesn’t talk to her on the night shifts. One night Vanessa comes in and sees reader isn’t there but sees a note, explaining themselves. Telling Vanessa that you can come and talk to them in another room or just leave and never talk to them again.

Also, could I be 🦐 anon?

napkin with a name

my dear 🦐, i’m so sorry for the wait but school’s been a lot lately and also i’ve got some other stuff going on but im getting back to all the requests finally!! also im so sorry but i accidentally deleted your request as i published it too fast😭

navigation // information // masterlist

summary: request

warnings: angst (not proof read, i’ll probably do it later)

notes: i made mike our bsf here, hope you don’t mind!:) oh and i made a happy ending cause i couldn’t fully end it with angst😭 (it was my first time writing real angst so i hope and pray it isn’t bad💀)

requests: closed!!

12.05

i came to work today late as always, but i was surprised to notice i was the first one there. i walked around the pizzeria to look for any signs of mike but he wasn’t anywhere near. confused i went to our shared office, the camera room, just to find it empty as well. i let out a deep sigh and sat down on the chair before cameras to watch for him clocking in even later than me, but that never happened. a few hours went by as i lost any hope for him coming in today, i rolled my eyes at the whole situation and decided to give him a talk the next time we see about not even informing me im was gonna work alone tonight. watching the cameras i saw police car pulling up to the parking and let out a groan at the sight. what could it be this time? i wanted to groan again but then i saw a blonde leaving the car and heading straight to the door. confused i tilted my head and watched her as she calmly stood there and finally rang the bell. like on fire i stood up from my seat disturbed by the sudden sound and opened the door for her. she gently pushed the door and went in visibly looking for someone. i left the office and went straight to the entrance to meet her and ask what is the reason she showed up tonight. when i made my last turn i saw her and my heart immediately dropped. she was one of the most, if not the most beautiful woman i’ve seen in my life. collecting myself i went up to her and finally spoke up.

“hi officer, is there any problem?” i asked still being confused on her being here. she just laughed and i swear, the sound of it would be the death of me.

“name’s vanessa.” she said as she hand out her hand for me to shake. “and no, there isn’t any problem in particular i just wanted to see how you guys have been doing.. here.” she added and softly smiled, i would say even too softly. without thinking i shook her hand and smiled as well.

“oh. okay then.” i said more to myself, not having any idea how badly that one conversation would affect my many upcoming days.

14.05

tonight me and mike were sharing a shift again. surprisingly we both showed up at time so it was a pleasant one right from the beginning. around two am, a certain blonde police officer came up again. mike was a bit surprised at first but i explained to him that two days ago she was here too just to see how the shift was going. i don’t think he believed me but i couldn’t do much about it anyway. i walked over to the door to invite her in, mike following me with a bit sceptical look on his face. i chuckled as i reached the door opening it for the pretty blonde. her face almost immediately lighted up when she saw me. i could feel my face blushing.

“vanessa, this is mike. my shift buddy.” i introduced him as he gave her a small wave. she smiled to him waving back.

“i’m vanessa.” she greeted him with a wave back and i smiled at the interaction.

“is tonight any problem or you just checking up as last time?” i ask being more confident than natural even confusing myself. vanessa moved her eyes to me once again and chuckled.

“no problem at all, just checking.” my smile widened more as i moved away from the door to let her in. she did so, and started talking with mike again.

“i hope you, you both, don’t mind my presence here. i get all the shifts around here so coming in seems… like a bit of variety to my night work.” she said and mike just shook his head signalling that it’s okay for her to be here. she then looked at me and i did the same thing as he did, earning myself a beautiful smile from the beauty standing before me.

“it’s okay, we don’t really do much around here either” mike spoke up and she moved her attention to him once again. “and my ‘shift buddy’ seems to be excited with you being here” he said with a smirk and i rolled my eyes at him. she laughed at his words and walked away going to the stage room.

i walked up to mike and gave his shoulder a punch for what he said. he laughed at my actions and rolled eyes with a soft smile.

“what has gotten into you?” i asked being confused but mostly surprised at his previous words. he just looked at me with a begging look and laughed once again.

“please, i see how you look at her and how your face lighted up when she parked her car here.” he said and i felt my face blushing again. maybe there was a bit of truth in his words?

“don’t be ridiculous, she’s just some police officer and you’re acting like i she’s the love of my life” i said and scoffed giving his shoulder another punch. he dodged away and chuckled loud enough only for us to here.

“i’ve never said anything about her being the love of your life.” he said and smirked as i scoffed again. “and that’s exactly how i know, you like her at least a tiny bit.” he added and i rolled my eyes.

“you’re being outrageous, i’m just being nice, she seems nice so im being nice.” i tried to explain myself realising i was only digging my own grave. he laughed this time and i pushed him away walking away from him and following her to the stage room.

when i walked in i saw her standing before the stage talking to freddie. what an adorable sight. i took myself out of the trance and walked over, closer to her not wanting to spook her.

“they’re pretty cool.” i said with a smile looking at the animatronics. she immediately looked over at me and smiled.

“seems like they like you too.” she said with a laugh and i didn’t fully understand her but just laughed along with her. her eyes went to the animatronics again only to go back to my face again in a second. i smiled noticing it while looking at her too and smiling widely. she chuckled softly looking at my face and maybe it was my imagination but she stole a glance at my lips. i wanted to say something but mike interrupted us.

“i can watch the cameras for a while if you want to talk with her.” he said standing at the doorframe with a smirk on his face. oh god. i rolled my eyes moving my eyes from her to him and nodded my head.

“if you want to.” i shrugged and he laughed at the way i tried to sound nonchalantly. vanessa chuckled as well and i felt my face red up again.

“you know where to find me.” he said and saluted to me walking out of the room and going to the cameras once again.

vanessa looked at me with a grin as she fixed her belt, i swear she was doing that on purpose as well. she started to wander around the room looking anywhere but at me. i shook my head slightly at her actions.

“so…” she started and stole a glance at me going back to looking around once again. i stood there observing her with an uncontrollable smile widening on my face. “you’ve been working here for long?” she asked and i almost laughed at the question and the silence part she wanted to say but never did if i was working here for long with mike. i slowly started to walk to her putting my hands in my pockets.

“not too long, but some time, yeah.” i answered and smiled at my own mysterious words. she stood in her place and looked at me with amusement painted on her face.

“and how’s it been? you like it here?” she asked still looking at me as i was slowly walking towards her.

“it’s okay, at least i made a new friend when i started working here.” i said with a smile referring to mike and my relationship with him. she smiled at my words but i could see how that smile was turning into a smirk.

“a new friend huh?” she asked grabbing her belt once again looking at me gently rising one of her eyebrows.

“yup.” i chuckled being close to her now, maybe one meter away. “just a friend.” i added with my own smirk.

“i see.” she smirked fully now and looked me up and down not being so subtle about it.

“why?” i asked wanting to see how she was gonna reacted. her smirk just grew more.

“just asking.” she shrugged moving her belt along. i rolled my eyes playfully at that. “trying to see if i could ask you out.” she said bluntly and i immediately lost my smirked not being ready for her to be so straightforward. after a second my smile came back.

“maybe you could, just need to try.” i chuckled as she moved a bit closer to me reducing the space between us. vanessa bit her lip smoothly, looking at me with a smirk. she started the sentence but mike interrupted us again.

“don’t wanna ruin your moment or anything, as i was excitedly watching you two through the cameras, but that thing.. you know what thing… in our office broke down again and i need you to fix it.” he said scratching the back of his neck while looking at us. i looked at him with mercy in my eyes shaking my head.

“yes, sure.” i said and started walking to him being done with everything at that point. vanessa laughed and collected herself almost immediately, while clearing her throat.

“i’ll be going, just got another call.” she said and i looked at her over my shoulder with surprise. “we’ll get back to that conversation another day.” she added with a chuckle as she excused herself and walked out of the room, leaving my speechless, going to the office once again.

17.05

i was right on time again and smiled noticing that mike wasn’t there yet. i confidently walked into our office and put down my stuff sitting comfortably in the chair and looking at the cameras. what i didn’t expect was a police car pulling into the parking this early. i tilted my head and watched as vanessa left her car and walked to the door. leaving my office i quickly went to the entrance wanting to let her in. i smiled seeing her through the glass and immediately opening the door for her.

“mike’s not here?” she asked as she went in, looking around.

“nope, not yet at least.” i said and closed the door. “but he’ll probably get here soon, after last time i told him to always inform me if he’s not gonna make it.” i shrugged and looked at her with w smile.

“i see.” she chuckled and went to the stage room, i followed her like a lost puppy. she said her greetings to the animatronics and turned her attention to me.

“long time no see?” i laughed and she laughed as well, moving a bit closer to me. i tried to move back but unfortunately, or not, there was a table behind me so my legs just hit the wood. she chuckled at that and made another step towards me.

“you can say that.” she said softly, the smirk suddenly turning up to her face. i smiled dumbly to her observing as she was coming even closer to me with every second.

“why so early tonight?” i asked looking at her face and unconsciously licking my lips. her smirk widened.

“just wanted to see you.” she shrugged and i felt my face blushing once again. “and maybe i hoped for mike to be late.” she added with a chuckle and my eyes widened with surprise and amusement.

“any particular reason you wanted to see me, officer?” i chuckled as she was now standing directly in front of me, her nose almost touching mine.

“maybe, maybe not.” she said with a chuckle looking at my lips and licking her own. oh boy.

“hm?” i murmured not knowing why my voice suddenly got quieter. she looked back into my eyes and move her hands so she was leaning them against the table on both of my sides.

“maybe i enjoy spending your shifts with you.” she murmured as well, making our moment even more intimate that it already was. “or maybe i wanted to be alone with you.”

“or maybe both?” i chuckled softly looking at her lips as well noticing how the corners of it went up as i said that.

“maybe both.” she agreed while softly nodding her head, gently bruising her nose against mine causing me to giggle.

i chuckled and kept looking at her lips all the time wondering if she was gonna make the move or not. “well then, enjoy it.” i said softly, looking up to her eyes only to notice she was looking at my lips as well.

“oh, i am.” she said and looked into my eyes, kind of looking for permission to do what we both wanted to at that moment. i chuckled and nodded my head bruising her nose with mine.

vanessa move her head closer to mine, fully touching my nose with her and almost connecting our lips when we heard mike’s voice.

“y/n! i’m here finally!” he shouted and i immediately locked myself out of vanessa’s embrace going straight to him and leaving her hanging there, with a very confused expression on her face.

i walked to mike and greeted him, immediately pulling him to our office with a scared expression on my face. he looked at me confused and noticed vanessa in the stage room as we were passing by and his face immediately changed to worry.

when we finally reached the office i closed the door behind us and looked at him with a puzzled face. he bit his lower lip thinking about words he should use.

“again?” he asked and i felt tears collecting in my eyes. he opened his arms for a hug and i immediately went to hug him.

“again.” i said with tears now rolling down my cheeks, hugging him tightly, wetting his shirt.

it wasn’t the first time he saw me starting to like someone and then getting fully damaged mentally by just liking them. he knew about all my past relationships and how affecting for my mental health they were so it wasn’t an unusual sight for him. in the moment of i guess heat with someone the adrenaline covers my fears but seconds after i feel like crying and screaming for not wanting to go through all the pain and trauma relationships can bring. vanessa was making me feel all bubbly and happy again but every night when i got home from shifts with her i spent half of the day crying not knowing why i was actually feeling that bad. i hoped it would be different this time but the fear of rejection and bringing myself back to normal life again was stronger than any bubbly feeling.

i hugged mike tightly once again and then let go of him, looking with puffy eyes at his face. he just grabbed my hands and stroked them not saying a word but it felt like he said a thousand. i smiled tiredly to him and sniff trying not to cry once again.

“maybe it’ll be different with her.” he finally spoke up and my heart dropped even at the mention of her. “go home tonight, i’ll cover for you.” he said and i looked at him surprised but smiled even more.

“thank you.” i said and squeezed his hands going for my things and leaving the office. i walked to the entrance and looked over to the stage room, guessing i’d see vanessa there but she was gone. the stage room was empty and i felt this weird cold sensation in my stomach again. i squeezed my eyes and opened the door going straight to my car and driving home but not missing the fact that her police car was gone as well.

18.05

i was alone at work tonight, fate wanted me to have my own shift that night. i was sitting in my office and watching the cameras when i noticed police car pulling up to the parking. i rolled my eyes not wanting to see her tonight, still not being ready for whatever it was gonna happened to her. vanessa went up to the door and rang the bell once, twice, three times and i didn’t respond for once. observing her through the cameras she knocked on the door then looked straight into the camera waiting for something to happen but it never did. she let out a deep sigh and got back and to her car driving away. i let out a deep sigh myself and put my hands on my face, thinking. being tired of everything that i was feeling i grabbed a napkin that was laying nearby, grabbed a pen and started writing my heart out hoping to give it to her one day.

19.05

tonight it was mike’s turn to have his own shift. as soon as he entered our office he saw the napkin with vanessa’s name on it and knew i wouldn’t leave something like that unintentionally so he knew he should handle it to her when he sees her. he decided not read it, even though i wouldn’t mind it that much.

few hours went by and vanessa turned up to the pizzeria. she didn’t pick up on our schedules i guess. she knocked on the door and mike immediately went to open it.

“she’s not in today, it’s just me.” he said with a tired smile.

“that’s what i was hoping for.” she said inviting herself in and going straight to the stage room. mike looked at her confused but closed the door and followed her to the room.

“so uh- what brings you here?” he asked scratching his neck once again. vanessa sat down on one of the tables and let out a deep sigh.

“she doesn’t like me, does she? i was too straightforward, right? i did something wrong, didn’t it?” she asked quickly becoming an anxious mess. mike went to sit beside her and took out the napkin from his pocket not showing her it yet.

“no, you didn’t.” he said and showed her the napkin with her name on it. “y/n is just… she has been through a lot and it may not seem like it but every interaction with you gave her a headache. and not the right kind.” he explained and vanessa’s face darkened even more, looking away from him.

“she doesn’t like me back. i knew it.” she said and wanted to hop off the table but he grabbed her wrist, stopping her from doing so.

“that’s not what i meant.” he said and squinted his face. “look, y/n just… she doesn’t know how to get used to those type of feelings again because of everything that has happened to her.” he said and let out a deep sigh. “it’s not about you, if i’m being honest you’re the least important thing in this whole mechanism. it’s not about you, it could be anyone and it would be the same.” he said and vanessa felt like she was going to start crying in a second. “but if i’m being honest, you’re the right person.” he added and she looked at him confused. “y/n normally wouldn’t even let anybody she found attractive near her in fear.” he said looking at the napkin in his hands. “but with you… she did. and you know how close she let you get. it means you must be different. in a good way.” he said and she uncontrollably smiled. “listen, i’m not gonna talk for her so just have this and… decide what to do with this. but please, don’t let her get false hope. she… im afraid she couldn’t take it.” he said and gave her the napkin also hopping of the table. “i’m going to my office, you know where to find me.” he said and left the room leaving vanessa with the napkin in her hands.

she looked at it anxiously and finally opened it, seeing a handwritten letter written to her.

dear vanessa,

i’m so sorry for everything that happened i mean, when i just ran away scared. sadly i can’t control all the things that im feeling, but believe me i wish i could. you didn’t do anything wrong i would say you did an opposite to that i just… i dont know how to handle what im feeling and i really don’t want to ruin anything. when im with you, you’re making me feel like im on top of the world but when im alone again i feel like a piece of shit. i know it’s fully my problem so i don’t want to bother you with this or anything else connected to me but i just wanted you to know that u really like you and i literally would do anything for these feelings to go away but i can’t. if i wasn’t feeling all of this i would’ve already asked you out and probably ask you to date me but even the thought of it makes me feel like im going to vomit. not because of you, of course, but just at the thought that something can go wrong i just… i hope you understand and i hope this letter doesn’t hurt you as much as it does me. i would do anything to fall for you without feeling… the way i am.

y/n

vanessa felt her eyes water up as she read the last sentence of the letter. she squeezed the napkin in her hands and immediately got off of the table walking straight to her car and driving to my apartment. i have never told her where i live so i guess being a police officer comes with its pros.

when she knocked on my door i was confused on who would be at my door at this hour but when i went to open it and saw her my heart dropped again, just like when i first saw her. i wanted to close the door but she grabbed it first.

“please, let me talk to you.” she said holding the door and looking at me with tears in her eyes. i shrugged and moved away from door letting her in. she closed the door behind her and immediately went after me. “listen to me.” she said grabbing my wrist and i looked at her surprised and scared. she immediately let go off my wrist and took a deep breath. “will you give me two minutes?” she asked and i nodded my head, standing in front of her.

“quick.” i said, being able to only get one word out do my throat.

vanessa took another deep breath and looked into my eyes. “i want to try. i want to see what will turn out from this. i know you’re scared, but i don’t want to hurt you, i know you probably heard it a dozen times, but please, give me w chance.” she said and tears started to form in her eyes. “i want to be with you for as long as the world will let me and even after that. we don’t have to jump into relationship of course, but i just want to be here for you even as a friend. don’t just cross me out of your life because you’re scared. i know how it is, believe me but…” she looked away and blinked a few times. “i want to try with you. i want to be here for you i want… i want to be yours and more importantly i want you to be mine. not on my conditions, not on yours, not on the worlds conditions, on ours. however we make them. i want to be here when you need me or when you just want to talk about everything and nothing. i want to be in your life and i want you in mine. when i first say you that day i knew i wanted to try and i hoped and still hope you’ll want to try as well. i don’t want to scare you or hurt you and ill do anything in my will not to do those things but if i eventually do, just tell me and i’ll do better, for you.” she said and grabbed my hands with her squeezing them. “please, i don’t want to loose you so quickly without even getting to know you. i want to give you my days and nights to just try and help you overcome your fears and everything bad that you’re feeling. i want to be that person and i know it might hurt one day, cause we never know what’s going to happen to us, but… isn’t it at least worth a try?“ she asked and a single tear rolled down her face. i bit my lower lip thinking what to say.

“okay.” i say simply and softly not being able to say anything else, being overwhelmed by her words and everything i was feeling at that moment. she smiled, and i knew this smile already was the death of me.

she let go off my hands and gently put her own on my face stroking my cheeks with a smile and tears still floating from her eyes.

“can i kiss you now?” she asked and i looked scared and felt scared but decided to agree, after all.

i nodded my head and her smile grew even wider. she moved her face closer, touching my nose with hers and just staring into my eyes for a long moment of silence. after a while i smiled to her my hands going to her belt and moved my head up so our lips would finally touch. she kissed me immediately, but she did it so softly i almost didn’t feel the kiss. our lips danced together for a moment and then she leaned away looking into my eyes again. i smiled to her and giggled not feeling so scared or trapped anymore, nor as close as i did that day in pizzeria. her smile widened as well as she whispered.

"i hope none of us is gonna regret it, ever."

[shitpostingperidot]

Carol Danvers’s Bookshelf

Thanks to the Ultra HD digital edition I have now identified 4/6 books on Carol’s bookshelf in The Marvels! There are several small piles of books scattered around various other surfaces, but no luck yet with them.

From right to left in this screenshot (it’s blurry because the camera’s focus was on the Monica and Maria pics just to the left):

1) The Martian Way by Isaac Asimov (Panther Science Fiction 8th printing from 1974). I love this choice for Carol because it’s about McCarthyism, resource-motivated imperialism, and manifest destiny (but in space). I also love the idea that Carol might have read this as a teenager and returned to it as an adult who has actual experience with space imperialism. (Thanks to my friend Mara for help identifying this one!)

2) 1999 Yearbook of Astronomy, edited by Patrick Moore. This is a guide to astronomical phenomena visible from Earth month-by-month in 1999, plus a section of essays on astronomy. In my opinion, this is proof that Carol returned to Earth in 1998 or 1999, since there’s no reason to get this book if you can’t use it to stargaze. It could also have been given to her as a gift from someone who had been to Earth, but let me have this.

3) A Manual for Being Human by Dr. Sophie Mort (published July 8, 2021). This is a pop psych and self help book about how our pasts affect us and how to create change in our lives. I’m obsessed with this choice for Carol for two reasons: the hilarity of poor awkward Carol being like “damn you’re right, I do need a manual for being human,” and the heartbreak of her still, after all this time, struggling to connect how her past has shaped her. Also, proof that Carol stuck around long enough to go to a bookstore or receive a gift when she went to earth for Maria during the Blip.

4) I am really not sure that there is enough info to go on to identify this book, and I’m considering emailing the production designer because this is really truly keeping me up at night. All I got is the book is tall, the spine is dark gray, and there’s half a face on it.

5) The Sporting News Official NBA Register 1998-99. This one was SO HARD to identify but I think the folded hands of that person sitting courtside are a smoking gun. I don’t know very much about the NBA, but interestingly, the 98-99 season didn’t even start until February of 99 due to a lockout. I wonder which team Carol likes; maybe the Celtics since she’s from New England? Anyway, to me this is further proof that she went to Earth in 1998 or 1999.

6) I got nothing and it’s killing me. No text I can make out, just some cartoon people floating around. Is this even a book?

One other fascinating thing is that in the trailer, the books have been digitally replaced with new text on similar spines? The Martian Way becomes “Lunar Mystery” for instance. I have no clue why

Thanks for coming to my Carol Danvers psychoanalysis hour. Should I email the production designer about the two unidentified books? Vote now on your phones

[jamneuromain]

💦🎉✨ with Ransom Drysdale 😏

Hmmm... I'm going to assume that you're planning a surprise for Ransom when something went terribly wrong...

An Attempt at Stalling

Ransom Drysdale x You

Warning: None?

A/N: Sorry Jaqui it's taking so long :( I had some me-time away from social media. (and this is my first time?! writing for Ransom I hope I get the bf!Ransom vibe right) Thank you for your support and love to my fics <333

It's nearly impossible to pull a stunt right under Ransom's nose. You know. You've tried (and failed).

Despite the failures during the past two times when you tried to celebrate his success in running his grandfather's publishing house, you have decided, yet again, to surprise him by asking a group of friends to decorate your shared home with photographs - photographs that recorded the history of Ransom taking ownership of the publishing house, how he was doing his best to strike deals and follow the steps of his grandfather.

Hundreds of photos.

You planned to have them printed, hanging from the ceiling with detachable fishing lines, from the living room to the kitchen, where he'd receive a cake that said "Congrats Mr. CEO!"

And unfortunately, it takes time to pull this stunt off, and your only hope would be stalling him during his family dinner at the mansion, for your friends to finish up the decoration at your house and sneak away before your return.

When Joni drones on about her environmentally friendly cosmetics, Ransom texts you with a bored face, tapping his foot on the floor.

Ran: Honey let's bounce

You check on the group chat, in which you talked to your friends five minutes ago.

TEAM SURPRISE PARTY: Need 30 mins Ryan forgot about the bouquet!!!!!

Which means you need to stall for at least another half an hour for them to clear out. You decide to come up with an excuse to Ransom.

You: just a few more minutes I want to hear Joni s story

Ran:?

Ran: Am I out of my mind or have you been brainwashed by aliens?

You chew on your lower lip to calm your nerves. It didn't help, and you are out of options to lie about.

Ransom takes your wrist and drags you to his room, leaving a grumbling "She needs to go to the bathroom", before kicking his door shut.

"What?" He snaps slightly when you eye him curiously. His hand still clutching your wrist, making it impossible for you to wiggle free.

"I..." You are not good at lying. You get nervous every time you try to cook up with a lie. Your palms get sweaty, your face burning hot, and you fidget like standing on a cushion of needles.

"Are you trying to keep a secret from me, honey?" Ransom allows a small grin to creep up his lips. He knows the symptoms too well: the jumpy look on your face, the hair on the back of your neck, and you are gripping your sweater with your fingers - the typical standard combo tells of you trying to lie.

"No... No." Your voice comes out high-pitched, which you quickly lower your voice to pretend to be confident, "No, not at all."

He takes that as a "yes", and asks, "And it has something to do with the fact that you suddenly don't want to go home?"

"No." You clear your throat, "Absolutely not."

Ransom nods thoughtfully, ignoring all the previous "no"s you've said, "You're not hiding a dog in our house, are you?"

"What? No." Although you are tempted to. You are hiding a cake and a bunch of your friends, and that hardly qualifies as "dog". Answering with more confidence, "Stop being paranoid. I want to spend some time with your grandpa. He seems ... lonely."

"Harlan?" Ransom snorts, "Honey, I appreciate you not adopting a dog in our house, but I don't want to spend a second more in this stinking place. Can we please go home?"

You sigh in defeat. There's no way on Earth that you can stall any longer without causing more suspicion. You pray that your friends are out of your house by now, as Ransom takes your hand to leave the room, waves goodbye to Harlan, and pulls his car out of the driveway.

You text frantically (and as subtly as you can sitting next to Ransom, who is driving the car) on your way back home.

You: SOS RAN'S DRIVING BACK HOME W/ ME

You: I hope ur done with the decor and the cake

You: AND THE FLOWERS!!

You could only text as fast as you can, hitting send before you could check the spellings and shutting the screen down before Ransom could peek in your direction.

You are a truly terrible spy if you ever come to it.

The drive home takes roughly fifteen minutes, which you let out an exhale of relief on arriving at your house and notice the empty front yard. Your friends drove here, it must have meant that they drove away a few minutes earlier.

Go Team. You chuckle silently.

Shoving away your phone in your pocket, you hold Ransom's extended hand as he shuts the car door and locks it. Every step you have taken nearer your house makes your heart jump out, fearing that Ransom would hate this surprise.

Ransom is the type of person who prefers seeing everything as if he's a clairvoyant. He doesn't hate surprises, he only hates it when the surprise has nothing to do with him - for example, celebrating someone else's birthday.

He mentioned once or twice about Linda forgetting about his birthdays when he was a kid, which you could only assume is the origin of the dislike of surprises.

Deep down, you secretly hope that he would enjoy this one.

Ransom spares a glimpse at his phone before turning the lights on.

The chandelier sparkles to life, and hanging from the ceiling, dozens of photos that recorded the history - his proud history of supporting the company, expanding it into not only publishing Harlan's books, but also owning a few newspapers and investing in some apps.

You wipe the invisible sweat from your forehead, relieved that this is a beautiful scene that you could almost cry.

"So this is what you've been hiding, huh?" Ransom comments lazily, giving your ass a light swat, which earns a squeal from your lips, "You know I hate surprises..." He mutters, pinching one of the photos closest to him, and taking a good look.

It was a photo taken from the earlier days, when he had just landed himself the company. A photo of you taking a selfie with him, as he struggles with the tie on his neck in a black suit.

"But I love this one." His soft gaze falls in your direction, pulling you close like a magnet, "Thank you, Honey."

You smile in his embrace. The said smile grows wider when he kisses the top of your head.

"Though I must say, you did a terrible job keeping secrets."

"Oh BULL," You scrawl, looking up at him in defiance, "admit it, Ran, you had no idea that I was gonna surprise you with this beautiful decoration."

Smirking in triumph, you challenge him for his reply.

"Too bad, honey," Ransom pulls out his phone, reciprocating your smirk, before opening the messaging app, and scrolling down to reveal your messages, "Aww, you are a terrible spy."

You: SOS RAN'S DRIVING BACK HOME W/ ME

You: I hope ur done with the decor and the cake

You: AND THE FLOWERS!!

They were meant for your friends, but you must have been so tense that you didn't even notice the receiver when you hit send.

As you huff out in defeat, Ransom sneaks a kiss from your lips, grinning wildly, "Now where's the cake I was promised?"

Find Jammy's 500 Follower's Celebration here 👈

Questions? Comments? Requests? 👉Send them to my inbox 👂

[dumbificat]

‎INEVITABLE EVANESCENCE ✮⋆˙

multifandom angst prompt event.

no matter the person, no matter the place. we will all fade away. that is our ‎inevitable evanescence.

— RULES ✮⋆˙

— reblog / comment if you’re interested in joining + the character(s) you’ll be writing for (so i know how many people will be joining) ('ω') — you can reblog even if you aren’t joining -> it helps with reach, so please do !!

— work with these prompts how you like ! there are no fandom restrictions. please write for one of the following: character x reader, character x character, character x oc, any of the aforementioned but platonic.（^人^）

— no nsfw, only sfw or suggestive - if you’re unsure if your work is too much, reach out to me before you post (⌒▽⌒)

— when you post your work, please use the tag 「INEVITABLE EVANESCENCE ✮⋆˙」 + @ me ! i’ll be making a masterlist for the published works :D

— when you post, please put which prompt you’ve used - either the word or the whole thing !

— you have until june 2nd to post, but if you need more time or want to withdraw, please let me know as soon as you can ! this is voluntary and just for fun after all ٩(^‿^)۶

— if you have any questions, reach out to my inbox or on discord (also dumbificat) ^_^

PROMPTS ✮⋆˙

FADE — watching as the light fades from their eyes, muttering soft “no’s” as they weakly reach up to your face, pushing hair behind your ear for the last time.

「i’m so glad you’re here…」 「of course i am, i promised, didn’t i?」

WITHER — they’ve been in a tough battle, now they limp on the bed. you’ve been treating them with such care but it’s hard to watch as they wither away.

「hang in there, okay?」 「i’ll try. for you, i’ll try.」

WANE — (romantic) after years in a relationship, you can feel their feelings wane. they don’t look, touch or say the same things they used too. will you let them go gently or fight for what once was?

「i’ll see you later. love you.」 「do you? you can’t even say “I” before it. what, are you scared of a letter?」

DISSOLVE — having to leave, not knowing when you’ll next see each other. you share one last hug, pulling away with shuddered breaths. it takes only a moment before their resolve dissolves into a mess of tears.

「please don’t go…」 「you know i have to. if i could, i would. you know that, too.」

VANISH — it’s been days since the accident, you’ve been by their side the entire time. the beeping of the heart monitor is enough to give you strength, but a flatline was quick to make that strength vanish.

「no… no, NO! IT’S NOT FAIR!」

DWINDLE — (hanahaki disease au) your best friend sits at your side, shocked at your state. you seemed fine days ago, how could you get so ill so fast? you contemplate telling them how you feel, ruining your friendship all the while or force them to watch as you dwindle away.

「how did this happen?! please, tell me!」 「i can’t…」

DIM — you notice how their smiles are weaker, dimmer than usual. it’s clear something happened, but you don’t know how to ask. you only hope you can offer comfort, but even that might be too much.

「i can tell you’re hurting. please, talk to me.」 「…」

DECLINE — they’ve been coming home late, not responding to texts. you barely know who they are anymore. your relationship declines, culminating when they send a fatal message:

「stop messaging me, you don’t need to know where i am.」 「so i guess that’s it then?」

DEGRADE — (platonic) they started hanging out with new people, leaving you in the memories of what your friendship used to be. you work up the courage to question the degradation of what you were but that might be the last time you speak.

「leave me alone.」 「you’ve changed. im glad you’re showing your true colours now.」

EVANESCE — they hurt you. more than you could ever imagine. promises were broken, as was your heart. you can’t stop the tears when they began to yell at you.

「what the hell is your problem?!」 「i’m sorry…」 「it’s too late for that now.」

well? what are you waiting for? join now !! :D

[pleasantlyinsincere]

John and Julian (and Cyn) through the '70s

Last edited on 8 October 2023. All edits listed at the end. Text in between [ ] are my thoughts.

Since John and Yoko had moved into Tittenhurst in August '69 Julian often spend weekends with them there.

"And then I'd live for the weekends I spent with my dad and his new love Yoko at Ascot. My feeling toward their relationship was helped by the way I was treated. I was given incredibly expansive toys to play with and there was always something happening." Julian, 1982

Cynthia describes that she was relieved that Julian got on reasonably well with Yoko, but she was concerned by some of the more bizarre stories of what was going on at Tittenhurst park.

"One of the hardest aspects of letting Julian visit John was accepting that Yoko would presumably look after him when he was there. I didn't know what he would make of her cool manner. But in fact he seemed fine with it, and perhaps it was better for him to have a rather distant step-mother than one who was all over him. He never told me that she was unkind in any way, which was a relief. After that first weekend Peter rang regularly to arrange visits for Julian. Much to my amusement Julian had started to call Yoko Hokey-Cokey." Cynthia Lennon: John, p.314

Photos of Julian at Tittenhurst in 31 January 1970. [John and Yoko only returned from Denmark January 27th, so Julian came to see them the first weekend back.]

Rest of the timeline including pics, quotes and audio behind the cut because it got ridiculously long.

23 February 1970

An article is published in the Evening Post talking about Julian and Kyoko. It mentions that in 1969 there were four months that father and son didn't get to see each other and also spent Christmas apart.

Some quotes from John:

"Julian, last time I saw him, was a bit too protected, like all kids are. It took him two weeks to unwind, when he was last with us." "I'm not a daddy with a set of bricks to play with. When I'm with the kids, they just come along with me and be with me, whatever I'm doing." Link to article

March 1970

Over the New Year John and Yoko had spent some weeks in Denmark with Tony Cox, his new partner and Kyoko. That arrangement had worked quite well and it seems it motivated John and Yoko to try to get closer with Cynthia and Roberto also. It seems in the end not much came of these good intentions.

Up until now, when Julian came to spend the weekend at Tittenhurst Park, it was Les Anthony who shuttled him back and forth between his parents. However, shortly after their return from Denmark, John and Yoko made a conscious effort to spend time with Julian, Cynthia and her fiancé Roberto Bassanini. John later remarked: "All five of us ate together and we saw to it that the children see us all together. Maybe six of us will go on vacation with Kyoko. Julian, Cyn and Roberto, so that everyone feels secure. That's very important. In order to have peace, it's necessary to start inside the family." Lennonology, source L'Express [3/23/70]

Instead John and Yoko left for LA 23 April 1970 to undergo Primal Scream therapy with Janov. They stayed for almost five months in the US and returned to England 15 September 1970.

June 7th, 1970

While John and Yoko are in LA doing their therapy with Janov. One of the topics discussed was John's troubled relationship with his son.

The meeting, which Vivian Janov describes as 'a very strong emotional day for him,' had taken place in April, and John was making an effort to maintain communication with his son. From Los Angeles, John posted a card to Julian today: 'I'm sorry I haven't called or written much. I've been a little sick. We miss you a lot, and send you our love... won't be long till I see you'. Lennonology

After the return from the US in September Julian continued to regularly visit Tittenhurst. During those visits he usually played a lot with Les Anthonys four stepchildren, who at the time were also living on the estate.

"Once Dad had a little white shed built on an island in the middle of a lake on the grounds of the house. He had bought these little white amphi-cars that sped across the lake. The three of us all dressed in white to spend the day there. Crazy, but wonderful."Julian, 1982

In this interview Julian describes going over to Tittenhurst just to be an idiot with his dad but also how scary the big house and his bedroom situation could be to him at night.

[The floorplan of Tittenhurst (LINK) actually shows Julian's room just across the hallway from John and Yoko's room but half a stairway down. There's not really a closer bedroom and he may have been put there, so that he has his own bathroom. It being so far away, small (somewhere he or Cynthia call the room a closet) and scary are after all the memories from a child's point of view.]

For the most part the visitation arrangements seemed to have continued in 1971. In the summer, when John and Yoko were filming for the imagine documentary, Julian can be seen roaming the property with his friends.

Saturday, July 17th, 1971 With the cameras rolling, John and Yoko roamed the Tittenhurst Park grounds in a golf cart with Jill Johnston. As promised, Blue Pools delivered the new lake house, and the Lennons spotted location. More footage was taken of the house under construction, the Lennons and Johnston rowing on the lake, and Julian and the neighbor children reading excerpts from Grapefruit on camera and running amok in the fields. Lennonology

Lennonology

Julian Lennon: Tittenhurst was this enormous palace-like place with 99 acres, golf-cart buggies, a lake, a little island in the middle of the lake. It was like a house of fun. It was wonderful. I loved the place.

LINK to a longer version of the quote but in German. Not adding much just both John and Julian sharing a mutual love for Dr. Pepper at the time, playing the mellotron and the children daring each other to enter a 'haunted' building on the property.

It's also at Tittenhurst that Julian meets May Pang, who had started working for John and Yoko as an assistant through ABKCO in NY and had come to England as a messenger to bring film rolls.

"There were a lot of great moments at Tittenhurst that I do fondly remember, you know, giggling and laughing with Dad. And, as they say, shooting the shit. But it was difficult to know, you think, 'OK, well, is this going to stay? Is this what it's going to be, now? Can I count on this? Can I be here next weekend or the weekend after? Is that going to happen?' That was one of the, obviously, the hardest pill to swallow, was the constant change. You know, you thought things were going to settle down, but they just never quite did." Julian, 2018

"I lived an ideal life between then [Cyn and Roberto] and John and Yoko, but it all ended when Cynthia's marriage broke up and Dad and Yoko moved to the States." Julian, 1982

The big cut happens when on August 12th 1971 John and Yoko leave for NY and take up residence in the St. Regis Hotel.

At first their plan was to search for Kyoko, so that she too could come for visits at Tittenhurst like Julian. In September John and Yoko appeared on the Dick Cavett show and briefly talked about their wish that both their children could be with them.

Maybe a Christmas present:

Christie's auction

[In her Lost Weekend doc, May talks about Julian calling and Yoko not allowing her to put the call through to John. She says at that point they hadn't spoken for a couple of years. Then a few weeks later she is in the audience for George Harrison's appearance on Dick Cavett. The show is aired in November '71, so if there is anything to her anecdote she may mean they hadn't seen each other for two months instead of two years.]

26 May '72

"Lennon admits that he is scared to say too much publicly about the case, because it was the initial publicity that had spurred Cox to vanish. He talks about how hard it is for Ono to see pictures of her daughter: I have to hide them. Asked about his own son, Julian, he says: I don't have that 'where the hell is he?' bit. But he reveals that when they were in England, and Julian visited them every weekend, it was difficult for Ono to be with him when her own daughter wasn't there: It was killing her." source

28 May '72

Cynthia quoted in a Sunday paper: "John hasn't seen Julian since he went to America. It is rather a long time. He seems to be occupied with Yoko's daughter now. He does write to Julian, just normal letters, asking how he is getting on at school and things like that. And he sends him presents. He sent him a toy truck at Christmas. I don't keep in touch with John anymore. It's purely through Julian that we keep in contact. Julian loves his father. He follows his career in the newspapers. He goes to a private boys' school where people don't bother who he is. He went to a state school but he had problems there."

14 June '72

Cyn's complaints are repeated in the LA times, where it said that John hadn't seen Julian in eight months. "He seems to be occupied with Yoko's daughter now."

On 22 September '73 John and May leave for LA and only a few days later on 2 October '73 it is reported in the newspaper that Cyn separated from Roberto Bassanini.

Cynthia gave some interviews on her recent separation and the fact that she and Julian moved back to Hoylake, where Julian goes to private school.

"Unhappily Julian misses his father, which is only natural. We only hear from John at Christmas and when the birthdays come around." 7 October '73, Sunday Mirror

"Julian is always asking after him but of course John is in America now. It's been hard for him not seeing John for several years. This sort of thing is naturally upsetting for a child." 7 October '73, Sunday People

According to May's book, while John had broken up with her, she went to the Dakota to be with Yoko. Yoko there told her that she had decided it was time for Julian to come for a visit and May should at least reunite with John for that period to help him with it. May agreed to go back to John for two weeks, but it ends up being more like a year.

Christmas gift '73

To Julian from Daddy Christmas 1973

[Julian has sold an NFT of the black guitar. LINK ]

Shortly after Christmas '73 Julian and Cyn travel to LA to spend his school holidays with his father. They stay at least until the Happy Days taping they visit together on 5 February '74.

During the over a month long visit May writes, that they went to Disneyland three times and had brunch together the first morning. Meanwhile John is still having some wild times. Since Julian is staying with Cynthia, he goes out with May. The Kotex incident and nearly killing Jesse Ed Davis happen at the same time of this visit. May also places Cynthia asking John to have another child together during this trip.

As the visit ends May makes John promise to call Julian regularly.

"It is the right thing to do. I promise you, Fung Yee." He was silent for a while, then John said suddenly, "I really would like to keep in touch with me son." May Pang, Loving John p.168

Julian too, took a lot of positive out of the meetings around this time.

"Mum and I flew out to the States and stayed at the Beverly Hills Hotel. At least Mum did, I spend every minute of every day with my Dad and Yoko. " Julian, 1982

In later recollections Julian correctly puts the first visit in the time-frame that John was with May.

“Dad and I got on a great deal better than,” recalls Julian. “We had a lot of fun, laughed a lot and had a great time in general when he was with May Pang.” Julian in The Times, June 13 2009

May Pang: Loving John. About this visit and how it was set up.

In April 74 Julian sends a Thank you tape to John and Yoko for his birthday gift. Even though John is with May at this time, the present it seems was sent from the married couple.

The present in question according to Julian was a guitar, decorated with a mirror, writing and other stuff:

John writes to Cyn 22 June '74 a typed letter asking about Julian's holiday plans. Interestingly as the return address he gives the Dakota. He wants to send May to bring Julian.

19/20-25 July 1974 Instead of being collected by May, Julian sails with Elton John, Tony King, and Cyn per boat from Southampton to New York.

[In her book Cynthia wrongly remembers this as her first visit with John in the US. She also claims this visit was completely her initiative, which as proven by the letter wasn't the case. The whole anecdote is interesting however because she says that it was never the plan to stay with Julian, John and May but stay in NY with Jenny Boyd. Jenny apparently wasn't told about that plan, because in the end she wasn't there to home Cynthia. (May on the other hand remembers that Cynthia was staying with friends but they left without her and she was lonely, so she ended up coming with them.) In the end (and to John probably rightly or wrongly suspiciously) what was planned as just a trip for Julian with his dad turned into Cynthia coming along most of the time.]

Cynthia'a account about how this meeting was set-up and why she was with them during the trip.

Tony King in The Tastemaker simply writes: “John Lennon wanted to see his son, so I took Julian and John’s ex-wife Cynthia along with me.”

August 6th '74

John, May, Cyn and Julian return to LA for John to record Goodnight Vienna with Ringo.

In the summer while working on Walls and Bridges Julian visits the studio. He records Ya Ya with his dad.

Little interview bit with Julian about being in the studio.

August 19th, 1974

John and May take a trip to Denver. Instead of coming with them Julian stays with Cyn in LA.

When the whole vacation is coming to a close, it is decided that Julian should come for another visit for Christmas. John is clear that he wants him to come alone.

Both May Pang and Cynthia wrote about this visit in their memoirs. [Cynthia is clearly mixing up and merging the first and second trip together in her recollection of it.]

Cynthia's account.

May's account.

December 19th, 1974

Julian, accompanied by Apple staffer Steve Brendell, arrived in NY on this day for Christmas with John and May. Mimi was also invited but declined to come.

While they were in NY Yoko also came by because she wanted to greet Julian.

John, May and Julian flew to Florida on December 22. Lennon said he accepted Levy's Florida invitation "because I was so worn out anyway" from back-to-back studio projects "that I didn't know what to do with my son Julian." John figured that at Disney World, "I could sort of sit in a room or something and Julian could play with Morris's kid." John's quotes are from his trial testimony Big Seven Music Corp, 75Civ, 1116; In Stan Soocher Baby You're a Rich Man, Suing the Beatles for Fun and Money

Until 29 December they spent time in Palm Beach and later returned to Orlando (Disney World).

During this visit, Julian was helpful in influencing John and George making up and the thus the dissolution agreement of the Beatles coming along.

Julian remembers his Christmas visit with John and May fondly: “My memories of that time with Dad and May are very clear - they were the happiest time I can remember with them.” Julian in The Times, June 13 2009

May Pang in Loving John on this visit.

Cynthia writes about this visit in her book.

Video from May Pang's Lost Weekend documentary. [She says Long Island but I guess it's Palm Beach.]

In early February 1975 John moves back into the Dakota and resumes his marriage with Yoko.

John gives an interview to SPIN magazine in early spring 1975. In it he is asked about his private life, his recent return to Yoko, what his relationship with May is like now, and also about Julian:

How about you as a father? How old is your son [Julian] now? He is 11 now. All I know is that you took him to Disneyworld … right? Yeah, that was hell. Disneyland was better, the first time, in L.A., I took him there. Because I went with a gang, and there were a few of us who were flying a little. But Disneyworld — I was there on the most crowded day of the year, around Christmas or something. Seeing him is good. What we do is irrelevant. I went through a period of, “What are we gonna do?” and all that crap. It doesn’t really matter. As long as he’s around. Cause I don’t see him that often. How is it for an 11-year-old boy to have John Lennon as a father? It must be hell. Does he talk about that to you? No, because he is a Beatle fan. I mean, what do you expect?? I think he likes Paul better than me … I have the funny feeling he wishes Paul was his dad. But unfortunately he got me … It must be hard to be son of anybody. He is a bright kid and he’s into music. I didn’t encourage him, but he’s already got a band in school. But they sing rock’n’roll songs, ’cause their teacher is my age. So he teaches them “Long Tall Sally” and a couple of Beatles numbers. He likes Barry White and he likes Gilbert O’ Sullivan. He likes Queen, though I haven’t heard them yet. He turns me on to music. I call him and he says, “Have you heard Queen?” and I say “No, what is it?” I’ve heard of them. I’ve seen the guy … the one who looks like Hitler playing a piano … Sparks? I’ve seen Sparks on American TV. So I call him and say, “Have you seen Sparks? Hitler on the piano?” and he says, “No. They are alright. But have you seen Queen?” and I say “What’s Queen?” and then he tells me. His age group is hipper to music … at 11 I was aware of music, but not too much.

Link to the SPIN interview

March 11th 1975

John is interviewed by Bob Harris on The Old Grey Whistle Test. He sends greetings to Julian, Mimi and the rest of his family in England.

30 July 1975

About Julian ... I'm lucky if I see/hear from him myself. She allowed him over here twice last year ... but insisted on coming herself! You can imagine how thrilling that was ... she thought she could walk back in coz I wasn't with yoko!! Now we're back together again she stops him phoning me ... which he did a lot last year ... once a week. He's a bright little boy ... a bit 'sneaky' like his dad ... but he's gonna need that to survive his mother! Our relationship is pretty good --- he knows where I am and what my life is like ... he thinks of me a litlle too much in terms of 'money' etc ... which is what cyn and her mother (so called) have taught him (by example). He will run right to me when he's older ... we all run somewhere ... so I can wait. I got him well hooked on America ... which isan extraordinary place to say the least ... more on that in other letters perhaps. Oh yes the baby is due in November! Conceived feb 6. I tried to send Julia to see julian ... she was given the cold shoulder. When I get to England I'll show you them both. I would love to see yours. Letter to Leila, John Lennon Letters edited by Hunter Davies

After only five months being back with Yoko, communication with Julian has become more sporadic again. To his cousin Leila John complains that it's Cynthia keeping Julian from calling and about her tagging along the previous year. He also claims that he sent Julia to check in on Julian.

Julia Baird in a '83 interview confirms John's claim to Leila, that he hadn't heard from Julian and sent his little sister to check up on him.

"He kept asking in letters and on the phone, 'Please will you go and see Julian? Will you go and see Julian? Will you go see and see Julian? I haven't heard from Julian. His mother's got a cob on. Can you please go and see what's going on?' [...] Anyway eventually Aaron persuaded me that I should go. He was the one that when we got another letter asking, 'Have you been to see Julian yet?', he said, 'Look, he's never asked you to do anything. I think you should go.' [...] We went and John had given us the address, I didn't know where it was. And she seemed very embarrassed to see me. In fact so much so, that I backed off. I just said, 'Is Julian there, please? I'd like to see him.' And she said, 'No, he's gone out.' And I just said, 'Well goodbye, then.' It was very odd, very bizarre."

In her memoir Cyn doesn't mention John sending family to check on them but has an opposing recollection of who was unreachable:

"Initially he did: he phoned Julian as before, every few weeks. But the calls became less frequent, and all too often when Julian tried to phone John he couldn't get through. Yoko, or one of their employees, would tell him that John was sleeping or busy. Discouraged, Julian would wait weeks before trying again. " Cynthia Lennon, John p. 346

1 May '76

Cyn marries John Twist. John and Yoko send a telegram: "Congratulations, good luck, God bless the three of you, John and Yoko.”

According to Cynthia a few weeks later John calls her to invite Julian over for a visit during the school holidays to meet his brother. Yoko and John take the children for a holiday to Long Island. Cynthia also writes that Julian was mugged during his stay in NY, when John told him to go out by himself to buy a harmonica he wanted.

Photos of Julian with John and Yoko in summer 1976.

The only other person I have read mention the '76 visit is John Green in Dakota Days.

As the apartment at the Dakota grew more crowded, John retreated to the quieter and more spacious southern shore of Long Island. He took Sean with him and brought Julian over from Britain. Yoko kept him posted with a barrage of phone calls. "How goes the war, Charles?" he chimed into the receiver. "No casualties so far. How goes the peace?" "Great. It's absolutely beautiful. I've got a bit of sea and a bit of green and my sons, and even once in a while I even have my wife. You should come out here and get some of this. It's delightful." Dakota Days, p.97

[Aside from Cynthia's and Green's brief mentions of the trip, there is very little information on this NY visit. Even Robert Rosen, who supposedly read John's diaries multiple times, has nothing to say about this or the '77 visits. He even claims repeatedly that Julian and John first reunited in 1979 and hadn't seen each other for four years at that point.]

One of Julian's memories that most likely fits this visit:

Julian first played piano when he was thirteen, visiting his father and Yoko in Montauk, Long Island, after Sean, his half brother, was born. Their next-door neighbor had a piano, and Julian and his father went there one day. Lennon played a couple of tunes, then Julian asked, "Can I have a go?" Julian to Rolling Stone, 1985

Another one that Julian doesn't connect to a date but he remembers the new situation after his little brother was born:

[Yoko] was very loving towards me, even after their son Sean was born. Right at the beginning I felt a few pangs. They were there with their own son. Where did I fit in? But every time I went over Dad would lay on amazing treats, and Yoko was always loving towards me." Julian, 1982

In the same interview Julian also tells the story of his dad offering him a joint when he was about 12, so that might have also been the '76 visit, or the '74/'75 Christmas visit.

Cynthia claims she had trouble getting the money she was supposed to use for Julian's school. She asked John to split the trust fund, so that she can withdraw money from it easier. John agreed.

Cynthia publishes the letter in her book John and calls it "cautious, polite and to the point":

"I explained that, as he and Yoko were out of the country, it was impossibly difficult for me to get at Julian's money: 'Nothing can proceed without your signature - it means I'm forever overdrawn at the bank and have to wait on the convenience of your lawyers ... I want the best for Julian, and his standard of life shouldn't suffer because of lack of good management on your part, which has been happening since the fund was set up ... The money, instead of having doubled through good investment, is dwindling through lack of interest on your part ... It's just so important that this whole arrangement is sorted out without animosity or aggravation ... The way things are going Julian's financial prospects when he is 25 will be virtually nil and he is going to want to know why... It is one thing fighting for your rights but totally ridiculous fighting against your own son's interests, which is what seems to be happening.' "

[She says she ends the letter with thanking them for arranging the Concorde flight for Julian last summer. However according to wiki Concorde didn't fly to NYC until November 1977. (That years Christmas John and Yoko do indeed book a Concorde flight for Julian.) So I suspect that her supposed letter is specifically written for her book and not an actual document as the presentation suggests.]

In mid-October Cynthia gives an interview to Woman magazine that also got picked up in multiple newspapers. In it she talks about their relationship splitting after their first LSD trip, John getting upset with Julian when he couldn't eat with a knife, alleges that she was being followed by a private detective in Italy,...

A report on the article in the Burton Daily Mail from 19 October '76 also quotes Cynthia as saying:

"Since then their relationship has been beautiful," she says. "They talk a lot on the phone, there've been other visits and he's going again this year. I believe now that John is completely off all drugs, has been off them for years, otherwise I'd never let Julian go."

[He's going again this year indicates that there was another visit planned in 1976. If that happened or fell through, I haven't found anything about that.]

October 25th, 76

John sends Julian a postcard from Singapore. “What happened to ya?”

Even though the previous few months there was a visit and positive communication about the finances, Cynthia's decision to publicly complain in the papers angered John. He responded on November 26th 1976 with an open letter in the Daily Mail.

"Lennon tells first wife: Stop blaming Yoko," it read: "As you and I well know, our marriage was over long before the advent of LSD or Yoko Ono. Your memory is impaired to say the least. Your version of our first LSD trips is rather vague. You seem to have forgotten subsequent trips altogether. You also seem to have forgotten that only two years ago, while I was separated from Yoko Ono, you suddenly brought Julian to see me in Los Angeles after three years of silence. During that visit you didn't allow me to be alone with him for one moment. You even asked me to remarry you and give you another child 'for Julian's sake.' I politely told you no and that anyway I was still in love with Yoko. Finally, I don't blame you for wanting to get away from your Beatle past, but if you are serious about it you should try to avoid talking to and posing for magazines and newspapers. We did have some good years so dwell on them for a change."

Cynthia answers to the press after this, saying she doesn't want them to throw mud at each other and repeated "All I want to do is forget the Beatles and enjoy my present life". Still, only a few months later in 1977 she starts to write A Twist of Lennon (allegedly gleefully on a typewriter Yoko had gifted Julian). In her later memoir John she writes she was persuaded to do it by her husband John Twist who believed it would make their fortune.

Julian is sent to boarding school for that time. [In her book John Cynthia explicitly remembers that she moved to Ireland to write. However newspaper reports from the time suggest that the move happened later. So, probably Julian wasn't boarding at this time but those months in '78.]

At the same time communication between John and Julian was happening regularly and according to his diaries he got excited by the idea of buying Julian a keyboard.

July 14th, 1977

December 25th 1977

Julian comes by Concorde to stay at the Dakota during his school holidays.

[At the time of Julian's visit John and Yoko were still helped by the FBI to deal with the kidnapping threat and extortion attempt that had been going on for weeks and scared them badly. Also, Tony Cox had made contact by phone and agreed that Kyoko could visit for these holidays but then disappeared again and John would never hear again from Kyoko. I don't know if Julian was told any of this but I assume it probably was one of the more tense christmases.]

Going by Giuliano because neither Cynthia nor Robert Rosen mention this trip by Julian at all, John was very excited about Julian coming getting up early and baking bread for him. Julian gets close to Nishi and thereby brings forth John's competitive streak. John tries out the parental philosophy of wanting to spend time with Julian instead of giving him material goods, Julian goes 'oh, really' and John caves in. When he leaves John draws a portrait of Julian. Source

[Since Robert Rosen, who also read the diaries, doesn't even know about the '76 or '77 visits (and Giuliano too thinks they saw each other last at Disney World), they may not be the source for the above. I thought it might have been from Dakota Days but it's not. John Green mentions the '77 Christmas visit but says the family were going to Florida to meet Julian there because of the security threats. I think Green is confusing this and a later visit, so I will insert his account of what John told him on returning there.]

Julian stays most of January. Goes to see the musical The Magic Show with Yoko and the band Riff-Raff with John. 

In February of 1978 Cynthia and her husband sell their house and move away from Ruthin to Eire to avoid a 'wealth tax'. They leave Julian to be a boarder at his school. Cynthia and John Twist return in December, probably because they missed Julian.

April 1978

[It's not actually dated aside from being from 1978, I just assume the guitar was Julian's birthday gift.]

GIBSON Les Paul 25/50 guitar

"Dad gave me this special order rare model - it was always exciting to receive something like this from my dad. When I visited Dad we would sit down together and he would teach me a few chords and help me improve my technique." Julian in Beatles Memorabilia. The Julian Lennon Collection.

May 19th 1978

A conversation with Cyn and excerpts from her memoir A Twist of Lennon are published in News of the World.

John, Yoko and Sean are in Japan for their summer vacation. Through his London lawyers John tries to stop the publication of Cynthia's book as a serial in the News Of The World.

Tuesday, June 13th, 1978 Having been telephoned in Japan with the details of Cynthia's memoir excerpt in News Of The World, John instructed his solicitors to issue a High Court injunction in an effort to prevent the publication of a planned second installment. Frere Cholmeley & Co., Lennon's attorney in London, described the piece as 'a salacious and gribby little article,' although it was qualified with the statement: 'He does not deny that he held parties or took drugs, but he deplores the publication of intimate details of his married life.' Friday, June 16th, 1978 In the case of Lennon v. News Group Newspapers Ltd and Twist, Lord Denning rejected John's application for an injunction in London's High Court today, permitting the publication of more excerpts from A Twist Of Lennon. For his par, Denning was not impresses with John's argument that the article's publication was a breach of confidence of the marriage: 'I cannot see that either of these two parties have had much regard for the sanctity of marriage ... It seems to me as plain as can be that the relationship of these parties has ceases to be their own private affair. They themselves have put it into the public domain.' Sunday, June 18th, 1978 Having successfully defended the right to publish excerpts from A Twist Of Lennon, today's edition of News Of The World featured part two of their series: 'How Yoko stole my husband.' " Lennonology

When the book actually was released feelings turned out to be much softer than expected. Cyn ends her first memoir with the words :

I still feel very proud of the Beatles and their accomplishments. My life during that period was an education, an education I wouldn't have missed. It has left me feeling enriched, not embittered, enlightened not blinded. All I can think to conclude my story is to say, 'Thanks for the memories, and in the words of the I CHING, no blame.'"

After finishing reading his ex-wife's book, according to Robert Rosen, John was relieved and enjoyed the nostalgia. He said a prayer for Cyn: "Dear God, please show her The Way. Thank You. Thank You."

Postcard to Julian:

[I can't make out the date on the card. Julian's Beatles memorabilia book says it's from '71 but that's obviously wrong with Sean being included and Julian's Ruthin address on it. John makes the reference to being a farmer. They bought their farm in February 1978, so I put it that year. May be wrong though.]

March 21st 1979

Julian is supposed to join John, Sean and Yoko's visiting nieces in Palm Beach.

[John taking a photo of Julian in '79]

There are multiple, very different accounts for this visit, that includes Julian's 16th birthday celebration.

John bought Julian a motorcycle for his birthday.

At one point they went to Disney World, (which none of the accounts of the trip even mention), where this photo of Julian and Yoko's nieces was taken:

Accounts from:

Robert Rosen [Rosen writes that Dan Richter's children came for a visit. Correction: I said before that that because Dan wrote in his book that he never saw John again after 1974, it seemes unlikely to me that his kids would be sent out to John and Yoko five years later. However Dan Richter does confirm that in his interview on the Podcast Glass Onion: On John Lennon episode 16:

"My kids would go down, they had a place down in Palm Beach or whatever it was down in Florida. And they were there at Christmas and bring Julian and they would fly my kids down to play with Julian. And everybody, the sense we got was they were happy!"

This visit doesn't happen over Christmas but it sounds like he is talking about more than one occasion that happened and probably Christmas is one example. Could also mean that Rosen is mixing up the occasion for that anecdote.]

Cynthia Lennon

Fred Seaman

Geoffrey Giuliano

John Green [Green puts this actually to the '77 holiday visit, where he wrongly writes they went to Florida. I think (if his stories are to be believed at all) he confuses John's anger and disappointment upon return with this visit of Julian's. It also fits with being in Florida.]

[I recommend to read all of them. Lots of drama. I may one day make a comparison post between all the account because they are fascinatingly different.]

April 9th 1979

John writes to Mimi saying Julian would be welcome to live with them if he so chose but there had been no arrangements made.

Q: Did you ever plan to go and live with him [John] in New York? Julian: "When I was in my early teens we'd spoken on the phone about the possibility of me going to college over there. I think it was wishful thinking on both our parts because I felt uncomfortable about the situation and I believe he did, too." Hello! Magazine, 1995

April 25th 1979, Postcard to Julian from NY:

Julian declines to join his dad, Yoko and Sean for their family's yearly vacation in Japan.

[July 1979 In the context of getting one of his guitars Julian said that John bought him a Sony Walkman as a gift when they were brand-new. He puts around '73-'74. However according to wikipedia the Sony Walkman was first sold in July '79, so that present would have been sent to Julian around this time, maybe directly from Japan.]

December 1979

On 3rd-4th December there is a two part feature in the Daily Mail called "The Sons of the Beatles" on Julian and Zak.

"When I'm in New York, we go out quite a lot together round some of the art galleries, or to his house at Long Island. When we stay in we have musical jam sessions together singing out latest songs to each other. I still listen to Beatles music. Although I quite like some of my father's solo albums, I much prefer what he did with the Beatles." (quoted from Lennonology p. 508)

Also that month:

"More disturbing to John were the ongoing trials with Julian. The sullen teen continued to vex his father with his on-again, off-again plans to visit over Christmas. At first Julian said maybe, as long as they didn't go to Florida. Then it was a flat no, using school exams and a new girlfriend as an excuse. At the last minute he called saying he would come to New York only if he could bring a friend, but Yoko turned him down. As usual John didn't challenge her. Julian retaliated by sending his father a tabloid article about rock stars' sons, which focused on both him and Ringo's son Zak Starkey, and went into detail about the trials of being the offspring of a Beatle." Lennon in America by Giuliano p. 218

On the other hand John Green does write that Julian spent Christmas '79 with John, Yoko and Sean. He even says that Julian stayed until February. ("John stayed in the Palm Beach house until February, luxuriating in the sun and sea, forging new ties with Julian and delighting in rediscoveries of himself." p.229) [This can't be true however because John was definitely in NY for Christmas and New Years. John and Yoko did buy a house in Palm Beach late January however and were spotted there a few times in February. I can't find a mention of Julian being spotted with them, so it may or may not have happened. I do think between the two of them Giuliano's account is probably more accurate. The Daily Mail article he mentions of Zak and Julian had come out on 3 or 4 December, so that is also believable that it had come up in pre-christmas discussions. But of course it's possible that a visit happened anyway.]

1980

Julian called in February 1980 to set up another meeting with his dad. This time John denied him, surprisingly because he was worried about Julian's schooling. Through Cynthia he had learned that Julian was failing his O-levels, had started smoking, staying out at night drinking, had gotten in trouble with the police for setting up fires and racing through town on a dirt bike. "John just prayed that Julian didn't hurt himself." There is also continued conflict over money. John felt that Julian every time they spoke asked him for more money. "And though John continued to feel guilty about having abandoned Julian and Cynthia, he'd be damned if he was going to be like every other rich asshole father who'd abandoned his family and then used money as a poor substitute for love and companionship." source

In March 'A Twist of Lennon' gets its paperback release and new reviews are printed in the press.

Summer 1980

When John sat for a portrait painting with Sean for the artist Nancy Gosnell, he wondered if she could also do one of him and Julian from a photograph. He wanted to give him a father and son portrait for his birthday, according to Fred Seaman.

September 1980

PLAYBOY: "Your son, Julian, from your first marriage must be in his teens. Have you seen him over the years?" LENNON: "Well, Cyn got possession, or whatever you call it. I got rights to see him on his holidays and all that business, and at least there's an open line still going. It's not the best relationship between father and son, but it is there. He's 17 now. Julian and I will have a relationship in the future. Over the years, he's been able to see through the Beatle image and to see through the image that his mother will have given him, subconsciously or consciously. He's interested in girls and autobikes now. I'm just sort of a figure in the sky, but he's obliged to communicate with me, even when he probably doesn't want to." PLAYBOY: "You're being very honest about your feelings toward him to the point of saying that Sean is your first child. Are you concerned about hurting him?" LENNON: "I'm not going to lie to Julian. Ninety percent of the people on this planet, especially in the West, were born out of a bottle of whiskey on a Saturday night, and there was no intent to have children. So 90 percent of us... that includes everybody... were accidents. I don't know anybody who was a planned child. All of us were Saturday-night specials. Julian is in the majority, along with me and everybody else. Sean is a planned child, and therein lies the difference. I don't love Julian any less as a child. He's still my son, whether he came from a bottle of whiskey or because they didn't have pills in those days. He's here, he belongs to me and he always will."

Playboy: I was under the impression that you still weren't seeing Julian much. Lennon: Well, no, he's comin' here over shortly now. I see him whenever he get's off school. Playboy: Has it been hard for him to be John Lennon's kid? Lennon: Yeah, he has his own... Everybody has a cross to bear, and Julian has that cross, and he'll deal with it. He's a clever boy, and as he gets older we can communicate and he'll understand.

[I wasn't sure what upcoming visit John is referring to since I couldn't find one mentioned anywhere. However there is an article in the Daily Mirror from 8 October 1980 including interview passages with Cynthia that mentions Julian currently being in New York. So without any photographic evidence, he isn't in any of the birthday photos, or anecdotes about it, there still might be the possibility that there was a (pre-)birthday visit from Julian to John and Sean in 1980. Julian himself hasn't been completely consistent on when he last saw his Dad. He has said that his '79 birthday visit was their last meeting (which I think is most likely correct), but he also claimed that he was flying out regularly.]

"According to Cynthia, Julian, now 18, plays guitar better than his father. He has left school and is off to New York to stay with his famous dad." Link to the article

In an interview with Jonathan Cott on 5 December John reflects more on the troubles of being a Beatle's son and on how mistakes in his decision for Julian's schooling changed his outlook on his plans for Sean. [Julian had been going to private school since at least 1973.]

"[...] because he can't possibly be an average child, being the son of famous parents. I tried that game with my son Julian, sending him to a comprehensive working-class school, mixing with the people, but the people spat and shit on him, because he was famous, as people are wont to do. So his mother had to finally turn around and tell me to piss off: 'I'm sending him to a private school, the kid is suffering here.' "

Cynthia writes that by the end of 1980 Julian felt a breakthrough in his and his father's relationship. John played Julian songs from his new album over the phone, asking his opinions. source

Julian himself reflects on his and his dad's relationship by the time of his death like this:

"I know that dad's presence will be around for a long time. He was always joking, always sounded happy, which made me think more of him as a friend than a dad. My earliest memory of my father was when I was about three and he sang happy birthday to me. We were living at Weybridge, Surrey, and dad threw a birthday party for me and brought in a long cake shaped like a train and festooned with candles." Sunday Mirror, 5 April 1981

As early as 1982 negative feelings would influence Julian's memory, saying he didn't get to see his father for five years, that he only heard on Birthdays and Christmas from him or that after the first US visit it was again years before he got to go another time, when it was merely months.

"The Beatles sang 'All You Need Is Love' - and that is all I wanted from Dad. It is difficult to explain why I should feel so strongly, when we shared so little. Never once in all the years he lived in America did he even think about coming to see me. Apart from rare visits, I lived from birthdays to Christmas just to hear from him." Julian, 1982

[Those false memories/presentations may have been the result of his beginning break from Yoko around that time and the conflicts about money, or maybe his memories just adapted to the way it was talked about in his family.]

"It was more of one man to another than the usual father and son relationship, because he had been away from me a lot, and he said he realized that. I was just getting through to him and growing up myself and growing out of the silly giggling I did as a young teenager that really annoyed him, when Dad was killed." Julian quoted in Ray Coleman's John bio, pp.620

"Dad was such an influence in my life, it must have been hard on Mum. She'd do her best with presents at birthdays and Christmas, but I always waited for that special present that was bigger than anything else - from him. Yet he never sent anything spontaneously. He'd phone up and ask what I wanted, and it would arrive. I don't think he was trying to buy me in any way. It was just a chance for him to do something for me. He knew I wanted to be a musician and kept telling me to take a long time to get it right. He removed a lot of the stress I suppose other kids might feel. I didn't do very well at school. I don't think I'm dense, but I suppose I'm a bit lazy. There's only one thing I want - to know for sure that Dad loved me as much as I loved him. Or maybe to have him back." Julian, 1982

Edits: 29 April - December 1974 John trial quote added; September 1980 Playboy interview quote added 6 May - added Julian quote about relationship to his father by the time of his death 7 May - added Old Grey Whistle Test clip March 11th 1975 18 May - added info about 3-4 December '79 Daily Mail feature on Julian and Zak, added all the info I could find on any visits in John Green's Dakota Days and multiple notes on to those mentions. 20 May - added Cyn's quote for 28 May 1972. 23 June - added the Tittenhurst floorplan and the link to an extended quote from Julian about being there in German 8 July - added quote from 5 Dec 1980 to Jonathan Cott 20 July - added Julia Baird audio on trying to see Julian for John 1975 22 July - added info on a possible 1980 visit, 1973 interviews, 1976 info, 1980's quote 30 July - Spin interview '75 added, Cynthia quote from Burton Daily Mail '76 added 1 August - added bits from Julian's 1982 article throughout, transcribed some of the jpg quotes, so that I may add more photos, some photos added 4 August - correction in my comments about the likelihood of Dan Richter's children being with them in 1979 19 August - Box of Smile 8 October - Added some postcards, the guitars, reset some photographs because of the picture limit 12 November - Added the video clip from May Pang's doc

[duckprintspress]

In honor of the 54th anniversary of the Stonewall Riots – June 28th, 1969 – Duck Prints Press is thrilled to share with you how we’re celebrating Pride Month: with queer stories, of course!

Introducing our Pride 2023 Bundles: two collections of short stories, one general imprint, one erotica, each priced at a discounted $19.69, with all purchases benefiting two wonderful queer charities selected by the authors of the stories in the bundles: The Ali Forney Center and the Transgender Law Center.

We’ll be donating roughly 35% of the proceeds from these bundles to charity – the Press is donating 10% off the top, and many of the authors chose to donate part of their royalties as well, bringing the totals to approximately 40% of the list price of the erotica collection and approximately 35% of the list price of the general imprint collection.

How This Works

you buy one or both bundles between now and July 28th, 2023.

we tally up all the proceeds earned and do some math-e-magic to figure out how much we’re donating!

we divide the charity share in half right down the middle and, within the first week of August, we donate raised money to the Ali Forney Center and the Transgender Law Center; then, we post the proof we’ve done so.

you get fantastic stories!

we all get that happy, glowy feeling of knowing that money has been well-spent on fantastic causes!

About the Press

Duck Prints Press is a queer-owned indie press, founded to publish original works by fancreators. We’ve been in operation for over 2 years, and in that time we’ve worked with well over 150 creators to publish four anthologies and almost 70 other stories, from shorts to novels, and we’ve got more on the works (our fifth anthology is Kickstarting RIGHT NOW, as a matter of fact!). The vast majority of our creators and their creations are queer/LGTBQIA+ (maybe even all, but we don’t out anyone and we don’t ask demography because, frankly, it’s none of our business).

20 of our authors have chosen to include their short stories in one or both of these short story bundles, and these 20 and others nominated charities, then voted to narrow it down to these two! Participation in these bundles was entirely voluntarily, as was choosing to donate shares of royalties, which about a third of the authors have opted to do.

About the Charities

Note: These charities are not affiliated with the Press, do not know we’re doing this fundraiser, have not endorsed this in anyway and are, as such, utterly uninvolved in this beyond being the beneficiaries of our efforts! Text is from the websites of each charity and is being used under fair use laws.

The Ali Forney Center was founded in 2002. Committed to saving the lives of LGBTQ+ young people, our mission is to protect them from the harms of homelessness and empower them with the tools needed to live independently. A 24-hour program, The Ali Forney Center never closes its doors. We provide more than just a bed and food for those in need — from initial intake at our drop-in center to transitional housing and job readiness training, we provide homeless LGBTQ+ youth a safe, warm, supportive environment to escape the streets [of New York City].

Transgender Law Center is the largest national trans-led organization advocating self-determination for all people. Since 2002 we’ve been organizing, assisting, informing and empowering thousands of individual community members towards a long-term, national, trans-led movement for liberation.

About the Bundles

(this is getting long, so read more...)

We’re offering two bundles: one containing 14 stories from our general imprint, the other containing 11 stories from our erotica imprint. For all the deets, you’ll need to visit the page for each story, but here’s an overview…

Titles in the General Imprint Charity Bundle:

A Mutual Interest by Alec J. Marsh

The Problem with Wishes by Annabeth Lynch

Let the Solstice Come by D. V. Morse

Warmer Lights by Era J. M. Couts

An Odd Gathering of Peculiar Cats by J. D. Harlock

Dead Man’s Bells by Nicola Kapron

Widow’s Black by Nina Waters

twin flames by nottesilhouette

A Shield for the People by Puck Malamud

Much Ruckus by R. L. Houck

Bubble, Bubble by Sage Mooreland

Settling Down by Theresa Tanner

Best Friends AND… by Tris Lawrence

To Fill My Cup by Violet J. Hayes

Approximately 35% of the $19.69 list price of this bundle will go to the charities.

Titles in the Erotica Imprint Charity Bundle:

Pas de Deux by Aeryn Jemariel Knox

Study Hall by Alec J. Marsh

A Safe Place to Land by boneturtle

Clerical Error by Dei Walker

In the Moonlight by E. V. Dean

We All Need to Get By by Lyn Weaver

The Fated Prince by Mikki Madison

Lust by Nina Waters

No One Right Way by R. L. Houck

Easier Than Expected by Samantha M. Piper

Urchin Juiced by Xianyu Zhou

Approximately 40% of the $19.69 list price of this bundle will go to the charities.

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These bundles will only be available for one month, so don’t miss out. Visit our webstore between now and July 28th and get yours!

[rin-fukuroi]

𝐍𝐨𝐰 𝐈 𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝 [𝐍𝐞𝐮𝐯𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞]

Please do not translate or publish my works without my permission.

The originals of my works can be read here

Fandom: Genshin Impact

Pairings: Neuvillette x fem!reader

Warnings: NSFW, sub!Neuvillette, loss of virginity (Neuvillette), established relationships, oral sex, creampie.

Note: English is not my native language, so I apologize if there are errors in the text qq

I think this guy is definitely a virgin, so I had to fix it ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

art: @eriimyon

— Are you inviting me to come over... to your place? We've just had dinner, — Neuvillette is charming when he doesn't understand your hints at all. Although, he could hardly even make out a hint of what he basically does not understand.

You coquettishly wrap your own wrist behind your back, blunting your gaze at the floor, standing at the entrance to your house after a date that is already quite familiar to both of you. The Hydro Dragon really should have shown more interest in recognizing human emotions at the time, then maybe it wouldn't be so hard for him to understand you now. Yes, he notices when you're upset and understands that your beaming smiles mean you're happy, but now… Your behavior goes beyond what he's used to.

Neuvillette notices how your cheeks are slightly pink, you don't meet his eyes, you don't answer his question, but you don't leave. All the signs must indicate that you are confused, but by what? Did his question put you in an awkward position?

— Y/N, — the man clears his throat before speaking in a more serious tone. — I think there was a misunderstanding between us, and if my words confused you, then I apologize. I don't think I fully understand why exactly I should come to your house at such a late hour, but… if it's important to you, I won't refuse.

— Oh, Archons, you are unbearable! — you pull a confused man by the hand, forcefully dragging him into the hastily opened door of your house.

Just for a moment in the dark, while you stand pressed against the door that you slammed with your back, silence reigns between you. What should Neuvillette do next? Wait for an offer to go into the living room, start talking first? Oh, he's so bad at it.…

— Y/N…

— Listen, aren't we… kind of in a relationship? And it's been a long time, right?

Neuvillet thinks about it before answering anyway.

— Regarding the years I have lived, our relationship doesn't last that long, but if we take into account how long the human age has been, then I think we can say that we have been really close for a sufficient amount of time to designate this period as a long one.

— That's right. And we're already holding hands without hesitation, kissing and hugging when we're alone, right?

The Chief Justice swallows.

— Ahem… yes, that's right. Although it was all new to me at first, but now I understand why you're always so eager to touch me.

— So you like my touch? — you take a step forward, coming close to your lover before your hands fall on his shoulders, slowly sliding down Neuvillette's chest.

— If that wasn't the case, I guess I wouldn't let you do that, — the man tensed slightly as you fiddled with the fabric of his robe. You've never done anything like this before.

— At the beginning of our relationship, I said that I would show you how pleasant physical contact and feelings can be between two people… or, in our case, between a human and a dragon. You trusted me, and now you have no doubt that my suggestions, even the craziest ones, eventually bring you pleasure?

— I have nothing to object to. You've really discovered a lot of nice things for me that I didn't even know existed until I met you.

— Exactly! — you suddenly squeeze the thick fabric on Neuvillette's chest, looking straight into his confused mother-of-pearl eyes with complete seriousness. — In that case, you should know that this is not all.

— Not all?.. What do you mean…

— Neuvi, tell me, do I turn you on?

"Turn me... What?"

— Wh-what do you mean?

You frown, but then the irritation on your face turns to thoughtfulness as you look away, carefully choosing the words you are going to say.

— Have you ever wanted something more than kisses?

Ah, he seems to understand what you're getting at. Neuvillette is quite knowledgeable about the physiology and reproduction of humans, but he never thought about the fact that everything might not be as primitive as it sounds in scientific books. Kissing and hugging are not something necessary for people's life and interaction, nevertheless, it seems to be important to you, and he himself feels some dependence on your touch, although he does not show it. Does this mean that sex is also an obligatory part of any relationship and is a manifestation of love in physical form, and not just a way of one of the types of reproduction of living beings?

— Oh, that's what you're talking about… hmm, — the man really thought deeply, switching off for a few seconds before finally looking into your eyes with all the seriousness that only he is capable of. — I'm sorry, Y/N, I never thought that I fit into society well enough even after centuries, but after realizing that I have feelings for you, I decided that maybe I began to understand people a little better… I guess it's still not so, and it's hard for me to answer your question.

— In that case, I'll help you decide on the answer.

Neuvillette's words dissolve on your lips when you unexpectedly kiss a confused man.

It's not that you've never done this before, but now your kiss is more insistent, more… Passionate? When you unceremoniously invade his mouth, Neuvillette can feel how you are overwhelmed by the desire for intimacy and an irresistible thirst that he has never experienced when your saliva settled on his tongue. No matter how many human emotions he experiences touching the waters of the Fontaine, what you are experiencing now is so new to him, but the Hydro Dragon succumbs to this feeling, allowing his palms to rest on your waist.

And that gesture was enough for you to realize that your lover doesn't seem to mind what you're about to do, so your fingers are now frantically fumbling with the fasteners on several layers of his clothes while your lips are still on his. It's all so weird.… Perhaps Neuvillette undressed in front of someone for the last time only during Sidgwyn's medical examination, which, in fact, there was no need, but he could not refuse her insistence. But now you're gradually unbuttoning his clothes for a completely different purpose. Is this the first time the Chief Justice has thought about whether his human body is attractive at all? But does it matter if you don't seem to be tormented by a single question when you break off the kiss and gently pull his robe and shirt over his shoulders, staring at his now bare chest and torso with fascination.

The tips of your fingers lightly tickle Neuvillette's pale skin as you run them over the man's tense muscles, without taking your curious gaze off the trajectory of your movements, before turning your attention to the dark blue gloves clinging to his graceful hands. You wrap your arms around each of his wrists in turn, gently pulling the thick fabric from the man's long fingers until the gloves go to the floor to his robes and shirt.

— You wear too many clothes, you know? — you giggle, now looking up to meet Neuvillette's gaze, still with the same calmness on his face as always, watching what you're doing.

— No less and no more than is necessary to maintain the image of a judge, I suppose…

— Come on. Everyone in Fontaine knows who you are and how seriously you take your job and will never question it, even if you dress in something more comfortable, — the corners of your lips lift in a soft smile before you take a step back, depriving Neuvillette of the warmth of your hands on his skin. — And now… it's your turn.

The mother-of-pearl eyes of the Hydro Dragon widen when he freezes for a moment, awkwardly glancing at your body.

— Do you want me to, uh… take off your clothes too?

— Yes.

For the first time, Neuvillette was truly embarrassed. A slight blush covered his cheeks as he plucked up the courage to come closer to you and stretch out his hands to touch the button on your jacket. Hesitantly, but the man coped with the first task, unbuttoning your outer clothes before casting a last questioning glance at you, meeting your approving nod, after which the fabric of the jacket finally slipped off your shoulders. It seemed even this was so insanely awkward, but looking at your blouse and realizing that you will only be wearing underwear under it, Neuvillette feels even more excited, nervously swallowing before repeating the procedure again, gradually, as each of the miniature buttons was unbuttoned, exposing more and more areas your skin.

You'd be lying if you said you weren't as embarrassed as he was, even though it's not the first time a man will see you naked, but the fact that this man will be Neuvillette today… This fact really causes excitement in your chest. It's all so new to him, will he even like your body?

You blush even more when the Chief Justice slowly and carefully slides the sleeves of a thin blouse down your shoulders. For a few moments, his eyes roam around the dark room until he decides to look at your almost completely naked upper body.

— Hey, Neuvi… — the man flinches slightly when your palm touches his cheek, forcing Neuvillette to look into your eyes. You furrow your brows and pout your lips, gently pinching the skin of his face. — I think you've forgotten something.

You're really making him do it.…

Neuvillette's gaze finally hesitantly slides down. Oh… your chest is heaving so deliciously in time with your labored breathing, your collarbones protrude seductively under thin pale skin, that now Neuvillette can barely take his eyes off how fragile and graceful your body looks. Taking another short step forward, his palms touch your waist, sliding further behind you. Has your skin always been so soft and warm? Why hadn't he noticed it before? Neuvillette enjoys every second of it, during which his hands work their way up your back before finally finding the clasp of a bra in a pale blue shade. You hear a soft click and feel the fabric pressure on your ribs ease and the straps gently slide down your shoulders.

Neuvillette never thought that you could look even more beautiful. Although your body is certainly beautiful, and he cannot deny how just looking at your bare chest is enough to make an unusual warmth flow to the bottom of his stomach, he is more fascinated by how your face looks now. So embarrassed, but still looking into his eyes when your gazes meet. Of course, you're more experienced at this, but Neuvillette can't help but be touched by how awkward you feel too, even though what's happening is not new to you.

— Come on! — you grab the Chief Justice by the arm again, dragging him into the bedroom.

Even in the semi-darkness of your house, Neuvillette notices how your face takes on a new expression when you lead him to the bed, now moving your hands to his chest and gently pushing him back. Well, he trusted you from the moment he crossed the threshold of your house, so he obediently sits down on a soft mattress, slightly spreading his legs when you come closer, towering over him, standing between his thighs. Miniature fingers cling to Neuvillette's chin, forcing him to look up at you.

— Tell me, Neuvi, do you like what you see?

You expected your question to confuse the man again, but his face has never looked so serious as now, when he looks straight into your eyes, uttering his answer in a soft tone, permeated only with adoration.

— You're beautiful, Y/N.

You squint slightly as you smile, slowly sinking to your knees as your hands move to his hips. It's so sweet that Neuvillette takes every word you say seriously, but right now it didn't take him a second to give his answer.

The man flinches slightly when your hands reach for the fly of his trousers. To look at you in this position… So strange. Neuvillette is used to looking at people from the height of his judicial chair in the courtroom, he is used to literally looking down at you because of your height difference, but now you are … really kneeling in front of him, and he does not know what to say or do, so he continues to remain only a participant in your performance The script you didn't hand him.

— You've never touched yourself here, isn't it? — the warmth of your palm seeps even through the thick fabric of Neuvillette's trousers when you touch his groin, feeling a hard erection under your fingers.

Neuvillette had never felt like this before. Maybe this has happened before, when you pressed against him too hard or when your kisses were longer than in the past, but each time he was slightly confused by the reaction of his body to your touch. And now his cock was straining even more than before. Is this what you called arousal?

— Wh-what do you mean? — Hydro Dragon answers uncertainly, obviously confused by your seemingly very intimate question.

— Oh, then I guess the answer is "no", — you chuckle softly before gently squeezing the impressive hard organ hidden under his trousers in your hand.

Had he always been so sensitive? Even when you touched his bare skin, it didn't feel as good as what you're doing now.

— You're so tense, Neuvi… relax, you don't have to do anything. At least this time, — you smile again, taking one last look at the confused man before your attention turns to his boots, which you hurriedly pull off his legs before you start fiddling with the zipper of Neuvillette's trousers.

The Chief Justice sees you about to pull off his trousers, and lifts his hips, resting his hands on your soft bed, sheepishly watching how the expression on your face turns to amazement when he finally remains completely naked in front of you.

— Oh, Archons… — you freeze, just looking at his cock, making Neuvillette even more nervous. Is there something you don't like? Is there something wrong with him? — I'm so happy that I got you.

— Ah?..

You would have been amused by another cute manifestation of Neuvillette's misunderstanding of your words if all your attention hadn't been stolen by the view unfolding in front of you between his tense legs. His cock shudders under your gaze, which examines every protruding vein that stretches along his impressive organ. For a second, you even had doubts about whether he could fit anywhere inside you, but your hands reached out to touch the hot, hard flesh, causing a new wave of goosebumps running through Neuvillette's body. Your petite palm slowly slides over his erection before stopping, allowing your thumb to touch the sensitive head, slightly glistening with drops of pre-ejaculate in the dim moonlight filtering through your bedroom windows. It seems so… wrong, but a man can't do anything about how your touch makes this warmth of an incomprehensible nature feel even brighter in his lower abdomen.

You lift your head, glancing at the slightly raised abs and heaving chest, the tense muscles of your forearms, before meeting his pursed lips and half-closed eyes, shamefacedly watching what obscenities are happening below. Neuvillette is amazing. Perhaps his conscience is eating him up for the fact that, as he probably thinks, he forced you to kneel in front of him, but he cannot resist the way his body reacts to your touch. So why not embarrass him even more?

Neuvillette's mother-of-pearl eyes open abruptly when you lower yourself to his cock and touch the salty head with your lips.

— Y/N, what are you doing?! — the man anxiously stretches out his hand, hesitantly touching your head.

— It's all right, Neuvi. I told you, just relax.

What you're going to do… aren't you disgusted? Why are you doing this? Neuvillette's head is just boiling with the abundance of thoughts tormenting him, and he wants to make one more attempt to stop you before his words melt on his tongue, replaced by a moan that even he hears from himself for the first time when you slowly immerse his cock in the warmth of your mouth. Your lips have always seemed incredibly soft to him, but now, when they wrap around his erection, they seem even more tender. The man's palm presses against his open lips, muffling all the sighs escaping from his throat. Neuvillette is really distraught. But this is not the confusion that tormented him when you asked him to take off your clothes, now he is puzzled as to why he can no longer control his own body, which turned out to be completely at the mercy of the pleasure that you give him. It seems that the deeper his cock penetrates your throat, the more sensitive Neuvillette becomes, unable to stop the trembling in his legs, which strive to close if not for your shoulders, which his hips now meet. But what's even worse is the way you look up at him, squinting slightly and grinning when you notice what a mess your lover is in.

It was enough for you to finally start acting more decisively.

Your head starts to rise and fall under Neuvillette's palm, tearing another sweet moan from his open lips.

Damn… It's too much. Neuvillette feels an unusual heat coming from the bottom of his stomach, which reduces him with delicious spasms that make him want to both make you stop and beg you to give him more. The tightness of your fragile throat wraps around his hard flesh so perfectly, and the warmth of your labored breath feels even more distinct as you pick up the pace, plunging him deep into your throat over and over again.

— Y/N… wait, I… — was the only thing Neuvillette could get out of himself before his words dissolved into soft moans again.

His hips trembled as you wrapped your arms around them, and his pelvis lifted slightly to meet the inexorable rocking of your head. It's like a tight knot tied in the very bottom of your stomach, ready to burst, as soon as you swallow his cock one more time, and for a moment Neuvillette feels fear under the pressure of an unknown feeling when he feels his cock swell in the tight walls of your throat. But you don't listen to him, sitting on his throbbing organ again, sending a fatal wave through his tense body. Neuvillette's long fingers instinctively squeeze your hair as his heated flesh shudders in your throat, and you feel hot sticky streams flowing down the far wall of your throat, and the man's legs tremble convulsively, pressing closer to your shoulders.

What's it?.. It was as if all the warmth that had been accumulating in Neuvillette's stomach had now spread under his skin, and his mind was clouded by a haze that drove any thoughts out of his head, except how damn pleasant this unfamiliar feeling was, lasting for some miserable moments.

Your tongue slides up the still-quivering member of the Supreme Court as you slowly pull it out of your mouth, carefully licking every drop of cum left on his semi-hard flesh. Neuvillette is still breathing heavily, trying to recover from the first orgasm of her life. His eyes are closed when you look up at him again, and his hand slips off your head.

— Neuvi? — as soon as his legs relax, you slide your hands along the inside of his thighs, lifting slightly to leave a kiss at the bottom of his stomach, causing the man to flinch and lazily open his eyes.

— Wh-what was that just now?.. — his voice sounds so quiet when Neuvillette finally starts talking, still trying to steady his breathing.

— Huh… Did I mention that you think too much? — you smile, suddenly getting back on your feet. — You don't mind continuing, do you?

Neuvillette rests his hands on the mattress again, watching from under heavy eyelids as you deliberately slowly pull your trousers down your legs, carefully stepping over the crumpled fabric on the floor before throwing the clothes somewhere to the side, remaining in front of him in only panties. For the first time, he can finally enjoy every curve of your stunning body, feeling the heat flare up inside him again, while he just remains a witness to how now you are doing the same with your underwear. Without clothes, you look even more fragile and small, but now… This view causes the Hydro Dragon not only to want to protect you, but also to touch you, to shower every millimeter of your skin with kisses… to possess you. Is this what people call lust?

This time, Neuvillette didn't need any prompting to instinctively understand that he needed to crawl further away on your bed, allowing you to gracefully climb on top of him. His cock has hardened again, trembling insistently under the pressure of your crotch, now comfortably settled on the throbbing flesh, when you press your palm on Neuvillette's chest, forcing the man to lie down. You look so gorgeous, towering over him just like that, that he can't resist the urge to touch you and stretches out his arms to wrap around your waist while you playfully smile, looking into the clouded eyes of the man below you, swaying slightly on his hips.

— Oh, aren't you embarrassed to touch me now? — you giggle as you gently wrap your arms around Neuvillette's wrists and move his palms onto your chest. — It all belongs to you, Neuvi.

The Chief Justice swallows hard before hesitantly squeezing the elastic flesh under his palms. Such… Soft. It felt even more tender than he had imagined, just looking at her in the hallway back then. And you said… Does it belong to him? Why does the realization of this make his heart almost ache in his chest, as if he does not deserve to have such a wonderful girl who managed to get into feelings for someone like him?

— Y/N…

You tilt your head in puzzlement, looking at Neuvillette, who now seems to be considering his next words again.

— I promise that I will take care of you.

You're almost ready to burst out laughing, but you hold back, smiling gently at your man, the only one in all of Teyvat who could say something like that at such a moment.

— Try your best, Monsieur Neuvillette, — you bend down to leave a short kiss on your lover's lips, forcing Neuvillette to lower his hands to your hips before you straighten up again, lifting slightly and reaching down to grab his cock.

Oh, he's even more excited than before. Although he believes that such intimacy is already familiar to him, at least in theory, but it is still something that Neuvillette has never had to deal with before. He feels the moisture oozing from your crotch touching his cock as you align his head with your entrance, starting to slowly sink onto the hard flesh. Your tight walls gradually envelop his throbbing organ, enveloping Neuvillette's flesh with an even more searing warmth compared to what he felt when you plunged his dick into your throat. The slippery walls seem to suck him deeper inside, again awakening in the body of the Hydro Dragon the same heat that had tormented his poor body only a few minutes ago. He wants to stifle his moans again, covering his lips with his hand, but Neuvillette only tightens his grip on your elastic hips, moving his gaze from the place where your bodies connect to your chest, heaving heavily in time with your labored breathing, thanks to which he can finally hear those lovely soft sighs escaping from your throat.

You lean back slightly on Neuvillette's hips, feeling his cock stretch and fill you to the limit. All the past fears that he was too big to fit inside suddenly evaporated, replaced by a pleasant shiver running down your spine when he finally enters to the end, gently colliding with your cervix, which makes the lust bubbling in the bottom of your stomach from the moment you entered your house boil even stronger.

When you finally start to slowly rise and fall on Neuvillette's cock, he finally begins to understand why people like sex so much. It feels completely different from what you did with him before. You feel so good inside and it's addictive. The walls of the vagina wrap so tightly around his cock when you impale yourself on it more insistently each time, and Neuvillette can feel you squeezing around him, sending more and more of these delicious impulses through his body. The man's gaze is riveted to the place where your bodies connect over and over again, never ceasing to amaze him with how his hard organ disappears so easily into your insides. The more your hips pick up the pace, the more distinct the sounds of skin hitting skin become, merging with Neuvillette's restrained sighs and your moans, which will forever remain in his memory.

You lean forward again, placing your hand on Neuvillette's neck, already too lost in pleasure to speak, bringing another smile to your face.

— Do you like it, Neuvi? — the tips of your two fingers slide along his chin, forcing the man to look at you from under half-closed eyelids. His lips are open, releasing more and more sweet sounds from Neuvillette's throat as you continue to rock up and down his length, feeling the blood pulsing in the veins running along his cock. — Don't hold back your lovely moans, I want to hear you.

Your vulgar words settle in sweet spasms in the lower abdomen of a man. You've always been much bolder and more direct than him in everything that concerns feelings and intimacy, and Neuvillette would like to return the favor. Therefore, now you feel more pressure on your hips when he begins to lift his hips towards your movements and push you down whenever you are about to descend on his dick again, driving it even deeper into your insides.

You've wanted this for so long, worrying every time that such an offer might alienate Neuvillette, but now, feeling your lover desperately pushing into you, chasing his own orgasm, you don't regret at all that you finally got the courage. Having completely lost all control over himself, Neuvillette breaks down into the very moans that you so wanted to hear. You never thought that his pleasure could turn you on so much, making you feel like you're already teetering on the edge.

What could be said about him.

Your voice has never sounded sweeter to him than now, when you whisper his name, pressing your forehead against his. The smell of your body, your hot breath blowing over his face, the tense muscles of your thighs under his hands — this is what, even without knowing it, Neuvillette also wanted for so long. Every time you shared another kiss with him, it seemed to him that it was so damn little, but he didn't know any other way to feel you even closer. But now that your bodies are so perfectly fused together, he understands what he really wanted. How can you wish for something you've never experienced? People are truly amazing… And Neuvillette finally got a little closer to understanding what it's like to be human.

Too blinded by the new sensations, Neuvillette didn't even notice how he got so damn close to the very feeling that you gave him earlier, but now it feels even brighter, even more intense, forcing the man to press harder on your hips, accelerating the pace. And at the moment when your lower abdomen is cramping with familiar spasms, you press your lips to his, allowing Neuvillette to feel your body tremble under the onslaught of pleasure spreading somewhere deep under your skin. Your lips taste even sweeter when you squeeze so tightly around his cock, pulling Neuvillette after you into the abyss. His hands hurriedly move to your back, pressing you even tighter against his body as he has his second orgasm of the day. Hot flesh pulsates inside your sensitive walls, gradually turning white with sticky drops of sperm, and you swallow each other's muffled moans, sharing this unearthly feeling for two.

You go limp, leaning on Neuvillette with all your weight, having to break the kiss to catch your breath. You hear his heavy sighs, almost in sync with yours, as you both bask in the echoes of your own climaxes, and you lift up slightly to look at Neuvillette's flushed face. The silver strands of his bangs are stuck to his forehead, and his lips are still slightly parted when he lazily opens his eyes, meeting your gaze.

— Y/N, I'm sorry, I seem to get carried away…

— Hush, it's okay, Neuvi, — your palm gently presses against his hot cheek, and you can't help but smile as you watch him awkwardly avert his gaze now. — Actually, I think you're learning pretty fast!

— Is that so? — the corners of Neuvillette's lips lift slightly as one of his palms gently slides up your back. — I suppose I had a good teacher.

— He-he, of course. Just don't get cocky, I still have a lot to teach you!

Neuvillette suddenly looks at you in surprise again.

— A lot?

— Yeah, — your face takes on a fake serious look. — Do you really want to continue the course of human carnal pleasures today?

You laugh, lightly pinching Neuvillette's cheek before you start to lift off his body, but you are stopped by his hands, still holding you in his embrace. When you cast a questioning glance at Neuvillette, you are suddenly met again by an expression full of unshakeable seriousness, forever stuck to his face.

— I… won't refuse.

[kimtaesss]

I LOVED YOU | JK.1

Summary: being friends for 10 years means nothing, especially when he betrays your trust so easily.

Pairing: Jungkook x reader; Taehyung x reader

Genre: angst, fluff, friends to (?)

Warnings: Jungkook being a dumbass and jerk; random people making fun of oc; Taehyung being that supportive friend!; jungkook thinking with his dick; slight smut (jungkook not oc); broken promises; there’s some moments even I cringe (sorry!)

Author’s note: hopefully it’s posted as the revised version because I can’t possibly remember everything that gets deleted once I publish it.

masterlist → I loved you | 01 | 02

“Ma’am, we really need this table. Are you sure your friend is coming?”

“Yes I’m sure, he’s… just in traffic” you argued back, while stuffing yourself with bread. Bread, that soon will run out, seeing as you haven’t stopped shoving it in your mouth every-time a waiter would stop by and ask the same thing.

You couldn’t help it, whenever you happen to be nervous or embarrassed, you would eat anything.

“For 3 hours?” The waitress sassed, as if it were in their job description. Especially with the way she stared at you, up and down. She was looking at you from head to well, whatever she could see.

“Yeah! He lives far away, okay?” You snap, annoyed with the questions that have such obvious answers.

Your worst nightmare has started to become your reality. You were being stood up, and by your friend! It was just too embarrassing to fully process, and confess especially since he made the reservations, as a way to make up for flaking every single time you both planned something together.

It seems like he never learns. You wanted to get up from this uncomfortable chair, but your legs forbid you from doing so. Not because they were tired, or asleep but because they had too much pride. Your legs didn't allow you to admit that you were friends with someone, who clearly did not prioritized or cared for you. Seeing as he didn’t even try to call or text you, to let you know that he was in fact not showing up.

And the staff, that kept bugging you with their stares, and whispers, that were incredibly loud, and cruel.

“Yeah, she’s clearly lying. I mean she’s been sitting for 3 hours! it’s quite pathetic” the brunette, green eyed girl, laughs. Her annoying, identical co-workers followed along. It looked like they were in choir, they harmonized every time they made a joke about you.

“There must be a rule about kicking people out after a certain amount of hours” the taller one interjected.

“Or a rule about employees gossiping rather than doing their actual job” Jungkook chimed in. His face was red with anger, and exhaustion from the lap he had to do to get here on time or well just arrive in general.

“Oh! We weren’t-“

“Doing your job? Yeah, I noticed” he scoffed.

“I apologize sir” the brunette hair girl, slightly bowed hoping this would excuse her poor behavior. She kept looking at Jungkook, to see if he was willing to show her mercy. She side glances the other coworkers, and nudges them to also ask for forgiveness.

“Yes! We are extremely sorry” they harmonize again.

“Yeah, well you shouldn’t apologize to me. I’m the asshole who showed up 3 hours late. The one you should apologize to, is over there looking beautiful” he points towards you. The girls eye each other, trying their hardest to resist rolling their eyes.

They simply nod and walk towards your table.

You noticed them all come together like a flock of birds. You reach out to the basket for the bread, and notice that you have already finished all of it again.

You attempt to sit up, trying to fix your posture. Especially since these girls are making you feel inferior, as if they were better looking than you. The worst part was that they were.

“Good evening ma’am. We would like to apologize for the words that came out of our mouths”

You turn your head left and right, and try to spot any cameras or microphones. Were you being punked right now? Because it sure felt like it.

But through your inspection, your eye caught a man with a smile to die for. His bunny teeth softened his look, especially since he had just finished his meeting, meaning he had his well ironed suit on. There’s no doubt that the clothes someone wears helps their appearance, but with him, it was slightly different. It didn’t matter what he was wearing, because his face and body made him rock anything.

You try to fight back the smile that was about to sprout. You almost want to wave the waitresses off, but by the looks of it, this was Jungkook’s doing.

“And what exactly were the words that came out of your mouth? You know, to be fully aware of what I should be accepting forgiveness for” you make an insane amount of hand gestures, because that’s just how you express yourself.

You felt in an oddly satisfying way, proud and confident. There was just something about karma. You hated it when it meant you getting the short end of the stick, but right now, it was the best thing ever made.

“Um”

Everyone stayed silent. No one had the courage to admit to what they had said. It made no sense, not even a minute ago they were tearing you apart and now they couldn’t think of a single thing?

“Yes?” You questioned. “Did you need me to remind your boss? Because I can easily give them the list of horrible things you said to me. I mean I was just minding my business, and there you were” you glanced towards the area where they had their “meeting”.

“No! It’s- we are very sorry for calling you pathetic, a liar and….loser”

You nod your head, while your lower lip is tucked behind your upper lip. The employees continued staring at you, and you couldn’t resist it anymore. You burst in laughter, and you hear that deep but gentle laugh getting closer. The vein on your forehead was becoming visible, and that just meant you could hardly breathe.

Jungkook grabbed the chair, and moved it backwards to give himself enough space. He stared at your hysterical state, and couldn’t help but laugh along with you. This was not a joke, but it was so damn hilarious.

“You guys can leave” you shoo them away. “So you won’t tell on us?” They instantly questioned.

You and Jungkook gave each other a look and shrugged.

“Nah, you work at a minimum paying job, I shouldn’t throw you more obstacles by getting you fired” they all growled at your accusations. They were doing fine, so who gave you the right to tell them they weren’t?

“I would leave if I were you. She’s hungry and angry, it’s not a good combination” Jungkook whispered, as a wide smile began to spread.

You were sure that they wanted to cuss you out instead of walking away, and they might even possibly spit in your food but you didn’t give a fuck. You had a splurge of energy, confidence. You felt like you were on top of the world.

But your eyes caught a glimpse of the reason for your current outburst of confidence. You fiddle with the spoons, as you prepare for Jungkook’s lame excuse.

“I really didn’t forget about you!” He waved his hands in front of you. His eyes filled with terror, they widen the second you were alone.

“Look. I might not have called you out in front of them, but I’m over it— this. Jungkook you can’t keep promising something, and then breaking it like nothing” Your voice sounds more like a whisper, due to the exhaustion of reminding someone everyday to do better, and instead receiving worse.

“Do you think I want to break my promise? Answer honestly, I won’t get mad” he clenched his teeth, already showing you that he was preparing to get angry.

“I don’t know,” you mumble. “But it doesn’t seem like you care too much for it. I mean you break them every single time. I can’t remember a time where you actually followed through” you shake your head, annoyed at the fact that you actually couldn’t  remember the last time he actually did something for you.

“Y/n…” he tried grabbing your hand, and you pulled away instantly.

“Don’t… if you can’t keep whatever comes out of your mouth, then don’t” you nibble on your bottom lip, attempting to hold the cries that are trying to break out.

“I’ll change. I will”

They shouldn’t hold any significance to you, especially when he hasn’t given you a single reason to believe in them. Yet still, you interlock your hands with his, and give him a gentle smile.

He knew he wouldn’t, you knew he wouldn’t,but still you both chose to lie.

The hardest part about loving someone or more like loving him was that he didn’t love you back.

You could give anything-everything, and still you came out shorthanded. The worst part was that you blame yourself, over and over again. Why did you keep failing? Why didn’t he love you back?

“She’s gorgeous” he introduces his devilishly handsome, and perfectly angled smirk, his wine glass slowly reaches his mouth, while his hand, his veiny hand wraps around the cup. He sips his drink as if he were some rich man, pfft he was anything but that.

You knew he was allowed to feel the way he did. After all, who were you? Just a friend, a friend he relied on or more like used but you let yourself so, can you really blame him.

“Yeah she is” you play with the handkerchief that was handed to you seconds ago, due to your random nosebleed. Maybe, it was the loss of blood that made you feel all jiggly, or maybe it was the fact that his attention always lands his eyes on some beautiful, tall and thin lady, even her tan was perfect.

Your nose bleeds kept streaming down, and straight to your mouth, but still the main attraction of that night was that beautiful, or gorgeous lady as Jungkook said. His eyes were only focused on her, and she knew it as well. In fact, she kept bending down, her back— or more like her ass— was facing Jungkook, and it was clear to anyone with eyes that she was doing it to grab attention.

You couldn’t help but scoff and roll your eyes at her attempts, and yet it bit you back in the ass when Jungkook fell for every single one of her attempts. He stood up and walked directly to her, despite asking you not even a second ago if you wanted to leave and take care of your nosebleed.

The worst part of this night was the humiliation you had to face. First, he arrives three hours late, which made the waitresses laugh right in your face. And sure he defended you, but what was the whole point of doing that, if he was planning to ditch you the whole night. He ended up proving them right and you wrong.

He also kept making up the worst excuses possible to leave you, and then come back marked up, and not in the mood to even talk or respond to you.

“Where are you going now?” you stare at him, as you spin the wine in your glass.

“The bathroom?”

“Again?!” you answer louder than you intended, gaining you a couple stares of the couples, and people in that very room.

“Yeah?” He laughs it off.

Guess it’s another night where you walk home, while he takes the random beautiful girl home.

Maybe someday you’ll be his first option

“Did he actually show up?” your coworker asks. It wasn’t even you who told him about your friends' occasional absences, he witnessed it himself.

“Yeah, he did” you respond rather quickly, to avoid suspicions. However, you might have answered too quickly, Taehyung brings his eyes closer together, squinting, and observing your facial expressions.

“So why are you moody”

“I’m not moody!” You argued immediately.

“You can lie to yourself all you want! But to me, that’s just messed up” he pouted, saddened by the mistrust and lies you were trying to feed him with.

“Okay! I’m sorry. It’s just— never mind it’s stupid”

You shouldn’t say it.

“Well, when you put it like that” he rolled his eyes.

“Okay, if I tell you, you have to promise me to listen and not talk” you raise your pinky, getting ready to avoid all the voices in your head that tell you to stay quiet.

“Give me more realistic options”

Just like that you were regretting your choice. Your face went blank, there was not a single emotion present. But that’s what happens when someone tries to be funny, and doesn’t succeed.

You glared at him.

“Sheesh, eat bread or something”

You glared again.

“Fine! I’ll shut up” he ran his finger across his lip, ‘zipping’ his mouth completely shut. He even threw the fake key, to show his determination.

You nod along and continue speaking. “So after we talked everything out, he kept paying attention to anything but me,” Taehyung nodded along as you told your story. “Like out of nowhere, he just kept going to the bathroom”

“Food poisoning? That’s the story you’re giving me?”

“Just shut up and listen,” you continued.

“Well, the first couple times I tried convincing myself that it was that. But then he started coming back with hickies, and his zipper was always undone”

“This is getting interesting! Let me serve myself some wine, you want some?”

You immediately agree.

He pours you some, then him. He went to his sitting form, which was just one leg over the other.

“Anyways, back to the story. Every time he left to “pee” he started to take longer to come back. I was obviously annoyed, because I had already waited 3 hours for him” you put three fingers up, emphasizing the wait time.

His eyes darted between his phone and you. He wanted to be a hundred percent present, but his phone kept buzzing and steering him away.

“What happened next?” he sips on the wine.

“He never came back,” you groaned. You cover your face with your hands, as you bend down, attempting to cover every piece of you. It was far too embarrassing.

You get splashed with wine all over your face. Spit landing inside your wine glass, and well practically all over you.

“What?! He didn’t?”

“He didn’t” you continue to drink the wine because at this point you could care less about anything.

“Have you texted him or called him?!”

“Why would I? He ditched me, if anything he’s the one that should be contacting me”

“Has he?” He crossed his arms, while his left eyebrow arched, and slowly the right one followed along.

Taehyung couldn’t explain it himself but he was filled with anger. He wanted nothing more but to beat the living crap out of Jungkook.

You look down, and shake your head.

“He didn’t” you shrug. “It’s nothing new so… It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have expected anything else”

“You shouldn’t have to expect something from him. He should just be a good friend, and have human decency”

“Yeah…. well” you drag on while looking away.

You knew if you admitted that Jungkook had anything but human decency, you’d be in another lecture. And the lectures always consisted of things you knew, but don’t plan on changing anytime soon. So what’s the point of telling him?

Except Taehyung wasn’t an idiot, and because of that he always knew what to ask.

“Tell me, how did you get home?”

“It was perfect weather for a walk” you commented, or more like tried to joke. The joke being that you were in fact forced to walk all the way back while your friend was god knows where.

“He made you walk?!! Oh he’s done for” he shouted.

His whole face looked like it was about to explode. The redness scared you, it almost looked like he couldn’t breathe or was out of air. He was angry, and well he had every right to feel that way but still, you didn’t want to hear it.

“Taehyung! Taehyung!”

He ran out the door. You could have easily ran after him, but your feet prevented you from doing so. You had finally come to terms with what happened last night.

He broke another promise. You expected it, so why did he hurt so bad?

“Your friend won’t tell, right?” She heavily breathes, as she attempts to take off her extra small, and extra tight shirt.

Jungkook knew it was wrong of him to keep leaving you alone every given time, but he couldn't help it either. His dick was doing all the thinking, which clearly was none.

He was already hurting you by paying attention to a different woman, but if you knew who he was hooking up with now, you’d be wrecked. Only he could be turned on by the waitress that was laughing at you, not so long ago.

“Nah, she’s over it” Jungkook places kisses on her neck, leaving love bites behind. He was able to take in her perfume. The scent of flowers came to mind, and he was stuck in a trance. He knew he had to go back to you, but it was so hard to do so, when he was hard himself.

“But I was very bad” she raises her pitch, and attempts to speak seductively. She bites onto her lips, almost ripping off her skin. It was not a pretty sight, but if Jungkook closed his eyes and pictured  her body, her smell, and eagerness to fuck him, then he had created the perfect balance.

“Turn around” he speaks in a lower tone, practically growling at her to listen to his command. And she does, faster than she could say his name. Which she was planning to do, a lot.

“I’ll teach you to behave better” a huge sound was heard. He had just slapped her butt with all the force he had, he had promised to punish her, and that’s exactly what he was going to do.

His mind was engrossed in sex and more sex. He didn’t care nor think of what you were doing, or thinking. It sounds horrible, but he knew you’d forgive him and for that reason, he chose sex over you.

You tried calling Taehyung, and every time it went to voice mail. It was simply unimaginable. The scenarios that you were created in your mind, that is.

‘Pick up!’ You voiced.

You wanted nothing more than to confirm that they were both okay, and have not been hurt.

But it felt like you were running out of patience and silly reassuring words, because at the end of the day you didn’t know shit.

You place your phone in your pocket, and start putting your thinking cap on, because anything is better than staying still waiting for a response.

Maybe you should just drive to Jungkook’s place? But.. you didn’t want to see him, you simply could not face him after his little act. Still you managed to convince yourself knowing that this was the only way to confirm Taehyung hadn’t done something dumb and in the process hurt himself.

You hadn’t even stepped out of the car, and you had already witnessed this altercation between the two men you love the most.

You immediately put your car in park, and practically run out of that car, causing you to lose your balance here and there.

“Guys! Stop!” You wave your hands in the air, crossing them in the process.

They both stop and look at you, but when Taehyung was just staring at you, Jungkook uses that opportunity to shove him. He loses his balance instantly, and ends up falling backwards, scraping his elbows in the process.

“Dick!” Taehyung shouts, while rubbing his now scratched elbows.

“Jungkook, what the hell!!”

You run towards Taehyung, and when you’re close enough you reach down to him, stretching your arms out, to give him a lift back up.

“I’m okay, it’s just a little scratch” he softly smiles, in hopes it gives you some reassurance and takes the worried look off your face. He hates nothing more than to see you hurt and worried, because he feels this responsibility of making sure you always feel comforted and safe.

“You’re taking this loser's side” Jungkook scoffs, while crossing an arm over the other. He shakes his head repeatedly to express his anger towards you. Especially since you’re supposed to be his best friend, and you’re taking the side of whoever that person was in front of him.

“Well you shoved him” you snap back, still remaining close to Taehyung.

“Typical” he scoffs. “Well then, I’m glad I chose her over you”

You knew you were never his top priority, in fact he’s made that clear himself. Yet still you convince yourself that deep down he has a soft side for you, that he didn’t just have the title of your best friend but also had actions and words to back his position. But instead you were proven wrong time after time.

You couldn’t even form any words, instead your eyes landed on his. You couldn’t help that your eyes were glossy, and filled with tears. But again it’s nothing that should surprise you.

“You know what, just don’t even bother answering me y/n, stay with him! I’ll just go to her, someone who can truly make me happy!” He spit out with pure venom. It felt poisonous the way it killed you deeply and instantly.

The worst part was, you wanted to hate him but you couldn't do. In fact, you were more in love with him than before. It didn’t make sense to you, and you didn’t want to make sense of it either. You loved him and that was it.

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[ranticore]

Forward by the Author [Qedivar's research, prologue]

My friends, this biography almost killed me. At the conclusion of my thesis work and the culmination of months of dangerous study, I write to you now from my bower at an undisclosed location, where I currently rest with three broken limbs and more than a few shattered nerves.

Effete shortwing academics such as myself are not particularly known for venturing across the water to West, where land is so rare as to be the continent’s most precious resource. But this continent was where our ancestors first arrived to this world—and yes, it is now unequivocal truth that we are not natives to our planet, as I was first to discover at the ruins of Atom on that wretched continent.

The coarse facts have been spread throughout Intun and East at large, ferried by news-mongers who have yet to finish my associated published paper. They will soon realise that they have missed the most fascinating details of our history. Naysayers have already decried me a heretic and I regret to agree with them, but it is true that my findings are heretical. Is that necessarily a bad thing? I say that a little bit of heresy might vastly improve the quality of our lives and understanding of the world at large.

A martyr, however, I am not. For this reason I do not attach my name to this record. Shortwings being as we are – all quite alike and common as muck – I am confident in my ability to remain anonymous to my readers while still revealing enough to prove myself a credible source. You will need to take rather a lot on faith, when you read this. You will need to suspend your disbelief that we are aliens on Siren. And you will need to accept that every one of us is a product of intentional design – not by some god, and not by so-called ‘evolutionary theory’, but by the ancient first settlers at Atom.

I will write a detailed account of my explorations another time, when I have healed from their rigours. I felt it more important to release the results of my study first, rather than let it become a vanity project with myself its hero. Instead I will preface each chapter with a description of the relevant source texts, including where and in what condition they were found.

On to the source texts themselves. I have created this biography to provide an introduction to the first Sirenian, Ishmael. The phocids of the Southern Spiral know Ishmael as offspring of the moon of the same name, and the ruler of the high tide. The inhabitants of Odr’s Sleep in the far North take a less literal interpretation of Ishmael’s moon and consider him a common ancestor. Harpies in my home Spire know him less, though–without revealing too much of my own bower–we have a mythological figure of the same name; Ishmael, who arrives to punish the crime of hubris.

It was a great surprise to me to find that Ishmael was a real person, and indeed that he was the first person born on this planet. Others arrived, yes, but he took his first breath here, before anyone else. My phocid companion was remarkably unsurprised by the discovery, and could even provide a little local Spiral folklore to illustrate the stories told of Ishmael’s life, which I will include as footnotes in the relevant chapters.

My source texts are extremely varied. Some describe Ishmael from the point of view of those who settled in Atom. Some are his own writings. Some are even a format which projects moving images onto walls, which I will also describe in a coming paper to be published. The technologies many visored longwings preserve sit in rot and ruin in Atom, proving, once and for all, that it was a society more advanced than our own. For the purpose of this introduction and my prefaces, I will refer to this as Precursor society, though in the source text they did not refer to themselves as anything but ‘settlers’ or ‘colonists’.

In those ruins, my party and I discovered things which we still have no words to describe. As a result, many of my interpretations are direct and untranslated, in the hopes that later, with greater understanding, we might return to the source and make more accurate interpretations. Many of these concepts were considered so commonplace to Precursor life that no one bothered making concrete definitions for the benefit of the scholars who might once hope to study them. Precursor society stems largely from a place called ‘Earth’ which we surmise to be the Precursors’ location of origin.

From this, we move on to the most puzzling concept of all. The concept of Humans. I took it to be a clan name at first, given the texts’ referral to Ishmael, a type of proto-phocid unique at Atom, as Human when the other people in the records did not very much resemble Ishmael at all. But Humans were in fact a species. Humans were bipedal and lacked feathers, though their faces will be familiar to any modern Sirenian, because they resemble our own. Once I succeeded in translating the scientific notes surrounding Ishmael, all became clear, and it was this shocking truth which forces me to write under a pen name.

Every modern Sirenian is a Human. We descend from the first-born Sirenians, who were designed – by techniques as purposeful as an artist’s brushstrokes – to occupy the particular range of morphologies which we now inhabit.

Precursor Humans arrived here, to this world, and knew their bodies were poorly adapted to survive here, lacking mechanisms of flight or aquatic mobility and being unable to breathe our air, or eat any of the foods we take for granted. So they engineered those mechanisms to develop in other Humans, which were birthed and raised at Atom in its prime in a series of successive generations, the last of which will likely be my most controversial uncovering. The engineered Humans – Sirenians like you and I – were not privileged members of Atom. In fact, we were a sort of labour underclass to them, who would brave the sea and sky of Siren outside Atom’s bubble where the Precursor Humans could not venture.

Ishmael was the first of this underclass, and was originally intended as merely a first concept, a rough draft of what phocids and selkies would become. He was a fascinating person who I believe is deserving of the great length of this biography and worthy of being the first introduction to the lives of Precursors that many modern Sirenians will experience. Where at all possible I have avoided editorialising Ishmael’s life, instead presenting it as it happened. We find not a revolutionary hero or an icon of tidal vengeance but a person born into a state of great confusion and neglect. He was a Human like his peers but was treated as inherently lesser, hardly a person at all, and he did not conform to expectations of graceful victimhood.

Welcome to the beginning of the world.