#but damn if they don't suffer physically a good bit too

[angels-fantasy]

Girl let me just say your fics are superb and thanks for the quirkless child one I requested with Bakugou! I promise I’ll leave you be for a bit in a second, but… post final war; everyone who has came out alive clearly is suffering from injuries, health issues, and trauma (both physical trauma and mental trauma) no? So how about a Bakugou x Reader with a reader who was essentially Bubbly, Firery and Energetic, to after the war who is exhausted, is often having nightmares over Bakugou cause well he nearly died, sleep deprived and basically depressed because I can guarantee nobody should be sane after a war, especially not children like our lovely highschoolers. Please make it angst to comfort, because seeing how Bakugou also has developed I’m sure as sad as he would be he would also be understanding and try to be comforting (despite his awkwardness). I’d appreciate if you could get this done to be as close as possible (and maybe just a little long than the one I requested last time- no pressure) BUT if anything you find in my request may be too triggering or something feel free to make it less triggering and change it, I just ask if you can keep the same vibe and theme with the reader who changed drastically after the wars and is getting comforted by Bakugou, Angst to comfort (duh), thank you so much, and I hope I’m not troubling you too much! — An anon who enjoys suffering, angst, and comfort ((SAC) Anon); (get it? Suffering, Angst, Comfort, SAC, wait that has a good ring to it, damn I have a new alias, I’ll shut up now)

I'm Okay, As Long as He's Here (Request)

Katsuki Bakugou x Reader

Details/Warnings: reader has a panic attack and nightmares!! pls be weary of this. angst to fluff, well, my attempt at angst lol

Word Count: 1k

thank you for your request and the support :D it means a lot to me 🩷 btw don't ever feel like you're bothering me or like you need to leave me alone! i like talking to everyone :) also this is a good little plot, but im not the best at writing angst but this is helping me improve i think, so please tell me how i did! i really hope you like it SAC anon hahah

Before the war, you were a different person. Looking at you now, no one would ever guess you were once a bubbly, out going person. But Katsuki knew you were, and sometimes, he missed the old you.

It was hard to watch you wake up crying in the middle of the night from your horrible nightmares of the war. Some being about his near death experience, and others being about him dying in other ways.

Some nights, you didn't sleep at all, and it was really showing.

"Hey, keep your head up. I don't want you to fall asleep." Katsuki said. It was already months after the war, so you were all back at school, but you were one of the few students that was struggling the most.

He definitely has his struggles too, but he knew he had to be there for you, because yours were much worse.

You opened your eyes wider, trying your best to stay awake. "Sorry. I couldn't sleep last night."

"You havin' nightmares again?"

You nodded, he sighed.

"Come sleep in my dorm tonight. You sleep better with me and you know it."

You agreed and continued trying your best to stay awake for the rest of the day. Occasionally, Katsuki would have to wake you up or remind you to stay awake. The lack of sleep made it hard to focus, especially in Hero Training. Thankfully, Mr. Aizawa and the rest of the teachers were understanding of the students who were struggling.

Once school was over it felt like a weight was lifted off of your shoulders. You knew you had homework to do, but right now you'd rather sleep. Or at least attempt to. Since you were going to be with Katsuki tonight, you were probably only going to have one nightmare. Plus, he'd be there to comfort you.

Following your boyfriend to his dorm room, you immediately changed into some of your clothes that he had there for you, and then laid down on his bed.

For a while, you just silently watched him as he sat at his desk and did his homework, something you should also be doing.

"What're you starin' at?"

You smiled, but not as brightly as before, "I'm just admiring you."

He huffed, "Good, I'm awesome."

Rolling your eyes, you said, "And there he is."

He laughed and continued doing his homework. You just continued watching him, because it was something that comforted you. It was a reminder that he was okay and alive.

Knowing he was safe right in front of you, you fell asleep.

...

You didn't know what time it was, but it must've been late since the room you were in was dark.

You clutched your chest as you sat up in bed and breathed heavily, feeling tears prick your eyes.

Of course, you had another nightmare again. This one in particular was about Katsuki, and he was in the arms of Shigaraki. You saw the villain use his Decay quirk on him, and your boyfriend began to crumble away but you were paralyzed in your dream. There was nothing you could do.

The nightmare felt so real and so scary, like they usually do. You felt so helpless and scared. The evil that emitted from Shigaraki and All For One was something you'd always remember.

You subconsciously began to rock yourself back and forth and made self soothing noises as you continued to have a panic attack. They never got easier, or less scary as time went on. It always felt like you were going to die.

Your panic must've woke Katsuki up, because you suddenly heard his voice calling out to you.

"Hey, hey! Breathe baby, you gotta breathe." He said.

You shook your head, "I-I can't! It hurts. I'm scared, I'm gonna die!"

He carefully grabbed your hands and held them in his. He took one of them and brought it to his chest near his heart so you could feel it beat.

"What is my heart doing right now?" He asked. This was a method he used to ground you during these situations, especially because he knew how you felt about him and his safety.

You looked at his chest, "Beating. Your heart is beating."

"Right. Now what do you feel here?" He asked, now placing a hand on the blanket that was on top of you guys.

"The blanket."

"What does it feel like?"

"It's soft and fluffy."

As he continued distracting you from your panic, you eventually calmed down. You were still crying a bit, but he held you in his arms as you let it out.

"He killed you Katsuki. I was so scared, and I couldn't do anything!" You cried into his chest.

He rubbed your back, "You know that shit isn't real, no matter how real it feels. I'm right here living and breathing. I'm safe, okay?"

You nodded and sniffed, "Okay." You placed a hand on his chest over his heart and felt it beat, the steady rhythm of it comforting you.

Katsuki grabbed that hand and kissed the palm of it, "Love you. I'll be here all night, 'kay?"

"I love you too. Thank you."

"It's no problem."

The next morning, you felt more rested than usual. It must've been because you only had one nightmare, which was an improvement.

You noticed you woke up before your boyfriend, so you just let him sleep a little longer while you got on with your morning routine. You had a lot of your own things in his room, including an extra toothbrush which you were thankful for.

When he eventually woke up, he walked over to you and hugged you tightly.

"You feelin' okay?" He asked.

You nodded as best as you could in his tight grip, "Mhm."

"Be honest."

"I am! I feel a lot better than last night." You insisted as you pulled away slightly, still keeping your arms around him.

He hummed and kissed the top of your head, "Mkay. Wanna sleep with me again tonight?"

"Yeah, I'll bring more clothes later."

He smiled, "'Kay. Let's go to class." He said and threw an arm over your shoulder, making you smile up at him.

Yeah, you knew things would be okay as long as he was around.

authors note

i hope you liked it! i'm sorry it was kinda short, i've been in a little writing stump but im trying to get out of it!

love ya 🩷

tags for bakugou fics: @doumadono @shonen-brainrot

[ronkeyroo]

A positive Update

Friends, kind folk - Hello Again 🤍

Ever since my last update post, I've been thinking about it , a lot ;; I knew I needed time to cook and reflect, and im so glad I gave myself that...

2024 started rough for me; I fell severely ill again - I was too busy cursing my life and dwelling over how betrayed I felt by things still not getting better despite my efforts that I didn't realize I was walking into a self fulfilling prophecy. Its true that the struggles I'm going through are yet to be solved, that its gotten so much to the point giving up seemed easier, and that a couple individuals haven't been making it easier on me either; I swayed and i rattled and I steered within feelings ranging from confusion to anger to dismay and all of this back and forth did nothing but remind me of yet another self-destructive loop I just don't want to allow in my life anymore. Its exactly the kinda stuff that made me ill to begin with, and I've been so lost dealing with everything in between that i forgot to tend to the actual core centering all of this...

It grew unbearable how much emotional and physical turmoil I was pushing myself into, and knowing how intertwined these two elements have been; I had to draw a line before i majorly screwed myself over, gathering any bit of inner will to discipline myself back into some sort of clarity, enough to at least look through a lens OUTSIDE my pain for once, towards the kind of life I want to lead, and the kind of life I don't; and I came to an understanding.

From my physical state to my mental, to the people and memories I've experienced, both the good and the bad - I want to prioritize the good.

Not in a shitty ass, toxic optimism kinda way but in a "I want to prioritize knowing and living the possibility that even when it hurts, even when i want to be gone, even when life doesn't align - There's still every good reason in the world to keep moving forward, to face things from a perspective of growth & compassion, and to grow to love the promise of a better tomorrow even when today was unbearable." To know that I don't end or begin in my suffering, that the infinite potential I speak so fondly of applies to me, as well...

I want to be able to wield and create and share that goodness, too, Especially when it is already in decline...And for all gods sake, to internalize that all of this STILL exists and STILL matters even when it doesn't work the first couple or dozens of times.

As for my place here in Tumblr...I know the sentiment might feel silly to some but the experiences, memories, and connections I've made here have truly been such a significant force in my life, and i don't want to give up on that ;; Not because of my own insecurities, or an inner state of hopelessness, and especially not over a bunch of emotionally immature Anons that dont know how to handle themselves; I want to forgive all of that.

I'm stubborn, and there's an unyielding force within me that no matter how many times it is struck down, it proved itself ridiculously resilient. I'm perking up with with a fiery confidence realizing just how many times it rose back up, enough to realize it is an unchangeable part of me ;_; I shouldn't underestimate that force, and I want to keep living by its side. Whatever positive change I can sprinkle onto my life and the lives of those I care for, I will! And the reason why this space in particular is so important to me, is because so much of that already exists here, alongside you folks;

THAT'S the kind of energy i want to nourish and walk into the new year with! I want to continue growing as a person, challenging my inner turmoils, undoing the self punishing dogmas that still haunt me, stop flexing my teeth over things that don't deserve my time and god DAMN, just - indulge in the stuff that makes me happy, even when I'm going through unhappy times.

So yeah...I guess that means, I'm back & I'm staying ;_;)🧡

I know i may seem like a broken record when it comes to expressing gratitude but - Thank you, thank you thank you everyone who have reached out for me, who so fondly kept me in their thoughts and kept encouraging me whenever i was hurting, both then and now...You folks mean more than whatever ailment or struggle I can go through, and while I'm unsure of how the future will look like as I'm still going through various challenges- I couldn't have asked for a cooler, sweeter audience to have by my side whenever Its time to take a rest or hype over our sexy delicious blorbos!

Speaking of which....................I have been cooking quite a lot of things in the time i was away 👀✨ I most definitely intend to serve them, eheheh

[whatwouldsylwrite]

At least I got you in my head (2.5)

(2)

Summary: Abby is straight. And then you move in with her.

Tags: modern au, fem!reader, straight!abby (she is doing some comphet bullshit), pining, idiot in love and it's abby, reader is gay and tired.

Notes: small blurb, mostly about your suffering in the morning. Also, I strongly believe Abby smells like Dirty from Lush either because she uses it herself or it's just how it is, but yeah. Spearmint and sandalwood and lavender. There, I said it.

tags: @abbyily

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

You woke up thirsty and disoriented, but the warm hands around you quickly brought you up to speed. You came to Abby last night and asked for cuddles, right. Fuck, you felt so lonely in your cold bed yesterday it made you too emotional, and you decided it would be an excellent idea to go and cuddle the girl you had no chance with. God you hoped you didn't make Abby uncomfortable.

You were lying on your sides, facing each other, and Abby's hand was probably cramping now,but she didn't seem to mind. You sighed quietly and looked up to Abby, who was still sleeping peacefully. She was so fucking pretty you wanted to bash your head on the wall from what her adorable freckles and long lashes did to you. Her hair was a little out of place, and she looked so innocent, like a child. You wanted to smother her with silly little kisses you saved for kids when you could make extra money babysitting. 

You looked down at Abby's collar and froze, confused. She was wearing your t-shirt. It made you feel hot all over, and you remembered you had her t-shirt on because you were stupid yesterday and fuck. Fuck. Fuck. 

Abby liked men, and you weren't one, and you should have worked harder on getting over her because this was getting ridiculous. You both just mixed your t-shirts, no big deal and no, heart, we were not making a big deal out of it. 

You inhaled Abby's scent, feeling like a thief - this spearmint and sandalwood wasn't for you, but Abby smelled so good you couldn't resist and smell more. You buried your nose back in her neck and relaxed, slowly falling asleep again. 

Next time you woke up three hours later, but this time you were hugging Abby from behind, your nose deep in her hair. Yeah, something was definitely wrong with you, wasn't it? You carefully moved away, scared of waking Abby up and facing whatever the fuck this situation was, but she didn't notice and you escaped her bedroom as quietly as possible, closing the door behind you. 

You let out a relieved sigh and walked to the bathroom to brush your teeth and wash your face which was a little bit puffy from hangover and oversleeping. It was currently almost 2 pm, meaning you already lost the whole day, because even if you didn't feel physically bad, you just wanted to lie in your bed and do nothing.

Maybe eat some junk food, actually. That would be the best. 

You knew you should've changed and not continue wearing Abby's t-shirt that smelled like her, but you were weak, so you left it on. You'd put it in the laundry bin in the evening. 

You were staring mindlessly into your cup when Abby shuffled to the kitchen, her hair a mess, her forearms making you weak in your knees. Damn good forearms. 

"Morning." Abby yawned. "How are you feeling?"

"It's 2 pm." You laughed. "I'm as good as one can be on a hangover. You?"

"Don't want to do anything."

"Then don't. You want tea?"

"Can you make coffee?"

"Yeah."

Abby went to the bathroom and you started brewing coffee for her - she was a huge coffee drinker, but when you asked if she wanted to drink tea with you, she always said yes. Abby was sweet like that. 

You smiled to yourself and poured the coffee into her cup, adding three spoons of sugar and milk to it. The sweet tooth this girl had made your teeth ache from a possible cavity. 

Abby came back, still in your t-shirt, and sat on the chair, hugging her cup like it was a life-saver. She looked just as sleepy as you felt.

"Why did Cait text me that she is home?" You asked, puzzled. Notification was from 7 am. 

"I told them to text us when they get home." Abby murmured in her coffee. "You don't do that?"

"I do, Cait just doesn't listen. She has this "if something happens to me you'll find out from the news" attitude." You sighed and leaned back on your chair. "I guess she wanted to be polite this time."

"Caitlyn is very cool." Abby said carefully as if she could say the wrong thing about your best friend. 

"She is." You smiled. "Ellie is very different from when I met her, though." 

Oh shit. 

Abby looked up and you couldn't help but feel caught, as if you just accidentally admitted you cheated on Abby. 

"Wait a second." Abby grinned like she knew where this was going. "You hooked up, didn't you?"

"That's a bold assumption, but yes." You grinned in return. "It was a long time ago. I didn't think that your Ellie was my Ellie."

"'My Ellie'?" Abby teased and you felt your face heat up from embarrassment. "Do you have a crush on her?"

"Oh, I've been harbouring feelings for her for half a year." You said dramatically. "Stalking her schedule, screenshotting her Instagram, moving in with her best friend…" 

Abby laughed and you laughed too. 

"It sounded so fucking creepy." 

You nodded and finished your tea. 

"I want to order some food and watch a tv-show. What do you think?" 

"If I liked girls I would've definitely married you right now." Oh god not this kind of straight shit, no. Nononono. Did the universe hate you? "Really, if you dare to ditch me for your sweetheart I'll cause a scene."

"I'd make a perfect housewife." You smirked. “You can marry me just for that.”

"I always wanted a spring wedding." Abby sighed dreamingly and you laughed. 

"Just say the word, babygirl." You winked and Abby laughed, but she got shy from your words and there was pink blush on her cheekbones. Shit she was cute. Not even her "5.11 built like a tank MMA fighter" appearance could hide her soft side and you just lived for it. 

You enjoyed when she got all commanding and confident and even scary, because she was so fucking hot in these moments, but when she got soft and shy ohh. It was making you insane.

You both spent 10 minutes deciding what you wanted to order, and after you finally placed the order, you moved to the living room. Abby opened her arms for you, silently inviting you to cuddle, and you couldn't resist, so you lay down on her shoulder while her strong arm went around your waist, keeping you close. 

"You're breaking my little gay heart." You complained, and Abby laughed.

"I'm very sorry." She said dramatically, and her warm hand was going up and down on your arm, comforting you. "My sincere apologies to the lesbian community for being straight."

You poked her in the side and she laughed again. 

Abby looked at the crown of your head and she suddenly got the overwhelming desire to place a kiss there, but she stopped herself. She felt like she was toeing a line she didn't want to cross - she didn't want to be weird.  She didn't want to make you feel awkward and not cuddle with her after. 

You were still in her t-shirt and Abby had The Feeling again, and she tried to give it a name, but she couldn't remember when she ever felt like that - even when Ellie wore her clothes she didn't get that feeling, but it was quite.. familiar. When Ellie wore her clothes she liked knowing that yes, Ellie was her friend, she had this privilege to be friends with her. So it was probably the same with you. Maybe it was stronger because you were not a gremlin like Ellie and actually a nice person. 

Abby felt all warm and fuzzy when you laughed, vibrations going through her chest. It was a nice quiet sound and your breath was getting a little deeper and heavier.

"Falling asleep?" Abby murmured, suddenly filled with affection. 

"A little."

"I can wake you up when food comes."

"Nah. We will eat and then I'll nap."

Abby chuckled, not really believing you'd last long enough, and she was right: you fell asleep anyway. But she fell asleep as well, holding you close even unconscious, maybe even closer as her mind loosened the leash on her constant questioning if it was okay for friends to feel like this.

[purple-obsidian]

I'm back in your inbox again. Hello 👋

Been thinking about your ak jason todd and you've mentioned that his men know about her. They're intimidated by him and for good reason. But, hear me out, is Jason still working with scarecrow in your story?

Maybe Scarecrow is looking for the weakness in what seems like the arkham knights flawless armor. Maybe one of Jason's men isn't so loyal, or maybe scarecrow uses fear gas to get it out of them.

But I'm thinking how badly Jason would react if the reader was even in the slightest bit of danger or even vaugley threatened by scarecrow, even in passing. (Or slade, or even one of his men.) I think there'd be a bullet involved before the sentence is even over. Cause no matter how he treats her, she's still his person.

hello my friend! <3

in my little au, my fics 'say it back' and 'let go' happen just after the events of arkham knight, so jason is no longer working with scarecrow. i imagine that gotham is still a wreck, and jason hasn't yet transitioned to being red hood. so he's 'found' himself enough to have helped bruce in the end, but he's still harbors a crap ton of resentment and anger towards him and the others, and is still not above using lethal violence against those he thinks deserve it.

in my mind, this time period here is extremely tumultuous for him as he struggles to redefine and analyze what his goals and plans are now. like, if you're familiar with ATLA, i liken it to prince zuko getting physically ill after letting appa free. a sort of crisis of his self image. joker spent so much time convincing jason over and over how batman left him, abandoned him, telling him that bats was the enemy. and jason believed it, but when push came to shove, jason didn't exact his revenge. this turmoil inside of him, along with the unprocessed trauma of jokers multitude of atrocities, is what fuels a lot of his anger and unpredictability. his hired men are left over from his militia, he kept a handful of his most trusted guys on his payroll to help solidify his authority in gothams underworld. however, in my version of events, jason and reader were reunited back when he and scarecrow were still working together.

so, back to the original question. if earlier on, scarecrow had found out about reader, [and you're right, he had to trust some of his men to help keep her safe, so they could of had the info squeezed out of them. or maybe they were loose-lipped and talking shit, who knows.] no way crane could've resisted the temptation.

i think we can all agree that jason would use lethal force to protect reader. his own sins against her be damned, just because he's treated her like shit doesn't mean he will allow anyone else to threaten her or even touch her.

if it were dr. crane trying to use his fear gas on reader, jason would kill him on sight. no questions asked.

if it were someone less dangerous, like one of his militia getting too comfortable with reader, i see a possibility of him taking his time. we saw in 'let go' that he has some dark urges inside of him to hurt others the way he's been hurt. don't know if he'd actually have it in him to brutally torture someone, but if reader was injured, assaulted, or seriously harmed, who knows.

an important thing, though, is that i think jason would feel guilty after. not for killing them, not if they hurt his person. he'll be able to live with that just fine. but anything that prolongs their suffering i think he would feel remorse for, later on, when he's had more time to heal. more than anything, it will scare him to look back on it and know he's capable of such evil.

there would be a rare moment of vulnerability between jason and reader after he's eliminated the threat and can check and make sure readers okay.

if reader were suffering from fear gas, he would take her somewhere private and hold her close, not letting go until the toxin is out of her system, even if it's hours. most likely blaming himself the whole time and triggering him to spiral further down his path of self-hatred.

in the case of his militia men, they would be knocked out, and jason would get reader to safety asap. if reader has severe injuries, he may chance setting foot in a hospital, even though it reminds him of arkham. if the injuries are less severe, he would probably lock her up somewhere safe while he 'takes care' of the perpetrator, later returning to reader with bloody hands and eyes full of fear.

no matter the outcome, poor jay would be extra protective over reader for a while, second guessing who he trusts to leave her with and who is vetted enough to guard his safehouse when she's inside.

gahhhhh you're making me want to replay the games to brush up on the lore. its so tragic, jasons story. my heart hurts for him.

i would apologize for such a long-winded, unorganized response to a simple question, but i know you're just as obsessed as i am 😈

xoxo sid

[e-claire]

Misophonia sucks so fucking hard and no one anywhere ever wants to talk about it. Literally the only people I've ever had listen to me about my Misophonia are other people with Misophonia. So fuck it, Misophonia Awareness Post or something, I want to vent.

Allow me to describe what it is first for all the lucky people who aren't fucked over. Misophonia is likely an Audio-Processing Disorder (Potentially some form of Synesthesia) in which certain sounds trigger a fight or flight reaction. Trigger sounds can vary and sometimes after long term exposure it can create a reaction to the visuals associated with those sounds. It is possibly genetic, there is no known cause, there is no known treatment, there is only suffering and ways of generally kind of reducing that suffering. When I hear people chewing I am filled with a rage that can only be described as "Bordering on a primal desire to Kill." and there's nothing I can do about that. A family member or friend takes a bite of something crunchy and I have to sit there and exist with thoughts of pounding their fucking skull into paste with my bare god damn hands and then afterwards I have to go back to "being normal". I have to just pretend that didn't happen, I can't do anything with those emotions, I can't put them anywhere, I can't talk about them with anyone or gain any understanding or sympathy from others for having them.

When I see someone chewing food anymore it's borderline impossible for me to remain in the room with them for any more than a few seconds because the mere sight of them chewing makes me physically ill and inspires in me a sense of deep disgust and panic that I could never ever hope to describe.

I tell people about what it's like and I get one of four reactions :

"Oh I think I have that too" With a weird amount of curious excitement at the concept of having a fun new quirky thing to mention in conversations. This means that they don't have it, and they'll then proceed to list off a couple different things that literally no human being likes to hear and how much that thing "annoys them". This makes me want to kill myself.

"Wow, Yikes." Through a grimace. This means I was too open about how it makes me feel and they now think i'm a either a freak, liability, time bomb, or over-dramatic, and will do everything they can to avoid the subject in the future so that I can't make them uncomfortable. This makes me want to kill them AND myself.

Immediately eats something really loudly to set me off as a "joke". This means that they're an obnoxious piece of shit that I have to try my absolute hardest not to beat to death with my bare hands. This makes me want to kill them, if that wasn't already obvious.

"Oh. So that's what this is called." This means they have it, and we can both engage in a brief period of mutual trauma sharing that helps us know we're not alone, and that our curse is unfortunately shared with others. This makes us both somewhat melancholy, and kinda ruins the vibes until something fun happens.

And then we get into the "How do you make the pain stop", and good news! You can't. There is no way to make it stop. But you can make it hurt less with ✨Spending Unbearable Amounts of Cash✨

You can buy a billion different types of earplugs that will all do great at muting the world but always leave you incredibly unaware of the world around you and leave you fucked in-terms of listening to media.

You can buy normal headphones that will kind of work but never mute the world around you anywhere near enough and vaguely frustrate you constantly, but hey at least you're a bit more accessible! Try combining these with a combination of rain and static noise playing at all times in the background for an extra layer of silence :)

You can buy ANC headphones that cost infinitely too much money and are almost always built to break so that they can farm cash from you in repairs, but the ANC is so useful despite not working perfectly that you can't really exist without it so you're gonna spend 200+ dollars every couple years because you don't have a choice, and spend every single day 24/7 wearing hot heavy over-ear headphones! Use the Rain and Static Noise combo with this as well for the best ANC effect.

And inevitably, all of these options will give you hearing problems, potentially make you aware of new trigger sounds, and always leave you a step behind everyone else when a conversation happens. Pro-Tip : For when the sounds are really intrusive and you're on the verge of a breakdown, Combine ANC with Ear Plugs and the R&SN background audio to basically kill noise in it's entirety for a little while :)

AND NOW WE GET TO THE PART WHERE I SAY WHAT THE FUCK CAN YOU NORMIES DO TO MAKE OUR SUFFERING LESS FUCKING CONSTANT.

Listen to us. Don't ostracize us for experiencing emotions we can't control and don't mean or want to act on. If you can, try your best to do the trigger noises quietly, and try your best not to do the trigger visuals in-front of us. We know it's not something you can control entirely, but if you can make the effort to make our lives suck less, we'll really fucking appreciate it.

And if you try to get back at us during a fight by eating something really crunchy to abuse our disorder for your benefit, I swear to god I will hunt you down personally and subject you to the most violent and painful torture I can manage before killing you and hiding your body somewhere no one will ever find it so that your loved ones never have the closure of knowing if you died or if you're still somewhere out there. Thanks for reading even though I know you didn't because the length of this post is frankly unhinged and i'll probably only get like 2 likes at best.

[rhetusperiander]

Just watched Suzume today now that it's out on Netflix and I have a lot of thoughts about Souta and his story of grief and sacrifice that I haven't seen many other people talking about. Maybe because his suffering isn't always expressly stated but is more subtle? Idk. This is going to be long, a little all over the place, and spoilery.

Souta is so quick to help others but rarely does he ever look inwards. In the first scene of him and Suzume closing the door, he keeps telling her to turn back and leave. It doesn't matter that he can't do it alone, it just matters that she isn't in danger. And when the rocks start falling, he's quick to move Suzume out of the way, even if it means injuring his arm. Souta refuses to go to the hospital for his injuries. His grandfather is in the hospital but Souta refuses to go to the hospital for himself. Suzume has to push him into getting help for his wounds.

When Chika loses the oranges she's delivering, it's Souta that jumps into action to grab the net and help her. When Chika asks about it, Suzume says she just has quick reflexes to hide the fact that her magic Souta chair was the one to leap into action, but her saying that shows how instinctual running to help others is for Souta. At Chika's house, he literally spend the whole time facing the wall and speaking to no one. He does it to not draw attention to him (considering the whole magic chair situation), but just imagine that. He jumps to help this girl and is just as quick to sit in the corner alone.

This is also the point where he realizes he cannot eat. (This also feeds into how the movie beautifully uses food and eating together to connect others. From Suzume and Chicka bonding over eating oranges and dinner together, to Suzume's aunt checking on Suzume alone in the car saying that Suzume should eat something as she must be hungry. This is a whole other aspect of the movie that deserves its own analysis and I can't get into everything here, but I will touch on a little of it where it applies.) Earlier in the movie, Suzume offers food to Souta in his chair form and he says he's not hungry, later offering the food right back to her. Suzume on the boat was so concerned for him and how he must be hungry, but it wasn't until much later at Chika's house that Souta even thinks about himself and realizes he must not need to eat as a chair. As Chika and Suzume bond over dinner, Souta realizes that he is physically incapable of doing so.

At least, that is until later at Rumi's bar. In the car with Rumi's kids, Souta is with others again but remains silent. Talking would gain them too much attention and create a lot of questions, but fundamentally it disconnects Souta from those around him and makes him alone. Rumi's kids starts moving him and such but Souta will still not talk or move. It isn't until Rumi's kids are eating and placing food on him that he moves to make sure the kids don't drop anything. He can't act to make himself known but he can act to make sure these kids don't drop their food. He cannot eat, something so fundamental to humans/humanizing and important to forming connections within Suzume's story, and has to stay silent as these kids literally set food on top of him, almost like some kind of sick cosmic joke, but he will still make damn sure these kids don't drop a single bit of their food. Even when Rumi's child drops the food on purpose to test him, Souta moves to catch it. Souta only makes himself know later when Suzume is struggling to care for Rumi's kids. He sees Suzume struggling and goes against his desire to lay low so he can help her, even if that means he'll now be sat on, roughhoused, and yelled at. He wont make himself know for his own sake, but he will for others. At the dinner in Rumi's bar, Suzume makes sure to incorporate Souta in the meal. He can't eat, she makes sure he is still included. She does sit on him during this scene, which is all funny and meme-y, but I think this whole scene is a good juxtaposition to the prior meal scenes. In Chika's house he was left alone in a whole other room, and in the car he was treated as a table and tested, but here Suzume knows him fully and wants him to be included. This is especially shown at the end of the scene, where everyone at the bar dinner takes a photo together and Suzume holds Souta up into the photo.

At the fairground, Souta stops pressing Daijin for answers to save Suzume and help her close the door.

It isn't until what I would say is about the third act that we start truly learning more about who Souta is. Sure, we've know he's a closer, but for a lot of the movie we're never really told much about his life. It isn't until late in the movie that we're told "oh, yeah, btw I have my own apartment in Tokyo and a dream of being a teacher that I've had to neglect for now." This man just will not make any aspect of himself know until it becomes relevant and necessary.

It is also in this part that we see more of his interpersonal relationships. Suzume and him are in similar family situations. Suzume has her aunt and Souta has his grandfather. We know more about Suzume's family history but Souta's is more ambiguous. Souta has a close friend in Serizawa. We know that they're actually close. In his introduction scene he says that he stopped by Souta's place because he was so concerned about Souta missing his test that it made him also fail his test, but in the same intro Serizawa then deflects by saying he actually only stopped by Souta's place because Souta owes him money. We know Serizawa cares, and his care is only further showed by how far he'll go to find Souta, but does Souta know? Between this and how Souta responds to how the downstairs grocery clerks talked about him, Souta seems to me like a guy who genuinely doesn't know that people care about and think about him. And maybe it's just a translation thing, but isn't it weird the very first thing Souta's grandfather brings up is Souta's failure. What a strange word to default to, "failure."

Keep in mind, this whole time, Souta is a chair. He is the chair that Suzume's mother made for Suzume. This whole adventure he takes the form of an object that is the physical representation of *someone else's trauma*. He is quick to help others, even at the expanse of himself. He spends his time and risks his health to be a closer, saving everyone from harms way for nothing in return. A task he is ready and willing to do alone. He is fundamentally so alone, yet cares so much for others. The whole story he lives, dies, and is bound to spend centuries as a keystone in a form not his own, but a form relating to someone else's grief.

His grandfather calls him a sacrifice and says going back for him would disrespect the sacrifice Souta made, but isn't Souta more than that? More that just a sacrifice for others? Suzume is willing to believe so. She tends his wounds and gets him food not even considering if he can eat, just that he might be hungry. She is so kind, considerate, and makes so many sacrifices and takes so many risks for others too. She is willing to travel so far to bring him back to life. When she pulls him back to life, she pulls him back as he truly is, his own person in his own form.

They both wanted to die, now they both want to live.

Like I said at the very start, I feel like a lot of Souta's story of grief and pain is kept more subtle and implied instead of directly stated. It's shown in how much he is willing to do for others and not for himself.

[memoria-99]

Thoughts about Gilbert's route

I was originally writing something about IkePri routes but then Gilbert part became ridiculously long so just decided to make this a single post.

Sooo...

Gilbert's route looks like the whole combination of dark routes I've seen in Ikeseries.

I'll fix this damn world myself no matter what it takes(Vlad) + death wish(Dazai, Charles) + puts a fake smile as a mask(Shakespeare) + is aware of own sin and knows it's unredeemable(Licht) + @

Obviously not a fun route, relatively heavy plots, frankly there were many wtf moments, and I really do think Emma suffered way too much, but it was a good "villain" route. I mean, other villains I know... like Shakespeare and Vlad in IkeVamp who are supposed to be the villains didn't look much like villains tbh, they didn't do real bad things to Mitsuki(well, Shakespeare did tie her up but still). But Gilbert looks like a proper villain to me. He is weirdly obsessed with Emma, tried to corrupt her, threatened her and isolated her. He even nearly killed her. Yeah this is the villain. He had a tragic past and was actually doing stuff for what he believed to be a better world, but that doesn't justify his behaviors anyway.

Emma in this route has real great mentality, very brave and embraces everything(except violence) like a saint. Her love is almost in the level of agape aka god's love.

I also love the ways "sinner" LIs are written in this game, including Gilbert and Licht, and how Emma deals with those. Instead of trying to just reassure it's okay don't let that bother you, she's like "I know what you did cannot be forgiven, nothing can change that, but I'll embrace even that part of you and lead you to step forward"

And this is the best adaptation of "Beauty and the Beast" theme, Chevelier would come second(thought his route was the best in this category before doing Gilbert). A prince who was once a human turned to a beast, this beast has a limited time, a beauty decides to be the "hostage" of the beast herself, she and her love brings him a change.

I've seen some hates of this route, and yeah their relationship is not healthy AT ALL, rather twisted, but I don't think it's particularly bad in this case. I mean, he's the villain indeed, and not all romances should be like the happiest fairytale, right? Moreover, Emma was no shrinking violet. She never gave up on her ideals, didn't hesitate to state her opinion in front of Gilbert's threat, worked as Chevalier's spy, and whenever the relationship with Gilbert turned feeble she was the one took the lead and spoke up, renewing the relationship. And while it's true Emma looked like a victim of his behavior it's also said that she conquered him at last. She won.

"I want to make you a part of my normal life. ... ...and this time, I'm going to drag you into my world. ... So I'd like to start again. Prince Gilbert, will you be my friend?" (Emma)

Up until halfway through I was like hmmmmm, but when the route came to an end I couldn't dislike this bastard.

Nonetheless, irl this kinda guy should be in the list of someone to avoid, but he's more than attractive as a 2d guy.

P.S. Considering his physical state and what happened in this route, does this mean in all the other routes he'll be dead and only the fake would be left???

P.P.S. I like his blue eye, but seeing eyepatch for so long made me think him with both eyes look a bit off. Idk, I prefer the eyepatch version.

... Oh wow this really is ridiculously long.

[idv-sweethearts]

Ithaqua Relationship Headcanons 🧁!

Notes: TW for vague implications of SH and vague implications of an ED (But it's vague enough that you could interpret it as either one).

♥︎ So the first thing I think you need to know is that he'd really prefer to start out as friends. To get to know you. To learn about you. He wants to know what your intentions are and what kind of person you are before he even considers allowing you that kind of role in his life.

♥︎ I think he'd most admire a person who is gentle towards others (Especially animals), treats others with a sense of understanding, and has a sense of humor. He'd also find people who insist with complete seriousness that they are superior to everyone around them to be a bit annoying. He believes there is no one right way to be and that insisting that everyone must act the way you do is just plain wrong.

♥︎ Speaking of gifts, expect for him to bring you random small things he finds like he's some kind of odd bird. If you also start bringing him random things you find, he will be ecstatic that you both have your little collections and he'll consider it to be a silly little competition to see who can get the other more tiny objects.

♥︎ The second thing you need to know is that when you do end up in a romantic relationship with him, he will talk to you less but spend time with you more. He's not completely silent. He's just a bit quieter now. He's gotten to know you. He's getting more and more comfortable around you. It will take him a few months to get comfortable with physical contact since that's something that feels somewhat foreign to him, but he'll find himself becoming more physically affectionate with time. Early on, though, he's definitely more likely to gravitate towards quality time and gifts.

♥︎ It will be a while before you see his face. He doesn't seem to like removing his mask a whole lot and he isn't too fond of physical contact, so he keeps his skin covered most of the time too.

♥︎ If you want to give him physical affection, I'd recommend just some hand-holding. He'd find the sudden contact to be a pleasant and welcome surprise if you're both at the point where you're comfortable with it. I'd say if he's giving you affection, he's comfortable receiving it.

♥︎ While he doesn't use words much, he's a bit of a giggly bitch when he's in a good mood. And hearing you laugh is a comfort to him. He likes to make you laugh until your sides hurt. He doesn't like to see you suffering or in pain, but he likes knowing that you're having fun.

♥︎ I want to make it extremely fucking clear that too much has happened in the past for him to ever forgive himself if anything happens to you. If anyone ever seriously hurts you, whether it be physically or mentally, comforting you his top priority, but he will at least consider killing whoever caused your pain. If he can do it and not get caught, he will. And he won't let you do it unless you're really insistent. Best to keep the blood off your hands, you know? You shouldn't have to watch the life leave a person. That could hurt you further and he doesn't want that.

♥︎ Speaking of comfort, he's become quite good at it. He'll learn in time to pick up on your body language to figure out what you need at the moment. This will be a time where he does speak to you, to tell you that no-one will hurt you while he's around and that he won't hurt you either. He wouldn't dream of it. You don't have to tell him what happened, though he'll listen to every word if you choose to confide in him. What you ought to tell him, though, is what he can do to help. Because he'll do his god damn best to make you feel better. That being said, he'll usually prioritize what you need over what you want. If you want to do something that's bad for you, he won't entirely deprive you of your choice in the matter and he'll listen to your reasoning, but he will argue with you over it.

♥︎ He has trouble sleeping. He lies awake at night for hours sometimes, just listening to the world around him and waiting for something bad to happen. During this time, it's best to just talk to him. He won't verbally respond much because he just doesn't feel like it, but he will be more okay with physical affection. It's a reminder that you're there and you're not going anywhere.

♥︎ And speaking of sleeping, he's probably the type to make a nest or fort of sorts from the blankets. Something to keep both of you warm, assuming you're both comfortable sleeping in the same bed. His body is quite warm and he prefers the cold most of the time, but while he's resting is one of the few exceptions. The warmth can be overwhelming to him at times, but it's always felt like an embrace to him. He finds it physically uncomfortable, but emotionally soothing.

♥︎ He doesn't like when he's alone and it's quiet. His mother is alive as far as I can tell, but she doesn't speak anymore. For a long while, you won't be allowed around her because she's terrified of you. It's not personal. She's just not entirely there anymore. She's like a prey animal. While she may initally come off as docile, she's nonverbal, scared that everything that moves will harm her, and hardly the same person she used to be. If you want to interact with her, be patient and don't you dare ever insult or harm her. In Ithaqua's mind, you are a delight, but that will change real fucking quick if you hurt his mother, intentionally or unintentionally. He'd be a little more understanding if it was unintentional, but he'd be very upset with you for a few days. If you want to make it up to them, make his mom a gift and let him give it to her. After whatever you may have done, you won't be able to interact with her directly for a long while. He just doesn't want to see her get hurt again and his attachment to her is stronger than his attachment to anyone else. You're very dear to him, but his mother is his mother.

♥︎ If he's upset with you for any reason, he'll mostly be silent and avoid you until he isn't upset anymore, which will probably take two days or so. After that, he'd be open to talking with you about whatever may have upset him. He just doesn't want to confront the situation until he's thought about it and made sure he's calm enough to handle everything rationally. During the conversation about what happened, he won't insult you with malicious intent. He wants you to understand why he's upset and he might accidentally say something hurtful while trying to get his point across. He doesn't mean to and he feels extremely guilty over it. If he sees you're upset, he'll take a deep breath, assess the situation, and try to be a little more gentle with how he handles things like this in the future, though he won't stop trying to talk about these kinds of things with you because you're a person with free will and the ability to make mistakes, and god damn it he's gonna treat you like a person because that's what you deserve.

♥︎ When he's upset but not at you, he'll be even less talkative and even more physically affectionate. You're very dear to him and he finds comfort in just knowing you exist.

♥︎ Overall, he's very gentle and affectionate with those he cares about, but in a way that can come off as cold and uninterested depending on how you interpret social interactions. To him, you are both just living beings and he accepts all of the good and the bad that comes with that. You chose him and he chose you and every day, you continue choosing eachother and he's grateful for that.

[tasteofgummies]

hi! i understand that it can be uncomfortable for u but if u don't mind can i ask the headcanons of p3 guys with dystrophic fem s/o? it would be cool if you also will make an nsfw part

i really enjoy your writing!!!🥺

Thank you so much!! It's not uncomfortable at all, don't worry! I tried to make this post very vague, as the experiences of people with dystrophy can be different, but as always, you can message me if you want me to change anything, enjoy (⁠*⁠´⁠ω⁠｀⁠*⁠)

Stardust Crusaders w/ a dystrophic!fem! S/O 🌸

Cw: nsfw content ahead

Jotaro Kujo

>He'd be careful with you regardless, but I think it would take some reassurance for him to express his love physically. But again, he isn't really the most affectionate, so what's the difference?

>He knows that you can handle yourself, so he is thoughtful without actually doing anything for you

>If you require any mobility aid, the Speedwagon foundation is ready to create only the finest technology for you

>If you ever feel insecure of anything regarding your disability, Jotaro is there to hold you, he may not be good with words, but he'll try to voice his feelings in order to reassure you that there isn't a single thing he would change about you

>Carries painkillers and muscle relaxers with him in case you ever need them

>Understands that sometimes the pain can be too much to even want to interact, but he will still be there in case you need anything, you don't need to talk, you can do parallel play

>Is very gentle with you, and tries to make you do as little effort as possible during your intimate times

>Eats you out with de-vo-tion 🙏

>He's inexperienced, but it's definitely a pleasurable time

>And if you ask for, you can have Star Platinum doing it, he's got that godly precision for all your good spots

>Lets you choose the position you'd like so it's always comfortable

>Wants to take care of you but you'd end up sore regardless

>His pace is slow and deep

>6/10 aftercare, he isn't awful, but he needs some practice

Noriaki Kakyoin

>He's much more open about physical affection, as he trusts you'll tell him if he hurts you

>Enjoys "house dates" that's basically you two scrolling through your phones and showing each other those cheesy cat pictures that couples share, and you clearly don't have to move around much for that

>I headcanons he suffers from migraines, so he can relate to the pain and sometimes limits on your daily life

>Offers acts of service to help you in days that are harder, so don't worry about grocery shopping or taking out the trash while he's there

>He isn't as scared to hurt you while being intimate as others are

>He's a tease, but also a gentleman, he'd like you needy and worked up from his touch so you ask him to please you

>And how can he deny you?

>Maybe gets a bit too carried away with the overstimulation and leaves you aching

>But he'll take care of you dw

>Breakfast in bed after he wrecked you kind of romantic<3

Muhammad Avdol

>Soothes your aches with natural essential oils and massages

>Tries to smooth out the ground of his farm so you can walk on it if you use any mobility aid

>He doesn't let you get insecure ever, he's a happy wife, happy life man™

>He's really supportive and thoughtful of whatever you need

>Avdol is perfect for everything tbh

>May be a bit overprotective though, is nor that he doesn't trust you, but he know how damaging is the pressure to be "functional" rather than to live a full, happy life (damn capitalism)

>He's such a spoiling sweet lover

>He'll make sure you are comfortable, and if you need to switch positions, take a break, stop, or anything, you just have to say your safe word

>He can get rougher, but he's more slow and sensual type of man

>11/10 aftercare

Jean-Pierre Polnareff

>He's so sweet, but he sometimes forgets his strength, so warn him please

>Another one that will literally worship the ground you step on

>Insecurity? We don't know her in this house

>A huge simp

>I feel like (if you don't already use one) will heavily encourage you to use a mobility aid, he doesn't think you need to force yourself, and you shouldn't feel bad for trying to make your life easier

>"It's okay to take up space, chéri

>Or you can just let him carry you and kiss the top of your head the whole day<3

>Like Avdol, he's very passionate, he makes love, he doesn't fuck

>Soooo many praises

>Knows he's big, so takes some time prepping you, it may even look like he's teasing you, but he just doesn't want to hurt you

>Your legs may end up just a bit sore, but he won't leave you as bad as the others

>He also has a voyeurism kink, so just watching you touch yourself is enough

Joseph Joestar

>"You know the Speedwagon foundati-" shut up Joseph, you can't use your nepo baby privilege to try to find a cure for it 💀

>No, but fr, he gets you all the best of everything, the best physicians, the best technology, the best specialist, just anything that can help you

>Respects you, and knows that you can handle yourself, but is also in his nature to spoil you

>He's very understanding, but sometimes you have to explain to him that pain is a part of your life, and him dating you means that he's gonna see you in pain sometimes

>He's there to gently stroke your hair and sing you praises

>Horny jail? This one scaped

>You have to tell him your legs get sore if he just pushes you against a wall and starts to get at it

>He'll be a good boy and get you to a nice comfortable bed

>And when I say nice, I mean, top tier mattress and silky sheets

>Loves when you ride him

>When he gets horny he forgets that you may need breaks, so you have to stay firm and be clear to him

>Of course won't react badly, he just gets too excited

>He's really good with his fingers, but that robotic hand has more than one perk

>Goes for quickies, usually, but always makes sure to examine you and massage your sore muscles, he also uses hamon to help you

Merli Anne [platonic]

>Anne's a bit of a pushover, but she just wants to protect you!

>You're a big sister to her, and she wants to prove to you what a useful person she can be, specially to you

>Tries to help the aches by giving you a soup recipe or something like that

>She thinks you're so strong and cool

[desultory-novice]

He'll Branch be like:

Even in Hell, miracles can happen.

Noir: 😃

But not for you. Suffer forever, teenage boy!

Noir: 😢

"Yeah, Dess! What did teenage boys ever do to you, huh?!"

...I thought that's what everyone's teenage years were like! XD

But your comment did lead to this bit of inspiration...

Noir: "Is this...all there is?"

Magolor: "To the afterlife? Don't ask me! I didn't even know building a theme park would work til I tried it! (I don't remember too much about it because I was massively hallucinating at the time. Max says I don't have to worry about litigation if anything breaks because everyone's already dead! ...You didn't hear that, by the way.)"

Magolor: "I thought you'd been here longer than me, actually."

Noir: "Yeah, I guess... I just kind of...zoned out through most of it. Kind of hoping...if I stopped thinking, I would disappear..."

Noir: "I... I'm only 16, you know? And...I only made one real mistake. Or... maybe everything was a mistake. Because every stupid decision I made on my own just made things worse."

Noir: "...Maybe the mistake was being born, I don't know."

Magolor: "Hmm. My boyfriend is damned for a near-eternity just because he 'whimsically' tried to take something for himself that belonged to everyone..."  (And it's going to BE an eternity if he doesn't stop pulling dumb pranks that add hours onto his clock!)"

Magolor: "I thought I'd done far worse than he had, but I feel like I got off lighter, even with this thing rooted deep into my head." 

Noir: "...What, the literal clown who pranked my sister? Who's always laughing like a drugged out fiend all the time?"

Magolor: "The very same! He used to love flying. Said it was the greatest, most freeing feeling in the world. ...He has to waddle everywhere now very, very slowly or he falls apart - and he hates it."

Noir: "...You know what sucks also? Not having hands."

Magolor: "Or to have them but not have control over them! ...Marx laughs because he would never admit to anyone how hard it is. And even though he can't stop pranking people, he's secretly terrified of being left here alone as the very last one of us damned souls."

Noir: "..."

Magolor: "...I don't know what it is that makes some lives harder than others. Why some of us live in a frankly blissful world of naps and sunshine without a thought in their round pink, friendly heads while some of us live to see everything we wanted, even the simple dreams, ripped away from us. And I don't know why half the patrons here are physical manifestations of nightmares and nihilism and death while the rest of us just wanted to be pretty, or prosperous, or strong, or have friends, or to protect someone they loved..."

Noir: "...Yeah..."

Magolor: "I thought if I built the best possible theme park, I could make everyone smile and shout with joy. My own little universe where I was in control. Not the harsh reality. But...this place is only a short-term fantasy. A game of pretend that fades as soon as you look away and see that the rest of the world is still on fire."

Magolor: "I haven't known you that long, and though you buried my boyfriend in the lake of fire, I think you deserve to be saved. To have everything good that was taken away from you and then some."

Magolor: "Despite a long time being used as a host for limitless power, I can't give you any of that... But I can promise, for you at least, the rides and games in Merry Magoland will always be free."

Noir: "...Guess it's something. And starting from nothing... it's a lot."

Noir: "Oh, but get rid of the mother%$!& tea cups for me!"

Magolor: "I could repurpose the land to build a 'Scope Shot' arena. There's been a lot of requests for that one to come back."

Noir: "'...Scope Shot?"

Magolor: "Interested? I've got some gameplay footage right here!"

Noir: "Wow, what are these, PS1 graphics?"

Magolor: "......"

[reviewinghiccup]

I really love this blog and I know its focus is to analyze Hiccup’s character from what we are given from the films and shows but do you think he felt some sort of resentment towards the other teens, the village, and even Stoick shortly after the events of the first movie? I don’t recall seeing anything like this from Hiccup (correct me if I’m wrong) since it’s just in his nature to be very selfless and forgiving. However, I’m sure that with the lost of his leg and the people suddenly treating him with respect (aside from Stoick, I don’t think we’ve seen any other character formally apologizing for treating him so poorly before), it must have been a very difficult time for him to adjust to, both physically and emotionally. I might be missing a lot things as I write this but I’m sure Hiccup has plenty of scars under the surface that will take lots of time to heal. I’d love to know what are your thoughts about this, thanks!

Wow, that's a really interesting question. @per4mancecheck noted in my post that the reason Hiccup was able to sympathise w Astrid in the episode Blindsided [Episode 11, Season 4 (Race to the Edge)] is because of his own disability. And that got me thinking about what it was possibly like when he woke up and saw his leg missing.

We know that at the end of the 1st movie, he sorta just accepts it. I reckon that was more a pacing issue and the show had to finish on a congratulatory note. It would be a bit too heavy perhaps to go into his disability thereafter. But the shows don't go into it much either. And from what I know and recall of the episodes thus far, no one has apologised for their mistreatment towards him or that he lost his leg. At least not verbally and not written into the shows.

I have a few theories:

(1) THE PRIDE OF BATTLE SCARS

Maybe it wasn't something he dwelled on, because to lose a leg was better than to lose a life. It could be Hiccup was a glass half full kinda person and he was just glad to be alive.

We know from the franchise that the Vikings take glory in battle scars. And they love a good story that comes with it. And losing a leg battling the Red Death is a damn good one.

I also think Hiccup isn't someone who dwells on things, because in HTTYD 2, it didn't take him long to forgive his mother who left him motherless to rescue dragons. He was just happy to have her back again (like Stoick). No resentment towards her or the dragons. Or even Toothless who killed Stoick. It's like his level of understanding reaches undefinable strides. [Granted he was angry, but not for long. He just gets it.]

A) IT WAS NORMAL TO LOSE A LIMB

Further, it is possible that it wasn't something to think about because it was normal for them to lose a limb back then. Many of them have or know someone who has lost a limb (or their minds). When its normalised, the sting of stigma is neutralised.

B) THE FIGHTING SPIRIT

Its that fighting spirit, that even though they suffer from some sort of physical impediment, that isn't going to stop them from fighting Outcasts / Berserkers or serving the community.

Hiccup must've also been used to "coming short" if you get me. And in a way, he supplements his short comings w gadgets. Like the shield, Inferno/Dragon Blade and lots of training.

(2) THE NO HARD FEELINGS CULTURE

Most of the people around him are pretty unapologetic. They're Vikings. It might be in their constitution to not apologise, with words. Maybe they might w actions. We know in the series "When Lightning Strikes" [Episode 13, Season 1 (Riders of Berk)] when the town mistakenly accused Toothless for the fierce lightning storms, they apologised to him by giving loads of peace offerings. Maybe they did the same with Hiccup and we didn't see it because the episodes only began after he was able to walk on the peg-leg, which could've taken some time.

A) ACTIONS SPOKE LOUDER

For example, when he wakes up, dragons could roam freely. They didn't fight dragons anymore. They believed him. I also like to think, their image of him had taken a drastic turn for the better. He gained a lot of respect and that could mean more to him than an apology. Especially since he's the son of the chief and heir to the title. He needs that respect.

B) SORRY, NOT SORRY

In certain cultures, to say sorry might mean nothing much to them. My cousin is half Chinese, and her mother is not much of a "saying sorry" to fix things type. She might, make your favourite meal or buy a snack you like to make up for it and my cousins accepts that as an apology. Live and let live? Yannow?

But as for Snotlout and Tuff/Ruff (can't recall which) I don't think they would've said sorry or even knew they did something wrong. Either because they were too proud to realise (Snotlout) or too dense to notice (the Twins). In fact, they do make fun of him for it.

BUT HAVING SAID THAT...

I believe you have a solid point. Regardless of what society you live in and what type of person you are, when you lose a limb it is counted as a great loss. Especially, if you could've saved it if the people around you had listened. In a natural sense, I'm sure he must've been at least angry. Life without a limb is tough.

Because of his metal leg, he attracts lightning during a storm when flying Toothless. Sometimes during an adventure, he might lose his leg or an enemy might take it away from him to impede him. I mean, it is weakness in the strictest sense, cumbersome if anything else. But I don't think he held it against the other teens on the island for long because whatever he did during the show for them came from a position of genuine friendship.

Emotion wise though, I too wonder if he has completely healed. You see, Hiccup is very attached to Toothless. Toothless is like an extension of himself. He serves like an emotional support animal. The Dragon Academy, Alvin, Dagur, the Grimborn brothers, etc. they also serve as distractions. When he hyper-fixates on these things, he doesn't seem so interested in his own personal issues. That's probably where the phrase "an idle mind is the devil's playground" came from. And why adults asks us to keep busy, cause when you don't your thoughts could run wild.

That may explain why in HTTYD: The Hidden World, Astrid said "but he thinks he is nothing without Toothless." Because for the longest time, Toothless has made things easier for him. Instead of just walking, Hiccup can now fly.

This statement might be an indication that Hiccup hadn't fully resolved his internal conflict and insecurity. I mean, how many of us young adults have issues that date back to childhood?

I think the internal struggle branches out in the final movie because of the loss of his father. That could be why he wasn't ready for marriage, as Astrid knew the case to be. Because before he can transition into a new position, he needed to first know who he is, independent of Toothless. Leg or no leg.

He also needed to believe in the strength he now had with Astrid. And maybe even why it had to be with just Astrid.

I think he must've carried some sort of scar, that only letting go of Toothless could heal. Because, while Toothless resembled strength and adventure, he also signified dependence. And the only way to know you have recovered completely is to let go of your crutch.

I may be overstepping here, but this is just my two-cents.

Thank you so much for asking this question. I had a wonderful time answering it. Gave me a chance to think about things I haven't yet given enough consideration. Above all, I really hope this answer helps.

[mach-speed-spin]

in case this is still open

bakuten shoot: mystel

mfb: reiji

beywheelz: jake

burst: ben

you don't have to do all of them ofc !!

Mystel

How I feel about them: He's alright. There's nothing about him I dislike, but the things I like are all very superficial (cool design and bey). He feels like a filler character added in just because BEGA needed an extra blader

Something I find interesting: his 4-eyed mask design. Someone had to make the deliberate decision to give it extra eyes and I love purposeful impracticality in character designs

Something I think could've been done better: He's just there and doesn't really have a dynamic with the rest of his team nor with his opponents. Giving him a meaningful rivalry with Ray or friendship with Garland would've gone a long way

Headcanon: He likes to hang out on rooftops. No one knows or questions how he gets to them

Thoughts on his bit-beast: I like it. Personally I think later beys would pull off the Poseidon/Neptune theme better but Mystel's was pretty solid

Miscellaneous thoughts: I don't really have any. He's almost a recurring extra with how little we get to see of him. At least his battle with Max was fun

Reiji

How I feel about them: Short-lived secondary antagonists can be hard to pull off, but Reiji does it really well. He had 4 battles in total but every single one of them is memorable. If he was around for longer, I'm sure he'd be universally considered one of mfb's greatest villains

Something I find interesting: Reiji apparently feels physical pain when his opponent resists his fear tactics. This raises some really interesting questions that, like a lot of things in Beyblade, can only be explained via headcanon

Something I think could've been done better: His breakdown was really cathartic but it also didn't answer any of the questions I had. I wish we could've seen his breakdown more in-depth to better understand what's going on in his mind

Headcanon: Since he has a dark move, Reiji has some of the dark power (albeit less than Ryuga and Tsubasa), which causes him pain when he has to use more of it

Thoughts on his bit-beast: A snake that is revealed to be a single strand of Medusa's hair. I love it. Hell, the first time he uses his dark move and we see that his bey has multiple snakes was a massive "oh shit" moment

Miscellaneous thoughts: His VA was clearly having a lot of fun recording but I can only imagine the sore throat that resulted from it. Poison Serpent being one of the worst beys irl is kinda funny considering he's easily one of the top bladers in Fusion

Jake

How I feel about them: I'm not a huge fan of Beywheelz but I love Jake. I wish more villains were like him in that he's simultaneously comedic and threatening

Something I find interesting: The shots that imply he sends his bey at the opponent's eyes, combined with the fact that one of his eyes is always covered, seems to imply something that wasn't explicitly shown, but was purposely implied

Something I think could've been done better: He was underused. Beywheelz in general suffered from cramming too much story in too little time. If Beywheelz was longer we could've gotten more of Jake

Headcanon: About the eye thing, my headcanon is that it was injured in some form (probably from a bey). I'm undecided if he wears an eyepatch or if it's "merely" a Shu-style scar

Thoughts on his bit-beast: A less cool version of Reiji's Serpent. Still not bad, just overshadowed

Miscellaneous thoughts: His personality is the opposite of Reiji's while still being very similar. I prefer Reiji as a serious villain, but Jake is so fun to watch

Ben

How I feel about them: He doesn't do much in the story besides being a tournament opponent, but damn is he good at it. In season 1, I found that I looked forward to Ben's battles more than anyone else's (including Lui) just for the energy he brings

Something I find interesting: He seems like a feral child but his hair says otherwise. There's a level of metafiction that goes on, where nothing about Ben's character indicates he wouldn't take care of his hair other than audience assumptions, and I love it

Something I think could've been done better: Like many characters, he was underused. He fought Lui, clearly that affected him, but we never delve into the details

Headcanon: He and Ranzo buy sorts from the same brand. Just look at them

Thoughts on his bit-beast: It's cool, but most pre-Turbo avatars are overshadowed by the later ones. It's one of my favorite s1 avatars, but not really remarkable in the grand scheme of Burst

Miscellaneous thoughts: Before Blindt, Ben's Beast Hold was probably the weirdest looking special move in Burst. I wish Ben vs Lui was shown in full in the flashback

[gothmiqote]

Is your muse easily flustered? Do they blush, swear, etc.? Where is your muse most sensitive? Does your muse like to be pinned down, or to pin their partner?

asks.

mildly nsfw under the cut :p

Is your muse easily flustered? Do they blush, swear, etc.?

Varha's not so easily flustered--she knows she looks good, you don't have to tell her that. Comments erring on the lascivious end are typically taken in stride, and she's partial to more physical forms of appreciation too.

Of course, when things start to get a bit more personal is about the time she'll start to flounder. As in, if real feelings are at play, she'll lose her nerve (congratulations, Estinien, on being effectively the only person on the planet who's managed to see this side of her by the way. Is he in any way aware of this? No.) She gets a bit blushy, but her bigger tells are typically a pointed lack of eye contact and panicked modesty, brushing off or downplaying the compliment. Her ears sometimes visibly stiffen too, which is notable for her since physical tells in the ears/tail are typically more subtle for her.

She doesn't love it when she gets flustered, since it's not something she can fully control, so she'll try to redirect the situation somehow. Affectionate, gentle things can be... overwhelming, truthfully. Sometimes he'll let her get away with this. Other times it becomes part of the game, and all she's really succeeded in doing is prolonging her own sweet suffering.

Where is your muse most sensitive?

Cliche but true—it's her neck. Varha resents the assumption that since she's Miqo'te, it must be either her ears or tail. It's not. She actually isn't fond of having her ears touched on purpose (it usually just makes them involuntarily twitch a little & is more annoying than sensual). The base of the tail is an okay area, but it doesn't do as much for her as just grabbing her ass or hips would (those moves come with the promise of something more; a tail tug does not).

The neck, though? She's extra responsive to the intentional, soft touches & will absolutely get weak in the knees when teeth are involved. I've said it before, but she's definitely glad to be the 'likes to be bitten' to Estinien's 'likes to bite.' Damn good thing she doesn't blink twice at the thought of leaving the house with a neck absolutely covered in bruises. There's no chance in hell she'd be able to successfully cover those up in a way that convinces anyone.

Does your muse like to be pinned down, or to pin their partner?

She's tall for a Keeper woman, but nowhere near close to that for Elezen standards. She doesn't have much of a preference or a size kink, but it's always been a given that there was a good chance she'd end up significantly smaller than her partner. She plays around sometimes, knowing that type of roughhousing is a turn-on of his, but she can't legitimately win that "fight" and pin him unless she's getting magic involved (which kind of defeats the purpose of the foreplay). She's more than alright with taking on a more submissive role anyway. Nothing extreme by her standards, but she likes the rough treatment it can lead to, and it's much easier to angle for it when they both know she's not going to have the upper hand here.

(& Interestingly enough, if she's the one topping, she'll go about it a bit differently. She's more reserved, less tactile & more of a tease. Instead of physically restraining him, she'll ask nicely. Good behaviour and willpower are far more enticing to her than having to grapple for her prize.)

[coinflict]

15 people 15 questions!!!!

Tagged by @suzufield thank you yay ^^

This is a long one so it's under the cut and also idgaf I love hearing myself talk I love the sound of my own voice!!!!

Not really, my given name is that of a saint like most names from here tbh, but my mom picked it because it's short and she wanted people from everywhere around the world to be able to say it which is kind of cute. I don't have chosen name I have like 3 nicknames people alternate between, one of them is Ani or AniGC which I use on the internet and I don't plan on picking one I think not having a name is cool!

1. Are you named after anyone?

2. When was the last time you cried?

Nope, too young, and also having my own kids or parenting/fostering is not something I am fit to ever do I don't think I would be a good parent. I'm a lesbian so biological kids are kind of out the window (not really but don't want them regardless, better safe than sorry on this matter I think). I would love to work with kids though at least once in my lifetime.

Genuinely yesterday I love crying I cry all the damn time it helps me fall asleep. What the libs don't want you to know is that depression is actually awesome because you can cry all the fucking time and you don't need sleeping medication! Yay for mental illness!

3. Do you have kids?

4. What sports have you played/do you play?

I did karate for 8 or 9 years from ages of like 6-14, loved it, then I fell down the stairs and fucked up my spine and had to quit. Then I did swimming for a bit but nothing too serious and I quit that because I got bored now I do fuck all.

5. Do you use sarcasm?

Yes a lot but I try to not get too irony poisoned lol, I mostly just say outlandish shit but I do use sarcasm.

6. What's the first thing you notice about people?

I couldn't tell you if you put a gun to my head. I don't fucking know 😭

7. Eye colour?

Brown! ^^

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

This is a strange one I'm not really big on either of these things. When it comes to horror I'm not really a fan of movies I feel like a thing inherently becomes a little less scary when you show it to me or when it's moving you know? Idk I like some of them but I really do enjoy horror books those are awesome. And for the other thing I don't know is it a happy ending for me or the characters? Like I enjoy all plot threads being tied together well but if that doesn't make my fav happy GOOD. Let that bitch suffer. To actually answer the question I think scary movies lmao.

9. Any talents?

Why yes I'm very awesome. Idk I'm a fast learner genuinely that's the biggest thing I've got going on I think almost everything I know I learned on my own accord, it was never given to me, and idk I'm kind of proud of that idgaf if it sounds corny. I can also dislocate my thumb that's kind of cool.

10. Where were you born?

In the hospital (Serbia but I don't like saying where I'm from too much I want to remain a Mysterious Figure On The Computer and now you have to ignore the fact that I frequently post about this)

11. What are your hobbies?

Running the risk of sounding like a loser nerd I love studying I love learning things if I could stay in school for the rest of my life I genuinely would. I love learning how shit works and I'm gonna be honest organic chemistry has been among my favourite things to study ever it's so perfectly logical and awesome one of the best sciences ever for sure. Besides that I like doing fuck all and taking the piss on the internet.

12. Do you have any pets?

Nope! Small apartment and not enough money or time to take care of them. One day I will get a cat though trust.

13. How tall are you?

184cm that's like 6'0" I think?

14. Favourite subject in school?

Idk probably physics. High school level chem was incredibly fucking boring I didn't even have to fart to get good grades. Math and programming were my original beloveds but I fell out of love with them very soon after starting high school due to bad experiences with teachers. So yeah probably physics idk the only subjects I think about at this point are the ones I'll have next year in college I can't fucking wait for atomistics.

15. Dream job?

I feel like a fucking idiot being at my age and telling people I want to be a scientist but like!!!!!! I do I genuinely do!!!! I want to be a researcher and do cool things I want to be entranced by the work I do maybe this sounds so incredibly optimistic because it's likely that if I become a researcher I'll be eating packet noodles for the rest of my life but!! That's my dream!!!

I cannot be assed to tag 15 people I'm sorry also I think everyone and their mom has done this at this point so I'll tag. 3 take it or leave it! Sorry if any of you have done this already 😭. Also if you haven't but don't want to that's fine lmao no pressure

@k-ru-h @viegoinahoodie @schrodingers-catgirl

[thistleation]

I’m so obsessed with your eldritch space fic, I just can’t get it out of my head! I swear I catch myself thinking about it at least once per day. It’s got me really wanting to finally get into sci-fi media again and I’m wondering if you happen to have any recommendations?

Oh wow.

Damn.

Okay well first of all, holy shit, thank you!

I knew BoSaS was well liked by a handful of people, but until now I didn't think anyone besides me belonged in the "thinks about it daily category" 😭💖

As for sci-fi recs... well this is going to be a bit scattershot.

I've honestly not really kept up with recent sci-fi due to over a decade of major depression and not having my shit together, and I'm not a huge fan of a lot of the sci-fi that comes out these days in visual media, so I'm trying to make some time to read some of the sci-fi stories of recent years, but again, that's a work in progress, so can't really rec much in that regard.

First things first though, if you like Beyond our Space and Starlight, I absolutely have to rec luminous beings by @daisychainsandbowties .

It's warrior nun, it's star wars, it's got the suffering and the crying and the patented Cas poetic beauty amid the despair. It's SO fucking good and if you've not read it (and its companion pieces in the same setting) you absolutely gotta.

And also before I go any further, shouting out the Bifrost Incident which @the-darkness-does-not-bargain so kindly introduced me to. (don't look up anything about it, just listen). I assume that the main motivation behind you asking is something along the lines of "what kind of sci-fi was the inspiration behind this?" To which I'd have to say it's a mix that's a little eclectic and mainly old.

But let's talk about them because why not:

First off, the biggest influence is probably the original Star Wars trilogy, with dashes of the prequel trilogy.

I could write an essay about this, but I guess I could condense my opinion on Star Wars (and its relation to BoSaS) very simplified into something like: "Yes! You SHOULD bring swords and myth/magic into sci-fi... no, not quite like that!"

Rogue One brought it back and did it pretty well. (Only truly good recent Star Wars movie) I'd also draw from other sci-fi classics like the original Alien movies, the first two Terminators and Blade Runner.

Not to be all "the original is always better," but I feel like an issue with a lot of modern sci-fi is that the setting is too effaced, it lacks story and it's just a vehicle for spectacle. I like sci-fi stories where space is BIG and scary, and being on a ship surrounded by millions upon millions of miles of vacuum, utterly hostile to life? That should feel a little claustrophobic! Or at least occasionally unsettling.

If you hit the original movies, you're more likely to catch more of the vibe of the setting itself being an important character in the story, which to me is an essential aspect of my favourite kind of sci-fi content.

Okay this is getting long, let's go over the rest faster.

Ghost in the Shell

The original movie and the Stand Alone Complex (second season especially).

This is probably one of my biggest formative experiences on my "didn't realize they were trans at the time" adolescent brain.

High concept, transhumanism, guns, fast action, and enough of a spiritual/philosophical vibe to keep it from getting bland.

Then in a similar vein of physical dissociation and occasional body horror, but you want it to be even more fucked up?

Battle Angel Alita/Gunnm

The original run in particular. This along with Ghost in the Shell was what shaped my interest in sci-fi around my adolescence. I liked how both weren't afraid to introduce philosophical, almost spiritual and mythological elements to their futuristic stories.

Ghost in the Shell especially is like, the powers of mythical creatures, achieved through technology, and it leans into that and so you get an almost spiritual experience as an end result.

This story gets fucked up at times, but it's beautiful and heart wrenching all the same.

Prey

In contrast to my "watch the originals" statement of earlier, this is a recent predator movie that's actually good.

Thorgal

Okay this one isn't sci-fi, but I'm adding it to the list because this takes my love of adding magical/fantasy elements to sci-fi, but from the other direction: a story of a viking outcast, featuring gods and mythical creatures, but ALSO sci-fi elements as the lead character is of a race of spacefaring human(oids?)

Again, the first 20-odd books especially.

A powerhouse of the classic Franco-Belgian comics, nothing quite like it.

It's getting late and this is getting long, if any mutuals wanna tag on their recs for weird and not-so-weird sci-fi, please feel free.

[ellsieee]

Thai QL Favorites!

Tagged by: @benkaaoi (I miss our watch parties bb! 😢)

Credits to: @thatgirl4815 for the Thai BL Favorites Tag Game!

Favorite QL: 

My Tee. It's hard to quantify what exactly equals favorite, so I'm going with the Thai ql series I've rewatched the most. My Tee is my comfort series. It has its issues, but it's not boring or as confusing as the people on mdl would have you believe. I enjoyed the low key, humorous, slice of life, coming of age story. The ending admittedly leaves much to be desired, but the Mork/Tee parts of Our Skyy make up for it.

Favorite Pairing: 

As in acting pair or CP from a series? For established acting pair it's a toss up between EarthMix and KhaotungFirst. Both acting pairs seem to genuinely be good friends which is probably why they have great chemistry. I might have to give the edge to KT and First because I think they're both better actors individually. For a couple from a series it's gotta be Fighter/Tutor. Why R U was one of my early forays into "spicy" Thai bl so Fighter and Tutor have a special place in my heart. Many spicy Thai bls later, I still think their UST/physical chemistry is one of the best. Honorable mention goes to my favorite fluff couple RamKing who was just barely edged out by Tutor's obsession with Fighter's adam's apple.

Most underrated actor: 

I don't follow Thai ql closely enough to know who is underrated or overrated. I'm just going to say Drake Laedeke because I wish GMMTV would stop doing him dirty and give him some lead roles. He was decent in My Tee and has been great in his supporting roles, so I think it's about time he got another shot at ml.

Favorite Character:

This one is really hard. I'm going to cheat and say it's a tie between Noey from I Will Knock You and King from My Engineer. Does King count as a main character? I adore Noey for his quirkiness, loyalty, and (over) confidence. The way he bossed Thi into falling in love with him. 😅 I love King's curiosity, persistence and patience with Ram. I also find his spacey, plant loving, dog fearing self very cute.

Favorite Side Character:

My poor long suffering Gap from Triage. 💙 I loved his friendship with Tin and with the rest of the hospital staff and while I am still salty about being robbed of seeing SingGap become bfs, I still love my sweet, exasperated Gap.

Favorite Scene in a BL:

This scene healed my soul. I Told Sunset About You was such a heavy series that I needed this scene so much. It felt like all was right with the world and I believed in true love again.

Favorite Line in a BL:

My mind is totally blank and I cannot think of any profound lines. Instead, the only thing that comes to mind is Praram's "Brother that isn't a brother. Just like how daddy doesn't really mean father" from This Is Love Story. 😅

Most Anticipated BL (and why): 

I waited too long to do this, all of my anticipated bls came out already (Laws of Attraction & I Feel You Linger In the Air). I guess now I'll pick Sunset Vibes because I am ready to watch MosBank play assholes that deserve only each other again. I am anticipating a most wonderful trash watch. 🧡

Healthiest Relationship in BL:

Saen and Aii from You're My Sky. Saen took it slow with Aii and respected his boundaries. They talked about their problems and tried to meet each other halfway. And they were just all kinds of adorable.

Most Toxic Relationship in BL:

Pok and Tong from Gen Y/Gen Y 2. Threats? ✅ SA? ✅ Manipulation? ✅ I remember thinking damn these bitches are so toxic when I was watching Gen Y, but I was also a bit mesmerized by their toxicity. 😅

Guilty Pleasure Series: 

Guilty pleasure implies that the series needs to be bad, but what's bad? One's trash is another's treasure. A lot of people rag on My Tee, but I like it, so does that make it a guilty pleasure? It doesn't feel like it. I guess I will go with Big Dragon. I can understand why people think it's awful, but I loved it.

Most Underrated Series: 

I really want to pick You're My Sky because it was a pretty well done uni/sports bl that got very little attention, but I'm picking He's Coming To Me because it's a very good series that doesn't get enough love. The ghost story part of it was both touching and funny and the investigation/non-bl plot was interesting. Ohm's acting was great too.

If this wasn't restricted to Thai QL, this would have been a lot harder and a lot of my answers would be different I think. I never know who to tag for these things. If you see this, consider yourself tagged. Edit: I tag YOU @victooooorious