#but eh I really wanna write this but I am not as big a FF fan as I need to be to write this >:I

[fromtheplanethexagon]

the robot problem: a critical look at tobecky, 5 years late

hello wordgirl fandom i am back :) and i have a lot of thoughts that i never got around to expressing before i moved on from the show. so be aware that everything i'm saying is based on my experiences during the 2012-2016 era of the fandom & state of tumblr in general, and i am not familiar with more recent fan content.

it's been over five years since the show ended, and @ifbrd​ reminded me (along with some great analysis) that while tobecky was super popular since before the show technically started (thanks to the play date shorts), it's pretty unhealthy in a lot of ways that tend to be excused or flat out ignored in fanworks. i'd like to reflect on that a bit (a lot); specifically, how both the show and the fandom approached this enemies-to-lovers ship, and how easily this ship can slip into uncomfortable territory if we're careless about how we interpret the ship and create fan content of it.

i will admit, i'm mostly writing this as a response to past me and my old creations - though i moved on from the show as a whole years ago, i do like taking the time to reflect on old interests once in a while, and reevaluating my thoughts on them. and this ship is probably the biggest one that still lurks in the corners of my mind once in a while, so let's go.

cherish is the word: a short positive note before a much longer negative one

i wanted to start this essay off with some positivity, because i am going to be very negative after this. tobecky was, in some ways, cute. it's obvious from the very beginning that these two characters are on pretty equal ground, even if one of them isn't aware of it. and that's part of the fun - the irony of how unaware tobey is that his nemesis/crush/person that pretty much always wins against him is someone that he completely dismisses as incompetent. i want to point this out because honestly, in general i don't like enemies-to-lovers because a lot of them use a power imbalance within the dynamic, and i hate power imbalances, especially when it comes to actual life-or-death scenarios (at least, as much as cartoons can do that). in most episodes, becky is never actually forced to go along with his wishes. she's not held in a 'date' against her will, nor is she ever really outwitted by him. i bring this up because there is one huge, uncomfortable exception, which i will get to later.

another big plus to the ship is the fact that they just... get along? even when fighting? of course we get brief moments where they just hang out and talk about paintings or whatever, but i'm talking about how much they get each other, even if they don't realize it. like the word banter, for example. been there since day one. becky loves words, and while most other people in her life don't really care (ranging from 'eh, that's cool i guess' to her brother calling it annoying), tobey gives her a chance to show off and thus treats her as a worthy adversary as herself, not because of her more generic superpowers - something that we've seen in canon that she feels self-conscious about (see: her motivation in patch game). one of the less noticed examples, to me, is "it's your party and i'll cry if I want to", because it's just - okay. they both are excluded from a social event, and while it's obvious that tobey deals with it by destroying the city, it's also pretty obvious that becky also deals with her frustration by fighting in that battle. like, yes, realistically it's just objectively bad that he's destroying buildings. but they're also providing each other with a way to work through their frustrations, first by fighting and then by talking things out, and finally by hanging out together instead of dwelling on being excluded from the party.

so it makes a lot of sense to me that many tobecky fans gravitated towards writing far-in-the-future fic, usually by implying that some growth had taken place before starting to write the ship. (there are, as far as i'm aware, 2... maybe 3 exceptions, that take the time to attempt a real redemption for him, at least when i left the fandom.) because if you take away his worst moments, either by reasoning out that he was 10 years old and a mess, or that he was a cartoon character in a cartoon world where everyone's actions are over-the-top, or by just flat-out pretending that certain episodes never happened, there's some pretty solid ground to start a ship on.

go gadget go: we all do not see it, we simply close our eyes (review of canon)

when the show began, i was the same age as the characters. a lot of other people were, too - at least in my cohort of the fandom. i think it's pretty safe to say that many of us have fond memories of the show's earlier seasons, and held on to that interest as we got older, for whatever reasons. so like, not to be all 'as an OG fan...', but i remember seeing the shorts air for the first time in 2006. i have a diary entry in july of 2009 about how i, a 12yo with no concept of the idea of 'shipping', was disappointed in the new tobey episode because i wanted more tobecky interactions. (that was robo-camping, btw, lol.) and so i remember how exciting their rivalry felt, watching them as someone literally their exact same age, and then watching that again as a nostalgic 17yo, and then uh... growing up, to put it frankly, and realizing just how unhealthy most of their interactions were.

okay what i meant to say was, this section is an overview of the relationship's canon portrayal throughout the years.

first, we have early tobecky: this includes the shorts and the first few seasons. this is their classic relationship: he likes her and takes robots on rampages to get her attention, she majorly disapproves and has fun taking him down. we've all seen the show, you know what i'm talking about. his backhanded ways of trying to find out her identity often feature prominently in the episodes, which - sigh, i've mentioned this whole issue before, but it's kind of a grey area in the whole uncomfortable-factor thing, because while trying to find out her identity is VERY invasive, it's something that like... everyone in the show tries to do, even her canon crush (scoops). on the one hand, it's really not a great look, but on the other hand, this is a cartoon meant to parody a genre in which this trope is extremely common. so i just wanna say that i have Issues and Thoughts on this aspect of their relationship, but there are other things i find more important to discuss here.

second, we have late tobecky: this is seasons 7-8. this is... a very strange and huge shift from the previous dynamic, though it's not necessarily obvious. what i mean by that is that for some reason, the show writers made it so that half of tobey’s rampages have nothing to do with his crush on wordgirl, even though that used to be the sole reason for his villainy. seriously. we have the birthday episode, where he's upset because he feels left out; wg vs tobey vs the dentist, where he's mad that he has a cavity; and trustworthy tobey, where his robot goes on a rampage... after becky accidentally makes it malfunction. the two outliers are ‘guess who’s coming to thanksgiving dinner’ and ‘patch game’, but they still differ from previous seasons because 1) his destruction is isolated to a forest far away from the city, and 2) his motive is still to impress wordgirl, but his methods are relatively tame. also he completely gives up on the secret identity thing??? i may have missed some things but i think he straight up tells her 'yeah there's no way you're wordgirl, lol' and the subject is just dropped for the rest of the show.

i also want to include 'the robot problem' here, because it's one of two season 6 tobey episodes, and follows the 'doesn't destroy buildings to get her attention' pattern: in fact, he teams up with her to try and stop someone else from going on a rampage (even if his reasons are selfish, lol).

and finally. the other season 6 episode. we have go gadget go, the bane of my time spent in the fandom. because GGG is the single episode where tobey truly manages to take away her autonomy, and proceeds to abuse that power for an extended period of time, for his own amusement. it's bad. it's Very Bad. put in the context that it's a white boy doing this to an (ambiguously) brown girl, it's REALLY REALLY BAD. and the more i look back on it, tbh, the more weirded out i am that the show not only made it seem like she wasn't affected at all within the episode, it just... forgot about it (which is not unusual for shows and especially children’s shows, but WG does make some efforts to either retain continuity or create canon reasons for why things are forgotten about). it's the kind of thing that you can't excuse and honestly you can't redeem (like at this point, you gotta ask yourself why you're spending so much effort trying to redeem this guy when becky has several other possible ships that are nowhere near this unhealthy - violet, scoops, honestly even victoria if you want another hero/villain ship, my absolute fave rarepair rose, etc).

so if you want to still ship it you have to just pretend that it never happened. (i remember trying for weeks to write something exploring the aftermath of this episode, to try and make myself feel better about it, but the more i wrote the more i realized just how traumatic this event should've been, so i eventually just dropped it.) and i brought up my own timeline of experiences earlier to point out that this episode aired eight whole years after the show started. which means that when i saw it, even though i was a huge stickler for canon at the time, i'd built up my own idea of the show and characters strongly enough to go 'yeah, no, this episode sucks and i am going to pretend that it doesn't exist'. and i think a lot of other people did too, because i really saw like... no one mention it, ever, except for some rogue fanfics over on ff dot net that already liked dynamics like that.

because here's the thing, and i don't know if people nowadays are aware of it? but i'm 80% sure (cannot find a source, so the other 20% is that it was just a rumor) that the show was originally supposed to end after season 6. and even if it's a rumor, it makes a ton of sense, because we get 1) an 'ending' to tobecky, which is a bad one, 2) a permanent wordgirl identity reveal that significantly changes one of the major dynamics in the show, 3) an episode where TJ gets to work with wordgirl and get a nice potential ending for their sibling dynamic, 4) an episode where we see Two-Brains explore life without his henchmen... the list goes on, and idk how many of these are just major stretches. but the point is. if the show had ended there, that would've been a pretty solid ending for many things, including their relationship: aka, it would prove that it was only ever heading somewhere bad, and when tobey finally has his moment of triumph, he is truly evil about it. and this provides us fans who HATE go gadget go with an easy reason to dismiss it - we can say that it was an attempt to conclude things in a way that wouldn't have happened if the writers had known they'd get more time. but despite that... it is still a canon episode.

it is odd to me how dramatically the dynamic shifts after that, though, because we seriously go from 'worst case ever, tobecky is toxic, your ship is dead' to 'no actually they get along and hang out and get ice cream together and tobey isn't even pressuring her into it, she's happy to go along with it :)' like, immediately. i never knew much about the show writers, so i don't know if the writers changed in between these seasons, but i would absolutely not be surprised if they did.

the earlier episodes are definitely problematic as well (though they pale in comparison to GGG) but i think everyone who ships it is aware considering that tobey is, yknow, a villain. from memory, he destroys buildings to get her attention, lies to her about the level of danger that people are in to trick her into spending more time with him, blackmails her into reading his poetry, and he creates a robot based on her that’s supposed to be devoted to him (but of course, all of these things backfire). not great stuff of course, but like... he’s a villain, that’s the point of his character. and considering that he’s a child these are things that can be redeemed, if done thoughtfully.

anyway, to sum up this section, the show starts off with a pretty standard 'enemies with an unrequited crush' setup, takes a really dark turn for a single episode, and then for the rest of the show takes their dynamic in a direction that makes it much, much easier to ship. as long as you ignore a lot of previous content.

wordbot: where's becky's autonomy in all of this? (misogyny)

we've finally gotten to the fandom. i recognize that a lot of this is going to come across as hypocritical considering how active i used to be re: this ship, but like... i'm a very different person now. anyway. disclaimer i guess - i don't write this to accuse all tobecky shippers of being like this - i know a lot of us aren't/weren't! but boy do i have things to point out, so without further ado:

it is very hard to ship this without allowing some bit of misogyny to slip into it. very, very hard. the entire premise of the ship involves a girl falling in love with a boy that repeatedly pressures her to date him via threats to the safety of herself and people she cares about, which... it's 2020, i shouldn't have to explain why that's terrible & a terrible example to set for children (which is why i am glad they never made it canon, tbh). best-case fan content has tobey stop pressuring her and start working to redeem himself out of an actual change of heart, which leads to becky seeing him in a new light. worst-case fan content treats his incessant pressuring and sometimes outright threats as something romantic - and even worse, romantic to the point where he deserves her attention and love as a reward for not giving up or whatever. i did see this pretty frequently for a while, especially in the earlier 2010s (didn't read much, Not My Thing At All), but i don't feel like going into detail here because of how obviously problematic it is. one medium (but still bad) case is where the fan content makes him start his redemption, but treats her liking him back as a reward for not knocking buildings over anymore. another not great case is where she tries to fix him with her love, which is a very common and very dangerous romantic trope. both are just... so incredibly unfair to her.

in content where she tries to 'fix him'... yeah i feel like it's really obvious how misogynistic that is. girls and women should not feel responsible for the evil actions of men, plain and simple. idk what else to say here i just really hate that trope and hated it back then and it just sucks! so can we not do that anymore, thanks.

in content that treats her like a reward for good behavior, there really isn't much of an explanation for what she sees in him. if she just goes 'oh wow, you're good now, i am going to fall in love with you for it' the whole thing falls flat because it makes NO sense whatsoever. we get to hear so much about tobey and his feelings and why he likes her and how he feels about it, but where is that energy for becky? why does she choose to trust him, to spend time around him, what does she enjoy about his presence? where is her getting over scoops in the process of falling for tobey? where is her telling her friends about this, confiding in them, asking them for advice? where is her choice in the matter?

win a day with wordgirl: do you guys even like becky or do you just like the idea of her (misogyny... 2!)

it was pretty standard for all fandoms the early-mid 2010s, but that's still not a good excuse for why so many tobecky fanfictions centered specifically around tobey's feelings while refusing to give becky the same level of empathy and nuance. it is true that to ship them comfortably you have to redeem him to some degree, which means spending time figuring him out and trying to find ways to pull him to the light without feeling super OOC. but ships take two people??? and there was so much potential for fanfics to explore becky's complex feelings on the matter - because she is! complex! she's heroic and kind but she's petty and has a competitive streak, she easily befriends villains but also doesn't trust them and doesn't believe they can ever really change, she's the savior of an entire planet but has feelings of inadequacy as her civilian identity and struggles with feeling like she can be successful without superpowers, she's great at the straightforward meanings and uses of words and loves reading but struggles to write passages that aren't dry as hell, it can be easily headcannoned that she's neurodivergent (special interests, issues with fitting in with her peers, taking things very literally, etc)... seriously there is SO MUCH to explore about her character, and a lot of it comes into play when you add tobey into the mix (literally ALL of the things i mentioned are explored at some point using tobey as a parallel or foil), but i rarely saw fanfiction that explored her thoughts on things further than 'he's evil but... maybe good?' or 'he's evil but... i kind of like him anyway?'.

if you want her to fall for him while being a villain, explore it!! why does she go against her morals? does she lie to herself about it to feel better? does she feel like she has to 'fix him' as part of her superhero duties to the city, and if so, how does that affect her as she tries and fails to help him? does she fall for him when she believes that he's turning good, only to feel betrayed when he starts acting worse because he feels like he can get away with it? it's such a shame that fanworks spend so little time even considering these questions, and it is absolutely a product of how deeply misogyny is/was baked into how we approach media (especially back then).

tobey goes good: but wait, i thought this show was progressive (a conclusion, i guess)

ifbrd wrote a great meta recently about how the show is a bit misogynist, despite being progressive in several ways. honestly i don't have much to add, but i'd really recommend reading through this; it makes a lot of great observations about the ways that male and female characters are presented differently through the show

i have little to add, so i'd just like to conclude with a reflection on the ship from my current viewpoint. i do think part of the reason so many of us latched onto the ship, despite how obviously problematic it was, is that the show treats a lot of things that would be serious in real life as normal or even comedic - which is fine lol, i'm not going to pretend that it's not a show for little kids, so they have to keep the tone light.

but if we, as teens/adults, decide to engage with this content in a more realistic manner, we have to be prepared to confront how messed up so many of the things going on really are. and if you still want to ship it, there's nothing inherently wrong with that! there's a lot of interesting things to explore in this ship, no matter what stage of enemies-to-friends-to-lovers you write them at, and it can be really helpful to have a space where you can explore a dynamic such as this in fiction. (speaking from experience here tbh, writing some fic for them helped me deal with complicated feelings about some ex-longtime friends.)

so to write this ship at all means that there are canon issues that you need to deal with if you want to have them end up in a healthy relationship in any manner that makes sense (unless you create an AU where none of that is applicable, which, power to you then). and i’m not saying ‘write them with a healthy endgame or you’re Bad’, not at all lol. but at least please, please take a step back once in a while to examine the dynamic that you’re writing, and please be careful about whether you mean to be romanticizing whatever behaviors you end up portraying as good.

[didsomeonesayventus]

story beats/ideas for Dissidia fic I’ll probably never write lol:

Much larger cast (official roster between all three releases and then some) to hopefully encompass a good representation for all the games so it’s more 3-5 characters from a game instead of like 2 but that also means maybe some weird placements in Team Chaos

First Cycle cuz we saw cycle 12 and 13 but I think first would be interesting because literally everyone is confused and not sure what’s going on and Chaos/Cosmos are (shrug emoji)

more a battle to set things up for the battles to come so there’s a lot of “look this will determine if we’ll keep you to fight the good fight” to explain massive cast

tho since everyone is shrug emoji and this is the establishing battle it’s largely not even an actual war-type thing these two “armies” are being parsed out to approach Summons to be used and more an arms race to who can catch ‘em all and enlist these magical nigh-divine beings as aid

basically everyone breaks out into parties on both sides and each one goes out to a different summon for magical diplomacy and also fighting

which turns this into a more war-like setting because hey man if they can’t get the summons becuz they’re dead then they can’t win because we’ll be wiping the floor with their innards >:3c

tho literally everyone is amnesiac this time around so no one knows what the hell is going on besides the occasional memory jolt and their names

banter! plot references! bizarrely accurate chemistry between characters who would otherwise never meet! man don’t you just love thinking about this instead of researching like 30+ characters to get their personalities right :))))))))))))

(in other words the following will largely be characters I actually understand SO FORGIVE ME FOR NOT INCLUDING UR FAVE ALRIGHT THIS IS ROUGH IDEAS >:U)

Yuna takes up a very “heart of the team” sort of role on Team Cosmos and insists on doing a lot of the healing and diplomacy when people get touchy.

Yuna also is one of the people approaching Aeons/Eidolons/Summons w/ entourage, some other ones are Noctis and Terra, maybe Aerith, basically people very closely associated with summons/divine things in FF

Luna is on team Chaos because plot references and Kefka has a field day lampshading how Luna seems way too goody-two-shoes to be on team Chaos look at her she doesn’t even have fanservice

Versus-XIII’s “we were friends and now we’re enemies and maybe want to be lovers but can’t” ideas with Luna and Noct finding out about one another and going “I KNOW U AND ALL I KNOW IS I LIKE U BUT ENEMIES :’(”

Chaos actually is really happy that Luna’s on his team because that makes at least one summon easier to get tho actually Chaos might be a dick and make her go out and get all of them since she’s already proficient at it and they don’t have a lot of dudes with the proper resume and then kills her off/sends her back to Eos to keep her out of Cosmos’s clutches

If so then Chaos sends everyone out to different summons to just cause trouble and try to kill these losers

Maybe Ardyn??? probably Ardyn name reveal but IDK why he’d particularly gloat about it????

Tuna? Tuna.

Tidus and Yuna are cute that’s what im saying.

Yuna also does a Sending whenever someone dies regardless of protest because for her it’s at least important to confirm that they won’t come back as a fiend or unsent and it just helps her cope but Tidus really doesn’t like it cuz she’s always so sad

Noct is v shy and doesn’t hang around the group and is also extremely Tired(tm) all the time as well as lonely af BUT he kinda sets up checking in on everyone to fill the Ignis-shaped hole in his heart

Terra too but she’s more willing to open up and be friendly tbh she probably becomes great BFFS with Vivi.

Warrior of Light is that one mom friend

uH haven’t really invested much in IX but Zidane and Garnet get cute moments and form a nice team

tbh there is actually probably a lot more flirting across pairings even tho canon ones will still be canon (e.g. Tidus seeing Lunafreya and callin her pretty and gettin all up on Noct when he goes “YES U I KNO U”)

ooo Aerith/Squall sounds like it’d be cute

I think that’s all I really have I know I’m missing a lot of characters and my X and XV bias is showing just kinda yells because writing with a cast this big and diverse is hard because you gotta think about all these people across fifteen damn games ain’t nobody got time for this but I can at least jot down concepts.

[dracimexidae]

@lives-ruined-and-bloodshed replied to your post “@lives-ruined-and-bloodshed mentioned you on a post “You wanna try and...”

Yeah, I think May would definitely win in a real fight but I think they have so much fun just sparring, they know each other so well and probably sparred plenty of times so they know most of each other's moves and well, it's just really hot to imagine them going at it lol of course AoS couldn't give us that. We even saw Coulson fighting but ofc not with May, that would be giving too much to the shippers.

OF COURSE RIGHT, GOD FORBID THEY GIVE US EVEN JUST A FLICKER OF CONTENTMENT LMAO, WHO CARES ABOUT THE FANS ANYWAY... Sorry for the capslock, but I couldn’t express this any other way than shouting it because I’ll always be annoyed by this! Yeah, they don’t owe us anything, they should be able to tell the story they want without feeling obliged to indulge in the fan-service, bla bla bla, don’t care, I’ll stay pissed off, I’m sure the writers won’t mind, and at this point it’s the level of resigned annoyance that doesn’t ruin my day, so I can stay “fueled” without feeling miserable about it like I was some time ago, when I was more invested (not that I’m not invested in the ship now, but I made peace with the fact that I won’t get the satisfaction - and there is no “compliance” involved here :p - I need from the show so I’m looking for it elsewhere)!

I am convinced it would have been so amazing seeing Phil and Melinda spar because I found adorable (ok, maybe it’s not the best term to describe sparring sessions, but I have big family feels about it because Philindaisy obviously so for me that adjective stands) the sparring scenes Daisy had with both Phil and Melinda so yeah, it was a huge waste of potential, but what’s new when we talk about Philinda’s treatment in the show...

I do see their relationship as a bit unbalanced. There are so many times we saw May showing in words and actions what Coulson means to her, even her freaking robot was out there declaring her love and willing to die for him and the team. I think you're right that Coulson being the director is one of teh reasons for that difference but I think who they are is another.

For Coulson there is Humanity, SHIELD, Daisy and ofc May cares about that too but I mostly see her putting him ahead of pretty much everything, she's so ridiculously loyal to him, even Garret knew that about her, it wasn't follow SHIELD to the grave but Coulson. Watching gifsets of S1B was actually making me ship them less lol, he believed she was Hydra up until she was about to be killed too and then he was a raging dick, to hurt her, and not even an apology after.

Nothing much to add here, I agree with you, let me just underline the awful treatment Phil reserved to Melinda when he thought she was Hydra... All right, I get it, he must have felt overwhelmed discovering such huge betrayal from people in his organization to the point he felt he couldn’t be able to trust anyone, when he was raised in SHIELD with the “trust the system” drill in his head, valid for him until he died and was brought back, at least, not to mention the fact that he was kept in the shadows about this goddamn GH-325 secret by his closest (at least that’s what he thought she was) friend and ally, but just because he seemed to rely on Melinda so much that he decided to choose her as his “right-hand” for the task he accepted, I was flabbergasted that, after the first (comprehensible) moment of shock, he didn’t give her just a glimmer of benefit of the doubt, straight up assumed that she betrayed him and all... So was there nothing at all to be saved from their relationship until that moment that he could just pause just a second and consider that that was Melinda May he was crucifying, and I’m aware that it all happened so fast that there wasn’t a moment to breathe, let alone the chance of having a proper, lenghty conversation with her, but it took him too long, in my humble opinion, to realize that he couldn’t just throw whatever they had out of the window so rashly... Anyway, after the “epiphanic” Audrey episode the writers OBVIOUSLY never addressed the situation again, making us believe that between them it was all good again just by magic... mumble mumble... Thankfully there is fanfiction to fill in the gaps, because there is not a chance in the world I’ll be convinced that that evening, after Melinda brought Phil the infamous pendrive with the video about the TAHITI project, didn’t end up with them spending the night discussing everything and both apologizing AT LENGTH (in my universe there would have been also moments gradually and steadily reaching the R rating, but I would have been perfectly fine watching a scene with just them talking and making a real effort to clear things up and it would have actually made more sense considering canon, but they gave us nothing so whatever, I consider myself free to imagine whatever it pleases me :p )

I remember watching all of that some months ago and thinking he's going to to redeem himself by showing she the same kind of loyalty but then S2 and May was again with that massive devotion of hers, with the alien illness and the "real" SHIELD but what I got was Coulson lying to her repeatedly for no good reason. 3A was weird, I don't mind they had LIs, I actually really liked Andrew but they barely felt like friends imo. When Andrew/Lash was happening *Mack* was the only one who thought that maybe she could use a friend, that was bizarre. 

WHEN HE ASKED HER TO KILL HIM IF THINGS GOT OUT OF CONTROL (and just that, my god, I understand that he trusts only her with everything at this point, not only SHIELD but even his life, but it’s rather a terrible thing to ask anyway), AND SHE INSTEAD HAD ALREADY PLANNED TO SPEND THE REST OF THEIR LIFE IN A GODDAMN CABIN IN A PLACE SHE KNEW HE WANTED TO VISIT, DECIDING TO STAND BY HIS SIDE AND SUPPORT AND HELP HIM UNTIL THE VERY END... AND BY S5 SHE HELD UP TO HER WORD AND DID IT, EVEN IF IN A DIFFERENT PLACE... 

“NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, I’LL TAKE CARE OF YOU, THAT’S MY PLAN”  

EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO DIG MYSELF A HOLE IN THE GARDEN AND CURL UP IN THERE FOR THE NEXT DECADE IF THAT ISN’T LOVE I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS??!?!!!!! That sentence and her actions show her love for him more powerfully than any “I love you” voiced out, but ok, let’s carry on...

I could even let the fact that he didn’t tell her about Theta Protocol slide because of all that classified crap and such, even if she called him out brilliantly about him not having the right to know that as well him not being Director anymore (HA, sorry Coulson but take that!) - I’m not really sure it was that a valid reason the fact that he should have told her because Andrew was involved, I mean, idk, they were not even married anymore, I don’t think that officially it should have been her business to know, but surely, as his best friend, Phil maybe should have felt more of a moral obligation to inform her, also because I can’t really recall if Phil started seeing Andrew before he confessed Melinda about his writing impulses, but at some point she knew, so what was the harm on letting her know? Where was the logic in keeping at least that hidden from her? I’ll be damned if I know! 

Anyway, what I seriously would have kicked Phil’s ass for is the fact that he, TWICE (as far as I remember at least) affirmed that he didn’t want to go to Melinda after the whole Andrew/Lash debacle because “she wouldn’t want me to go after her right now” “she’ll talk when she’s ready”... Phil... pal.... buddy... what the fuck???!!! I mean, ok, Melinda would have assured you that she was fine, especially if you approached her in public, but... you know... we know... THE WHOLE WORLD knows she wasn’t, how could she???!!! One fucking sentence, one “you know I’m here if you want to talk or anything” like she said to him, more than once, would have killed the writers to insert it?????!?!?!?! But no, not only he doesn’t reach to her (at least, we don’t see it and it isn’t even implied in the show)but in the meantime he proceedes to go out and have drinks and slEEP WITH ROSALIND AND START A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER WHAT THE HELL KINDA BEHAVIOUR IS THAT?????! His best friend is anguished, tormented and in pain, he should have at least stood by her bunk’s door all night just to reassure her he was there for whatever she needed, or at least stay at base, work, go to sleep, idk, with what spirit you go out and go on a date and everything???!! Why is that, to distract yourself?? Oh yeah, but he’s also working an angle here, yeah all work and duty and no play, eh, Coulson?! MELINDA NEEDED YOUR SUPPORT AND FRIENDSHIP FFS!!!!!!! Damn it, at least find time to show a scene in which he makes an effort to reach for her, then she is free to do anything she wants with his support and if she asks he’ll be considerate enough to leave her alone, but show us he tries, because that’s something I think Coulson would do!!!! Instead he apparently just straight up assumes that she doesn’t want anyone close in that moment so he doesn’t even bother to assure her that if she needs it, he’s there for her... I get it, we all know she closed off after Bahrain and all and she’s the kind of person who tends to keep things for herself, but it doesn’t hurt to at least let her know he’s available if she needs help, especially because she’d hate to bother him knowing well that he has a lot more to think about than just her? Listen, Coulson in certain instances could be a little dense, but I think he’d make such a reasoning, idk? Or am I assuming too much about him? But, as you said, even Mack voices his concerns about leaving her alone, someone who is not particularly close to her, but not Phil 

3B was better but still too little. It's funny but two of my favorites scenes of the show were the one about the boundaries, SO much to unpack there and when called him on it when he said she was too quick to the trigger and Daisy wasn't Andrew, the murder vest was bad enough but damn he still went the extra mile, but if he's going to be a bastard, at least have May fight back because I don't think I could take more of him being a dick and May just taking and getting no apologies like in 2B. 

Oh my god, OH MY GOD yes, that was the peak of the idiocy!! “You’re always so quick to the trigger” JESUS CHRIST PHIL HOW COULD YOU EVEN CONCEIVE TO SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO HER, TO MELINDA, HOW THE FUCK DOES YOUR BRAIN WORK????!!?!?!!? I seriously tend to erase all this stupidity in s3, I know it’s not fair to the show but I’m sorry, I really can’t stand that Phil could say shit like that to Melinda, I can barely recognize it as canon... Maybe it’s me who has created this version of Phil in my head that actually got things wrong about his character, maybe I’m misreading him and don’t really understand him fully (not that I have ever claimed that I do, anyway), because no matter how stressful this moment is for him and no matter how much pressure he is under, I can’t for the life of me accept that he would say those things and behave like that... S1 behaviour I understand even if it still pisses me off a bit but it’s definitely more comprehensible, but these aspects no, just no, no way... The writers kinda saved it with May taking no shit from him (thank god for that, at least) and him apologizing, even if that was still pretty mild according to me, but oh well, better than nothing at all I guess? Let’s try to convince ourselves of that...

S4 was kinda funny to me because they just turned it up to eleven but I appreciate we actually saw him showing love/devotion/loyalty, without S4 I don't think I could ship them as much and since S5 was also disappointing in my I need to believe Coulson loves her as much as she loves him thing there was little Philinda, but still we had May showing in actions and words her love for him and Coulson, well, I believe he loves her and I guess he kissed her, said he didn't want to leave her and invited her to spend a few days together before he died in front of her. Her SL in S6 was about how much she loved him but I knew that already lol and then emotional torture and death. 

Definitely, I seriously don’t know what happened during s4 writing that convinced the writers to suddenly push on the accelerator with their relationship, but I’m actually grateful (see? I can also say good things about them lol ), even if in terms of continuity for their dynamic I’m not sure how much sense it makes unless you take for granted that interactions must have happened in between the seasons, things we obviously weren’t witnesses of... As you pointed out, otherwise it would have been pretty hard to root for them to get closer, because May deserves the world!

It’s kind of ironic in a way to see, despite her being not openly vocal and expressive in her affections, how much more Melinda has said and done to and for Phil compared to him for her - again, as it has been said, he had far more things to worry about than her, whose mission was mainly Phil from the very beginning, so he obviously was more preoccupied to allow himself the luxury of devoting himself to just one person, but still...

S6? What is that? I really have no idea what you’re talking about here... :p

And that's why I appreciate so much how the fics do the work on Couson's part because I don't think I would love the ship as much without it either. And I just find confusing why AoS decided to go for the ship if they didn't care much about committing to their relationship on screen.

Yes! And ah, at this point, especially after S6, I’m so deflated about some choices that were made that I hardly care about trying to understand what goes through the writers’ heads, so again, I’ll just take what I want and run away quickly before they catch me and throw me in the pit of misery again (lol, look how confident I seem, as if I firmly believe that I won’t be affected at all by S7... Mh mh, yeah, sure, stay tuned to find out how much I’ll fail despite me training myself not to get involved with the show like I used to be...)

[sims-psycho]

all questions .For you. I am intrigued to see the answers :D

WOAH, honestly was not expecting this, but I guess I did ask for it so here we go :’) (under the cut cuz this shits looong)

1. Last kiss ~ Like, 5 months ago lol

2. Last phone call ~ Yesterday, my colleague phoned me in the morning to say thE DELIVERY I WAS MEANT TO BE SIGNING IN WAS ALREADY THERE. IT WAS 8AM. WASN’T MEANT TO GET THERE TILL 11 FFS

3. Last text message ~ to my mum, was asking her how yoga went (she does yoga)

4. Last song you listened to ~ Money by Pink Floyd

5. Last time you cried ~ literally last night, i cry DAILEY :’)

HAVE YOU EVER:

6. Dated someone twice ~ kiiindaaaaa????

7. Been cheated on ~ pretty sure my ass of a first bf cheated on me yup

8. Self harmed ~ not conventionally, no

9. Lost someone special ~ Yeah, my aunt, she was one of a kind

10. Been depressed ~ oh yes :’)

11. Been drunk and threw up ~ surprisingly no, i don’t really do throwing up

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU:

12. had sex ~ nope lmao

13. How many people have you had sex with this year? ~ ….uhhh, none ^^

15. Made a new friend ~ Yeah actually, the new guy at work is pretty chill, i’d say we’re friends

17. Laughed until you cried ~ probably yeah

18. Met someone who changed you ~ nope

19. Found out who your true friends were ~ kind of yeah

20. Found out someone was talking about you ~ dude, no one talks about me lol

26. What did you do for your last Birthday ~ I went to see my bestest friend in the whole world ^.^

27. What time did you wake up today ~ not in the morning, i can say that for sure :’)

29. Name something you CANNOT wait for ~ I’M GOING TO SEE MCFLY THIS NOVEMBER!!!

30. Last time you saw your all of your siblings at the same time ~ never, i have no siblings lol

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life ~ jesus christ, so many things, i guess I wish i was a year ahead of where i am now

32. What are you listening to right now ~ the try guys podcast >.

33. When is the last time you had sex? ~ don’t know if you can tell, but I literally haven’t had sex in like a year :’)

34. Who’s getting on your nerves right now ~ do I count? Yes? Okay, myself XD

35. Most visited webpage ~ probably this dumb site 

36. Favorite colour ~ this:

37. Nicknames ~ i’ve collected quite a few tbh, Roo, Chu, Ross, Rossi, Chuckles and Chuck are most of them, used by various people >.

38. Relationship Status ~ single pringle so if anyone wants to love me up go for it XD

39. Zodiac sign ~ sagittarius

40. Male or female ~ fem

41. Primary school ~ no XD seriously tho not gonna write my schools on this hellsite :’)

42. Secondary School ~ noooo

43. High school/college ~ nooooooooooo

44. Eye color ~ like a blueish grey, sometimes rly bright blue

46. Height ~ 5’8 ish i think

47. Do you have a crush on someone ~ nope :’)

48. What do you like about yourself ~ tbh, i think i’m pretty intelligent, it’s like the one thing i can say ‘yeah, i’m good’ at >.

49. Piercings ~ my ear lobes, soon to be nose!!

50. Tattoos ~ GETTING MY FIRST ON WEDNESDAY! Let me know if i should post a pic here >.

51. Righty or lefty ~ leftyyyyy

FIRSTS:

53. First piercing ~ ears 

54. First best friend ~ this kid called Harvey when i was like 4, haven’t seen him in over a decade tho

55. First hookup ~ my ex boyfriend

56. First Bestfriend ~ isn’t…this…like…..the same question as like….two questions ago….?

RIGHT NOW:

59. Eating ~ nothing :’)

60. Drinking ~ decaf tea 

61. I’m about to ~ play sims, duh, isn’t that what we all do here >.

62. Listening to ~ already said, the trypod

63. Waiting for ~ the inevitable caress of death lmao :’)

YOUR FUTURE:

64. Want kids? ~ imma get real for a sec. Yes, i have always wanted kids, but with the way the climate crisis is going and the complete lack of empathy our world leaders are showing towards it, I think it would be incredibly selfish for me to have children ‘just cuz i’ve always wanted kids’ :/

65. Get married? ~ maybe, don’t rly care for marrage either way

66. Career ~ i’ve been asking myself this question for the past 3 years, still don’t know the answer :’)

WHICH IS BETTER:

67. Lips or eyes ~ i’m assuming these are all about other people right? Eyes

68. Hugs or kisses ~ why not both?? :o

69. Shorter or taller ~ taller mmmm XD

70. Older or Younger ~ don’t mind a little bit either way

71. Romantic or spontaneous ~ *sings i want it all by queen* XD

72. Nice stomach or nice arms ~ stomach

73. Sensitive or loud ~ sensitive

74. Hook-up or relationship ~ hook ups are ewie (to me) so relationships every time

HAVE YOU EVER:

76. Kissed a stranger ~ nooooooooooooo, thems some big red flags bro :’)

77. Drank hard liquor ~ yup

78. Lost glasses/contacts ~ surprisingly no, have broken my glasses a fair few times tho

79. Had sex ~ omg, for the 10 billionth time, y e s

80. Broken someone’s heart ~ unfortunately yes…

82. Been arrested ~ nope

83. Turned someone down ~ yup

84. Cried when someone died ~ yeah

85. Fallen for a friend ~ omg yes, and let me tell you, IT’S THE WORST!

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

86. Yourself ~ fuck, thats too deep for meeeeeeee :’)

87. Miracles ~ eh, kind of? I dunno

88. Love at first sight ~ if feel like you can have some feelings about someone when you first see them that could lead to love, but not flat out love y’know

89. Heaven ~ nah

90. Santa Clause ~ i wanna say yes, but, you know…. :’)

91. Kiss on the first date ~ dude i don’t even date, let alone kiss on them XD

92. Angels ~ I call people angel a lot, but like full on angels with wings a shit, no >.

93. How would you label yourself? ~ i honestly don’t really know atm

94. Someone You Pray Everyday For ~ i don’t pray for people, don’t mean that in a heartless way, it just doesn’t do anything at the end of the day

95. Did you sing today ~ i sing, no joke, every day XD

96. Who From All Your Ex’s have You Cared The Most About ~ well, i’ve only had 2, and the first one was an absolute twat so take a guess :’)

97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go? ~ i ask myself this a lot and the answer always changes. Right now probably a few years

98. Out Of Everything In The World What Do You Wish For ~ the saving of the planet

99. Are you afraid of falling in love? ~ i don’t think so

100. Do you like the way you look? ~ sometimes

[consulting-caffrey]

Fanfiction Questions!

A great big thank you to @tohavealifetimeoffun for letting me use these! 1. What was the first fandom you got involved in? Heartland. 2. What is your latest fandom? White Collar! 3. What is the best fandom you've ever been involved in? The best? That's tough. That's really tough. But in the end I have to go with White Collar. 4. Do you regret getting involved in any fandoms? Nope. Not a single one. 5. Which fandoms have you written fanfiction for? Mainly White Collar because I only started posting just before getting into that fandom seriously. Before that, it was Avengers. 6. List your OTP from each fandom you've been involved in. Heartland: Ty/Amy Iron Man: Pepper/Tony Avengers: Tony/Steve Supernatural: Dean/Lisa (judge me all you want, destiel shippers) White Collar: Neal/Sarah but hell, its hard to choose between that and Neal/Peter because COME ON that show is practically throwing it at us! 7. List your NoTPs from each fandom you've been in. Hoboy... Heartland: Amy/Soraya Uncharted: Chloe/Nadene Iron Man: Pepper/Natasha Avengers: Clint/Laura (I'm sorry but I can't. I will die for Clintasha) White Collar: Neal/Jones (I've seen it, I respect it, I admire from a distance, but I can't. Same with Neal/Diana) 8. How did you get involved in your latest fandom? Well, it started when I stumbled upon it on Netflix and thought one of the guys on there looked cute (I'll let you guess which one) and so I started watching it only to get bored partway through and I went galavanting in the Avengers fandom for a few years before coming back like "Hey I never finished that". And here I've stayed ever since. Stuck. Thanks, Jeff Eastin. 9. What are the best things about your current fandom? Even though the show has ended, the White Collar fandom is still alive and active. Its like we all still stick together and keep track of what Matt Bomer is up to these days like "hey, The Last Tycoon! Also I just wrote another White Collar fic haha pry this show from my cold dead hands". 10. Is there a fandom you read fic from but don't write in? Nah, I don't stray far from White Collar. 11. Who is your current OTP? Gotta be Neal/Peter at the moment. I just love their bromance though. I know those two are like THE ship but I usually prefer Neal/Sarah, which for some reason isn't very well liked, I hear??? 12. Who is your current OT3? Um, the only OT3 I've ever had. Peter/Neal/El 13. Any NoTPs? Neal/Jones, Neal/June (what?), and I don't wanna say its a definite no, because I miiiiight consider Neal/Mozzie. And I have written Neal/Diana but I don't particularly like it. 14. Go on, who are your BroTPs? Peter/Neal of course, Neal/Mozzie 15. Is there any obscure ship that you love? Well not really. Neal/Kate, but I wouldn't call it obscure. 16. Are there any popular ships in your fandom which you dislike? Ehhhh not really. 17. Who was your first OTP and are they still your favorite? Ty/Amy from Heartland and yes, I still love those two to bits. 18. What ship have you written the most about? Steve/Tony. Funny since I started out HATING those two together and it was EVERYWHERE all up in my face but then next thing I know I've got like fifty stories about them 19. Is there a ship you wish you could get behind but you just don't feel them? Neal/Mozzie. 20. Any ships which you surprised yourself by liking? Peter/Neal/El, like I said. I like it, I do. I've just never had an OT3 before and I think that's what threw me off a bit. 21. What was the first fanfic you ever wrote? That would be a Heartland fic that took up an entire notebook. 22. Is there anything you regret writing? Eh... Sometimes. I regret writing things that I don't finish. 23. Name a fic you've written that you're especially fond of and explain why you like it. Neal Caffreys. Oh man I want to continue that little project forever. There are so many possibilities. 24. What fic so you desperately need to rewrite or edit? Ummmm probably Take Me Back To Normal. I need to offer more explanation and reason for my torture haha 25. What's your most popular fanfic? I haven't checked in a while but I believe it's Neal Caffreys. 26. How do you come up with your fanfic titles? Sometimes song lyrics or they just... come to me? 27. What do you hate more: coming up with titles or writing summaries? Summaries oh god... 28. If someone were to draw a piece of fan art for your story, which story would it be and what would the picture be of? Oooooooo It would be for a story that I'm currently working on (actually a chapter for Neal Caffreys but I really want to make it a full story) where Neal is a horseman. The picture would be Neal standing next to his horse, and the horse would look all badass and everything AGH! Please somebody. Also hey I do have a piece of fan art for my story Tale Me Back To Normal done by @kanarek13 and I love it so much 29. Do you have a beta reader? Why/Why not? I do not. I am very good with English and writing so I can edit my own stuff. In fact, I prefer to. It just kinda feels lazy to pass a piece off to someone else to do that for me. 30. What inspires you to write? Well watching the show helps. Also reading fanfiction. 31. What's the nicest thing that someone has ever said about your writing? Oh gosh, that they go back and read it all the time so I should never take it down. That just made me so happy to hear. 32. Do you listen to music when you write or does music inspire you? If so, which band of music/genre does it for you? I cannot listen to music when I write. I like to have quiet so I can picture what I want better. If I have music on, I just end up drowning it out anyway. But music itself does inspire me sometimes. 33. Do you write one-shots, multi-chapter fics, or huuuge epics? Oneshots are what I try to stick to, but the multi-chapter thing is also okay. Huge epics? Lol not so much 34. What's the word count on your longest fic? Oh man I gotta go look this up... 35,038 ...Holy crap 35. Do you write drabble? If so, what do you write them about? Hmmm I think I've written maybe two drabble fics? I don't do them often because I like my h/c action torture awfulness. But I do like to get in Neal's head. 36. What's your favorite genre to write? Everybody whose read any of my stuff already knows it's hurt/comfort and angsty things. 37. First person or third person- What do you write in and why? Third person preferably. I just like to get a wider perspective, but with third person, you can also hone in on individuals and their thoughts. 38. Do you use established canon characters or do you create OCs? Both? Obviously my fics are always almost 99% canon characters but I do have OCs that I like to slip in there. I have OCs that I use for RPing but you can find Finnigan Roderas here and there as well as Victor "Vito" Odell in For Your Entertainment. They're a couple of mine. I am a proud parent to at least three more. 39. What is your greatest strength as a writer? The way I can put myself in a scene and imagine all the details, mostly emotions, that go with it. 40. What do you struggle with the most in your writing? Well like I mentioned, I tend to write stories around one small thing I want to get out, and once that thing is out and I've created a mess, I just go "...what now? I didn't think this far ahead..." 41. List and link to five fanfics you are currently reading. Oh man I usually only read one at a time... But I'll put that one down and then add four that I read before it. Enemies http://archiveofourown.org/works/2290154 You Look Like A Koala http://archiveofourown.org/works/2329949 Somehow, Sundown http://archiveofourown.org/works/6159619 Wrong Time, Wrong Place http://archiveofourown.org/works/2435216 Love Lift Me Up http://archiveofourown.org/works/2503781 42. List and link to five fanfiction authors that are amazing. Now this I can do. pooh_collector http://archiveofourown.org/users/pooh_collector/pseuds/pooh_collector Sholio http://archiveofourown.org/users/Sholio/pseuds/Sholio Huntress79 http://archiveofourown.org/users/Huntress79/pseuds/Huntress79 Ashley5627 http://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashley5627/pseuds/Ashley5627 NYWCgirl http://archiveofourown.org/users/NYWCgirl/pseuds/NYWCgirl 43. Is there anyone in your fandom who really inspires you? Definitely @kanarek13 and @archivistsrock Also @hirunoka and all the anons who keep encouraging me to write and keep writing~ 44. What ship do you feel needs more attention? Mozzie/Gina 45. What is your all time favorite fanfic? A week ago, I wouldn't have been able to tell you, but then I found Out of the Wastes by Sholio and I can't tell you how much I love it. Seriously. Go check it out. 46. If someone was to read one of your fanfics, which fic would you recommend to them and why? Mmmmm... I don't know that I'd recommend any of them, but I guess Neal Caffreys is my pride and joy. That one. 47. Archive of our Own, Dreamwidth, LiveJournal, Fanfiction.net, or Tumblr- Where do you prefer to post and why? AO3 for sure. I like the setup and everyone on there seems nice so far (barring one strange incident). I used to post on FF but eh... A couple people on there really pissed me off. I'll leave it at that. 48. Do you care if people comment/reboot your writing? Why/Why not? I'm not sure what that means. Comments on my writing in a separate post? Rebooting my story to make a better version themselves? Idk I've never really experienced either of those things, if that's what this means. I guess maybe I wouldn't mind. Not sure. 49. How did you get into reading and/or writing fanfiction? I got into writing it first because the idea came to me all on its own and I thought I was a genius. Then I believe my dear friend @tfwhancock was like "let me show you FF" and I was stuck there for months. 50. Rant or hush about one thing you love or hate in the world of fanfiction! Go! I LOVE THAT IT EXISTS OH MY GOD YES I love that I can use characters that I love and write them and make them do what I want and just AGHHGGH I LOVE IT SO MUCH. It's so fun and exciting and just reading what people come up with is the most amazing thing! When you have to stop reading and just appreciate a line or a phrase like "oh that's good" Mmmmm love me that feeling~ Tagging: anyone who wants to do this!

[foureoreos]

Through a Window

A short I wrote in place of chapter for my ongoing FanFic on FanFiction.Net called Unlikely! I wanted to share it on here too! And TBH, you don’t have to even have read my ongoing FF to read this! Anyone can read this and nothing will be different - I mean, it’s an AU after all.

All of this is strictly platonic :)

I like to write about friendship.

“Hey! My name’s Jay! Wanna -”

The young teenager got cut off as the kids stood up and left the table. Jay stared down at the table before turning around to shout at the kids walking away:

“That’s okay! Maybe next time!”

He stood up himself as well and walked towards his fourth period class, clutching the straps of his backpack nervously while looking down. He spotted the small round table sitting by the classroom and took a seat, pulling out his lunch.

“Eh, eating up here isn’t a bad thing,” he started, trying to convince himself. “At least it’s quiet, and I mean, I get the entire table to myself…” Opening his lunch sack, he lifted the sandwich from the container and took a big bite out of it. Jay nodded with satisfaction.

“Yup… nothing better than eating alone… upstairs…” Jay murmured and put his sandwich inside the container, faking a smile on his face when he saw a teacher walk by.

As soon as the teacher went around the corner, Jay stood up from his seat and shuffled into the nearest bathroom.

Sometimes he thought to himself: would anyone even notice if he left? After all, everyone thought he was ‘weird’ and no one even tried to strike up a conversation with him without him approaching them first.

“Nothing better…”

***

Two years later

“Thanks, Kai!” Came Cole’s voice from the other side of the door. Then, Cole opened the door, humming as he entered the room. “Ah!” He screamed and placed a hand on the wall to steady himself.

In front of him sat his roommate, drowning in tears. His entire face was red, his lips quivering, and his whole body shaking.

“Jay! What’s wrong?” Cole ran and sat down beside Jay on the bed, resting a hand on one of Jay’s thighs. “Jay, what’s going on?”

The ginger was sitting with his back hunched and his head hanging down. His arms hugged himself, tightly clutching the fabric of his shirt.

“Jay…?”

“I-It was horrib-ble…” he choked out.

“What was horrible? Your visit to your parents? Jay, I couldn’t imagine that going horribly! … How did it go wrong?”

Jay didn’t answer. Instead, he ignored Cole’s question and continued to cry, frantically wiping at his tears using his sleeves.

“Jay… I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what happened.” Jay put a hand over an eye and sniffed, shaking his head. Cole nudged Jay gently, but he continued to shake his head. “Jay…”

“He u-used me, C-Cole…”

“Used you…? Who did?”

Jay wiped the tears again. “M-Morro…”

“Morro? Who’s -” Cole stopped himself from finishing that sentence. “Was he your high school buddy?”

Jay nodded his head. Lucky guess, thought Cole.

“Jay, what happened? I can’t help… if you don’t let me.”

***

“Hey, Mom! Hey, Dad!” Jay yelled into the house as he closed the door. He set his duffle bag on the floor and glanced around the house, looking for any sign of his parents. “I came to visit…”

He moved slowly and silently towards the kitchen, peering around the corner. “Guys?”

There, at the dining table he saw his dad sitting at one end and his mom bringing out the dishes. “Mom! Dad!” Jay cried once more and rushed in, hugging his dad tightly.

“Jay? Oh, Jay! What’re you doing here?”

“I came to visit, even if the school year is almost over.”

“That’s so sweet of you, dear. You really didn’t have to.” His mom told him with a gentle smile and walked back to fill up the cups with water.

“Heh, what’s all this?” Jay fell into a seat as his eyes followed the steam from the food.

“Dinner, Jay, honey.” Edna said to him before setting a plate in front of him.

“Wow, everything looks so… fancy! Did you guys know I was coming home for a visit? Aw, I love you guys!”

“Uh, no, son, we’re actually having a visitor over.”

Jay’s blood ran cold.

“Wait, what?”

“You remember, Morro, right?”

Jay blinked.

“He’s coming over to have dinner with us. And I guess since you’re here, it just makes things better! Ay?”

“What - what? No… Ma… Pa, but it’s gonna be so awkward! I haven’t seen him in two years!”

Edna looked to Ed. “He’s right, dearie. He and Morro split the last few weeks of high school.” She walked up to Jay. “Oh, Jay, I’m sorry - you don’t have to be here when he’s over. You can wait upstairs.”

“Thanks, Ma,” Jay said with a heartwarming smile. Edna smiled back.

Just then, there was a sudden knock on the door, startling all three of them. Jay couldn’t move from his seat as he watched his mom open the door.

“Morro! Glad to see ya!”

“Hello, Mrs. Walker.” Morro stepped into full view and Jay shrunk back in his chair. “And hello to you, Mr. Walker.”

Ed waved.

Morro came closer to the dining table and noticed Jay, slumped in the seat. “Jay?” Jay bit his bottom lip.

“Morro!” Jay said loudly, popping up with his arms in the air. “Ha, ha! How’s it been? Good? Good, good! Why don’t you take a seat?”

So Morro did as Jay said and took a seat right across from him. He smiled back when Jay smiled at him. While waiting for the rest of the food, they stared silently at each other, trying hard to fight their smiles from turning upside down.

“So! How’ve ya been, Morro?” Ed asked, breaking the uncomfortable silence between the three men.

“Good, thanks for asking. How about you, Mr. Walker?” He glanced at Jay. “And you too.”

Jay fought the smirk creeping up his face.

“I’m doing just fine,” Jay answered calmly.

“That’s really nice,” Morro said back.

“So, uh, what���s the occasion? You just show up to my house after two years and decide to eat dinner with us, acting all formal with my parents?”

Morro shrugged carelessly. “Oh, no, reason, just wanted to stop by and say hi after all these years.”

“Dinner’s ready!” Edna chimed as she set the last, steaming, hot, dish in the middle of the table. “What’re you boys talking about?”

Before Jay could say anything, Morro raised a hand and spoke. “Juuust how lovely you’re looking today, Mrs. Walker! And Mr. Walker you look the same as when I last saw you! Haven’t changed at all!”

Jay gritted his teeth.

“Hah, boys, I didn’t get to answer yet! …” Ed said, trying to come between the obvious tension between Jay and Morro.

Morro’s mouth shaped an ‘O’. “Oh my gosh! I am so sorry, Mr. Walker. How are you doing?”

“Hah, it’s okay, you two. I was just tryna fix all… This…” He told him, waving his hands in the space between the two younger ones. “Yanno.”

“Alright! Let’s eat then!” Jay declared and reached for the bowl of biscuits.

Morro dove for the shrimps and added buttery mashed potatoes on the side. Ed and Edna just exchanged a shrug and waited to get their own food.

Next to the biscuits, Jay added a drumstick of the roasted chicken and a scoop of peas right beside it.

Through the rest of dinner, Ed and Edna tried to start a conversation with all four of them, but either Jay or Morro would somehow find a way to steer the conversation in the other direction.

“Funny story, actually, I ran into some of my old friends yesterday -”

Interested to see where this was headed, he continued to eat but told himself not to interrupt and just listen.

“They grew up to be such jerks! Well, actually, we were all kinda jerks in high school. We would skip class, tease classmates, and dare each other.” Morro popped a shrimp into his mouth.

Jay nodded, pretending to look fascinated. “So did you ever get dared?”

“Once, actually. It was my first year and sometime around the end of second quarter - I was dared to hang out with you. I mean, the entire school thought you were weird, so they wanted me to see if that was true.” Morro said without even thinking twice about the words that came out of his mouth. Jay dropped his fork.

“Excuse me?”

“What… What did I say?”

Jay faked a smile and turned to his parents. “Um, Ma… Can Morro and I talk privately​ in my room for a bit?”

Edna sensed the hurt in Jay’s voice and nodded without saying a word.

***

Jay shut the door and locked it before spinning around to meet Morro’s eyes. “What?”

“What?”

“Everything you said back there… was it all true?”

Morro shook his head, confused. “Huh? Well, yes - I mean not exactly… kinda?”

At that moment, the world around Jay stopped moving. Everything fell silent and all he could hear was the sound of his beating heart and his own breathing.

“Jay? You okay?” Morro asked, his voice echoing in Jay’s head.

Jay drew in a shaky breath. “You… used me?”

Morro stared at him with large eyes, unable to move.

“You… I thought when you came over and you saw me, you would’ve wanted to be friends again! … but… you used me…” His voice lowered and he shut his eyes, feeling them beginning to tear up. “You only became friends with me for a dare? And for four years? What was going on?”

“But Jay, I do want to be friends again…”

There it was. Morro didn’t mean that at all. He meant it to sound convincing, but Jay could tell it was all just a lie.

His vision started to blur.

“No you don’t! I know you don’t! You’re just a liar! …Y-You were ne-never my friend! I don’t know why I th-thought you were in the fir-first place…” His eyes found their way to the doorknob. “I sh-should’ve known… N-no one wants to become fr-friends with me…” he added with a whisper and ran out of the room.

Quickly making his way down the stairs, he passed by his parents in a blur and picked up his bag by the door. Hefting it over his shoulder, he gripped the knob and let out a shaky breath. “I-I have to l-leave early…” And he left the house, the door slamming to a close. He jumped into the car, clenching his fingers around the steering wheel tightly. He sat there for a few minutes before he let his head fall forward against the wheel.

And he broke into tears.

Starting the engine, he left for college.

***

Cole sat quietly with his mouth halfway open. He didn’t know what to say. He tried to imagine himself in Jay’s shoes and what it must have felt like during that dinner, but all he could think about was how heartbroken Jay must’ve felt. The guy came over for a surprise visit for his parents and it all ended in a disaster. A disaster that left Jay in tears.

And to spend your first years of grade school, teased and alone. Then to finally meet someone in high school, only to find out later on that they only became friends with you for a dare and to prove something. It was hard to imagine Jay being one of the most disliked students in high school - to be the excluded from groups and activities.

Not to mention, having someone become friends with you just to prove you weren’t a ‘weird’ person?

Cole’s shoulder twitched when he heard Jay still crying. He looked to his friend, and seeing how miserable he was, he slung an arm around Jay’s back and pulled him closer.

“It’s - It’s gonna be okay, Jay…” He spoke softly, “you’re not gonna lose us…”

Jay choked on his tears.

“How do I k-know th-that?”

Cole’s head snapped up. “…Hey. That’s just your past-self talking. The old you went through things that I’m telling you would never again happen to you today. And if I was near, I wouldn’t have let it happen.”

“B-but… they th-thought I was w-weird… is there s-smething w-wrong… with me? Maybe th-they left because I did s-something wrong. Wh-what did I do wrong?”

“Jay you did nothing wrong. So what if they left? Their loss… you’re an amazing person, Jay, why would anyone ever want to leave you?”

Tears continued to fall from Jay’s eyes.

“E-everyone ignored m-me… It’s l-like I-I wasn’t ev-even th-there…”

It was then Cole realized why Jay was always the way he was. He did that to cover up everything that hurt him, even if it was all in the past. The past was the past, yes, but, how could you forget the past when it left you with a painful scar?

Jay’s smiles… they were all to hide the scars from the past, to keep the broken pieces of him hidden from everyone. He wondered about the times Jay was actually in a good mood - were they all just an act? Or did he really mean it?

Without even realizing it, Jay had wrapped his arms around Cole and buried his face into Cole’s shoulder, the thought of getting Cole’s shirt damp slipping through his mind. Cole’s eyes opened wider when the crying hadn’t stopped. He hugged Jay back.

“Listen, Jay… I’m sorry you had to go through such a rough past, and… trust me, I know how that feels, I was just like you when I was younger. But… if you thought nobody wanted to be your friend, why would you have drove all the way back here? Waiting in the dorm, but still torn?” Cole paused for a moment as Jay’s breathing began to fall back to normal. “You got friends, Jay - real friends who will never leave you.”

“But I-I’m scared… Cole…”

“Don’t be.”

“Don’t be…?”

“Jay…” Cole stopped and swallowed, “You’re… you’re a great friend, and, I Iove you.”

He suddenly felt Jay’s body stop shaking and his shoulders relaxing.

“You… do?”

“Of course I do… you know the reason I quickly accepted to being your roommate next year? It’s because I love hanging out with you. Meeting you changed everything for me. I used to have my nose in a book everywhere! You changed that and signed us up to volunteer at the shelter, then we played paintball, went to the carnival, and even Monty! You would come up with all these crazy excuses and stories for almost every problem you tried to get out of. Everyone you passed by, you handed out a smile, even if they didn’t return a friendly gesture.” Cole sighed. “I know it sounds stupid, but, you taught me… To have fun. Before all of this, I made sure to focus on everything that would help me in a better future, but I rarely put aside the time for video games and such. I loved them, I just… Didn’t care much.

I’m sorry if it never looked like I enjoyed the company, but I do. And the truth is, I don’t know what my life would’ve been like if we weren’t assigned to be roommates.”

Cole’s shoulders raised when he felt Jay clenching the back of his shirt. “Hey, hey - you still crying?”

Jay shook his head with a shaky laugh, keeping his face down. “N-no… I just -” he hiccuped, nearly hitting Cole’s chin with his head - luckily Cole inched his head away. “I’m t-tired.”

“I guessed so,” Cole chuckled and leaned back on his hands while Jay continued to hiccup softly.

At last, Jay looked up, his cheeks a bright bright pinkish red color from all the tears. He cracked a smile and sat up straight, dragging his arm across his face to collect the remaining tears. “Life is hard…”

“Yeah, it is…”

“But, I guess that means, you shouldn’t stop trying…” He sniffed.

“Never, stop trying.”

Jay nodded.

“Hey, um… love you too, Dirtclod.”

I’ve actually never read a fanfic before or heard in the show where the characters use 'I love you’, but not in a romantic way. Specifically talking about Ninjago. I’ve heard it in MLP FiM, Steven Universe, Gravity Falls, and SVTFOE plenty of times but it seems rare with Ninjago.

It’s not a bad thing, yanno? In fact, it’s actually sweet to hear friends say it to each other as well… So, yeah.

[issayemme]

about this generation being over sensitive

aight, i dont really just voice my opinion anytime i feel like it but honestly i’m fed up. I used to like, be one of those SJW’s and go like hey this is wrong and this is wrong and this is wrong. Most of them were wrong tbh, and i totally get the thing about “normalizing”. We shouldnt normalize hate, we shouldnt normalize discrimination and we shouldnt normalize anything negative, ever.

But i feel like, after a couple of years being exposed to nothing but negativity i’m finally #sick and #tired of it. I understand it by the way, why we have to call something out if it’s wrong cause this is how we fix things but i feel like recently the world is becoming a little bit too sensitive.

I realized this with the whole controversy about Pewdiepie and Gigi Hadid and everything. Especially Pewdiepie. 

Like i dont even live in the US, not from there. I’m from Turkey, i’m studying advertising. And i wanna pursue my career in digital marketing so this whole thing is gonna be my field. This whole shitstorm is gonna be my audience and i’ll try to engage with you. Which frustrates me the most, cause i have to deal with this bullshit.

To start off, i know Pewdiepie did something not-so-okay. I did watch his channel every now and then and i remember telling my boyfriend, “eh, he’s doing whatever he wants lately. I’m not that into it anymore, he used the N word and stuff.” and i just stopped watching his videos and thats like a buck less for him. I did my part. I’m not gonna like go online and bash him or anything cause like fine okay he used the n word but the world has some bigger problems right now like the bees are going extinct. For those who dont know he made like.. there’s this site called Fiverr, you pay them 5 bucks and they do something for ya like this girl does your homework and whatever. Felix payed 2 guys (dont know their nationality) to write “Death to all jews, subscribe to markiplier” on a piece of paper and they did, later he commented on how people do whatever you want them to as long as youre paying them. Which is a good point in my opinion. And the whole point of this shitstorm also. 

And Wall Street Journal went up to Disney and they like.. snitched. like 5 year olds. i cant this is just too funny. And they took everything out of context, used a random image of him raising his hand and portrayed it as a nazi salute (If ya gonna go there you can find like even jews doing a nazi salute. HELLO COMMON SENSE?) Anyhow, Disney was like yah this is gonna hurt my image as butterflies and rainbows, occasional unicorns and shitty costume designing so cut ties with him or whatever. But there is like 2 sides to every story so i wish they would take a milisecond and contact Felix but fuck that am i right Disney which is the company that displayed Donald Duck in a Nazi outfit so like whats up

And then, this afternoon i spent my entire time reading articles about how Pewdiepie is the source of all evil, how he is summoning satan with a single look and how he is destroying worlds.  He always said mainstream media is hating on him but i’ve never realized it was this big of an issue. Jesus they were like vultures. The verge even went as far as comparing him to Donald Trump. Like.. Pewdiepie does a 24 hour live stream to raise like what.. over a milion dollars for charity and its like dead quiet but Wall Street Journal runs out of money so they go like “oh pewdiepie draws money lol ok.. guys here’s the thing.” Is every news outlet TMZ now? is this it

And i knew tumblr of course would be on fire. I’m actually glad to see some reasonable people defending pewdiepie because that’s what’s right. Some girl here is like “um im jewish and OUT OF ALL WORDS why would you pick death to all jews? like it has been said before. ermigird get my trigger gloves.” Like hello everyone knows it’s not an okay thing to say, that’s why he used it. To prove a point. It’s kinda amazing to see how people are hovering 100 miles over the point. good job keep it up everyone it’ll get you places in life

The truth is, this kind of all comes back to my major. Newspapers are dying, because noone buys them anymore. They need money to survive as we all do, but we are all on digital surfaces now. But we dont pay for news anymore. so the news outlets are doing everything they can to survive and it gets petty like you’ve been seeing these days. Clickbait is a real thing cause it’s not enough if you see their post on Facebook, they need you to go on their website, see the ads so they can get the ad revenue. It keeps the advertisers, advertising and the platforms alive. Scandal always gets you paid. What i’m sad about is as a generation we’re paying these guys. They dont care really, if pewdiepie is racist or not. Which he isnt by the way. Pewdiepie and his growth is so organic. He’s a goldmine for brands. Verge cant supply content like that, so they kind of shit on whoever does. I’m saying verge but like mashable, the wired.. verge is the pettiest tho. Business insider was kind of more toned down so kudos to them I GUESS.. 

My point being.. like they see we go crazy about social justice and they see the tiniest thing and they make a big deal out of it. We as a generation shouldnt be these idiot’s income. I refuse to be the reason to put money on some 40 year old idiot who has no sign of a backbone. There are things that matter. I’m sick of getting butthurt by everything. Yes some feminists are extreme. Denying it will not get you anywhere. We all believe in equality. If you are calling out Pewdiepie, which again i agree he fucked up but it wasnt like a total fuck up you know. So context matters. Just because something happened, doesnt mean we have to make a big deal out of it every time. Wrongdoing should be punished but not to extremes. Dont get offended on behalf of other people. I live in a Muslim country. And dont you dare get offended on my behalf when Trump says something about our religion. Let me speak first. Let me read the context first. Everyone is constantly in panic to defend someone, they just miss a lot of things. So just take time to evaluate before speaking your mind.  About Gigi’s face too.. Like gosh she wasnt trying to actually hurt someone. People are still trying to call Karlie Kloss out after she acknowledged and apologized  LIKE WHAT DO YOU WANT DID YOUR PARENTS NOT LOVE YOU? DO YOU HAVE A LOT OF FREE TIME? PLEASE JUST GET A LIFE. PET A DOG. We should stop bashing people after they acknowledge something was wrong. Like. Chill, seriously. go suck a dick get a life ffs

JERK OFF IDK WHAT RELAXES YOU

dont let people take advantage of you trying to do something right