#but honestly theres a lot of choices to pick!!!

[silentalltheseyearsnomore]

In and out of constant crisis... to be expected. Its brutal. SO brutal.

There's a line though, where it is either pain being released and parts processing.. or just retraumatising. And the difference between what makes it one or the other can be so small! And usually to do with if we feel alone or not, connected to S or not, allowed to reach out or not.

Yet we are seeing we survive each time? And it passes. Same with S... we reconnect each time. She doesn't leave.

Today we made a huge leap! An email she sent landed badly. A part wrote a reply, not meanly at all (we never do that and are proud of our ability to communicate these days), but saying how it felt and how upset. But we didn't send... because we knew it wouldn't help. Its how they felt and it was real and valid. But she'd likely feel more defeated and stressed, then we'd feel more disconnected, and the same old cycle. (Also, we figured even IF it was intended how it felt.. we no longer beg for people to understand or care, and that has to be true for her too.) So we didn't send, and instead chose to trust our overall relationship instead of these moments and details.. and just turn up today as unguarded as humanly possible. Which was still hugely guarded lol.

It was SO hard to do. But I am so proud of us. And it went so well. It allowed us both to connect so much quicker and easier and see we are on the same side. We didn't hug her straight away like normal and just hid ourselves not looking at her, but as she started talking and we could hear there weren't bad intentions, we managed to lift a finger up and she reached for it and held our hand. And we were SO proud of us in that moment. It doesn't seem big. But for us it is huge. To be able to reach for connection without going through every detail of what hurt, ask a lot of questions, pick it all through, stay in defense... instead we just listened to how it felt right in that moment. And it allowed us to connect quicker. We made a new choice and it paid off.

She made a comment about us seeming to not want to be there, possibly hating her (kind of jokingly) and we realised that's how it may seem.. like to us it is OBVIOUS we never hate her, always want her. But then to her it is obvious how much she cares etc, and that doesn't mean we always see it. It softened so many protective parts and we looked up and we both smiled and we said of course we don't. It's just all painful. But the pain isn't from her, it's everything before her. And then cuddled in to her. It was so simple in that moment. We are on the same side.

And the whole session was so connecting and simple. Despite the fact we never talked through what happened earlier in the week really.. and despite it being one of the last sessions. It was just simple. The ending of therapy is terrifying but also helping us let go of details and see the big picture. She's SO on our side. We aren't on opposite sides. She's fighting a whole system for us. She's paying for her specialised supervisor she got just for us, even after we arent a client, to help us both through this transition and to help us fight the system as she's a very high up contact. She is thinking everything about this transition through so she doesnt rush things or make mistakes others did. She cares so much. So yeah, she's not perfect, she misses the mark, and she can't be everything we wish she could. But she is a human who wants us in her life and cares deeply and is fighting to get us the right support. We can get lost in all the pain or we can look at how lucky we are to have her.

[worriedvision]

Ajaw ruins his relationship with you - Kinich

Gender neutral reader, angst. No happy ending here, borderline crack BC Ajaw is a cracky character let's be honest. Ajaws a little shit here

--

Kinich had, somehow, caught your eye enough for you to successfully land a date with him. One date becomes two, and the third one ends in you inviting him over for a drink. He accepts, and before you know it your home becomes a place for him to call home as well. While Kinich wasn't very emotive, he seemed to smile just a bit around you.

However, the couple affections you would expect from him in a relationship weren't coming. Nothing like kissing or hugging, and for a while you think it's because Kinich was not a touchy person. You also knew he was very busy with his work, which was why the first few times he left and told you not to wait for him you didn't think much. At the time, in fact, you were more attracted to him because he was honest with you.

"Don't wait up." He blankly states, every morning he leaves. If you're lucky, he comes back at night time only to sleep - he doesn't make himself any food or drink from your home.

You got suspicious of him when you were hanging out with Mualani, and she brought up the fact someone called Ajaw wouldn't stop nagging at Kinich. When you ask who Ajaw was, rather if this was his boss, Mualani laughs.

"Ajaw probably thinks so, but they bickering too often to do any work together." Mualani tuts. "Do you never hear Ajaw? That voice is so... Annoying to hear!"

"No...I've never met this Ajaw." You hum out, Mualani gasping.

"Tell me your tricks!"

--

Once you get home from your interaction with your friend, you've had enough time to think. After some long thinking, you come to a decision. You move the stuff that's Kinich's, leaving them by the front door, and add temporary locks in addition to the one your key locks until you can change the lock.

To your surprise, Kinich sounds surprised when he notices his bags out. You refuse to open the door, having more than enough time to waste as you had a day off, and Kinich defeatedly picks up his few belongings before leaving.

--

"Hah! You should see your face!" Ajaw jeers, Mualani and Kinich groaning out at Ajaws harsh words. "Good thing _ wisened up and realised they can do a lot better than some mortal being that can't even get himself a group of companions!"

"Because you always ruin things." Mualani sighs.

"Hey, I can't take credit for this one! I never even once spoke around _!" Ajaw shrugs, putting some sunglasses on.

"I was hoping to finally get to spend some time with them. I've finally got enough cover for a few days." Kinich states, seeming to realise what Ajaw did. "...Mualani, you know how annoying Ajaw is. Do you know if -"

"Oddly enough no! Honestly, I'm jealous. Ajaw doesn't know when to shut up."

"...It seems they do." Kinich massages his temples, Mualani making eye contact with him.

"...Do you think they were suspicious you were seeing Ajaw? Yuck!"

"Hey, I can hear you, ya know?!"

"It makes sense though. They don't know Ajaw isn't even human, and also isn't mortal."

"Hahaha! Oh boy, even I didn't think keeping my mouth shut around your potential love interests would give this benefit!" Ajaw cackles, seeing Kinich's hand flying towards him. "Hey, what are - AHH!"

--

You keep getting asked if Kinich is single, each time you saying he wasn't seeing you anymore before they seem excited to pursue a taken man. It's quite concerning, really, you think theres little dignity in being the other person in the relationship.

Kinich tried to talk to you, but each time you saw him you'd make an excuse for being too busy before hearing some weird child cackling and screaming in retaliation to someone reacting to them. As much as his hurt expression spoke to you, you still knew in your mind that Kinich was in a relationship.

Even if he wasn't, you would know in your mind that you were the second choice.

[m0llygunn]

Apologies and Promises (eddie munson x fem!reader)

Part 3 to Same Old Song and Dance 01 / 02 Summary: Hurt feelings hidden under the shallow guise of anger and indifference, in an inebriated state there’s no choice but to face the layers of truth.

Tropes: enemies to lovers (kind of), mean stubborn idiots in love, honestly idk at this point. Warnings: 18+! mature language, ‘bullying’, forcible wrist holding, pet names (princess, sweetheart, angel, baby), mentions of oral (m receiving), angst, alcohol consumption, vomit mention. Author’s note: I am resisting the urge to over explain why theres no smut and this chapter was needed to progress feelings (i know smut is a selling point IM SORRY... but soon i swear it'll be back). wc: 7.2k+

tags: @needylilgal022 @tlclick73 @ropickle @suethh @jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels @emma77645 @yujyujj

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

You didn’t wait around for him to show but you also didn’t expect to have to wait around for him to show.

You’re not disappointed. Why should you be? You didn’t want him to pick you up anyways. 

If anything, you’re pissed. 

He relentlessly badgered you last night about it. Wouldn’t leave until you agreed to let him drive you to school. He was so insistent, that he nearly slept on your floor using that stupid notebook as a pillow.

You’re not disappointed. 

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

“Want me to knock him out?” Steve offers and you can’t help but laugh. 

Steve was dropping off his coworker-turned-best friend, Robin, when you were walking into school. He’s a close family friend— and Nancy’s on-again-off-again boyfriend, so you happily stopped for a chat. 

“Steve. I hate to break it to you but Munson’s a veteran school fighter. He might not win every fight but he’s definitely been in more fights than you.” You say, patting Steve on the cheek as he comically deflates before you.

“Hey! I won the last fight I was in and I’ve been working on my biceps, can’t you tell?” He says, flexing his arms. 

“Yeah, yeah.” You smile, watching Steve flex his unnoticeably larger arms until he rounds up his antics and leans back against his car. “Your dad at that work conference thing too?” You ask, curiously wondering if it really is a work trip your dad’s on right now. 

“Absolutely. Any chance to get away, right?” Steve says with a somber laugh. 

“I know the feeling...any chance.” You reply, nodding your head in agreement.

“Yeah, well.” Steve shrugs. “Might throw a party, might not.” He says indifferently. You perk up at the idea of a party. It’s always the same crowds that show, you know the list of attendees like the back of your hand.

“You should, I can get Nance to come along, maybe you can rekindle.” You say, hitting Steve’s arm. This could be to his benefit too, Nancy has been bringing him up again recently and that’s always the catalyst to the ‘on again’ portion of their relationship.

“You got some kind of insight?” Steve replies, eyes studying you.

You purse your lips, choosing your words wisely. “Can't say. Bad enough I already told you my business, can’t tell you her business too, Stevie.” 

Steve smiles, shaking his head, accepting your answer because he knows that’s as close as he’ll get to you spilling Nancy's secrets. 

He knows all about your rivalry with Munson, and as much as he doesn’t like the guy, he was actually the first one who suggested sleeping with him quite some time ago. It was a joke of course… yet here you are. You figured he deserved to know that he was some sort of prophet, so you filled him in. Not in as much detail as you did with Nancy, but you told him the gist of it. 

Your conversation with Steve simmers to a lull, both of you watching over the crowd of students funnelling from the parking lot into the school. You’re not explicitly looking for it, but you can’t help but notice the lack of a certain obnoxiously loud van. 

“You’re good, right?” Steve asks, shoulder bumping your own.

“Yeah.” You sigh.

“You sure?” He asks again, turning towards you enough to gauge your reaction. You shrug your shoulders.

“Maybe a little embarrassed.” You say, shifting back and forth on your feet, eyes still flickering over the bustling parking lot. 

“Don’t be. Fuck him.” He says making you snort a laugh.

“Fuck him?” You question, smirk playing on your lips.

“No! I mean, unless you want to. But he did stand you up so…” Steve says trailing off. You try to laugh it off but it sounds more like a scoff. 

“Yup. Eddie Munson stood me up.” You say, words rolling off your tongue in a confusing cross between regret and hurt even when you meant for it to be a joke. A laughable comment between two friends who know how you and Eddie interact, who know he’s nothing more than a nuisance to you, nothing more than an incessant house fly that just won’t quit circling you. 

You never thought you’d be saying that in this lifetime. You never thought he’d have the opportunity to stand you up. 

You tell yourself you’re not disappointed, but the words sure do taste like it. 

You shrug your shoulders, shaking off your thoughts. “I should go, bell’s about to ring.”

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

It was during your second period math quiz. A timid, curly headed freshman knocked on the door interrupting the silence of the room. 

Mrs. Rotman stood from her desk, crossing the room, engaging in a whispered conversation with the boy. She turned to look around the room, eyes flitting over the students before landing on you. She turned back to the boy, whispered something to him and sent him on his way. 

You tried to pretend you were busy doing your quiz but it was hard with her eyes focused on you as she walked in your direction.

“Honey, your fathers in the office for you. Something about a family emergency. Don’t worry about the quiz, sweetie.” She whispered, leaning down to your level with sullen eyes that made your heart rate pick up.

“Family emergency?” You questioned anxiously. 

“Yes dear, go on and head down to the office.” She said, patting your back. 

Leaving behind your quiz that you barely had a chance to start on, you quietly let yourself out of the class. 

Speed walking down the hall, opening the door to the stairwell with enough force for the sound to echo against the cement walls and linoleum floors, you hurry to descend the stairs. With your mind busy, rifling through what potential family emergency would bring your father back to town, you didn’t even notice him standing by the stairwell exit until you stepped down onto the landing. 

There’s a moment before he looks at you. A moment where your heart beats faster. A moment where you’re flooded with scary feelings. A moment were you remember last night. And a moment were you remember this morning.

“Oh for god's sake.” You groan, leaving that moment behind, churning everything into a genuine annoyance because you fell for such a stupid trick. 

“Princess, funny seeing you here. Daddy’s been waiting.” Eddie says, smirk plastered on his face, waiting with his back against the wall, trying to exude some sort of coolness that he doesn’t possess. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” You spit, burning hot from the inside out. Eddie deflates in front of you, smirk dropping as he steps away from the wall towards you.

“No?” He says, almost like he’s asking you. 

“Why the fuck would you think this was okay?” You sneer, voice raising in volume. He shrinks further.

“Just wanted to see you.” He shrugs, eyes falling to the ground.

If he 'wanted to see you', he wouldn’t have stood you up. 

“You wanted to see me?” You scoff bewilderedly.

“Yeah, and apologize for this morning.” He says, eyes flickering up to you.

You spin on your heels, ready to explain the situation to Mrs. Rotman and go back to finishing your quiz. You don't want to hear an apology for that.

“Shit— Princess, come back!” He calls after you. You hear feet clambering, catching up to you just as you clear the first set of stairs. His grasp captures your wrist and you get the eeriest sense of deja vu.

“Princess, c’mon, let me apologize.” He says, voice pleading as you try to tug yourself free.

“No. You can apologize to Mrs. Rotman’s math class for interrupting everyone during the quiz.” You huff, using all your weight to try and free yourself. 

“No, let me apologize to you.” He insists. You feel your heart rate pick up and in an instant you spin, startling Eddie with your fast movement. 

“Do you think this is funny, Eddie?” You spit, brows furrowed, face flushing hot in anger.

With his mouth pulled in a flat line, he shrugs. 

You know he's hardly phased by your spitfire and you step closer to up the ante. 

“No, seriously? Are you having fun, Eddie? Answer the question.” You say, burning your gaze into his. 

He doesn't indulge you in an answer, he just looks at you with round eyes. He doesn't cower, he doesn’t spit heated words back, he just remains looking at you with his stupidly big eyes. You're not even sure if his disposition is meant to soothe you, but it does and you hate it. It irons out nearly every wrinkle of anger and you hate it. 

“I know none of this matters to you, Eddie, but it matters to me.” You say, mustering up every blazing emotion you have left in you but it comes out too gentle to be anger.

“What matters to you?” He asks quietly, his face softening, eyes getting impossibly rounder. His grip on your wrist loosens as he steps closer to you. 

You press your lips closed, breathing deeply to compose yourself. Your sentiment is ambiguous, you recognize that. Whether is was purposeful or not is a mystery to even you. You wouldn't admit this matters, whatever this is between you and Eddie, never. You couldn't.

Even if you didn't leave space for ambiguity, you know what he's asking right now. Does he matter to you, does this matter to you?

“School, idiot.” You say quietly. You cover ambiguity by shutting him down and embellishing it with an insult. It's a lie, you both know it. It’s an orchestrated move at this point; he steps right, you step left.

He moves in closer to you, toe to toe, his chest less than arm's length away. His grip on your wrist slides down, stopping just before your palm, inches away from being a hand hold.

“You're only upset because I took you away from your quiz?” He asks quietly, amusement hinting in his tone. His eyes flicker to your lips.

“Yes.” You reply flatly. You lick your lips instinctively and you mentally scold yourself.

“No, you're not.” He laughs softly, eyes only watching your lips now. “You're really that desperate to finish a math quiz?” He asks, amusement becoming forthright.

He does think this is funny and it makes your blood boil. 

“Stop doing that.” You sneer but it comes out weak.

“Stop doing what?” He asks, eyes still unmeeting of yours.

His overconfidence and arrogance buzzes around in your head, spurring on your anger. You feel cornered by him calling your bluff and nothing good has ever come from that, especially when your heart is beating so fast you can't hear your own thoughts.

“Assuming you know me, Eddie. You don’t.” You snap, hammering your words into him like nails in a coffin, punctuating your words with a tug of your wrist but his grasp hardens, not letting you go.

He finally looks up at you, eyes meeting your gaze and you can tell your words stung by the mirrored reflection of hurt. He looks taken aback. Whatever he thought was about to happen, you pulled it out from under him like a mean trick and hurt switches to anger.

“So you’re really only upset because you’re here?” He scoffs, brows pinching.

“I just fucking said that.” You spit back.

“And you’re not at all upset because I didn’t pick you up this morning?” And that's all he has to say to send you into a flighty panic. You won't look truth in the eye, you can't.

“Eddie. Let go.” You seethe, tugging your wrist harshly. You bring your other hand to his in an attempt to pry his fingers off. His grip isn’t enough to hurt you, it’s simply unrelenting, a desperate attempt to finish this conversation.

"Princess—" He starts but you interrupt him, not wanting to hear anymore, not wanting to give him another opportunity to throw your own feelings in your face.

"Let go." You say, your volume raising out of desperation.

“Fine. Just fucking relax for a minute, Jesus Christ.” He groans, when you start swatting at his forearm. His own annoyance rises and it pisses you off because what does he have to be annoyed about? He’s not the one that got stood up. 

“I am relaxed!” You shriek, squeezing your eyes shut and stamping your foot. 

Eyes still closed, you listen to your own voice echoing off the walls, forcing you to hear yourself. It sounds like a reverb of hurt between the two of you. Despite the meaningless message your words attempt to convey, it sounds like a slip of honesty, a slip of your true feelings and how he’s affected them. It sounds tears short of being an angered cry.

A beat passes before the echoes subside, leaving the two of you in silence.

“Princess.” Eddie whispers softly. His voice isn’t loud like yours, it doesn’t vibrate off the walls but it still echoes in your consciousness, occupying a space hugged tightly next to your heartbeat. 

You feel fingertips ghost over your cheeks, delicate in nature despite residing in the antagonistic warland that you and Eddie have fostered together. Your heart catches in your throat and you hate it. 

Your face pinches in its default anger. You ready yourself to scold him, but when you open your eyes and all you see is soft, warm brown staring back at you, it doesn’t come. You hate it. 

He closes his grasps on your face, both hands holding you gently by the jaw. Both hands.

Your wrist set free, you pull away, storming back down the stairs. He steps forward, you run away— another orchestrated move.

Hearing yourself is too much, you need air. You need somewhere where your own thoughts can't reverb like your words against cement and linoleum. You need something to get you thinking straight.

Scuffing sneakers echo behind you as you clear the staircase, cross the foyer, and push open the door to the parking lot. You expect a hand around your wrist again but it doesn’t come. 

You slow to a walk and so does he, his steps crunching on the pebble covered pavement as he trails behind you quietly.

You round the corner of the building before leaning against the wall, expectant hand held out towards Eddie.

He tentatively raises his arm, fingers grazing yours, palm just barely ghosting your own, before you smack him away.

“No you idiot, cigarette.” You say, exhaling deeply. 

He mumbles an embarrassed apology before digging through his pocket.

“Here.” He says quietly, passing over his carton of camels.

You pull one out, placing it between your lips, Eddie’s eyes watching your every move. Flickering the lighter that was tucked into the empty space of the box, you light it up, smoke pluming from the corners of your lips as you take your first drag. Eddie swallows harshly, lost in thought.

“Well?” You snap, his eyes fleeting back to yours. 

“R-right. I’m sorry I didn’t pick you up this morning, princess. I’m really really sorry.” He says softly, strumming the chords of your heart with his words. You hate it.

“Why should you be sorry about that, I didn’t want you to anyways.” You say, trying to sound indifferent. You don’t though. You hear your own voice just like you did in the stairwell and you sound like a little kid who hasn’t quite mastered the art of fibbing. It’s a jejune lie, not even a good one.

“I said I would though, and I didn’t. I’m sorry.” He says, round eyes set on you.

The sun glimmers against his hair making the wavy brown strands look golden, a perfect match to the gold in the eyes staring at you right now.

He’s genuinely sorry, you believe him, and you hate it.

Continuing on your juvenile streak, you pocket his lighter before handing back his carton. You know he sees you do it but he doesn’t say anything. 

“Whatever, Eddie.” You mumble, taking a drag from your cigarette. 

You let your head fall against the brick behind you, eyes scanning thoughtlessly over the surrounding thick tree line. Eddie takes a step, his shoulder hitting the wall as he leans against it, still facing you. 

“Don't you wanna know where I was?” He asks carefully, a testing tease lingering around his words.

“Not really, but I have a feeling you’re gonna tell me anyway.” You retort, folding your arms over your chest, your burning cigarette skillfully held out to not get ash on yourself. Eddie exhales a light laugh before leaning into you. 

“Well, princess.” He starts, leaning in even closer. “I accidentally slept in because I was too busy staying up all night thinking about this girl who gave me the best head of my life.”

“Gross.” You scoff, hiding your smile by taking another drag.

“Fuck yeah. It was certified sloppy toppy. I think I was reborn yesterday, died and got as close to heaven as I ever will.” He says, body twisting so his head knocks against the brick wall dramatically. 

“Now you're just sucking up.” You grimace, taking another drag.

He laughs softly before the both of you fall into a quiet lull. You partially expected him to make some kind of joke out of ‘sucking up’ but he doesn’t. Only the sound of trees blowing in the wind can be heard, along with scattered chirps of birds in the distance.

“Are you still mad at me?” He asks, breaking the silence. You let your eyes flicker to him before focusing back on your barely burnt cigarette. You drop it, stomping it out under your shoe. It was a waste of a cigarette, but Eddie doesn’t say anything.

“I wasn’t mad at you.” You reply, facing towards the tree line again. 

“Okay, princess.” He sings, clearly not believing you. “But everything aside… we’re good?” He asks, watching you carefully.

“Eddie.” You exhale. That’s a big thing for him to ask of you and he doesn’t even realize it. How can you say that everything between the two of you is good when… What even is there between the two of you? Are you even friends? It's another truth you're not willing to face.

“Princess, tell me we’re okay or else you’ll keep me up another night.” He says, slouching his shoulders. 

“You’re being dramatic.” You laugh. He steps closer to you, hand raising and grasping a piece of your hair. You watch in your periphery as he swirls it between his fingers.

“I’ll never get another wink of sleep, I’m begging you. Tell me we’re okay or tell me how to fix it.” He says, tiptoeing even closer to you.

“Eddie.” You laugh again, shaking your head. The hair between his fingers falls but he’s quick to reach for the strands that fell into your face, skillfully tucking it behind your ear.

“All I’m asking for is your forgiveness. What d’you say, angel?” He whispers. You turn your head, looking at him skeptically with raised brows. 

“Angel? I think that’s hardly a fitting name.” You scoff.

“Trust me, it’s fitting. After last night.” He says, hand retreating from you to grab his heart dramatically, throwing his body back against the brick wall in a swoon. 

“Suck up.” You say trying to hide your amusement. You watch him as he continues his antics, biting your lip to hide your smile. 

He turns to you, looking up through his lashes, feigning a faux innocence.

“So what d’ya say, princess?" He questions, quirking a brow at you. "Want me to kiss it better?” He asks with a deep grin, eyes amusedly awaiting your response. 

You pause, not necessarily thinking about his offer but more so distracted by the way the sun reflects off of his eyes making them glow golden again.

He takes your pause as a yes, stepping into you, hands grabbing behind your ears, cradling your neck. He presses sloppy kisses all over your cheeks and up to your forehead, all while you protest through giggles. It’s sickeningly sweet. Truly sickening. You hate it.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

“Why’d you ask my friends where I was yesterday, princess? Are you, like, obsessed with me?” Eddie mocks into your ear startling you.

“Oh no.” You groan to yourself, flashing Nancy a preemptive apologetic look. 

“Princess, d’ya happen to have a lighter? Mine seems to have gone missing.” He says, moving on from his original remark, a mischievous smile playing on his lips. 

“No, sorry. I don’t smoke, it’s a dirty habit.” You say flatly, keeping your focus on your lunch and Nancy sitting across from you.

“Oh, that’s crazy I could have sworn I saw you hanging out in the back of the school with some guy smoking earlier? I must have been mistaken.” He says, arm wrapping around your shoulder as he throws one leg over the cafeteria bench, straddling it. 

“We weren’t ‘hanging out’.” You scoff.

“Right, right. I was groveling, my bad, princess.” He laughs. 

You look up at Nancy and she’s shaking her head, lips pursed tightly, holding back her ‘I-told-you-so’ smile. Eddie doesn't typically bother you at lunch, so to Nancy, this very much looks like him 'getting worse'.

“Eddie, don't you have somewhere else to sit?” You say, shrugging his arm off your shoulder. 

“What? Can’t come have lunch with my girl?” He teases, scooting closer to you, his knee pushing against your thigh, your shoulder practically resting against his chest. 

“I just barely forgot about the stunt you pulled earlier, you’re pushing your luck, Munson.” You warn.

“Don’t call me that.” He says flatly.

“Munson? That’s your name, isn’t it?” You laugh.

“Nope, not to you it isn’t.” He replies flatly, grabbing a grape off your lunch tray before you can stop him. 

“Is there a reason you’re here?” You say, his arrogance pinching at your agitation.

“Lighter.” He sings, eyes sparkling with amusement meeting yours, stealing another grape in the process. Turning his head, he focuses on Nancy. “Wheeler, how’s it going?”

“Good.” She laughs, still shaking her head. 

“Heard you tattled on me to Princess.” He says, eyebrows raised, a smile playing on his face.

“Eddie, leave her alone.” You huff. You feel his hand raise up your back, settling slowly, before rubbing back and forth. He leans in closer to you, face brushing against your hair.

“Gotta share the attention sometimes, princess.” He whispers just loud enough for you to hear. His breath tickles the shell of your ear and you feel your heart rate pick up.

You sit up straighter, Eddie’s chin knocking into your shoulder as you reach into your front pants pocket.

“Lighter. There. Leave.” You say, finding his free hand to push it into his hold. 

“Good girl.” He teases, quickly pulling you closer to him with a hand on your waist, pressing a kiss to your cheek. 

You feel yourself burning hot and it takes everything in you not to hit him back with some sort of insult but you know if you do he’ll just stick around for longer. 

He gets up from the bench with a coy wave of his fingers and a polite nod to Nancy, disappearing into the crowd of the lunch room.

“Nancy, if you say ‘I told you so’, I swear to god.” You say, holding back your smile as you watch your friend’s eyes burst with amusement. 

“I wasn’t going to say I told you so!” She laughs. 

“I can see it in your eyes Nancy, I know you’re dying to say it.” You reply.

“I won’t say it… but I will say that you’re blushing pretty hard right now.”

“Out of embarrassment! That was embarrassing, Nancy.”

“People aren’t usually that smiley after being embarrassed.”

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Eddie kept his eyes on the prize all night. Not in a creepy way, just to make sure you were okay… and because he just liked looking at you. You were making it awfully hard though, the way you kept disappearing between the groups of people occupying Harrington’s infamous Saturday night party. 

His goal was to sell what he needed to sell, then he could have his fun. So when he sold his last eighth, his heart rate picked up as he bounded through the waves of people to find you. 

He would be lying if he said he didn’t get a pang of nerves when he finally found you, all alone in the kitchen, getting yourself a drink. 

Steve decided late Friday night that the party was on. He called you up and from there you called Nancy. It’s a practiced drill at this point, Steve calls a few people, who call a few more people, and the word gets around pretty quickly. Eddie got news that night, and it was a given he would sell. He always sells at Harrington parties, similar to how you’re always drinking at them. 

“All your friends scurry off on you, Princess?” An all too familiar voice says right into your ear.

“No.” You say flatly, turning to see Eddie at your side. 

“That’s funny, I only see you.” He says, eyes teasingly looking around you before settling back to meet your gaze.

“You should get your eyes checked, there’s like 20 other people in here.” You say, motioning to all the other bodies occupying the room. 

“You know what I mean.” Eddie says, hip bumping yours gently as you pour from a bottle of something highly alcoholic into your cup. 

“Do I?” You laugh before quickly shooting back your drink. 

“Look at her, she’s a professional.” Eddie teases as you scrunch your face through the burning sensation in your throat, some of the liquid spilling down the corners of your lips from your overzealous tilt of the cup. Without as much as a second though, Eddie’s hand raises to you, wiping your chin dry. 

“Why are you so nice now?” You ask, leaning closer to him so he can hear you over the music. 

“I’m not.” He smiles, eyes leaving yours to watch as you set the empty cup down on the counter. He knows he’s lying, you both do. 

“Is it because I sucked your dick?” You giggle.

You take another step closer to him where he leans against the counter. His eyes meet yours again with a mixture of amusement and shock looming on the surface of his gaze.

“You’re more drunk than you look, princess” He holds your gaze, amusement taking the reigns until his eyes lower to the short distance you’ve created between the two of you. 

“I’m not drunk.” You scoff, rolling your eyes. Eddie watches you, you can tell he’s smiling and you’re not even looking at him. 

“Where’s Wheeler gone? You were with her all night.” He asks, changing the subject. You turn your head, meeting his gaze, lifting your eyebrows as you decipher his question. 

“You were watching me all night?” You ask teasingly, a smile playing on your lips. 

“Princess.” He exhales, rolling his own eyes jokingly. The way his little nickname for you rolls off his tongue makes your already dizzy head spin. 

“She went upstairs with Steve.” You answer, letting your hand rest on the counter, pinky brushing the material of his jeans where he leans against the marble countertop. 

“I hope she’s not as drunk as you are.” He replies, eyes on your fingers as you continue to brush them against him. You shake your head. You could tell him that their rendezvous was premeditated, and a recurring pattern between the two, but you don’t want to talk about them. 

“Aren’t you just the sweetest? First you took care of me when I was sick, now you’re looking out for my friends. Such a sweet boy.” You coo, leaning into Eddie, removing your hand from the countertop and placing it flat on his chest to stabilize yourself. 

“Baby, I think you're too drunk, look at you being sweet.” He laughs and you dip your head, hiding the way his words affect you. You’re always ‘princess’, never ‘baby’. It makes your heart beat faster and your skin prickle.

You can’t help but notice how he doesn’t touch you though. He’s always poking and prodding at you in one way or another. Last time you saw him, he was all hands and kisses to your cheeks, but now, nothing.

“Did you make a lot of money tonight?” You ask, stepping in closer to him, your thigh pressing into his as you stand beside him.

“I did good enough.” He shrugs, arms staying closely to his sides and it almost makes you want to pout. He should be grabbing your hand or twirling your hair, doing what he always does. 

“You were busy all night.” You mumble, your head down, watching as you kick at his shoe before stepping over it with one foot. Still leaning against the counter, he shifts, arms moving at his side and you almost get excited before you realize he's just crossing them over his chest. You lower your hand, sitting it closer to his hip as you move to stand directly in front of him. 

“You were watching me all night?” He mocks, copying your same lilt.

“I set myself up for that one didn’t I?” You whisper, head down. He’s still not touching you.

“You did.” He replies, exhaling a laugh. You rest your other hand on his crossed arms, hoping he’ll get the hint but he doesn’t and you sigh, slouching into yourself. 

“What’s wrong, princess?” He asks, quietly.

“You.” You reply flatly. 

“Yeah, but you’re all pouty. You don’t pout. You scowl. Yell. Threaten violence.” He teases gently, dipping his face enough to meet your gaze. 

“You’re not touching me.” You mumble, words so quiet you can barely hear them yourself over the blaring music.

“What was that, sweetheart?” Eddie asks, leaning his ear closer to you. You step in closer to him, pushing your way between his legs.

“I said, you’re not touching me.” You grumble, annoyed that you have to repeat yourself. Even more annoyed when he hears you and still doesn’t touch you. You huff, pushing your body flat against his, but he stops you, hands on your shoulders holding you away from him.

“Princess, I can’t. You’re drunk.” He says firmly, serious eyes meeting yours. Your knee shakes as you try to stop yourself from stomping your foot. 

“You can. You just want to piss me off.” You say, funnelling all of your emotions and forcing them into a short lived anger. 

“Trust me, that’s not why.” He says softly, thumbs rubbing gentle circles on your shoulders. You happily focus on his simple caresses on your bare skin, but the feeling it gives you just leaves you wanting more.

“You're touching me right now, Eddie. Just keep doing that.” You whine, giving him your best pout paired with doe-eyes. His gaze soften, eyes fluttering over your features.

“You’re trouble, you know that?” He says, flashing you a small smile.

“You like it though, that’s why you keep coming back.” You whisper. Eddie’s mouth pulls in a flat line and you think you might have said something wrong. His grip on your shoulders falls and you’re sure you did.

You’re sure you did until you feel his hands meet your waist, pulling you towards him. Your hands slip up his chest and around his neck and you hug yourself to him tightly. You absorb every ounce of him you can, every inebriated sense of yours captivated and buzzing with feelings and flutters. Even through the thump of the bass vibrating throughout the kitchen, you swear you hear his heart, or maybe it’s yours, either way it doesn’t matter because Eddie Munson is holding you just like you wanted him to. 

“I was waiting for you to come find me.” You whisper into the skin peeking out of the collar of his shirt as you press your head to his shoulder.  

In the bustling of the party, you stand chest to chest, arms wrapped around each other like this was the only way things were meant to be. He responds to you through the movement of his hands, rubbing up and down your back, touching you, just like you asked. Soothing you like you didn’t know he could. 

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

“Eddie, you’re not doing it right, you’re supposed to just come in. I’m not supposed to have to ask you.” You whine. 

“Princess, I can’t.” He says, smiling as you try to tug him through the front door of your house. 

“You can, you did it before, remember?” You say, giving him your best pout.

“You were sick.” He says, amusement twinkling in his eyes as he stands firmly outside, your tugs not making him budge in the slightest. 

“I'm going to be sick right now, if you don’t come inside.” You whine, punctuating your words with little stomps of your feet.

You may have taken a few more shots after Eddie broke up your hug earlier. You knew you had him at that point so maybe you took them just to spite him. It made sense at the time and as the night progressed, you were right. He was by your side the whole time, never more than an arm's length away. And when it was time to go home, you didn’t even have to ask, he was already offering you a ride and guiding you to his van.

“Princess, you’re killing me.” He says exasperatedly through a smile before stepping into the doorway. 

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

“Jesus, just drink the water, princess.” Eddie laughs. 

“I’ll do it if you lay down with me.” You say stubbornly. He shakes his head and you drop yourself down onto your pillow. “Please, Eddie. Please.” You plead, your eyes catching the dizzy image of him in the lowlight of your room.

“Drink the water and I’ll think about it.” He says sternly.

“Lay down and I’ll think about it.” You mock, copying his tone.

“You are so…” He laughs, trailing off.

“Good at giving blowjobs?” You giggle, filling in his sentiment. His gaze drops to the floor as he sits on the edge of your bed, shaking his head in disbelief of the moment. 

“I was gonna say ‘impossible’.” He corrects with a laugh. 

You furrow your brows. In attempts to prove him wrong you sit up, taking the water from him and silently finish it small swallow by small swallow until your belly feels impossibly full of water. 

“Done.” You huff, falling back to your pillow dramatically. 

“Good.” He says, hand patting your calf that’s sprawled against the comforter next to him. 

“No. Good girl.” You say, correcting him through giggles. He squeezes your calf, before sitting up enough to put the glass down on your bedside table. 

“Good girl.” He says to appease you, smirk heavy in his features. 

“Was I good enough for you to lay down?” You ask, flashing him innocent eyes. He exhales deeply and even in your spinning state, you know he’s weighing his options. His eyes track the span of the bed before looking back at you, seriousness written across his features.

“No funny business.” He says firmly, making sure to make eye contact so you know he’s serious.

“No funny business.” You agree, nodding your head waiting for him to give in. 

“Only for a few minutes. Sober you wouldn’t want me here.” He says, removing his jacket and tossing it to the floor.

“Yes she would.” You mumble with a pout but quickly get excited when Eddie starts shuffling to lay down. You prop yourself up ready to cozy into him but he stops you.

“Nuh-uh. On your side of the bed, princess.” He says, motioning for you to lay back down. You throw yourself to the mattress with a whined cry. 

“You’re no fun.” You huff, whine building in your chest.

“I’m not here to have fun, princess. This is serious business.” He laughs. 

You continue pouting on your side of the bed, turning enough to watch as Eddie settles into your mattress. His hair sprawls over your pillow, just like before, his throat bobbing as he swallows before turning his head to you.

“Go to sleep.” He says and your jaw drops. His lips curl into a smile, eyes dancing in amusement. 

“You’re mean, you couldn’t even say goodnight? Just go to sleep?” You shrill, trying to focus your gaze on Eddie to get your glare across. 

“Go to sleep.” He repeats, smirking as he reaches his arm to your bedside table, switching the light off, leaving you both in the low glow of the moonlight that sweeps in through your half open curtains. 

“Eddie, I can’t unless you say it nicely.” You argue.

“Princess. Please go to sleep.” He says with teasing lilt.

“No.” You giggle.

“I said it nicely, c’mon princess.” He groans.

“Eddie.” You whine, hearing the annoyance in his voice.

“Princess.” He mocks.

You scan your eyes over him, the low light helping you find where his hand lays at his side. Quietly, you tiptoe your fingers across the mattress until you brush against his hand. Before you can close your grasp, he rips it away with a tut. 

“Eddie, I held your hand when you wanted me to.” You whine.

“That was different.” He replies.

“No it wasn’t! Just hold my hand.” You say, pushing yourself up to try and grab his hand where it lies on his stomach now.

“Lay back down.” He laughs pulling himself further away from you. You drop yourself to the bed, your bottom lip quivering. It’s not for dramatics though, you know Eddie wouldn’t be able to see it.

“No. I’m tired of doing this, I just want you to hold my hand.” You whisper back. Eddie says some kind of teasing response but you ignore it, feeling too lost in the spinning of your head. 

In your current state, you feel a lot of things. Most importantly, you’re confused. These nights usually end with Nancy and Steve. Eddie's existence would have never even crossed your mind, but now, all you want is to be close to him. It doesn’t help that he’s been making you practically beg for his attention all night. It might seem sudden, but it doesn’t come as a surprise to you when you feel your eyes grow wet. Your breathing starts to come out in harsh whines from your stomach that get caught in your throat.

When the first tear falls it feels catastrophic. It feels destructive, disastrous even. It feels like a break in your guard and you aren’t quick enough to catch it. There’s no snark left in the world that could patch this up right now. So you hide.

Pushing your face into your pillow, your tears free fall.

You feel shifting on the bed and you push your face further into the pillow.

“Are you crying?” Eddie asks softly, sounding closer to you now.

You don’t offer a response, your throat feels too tight to speak. You feel like you’re drowning in more than just tears.

“Princess, don’t cry.” He replies gently, all teasing gone from his voice. “I’ll hold your hand, here.” He finds your hand, taking it in his but it’s too late. The floodgates are open, set on their path of destruction, open to exposing damage.

His hand wraps around yours and you feel small. Not because of the size difference but because there’s a reason you don’t show these feelings. There’s a reason it’s easier for you to scowl and yell. This side feels too bare, too soft, too uncomfortable. It’s unfamiliar and scary. It feels like offering yourself up to impending disappointment. It feels like waiting for someone to pick you up and they don’t. 

He pulls your hair, you pull his back. He stands you up, what can you do besides pretend it didn’t hurt?

You should yell, you should scold, you should threaten violence. You should tear your hand away, kick him out.

But you don’t. You couldn’t, not anymore. Not right now.

You just want Eddie, all games aside. You want him in the silence of the night, not through the bass of the music where one of you has to move left while the other moves right. You don’t want to dance the line of whatever this is anymore. 

You pull his hand, willing him to come closer, a silent plea through your tears, and he does. He shifts closer until you're pressed to him, your intertwined hands hugged between your chests as his other hand wraps around you, resting against your back. He soothes you with quiet promises of everything being okay intermixed with his own apologies that only make you cry harder. 

Maybe you’re not the whole reason that you two have ended up here, but you’re half of it, and it takes two to play this game. If you tap out, you’re half of the way to it being over.

If you walk away and he follows, isn’t that just the game changing again? A game of cat and mouse?

Maybe all these metaphors are stupid. Maybe they’re all a figment of your imagination that blossomed as a child from the first time he pulled your hair. Maybe you’re too old for these playground antics. Maybe you’re too old to not say how you feel. 

“I was sad when you didn’t come to pick me up.” You whisper, your sob-filled secret sailing into the darkness of the room as if his chest wasn’t there to catch your secret. 

Your words are as much for you as they are for him, you couldn’t admit your hurt before, but now you do. 

Truth tastes soft in your mouth, not at all like the burn of alcohol you’ve drowned yourself in. It’s not sweet, it doesn’t fix everything, it just creates a storm in your belly. A fight between everything you know, everything you’ve done, and something new. It’s unnatural, it makes you feel sick. 

“I know, princess. I’m sorry.” He whispers in return, his hand rubbing against your back. You imagine with every pass of his hand on your back he’s helping you fight the furries of the storm rising inside of you, but with the storm rising, there is nowhere else for these feelings to go but up. 

“I don’t want you to say sorry, I just don’t want you to do it again.” You cry.

Your throat constricts as you feel bile rising. 

“I won’t. I promise, okay?” He says softly. His words would have eased every metaphorical storm inside you, but this storm has turned literal, you’re about to vomit.

“Eddie, I'm gonna be sick.”

It’s a rush of limbs and a dash down the hall. Everything pours from you, every uncried tear, every burn, every furry, every roar of the storm. Everything you know, everything you’ve done, it all leaves you. And in its wake all you have left is Eddie’s hand rubbing your back, telling you it’s okay. It’s soft and unnatural but you let it absorb you entirely. It burrows into you, finding a place you never knew existed, a place where softness thrives and doesn’t need to be hidden by the guise of anger and indifference.

Eddie brings you back to your bed and in the silence of the night, apologies and promises lay side by side, holding hands. 

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

[peculiaritty]

Sunday character study/trauma study

Again! before i start this ramble there is tw for religious themes, abuse, mental illnesses (ocd especially) and grooming so please if you have any triggers regarding those please don't read ^^ 2.2 Penacony spoilers so please be warned and future leaks and/or theorys may be involved. NO future storyline leaks though. This might be split into parts- not sure! Things might be hyperlinked and these will count as my reference/evidence, theres no need to read them unless you're curious!! There might be a part two on this when Sunday does come out ! Edited 18/05 to correct mistakes/add things i forgot about it OK. Lets begin: GOD. Poor Sunday, i think a lot of people has seen Sunday's abuse unnoticed, and i honestly can't blame some people because sometimes we don't automatically pick up everything unless we are actively looking for something. Sunday is a very interesting character, and i don't necessarily think he is 'evil-evil' per say, he is more of a morally grey character rather than being right up evil. Some major pointers i want to bring up and will be discussed: -> neglect, emotional abuse and the grooming of Sunday by Gopher Wood AKA dreammaster. -> The 'family' dynamics and attitudes -> Sunday/robins ideologies -> headcanons, character design choices and religious imagery (Not a deepdive into the imagery!)

-> neglect, emotional abuse and the grooming of Sunday by Gopher Wood AKA Dreammaster.

The most clear thing we can see as of right now without any reading between lines- Robin and Sundays bond. They care for eachother very much, we know that Sunday is the eldest brother, we already know that from right off the bat, that he is indeed the protector of Robin. Such as any older sibling usually feels towards those born after them. Sunday in no doubt in my mind has firstborn syndrome, basically the main 'burden-holder' between the two. This is the first fact we need to understand before we delve in. Due to Sundays natural-protectiveness of his sister that leaves Sunday at the face/brunt of Gophers ideals, which means sacrificing himself at any cost. Which may be why Robin remains currently unaffected or/not as self-destructive as Sunday. One thing that is easily skipped over and not noticed, Gopher and Sunday share a completely transactional-non-familial bond as they seem to not have the common father-son bond what so ever, Sunday only refers to Gopher as master which hints at the wedge between them. Gopher has ever only inspired and encouraged Sundays pessimistic behavior, such as when the Charmony Dove fell, we can assume that both Sunday and robin are extremely young at the time, i position them to be around 6-8, while at this age children do start to grasp that death in permanent, in no way should a child i quote be saying anything along the lines of "i think people believe birds are meant to fly...because they've never seen those birds crashing to their death." while this 'kind voice' (Gopher) does seem unbiased and passive, there is no reason unless you have actively convinced and taught a child to think that way. While children do come to gain their own beliefs, and ideals, siblings usually remain with the same ideas and beliefs until they reach around 10-12 where puberty starts. The belief gap at such a young age between Robin and Sunday is too big for it to be just "growing up" most if not all children take joy in being naïve- and cheerful. it is only when we come to abused, groomed, depressed and neglected children we start to see such pessimistic behavior. Sunday does have first-born child syndrome, it is also a bit of a worry of how stoic and 'unfeeling' he is. He doesn't confine in anyone, and while yes, we could say this is normal- but in normal, healthy environments people always have someone to confine in. Sunday doesn't have that. This could purely be just his personality- as some people are simply coded that way. It just strikes differently when we compare Child Sunday unto his adult self, as seen in Robins trailer BOTH of them had artistic aspirations, and even though there is no 'heavy' implication, that one tear indicates to me that Sunday was indeed the more emotional one. Growing out of hobbies is normal, but Sunday is lacking of life, he generally looks lifeless. He could've grown out of them, but what I read between the lines is extreme shaming and guilt. The need to be 'perfect'. Just so he could be the 'sun' in the sky and maybe even please Gopher.

Another thing to point out- his OCD yes. This is another thing that is hidden but only few people have found. In this scenario i am not fond of actually just saying its because of his connection to Ena. i am more fond- and find it much more reasonable that it has impacted and grown from his trauma. While i will not clarify which i believe he has since thats leaning more into headcanon territory. Unhealthy childhood environments and events predispose and increase the risk of various psychiatric disorders and OCD is one of them. It is clear that Sunday has been indoctrinated and been taught to think the way he does now. The family is cultish and it doesn't seem to act as one, everyone has their own ideals- and motives, including Gopher. Grooming does not have to be sexual in order for it to be considered grooming, grooming is defined as when someone builds a relationship, trust and emotional connection with a child or young person so they can manipulate, exploit and abuse them. In this scenario, Gopher has essentially groomed Sunday to exploit him and use him as a sacrifice. Groomed and abused, religious abuse seems to be a big one in this especially considering the huge religious imagery in Penacony, but it is important to point out some common symptoms of religious abuse is doubtful faith and compulsive perfectionism which resemble in Sunday. Most times, religious abuse is often paired with other forms of abuse, most commonly being sexual grooming and emotional abuse. This does not leave other forms of abuse out such as physical however. Gopher has 'trained' Sunday to think this way (Sundays ideaology), and indoctrinated him for his own use, and you can see it in Sundays extreme ways of dealing with his belief. there is clear there's an external force in his thinking- Gopher.

-> The 'family' dynamics and attitudes To continue, the family- as again, all have very different ideals, and motivations in Penacony. They act as completely separate entities yet still collaborate with each other. One thing remains crystal clear to me, that this family- follows a royal family sort of dynamic, where everything is hushed, you mustn't be too emotional, or too illogical. Basically coming to the point where Sunday has directly been told to not worry about Robin. He was never allowed to grieve. He is not allowed to grieve which is a horrid thing to be put through. Even when Gopher does deliver the news of Robin being shot there is a lack of care, and concern, he sounds non-chalant, going on to mention, "once you've attended to your outstanding tasks…" In any family emergency of sorts, that's the last thing you want to be told, you want to be there as soon as possible. Gopher wood simply does not have enough care, or concern for both of his 'children.' While this is my pure assumption, i do have reason to believe that the Family does share a rather cold dynamic, such as any other usual dynamic that is seen in stories where there is a political, rich, or royal family.

lack of care towards children, and moreso encouraging less 'child-like' traits

Parental figures primarily not being involved in the childs care, it is most likely that both Robin and Sunday were raised by the servants of the house, while Gopher remained some sort of mentor towards the both of them.

Isolation from other children in different life scenarios/circumstances

- Most often, children in these scenarios get put into a protective bubble, unaware of the outside. henceforth, another reasoning why Sunday might be so scared of the outside world. -> Sunday/Robins ideologies Both of them are entirely separate eachother belief wise, but they have one goal in mind. Helping people. I would describe Robins ideals as being quite idealistic and soft, that has come to her naturally, and its quite sweet. she wants world where people can live how they want. Even if its a bad one. Sunday on the otherhand quite thinks the opposite, i would describe his as: 'To protect everyone, keep them safe from pain, and suffering, their freedom of choice must be taken so they will suffer no longer, even if that means sacrificing all that i have.' This comes on very intense, as he does you know. send an entire star system to sleep!! But, His idea isn't exactly wrong. As in those questions he posed to us- we would've done the same if we were in the same scenario. Of course- if one of our siblings we knew were going to get shot in the future because of the path they chose- we would do our best to do that. It makes sense. But logically, and emotionally speaking, it is not in our best interest to control other lives and what they wish for, and what they dream for. What does Sunday want? Nothing. he is entirely swallowed with trying to help other people. He has no dream for himself. His dream- is others peoples dreams. What Sunday wanted, out of the goodness of his own heart, and the unfortunate abuse he has been put through, essentially what we call a utopia/dystopia. IT IS utopian to think of a world without pain, with harmony, where everyone is happy. But because of our nature as people, we want choice. so to us IT IS dystopian to think of a world were we have no choice, were we live on autopilot always content. He seeks escape, and he's not ashamed of it. The most common reason people seek escape, is because they're scared. They are scared of facing what they need to face. He is scared, he does not wish to see pain and suffering, he knows and purely thinks things are doomed from the start. Its almost nihilistic. And i understand it. paired with his childhood, Gopher and how he gets stuck in the confessional box hearing the most horrendous things, i would be like him too. "is this apart of your plan?" It is Gopher who brought the order to Penacony. That line above, implies that this wasn't Sunday's plan at all. Gopher was going to use Robin in the first place, but Sunday, again, being the oldest took the forefront of the indoctrination and abuse- thats how he now blindly believes in it. Gophers plans and his reason why hasn't been revealed. but i doubt it was because he genuinely cared for his people. It is depressing to see who Sunday is as a person, purely pessimistic, and so lost but obsessed with his belief, but to me and other people he is relatable; to him, things don't get better. he wants to stay in the moment. Suspended in a dream that is too perfect to be true. He seeks escape, escape for everyone. Things do get better, whether that is now, or later. We just need to keep trying and continuing on, no matter how tiring it is. -> headcanons, character design choices and religious imagery (Not a deepdive into the imagery!) UP TO MY FAVOURITE BIT!! ok, heres something that genuinely makes me want to explode, because if this is on purpose it is brilliant. Pointed out by Matchua and i actually think the first to notice it. his wings look clipped.

They don't seem very oval and/or similar to how normal bird wings would look. This can also be seen in Harmony MC's splash art too, the Raven being Sunday, and of course, the Charmony dove, Robin.

While the birdcage imagery is used on Robin, i think it is so damn powerful that if this is a deliberate design choice, that Sunday has been clipped. Depending on the clipping, it renders birds unable to fly until they grow back, and even then there is horrendous people out there who permanently injure the bird by clipping it wrong so its never able to fly again. A birdcage has a key. But once you take away a birds wings like that, it cant fly. It represents how Sunday can never seemingly become his normal self again, he will always be consumed by his pessimism and fear for the world around him. how there is seemingly 'no hope' We know that Robin is not clipped because in her skill her full wings pop out (even if this is just an effect...still) It also represents how damaging abuse is, how it takes away someones dignity and freedom. Religious imagery!! i'm sure you can find some super deep dives into it but i think one of the main things is how Sunday represents Jesus from the Christian bible. The thorns across his coat tie in deeply with the fact that on the crucifix, Jesus was given a thorn crown which was used to belittle and mock him. Sunday falls back in the crucifix pose. He is the sacrifice. Not exactly to purge them of sin, but to give them an Eternal paradise. (which in Christianity, is what the purging of sin does, it gives us an eternal paradise next to God.) Headcanons: -> i believe Sundays OCD to either be of the Religious, Harm or Order OCD. i see all three occurring, but rather more on the Order/Religious side. -> Sunday is a people pleaser, no buts!! -> He has alot of shame and self hatred towards himself for wanting things, as he believes it doesn't make him 'perfect' -> He strikes me to have some form of anxiety, again this can tie in with the OCD -> His small/awkward chuckles are just him trying to cope, i feel like he does it alot more when he is anxious though, towards the end of the quest he doesn't chuckle, which officially means hes lost it (lmao poor guy) -> Very scared of making mistakes. Really small ones too. (as you find in some abuse victims.) -> jealous of his sister but he could never come to hate her, he just wishes he was able to participate in being creative too but i do think he was shamed for that, for being 'childish'. Robin was the 'jewel' of the family. Sunday never was. -> as some abuse victims do, he probably never understood or came to understand that Gopher was abusive to him, maybe after 2.2 possibly. And when he does come to understand God. He's got a lot of healing to do in himself. A lot of anger, grief, sadness- tons of processing. -> He doesn't like hugs at first because he was really not hugged as a child, but when he does get hugged it absolutely destroys him because he really really loves being validated and being held. Something that he lacked so much as a child. -> As birds do when their stressed, Sunday plucks the feathers out of his wings, which leads to him being insecure about them so he never really shows them, which is why he keeps them neatly folded Infront of his waist and hides the back part of his wings with his coat. -> Forgets to eat, drink and bathe due to working so much. He gets so lost in his work he's probably stayed up for more than 48 hours. (ok like i know its the dreamscape but listen.) -> I didn't add this into the first part, but including all of the other things i mentioned, Sunday was alot more quiet/introverted as a child as i interpret him to be, while Robin was more of a blabbermouth. So thats why Gopher decided on Sunday instead, lesser chance of anyone finding out about what he was teaching. -> Never had a day of rest in his life. He needs a break. That's pretty much all i've got to say though (i'm going to spare you from my headcanons i have on his behaviors. that list is LONG.), i just think Sunday is a really interesting yet heartbreaking character at the same time. Very relatable to alot of people. He's not genuinely evil. Just severely misguided and hurt. Thx for reading <3

[the-s1lly-corner]

Creepypastas of your choice with a mysterious reader that has been with slender man the longest/was the first creepypasta

eyeless jack, laughing jack, slenderman, and jeff x reader who was the first creepypasta/has been with slenderman the longest!

NOTE that jeffs part is written as platonic since im still not comfortable writing romance for him, but the other two can be seen as either or! eyeless jack was chosen thanks to the admin personally hcing that eyeless jack and slenderman have beef over living in the same woods, laughing jack was picked because haha funny clown who is also old as shit reader is implied to be nonhuman, to explain how theyve been around for so long so! admin headcannons that zalgo was the one who made all the non-human creepypastas and they may or may not come into play here that aside, hope you enjoy!

EYELESS JACK:

now he doesnt want to control who you hang out and who you dont hang out with... however ej isnt all the keen on the fact that you sometimes hang out with the tall lanky forest demon.. but he holds his tongue. their basic beef is that they mostly fight over space; slenderman is possessive over his woods, and ej fled to the woods after he started eating flesh to live as a hermit... is a little suspicious on how you seem to know so much about the curse-thing that turned from from a human to a man eating monster.. though lets up if you open up about things (cough cough zalgos role in everything cough cough) soooo.... as for actual relationship stuff? honestly as long as you dont bring slenderman around you guys have a pretty solid relationship! especially since you know so much of whats going on you kind of fill him in on a bunch of stuff.. like how people fill in the new guy at work about the drama and lore of the workplace, you know? is a relieved that youre not exactly human, so a lot of his worry of accidentally attacking you while in one of his feral blood frenzy things is minimal... sits.. tension in the beginning that melts as time passes and explanations are given, you know?

LAUGHING JACK:

honestly hes just happy to have someone whos not super young compared to him/was there to see what was going on at least a century ago.. or more (fandom wiki says origin story takes place in 1800s, jack is OOOOOOOLLLD) so its nice having someone he can talk to about stuff from the past. and to joke about stuff from the past... and to have someone actually. GET IT. you know? really strengthens your bond, as well as reassures him that youre likely not going to die anytime soon due to your mortality... i always think about that stuff for immortal characters/characters who can technically outlive everyone, especially for jack since i feel he has abandonment issues... shrugs... you guys probably exchange tips and tricks for loads of things. just two old people in love but they both act like reckless young adults (assuming reader matches his energy). has no huge thoughts or opinions on slenderman since i dont think they would interact often :0

SLENDERMAN:

i mean i think it would be a given that you guys, against all odds, have stuck together and grown close. slenderman is reclusive, very much so. i mention that eyeless jack is a hermit, so naturally ej doesnt connect with many people. but slenderman takes that to a whole new level. i mean he barely even interacts with his proxies (still dont know how im going to write toby, masky, and hoodie. esp masky n hoodie since... theres the creepypasta/marble hornets thing.. shrugs... thats a problem for future admin)

so consider this a huge victory that he hasnt gotten rid of you in some way and has instead let you into his.. well i was about to say heart but i dont think zalgo considered giving him one when it was creating him.. though.. it is nice to have someone just as ancient as him, makes it easier to relate to people AND youre also a creature like him, made from zalgo? even more ability to relate to you.. though its a very quiet dynamic, slenderman isnt much of a talker so i hope you dont mind carrying conversations!

JEFF THE KILLER:

pushing once again that this segment is strictly platonic since admin isnt comfy with writing romantic for jeff so they just had an interesting idea for him!

very similar to eyeless jacks bit where you fill him in one a bunch of lore and how things work, as well as filling him in on the teeny tiny detail that demons and monsters exist. jeff is a little different in admins au/hc, since he kind of just. exists rather than being created explicitly to cause issues + hes new to the being a creepypasta thing (if you can call being on the run and being off the grid for the past decade or so new, admin is working on timeline stuff </3) (new in comparison to the other characters hush hush) so a lot of your dynamic is filling him in on things as well as perhaps even offering some sort of guidance in how to actually go about interacting with these creatures that he know.. just has access to.. torn between dad slenderman because hes not TOTALLY evil and cold in admins interpretation, but also that one jeff the killer vs slenderman fall out boy video lives rent free in his head. the beef would be insane, honestly... jeff doesnt have much of a sound idea outside of you being more of a guidance figure for him... person with their nonhuman guide my favorite trope that needs to be in more stuff especially in horror media where the characters are antagonists and shit

[infamous-if]

Sorry, this one's a bit of a criticism, I think it's weird that punky, aggressive Seven chose to be in (what I chose to be) a folk band at the start, like I get that we're besties but this is very much not her aesthetic or performance style

Picking to be a folk band actually makes a lot of things a little weird through the game, like why is G, famous rockstar, invested in a band that's so wildly out of her genre? Why do we have a song with a sixty second drum solo? Why are we playing electric instruments?

Basically I think there are too many genre options at the start and they don't really make sense with how the rest of the game is written assuming you're a rock band of some stripe. Like, a hip-hop group, an EDM group or a synthpop group probably wouldn't have a guitarist or a live drummer at all.

I really enjoy the meat of the game and all the relationships and drama, but the like, knowledge in the back of my head that I picked to be a folk band makes a bunch of later context come off pretty strange and I think that streamlining the genre choices down to genres that would have electric guitarists, live drummers and drum solos would be a fix for this.

I mean, I get it! And I thought of that too while writing the initial demo, but honestly, it's just one of those things meant to be customization purposes and to add to the details of story. It's what people want out of their play through. I could've easily made MC's band a regular rock/punk band and called it a day, and I know other band IFs did that for the logical part of it, but I don't want to. I like seeing the different combinations and what people create. It's more for people to add in what they want and to imagine their story as is. Does it make sense? Not always, but it can easily be explained as a fusion or any other explanation people want to use.

I think the problem when you advertise a story as slice of life in general is that people expect 1000% realism in a way they don't with any other genre, but I don't really want to be limited to that. I mean, in reality, there are many things that would be different if I was going for complete realism, but I'm not. This is very much a dramatization haha

It's not much of a big deal, in the context of the actual story, and also, it would be pointless for me to really hone in on streamlining the genres because you can type in your genre anyway? I think if it does bother you, I would recommend doing a type in or just going the traditional rock/electric route. Or just type in the genre you think best reflects the story, that's why it's there!

Plus, I do like having a diverse selection of genres just to show that theres more genres out there than just rock when it comes to bands and band stories. It also helps build the MCs background in the eyes of readers (their choice). I know a few readers who have typed in their own genres and write lyrics in their native language, which I think is really cool.

I'm limited to how much I write and can code. Realistically, I could've added variables and changed the instruments/positions of the band members to correspond with the genre...and I'm almost unhinged enough to consider it...but nah lmao not now, at least.

Sorry that it ruined the experience a bit! But I'm likely not going to change that ^^

[yonpote]

Honestly so relieved with the charity they picked. As an adult I spent a lot of time trying to not seek out validation for my political/social opinions from celebrities but I am so glad they're doing this. I don't mind him being apolitical online but it's nice to see he's doing this because it's important

yeah i think phil has always been good about this even tho sure hes not as vocal about his politics as dan can be. i was talking to some friends and i misremembered phil posting a black square on ig during the BLM protests for george floyd (which if u dont remember was just the absolute laziest form of performative activism) but they quickly corrected me that he actually posted a graphic that said Black lives matter and had a handful of resources in support of the movement and didnt tag it was blacksquare or anything like that and imo very clearly wasnt doing that for clout

i'll be real i was growing a little frustrated hearing about people who were really begging them to speak up about this, and i can understand feeling disappointed when your favs dont speak up about something important but ultimately sometimes thats a thing you just have to let go. and like this point is moot now because they are speaking up and supporting the pcrf and everything! i remember when people hounded dan for tweeting about a ceasefire? as in pro-palestine ppl getting angry with the way he worded his tweet? and like. idk i get it sometimes dan doesnt perfectly phrase things but like WE KNOW he has his heart in the right place so like what's the point in getting upset about the particulars of his choice of words.in general internet culture is so much about semantics and wording things rather than about actions and intent and impact on the world.

and its also very much a parasocial thing to where like, i think for ME bc ive figured out a healthier way to interact with my favs. i know how to separate them from me as a person so like, dnp's actions and statements don't say anything about me as a person or any of their fans. and i mean that's been proven with like, on twitter theres like all these fanartists doing incentives for ppl to donate for fanart and thats like so cool and like didnt need to be sanctioned by dnp or anything it was just something a bunch of people decided together ykwim?

[honoringthehorrific]

Confession time! Is Immaculate worth the watch?...

As always my friends spoilers under the cut ✝️

I'm not going to wait until the end to tell you I loved this movie. It's beautiful and brutal and I loved it.

Sydney Sweeny did phenomenal. As far as I am aware this was her first horror role and she knocked it out of the ball park. Sister Cecilia has definitely made it onto my list of final girls I adore and if I am being perfectly honest, I don't think anyone could have portrayed this character better. Sydney's mannerisms and the way she speaks with apprehension are so perfect for our almost fish out of water character.

If you hate religious horror, pregnancy horror, or violence, infanticide and gore I really wouldn't watch this. I love religious imagery but I don't usually keep in mind if something is religiously unseemly or blasphemous because personally I hold no bearing for the Christian faith any more.

Jumping into the plot

Sister Cecilia comes to God or let's say God came to her as a child when she fell into an iced over lake and died for several minutes before being brought back. This experience made her feel that she wanted to devote her life to God.

Something I deeply enjoyed and I'm unsure if this is common among portrayals of nuns or Catholicism. I feel like I've heard a lot or seen a lot of this naivety of not knowing what sort of thing you're getting into. While sister Cecilia genuinely doesn't know the horrors she faces ahead, when constantly questioned about her choice to become a nun, Cecilia stands firm in her stance that this is what she wants. The only reluctance is moving from Detroit to Italy as the church she attended back home closed. She is a fish out of water as I said before in a country where she doesn't speak the language around people she does not know.

We get hints that something is off the first thing being the opening sequence where we can assume the previous mother-mary-to-be gets her leg snapped in two and buried alive after trying to escape the convent. Sister Isabelle is cold and harsh to Cecilia while everyone else including mother Superior is warm to her. Mother Superior even complimenting her beauty profusely upon seeing her. Father Tedeschi, who contacted Cecilia and personally invited her to join them, confides in her about his faith and why he chose to become a priest.

I feel as if in a way we are drawn in with her. The convent is a sort of hospice for older nuns and so when Cecilia after taking her vows sees one lying on the ground she goes to help. I think it's around here when she passes out that they some how impregnate her?? I will say I was not very clear on their method of this. The priest later explains that on the nails used during crucifixion they found flesh and bone and enough DNA but how exactly the process worked I don't think they ever explained and honestly I don't think they needed to.

When Cecilia is found to be pregnant it was interesting to me that we never get her opinion of it. She seems fine with it generally but her face during the initial ultrasound seems distressed....and well who wouldn't be distressed. We get a scene where they interrogate her about having intercourse and breaking her vows which is strange to me when later it's revealed they knew. Maybe it was a front to keep up with her and a red herring for the audience but it was a little odd to me that they knew everything about her and hand picked her only to grill her so harshly about it.

Theres two scenes that imply this as a pattern before it is revealed and one of them is Isabelle trying to drown Cecilia. The entire time she screams and raves about how it should have been her...for me it sort of clicked into place later that she was so mean to Cecilia because she knew that they had chosen her. From their initial meeting when Isabelle protests mother superiors orders to tour Cecilia around she is put in her place and told to do as she says and it feels sad in a way to me? Maybe I could make some commentary about infertility and longing for something you can't obtain but I don't have a horse in that race and don't feel well versed enough to speak on it. Only that it leaves me with a softened heart for Isabelle's circumstance and slightly more angry with Cecilia's as here was a woman who was willing and open...and instead you choose to take away this young woman's choice in the matter.

The second scene Cecilia is caring for one of the older nuns and remarks about the same cross scars that she later receives being on an older woman. It's kind of vile to imagine how long they must have been doing this and how long they've gotten away with it at the expense of all of these women...

This movie visually was stunning and the reveal and third trimester is a wild ride. Our girl Cecilia is smart and capable and has all the makings of a final girl. I think really it's only chance that her hospital plans fall through when she uses the blood of a chicken to fake a miscarriage to get access to a hospital outside the church. When crying and...smelling?? The bloody sheets mother Superior just so happens to look under the bed to find the bundled up chicken corpse. Even when the call is made to stop the car Cecilia makes a fucking run for it barefoot through the fields.

Even through everything Cecilia remains rebellious. Her spirit doesn't seem to break only bend on occasion. The chase through the catacombs was nerve wracking and had me clenching my jaw and gripping the arm rest the whole ride. Then we get the ending and boy is it a fucking ending.

Cecilia kills father Tedeschi and climbs out of a hole in the catacombs wall. She, after all of that running while being in labor, squats down and squeezes out this baby in this gutteral scene where we just get a close up of her face. In a way, and not to get too reachy or overly analytical, it makes me think of eve. How no one was...really there for her except adam to witness the birth of their children. How there was no medication to take. Nothing to do. Just sit and cry and scream and spit and push. Cecilia's child is never shown on screen. We can only assume it's a similar look to its siblings in the jars of that basement lab. It's breathing heard hindered off screen as it does nothing but breathe not even cry...and then Cecilia bites off the im umbilical cord and kills the infant Cain and Abel style.

Over all this is a really fantastic movie. The ending had me wanting more which wasn't necessarily a bad thing. The visuals were stunning I loved the costumes especially the mother Mary scene where they unveil her and tears just roll down her cheeks. The acting was phenomenal and I think it's even worth a second or third watch from me. I couldn't appreciate the nail gore (makes my teeth hurt and makes me cringe) but overall I could appreciate the beauty of this movie. Happy Easter everyone!

5/5 crucifixion nails 🔨

[ppnuggie]

HIIIIII! I LOVE YOU

Earthspark Soundwave, Megs, and anybot of your choosing with an insensitive s/o?

As in, they say some out of pocket shit at the best/worst times. 💙💙💙

　　　　　　EARTHSPARK x gn human reader

　　　　『　soundwave ,, megatron ,, skywarp ,, optimus ,, gender neutral human reader 』

　　-> bots w/ s/o who says stuff so out of pocket

　　— fluff ,, sfw ,, crack

　　— yHEHE SHEKSN LOVE YOU 🫶🫶 you said bots of my choice and i leaped to add skywarp 😩 shes so pretty in the new show ,, girlboss 👁💍 honestly i kinda did it as reader says shit out of pocket 💀💀 theres a lot of profanity and stuff in his so a headsup

soundwave ::

• soundwave couldn’t remember why exactly he was teaming up with a human but his cassettes like you ,, so he can look away for now

• the moment you say “mother shit balls” hes already flying over ready to cover frenzy’s head to block out what you just say

• but its too late as she’s already saying it during the next time she messes with megatron and optimus

• he shakes his head and sighs ,, grumbling to himself as he just ignores it

• the second time you say something its ravage who takes the courtesy of saying it to soundwave next time he calls him

• please stop talking omg 😭😭 soundwave is begging ,, its one thing to have his kids act like hooligans but now that theyre going around shouting “son of a bitchin bastard whore” 😭 he just cant handle it

megatron ::

• hes heard some things ,, working beside humans for some years ,, but that doesnt mean he’s not gonna predict what theyre gonna say the next minute

• so when you walk into ghost agency and immediately start shivering whilst saying “ its colder than a polar bears pussy in here” hes more than shocked

• he doesnt know what to say ,, hes shocked frozen and embarrassed

• now when you say something like that during battle ,, hes face palming and begging silently for you to be quiet bc omg soundwave is right here

• that doesnt stop soundwave from recording you saying “HOLY BANANA DICKS WHATS THAT” midbattle with megatron

• he uses it on optimus ,, and megs is ready to deflate right then and there

skywarp ::

• shes all for it ,, teach her all your crazy words and sayings 🙏🙏 she wants to use them on megatron the next time she sees him ,, or maybe even optimus

• mandroid aint having it ,, he gets all huffy and puffy and ends up threatening you ,, to which skywarp gets defensive and all that mess

• she finds it hilarious ,, how any time something unexpected happens your go to line is “MOTHER OF COCKS WHAT THE SHIT IS THAT” and its mainly targeted at smt mandroid made

• she ends up using your lines against his latest battle w/ megatron ,, and the man just stands there 🧍

• she’ll have to thank you later 🫶

optimus ::

• he’s not a fan of it ,, oml ,, 😭😭 hes on the verge of tears

• “ maybe you could replace some of the words with something else ?”

• hes just not used to cuss words in general ,, he doesnt say them he just turns the other way

• “ now now ,, lets use our nice words ,,” he’ll pick you up and scold you gently about your potty mouth ,, having made a technique where you replace the cuss words with things you like

• the type to say “ oh my flowers !” instead of oh my primus or oh my god 😭

[homoeroticbetrayal]

Iconic Homoerotic Betrayal: Round 1

Round 1 Directory

Context (they're really good very passionate):

Nagi/Reo (Blue Lock)

basicallt bluelock is a soccer program being funded by the soccer association (i swear i know soccer im tryna speed through this) theyre tryna make it so japan wins the world cup and to do so you need a strong striker. so they gathered all the young adults (hs graduates) and put them in this program, which, if you're eliminated, you dont have a career in soccer at ALL. they didnt know this walking into it :p. so reo and nagi met in school and reo saw him (rich kid, gets what he wants but doesnt really know what he wants yk) and said that he has to have him. or....... something. anyways, reo needed someone to learn soccer with and he chose the most antisocial sleepy guy on campus. and then proceeded to be an absolute simp (theres a scene he literally massages his back.) he also has canonically called nagi "good boy" (nagi said "yes boss" to him as well) context for the specfic betrayal was the game required them to be in teams of 3 and this is after reo and nagi's previous team of like 8-10 lost to isagi's team. reo and nagi said that they were going to go to win the world cup together. thats always been their promise. (theyve known each other for half a year i think. which is a short amount of time to be so attached LMAO.)

they also have a second betrayal which is honestly worse than this one, and reo's team loses to isagi/nagi's team and nagi tells him he's done with reo.

its a common theme of nagi never picking reo btw. reo was upset after the game because after you win a mtach you pick someone from the losing team to advance with and NAGI DIDNT ADVOCATE FOR REO HARD ENOUGH I GUESS AND ISAGI TOLD THEM ALL THAT THE BEST CHOICE WAS CHIGIRI. so they had another homoerotic fight that im never getting over. hope this meets ur criteria. they're in their exes era. its slightly better tho because nagi does feel bad/sorry for what he said.

(Other anon, I'll include your essay if they make it into the next round)

Geto/Gojo

"He was my friend, my one and only" ultrapowerful, one tried for it one born with it bitches but the twist is one was so consumed by the twisted horrible nature of humanity he went all Magneto but a lot more murderous while the other one only stays nonmurderous because he believes in changing the system by training the next generation. You don't understand he spared him, you don't understand, Gojo's devastation of knowing that he didn't do anything to help him as he slowly literally ate and ate and ate hate and pain to protect people that didn't protect his own. The devastation of knowing that there was nothing else to say nothing to do no way to help him bring him back he'd changed into someone he understood but simply couldn't support. Geto's betrayal, leaving everything and everyone behind because their way not only wasn't working but it was protecting those who wouldn't protect them. Geto laughed for the first time in ten years after all this when Gojo said something to him , the moment before he (Gojo) killed him, carried his body, refused to have it burned. Geto gets basically possessed and when Gojo sees not!him for the first time he freezes and gets captured, Geto almost breaks the possession momentarily whe he hears his name , he doesn't, Gojo gets captured, Geto is stuck, cursed , dead.

[ghoooooooooooooooost]

i only shared it w a friend before but can i tell you all my death mark 2 au/rewrite... here (spoilers obvi, also body horror + insects warning)

(edited so theres more details smile)

most things r the same except for the departed (and no naked girl cgs OFCOURSE)

making it so that the departed pretends to be daimon instead of the two high school girls

normal daimon is around but he’ll gradually get sick n every now n then something weeeeird happens (as in yashiki accidentally talks to fake daimon. also maybe you see the weird bug ghost that hovers above everyone near endgame with him first)

crowbar scene happens w fake daimon while real daimon is actually passed out somewhere. mashita comforts yashiki n then they both realize its a fake

(that's what these doodles were referencing)

my dearest friend chip suggested the departed could also be konoe so n that would make sense n make him more present in the plot so byeah

we both agreed that they didn't push the bug + mold horror theme far enough so i tried my hand at it. mold can be really gross irl ewwww

my design for departed daimon is actually toned down from the og tho, just bc i thought the weird spider face was more goofy than scary. personally bugs are scary to me when they're crawling on you n burrowing into your skin n making holes n laying eggs in there - like the bees in death mark 1. there was some real-stories tv show abt that specific thing happening that aired when i was a kid n it freaked me out a lot

why was hime's mold just ourple swirls boooriiiiiiiiiiiing

/

edit july 15th 2024 adding this into the main og post since wonderful chippard linked it (basically a neater rewrite of everything i just said + what i said in the reblog addition. i rewrote it for a solo zine hence the proper capitalization lol)

Instead of Himeko and Michiho being The Departed, it’s Daimon and Konoe. Normal Daimon is still there but every now and then he’ll start acting strange or feeling sick due to The Departed’s possession. The “love” aspect would be shown through Daimon specifically too so Doctor Duo ship is canon in this. Konoe basically uses Daimon to try to get to his Dear Husband. In place of going into a coma like in the original, his behavior intensifies and condition worsens until he suddenly runs to the bathroom. When he comes back… dun dun dun… that’s The Departed – Yashiki doesn’t know…! Crowbar scene ensues. But!? After Yashiki tells Mashita, they see Daimon perfectly alive in the infirmary. Yasuoka found him collapsed in the hallway at some point.

The plot would play out basically the same with some changes (no fanservice girl cgs; more Konoe screen-time; Michiho + Himeko act differently; Saki or Abe partner? more school-related ghosts...).

Maybe the game could be longer to give the new characters more time to shine while not removing the returning ones. Not sure how that would work exactly… One possible solution would be to have day segments where we get to play as Yashiki while he's actively teaching (which would also address the "why'd they even pick a school setting" problem bc damn they barely did any school specific plot shit outside of Hanako & Kashima). Would be awesome and in-line with how the first game brought up war if they kept addressing problems with the education system. Also I think I wouldn’t have any unavoidable human casualties after Hanako’s chapter? All the unavoidable deaths made my friends confused about if they were doing something wrong or not and it honestly felt off to me too. It would be compelling if after failing to protect the first student(s), Yashiki actually successfully protects the rest of them in the good route. Making him feel like he’s become more steadfast after the first game and staying true to his word. Especially if Naomi survives in my opinion - ‘she almost dies but is spared if you make the right choices’ or something like that. She could even be in the room when Yashiki sings the school song.

Not sure how I'd make The Departed feel even more connected to the school... Maybe there's a romantic superstition popular among the students that's based off their "wedding ceremony" -- but it's innocent enough to not give away how they died.

[bioluminesced]

saw your last fanart (16 of january) and it's so good

it beats me how this kind of colouring/painting is done though. how do you pick the right colours? the right places? the value of colour and it's warmth?

i always have trouble with colouring because i have a very strict basic knowledge of shadows and colours and no visual imagination

sorry for such a long ask

hi anon!! no need to apologize this is such a kind ask and i still really struggle with this sometimes. i didnt start experimenting with color in my art until around summer of 2022 and before that it was so frustrating to color that i almost didnt produce any colored work.

i also have complete aphantasia so my visual imagination is very limited! this leads to a lot of trial and error in my work because i cant tell what looks good until i simply try it lol

i will try to answer about my process as thoroughly as possible! but a lot of it is seriously just vibes, and playing around. a lot of what helped me was studying how artists i liked used color in THEIR work and trying to work it into my style.

a lot of the vibrancy and harmony in my work comes from my base layer, which i put under the sketch like im “priming” the canvas. when im coloring later on i let this base layer inform my choices and also let it show through in places for unification of the colors. its a lot like doing an underpainting except i dont go crazy on the range of values

the hardest part for me is doing the base colors over this layer. i dont have a lot of guidance for this because i kind of just pick colors to start with and then edit them bit by bit until it looks satisfying to me/matching the intended mood and harmonizing with the base layer. i edit the colors mostly by using gradient maps and layer modes until i find a version i like and merge it to just create a normal layer with the colors i want. i keep this base layer underneath my sketch

i render on top of my sketch/lineart always so i can better define the shapes and have smoother edges. this is the part where i really go crazier with my colors - some conscious decisions i make:

- where can i make my highlights and shadows stand out more? i accomplish this by choosing warm colors on the cool base or cool colors on the warm base. theres blue in the flesh tones of the face and orange in the blue tones of the coat.

- where does the rendering need to be more “clean”? someone viewing an art piece will gravitate to places in the drawing with finer detail, so i put a lot more work into the shapes and colors of the faces and the fish, because this is where i want someone to look the longest

another thing i usually do is pick one really saturated color and place it throughout the drawing. for thos one its that bright red, around the eye, blood, and outline of the fish as well as the characters’ hands.

this part of my process takes me the longest and can be seriously frustrating at times! something i always force myself to do is to keep working on it. whenever im like ok its done! i go back and render for another half hour and it ends up looking a lot better

gradient mapping the final drawing! for further unification i have a gradient map i made that works for most of my warm pieces

and i put it on top with an overlay layer mode and then adjust the opacity

it makes a big difference in the warmth and unification of the final drawing!! so honestly i cheat a little with my colors :P

i hope this helped a little bit with your question! my general advice is to also do some color studies of movies or pictures you like it really helped me get a feel for harmonizing color (and not being afraid to use really vibrant colors!!) again thank you for such an ask and good luck to you!!

[bugbart]

I'm going to be asking a lot of artists I follow this question, but how did you develop your style? It SEEMS like most people find their style and stick with it forever, just making improvements and iterations. I tend to work in a lot of different styles because I enjoy doing that, though I know there are things I gravitate towards as well. But I wonder what your journey was and how you got feedback and improved while staying true to what you enjoyed?

hmm. I think the first thing i always come back to is that "style" is more or less just a code word for shorthand, especially if you're looking at a simplified, "toon-y" style. An art style is just an artists toolbox of learned techniques and shortcuts.

stylized anatomy, stylized backgrounds, etc. for a lot of artists is just how they're visually translating or abbreviating the thing they're trying to draw. If i find something works as both an efficient and satisfying visual shorthand for me, It'll find it's way into my art style.

for example, drawing faces in this style does not take very long at all, which makes the style choice good for a comic where this character is present in nearly every single panel. It's simple, its cute and fun to draw, and also to most people will effectively "read" as a face.

My style comes from taking inspiration from things I like to look at, I don't know how else to better describe it. There's a lot of influence from western comic books as well as anime/manga in my art style, (also a lot of techniques that i picked up when I was learning how to draw characters come from how to draw manga/anime books, that i still use to this day). A lot of it just comes from experimenting with what tools I have at hand (and when you work digitally you have a Lot of tools). Occasionally if there's an artist who I really like the work of I'll spend some time in a sketchbook trying to emulate their style and I'll learn something neat I can then add to the proverbial Toolbox. Either that or I learn that just because I like to look at something, doesn't mean I enjoy making art that way.

As for feedback and improving, going to college was where most of that happened for me. College was a really mixed bag, but I was and am super lucky to have had a handful of professors who really Got what I was doing and gave me genuine mentorship as well as honest, sometimes harsh critique when I needed it. Taking a figure drawing class also helped me improve soooooo much

Granted I also had at least one professor who made me want to quit doing art entirely for a couple terms, and I kind of got better/started making art that was more What I Wanted To Be Making out of total spite.

I hope any of that is coherent or helpful, and honestly if having a range of styles you like to work in is fun for you theres no reason not to make it- theres no need to narrow yourself into one distinct style if you dont feel like it.

[bismuthburnsblue]

YOU SELECTED: NO SLEEVES

Who saw that one coming, huh? certainly not me! a big surprise, but you know what? i will NOT be complaining about not sewing sleeves (though its less about putting them in and more about making a nice pattern, for me) its too early to say, but there might be some fun facing shenanigans coming with this choice!

Onto the collars! Once again, these are generalised a little, ill decide the exact shaping as im doing the patterning (there wont be a lot of variation, just widths and precise angles)

To split this up in a way that gives each option a fair vote, i decided to do this as a mini bracket! this post will contain the first poll, and there will be links to the other two for this round right below it. as usual there will be explanations of what exactly im meaning with each option under the cut- it might really be worth reading for this round, because some of the differences between options kind of only exist as long as i cut them differently (its hard to explain- i did a LOT of research and didnt come to any actual separations on some fronts)

There may also be an additional round for decorative features- piping, contrast accents, fun little shapes! itll depend what option is picked, i think :)

Lapel/Revere Collar vs Peter Pan Collar

Shawl Collar vs Convertible Collar (no stand)

Shirt Collar (with stand): i really struggled to define the difference between this and the convertible collar- theres not one solid answer, honestly. for the purposes of this poll im separating it based on whether its constructed with one piece, or two! if you look at all these images, you'll see that at the neckline, theres a band of fabric sewn in to bridge the divide between the shirt and the collar. the main thing this does is make the collar sit more upright on the neck, versus without which tends to sit flatter along the shoulders. it has a very traditional shirt look, but tends to only look really good when fully buttoned, in my eyes.

You could also have shirt collars that look something like this!! fun shapes and layers, the world is your oyster :)

Wing Collar: Based on my research, these can really be any shape you can imagine, at any angle and any rise. The main unifying factor is how they come to a much stronger point than a regular collar. in general, the ones i like sit pretty flat to the body at the front, folding over softly instead of having a noticeable rise (like a shirt collar does) for me, the point also has to be visible (though it can sit pretty high up round the shoulder) as otherwise it starts to look too much like a shawl collar.

[arkiwii]

well, since i can't really draw or write Arknights stuff because I'm really charged this month, but the brainrot is still very strong, i decided to do a tierlist of my favorite operators!

explanations below the cut

i don't count alters on this tierlist, when I put a character I consider it's them + their alter version; the choice of if I picked the alter or not for the vignette is only based on aesthetic choices, really. also for comprehensive reasons, i tried to put all the related characters next to each other (like how the abyssal hunters are all next to each other)

My most beloved precious blorbos: this one speaks for itself, honestly. operators i absolutely love, that i think about almost on a daily basis, no minded doodles every so often, writing ideas poping up in my mind, big wall of text about how much i like them, autistic thoughts, you know the kind. i just love them very much, simply. originally, saria and ifrit were in the tier just below, since i considered that since i have silence as my favorite character, i did not need to also put them, but i learnt to love them individually rather than for what they represent to silence

Big smooch on their forehead: characters that i know very well the story of, and that I'm really attached! not to the point of being my all times favorites, but who spoke to me to a personal level, or that i used a lot in early game/still use today. i love to read about them and would love to draw or write more about them! justice knight is here as a honorary member

I think they're neat!: i don't know them that well, but i followed them in events, or did a bit of research about them for a reason or another, or simply one of my friends like them! and i do think they're neat, pretty interesting, not the kind i'd be absolutely attached to but i enjoy seeing them regardless :]

I would like to know more about them: feat Abyssal Hunters, the Nearls and Gavial's crew. they are characters i know a little bit about them or they are related to a character i love, but i got too lazy to read their event and files because it's too complicated, or too long, or whatever. but they are characters i know enough about to know i'll appreciate them! so im interested in knowing more about them

Here goes all the other operators, aka "I don't care or I forgot you exist": well, the tier's name once again speaks for itself. theres a ton of characters in that game, and I can't focus on every of them, especially when i started not that long ago. there's a lot that i genuinely just forget about, some that i know the story but i dont care that much to know more, and a few that i do wish to know more about! but not as much interesting as the tier above, so not my priority

I hate you /pos: (i ran out of colors) annoying ass characters with a shitty personalities but they're fun for the memes and i use them regardless (except tequila cause mlynar exists). not like actual hate, mostly affectionate hate, you know, like how you call your cat "stinky", but you still love your cat regardless. fact, at first i was genuinely uncomfortable with lappland, but then with il siracusano i started to feel better with her

I hate you /neg: characters i despise either for game reason or because their smug aura mocks me. phantom is because fuck him in is2 and his story is ehhh to me. gravel is because this character is seriously uncomfortable, for the love of god can you act normal, and i wouldn't mind her if she wasn't guaranteed with every fast redeploy tag. harmonie and ho'olheyak are just smug bitches. and ethan i just have a hate experience because i dont like using him and his voice + the music playing when he appears makes me so anger

Brother you can just die: Silverash tier. fuck you silverash. i don't like his face, i dont like using him, and i did not followed break the ice but i heard enough bullshit about him to know he's a terrible person. i hope i never roll him

[feral-rat]

Rating TMA fears based on how likely I am to be recruited by them in no particular order

Is this some coping mechanism because I figured out I was in a cult for most of my childhood?

No comment.

The Buried= 0/10 Absolutely Not. I have autism I would be so overstimulated that sounds like fucking hell.

The Corruption= 5/10 Honestly I would do a lot if worms sang to me, doesn't even need to be worms any bug could probably win me over. I am completely love starved and love is their whole thing. It's only downfall is the actual filth part I can not do that kind of grime and disease.

The Dark= 3/10 Honestly it's just a bit boring also my intrusive thoughts get worse in the dark. Honestly I just don't give a fuck about it.

The Desolation= 7/10 I've always loved destruction I think it has a kind of poetic beauty to it. For alot of my life I've been angry at the people who hurt me. it definitely consumed me during my early teenage years. I feel like it would have fit me better a few years ago but I still see the appeal.

The End= 8/10 I take great comfort in the fact that one day we will all die. I've had to face death alot throughout my life. I definitely feel a connection to this power

The Eye= 18/10 FUCK YESSSS!!!!!! As I have mentioned before I have the autism. I have an intense need to know all. I spent years of my life learning about the human brain and psychology because I didn't understand how neurotypical people communicated. I just would like to know everything. I'm also trans idk why that's relevant but it just is.

The Flesh= 8/10 Again I am trans. like it wouldn't be my first choice to be a Flesh avatar but that's not what I'm rating this is strictly on if I think they could recruit me. Though idk about the body horror part of it, like I've seen enough of it irl I'm just kinda over it. I think I would prefer to be released from this prison of flesh and bone but it's the second best option.

The Hunt= 2/10 I do understand the animalistic need to just Run but I think I would get bored chasing after something else. I also hate the police, I could not knowingly want to be apart of something with that many ties to the police.

The Lonely= 15/10 This one is a bit sader to think about. It's very likely that I would be a lonely avatar. In the past 2 weeks I have spoken to approximately 3 people.

The Slaughter= 1/10 I just don't care that much about it. I've seen enough needless violence in my life. I would be more interested studying why people do violence than participating in it myself.

The Spiral= 18/10 OBVIOUSLY do I even need to explain this. I frequently get hallucinations, I once spent 2 days looking at fractals and I dress in the clothing version of eyestrain.

The Stranger= 10/10 Ok so this one is difficult because on one hand YESSSS but this is strictly on if I would be recruited by them. It fully depends on how they recruit me. If it's a talking manikin I would be running for the hills, but I already have a few probably haunted dolls so if it was dolls theres a good chance I would be recruited.

The Vast= 18/10 FUCK YEAH I WANT TO SEE SKY BLUE!!! I LOVE the fact compared to space and time I am insignificant, it feels like being hugged by the universe. When my legs get better I'm going to do sky diving, my dream would just be falling forever. Ironically my legs don't work because the last time I fell I actually landed. It also just feels like the lonely without the commitment.

The Web=15/10 It's probably more likely I would get manipulated by the web instead for becoming an avatar but if she wants me who am I to deny her. Like most web avatars I have an intense fear of being trapped so when I was young I learnt how to mentally manipulate others just in case. I love spiders even when I was young I would pick them up from the garden and let them crawl up and down my arms. Also coincidentally I used to live super close to a place called 105 hilltop road lol